Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,966
Previously on
Bob Hearts Abishola...
2
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,273
That is a sexy
pharmacist.
3
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,059
I'd like to take
him twice a day
4
00:00:16,103 --> 00:00:17,930
on an empty stomach.
5
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,802
Kemi.
6
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,151
Please, eh? Don't.
7
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:22,500
Don't what?
Be happy for you?
8
00:00:22,544 --> 00:00:25,025
I am just here
to pick up a prescription.
9
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,679
You can lie to yourself,
but don't lie to me.
10
00:00:32,510 --> 00:00:34,860
Okay. On the one side
we have the Bob.
11
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:37,167
On the other side
we have Chukwuemeka.
12
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,909
We don't need to do this.We shouldn't
need to do this,
13
00:00:39,952 --> 00:00:41,650
but this way you
will know for sure.
14
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:44,087
I know for sure.You are wrong.
15
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,697
Let's start simple.
16
00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:47,612
Nigerian. That's easy.
17
00:00:47,656 --> 00:00:49,832
Check mark for
Chukwuemeka.
18
00:00:49,875 --> 00:00:51,442
One to nothing. Hmm.
19
00:00:51,486 --> 00:00:53,227
This is a stupid game.Mm-hmm.
20
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,707
Handsomeness. Another
check mark for Chukwuemeka.
21
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,274
Ooh. Perfectly
shaped head.
22
00:00:57,318 --> 00:00:59,842
Double check.
23
00:00:59,885 --> 00:01:01,191
Bob is handsome.
24
00:01:01,235 --> 00:01:03,280
Compared to what?
25
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:05,978
Okay, well,
what about "I like him"?
26
00:01:06,022 --> 00:01:08,068
What about
"he's not boring"?
27
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,113
And what about
"he makes me laugh"?
28
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,723
Write those checks down.
29
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,508
I will give you
the laugh one.
30
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,293
The other ones,
not important.
31
00:01:16,337 --> 00:01:18,904
Funny. Check.
32
00:01:18,948 --> 00:01:21,298
Bob is still
losing very badly.
33
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,344
Eh, he's a winner to me.
34
00:01:23,387 --> 00:01:24,780
[snorts]
35
00:01:24,823 --> 00:01:26,390
So that is it.
36
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:28,131
You have made
your choice.
I have.
37
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:29,306
You are sure.Yes.
38
00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:30,699
It is Bob.Yes.
39
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,004
Not Chukwuemeka.Yes!
40
00:01:32,048 --> 00:01:33,005
Okay.
41
00:01:34,529 --> 00:01:37,009
Huh. Where are you going?
This is not your stop.
42
00:01:37,053 --> 00:01:38,185
I have an errand to run.
43
00:01:38,228 --> 00:01:40,535
What errand?Abishola,
44
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:43,320
I stay out of your business,
you stay out of mine.
45
00:01:46,932 --> 00:01:48,282
Next?
46
00:01:48,325 --> 00:01:50,284
E karo, Chukwuemeka.
47
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:56,028
["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing]
48
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,399
Yeah, I can see
how that could be an issue.
49
00:02:18,442 --> 00:02:19,400
Who's he talking to?
50
00:02:19,443 --> 00:02:20,836
Family lawyer.
51
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,969
Same guy we use for
my little problem?
52
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:26,407
No, that was a criminallawyer.
53
00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,974
Makes you feel superior
to me, doesn't it?
54
00:02:29,018 --> 00:02:32,413
Well, between the two of us,
I'm still welcome in Canada.
55
00:02:32,456 --> 00:02:34,066
BOB:
All right,
56
00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:35,720
I'll talk to her.
Thanks again.
57
00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:36,852
What's going on?
58
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:38,419
Mom never made a will.
59
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:39,637
That's no good.
60
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:40,856
No, it is not.
61
00:02:40,899 --> 00:02:42,423
If she died,
what would happen?
62
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:45,077
[sighs] Speaking for myself,
I'd be heartbroken.
63
00:02:45,121 --> 00:02:46,209
Goes without saying.
64
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:48,516
What else would happen?
65
00:02:48,559 --> 00:02:51,301
Well, for starters, we might
have to sell the company
66
00:02:51,345 --> 00:02:53,738
to pay the taxes on the company.
67
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:54,826
That's not fair.
68
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,045
[mock gasp]
You should call the IRS
69
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,351
and tell them that.
70
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,962
There's no need to talk to me
like I'm a child.
71
00:03:00,005 --> 00:03:01,268
Then stop talking
like one.
72
00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,270
[mocking]:
"Stop talking like one."
73
00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,445
What's the big deal?
74
00:03:04,488 --> 00:03:07,404
So we tell Mom to make a will.
75
00:03:07,448 --> 00:03:08,753
Are you volunteering?
76
00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:11,103
Sure. Why not?Great.
77
00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:13,541
Go tell our mother, who's
recovering from a stroke,
78
00:03:13,584 --> 00:03:16,544
that she has to make plans
for when she's dead.
79
00:03:16,587 --> 00:03:19,373
Well, for one thing,
I wouldn't say "dead."
80
00:03:19,416 --> 00:03:20,548
And what would you say?
81
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:22,680
I don't know,
something more poetic,
82
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,856
like, "shuffling
off the mortal coil."
83
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,989
Did you just come up
with that?
84
00:03:27,032 --> 00:03:29,687
Shakespeare.Oh, yeah.
85
00:03:29,731 --> 00:03:30,732
He's good.
86
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:33,778
Well, go ahead, then.
Go tell Mom
87
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:36,781
she needs to make some plans
before she shuffles.
88
00:03:36,825 --> 00:03:38,087
Fine.
89
00:03:41,612 --> 00:03:43,962
Okay, you called my bluff.
I don't want to.
90
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:46,443
That's what I thought.
I'll take care of it.
91
00:03:47,836 --> 00:03:50,230
So the "mortal coil"
is, like, your body?
92
00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:51,318
Yeah.
93
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:53,972
That's very cool.
94
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,411
[TV playing indistinctly]Can we talk?
95
00:03:57,454 --> 00:04:00,588
Well, it's not like
I can run away.
96
00:04:01,632 --> 00:04:03,591
Hey, I owe you
an apology.
97
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:04,940
Really? For what?
98
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,898
I saw this thing on the news
99
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:09,336
about baby powder
causing cancer.
100
00:04:09,379 --> 00:04:10,772
Yeah, so?
101
00:04:10,815 --> 00:04:13,209
When you were little,
I used that stuff every day.
102
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,256
Dipped you in it like you were
a powdered doughnut.
103
00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:18,345
So, sorry.
104
00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:19,911
Eh, you didn't know.
105
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,957
Now, the smoking
when you were pregnant,
106
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,915
that's something you knew about.
107
00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,962
What can I tell you?
I didn't want a big baby.
108
00:04:27,005 --> 00:04:30,182
Clearly didn't stunt
yourgrowth.
109
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:33,925
Thanks for making this easier.
110
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,666
I was just talking
111
00:04:35,710 --> 00:04:36,885
to Goldfischer.
112
00:04:36,928 --> 00:04:38,060
Our Jew lawyer?
113
00:04:38,103 --> 00:04:39,017
Mom!What?
114
00:04:39,061 --> 00:04:40,105
He says it.
115
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,933
Listen to my
phone messages.
116
00:04:41,977 --> 00:04:46,068
"Hi. It's Arnie Goldfischer,
your favorite Jew lawyer."
117
00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:48,592
He can say it; you can't.Hey,
118
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:51,508
I was at his kid's bar mitzvah.
Gave him 500 bucks.
119
00:04:51,552 --> 00:04:55,033
The little pisher never sent me
a thank-you card.
120
00:04:55,077 --> 00:04:56,948
Still can't say it.
121
00:04:56,992 --> 00:04:58,472
All right!
122
00:04:59,864 --> 00:05:02,084
He has informed me
that despite his best efforts,
123
00:05:02,127 --> 00:05:04,608
you have refused
to make out a will.
124
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:07,481
Really? You want to talk
about this now?
125
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:11,702
Look at me. I'm like a
marionette with a broken string.
126
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:13,356
I know
127
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,663
it's an uncomfortable subject,
but we would have a hard time
128
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:19,841
holding on to this business
if you were to suddenly...
129
00:05:19,884 --> 00:05:22,060
shuffle off your mortal coil.
130
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,803
Shakespeare.
131
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:27,065
Nice.
132
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:29,067
So if I were
133
00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:31,940
to write up this will,
what do you think would be fair?
134
00:05:31,983 --> 00:05:33,463
Split up the
company equally
135
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:35,596
between you,
Christina and Douglas?
136
00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,032
Well, I mean,
yeah, traditionally,
137
00:05:37,075 --> 00:05:38,599
that would be the way to go.
138
00:05:38,642 --> 00:05:40,383
But you got to take into account
139
00:05:40,427 --> 00:05:44,213
the reality of the current
management structure.
140
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:45,345
Oh, just spill it.
141
00:05:45,388 --> 00:05:46,694
Douglas and Christina
are dead weight.
142
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,174
You need to give me
control of the company.
143
00:05:49,218 --> 00:05:51,263
Attaboy.
144
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:53,265
All right, let me think on it.
145
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:54,832
What's to think about?
146
00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:56,094
Bob...
147
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:59,054
while my children
may not be equal,
148
00:05:59,097 --> 00:06:01,404
I love them equally.
149
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:04,625
Well, that's
a beautiful sentiment.
150
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:06,061
Oh, good, you believe me.
151
00:06:07,105 --> 00:06:08,846
Now go call
Goldfischer
152
00:06:08,890 --> 00:06:11,501
and tell him to come by
next week.
153
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:14,069
Unless it's one of his holidays.
154
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,465
[sighs]
155
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:28,213
How you feel about
Puerto Rican cops?
156
00:06:28,257 --> 00:06:29,301
Excuse me?
157
00:06:29,345 --> 00:06:30,781
My husband's partner
just got divorced,
158
00:06:30,825 --> 00:06:33,218
and he's looking
to get back on the horse.
159
00:06:34,263 --> 00:06:36,308
And I would be the horse?
160
00:06:37,309 --> 00:06:40,095
Only if you like
grown men with braces.
161
00:06:40,138 --> 00:06:43,011
On his teeth or his legs?
162
00:06:43,054 --> 00:06:46,231
His teeth. He was
a thumb-sucker as a child.
163
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,450
He sounds quite
wonderful,
164
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,757
but I'm trying to make
it work with Bob.
165
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,195
No hurry. I'm guessing
he'll be single for a while.
166
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,110
Hello.Hey.
167
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,416
Were you able
to run your errands?
168
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:57,460
What?
169
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:58,635
Oh, yes, yes.
170
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:01,159
He's also a year away
from retirement,
171
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:04,249
so you'd get a pension
and a Winnebago.
172
00:07:04,293 --> 00:07:07,209
Again, thank you, but
I'm sticking with Bob.
173
00:07:07,252 --> 00:07:08,602
That reminds me.
174
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:10,212
Since you are no longer
interested in Chukwuemeka,
175
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:13,084
what would you think if I
set him up with somebody else?
176
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:16,305
Why would you do that?
He's so boring and arrogant.
177
00:07:16,348 --> 00:07:17,698
Yes, you are right.
But maybe there's
178
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:20,222
a woman out there
who can see past those flaws.
179
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:22,442
Someone with
a lot of love to give
180
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:25,488
and enough frequent flyer miles
to take him to Aruba.
181
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:28,448
Are you interested in him?
182
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,102
Me? No. I was thinking
of somebody else.
183
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,234
Kemi.
184
00:07:32,277 --> 00:07:34,323
Well, maybe.
185
00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:35,411
I haven't given it
much thought.
186
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,195
Either way,
I wouldn't do anything
187
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,762
without talking to you first.
188
00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,895
If it's somebody else,
I don't care.
189
00:07:40,938 --> 00:07:42,549
And if it is me?
190
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:44,333
[sighs]
191
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:47,336
To be honest, I don't think
I'll feel comfortable with that.
192
00:07:47,379 --> 00:07:49,338
Yes, of course. Good.
193
00:07:49,381 --> 00:07:51,122
And you have
to be honest.
194
00:07:51,166 --> 00:07:52,515
Honesty is best.
195
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,520
It is me.
196
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,695
I knew it.There it is.
197
00:07:58,739 --> 00:07:59,783
Calm down, everybody.
198
00:07:59,827 --> 00:08:01,698
Nothing has happened yet.
199
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:03,526
Did he ask you out?He did.
200
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,441
But I told him
I didn't want to upset you
201
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,877
and I would talk to you first.
202
00:08:06,921 --> 00:08:08,879
It will not upset me.You said it would.
203
00:08:08,923 --> 00:08:11,229
I said it would make me
uncomfortable.
204
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:14,624
You said that,
but your face was upset.
205
00:08:14,668 --> 00:08:17,540
Well, if you're asking
my permission, I say no.
206
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:18,889
You are my
best friend.
207
00:08:18,933 --> 00:08:20,543
It would be too strange.
208
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:22,676
Okay. Well, then
that is the end of it.
209
00:08:22,719 --> 00:08:24,895
Yes, eh?
That is the end of it.
210
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:30,771
Is not actually the end.
211
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,250
Oh, Mother Mary!
212
00:08:32,294 --> 00:08:33,817
You agreed to go out with him?
213
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,254
So you lied to me.
214
00:08:36,298 --> 00:08:37,386
Uh-uh.
215
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,257
I was slow
in telling you the truth.
216
00:08:40,302 --> 00:08:41,869
Now I am upset.
217
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,613
[sighs]
218
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:50,355
How you feel about
Puerto Rican cops?
219
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:55,839
[TV playing indistinctly,
Christina chuckles softly]
220
00:08:55,883 --> 00:08:57,667
DOTTIE [over baby monitor]:
Christina!
221
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,277
Come in here!
222
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:01,018
Aw, damn.
223
00:09:03,281 --> 00:09:06,154
[low groaning]
224
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:07,895
Get a move on!
225
00:09:09,940 --> 00:09:11,463
Is everything okay?
226
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:12,943
No. Come on in.
Close the door.
227
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,253
What's going on?
228
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:21,169
I don't know if
Bob told you,
229
00:09:21,212 --> 00:09:23,345
but I am drawing
up a will.
230
00:09:23,388 --> 00:09:26,174
Oh, Mom, no, I-I don't want
to talk about that.
231
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:28,263
You're gonna live
a long, long time.
232
00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:30,787
I can't imagine a world
where you're not a part
233
00:09:30,831 --> 00:09:32,484
of my every day...Shut up.
234
00:09:33,834 --> 00:09:35,052
Before I die...
235
00:09:35,096 --> 00:09:36,837
Can we please use
a different word?
236
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,274
Honey, I just
said "shut up."
237
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:43,539
Before I die,
I want to know
238
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:47,282
the company that your father
and I built is in good hands.
239
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:49,284
You mean Bob?
240
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:50,285
I mean you.
241
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:51,286
What?
242
00:09:51,329 --> 00:09:52,287
You heard me.
243
00:09:52,330 --> 00:09:54,855
You want me to run the company?
244
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,422
Oh, Mom,
I-I don't think I'm ready.
245
00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:58,815
You're not.
246
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,079
But with the time
I have remaining,
247
00:10:02,123 --> 00:10:04,429
I could groom you
for the job.
248
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:05,822
Really?Really.
249
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,432
Sweetheart,
250
00:10:07,476 --> 00:10:10,435
I see a lot of me in you.
251
00:10:10,479 --> 00:10:13,830
I feel a lot of you in me.
252
00:10:13,874 --> 00:10:17,747
So we just need to get
you ready to be a leader.
253
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:19,444
Okay.A boss.
254
00:10:19,488 --> 00:10:21,316
Great.It's not gonna be easy.
255
00:10:21,359 --> 00:10:23,797
You have to do
exactly what I say.
256
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,102
Of course.
257
00:10:25,146 --> 00:10:27,496
For starters, you want
people to respect you,
258
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:29,411
you need to
respect yourself.
259
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:31,674
So no more whoring around.
260
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:34,068
Oh, Mom, you can't say that.
261
00:10:34,111 --> 00:10:36,331
That's called slut-shaming.
262
00:10:36,374 --> 00:10:38,072
Then stop being a slut.
263
00:10:38,115 --> 00:10:39,508
And for God's sake,
264
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,336
no more dating musicians.
265
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,468
From now on,
you only go out
266
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,514
with guys who are capable
of taking care of you,
267
00:10:45,557 --> 00:10:46,733
not the other way around.
268
00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:50,040
Would a deejay be
considered a musician?
269
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:52,303
Yes.Rats.
270
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:53,696
So, do we have a deal?
271
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,003
You do exactly as I tell you,
272
00:10:56,046 --> 00:10:58,440
and in my will,
I will make you
273
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:01,617
majority shareholder
and president
274
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,793
of MaxDot Therapeutic Hosiery.
275
00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:06,578
What about Bob and Douglas?
276
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,450
This has to stay
between you and me.
277
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:10,887
They don't need to know
till after I'm gone.
278
00:11:10,931 --> 00:11:13,760
You'll never be gone
in my heart.
279
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:16,545
Okay, great.
280
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:18,678
Now,
281
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:22,290
before we talk about
your clown makeup,
282
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,336
I need you to run
over to my house.
283
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:28,383
And in my nightstand,
next to my bed,
284
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:30,385
is a...
285
00:11:30,428 --> 00:11:32,996
let's call it a "back massager."
286
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:36,043
Check the batteries
and bring it to me.
287
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:39,350
If your back is hurting,
I can work on it for you.
288
00:11:39,394 --> 00:11:42,484
No, you really can't.
289
00:11:43,877 --> 00:11:45,052
Now go.
290
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:47,750
I just want to thank you
for this opportunity
291
00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,273
and for believing in me...
292
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,145
Go!
293
00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:57,194
Hey, Siri.
294
00:11:57,238 --> 00:11:59,240
Call Douglas Wheeler.
295
00:12:03,374 --> 00:12:04,593
♪
296
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:18,128
Really?
297
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,043
You are being
very foolish.
298
00:12:21,436 --> 00:12:24,178
I'm just going to keep talking
until you talk back.
299
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,923
All these people
will know our business.
300
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,970
Okay, then.
301
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:37,234
Yes, I should've asked you first
about dating Chukwuemeka,
302
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:38,845
but I didn't think you'd care.
303
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:41,499
You were afraid
I would say no.
304
00:12:43,153 --> 00:12:45,112
I was afraid you'd say no.
305
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,287
Is anybody
sitting there?
306
00:12:46,330 --> 00:12:48,593
She's sitting there.
Are you blind?
307
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:54,034
Look at it from my viewpoint.
308
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:56,514
There is a single Nigerian man
with a good job
309
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:58,168
and a 32-inch waistline.
310
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,955
Yes, he's from the Igbo tribe,
and that is unfortunate,
311
00:13:01,998 --> 00:13:03,783
but he's still Nigerian.
312
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:06,568
Which, in Detroit, is nothing
to blow your nose at.
313
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:09,484
You went behind my back.
314
00:13:09,527 --> 00:13:11,703
What kind of friend does that?
315
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,054
A lonely friend.
316
00:13:14,097 --> 00:13:16,186
A friend with a dead husband.
317
00:13:17,231 --> 00:13:18,275
She's really not sitting there.
318
00:13:18,319 --> 00:13:19,320
Yes, she is!
319
00:13:21,452 --> 00:13:23,324
Abishola,
320
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,804
please forgive me.
321
00:13:24,847 --> 00:13:26,849
I don't care about who you date.
322
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,720
I care about you lying to me.
323
00:13:29,896 --> 00:13:31,288
[bell dings]
324
00:13:31,332 --> 00:13:32,420
Where are you going?
325
00:13:32,463 --> 00:13:34,814
Oh, I have to run some errands.
326
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,253
Now can I sit there?
327
00:13:39,296 --> 00:13:41,342
Do whatever you want.
328
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:49,089
So, this guy you guys are
fighting over, is he hot?
329
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:53,484
I'll stand.
330
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:57,271
So, we have
an agreement?
331
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:58,663
You go back to school
332
00:13:58,707 --> 00:14:00,448
and get a business degree.
333
00:14:00,491 --> 00:14:02,754
Yeah, absolutely.
334
00:14:02,798 --> 00:14:05,235
You don't sound
very enthusiastic.
335
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:09,936
I am, it's just...
business is kind of boring.
336
00:14:11,546 --> 00:14:14,418
You want me to name you
president of MaxDot,
337
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:16,420
you need a business degree.
338
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,640
Do I? Or do I delegate
the business stuff
339
00:14:18,683 --> 00:14:20,816
to my underlings?
340
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,992
You know what? Never mind.
341
00:14:23,036 --> 00:14:25,647
All right,
I'll do it!
342
00:14:26,909 --> 00:14:28,998
And you can't keep
smoking pot all the time.
343
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,304
Just weekends and Wednesdays.
344
00:14:30,347 --> 00:14:32,349
No more!No more!
345
00:14:34,090 --> 00:14:35,831
And you find a nice girl.
346
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:38,355
Get married, start a family.
347
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:41,010
Okay, to be clear,
that has always been my goal.
348
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:45,623
Nice girls don't get paid $1,000
at the end of the date.
349
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:46,798
How do you know about that?
350
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:49,453
You charged it to the company.
351
00:14:49,497 --> 00:14:52,369
I had to send her a W-2.
352
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,894
She still on the payroll?
353
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,373
You want this or not?
354
00:14:56,417 --> 00:15:00,247
I do. And, yes,
I will find a nice girl.
355
00:15:00,290 --> 00:15:02,379
But what about
Bob and Christina?
356
00:15:02,423 --> 00:15:04,468
This has to stay
between you and me.
357
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:07,254
They don't need to know
till after I'm dead.
358
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:08,995
Which won't be
for many, many years.
359
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:11,475
Sure.
360
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:12,694
Now, I don't
know how much
361
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,958
time I have left,
so we need to get going.
362
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:16,959
Fine.
363
00:15:17,003 --> 00:15:19,222
Hey, where you headed?
364
00:15:19,266 --> 00:15:21,268
To get a haircut.
365
00:15:23,139 --> 00:15:24,488
You wanted to see me?
366
00:15:24,532 --> 00:15:25,620
Yeah.
367
00:15:25,663 --> 00:15:27,143
I've made some decisions
about my will,
368
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,971
and I think you're
gonna be very happy.
369
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:30,190
Oh, okay.
370
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,582
There's just a
couple of things
371
00:15:31,626 --> 00:15:33,497
we need to go over.
372
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,329
So, when it became
clear to me
373
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:41,114
that the future
of pharmaceutical sales
374
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:42,332
would be online,
375
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,117
I began developing
a website
376
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,947
called AskChukwuemeka.com.
377
00:15:47,990 --> 00:15:50,558
And here is the part
where I'm very clever...
378
00:15:50,601 --> 00:15:52,603
KEMI:
Abishola was right.
379
00:15:52,647 --> 00:15:54,736
He is so boring!
380
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,390
...over-the-counter
and prescription drugs.
381
00:15:56,433 --> 00:15:57,826
Every time
382
00:15:57,869 --> 00:15:59,741
I recommend a drug,
I would get a penny
383
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:01,569
from each drug manufacturer...
384
00:16:01,612 --> 00:16:03,005
His head is perfect.
385
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:06,139
If only it didn't have a mouth.
386
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:07,575
...if half of them
ask my opinion,
387
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:09,446
that is a lot of pennies...
388
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,144
Maybe if I didn't
listen to him,
389
00:16:11,187 --> 00:16:13,189
we could make a life together.
390
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,495
...even after taxes,
391
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,627
this will make me
a very wealthy man.
392
00:16:16,671 --> 00:16:19,021
Don't listen, don't listen,
don't listen.
393
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:22,416
I will use my great riches
to help the people of Nigeria.
394
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,635
Oh, dear God, stop talking!
395
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:25,767
And maybe someday,
396
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,464
there will be a movie
on the Netflix
397
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,510
that will tell the story
of my humble...
398
00:16:29,553 --> 00:16:30,424
It's not working!
399
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,469
I cannot drown him out!
400
00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:35,690
...as a simple pharmacist
at a CVS pharmacy...
401
00:16:35,733 --> 00:16:37,257
What have I done?
402
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:40,434
I lost my best friend
for this beautiful idiot!
403
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,479
...or the Hulu!
404
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,140
Incoming.
405
00:16:51,184 --> 00:16:52,315
What?
406
00:16:52,359 --> 00:16:53,316
Oh.
407
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,449
I just came to tell you
408
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:58,452
that I realize our friendship
is more important than any man.
409
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,324
I will not be seeing
Chukwuemeka again,
410
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,283
even though we had a
fantastic dinner last night
411
00:17:03,326 --> 00:17:06,068
and enjoyed each other's
company very much.
412
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,896
You are lying again.
413
00:17:07,939 --> 00:17:09,593
[sighs]
414
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,726
I am.
415
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:13,641
I told you.
416
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,991
There is a reason
why a man that handsome
417
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,037
still lives with his mother.
418
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:21,083
I'm sorry I didn't believe you.
419
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:22,258
Please forgive me.
420
00:17:22,302 --> 00:17:23,868
I only want to be your friend.
421
00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:27,481
I forgive you.
422
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:30,266
We must make a vow never
to let a man come between us.
423
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:32,616
I will make that vow.
424
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,183
As will I. [sighs]
Ah.
425
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,968
This is such a relief.
I hated being angry with you.
426
00:17:37,012 --> 00:17:38,231
I hated it, too.
427
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:39,971
Especially after I realized
428
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:42,365
the only reason
Chukwuemeka went out with you
429
00:17:42,409 --> 00:17:44,411
was to make me jealous.
430
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,804
Uh-oh.
431
00:17:46,848 --> 00:17:48,719
"The only reason"?
432
00:17:48,763 --> 00:17:50,025
Isn't it obvious?
433
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:52,332
When he saw that I was
not interested in him,
434
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:55,248
then he suddenly started
chasing my best friend.
435
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:57,119
Oh, I see.
436
00:17:57,163 --> 00:18:00,079
So, he couldn't possibly be
attracted to me for me.
437
00:18:00,122 --> 00:18:02,255
Uh, that is not what I'm saying.
438
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,561
That is what you are saying.
You know how I know?
439
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:05,867
Because it's what you said.
440
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,609
Is that not what she said?
441
00:18:08,652 --> 00:18:10,001
Don't put me in the middle.
442
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:12,352
But that is what you said.
443
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:15,137
And how do you know he wasn't
using you to get to me?
444
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:16,269
Don't be ridiculous.
445
00:18:16,312 --> 00:18:17,444
Why is it ridiculous?
446
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,359
I am much more fun
to be with than you.
447
00:18:19,402 --> 00:18:21,578
Fun or easier to sleep with?[gasps]
448
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:23,667
Uh-oh, again.
449
00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:27,149
[both arguing in Yoruba]
450
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:34,374
E karo.
451
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:37,812
Uh, I wanted to jump in.
That's all I got.
452
00:18:44,253 --> 00:18:45,689
Karo.
453
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,082
Karo.
454
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,910
How is
your mother today?
455
00:18:48,953 --> 00:18:50,520
She's all right.
She's talking to
456
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:52,218
our lawyer right
now about her will.
457
00:18:52,261 --> 00:18:54,655
Oh, for when she takes
her well-deserved rest.
458
00:18:54,698 --> 00:18:57,701
Now, see, that's
a nice way to put it.
459
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,704
Why are you eating
lettuce with lemon juice?
460
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:03,794
Apparently, I'm losing
60 pounds by next summer.
461
00:19:03,838 --> 00:19:05,231
Good for you.
462
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:06,928
Yeah, good for me.
463
00:19:06,971 --> 00:19:09,060
How have you been?
464
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:10,627
Not so great.
465
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:13,282
I had a terrible fight
with my friend Kemi.
466
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,806
Aw, that's too bad.
I like her.
467
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:18,069
I like her, too,
but she lied to me.
468
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,114
About what?
469
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:23,771
Um, a thing.
470
00:19:23,814 --> 00:19:25,251
"A thing"?
Oh, that narrows it down.
471
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,122
Can't you be
a little more speci...
472
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:39,047
♪
473
00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:41,702
A little wider.
474
00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:43,834
Thank you.
475
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,227
Douglas?
476
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:47,621
Lick.
477
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:53,148
Very good.
478
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,368
Bob, seal.
479
00:19:56,412 --> 00:19:58,545
[sighs]
480
00:19:58,588 --> 00:20:00,329
Perfect.
481
00:20:00,373 --> 00:20:02,288
Now, who would like
to run Mommy's last will
482
00:20:02,331 --> 00:20:04,028
and testament
over to Goldfischer?
483
00:20:04,072 --> 00:20:05,465
I'll do it.That's okay, I got it.
484
00:20:05,508 --> 00:20:06,770
I should do it!
485
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,859
[mouthing]:
I got this.
486
00:20:11,819 --> 00:20:14,648
I should've had
a stroke years ago.
487
00:20:23,831 --> 00:20:25,398
I'm sorry.
488
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,617
I'm sorry, too.
489
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:31,012
[Tchaikovsky's "Romeo and Juliet
Fantasy Overture" playing]
490
00:20:46,854 --> 00:20:48,769
[record scratch, music stops]
491
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:49,770
Ready to go home?
492
00:20:49,813 --> 00:20:51,859
Yes. I just need to get my coat.
493
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,252
Good. I will wait.
494
00:20:53,295 --> 00:20:59,736
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
495
00:20:59,780 --> 00:21:02,739
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
31585
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
