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1
00:00:02,020 --> 00:00:10,020
This programme contains
violent scenes and images of
the deceased from the very start
2
00:00:10,020 --> 00:00:18,020
that viewers may find distressing,
strong language, offensive
and discriminatory attitudes,
3
00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:25,980
and scenes of a sexual
nature throughout
4
00:00:31,940 --> 00:00:33,740
DISTANT SCREAMING
5
00:00:35,580 --> 00:00:38,660
WOMAN WAILS
6
00:00:38,660 --> 00:00:40,940
SIRENS WAIL
7
00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,860
What is that?!
8
00:00:50,980 --> 00:00:52,500
What is that?!
9
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:20,540
FRUSTRATED SIGH
10
00:01:25,540 --> 00:01:27,100
Ah-ha!
11
00:01:41,820 --> 00:01:43,300
DOOR OPENS
12
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:47,940
All right, George?
13
00:01:49,740 --> 00:01:51,340
CAR BEEPS
14
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:56,420
I...normally park at
the Richmond Street car park.
15
00:02:09,820 --> 00:02:11,580
ENGINE STARTS
16
00:02:14,340 --> 00:02:16,580
ENGINE REVS
17
00:02:24,580 --> 00:02:27,260
REVVING CONTINUES
18
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,180
Oh, it's still pay and display in
this one, the app doesn't work.
19
00:02:36,180 --> 00:02:37,260
I'll treat you.
20
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,460
You gonna be here all day?
21
00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:40,660
That depends, don't it?
22
00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:44,700
Fucking hell.
23
00:02:55,820 --> 00:02:57,700
You watching tonight?
24
00:03:00,220 --> 00:03:01,660
Is that a football question?
25
00:03:03,380 --> 00:03:04,700
Yes.
26
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,140
No.
27
00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:17,340
SECURITY SYSTEM BEEPS
28
00:03:20,140 --> 00:03:22,260
So, you've got this place
and the house?
29
00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,900
Yeah. But I'm mortgaged to death.
30
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:27,580
You try making money
out of hospitality.
31
00:03:27,580 --> 00:03:29,300
The house is thanks to my parents.
32
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:31,700
I sold theirs and bought
number 5.
33
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,900
So, they were rich?
34
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:36,180
What, do I look like Lord Struthers
of Morningside?
35
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,700
They just had a nice terraced house
in Dundee,
36
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:40,740
so I murdered them
and got the money.
37
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,660
What, and then you got this place
with Curtis?
38
00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:46,860
Yep. That is my punishment.
39
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:49,020
I'm buying him out
and it's taking for ever,
40
00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:52,020
cos it costs a fortune.
He still gets 20% of the profits,
41
00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:55,700
which is kind of 20%
of not very much, but still...
42
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,100
The bastard.
43
00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:00,740
I'm seeing him tonight,
as a matter of fact.
44
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:05,060
With his newly beloved.
45
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,340
So, this is the thing.
Sometimes when you touch it,
46
00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:08,700
you get a shock.
47
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:12,980
Oh, well. It's fine now. Typical.
48
00:04:12,980 --> 00:04:15,620
But when it zaps you,
that fuse goes.
49
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:21,780
This one. It trips.
Is that the right word? Trips?
50
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,260
I'm gonna have to turn
the power off.
51
00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:24,980
I've got the office upstairs,
I still need to work.
52
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:26,140
Yeah, well, I can isolate that.
53
00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,420
When did you last
get your condition report?
54
00:04:28,420 --> 00:04:31,140
Um, November '25. We're up to date.
55
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:34,820
So, who did your test for you?
Ashbury's.
56
00:04:34,820 --> 00:04:37,540
But they charge 500 quid
just for a visit.
57
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:39,740
Yeah, I don't trust 'em.
58
00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:42,060
Do you know where they get
their staff from?
59
00:04:42,060 --> 00:04:44,540
Aruba. Do you know where that is?
60
00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:47,060
The Caribbean? Exactly.
61
00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:49,260
And I'm not being racist.
Well, a little bit.
62
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:53,660
I mean, think about it.
63
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:54,820
Aruba.
64
00:04:55,940 --> 00:04:57,660
Who owns that?
65
00:04:57,660 --> 00:04:59,020
The Netherlands.
66
00:05:00,220 --> 00:05:03,620
And in the Netherlands,
the mains wiring is 230 volts,
67
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:05,660
and in Aruba it's 127 volts,
68
00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:08,940
so it's two different systems.
It's like a fire trap.
69
00:05:08,940 --> 00:05:12,140
And why do they do that, eh?
Have two different voltages?
70
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:14,980
Tesla.
71
00:05:14,980 --> 00:05:16,700
What, like, Elon Musk?
72
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:19,020
No, Nikolai Tesla.
73
00:05:19,020 --> 00:05:21,740
He was the man who invented AC/DC.
74
00:05:21,740 --> 00:05:24,500
And when he died,
the FBI took all his papers
75
00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:27,020
and they burnt them
so no-one could see them.
76
00:05:27,020 --> 00:05:29,820
And then Elon Musk named his company
after him.
77
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:31,900
That's no coincidence, is it?
78
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,340
Meaning?
79
00:05:33,340 --> 00:05:35,540
Exactly. It's a mystery.
80
00:05:36,940 --> 00:05:39,580
When I was young,
AC/DC meant bisexual.
81
00:05:43,020 --> 00:05:44,820
Look, there's nothing wrong
with this,
82
00:05:44,820 --> 00:05:47,740
but I need to get back here,
strip everything away, all right?
83
00:05:47,740 --> 00:05:50,540
Is that gonna cost?
Well, it's all gonna cost, innit?
84
00:05:50,540 --> 00:05:53,620
Well, you know, I'm not being rude,
but you know what happens.
85
00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,340
You get an electrician in
and they go,
86
00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:56,620
"Oh, everything needs rewiring,"
87
00:05:56,620 --> 00:06:00,020
and a job that was gonna cost
100 quid ends up costing 10,000.
88
00:06:00,020 --> 00:06:01,820
You calling me a liar?
89
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,500
No.
90
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,580
The way people talk about workmen.
91
00:06:05,580 --> 00:06:07,300
Nobody else would put up with it.
92
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,980
Imagine if I walked in here,
eh, and got a pint and said,
93
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,060
"Have you watered this down?"
94
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,820
You'd get right on your high horse,
wouldn't you?
95
00:06:14,820 --> 00:06:17,220
Do you water it down? No.
96
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:19,460
Well, there's your first mistake,
isn't it?
97
00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:22,940
Paying your ex 20%?
I'd start diluting it, mate.
98
00:06:22,940 --> 00:06:25,460
DOOR OPENS
Oh. You're here early.
99
00:06:25,460 --> 00:06:27,820
Oh, yeah, this is Clive,
the electrician.
100
00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,500
Hi, Clive. I'm Judy.
101
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,340
Don't charge us a million quid, yeah?
102
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:39,060
Ah, he's the one I told you
about! Mm-hm. Clive, from next door.
103
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:42,100
I met his son online,
and I mean online.
104
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:45,300
He's 16, but said 18, vers bottom.
105
00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:47,020
So, what did you do?
106
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:48,660
Oh, I fucked him. Oh, Leo!
107
00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:52,260
Get off! It was mortifying.
Said he was zero metres away.
108
00:06:52,260 --> 00:06:55,180
Zero! He must've seen me, though.
109
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:02,380
You cheeky little bitch.
110
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:04,780
But I will be the one
to block him, thank you very much.
111
00:07:04,780 --> 00:07:08,460
It's my street and I was gay before
he was even a single spunk.
112
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:11,620
Oh, my God, now I'm thinking about
his father ejaculating.
113
00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:13,460
This is such a terrible day,
114
00:07:13,460 --> 00:07:16,580
and to top it all I'm seeing
Curtis tonight.
115
00:07:16,580 --> 00:07:18,380
Talking of tops.
116
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:19,940
What for?
117
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,180
HE SIGHS
We're being civilised.
118
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,780
FOOTSTEPS
119
00:07:23,780 --> 00:07:26,220
Could you not talk to him, though?
The lad, what's his name?
120
00:07:26,220 --> 00:07:28,460
George. What would we talk about?
Morning, Zee. Morning.
121
00:07:28,460 --> 00:07:30,300
Zee, boy next door, 16,
122
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:32,700
looking for sex online
and lying about his age.
123
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:33,860
Should Leo not have a word?
124
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,300
His dad's downstairs,
the electrician.
125
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:38,020
But his dad doesn't know he's gay,
so do not say anything.
126
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,380
How do you know he doesn't know?
127
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:41,380
Because George is alive.
128
00:07:41,380 --> 00:07:43,260
That's a bit 1980s.
129
00:07:43,260 --> 00:07:45,020
You'd be surprised,
times are changing.
130
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,780
Not with this family, trust me.
131
00:07:46,780 --> 00:07:49,100
Sit at home with a bad dad
and you're as closeted as ever.
132
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,940
Why are you employing him, then?
Ahem.
133
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:53,460
Could you just go
and do some work, thank you?
134
00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:55,380
Are you mates with him? The boy?
135
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,380
Why would I be mates with
a 16-year-old?
136
00:07:57,380 --> 00:07:59,860
What would we even talk about?
about? Bluey?
137
00:07:59,860 --> 00:08:02,780
No, I've hardly said two words
to him. He's just like, "Hello."
138
00:08:02,780 --> 00:08:05,580
Oh, I dunno, best not then.
Oh, don't take his side.
139
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:08,340
Yeah, but I can see what he means.
It's a funny line to cross.
140
00:08:08,340 --> 00:08:09,780
So, the kid goes online,
141
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:11,940
hooks up, and gets murdered,
and that's fine?
142
00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:13,700
But at least he wouldn't have
died a virgin.
143
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,740
JUDY CACKLES
Oh, power's back on. Hooray.
144
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,820
It's weird, innit,
145
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:21,900
how we know more about his son
than he does.
146
00:08:23,180 --> 00:08:25,060
His wife said he had an affair.
147
00:08:25,060 --> 00:08:27,060
For real? In a caravan park.
148
00:08:27,060 --> 00:08:29,820
Oh. Like Jenny and Lee
on Gogglebox?
149
00:08:29,820 --> 00:08:33,740
- - Maybe it was Jenny.
- Sh!
- Don't.
THEY LAUGH
150
00:08:33,740 --> 00:08:35,900
He can't hear us.
151
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,060
He can't hear us down there,
can he? Nah, course not. No.
152
00:08:40,580 --> 00:08:41,580
Clive!
153
00:08:43,020 --> 00:08:45,340
Yeah?
LEO GASPS
154
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:49,300
Nothing!
155
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:53,860
I'll start putting these back.
156
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:56,340
Well, thanks, yeah. Clive.
157
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:58,340
Nice to meet ya. I'm Zee.
158
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,700
What's that short for, then?
159
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:07,900
It's not. I'm just Zee.
I chose it myself.
160
00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,780
How come?
161
00:09:11,780 --> 00:09:15,860
I just did. It's a placeholder
till I find the right name.
162
00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,260
I'm Hanna.
163
00:09:17,260 --> 00:09:19,660
My girlfriend chose it.
She says it's delicate.
164
00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:23,420
How many of you are there?
165
00:09:23,420 --> 00:09:27,380
Morning, all.
OK, then. What have we got?
166
00:09:27,380 --> 00:09:29,260
No, no, it's straightforward.
167
00:09:29,260 --> 00:09:32,700
You just had a broken earth cable,
so I just replaced it. It's done.
168
00:09:32,700 --> 00:09:34,860
But...?
169
00:09:34,860 --> 00:09:38,540
No, no, you were just unlucky.
Put in a new cable. All done.
170
00:09:38,540 --> 00:09:41,500
Oh, OK. Great. Well, that's good.
171
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:45,780
But... Oh, I knew it. How much?
172
00:09:45,780 --> 00:09:48,860
No, it's just this here.
I mean, look at it.
173
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:51,380
You've got the whole thing running
out of one socket.
174
00:09:51,380 --> 00:09:54,340
You've got your sound system,
your lights, your mic.
175
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,500
What else is plugged in here?
176
00:09:56,500 --> 00:09:59,740
Smoke machine. Bubble machine.
Oil wheel.
177
00:09:59,740 --> 00:10:01,780
Well, look forward to the inquest
when you're all burnt
178
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:04,660
to death. But, look,
I can strip away that wall,
179
00:10:04,660 --> 00:10:08,580
I can rewire it and put in
five sockets. 800 quid, all in.
180
00:10:08,580 --> 00:10:10,900
How long are we out of action?
No, it'll just take me one night.
181
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:13,420
I can isolate this wall
so you can keep the bar open.
182
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,940
600. 800. All right?
And that's final.
183
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,900
It's not just the electrics, is it?
184
00:10:20,900 --> 00:10:23,140
You know, I've gotta redecorate
and patch it all in.
185
00:10:23,140 --> 00:10:25,740
So, 800 gets you my lad in, my son.
186
00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:28,980
He's got level 3 joinery,
so he can tidy it all up
187
00:10:28,980 --> 00:10:30,740
and then seal it off for you.
188
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:32,660
How old's your son? 25.
189
00:10:32,660 --> 00:10:33,900
He's got two sons.
190
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:37,500
Why?
191
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,220
What do you mean?
192
00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:41,980
Just you have two sons.
193
00:10:41,980 --> 00:10:44,020
So?
194
00:10:45,580 --> 00:10:46,580
Nothing.
195
00:10:48,260 --> 00:10:49,460
Why'd you say that?
196
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:55,180
I just did, because you have,
haven't you?
197
00:10:57,020 --> 00:10:58,780
Does it matter?
198
00:11:00,340 --> 00:11:01,820
No.
199
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:06,420
OK, great. Um...
200
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:10,540
700. 800, all right?
201
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,220
And then we're, er...
202
00:11:13,220 --> 00:11:14,660
MUSIC PLAYS
203
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,900
...disco.
204
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:22,660
Hey! Go on, Clive. Woo!
205
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:25,220
THEY LAUGH AND CHEER
206
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,780
MUSIC OFF
207
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:29,380
That's enough. I'll get started.
Er...
208
00:11:29,380 --> 00:11:32,460
What did you get on the van?
Two hours? Yeah.
209
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:36,300
All right, well, you'd better make
it all day, hadn't you? Your treat.
210
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,140
See you later.
211
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:57,620
Ha-ha.
212
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,980
Ah, I'm running late.
213
00:12:16,020 --> 00:12:18,500
Get a taxi and pick me up
at 7.30, OK?
214
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:22,340
Why are we having dinner
with your ex? No fucking idea.
215
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:26,580
Curtis and Maggie at home. At ten
o'clock we are leaving, OK? Bye.
216
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,140
MEN LAUGH
217
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:29,860
He doesn't know what he's
talking about.
218
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:32,580
He was a shit player
and he's a shit pundit, I told you.
219
00:12:32,580 --> 00:12:34,700
He doesn't know what he's fucking
talking about, he's a...
220
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,220
Oh, he's always
on the fucking drink.
221
00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:40,140
Oh...
222
00:12:40,140 --> 00:12:42,180
Wahey!
223
00:12:42,180 --> 00:12:43,860
THEY GROAN
224
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:48,860
Not in front of my dad,
he's a married man. Put it away!
225
00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:51,580
Hey, somewhere to park
my bike, anyway.
226
00:13:28,620 --> 00:13:33,140
Bloody flipping Curtis and stupid,
bloody thick flipping Maggie.
227
00:13:35,260 --> 00:13:37,020
Deep breath.
228
00:13:37,020 --> 00:13:40,260
Hi! Hey!
229
00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:42,780
Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,
out, out, out.
230
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,620
Oh, that dates you.
Sorry we're late.
231
00:13:44,620 --> 00:13:46,900
Oh, you look wonderful.
Nice to see you.
232
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:50,700
Oh, I saw Sanjay!
Yeah, I know. He said.
233
00:13:50,700 --> 00:13:52,100
It's been ages. How you been?
234
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:57,220
Er, not bad. Not bad. Yeah. You're
looking older and fatter and greyer.
235
00:13:57,220 --> 00:13:58,820
And you're beginning to smell.
236
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:00,060
THEY CHUCKLE
237
00:14:00,060 --> 00:14:02,420
Let me take that.
238
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,740
So... who else is coming?
239
00:14:05,860 --> 00:14:08,340
Oh, er, well, it's just us.
240
00:14:08,340 --> 00:14:11,780
Yeah, I thought we could catch up.
Have a chance to talk, you know.
241
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,620
Talk about what?
242
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:15,660
You know, things. Come on through.
243
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:23,820
Is that enough for you?
244
00:14:28,540 --> 00:14:31,220
And he grabs my laptop and runs.
I mean,
245
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:33,180
he's, what, 6' 3", all muscles.
246
00:14:33,180 --> 00:14:34,300
I mean, he's only 25 years old,
247
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:37,700
so he runs like a gymnast,
out the front door, gone.
248
00:14:37,700 --> 00:14:40,700
And I run!
I run after him into the street,
249
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:43,660
then I hear this click.
It's the door closing behind me,
250
00:14:43,660 --> 00:14:47,540
locked, and I'm standing there
absolutely naked!
251
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:50,100
My God, no way. Yeah. I'm standing
in the middle of the street
252
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:51,540
stark bollock naked.
253
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:53,460
I had to rescue him. Yeah.
254
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,020
Did that really happen?
255
00:14:58,820 --> 00:15:02,900
All hanging out, for all the world
to see. Cop a load of this.
256
00:15:07,420 --> 00:15:10,980
But that's it, because Trump is
fixing the courts so he can stay
257
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:13,860
for a third term. Why not a fourth?
258
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:17,180
Cos you know what this is?
The dark age.
259
00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:22,500
It's a new dark age.
If I live for 30 more years,
260
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,660
I will die before the dark age ends.
261
00:15:25,660 --> 00:15:28,100
This is it, now. For life.
262
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:31,860
Oh, I've missed all this.
Stephanie Soothsayer.
263
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:35,020
It's a little bit... doom scrolling,
don't you think?
264
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:38,100
Maggie, you can't seriously say
these are good times, can you?
265
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,220
Oh, hardly, no, but I think we're
in a state of panic.
266
00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:42,980
I don't think it helps.
267
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,460
I panic, apparently.
That's not what she means.
268
00:15:46,460 --> 00:15:48,500
I just think...
269
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:52,260
We can all worry but we need to
do something.
270
00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:56,580
So, we are.
271
00:15:57,980 --> 00:16:00,980
Just sort of a little bit of good
in the world, yeah?
272
00:16:02,620 --> 00:16:05,820
Yeah. That's what we wanted
to say. It's not a big deal,
273
00:16:05,820 --> 00:16:08,980
we just didn't want you
to hear it second-hand.
274
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,300
We are going to foster.
275
00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:15,780
We did the panel on Monday
and they've said yes,
276
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:18,180
so gonna be foster parents.
277
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:21,500
Oh! I think that's brilliant.
278
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,260
Well done.
279
00:16:24,540 --> 00:16:28,220
Nice. That's amazing. Big changes.
280
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,620
There's such a shortage.
I mean, there is SUCH a shortage.
281
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:32,700
Although...
282
00:16:34,340 --> 00:16:36,540
...poor kids having to listen
to you two.
283
00:16:36,540 --> 00:16:38,660
CHUCKLING
284
00:16:38,660 --> 00:16:40,660
We're terrified.
285
00:16:40,660 --> 00:16:43,540
And we did try, but I'm 45 now,
286
00:16:43,540 --> 00:16:45,300
and that's not gonna happen.
287
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:47,980
And this is the next best thing.
It's equally good.
288
00:16:47,980 --> 00:16:51,180
Yes, it's... Exactly. Sorry.
289
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:54,460
Mum and Dad,
290
00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:56,860
here's to you.
291
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:59,780
Congratulations.
We need people like you.
292
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,500
You get a lot of money.
293
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,300
That's why we're doing it.
Cold, hard cash. It's the only...
294
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,380
It's just you never said,
when we were together.
295
00:17:09,380 --> 00:17:11,500
You never said you wanted kids.
296
00:17:11,500 --> 00:17:13,340
I didn't back then.
297
00:17:13,340 --> 00:17:16,500
What changed? Nothing.
I suppose I was a different person.
298
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,660
Oh, now you're better?
299
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,900
No.
300
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:22,580
Don't.
301
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:31,980
Right, are we all done? We've got
a lovely tiramisu. All good?
302
00:17:31,980 --> 00:17:33,580
I'll give you a hand.
303
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,140
Look, come here.
304
00:17:57,340 --> 00:17:59,420
Daddy.
305
00:17:59,420 --> 00:18:03,620
Might be a complete nightmare.
I might regret every single second.
306
00:18:03,620 --> 00:18:06,140
You can't fuck up their lives,
you know. Children.
307
00:18:08,060 --> 00:18:10,820
Cos they'll have had
a hard enough time already.
308
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:13,020
They don't need to come into
a house that's...
309
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:16,300
...austere.
310
00:18:17,460 --> 00:18:19,540
Oh, that's what I am, is it?
311
00:18:19,540 --> 00:18:21,700
Well, I was always
the one who was a laugh.
312
00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:25,020
I mean, sorry, but our mates did not
come round for a hoot with Curtis.
313
00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,980
Oh, yeah, you're so funny.
I'm laughing. It's just
314
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:29,980
that you never said anything, ever,
about kids.
315
00:18:29,980 --> 00:18:32,380
Jamie adopted, you
never said a word, not a hint.
316
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,580
It's like I never knew you.
317
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,900
Except, well, hm-hm,
318
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,700
I didn't, did I?
319
00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:46,580
You know what's really stupid?
Since you left.
320
00:18:46,580 --> 00:18:49,140
Eating on my own.
321
00:18:50,380 --> 00:18:53,620
Sitting there, cut it up
into little pieces, I eat,
322
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:57,940
I put down the fork, I wash up.
Just all that ceremony. OK.
323
00:18:57,940 --> 00:19:01,100
And then I shit. I shit and I eat.
324
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,460
Might as well be a tube.
That's my life.
325
00:19:03,460 --> 00:19:05,100
I'm a tube.
326
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:07,020
Do you still have your key?
Have I what?
327
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,100
Your key to the house,
have you still got it?
328
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,340
Er, I-I-I don't know, maybe.
I didn't formally hand it over.
329
00:19:12,340 --> 00:19:14,780
Why? Would you like me to?
No, it's just, like...
330
00:19:18,580 --> 00:19:21,780
...you haven't been back,
have you? To the house?
331
00:19:21,780 --> 00:19:25,420
It's just things keep moving.
332
00:19:26,740 --> 00:19:29,100
When I'm not looking.
It's... I feel like I'm going mad.
333
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:32,420
I come back home and it's like
things have been moved.
334
00:19:33,660 --> 00:19:35,460
Like a glass...
335
00:19:35,460 --> 00:19:37,380
...or a bottle...
336
00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:40,940
...a letter, or a book
that's the wrong way round.
337
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:45,620
Or a little bit less wine.
338
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,060
And then I turn on the TV. You know
when you turn on the TV,
339
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,100
it goes to the last channel
you were on?
340
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:55,660
When I turn it on, it goes to
channel 161. What the hell is 161?
341
00:19:57,660 --> 00:19:59,060
You OK?
342
00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:02,940
Yeah.
343
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:04,260
It's not me.
344
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:08,740
No, I didn't...
I didn't think it was.
345
00:20:08,740 --> 00:20:11,620
I don't really think there's anyone
in your house.
346
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,020
No.
347
00:20:18,140 --> 00:20:19,540
I've gone.
348
00:20:21,580 --> 00:20:23,620
Yeah.
349
00:20:23,620 --> 00:20:26,940
I've left you, darling. I've gone.
350
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,180
LEO CRIES
351
00:20:32,740 --> 00:20:35,780
I love you by Billie Eilish
352
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,220
You OK? Yeah.
353
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:52,220
Yeah, yeah.
354
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,860
I'm fine.
355
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:03,260
No, no, no, wait. The best bit,
I'll tell you the best bit.
356
00:21:03,260 --> 00:21:06,140
Maggie, sob story, barren Maggie.
357
00:21:06,140 --> 00:21:10,060
When she said,
"Did that really happen?"
358
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,700
Oh, my God, yeah,
how to kill a fucking story.
359
00:21:12,700 --> 00:21:15,700
"Did that really happen?"
Oh, "Hardly."
360
00:21:15,700 --> 00:21:17,660
"Hardly." She said that.
361
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:22,020
"Ooh, hardly." Downton Abbey.
"Hardly."
362
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:25,500
Ah, that's why she snared him.
To be a mother,
363
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:29,100
that's what she wanted
all this time. I said so.
364
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:30,980
Do you know what I'm going to
do tonight?
365
00:21:30,980 --> 00:21:33,140
APP BLEEPS
I'm gonna get laid.
366
00:21:33,140 --> 00:21:35,540
I'm gonna get fucked
and battered and rimmed.
367
00:21:35,540 --> 00:21:37,740
I am so gonna get rimmed.
368
00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:40,980
Did you know that Curtis has never
eaten arse his entire life?
369
00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:42,460
Yup, you did tell me.
370
00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,580
He'd only eat it
with some coriander.
371
00:21:44,580 --> 00:21:46,860
But tonight's the night!
372
00:21:48,700 --> 00:21:50,700
All right, my darling. Goodnight.
373
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:53,100
Bend over and think of Scotland.
374
00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:57,980
Oh, don't worry,
I've only had two beers,
375
00:21:57,980 --> 00:22:01,100
so I won't turn up hung over.
This is Leo, my gay neighbour.
376
00:22:01,100 --> 00:22:02,980
Oh, if that's not offensive.
377
00:22:02,980 --> 00:22:05,220
Well, it is. So watch it.
378
00:22:07,180 --> 00:22:09,380
Don't talk to your employer
like that.
379
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:23,060
You little fuckers.
Big fuckers. Hot, hairy, hung.
380
00:22:23,060 --> 00:22:24,660
MOANING
381
00:22:31,060 --> 00:22:32,660
Yes.
382
00:22:49,980 --> 00:22:51,820
DOORBELL RINGS
383
00:22:52,860 --> 00:22:55,380
Found you. Hello, I'm Dave.
384
00:22:55,380 --> 00:22:57,180
I know it says Francesco on the app,
385
00:22:57,180 --> 00:23:02,780
but Francesco gets more results,
so, anyway, it's Dave really.
386
00:23:02,780 --> 00:23:04,300
Yeah, hi, I'm Leo.
387
00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,900
And that's your real name? Yes.
Good start.
388
00:23:06,900 --> 00:23:08,780
There's a lot of liars
on that thing.
389
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:17,260
Ooh, nice place. Thanks.
390
00:23:17,260 --> 00:23:18,980
Do you own it? I do, yeah.
391
00:23:21,460 --> 00:23:24,380
It's nice. And is it just you?
392
00:23:24,380 --> 00:23:30,500
Just me. And that is how it's gonna
stay, I'm afraid. Just me.
393
00:23:30,500 --> 00:23:31,940
Um...
394
00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:34,660
I'm fine with being on my own.
395
00:23:34,660 --> 00:23:37,660
I didn't come round to marry you.
396
00:23:37,660 --> 00:23:38,980
No, but...
397
00:23:40,580 --> 00:23:42,020
...I've changed my mind.
398
00:23:43,580 --> 00:23:47,340
I'm just not up for it tonight.
I thought I was, but I'm not.
399
00:23:47,340 --> 00:23:48,660
You know when it just goes?
400
00:23:50,060 --> 00:23:51,780
You're kidding me? Sorry.
401
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,100
Another one.
402
00:24:01,180 --> 00:24:02,860
You know, I came all this way.
403
00:24:02,860 --> 00:24:05,780
Well, 662 metres. Not that far.
404
00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:07,060
Piss off.
405
00:24:08,220 --> 00:24:09,500
I will.
406
00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:24,100
Oh.
407
00:24:26,140 --> 00:24:28,060
MESSAGE ALERT
408
00:24:30,700 --> 00:24:32,420
Oh, fuck.
409
00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,420
MESSAGE ALERT
410
00:25:12,420 --> 00:25:15,980
RAISED VOICES
411
00:25:26,060 --> 00:25:28,540
ARGUMENT CONTINUES
412
00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:30,860
I don't blame him, your own friends
treat you like shit.
413
00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,140
Yeah, you'd know.
414
00:25:32,140 --> 00:25:35,500
They might as well piss on
the floor. I'll get them a trough!
415
00:26:03,620 --> 00:26:05,340
MESSAGE ALERT
416
00:26:06,980 --> 00:26:08,420
Apostrophe.
417
00:26:26,620 --> 00:26:31,460
I want to know why you would look at
something so disgusting.
418
00:27:16,340 --> 00:27:18,300
Fuck you.
419
00:27:18,300 --> 00:27:20,700
Fuck off, then. Fuck off, kid.
420
00:27:20,700 --> 00:27:22,500
All right?
421
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:34,900
MESSAGE ALERT
422
00:28:47,180 --> 00:28:49,340
MESSAGE ALERT
423
00:29:48,860 --> 00:29:50,700
MESSAGE ALERT
424
00:29:53,340 --> 00:29:54,340
MESSAGE ALERT
425
00:29:56,180 --> 00:29:58,060
MESSAGE ALERT
426
00:30:57,620 --> 00:31:00,740
I love you.
427
00:31:03,140 --> 00:31:04,740
I still love you.
428
00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:47,220
LEO GROANS
429
00:31:47,220 --> 00:31:48,740
Oh, no.
430
00:32:53,340 --> 00:32:55,380
MESSAGE ALERT
431
00:33:10,860 --> 00:33:13,420
George, I swear, if you tell
your girl friends about this,
432
00:33:13,420 --> 00:33:16,220
they will tell you that every single
stupid boy does this,
433
00:33:16,220 --> 00:33:17,700
and you'll laugh about it.
434
00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:21,460
Because there's such
a big world out there,
435
00:33:21,460 --> 00:33:25,140
and you can have boyfriends or
girlfriends or... whatever you like.
436
00:33:26,580 --> 00:33:29,940
You can have all the wild
and crazy hot sex you want,
437
00:33:29,940 --> 00:33:31,420
night after night.
438
00:33:33,580 --> 00:33:37,380
Cos I promise you, George, there's
a great big gay life
439
00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,060
just waiting for you.
440
00:33:46,620 --> 00:33:48,220
DOOR OPENS
441
00:33:48,220 --> 00:33:51,180
I'm coming in, so hands by your
sides, all right?
442
00:33:51,180 --> 00:33:54,100
Listen, all this stuff between
your mum and me,
443
00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:56,540
I don't want you hearing that,
you know, so, er...
444
00:33:58,860 --> 00:33:59,940
There you go.
445
00:34:03,820 --> 00:34:06,340
You all right? Yeah.
Well, you don't look it.
446
00:34:08,420 --> 00:34:11,500
What is it?
It's the game. Dog died.
447
00:34:11,500 --> 00:34:13,380
MESSAGE ALERT
448
00:34:13,380 --> 00:34:15,300
Who are you texting?
What's it to you?
449
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:16,660
Oh, come on.
It's late, isn't it?
450
00:34:16,660 --> 00:34:18,220
You've got college tomorrow
and you know the rules.
451
00:34:18,220 --> 00:34:20,300
The phone's not private
until you're 18.
452
00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:21,460
So, come on, give us it.
453
00:34:23,940 --> 00:34:26,980
Is it a girl? Shut up.
No, has she upset you?
454
00:34:26,980 --> 00:34:28,340
Can you just leave me alone?
455
00:34:28,340 --> 00:34:30,580
I wanna tell you
something important, all right?
456
00:34:30,580 --> 00:34:32,100
They're not worth it.
457
00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:34,980
Not one of them.
458
00:34:44,060 --> 00:34:45,820
MESSAGE ALERT
459
00:34:49,540 --> 00:34:51,460
Urgh, you're disgusting.
460
00:35:26,740 --> 00:35:29,540
Morning, all. Morning!
Morning, lover boy. How's Curtis?
461
00:35:29,540 --> 00:35:34,140
Oh, boring old bastard. Hello, Saul.
All right, boss. Nice gaff.
462
00:35:34,140 --> 00:35:36,100
You're late.
463
00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:39,860
No. I was in early yesterday
because of you.
464
00:35:39,860 --> 00:35:43,540
This is, like, a normal time of day,
because I work late.
465
00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:44,940
And...
466
00:35:44,940 --> 00:35:46,980
...I want to apologise.
467
00:35:46,980 --> 00:35:50,300
If I was a bit rude last night.
I, er... Sorry about that.
468
00:35:50,300 --> 00:35:51,460
I meant no offence.
469
00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:53,420
Why, what did you say?
470
00:35:53,420 --> 00:35:54,780
It's all done and dusted.
471
00:35:56,740 --> 00:35:57,860
So, are we good?
472
00:35:57,860 --> 00:36:00,060
Told you,
got nothing on my conscience.
473
00:36:00,060 --> 00:36:02,700
I only had two pints,
so my head is clear.
474
00:36:02,700 --> 00:36:05,740
Not me. I'm fucking hanging.
475
00:36:05,740 --> 00:36:08,220
I'll tell you what, boss.
I said to Jude,
476
00:36:08,220 --> 00:36:10,220
"Have you got any paint left
from when you last did the walls?"
477
00:36:10,220 --> 00:36:12,580
She looked in the cellar. And there
it was, sitting at the back,
478
00:36:12,580 --> 00:36:14,700
after all these years. No-one ever
chucks paint away.
479
00:36:14,700 --> 00:36:16,140
Don't know how to do it.
480
00:36:16,140 --> 00:36:18,420
That saves a bit of money.
Nicely played.
481
00:36:18,420 --> 00:36:21,180
Well, welcome on board, Saul.
All right,
482
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:23,140
me and Judy have got
the managers' meeting now,
483
00:36:23,140 --> 00:36:25,780
all the bars and clubs
with the council. It's a riot.
484
00:36:25,780 --> 00:36:29,500
Help yourself to anything, and Mikey
can look after you. Mikey,
485
00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:33,500
you've met Clive. That's Saul,
Clive's son. All right?
486
00:36:33,500 --> 00:36:34,780
Morning, fellas.
487
00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:38,260
SHE MOUTHS
488
00:36:39,660 --> 00:36:41,180
DOOR OPENS
489
00:37:04,100 --> 00:37:07,900
It's Saul, isn't it?
I mean, you're Hotsaul.
490
00:37:07,900 --> 00:37:11,580
Oh, mate, don't tell me you
subscribe. It's for girls, you know.
491
00:37:11,580 --> 00:37:13,660
Can't stop me.
As long as you're paying.
492
00:37:13,660 --> 00:37:15,140
I'm on there. Are you?
493
00:37:15,140 --> 00:37:17,660
Mikey Manchester.
How much do you make?
494
00:37:17,660 --> 00:37:19,300
20,000 a year.
495
00:37:19,300 --> 00:37:22,620
Fucking hell. I make six if I'm
lucky. What you working here for?
496
00:37:22,620 --> 00:37:25,820
My dad. He's a... dickhead.
497
00:37:25,820 --> 00:37:28,060
Left us with a load of debts
and shit.
498
00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:30,140
But hey, if you ever wanna collab...
499
00:37:30,140 --> 00:37:31,740
Oh, mate, not my scene.
500
00:37:31,740 --> 00:37:33,260
I could teach you.
501
00:37:33,260 --> 00:37:34,940
Seriously, just women. Yeah?
502
00:37:34,940 --> 00:37:36,180
Take a Viagra.
503
00:37:36,180 --> 00:37:39,580
Nice try, cheers, mate.
Keep subscribing. Have a good wank.
504
00:37:39,580 --> 00:37:40,820
I've done that.
505
00:37:44,620 --> 00:37:47,060
I am catnip in this place.
506
00:37:47,060 --> 00:37:51,020
What do you mean? That Mikey lad,
asking to diddle me. Begging for it.
507
00:37:52,100 --> 00:37:53,260
So, what did you say?
508
00:37:53,260 --> 00:37:56,820
I said, "Up your arse." That was
a mistake. He said, "Yes, please."
509
00:37:59,900 --> 00:38:01,420
And who is she?
510
00:38:01,420 --> 00:38:02,980
I'm Saul. I'm with him.
511
00:38:04,460 --> 00:38:06,020
Well, isn't he the lucky one?
512
00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:08,740
Told you. Catnip.
513
00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:16,220
And who are you?
514
00:38:16,220 --> 00:38:17,900
I'm the electrician.
515
00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:20,300
Oh, the neighbour. That's right.
516
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:22,420
The horny-handed son of toil.
517
00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:28,460
You're the one with the son.
Mm. He said he was hot.
518
00:38:28,460 --> 00:38:30,540
Who did?
519
00:38:30,540 --> 00:38:32,020
Leo.
520
00:38:33,060 --> 00:38:34,980
When did he say that?
521
00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:38,140
Wasn't he naked, your boy?
522
00:38:38,140 --> 00:38:41,180
Wasn't there a story
that Leo was in your house,
523
00:38:41,180 --> 00:38:43,260
and your son was naked?
524
00:38:43,260 --> 00:38:44,740
Yeah.
525
00:38:44,740 --> 00:38:47,300
When the boss got locked out
the house. He means Saul.
526
00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:49,780
Yeah, well he doesn't mean
George, does he? George is 16.
527
00:38:49,780 --> 00:38:50,940
He's legal.
528
00:38:50,940 --> 00:38:54,540
Melba, it's a bit dangerous in here
with the electrics.
529
00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:56,700
Let's keep you safe, eh?
Sit you by the window.
530
00:38:56,700 --> 00:39:00,100
Hanna's actually nipping out
for some toasties if you want one.
531
00:39:00,100 --> 00:39:02,420
Let's get you a nice
cheese and ham toastie, eh?
532
00:39:05,900 --> 00:39:08,900
Next point of order,
Lauchlan McCartney.
533
00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:10,660
You'll be glad to hear he's
currently residing
534
00:39:10,660 --> 00:39:12,740
at His Majesty's pleasure.
Which one's he?
535
00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:15,940
The Bird Man. Big tall skinhead,
you've seen him.
536
00:39:15,940 --> 00:39:18,500
He'd bite the heads off pigeons
and leave 'em outside Cruz 101.
537
00:39:18,500 --> 00:39:21,660
Oh, yeah. Not any more.
Pigeon population is restored.
538
00:39:21,660 --> 00:39:24,140
Next on the list,
over to you, Lucille.
539
00:39:24,140 --> 00:39:27,020
This was tough. Miss Titty Ditty.
540
00:39:27,020 --> 00:39:30,060
Titty Ditty is a cabaret artist
from Glasgow.
541
00:39:30,060 --> 00:39:33,060
We booked her, but she then
prints posters
542
00:39:33,060 --> 00:39:34,980
and starts advertising
on her website,
543
00:39:34,980 --> 00:39:36,700
this is her, not us,
544
00:39:36,700 --> 00:39:39,500
and the image had
a Star of David on it.
545
00:39:39,500 --> 00:39:42,220
Now, it's got all sorts on it.
It's got Spider-Man,
546
00:39:42,220 --> 00:39:45,580
it's got the TARDIS,
it's got Cynthia Erivo.
547
00:39:45,580 --> 00:39:47,740
It's a collage, but we get protests.
548
00:39:47,740 --> 00:39:49,860
They think she's anti-Palestine.
549
00:39:49,860 --> 00:39:52,740
And is she? I don't think she could
point to Palestine on a map.
550
00:39:52,740 --> 00:39:55,380
She sings limericks on a banjo.
The next thing you know,
551
00:39:55,380 --> 00:39:56,660
our staff are being assaulted,
552
00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:58,460
security, they're getting food
flung at them,
553
00:39:58,460 --> 00:40:00,060
chips and stuff
thrown in their face.
554
00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:01,500
Who does that? Passers-by?
555
00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:03,340
No, our lot.
556
00:40:03,340 --> 00:40:07,420
Lesbians at a lesbian bar
attacking the lesbian staff
557
00:40:07,420 --> 00:40:10,780
because of a lesbian with a Jewish
symbol. What the hell's going on?
558
00:40:12,300 --> 00:40:16,180
On behalf of the council,
I've got to say, we're very happy.
559
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:19,540
We can review the use
of polycarbonates after 11pm,
560
00:40:19,540 --> 00:40:22,460
but I do have one worry.
561
00:40:22,460 --> 00:40:24,700
You have a lot of drag queens
on the door.
562
00:40:27,180 --> 00:40:28,620
We do. Are you sure?
563
00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:32,140
We definitely do. I've seen them.
564
00:40:32,140 --> 00:40:34,180
Are you sure about the policy?
565
00:40:34,180 --> 00:40:36,260
We think it might drive
people away.
566
00:40:36,260 --> 00:40:38,420
I think they draw people in.
In fact, I know they do.
567
00:40:38,420 --> 00:40:39,900
People love a drag queen.
568
00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:42,460
In 2026? Since time immemorial.
569
00:40:42,460 --> 00:40:44,340
I don't quite understand what
the problem is here.
570
00:40:44,340 --> 00:40:46,780
I'm gay. I go to Canal Street.
571
00:40:46,780 --> 00:40:49,700
I discover that gay means
a man in lipstick
572
00:40:49,700 --> 00:40:51,980
and a wig with false breasts
and glitter.
573
00:40:51,980 --> 00:40:53,340
How does that represent me?
574
00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:55,180
It's not meant to represent you.
575
00:40:55,180 --> 00:40:58,500
No, but nothing ever represents me,
does it? So, what do you want?
576
00:40:58,500 --> 00:41:00,660
Door staff in...
577
00:41:03,020 --> 00:41:04,180
What?
578
00:41:06,100 --> 00:41:08,940
He's not even gay. He's been seen
with a woman called Elaine.
579
00:41:08,940 --> 00:41:11,020
He just pretends to be gay
to get promoted.
580
00:41:11,020 --> 00:41:13,380
That's how it works these days.
581
00:41:13,380 --> 00:41:17,460
Ah, I always said the left would eat
itself, and the feasting has begun.
582
00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:21,100
They're throwing chips.
With tomato fucking sauce.
583
00:41:21,100 --> 00:41:23,220
Do you still have that youth group?
584
00:41:23,220 --> 00:41:24,900
Er, yeah, still going.
585
00:41:24,900 --> 00:41:28,900
I've got a youth for you.
Let me save one of them. Just one.
586
00:41:28,900 --> 00:41:31,020
Ah, that's what I like to see.
587
00:41:31,020 --> 00:41:33,380
At least I can trust you lot.
Morning, Melba.
588
00:41:33,380 --> 00:41:36,940
My meeting was dull,
stupid and insane.
589
00:41:36,940 --> 00:41:39,660
Hello, Clive. All good?
Saul, happy?
590
00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:42,420
All good. Oh, and Benny
from the brewery.
591
00:41:42,420 --> 00:41:45,340
On cue.
A warm hand on your entrance.
592
00:41:45,340 --> 00:41:48,260
You wish. Christ,
I've had a night and a half.
593
00:41:48,260 --> 00:41:51,460
Hello, Leonardo. Hand those out.
Special offers,
594
00:41:51,460 --> 00:41:53,500
Love Your Best Friend Day
on the 31st. What?
595
00:41:53,500 --> 00:41:55,580
I know, I don't know who comes up
with this shit, me.
596
00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:57,020
Someone in a room.
597
00:41:57,020 --> 00:41:59,940
So, I went out last night, hooked up
with this ice skater. He said,
598
00:41:59,940 --> 00:42:02,100
"I'm with Disney on Ice."
I said, "Well, better than being
599
00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:04,460
"with Disney on fire."
No word of a lie,
600
00:42:04,460 --> 00:42:06,660
grabbed his arse,
it was like holding a skull.
601
00:42:06,660 --> 00:42:09,180
Ooh, nice. I know. And hung
like a deodorant.
602
00:42:09,180 --> 00:42:12,180
Like a lady-size roll-on?
Fuck your mother.
603
00:42:12,180 --> 00:42:14,580
I'm talking a cannister
of Right Guard. Huh?
604
00:42:14,580 --> 00:42:16,660
You should see me, girls,
I'm prolapsed.
605
00:42:16,660 --> 00:42:19,460
And he shot his load.
Do you know how many ropes?
606
00:42:19,460 --> 00:42:22,660
12. In the face. One,
ow, two, ow, three, ow, four, ow...
607
00:42:22,660 --> 00:42:24,020
I was like a battered wife.
608
00:42:24,020 --> 00:42:25,660
CLATTER
609
00:42:25,660 --> 00:42:27,580
Trying to work here.
610
00:42:28,660 --> 00:42:30,980
Don't you tell me
to put a plug in it, darling,
611
00:42:30,980 --> 00:42:32,620
cos I've already got one in.
612
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:35,020
Benny from the brewery,
this is Clive.
613
00:42:35,020 --> 00:42:36,540
We're having some electrics done.
614
00:42:36,540 --> 00:42:40,380
Oh. Are you putting
the neon back up? Oh, my God.
615
00:42:40,380 --> 00:42:42,140
That's a thought, I love the neon.
616
00:42:42,140 --> 00:42:44,820
I love the neon. Do you remember?
617
00:42:44,820 --> 00:42:47,020
Ta-da!
CHEERING
618
00:42:47,020 --> 00:42:49,300
See? Told you.
619
00:42:49,300 --> 00:42:50,620
ELECTRICAL FIZZING
620
00:42:50,620 --> 00:42:51,820
GROANS
621
00:42:51,820 --> 00:42:53,700
Oh. Shit.
622
00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:54,820
What happened to that thing?
623
00:42:54,820 --> 00:42:57,300
Never bloody worked,
did it? And I got the blame for it.
624
00:42:57,300 --> 00:42:59,820
Come on, Curtis.
£1,000 that thing cost!
625
00:42:59,820 --> 00:43:02,700
You wasted £1,000
on a stupid tacky gimmick.
626
00:43:02,700 --> 00:43:04,020
Yeah, we should put it back up.
627
00:43:04,020 --> 00:43:08,060
Curtis would be so pissed off.
Hey, Clive, can you fix neon signs?
628
00:43:08,060 --> 00:43:10,140
Cost you extra.
Where is it? It's not here.
629
00:43:10,140 --> 00:43:12,980
Oh, no, it's at home, it's at mine.
I got it in the divorce.
630
00:43:12,980 --> 00:43:15,660
It's a big old thing. Clive, could
you bring it in your van tomorrow?
631
00:43:15,660 --> 00:43:17,860
No, I told you, it's a one-day job, innit?
632
00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:20,060
And anyway, I think I'm finished
with this place.
633
00:43:20,060 --> 00:43:21,780
Well, I'm still paying you.
634
00:43:23,020 --> 00:43:26,300
All right, yeah. I'll go and get it.
Where is it? Your house? Um...
635
00:43:26,300 --> 00:43:27,700
I've got the keys, haven't I?
636
00:43:27,700 --> 00:43:30,020
No, but I don't like anyone
going into my house without me.
637
00:43:30,020 --> 00:43:32,220
Why not? What am I gonna do?
I just don't.
638
00:43:32,220 --> 00:43:35,020
Well, maybe you should come
with me, eh? Cos I wanna talk to you
639
00:43:35,020 --> 00:43:39,060
about inappropriate behaviour.
Your staff making suggestions
640
00:43:39,060 --> 00:43:42,060
to my son.
Oh, shut up, Dad. Don't be stupid.
641
00:43:42,060 --> 00:43:45,340
What did you do?
Didn't do anything.
642
00:43:45,340 --> 00:43:47,540
Ooh, drama, salt my popcorn.
643
00:43:50,140 --> 00:43:52,780
He asked him for sex, and I know the
law. That's inappropriate.
644
00:43:52,780 --> 00:43:55,660
All right, all right, I'll have
a word, but come on, Clive.
645
00:43:55,660 --> 00:43:58,940
They're lads. They banter.
Wasn't it just banter?
646
00:43:58,940 --> 00:44:01,820
Saul's 25 years old.
Exactly, he's not a kid.
647
00:44:01,820 --> 00:44:05,180
Yeah, and he's not bent.
Oh, so that's the problem.
648
00:44:05,180 --> 00:44:07,940
I did not make a pass at him.
You're kidding me.
649
00:44:07,940 --> 00:44:09,460
What, I'm not seriously
getting bollocked?
650
00:44:09,460 --> 00:44:12,180
It's people your age who insist
on these rules,
651
00:44:12,180 --> 00:44:15,220
for good reason.
And I think this is private, Zee.
652
00:44:15,220 --> 00:44:17,060
I saw them. Saul was laughing.
653
00:44:17,060 --> 00:44:19,660
Why is everything always sex
with you lot, eh? All the time.
654
00:44:19,660 --> 00:44:21,620
And it's not like that with you?
Come on, Clive.
655
00:44:21,620 --> 00:44:22,980
Take me to one
of your building sites.
656
00:44:22,980 --> 00:44:25,340
Let me listen to your mates.
I'd be shocked.
657
00:44:25,340 --> 00:44:27,980
"Fuck your mother," that man said.
I mean, "Fuck your mother"?!
658
00:44:27,980 --> 00:44:29,100
Who says that?
659
00:44:29,100 --> 00:44:32,700
I was being professional.
This IS my profession.
660
00:44:32,700 --> 00:44:36,220
We're both on Only Fans.
Look, and there's Saul...
661
00:44:36,220 --> 00:44:39,700
...selling himself here.
Have it on the group chat.
662
00:44:50,180 --> 00:44:51,380
Anything good?
663
00:44:51,380 --> 00:44:54,380
That person with the lipstick said
that you fancied Saul.
664
00:44:54,380 --> 00:44:55,500
I mean, how old are you, Leo?
665
00:44:55,500 --> 00:44:57,300
Clive, look,
he's 6'5" and strapping.
666
00:44:57,300 --> 00:44:58,940
I'm allowed to notice.
667
00:44:58,940 --> 00:45:01,580
If-If you had a mate
who had a daughter who was 25
668
00:45:01,580 --> 00:45:03,620
and gorgeous, you'd notice, so...
669
00:45:03,620 --> 00:45:06,420
MESSAGE ALERT
It's not my fault that Saul is...
670
00:45:06,420 --> 00:45:07,740
We've got rules about this.
671
00:45:07,740 --> 00:45:09,820
Saul's an employee.
You can't play that.
672
00:45:25,980 --> 00:45:27,300
LEO CACKLES
673
00:45:27,300 --> 00:45:31,220
What? What's so funny?
No, it's nothing, it's nothing.
674
00:45:32,340 --> 00:45:33,980
Nothing, really.
675
00:45:37,580 --> 00:45:39,540
You're laughing,
aren't you? Just all of ya.
676
00:45:39,540 --> 00:45:41,900
You're laughing at filth.
It's just filth.
677
00:45:41,900 --> 00:45:44,540
Deodorants?
And you wonder why you get hate.
678
00:45:44,540 --> 00:45:46,820
All right, you can hate us
and blame us all you like,
679
00:45:46,820 --> 00:45:48,780
but why don't you sit down
with your son, huh?
680
00:45:48,780 --> 00:45:50,820
Your straight son, and ask him?
681
00:46:27,100 --> 00:46:30,900
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