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1
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:24,280
Who do you know here?
2
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:27,620
Who do you know here? Oh, I only really
know Sam.
3
00:00:31,470 --> 00:00:35,130
How long have you known him? We've been
chatting online for like a while, but
4
00:00:35,130 --> 00:00:37,250
tonight's the first night we're like
meeting.
5
00:00:37,730 --> 00:00:39,270
Shut up, Sam.
6
00:00:40,110 --> 00:00:43,830
What? I also met Sam online, and tonight
I'm also meeting him for the first
7
00:00:43,830 --> 00:00:44,830
time.
8
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,130
That's so funny.
9
00:00:52,130 --> 00:00:52,949
What app?
10
00:00:52,950 --> 00:00:54,570
What? What app? Oh, Hinge.
11
00:00:54,790 --> 00:00:55,890
What about you? Raya.
12
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,620
Okay, diva. The only reason I'm on there
is because I do Rebecca Black's makeup,
13
00:00:59,780 --> 00:01:02,180
who holds base for her, is making a
comeback.
14
00:01:02,460 --> 00:01:05,900
Oh, and I'm friends with Vanessa
Hudgens. Oh, my God, I want Vanessa's
15
00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:07,320
Total bitch, right?
16
00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:10,400
The dog.
17
00:01:11,380 --> 00:01:12,420
I'm not talking about her.
18
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:13,760
I don't. I love her.
19
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,660
Hey, do not tell her. I said it's kind
of funny that he would invite two guys
20
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,840
that he met online to a party with all
his friends, right?
21
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:22,520
Yeah, that is funny.
22
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:26,560
Hey. How do you know Sam? Oh, we
actually met online.
23
00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:27,800
Oh, cool.
24
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:32,400
That worked.
25
00:01:32,740 --> 00:01:33,740
Uh -oh.
26
00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:41,800
Hi, everyone. It seems that I've heard
some whispers and murmurs that a lot of
27
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:46,540
you have found out that I've met most of
you online, if not all of you.
28
00:01:48,420 --> 00:01:50,600
I don't know. I guess I just wanted to
try something different.
29
00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:53,060
I mean, aren't you all...
30
00:01:54,490 --> 00:02:01,230
sick and tired of swiping and chatting
and going on a million subpar dates. I
31
00:02:01,230 --> 00:02:02,230
don't know why I am.
32
00:02:02,650 --> 00:02:09,530
I can't date like a normal person. I
know
33
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:13,250
it's awful to hear when someone's like,
I'm a star, I'm a celebrity, I'm a
34
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:17,230
creative multi -hyphenate, but I am and
it's hard.
35
00:02:18,130 --> 00:02:20,090
So I thought, I don't know, stay with
me.
36
00:02:21,130 --> 00:02:22,170
What if I had...
37
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:28,900
Everyone come here, and we just test our
connections and see if
38
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:34,220
there's a future with any of them. I
know, maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm
39
00:02:35,020 --> 00:02:38,580
And who knows, maybe it'll be the
greatest meet -cute of all time.
40
00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:43,339
I'm leaving.
41
00:02:43,340 --> 00:02:46,860
I'm leaving. This is weird, right? Are
you kidding me? The drama that is about
42
00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:47,779
to unfold?
43
00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:50,000
I cannot stay.
44
00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:52,420
Good luck.
45
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,560
Bitch.
46
00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,960
They're Beyonce's guys. Oh.
47
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:01,540
Ryan. I think I'm just gonna go. No, no,
no, no, no.
48
00:03:02,220 --> 00:03:09,100
Out of everyone that was coming here
tonight, the person I was most excited
49
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,320
meet is you.
50
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:16,500
I, uh, thought you were leaving.
51
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,660
I don't know. I wanted to stick around a
little bit longer. You know, just...
52
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,340
See how things play out. Sure.
53
00:03:22,660 --> 00:03:23,980
Yeah. I think I'm scared.
54
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:25,440
Monster cock.
55
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:28,640
I'm being so bad.
56
00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,780
Oh, my gosh, I spilled.
57
00:03:32,340 --> 00:03:33,800
You're making me be bad.
58
00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:38,220
I'm spilling everywhere. You got to
clean me up or lock me away.
59
00:03:38,620 --> 00:03:39,620
And it's power.
60
00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:43,700
Excuse me. Excuse me. Are you taking me
out?
61
00:03:44,140 --> 00:03:45,160
Okay. You're welcome.
62
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:49,200
It's all right. He got a little too
drunk.
63
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:53,070
A little early in the night to be that
sloppy, if you ask me.
64
00:03:58,150 --> 00:03:59,150
Good.
65
00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:02,010
Was that a bird hitting the window?
66
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,090
I thought it like it, but it's
nighttime.
67
00:04:22,570 --> 00:04:27,750
to leave now one second look at sam's
face he's hating this when did queer
68
00:04:27,750 --> 00:04:33,270
people stop educating themselves like do
you know who threw the first brick at
69
00:04:33,270 --> 00:04:39,810
stonewall here's a hint it wasn't troy
savant it was marcia p johnson say her
70
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:43,810
name i know it's so important for us to
remember our history if you'll excuse me
71
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:49,170
just a minute why did you just nap what
is this now it's giving fast
72
00:04:53,080 --> 00:04:55,840
He's literally having people dragged out
of here that he doesn't like.
73
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:57,940
It's worse.
74
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:00,700
Oh, my God.
75
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,060
A lot of fireworks in the neighborhood.
76
00:05:03,340 --> 00:05:06,640
Oh, fuck.
77
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,440
I've got to get out of here.
78
00:05:09,580 --> 00:05:13,280
How long is that? I stopped counting at
five.
79
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,600
Fuck. Fuck.
80
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,980
Fuck. I should have fucking left. Why
didn't I fucking leave? Why didn't any
81
00:05:17,980 --> 00:05:19,480
us leave? Because he's hot.
82
00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:20,850
And he's charming.
83
00:05:20,890 --> 00:05:23,250
And his show was number one on Netflix
for three weeks.
84
00:05:25,250 --> 00:05:26,250
Should we try the window?
85
00:05:28,210 --> 00:05:29,210
Someone's in here.
86
00:05:31,510 --> 00:05:34,830
What are you doing? Obviously, we're
hiding. Now get the fuck out. This is
87
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:36,090
spot. We need to go through that window.
88
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:38,170
With those hips, you'll never fit.
89
00:05:43,950 --> 00:05:45,250
Don't worry. I'll save up.
90
00:06:17,930 --> 00:06:21,290
It's like Tuesday at the Abbey. What
happens Tuesdays at the Abbey?
91
00:06:21,610 --> 00:06:22,610
This.
92
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,860
We need to strategize. We cannot compete
with the washboard abs, okay? We are
93
00:06:47,860 --> 00:06:50,120
doomed. We need to kill ourselves. I'll
start with you.
94
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:56,020
Stop. Think. Think. Think about the guys
who've been killed, okay? All right. We
95
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:56,799
had the family.
96
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,300
The tattoo guy. The mask guy.
97
00:06:59,540 --> 00:07:01,260
There was the prince impersonator.
98
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,940
You brought our one piece, right?
99
00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:45,140
Shut up right now. I have, like, a dad
bod. You are going to have a dad bod if
100
00:07:45,140 --> 00:07:46,600
we don't get out there. Now, let's go!
101
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,640
Oh, I need this.
102
00:07:57,940 --> 00:07:58,940
Oh,
103
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,560
I barely talked to you boys at all.
104
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:05,500
Tell me everything. How was your night?
105
00:08:05,740 --> 00:08:06,740
It was a lovely night.
106
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:10,540
Our night has been great.
107
00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,040
Just a beautiful house, and it's so big.
108
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,320
Big as heck.
109
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:16,900
Yeah, it is.
110
00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,740
It does get a bit lonely, though,
sometimes.
111
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000
Totally.
112
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,140
And where are you from?
113
00:08:25,180 --> 00:08:30,220
I'm from New Jersey. Yeah, small, little
town no one's ever heard of.
114
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:32,380
What do you do again?
115
00:08:33,059 --> 00:08:34,539
I'm a dog walker.
116
00:08:34,820 --> 00:08:37,840
Yeah, but that's just the money job, you
know.
117
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:40,500
I... Want to be a writer.
118
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:42,320
That's amazing.
119
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:44,720
What do you do?
120
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:45,920
Pain.
121
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,520
You're a dog walker from New Jersey who
wants to be a writer?
122
00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:51,100
No, I'm not. I'm not.
123
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:55,500
I'm a... Patrick does makeup for Rebecca
Black.
124
00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:56,780
Yeah.
125
00:08:58,480 --> 00:08:59,480
Yeah. Yeah.
126
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:01,920
A Friday girl?
127
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,240
She's making a comeback.
128
00:09:04,420 --> 00:09:06,020
And what is it you're looking for?
129
00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:11,990
Simple question.
130
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,190
What is it you're looking for?
131
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,170
I don't know.
132
00:09:20,370 --> 00:09:23,450
I don't know. I don't know. I don't
know. What do you want?
133
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,630
What do you want?
134
00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:27,370
I'm looking for anything.
135
00:09:27,610 --> 00:09:32,110
I'm looking for, like, to be anything
you need, actually. I could be a top or
136
00:09:32,110 --> 00:09:36,150
bottom or whatever you're scanning the
fucking house for. I could be that. I
137
00:09:36,150 --> 00:09:37,750
could be open, monogamous.
138
00:09:38,010 --> 00:09:39,230
I'll cut through you. Seriously.
139
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:08,620
I've loved chatting with you.
140
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,820
I'm just looking for someone who knows
who they are.
141
00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:14,120
I'm just nervous.
142
00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:15,540
I'm just nervous.
143
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,180
What's her favorite sushi spot?
144
00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:32,850
So you guys remember that gate cruise
that capsized in Puerto Vallarta?
145
00:10:33,630 --> 00:10:35,130
I was actually on that.
146
00:10:35,470 --> 00:10:37,690
Hoda and Jenna interviewed me, blah,
blah, blah.
147
00:10:38,450 --> 00:10:42,530
And I was, like, fully in a K -hole, and
it took me, like, five home minutes to
148
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:43,790
realize we were underwater.
149
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:47,010
I was like, Trent, where'd you get your
ketamine? This shit is good.
150
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:49,630
Yeah, it turns out I was just drowning.
151
00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,770
And Ryan, what's your favorite travel
memory?
152
00:10:55,150 --> 00:10:56,150
I don't know.
153
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,980
Do you not travel much? You've hardly
touched your sugarfish.
154
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,940
Are you fucking kidding me?
155
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,160
What?
156
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:18,640
You are the most disgusting human being
I have ever met.
157
00:11:19,060 --> 00:11:21,760
I genuinely thought that we had a
connection.
158
00:11:22,670 --> 00:11:28,130
And then you invited me here and I was
thrown into the gay fucking Hunger
159
00:11:29,570 --> 00:11:35,630
I do not have the fortitude of Katniss
Everdeen. I am not Jennifer Lawrence.
160
00:11:35,870 --> 00:11:37,350
Clearly. Oh, shut up!
161
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:40,410
Oh, my God, shut up!
162
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:43,110
Shut the fuck up, you idiot!
163
00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:49,690
And you're so smug because you think
that you and your six -pack have won.
164
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,550
But guess what?
165
00:11:53,390 --> 00:11:54,590
There is no winning.
166
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,530
Okay?
167
00:11:57,010 --> 00:12:02,050
Eventually, he is going to find
something wrong with you and have you
168
00:12:02,050 --> 00:12:06,770
the dumpster just like every other
fucking person he killed tonight.
169
00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:12,850
Because for people like him, they will
always think that they can do better
170
00:12:12,850 --> 00:12:14,790
the person sitting right in front of
them.
171
00:12:22,350 --> 00:12:23,350
Snap your fingers.
172
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:26,250
Go ahead. Snap, snap, snap, snap.
173
00:12:26,670 --> 00:12:27,670
I'm done.
174
00:12:30,410 --> 00:12:31,490
Take me away.
175
00:12:31,950 --> 00:12:37,150
I'd rather die than be in a fucking
relationship with you.
176
00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:43,190
Thank God this is over. I'm so stupid.
177
00:12:44,810 --> 00:12:46,810
What the fuck? Me?
178
00:12:47,270 --> 00:12:48,270
Really?
179
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,520
I know I'm crazy, right?
180
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:01,260
I
181
00:13:01,260 --> 00:13:13,300
don't
182
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,300
want to date you.
183
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:30,040
at you.
184
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:33,280
Ah.
185
00:13:35,320 --> 00:13:36,320
Relax, relax, relax.
186
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:40,040
It's just you and me. It's just you and
me.
187
00:13:59,980 --> 00:14:01,260
Oh.
188
00:14:58,100 --> 00:15:00,900
Outro Music
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