Original subtitles

(Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) You want me to go to a brunch?

Look, the girl's bringing a friend, and you

know what?

I thought you'd like to meet her.

Hot chicks don't go to brunches.

Grandmothers go to brunches.

And besides, it's not like I have trouble

meeting women.

Well, when do you lie to?

When do you have to bust?

When do you shoot at?

What's your point?

I'm saying 12 o'clock, man.

Try not to look like you got a

rash.

Can you do that?

OK, we're all set for the payoff.

$500,000.

When's all this going down?

Dirty Marty's coming over tonight to my house.

Good.

Keep the money locked up until then.

You'll both be wired.

When he accepts the money and you take

possession of the stolen item, I'll come in

with a bust.

What kind of guy would hold something like

this for ransom?

A guy who doesn't care if a guilty

man goes free.

Hello?

Hey, it's me.

Marty, what's up?

Hey, I got a slight problem.

Yeah?

Hello?

Changing plans.

Dirty Marty wants to do this tomorrow night

instead.

OK, well, the trial doesn't start till Monday.

Keep the money in the safe.

We'll make the buy tomorrow.

All right.

Mr. D?

You will wear this for your big date.

Thank you.

You are the best housekeeper I ever had,

Inez.

Actually, you're the only housekeeper I ever had.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Ha ha!

Why are you looking here, girl?

What's been going on?

The Fiji shoot went two days longer than

they booked me for.

I had to totally rearrange my schedule.

Don't you just love brunch, partner?

You know I do.

So what kind of partners are you?

Business.

What do you mean you can't say?

Well, we could say.

Why?

Right?

Yeah, but.

Business.

I mean, business.

Business?

Business partners.

Business?

Money, is that a family name?

They think we're criminals.

You don't know that.

OK, maybe they think we work for the

CIA.

Chicks dig that.

It's mysterious.

They went to the restroom and didn't come

back, man.

Ain't no mystery about that.

Good.

So I got a whole new mystery for

you now.

Hi, Nance.

You OK?

Mm-hmm.

Call the ambulance, man!

Oh!

I've seen a lot of bad things.

But in my own house?

Damn.

How's Inez doing?

Still in surgery.

What were you thinking?

Dirty Marty pulled a fast one?

No, actually.

I had a tail on him.

He never left his house.

Whoever did it, I'm gonna nail their ass

to the wall.

That's on the real.

There was no forced entry, right?

No.

No.

Maybe Inez let him in by accident.

No.

I think she was a surprise they weren't

counting on.

Why do you say that?

There's been a series of burglaries on the

West Side.

Wealthy victims with high-end homes, flashy cars.

The job happens fast.

Small valuables, they carry easily.

There's no forced entry.

And the owners, they're always out of the

house.

Charity events, private parties.

This fits the profile.

I'm hoping you got a theory on who

that is.

Maybe.

This brunch you guys went to, who parked

your car?

The Santa Monica's.

All the targets drove luxury vehicles with registration

addresses in close proximity.

Hey, Joe.

You're not gonna believe this.

Come here.

So how we gonna get these bitches?

You boys ready for a party?

Our targets are working this party.

Your job is to become their target.

This is

nice, Donovan.

This is nice, Juan.

Fresh calamari, Joe.

I'm trying to cut down.

You think they bit?

I don't know.

You're Wilhelmina's friends, right?

Yeah, that's right.

I'm Van, this is Deke.

Van, nice to meet you.

Deke, great party.

Thanks for letting us crash.

Wilhelmina's friends are friends of mine, if you

know what I mean.

How do you know Billy?

Well, we go a long way back, Billy

and me.

Way back.

Boys, have a good time.

Enjoy yourselves.

Bar's right over there.

If you need anything, scream.

Thanks.

What?

Did you see the wink?

You winked at him?

No, no.

Did you see the wink, man?

Maybe he's just had something in his eye.

No, no, no.

The guy, that means things went on.

You understand?

Like things happened.

Yes.

Like, way back.

Like, legs back.

You know what I'm saying?

Here it is.

77 Rockingham.

We're not doing this.

Sir, what is your problem?

You want to spend the 500,000, and

now what?

Look, we don't know that that money's clean.

Nobody keeps that kind of money around the

house.

Yeah, I know that.

That's why we're sitting on it, okay?

I agree to that.

I did not agree to stop entirely.

We're not just talking about burglary here.

We shot somebody, Jill.

We could have some heat on us.

I'm not going anywhere.

Girls didn't take the bait.

But...

we found out who they are.

Sarah Matthews, Jill Kistler.

They worked for the valet service part-time

for three years.

You think they made you get scared off?

No.

I just think they got a little smarter,

a little more cautious.

So maybe they think they're going to retire

on that half a mill, or at least

take a break.

Either way, it's bad for us.

They got sheets?

No record.

But Sarah?

She's got a couple restraining orders against her.

Seems to me she gets a little too

attached to people, which might be the weakness

we can use.

So I guess you want us to go

at these girls personal.

Get next to them.

Cozy up.

This is what I found out about them.

Their interests and places they frequent.

I get the blonde.

How did I guess that?

Okay, there

they are.

I say we go over there, start talking

to them, and introduce ourselves.

What if they recognize us, Mr. Pilklaw?

We're just two regular guys who know what

they want and are going for it, okay?

Chicks dig dogged persistence, believe me.

Yo.

Which one you think pulled the trigger on

Inez?

I don't know.

We're about to find out.

Wow.

Wow.

How'd you get in here?

How did you get in here?

I don't know.

We didn't say nothing to nobody about a

free way.

Total discrimination.

How do you know not a couple of

gay guys coming out here to meet the

girlfriend?

What is wrong with a black man and

a white man getting together?

What's wrong with it?

You guys are together?

Yeah, of course.

Come on, look at that hat.

What kind of straight man would wear a

honeydew hat with a honeydew tank?

Well, what straight man would say honeydew instead

of green?

You're a couple, huh?

Yes.

Well, let's see a kiss.

He wants to see us.

We were macking out in the car on

the way here.

We'll do it.

I just want you to know I'm not

in no mood.

That's right, because when we got out in

the parking lot, we had a little spat,

you know?

I saw you eyeballing Mario on the way

in.

Don't ever do that again.

I cut him off completely sexually, at least

until you apologize.

I'm sorry.

Come on, smooch boy.

Easy.

You can't force relationships back together.

They need time.

We just got out of counseling.

All right.

If you want to see it, watch this.

There's going to be some skyrockets, okay?

I'm sorry.

I love you.

I love you, too.

I can't do this show.

We'll show ourselves out.

Don't ever try to kiss me, you hear

me?

I'm just saying, don't even do nothing like

that.

Sarah and Jill are lesbians.

We're going to need a little more time.

More time?

More time for what?

Well, they may be lesbians, but they don't

have to stay lesbians.

Fan thinks he can turn them.

Okay, I'll let you in on a little

secret.

You're the reason lesbians become lesbians.

Is that necessary now, sir?

We have to pay Dirty Marty tonight.

We have no more cold hard cash, and

I've got this new I.A. guy all

over my finances.

I can't ask him for more.

What about liquidating some of this stuff?

It's government property.

It's paperwork and approvals up the wazoo.

Maybe I can get Marty to give us

an extension.

That's true.

Okay, you guys do that.

Where are you going?

I'm going to go see the lesbians.

You want to dance?

No, thanks.

Are you sure you don't want to dance?

This song is hot.

No, not this time.

Maybe next time.

Can't blame the girl for trying.

No, you can't.

What's okay?

We're here together.

That's nice.

She never speaks for herself.

It's never going to happen.

What's this?

It's ...

Just a memo.

It's good.

I've never seen you here before.

I've never been here before.

I'm Billy.

Billy?

Sarah.

Welcome to Crowbar.

Thanks.

Why'd you do that?

You wanted a good party, didn't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, thank you.

Thanks.

You want a drink?

Yeah, I do.

What are you drinking?

What are they having?

Are you in town or what?

Why would you say that?

Because every gay girl in L.A. comes

here.

No.

No, I'm not new in town.

I'm just, um...

I'm just new at this.

Really?

Uh-huh.

Wow, so you're not really gay.

You're just bicurious.

I'm more than curious.

So, what's your story?

You ask a lot of questions.

Do you want to dance?

No.

One more time.

I don't like the sound of this crap.

You don't understand what we're saying here.

We got a big payday coming real soon.

Big.

And I mean big.

Really big.

Two words.

I don't really give a rat's ass.

As long as it's the 500K we agreed

on.

You having Saturday?

Uh, no.

I'll have it Friday.

I'll just take my merchandise over to those

greedy defense lawyers.

I'm sure they would love to bury what

I got.

Marty's giving us till Friday to come up

with half a mil.

Okay.

Okay, well, that's good.

I haven't met Jill yet, but me and

Sarah, we really connected.

We're gonna meet again tomorrow.

That was fast.

I know.

So, this is what I'm thinking.

I want to motivate them to pull another

job.

We nail them for that, trade down jail

time for the money.

Whoever didn't pull the trigger is gonna want

a deal.

What are we thinking?

Van, you and I are going through a

bitter divorce.

You have a lot of bucks, okay?

And you have ties to the criminal world.

You're pissed off because I left you to

be with women, so you want to leave

me with nothing.

You know you only have four days till

Friday, right, Billy?

I mean, you really think you can pull

this off in four days?

Wait, you don't think I can?

I'm just saying, you haven't been undercover in

a while.

You might be a little rusty.

Rusty?

Okay, so you think you can get the

500 grand before me?

You know what?

You're more than welcome to try.

Guys, can we keep our eye on the

ball here?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

You want to make this into, like, a

competition?

Like a who's a better cop contest?

No, I love it.

Let's do it.

That's a little juvenile.

Hey!

If you won't do that, let's do it.

What are we doing?

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

What's up?

Come on.

What are y'all doing?

Come on, man.

Somebody got shot right on my living room

floor, okay?

This ain't about no competition.

It's about teamwork, okay?

We need to get the money to make

the buy for Marty, period.

We need to nail these girls for armed

robbery and attempted murder, period.

You're right.

You're right, I'm sorry.

Yeah, me too.

We're sorry.

I'm still going to kick your ass.

Yeah, you're going to see my ass.

My ass is going to be so far

ahead of your ass.

Take a good look at it.

This is the last time you're going to

see it.

Oh, really?

So, you were married?

Yeah, um...

Well, the divorce is actually going to be

final in a couple of weeks.

His name is Van, and he's a low

-life criminal punk.

And a successful one, mind you.

But a low-life at heart.

What kind of criminal?

He had his hands in a lot of

different things.

Bookmaking, ran some con games, prides himself in

being versatile.

Do you know, that's the first time I've

ever told anybody about that.

Wow.

I protected that man all this time.

And what good did it do me?

He's totally screwing me over in the settlement.

You know, California's a 50-50 state, Billie.

He can't cut you out.

You know, I have a really great lawyer,

if you need one.

I really appreciate that.

But it's not going to help.

I mean, everything that Van has is under

the table and off the books.

And if it's off the books, I can't

take half of it.

So why is he being such an ass?

Your wife tells you she'd rather sleep with

women than him.

Kills a man's ego, huh?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, the credit card company rejected your card.

What?

They said it's been canceled.

You know what?

Let me get it.

I've got it.

No, no, no, no.

I invited you.

No, use this one.

Next time.

Okay, we can't sell anything in here without

the proper paperwork.

We do the next best thing.

Boost some of these cars, take them down

to Lancaster, have a street auction.

That's stealing where we're the only suspects, okay?

And I don't do anything illegal when I

have 100% knowledge I will be caught.

Well, what do you want to do?

It's like standing in the middle of the

lake, dying of thirst.

Here's what we do.

We borrow.

I can't believe it.

I mean, he's such a bastard.

He cancels my credit card.

Don't worry about it.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

It's fine.

I'm living at a hotel.

My credit is non-existent.

I'm a little worried about him.

Look, I don't want to, uh, insult you

in any way, but, um, why don't you

take a small loan, maybe, for me?

Just pay me back later, you know, whenever.

No strings attached.

I have baggage of an ex-husband.

I take you to lunch, and I can't

even pay for it.

You take pity on me and offer me

a loan.

This is a lot more than I bargained

for.

I like getting more than I bargained for,

though.

It's okay.

Hey, you do martial arts?

Yeah, yeah.

I kick a little ass now and then.

I'm Jill, Sarah's roommate.

I'm Billie.

You're great.

You're better.

You think that's gonna make me like you?

I don't care if you like me.

I care if Sarah likes me.

She doesn't fall often, but when she does,

it's fast and hard.

You break her heart, you'll answer to me.

Man, you cats want me to give you

500 Gs?

Give, borrow, okay?

When we close the case, you get it

back.

AQ is thick.

I always close.

You know this, man.

Come on.

We always close.

Well, the International Bank of Aquarius does float

that float from time to time, man, but

not to friends, especially the civil servant kind.

It's just bad for business.

Look, man, we in a tight situation, all

right?

Real is real.

I mean, any play, any way.

It is this cat, man.

Owe me a nice-sized swap.

742,092 cents, just to be exact.

Trying to chase his ass down for like

six months now.

If you boys can do the do, then

you can borrow that.

Cat's name is Carl Menzies.

Thanks, man.

Good looking out.

Thanks, dude.

Ain't no thing.

Y'all be cool.

Oh, by the way, why has it been

so hard to collect on this guy?

You see the man?

You will soon see.

Go 20 large on the Knicks, Ronnie.

I know they don't have a point guard

and a big man in the middle, but

I'm feeling that they suck just enough to

steal one from the lake show.

So let me get this straight.

You guys were sent by Fudgie the Whale.

He wants his green, and the best he

could come up with was a couple of

boy band rejects.

Curtis doesn't want his money.

He's gonna get his money.

One way or the other.

What are you gonna do?

Pop a man in a wheelchair?

Huh?

Do you really wanna be that guy?

I got one for you.

I'll bet you the whole kitty you don't

have the cockles to lay one on my

polio-inflicted jaw.

Ronnie, let's talk Citrus' first.

Hey.

So, how much money did you guys get

so far, huh?

Let's just say a lot.

A lot.

How's it going with Jill and Sarah?

Great.

Great.

Which, oh, reminds me.

I need you guys for my play.

I want you guys to repossess my Corvette.

Stage a little domestic dispute.

Sell the divorce, huh?

Yeah, I don't think so.

You don't think so?

No.

You guys are two.

Two people.

I'm all by myself.

You guys have each other to play off

of.

I only need you for an hour.

He'll do it.

Hey, you can't promise her I'll do anything.

I just did.

Remember what this is all about, ladies and

gentlemen, okay?

It's not about who can get $500,000

faster.

Inez is doing better, by the way.

Thanks for asking.

I'm glad.

Send her my best.

So?

All right, I'll play the ex, okay?

But that's it.

That's all I'm doing.

You need help?

Fine.

After that, you're on your own.

Sarah told me you were married.

Um, yeah, I was.

She also told me he screwed you in

the divorce.

Yeah, well, I just have to start new.

It's gonna be good.

So you don't have a job or any

money?

You're just living in a hotel?

Joe.

What?

I'm just getting to know your new friend.

You don't mind me talking to you, do

you?

No, no, not at all.

Oh.

I think I've reached my boiling point.

I am

so sorry about that.

She gets a little overprotective sometimes.

I think it's more than being just protective.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

God, no, she...

We're not even each other's type.

Honestly, we're just really good friends.

You, on the other hand, are totally my

type.

And what is your type?

Let's see.

Blue eyes.

Okay.

Um, body, athletic, a little too spunky for

our own good.

You know, you're describing yourself.

I know, I know.

I figure if I can't be a better

me, I might as well date it.

Why don't you stay here

tonight?

Billy, there are some guys outside messing with

your car.

What?

Almost got it.

Hurry up.

Are you kidding me?

Did you follow me here?

I'm not here for you, okay, Billy?

I'm here for the vet.

This is my car.

My name's on the title.

Well, who makes the payments?

Me, right?

Who can afford to make the payments?

Me again.

Okay, careful, hon.

You sound like a little man with a

little dick.

See, now you don't like those anymore.

That's not really an insult, is it?

Was I talking to you, Muffy?

Why don't you back it up?

I guess we know which Amazon's doing you.

That would be me.

You can't be a gentleman.

I'm gonna make you a lady.

Would y'all just chill for a minute?

Listen, um, Sarah, I really appreciate this, but

this is kind of my problem.

Apologize.

Yo, man, I think you better.

You know what I'm saying?

I'm sorry.

Okay?

I'm very, very sorry.

Happy?

Let's go.

I thought that chick was coming.

So your pay comes right off.