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*
2
00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:02,880
(WHEEL CLICKS)
3
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:03,920
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
4
00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:04,800
- (SNORTS)
5
00:00:04,800 --> 00:00:05,680
- (BLUBBERS LIPS)
6
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:06,360
- (GASPS)
7
00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:07,360
(KEYS CLACK)
8
00:00:07,360 --> 00:00:08,040
(CLUNK!)
9
00:00:08,040 --> 00:00:08,600
(SPLASH!)
10
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:09,440
(THUD!)
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00:00:09,440 --> 00:00:10,400
(KEYS CLACK)
12
00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:11,560
- (GROANS)
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00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:12,640
(POP!)
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00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:13,960
I'm peeing in the water.
15
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:14,840
- Whoo-hoo!
16
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:17,120
- Gotta be faster than that!
17
00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:18,760
(KEYS CLACK)
18
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:21,800
- Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
19
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,640
(SPLASH!)
20
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,920
(WHEEL CLICKS)
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00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,320
- (EXHALES)
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00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:27,320
(CLUNK!)
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00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:30,400
www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2021
24
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,280
(DING!)
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00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,280
(AUDIENCE CHEERS)
26
00:00:35,480 --> 00:00:40,240
- Kia ora koutou katoa. Welcome to
the fourth episode of Taskmaster.
27
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:44,240
My name is Jeremy Wells,
and I am the Taskmaster.
28
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:49,520
A few months ago, I forced five
talented comedians to complete
a series of tasks
29
00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:54,080
that did not necessarily utilise
any of their pre-existing talents.
(LAUGHTER)
30
00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:59,920
At the end of the whole taxing
season, one will be crowned
Taskmaster champion,
31
00:00:59,920 --> 00:01:03,800
and they will take home
my head cast in gold,...
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00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:04,960
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Whoo!
33
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:11,280
- ...forged by the team at a much
cheaper West Auckland equivalent
of Weta Workshop.
34
00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,560
(LAUGHTER)
35
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:18,920
Our comedians, like every week,
are David Correos,...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
36
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:21,640
...Guy Montgomery,...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
37
00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,600
...Laura Daniel,...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
38
00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:27,280
...Matt Heath...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
39
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:31,160
...and Urzila Carlson.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
40
00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:36,960
I'd like to take this
moment to give a shout-out
to the essential workers,
41
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:39,240
Taskmasters' assistants.
(LAUGHTER)
42
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:44,120
The last year and a half has
proven just how vital they are.
(LAUGHTER)
43
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:51,720
One I'm particularly fond of is my
own one, and that's Paul Williams.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
44
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,520
So tell us about this week's
prize task, Paul.
45
00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,120
- This week, I hope
the police aren't watching,
46
00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:04,040
because we've asked them to bring in
the most impressive stolen item.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
47
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,440
- I won't nark
if you won't nark, Paul.
(LAUGHTER)
48
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:09,200
OK, let's start with Guy.
49
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,640
- I have the highest honour
that can be bestowed in the
British honours system.
50
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:16,280
I've actually stolen
a Victoria Cross.
(LAUGHTER)
51
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:19,920
- AUDIENCE MEMBER: Oh-ho!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- What?
52
00:02:19,920 --> 00:02:22,720
- So obviously, the material item
is incredible, but for me,
53
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,720
I think the main thing
I've stolen there is the valour.
(LAUGHTER)
54
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:31,200
- You don't know whose it was?
- Well, I do. It would be incredibly
incriminating to saywhose.
55
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,200
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
56
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,880
- David.
- I stole the shoe
rack from my flat.
57
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,440
(LAUGHTER)
58
00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,920
Last night was when they
found out I had stolen it.
(LAUGHTER)
59
00:02:48,920 --> 00:02:51,520
Here's the group chat message.
60
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,400
READS: 'Who moved the shoe rack?
61
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,560
'Not me. I was very confused
when I saw that too lol.
62
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,560
'What the fuck?
63
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,360
'Timbs are missing.'
64
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,880
Followed by...
65
00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:05,520
'David. Is this your stolen item?'
(LAUGHTER)
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00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,120
'David, you fuck.'
(LAUGHTER)
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00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:10,960
- Matt, what did you bring in?
68
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,160
- There's a part of TVNZ.
It's known as the bowels,
69
00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,640
and I was shooting a TV show there,
and I went the wrong way on the way
back from the toilet,
70
00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:23,120
and I ended up in this room full of
artefacts from ancient TV shows.
71
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:26,560
And this won't mean anything
to this side here,...
(LAURA LAUGHS)
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00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:31,360
...but I found the Top Town trophy.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
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00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:38,240
That is the actual Top Town trophy,
nicked it out of TVNZ.
(LAUGHTER)
74
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,320
- So, you know that
this is a TVNZ show?
75
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,520
- Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
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00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,360
Yeah, but they won't watch,
will they?
77
00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:50,360
It's actually pretty rubbish, isn't
it? For a trophy, for a whole town,
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00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,640
for the most popular show
in the country.
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00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:56,040
- Also, I'm not sure we can
be critiquing... trophies.
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00:03:56,080 --> 00:04:00,560
- Yeah.
- LAURA: Yeah. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
81
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:04,600
- Laura.
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00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:09,600
What did you bring in?
- I stole Paul's girlfriend.
- AUDIENCE: Whoo!
83
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,600
- (LAUGHS)
(APPLAUSE)
84
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:20,760
We went on a date, we had
a magical time, we kissed, we had
candyfloss; I've stolen her heart.
85
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:24,560
(LAUGHTER)
Do you find that amusing, Jeremy?
- I think that's fantastic.
86
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:30,560
- You know what else is fantastic?
Um, I also stole your girl.
(LAUGHTER)
87
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:35,880
- URZILA: Whoo!
I really wanna win now.
- Yeah! (LAUGHS)
88
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:37,360
(APPLAUSE)
89
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,280
- URZILA: Yeah! Yeah, whoo!
90
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,240
- Were you laughing?
- No, I don't laugh (!)
91
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,600
- Oh, OK.
(LAUGHTER)
92
00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:47,320
Well, it's probably good that
you weren't laughing because,
um, I also took your girl.
93
00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,120
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)
94
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,000
You find that amusing, David?
- What the fuck?!
95
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,640
- I also took your girl.
(LAUGHTER)
96
00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:59,120
- What?!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)
97
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:05,000
- We hung out outside
a Royal Oak PAK'nSAVE.
(LAUGHTER)
98
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,640
- I know the one!
I take her there too.
(LAUGHTER)
99
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,160
- Matt.
- Yeah.
100
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:19,360
- It did take a while to track your
girl down, but, uh, I found her.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
101
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:29,160
Urzila, um, I respect you too much.
- Thanks, mate.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
102
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:33,400
- Very good. Urzila.
- Talk about stealing hearts ―
103
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,320
I recently found out that someone
is madly in love with me,
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00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:41,400
and I went over and tried to
talk sense into the person, and...
105
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:46,200
they weren't home, so I just took
a little memento and got this guy.
106
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,880
Yeah.
- AUDIENCE: Awww.
- What?!
107
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:53,960
- A little teddy bear.
- That's not any teddy bear.
(LAUGHTER)
108
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:58,760
- Who's teddy bear is that?
- That is my teddy bear Gregory.
(LAUGHTER)
109
00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,680
- Is it me or does Gregory
just seem a little bit sad?
110
00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:05,320
- Yeah, he smells weird too, mate.
(LAUGHTER)
111
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:09,160
- To be fair, I think both Laura,
Urzila deserve highest points here,
112
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:11,160
because I think your one
was particularly good.
113
00:06:11,160 --> 00:06:15,840
David deserves one point
for that shoe rack.
(LAUGHTER)
114
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:20,240
And from you, Guy, I think...
Youstole something that
you could go to jail for.
115
00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:24,400
(LAUGHTER)
Youstole something that
you could be fired for.
116
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,880
So I think probably you
should have two points,
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00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,480
and I think you should have three
points, Matt. Do you wanna recap
that for idiots?
118
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,080
- OK.
(LAUGHTER)
119
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:34,160
One point for David,
two points for Guy,
120
00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,240
three points for Matt,
four points for Urzila,
121
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:40,640
five points for Laura Daniel.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
122
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,360
- Let's dive into a bona fide
video task, shall we, Paul?
123
00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:49,160
- Let's do it.
This task was recorded at
the beautiful Lake Taskmaster,
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00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,920
which is also known as
a disgusting, small pond.
(LAUGHTER)
125
00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:54,920
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
126
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:01,520
Hello, David.
127
00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:03,520
- Hello, Paul!
128
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,880
- Quite a long walk.
- Sorry.
129
00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:09,680
- Fuck, this better not be
like one of those Married
at First Sight scenarios.
130
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:11,640
I'm not marrying this clown.
131
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:14,720
- Good to see ya, man.
- Good to see you.
132
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:19,040
- READS: 'Get the Swiss ball
in the kayak.'
- 'You cannot get wet.'
133
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,920
- 'Fastest wins.'
- 'Your time starts... now.'
134
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,200
- Feel like the natural thing
would be just to give it a go.
135
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,800
- Is it gonna bounce?
136
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,120
- But it's definitely gonna
bounce out, isn't it?
137
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,800
- (GRUNTS AGGRESSIVELY)
138
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,000
- No, I'm going to the shed.
139
00:07:34,560 --> 00:07:36,560
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
140
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:43,120
- Before we go on, I feel like
I got to get this off my chest.
141
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,720
Swiss balls... are way too big.
142
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,960
I was recently trying to play
basketball in Zurich.
143
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,120
(LAUGHTER)
We couldn't buy a basket.
144
00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,360
- This task seems quite
straightforward. Who's up first?
145
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:03,960
- Here's Laura and Guy.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
146
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:05,280
(CLUNK!)
147
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,240
(LAUGHTER)
148
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,440
- I should have attached
something to the ball.
(LAUGHTER)
149
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,440
GROANS: Oh!
150
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,320
(PLAYFUL MUSIC)
151
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:14,520
(CLANK!)
- AUDIENCE: Ohh!
152
00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,040
- No, come back.
153
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:20,280
Where is this current coming from?
154
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:21,600
- Paul!
- Yeah?
155
00:08:21,600 --> 00:08:23,160
- Can you come here?
- OK.
156
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,160
- Can you run?
- OK.
157
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
(LAUGHTER)
158
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,560
- (SIGHS)
159
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,240
- Oh no! Yeah, I got you. I got you.
160
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,920
Can you get wet, Paul?
- I'd just prefer not to.
- But you can.
161
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:41,800
Should we get a stick?
- I think maybe you
should get a stick.
162
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,520
- No good.
163
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,840
- Oh! Still attached
to the ground.
164
00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,760
- I gotta go back to the shed.
165
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,560
- Yeah, baby!
166
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:53,840
Can I go get some rope?
- Yeah.
- (GROANS)
167
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,920
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
168
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,800
(LAUGHTER)
- I'm comin', Paul!
169
00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:08,440
- Why didn't I think of this in
the first place? I'm an idiot!
170
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,040
- Oh, no, not tight enough.
171
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,040
Aargh!
172
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,600
(LAUGHTER)
173
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,120
- I stay dry.
174
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,080
- Oh! Oh! Ohhh!
175
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:28,720
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
176
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:33,760
- (EXCLAIMS) Oh yes.
Yes, yes... Yes!
177
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,520
Yes! Yes!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
178
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:38,320
Whoo-hoo!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
179
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,240
- (LAUGHS)
180
00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,960
- So, just explain to us,
what gave you the confidence
181
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:47,440
to think that you were gonna be
able to throw it in in one go?
182
00:09:47,440 --> 00:09:52,600
- If you got it in one go,
you would look like a legend,
and worth the risk.
183
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:57,720
- And what part of you, Guy, thinks
that there's a current in a pond?
(LAUGHTER)
184
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:01,800
- To be honest, when I
first went up to the shed,
and I gathered these tools,
185
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,720
I saw a pair of galoshes
in the corner of the shed.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
186
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,920
But I thought, 'I'll save
those for another task.'
(LAUGHTER)
187
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:15,360
- What was the timing, Paul?
- So, Guy ― 12.13.
188
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,240
Laura, 17.22.
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
189
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,760
- Who else dares throw a Swiss ball
into a kayak, Paul?
190
00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:29,760
- 12 minutes is the time to beat.
Here is my main man, if you exclude
my father, my brother,Jeremy,
191
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:36,760
my closest male friends,
Neil Diamond ― it's Matt Heath!
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
192
00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:39,880
- I've got a plan.
193
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,720
(AIR WHOOSHES)
194
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:50,520
(LAUGHTER)
195
00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,240
What do you reckon? Underarm?
196
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:58,680
- Ohhh!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
197
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,560
Whoo!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
198
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:08,440
- We've been working together
for a long time, and finally
I've seen something,
199
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,760
which actually makes me respect you.
(LAUGHTER)
200
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,920
- I still haven't seen anything
from you that makes me respect
you, but I...
201
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,440
(LAUGHTER)
But, boy, how smart, eh. (CHUCKLES)
202
00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:21,560
(LAUGHTER)
- All you guys, and then
I just... (BLOWS RASPBERRY)
203
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:23,360
(LAUGHTER)
- What's the timing on that one?
204
00:11:23,360 --> 00:11:25,760
- Very quick ― 3.23.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
205
00:11:25,760 --> 00:11:27,160
- Oh, that's pretty good,
I gotta say.
206
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:30,320
- Really good, Matty.
Really nice, really smart.
207
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:33,160
- A seriously impressive gauntlet
has been laid down.
208
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:37,000
Now, how are David and Urzila's
Swiss ball skills?
209
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,280
I think we're gonna find out
a little bit later on after
these messages
210
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:45,680
from various corporate entities.
We'll see you soon!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
211
00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:48,320
*
212
00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:50,720
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
213
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,480
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
214
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:59,080
- Here we go. Welcome back
to Taskmaster, where we are in the
thick of a thrilling competition.
215
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,880
Paul, what is going on right now?
216
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:06,360
- Our contestants are attempting
to get the Swiss ball into the kayak
the fastest without getting wet.
217
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:10,840
- Great. So who's up next?
- One is South African,
one is Filipino,
218
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:15,440
but they both like
their balls Swiss.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
219
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,920
Here's Urzila Carlson
and David Correos.
220
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,120
- Oh shit.
221
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:26,120
(LAUGHTER)
222
00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:29,880
(LAUGHTER)
223
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:31,880
- No! No! (YELPS)
224
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,080
- It is on anchors.
- Is it?
225
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,880
- Yeah.
- (GROANS)
226
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,280
- (LAUGHS) Come here, buddy.
227
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,040
Hmm.
- Looks like it's going away.
228
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:44,040
- It actually does.
- Quite quickly.
229
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,200
- Oh, it's a dead end!
230
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,000
- Looks like it's coming back now.
- Let's try positive thinking.
231
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,240
- Well, what do you
want me to think?
232
00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:54,440
- Positive thoughts about
the ball coming back to me.
- OK.
233
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:55,720
(CLATTERING)
234
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,800
- If I was just patient at the
start, I might have be able to
do this 10 minutes ago.
235
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:01,720
Gotta be picking up some pace now.
236
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,760
- To the wrong side.
What are you thinkin'?
- What do you mean?
237
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,960
- Are you doing the positive
thoughts for the ball to come
here or to go there?
238
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:10,160
- I started thinking
about those ducks.
- (SIGHS IN EXASPERATION)
239
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,680
- Make sure you don't get wet.
240
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:13,320
Go to Urzila.
241
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,320
Go to Urzila.
242
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,760
- Good thinking, Paul.
243
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,560
(LAUGHTER)
244
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,560
- It'll be easier...
245
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,600
if I deflate it.
246
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,600
(LAUGHTER)
247
00:13:31,160 --> 00:13:32,440
- Oh no.
248
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:33,360
Oh no!
249
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,560
Nooo!
250
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:36,560
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
251
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,640
- Why does this―? Aargh!
252
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:43,720
(AIR WHOOSHES)
- It's actually quite soothing.
253
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,080
- (PANTS)
254
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,120
(GRUNTS)
255
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,960
Oh fuck!
256
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,680
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
257
00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,680
- Here we go, Paul.
258
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,000
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
259
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:05,680
- I've done this... half-assed...
260
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:07,680
the whole time.
261
00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,600
Fuck!
262
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:14,480
There.
263
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,600
(LAUGHTER)
264
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,600
Terrible.
265
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:22,000
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
266
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:28,600
- David, I don't think there's
gonna be a more harrowing image
on TV this year,
267
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,560
than you pulling that
saggy, deflated...
(LAUGHTER)
268
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,240
...Swiss ball out of
that disgusting pond.
269
00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:38,000
- I thought I was a genius once
I stabbed the Swiss ball.
(LAUGHTER)
270
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:42,480
- Well, let's talk about that,
because youreallytook to that.
(LAUGHTER)
271
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,920
- It didn't puncture
the first two times!
272
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,400
- There's a bung, you moron. Unbung!
(LAUGHTER)
273
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,800
- I'll fucking bung you soon!
(LAUGHTER)
274
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,440
- Things have gotten pretty
dire when you're taking tips
from Matt Heath.
275
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,720
(LAUGHTER)
- David was 20 minutes
and 58 seconds.
276
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,720
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
277
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,960
Urzila was a respectable 15.31,
which put her into third place.
278
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,280
One point, David. Two points, Laura.
279
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,520
Three points, Urzila.
Four points, Guy.
280
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:14,920
And five points to Matt Heath.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
281
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:22,240
- After five points from that
task, out in first place with
eight points, Matt Heath.
282
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,240
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
283
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,200
- All right, Paul. Time to
load me up with another task.
284
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,920
- Jeremy Wells,
I hope you're feeling festive,
285
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:36,000
because it's the most
wonderful time of the year.
(LAUGHTER)
286
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,200
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
287
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:41,960
- Aww.
288
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:43,600
- Ho! Ho! Ho!
289
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,600
- Meeerry Christmas!
290
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,680
- This is adorable! Did you do this?
- Yeah.
291
00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:49,480
- Wow!
- Thank you.
292
00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,720
- It's got my name on it.
293
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,600
- Bit of a Christmas fan, actually.
294
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,600
- Choose a present!
295
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,760
- Lift with your legs, eh?
296
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,240
- I'm gonna go for
the most glamorous one.
297
00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:00,240
(HOLLOW RATTLING)
298
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,960
Is it a PS5?
299
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,960
(SCATTERED LAUGHTER)
300
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:06,480
- Ooh! Ooh.
301
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,160
- READS: 'Perform an original
Christmas song.'
302
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,440
- 'It cannot include any of
the following words ―
303
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:12,880
'Santa, joy, jingle,...'
304
00:16:12,880 --> 00:16:15,240
- '...snow, reindeer, tree,...'
305
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,120
- '...December, North Pole, elf,...'
306
00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:19,120
(CLUNK! CLUNK! CLUNK!)
307
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,640
- '...jolly, holy, holly,...'
308
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,920
- '...Christmas or holiday.'
309
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:27,480
- 'However, it must
reference your present.'
310
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,600
- There's some kind of sand in here.
311
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,480
- 'Most festive song wins.'
312
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:33,080
- 'You have one hour.'
313
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,080
- I want this one.
314
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:36,960
- A muffler.
315
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,040
(LAUGHTER)
316
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,640
- What is it? (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
317
00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:46,440
- It's literally just oats.
318
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:49,440
- Oh, it's a shoehorn! Oh, nice!
Thank you.
319
00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:53,480
- (GASPS) Is this a laminator?
- I think so, yes.
- (LAUGHS)
320
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,200
- I've never felt more vegan
in my life.
321
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,000
- Are you happy with that?
- Yeah, but I wasn't
expecting anything.
322
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:02,920
- Is there a grand piano anywhere?
- Do you play the piano?
- No.
323
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,920
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
324
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:10,560
- First up, it's Matt Heath,
who remember, is technically
a professional musician.
325
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:15,440
He's released three albums
with his band, Deja Voodoo.
(CHEERING)
326
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:21,720
Remember, Matt's song must include
a reference to his gift, which was
a muffler/exhaust pipe.
327
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,720
- Yeah.
- Enjoy.
328
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,800
- Me and Paul would like to perform
a little... little song for you,
329
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:32,440
and so I hope you enjoy it in this
very special time of year, isn't it,
for Kiwis across thecountry.
330
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,760
(PLAYS DESCENDING NOTES)
(TAMBOURINE RATTLES, JINGLES)
331
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:37,640
(PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE)
332
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,520
- # Presents,
333
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,280
# tree,
334
00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,040
# winter ― I'm happy
335
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,760
# turkey,
336
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,200
# stuffing, the family.
337
00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:54,040
# Chicken.
338
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,400
# Oh!
339
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,000
# Who's got the mistletoe?
340
00:17:58,000 --> 00:17:59,960
# Cos, baby,
341
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:03,720
# I'm comin' home.
342
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,480
# Oh,
343
00:18:08,480 --> 00:18:11,360
# what a sight.
344
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:18,040
# I got you an exhaust
345
00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,600
# pipe again.
346
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,120
# The turkey's ripe
for the plucking...
347
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:25,480
Everybody!
348
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,480
- BOTH: # Ho! Ho! Ho!
349
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:32,280
- # ...on this festive occasion.
350
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,440
- # Happy! Happy! Happy!
351
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,600
- # There will be no
352
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,240
# tasering tonight.
353
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,200
# Cos the family
354
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:46,880
# loves each other. #
355
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,080
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
356
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,080
- That was beautiful.
- Oh, thank you.
357
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:59,080
- And particularly,
'there will be no tasering tonight.'
(LAUGHTER)
358
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,040
- I thought we worked
well together, man. Like, we
could probably do something.
359
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:06,680
- OK.
- # Happy! Happy! Happy! #
(LAUGHTER, SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
360
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,760
- Matt, I just wanna say,
you've been killing this episode.
361
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,800
You've done a great job so far.
Congratulations.
(LAUGHTER)
362
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,520
- So, before we move on, Paul,
can you tell me what were the words
that you couldn't use,right?
363
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,680
- Yes. There was quite a long list.
- Mm-hm.
364
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:23,560
- I do believe 'tree'
was one of the words.
- AUDIENCE: Oooh!
365
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,280
- I didn't say 'tree'.
(LAUGHTER)
366
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,240
- I kind of feel like I heard
something like that.
367
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:35,440
Maybe if we play back the first
two words of the song. Should we
have a listen to those?
368
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:38,120
- # Presents,
369
00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:40,120
# tree... #
370
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:42,120
DISTORTED: # Tree. #
371
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,000
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
372
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:48,200
- It was a very simple mistake,
but I should point out that Matt
practised his song seven times.
373
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:52,040
- Oh!
- In between each practice,
he reread the list.
374
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,040
(LAUGHTER)
375
00:19:56,080 --> 00:20:00,680
- Well, we've got four more festive
ditties to enjoy, but before that,
376
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:05,360
we get to enjoy three minutes
of a different type of jingle,
the advertising type.
377
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:12,360
Those are happening right now.
We'll be back in just a moment.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
378
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:13,920
*
379
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,120
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
380
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,400
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
381
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,320
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
382
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:26,360
Who will win their own
girlfriend/wife back from
the grasp of Laura Daniel?
383
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:30,480
We will soon find out. Who has
a merry song for us next, Paul?
384
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:37,320
- Here is an acapella effort from
David Correos, who has to try to
shoehorn in his gift, a shoehorn.
385
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:38,760
(LAUGHTER)
386
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,680
(BELLS JINGLE)
387
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,560
- # I was sitting
388
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,400
# by the fire.
389
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,160
# I was wired
390
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,160
# and also tired.
391
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:49,720
# Smoked a joint
392
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,720
# and drank a coffee,
393
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:56,760
# waiting to open a present for me.
394
00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,600
# I looked under the tall bush.
395
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,480
(LAUGHTER)
396
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:06,000
# Maybe I'd smoked some
really strong kush,
397
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:12,600
# cos what I saw was
a man stealing from me.
398
00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,040
# Saint Nick,
give me back my shoehorn.
399
00:21:17,560 --> 00:21:20,800
# These boots cannot be worn.
400
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,560
# I'll trade you some stink corn.
401
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,720
# St Nick,
402
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,600
# give them back
403
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:30,600
# to me.
(BELLS JINGLE)
404
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,440
# I need 'em for my family.
405
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:39,280
# That would be lovely.
406
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:41,640
# St Nick,
407
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,480
# give it back
408
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,440
# to me! #
409
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:48,880
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
410
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:57,160
- There you go, Matt. You
could've called it a tall bush,...
(LAUGHTER)
411
00:21:57,160 --> 00:22:01,040
...stayed in the race.
- That was beautiful, man.
- URZILA: Yeah.
412
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,200
- I love you.
- DAVID: I love you too.
I love you too.
413
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,400
- Talk me through the logic here.
414
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:10,880
So, you're talking to St Nick, who's
stolen the presents from under your
tall bush.
415
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:16,960
Doesn't he give out the presents?
- That's what I thought too.
(LAUGHTER)
416
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:21,360
- Who's next, Paul?
- Up next with the voice of an angel
417
00:22:21,360 --> 00:22:26,360
and the laminator of an angel who
wants to prolong the life of their
certificates,
418
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,840
it's Laura Daniel.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
419
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:33,280
- LAURA: This one goes out
to all the lovers,...
420
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,040
- (PLAYS DISCORDANT NOTES)
421
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:39,320
- ...spending time together
in the festive season.
422
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,040
(CHUCKLES)
423
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,360
Listen up.
424
00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:49,040
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
425
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:51,440
# It's a bright summer's day,
426
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,120
# cos this time in New Zealand,
427
00:22:54,120 --> 00:22:56,120
# the skies are not grey.
428
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,760
# You've woken up beside me,
429
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,360
# and you're not in your sleigh,
430
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,080
# but before you leave this evening,
431
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,080
# I just wanna say, yeah,
432
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,240
# I wanna laminate
this calendar day.
433
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,920
- BOTH: # ...ay.
434
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,240
- # Laminate it,
and you take it away.
435
00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:18,960
- BOTH: # ...ay.
436
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:23,640
- # Maybe I'd freeze time from
the laminating, and you'd stay.
437
00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:27,280
# I wanna laminate
this calendar day.
438
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,600
- # ...ay.
439
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:32,280
- # Merry, merry Jesus birthday.
440
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,320
(LAUGHTER)
441
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,920
# He's blessed us with
laminators and clay.
442
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,440
# If Jesus was here,
we'd have a three-way.
443
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,280
# And then I'd laminate
this calendar day. #
444
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,960
(THUD!)
445
00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:52,280
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
446
00:23:58,560 --> 00:23:59,440
- Who's left, Paul?
447
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:05,560
- Next is Urzila, who received a
box full of oats, and she seemed
disappointed that it was vegan.
448
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,360
Is that correct?
- Look, I was just disappointed
that I had to sing,
449
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:14,000
because I'm tone deaf, and B,
I have an accent and I sing in it.
(LAUGHTER)
450
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,720
- Let's play Urzila's song. Enjoy.
451
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,200
- Right. Hit it, Paul.
- (PLAYS SOLEMN NOTES)
452
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,920
# Oh, vegan night.
453
00:24:25,080 --> 00:24:30,240
# You descend on my ass
like a witch against glass.
454
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:34,080
# You make me regular at night.
455
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:36,920
# You make my shit take flight.
456
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,200
# Xmas time ―
I'd rather shit my pants
457
00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,400
# or have a bout of swollen glands.
458
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:49,800
# Thank Christ for the oats,
so we can feed them goats.
459
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,440
# Oh, vegan night. #
460
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,000
Yeah, vegan night! Yeah!
461
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,720
That's it. That's it. Stop it.
462
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,000
That's my song.
463
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,280
Merry Xmas, vegan night.
464
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:08,120
- OK, was that it or rehearsal
- Yeah. No, that was it.
- OK.
465
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:11,200
- Do you think you can do better?
- I-I wasn't say that.
466
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,120
- No, I think that
wraps it up for me.
- OK.
467
00:25:14,120 --> 00:25:17,520
You've still got 30 minutes and 40
seconds, but you're happy with that?
468
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,320
- I'm fairly confident that I'm
not gonna crush this challenge,
469
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:27,400
but I know at some point you and
I are gonna box and/or wrestle.
470
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:30,160
And I'm gonna crush that one.
471
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,600
(LAUGHTER)
472
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,600
- OK.
473
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,000
(LAUGHTER CONTINUES)
474
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,120
Thank you, Urzila.
475
00:25:46,280 --> 00:25:48,280
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
476
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:58,240
- I think I speak
for everyone when I say that there
was nothing good about that at all.
477
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:01,920
(LAUGHTER)
- I could not agree with you more.
478
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:06,560
- Why did you turn your shoulder
to Paul and sort of sing around
the corner?
479
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,200
- Oh, I was being sexy.
(LAUGHTER)
480
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:13,240
I think that's how
straight people do it.
(LAUGHTER)
481
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,040
- We've got one song to go,
is that right?
482
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:22,240
- We do, and he'd like to wish you
a Guy Montgo-merry Christmas.
(LAUGHTER)
483
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:26,720
- This is Guy Montgomery and Paul
Williams with the Festive Fox.
484
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,400
# Well, he's the festive little fox,
485
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,800
# and he's quite unorthodox.
486
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,800
# But he's giving out the presents
487
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,800
# for this year.
488
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,280
# It's Decembre vingt-quatre,
489
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,520
# and morale needs a jump-start,
490
00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:44,520
# for young Guy, well,
he knows the cupboard's bare.
491
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,320
# But the fox won't let that be.
492
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,720
# He's got treats for all, you see.
493
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:52,440
# And he will not stop till
all have had their share.
494
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,800
# For Guy's mother needs an oven,
495
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:56,840
# and the father needs some lovin',
496
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:00,440
# and the sisters,
a trip to the county fair.
497
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,360
# So the fox, he fucks Guy's dad,
498
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:05,680
# and the mother is quite mad,
499
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:09,360
# till she sees oven
beneath the chandelier.
500
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:12,240
# And the sisters leave the house.
501
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:14,240
# All is quiet as a mouse.
502
00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:16,480
# But there's nothing yet for Guy.
503
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,480
# No, nothing here.
504
00:27:18,960 --> 00:27:20,960
# This clever little fox
505
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,640
# leaves a six-plug multibox,
506
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,120
# and young Guy,
507
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:27,400
# he's no longer in despair.
508
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,400
# Everyone got what they need ―
509
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,800
# for the fox, a glass of mead,
510
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:37,240
# for his work is now quite
finished for the year.
511
00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:39,960
# And he looks upon young Guy,
512
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,480
# both their hearts
are filled with glee.
513
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:44,880
# And between just you and me,
514
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,920
# here's what he said.
515
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,720
HIGH-PITCHED: 'Well, it's
pretty tough work being a fox,
516
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:55,080
'but when I see your family with
all these treats bestowed upon them
517
00:27:55,080 --> 00:28:02,240
'and the oven plugs into
the multibox just perfect, it all
makes it all worthwhile, really.
518
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,920
'See you next year, everybody!'
519
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:08,080
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
520
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:18,680
- That is a terrifying
insight into the Montgomery family
Christmas right there, I reckon.
521
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:22,320
- Yeah, I remember them with
mixed memories, really.
522
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,440
Mum was always scuppering
around for an oven,
523
00:28:24,440 --> 00:28:28,880
and Dad would be out the back
just absolutely going hammer
and tongs on a fox.
524
00:28:28,880 --> 00:28:30,880
(LAUGHTER)
525
00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,320
I think I got Paul with that.
(LAUGHTER)
526
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,520
- You've also got Paul
on your T-shirt, I see.
- Yes.
527
00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:43,760
- Yeah. Fitting with the theme,
which I didn't know would be the
case.
528
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,560
This is young Paul as a chorister.
529
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,880
I mean, I've got a treasure trove
of Paul backstage.
(LAUGHTER)
530
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,880
- OK. Matt, you get one. I'm not
gonna completely disqualify you.
I'll still give you one point.
531
00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:59,520
- Actually, I deserve one.
I'll give my two points to Matt.
- That makes three.
532
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:04,280
- Cos it was a beautiful song.
He had a beautiful song.
I'll take one; he can have my two.
533
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:06,560
- OK.
- So...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
534
00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,560
- Very festive.
535
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:12,600
- So, Urzila's taking the one point,
and Matt's―
536
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:14,840
- Urzila gets one. Matt gets two.
537
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:16,480
David gets three.
538
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:22,120
And then Guy four and Laura five,
I think, for that.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
539
00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:27,480
Right, pour yourselves an eggnog and
leave some live chickens out for the
festive little fox,
540
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:34,760
because we'll be back very shortly
with more tasks. See you soon.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
541
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:36,560
*
542
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:38,760
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
543
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:40,920
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
544
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,920
- Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five weird and wonderful
minds are battling it out
545
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:49,480
to win a medal Guy Montgomery
stole from a dead war hero.
(LAUGHTER)
546
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,040
TV does not get
any better than this.
547
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:55,880
What's next, Paul?
- We're heading back
to the Taskmaster house.
548
00:29:55,880 --> 00:30:02,080
But I must warn everyone ―
something about this next
task is a little fishy.
549
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:04,120
(UPBEAT STRING MUSIC)
550
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:09,640
- Hey, Paul.
- Hello, Matt.
- This is a terrifying room.
551
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:10,840
- Hello.
- Hello, Guy.
552
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:12,520
- It's me.
- I know.
553
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:13,480
- Ooh!
554
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:15,320
- Finally!
555
00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:16,960
This is my buzz.
556
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,120
- Can I take it?
- You may.
- Mean.
557
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,120
- I want to eat one.
558
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,400
But I shan't.
559
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:26,760
- READS: 'Shoot a chocolate fish
into the fish bowl.'
560
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:30,200
- 'You must say the name of
a different animal with each shot.'
561
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,600
- 'Your first successful shot
is your animal.'
562
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,200
- 'Most powerful animal wins.'
563
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:38,200
- Ooh! OK! (LAUGHS)
564
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,440
- I reckon I'm gonna get down to,
like, insects.
565
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:44,200
- It's a good task.
- I know.
566
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:47,800
- I like animals,
and I love chocolate fish.
567
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,840
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
568
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,480
- I'm thinking physical strength
is gonna be winner for me here,
569
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:56,920
but I'm happy to be swayed by
a convincing argument. Who's first?
570
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:02,680
- Being singled out for the third
time this episode, this could go
either way, here's Matt Heath.
571
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:03,800
(LAUGHTER)
572
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:06,200
- 'Your time starts... now.'
573
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:09,600
Blue whale.
574
00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:10,760
(DINK!)
575
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:11,720
Tiger.
576
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:12,840
(SPLAT!)
577
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:13,920
Liger.
578
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:15,920
(THWACK!)
579
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,160
Otter.
580
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:19,480
(CLINK!)
(GROANS)
581
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,040
(LAUGHTER)
582
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,400
- Why'd you say otter?
- I don't― I shouldn't
have said otter.
583
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,880
I was just throwing one away
as a practice shot. Otter.
584
00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:29,680
Otter.
585
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,880
- What would've been
your dream animal?
- Horse.
586
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:34,080
(LAUGHTER)
587
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,320
Otter. That's gonna live
with me for a long time.
588
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,960
Thanks, Paul.
- Thank you, Matt.
589
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,960
(APPLAUSE)
590
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,040
- Otter.
- Otter. Matt...
591
00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:46,920
- Where did that otter come from?
(LAUGHTER)
592
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,520
- Well, your dream animal,
interestingly...
593
00:31:49,520 --> 00:31:51,440
- I love a horse.
- Yeah.
594
00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:55,120
Other kids had imaginary friends
when they were growing up;
Matt had an imaginary pony.
595
00:31:55,120 --> 00:31:58,440
- Mm.
- A pink pony called
Starlight Macintosh.
596
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,520
(LAUGHTER)
- LAURA LAUGHS: Really?
597
00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:05,200
- I actually shared that
with you in confidence.
(LAUGHTER)
598
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:08,040
- Who's next, Paul?
- Can anyone beat an otter?
599
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:13,600
The answer is almost definitely
yes, but let's take a look anyway.
Here's Guy and Laura.
600
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,160
- It's not gonna take this many fish
for me to get a fish in the bowl.
601
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,840
Can you imagine?
- Yeah.
602
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:19,440
- It would be humiliating.
603
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,440
Look at this ― mouse.
604
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,920
- Practice shot ― I'm gonna
start easy. Uh... Fish.
605
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:25,760
(THWACK!)
Cool, great.
606
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:27,880
- Would you like a fish?
- I'm fine, thank you.
607
00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:29,480
- You sure?
- Yeah, I'm working.
608
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:30,560
- Kitten.
609
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,080
(DINK!)
(EXHALES) Work your way up the
animals, Laura. I'm getting closer.
610
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,560
- Mastiff.
611
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:36,040
(THWACK!)
612
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:37,320
- Dog.
613
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:37,800
(THUD!)
614
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:39,240
Panther.
615
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:39,800
(THWACK!)
616
00:32:39,800 --> 00:32:45,080
- Oh, can I please
get a pen and a piece of paper?
- There's probably some upstairs.
617
00:32:45,080 --> 00:32:47,080
What's your favourite animal?
- A cat.
618
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,760
- Me too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
619
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,200
- My cat Martin?
- My cat.
- Your cat.
620
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:52,920
- Sam.
- OK.
621
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,200
- Ideally, I'm gonna
land on blue whale.
622
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:57,760
- What would be your
dream powerful animal?
623
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,320
- Elephant. It could hold people.
It could hold both of us.
624
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:07,680
I don't wanna put both of us on it,
cos I don't think elephants should
be ridden. I'm a vegetarian.
625
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:10,200
- You know that saying
'an elephant never forgets'?
- Mm-hm.
626
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,640
- Can an elephant have amnesia?
- Not sure.
627
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,400
- Cos if they can't, we've gotta
destigmatise that for a start.
- Mm.
628
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,200
- Leopard.
629
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,440
(THWACK!)
630
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:22,120
- Ooh.
- Well, don't put a camera there.
That's not my fault.
631
00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:24,600
- Oh, no, I was―
- It's absolutely not my fault.
- No, I know.
632
00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:25,960
- A lion.
633
00:33:25,960 --> 00:33:27,360
(DINK!)
Oh!
634
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,160
- Hippogriff.
635
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,240
- Jaguar.
636
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,280
(DINK!)
637
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:32,880
Ooh.
638
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:37,320
- You seemed a little disappointed.
- Well, I've told you what I wanted.
I was building up to blue whale.
639
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:39,160
I didn't think I was
gonna be that good.
640
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:40,720
- Red panda.
641
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,720
(DINK!)
Shit! Shit! Shit! (LAUGHS)
642
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,920
- Are you happy with that?
- No, I'm not happy with that.
That's not the strongest animal.
643
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:53,840
- But a jaguar is strong.
Jaguar coming in here would destroy
you, tear you limb from limb,
644
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,720
and not me, cos I'd say, 'Well,
I listed you as a strong animal,
645
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:02,400
'and in doing so, you motivated
me to succeed, so you and I are
allies.'
646
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,280
- I don't think it
would understand that.
- Yeah, it would.
647
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:07,280
- Thank you, Laura.
648
00:34:07,320 --> 00:34:09,320
- Pescatarian.
649
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,480
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
650
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,960
- Knowing what we know now, Guy,
you must be very pleased with
the jaguar.
651
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,680
- Well, yeah, but
I set my standards a little bit
higher than just beating Matt.
652
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,520
(LAUGHTER)
653
00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,080
- Well, we know that
Laura's got a red panda.
654
00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:30,760
- So far, the strongest in looks.
(LAUGHTER)
655
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:34,520
A very attractive, beautiful animal,
the red panda.
656
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,160
- The red panda has
reddish-brown fur,
657
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:41,360
a long shaggy tail
and a waddling gait.
(LAUGHTER)
658
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:46,520
So Jeremy will be
ranking them in terms of how
powerful he thinks they are,
659
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:51,040
and then after the show when the
camera's off, we are gonna fight
the animals in the car park.
660
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:52,440
- Yes.
661
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:57,560
- OK, two more to go.
- Last but not least, we have
David Correos and Urzila Carlson.
662
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,560
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
663
00:34:59,960 --> 00:35:01,040
- Uh...
664
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:02,520
Cat.
665
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,200
(THWACK!)
Oh!
666
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,440
That was close, right?
667
00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:06,200
- Elephant.
668
00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:06,840
- Elephant.
669
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,000
- BOTH: Lion. Giraffe. Monkey.
Gorilla.
670
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,280
- Eel.
(THWACK!)
671
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:11,560
Fuuuuuuck.
672
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:15,200
- Let me think.
When you go into the zoo... Meerkat.
673
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,000
(DINK!)
(GROANS)
674
00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:17,880
- Falcon.
675
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:18,960
Warbler.
676
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:20,200
Blue tit.
677
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,560
- Mark. I went to school with Mark.
He was a real fuckin' animal.
678
00:35:23,560 --> 00:35:24,360
- Seal.
679
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:25,880
- Wildcat. Hippo.
680
00:35:25,880 --> 00:35:27,240
(DINK! DINK! DINK!)
681
00:35:27,240 --> 00:35:29,240
(GROANS)
682
00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:31,160
- Killdeer.
683
00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:31,960
(DINK!)
684
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,320
Ooh! Close. That sounded nice.
685
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,840
- Are you allowed to look up
animals alphabetically for me?
- OK.
686
00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,400
- Shark. Clam.
687
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,280
Mussel. Oyster.
688
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:44,080
- Affenpinscher.
- Affenpinscher.
689
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:45,360
That sounds like...
(DINK!)
690
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:47,160
...something you get
a jail term form.
691
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:48,600
- Whale.
692
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:50,600
(SIGHS)
693
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,240
Gecko.
694
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:54,800
- American Alsatian.
695
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,760
- Can I throw more than one?
- Yeah.
696
00:35:56,760 --> 00:35:58,320
- Alaskan malamute.
697
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,320
- Toad.
698
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:01,600
Ooh!
699
00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,280
OK. OK.
700
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:05,320
- American pit bull terrier.
701
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,120
- Pit bull.
702
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:09,120
(DINK!)
Yeah!
703
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:10,680
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
704
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:14,120
Of course I got pit bull.
I live in West Auckland, mate.
705
00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:16,000
- Red-eyed tree frog.
706
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,240
(DINK!)
707
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:18,480
Yeah!
708
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:20,480
SLO-MO: Yeah!
709
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,800
Yes!
710
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:22,840
There we go.
711
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,840
Red-eyed tree frog.
712
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:25,760
(LAUGHTER)
713
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:26,840
- Bam!
- Thank you.
714
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,840
- Woof. Woof!
715
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:30,920
See ya!
716
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,040
- What made you go with
the red-eyed tree frog?
- Great animal.
717
00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:38,760
- Would you say a powerful animal?
- Yes, because they've got powerful
legs.
718
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:40,080
- For jumping.
- Yeah, for jumping.
719
00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,240
You ever seen an elephant jump?
- No.
720
00:36:42,240 --> 00:36:45,080
- Nah. Red-eyed tree frog ―
powerful.
721
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:47,080
- OK.
- Yeah.
722
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:49,600
Fuck.
723
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,280
(LAUGHTER)
724
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,080
Does this go up against other...?
725
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,040
Fuck! Oh no.
726
00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:58,280
(LAUGHS)
727
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,160
Oh no!
728
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:06,960
You wait. You wait till we get
to the record. I'ma have debate
level...
729
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:10,480
- ...facts.
- ...facts. That's the word.
730
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,480
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
731
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:20,880
- Wow. There's some interesting
powerful animals that you were
attempting to name there ―
732
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,880
the oyster.
(LAUGHTER)
733
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:28,840
Urzila, you'll be happy with yours.
- So stoked. A pit bull ― that can
fuck anything up.
734
00:37:28,840 --> 00:37:29,920
(LAUGHTER)
735
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:33,480
- I got some facts here, OK.
(LAUGHTER, CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
736
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:37,960
Fact number one ― red-eyed tree
frogs spend the majority of their
lives in trees.
737
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:39,960
(LAUGHTER)
738
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,920
Red-eyed tree frogs
are not venomous.
(LAUGHTER)
739
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:51,120
Red-eyed tree frogs can jump up
to 20 times its own body length.
(APPLAUSE)
740
00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:56,800
Now, I used to be
an Olympic weightlifter. The term
'power' is strength times speed.
741
00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:00,680
None of these animals even compete
per capita. We are New Zealand.
742
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,040
We base our whole fuckin'
personality on per capita.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
743
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:07,520
- Personally, I reckon, Laura,
yours is the least powerful.
744
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:11,400
The red panda is a pathetic animal.
(LAUGHTER)
745
00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:15,040
So you get one.
Otter boy over here's on two.
746
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:19,240
Red-eyed tree freak comes in
with three. Pit bull four.
747
00:38:19,240 --> 00:38:22,440
And then I would hate to take on
a jaguar. That would be me there.
Five.
748
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:27,640
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
- I'll take that.
Thank you, Taskmaster. I'll take it.
749
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,360
- OK, there is one more task
to do tonight,
750
00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:34,360
and it's happening right here
in our beloved Taskmaster studio.
751
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:38,560
We'll see you very shortly.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
752
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:40,640
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
753
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:41,880
*
754
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,120
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
755
00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,160
- Welcome back to Taskmaster.
756
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:53,760
We have one task to go before
we find out who is taking home
David Correos' flatmates' shoes.
757
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,320
Before we do that, Paul,
a quick points update, if you will.
758
00:38:57,320 --> 00:39:03,520
- Laura's on 13, and with
15 points, Guy Montgomery.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
759
00:39:03,720 --> 00:39:08,240
- OK, there's no better time
than now to head on to our stage
for our final task. Off we go.
760
00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:10,240
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
761
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,880
(QUIRKY MUSIC)
762
00:39:13,120 --> 00:39:17,040
Well, well, well.
Surprise, surprise, surprise.
It's time for a live task.
763
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:20,080
- That is correct, Jeremy Wells.
Who would you like to read the
live task?
764
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,040
- Oh, give it to Guy Montgomery.
765
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:25,360
- Thanks, Paul.
- Can you read it in
the voice of the fox?
766
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:26,680
(LAUGHTER)
767
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,040
- I-I actually can't...
(LAUGHTER)
768
00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,440
...in good conscience do that.
769
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:38,480
READS: 'Carry a briefcase of either
nothing or onions across the stage
and place it on themat.
770
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:44,920
'The Taskmaster will then attempt
to guess what you are carrying ―
nothing or onions.'
771
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,160
(LAUGHTER)
772
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:52,640
'If he guesses correctly, you
are eliminated. If you deceive him,
you qualify for anotherround.
773
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,720
'Most deceptions wins.'
774
00:39:55,640 --> 00:40:01,320
HIGH-PITCHED:
Sounds like a right good time.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
775
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,840
- Let's start at this end...
- Fuck.
776
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:09,200
- ...and move along to Urzila.
- WHISPERS: Good luck, man.
- All right. Let's do it. (EXHALES)
777
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,200
(LAUGHTER)
778
00:40:19,000 --> 00:40:21,000
(LAUGHTER)
779
00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:23,280
- On the mat, please, David.
780
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:26,680
- (URZILA LAUGHS)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
781
00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,720
- I reckon that doesn't
have any onions in it.
782
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:34,640
- Onions.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
783
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:37,840
- Double the bluff.
784
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:42,800
- Guy Montgomery,
please choose your briefcase.
785
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,800
(LAUGHTER)
786
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:50,520
- Onions.
787
00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,600
- Onions.
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
788
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:56,680
- Absolutely devastating.
(LAUGHTER)
789
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,560
- Laura Daniel.
(AUDIENCE WHOOPS)
790
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,360
- (LAUGHS)
791
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:06,120
(LAUGHTER)
792
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,600
Onions.
793
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,600
- Onions.
(APPLAUSE)
794
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:13,000
(LAUGHTER)
795
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,880
(APPLAUSE)
796
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:16,880
- I'm gonna say onions.
797
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:18,600
- Nothing.
- Oh!
(APPLAUSE)
798
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,600
- Too― Too quick.
799
00:41:21,680 --> 00:41:23,680
(LAUGHTER)
800
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:27,640
- Onions.
801
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,040
- Nothing.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
802
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:32,640
David, please begin round two.
803
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:35,760
(LAUGHTER)
804
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,400
(LAUGHTER)
805
00:41:39,080 --> 00:41:40,720
- Onions.
806
00:41:40,720 --> 00:41:43,120
- Nothing.
- Wow!
(APPLAUSE)
807
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:47,120
(LAUGHTER)
808
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,240
- Why change a winning formula?
809
00:41:49,240 --> 00:41:51,240
- No onions.
810
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:54,160
- Correct.
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
811
00:41:54,160 --> 00:41:58,840
If Urzila doesn't succeed,
David Correos wins the task.
812
00:42:01,120 --> 00:42:03,120
(APPLAUSE)
813
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:06,000
- Absolutely 100% onions.
814
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,600
- You are 100%...
815
00:42:10,240 --> 00:42:12,720
right.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
816
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:20,920
The winner of the task ―
David Correos.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
817
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,200
- Come on down. Let's score.
818
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,360
Obviously, David came first,
so five points, so well done, David.
819
00:42:31,360 --> 00:42:33,920
- Thank you. Thank you.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
820
00:42:33,920 --> 00:42:37,440
- Urzila and Matt,
three points each.
(APPLAUSE)
821
00:42:37,440 --> 00:42:40,120
And I think Guy and Laura,
one point each.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
822
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:42,920
- Oh, that's quite nice.
- It's not nothing.
823
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:47,240
- So how does that affect
our overall points table
for the series, Paul?
824
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:52,080
- In first place, with the funniest
amount of points you can have, 69 ―
Laura Daniel.
825
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:54,080
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
826
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:56,000
- DAVID: Yes!
827
00:42:56,000 --> 00:43:01,640
- So that's the overall series
standings, but, of course, there is
the all-important tonight's winner.
828
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:03,840
- Yes. 13 points for David.
829
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:05,800
14 points for Laura.
830
00:43:05,800 --> 00:43:11,240
But the winner, with 16 points ―
Guy Montgomery.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
831
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:13,120
- Yes!
832
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:15,000
- Congratulations, man.
833
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:18,600
- Oh, so relieved.
I get my girlfriend back.
834
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,960
And your wife.
(LAUGHTER)
835
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:27,680
- That's right; Guy get up on that
stage and enjoy your stolen stuff,
you low-down, dirty criminal.
836
00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:29,520
(LAUGHTER)
837
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:33,200
What a journey of discovery
we've been on today.
838
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:37,160
We've become acquainted with the
inflatable balls of Switzerland;
839
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:43,200
we've familiarised ourselves with
the pagan talking fox rituals of
the Montgomery family;
840
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:49,240
and most importantly, we've
discovered that our winner for
episode four is Guy Montgomery!
841
00:43:49,240 --> 00:43:51,000
Well done, Guy.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
842
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,000
We'll see you next time.
843
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:55,640
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
844
00:43:56,240 --> 00:43:58,640
('TASKMASTER' THEME MUSIC)
845
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:04,400
(LAUGHTER)
846
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:06,400
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
847
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,800
- Can you give me a B?
- (BLOWS NOTE)
848
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:14,560
- It's OK, Paul. It's just a bee.
849
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:16,120
- If you're as keen as a bean,...
850
00:44:16,120 --> 00:44:18,120
- Beans, beans, beans, beans.
851
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:19,440
- Come feel my bean, Paul.
852
00:44:19,440 --> 00:44:21,320
- ...you're gonna love this task.
853
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:24,820
- You're a fuck, but you're
a brilliant little fuck.
- URZILA: Yeah, yeah.
66491
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