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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,239
Pardon me. My name is Kabir.
2
00:00:04,240 --> 00:00:07,760
I am a chauffeur
with 65,000 miles on the clock.
3
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:10,360
I am discreet.
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,919
The men I help
is Mr Eblen-Archer.
5
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,719
If I can choose anybody,
who's my job is to drive,
6
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,679
I will choose him. Morning, Kabir.
7
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:24,360
Morning, Mr Eblen-Archer.
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,799
He's such a great man.
He never raises his voice,
9
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,240
and he never throw his food
out of the window.
10
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,319
Lately, Mr Eblen-Archer
11
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:48,759
is recovering from medical
experience heart attack.
12
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:53,359
I asked them if they could cut
my heart out, give it to him...
13
00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,759
...but this was not allowed.
14
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,240
His doctor tells him
he must slow down.
15
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:01,879
{\an8}Please create a movie about
16
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,560
{\an8}Mr Eblen-Archer's amazing
life story.
17
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:08,639
{\an8}You would be making a humble driver
18
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:13,080
and a private equity fund manager
very happy indeed.
19
00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:17,359
What a heart-warming person!
20
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:19,759
Gee, it's not often you see somebody
who admires their boss
21
00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:21,799
so much they want to make
a movie for them.
22
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,559
I don't trust him.
23
00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:26,359
What? He's as cute as a pizza pie!
24
00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,000
No, old moneybags.
25
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,320
Rich people give me the creeps.
26
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,039
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut...
27
00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,480
HE SHOUTS
28
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:12,879
With Mr Eblen-Archer away
for the week on business,
29
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,439
we decided to surprise Kabir
30
00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:17,439
with a luxury drive
in a limousine.
31
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,559
This time, he'll be travelling
in the back of the car!
32
00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,960
FAINT MUSIC
33
00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:29,640
Treat yourself to some nibbles.
34
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:35,000
Take off your gloves.
Oh, no, no, no. Never.
35
00:02:36,760 --> 00:02:39,719
Fascinating to see
how the other half live.
36
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,439
All right for some, hey?
37
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,760
Your parents own
a Fortune 500 company.
38
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,959
So give us the lowdown on
Mr Eblen-Archer.
39
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,319
He's a great man.
40
00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:55,319
He even let me drive Uber
over the weekend. Great boss.
41
00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,199
I suppose we're similar
in that way.
42
00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,719
I'm always encouraging my crew
43
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,800
to work on
their own personal projects.
44
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,999
Give us everything.
What are his hobbies?
45
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,199
Oh, I couldn't possibly
tell you that.
46
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,039
It's a need-to-know basis.
47
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:11,799
I would like to know.
48
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:13,999
We're trying to tell
his life story.
49
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:18,559
Well, um... What about, um,
what's Mr Eblen-Archer's first name?
50
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,879
Stop! That's confidential
information.
51
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,839
He's a very private person.
52
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,919
You don't have
to protect him, Kabir.
53
00:03:26,920 --> 00:03:29,319
It's obvious he's
in the New World Order.
54
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,319
HE GASPS
55
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,079
WHISPERS: Really?
56
00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:36,319
It's disgusting.
They all have these symbols.
57
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,039
One of them wears a mask.
58
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:41,359
There was a YouTube video about
it, but it got taken down.
59
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,919
Who took it down?
60
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:44,359
Nobody knows.
61
00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:46,799
So they meet up... They meet up?!
62
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:50,279
I really like this angle.
This is good. It's juicy.
63
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,759
...they get undressed...
And they piss everywhere!
64
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:58,119
No. Yeah, and they lie down
really, really close to the piss
65
00:03:58,120 --> 00:03:59,639
and they close their eyes
66
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,319
and they start rubbing
each other's lumps.
67
00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:04,559
And then they start... they...
they start...
68
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:06,359
And then... and then they...
69
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,920
And there's a tube and it makes
some of the piss BLACK!
70
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,839
Mm. I'm sorry, I thought I was
telling you about it.
71
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,199
Yeah, yeah, that's what I mean,
72
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,959
because they don't want us to know.
73
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,719
It's a bit far-fetched to me.
74
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,559
I think you might have gone
down a YouTube rabbit hole.
75
00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:25,400
Your parents are probably
involved.
76
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,559
Yeah, I bet they eat raw meat out
of each other's arseholes!
77
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,119
Sebastian, that is disgusting!
There's no evidence of that!
78
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,799
Some poshos took me to
a nightclub once.
79
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,359
I went to the toilet
and you won't believe it -
80
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,520
up on the wall, a condom machine!
81
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,279
I bet your boss is knee-deep
in all sorts of sordid clubs.
82
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:50,520
I mean, he owned the golf club.
83
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,839
Forget it, what I said.
84
00:04:57,840 --> 00:04:59,519
With a little persuasion,
85
00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:03,719
Kabir led us to Mr Eblen-Archer's
fortress of perversion.
86
00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,679
While I infiltrated the inner
sanctum,
87
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,999
Jess was fixating on an
off-hand comment.
88
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,119
How cool is it that Sam wants us
to work on our own stuff?
89
00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,679
SARCASTICALLY:
Oh, he's so compassionate.
90
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:15,520
Why can't he just give us
a pay rise?
91
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,520
You get paid?
92
00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,959
RECEPTIONIST: Not until February
next year. That's right.
93
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,280
CHUCKLES: Uh-huh, OK.
All right, then. Goodbye.
94
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,079
And what do we have here?
95
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,159
A symbol, a floor swastika, a clue?
96
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,359
Kabir, what's all this?
97
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:36,679
Relax, we just need to film
an expose about Mr Eblen-Archer.
98
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:39,679
An expose about Mr Eblen-Archer?
99
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,679
I'm sorry. I meant to say a charming
biopic about Mr Eblen-Archer.
100
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,159
Mr Eblen-Archer hasn't notified us
of any film crews.
101
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,999
We do surprises.
Well, the club is members only.
102
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,639
If that isn't proof of disgusting,
scrotum-based paedophile rituals,
103
00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,279
I'm not sure what is.
104
00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,199
We shall become members!
105
00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:03,119
Mm. That would involve
a rather substantial fee.
106
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:09,080
Never you mind. The FEE is SOMETHING
we can CERTAINLY PROVIDE.
107
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,000
One moment.
108
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:18,000
I'm thinking I'm going
to show him Eleanor's Birdbath.
109
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:23,200
I wonder, do you think maybe
he'd give me feedback on it?
110
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,040
Who the fuck is Eleanor Birdbath?
111
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,160
My short film, Eleanor's Birdbath.
112
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,640
You guys said you'd read it.
113
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,599
Oh! Eleanor's Birdbath!
114
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:44,319
Oh, so sorry, Jessie.
115
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:46,999
I thought you said
something wildly different.
116
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,999
Now's your chance.
SAM: Where's Sebastian?
117
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,639
As per usual,
Sebastian had wandered off
118
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,319
and been hit
in the face by a golf ball.
119
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:56,479
Sorry!
120
00:06:56,480 --> 00:07:00,359
I shouted at him to move,
but... he just stood there.
121
00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:02,439
How long was I out for?
122
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,599
Did you finish the movie?
Was it fun?
123
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,159
Sebastian, we've JUST arrived.
We've only been here ten minutes.
124
00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:10,879
Oh, neat. In that case,
125
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,399
I was thinking maybe I could try
and be the director this week.
126
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,679
The director? Yeah, what do you say?
127
00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,519
I think I'm ready to step up.
128
00:07:18,520 --> 00:07:21,039
What an intriguing concept.
129
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,079
Ooh, I do worry it might be difficult
130
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,960
to insure you now that
you've got a brain injury.
131
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,160
What about...?
132
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,759
Smoke... smoke machine?
133
00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,559
Mm, smoke machine!
134
00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,759
It's a pretty important job.
No, it's not!
135
00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,760
I want to sit in the nice chair.
I need your dad's credit card.
136
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,159
What happened to your wallet?
137
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,079
You've got to stop keeping it loose!
138
00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,400
Oh, loosey-goosey.
139
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:56,399
Your additional donation
is very generous.
140
00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,599
It is our policy to conduct
a background check.
141
00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,600
No problem.
142
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:06,319
Very nice. We want all-access here,
all the secret entrances.
143
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,039
Well, I'm happy for you to film
everywhere except the function room.
144
00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,319
We're setting up for our big
corporate weekender.
145
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,599
Hey? Every year, we honour
our top-performing executives.
146
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,319
So you're telling me this place
will be swarming with Epsteilians?
147
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:22,239
Epsteilians?
Half-Epstein, half-reptilian.
148
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,160
No, I'm not saying that. Why not?
149
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,879
SEBASTIAN:
Pretty interesting article.
150
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:32,439
Yes, he almost hit the hole in one.
151
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,879
Oh.
152
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,879
Who's that?
153
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:41,599
Bert. His father
done everything for him.
154
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,720
He is a disgraceful, shameful Bert.
155
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,440
And who's that?
156
00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:50,399
Cartoon.
157
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,799
Hey, um,
I've been meaning to ask.
158
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:55,999
You know how before, in the limo...?
Oh, my God,
159
00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:59,360
when he was stuffing his face?
That was hard to watch.
160
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,799
WHISPERS: We've got to be so careful.
161
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:07,359
I'm worried if any of
these global elites even see him,
162
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:10,559
they'll lose their sexual
appetites entirely.
163
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:14,359
I meant the personal project.
I mean, he's not traditionally fugly,
164
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:15,919
but he's a bit of a mood-killer.
165
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,080
I could try covering him with
a blanket.
166
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,600
Jess, brilliant!
167
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,079
To expose the evil underbelly
of the golf club,
168
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,399
we needed to go deep undercover.
169
00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,759
G'day. Not sure
we've been introduced.
170
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:34,759
I'm Baby Murdoch.
171
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,760
Bit of a billionaire,
if I may say so myself.
172
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,120
May I offer you an oyster, sir?
173
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,160
No, thank you. That's very kind.
174
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:51,919
This is my butler Smidgen.
Well done, Smidgen.
175
00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,879
Lovely to meet you.
176
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,399
I take it you're here for
the ceremony.
177
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,799
ANGRILY: What ceremony, hey?!
178
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,040
My nanny, Miss Thwickett.
179
00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,679
The Highest-Performing CEO Awards.
180
00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,399
Always a bit dry, aren't they?
HE CHUCKLES
181
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,839
Yeah. Might duck my head in.
182
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,119
Listen,
183
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:13,239
just between you and I,
I'm desperate to unwind.
184
00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:16,640
My fifth wife,
she's a real ball-buster.
185
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,959
Yes, I'm his wife,
Daniella Rochella Sinclair,
186
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,880
and I hope you don't mind,
but I slept my way to the top.
187
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,160
And that's just a blanket,
I'm pretty sure.
188
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,799
Bloke who runs this place,
Eblen-Archer,
189
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:36,879
do you know him?
190
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,319
What's he into?
Does he like smearing,
191
00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,599
injecting things up his gooch hole?
192
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,159
NORMAL VOICE:
No, it's not like that.
193
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,479
It's more sacrifices, demon
meet-ups, long, wavy knives.
194
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,079
HE CLEARS THROAT
Ms Thwickett!
195
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:51,919
Guv'nor.
196
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:55,359
He mostly keeps to himself.
Andrew, do you know
197
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,959
if Eblen-Archer's into
anything spicy?
198
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,319
Hmm. Well, I can't say
I've ever chatted to the man.
199
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:03,839
His son seems to be going through
200
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,440
a bit of a rough patch
at the moment.
201
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:09,639
Oh, hello.
HE CHUCKLES
202
00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:12,879
Sorry, I think we met before.
Don't remember that!
203
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,679
Ooh. Sorry, do you mind not
doing that?
204
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,759
OK. We're not here to play games.
205
00:11:18,760 --> 00:11:22,320
Well, all I can say about the man
is he did have that thing, um...
206
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,239
...thing installed.
207
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,400
Oh, yes, the machine that,
uh, spins around.
208
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:39,319
KABIR: It allows driver to come
in and out of the car park
209
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,399
without having
to manually turn the car around.
210
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:46,439
Mr Eblen-Archer is very proud of
the car turntable.
211
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,040
But what happens
when you press the other button?
212
00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:54,199
Uh, probably slides across
to reveal some sort of...
213
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,999
Underground suck palace.
No, no, it's more likely...
214
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,159
It's a secret temple filled
with bowls of blood.
215
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,239
I don't think so.
216
00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:05,199
I believe it's a suck-a-torium
with thousands of Alopecian guards,
217
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,999
and they come up...
Can't just make this stuff up.
218
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,520
I've actually researched it
online!
219
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:24,319
It just went the other way.
Time for some ads.
220
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,919
And by the way, actually get
some of these products.
221
00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:29,000
These are high-quality products.
222
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,000
I'm not seeing any smoke.
223
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,079
I think it's broken. Can we swap?
224
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,160
No, Sebastian. All right, cut there.
225
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:53,879
It looks really good.
The most boring man in the world
226
00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:57,199
getting driven around by the
second most boring man in the world.
227
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,639
Who wants to watch that?
228
00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:03,199
Um... Hey, I was wondering...
Why are you shaking?
229
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,799
Uh, sorry, I accidentally
wrote a short film,
230
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:07,759
um, Eleanor's Birdbath.
231
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,719
SHE HESITATES
It's probably nothing,
232
00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:10,839
but I was just, um...
233
00:13:10,840 --> 00:13:13,919
I would love some notes on it
if... Would you look at it?
234
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,359
This is a short film?
235
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,559
It's as thick as the Holy Bible!
236
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,439
I'll trim it down.
Thank you so, so much.
237
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:21,640
Give dipstick a hand.
238
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,439
Did he understand the metaphor?
239
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:31,919
The sparrow was, in fact, the
spirit of Eleanor's dead fiance.
240
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:34,760
Sebastian, press the button.
GROANS: You're ruining it!
241
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:40,119
Kabir, how would you feel
about trying some dialogue?
242
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,839
Mr Eblen-Archer prefers silence.
243
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,999
He prefers silence?
244
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,319
Well, we'd love you to say something.
245
00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,800
Like what? Anything.
246
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,000
HE GROANS
247
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,879
I've never done this before.
Just talk, improvise!
248
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,640
Fu... Futurama?
249
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,039
Soft drink.
250
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,279
That's what you say,
is Futurama and soft drink?
251
00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,479
HE INHALES, EXHALES
252
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,799
We need to get him some training,
ASAP!
253
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,439
We were forced to enrol Kabir
in a Level One improv course.
254
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,279
Marty's the best.
And then just repeat after me.
255
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,719
Wah-wah! ALL: Wah-wah!
256
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:35,639
Nah-nah-nah-nah!
ALL: Nah-nah-nah-nah!
257
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,319
Now just brrr!
258
00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:40,559
ALL: Brrr!
259
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:44,439
HE GRUNTS
Yes, yes, but it is rather large.
260
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,759
I'm sorry, sir.
We only make big clocks.
261
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:51,039
Yes, you do, but I only came in
for a scale and polish.
262
00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,959
HE LAUGHS
I'm always adding stuff like that!
263
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,279
Action! Yes, and
did you hear about the person
264
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,439
who bought an alarm clock
that was too big?
265
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,199
No, tell me more.
266
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:05,520
First of all,
they bought it from a dentist.
267
00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,559
Very funny for a dentist
268
00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,639
to sell alarm clock instead
of the teeth.
269
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:14,959
THEY CHUCKLE
270
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,519
Sebastian, easy on the smoke.
271
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:19,839
COUGHING
272
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:21,519
Hey, turn it off!
273
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,759
I'm trying! Sebastian!
274
00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:26,079
I can't! All right.
Just turn it off!
275
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,160
CHATTER AND COUGHING
276
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:33,239
Let's just lose the smoke machine.
277
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,679
Why would there even be smoke
inside the car?
278
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,680
Right?
279
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,240
What do I do, then?
280
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:43,119
Maybe we can co-direct,
Safdie brothers-style.
281
00:15:43,120 --> 00:15:44,880
Might be best you sit
this one out, buddy.
282
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,039
How can we liven this up?
283
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,680
What do you think, Winnie?
Should we go handheld?
284
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:05,959
Let's just scrap this scene.
It's not working.
285
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,319
It's a turd!
286
00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,359
We'll get an early start tomorrow.
287
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:13,559
Big finale - the heart attack.
Oh, absolutely not.
288
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,000
It's much too personal.
289
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,560
He wouldn't want that to be
in the movie.
290
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,799
Kabir, can I have a quick word?
291
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,079
How can I make a bottle of wine
if you won't give me...
292
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,959
SHOUTS: ..a single grape?
293
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,679
I'm sorry, Mr Director.
294
00:16:29,680 --> 00:16:32,599
I felt bad for shouting
and grabbing,
295
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,959
but I wasn't the only one
feeling frustrated.
296
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,479
Sebastian was drowning his sorrows.
297
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,479
Bartender, fetch me another sack.
298
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,480
Yes, sir.
299
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,639
Yo, three more scotch and
whiskies, please.
300
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,200
Neat. Very well, Mr Eblen-Archer.
301
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,759
You're the one they call Bert?
302
00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:54,359
That's right.
303
00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:55,440
Have you been watching me?
304
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,119
You don't work for my dad, do you?
305
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,520
No. Apparently, I'm not allowed.
306
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:05,280
These are on me, by the way.
307
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,799
Bro, you know what's really funny?
308
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,440
I used to have
that same credit card...
309
00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:17,200
...but then my dad took it from me.
310
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:22,720
I think I like you.
311
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,959
Bro, we have a great deal
in common, I'll tell you that.
312
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,639
If anything,
my parents are holding ME back.
313
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,599
Sam acts like their money is
the only reason I'm on the team.
314
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,679
The only reason I'm not in charge
315
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:43,199
is the green-eyed monster,
aka jealousy.
316
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,800
My dad is always riding me too hard.
317
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,359
One time I got so angry about it,
318
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:51,400
I tried to punch
a hole in my own head.
319
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,319
And that's when they tried to
lock me up,
320
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,199
aka send me to art therapy class.
321
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,600
What does that mean?
I'll show you, bro.
322
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:06,680
You made these? Yep.
323
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,879
They're fascinating. Thank you, bro.
324
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,559
One day, my dream is to become
325
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,320
an amazing sculptor like
Michelangelo. You know him?
326
00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:21,039
What's funny is
I showed my dad these
327
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:23,519
and I told him I wanted to leave
the family business,
328
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,039
and, uh, he had a heart attack, man.
329
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,040
Imagine that.
330
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:32,519
Basically, no-one is rocking
with me any more because of that.
331
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,479
Not actually your fault.
332
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,119
Nobody should live
in someone else's shadow.
333
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,199
From what I've researched
334
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,920
and what I know,
shadow is the absence of light.
335
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:45,840
You're a good guy. Let's do
another round, Ricky. Let's go.
336
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,319
Come on, boys.
I really need to close up.
337
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,079
Ricky, I don't want to be
a douchebag, man,
338
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,319
but my dad kind of owns you, right?
339
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,360
Right. Right, Ricky?
That is right, yeah.
340
00:18:57,680 --> 00:19:00,239
So get us some more drinks,
please. Right you are.
341
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:01,440
And get some cheese for the boy.
342
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,319
SAM: The next morning,
I was at an all-time low.
343
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,359
I was starting to wonder
344
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:09,600
if there was even
a single paedophile at the club.
345
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:12,559
Hey, chin up.
346
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,760
There's got to be
one at this thing tonight.
347
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,679
Thanks, Pat. Mm.
348
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:18,959
Yeah.
349
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,079
Surely, there's a paedophile here.
350
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:23,999
PEE-dophile. PE-dophile.
351
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,519
PEE-dophile. PE-dophile!
352
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,079
They've got very close-set eyes.
No. They're sensitive to light.
353
00:19:29,080 --> 00:19:31,479
Uh-uh. Got long necks.
354
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,239
They're very misunderstood.
355
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,279
I'm gonna have to come clean here.
356
00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,279
Hadn't really done our homework
on this one.
357
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,719
My team and I
have since gone through
358
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,559
a series of briefings
about this community
359
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,559
from our employers at Channel 4...
360
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:49,439
...who are not paedophiles. Hey, Sam.
I made some amends to my script.
361
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:51,599
I thought you were gonna
cut it down. Yeah, I tried,
362
00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,199
but then I had an idea
for a subplot with the gardener.
363
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,480
You've got time.
You should read it now.
364
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Why not?
365
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,160
Mm.
366
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,280
Jack's Birdbath! Nice.
367
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:14,120
Oh, why didn't I think of that?
368
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:19,040
Looks like we were on to something.
Some bastards nicked my camera!
369
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,159
The culprit? Sebastian.
370
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,639
He was developing a nasty habit
of lying on the ground in disgrace.
371
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:30,719
Oh.
372
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,600
Methinks a bender.
We've all been there.
373
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,880
Sebastian, I'm livid!
374
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:42,759
I'm ashamed.
Hey, what's up guys? I'm Bert.
375
00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:45,000
You've been playing with my tackle!
376
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,679
Bro, you're kind of nice
with the camera, man.
377
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:53,959
I play with it
when people are sleeping, man.
378
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,199
You didn't get permission for this.
379
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,399
Yo, Ricky, get on this shit.
380
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,280
- Try it.
- Ricky. RICKY CHUCKLES
381
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,399
HE LAUGHS
382
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:05,519
This is creepy!
383
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:09,240
HE BEATBOXES
384
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,359
Bro, I don't know if I like...
385
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,559
I don't know if I like
what you're doing there.
386
00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:22,119
Don't be sucking on me.
Nasty, nasty!
387
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,280
Bro, I got an idea.
388
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,399
Let's go make something, bro.
389
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,559
I thought we had an agreement!
390
00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:30,320
I want that thing out of there!
What?
391
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,879
What is this, a big red breast?
392
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,319
We made it for you.
393
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,280
That's it.
No more personal projects!
394
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,119
And who is this?
395
00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,000
Kabir, no, no, no, it's all good.
They're honestly...
396
00:21:57,240 --> 00:21:58,240
Don't look at that.
397
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,239
I'll give you �400 for it.
398
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,359
More if you can get me
the full pair.
399
00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:08,599
�1,000. It makes me rock-hard.
400
00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:10,519
1,500 with VAT.
401
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,319
Henderson,
I need this more than you do.
402
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,879
�2,000. 800! That's less. So what?
403
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:19,360
�5,000!
404
00:22:22,640 --> 00:22:24,399
Daddy?
405
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,959
Thank you, thank you.
406
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,560
SAM: Sebastian,
that's their moment, I think.
407
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,639
So basically, Mr Eblen-Archer's
meeting in Zurich got pushed back.
408
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,239
He flew home
and ruined our surprise.
409
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,439
We didn't get a chance to
finish the movie,
410
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,599
so we had to make do
with Sebastian's footage.
411
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,319
I hate you! I hate you!
412
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,199
Die! Die!
413
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,319
SCREAMING
414
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,839
Mr Eblen-Archer said
that Kabir had crossed the line
415
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:56,479
and sadly, made the decision
to let him go.
416
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:57,800
But what a send-off!
417
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:16,439
? I believe in miracles
418
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:19,840
? They happen all the time
419
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,320
? I tried to make a movie for you
420
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:31,399
? All about your life
421
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,799
? And in my mind, I'm driving
422
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:35,719
? And you're there right behind me
423
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:37,639
? Gonna press downtown
424
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:39,600
? With the windows down
425
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,239
? People passing by saying
426
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,319
? Hey, I like that guy
427
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:47,439
? But we can't stop
428
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:58,200
? We've got somewhere to be
Tonight
429
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:07,320
? I am Kabir and I am discreet
Tonight
430
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,559
? I am Kabir
431
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:17,399
? And I'm looking for a job
432
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:25,559
? Oh
433
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:26,959
? Tonight... ?
434
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,960
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
435
00:24:30,010 --> 00:24:34,560
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