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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,319
Hi, my name is Ewin.
2
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:05,039
I like drawing and
showing up for the boys.
3
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,399
Cut me and I bleed
Gurnsfield United.
4
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,159
Never miss a game.
5
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:13,119
Come on, The Geese.
Come on, The Geese.
6
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:14,479
Come on, The Geese.
7
00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:17,159
WHISTLE BLOWS
- No! - What's the score, boys?
8
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,799
Ewin, the scoreboard's right there.
9
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,199
LIGHT APPLAUSE
No worries, boys.
10
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,279
Technically,
11
00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:24,479
they've lost all their games
12
00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:25,999
this season,
13
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,479
but I'll never give up on the lads.
14
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:31,399
This is the guys
pleading with the ref.
15
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:32,640
Uh...
16
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,159
This...
17
00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:37,599
This is the Yooglet.
18
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,279
He's got magical powers.
19
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:44,679
He's taken a vow to help anyone
in their time of need.
20
00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:48,959
What if the Yooglet teamed
up with Gurnsfield United
21
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,199
and helped them
to win their first football game?
22
00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,240
Now, that is a movie
I'd love to see.
23
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,679
Thank you.
24
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:57,919
This is what I love about
this country -
25
00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,959
the devotion, the spirit.
26
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,759
England's green
and pleasant pastures.
27
00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,759
This is more than just a feel-good
sports movie
28
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:06,879
with a sprinkling of fantasy.
29
00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,799
This is a boy's wish!
30
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,320
We can't let anything stand
in our way.
31
00:01:13,600 --> 00:01:15,560
Never give up! B-agh!
32
00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,599
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Shut up! Shut up!
33
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,600
HE EXCLAIMS
34
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:51,799
I couldn't wait to meet Ewin
35
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,799
and find out more
about his little green character.
36
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,599
We cruised into Gurnsfield
to catch up
37
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,399
with the man of the match himself.
38
00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,399
Congratulations, Mr O'Donohue.
39
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:04,279
What are your thoughts
on today's selection? Huh?
40
00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:05,959
He's real!
41
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:07,599
Oh, my God, it's you!
42
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,959
You must be riding high
after today's fantastic result.
43
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,399
Do you have anything to say
to the fans at home?
44
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,599
Oh, my God,
you're gonna make my movie!
45
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:16,999
Well, there you have it.
46
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,359
The penny has dropped
and the gaffer is speechless.
47
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,919
At the end of the day,
he's played a real blinder.
48
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:24,760
Great vision from the lad himself.
Can I do mine?
49
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:28,400
Have you got one prepared? Yeah.
50
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,080
Sorry, mate,
I don't think we've got time.
51
00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:37,479
It's my moment, mate.
52
00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:38,600
Hmm?
53
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,959
I can't wait to tell the lads
about this tomorrow at training.
54
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,119
Oh, you go and watch
the training as well?
55
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,959
Yeah. Training's just
a curry before kick-off, really.
56
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,479
You know, they chat about tactics,
I guess,
57
00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,359
and I get goat jalfrezi. Oh.
58
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,839
Um, are your parents around?
59
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,239
We just have a few forms
we'd like them to sign.
60
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,479
My parents? No, they're in Devon.
61
00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:03,920
It's all right.
Give it here, I'll sign it.
62
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,279
You know,
it's nice to see a bit of paper.
63
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,959
Everything's gone all digital,
hasn't it?
64
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,000
I'll grab a pen.
65
00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,759
Devon? Goodness me.
66
00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,679
I'm dying to know more
about this little Yoog-Yoog fella.
67
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:22,879
He's quite charming. Really, he is.
68
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:25,679
It's pronounced Yoog-let.
69
00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:28,199
I'm sorry,
it's just that I'm a big fan.
70
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,119
I'm still surprised
you got the rights.
71
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,120
Honsworth is a real bulldog.
72
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,800
Hold up, what's happening?
What rights?
73
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,600
Houston, we have a pen.
74
00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,119
Uh-oh. Slight oversight here.
75
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,199
It turns out that The Yooglet
is actually a quite well-known
76
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,599
existing English
children's book character,
77
00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,399
created by Sir BBB Honsworth.
78
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,239
The Yooglet was voted
the third best Briton of all time,
79
00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,279
has a chain of department stores,
80
00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,079
two airports named in his honour,
81
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:02,679
and he can be found on the back of
every 10p coin.
82
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,479
Suffice to say, Jess had somehow
failed to include The Yooglet
83
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,720
in my official dossier on the
British way of life. I'm so sorry!
84
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:13,000
I thought I got everything!
85
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,080
I hope one day I can forgive her.
86
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:21,279
How can I bring together the people
of the Empire
87
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:24,399
if I'm totally ignorant
of their beautiful culture?
88
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,439
PAT: Sam, he's, like,
a national treasure.
89
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:27,999
We had to memorise the books
at school.
90
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:29,359
There's 50 of them.
91
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,079
I mean, this fella's got
a reasonable selection,
92
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:34,199
but he's missing all the classics.
93
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,319
The Yooglet Takes Rhodesia.
94
00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:37,719
Rhodesia? Yeah.
95
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,239
That one got me through my divorce.
96
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,559
Have you been living
under a fucking rock?!
97
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,439
That's a pretty serious allegation.
98
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,999
Man, the Yooglet seems like he has
a lot of wisdom.
99
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,839
I wish we had him in Australia,
100
00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,919
instead of Melanie Pelican.
101
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,999
Melanie, have you been out
in the sun again?
102
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,359
God, you are riddled with melanomas.
GROANING
103
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,319
Don't forget to wear sunscreen,
kids!
104
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:02,359
Puppets give me the willies.
105
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:04,119
Look,
we can just make the movie anyway.
106
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,519
We'll just say he's a different
kind of gnome.
107
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,839
He's a forest friend.
108
00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:12,559
Last of the noble order of the elder
flower hog imps.
109
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,999
Last of his kind - nice.
110
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,399
Is that a serious suggestion?
111
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,039
This is BBB Honsworth,
112
00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,359
he'll smell a knock-off
a mile away.
113
00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:24,079
Do you...? Do you want him
to send in the suits?
114
00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,119
I can't be dealing with the suits.
115
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,999
It felt like Ewin's dream
was just out of reach.
116
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,039
We'd need a miracle
to get the rights.
117
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,000
Thankfully,
I'm in the miracle business.
118
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:41,280
We track down BBB Honsworth
at his unlisted country estate.
119
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,519
I mean, we should cut our losses.
120
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,359
Sam, he hates visitors.
Like, hates them.
121
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,999
You know,
he's not been seen in public
122
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,599
since he tried to filibuster
the Good Friday Agreement.
123
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,399
Listen, I made a promise to
that sweet Ewin.
124
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,959
Not just to him,
125
00:05:56,960 --> 00:06:00,319
but to these British Isles
we all call home.
126
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,519
WINNIE GROANS
127
00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:05,279
Winnie, don't vomit.
Do we have some kitchen roll?
128
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,559
Ah, sorry.
129
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,879
It's just pre-Honsworth nerves.
130
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,519
The man is a god to me.
131
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,599
I'll be all right once I'm inside.
132
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,360
Inside his house! Jesus!
133
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:16,919
His actual house!
134
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,240
WINNIE GROANS
135
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,119
Sorry.
136
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,759
If only we had some sheets
of kitchen roll.
137
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,159
Winnie,
maybe you should sit this one out.
138
00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,839
PAT: I'll look after him.
No!
139
00:06:28,840 --> 00:06:31,199
Winnie, you've twice vomited.
140
00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:32,879
What if you freak out
and get a stiffy?
141
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:34,879
You can't take this away from me!
No!
142
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,399
Wait outside.
143
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,879
Sam!
144
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:41,239
With the only British-born members
of the crew recovering outside,
145
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:43,679
we'd have to work hard to assimilate.
146
00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,279
It was a privilege to see
147
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,800
a traditional dipping ceremony
up close.
148
00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,519
I found your email
to be morbidly offensive.
149
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,159
I'm simply not in the business of
prostituting out my beloved Yooglet
150
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,040
to every Tom, Dick and Harry
who wants to make a motion picture.
151
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:09,679
Not after what happened last time.
152
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:12,759
{\an8}? We try to grow up... ?
153
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:14,239
Well... Oh, yes.
154
00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,519
"This is not my first rodeo,"
155
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:17,960
as those fat Americans say.
156
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,559
Thank the Lord we stopped
that abomination.
157
00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:24,959
Can you believe they put my sweet,
nubile Yooglet
158
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,600
in a baseball cap?
159
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:29,959
Lucky bastards.
160
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,759
Oh, what are we doing?
161
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:33,319
Let's get in there, Pat.
162
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,240
He can't see me. What?
163
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:37,799
I didn't want to say anything,
164
00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,760
but I've got a bit of a history...
165
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,639
...with Honsworth,
166
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,159
back when I was running game
with my uncle Pat.
167
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,880
Your uncle's called Pat as well?
168
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,799
Everyone in my family is.
169
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,600
We slightly borrowed The Yooglet's
branding for a business venture.
170
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:00,879
You silly bitch!
171
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,359
I had tickets for that!
172
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,639
Totally ruined my 90th.
173
00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,839
These flash new characters
174
00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:12,679
with their blue hair
and bisexual tofu...
175
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,440
That's not who we are!
176
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,119
The Yooglet is an Englishman.
177
00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,759
As English as fish and chips,
178
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,119
a ciggy and a Brompton,
179
00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,079
a thousand years on the West End.
180
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,279
Yes... Of course,
181
00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,480
Johnny Foreigner doesn't get that.
HONSWORTH SCOFFS
182
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:32,439
In truth, the only way that I would
green light a Yooglet picture
183
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:35,159
is if I knew it was
going to be done properly,
184
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,519
faithful to the source material
185
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,519
and with an entirely British crew
186
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:43,440
on-screen and behind the camera.
187
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:50,599
ENGLISH ACCENT: Oh, I simply
couldn't have put it better myself,
188
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:51,720
my lordship.
189
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,999
ESSEX ACCENT: That's exactly...
That's exactly right.
190
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,399
To be fair, I'm not being funny.
191
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,879
You all right, love?
192
00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,320
Probably just have a night in
actually.
193
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,279
COCKNEY ACCENT: Love Stonehenge.
194
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,199
Born and raised Stonehenge myself.
195
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,560
Cafe culture. Absolutely bonkers.
Oi, oi!
196
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,640
Don't mind if I use the toilet
on the way out.
197
00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,560
Love to have a go
on the bloody toilet.
198
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,040
I had no idea. Fellow countrymen.
199
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:39,959
Oh, my darlings!
200
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,239
Winnie, you weren't wrong.
201
00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,439
Honsworth is a true gentleman
of the crump-ington order.
202
00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:48,799
His entrustings shall not be in vain.
203
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,999
Don't tell me that.
At least lie about him.
204
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,559
What are you on about? He said yes?
You got the rights?
205
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,759
We got the rights.
206
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,919
I just got my first kiss,
right up top!
207
00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,079
A kiss from Honsworth?
208
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,439
That's it, let's get back in there.
209
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:05,719
ALL PROTEST
Restrain him!
210
00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,479
Please! Please!
211
00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:09,039
With Honsworth's blessing,
212
00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:13,359
nothing could stop us from bringing
The Yooglet to the big screen.
213
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,159
Now, enough classic banter.
214
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,400
Time for some footy.
215
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,239
Be careful, he's an old dog.
216
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,159
What's for lunch, then?
I'm rather peckish for lunch.
217
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:34,839
Oh, I got sushi.
218
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,199
No, no, ditch that.
Roast dinners all around -
219
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:38,240
it's got to be.
220
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:41,600
He lives.
221
00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:44,719
The Yooglet.
222
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,080
Make it go, Sebastian. Fire it up.
223
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,319
Sam, I'm a little uneasy about this.
224
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,599
Sebastian, you're always going
on about puppets.
225
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,119
You love puppetry.
226
00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:57,399
We may have got our wires crossed
a little bit.
227
00:10:57,400 --> 00:11:00,839
They are my main phobia
of the 12 major phobias.
228
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,759
EWIN CHUCKLES
It's The Yooglet!
229
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:06,439
EWIN GASPS
Wow. Can he speak?
230
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,640
Make him... Make him say my name.
231
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,439
Say his name. Say my name.
232
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,679
Say my name! Just say it. Right now!
233
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,839
Say it! You will say his name!
You will say my name!
234
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,800
Do his bidding! Say my name! Now!
235
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,399
I love you, Ewin.
236
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,559
Oh, ho-ho-ho-ho! Oh, fuck!
237
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:33,840
That is good.
238
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:36,919
Ah! All right, lads,
let's get you into make-up, eh?
239
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,199
Can he put a spell on me?
240
00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,239
Can you fly? All right, fella. What?
241
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,240
My turn.
242
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:51,960
Oh!
243
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:54,839
Winnie.
244
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,120
Oh.
245
00:11:57,360 --> 00:11:59,600
ENGINE REVS
246
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,679
What can I get for you, missy?
Jog on.
247
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,719
Aw, that's no way to say hello
to your uncle, is it?
248
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,559
Enjoyed your article.
249
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:17,039
Always good to see a Pat
in the paper.
250
00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,759
You got the keys to the kingdom.
251
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:21,919
The Yooglet is ours at last.
We're back in business.
252
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,599
I don't work for you any more, Pat.
I've gone legit.
253
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,319
Who's doing your merch?
254
00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:28,279
Knocked up a few samples, I have.
255
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,399
Hey? Hey?
256
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,439
Let's collab, Pat.
257
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:34,919
I'd have to check the call sheet.
258
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,199
I'm not sure we need
a two-bit con man
259
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:39,039
who smells like a puddle.
260
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,999
You know, I didn't have
the time of my life in prison,
261
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,799
but they never caught you, though,
did they?
262
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:45,559
Funny that.
263
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,599
RADIO STATIC
Pat, where you at?
264
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,999
Sorry, that's my boss.
265
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:54,239
The dog drank a Boddingtons -
is that bad?
266
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,039
Change your mind. No!
267
00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,679
Change your mind. Come here!
Argh! Change your mind!
268
00:12:58,680 --> 00:13:01,759
Shut up! Change your mind!
Change your mind!
269
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:02,999
Hey, cheeky.
270
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,519
I know what you're thinking.
271
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:05,959
You want an ice cream, don't you?
272
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:07,919
I'll get you one. What do you want?
273
00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:09,359
Nah, you're all right.
274
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,000
I'm saving myself for this roast.
275
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,719
He would probably have been
repulsed by me.
276
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,839
Another creepy Yoog-head
drooling all over him.
277
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,240
Oh, you couldn't be more wrong, sir.
278
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:31,039
Mr Honsworth would be proud
to call you a forest friend.
279
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:34,559
Aw. You see me.
280
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:37,080
JESS: What kind of kid doesn't want
an ice cream?
281
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,160
Excuse me, this is private.
282
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:53,440
There you are.
283
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,040
That's different.
284
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,640
THE YOOGLET MURMURS
285
00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:20,080
W-ah.
286
00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,360
What is that? Is that a dog?
287
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,559
Agh!
288
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,519
His name's The Yooglet.
289
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,479
He wants to help us.
290
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:37,999
Mate, we've got a massive
match this month.
291
00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:39,640
I think I just found
our secret weapon.
292
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:42,720
He's got abilities.
293
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,720
THE YOOGLET GROANS
294
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:04,880
Yes!
CHEERING
295
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,640
I'd like to incorporate
a new tactic...
296
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,519
...kindness.
297
00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:17,440
If the midfielders could just employ
a gentle... Cut.
298
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,199
Sebastian,
I can see your mouth moving.
299
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,799
It looks fake.
300
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,319
Yeah, but I'm not even on screen.
301
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,999
You're still doing it.
302
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,919
What's the issue?
I'm not on camera.
303
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,279
Just don't move your mouth
when you talk.
304
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,120
I think ventriloquism
can take years to master.
305
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,360
They should really teach it
in schools. Yeah.
306
00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,640
Nathan, is it? Quick word?
307
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,799
Nobody likes it when
footballers get political, yeah?
308
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,079
Sure.
309
00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:50,520
Excuse me?
310
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,359
The suits?
311
00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,559
I can't be dealing with the suits!
312
00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:59,799
Sam Campbell? Yeah.
313
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,559
You are in breach of copyright law.
314
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:03,919
No, no, there's been a mistake.
315
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,839
We had an agreement with
Mr Honsworth.
316
00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,759
Mr Honsworth embraced us.
317
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:10,959
A kiss on the top of the head
isn't legally binding.
318
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:14,039
Top of the head.
Our client is not of sound mind.
319
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,559
He couldn't give you the rights
even if he wanted to.
320
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,279
They belong to the
board of trustees.
321
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,439
Mr Honsworth only has permission
to appear next to the character
322
00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:23,840
in his commercials for
prescription-strength deodorant.
323
00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,479
In fact, there are grounds to file
a lawsuit against you
324
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,639
for mental distress to our client.
325
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,319
No comment. I know my rights.
326
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,479
My client doesn't have
to say anything
327
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,720
without also getting
to wear a nice suit.
328
00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,759
I ask that we may call a
Ploughman's truce.
329
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:04,000
We stand together as brothers.
330
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:08,440
May the sun never set on the...
331
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:11,839
Meaningless.
332
00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:15,039
You have blatantly stolen
our client's intellectual property.
333
00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:17,159
And that thing will need
to be incinerated.
334
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,639
Sebastian?
Please, professional lawyers.
335
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,279
This is all I have.
336
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:23,439
I can't go back to my human form.
337
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:26,039
When are we filming
the penalty shoot-out, ey?
338
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,399
Nutmeg.
EWIN CHUCKLES
339
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,239
Go on, tell him.
340
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:32,959
Look this innocent child in the eye
341
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,559
and tell him his movie can't happen
because we didn't get a certificate,
342
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:37,639
whatever it is.
343
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,319
Child? What are you on about?
344
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,839
Don't cry, Ewin.
345
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:45,080
Don't let these bastards see you cry.
346
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,279
I'm 40.
347
00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:49,600
I'm 40 years old.
348
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,399
Parents? No, they're in Devon.
349
00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,760
Devon? Fuck!
350
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,080
I'm saving myself for this roast.
351
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,080
I'm 40 years old.
352
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:11,399
40. You're 40?!
353
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,239
Why do you love The Yooglet so much?
354
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,839
You really are very thick.
355
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:18,039
Do your research, mate.
Everyone loves The Yooglet.
356
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,399
Oh, that's right.
357
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,919
He's an institution.
358
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,479
Come along now, Mr Honsworth.
359
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:27,040
Please, if you would,
could you sign, for an old fan?
360
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,719
Oh, Christ. Go on, if you're quick.
361
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,559
Ah, this young whippersnapper
has dug up an old classic.
362
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,839
"The Yooglet Fingers A Pygmy."
363
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,879
Ah, that was a fun one.
364
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:41,360
Um, where did you get these?
365
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,919
Oh, I've had most of these since
I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
366
00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:47,480
I've got the entire collection.
367
00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,999
The entire collection? Yes.
368
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,759
Turns out a few of the old books
had some pretty dicey titles,
369
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,559
along with some rather
troubling inscriptions.
370
00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,719
I agreed to hand over Winnie's
box of evidence
371
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,039
in exchange for the rights to
The Yooglet
372
00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:04,759
and 12 cases of the
prescription-strength deodorant,
373
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,199
for a friend.
374
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:10,359
Ewin made me realise football isn't
about what happens on the pitch.
375
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:14,319
It's about everyone in the terraces
supporting their team.
376
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,520
I sacked the players
and started over.
377
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,160
This one is for the fans.
378
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,040
Agh!
379
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,759
Yoog Street.
GROANING
380
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,359
Big game on Sunday,
381
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,319
so we thought we might pay
a little visit to the ref.
382
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:39,719
WHISTLE BLOWS
Ever since The Yooglet
383
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,799
took over the firm,
384
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:44,280
we've been a bit more "hands-on"
with our support.
385
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:50,320
There he is!
386
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:57,199
- Football!
- Yeah! ALL YELL
387
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,359
Shame we had to ditch
the Gurnsfield boys.
388
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,639
Jess, you still have
so much to learn.
389
00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,559
Those guys are born losers.
390
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,720
They'll never be legendary
footballers, like Messi...
391
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,599
...or Ronaldo.
392
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:13,559
Ah, looks like you were a bit quick
to judge your uncle Pat, Pat.
393
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:18,319
Winnie, that man lives by the
code of the fairground.
394
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,120
Sam must have given him something.
395
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:27,719
- Hey.
- Well, there you have it... CHEERING
396
00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,759
...The Geese have earned
a well-deserved corner.
397
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,839
There will be celebrations
in Gurnsfield tonight.
398
00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,200
That'll be ๏ฟฝ6.50, please, mate.
399
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:39,840
Champion-ay!
CHEERING
400
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,279
I didn't realise these pints were...
401
00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:48,359
Were for The Yooglet.
402
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,400
These are on the house.
403
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,680
THE YOOGLET GROANS
404
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,480
MUSIC: Rule, Britannia!
405
00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:15,959
ALL: # Rule, Britannia
406
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,159
? Britannia rules the waves
407
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:25,440
? Britons never, never, never
shall be slaves... ?
408
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,679
More suits. What now?
409
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,359
Sam Campbell? Hello.
410
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:34,799
We've seen what you've done.
411
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,919
? Shall be slaves... ?
412
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,719
We're from the Home Office.
413
00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:43,000
We would like to offer you full
British citizenship.
414
00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:48,719
I accept this honour.
415
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:52,720
Everything I do is to further
the British cause.
416
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:58,959
ALL: # Rule, Britannia
417
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,879
? Britannia rules the waves
418
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:05,439
? Britons never, never, never
419
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:11,840
? Shall be sla-aaa-aves. ?
420
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,879
ICE CREAM VAN JINGLE
421
00:22:16,880 --> 00:22:18,560
Look, Dad, it's The Yooglet.
422
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,679
Hello, dad. Hello, boy.
423
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:24,599
Are you ready
to eat some nice ice cream?
424
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,479
Oi! I can still see your
fucking lips moving, mate!
425
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:28,840
It looks fake!
426
00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,919
MUSIC: Rule, Britannia!
427
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,360
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
428
00:22:35,410 --> 00:22:39,960
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