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♪ What's a man ♪
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♪ Without a woman ♪
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♪ A fire without a spark ♪
4
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♪ Where would man be without a woman ♪
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- I want breasts.
6
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♪ Laying cold and in the dark ♪
7
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How do you want 'em?
8
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- Big.
9
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And juicy.
10
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Spicy or regular?
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- Bouncy.
12
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Anything else?
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- A wing.
14
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That's two spicy breasts and a wing.
15
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- Binjo!
16
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Drive through, please.
17
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♪ Without a woman ♪
18
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- Hey, Turk.
19
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You wanna drink with that?
20
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- Sure, how about a Sex on the Beach
21
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followed by 12 orgasms?
22
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You know we don't have no liquor.
23
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Lick her?
24
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I barely know her!
25
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♪ Looking for some action on a Saturday night ♪
26
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♪ I head out to the clubs, ladies looking so right ♪
27
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♪ Buying fancy drinks, dropping pick up lines ♪
28
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♪ Hours getting late, man, you're running out of time ♪
29
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♪ First comes strike one ♪
30
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♪ Then comes strike two ♪
31
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♪ First strike you are out ♪
32
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♪ What you gonna do ♪
33
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- Oh, yeah.
34
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♪ Look around the room ♪
35
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♪ And he struts out from the can ♪
36
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♪ Get your money out, here comes the wingman ♪
37
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♪ Wingman, wingman ♪
38
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♪ When the ladies leave you standing ♪
39
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♪ With the drinks in your hand ♪
40
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♪ It's time to close the deal with the wingman ♪
41
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♪ Wingman ♪
42
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- Turk Thompson.
♪ Wingman ♪
43
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- Wingman.
44
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♪ He's the wingman ♪
45
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♪ Wingman ♪
46
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Ah!
47
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♪ Wingman ♪
48
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♪ Wingman ♪
49
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- Nice face.
50
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Yeah.
51
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2100 hours exactly.
52
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Your, uh, wingman is now officially on the clock.
53
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Tonight, I'm gonna get you laid
54
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faster than an olive-oil soaked butt plug
55
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bouncing down the side of Brokeback Mountain.
56
00:03:47,102 --> 00:03:50,522
- So, how exactly does this work anyhow?
57
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- You pick out the hottie you want,
58
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,860
we stride on up there.
59
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,528
And then, I build you up to the point
60
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that you're so irresistible,
61
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even a one-legged nun at a gopher hole festival
62
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couldn't resist power-slamming you.
63
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I'll take out the Klingon friend,
64
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then you're on your own.
65
00:04:14,629 --> 00:04:16,673
- How do I know it works?
66
00:04:16,755 --> 00:04:18,884
- Does an elephant know how to jerk itself off
67
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with its own nose?
68
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- I, I.
69
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- Come on, let's go.
70
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,233
- Hello, ladies.
71
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:38,195
Can we, uh,
72
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buy you some drinks?
73
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:43,992
- I don't know. Can you afford a bottle of Cristal?
74
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- This is Todd Barker.
75
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5'9", 186 pounds,
76
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half Irish, two-thirds Italian,
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1% Native American,
78
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Navajo tribe.
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Thanks for asking.
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He works at a successful law firm downtown,
81
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makes 49K a year,
82
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10-year trajectory, 600K, annually.
83
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Blood type O, no trace of disease
84
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or mental illness in his gene pool,
85
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although he does have a
brother who once got arrested
86
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for shooting through an Arby's drive-through window.
87
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He's only been with three women.
88
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Almost had a homosexual encounter
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in a public restroom in
Germany after he left college.
90
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He's allergic to cats.
91
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He doesn't snore.
92
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He prefers steak over seafood.
93
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And he's been circumcised.
94
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Twice.
95
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Twice.
96
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- Any, uh, questions?
97
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- Excuse us for a second.
98
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- Are you fucking kidding me?
99
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How did you know all this stuff?
100
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,467
- I'm good at my job.
101
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- Okay, looks like we'll take that drink after all.
102
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,847
- I thought so.
103
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,976
Hi.
104
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:55,438
What is that unbelievable smell?
105
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Are you wearing cologne?
106
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,984
- It's just a little something I picked up
107
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,569
when I was in Paris.
108
00:06:00,652 --> 00:06:03,905
Kindness, forgiveness, cherish,
109
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KFC, number seven.
110
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,661
- You're fucking hot.
111
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- I know.
112
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:11,830
- Hey there, gorgeous.
113
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:14,499
Do you work in a museum,
114
00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:15,917
because you're a work of art?
115
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- Ah, my face!
116
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Ah! Ah!
117
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- Upstairs, there's literally, like,
118
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a flight piercing sound in the-
119
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- Ugh! Ugh!
- Whoa!
120
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,015
Whoa!
- Oh my god.
121
00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:30,849
- What is that?
- Skip!
122
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:32,684
I like the new look!
123
00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:35,395
Girls are into narwhals these days, right?
124
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- You better not show up to our wedding like that.
125
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You might steal my thunder.
126
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Yeah, and pop all the balloons.
127
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- Dude, come here, come here.
- Just take it out,
128
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please, please.
129
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Oh!
130
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Oh!
131
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:45,822
- Am I pussing, am I pussing?
132
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- No, it doesn't look good.
- All right.
133
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Okay, guys, guys, all right, a toast.
134
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To Bob and Terri and your
last few days of being single.
135
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- Aw.
- Okay, fine.
136
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,458
Here's to Bob and Terri,
137
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the most obnoxiously cute couple I've ever met.
138
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- Mhmm.
- Thank you.
139
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- And here's to the world's best boss
140
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,716
becoming the world's best husband.
141
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- Aw.
- Okay, fine, my turn.
142
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Here's to the most amazing girlfriend in the world,
143
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:14,434
and come next week, the most amazing wife.
144
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Oh, most importantly, here's
to closing the Alfab account!
145
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Finally!
146
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Yeah!
147
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Yeah!
148
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- Hi.
149
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Hello.
150
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Hi.
151
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- My name is Kazzim.
152
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- Nice to meet you, Kazzim.
153
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- Very beautiful woman.
154
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Your skin is very beautiful.
155
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It's like the chocolate
156
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cascading down a Dairy Queen sundae.
157
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No nuts, I hope, you know?
158
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Day and age.
159
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These kids, nuts, no nuts.
160
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I have nuts, they have nuts.
161
00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,100
We all have nuts, everybody's nuts.
162
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- I don't think-
163
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- Can I get you boys some shots?
164
00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:01,731
- And staring in your eyes
165
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:05,443
is like staring at the beautiful stars in the sky.
166
00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:06,528
- Wow.
167
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,739
Okay.
168
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,493
- Mm, these are good.
169
00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:14,619
Thank you, man.
- Hey.
170
00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,579
- You know, one for my dead dog.
171
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:18,081
- Yeah.
172
00:08:22,752 --> 00:08:24,629
And we will make babies.
173
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:28,216
We will have little Raju, Sangita.
174
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Rajinder.
175
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:32,595
Sandeep.
176
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:34,972
And don't forget Chandala.
177
00:08:35,724 --> 00:08:37,517
He's our crippled one.
- Oh.
178
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,561
- You can't have all good ones.
179
00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:41,730
- Wow, that's...
- I plan on breeding.
180
00:08:42,731 --> 00:08:45,025
I want to win the breeders cup.
181
00:08:45,108 --> 00:08:46,151
- That's, uh.
182
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:48,570
- I like your little flower there.
183
00:08:48,653 --> 00:08:49,529
- Mhmm.
184
00:08:49,612 --> 00:08:50,613
- Mm!
185
00:08:51,489 --> 00:08:53,450
- I like your halitosis, shit breath.
186
00:08:55,118 --> 00:08:57,537
- Listen, I'm, I'm with someone, so.
187
00:08:58,747 --> 00:08:59,831
- That, that guy?
188
00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:02,834
Right?
189
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,837
Ah!
- That guy?
190
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,339
- Yeah, yeah, that guy.
191
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:09,674
- Are you sure?
192
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:11,509
Is that what you want for the rest of your life?
193
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,639
I would love to have the
opportunity to win your heart.
194
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,976
Cheers.
195
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:21,060
Cohagala.
196
00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,188
You know cohagala?
197
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,356
- It's Coca-Cola.
- Ah ha, I had it wrong.
198
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:26,399
- Yeah.
199
00:09:31,446 --> 00:09:32,864
- Mission accomplished.
200
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,575
Jumbo's in the parking lot eating chicken.
201
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:40,914
- Terri!
202
00:09:41,956 --> 00:09:43,249
Terri!
- Still working
203
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:44,501
with the bottom feeders, huh?
204
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,255
It's okay, Turk.
205
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,050
You're gonna hit the big league someday.
206
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:55,887
- Suck a Shell station glory hole, Eddie.
207
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,430
- What did your client bag ya, tonight?
208
00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:58,681
Five, 600?
209
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:05,814
60K for that basket case.
210
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:07,982
Terri?
211
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:09,734
- His lady never stood a chance.
212
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,152
Hooked her up with one of my high rollers
213
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,612
in about 20 minutes.
214
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:16,574
Yeah.
215
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,368
And I'm the only wingman in town
216
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,286
that comes with a guarantee.
217
00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:21,371
Why?
218
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:23,581
Because I'm that good.
219
00:10:24,499 --> 00:10:26,709
I got a little something for you though.
220
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:31,756
- Terri!
221
00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,176
Terri, where you are?
222
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,303
I miss you.
223
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,391
- We'll see about your guarantee.
224
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,102
Asshole.
225
00:10:52,402 --> 00:10:55,947
Terri? Is that you?
226
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:57,240
- Terri's gone, kid.
227
00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,868
You want her back,
228
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:01,953
you call me.
229
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,664
You wanna forget about her and get some new tail,
230
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:06,791
call me, too.
231
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:15,967
- Got it, Ms. Cromwell,
232
00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:18,011
the Global Speedway
presentation is coming along fine.
233
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:19,971
The presentation has to be flawless.
234
00:11:20,054 --> 00:11:21,431
- Fast and full of energy.
235
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:25,435
- This client is building first-class race car tracks
236
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:27,228
across the globe.
237
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:30,148
We have to win this bid.
238
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:31,608
- Dimples.
239
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:32,859
What was that?
240
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,444
Uh, simple.
241
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:36,779
It'll be simple, piece of cake.
242
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:38,323
- It better be.
243
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,992
Our future is in your hands, Bob.
244
00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:42,160
Ye-
245
00:11:43,077 --> 00:11:45,580
Oh.
246
00:11:45,663 --> 00:11:46,831
- Yo, Bobby!
- Hey.
247
00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:48,124
- Bobby, boy!
- Hey!
248
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,668
- Time for happy hour at O'Grady's.
249
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:51,628
- Hey, guys.
250
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:53,922
Look at those dimples, huh?
251
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,343
- Bob, it's been five months, dude.
252
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,928
- Terri ain't coming back.
253
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,096
And if you ask me,
254
00:12:02,180 --> 00:12:03,514
better off now than if you guys got married.
255
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,266
You'll see.
256
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,351
She'll be back.
257
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:08,186
We had something.
258
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:09,437
- No, no, no.
259
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,022
Mr. Smooth Moves has something, all right.
260
00:12:11,105 --> 00:12:15,276
Race cars, a Fortune 500 company, style.
261
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,070
She's gone, Bob, move on.
262
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:20,573
- Yeah, it's time for someone who's not so runaway bride.
263
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:22,533
- She's the only girl I've ever had.
264
00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:24,661
The only girl I've ever had sex with!
265
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,789
- Jesus, we gotta get you laid.
266
00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,290
- All right, let's go, come on, buddy.
267
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:32,001
- I got so much I gotta do.
- Ah, it's time for shots!
268
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,461
Let's go. Tequila.
- Come on.
269
00:12:33,544 --> 00:12:34,545
- That can wait till tomorrow.
- Tequila?
270
00:12:34,629 --> 00:12:35,713
- Yeah.
- Okay.
271
00:12:35,797 --> 00:12:37,006
- There we go.
- Yeah, I can use a drink.
272
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,717
♪ My story's like a sad, sad song ♪
273
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:41,094
♪ Well, she was here ♪
- Tequila!
274
00:12:41,177 --> 00:12:42,720
♪ But now she's gone ♪
275
00:12:42,804 --> 00:12:45,265
♪ Gonna keep drinking till I forget ♪
276
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:48,393
♪ So bartender, set 'em up again ♪
277
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,812
♪ As long as her memory hangs around ♪
278
00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,730
♪ Just set 'em up and I'll break 'em down ♪
279
00:12:52,814 --> 00:12:55,358
- Oh, remind me to stick to girly drinks from now on.
280
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:57,151
Okay?
- Come on, Holly.
281
00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:57,902
You can handle it.
282
00:12:57,986 --> 00:12:59,237
Besides, you know the rule.
283
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,614
Remember, hmm, if you wanna be my assistant,
284
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:02,740
you have to?
285
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,158
Keep up with the boys.
286
00:13:04,242 --> 00:13:06,035
- Oh, okay, well, thanks.
287
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,912
But I prefer men.
- Ah.
288
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:11,082
- So you boys just carry on.
289
00:13:11,165 --> 00:13:13,209
- All right, well, let's get down to business.
290
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,920
It's time to get Bob hooked up again.
291
00:13:16,004 --> 00:13:17,046
- Come on, you guys.
292
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:20,091
You, you gotta just let it happen.
293
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:23,886
You can't manufacture love.
294
00:13:24,721 --> 00:13:25,930
- It's true.
295
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,223
Phil Collins said you can't hurry it either.
296
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:28,933
Yeah.
297
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,060
- Redhead incoming at four o'clock.
298
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,021
- She's beautiful, but I'm good right now, man.
299
00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,690
- Come on.
- Go introduce yourself, bro.
300
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,358
- Oh, no, ah, right now?
301
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,778
- Ah, come on, we're going.
302
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,488
We're going, we're going, we're going.
303
00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,781
- All right, all right.
- That a boy.
304
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:48,411
- Have fun.
- I believe in you.
305
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,622
- I believe in you.
- Thank you.
306
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:52,582
Howdy!
307
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,959
That was stupid, ah.
308
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,127
You know, I just wanted to,
309
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,837
you know, I saw you from my friends
310
00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,797
and I just wanted to say hello.
311
00:13:59,881 --> 00:14:02,884
- Look, I'm just, I'm really not in the mood, okay?
312
00:14:02,967 --> 00:14:04,135
- Okay, sure.
313
00:14:04,218 --> 00:14:06,846
She's not in the mood.
- Be charming. Be funny.
314
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:08,556
- Be funny?
- Yes.
315
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,808
- Come on, it's called happy hour,
316
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,602
not depressed hour.
317
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:15,146
- Look, this is just a really bad time, okay?
318
00:14:16,105 --> 00:14:19,859
Come on, it's not like somebody died!
319
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:20,943
Did they?
320
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:29,202
It's all right, man.
321
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:31,496
♪ Just jack 'em up and I'll break 'em down ♪
322
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:33,664
- Yeah.
- Nice.
323
00:14:33,748 --> 00:14:35,166
Wow.
324
00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:38,628
That went well, I see.
- So you think she's the one?
325
00:14:39,754 --> 00:14:40,838
- There's a possibility, I think.
326
00:14:43,257 --> 00:14:48,429
♪ Well, I wonder what to do ♪
327
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,057
♪ As I sit and stare at you ♪
328
00:14:51,140 --> 00:14:52,642
- Well, it looks like,
329
00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,397
looks like it came out pretty clean.
330
00:14:58,815 --> 00:14:59,816
Sorta.
331
00:15:00,858 --> 00:15:03,528
- Hey, thanks for dropping me off, Holly.
332
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,196
Sorry I've been out of my mind.
333
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,365
It's just, you know.
334
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:09,492
- Yeah, I know.
335
00:15:10,868 --> 00:15:14,455
Oh, um, this bizarre pen in your shirt pocket,
336
00:15:14,539 --> 00:15:15,540
I almost washed it.
337
00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:16,416
It's, um.
338
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:17,708
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
339
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:19,877
No, I've been holding on to that for months.
340
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:21,212
- "Get laid. "
341
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:22,421
- The guy that gave it to me
342
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:23,965
said he could help me get Terri back.
343
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,676
He was there at the bar the night she dumped me.
344
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,553
But I don't, it's so stupid.
345
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:33,808
- Oh, wait, but you're not actually considering this,
346
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:35,685
are you?
- No!
347
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,687
No.
348
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,605
- Okay, 'cause like a wingman?
349
00:15:39,689 --> 00:15:42,191
What? Are you still in high school?
350
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,067
- I'll get rid of it.
- Okay.
351
00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,735
- Just, yeah.
- Okay.
352
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:48,573
And not to be your mother, but come on, Bob.
353
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:51,159
Your place is a disaster area.
354
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:52,243
Like, look at this.
355
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,121
I found rat turds in the kitchen.
356
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:56,455
That's disgusting.
357
00:15:56,539 --> 00:15:58,416
- Terri's the one, Holly.
358
00:15:58,499 --> 00:15:59,584
I'm telling you, she's just going through
359
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,543
some stuff right now.
360
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:01,627
She's gonna,
361
00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,881
she'll be back.
362
00:16:08,342 --> 00:16:09,510
My place is falling apart.
363
00:16:09,594 --> 00:16:10,428
It's okay.
364
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,014
- You know, Bob,
365
00:16:14,182 --> 00:16:16,642
sooner or later you're gonna have to move on.
366
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:19,437
There are other good people out there in the world.
367
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,064
You just gotta go looking.
- No.
368
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:23,441
No. No.
369
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,067
See, I think you saw tonight,
370
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,861
I don't know how to move on.
371
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:29,530
I'll get Terri back, you'll see.
372
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:30,781
Mark my words.
373
00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:34,327
- Why would you even want her?
374
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,539
- What did you say?
375
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:41,792
- Uh, goodnight, Bob.
376
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,669
- Oh, yeah. Goodnight.
377
00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,964
- Yeah.
- Oh, and Holly.
378
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,049
- Yep?
379
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,428
- Say "Hi" to Tim for me.
♪ Crying eyes just for you ♪
380
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:53,638
- Yeah.
381
00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:54,722
Sure, Bob.
382
00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,642
I'll tell him, "Hello. "
383
00:17:01,229 --> 00:17:07,443
♪ Still got crying eyes for you ♪
384
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,654
♪ 'Cause I've got crying eyes for you ♪
385
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:10,738
- Wingman.
386
00:17:12,073 --> 00:17:13,866
What have I got to lose?
387
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:21,499
♪ Still got crying eyes for you ♪
388
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:34,011
♪ Sh-doop, sh-doo ♪
389
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:36,013
♪ Oh ♪
390
00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,018
Ow!
391
00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,563
- Hey, Numbfuck!
- What the?
392
00:17:44,814 --> 00:17:45,982
- Over here.
393
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:48,651
- Ah.
394
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,195
Was that really necessary?
395
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,030
- How you doing, partner?
396
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,699
Turk Thompson.
397
00:17:54,782 --> 00:17:55,825
Wingman.
- Hey.
398
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,661
Bob Erdman, junior executive at the-
399
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,788
- Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.
400
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:03,165
- You do?
- Drink up.
401
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,584
Got ya a Coke.
402
00:18:05,793 --> 00:18:07,753
Oh, that's awfully kind of you, thank you.
403
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,715
- Now, how many, uh,
404
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:12,049
women you've been with?
405
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,635
One.
406
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,227
- Are you cereal?
407
00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,563
- Yeah, but I mean, she was the love of my life.
408
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:26,564
And a few months ago-
409
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:28,149
- Oh, yeah. I saw.
410
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,276
And as much as I despise Eddie,
411
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,570
he ran the old shot and shitter perfectly.
412
00:18:32,653 --> 00:18:35,740
Ha, works every time.
413
00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:37,408
- Shot and shitter? I don't understand.
414
00:18:37,491 --> 00:18:40,286
- Yeah, he was buying you shots all night, right?
415
00:18:40,369 --> 00:18:42,455
You were just pounding them down.
416
00:18:42,538 --> 00:18:44,915
And when you're in the shitter puking your guts out,
417
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:48,002
his client is walking away with your girl.
418
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,420
- Oh my god!
419
00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:50,713
That's exactly what happened.
420
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,215
That's, how did I not?
421
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,426
Am I that stupid?
422
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,595
- Love makes you stupid, kid.
423
00:18:57,678 --> 00:18:59,889
You, uh, sure you want her back again?
424
00:18:59,972 --> 00:19:02,058
♪ Dreams come true ♪
425
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,019
♪ Sh-doop, sh-doo ♪
426
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:06,604
- Thanks, baby lumps.
427
00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,440
Leave it to me.
428
00:19:09,523 --> 00:19:10,983
We'll get your fiance back.
429
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:13,235
- Okay, you know what?
430
00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:14,153
I'm in.
431
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:16,280
I'll drink to that.
432
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,740
- First things first.
433
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:18,783
How big's your cock?
434
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:22,119
The size of a man's hot dog
435
00:19:22,203 --> 00:19:25,956
tells me just about everything
I need to know about him.
436
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,041
- Hot dog?
437
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:31,629
- Look, I don't do business with guys with small cocks.
438
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,172
They're too angry.
439
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:35,091
Now, guys that are too big, on the other hand,
440
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,593
think they know more than me and they don't listen.
441
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,845
And that's when things go wrong!
442
00:19:45,142 --> 00:19:48,312
I mean, it makes sense.
443
00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,773
- Here's what I need you to do, Broccoli Teeth.
444
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:54,068
I need you to take these
onion rings down into the john.
445
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:56,404
Stack them on the bald cyclops,
446
00:19:56,487 --> 00:19:58,322
and let me know the count.
447
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:01,075
- The count? Are you fucking nuts, man?
448
00:20:01,158 --> 00:20:03,494
- Okay, been nice meeting you, kid.
449
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,579
Good luck with everything.
450
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,289
- Oh, no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
451
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:08,499
Just sit down.
452
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,585
Just...
453
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:13,504
Look, what do you need me to do?
454
00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,673
- Stack 'em on Mushroom Mountain.
455
00:20:16,590 --> 00:20:18,217
14 is too many,
456
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,720
and under three is a deal breaker.
457
00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:25,015
- I can't just stack onion rings on my,
458
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,018
my cock, man.
459
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,020
Besides, I'm not even.
460
00:20:30,104 --> 00:20:31,105
- What?
461
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,524
- Hard.
462
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:37,027
- You, uh, sure about that, Charlie Candy Cane?
463
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,279
- Am I sure?
464
00:20:38,362 --> 00:20:39,822
I think I would know if I have a boner!
465
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,032
Oh!
466
00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:44,201
- Viagra.
467
00:20:44,285 --> 00:20:46,036
I put three of them in your Coke.
468
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:48,330
I like to get the, uh, technical stuff
469
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,541
out of the way right at the top.
470
00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,042
- You're nuts! You're a madman!
471
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,044
This is a huge mistake!
472
00:20:54,128 --> 00:20:56,088
- Calm down, Space Ranger.
473
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:58,841
We are gonna get your fiance back.
474
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,135
Now, stack 'em!
475
00:21:28,829 --> 00:21:30,331
- What the hell am I doing?
476
00:21:33,209 --> 00:21:35,336
Okay.
477
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:36,712
Come on, Bob.
478
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:38,631
Oh!
479
00:21:44,845 --> 00:21:46,305
Pervert!
480
00:21:46,388 --> 00:21:47,431
- Asshole.
481
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:49,767
Should've let 'em cool off first.
482
00:21:54,355 --> 00:21:55,272
Oh!
483
00:21:56,732 --> 00:21:58,567
God!
484
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:01,070
♪ I got a greasy ring of fire ♪
485
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,447
♪ And it's flaming in my pants ♪
486
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,157
♪ It stings and it burns ♪
487
00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,576
♪ Like a nest of army ants ♪
488
00:22:07,660 --> 00:22:09,954
- Eight.
- Ha, not bad.
489
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:14,041
Looks like we, uh, we got ourselves a deal.
490
00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,251
- Do you think we can maybe stop
491
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,837
and, like, get some ice or something?
492
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,923
- Only thing that's gonna work for that is Slurpee anal.
493
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:23,926
- Slurpee anal?
494
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:24,760
- Yeah.
495
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,429
Large Slurpee, lid,
496
00:22:27,513 --> 00:22:29,056
flip it upside down.
497
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:34,812
Cut in an asshole, put it back on your lap.
498
00:22:34,895 --> 00:22:38,816
And stuff it like a taxidermist
stuffing a dead bobcat.
499
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:43,070
Yeah, like that's gonna happen.
500
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:47,575
♪ Don't go fall in love ♪
501
00:22:47,658 --> 00:22:49,493
♪ If you can't take the heat ♪
502
00:22:49,577 --> 00:22:51,871
♪ I got a greasy ring of fire ♪
503
00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,164
♪ And it's burning so damn hot ♪
504
00:22:54,248 --> 00:22:56,208
♪ I thank the Lord above ♪
505
00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,002
♪ That I don't gotta squat ♪
506
00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,255
- What is that?
507
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,507
Is that Raspberry Sunblast?
508
00:23:03,591 --> 00:23:05,342
- Uh, no, this is Goofy Grape.
509
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:07,303
- Oh, that's gonna stain.
510
00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:08,304
- What?
- Yeah.
511
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,180
You're gonna have Smurf cock.
512
00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:12,349
- Smurf cock? Jesus Christ!
513
00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:15,436
Look, maybe this whole thing was just a bad idea.
514
00:23:16,186 --> 00:23:17,771
- Listen, Forehead Face.
515
00:23:17,855 --> 00:23:21,901
I take my job very seriously
and I ain't lost a client yet.
516
00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:24,737
We are gonna get you laid,
517
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:27,114
and then we're gonna get your fiance back.
518
00:23:28,157 --> 00:23:29,867
- What if she doesn't want me back? What if-
519
00:23:33,621 --> 00:23:36,123
- She will want you back!
520
00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:40,461
One grand up front and the rest when we finish.
521
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:43,964
- Deal. Deal.
522
00:23:50,596 --> 00:23:52,306
I gotta say, Turk.
523
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,558
This car's a bit of a throwback.
524
00:23:54,642 --> 00:23:56,935
You don't see these around much anymore.
525
00:23:57,019 --> 00:23:59,188
- That's 'cause most people can't handle 'em.
526
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,482
Only someone who understands speed
527
00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:03,692
can drive the orgasm-mobile.
528
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:06,528
- Orgasm-mobile?
529
00:24:06,612 --> 00:24:11,575
Yep, and that's her G-spot right there.
530
00:24:12,952 --> 00:24:14,536
You touch her just right.
531
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,664
Whisper sweet nothings in her ear.
532
00:24:17,915 --> 00:24:21,835
And there ain't a car alive
that can catch her!
533
00:24:21,919 --> 00:24:23,337
Oh, what's that, baby, hm?
534
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:25,381
Oh, mm, oh yeah.
535
00:24:25,464 --> 00:24:26,715
Mm, Daddy hears ya.
536
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,133
Mmm.
537
00:24:28,217 --> 00:24:31,011
Like a bit of that Cajun blackened catfish,
538
00:24:31,095 --> 00:24:32,262
Honey Child?
539
00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:35,432
Oh, Daddy gon touch you tonight, Baby Love.
540
00:24:35,516 --> 00:24:37,768
Mm, oh, yeah.
541
00:24:37,851 --> 00:24:39,812
Oh, baby.
542
00:24:42,064 --> 00:24:43,691
- Turk, Turk, but...
- Shut up!
543
00:24:43,774 --> 00:24:46,902
Ee, I'm in the middle of cunnilingus!
544
00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:50,447
That's right, oh, oh, like a piece of bubble gum
545
00:24:50,531 --> 00:24:52,116
under a school boy's desk.
546
00:24:52,199 --> 00:24:53,200
Mmm.
547
00:24:53,951 --> 00:24:55,202
Mm, Baby Love.
548
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:58,789
Mm, Daddy got the Cajun catfish finger, Baby Love.
549
00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:01,792
- That's, look, Turk.
- Yeah, shut up.
550
00:25:01,875 --> 00:25:05,337
Mm.
551
00:25:05,421 --> 00:25:06,630
Oh.
552
00:25:08,382 --> 00:25:09,842
Little Puffy Puff.
553
00:25:09,925 --> 00:25:12,302
- Turk, Turk, listen.
- Puffy, Puffy, Puffy Puff.
554
00:25:13,220 --> 00:25:14,471
- Turk, Turk, listen!
555
00:25:14,555 --> 00:25:16,140
I'm already late for a meeting!
556
00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:17,891
- Late?
- Yeah.
557
00:25:17,975 --> 00:25:19,601
- Are you fucking cereal?
558
00:25:19,685 --> 00:25:21,478
A wingman's never late!
559
00:25:21,562 --> 00:25:24,314
Hold on, Onion Rings!
560
00:25:24,398 --> 00:25:25,524
Whoa!
561
00:25:25,607 --> 00:25:26,775
- Ah!
562
00:25:29,403 --> 00:25:30,446
Oh!
563
00:25:35,409 --> 00:25:42,708
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
564
00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:45,961
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
565
00:25:46,045 --> 00:25:48,839
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪
- Ah!
566
00:25:53,093 --> 00:25:56,180
Oh!
567
00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:04,021
How in the hell did you do that?
568
00:26:04,104 --> 00:26:06,440
- I make my own special fuel, kid.
569
00:26:06,523 --> 00:26:09,693
Yeah, even installed an extra tank.
570
00:26:09,777 --> 00:26:12,863
This shit's stronger than nitrous oxide,
571
00:26:12,946 --> 00:26:15,699
but it only lasts about as long as a human orgasm
572
00:26:15,783 --> 00:26:19,661
so you can only use it in real emergencies.
573
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:21,747
- You make your own gasoline?
574
00:26:21,830 --> 00:26:24,458
So what, now you're an expert in women and cars?
575
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:27,711
- Well, they're pretty much the same thing.
576
00:26:27,795 --> 00:26:29,379
Keep 'em lubed, you,
577
00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:30,547
you ride 'em fast,
578
00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:32,007
and you trade 'em in
579
00:26:32,090 --> 00:26:35,135
before there's too many cracks in the upholstery.
580
00:26:36,512 --> 00:26:39,807
You, uh, you better get to work, kid.
581
00:26:39,890 --> 00:26:43,352
Yeah.
582
00:26:55,030 --> 00:26:57,533
It was crazy, man, you wouldn't believe it.
583
00:26:57,616 --> 00:26:58,909
- You gotta hire him, bro.
584
00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:00,661
You got nothing to lose.
585
00:27:00,744 --> 00:27:03,413
- This guy's more of a wing nut than a wingman.
586
00:27:03,497 --> 00:27:05,332
- Look, if you want Terri back and he can help,
587
00:27:05,415 --> 00:27:07,584
then who cares, right?
588
00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:09,461
- I guess.
- I'll research him.
589
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:10,671
I'll Google his ass big time
590
00:27:10,754 --> 00:27:12,464
until I know everything about him.
591
00:27:12,548 --> 00:27:13,423
- You're the man, Skip.
592
00:27:20,097 --> 00:27:21,431
- This is Bob.
593
00:27:21,515 --> 00:27:25,602
- Tonight, eight o'clock at the Grand.
594
00:27:25,686 --> 00:27:28,397
Nice shirt and tie, Choir Boy.
595
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,399
What'd you do, rob a trailer park?
596
00:27:38,365 --> 00:27:40,450
I still see you.
597
00:27:40,534 --> 00:27:42,327
Coffee stains.
598
00:27:42,411 --> 00:27:46,290
Fly's open.
599
00:27:48,083 --> 00:27:51,420
Sweet freckled lasagna.
600
00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,299
- Hmm?
601
00:27:55,382 --> 00:27:57,551
I like a pop of red, but I don't know with this outfit.
602
00:27:57,634 --> 00:28:00,304
Maybe it's this one?
603
00:28:00,387 --> 00:28:02,472
- Uh, yeah, I don't know, I trust you.
604
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:05,225
I always let Terri pick up my clothes for me, so.
605
00:28:06,310 --> 00:28:08,228
- And why is that?
606
00:28:09,563 --> 00:28:11,315
- Well, you're my assistant.
607
00:28:11,398 --> 00:28:12,691
You know how busy I am.
608
00:28:12,774 --> 00:28:14,985
I feel like shopping's just this big time waster.
609
00:28:17,321 --> 00:28:20,741
- Sometimes the time wasters
are the most important things
610
00:28:20,824 --> 00:28:22,284
in a relationship, Bob.
611
00:28:23,243 --> 00:28:24,661
- Oh, so you're telling me
612
00:28:24,745 --> 00:28:26,872
if I had helped her pick out
the candles for our wedding,
613
00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:29,124
then maybe she would've stayed, hmm.
614
00:28:30,792 --> 00:28:32,127
- You'd be surprised.
615
00:28:35,464 --> 00:28:37,049
It's the little things, Bob.
616
00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:39,801
The special things.
617
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:46,725
♪ It's such a mystery ♪
618
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:48,852
- Yeah, we had special things.
619
00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:50,771
We like had,
620
00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:55,609
in the mornings,
621
00:28:55,692 --> 00:28:57,569
I used to, uh, call her my morning bird
622
00:28:57,653 --> 00:29:00,072
and I would whistle sweet nothings into her ear,
623
00:29:00,155 --> 00:29:01,573
a little something like...
624
00:29:13,251 --> 00:29:15,420
- Caw! Caw!
625
00:29:16,088 --> 00:29:18,924
- I used to do crow calls as a little girl, so.
626
00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:20,550
- I love that.
- Mhmm.
627
00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:22,594
- I didn't know that.
628
00:29:26,264 --> 00:29:27,849
Holy shit, it's Terri.
629
00:29:33,355 --> 00:29:34,272
- Passion!
630
00:29:34,356 --> 00:29:35,357
- Ooh.
631
00:29:36,191 --> 00:29:37,276
Obsession!
632
00:29:37,359 --> 00:29:39,278
- Mm, a squirter.
633
00:29:39,361 --> 00:29:40,112
- Mm.
634
00:29:40,195 --> 00:29:41,363
- That's him.
635
00:29:41,446 --> 00:29:42,739
That's the guy that stole Terri from me.
636
00:29:42,823 --> 00:29:44,658
- Poison.
- Seduction.
637
00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:46,076
- Ooh!
638
00:29:46,159 --> 00:29:47,369
J- Lo.
- Oh.
639
00:29:47,452 --> 00:29:48,537
O.J.
640
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:49,997
- Mmm.
641
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,331
- Killer, it smells killer.
642
00:29:51,415 --> 00:29:52,666
- Oh, look what they're wearing.
643
00:29:52,749 --> 00:29:53,500
They're matching.
644
00:29:55,627 --> 00:29:56,837
- Yeah, it's almost like
645
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,880
they might have gone shopping together
646
00:29:58,964 --> 00:30:01,008
or, as you would say, a time-waster.
647
00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,592
- Mm.
648
00:30:02,676 --> 00:30:03,677
Ooh!
649
00:30:04,761 --> 00:30:06,430
Come to Me.
- Ooh.
650
00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:08,473
- Does that smell like come to you?
651
00:30:08,557 --> 00:30:10,767
- Ooh, yes.
652
00:30:12,352 --> 00:30:13,729
- Give me all your Come.
653
00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,772
I need you to come to me so I can get the Come to Me,
654
00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:18,025
and we can go once we get all the Come.
655
00:30:18,108 --> 00:30:19,151
I'll be right back, darling.
656
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,694
- Okay!
- Can you gift wrap the Come?
657
00:30:20,777 --> 00:30:22,612
- Oh, he's leaving, he's leaving.
658
00:30:22,696 --> 00:30:23,780
- Shouldn't...
- I gotta go.
659
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:25,949
Shh, Holly!
- Shouldn't, oh my god.
660
00:30:30,203 --> 00:30:32,122
- So you left me for this clown?
661
00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:33,457
- Bob, what are you doing here?
662
00:30:33,540 --> 00:30:34,833
- I can't believe you, Terri.
663
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,251
You're gonna walk away from a good thing
664
00:30:36,335 --> 00:30:37,586
for a guy that likes perfume?
665
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:39,004
What are you doing?
666
00:30:39,087 --> 00:30:40,338
- This isn't the time.
667
00:30:43,383 --> 00:30:44,843
- Oh, now's not the time?
668
00:30:44,926 --> 00:30:46,762
But walking out on our wedding
a week before it happens,
669
00:30:46,845 --> 00:30:47,763
that's the time?
670
00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:49,056
Is that how you like to do it?
671
00:30:49,139 --> 00:30:50,057
- You know, I didn't just walk out, Bob.
672
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:51,808
It was a long-time coming.
673
00:30:56,980 --> 00:30:57,898
- What do you mean a long time coming?
674
00:30:57,981 --> 00:30:58,982
We were happy!
675
00:30:59,066 --> 00:31:00,317
- Really?
- Yeah!
676
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,443
You weren't?
677
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:02,694
You weren't...
- No.
678
00:31:02,778 --> 00:31:04,112
- Well, I had no idea you were unhappy!
679
00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:05,197
- Exactly.
680
00:31:05,989 --> 00:31:06,990
- But you're my morning bird.
681
00:31:07,074 --> 00:31:07,991
Remember?
682
00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:15,165
- I have to go.
683
00:31:16,708 --> 00:31:18,460
- Well, okay, then I have to go, too.
684
00:31:18,543 --> 00:31:21,338
You know, you're not the only one with hookups, okay?
685
00:31:21,421 --> 00:31:22,672
I got a lot of girls.
686
00:31:22,756 --> 00:31:24,925
So many girls, I had to ice my dick the other day.
687
00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:28,136
And your man's not the only one that can grab a perfume.
688
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:30,639
Ooh, Come to Me by Ron Jeremy.
689
00:31:30,722 --> 00:31:31,848
It's so hard.
690
00:31:31,932 --> 00:31:32,682
Look, oh.
691
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:35,185
Ah, I got Come in my eyes!
- I've heard enough.
692
00:31:35,268 --> 00:31:37,813
- There's Come! Ugh!
- Bob.
693
00:31:37,896 --> 00:31:39,564
- Terri, listen, okay?
694
00:31:39,648 --> 00:31:41,108
It's the little things, you know.
695
00:31:41,191 --> 00:31:42,275
- It's the...
- Hey.
696
00:31:42,359 --> 00:31:43,360
- Oh.
- Yeah, not Terri.
697
00:31:43,443 --> 00:31:45,612
- Mhmm.
- Let's put this back.
698
00:31:47,572 --> 00:31:48,657
Love stinks, Bob.
699
00:31:49,783 --> 00:31:50,575
Sorry!
700
00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:56,790
- Have you been crying?
701
00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:00,460
You smell like my aunt.
702
00:32:01,503 --> 00:32:03,672
Is that Come to Me?
703
00:32:04,589 --> 00:32:06,883
- No, it's allergies.
704
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:10,137
- Oh, well, I hope you ain't allergic to hotties.
705
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,431
Take a look at the boofay tonight.
706
00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:15,392
Go ahead, pick one out.
707
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:16,226
- Pick one out?
708
00:32:16,309 --> 00:32:17,978
It's not that easy.
709
00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:19,229
- Come on.
710
00:32:19,312 --> 00:32:22,107
- What makes you such an expert on women anyways?
711
00:32:22,190 --> 00:32:23,316
- POP.
712
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,570
Power of the Pussy.
713
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:30,365
Did you get that in like a gumball machine?
714
00:32:30,449 --> 00:32:33,076
- Well, scoff if you will, one-timer,
715
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:37,080
but pussy rules the universe.
716
00:32:37,164 --> 00:32:39,624
- More like money rules the universe.
717
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:41,251
- Oh, come on, man.
718
00:32:41,334 --> 00:32:43,670
Everything men do is because of the pussy.
719
00:32:44,671 --> 00:32:46,923
You think they want fame, power, money,
720
00:32:47,007 --> 00:32:48,091
just for the sake of it?
721
00:32:48,175 --> 00:32:49,384
Shit, no!
722
00:32:49,468 --> 00:32:52,888
They know that all that crap leads to pussy.
723
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:56,224
- You know, we evolved from cavemen
724
00:32:56,308 --> 00:32:59,478
like thousands and thousands of years ago, right?
725
00:32:59,561 --> 00:33:02,522
- Well, can't ignore your primality.
726
00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:04,191
- It's not a word.
727
00:33:04,274 --> 00:33:05,650
- See anything you like?
728
00:33:07,944 --> 00:33:09,404
- She's beautiful.
729
00:33:12,407 --> 00:33:15,160
- Look, have you seen that Julia Roberts movie?
730
00:33:15,243 --> 00:33:18,121
"Eat, Pray, Love. "
731
00:33:18,205 --> 00:33:19,289
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
732
00:33:19,372 --> 00:33:21,208
Well, now you're looking at the sequel,
733
00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:23,585
"Eat, Eat, Eat. "
734
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:26,796
Come on, man, I have a reputation to uphold!
735
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:28,965
- Come on, she seems...
736
00:33:34,554 --> 00:33:37,807
- Oh.
- Mother of all Manatees.
737
00:33:39,601 --> 00:33:41,645
Mmm.
738
00:33:41,728 --> 00:33:44,481
Yep, uh, blonde at the booth.
739
00:33:44,564 --> 00:33:45,649
She's beautiful.
740
00:33:45,732 --> 00:33:46,816
- Oh.
741
00:33:46,900 --> 00:33:48,276
Binjo!
742
00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,112
Like, I wasn't that drunk.
743
00:33:54,449 --> 00:33:55,575
- Hello, ladies.
744
00:33:57,077 --> 00:33:59,704
Didn't expect to see anyone
sitting in our koala booth,
745
00:33:59,788 --> 00:34:02,249
but hey, it happens.
746
00:34:03,124 --> 00:34:04,251
- Koala booth?
747
00:34:04,334 --> 00:34:06,461
- Yeah, you know, donated by the zoo.
748
00:34:06,544 --> 00:34:09,297
Kind of like a, like a hospital wing, ha.
749
00:34:09,380 --> 00:34:12,759
Everybody knows about the, uh, the koala booth.
750
00:34:12,842 --> 00:34:17,264
- Wait, you're from the zoo and work with koalas?
751
00:34:19,349 --> 00:34:20,766
Oh my god.
752
00:34:20,850 --> 00:34:22,060
Here, sit down.
753
00:34:22,143 --> 00:34:24,062
We didn't mean to take your booth.
754
00:34:25,021 --> 00:34:28,775
Well, don't mind if we poo.
755
00:34:32,862 --> 00:34:34,864
- Oh my god, so koalas.
756
00:34:34,947 --> 00:34:36,074
What are they like?
757
00:34:36,157 --> 00:34:39,119
- Oh, they're the cutest little fuckers ever.
758
00:34:39,202 --> 00:34:42,330
Like, little hairy Italian babies.
759
00:34:43,248 --> 00:34:44,873
- You get to hold them?
760
00:34:44,958 --> 00:34:46,626
- Oh, of course.
761
00:34:48,003 --> 00:34:49,545
Say hello to Butterbuns.
762
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,301
One of the only albino koalas on the whole planet.
763
00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:57,554
Aw! So white.
764
00:34:57,637 --> 00:34:59,556
- White like a bleached asshole
765
00:34:59,639 --> 00:35:03,560
staring you in the eye on a moonless night at a Motel 6.
766
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:06,229
- I love a bleached asshole.
767
00:35:06,313 --> 00:35:08,732
- You have a koala, for Christ's sake?
768
00:35:08,815 --> 00:35:10,358
Aw.
769
00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:14,321
- I keep a bottle of eucalyptus juice in the glove box.
770
00:35:14,404 --> 00:35:16,156
Just spray it all over her.
771
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,158
That little white bastard will cling to her
772
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:21,828
like a dingleberry on a truck driver's ass hair.
773
00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:24,998
- Aw.
- Aw, I wanna hold him.
774
00:35:25,081 --> 00:35:26,291
- Well, you know, they don't do well
775
00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:29,252
with all the, uh, the noise and the commotion.
776
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:33,089
So, uh, listen, why don't you take her down to the car
777
00:35:33,173 --> 00:35:35,508
and show her little Butterbuns, Bob?
778
00:35:37,010 --> 00:35:38,511
- Oh my god, really?
779
00:35:38,595 --> 00:35:39,971
- Let's go.
780
00:35:40,055 --> 00:35:41,973
Oh, okay.
781
00:35:42,057 --> 00:35:43,058
Oh my god!
782
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:47,896
- Ah, isn't he cute?
- Oh, yeah.
783
00:35:47,979 --> 00:35:49,898
- White, fluffy.
784
00:35:49,981 --> 00:35:54,110
Like a tampon that's been
left out in the rain.
785
00:36:00,325 --> 00:36:01,493
- Yes, okay.
786
00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:05,622
- When can I meet the koala?
787
00:36:05,705 --> 00:36:07,290
- The, uh, koa, yeah!
788
00:36:07,374 --> 00:36:09,209
The, um, right.
789
00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:11,878
- Is he fucking over here?
- Oh, yeah!
790
00:36:13,046 --> 00:36:15,215
- This should get him out.
791
00:36:16,674 --> 00:36:17,717
- Oh, yeah.
792
00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:21,513
- Whew!
793
00:36:22,514 --> 00:36:24,015
- While we're waiting,
794
00:36:24,099 --> 00:36:25,725
let's see if I can get the python
795
00:36:25,809 --> 00:36:28,895
to come out of the reptile house, Mr. Zookeeper.
796
00:36:28,978 --> 00:36:30,814
- Oh, that's me.
- Oh, yeah.
797
00:36:30,897 --> 00:36:32,941
You got some venom down there for Mommy?
798
00:36:33,024 --> 00:36:34,651
- I don't know.
- Oh, yeah!
799
00:36:34,734 --> 00:36:35,610
A big python.
800
00:36:35,694 --> 00:36:38,279
Oh my god! It's purple!
801
00:36:38,363 --> 00:36:39,155
- Oh my god!
802
00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:44,828
Ah!
803
00:36:46,121 --> 00:36:47,288
- Oh my god!
804
00:36:52,293 --> 00:36:53,336
I don't know what to do!
805
00:36:57,132 --> 00:36:58,174
No!
806
00:36:59,426 --> 00:37:00,343
Help! Please!
807
00:37:02,846 --> 00:37:05,181
Butterbuns! Down!
808
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,018
Oh!
809
00:37:10,395 --> 00:37:11,146
Stop!
810
00:37:12,939 --> 00:37:14,274
He's fucking her face!
811
00:37:15,442 --> 00:37:16,192
Koala rape!
812
00:37:17,944 --> 00:37:18,820
Koala fucking!
813
00:37:20,613 --> 00:37:21,614
Please! Help!
814
00:37:23,283 --> 00:37:24,617
- Wait. What the hell?
815
00:37:24,701 --> 00:37:26,369
She screamed?
- Yeah.
816
00:37:27,912 --> 00:37:29,539
My cock is purple, Turk.
817
00:37:29,622 --> 00:37:33,251
Don't you remember the goofy
grape Slurpee idea you had?
818
00:37:33,334 --> 00:37:35,378
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
819
00:37:35,462 --> 00:37:37,922
You're telling me you still have Smurf cock?
820
00:37:38,631 --> 00:37:40,049
- Yeah.
821
00:37:40,133 --> 00:37:42,594
- You didn't, like, douche it in vinegar or something?
822
00:37:42,677 --> 00:37:45,764
- What? Douche it off with vinegar?
823
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:48,725
No, more like why did I let you convince me
824
00:37:48,808 --> 00:37:51,853
to put onion rings on my dick in the first place?
825
00:37:53,855 --> 00:37:54,814
It's not funny, Turk.
826
00:38:05,909 --> 00:38:08,244
It is kind of funny if you think about it.
827
00:38:15,084 --> 00:38:17,420
- Hey, I got a box of donuts in the back.
828
00:38:17,504 --> 00:38:18,421
You wanna try those?
829
00:38:23,176 --> 00:38:25,929
- I got, like, second-degree burns on my dick.
830
00:38:26,012 --> 00:38:28,348
It's like a deep-fried totem pole.
831
00:38:28,431 --> 00:38:32,143
Yeah!
832
00:38:37,607 --> 00:38:39,150
Where do you come up with this shit?
833
00:38:39,234 --> 00:38:41,277
I mean, albino koalas?
834
00:38:42,487 --> 00:38:44,822
- Hey, it's what I do, junior.
835
00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:46,366
It's my job.
836
00:38:46,449 --> 00:38:49,369
- Well, you're damn good at it, I gotta tell you that.
837
00:38:49,452 --> 00:38:51,704
I gotta ask, why? All this, why?
838
00:38:51,788 --> 00:38:53,039
I mean, you're a fully grown adult
839
00:38:53,122 --> 00:38:55,708
and yet you do this for a living?
840
00:38:55,792 --> 00:38:57,085
What am I missing here?
841
00:38:57,168 --> 00:38:58,461
Not that there's anything wrong with what you do,
842
00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,880
it's just, like, I don't know, come on.
843
00:39:00,964 --> 00:39:03,675
It's not like they teach wingman classes at DeVry.
844
00:39:03,758 --> 00:39:06,344
Fail, you know?
845
00:39:06,427 --> 00:39:07,262
- Hey!
846
00:39:13,935 --> 00:39:16,980
Failing's for guys that don't
complete their missions.
847
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:20,400
I will complete my mission,
848
00:39:20,483 --> 00:39:24,737
so don't ever say fail to me again, ever!
849
00:39:25,446 --> 00:39:27,407
- Relax, Turk, I was just asking.
850
00:39:29,409 --> 00:39:30,785
- Yeah, okay.
851
00:39:30,869 --> 00:39:31,870
Listen,
852
00:39:33,288 --> 00:39:34,914
we're here to get you laid.
853
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:38,126
Not talk about my personal life.
854
00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:41,838
- Okay, understood.
855
00:39:46,759 --> 00:39:48,928
Oh, and Turk.
- Yeah.
856
00:39:49,012 --> 00:39:51,097
- Sorry about losing Butterbuns.
857
00:39:51,180 --> 00:39:55,101
- Don't worry, he always comes home to Daddy.
858
00:39:56,269 --> 00:39:58,021
Shorty's Sports Bar,
859
00:39:58,104 --> 00:40:00,607
tomorrow, after work.
860
00:40:01,566 --> 00:40:02,400
Got it.
861
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:12,660
- Come on, there's gotta be something on this guy.
862
00:40:13,536 --> 00:40:17,874
Turk Thompson.
863
00:40:17,957 --> 00:40:19,334
- What are you doing, baby?
864
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,377
It's late, come to bed.
865
00:40:22,170 --> 00:40:24,714
- You ever hear of a wingman, baby?
866
00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,132
- Yeah, of course.
867
00:40:26,215 --> 00:40:27,842
- You have?
- Sure.
868
00:40:27,926 --> 00:40:29,385
I have an uncle that's a wingman.
869
00:40:29,469 --> 00:40:32,889
- Can I meet him?
- Yes, anything.
870
00:40:33,973 --> 00:40:34,933
Just come to bed.
871
00:40:42,231 --> 00:40:44,859
Mmm.
872
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:54,494
- I didn't know hot women came to sports bars.
873
00:40:54,577 --> 00:40:56,621
- Oh yeah, they like to hunt here.
874
00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:00,249
You, uh, you enjoying the dip?
875
00:41:02,251 --> 00:41:04,712
- Oh yeah, it's a little gooey, but-
876
00:41:04,796 --> 00:41:07,256
- Yeah, 'cause that's my hair gel.
877
00:41:10,426 --> 00:41:12,428
Okay now, let's see.
878
00:41:12,512 --> 00:41:15,056
No, that one's got a crooked leg.
879
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,266
Maybe you, not that one.
880
00:41:18,351 --> 00:41:19,769
- You know, I've been meaning to ask you, Turk.
881
00:41:19,852 --> 00:41:21,813
You clearly have all these women figured out.
882
00:41:21,896 --> 00:41:23,064
How are you with the ladies?
883
00:41:23,147 --> 00:41:25,441
You must have like a million girlfriends.
884
00:41:25,525 --> 00:41:27,402
- No, I keep it simple.
885
00:41:27,485 --> 00:41:30,488
Just one, you, uh, you wanna meet her?
886
00:41:31,698 --> 00:41:33,199
- Sure, yeah.
887
00:41:33,282 --> 00:41:34,283
Is she here?
888
00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:37,120
- Say hello to Betty.
889
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:39,455
- Oh, what the hell is that?
890
00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:40,832
- Betty, this is Bob.
891
00:41:40,915 --> 00:41:42,166
Bob, this is Betty.
892
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,627
- Turk, please, people are eating.
893
00:41:44,711 --> 00:41:47,255
- Listen, kid, she's the perfect girl.
894
00:41:47,338 --> 00:41:48,798
She doesn't need to go to dinner.
895
00:41:48,881 --> 00:41:50,675
She doesn't need to go shopping.
896
00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:52,260
She, uh,
897
00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:53,886
keeps me satisfied.
898
00:41:53,970 --> 00:41:54,971
- What, do you just carry that thing
899
00:41:55,054 --> 00:41:56,639
around with you all the time?
900
00:41:56,723 --> 00:42:01,102
- Listen, kid, the vagina's like a magic amulet,
901
00:42:01,185 --> 00:42:02,812
turns men into zombies.
902
00:42:02,895 --> 00:42:07,316
Yeah, wherever it goes, they go.
903
00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,945
Power of the pussy, baby.
904
00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:14,574
No man can resist.
- What the?
905
00:42:17,410 --> 00:42:19,912
- Dog rescue reject coming in hard.
906
00:42:20,913 --> 00:42:25,418
Yeah, I see her at every social event in town.
907
00:42:26,419 --> 00:42:28,463
So here's what we're gonna do,
908
00:42:28,546 --> 00:42:32,091
I'll use Betty to take out the jock meatheads
909
00:42:32,175 --> 00:42:34,177
and you go in for the kill.
910
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:38,848
Excuse me, boys.
911
00:42:39,766 --> 00:42:41,184
Okay.
912
00:42:41,267 --> 00:42:43,227
- Yeah, why don't you watch where you're going, asshole?
913
00:42:43,311 --> 00:42:46,814
- Oh, why don't you watch this, hm?
914
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:49,108
Come on, boys, come on.
915
00:42:50,943 --> 00:42:52,361
Come on.
916
00:42:52,445 --> 00:42:53,279
- Hello.
- Hi.
917
00:42:54,614 --> 00:42:55,531
- How are you?
918
00:43:11,881 --> 00:43:14,967
- Hey, what are we doing out here?
919
00:43:15,051 --> 00:43:16,803
Let's kick this old dude's ass!
920
00:43:37,490 --> 00:43:40,451
Hey, wingman, you got time for one more?
921
00:43:44,330 --> 00:43:48,751
- Jesus, there's always one that won't stay down.
922
00:43:57,552 --> 00:43:59,428
Fuck me tender in the night.
923
00:43:59,512 --> 00:44:01,389
- You left your asshat alone in there.
924
00:44:01,472 --> 00:44:04,308
A wingman never leaves his man.
925
00:44:04,392 --> 00:44:07,603
- But I had, I had enemy
combatants coming in on all sides.
926
00:44:07,687 --> 00:44:09,689
There was, 'cause they were, they were all-
927
00:44:30,585 --> 00:44:31,794
- It's really interesting.
928
00:44:31,878 --> 00:44:33,462
- I know.
- Yeah.
929
00:44:33,546 --> 00:44:36,924
- Well, my last dog died.
930
00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:39,135
- Oh no.
- Yeah.
931
00:44:39,218 --> 00:44:41,554
- That's unfortunate.
- I know.
932
00:44:43,556 --> 00:44:47,310
Oh, no, that's so sad.
933
00:44:47,393 --> 00:44:49,604
How did he die, your dog?
934
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:51,606
- Hit by a bus.
- A greyhound?
935
00:44:51,689 --> 00:44:55,610
- No, it was a chihuahua.
- Oh.
936
00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:58,154
Yeah.
937
00:44:59,989 --> 00:45:02,658
- Look, you show her tears, she's all yours.
938
00:45:02,742 --> 00:45:05,494
- I can't cry on demand.
939
00:45:05,578 --> 00:45:09,582
- All right, this is gonna
sting, but it will get you tears.
940
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,210
- Ow!
941
00:45:12,293 --> 00:45:15,713
Fuck!
942
00:45:23,095 --> 00:45:24,388
- You.
- Yeah.
943
00:45:25,097 --> 00:45:26,182
- You're crying.
944
00:45:26,265 --> 00:45:27,350
- So sad.
945
00:45:33,272 --> 00:45:34,857
- One sec.
- Yeah.
946
00:45:34,941 --> 00:45:36,734
Oh, no, you don't have-
947
00:45:38,653 --> 00:45:40,154
Oh god.
948
00:45:40,237 --> 00:45:41,656
Oh, mm-mm, mm-mm.
949
00:45:46,577 --> 00:45:49,664
- Is he okay?
- Just emotional.
950
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:50,748
He, uh,
951
00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:52,208
he also had a chihuahua.
- Oh, yeah?
952
00:45:52,291 --> 00:45:55,586
- Died in a horrible lawnmower accident.
953
00:45:55,670 --> 00:45:57,672
Meat everywhere.
- Oh my god.
954
00:45:57,755 --> 00:45:58,923
- Yeah.
955
00:45:59,006 --> 00:46:00,675
You know what the irony is?
- Yeah?
956
00:46:00,758 --> 00:46:03,427
- Dog's name was Taco.
- Taco.
957
00:46:03,511 --> 00:46:05,930
- The little bugeyed, trembly bastard.
958
00:46:06,013 --> 00:46:11,185
Oh my god, Taco?
959
00:46:18,359 --> 00:46:20,027
- Turk, you're awfully quiet.
960
00:46:20,111 --> 00:46:20,945
You okay?
961
00:46:23,406 --> 00:46:26,117
Like you've seen a ghost or something.
962
00:46:29,161 --> 00:46:32,707
- Yeah, maybe I did.
963
00:46:36,335 --> 00:46:40,381
Doesn't matter, time for new targets.
964
00:46:40,464 --> 00:46:44,010
No more dog ladies, it's time for cats.
965
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:46,595
We're headed to Cougar Country.
966
00:47:10,661 --> 00:47:12,872
Barbara Botox at six o'clock.
967
00:47:16,083 --> 00:47:16,917
Let's go.
968
00:47:21,464 --> 00:47:23,424
Hello, Lord Greystoke, uh,
969
00:47:23,507 --> 00:47:25,051
beautiful art, isn't it?
970
00:47:27,053 --> 00:47:29,221
This is Bob, he's an artist.
971
00:47:29,305 --> 00:47:32,141
- It is so sensual.
- Mhmm.
972
00:47:32,224 --> 00:47:35,394
You know, I paint, um-
973
00:47:35,478 --> 00:47:36,520
- Nudes.
974
00:47:38,189 --> 00:47:39,815
- Dog lady at three o'clock.
975
00:47:39,899 --> 00:47:40,816
I told you she's everywhere.
976
00:47:42,359 --> 00:47:43,736
Can't let her see you.
977
00:47:43,819 --> 00:47:45,071
Time to D and D.
978
00:47:45,154 --> 00:47:47,615
Divert. Distract.
979
00:47:53,412 --> 00:47:56,540
- You know, how about I grab us a couple drinks?
980
00:47:56,624 --> 00:48:00,795
No, let me.
981
00:48:07,426 --> 00:48:09,011
- There's nothing there.
982
00:48:09,678 --> 00:48:12,807
- Well, maybe to an albino.
983
00:48:12,890 --> 00:48:15,810
It's like a tampon that's been hit by a steamroller.
984
00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:17,186
Oh.
985
00:48:17,269 --> 00:48:18,521
- Bro, what are you doing here?
986
00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:20,356
- Skip.
- I've been searching the net
987
00:48:20,439 --> 00:48:22,066
for days on your wingman guy,
988
00:48:22,149 --> 00:48:23,275
and I can't find anything.
989
00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:24,276
- Do you think he's on the run?
990
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:25,653
You think he's like a criminal?
991
00:48:25,736 --> 00:48:28,030
- I'm not sure, I might have to go on the dark web.
992
00:48:28,114 --> 00:48:29,573
Megan has an uncle that might be able to help,
993
00:48:29,657 --> 00:48:31,158
so I'll set up a lunch meeting.
994
00:48:31,242 --> 00:48:32,576
- Okay, got it.
995
00:48:32,660 --> 00:48:33,577
- Nice suit.
996
00:48:37,873 --> 00:48:39,542
I like old.
997
00:48:39,625 --> 00:48:41,001
Well.
998
00:48:41,085 --> 00:48:43,379
So do ghosts.
999
00:48:46,006 --> 00:48:48,384
- I give you nothing.
1000
00:48:51,637 --> 00:48:55,558
We are all nothing.
1001
00:48:55,641 --> 00:48:58,519
You are nothing.
1002
00:48:59,395 --> 00:49:01,021
I am
1003
00:49:02,106 --> 00:49:02,982
nothing.
1004
00:49:07,236 --> 00:49:08,404
- Oh.
1005
00:49:08,487 --> 00:49:13,409
So what do you think of the art?
1006
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:17,288
- It is all in the mind, people.
1007
00:49:17,371 --> 00:49:19,665
We are all but fragments.
1008
00:49:20,499 --> 00:49:24,170
For what is a man with no legs?
1009
00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:28,340
What is a woman with one arm?
1010
00:49:29,592 --> 00:49:33,471
- A 50/50 shot at a hand job where I come from?
1011
00:49:49,195 --> 00:49:53,782
- What you're saying is everything is nothing.
1012
00:49:54,575 --> 00:49:56,118
- Exactly.
1013
00:49:56,202 --> 00:49:59,038
You see, am I petting this dog?
1014
00:49:59,121 --> 00:50:00,122
- Yeah.
1015
00:50:00,289 --> 00:50:01,832
- Or am I petting nothing?
1016
00:50:02,708 --> 00:50:05,961
Am I touching this man's face?
1017
00:50:06,045 --> 00:50:07,671
Or am I touching nothing?
1018
00:50:08,881 --> 00:50:12,468
Am I holding this furried animal?
1019
00:50:13,511 --> 00:50:15,095
Or am I holding nothing?
1020
00:50:17,097 --> 00:50:18,182
Ladies and gentlemen,
1021
00:50:18,265 --> 00:50:21,477
I give to you nothing!
1022
00:50:21,560 --> 00:50:24,271
Here's something!
1023
00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:31,529
- Know anywhere quiet we could go?
1024
00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:51,006
- I have to warn you, my place is a bit of a disaster area.
1025
00:50:51,090 --> 00:50:52,424
Had I known you were coming I-
1026
00:50:54,885 --> 00:50:56,845
- Well, if this is messy,
1027
00:50:56,929 --> 00:50:58,639
I'd love to see what clean looks like.
1028
00:50:58,722 --> 00:50:59,515
- Yeah, right.
1029
00:50:59,598 --> 00:51:03,602
- Mm.
- Oh, okay.
1030
00:51:03,686 --> 00:51:05,354
- Come on.
- Oh, uh,
1031
00:51:05,437 --> 00:51:07,439
well, why don't you make yourself comfortable.
1032
00:51:07,523 --> 00:51:08,899
I'll get us some drinks.
1033
00:51:10,234 --> 00:51:12,278
"Hey, Bob, here's all the work
1034
00:51:12,361 --> 00:51:14,196
for your presentation.
1035
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,365
I hope you don't mind, I straightened up a little.
1036
00:51:16,448 --> 00:51:19,618
P.S. Watch out for the rat traps, Holly. "
1037
00:51:19,702 --> 00:51:22,621
♪ Ooh, sexy lady ♪
1038
00:51:23,330 --> 00:51:24,540
- So I-
1039
00:51:31,005 --> 00:51:34,383
- Well.
1040
00:51:34,466 --> 00:51:36,385
What took you so long?
1041
00:51:36,468 --> 00:51:40,139
I'm more swollen than cheese puffs in an air fryer.
1042
00:51:43,934 --> 00:51:44,727
- Oh my god.
1043
00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:49,398
Mmm.
1044
00:51:49,481 --> 00:51:51,692
Ah.
1045
00:51:51,775 --> 00:51:52,901
Ah.
1046
00:51:52,985 --> 00:51:54,153
You feel good.
1047
00:51:55,654 --> 00:51:56,447
- Oh!
1048
00:51:58,699 --> 00:52:02,536
I, you know, I just think we're moving a little bit fast.
1049
00:52:03,746 --> 00:52:04,705
- Good.
1050
00:52:04,788 --> 00:52:06,582
I like it fast.
1051
00:52:08,250 --> 00:52:10,419
It's party time, Pinky.
1052
00:52:10,502 --> 00:52:13,464
♪ Do that thing that you know how to do ♪
1053
00:52:13,547 --> 00:52:14,340
- Ooh.
1054
00:52:14,423 --> 00:52:15,507
Oh, no, no.
1055
00:52:17,718 --> 00:52:20,512
Ah!
1056
00:52:20,596 --> 00:52:22,598
- You're a very lucky man, Bob.
1057
00:52:24,141 --> 00:52:26,143
No blood vessels have been ruptured.
1058
00:52:27,394 --> 00:52:29,688
- Look, does everyone have to be in here?
1059
00:52:31,065 --> 00:52:36,362
- Though I've never seen such rampant purple bruising.
1060
00:52:40,282 --> 00:52:41,200
- Really?
1061
00:52:52,044 --> 00:52:56,382
- All right, that was a mild setback.
1062
00:52:56,465 --> 00:52:59,051
We're gonna let the purple-asaurus rest for a night,
1063
00:52:59,134 --> 00:53:01,136
and then we're back on it tomorrow.
1064
00:53:01,220 --> 00:53:03,097
- Yeah.
- Dress real nice.
1065
00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:04,640
We're going for some, uh,
1066
00:53:07,726 --> 00:53:09,144
Wall Street beaver.
1067
00:53:16,777 --> 00:53:18,445
- Wall Street beaver?
1068
00:53:19,613 --> 00:53:22,157
- We'll get your girl back, Onion Rings.
1069
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:23,242
You'll see.
1070
00:53:34,420 --> 00:53:36,672
- Holly, I couldn't believe how clean my place was.
1071
00:53:36,755 --> 00:53:37,673
You didn't have to do that.
1072
00:53:37,756 --> 00:53:39,800
- Yeah, you know, I did.
1073
00:53:39,883 --> 00:53:41,969
I was having nightmares about it,
1074
00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:45,806
and I pictured your apartment
getting worse and worse,
1075
00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:47,349
and turning into the blob.
1076
00:53:48,642 --> 00:53:51,603
And devouring the whole city.
1077
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:02,281
- What?
1078
00:54:05,951 --> 00:54:08,203
What are you looking at?
1079
00:54:08,287 --> 00:54:09,788
- Nothing, no, uh.
1080
00:54:11,832 --> 00:54:13,959
Did you do something different with your hair?
1081
00:54:14,042 --> 00:54:15,043
- Yeah.
1082
00:54:16,044 --> 00:54:18,297
I brushed it, you should try it sometime.
1083
00:54:19,590 --> 00:54:21,592
Two days until the presentation, Mister.
1084
00:54:21,675 --> 00:54:23,927
You ready?
- I'm getting there.
1085
00:54:24,011 --> 00:54:26,221
I'm, uh, on it all night.
1086
00:54:26,305 --> 00:54:27,848
Your research as been a big help.
1087
00:54:27,931 --> 00:54:30,684
Thanks, Holly.
- Hey, it's what I do.
1088
00:54:30,768 --> 00:54:32,561
- Oh, and Holly.
- Hmm?
1089
00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:35,272
- Tell Tim I wanna rematch on "Halo," all right.
1090
00:54:36,815 --> 00:54:37,983
- Yeah, um,
1091
00:54:39,318 --> 00:54:40,944
look, Bob, Tim and I-
1092
00:54:41,028 --> 00:54:43,113
- Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, my man.
1093
00:54:44,656 --> 00:54:46,116
Better join me for lunch, pal.
1094
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:47,993
I got the goods on your wingman.
1095
00:54:48,786 --> 00:54:50,746
License plate panned out.
1096
00:54:52,456 --> 00:54:54,583
What are we doing at an airplane museum?
1097
00:54:54,666 --> 00:54:55,959
We're here to meet a wingman.
1098
00:54:56,043 --> 00:54:57,795
Megan's uncle, Corey.
1099
00:54:59,379 --> 00:55:01,089
- Skip, right?
1100
00:55:01,173 --> 00:55:02,174
- Corey.
1101
00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:05,260
Oh!
1102
00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:06,762
- You all right, you all right?
1103
00:55:06,845 --> 00:55:09,264
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a hand here, Turkey Legs.
1104
00:55:09,348 --> 00:55:11,558
Jesus, ah, let's go on a tour.
1105
00:55:11,642 --> 00:55:16,104
The other way, the other way, you goof case.
1106
00:55:16,188 --> 00:55:17,773
All right, let's go, boys.
1107
00:55:17,856 --> 00:55:19,149
- You're not still doing the wingman thing?
1108
00:55:19,233 --> 00:55:20,359
Are you, Uncle Corey?
1109
00:55:20,442 --> 00:55:22,069
- Hell no, that's a young man's game.
1110
00:55:22,152 --> 00:55:24,196
- Have you ever heard of a Turk Thompson?
1111
00:55:24,279 --> 00:55:25,155
- He's a wingman.
1112
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,324
- I've never heard of the guy.
1113
00:55:27,407 --> 00:55:28,325
Who'd he fly with?
1114
00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:30,035
Is he out of Camp Pendleton?
1115
00:55:30,118 --> 00:55:32,120
- Uh, no, we're talking about like a wingman.
1116
00:55:32,204 --> 00:55:36,875
- So am I, Vietnam War, I flew 32 missions over Khe Sanh.
1117
00:55:36,959 --> 00:55:40,128
Some say that the wingman
was the most dangerous role
1118
00:55:40,212 --> 00:55:41,630
in the whole military,
1119
00:55:41,713 --> 00:55:43,674
but I was just doing my job.
1120
00:55:43,757 --> 00:55:45,092
- Uh, listen, when you say wingman,
1121
00:55:45,175 --> 00:55:47,511
what exactly are you, like, referring to though?
1122
00:55:47,594 --> 00:55:50,180
- We flew in pairs, protected the fighter bombers
1123
00:55:50,264 --> 00:55:52,307
so they could carry out the missions!
1124
00:55:53,225 --> 00:55:56,311
A lot of us never came home, bugeyes!
1125
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:59,439
All right, Tinsel Tits, follow me.
1126
00:56:03,235 --> 00:56:04,403
- What about chicks?
1127
00:56:04,486 --> 00:56:05,904
Did you guys ever pick up chicks at bars?
1128
00:56:05,988 --> 00:56:08,031
- What are you talking about, you pervert?
1129
00:56:08,115 --> 00:56:11,243
Flora and I have been together for 65 years!
1130
00:56:11,326 --> 00:56:12,327
Jesus!
1131
00:56:14,871 --> 00:56:17,833
Boys, you wanna go on a bombing run?
1132
00:56:17,916 --> 00:56:19,251
Ha-ha, yeah.
1133
00:56:30,596 --> 00:56:31,597
- Hey, Turk.
1134
00:56:33,891 --> 00:56:35,517
I thought you said to dress up.
1135
00:56:35,601 --> 00:56:37,185
- Yeah, and?
1136
00:56:38,937 --> 00:56:40,647
- You look good.
- Look,
1137
00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:43,859
these chicks run with a tough crowd, all right?
1138
00:56:43,942 --> 00:56:46,695
They're smart, most of them have degrees.
1139
00:56:46,778 --> 00:56:48,780
But if you can bag a smart chick,
1140
00:56:48,864 --> 00:56:50,574
you can get just about anyone.
1141
00:56:52,451 --> 00:56:54,870
- Do you have to make it sound so greasy?
1142
00:56:54,953 --> 00:56:56,747
What if I just try being myself?
1143
00:56:57,706 --> 00:56:59,249
- How the hell you gonna do that?
1144
00:56:59,333 --> 00:57:02,669
- I always wanted to go fly fishing with a girl, you know?
1145
00:57:02,753 --> 00:57:04,546
You know, just two people out in the wilderness,
1146
00:57:04,630 --> 00:57:05,464
out in nature?
1147
00:57:05,547 --> 00:57:07,507
No bars, no pickup lines,
1148
00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:10,677
just two people being themselves.
1149
00:57:10,761 --> 00:57:11,720
- Ugh.
1150
00:57:17,267 --> 00:57:19,478
Are you freaking cereal right now?
1151
00:57:19,561 --> 00:57:21,396
This isn't 1942.
1152
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:23,899
Those kind of girls don't exist anymore.
1153
00:57:24,733 --> 00:57:25,817
Don't be an idiot.
1154
00:57:25,901 --> 00:57:27,194
Pay attention.
1155
00:57:27,277 --> 00:57:30,113
Do as I say, take this.
1156
00:57:33,158 --> 00:57:35,494
- What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
1157
00:57:35,577 --> 00:57:38,747
- Girls in this place are, uh, thinkers.
1158
00:57:38,830 --> 00:57:41,667
They need stimuli to get their juices going.
1159
00:57:42,584 --> 00:57:43,543
Come on.
1160
00:57:45,170 --> 00:57:47,047
There's your mark, let's go.
1161
00:57:50,092 --> 00:57:51,635
- Fossil fuels got us this far.
1162
00:57:51,718 --> 00:57:52,844
I think we're gonna be okay.
1163
00:57:52,928 --> 00:57:54,596
- No, you can't argue with science.
1164
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,223
Greenhouse gases are real.
1165
00:57:56,306 --> 00:57:58,725
- Did somebody say gases?
1166
00:58:04,606 --> 00:58:07,150
Hey, uh, what's your name, guy?
1167
00:58:07,234 --> 00:58:08,276
- Tim Ryder.
1168
00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:09,361
- Ride her?
1169
00:58:09,444 --> 00:58:10,904
I barely know her.
1170
00:58:10,987 --> 00:58:13,657
Check it out, I can fart your name.
1171
00:58:13,740 --> 00:58:16,034
Tim Ryder.
1172
00:58:16,118 --> 00:58:17,452
- Hey, do you wanna get some fresh air?
1173
00:58:17,536 --> 00:58:18,620
- Let's get out of here.
- Please.
1174
00:58:18,704 --> 00:58:20,080
Yeah.
- What's the matter with you?
1175
00:58:20,163 --> 00:58:22,541
- Hey, where's everybody going?
1176
00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:23,625
- Whew!
1177
00:58:24,876 --> 00:58:26,962
What was up with that guy, amirite?
1178
00:58:27,045 --> 00:58:30,257
- Thought he was with you?
- No, sort of.
1179
00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,844
- Sort of?
- Not really.
1180
00:58:34,052 --> 00:58:37,222
- Was he or wasn't he?
- Not really.
1181
00:58:38,015 --> 00:58:40,642
- Wow, indecisive and a liar.
1182
00:58:40,726 --> 00:58:42,811
Charming first qualities, goodnight.
1183
00:58:42,894 --> 00:58:44,187
- Okay, wait.
1184
00:58:44,271 --> 00:58:47,607
Okay, I admit, I used him as a diversion
1185
00:58:47,691 --> 00:58:49,484
so I could talk to you.
1186
00:58:49,568 --> 00:58:50,777
- Farting people's names?
1187
00:58:50,861 --> 00:58:52,112
Oh, that's quite the tactic.
1188
00:58:52,195 --> 00:58:54,072
- Oh, no, that part I didn't know.
1189
00:58:55,866 --> 00:58:59,077
- Okay, so you got me away from everybody.
1190
00:58:59,161 --> 00:59:00,412
What's your next move?
1191
00:59:02,038 --> 00:59:03,040
- Move?
1192
00:59:05,042 --> 00:59:07,669
- Look, um, what's your name?
1193
00:59:07,753 --> 00:59:08,712
- I'm Bob.
1194
00:59:09,963 --> 00:59:11,423
- Bob?
- Yeah.
1195
00:59:13,341 --> 00:59:16,136
- Bob, I've been hit on by everybody
1196
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,013
from doctors to lawyers.
1197
00:59:18,096 --> 00:59:20,807
Okay, I'm not looking for a booty call,
1198
00:59:20,891 --> 00:59:22,934
or a sexting daddy, friends with benefits.
1199
00:59:23,018 --> 00:59:25,937
- Oh no, I, I, I wasn't trying to be like-
1200
00:59:26,021 --> 00:59:29,149
- What? You just wanna get to know me?
1201
00:59:29,232 --> 00:59:31,943
Find out who I really am deep down inside?
1202
00:59:34,279 --> 00:59:35,781
I've heard it all before, Bob.
1203
00:59:35,864 --> 00:59:37,741
Not all women are as stupid and predictable
1204
00:59:37,824 --> 00:59:39,159
as you want them to be.
1205
00:59:39,993 --> 00:59:41,203
- Okay, all right, you know what?
1206
00:59:41,286 --> 00:59:43,246
You got me, you're 100% right.
1207
00:59:43,330 --> 00:59:45,707
You want me to be real? Let's be real.
1208
00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:47,167
I came in here tonight with the farting guy
1209
00:59:47,250 --> 00:59:49,252
so I could hit on smart girls like you,
1210
00:59:49,336 --> 00:59:51,046
and I used him as a diversion.
1211
00:59:52,464 --> 00:59:53,507
- A wingman, huh?
1212
00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:57,177
How pathetic are you?
- I'm not pathetic.
1213
00:59:57,260 --> 01:00:00,764
I'm just a little lonely and a little hurt,
1214
01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:03,600
and sure I was trying to get a little action.
1215
01:00:03,683 --> 01:00:05,602
- Oh, and so now you've come clean, I'm what?
1216
01:00:05,685 --> 01:00:07,979
Supposed to like you for it?
1217
01:00:10,482 --> 01:00:13,693
♪ To blame, love is just a game ♪
1218
01:00:13,777 --> 01:00:15,654
- Have you ever been fly fishing?
1219
01:00:16,655 --> 01:00:18,698
'Cause I'd love to go fly fishing with you.
1220
01:00:18,782 --> 01:00:21,243
- Fly fishing?
- Yeah.
1221
01:00:21,326 --> 01:00:24,246
Wait.
1222
01:00:24,329 --> 01:00:28,625
That has got to be the lamest pickup line ever.
1223
01:00:28,708 --> 01:00:30,585
Wow, fly fishing?
1224
01:00:30,669 --> 01:00:33,088
Oh, oh, oh gee.
1225
01:00:33,171 --> 01:00:34,589
Oh, you got me!
1226
01:00:36,508 --> 01:00:37,384
- Okay, wait.
1227
01:00:39,094 --> 01:00:40,428
I was hoping you could help me with this.
1228
01:00:40,512 --> 01:00:44,224
♪ So you play it all again ♪
1229
01:00:44,307 --> 01:00:47,310
Hmm, nicely played, Bob.
1230
01:00:47,394 --> 01:00:48,186
Drink?
1231
01:00:50,355 --> 01:00:53,358
- The best way to get a smart chick is to-
1232
01:00:53,441 --> 01:00:57,112
- Let her think she's smarter than you.
1233
01:00:59,948 --> 01:01:01,116
- Well, well, well.
1234
01:01:02,033 --> 01:01:04,828
If it isn't the world's sleaziest wingman.
1235
01:01:06,663 --> 01:01:07,664
- The Elk Room.
1236
01:01:08,957 --> 01:01:13,253
Let me guess, the old Rubik's, to get in her pubes, Cube.
1237
01:01:14,337 --> 01:01:15,797
Who's the client?
1238
01:01:15,881 --> 01:01:17,924
- Take a good look, Cow Tits.
1239
01:01:22,220 --> 01:01:23,805
- Suck my sister's leg braces.
1240
01:01:23,889 --> 01:01:26,433
I think I know that kid.
- Yeah, you do.
1241
01:01:27,684 --> 01:01:31,146
I'm getting my client, his fiance back, Sea Otter Balls.
1242
01:01:31,229 --> 01:01:32,898
- We'll see about that, Turk.
1243
01:01:44,993 --> 01:01:48,038
- This has been a long time coming.
1244
01:01:53,752 --> 01:01:57,464
- When the clock chimes 10:30, we draw.
1245
01:01:58,924 --> 01:02:00,592
- Bring it, Cold Slaw Sack.
1246
01:02:59,025 --> 01:03:00,151
- It burns.
1247
01:03:01,569 --> 01:03:02,570
It burns.
1248
01:03:17,377 --> 01:03:19,838
- There's two kinds of wingmen, Wingman.
1249
01:03:21,006 --> 01:03:22,841
Ones who can take the heat,
1250
01:03:22,924 --> 01:03:24,676
and the ones who fail their mission
1251
01:03:24,759 --> 01:03:27,762
and let life slap 'em in the face with its balls.
1252
01:03:48,366 --> 01:03:49,659
- Daddy's home.
1253
01:03:54,873 --> 01:03:56,207
- No.
1254
01:04:04,549 --> 01:04:05,800
Oh, shit.
1255
01:04:05,884 --> 01:04:07,010
No. No.
1256
01:04:12,807 --> 01:04:15,018
- Binjo, asshole.
1257
01:04:16,561 --> 01:04:18,772
- On the floor now!
1258
01:04:22,150 --> 01:04:25,403
- Hey, hold on, Hawaii Five-O, show's over.
1259
01:04:34,996 --> 01:04:37,207
- Can't believe you know the
guy that helped steal my fiance
1260
01:04:37,290 --> 01:04:39,000
and you didn't say anything!
1261
01:04:39,084 --> 01:04:40,460
- Just get me home, all right?
1262
01:04:40,543 --> 01:04:42,337
And be careful, I've never let anyone else
1263
01:04:42,420 --> 01:04:44,714
drive the orgasm-mobile before.
1264
01:04:44,798 --> 01:04:47,258
Oh yeah?
1265
01:04:47,342 --> 01:04:49,094
- Ah!
1266
01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:49,928
What the hell was that?
1267
01:04:50,011 --> 01:04:51,221
- That was a pothole!
1268
01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:52,680
Oh, look, another one coming up,
1269
01:04:52,764 --> 01:04:53,848
so you better start talking.
1270
01:04:53,932 --> 01:04:55,100
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1271
01:04:55,183 --> 01:04:57,310
No more potholes!
- Who is he?
1272
01:04:58,395 --> 01:04:59,562
- All right.
1273
01:05:00,605 --> 01:05:03,483
He's a guy just like me, does what I do.
1274
01:05:03,566 --> 01:05:05,693
Look, I always have my client's back.
1275
01:05:05,777 --> 01:05:07,195
I always complete the mission.
1276
01:05:07,278 --> 01:05:09,447
- Oh, and you, you really had my back tonight, didn't you?
1277
01:05:09,531 --> 01:05:12,033
I mean, I finally had the perfect girl.
1278
01:05:12,117 --> 01:05:13,660
She was ready to come home and close the deal.
1279
01:05:13,743 --> 01:05:16,371
As stupid as your Rubik's Cube idea was, it worked.
1280
01:05:16,454 --> 01:05:19,541
But then you had to get all "Good, Bad, and Ugly" on us.
1281
01:05:19,624 --> 01:05:22,460
- Now settle down, we still got tomorrow.
1282
01:05:23,128 --> 01:05:24,337
Never lost a client yet.
1283
01:05:24,420 --> 01:05:26,798
Just get me home.
1284
01:05:28,007 --> 01:05:29,968
You there?
- Of course, I'm here, Turk!
1285
01:05:30,051 --> 01:05:31,636
I'm still driving the car!
1286
01:05:31,719 --> 01:05:32,929
- Well, fucking talk to me!
1287
01:05:33,012 --> 01:05:35,598
What are you, side languaging me over there?
1288
01:05:35,682 --> 01:05:37,892
'Cause I can do it too!
- Let's see it.
1289
01:05:39,269 --> 01:05:40,728
- You know what I just said?
- What?
1290
01:05:40,812 --> 01:05:43,398
- "Fuck off," in seven languages!
1291
01:05:45,525 --> 01:05:48,528
There's eight, I just hit you with Chinese.
1292
01:05:48,611 --> 01:05:49,696
- All right, I wanna hear Jamaican.
1293
01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:50,905
It's impressive at this point.
1294
01:05:50,989 --> 01:05:52,907
To Bob-a-rasscrack,
1295
01:05:53,032 --> 01:05:56,786
better fuck off the papparasp, mon.
1296
01:05:57,704 --> 01:05:59,414
Here's one in English, fuck off.
1297
01:05:59,497 --> 01:06:03,668
♪ I'll help you close your eyes ♪
1298
01:06:04,460 --> 01:06:05,545
Bedroom's on the left.
1299
01:06:05,628 --> 01:06:09,340
♪ And forget about to ♪
1300
01:06:09,424 --> 01:06:13,595
- Yep, there you go.
♪ Day ♪
1301
01:06:13,678 --> 01:06:15,096
- Listen, uh,
1302
01:06:15,180 --> 01:06:18,057
go into the kitchen and get me a rag for my eyes.
1303
01:06:19,058 --> 01:06:21,519
And there's a beer and cold cuts in the fridge
1304
01:06:21,603 --> 01:06:23,062
if you need a snack.
1305
01:06:31,529 --> 01:06:34,449
- Nothing, just as I expected.
1306
01:06:37,994 --> 01:06:42,332
Hmm.
1307
01:06:42,415 --> 01:06:43,416
Ice cream?
1308
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:45,710
Okay.
1309
01:06:49,214 --> 01:06:51,591
Little salty, but that'll do.
1310
01:06:55,720 --> 01:06:57,597
- Ah yeah.
1311
01:06:57,680 --> 01:06:58,848
Oh.
1312
01:07:04,896 --> 01:07:06,648
- What the fuck is this, Turk?
1313
01:07:06,731 --> 01:07:08,399
Why is there a photo of you with the slime ball
1314
01:07:08,483 --> 01:07:09,734
from the bar tonight?
1315
01:07:11,569 --> 01:07:12,820
- Hey.
1316
01:07:12,904 --> 01:07:14,906
Hey, listen, you know what?
1317
01:07:14,989 --> 01:07:17,242
Why don't we just call tonight a write off, okay?
1318
01:07:17,325 --> 01:07:18,993
Look, I, I won't even charge you.
1319
01:07:19,077 --> 01:07:20,161
- Oh, you won't even charge me?
1320
01:07:20,245 --> 01:07:22,163
No, what the fuck is going on, Turk?
1321
01:07:22,247 --> 01:07:23,498
- I trained him.
1322
01:07:24,290 --> 01:07:26,209
- You, you trained the guy
1323
01:07:26,292 --> 01:07:28,002
who stole my fiance?
- Yeah.
1324
01:07:28,086 --> 01:07:29,754
- This just keeps getting better.
1325
01:07:29,837 --> 01:07:31,965
- Yeah, look, relax, okay.
1326
01:07:32,048 --> 01:07:34,592
This gig is gonna put him out of business,
1327
01:07:34,676 --> 01:07:37,637
and I'm gonna be the only wingman on the block again.
1328
01:07:37,720 --> 01:07:41,391
- So, you've just been using me to get to this prick?
1329
01:07:41,474 --> 01:07:43,685
Is that what this has all been about?
1330
01:07:43,768 --> 01:07:44,769
- No.
1331
01:07:46,312 --> 01:07:47,605
Don't you see, kid?
1332
01:07:48,273 --> 01:07:49,607
It's about the money.
1333
01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:52,610
- Obviously.
1334
01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:54,696
Asshole.
1335
01:07:59,242 --> 01:08:01,744
- Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1336
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:05,790
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1337
01:08:05,873 --> 01:08:07,333
It's our belief
1338
01:08:07,417 --> 01:08:11,546
that Captain Scott Riker is
still alive behind enemy lines.
1339
01:08:11,629 --> 01:08:14,007
- Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1340
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:17,969
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1341
01:08:18,051 --> 01:08:19,511
It is our belief
1342
01:08:19,595 --> 01:08:24,017
that Captain Scott Riker is
still alive behind enemy lines.
1343
01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,352
- Reports have come in of enemy combatants
1344
01:08:26,435 --> 01:08:29,147
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1345
01:08:29,229 --> 01:08:31,357
- It is our belief that Captain Scott Riker
1346
01:08:31,441 --> 01:08:34,694
is still alive behind enemy lines.
1347
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,071
- Reports have
come in of enemy combatants
1348
01:08:37,154 --> 01:08:39,823
shooting an American jet fighter out of the sky.
1349
01:08:39,907 --> 01:08:40,867
It is our belief
1350
01:08:40,950 --> 01:08:41,951
that Captain Scott Riker-
1351
01:08:42,035 --> 01:08:44,245
- What the hell are you doing in here?
1352
01:08:44,328 --> 01:08:46,538
- Don't worry, I was just leaving.
1353
01:08:46,622 --> 01:08:48,124
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1354
01:08:48,207 --> 01:08:50,001
Wait, wait, no, no, no.
1355
01:08:50,084 --> 01:08:54,087
Tomorrow night, 2100 hours, Pink Taboo.
1356
01:08:54,921 --> 01:08:56,924
Our final mission.
- No, no, no.
1357
01:08:57,008 --> 01:08:58,926
Tonight was our final mission.
1358
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:02,846
You delusional G.I. Joe fantasy boy.
1359
01:09:04,515 --> 01:09:06,017
You used me, Turk.
1360
01:09:06,975 --> 01:09:09,729
Yeah, and worst of all,
1361
01:09:09,812 --> 01:09:12,732
you're the reason I lost the love of my life.
1362
01:09:12,814 --> 01:09:16,234
- Oh, boo, hoo, hoo.
1363
01:09:16,319 --> 01:09:19,363
Like, you're the only one who's ever lost somebody, huh?
1364
01:09:21,157 --> 01:09:23,743
- You're a real piece of...
1365
01:09:27,537 --> 01:09:30,500
I, I get it now.
1366
01:09:30,582 --> 01:09:32,877
I, I can't believe I didn't understand it.
1367
01:09:33,920 --> 01:09:36,046
Microscopes, beakers.
1368
01:09:37,090 --> 01:09:38,466
Crystal meth, how did I not see this before?
1369
01:09:38,549 --> 01:09:41,301
You're some kind of insane meth head, aren't you?
1370
01:09:41,386 --> 01:09:42,761
- It's not meth, shithead.
1371
01:09:42,845 --> 01:09:44,971
I told you, I brew my own gasoline.
1372
01:09:45,055 --> 01:09:48,225
Jesus, if you don't believe me, look for yourself.
1373
01:09:55,858 --> 01:09:57,443
- What the hell is this?
1374
01:09:58,695 --> 01:10:01,197
Sperm cells.
1375
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:04,325
They travel at about 100 million miles an hour
1376
01:10:04,409 --> 01:10:05,743
racing to the egg,
1377
01:10:05,827 --> 01:10:07,578
to the finish line.
1378
01:10:08,496 --> 01:10:10,915
It's like the Fallopian Tube 500 in there.
1379
01:10:12,166 --> 01:10:17,088
You know, if I could just catch that energy in a bottle.
1380
01:10:18,756 --> 01:10:21,134
- So wait, is, is this your-
1381
01:10:21,217 --> 01:10:22,844
- Pancake batter?
1382
01:10:22,927 --> 01:10:25,430
That's right.
- Oh my god.
1383
01:10:25,513 --> 01:10:27,014
- Me and Betty like to have our fun,
1384
01:10:27,098 --> 01:10:30,351
but, uh, I don't like to waste anything.
1385
01:10:30,435 --> 01:10:34,188
- So you turn your spunk into gasoline?
1386
01:10:34,272 --> 01:10:35,356
- What do you think powers
1387
01:10:35,440 --> 01:10:37,525
the orgasm-mobile, Broccoli Teeth?
1388
01:10:37,608 --> 01:10:40,027
I didn't fill it up with Shell unleaded.
1389
01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:41,195
- What?
1390
01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,697
But, but that, that's impossible.
1391
01:10:42,780 --> 01:10:44,657
The sperm would die!
1392
01:10:44,741 --> 01:10:48,035
- No shit, genius, that's why I freeze it.
1393
01:10:48,119 --> 01:10:50,121
You ever heard of frozen sperm?
1394
01:10:50,204 --> 01:10:54,125
Keeps those pollywogs alive forever.
1395
01:10:54,208 --> 01:10:55,710
Until finally you defrost 'em,
1396
01:10:55,793 --> 01:10:58,463
and then they, they start squiggling around like you,
1397
01:10:58,546 --> 01:11:01,382
like you just squirted 'em out fresh.
1398
01:11:09,932 --> 01:11:11,267
What the hell?
1399
01:11:15,021 --> 01:11:16,063
My ice cream.
1400
01:11:18,399 --> 01:11:20,443
No wonder his breath smelled like a,
1401
01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:24,197
a George Michael youth camp.
1402
01:11:25,490 --> 01:11:26,449
- What if I blow it?
- Come on, Bob.
1403
01:11:26,532 --> 01:11:27,784
You can do this.
- Yeah.
1404
01:11:27,867 --> 01:11:29,076
Of course, you would say that.
1405
01:11:29,160 --> 01:11:30,328
But what if I can't? What if I can't do it?
1406
01:11:30,411 --> 01:11:31,787
What if I blow it?
1407
01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:32,830
- You're not gonna blow it.
1408
01:11:32,914 --> 01:11:33,831
Hey, hey.
- I could blow it.
1409
01:11:33,915 --> 01:11:35,583
- Hey, hey, Maxine picked you,
1410
01:11:35,666 --> 01:11:37,502
because she knows you're the best.
1411
01:11:40,671 --> 01:11:42,173
- Thanks, Holly, look, I couldn't have done
1412
01:11:42,256 --> 01:11:43,382
any of this without you.
1413
01:11:43,466 --> 01:11:45,593
Seriously, thanks, Holly.
1414
01:11:47,720 --> 01:11:49,847
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
1415
01:11:49,931 --> 01:11:51,849
- Um, I'm meeting a friend for drinks
1416
01:11:51,933 --> 01:11:54,519
later at Rummy's if you wanna come.
1417
01:11:55,603 --> 01:11:57,480
We'll celebrate.
- Yeah, we'll celebrate,
1418
01:11:57,563 --> 01:11:59,440
'cause great.
- Yeah.
1419
01:11:59,524 --> 01:12:01,609
- At Rummy's, yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
1420
01:12:01,692 --> 01:12:03,361
Okay, go, go, go.
- Oh, I gotta, yeah, yeah.
1421
01:12:03,444 --> 01:12:05,822
Go.
1422
01:12:14,247 --> 01:12:17,875
My honored guests and esteemed colleagues,
1423
01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:20,545
it is my pleasure to be here today.
1424
01:12:23,381 --> 01:12:25,383
As you know, the global appetite
1425
01:12:25,466 --> 01:12:29,387
for world-class car racing is growing day by day.
1426
01:12:30,388 --> 01:12:33,391
Our vision at Raw Image is your vision,
1427
01:12:34,517 --> 01:12:37,603
to bring modernized, state-of-the-art racetracks
1428
01:12:38,437 --> 01:12:42,650
to that motherfucker right there!
1429
01:12:42,733 --> 01:12:43,985
- I'm a motherfucker?
1430
01:12:44,819 --> 01:12:45,987
You're a motherfucker!
1431
01:12:46,070 --> 01:12:48,072
- That's the fucker that stole my fiance!
1432
01:12:48,155 --> 01:12:49,740
- Then I'm a fiance fucker!
- Oh, shit!
1433
01:12:49,824 --> 01:12:51,659
- Fucker!
- I'm a fiance fucker!
1434
01:12:51,742 --> 01:12:53,160
And bring your mother, I will fuck her too!
1435
01:12:53,244 --> 01:12:54,620
Oh, shit!
1436
01:12:58,666 --> 01:13:02,086
- You son of a bitch!
1437
01:13:02,253 --> 01:13:03,504
Oh, I'm gonna kill you!
1438
01:13:03,588 --> 01:13:05,715
- Son of a bitch, get off me, you hooker!
1439
01:13:05,798 --> 01:13:07,216
Bitch slap, man, you bitch!
1440
01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:08,801
Aye, you hit me!
1441
01:13:09,677 --> 01:13:10,845
- Oh my god.
1442
01:13:13,097 --> 01:13:16,017
I totally fucked this whole thing up completely.
1443
01:13:16,100 --> 01:13:17,685
Maxine is gonna be so pissed at me.
1444
01:13:17,977 --> 01:13:18,978
Shit.
1445
01:13:19,854 --> 01:13:21,147
- How could you know, Bob?
1446
01:13:21,230 --> 01:13:24,775
I mean, I would've done the same thing.
1447
01:13:26,277 --> 01:13:27,945
- Yeah, exactly, right?
1448
01:13:28,029 --> 01:13:29,322
You, you, you, think of it,
1449
01:13:29,405 --> 01:13:31,407
you came face to face with a broad
1450
01:13:31,490 --> 01:13:33,075
who stole Tim away from you.
1451
01:13:36,078 --> 01:13:37,330
- Well, um,
1452
01:13:38,289 --> 01:13:42,501
since we're talking about bad news here, um,
1453
01:13:43,628 --> 01:13:45,713
Tim and I broke up
1454
01:13:47,089 --> 01:13:48,174
a few months ago.
1455
01:13:51,677 --> 01:13:52,678
- Ugh.
1456
01:13:54,513 --> 01:13:57,141
I'm such an idiot.
1457
01:13:57,224 --> 01:13:58,559
A few months ago?
1458
01:13:58,643 --> 01:13:59,977
How did I not know?
1459
01:14:00,061 --> 01:14:03,481
- I, you were going through your own stuff,
1460
01:14:03,564 --> 01:14:05,524
and I don't know, I didn't wanna...
1461
01:14:07,276 --> 01:14:08,945
- Hey, come here.
1462
01:14:11,322 --> 01:14:14,116
Sorry.
- It's okay.
1463
01:14:16,911 --> 01:14:19,872
- I'm such a selfish prick.
1464
01:14:19,956 --> 01:14:22,416
I've been in my own little world and I, I should've asked.
1465
01:14:22,500 --> 01:14:25,044
I should've...
- Hey, it's okay.
1466
01:14:25,753 --> 01:14:27,672
I guess it was coming for a while.
1467
01:14:27,755 --> 01:14:28,965
You know, we were fighting,
1468
01:14:29,048 --> 01:14:31,717
and somehow he always made me feel like
1469
01:14:31,801 --> 01:14:33,469
I wasn't smart enough for him.
1470
01:14:34,178 --> 01:14:35,888
- You're not smart enough?
1471
01:14:35,972 --> 01:14:38,140
Holly McCarthy, not smart enough?
1472
01:14:39,100 --> 01:14:40,393
You work with me, don't you?
1473
01:14:40,476 --> 01:14:43,020
Gotta be pretty smart.
1474
01:14:43,104 --> 01:14:45,314
Actually, I...
1475
01:14:52,488 --> 01:14:53,948
Let's see how smart you are.
1476
01:15:03,207 --> 01:15:04,208
Ah. Oh.
1477
01:15:13,634 --> 01:15:15,386
See, you're plenty smart.
1478
01:15:15,469 --> 01:15:18,305
You're smart enough to get away from Tim.
1479
01:15:22,059 --> 01:15:23,561
Oh, you know what?
1480
01:15:25,604 --> 01:15:27,064
I don't need this anymore.
1481
01:15:28,482 --> 01:15:29,734
You take it.
1482
01:15:29,817 --> 01:15:31,360
You know, here.
1483
01:15:34,947 --> 01:15:35,948
It's yours.
1484
01:15:39,160 --> 01:15:40,119
A toast.
1485
01:15:43,622 --> 01:15:44,874
To new beginnings.
1486
01:15:46,542 --> 01:15:49,545
To new beginnings.
1487
01:16:04,268 --> 01:16:06,479
- Wow, look how much people love you.
1488
01:16:06,562 --> 01:16:08,272
Look at all this love.
1489
01:16:08,355 --> 01:16:10,357
Who got you all this stuff?
1490
01:16:10,441 --> 01:16:11,275
- I did.
1491
01:16:11,358 --> 01:16:13,903
Oh.
1492
01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:16,030
- Is this how you treat your clients?
1493
01:16:16,822 --> 01:16:18,407
By sending a date rapist?
1494
01:16:18,491 --> 01:16:19,825
- Oh, it wasn't a date rapist, honey.
1495
01:16:19,909 --> 01:16:21,535
It was an assault.
1496
01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:22,870
- What do you think a rapist is?
1497
01:16:22,953 --> 01:16:23,746
It's an assault.
1498
01:16:23,829 --> 01:16:25,247
And he called me a fucker!
1499
01:16:25,331 --> 01:16:26,457
- What can I do?
1500
01:16:26,540 --> 01:16:29,418
What can we do to make this right?
1501
01:16:29,502 --> 01:16:32,713
- Where I come from, we still believe in honor.
1502
01:16:32,797 --> 01:16:35,883
If the rapist comes forward
and proves himself worthy,
1503
01:16:35,966 --> 01:16:37,968
I might show leniency.
1504
01:16:38,052 --> 01:16:39,637
- Of course, he will, no question.
1505
01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:41,847
He's one of our best rapist, I mean-
1506
01:16:41,931 --> 01:16:46,560
- I will send Bob over there
tomorrow to heal this wound.
1507
01:16:46,644 --> 01:16:48,562
- No, you won't send him here.
1508
01:16:48,646 --> 01:16:51,482
Bob will show up and prove his honor
1509
01:16:51,565 --> 01:16:53,025
where real men prove it,
1510
01:16:53,108 --> 01:16:54,401
at the racetrack!
1511
01:16:54,485 --> 01:16:56,403
And, Doctor, get me a new bed, please!
1512
01:16:56,487 --> 01:16:58,197
I feel like I'm breakdancing!
1513
01:16:58,280 --> 01:17:00,324
I just sent you 50,000.
1514
01:17:00,407 --> 01:17:01,867
- Are those rupees?
1515
01:17:01,951 --> 01:17:03,244
- Yes, they're rupees.
1516
01:17:03,327 --> 01:17:05,746
That's a lot of money, in India.
1517
01:17:05,830 --> 01:17:06,622
Get me a bed.
1518
01:17:14,713 --> 01:17:16,799
- Why have I never kissed you before?
1519
01:17:17,675 --> 01:17:20,553
- Well, uh, two reasons.
1520
01:17:21,220 --> 01:17:22,138
Tim.
1521
01:17:22,221 --> 01:17:23,097
- Mhmm.
1522
01:17:25,349 --> 01:17:27,101
- Terri.
- Oh.
1523
01:17:28,060 --> 01:17:30,104
- Your fiance, remember?
- I actually forgot
1524
01:17:30,187 --> 01:17:31,397
about her for a second.
- Hmm.
1525
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:32,940
- Yeah.
1526
01:17:34,859 --> 01:17:36,318
Can I ask you a question?
1527
01:17:38,362 --> 01:17:41,782
Would you wanna go fly fishing with me sometime?
1528
01:17:43,576 --> 01:17:46,829
- I'd love that, Bob.
- You would?
1529
01:17:46,912 --> 01:17:48,873
Yeah? Okay.
- Yeah.
1530
01:17:48,956 --> 01:17:51,292
- Well, well, looks like I got here just in time.
1531
01:17:51,375 --> 01:17:53,377
Sarah.
1532
01:17:53,460 --> 01:17:55,838
Hey, hi, oh, okay, this is Bob.
1533
01:17:55,921 --> 01:17:58,757
- Oh, I know who he is.
- Oh.
1534
01:17:59,717 --> 01:18:00,509
Really?
1535
01:18:00,593 --> 01:18:03,053
- Yeah, we, um,
1536
01:18:03,137 --> 01:18:05,848
met at a function recently, right?
1537
01:18:05,931 --> 01:18:07,641
- Oh, right.
1538
01:18:07,725 --> 01:18:10,311
Yeah, you are the sleazy lowlife who thinks all women
1539
01:18:10,394 --> 01:18:12,188
are idiots and just put on this Earth
1540
01:18:12,271 --> 01:18:14,982
so that guys like you can get their rocks off.
1541
01:18:15,065 --> 01:18:16,734
- Sarah, no, no.
1542
01:18:16,817 --> 01:18:19,612
This is Bob Erdman, he's my boss.
1543
01:18:19,695 --> 01:18:23,240
- He's a pervert who hits on anything that moves.
1544
01:18:25,075 --> 01:18:27,161
- No, I'm sorry, you have the wrong guy.
1545
01:18:27,244 --> 01:18:28,245
- Really?
1546
01:18:29,330 --> 01:18:30,789
Has he asked you to go fly fishing with him yet?
1547
01:18:30,873 --> 01:18:33,334
In the mountains, just the two of you?
1548
01:18:35,127 --> 01:18:36,128
- Bob?
1549
01:18:37,296 --> 01:18:39,423
- Look, I could explain.
1550
01:18:39,506 --> 01:18:40,382
I was planning-
1551
01:18:40,466 --> 01:18:43,177
- What were you planning, Bob?
1552
01:18:43,260 --> 01:18:44,637
- To go fly fishing with you.
1553
01:18:44,720 --> 01:18:46,472
I want that, that was all me, what?
1554
01:18:46,555 --> 01:18:47,681
Really? I don't believe it.
1555
01:18:47,765 --> 01:18:51,018
- Bob, were you just trying to use me?
1556
01:18:51,101 --> 01:18:52,228
- No, Holly, I swear to-
1557
01:18:52,311 --> 01:18:54,688
- Has he given you a Rubik's Cube yet?
1558
01:18:55,648 --> 01:18:56,774
- It's not what you think.
1559
01:18:56,857 --> 01:18:59,610
- Oh, oh, oh, have you met the wingman?
1560
01:18:59,693 --> 01:19:01,987
Okay, he should be popping up here any second.
1561
01:19:02,071 --> 01:19:04,782
Now this guy, this guy, you gotta see to believe.
1562
01:19:04,865 --> 01:19:07,493
You know, he can fart people's names.
1563
01:19:11,246 --> 01:19:15,084
- You know, I felt bad for you all these months
1564
01:19:15,167 --> 01:19:16,543
watching your heart break.
1565
01:19:16,627 --> 01:19:19,046
You seemed like a sincere guy
1566
01:19:19,129 --> 01:19:20,923
who was going through a lot of pain.
1567
01:19:21,006 --> 01:19:22,883
A guy who I thought was real
1568
01:19:22,967 --> 01:19:25,177
and who didn't deserve being dumped.
1569
01:19:25,260 --> 01:19:26,845
But Terri was smart.
1570
01:19:29,306 --> 01:19:32,768
Losing you was the best thing
she could've done for herself.
1571
01:19:36,689 --> 01:19:39,149
You can take your stupid cube.
1572
01:19:40,109 --> 01:19:42,027
Why don't you put it on your fly line
1573
01:19:42,111 --> 01:19:44,238
and go fishing for someone else?
1574
01:19:44,321 --> 01:19:45,739
- No.
1575
01:19:45,823 --> 01:19:47,408
Holly!
- Let's go, Sarah.
1576
01:19:49,076 --> 01:19:52,287
Fly fishing? You can do so much better.
1577
01:19:57,376 --> 01:20:00,337
- Oh my god, what is this
strange and colorful cube thingy?
1578
01:20:00,421 --> 01:20:03,424
Is this the new iPhone 97?
1579
01:20:04,341 --> 01:20:05,259
- No.
1580
01:20:08,345 --> 01:20:11,098
This is my fucked up life.
1581
01:20:14,018 --> 01:20:14,977
- Excuse me for a second.
1582
01:20:15,060 --> 01:20:16,437
Okay, Bobby, holy crap.
1583
01:20:16,520 --> 01:20:18,856
I got the 4-1-1 on your mystery wingman.
1584
01:20:18,939 --> 01:20:20,691
- Oh, dude, no, that's old news now.
1585
01:20:20,774 --> 01:20:22,192
He's fucking done.
1586
01:20:23,360 --> 01:20:25,779
- Yeah, well good, because it turns out Mr. Wingman
1587
01:20:25,863 --> 01:20:27,364
was a real wingman.
1588
01:20:27,740 --> 01:20:28,323
- What?
1589
01:20:28,449 --> 01:20:31,285
- So dig this, he went over on a covert operation
1590
01:20:31,368 --> 01:20:32,870
over in Afghanistan or somewhere,
1591
01:20:32,953 --> 01:20:36,123
and things went wrong, real wrong.
1592
01:20:36,206 --> 01:20:37,583
- Whoa, whoa, back up.
1593
01:20:37,666 --> 01:20:40,377
Turk is a real pilot?
- Was a real pilot.
1594
01:20:40,461 --> 01:20:42,254
He just lost his fighter.
1595
01:20:42,338 --> 01:20:44,798
There's only been one jet shot down in the region ever,
1596
01:20:44,882 --> 01:20:46,592
and guess who was supposed to be protecting him?
1597
01:20:46,675 --> 01:20:50,012
Turk fucking Thompson, your wingman.
1598
01:20:50,095 --> 01:20:51,722
- No shit.
1599
01:20:52,389 --> 01:20:53,807
- But here's the best part.
1600
01:20:53,891 --> 01:20:56,477
They've never found the pilot, he's MIA.
1601
01:20:57,936 --> 01:20:59,146
- So what are you saying?
1602
01:20:59,229 --> 01:21:00,481
They think he's still alive.
1603
01:21:00,564 --> 01:21:03,233
Holed up in some shitty foreign prison.
1604
01:21:03,317 --> 01:21:04,777
That son of a bitch, Thompson,
1605
01:21:04,860 --> 01:21:07,321
all that talk about completing the mission,
1606
01:21:07,404 --> 01:21:09,531
and he never even brought his own man back home.
1607
01:21:09,615 --> 01:21:10,741
What a jackass.
1608
01:21:11,992 --> 01:21:13,994
- No, Skip, you got it wrong.
1609
01:21:14,078 --> 01:21:15,412
I'm the jackass.
1610
01:21:16,497 --> 01:21:18,457
Take me to the Pink Taboo.
1611
01:21:18,540 --> 01:21:21,418
♪ When I get to drinking ♪
1612
01:21:21,502 --> 01:21:24,922
♪ That's when I get to thinking ♪
1613
01:21:25,005 --> 01:21:28,717
♪ It's 'cause I ain't been thinking that I drink ♪
1614
01:21:28,801 --> 01:21:29,760
- I fucked up.
1615
01:21:30,511 --> 01:21:32,012
It was me who trained Eddie.
1616
01:21:32,096 --> 01:21:35,015
But Eddie, he was a loose cannon.
1617
01:21:35,099 --> 01:21:37,559
That night, he didn't follow the pattern.
1618
01:21:38,393 --> 01:21:40,687
He compromised a formation and bang.
1619
01:21:42,898 --> 01:21:45,150
That's when Riker took the hit.
1620
01:21:45,234 --> 01:21:46,944
- So it wasn't your fault.
1621
01:21:47,027 --> 01:21:49,405
- Try telling that to Riker's family.
1622
01:21:54,827 --> 01:21:58,956
- So you trained Eddie as a wingman, not a wingman.
1623
01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:00,874
- Yeah, that's right.
1624
01:22:01,750 --> 01:22:03,210
- It's been 20 years, Turk,
1625
01:22:03,293 --> 01:22:05,212
and what have you been doing this whole time?
1626
01:22:05,295 --> 01:22:08,465
- Hanging out in places like this, drinking,
1627
01:22:11,969 --> 01:22:13,887
trying to forget Scott Riker.
1628
01:22:15,222 --> 01:22:17,349
But everywhere I look, I see his face.
1629
01:22:23,981 --> 01:22:27,526
I see his face on dumb shits like you,
1630
01:22:28,360 --> 01:22:30,779
guys that can't complete their missions,
1631
01:22:31,738 --> 01:22:33,157
who can't get laid.
1632
01:22:34,408 --> 01:22:37,452
I'm a wingman, that's what I do.
1633
01:22:38,454 --> 01:22:40,080
And I figure if I,
1634
01:22:40,164 --> 01:22:41,957
I save up enough dollars,
1635
01:22:43,792 --> 01:22:45,878
one day I could go back over there and
1636
01:22:50,841 --> 01:22:52,092
bring Scott Riker home.
1637
01:22:53,927 --> 01:22:55,721
- You really are a wingman.
1638
01:22:55,804 --> 01:22:57,639
Hell yeah, I am!
1639
01:22:57,723 --> 01:22:59,725
And, tonight, we're gonna crack your nuts
1640
01:22:59,808 --> 01:23:02,644
and get you laid!
1641
01:23:03,687 --> 01:23:05,564
- Look, thanks, Turk.
1642
01:23:05,647 --> 01:23:06,398
But...
1643
01:23:08,692 --> 01:23:10,611
Here's the rest of what I owe you.
1644
01:23:11,403 --> 01:23:13,238
I'm sorry for all that's happened and
1645
01:23:14,031 --> 01:23:15,782
good luck with everything.
1646
01:23:15,866 --> 01:23:17,910
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait a minute.
1647
01:23:17,993 --> 01:23:20,162
You still gotta get your girl back.
1648
01:23:20,245 --> 01:23:23,790
- No, I just came to apologize for what I said.
1649
01:23:24,208 --> 01:23:25,792
The mission's over, Wingman.
1650
01:23:27,920 --> 01:23:29,421
- Are you cereal?
1651
01:23:30,255 --> 01:23:31,256
- Yeah.
1652
01:23:33,383 --> 01:23:34,927
I am.
1653
01:23:35,010 --> 01:23:38,222
Maybe it's time to let the past go and move on.
1654
01:23:39,181 --> 01:23:40,599
♪ Maybe ♪
1655
01:23:40,682 --> 01:23:45,145
♪ Then that'll stop you drinking, you old drunk ♪
1656
01:23:45,229 --> 01:23:47,314
♪ Maybe not ♪
1657
01:23:47,397 --> 01:23:52,069
♪ Blinkin', stinkin', drink, drank, drunk ♪
1658
01:23:54,571 --> 01:23:56,490
- You thinking about leaving town?
1659
01:23:57,741 --> 01:23:59,201
Well, you probably should.
1660
01:24:00,410 --> 01:24:01,745
'Cause word on the street
1661
01:24:01,828 --> 01:24:04,289
is you failed in your mission last night, Fungus Face.
1662
01:24:07,376 --> 01:24:11,505
- How'd you find out so fast, Fart Festival Lips?
1663
01:24:11,588 --> 01:24:13,757
- News in our business travels fast.
1664
01:24:14,633 --> 01:24:15,842
It's a crazy world.
1665
01:24:15,926 --> 01:24:18,512
- Crazy like Forest Whitaker's left eye,
1666
01:24:19,763 --> 01:24:21,014
but I'll be all right.
1667
01:24:22,808 --> 01:24:24,810
- You lost your touch, Turk.
1668
01:24:24,893 --> 01:24:27,145
Maybe it's time you get out, hm?
1669
01:24:27,229 --> 01:24:29,731
- Like a retard in a bouncy house,
1670
01:24:30,941 --> 01:24:32,442
there is no getting out.
1671
01:24:33,610 --> 01:24:35,779
- You're like an old lady's tit,
1672
01:24:35,862 --> 01:24:37,823
all dried up just hanging around.
1673
01:24:39,032 --> 01:24:40,367
- What's to stop me right now
1674
01:24:40,450 --> 01:24:44,037
from shoving a giant pretzel so far up your ass
1675
01:24:44,121 --> 01:24:46,164
you think you have fallopian tubes?
1676
01:24:46,957 --> 01:24:48,166
- Because unlike you,
1677
01:24:49,126 --> 01:24:53,005
I have an employer who currently pays me.
1678
01:25:14,901 --> 01:25:16,653
- Look, Holly, Bob was desperate.
1679
01:25:16,737 --> 01:25:17,904
You saw him.
1680
01:25:17,988 --> 01:25:21,325
- Hiring a wingman is more than desperate.
1681
01:25:21,408 --> 01:25:23,744
I didn't think he'd really do it.
1682
01:25:23,827 --> 01:25:25,662
Why didn't you tell me, Skip?
1683
01:25:25,746 --> 01:25:26,955
- He was crushed, Holly.
1684
01:25:27,039 --> 01:25:28,749
His fiance left a week before the wedding.
1685
01:25:28,832 --> 01:25:29,958
What would you have done?
1686
01:25:30,042 --> 01:25:31,251
- Where is he?
1687
01:25:33,545 --> 01:25:35,380
Where is that son of a bitch?
1688
01:25:35,464 --> 01:25:38,258
- Who the hell are you?
- Who the hell are you?
1689
01:25:38,342 --> 01:25:41,637
- Ah, shit, uh, this is, this is the wingman.
1690
01:25:51,521 --> 01:25:52,981
- Everyone out!
1691
01:25:55,984 --> 01:25:57,194
Now!
1692
01:26:07,287 --> 01:26:11,792
Okay, we are gonna have a little talk.
1693
01:26:11,875 --> 01:26:12,876
Me and you.
1694
01:26:15,128 --> 01:26:17,047
I wanna know everything.
1695
01:26:20,258 --> 01:26:21,385
Everything!
1696
01:26:25,722 --> 01:26:28,308
- My dear friends, welcome.
1697
01:26:28,392 --> 01:26:29,810
You know why you're here,
1698
01:26:29,893 --> 01:26:32,145
because you're all part of my inner circle.
1699
01:26:32,229 --> 01:26:33,605
Mmm!
1700
01:26:33,688 --> 01:26:37,484
- You see, in my culture, business is important,
1701
01:26:37,567 --> 01:26:41,822
but not as important as honor and respect.
1702
01:26:43,115 --> 01:26:45,450
My multi-billion dollar vision
1703
01:26:45,534 --> 01:26:49,204
for car racing's future is here today.
1704
01:26:50,163 --> 01:26:52,874
And it must be earned, it must be won.
1705
01:26:55,919 --> 01:26:58,296
- Let the race begin, motherbitches!
1706
01:26:58,380 --> 01:26:59,214
- Woo!
- Yeah!
1707
01:27:04,928 --> 01:27:07,013
- And that's all of it.
1708
01:27:07,931 --> 01:27:10,016
I put the dumb fuck up to everything.
1709
01:27:11,601 --> 01:27:13,478
Except for the fly fishing part,
1710
01:27:13,562 --> 01:27:15,063
that was all him.
1711
01:27:16,356 --> 01:27:18,650
- That was the part I love.
1712
01:27:36,668 --> 01:27:41,256
- Look, you seem like a nice girl, hm?
1713
01:27:41,339 --> 01:27:45,218
Why don't you find somebody that's not so messed up?
1714
01:27:45,302 --> 01:27:46,386
I can help you.
1715
01:27:47,387 --> 01:27:50,015
What's your type? What are you, uh, Hindu?
1716
01:27:50,098 --> 01:27:51,433
Catholic?
1717
01:27:51,516 --> 01:27:52,517
- Quaker.
1718
01:27:55,645 --> 01:27:57,230
- Are you cereal?
1719
01:27:57,314 --> 01:27:59,816
- Excuse me.
- Forget it.
1720
01:28:00,817 --> 01:28:02,611
He fired me. It's over.
1721
01:28:02,694 --> 01:28:04,321
- Mission failed?
1722
01:28:05,322 --> 01:28:07,032
- Mission aborted.
1723
01:28:16,750 --> 01:28:18,001
- See you later, toots.
1724
01:28:21,630 --> 01:28:23,590
Daddy's gotta ride.
1725
01:28:37,354 --> 01:28:38,605
Hey!
1726
01:28:38,688 --> 01:28:40,941
Hey, pal, you dropped something.
1727
01:28:41,024 --> 01:28:43,235
- You keep it, you need it more than me.
1728
01:28:46,404 --> 01:28:48,740
You never leave a man behind, Wingman.
1729
01:28:49,491 --> 01:28:51,076
And I'm fucking cereal.
1730
01:28:52,118 --> 01:28:53,453
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
1731
01:29:02,045 --> 01:29:04,673
- Please, choose your vehicle.
1732
01:29:05,507 --> 01:29:06,967
- No, I don't, I don't know how to race a car.
1733
01:29:07,050 --> 01:29:07,926
Let's just...
1734
01:29:08,301 --> 01:29:09,469
- Beat me in the race
1735
01:29:09,928 --> 01:29:11,137
and I'll sign the deal.
1736
01:29:11,221 --> 01:29:12,556
That's what you want, isn't it?
1737
01:29:12,639 --> 01:29:14,140
- Yeah, uh.
1738
01:29:19,437 --> 01:29:20,397
I'll tell you what,
1739
01:29:21,398 --> 01:29:23,817
since we're going for all the marbles here,
1740
01:29:23,900 --> 01:29:25,819
why don't you put something on the line?
1741
01:29:25,902 --> 01:29:28,196
Make it a little more worth my while, huh?
1742
01:29:28,822 --> 01:29:29,906
- There's honor in that.
1743
01:29:29,990 --> 01:29:30,949
More money?
1744
01:29:31,032 --> 01:29:33,702
- No, I'm thinking, Terri.
1745
01:29:34,160 --> 01:29:35,954
- What do you mean you're thinking Terri?
1746
01:29:36,037 --> 01:29:39,916
- Well, if I win,
1747
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,043
you disappear, okay?
1748
01:29:42,127 --> 01:29:44,254
You break up with her, you leave,
1749
01:29:44,337 --> 01:29:46,339
and you let me have a fighting chance
1750
01:29:46,423 --> 01:29:47,924
of getting my girl back.
1751
01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:52,679
- Sure, that sounds great.
1752
01:29:52,762 --> 01:29:54,180
Absolutely, no problem.
1753
01:29:54,264 --> 01:29:55,640
Yes, yeah,
1754
01:29:55,724 --> 01:29:57,851
'cause you have no bloody chance in hell to beat me.
1755
01:29:57,976 --> 01:30:01,104
So, please, select your vehicle.
1756
01:30:01,187 --> 01:30:02,105
- Uh,
1757
01:30:03,231 --> 01:30:03,982
I want-
1758
01:30:07,652 --> 01:30:08,570
That one.
1759
01:30:10,488 --> 01:30:11,615
- That one?
- Yeah.
1760
01:30:11,698 --> 01:30:13,742
♪ Wingman ♪
1761
01:30:13,825 --> 01:30:15,869
- An old hot rod?
- Yeah.
1762
01:30:15,952 --> 01:30:18,371
You might as well drive a hot dog.
1763
01:30:18,455 --> 01:30:20,916
You think a car made in 1932
1764
01:30:20,999 --> 01:30:23,835
is going to beat a car with all the newest technology?
1765
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:25,920
- I don't know, but I want that one.
1766
01:30:26,004 --> 01:30:27,213
Okay, that's my car.
1767
01:30:27,297 --> 01:30:28,381
- Are you serious?
1768
01:30:28,465 --> 01:30:30,467
- Oh, I'm cereal.
1769
01:30:30,550 --> 01:30:32,302
- Be all the cereals you want.
1770
01:30:32,385 --> 01:30:34,554
Cocoa Puffs, Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes.
1771
01:30:34,638 --> 01:30:35,889
You are all of them.
1772
01:30:35,972 --> 01:30:37,641
Tony the Tiger, you're a Honeycomb.
1773
01:30:37,724 --> 01:30:38,767
- Okay.
1774
01:30:38,850 --> 01:30:40,936
- You are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
1775
01:30:41,019 --> 01:30:42,479
Follow my nose!
1776
01:30:42,562 --> 01:30:46,399
Is it? Is there a bathroom here somewhere?
1777
01:30:51,154 --> 01:30:52,364
- What the hell are you doing?
1778
01:30:52,447 --> 01:30:53,907
How'd you even find me?
1779
01:30:53,990 --> 01:30:57,369
- Look, I almost gave up on you, Dildo Tits.
1780
01:30:57,452 --> 01:31:00,372
But a true wingman never gives up on his mission.
1781
01:31:00,455 --> 01:31:03,083
Now it's time for you to make like Santa
1782
01:31:03,166 --> 01:31:06,294
and show the world you got a giant sack.
1783
01:31:07,796 --> 01:31:08,880
Jump in.
1784
01:31:17,847 --> 01:31:20,016
Now,
1785
01:31:20,100 --> 01:31:23,520
I didn't let any man ever ride with Betty before.
1786
01:31:24,187 --> 01:31:25,939
If you're gonna win this race,
1787
01:31:26,022 --> 01:31:27,691
you're gonna need the best motivation
1788
01:31:27,774 --> 01:31:29,818
on God's good, green Earth.
1789
01:31:34,280 --> 01:31:36,866
Wow.
1790
01:31:36,950 --> 01:31:37,951
- POP.
1791
01:31:42,288 --> 01:31:43,957
- Power of the pussy.
1792
01:31:44,040 --> 01:31:45,792
- Binjo.
1793
01:31:55,385 --> 01:31:58,596
- You're going down, bitch.
1794
01:32:00,306 --> 01:32:03,435
Woo-hoo!
1795
01:32:05,186 --> 01:32:08,773
♪ Gonna ride my hot rod like an Arizona whore ♪
1796
01:32:13,069 --> 01:32:17,198
- Turk, Turk, I don't know what to do!
1797
01:32:17,282 --> 01:32:19,617
- Stay focused, Erdman, you got this!
1798
01:32:19,701 --> 01:32:20,827
♪ Got the need for speed ♪
1799
01:32:20,910 --> 01:32:25,040
♪ Take the foot up off the brake ♪
1800
01:32:25,123 --> 01:32:26,958
- Hello, hello, is somebody here?
1801
01:32:27,041 --> 01:32:28,626
♪ First comes gear one ♪
1802
01:32:28,710 --> 01:32:30,462
♪ Then comes gear two ♪
1803
01:32:30,545 --> 01:32:31,671
♪ Shift it into third ♪
1804
01:32:31,755 --> 01:32:33,506
- Whoa! Hey!
1805
01:32:33,590 --> 01:32:36,217
- We're moving now! Woo-hoo!
1806
01:32:36,301 --> 01:32:37,886
- Turk, he's going too fast!
1807
01:32:37,969 --> 01:32:39,137
- Just breathe, Erdman.
1808
01:32:39,220 --> 01:32:40,805
Listen to my voice.
1809
01:32:40,889 --> 01:32:42,348
- Gotcha.
- Straighten her out.
1810
01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:51,441
- Now, punch it like a drunk
stepfather teaching his kids
1811
01:32:51,524 --> 01:32:55,195
that the world ain't all horses and clowns!
1812
01:32:56,529 --> 01:32:57,572
- Yeah-he-he-he-ah!
1813
01:33:05,538 --> 01:33:07,207
No!
1814
01:33:07,290 --> 01:33:09,959
- Next time don't bring a Tonka toy to a turbo party!
1815
01:33:10,043 --> 01:33:11,461
- I like my men hairy.
1816
01:33:11,544 --> 01:33:14,881
♪ Wingman ♪
1817
01:33:14,964 --> 01:33:15,882
- He passed me, Turk!
1818
01:33:15,965 --> 01:33:17,050
- Take it to the left.
1819
01:33:17,133 --> 01:33:18,510
- What do I do?
1820
01:33:18,593 --> 01:33:20,553
- And then, slide her up the middle and try to get home
1821
01:33:20,637 --> 01:33:22,138
before you go diarrhea.
1822
01:33:25,809 --> 01:33:27,060
- Oh, that felt good.
1823
01:33:28,937 --> 01:33:29,896
- Turk!
1824
01:33:29,979 --> 01:33:31,481
Turk, I don't know what to do, man!
1825
01:33:31,564 --> 01:33:35,401
- POP, baby.
♪ You gotta shoot your shot ♪
1826
01:33:35,485 --> 01:33:36,694
- Power of the pussy.
1827
01:33:36,778 --> 01:33:38,863
- Talk dirty to her.
1828
01:33:38,947 --> 01:33:41,032
I showed you what to do.
1829
01:33:43,159 --> 01:33:46,746
- Yeah, that's right, my little licorice whip.
1830
01:33:46,830 --> 01:33:49,415
Ooh, you like when I fondle you like that?
1831
01:33:49,499 --> 01:33:51,709
Ooh, you're firmer than I thought.
1832
01:33:51,793 --> 01:33:54,254
Maybe I'll get one a little lower.
1833
01:33:54,337 --> 01:33:56,631
Oh, not that hole, hoo-hoo-hoo.
1834
01:33:56,714 --> 01:33:58,633
Let me get you a little wet, yeah.
1835
01:33:58,716 --> 01:34:00,510
You ready for me?
1836
01:34:00,593 --> 01:34:02,595
Mm, 'cause I'm ready for you.
1837
01:34:03,596 --> 01:34:04,305
Whoa!
1838
01:34:05,515 --> 01:34:06,683
Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
1839
01:34:06,766 --> 01:34:08,226
Koala!
1840
01:34:17,944 --> 01:34:19,946
- Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
1841
01:34:20,864 --> 01:34:21,948
We passed him!
1842
01:34:22,031 --> 01:34:24,409
I passed him, Turk, I'm gonna win!
1843
01:34:24,492 --> 01:34:28,121
- Drive like your mother's
chasing you to boarding school!
1844
01:34:29,080 --> 01:34:29,831
Drive!
1845
01:34:32,083 --> 01:34:33,626
- I'm gonna win!
1846
01:34:33,710 --> 01:34:35,211
I'm gonna win!
1847
01:34:35,295 --> 01:34:36,212
I won!
1848
01:34:36,296 --> 01:34:37,297
We did it!
1849
01:34:38,006 --> 01:34:39,549
- Rubber tire's coming in hot!
1850
01:34:39,632 --> 01:34:44,846
Oh, tires! Oh, no!
1851
01:34:53,438 --> 01:34:55,523
- Welcome, come in.
1852
01:34:55,607 --> 01:34:56,482
We've been waiting for you.
1853
01:34:56,566 --> 01:34:59,277
Uh, am, am I in heaven?
1854
01:34:59,360 --> 01:35:02,447
Hell, you won, kid,
1855
01:35:02,530 --> 01:35:04,157
but you had a little accident.
1856
01:35:04,240 --> 01:35:05,408
You hit pretty hard.
1857
01:35:05,491 --> 01:35:06,993
- What?
1858
01:35:07,076 --> 01:35:08,912
What the hell is on my face, Turk?
1859
01:35:08,995 --> 01:35:10,914
- Picture a pug
1860
01:35:10,997 --> 01:35:14,250
that's been smacked in the face with a canoe paddle.
1861
01:35:14,334 --> 01:35:15,335
- What?
1862
01:35:17,462 --> 01:35:18,630
Oh!
1863
01:35:18,713 --> 01:35:20,506
Is that Betty?
1864
01:35:20,590 --> 01:35:21,591
Ow! What?
1865
01:35:22,592 --> 01:35:24,677
- Some of your teeth are cracked.
1866
01:35:24,761 --> 01:35:27,513
Betty's the only thing holding everything together.
1867
01:35:28,598 --> 01:35:30,516
It's time your victory speech, champ.
1868
01:35:34,604 --> 01:35:36,064
- Thank you, boob.
1869
01:35:36,147 --> 01:35:38,274
- Have you been getting lip injections?
1870
01:35:39,275 --> 01:35:41,361
- You won an incredible race.
1871
01:35:41,444 --> 01:35:43,696
You're quite a racist.
1872
01:35:46,157 --> 01:35:47,116
- There's something stuck in your lip.
1873
01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:48,326
- No.
- Is that corn?
1874
01:35:48,409 --> 01:35:49,535
What is that? Let me get it.
1875
01:35:49,619 --> 01:35:51,371
What is that?
1876
01:35:51,454 --> 01:35:52,372
- No, no, no, no.
1877
01:35:52,497 --> 01:35:54,582
That's,
1878
01:35:54,666 --> 01:35:56,376
that's my clit.
- What?
1879
01:35:56,459 --> 01:35:58,920
- Also, congratulations on winning
1880
01:35:59,003 --> 01:36:02,131
one of the most beautiful women in the world, Terri.
1881
01:36:03,132 --> 01:36:05,176
- What the hell is he talking about?
1882
01:36:05,259 --> 01:36:06,469
Bob?
1883
01:36:06,552 --> 01:36:07,887
- It's, um,
1884
01:36:08,554 --> 01:36:09,806
you know what?
1885
01:36:12,350 --> 01:36:14,686
Uh, look,
1886
01:36:15,520 --> 01:36:19,148
a few months ago, my life was in complete order.
1887
01:36:19,816 --> 01:36:22,986
Good job, gorgeous wife to be.
1888
01:36:23,820 --> 01:36:25,947
I thought I had everything figured out.
1889
01:36:27,532 --> 01:36:29,409
But then a good, good friend of mine
1890
01:36:29,492 --> 01:36:31,661
taught me that in the blink of an eye
1891
01:36:31,744 --> 01:36:34,372
your life can go into a tailspin and change.
1892
01:36:35,623 --> 01:36:38,584
And if you're not ready for it, you can lose everything,
1893
01:36:38,668 --> 01:36:41,713
and, more importantly, everyone that matters.
1894
01:36:43,798 --> 01:36:46,718
Terri, you're a great girl,
1895
01:36:46,801 --> 01:36:48,553
my little songbird.
1896
01:36:58,146 --> 01:37:02,191
But I see now that Terri left for a reason.
1897
01:37:02,275 --> 01:37:03,443
You see, in every relationship,
1898
01:37:03,526 --> 01:37:05,069
if you're not each other's wingman
1899
01:37:05,153 --> 01:37:08,656
or wingwoman, then who has your back?
1900
01:37:08,740 --> 01:37:11,034
Who helps you get through every damn day
1901
01:37:11,117 --> 01:37:13,119
avoiding those tailspins?
1902
01:37:14,203 --> 01:37:16,998
I can see now that I blew it.
1903
01:37:17,707 --> 01:37:18,958
I took my eye off the mission
1904
01:37:19,042 --> 01:37:21,419
and I wasn't that guy for you, Terri.
1905
01:37:23,129 --> 01:37:25,423
But I can see Kazzim makes you happy.
1906
01:37:27,717 --> 01:37:31,304
Hell, one more kiss for old time's sake?
1907
01:37:43,941 --> 01:37:48,321
With that being said, I did still win that race.
1908
01:37:48,404 --> 01:37:50,990
And, Kazzim, as a man of great honor,
1909
01:37:51,074 --> 01:37:55,203
I ask that you consider changing the prize.
1910
01:37:55,286 --> 01:37:57,705
- You won fair and square, whatever you want.
1911
01:37:58,498 --> 01:37:59,957
- Then for my prize,
1912
01:38:00,666 --> 01:38:02,919
I ask that you help my friend
1913
01:38:03,002 --> 01:38:07,590
locate Captain Scott Riker and bring him home.
1914
01:38:07,673 --> 01:38:08,925
- Consider it done.
1915
01:38:09,008 --> 01:38:11,886
Suck my saliva glands.
1916
01:38:11,969 --> 01:38:14,597
- A prize?
- A wingman is born.
1917
01:38:14,680 --> 01:38:16,140
Fuck all you men!
1918
01:38:16,224 --> 01:38:19,102
Terri, come back, please, my little muffin top!
1919
01:38:19,185 --> 01:38:20,394
Terri!
- Hey!
1920
01:38:21,354 --> 01:38:23,940
So you're the scumbag that hired Eddie.
1921
01:38:24,023 --> 01:38:25,525
- You see me as a scumbag?
1922
01:38:25,608 --> 01:38:27,193
- Where are you from?
- India.
1923
01:38:27,276 --> 01:38:28,736
- What part?
- Downtown.
1924
01:38:28,820 --> 01:38:30,363
- What street?
- Elliot Road.
1925
01:38:30,446 --> 01:38:32,657
- What number?
- 37.
1926
01:38:32,740 --> 01:38:35,243
- I'm watching you.
- I watched you.
1927
01:38:35,326 --> 01:38:38,830
- I'm watching you even more.
- Look at me watch you.
1928
01:38:38,913 --> 01:38:40,248
Watch.
1929
01:38:40,331 --> 01:38:41,624
Edward, let's go.
1930
01:38:43,292 --> 01:38:47,505
- Hey, this isn't over, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Face.
1931
01:38:48,756 --> 01:38:50,800
- I'm watching you too, Eddie.
1932
01:38:50,883 --> 01:38:52,051
- Watch away.
1933
01:38:52,135 --> 01:38:54,262
- I am.
- Pay-per-view.
1934
01:38:55,388 --> 01:38:57,265
Terri, come back!
1935
01:38:57,348 --> 01:38:59,350
♪ American girl ♪
1936
01:38:59,433 --> 01:39:02,770
♪ I got a message ♪
1937
01:39:02,854 --> 01:39:06,691
♪ That she's back in town ♪
1938
01:39:06,774 --> 01:39:10,069
♪ She'd really like to see me ♪
1939
01:39:10,153 --> 01:39:13,072
♪ Am I still around ♪
1940
01:39:13,156 --> 01:39:16,868
♪ Really, really sorry and she'd like to talk ♪
1941
01:39:16,951 --> 01:39:20,413
♪ Must wanna tell me why she took that walk ♪
1942
01:39:20,496 --> 01:39:24,125
♪ Took a little while, but I'm back in stride ♪
1943
01:39:24,208 --> 01:39:29,422
♪ Finally realized you just can't hide ♪
1944
01:39:30,339 --> 01:39:31,924
- Come on, let's go jump in the boat.
1945
01:39:32,008 --> 01:39:33,759
♪ I love ♪
1946
01:39:33,843 --> 01:39:35,761
♪ American girls ♪
♪ Nothing like ♪
1947
01:39:35,845 --> 01:39:38,764
♪ American ♪
1948
01:39:38,848 --> 01:39:40,308
♪ Girls ♪
1949
01:39:43,936 --> 01:39:44,937
- Wow!
1950
01:39:48,941 --> 01:39:52,236
So, Turk told you everything?
1951
01:39:52,320 --> 01:39:53,154
- Everything.
1952
01:39:53,237 --> 01:39:56,407
Oh, no!
1953
01:39:56,491 --> 01:39:58,868
- I guess I should apologize for those rat traps.
1954
01:39:58,951 --> 01:40:00,995
You think? Yeah.
1955
01:40:04,707 --> 01:40:06,417
It's weird, in a way,
1956
01:40:07,460 --> 01:40:09,587
I actually helped him complete his mission,
1957
01:40:09,670 --> 01:40:12,924
but he didn't help me complete mine.
1958
01:40:13,007 --> 01:40:14,133
I'm the first guy
1959
01:40:14,217 --> 01:40:17,094
he's never actually successfully got a girl.
1960
01:40:19,972 --> 01:40:22,517
- Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that.
1961
01:40:22,600 --> 01:40:25,019
Oh yeah?
1962
01:40:25,102 --> 01:40:26,020
Why is that?
1963
01:40:30,566 --> 01:40:32,902
- I have my eight reasons.
1964
01:40:32,985 --> 01:40:35,571
- He told you about the onion rings?
1965
01:40:35,655 --> 01:40:37,240
- I think actually nine.
1966
01:40:38,241 --> 01:40:39,283
- Maybe it's 10.
1967
01:40:41,577 --> 01:40:43,329
♪ I love ♪
1968
01:40:43,412 --> 01:40:45,957
♪ American girls ♪
1969
01:40:50,753 --> 01:40:52,380
- I wonder where he is now.
1970
01:40:56,759 --> 01:40:58,594
He's on a mission.
1971
01:41:06,477 --> 01:41:09,021
Hey!
1972
01:41:09,105 --> 01:41:09,981
Ooh.
1973
01:41:22,451 --> 01:41:24,620
Captain Scott Riker.
1974
01:41:27,999 --> 01:41:29,125
- What took you so long,
1975
01:41:29,208 --> 01:41:30,543
you son of a bitch?
1976
01:41:38,384 --> 01:41:40,344
- It's time to go home, Captain.
1977
01:41:40,428 --> 01:41:42,388
- Home?
1978
01:41:42,471 --> 01:41:43,472
Screw that.
1979
01:41:44,890 --> 01:41:47,184
I've been locked up in here for 18 years.
1980
01:41:48,978 --> 01:41:51,439
Take me to a bar, Wingman.
1981
01:41:51,522 --> 01:41:53,065
I need to get laid,
1982
01:41:54,150 --> 01:41:55,693
and that's an order.
1983
01:42:02,700 --> 01:42:03,951
- Ah!
1984
01:42:04,035 --> 01:42:05,119
Ha-ha!
1985
01:42:30,686 --> 01:42:35,566
♪ So what's a man, without a woman ♪
1986
01:42:35,650 --> 01:42:40,196
Oh, that was incredible.
1987
01:42:41,364 --> 01:42:43,157
Oh, wow.
1988
01:42:44,367 --> 01:42:47,536
The way you just bend me like,
1989
01:42:48,204 --> 01:42:49,121
like a tree branch,
1990
01:42:49,205 --> 01:42:51,540
and then just snap me right back
1991
01:42:51,624 --> 01:42:55,211
like you just found the second cure to polio.
1992
01:42:56,170 --> 01:42:57,129
Oh!
1993
01:42:57,213 --> 01:43:01,425
♪ And we love because we're lovers ♪
1994
01:43:03,219 --> 01:43:04,470
- You're a beast.
♪ Tell your daughters ♪
1995
01:43:04,553 --> 01:43:07,807
♪ To be strong ♪
1996
01:43:07,890 --> 01:43:09,141
Mhmm.
1997
01:43:09,225 --> 01:43:11,394
♪ 'Cause what's a man ♪
1998
01:43:11,477 --> 01:43:14,647
♪ Without a woman ♪
1999
01:43:14,730 --> 01:43:16,774
♪ Mm ♪
2000
01:43:16,857 --> 01:43:20,152
- Where do I ever find a man that can beat that?
2001
01:43:22,738 --> 01:43:23,656
What's that?
2002
01:43:27,076 --> 01:43:28,577
Oh.
2003
01:43:28,661 --> 01:43:30,204
Ooh.
2004
01:43:30,287 --> 01:43:31,288
Okay.
2005
01:43:33,082 --> 01:43:34,250
"Wingman.
2006
01:43:34,333 --> 01:43:37,002
If you don't get laid, I don't get paid. "
2007
01:43:38,379 --> 01:43:41,507
Well, what have I got to lose?
2008
01:43:42,925 --> 01:43:45,177
- You ready for round 12, baby?
2009
01:43:46,345 --> 01:43:47,722
- Fuck yeah!
- Fuck ya?
2010
01:43:47,805 --> 01:43:50,391
I barely no ya.
2011
01:44:01,444 --> 01:44:03,612
- Hey, pal, who do you think you are?
2012
01:44:05,448 --> 01:44:07,283
- Turk Thompson.
- Give me that.
2013
01:44:08,409 --> 01:44:09,827
Wingman?
2014
01:44:09,910 --> 01:44:15,124
What kind of moron hires a wingman?
2015
01:44:15,499 --> 01:44:16,584
Loser-ville.
2016
01:44:21,755 --> 01:44:23,924
- I'll call ya.
- Yeah.
2017
01:44:24,008 --> 01:44:25,342
I know.
2018
01:44:25,426 --> 01:44:29,847
In the meantime, take these motion sickness pills.
2019
01:44:29,930 --> 01:44:33,058
I want you to start practicing on your mattress,
2020
01:44:33,142 --> 01:44:35,311
humping it like a boarding school pervert
2021
01:44:35,394 --> 01:44:36,771
caught in an Arizona shitstorm.
2022
01:44:36,854 --> 01:44:38,856
♪ What you gonna do ♪
2023
01:44:38,939 --> 01:44:40,733
Hey, where you going, baby?
2024
01:44:40,816 --> 01:44:42,234
Come back.
- Loser.
2025
01:44:42,318 --> 01:44:43,861
♪ Look around the room ♪
2026
01:44:45,321 --> 01:44:46,655
- Brush teeth.
2027
01:44:51,368 --> 01:44:52,953
Nature's answer.
2028
01:44:53,037 --> 01:44:55,414
♪ Wingman, wingman ♪
2029
01:44:55,498 --> 01:44:56,332
- Yeah.
2030
01:44:56,415 --> 01:44:58,959
- All clean and ready to cream.
2031
01:45:02,838 --> 01:45:03,672
♪ Wingman ♪
2032
01:45:03,756 --> 01:45:07,593
♪ Wingman, wingman ♪
2033
01:45:07,676 --> 01:45:11,597
♪ He drives up to the bar as your hopes begin to fade ♪
2034
01:45:11,680 --> 01:45:13,098
I have my own car.
2035
01:45:13,182 --> 01:45:14,934
I promise.
- You wish.
2036
01:45:15,017 --> 01:45:18,562
♪ Now he don't get paid if he don't get you laid ♪
2037
01:45:18,646 --> 01:45:22,107
Come on, show Daddy some lettuce.
2038
01:45:22,191 --> 01:45:25,945
♪ He'll get you what you want, skinny, fat, or tall ♪
2039
01:45:26,028 --> 01:45:29,156
- Oh, looking juicy.
- Oh.
2040
01:45:29,240 --> 01:45:33,577
♪ But you better hurry up, they just yelled, "Last call" ♪
2041
01:45:33,661 --> 01:45:36,830
- Naked body shots!
- Woo-hoo!
2042
01:45:36,914 --> 01:45:38,415
♪ Strike out number four ♪
2043
01:45:38,499 --> 01:45:40,459
♪ Strike out number five ♪
2044
01:45:40,543 --> 01:45:45,714
♪ Totally rejected, chances barely alive ♪
2045
01:45:47,716 --> 01:45:51,554
♪ He'll get you hooked up with a brunette or a blonde ♪
2046
01:45:51,637 --> 01:45:54,932
Ooh, release the Kracken.
2047
01:45:55,015 --> 01:45:58,227
♪ You're going home with a
hottie, now the wingman's done ♪
2048
01:45:58,310 --> 01:46:01,981
♪ Wingman, wingman ♪
2049
01:46:02,064 --> 01:46:03,649
♪ If you can't get a date ♪
2050
01:46:03,732 --> 01:46:05,734
♪ He's always got a plan ♪
2051
01:46:05,818 --> 01:46:07,194
♪ No time left waiting ♪
2052
01:46:07,278 --> 01:46:09,113
♪ He's the wingman ♪
2053
01:46:09,196 --> 01:46:16,453
♪ Wingman, wingman ♪
2054
01:46:16,537 --> 01:46:19,164
I'm the wingman.
2055
01:46:19,248 --> 01:46:20,249
Yeah.
2056
01:46:21,375 --> 01:46:22,835
You're cute.
2057
01:46:22,918 --> 01:46:26,088
Are you cereal?
2058
01:46:26,171 --> 01:46:29,758
♪ His love is just a game ♪
2059
01:46:29,842 --> 01:46:35,055
♪ All the pain driving you insane ♪
2060
01:46:35,973 --> 01:46:40,394
♪ Insane, it gets inside your brain ♪
2061
01:46:41,395 --> 01:46:45,691
♪ It stains, sucks you down its drain ♪
2062
01:46:46,525 --> 01:46:50,112
♪ Its drain, love is just a game ♪
2063
01:46:58,120 --> 01:47:01,457
♪ Love is just a game ♪
2064
01:47:08,213 --> 01:47:13,385
♪ No matter how you plan ♪
2065
01:47:13,969 --> 01:47:18,641
♪ Or craft a strategy ♪
2066
01:47:19,308 --> 01:47:24,229
♪ Once you're in the game ♪
2067
01:47:24,813 --> 01:47:29,360
♪ You are never free ♪
2068
01:47:29,443 --> 01:47:34,615
♪ You play it all again ♪
2069
01:47:35,491 --> 01:47:38,827
♪ Love is just a game ♪
141233
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