All language subtitles for 01x02 - Like Father, Like Son & Frights of Passage

Welcome to Ireland, it's way under, down
under. The sky's always yellow as rain

or shine.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Top he meets heavy, they start to spin.
Like a Tasmanian devil in his closest

kin. Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Mum's alive, why a death noob have gone
along?

Molly's all fired up, we'll take place
with the dog.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Didgeridingo and Wendell T. Wolfe.
Francis X. Bush, lad is never uncouth.

Oh, yeah, don't forget Taz.

sweetie.

Let me get that sugar.

Thanks, Lollipop.

My pleasure. So what's in store for you
today, my little dumpling?

We'll need jam for this toast.

I'll get it, Lambie Pie.

Well, I've got an open house at nine.
After that, it's the executive women's

round table potluck luncheon. This
afternoon is my volunteer shift at the

hospital. Then later, I'll need to whip
up that Elvis costume for Molly's school

play. So today is pretty light.

Grape or cherry?

Cherry, please.

It reminds me of your eyes.

Oh, you say the sweetest thing.

So what's on your agenda?

Well, I thought I'd take it easy today
myself.

Well, as long as you're not too busy,
maybe you could squeeze in some quality

time with your son.

I don't see why not.

There's always time for effectual
parenting.

Let me get that sweet potato.

Is there some particular problem with
the lad that I'm not aware of?

Well, it's not so much of a problem,
really. We'll need salt for those.

I just feel, and you know how I adore
him, but he is a bit rough around the

edges. Oh, I don't know. Don't get me
wrong, Milkshake. It's just that for his

age, well, he should be able to handle a
knife and fork. He really should.

Pepper? Don't mind if I do.

I see your point, but Taz is still a
lad.

Oops, almost forgot the ham.

Don't be silly. I'm already up.

Okay, but I owe you one.

I'm sure he'll outgrow it. I was a lot
like the boy when I was his age, you

know.

Hmm, you were quite a little devil, all
right.

He's doing it again!

He's completely ruined my personally
autographed pinup of the greatest rock

since... whoever it was that I last
pledged my eternal devotion to.

Now, now, popcorn.

As the spring may be wound a little
tight, but he means well.

How can you tell what he means? He can't
even talk.

Good morning, pumpkin. How did you...
Please.

He's not my brother. It's all just a
cruel hoax.

Maybe I could put in a few extra hours
with the boy. A sort of a role model, I

mean. You know best, Porkchop. That
reminds me.

Nothing inspires a man like your good
cooking, my little cheese fritter.

You old flatterer.

He's not such a bad kid.

In fact, if you overlook the odd moments
of mayhem, he's a pretty good kid.

Aw, just look at the fuzzy little devil.

Ah, so sweet.

So lovable.

So, what went wrong?

Howdy ho, son.

Got your little sport you devised there.

How about if you and I pile around
together? Kind of a male bonding father

son thing, what do you say?

Mine. Not to worry, lad.

I had a slightly more sophisticated
activity in mind.

Say a nice quiet hobby.

Come along, son.

Yes, sir, there's nothing like the quiet
dignity and deep personal satisfaction

one derives from a good hobby.

Taz? The suitcase?

Here we are, son. My inner sanctum.

Why, just look around at all these
keepsakes.

The honors and ornaments of a lifetime
of achievement.

You don't know how long I've looked
forward to the day when I could share

this with... Why

don't we just save this for later?

Let me direct your attention to this
little beauty over here.

Magnificent, isn't she? The pride of the
fleet. I've almost finished with her.

There. That wasn't so hard.

Now, why don't you give it a go? And
remember, patience employs. That's the

ticket.

Now, not past.

Try to stay calm. I

think we're making real

progress here, son.

Uh -huh. Yes, I do.

In retrospect, perhaps outdoor
activities would be better suited to

personality. For you, I've got just two
tiny syllables.

Poe Blow.

Giddy up!

The thrill of racing down the field in
perfect tandem with your horse, wind

whipping through your hair, out at the
ready as you gallop towards the game

-winning cart.

Exhilarating, isn't it? Why, what's
happened to your horse, son?

Don't worry!

Perhaps we should move on before the
membership committee gets wind of this

little incident.

See these golf clubs, son?

They may be the finest clubs ever made.

Hand forged under a full moon by a
Tibetan blacksmith over a volcanic

There's no other set like them anywhere
on Earth.

Kind of gives you a little lump, doesn't
it?

Now, what I'm about to show you is the
family's patented golfing technique.

Why it's so secret, I can't even tell
your mother.

Begins with the grip.

Now, try this with me. Many golfers
utilize the standard interlocking grip,

involving a simple placement of the
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, yackety,

smackety.

But with our technique, that's only the
beginning. Watch while I demonstrate.

And there you have it. Simple, right?

Let's move on to the remainder of the
demonstration, shall we?

How dare you become a man?

Make the crowd, son.

Careful with that. It's my lucky
pitching wedge.

Nice shot, son.

Why don't you just bury these when you
replace your divot?

There's my boy, laddie, son.

Time we had a little talk about your
temperament.

Now, you're an emotional guy.

That's nothing to be ashamed of. But as
you grow and mature, you've got to learn

to control your temper and not allow
your temper to control you.

Know what I mean?

Perhaps we've been too ambitious. You
know, gone for too much gusto.

After all, Rome wasn't exactly built in
a day now, was it?

I mean, there must be something you can
do.

Hold the phone.

What have we here?

Ever build a house of cards?

It's as easy as one, two, three, my boy.

Now you just watch the old master.

Must have forgotten to allow for the
wind.

Uh -oh.

Let's not mention this to your mother,
okay? What do you say we split a bowling

ball?

Welcome to Atlanta's way, under, down,
under. The sky's always yellow in rain

shine. Down in Tasmania, come to
Tasmania.

Toppy needs to be gay, start to spin.
Like a Tasmanian devil in his closest

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Mum's alive, why are dad's never gone
along?

Molly's all fired up for take place with
the dog.

Down in Tasmania, come to Tasmania.

Didgeridingo and Wendell T. Wolfe.

Oh, yeah, don't forget Taz.

All right, all right. Now, pipe down,
you knuckleheads. Let this meeting come

water. Now, let's have everyone's
favorite junior executive come to the

Three cheers and a wombat for me.

As chief of all you fabulous mud people,
it feels double plus good to usher my

son, Francis X. Bushlat, into manhood on
this, his 13th birthday.

Now, in keeping with the mud people's
centuries -old tradition, Bushy here

choose one of three tasks to complete
his passage into manhood.

One, perform a hostile takeover of a
Fortune 500 company of my personal

favorite. Two, accumulate a portfolio of
stock with a net yield of no less than

36 % per annum. Or three, trap a
Tasmanian devil. Oh, that's it. That's

Number three, that's the one for me.

I, Francis X. Bushlab, shall venture
forth, subdue the ferocious Tasmanian

devil, and drag him triumphantly back to
camp. In time to catch Wall Street

weak, of course.

But Bushland, no member of the mud
people have chosen number three in 150

What father is trying to say is, we're
going soft.

Bushland will show the world we're not
just a bunch of bean counters drooling

over a profit and loss thing.

Right, Bush Dad?

Knock yourself out, kiddo.

Where is...

blue blazes does one find a Tasmanian
devil.

You know, I saw Indians do this on TV
once. By listening to the ground, they

could actually hear the buffalo coming.

You'd better be insured, that's all I
can say.

Zippity -doo -dah -day.

Say, aren't you a Tasmanian devil?

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me
stronger.

That's Nietzsche. Do you know who
Nietzsche is?

I thought not.

Leave from the deadly nightshade plant.

Berries from the belladonna plant.

One vial of Elvis wet.

And a guy pull up.

The perfect done frappe.

This'll be like shooting fish in a
barrel.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, this will not do. This is an
absolute disaster.

What a development. What to do?

And to go.

Lucky thing the potion wears off in four
hours.

Prepare to meet your maker.

Waiter. That thrill is all around.

Wait here. I'll get more pretzel sticks.

It might interest you to know, I've
concocted a plan so cunning and

you won't know what hit you.

Done!

I got you, I got you! Wasn't that clever
of me? You see, I painted the deer on

the rock.

Har har, ho ho, and a hee hee.

the live long day.

You know, it's a good thing I've got
brains or I'd be food for some primitive

beast such as yourself.

Oh, don't take this personally.

It's a battle as old as time itself.

Lower forms of life making way for the
higher.

Try to understand, you dumb brute. It's
not my way. It's, um, nature's way.

Is there no room for reason?

Oh, I say, Bushy, my boy, are you at all
close to wrapping this up?

Any minute now, Father.

I dig around to finish you off, but I
find wet fur rather smelly. I'll return

when you dry off.

Laugh, laugh.

But, lad, always running!

What a disgrace.

It's almost time for Wall Street week,
and I haven't even caught him yet.

My honor's at stake here. I need a
strategy. My plans thus far have been

subverted by a fundamental flaw.

Well, ring -a -ding -ding.

Do you know what separates we humans
from you animals? Do you? Well, I'll

you. It's reason, you furry lump. Reason
that allows men to dominate you animals

with your claws and teeth.

It's now a battle between your 150
pounds of muscle and my 8 ounces of

You're so pitifully outmatched, it's
almost tragic.

That's what you call psychological
warfare.

why I don't say ah.

You, son of mine?

Hello.

Hand over the keys to the Bentley,
father. I have returned.