Original subtitles

This story must be told. Otherwise, you would never know about it because it

could never happen. It is the story of William Companion Peters.

Every morning for 28 years, he has been walking out of his living quarters in

the rear of the pet shop, taking a brief turn around the block.

Today, although the start will be the same, something very different will

happen. Good morning, little friend.

Good morning, Shirley.

Oh, don't be sleazy, little

one. That's the secret of life.

Enjoy a little every time you can.

We must always figure out what little good and sweet tomorrow will bring.

For today is yesterday's tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today's tomorrow, and

yesterday was today's yesterday, and tomorrow will be yesterday on Thursday.

Ha!

What is this? Some kind of nut? Ha!

Oh! Now that the postman has come up, we will see what he has brought.

What have we here?

A catalog.

No.

Animal Ambrosia. Almost instantaneous secret of ancient Hindu brewers

revealed. A potent potion in liquid form, easily given and

assimilated by your pet, fowl or beast.

Guaranteed to ensure long life and happiness to your loved ones.

Also, give nice outward appearance. Five, ten days.

Oh, this could be just the thing for my little loved one.

I, I, I must wait for it immediately.

Maharaja Hundra. Old Delhi, India.

Something important must be going on.

I feel enervated.

My corpuscles are cruising at a dangerous rate.

This blood pressure is pressing me onward in a...

Good news from America, my little soft kebab.

A sucker has need of my animal ambrosia.

This means money in the bank.

Excuse me while I go to the bank.

Now that the banking is done, we will go on with the business at hand.

You and your Vic Panning strangers.

The Madison Avenue eustachians are all alike.

The same dull existence, day after day.

My office, Lord. The same dull dolls in their same dull uniforms.

I just can't wait for many moons to pass so that I can start getting my

unsociable security.

I will then retire to bed.

Or maybe mincemeat, if the movement moves.

I wonder if I can stand another coffee break.

I must be careful. I'm getting great nerves.

Maybe I should hire more help. My office force is wearing me out. They're just

too demanding of my attention.

Between my wives and my secretaries, I am lucky Punjab right in the middle.

I wonder if all this is worth.

You would think there was nothing more to life than business and making money.

Maybe what I need is exercise.

I'm just so bored with this inactivity.

Perhaps a few new wives, if I can find something.

Hmm.

I hear they're running a sale at the Giant and the Genie Market.

Maybe they have some nice friends. Or more mother -in -laws. I don't know.

Well, this one must have some pressing business that requires my attention.

Maybe she's been out amongst the people and has news of a new movement.

Proceed, my little chocolate.

Something must be wrong.

I just couldn't understand a word she said.

My secretaries keep my desk so cluttered up I just cannot make myself

comfortable.

It is time we had Omar, the top maker, put on new pants.

Oh, I hate that feeling of sagging in the middle.

That reminds me, I must go back to Orbach's in downtown Old Delhi.

The last pantaloons they put... It made me look positively fat.

Well, so much for the business at hand.

I think only siesta.

As you can see, I am a faker's faker. The best.

Like the advertisement reads.

Sleeping on a steely ham nail is like sleeping on a cloud.

Now I can rest easy.

The sucker in America will receive my stock formula, 6666.

And he will report me to the old Deli Better Business Bureau.

Since they know I'm a faker already, they won't do anything.

Now I can sleep.

Oh, it's going to be a restful sleep. Perhaps even with a knife.

dream. But that's the trouble with this office routine.

There is never anything around here for me to dream about.

Ah, me answer from India.

Well, he wouldn't know an answer if he'd ask the question.

Dear the glass, the healthy animal is the happy animal, for birds and fish

By Maharaja Punja, author of the Carefree Castle of Calcutta.

Make sure you don't drop the drip where the drip

should be dropped.

Drip the drop where the drop should be dripped.

And the drip where the drip should be dropped.

In any case...

Don't drop drip.

Just drip drop.

Oh, oh, that's right.

Don't you see the lucidness, ma 'am?

And now for the acid.

Take a spatter from the towel.

One tail from the fist.

Hmm, damn.

Oh.

The last time Khrushchev came through Disneyland, he personally promised to

a ban on those idiotics.

Not me, Dad.

I turned on Kate Ginevra.

You should all talk.

I have to put up with this horrible, clammy boy. And I have to stick my neck

for this.

if it is good enough for me. Will it be good enough for my little friend?

I wonder how I

look.

Absolutely amazing. I look like a turtle.

A major discovery.

I can actually turn myself into an animal.

That cat looks real kooky.

I can actually turn into any animal or fish, merely by mixing their food and my

fun.

My senses seem sharper than usual.

I could have sworn, but no.

Hello?

Since you can hardly expect anyone who looks like this to be able to talk, too,

let me cover for her.

This young lady is one of Willie's strikers.

It may strike you as odd, but she would like a little companion to come and live

with her.

Willie is suggesting... I suggest a friendly turtle.

In this case, I disagree with Willie.

However, she seems to be the friendly sort, and seems he's fine to listen to

Willie's suggestions.

Well, that Colonel's very affectionate.

Ah, this Willie will go far.

That is, if given the opportunity.

Considering the fact that his motives are entirely ulterior, he should be

every opportunity.

Uh -oh.

She's having lighter trouble.

Combustible things should come easily under normal circumstances. I'm sure

Willie would come up with a bright idea.

Hey, here, try a match.

What do you know? She did.

What's the matter with it, Russell?

Why don't you suggest a giraffe would?

A long, thin one just might be the very appealing thing to this young lady.

Sit. A love to be played with.

If you've never had one in your hand, how can you say that?

Well... Well, if you insist.

But I think you're making a terrible mistake.

Or perhaps a bad one.

If you prefer the low sunbride.

No turtle.

The lady is very happy. But really, even though she didn't seem to cognize of

the turtle idea, I'm sure that Willie has come up with something else.

They turned me into a turtle. Why not into what she wants?

That's Willy's motto. He should go far.

Oh, be still, me fluttering heart.

I must come upon her unawares.

When I've assumed the animal identity of her pet, I can really scientifically

study her reaction and know exactly which one of my little friends would be

happiest in her home.

Thus, I not only will protect my little friend, I can scientifically provide

young ladies... with dutiful home companions.

Now, now for the while with a magic elixir.

One swallow and...

Hi, isn't it?

Mother always told me it was dangerous to permit yourself to be handled by a

young lady.

Perhaps I should have heeded.

Remember, my reaction survey should be that of a kitten.

Remarkable frontal... I wonder how I do it.

There is something I would like to do with her.

A Rorschach test, perhaps.

Oh, but... But, lady, please.

For a minute, I forgot.

I might as well get up here and enjoy.

Her influx would certainly be most interesting.

Most interesting!

Perhaps I should have chosen a larger identity.

She is interested in further development, but it does seem rather

Coordination is excellent and certainly shows every sign of emotional stability.

Without forcing, I wonder how I could get her to do something for me.

I would love to study her handwriting.

So nice to see a well -formed cat.

Ah, the bad cat, say. I'm getting all shook up.

I don't know how much more of this I can stand.

Control yourself!

She's a man's best friend. No.

No, obviously a woman's best friend is her, uh, her kitten.

They must make special note of her ease in handling situations.

Why is it the friends are so sensitive to human behavior?

It would help to study her against another type of factor.

Oh, boy, maybe this is a good time for me to leave.

A sanitary home is a happy home.

And I am most pleased to find her sanitary.

Dear I .P.

Unconfirmed suspicions I have had for many years.

George really does everything.

Certainly it's too bad that young employees aren't here with me. I'm sure

would benefit too.

He was perfectly relaxed.

And yet her mandible and the maxilla show signs of being a bit tight.

I'm doing this for the good of the complete animal world.

even for base mankind.

How much can one beg for science?

The theorem seems a slight return, but I suppose that isn't too important.

I better leave.

No, in a minute.

I must take a second and collect these thoughts.

They're collected.

She shows every sign of being a good mistress.

Air conditioning must be off.

It's, uh... It's getting a bit warm in here.

Great Victorian Falls! The deluge has descended!

It's work!

Ducky's back!

The voice of the turtles shall be heard through the land.

Today a turtle and a kitten. Tomorrow the animal world.

I must write to Punjan Indy and tell him of my success with his formula.

And so I turned into a turtle and a kitten.

What is he? Some kind of a nut?

He tells me my formula works and I am legitimate.

The first thing you know, I'll be thrown out of the Faker Union. One deal with

America, and I'm legitimate.

Alla is through.

Thirty -four, thirty -eight.

Interesting.

This is just an inspiration.

Hand on the hammer and the job shall be done.

Concentration is required.

This will be the making of me.

Oh, the making of me.

The making of me.

I will write a book sometime.

Foolish mother could only see me now. Her own sweet William, the Jekyll and

of the animal kingdom.

My movements better be a bit more regular.

A little libation, for medicinal purposes, of course.

A toast to my loyal subjects of the animal world.

He knew the excitement himself.

And to all of the animals.

It grows lighter as my responsibilities grow heavier.

What's this?

Someone entering.

Don't go away. I'll be right back.

What can I possibly do for you?

Huh?

What can you do for her?

Huh? Is he kidding?

A lady shopper who looks like that and he wants to know what he can do for her.

She definitely wants something.

But naturally, she doesn't know that.

Leave it to her, though.

He's bound to come up with something.

Come now, Willie. You can certainly do better than that.

First thing you better do is provide her with some creature comfort.

You know, like... place to sit.

I have an idea. This little canary will find herself an interesting bird.

That's what I thought.

Our month -end special is right here.

Your luck.

Never give a lady a bird, Willie. It just isn't done.

Why don't you suggest a kangaroo with built -in pups? And maybe a belt in the

back. A shot in the head.

Pay attention, Willie.

She wants to show you something.

He dropped it.

Play the gentleman.

That's right.

Pick it up for the lady.

As long as you're soothing, the floor is the limit.

Things are looking up, aren't they?

Two customers in one day, I mean.

He seems very sensitive.

Not the only one.

The beach would be a pleasant place. Get rid of some of those superfluous foes.

After all, she doesn't have to go very far.

To the beach, that is.

Something occurred.

A further experiment.

I will assume some form I feel would be acceptable to her.

I will follow.

Now, let's see.

What forms should I assume?

Wild cat, tiger, dodo bird.

Let me see.

Mongoose, woman goose, canary, hip bump, tiger.

All of them. But let me make up my mind.

This is one I will take along.

Oh, this scientific work is so rewarding.

Beautiful day at the beach.

All the world is a stage for her. She has all the time in the world to play

part.

Nice day for fishing.

This is the craziest Isaac Walton I've ever seen.

is certainly missing out on some important research, considering subject.

Well, she's finally getting around to her equipment.

I checked her equipment very carefully.

She has all of it.

Fishing rod,

beach umbrella, beach towel, and...

I wish I was, too.

Optimistic, isn't she?

She's got her crap all ready.

Now for a lovely day of fishing to be.

Comfort comes first.

Let's get the stage all set.

That's right.

Get the umbrella.

See that fishbowl shaded?

The reaction would be as if you knew she were not alone.

I like the idea of her

fishing for a pet with a sharp instrument.

And it's difficult to swallow that kind of bait.

Everything she'll catch will be a cold.

I just hope I've chosen the right pet for her.

Oh, what livery!

The animal kingdom.

Always be placed in the right home.

There goes the volume.

One spot.

There. I've got some glass at home.

I can't be wearing glass.

Now, into the water. As soon as I shall observe.

I can

make this

transition underwater.

I can do anything.

Oh, goody. It should be fun on the water.

Soon I shall observe.

Get that book out of me mouth. It's hurting me lips.

Oh, that's better.

I thought I could make it.

And I need an Uber.

Somebody call Lloyd Bridges.

What's with the cold water?

It's certainly cold enough in the water.

Perhaps I shouldn't jump if he's losing.

He may have something to offer.

He certainly is not secretive.

Everything's out in the open.

It's somebody. called the Coast Guard.

I think now at last I can relax a bit and take notes.

Well, there must be an easier way to be scientific.

Does she or doesn't she? Why are you really like this?

Seems to me this one is not really interested in fish.

I don't think I'll decide now.

I should see more of them.

I'll just leave my perplexing but friendly little calling card.

Thank you.

What I go through in the name of good times.

Oh, if I only had mother here to smooth me rougher feathers.

Get out of town.

Enjoy the quiet and a little country peace.

You know, Pet Rabbit, that man is right.

I shall go right out into the country and find myself a little peace.

Oh, not interested in carrots?

Hmm. That's very nice.

Well, since the path may be dry and dusty, perhaps I had better have just

for the room.

Now for the country, and away we go.

another prospect.

Wonder what kind of a companion she's like.

Dear loneliness must have driven her out here.

This girl needs help.

She's ready to discard everything.

If she knows, means kiss a fool.

There's something more familiar about this girl.

I may have tried to help her before.

I must get a better look at her face.

Going for a bit of a dip.

She doesn't do anything desperate.

She doesn't seem to have any problems, at least not obvious ones.

Find a way of helping.

Now let me... Just what type of animal I should assume.

This one could be just right.

Mmm, foul taste.

Away you go. Ooh, this is a rip -tickling change.

Now to join her for a dip.

Oops.

This research is getting awfully damp.

I'm feeding her.

She's reaching for me.

She has me on the string.

She's lost me.

She's got me here.

She's drowning me. Help, help. I call the fleet. We need a submarine.

I must retreat and gather me forces.

Here, keep aim. Here, she's got me again.

Let me out of here.

Oh, some kind fish helped me.

Just because I'm a duck is no reason for foul play.

Somebody tossed me a Mae West.

Oh, I'll never be thirsty again.

Keep your hands to yourself, you bloody boredom.

I've got to get away from her.

Lattery will get you nowhere, Major.

I must make my escape.

Flash and I don't mind.

It's the dunking that disturbed me.

I feel like a sodden donut.

No, Mr. Lave. You certainly don't know what to do with a duck.

Now that he's getting out of the water, I...

I would shake myself to make sure this isn't some bad dream.

If she were as careful with my little friend as she is with herself, I might

consider giving her a dog.

As it is, I'm sure the real thing is not for her.

You can't smooth my ruffled feelings.

I don't know what she's going to do, but I'm getting ready to leave.

At least I'll leave my car in the car.

I must compose myself now.

How unlikely to be hard with her.

The quality of mercy is not strange, even though I feel like I've been pulled

through a strainer.

If I will, I will leave the imitations up in her hand.

The real thing is certainly not for her.

Keep wondering, my girl.

Just remember, when you have a living thing in your hand, treat it gently.

It may be your brother.

Now I know what goes on in the mind of a drowning man.

Oh, my, it was.

Well, I will occupy my time going over this copy of Grey's Anatomy.

In time of stress, there is nothing like looking over the classics.

And this is nothing like looking over the classics.

Not since it's been so long.

Maybe you're interested in a carrot.

I'm not interested in a carrot either.

Ah, well, interest is where you find it. And to find it, you must first...

Obviously three young members of the 3 -H Club.

Yes, they certainly look like 3 -H's to me.

We'll observe them unobserved.

Perhaps I can transact a little business here by suggesting a suitable

companion.

That won't be either.

A Senate is never easy for one man to pass it for his three young ladies.

Oh, I'm glad she didn't take up the Emporium.

Justly refreshing to watch three lovely young ladies concerned with nothing but

healthy thoughts.

The warm rays of the sun invigorating them.

Their movement is one that is definitely fast in nature.

And I'm sure nature is delighted to have them back.

Painting, singing, playing, completely uninhibited.

Why do they have so many different equipment?

The art should be well represented here.

A little for playing.

And a guitar for playing.

They must have some other equipment for playing too. But we'll probably see that

later.

Now, now I will further observe them and determine what pleasant little thing,

comforting yet exciting, will please all three of them at one time.

Oh, I wish I had a little more to go on.

I have to learn something.

This one must be sunburned.

She's starting to peel.

I hope it's contagious.

Good.

Most receptive, young lady.

The peeling is appealing to all of them.

I shall continue to a better observation point.

Now I can really make a decision.

Good coordination proves her adept.

That will influence her.

I will make a mental toast to these three lovely ladies.

Cooperation, coordination, conciliation. Three wonderful attributes

you so strikingly have.

Yes, your wonderful cooperation bottoms up.

I must do something to help.

These girls must be from a nearby farm.

I can just see them reaping the harvest and then playing around in the hay.

Yes, they certainly have a bogey look about them.

Perhaps they would like a cow as a pet.

Don't pretend she's a talented girl.

Hence so much more if I could see these three in action.

I knew these were sporting leaves.

Markable form, please.

I wonder if she has lost her amateur standing again.

Oh, I hope not.

Don't have a past where I'll sing along with me.

Now, for more, follow the leader.

Oh, these lovely little mountain goats ring from tribe to tribe.

Somewhere in my pocket, I must choose the thing to satisfy me.

Make up your mind within a minute.

I may never get an opportunity like this again.

No, they just don't make any sense.

Yes, this couldn't be.

I must make sure I don't emerge too large for the lady.

Different things.

Now for my glorious fantasy.

I wonder how they will repeat.

I feel I am now the right size for them.

It's quite certain.

I hope they notice soon.

I'm never quite sure how long I can last.

Cool. Damn it, they weren't long enough to notice.

Now for my final tests and observations.

This one handles well.

Sensitive clutch.

I just wonder about her translation.

Oh, of course, that is.

Oh, I wish she had a little firmer grip on it.

She's doing things to my stomach.

Now, if she puts it down, I can nose around some more.

Better do something, Pumpkin. I'd like to make it more realistic.

Oh, that bitchin' female.

Tired of me already?

What are you staring at?

It's my... Help! Hey, I'm a man again!

Oh dear, something's gone wrong with me, Formula.

Ow! Ow! Oh, good Lord, stop it! You've struck me in me most delicate spot.

These are definitely not my most flattering colours.

I'm feeling awful blue.

Time to show a yellow streak and get out of here.

Oh, dear.

I've got me hat knocked off.

And at a time like this.

I shall never be the same. I know it.

This will definitely affect my libido.

The formula. I must destroy it.

Oh, I rue the day I started my experiment.

Serves me right for tempting the fakes.

I shall destroy all evidence of me falling. No one must ever know.

I feel I have lost everything.

No, not everything.

At least I have you, brother.

Come.

Come, you will sit with me and help me first.

Now that all this has happened, I feel a change would do me good.

Perhaps it might do both for some good.

Brother Rabbit, I feel a change is already taking place.

Yes.

I should never have called you Brother Rabbit.

What is happening?

What devilish nonsense?

If I had hair, this would be a hair -raising experience.

Change has not affected your appetite for carrot choices.

Would you care to disclose the secret of your change?

Or should we leave well enough alone?

The fire I dropped.

You drank that.

that we have an ideal arrangement.

Have we learned something from all this?

Be yourself.