Original subtitles

Look, it's no use you going on like this.

Going on? I haven't said a word.

Well, that's just it. Even when you're quiet, you're nagging.

Look, the new plant has developed a fault, and I'm the senior engineer.

It's my job to find it. It could cost the company a fortune, you know.

Yeah, so you say.

I don't see why it's got to take a whole week.

Why you have to take your squash racket and your short to make the boiler?

A boiler?

Is that all you've learnt in ten years?

It's a hydroelectric plant.

The biggest in the country.

I'm going to be working flat out all week. I need some exercise and

don't I?

That rotten old bank.

Why have they got to send you out to Scotland, Jojo?

Tell me you'll miss me, Jojo. Every second away from you is going to be like

eternity, my sweetiekins.

But you know what it's like.

Somebody's got to go up and check their accounts each year.

Someone's got to make sure the books are straight.

Tell me you'll miss me terribly.

More than you will your stupid wife.

I'll miss you terribly.

Not like that. In a special way. You know.

Oh, not again, my love.

I couldn't. You haven't let me sleep all night.

I'm not a young man, you know.

But I shan't see you for a whole week.

Look. Just relax.

Lay there.

I'll do it.

We've only been married two weeks.

How can they send you away so soon?

It's just not fair.

Well, I know it's not fair.

But, you know, they're very important clients.

Oh, very important clients.

Say you'll miss me. Say you'll be true to me.

Tell me you love me.

Of course I love you.

I'm going to miss you.

Well? How can I be untrue to you?

No, no, no. Kiss me.

One more thing, Albert.

Just let me find out that you've been seeing that floozy from the underwear

department the year before it.

Oh, no, love, no, no. I want no anky -panky from you, Albert, as soon as

out of my sight. How do you know? Do you hear me, Albert?

I do, love, I do, yes.

Bye, love. Bye, Albert.

Albert! Oh,

thanks, love.

Now, you do hear me, don't you, Albert?

And so, gentlemen, it's my job to welcome you to the start of your well

break.

My name is Penny, and I'll be on hand throughout your stay with us.

Forget the cares of business life, the hurly -burly and bustle of the offices

and banks in which you've all worked so hard.

For one week, you'll reap the benefits of your labours. You will relax, be

pampered and pleasured.

The staff at Mega Boob Manor are all hand -picked by our principal.

who will greet you on your arrival.

Our only task is to ensure that you want for nothing.

This is to be your reward from your grateful employers.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Welcome to Megaboot Manor. I know that you're all acquainted with each other

through your local chamber of trade.

Allow me now to introduce you to my girls.

My name is Patricia.

I'm known as Mummy Megaboot.

Now this is Sally, and here's Mary, Sophie,

Sarah, Esther, and Susan.

A girl's job will be to make the most pleasurable time of her life.

Right,

girl. Take our guests to their rooms and make them comfortable.

We'll all meet in the bar for drinks later this evening.

Just a bit worried about my heart.

We'll soon take care of that.

Thanks very much, darling.

Hello?

Jane? Jane, is that you? It's Dorothy.

Dorothy? What's the matter? You sound upset.

Upset? Wouldn't you be upset?

It's my Joseph.

He's left me.

Joseph left you?

Absurd. He wouldn't leave you. Last week, he tells me that he's gone away to

check the account of the bank in Scotland.

So yesterday, I packed his case and he caught the train at midday.

He didn't phone me this morning, so I phoned his bank in Scotland.

Oh, dear. I am sorry.

It gets worse.

I phoned his branch and spoke to that so -called secretary of his. And?

She gave me the same story he had.

So what's the problem?

You know how stupid those backward people can be. Perhaps they've made a

mistake. Mistake?

It's that fawning secretary of his who made the mistake.

She said she drove him to the bus station this morning.

So where's he been all night? Is that what you're saying?

It's not last night I'm worried about.

I've known for a long while that he works off his so -called excess energy

top of that secretary.

He used to say he was jogging, but I know. No, what worries me is where he's

going to be for the next week.

All his sports clothes have gone, his swimming trunks. He only wears them once

year in Ibiza.

His flowery T -shirts and his squash racket. His squash racket?

I guess you're supposed to do that.

You're safe?

I think.

She's going to take me for an assisted jacuzzi later on, whatever that may be.

Have you any idea?

Serge, mate, I still can't believe this is happening.

If Jane and Dottie found... Shh, don't mention those names here.

We're here to forget about them for the whole week, mate.

This is the business, Sophie.

Who'd have believed it, eh?

You've made a really great game. Where was the bit for your eggs? Any more of

that and I'll come out there and drag you in here with me.

But you don't have to drag me in.

So you want to find out about the assisted part of the jacuzzi?

Assisted?

Yeah, you bet.

Okay.

How wonderful.

Sorry, I couldn't sense it.

Don't worry about it.

Come on in.

Yeah, join us.

Yeah,

do it. It's nice and warm.

Good evening, everybody.

I am pleased you settled in so quickly.

As you may know, this idea of rewarding the top employee with a crud bill came

from the Chamber of Trade.

They decided it would be a good idea not only to give their usual reward of a

week's holiday, but to make the most unforgettable experience for you.

Is there anything at all you require during your stay? You have only to ask

young lady.

Oh, and don't worry about your wife. That's all been taken care of.

And now I think dinner's served.

The snivelling little wretch.

If only I'd known.

How could he possibly do a thing like that to me?

Well, we're not sure whether they're up to anything.

But it all seems a bit suspicious.

It appears to be connected with the Chamber of Trade thing.

Look, I must be going now. I've got to see some other wives this evening.

And if there is anything wrong, we can decide what to do.

You know what?

You're the tastiest little morsel I've ever seen.

Do you know what I've got to do to you?

No. Go on, tell me.

I'd love to cover you in chocolate and cream.

And cover it all over your body and lick it.

Every part of you.

Oh,

it's

all right for that lot over there. They don't have to face up to my wife when

they get back.

The dragon.

That's what they call her at Brinkley.

You know, I used to enjoy myself when we used to marry. The cheap was a stock to

all us.

I used to... I used to like to go clubbing. I became a snooker with the

a Friday night.

It was just a bit of fun, really.

Can, uh... Can you play the flute for me?

I don't know.

Maybe you should sit down.

Oh! I said, you know, sometimes if we have a table here, I

think I might.

Oh, dear.

They were hardly right, but they said everything we wanted was here.

Albert, don't ever go and teach me what to do.

If you just hold it there. Just one more move.

And leave it at the back, just there.

And I'll get a cue and don't you move.

Ah!

Jesus!

Let's just get the badger and the badger.

I don't think I can take much more of this.

I haven't even started yet.

Now how about a real mega -biz man a -massage? A what?

You heard, now lay still and we'll be back in a minute.

Hello.

I'm not supposed to sprinkle milk, don't you know?

I'll tell you what.

I'll tell you what I'm saying. I'll tell you what makes it right.

Okay, right.

You're okay. Excuse me, everyone. I don't swear.

See you later.

Bye. Bye.

I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to

it. I'm going to get it.

I'm going to get it.

Right.

Well, that's nearly perfect.

Oh, yes.

That's absolute.

Just move that leg. Right.

Oh.

Keep it as straight as you possibly can.

That's, I think, the perfect snooker position if you like to have a go.

Oh.

Am I getting it now, Albert?

Not at the moment, love, but you will.

You know, that's almost the perfect position I have ever seen on a snooker

table. Now, love, let us just stretch a little more.

That's it.

Stretch more. Go on.

Oh, that's right in the arm.

Can I just say, you've got me into that position on purpose.

Just look what's happened now.

It's thrown out.

What am I going to do now?

Well, you could take it all off, my dear.

Albert, you naughty boy.

Well, I'm sorry I didn't want to offend you. I must have had a little bit too

much wine.

Do you really think I'm pretty?

Oh, it's one of the finest sights that I've ever seen.

Do you know, love, I'm no spring chicken, but I haven't felt like this

first started courting.

Oh, yeah, sweet.

Oh.

Don't you think my bits are too big? I mean, I can never keep them in my dress.

They're the most wonderful pair that I've had the privilege to set my eyes

Do you know, I'm head of a department in one of the biggest departmental stores

in town.

I've often wondered what it would be like to be in lingerie.

It'd be a lot more different than garden tools and furniture.

Oh.

Do you know I'm head of a department in one of the biggest departmental stores

in town?

I've often wondered what it would be like to be in lingerie.

Never again? Never again.

Oh, Christ.

I'm dying.

Hi, fellas.

Thank you.

Not at all.

Back in a minute, she says.

And guess who she came back with?

Go on, go on.

Madam, um, the boss, you know, uh, mega... Big tits. Big tits. Yeah, yeah,

Yeah, her.

Came in naked as the day she was born.

Oh, yeah.

She laid in and said, climb aboard.

I mean, what is a bloke supposed to do, eh? Do the business.

You did.

I did.

Just like being at the bank, I suppose.

At the bank? Yeah.

Put it in, make a deposit, withdraw.

All night.

All night.

Look,

I honestly don't know if I can go through with this. It seems, well, you

sneaky somehow.

It just does seem sneaky.

Well, I've spoken to all the other wives and we're all agreed you're the only

one who's got any chance of getting that creep from the Chamber of Trade to tell

us where those rats are.

Let's be honest, he's hardly going to succumb to Dottie's charms, is he?

Or mine, either, for that matter.

You're the youngest and the prettiest, and it's down to you.

I must be going.

Let me help you if you can.

Oh, thanks.

Remember, we're all relying on you.

Look, why don't you get on the phone to him right away?

He's probably old and ugly.

I know it won't be easy, dear, but do whatever you have to to get this

information.

OK, I'll figure it out.

Thanks. Okay, bye.

Bye.

Yeah.

I wonder if it's possible.

What's possible? To do it in the swimming pool.

Of course it is.

Well, I don't know. You might have a bit of trouble getting it up.

And when you do get it up, you might bounce off. Bounce off?

You blame me, don't you? You touch it and bounce it.

I didn't mean it that way.

Well, there's only one way you're going to find out.

I always get mummy megaboots to fix it for you. Hey, that sounds like a bit of

fun.

Simple law of dynamics, isn't it? Simple law of nature, mate. See? Albus got it

right. A simple law of fun.

A simple law of...

Well, Linda girl, you've really done it this time.

Just grit your teeth and smile.

Hello,

I'm Mike from the Chamber of Trade.

And there you have it.

Oh, there he wants it. And the pool.

Well, why not? It won't be the first time.

But you think he might need a little, how can I put it, help in getting it

together? Getting it helped, really.

You see, he's just recently married and he may be having some guilt feelings

about the whole thing. I was wondering possibly if you could fix something up

for him, just to put his mind back in the right track.

I'll have to think about that. Now, let me see.

Well, I think I might know what'll do the trick.

You get him in the pool and I'll get the girls.

Great. Thanks very much.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Moore. I just don't think I can help you.

Please call me Mary.

Look, I know you have all these rules and so on, but I've just got to know

he is. Just knowing where he is, that's all.

I'm sorry.

Look, I won't tell anyone that you told me. It'll be my little secret.

I'd do anything to find out.

You really mean that, don't you?

You're going to make me, aren't you?

Look, you started this, not me.

You're going to make me, aren't you?

Do you want me to make you?

Maybe it's easier if I have to do it.

I want to see your body, and you're going to show me.

Turn around.

Take rest.

Come here.

We've been asked to assist in a serious experiment.

The question is, can you do it in a swimming pool?

Albert is very kindly offered to be the judge.

So select your partners and let's get to it.

Come on.

One of those long evenings, you don't know what to do

with yourself.

One of those long evenings, when you feel like your heart

is on the shelf.

Don't you get down.

Well, what's erotic? It wouldn't do for everyone to be the same.

Oh, I agree.

It would be pretty dull.

But, I mean, it is nice once in a while to watch a girl making herself look

pretty. You know, like they do in the Hollywood films, lying in a bath full of

soap, wearing sexy clothes and make -up their lot. Do you know what I mean?

Well, life's not really like that, I'm afraid.

Yeah, no, that's the trouble. It should be.

Life should be full of glamour.

Well, I tell you what, we'll do a deal.

I'll make your wish come true if you'll help me.

Me? Help you?

How? Well, for years I've had this dream.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you.

Well, it still doesn't seem right.

I mean, we're no better than they are.

And we're no worse, either.

If those stupid fools think they can leave us here twiddling our thumbs while

they're living it up with some glamour pussies, I, for one, certainly oughtn't

to let them get away with it.

Come here, young man. We need your help as well.

Come over here.

Well? I've never cheated on my Albert.

You know, I'm really going to enjoy it.

Gentlemen,

it was the wish of one of you that he be allowed to lick fruit and cream from

the body of the lovely Sally.

With the gentleman concerned, please step forward.

Your wish is our command.

Please help yourself.

Thank you.

Oh my god.

Oh.

Thank you.

Oh, there you go.

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Come on, Albert.

Come on, Albert. Come on.

You know, it's funny.

You read about this sort of thing happening in the newspaper and on the

but you don't think it's actually true.

I mean...

It doesn't actually happen to ordinary folk like us.

Oh, I suppose I can't really blame my Albert.

I mean, I'm not the greatest girl in the world, I have to admit.

Hmm, I feel the same way about my Frank.

I suppose he misses the sex and thrills the willing young body.

Oh, that's nonsense, Jane.

I'm sure your body can thrill him just as much as those young things.

You think so?

I wish it could be that way.

I've forgotten how to be sexy and provocative.

I shan't say any about this when he gets home.

I thought I'd be ashamed of him and myself, but I don't feel that way at

I just feel, well, love, love all round me.

Frank, he won't know what picked you.

You know, I bought these things specially for today.

I knew it was going to be something wicked.

I was frightened but fascinated.

I thought, I've got to see it through.

Right to the end.

I didn't know it was going to be such a pleasure.

I thought the men had all the pleasure and we got all the pain.

I don't know why I let you lot talk me into this.

My sex life's fine.

I don't need any fear to boost it.

But I must admit, I wouldn't mind doing it again.

Oh no, that's the end.