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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,293 Parents. They're how we got here. 2 00:00:02,449 --> 00:00:04,309 But none of us want to think about 3 00:00:04,494 --> 00:00:06,765 what they had to do to each other to get us here. 4 00:00:09,685 --> 00:00:10,902 Especially me. 5 00:00:11,075 --> 00:00:14,006 Because in my mind, my mother's the Virgin Ruby. 6 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:17,587 Now, my pops was a different story. 7 00:00:17,753 --> 00:00:18,998 After the divorce, 8 00:00:19,150 --> 00:00:21,192 he got right back into the dating game. 9 00:00:21,330 --> 00:00:24,232 Actually, according to the show "Cheating Husband," 10 00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:25,765 he might've jumped it by a week. 11 00:00:25,934 --> 00:00:27,535 ♪ We're too gangsta for TV ♪ 12 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:29,504 ♪ That's why you don't see us ♪ - Earl! 13 00:00:29,538 --> 00:00:31,372 - ♪ And still want to be us ♪ - Get out of that car! 14 00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:32,873 Get out of the car! 15 00:00:32,908 --> 00:00:35,576 Don't make me act a fool in this sizzler parking lot! 16 00:00:35,610 --> 00:00:36,744 Hold my purse, baby. 17 00:00:36,778 --> 00:00:38,112 When Mama's done, 18 00:00:38,147 --> 00:00:40,090 we'll get you some cheddar biscuits, okay? 19 00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:42,383 Aah! 20 00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:44,052 Outside of some local fame, 21 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,921 Pops and the single life got along very well. 22 00:00:46,955 --> 00:00:50,690 Dre, this is Sharon. She might be your new mama. 23 00:00:50,724 --> 00:00:53,660 This is Cathy. She might be your new mama. 24 00:00:53,694 --> 00:00:56,163 This is Janice. She might be your new mama. 25 00:00:56,197 --> 00:00:57,964 My name is Cheryl. 26 00:01:00,301 --> 00:01:01,668 Cheryl's needy. 27 00:01:01,702 --> 00:01:04,704 When it came to my dad, I went with the flow. 28 00:01:04,738 --> 00:01:07,607 But my moms was so busy being my mom 29 00:01:07,641 --> 00:01:08,975 she didn't date much. 30 00:01:09,009 --> 00:01:11,945 And when she did, I was not a big fan. 31 00:01:11,979 --> 00:01:16,450 Now, Dre, be a good boy and say hello to Frank. 32 00:01:16,484 --> 00:01:18,385 Ohh! 33 00:01:19,787 --> 00:01:21,654 Not in my house. 34 00:01:21,689 --> 00:01:23,823 You may think I overreacted, 35 00:01:23,857 --> 00:01:25,991 but as a man, I know what men think. 36 00:01:26,025 --> 00:01:27,759 I know what men want. 37 00:01:27,794 --> 00:01:30,662 So as a son, the worst thing your mom can say is... 38 00:01:30,697 --> 00:01:32,898 Andre, I have a man in my life. 39 00:01:32,932 --> 00:01:36,268 He's a passionate and firm lover. 40 00:01:36,303 --> 00:01:38,137 I stand corrected. 41 00:01:38,171 --> 00:01:39,938 The second worst thing. 42 00:01:39,973 --> 00:01:44,744 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.MY-SUBS.com - 43 00:01:44,978 --> 00:01:47,713 I wonder what type of guy would be into Ruby? 44 00:01:47,747 --> 00:01:49,248 Deaf maybe? 45 00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:52,884 Or crazy. I can totally see crazy. 46 00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:54,820 Crazy loves crazy. 47 00:01:54,854 --> 00:01:56,555 Yeah. 48 00:01:56,590 --> 00:01:59,257 Dre, what are you doing? 49 00:02:00,392 --> 00:02:02,327 I'm self-soothing. Stop talking. 50 00:02:03,529 --> 00:02:06,498 I don't know what you're freaking out about. 51 00:02:06,565 --> 00:02:09,300 I mean, we literally know nothing about this guy. 52 00:02:09,335 --> 00:02:11,169 You're right. We know nothing. 53 00:02:11,203 --> 00:02:13,904 He could be a freak with a dungeon in the basement. 54 00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:16,274 He's definitely a freak if he's into Ruby. 55 00:02:16,308 --> 00:02:18,510 - Eh... - Do you think it's a sex dungeon 56 00:02:18,544 --> 00:02:22,280 or a murder dungeon? 57 00:02:22,314 --> 00:02:23,615 Is it bad that I hope it's murder? 58 00:02:23,649 --> 00:02:26,351 No. I was thinking the same thing. 59 00:02:26,385 --> 00:02:29,187 So, Ruby, you said you met a new friend. 60 00:02:29,221 --> 00:02:32,123 Yes, a new friend who is my lover. 61 00:02:32,158 --> 00:02:33,958 Oh. 62 00:02:33,992 --> 00:02:35,425 His name is Davis. 63 00:02:35,460 --> 00:02:39,030 He owns several restaurants and a general store. 64 00:02:39,064 --> 00:02:40,898 He's a good old-fashioned man. 65 00:02:40,932 --> 00:02:41,999 - Yeah. - Come on, now. 66 00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:44,301 So, where'd you meet him? 67 00:02:44,335 --> 00:02:46,971 On one of those online dating sites... Ratch. 68 00:02:47,005 --> 00:02:49,173 Do you mean Match? 69 00:02:49,207 --> 00:02:51,375 Mnh-mnh. Ratch. 70 00:02:51,409 --> 00:02:53,510 RatchOnly.com. 71 00:02:53,545 --> 00:02:56,881 It's for women of that certain ratchet lifestyle. 72 00:02:56,915 --> 00:02:58,115 Oh. 73 00:02:58,150 --> 00:02:59,383 Online dating? How? 74 00:02:59,417 --> 00:03:01,919 You don't even understand how a drive-through works. 75 00:03:01,953 --> 00:03:04,722 What about the fillet of the fish?! 76 00:03:04,756 --> 00:03:06,423 - Ma'am, I can't hear you. - Oh, my god. 77 00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:07,757 Could you repeat your order, please? 78 00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:09,793 Listen, you think I'm playing with you, boy?! 79 00:03:09,827 --> 00:03:11,527 And a large budweiser! 80 00:03:11,562 --> 00:03:12,796 You want anything, baby? 81 00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:14,764 - Yeah, get me... get me a fry, Mama. - _ 82 00:03:14,799 --> 00:03:15,932 He wants a large fry! 83 00:03:15,966 --> 00:03:17,767 Thank god I've got grandchildren 84 00:03:17,802 --> 00:03:20,313 who are more helpful than you. 85 00:03:20,999 --> 00:03:22,724 - _ - All right, Grandma. Let's get you back out there. 86 00:03:22,758 --> 00:03:24,225 What kind of man are you looking for? 87 00:03:24,259 --> 00:03:26,795 Oh, Idris Elba, 88 00:03:26,829 --> 00:03:29,063 Tom Selleck, Al Jarreau, 89 00:03:29,098 --> 00:03:31,332 Jesse Jackson on the balcony... 90 00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,235 Uh, grandma, you're being too specific. 91 00:03:34,269 --> 00:03:37,171 Fine. Jesse Jackson on any platform. 92 00:03:37,239 --> 00:03:39,708 No, we need to figure out who you're compatible with. 93 00:03:39,742 --> 00:03:41,543 What are your likes and dislikes? 94 00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:45,579 Likes... Elizabeth Taylor's white diamonds, 95 00:03:45,614 --> 00:03:49,317 filene's basement, intimacy. 96 00:03:49,351 --> 00:03:50,551 Dislikes... 97 00:03:50,585 --> 00:03:52,553 Satan. 98 00:03:52,587 --> 00:03:55,056 Mm. Demons. 99 00:03:56,758 --> 00:03:58,493 Cilantro. 100 00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,594 Ruby, I cook with cilantro all the time. 101 00:04:00,629 --> 00:04:02,163 Cook? Psh. 102 00:04:02,197 --> 00:04:03,297 Dislike. 103 00:04:03,332 --> 00:04:06,234 Now, look, I know you won't understand, 104 00:04:06,268 --> 00:04:09,037 but sometimes I just need a good hug. 105 00:04:09,071 --> 00:04:10,471 I can hug you, Mama. 106 00:04:10,506 --> 00:04:11,605 Oh. 107 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:14,074 Not the way I need to be hugged. 108 00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,246 ♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪ 109 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:17,714 ♪ Lord, Lord, Lord ♪ 110 00:04:17,748 --> 00:04:18,781 Andre. 111 00:04:18,816 --> 00:04:19,849 Boy, stop all that carrying on. 112 00:04:19,883 --> 00:04:21,084 Andre! 113 00:04:21,119 --> 00:04:24,154 Davis has invited us to dinner tomorrow night, 114 00:04:24,188 --> 00:04:25,489 and I want you there. 115 00:04:25,523 --> 00:04:26,823 Understood? 116 00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,158 Yes, ma'am. 117 00:04:28,192 --> 00:04:29,626 Mm-hmm. 118 00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,129 And, bow, if you've got work or whatever, that's fine. 119 00:04:32,163 --> 00:04:33,830 Mm-hmm. 120 00:04:35,065 --> 00:04:36,600 What... what did she just say to me? 121 00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:39,536 What... why are you back on that dating site? 122 00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:41,338 Monitoring Grandma's profile. 123 00:04:41,372 --> 00:04:45,575 But this is a picture of you and your profile. 124 00:04:45,610 --> 00:04:48,445 "I have 5/8 of my grown-man voice"? 125 00:04:48,479 --> 00:04:51,114 I haven't had the best luck meeting girls. 126 00:04:51,148 --> 00:04:52,448 It could be 127 00:04:52,482 --> 00:04:55,384 because you call yourself the "Fortress of solid dude." 128 00:04:55,418 --> 00:04:57,186 Because girls love puns. 129 00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:58,387 Just so you know, 130 00:04:58,421 --> 00:05:01,357 tank-top selfies are not your strong suit. 131 00:05:02,592 --> 00:05:06,395 Well, Kiersten disagrees with all of you. 132 00:05:06,429 --> 00:05:07,864 Not only is she cute, 133 00:05:07,898 --> 00:05:10,332 but she's a fan of comic books and message boards. 134 00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:12,869 No, she isn't, because she's not a real person. 135 00:05:12,936 --> 00:05:14,236 You're being played. 136 00:05:14,271 --> 00:05:16,572 At best, this is a middle-aged Nigerian man 137 00:05:16,606 --> 00:05:18,240 who wants your money or your kidney. 138 00:05:18,275 --> 00:05:19,742 You think I'm being catfished? 139 00:05:19,777 --> 00:05:20,943 Absolutely. 140 00:05:20,978 --> 00:05:22,278 I'm trusting to a fault, 141 00:05:22,312 --> 00:05:24,846 and even I know this screams Nigerian scam. 142 00:05:24,881 --> 00:05:27,015 Yeah. Have you ever FaceTimed Kiersten? 143 00:05:27,050 --> 00:05:29,517 No, but only because she's got spotty wireless. 144 00:05:29,552 --> 00:05:31,119 - Mm, mm, mm. - Yikes. 145 00:05:31,154 --> 00:05:33,454 So, this is how we're gonna get to the bottom of this. 146 00:05:33,489 --> 00:05:34,556 Next time you chat, 147 00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:36,725 say something that no geek would agree with. 148 00:05:36,759 --> 00:05:38,426 Greedo shot first. 149 00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:39,561 "Lost" finale killed it. 150 00:05:39,595 --> 00:05:41,063 Val Kilmer was the best Batman... 151 00:05:41,097 --> 00:05:43,131 You don't have to convince us you're a geek. 152 00:05:43,166 --> 00:05:44,265 We know. 153 00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,734 Just save it for Kiersten. 154 00:05:45,768 --> 00:05:48,269 A.K.A. Babatunde Adebayo. 155 00:05:53,191 --> 00:05:55,426 Hey. What are you doing? 156 00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:56,860 Stalling. 157 00:05:56,895 --> 00:05:59,096 I don't want to go meet my mama's homie-lover-friend. 158 00:05:59,130 --> 00:06:00,130 Dre, go get dressed. 159 00:06:00,165 --> 00:06:01,265 What does one wear 160 00:06:01,299 --> 00:06:03,300 to meet the man that's smashing his mama? 161 00:06:03,334 --> 00:06:05,568 Get it together, Dre. 162 00:06:05,603 --> 00:06:07,337 Probably khakis. 163 00:06:07,371 --> 00:06:08,471 Hey, bow. 164 00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:10,707 Dre, this is Julie. 165 00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:12,242 She might be your new mama. 166 00:06:12,277 --> 00:06:13,243 Hey, Julie. 167 00:06:13,244 --> 00:06:14,178 Pops. 168 00:06:14,212 --> 00:06:15,545 - Hm? - It started. 169 00:06:15,546 --> 00:06:17,214 Mom is dating. 170 00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:18,949 Oh. 171 00:06:18,983 --> 00:06:21,084 Sweetheart, would you meet me in the guesthouse? 172 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,219 And, uh, start the bath. 173 00:06:22,253 --> 00:06:23,553 Oh... 174 00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:25,055 Look here, boy. Your mama been dating. 175 00:06:25,089 --> 00:06:27,424 Which crusty old crypt keeper we talking about this time? 176 00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:29,026 What are you talking about? 177 00:06:29,060 --> 00:06:30,827 Earl, I'd like you to meet 178 00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:33,563 my friend from Bible study, Lamont. 179 00:06:33,597 --> 00:06:34,931 Oh, hey, Lamont. 180 00:06:34,965 --> 00:06:37,834 So, how old were you when you started writing Leviticus? 181 00:06:37,868 --> 00:06:41,137 Earl, this is my bridge partner, Nathaniel. 182 00:06:41,171 --> 00:06:43,239 Nice to meet you, Nate. Oh. 183 00:06:43,273 --> 00:06:45,074 Have a cigar. 184 00:06:45,108 --> 00:06:47,176 Earl, have you met chester? 185 00:06:47,211 --> 00:06:48,277 No, I haven't. 186 00:06:48,312 --> 00:06:49,813 But you might want to check on him. 187 00:06:51,449 --> 00:06:53,950 Wait, you mean an old man died on our couch? 188 00:06:53,984 --> 00:06:55,985 He stopped breathing on your couch. 189 00:06:56,019 --> 00:06:57,286 He died in the hospital. 190 00:06:57,321 --> 00:07:00,490 How come nobody's told me that my mama has boyfriends? 191 00:07:00,524 --> 00:07:02,459 Or that you have guests over when we're not here? 192 00:07:02,493 --> 00:07:03,593 I didn't tell you nothing 193 00:07:03,627 --> 00:07:05,394 because there was nothing to tell you. 194 00:07:05,428 --> 00:07:07,529 Besides, she only parades these chumps in front of me 195 00:07:07,564 --> 00:07:09,431 hoping I'll get jealous and put her on my Medicaid. 196 00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:12,601 So, these guys really aren't boyfriends. 197 00:07:12,635 --> 00:07:14,403 Oh, not at your mama's age. 198 00:07:14,437 --> 00:07:16,339 - Which is your age. - It's different for men. 199 00:07:16,373 --> 00:07:18,174 - Uh-huh. - Older women just want companionship. 200 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:19,708 You know, somebody to eat soup with. 201 00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:22,945 So... They're not... Uh... 202 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:23,913 Uh...? 203 00:07:23,914 --> 00:07:25,547 - You know... - Bangin' it out? 204 00:07:25,582 --> 00:07:26,615 - Bow! - Hell no! 205 00:07:26,649 --> 00:07:28,384 Strictly against doctor's orders. 206 00:07:28,418 --> 00:07:29,919 These guys are just technically alive. 207 00:07:29,953 --> 00:07:31,453 Except for Chester. He's... he's dead. 208 00:07:31,488 --> 00:07:33,489 Okay. Well, why don't we step out 209 00:07:33,523 --> 00:07:35,591 Of this '50s time machine, shall we? 210 00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:37,626 This guy is very important to Ruby, 211 00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:40,028 so we are going to be nice to him 212 00:07:40,062 --> 00:07:41,662 no matter how old he is. 213 00:07:41,697 --> 00:07:45,000 Dre, this is Davis. 214 00:07:45,034 --> 00:07:48,803 I know they say black don't crack, but damn! 215 00:07:48,837 --> 00:07:50,372 Dre, great meeting you. 216 00:07:51,774 --> 00:07:53,008 Let's have a seat. 217 00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:53,942 Okay. 218 00:07:53,943 --> 00:07:56,044 ♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪ 219 00:07:56,078 --> 00:07:58,007 ♪ Lord, Lord, Lord! ♪ 220 00:07:58,893 --> 00:08:01,857 Well, Davis seemed really nice. 221 00:08:01,892 --> 00:08:03,025 - Nice? - Mm-hmm. 222 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,295 He's a sick, perverted sex monster 223 00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:07,897 who couldn't keep his hands off my mama. 224 00:08:07,931 --> 00:08:09,432 Let's all join hands for grace. 225 00:08:09,466 --> 00:08:10,433 - Oh. - Oh. 226 00:08:10,467 --> 00:08:11,627 - Oh, okay. - Dre? 227 00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:16,038 And an inconsiderate jerk who talked over everybody. 228 00:08:17,408 --> 00:08:20,276 I'd like to make a toast to Ruby and her wonderful family. 229 00:08:20,311 --> 00:08:21,578 Oh. 230 00:08:21,612 --> 00:08:22,579 I don't trust him. 231 00:08:22,613 --> 00:08:24,113 Well, I thought he was super handsome. 232 00:08:24,147 --> 00:08:26,583 And really sweet, and your mom really liked him. 233 00:08:26,617 --> 00:08:28,484 Why are you defending this guy? 234 00:08:28,519 --> 00:08:30,986 I'm not defending him, I just... I enjoyed talking to him. 235 00:08:31,021 --> 00:08:32,988 And he said a lot of things that really landed on me. 236 00:08:33,023 --> 00:08:34,924 You know, there's nothing that would make me happier 237 00:08:34,958 --> 00:08:37,025 than taking Ruby on a trip around the world. 238 00:08:37,093 --> 00:08:39,004 - A... around the world? - Mm-hmm. 239 00:08:39,192 --> 00:08:40,061 That takes a really long time. 240 00:08:40,096 --> 00:08:41,697 A really long time. 241 00:08:41,731 --> 00:08:43,881 Would you fly or sail? 242 00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:46,635 - Oh, sailing is so nice. - Yeah, that's a great idea. 243 00:08:46,669 --> 00:08:49,726 And take that lucky lady with you, huh? 244 00:08:49,918 --> 00:08:51,184 - Yeah. - Far away. 245 00:08:51,401 --> 00:08:52,980 I just thought he was really great. 246 00:08:53,703 --> 00:08:56,352 Really, really great. 247 00:08:56,566 --> 00:08:58,667 He was a great guy. He was sweet. 248 00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:00,315 Bow was out of her mind. I needed to talk to people 249 00:09:00,350 --> 00:09:03,882 who would see things from my perspective. Men. 250 00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:05,692 Hey, drinks tonight? My treat. 251 00:09:05,911 --> 00:09:08,047 - No. - Oh, sorry, I can't make it. 252 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,469 I'm dealing with my mother and her new boyfriend. 253 00:09:10,670 --> 00:09:12,350 Whoa-ho! Ruby's dating? 254 00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:13,561 'Bout time. 255 00:09:13,562 --> 00:09:16,226 You have got one curvy mom, there, Dre. 256 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:17,527 - Mm, mm, mm. - He's not wrong. 257 00:09:17,638 --> 00:09:18,706 - Just sayin'. - Even I see it. 258 00:09:18,707 --> 00:09:20,788 Hey, hey, hey, hey. It's my moms. 259 00:09:21,025 --> 00:09:22,505 What is up with guys and their moms? 260 00:09:22,506 --> 00:09:25,409 So what if she's dating? Maybe she's lonely. 261 00:09:25,573 --> 00:09:26,652 My mom's not lonely. 262 00:09:26,653 --> 00:09:28,778 She gets plenty of love from her wine club and grandcat. 263 00:09:28,779 --> 00:09:30,712 Look, my mother is not lonely, all right? 264 00:09:30,746 --> 00:09:33,114 She has grandkids and... and hobbies, probably. 265 00:09:33,149 --> 00:09:34,582 She doesn't need anyone else. 266 00:09:34,616 --> 00:09:36,450 And you know the worst part of this is 267 00:09:36,485 --> 00:09:38,520 is the guy is basically my age. 268 00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,847 Well, there's nothing wrong with that. 269 00:09:40,882 --> 00:09:42,883 See, I almost exclusively date older women. 270 00:09:42,917 --> 00:09:45,018 Listening. 271 00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,952 They know how to take care of a brother. 272 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,954 You see this watch? You see this shirt? 273 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:49,889 You see this jacket? 274 00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,691 Ethel Watkins all day, every day. 275 00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:55,360 O... okay, so... so you saying it's not really physical. 276 00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:57,530 It's mainly about companionship and gifts? 277 00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,398 Oh, no. The Golden Girls like to get down. 278 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,833 And the great thing about it 279 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:02,167 is that they can't get pregnant, 280 00:10:02,201 --> 00:10:04,436 won't get pregnant, and will never get pregnant. 281 00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:05,538 Oh, that's menopause right there. 282 00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:06,739 Okay, curtis... curtis, what do you mean? 283 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:07,907 What he's talking about, Dre, 284 00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:10,475 is that your mom and this younger man 285 00:10:10,510 --> 00:10:12,945 are having really risky, unprotected, skin-on-skin sex, 286 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:14,479 the most intimate kind of sex there is. 287 00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,614 Stay with us, Dre. 288 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:16,815 Tha... tha... that's it! You know what? 289 00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,116 I got to put an end to this right now. 290 00:10:18,151 --> 00:10:19,552 Rachel, call for my car. 291 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,253 Oh, my god. 292 00:10:21,287 --> 00:10:22,421 No. 293 00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,089 What? 294 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,291 I told Kiersten I thought the best Marvel movie 295 00:10:26,325 --> 00:10:28,927 was "The Incredible Hulk," and she agreed. 296 00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,429 Do we live in a world where 297 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,764 "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" doesn't exist?! 298 00:10:32,798 --> 00:10:36,268 See? Whoever that is is definitely scamming you. 299 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:37,936 No. There has to be a reason. 300 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,638 Maybe she's a big Ed Norton fan, or... 301 00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,674 Maybe I was wrong. 302 00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:44,976 Maybe "Hulk" is the best one. 303 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:48,780 Or maybe Kiersten is actually a 40-year-old Nigerian man 304 00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:51,582 living in an empty swimming pool in Lagos. 305 00:10:51,616 --> 00:10:53,184 So, this is what we're gonna do. 306 00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:56,355 We are going to get even and catfish the catfisher. 307 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,856 But I'm not being catfished. 308 00:10:57,890 --> 00:10:58,857 You'll see. 309 00:10:58,891 --> 00:11:00,792 We're gonna meet Kiersten for a date 310 00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,429 and see what "she" is really after. 311 00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,598 Any luck, you'll be abducted. 312 00:11:07,501 --> 00:11:11,670 I realized the best way to confront the enemy was head on. 313 00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:13,380 - Ooh! - Yes! 314 00:11:13,595 --> 00:11:16,209 So I went to pick a fight. 315 00:11:17,164 --> 00:11:19,165 Oh! Come on! Dad! 316 00:11:19,199 --> 00:11:20,599 There's like two minutes to go in the game! 317 00:11:20,633 --> 00:11:23,069 Sorry about that, bro. We're not a big TV family. 318 00:11:23,103 --> 00:11:25,037 Since when? There's one in every room. 319 00:11:25,072 --> 00:11:27,739 You put one in front of your toilet like at a hotel. 320 00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:30,108 Nope. Just not into screens. 321 00:11:30,142 --> 00:11:31,509 Hey, man, I understand. 322 00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:32,644 Mm-hmm. 323 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:33,779 Kids, tell you what. 324 00:11:33,813 --> 00:11:35,714 Next time, you won't have to watch it on TV. 325 00:11:35,748 --> 00:11:37,683 Got these Clipper tickets from one of my regulars. 326 00:11:37,717 --> 00:11:40,085 Oh, so you think you can just take my kids to a Clipper game? 327 00:11:40,119 --> 00:11:41,219 Man, I don't even know you. 328 00:11:41,253 --> 00:11:42,888 No, no, no. There's six tickets. 329 00:11:42,922 --> 00:11:44,556 One for you, Bow, and the kids. 330 00:11:44,591 --> 00:11:47,459 So you can just stay at home alone with my mama at night? 331 00:11:47,493 --> 00:11:48,660 No thanks. 332 00:11:48,695 --> 00:11:50,095 Why are you hassling Pop-Pop, Dad? 333 00:11:50,129 --> 00:11:51,162 It's... 334 00:11:51,197 --> 00:11:52,731 "Pop-Pop"? 335 00:11:52,765 --> 00:11:55,200 Yeah. Because he's twice as strong as Pops. 336 00:11:55,267 --> 00:11:57,335 Well, I just started going to crossfit. 337 00:11:57,369 --> 00:11:58,804 Got some extra passes, Dre, 338 00:11:58,838 --> 00:12:00,639 if you want to get in there and, you know, mix it up. 339 00:12:00,673 --> 00:12:02,741 I am not for sale. 340 00:12:02,775 --> 00:12:04,976 But for the sake of my children, 341 00:12:05,010 --> 00:12:07,645 I will take these Clipper tickets. 342 00:12:11,027 --> 00:12:13,762 Hey, son. Who's that? 343 00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:15,030 Some manny that you hired 344 00:12:15,065 --> 00:12:17,266 to give your kids a decent male role model? 345 00:12:17,301 --> 00:12:18,701 No. 346 00:12:18,735 --> 00:12:20,269 That's Mama's new boyfriend. 347 00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,704 Say what? Him? 348 00:12:21,738 --> 00:12:23,272 - Mm-hmm. - Wait a minute. 349 00:12:23,307 --> 00:12:25,241 What's he doing raising the roof with my grandson? 350 00:12:25,275 --> 00:12:26,775 Because he's twice as strong as you. 351 00:12:26,810 --> 00:12:29,278 That's why the kids call him Pop-Pop. 352 00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,346 Say what? 353 00:12:30,380 --> 00:12:32,114 Davis is here to replace you. 354 00:12:32,148 --> 00:12:34,226 No, Davis got to go. 355 00:12:34,951 --> 00:12:37,353 Ohh, there he is. 356 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,120 Why didn't I think of this sooner? 357 00:12:39,154 --> 00:12:42,257 Who knows more about destroying mom's happiness than you, Pops? 358 00:12:42,291 --> 00:12:44,058 Well, she does bring out the artist in me. 359 00:12:44,093 --> 00:12:45,993 So, what are you thinking, hm? You gonna scare him? 360 00:12:46,028 --> 00:12:47,596 You gonna show him where Mama shot you? 361 00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:49,431 Cut his brake lines. 362 00:12:49,465 --> 00:12:51,499 Pillowcase-bat beating. 363 00:12:51,534 --> 00:12:53,134 It's not about what I'm gonna do to him, son. 364 00:12:53,168 --> 00:12:54,502 It's about what I'm gonna do to her. 365 00:12:54,537 --> 00:12:55,503 Ooh. 366 00:12:55,538 --> 00:12:57,272 I'm about to unleash the power 367 00:12:57,306 --> 00:12:59,641 Of the South African krugerrand. 368 00:12:59,675 --> 00:13:02,777 I suggest you take the family to the movies tonight. 369 00:13:02,811 --> 00:13:04,912 To the movies? 370 00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:08,133 Oh, yeah. A double feature. 371 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,724 All set. 372 00:13:11,759 --> 00:13:14,626 "Kiersten" will meet us tomorrow. 373 00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,262 Stop saying "Kiersten." 374 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,830 It's going to be Kiersten. 375 00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,799 Sure. You keep thinking that. 376 00:13:19,833 --> 00:13:22,601 Anyway, I told Kiersten you'll both know each other 377 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,036 because you're both gonna be wearing... 378 00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:27,606 now, get this... white denim jackets. 379 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,208 Like, what?! 380 00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:31,510 And then we'll post the whole thing on youtube 381 00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:33,779 so that the world can laugh at the catfisher 382 00:13:33,814 --> 00:13:35,080 in a white denim jacket. 383 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:37,582 You're wrong. She's going to be there. 384 00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,251 We're soul mates. 385 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,353 But in general... 386 00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,988 White denim. 387 00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:45,524 That's not something I should be trying to pull off? 388 00:13:51,468 --> 00:13:55,604 Your son asked me to bring up your plate, Quasimodo. 389 00:13:55,638 --> 00:13:57,405 What's up, baby girl? 390 00:13:57,440 --> 00:14:01,142 Just poured myself two glasses of cutty sark. 391 00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:02,945 Would you care for one? 392 00:14:02,979 --> 00:14:05,113 Well, you know I've never been one 393 00:14:05,147 --> 00:14:07,215 to let a cutty sark go to waste. 394 00:14:07,249 --> 00:14:09,384 Mm. 395 00:14:12,388 --> 00:14:13,889 Maybe we can dance a little bit. 396 00:14:13,923 --> 00:14:16,492 Your lasagna's getting cold, Earl. 397 00:14:16,526 --> 00:14:18,927 Well, maybe I should 398 00:14:18,962 --> 00:14:21,129 heat things up a bit. 399 00:14:21,163 --> 00:14:23,498 Okay, now. Not the South African amulet. 400 00:14:23,532 --> 00:14:25,666 I thought you would've pawned that by now. 401 00:14:25,701 --> 00:14:30,038 Waiting for gold prices to get back to 2010 levels, baby. 402 00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:31,506 Earl, you don't fight fair. 403 00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:33,441 But I'm spoken for. 404 00:14:33,476 --> 00:14:36,378 And as much as the krugerrand gets me going, 405 00:14:36,412 --> 00:14:38,579 it's Davis that gets me there. 406 00:14:38,614 --> 00:14:39,680 Ugh! 407 00:14:39,715 --> 00:14:41,149 Hey, Ruby, I was... 408 00:14:41,183 --> 00:14:43,018 am I interrupting something? 409 00:14:43,052 --> 00:14:44,585 No. No, no, baby. 410 00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:46,821 Just a jackass in leggings 411 00:14:46,855 --> 00:14:51,759 that's too cheap to spring for Cutty Sark Golden Jubilee. 412 00:14:53,062 --> 00:14:54,229 Come on, baby. 413 00:14:56,898 --> 00:15:00,234 So, Pops had failed. I had failed. 414 00:15:00,268 --> 00:15:03,370 Maybe I could find an answer in the fridge. 415 00:15:03,405 --> 00:15:05,472 Mm, you're so bad, Davis. 416 00:15:05,507 --> 00:15:06,773 Yeah. 417 00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:08,608 Unh-unh. This was too much. 418 00:15:08,643 --> 00:15:11,145 I couldn't let it happen in my own home. 419 00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:13,247 I knew what my 10-year-old self would do. 420 00:15:13,281 --> 00:15:14,714 Aah! 421 00:15:17,285 --> 00:15:18,885 Not in my house. 422 00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,588 But I knew I would be tried as an adult. 423 00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:22,889 So this time around, 424 00:15:22,924 --> 00:15:25,859 I decided to do the more mature thing. 425 00:15:25,893 --> 00:15:28,462 Mama! I'm having a heart attack! 426 00:15:28,496 --> 00:15:29,863 Oh, my god! Oh, my god! 427 00:15:29,897 --> 00:15:31,464 Baby! I got you, baby! 428 00:15:31,498 --> 00:15:33,032 Mama! Call an ambulance! 429 00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:34,934 Oh, no, they'll never get here fast enough! 430 00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:37,336 Get on my back! I'll carry you to Cedars! 431 00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:38,571 I'm not a doctor, 432 00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,872 but I don't think he's having a heart attack. 433 00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:41,040 I am a doctor, 434 00:15:41,075 --> 00:15:42,908 and he's definitely not having a heart attack. 435 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:44,210 I see a white light! 436 00:15:44,244 --> 00:15:46,045 Oh, my god! There's demons in the light! 437 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,647 - Stop! Stop! Dre, enough. - Don't go! Don't go into the light! 438 00:15:48,682 --> 00:15:50,783 I'm so sorry, Davis. 439 00:15:50,817 --> 00:15:52,118 You know what? 440 00:15:52,152 --> 00:15:53,886 I think this family's got a few issues to work out, 441 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:55,354 so I'm gonna... I'm gonna leave you to them. 442 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,522 Mm. Good night, Dre. 443 00:15:56,557 --> 00:15:57,423 Ruby, I'll call you. 444 00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:58,691 Oh, no, don't go, baby! 445 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,025 Oh, Mama! I see the light again! 446 00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:01,360 Oh, no! I see the light again! 447 00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:03,229 Devil, come out! Devil, come out! 448 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,465 Okay. I'm going back to sleep. 449 00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:09,067 Was I proud of what I had done? 450 00:16:09,102 --> 00:16:12,170 Well, I got rid of Davis and kept his Clipper tickets. 451 00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:14,500 You tell me. 452 00:16:17,171 --> 00:16:18,872 That fake heart attack... inspired. 453 00:16:18,906 --> 00:16:21,140 The moment just came, and I ran with it. 454 00:16:21,175 --> 00:16:22,275 Well, you did her a favor, 455 00:16:22,309 --> 00:16:23,510 'cause she looked ridiculous with that young dude. 456 00:16:23,544 --> 00:16:24,511 Yes, she did. 457 00:16:24,545 --> 00:16:25,512 - Earl. - Hm? 458 00:16:25,546 --> 00:16:26,546 We're gonna be late. 459 00:16:26,581 --> 00:16:27,681 Okay, baby. Got to go. 460 00:16:27,715 --> 00:16:28,882 - Hm? - Going to soulcycle. 461 00:16:32,229 --> 00:16:33,763 Good morning, Andre. 462 00:16:33,797 --> 00:16:34,697 Huh. 463 00:16:34,731 --> 00:16:36,366 And how are you feeling? 464 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,201 - Stronger. - Mm. 465 00:16:38,235 --> 00:16:40,036 Yeah, it turns out it was only heartburn, 466 00:16:40,071 --> 00:16:42,405 but I really did think I was having a heart attack. 467 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:43,806 No, you did not. 468 00:16:45,475 --> 00:16:47,709 But I understand why you had to fake one. 469 00:16:47,743 --> 00:16:49,678 Ever since you were a little boy, 470 00:16:49,712 --> 00:16:51,413 we've always been like this. 471 00:16:51,448 --> 00:16:52,647 Mm-hmm. 472 00:16:52,682 --> 00:16:54,583 You never wanted a man to come between what we had. 473 00:16:54,617 --> 00:16:55,650 Mnh-mnh. 474 00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:58,019 Which is why, out of respect for you, 475 00:16:58,054 --> 00:16:59,020 I snuck around. 476 00:16:59,055 --> 00:17:00,722 It's... you did? 477 00:17:00,756 --> 00:17:02,824 The gardener, the chimney sweep. 478 00:17:02,858 --> 00:17:04,226 Oh, baby, wake up. 479 00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,327 We didn't have a garden, 480 00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:06,928 and we sure didn't have a chimney. 481 00:17:06,963 --> 00:17:08,297 It did seem weird 482 00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,365 they had Christmas dinner with us. 483 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,434 But I thought, now that you're 40, 484 00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:15,937 with four kids and a wife, of sorts, 485 00:17:15,972 --> 00:17:18,340 that you might be able to handle the idea 486 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:20,441 of me being in a real relationship. 487 00:17:22,265 --> 00:17:23,665 I really should be. 488 00:17:23,699 --> 00:17:25,667 Yeah, and it's a shame that you're not. 489 00:17:25,701 --> 00:17:28,703 But you know what? Doesn't matter anyway. 490 00:17:28,738 --> 00:17:32,308 Davis and I are over. 491 00:17:32,342 --> 00:17:33,875 - You are? - Yeah. 492 00:17:33,910 --> 00:17:35,044 It would've been fun 493 00:17:35,078 --> 00:17:37,446 to travel around the world with my boyfriend 494 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,282 and maybe see New Jersey. 495 00:17:41,717 --> 00:17:44,253 I guess I'll just buy a selfie stick 496 00:17:44,287 --> 00:17:47,289 and take the Amtrak to Albuquerque. 497 00:17:48,825 --> 00:17:50,125 Mm. 498 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:54,496 Hm. 499 00:17:54,755 --> 00:17:55,808 - Rainbow. - Huh? 500 00:17:55,922 --> 00:17:57,022 You got any shampoo? 501 00:17:57,056 --> 00:17:58,357 I got... I... I... I got a situation. 502 00:17:58,392 --> 00:17:59,558 Oh, my god. 503 00:17:59,593 --> 00:18:02,027 Look, I... I thought I washed it out, 504 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:04,263 but 10 minutes into soulcycle, I started leaking oil. 505 00:18:05,666 --> 00:18:06,932 I'm... I'm sorry. 506 00:18:06,966 --> 00:18:09,302 I'm sorry. I shouldn't be laughing. 507 00:18:09,336 --> 00:18:10,536 But hair dye? 508 00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:12,905 Really? Oh, my god. Pops, you look ridiculous. 509 00:18:12,939 --> 00:18:14,807 I was trying to help my son. 510 00:18:14,841 --> 00:18:17,943 - Oh, you were trying to help your son. - Mm-hmm. 511 00:18:17,977 --> 00:18:20,946 'Cause it seems like you went to very great lengths 512 00:18:20,980 --> 00:18:23,048 to come between Ruby and her man. 513 00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:25,765 - Oh. - Too much. 514 00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:27,232 Yeah, I've been told that before. 515 00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,567 Admit it, Pops. 516 00:18:28,602 --> 00:18:31,803 You like your floozies, but deep down, 517 00:18:31,837 --> 00:18:34,773 you want Ruby to wait for you. 518 00:18:34,807 --> 00:18:36,308 - Oh, she waits for me. - Mm-hmm. 519 00:18:36,342 --> 00:18:38,010 In shadows with a brick or a bat. 520 00:18:38,044 --> 00:18:39,811 One time a tube sock full of batteries. 521 00:18:39,845 --> 00:18:41,679 You know why you're joking, right? 522 00:18:41,714 --> 00:18:43,115 'Cause you know I'm right. 523 00:18:43,149 --> 00:18:44,516 Yeah. 524 00:18:44,550 --> 00:18:47,386 Ultimately, you know that Ruby is the only one for you. 525 00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:49,621 - I'm not saying you're wrong. - Mm-hmm. 526 00:18:49,655 --> 00:18:50,889 Just give me the shampoo 527 00:18:50,924 --> 00:18:53,225 so I can go take a shower with my 25-year-old. 528 00:18:53,259 --> 00:18:54,626 Oh, that's disgusting. 529 00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,661 Oh, hey. Hey, Davis. 530 00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:59,164 Dre, hey. Uh, what are you doing here? 531 00:18:59,198 --> 00:19:01,633 I want to apologize to you for last night. 532 00:19:01,782 --> 00:19:03,516 Nah, we're cool, man. Nothing more to say about that. 533 00:19:03,551 --> 00:19:05,484 No, no. No, no, no, no, no. There is more to say. 534 00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:08,588 Man, I almost pushed you down the stairs. 535 00:19:08,622 --> 00:19:09,923 What's that? 536 00:19:09,957 --> 00:19:13,726 Look, you clearly make my mother happy, 537 00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:16,829 and I just need to grow up and let her be her own person. 538 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,130 Hey, that's great, man. 539 00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:19,699 But I'm a little busy right now, so if you could come back... 540 00:19:19,733 --> 00:19:20,900 - Okay, not... - Davis? 541 00:19:20,935 --> 00:19:22,602 Baby, if you find my drawers... 542 00:19:22,716 --> 00:19:23,750 Ma? 543 00:19:23,784 --> 00:19:25,852 Oh. Andre. 544 00:19:25,886 --> 00:19:28,587 Uh, listen, th... this is not what it looks like. 545 00:19:28,622 --> 00:19:30,389 Uh, there was a... there was a hornet 546 00:19:30,423 --> 00:19:32,892 that came toward my drawers, and then... 547 00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:35,294 Mama, this is exactly what it looks like. 548 00:19:35,328 --> 00:19:38,797 And... and I'm okay with that. 549 00:19:38,831 --> 00:19:41,066 Okay, I'm not really okay with it, 550 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,935 but if it makes you happy, it's... 551 00:19:43,970 --> 00:19:45,904 Thank you, baby. 552 00:19:45,938 --> 00:19:47,673 I am happy. 553 00:19:47,707 --> 00:19:49,675 I'm very happy. 554 00:19:51,110 --> 00:19:53,579 Very, very happy. 555 00:19:58,084 --> 00:19:59,851 ♪ Oh, my Lord! ♪ 556 00:19:59,886 --> 00:20:02,014 ♪ Lord, lord, lord! ♪ 557 00:20:05,172 --> 00:20:07,139 Oh, white jacket. Boom. 558 00:20:07,174 --> 00:20:08,808 She is a he. 559 00:20:08,843 --> 00:20:11,444 Who is definitely not pulling off that white denim. 560 00:20:11,479 --> 00:20:13,413 Well, I'm going to put an end to this. 561 00:20:13,447 --> 00:20:16,082 Yeah. We're gonna want to film this. 562 00:20:16,116 --> 00:20:18,418 Yeah. Okay. 563 00:20:18,452 --> 00:20:19,918 Your attention, please. 564 00:20:19,952 --> 00:20:22,120 This man tried to catfish me. 565 00:20:22,154 --> 00:20:23,121 What? 566 00:20:23,155 --> 00:20:24,256 He was going to try to trick me 567 00:20:24,290 --> 00:20:26,759 into giving him money, an organ, 568 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,727 and worst of all, my heart! 569 00:20:28,762 --> 00:20:31,263 Which is also technically an organ, 570 00:20:31,297 --> 00:20:34,199 but in this case, heart means affections. 571 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:36,635 As you can see, I'm flummoxed. 572 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,905 People of the coffee house, boo this man! 573 00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:41,440 Dude, seriously? 574 00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:42,608 Booo! 575 00:20:42,642 --> 00:20:44,710 Why are you not booing? Come on. 576 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,311 - Boo! - Junior? 577 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,849 Kiersten? You're real! 578 00:20:50,884 --> 00:20:53,519 See, Zoey? I told you she was real! 579 00:20:53,553 --> 00:20:56,921 My selfie game is strong. She came here for this. 580 00:20:56,955 --> 00:20:59,757 And this. And all of this. 581 00:21:00,826 --> 00:21:02,159 Kiersten, tell 'em 582 00:21:02,193 --> 00:21:03,661 whose milkshake brought you to the yard. 583 00:21:03,695 --> 00:21:06,030 Ah... 584 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:08,232 Kiersten? 585 00:21:08,266 --> 00:21:10,367 - Did we get all that? - Oh, yeah. 586 00:21:10,606 --> 00:21:16,606 Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - www.MY-SUBS.com - 38867

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