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1
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:09,132
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:10,391 --> 00:00:13,695
I just don't understand
the world any more.
3
00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:16,394
It all made sense up
until a few years back.
4
00:00:16,395 --> 00:00:18,410
The left was the left,
the right was the right.
5
00:00:18,546 --> 00:00:20,226
America was America.
6
00:00:20,323 --> 00:00:22,346
- Who's she?
- I couldn't even point to Syria...
7
00:00:22,387 --> 00:00:23,587
- Some woman...
- ... on a map.
8
00:00:23,847 --> 00:00:26,261
I just kissed the kids goodnight,
turned out the lights,
9
00:00:26,286 --> 00:00:27,714
looked forward to
waking up the next day.
10
00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:29,567
I dread it now, every day.
11
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:31,043
- Dread.
- I like her.
12
00:00:31,754 --> 00:00:33,114
That man there, at the back.
13
00:00:33,139 --> 00:00:34,543
- Night then, sweetheart.
- Night.
14
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:38,136
Milk's not good for you,
darling. It's just mucus.
15
00:00:38,871 --> 00:00:39,996
Don't have a go at her.
16
00:00:40,277 --> 00:00:41,964
No, I should do it more often.
17
00:00:43,207 --> 00:00:44,747
Signor, who's Vivienne Rook?
18
00:00:44,855 --> 00:00:46,324
Vivienne Alison Rook,
19
00:00:46,349 --> 00:00:48,885
born 1964 in Manchester.
20
00:00:48,910 --> 00:00:51,582
Founding member of the JJC Think Tank.
21
00:00:51,949 --> 00:00:53,464
That woman there, in the blue.
22
00:00:53,703 --> 00:00:57,300
What would you say to a Palestinian
family on the Gaza Strip,
23
00:00:57,386 --> 00:01:00,433
when Israel has reduced
the electricity supply
24
00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:01,629
to two hours a day?
25
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,293
- Two hours!?
- Yeah, I know.
26
00:01:05,245 --> 00:01:08,859
I know, but I suppose when it
comes to Israel and Palestine...
27
00:01:10,732 --> 00:01:11,960
... I don't give a fuck.
28
00:01:13,472 --> 00:01:15,340
Oh, my God.
29
00:01:15,365 --> 00:01:16,408
What did she just say?
30
00:01:16,765 --> 00:01:19,425
- Well, now I like her even more.
- She can't say that!
31
00:01:19,736 --> 00:01:21,715
Go on, say it again! Who is she?!
32
00:01:24,712 --> 00:01:25,972
Stephen's watching.
33
00:01:27,557 --> 00:01:28,573
Danny's seen it.
34
00:01:29,296 --> 00:01:30,844
I bet he's written a
letter of complaint.
35
00:01:30,868 --> 00:01:32,751
Look, number one
trending topic "Viv Rook".
36
00:01:33,003 --> 00:01:35,048
In, what, under 20 seconds?
37
00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:38,141
I have to apologise
to the people at home.
38
00:01:38,534 --> 00:01:40,048
You really can't say that.
39
00:01:40,073 --> 00:01:41,860
But I mean it, I mean it.
40
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,625
Kiev, Yemen, Qatar.
41
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:47,797
I simply do not give a...
42
00:01:47,822 --> 00:01:50,680
No, no, no, no. If you say that
again, I'll have to exclude you.
43
00:01:50,705 --> 00:01:51,708
Well, that's the point, isn't it?
44
00:01:51,732 --> 00:01:53,292
We're not allowed to say anything true.
45
00:01:53,570 --> 00:01:55,008
I have had enough.
46
00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,172
I have literally had enough.
47
00:01:56,197 --> 00:01:58,944
Lucy's watching, and
Javindra. Nell. Lynne.
48
00:01:59,790 --> 00:02:01,447
- Viv Rook for Strictly!
- Mm.
49
00:02:02,609 --> 00:02:04,165
Just headlines shouting at me.
50
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:09,392
And all I want is for my bins to be
collected once a week, you know?
51
00:02:09,636 --> 00:02:10,994
I, I want...
52
00:02:11,018 --> 00:02:13,290
I want the primary school
200 yards from my house
53
00:02:13,315 --> 00:02:15,798
to pick up its own litter
and, for the love of God,
54
00:02:16,199 --> 00:02:17,751
my mother walks with a stick,
55
00:02:17,878 --> 00:02:20,712
could people please just
stop parking on the pavements?
56
00:02:21,189 --> 00:02:22,720
Could you just stop it?!
57
00:02:23,642 --> 00:02:27,023
So, ask me about Israel,
ask me about Palestine,
58
00:02:27,048 --> 00:02:30,970
ask me and I will tell
you I do not give a...
59
00:02:33,559 --> 00:02:34,793
... monkeys.
60
00:02:36,449 --> 00:02:37,917
But I have got you
listening now, haven't I?
61
00:02:38,966 --> 00:02:41,448
- Oh, my God, she is a monster.
- I think she's brilliant.
62
00:02:45,238 --> 00:02:47,628
- Hello. Hello, are you all right?
- Hiya. It's me.
63
00:02:47,653 --> 00:02:49,453
Look, don't make a fuss,
but can you take Lee?
64
00:02:49,925 --> 00:02:52,121
Just get him to bed and give
him some toast for breakfast,
65
00:02:52,145 --> 00:02:54,519
he'll be fine. I'm on
my way to the hospital.
66
00:02:54,544 --> 00:02:56,847
- I started, I'm early.
- Er, right.
67
00:02:57,187 --> 00:02:58,995
Yeah, but what about Jan?
68
00:02:59,605 --> 00:03:00,805
I thought she was helping you.
69
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:03,947
She was according to the birth
plan, but that's for next Monday,
70
00:03:04,237 --> 00:03:05,386
she's in London tonight.
71
00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:07,253
And Runi's had a drink so she's useless.
72
00:03:07,278 --> 00:03:08,644
We're on our way to Salford City,
73
00:03:08,669 --> 00:03:11,683
can you meet me there and pick
him up? Oh, and can you tell Gran?
74
00:03:11,761 --> 00:03:12,841
But who are you with, then?
75
00:03:13,413 --> 00:03:15,940
I'm being driven by Mr
Jayasundera from number six.
76
00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:17,607
Everything's under control.
77
00:03:17,928 --> 00:03:18,991
Sorry!
78
00:03:19,016 --> 00:03:22,663
No, no, no. I mean, but who's
going to be with you for the birth?
79
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,444
I don't know.
80
00:03:25,469 --> 00:03:27,039
- She's on her own.
- Why's she on her own?
81
00:03:27,063 --> 00:03:28,852
I don't know. But...
82
00:03:29,024 --> 00:03:30,891
... will you be okay?
83
00:03:31,409 --> 00:03:33,534
I'm all right. It's not my first.
84
00:03:35,878 --> 00:03:37,276
Mum should be with me, really.
85
00:03:37,356 --> 00:03:39,221
Er, er...
86
00:03:40,183 --> 00:03:41,721
Do you want me to be there?
87
00:03:43,594 --> 00:03:44,651
Would you?
88
00:03:45,752 --> 00:03:47,002
Er, yeah.
89
00:03:47,657 --> 00:03:49,644
Oh, course I will. I'm on my way.
90
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,535
Oh, my God, Rosie's
gone into hospital. Oh.
91
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,789
Is that now? I thought
she was months away.
92
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:02,178
But Danny's with her. He
says I've got to tell Gran.
93
00:04:02,202 --> 00:04:06,197
I could go. I could get a
taxi, it's only half an hour.
94
00:04:06,362 --> 00:04:07,731
Oh, don't add to the panic, Gran.
95
00:04:07,756 --> 00:04:09,956
The last thing we need is
one of your little adventures.
96
00:04:10,304 --> 00:04:12,664
Danny says she's having an
ultrasound for the epidural,
97
00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:13,921
so everything's fine.
98
00:04:14,218 --> 00:04:15,656
Your mother would be there.
99
00:04:16,229 --> 00:04:17,249
I know, but...
100
00:04:18,473 --> 00:04:20,313
Yeah, but there's nothing
we can do about that.
101
00:04:20,567 --> 00:04:22,218
It's a bit odd for Daniel,
102
00:04:22,489 --> 00:04:24,789
childbirth with his own sister.
103
00:04:25,422 --> 00:04:27,727
If he wasn't gay before, he will be now.
104
00:04:27,752 --> 00:04:29,117
Well, that's gynaephobic.
105
00:04:29,921 --> 00:04:30,945
What was that?
106
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:32,851
Celeste says hello.
107
00:04:33,163 --> 00:04:34,234
Mm.
108
00:04:34,953 --> 00:04:36,747
Well, let me know the news.
109
00:04:36,748 --> 00:04:37,960
Any time.
110
00:04:38,210 --> 00:04:39,727
Even if it's 4am.
111
00:04:39,752 --> 00:04:42,624
I will but don't stay up all night.
112
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,984
Promise me, no adventures.
113
00:04:45,066 --> 00:04:47,695
You talk to me like I'm a child.
114
00:04:52,191 --> 00:04:54,671
If you go to bed now, get up at 5am,
115
00:04:54,992 --> 00:04:58,164
drive to Manchester, you could be
at your gran's by eight o'clock.
116
00:04:58,531 --> 00:05:01,251
But I've got Lou Havins coming round
in the morning about that trust.
117
00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:02,718
Cancel him.
118
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:04,339
E-mail him now, go on.
119
00:05:04,661 --> 00:05:05,867
Family emergency.
120
00:05:06,586 --> 00:05:09,039
You should be with
your gran, the old goat.
121
00:05:12,934 --> 00:05:14,241
Don't ever tell her I was nice.
122
00:05:16,547 --> 00:05:18,327
This is BBC Radio 4.
123
00:05:18,352 --> 00:05:19,562
Good morning.
124
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,345
Researchers have to
carry out a 5-year study
125
00:05:22,370 --> 00:05:24,748
into the causes of inequality in the UK
126
00:05:24,780 --> 00:05:26,968
which, they say, is
a threat to democracy.
127
00:05:27,548 --> 00:05:30,343
Theresa May's Brexit
negotiator is going to Brussels
128
00:05:30,368 --> 00:05:32,251
for talks on the document that sets out
129
00:05:32,276 --> 00:05:34,805
the UK's future relations with the EU.
130
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:37,699
Doris Day appears on
most of the front pages
131
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:40,536
following her death
yesterday at the age of 97.
132
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:48,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
133
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:52,259
He's so Chinese.
134
00:05:52,284 --> 00:05:53,994
Oh, my God, I was waiting
for you to say it first.
135
00:05:54,018 --> 00:05:55,041
He is, isn't he?
136
00:05:55,409 --> 00:05:59,424
I was wondering how Chinese he was
going to be but he is, like, 100%.
137
00:05:59,845 --> 00:06:01,431
Tiny little version of Gau.
138
00:06:01,954 --> 00:06:03,259
Well, you'll have to tell him.
139
00:06:03,332 --> 00:06:04,665
I know, I'll call him later.
140
00:06:05,414 --> 00:06:06,437
What about Dad?
141
00:06:06,594 --> 00:06:07,689
None of his business.
142
00:06:08,931 --> 00:06:10,051
Do you want me to phone him?
143
00:06:10,582 --> 00:06:12,517
If I want to tell anyone,
I want to tell Mum...
144
00:06:13,157 --> 00:06:15,102
... and I can't, so Dad
can just piss off.
145
00:06:15,907 --> 00:06:17,203
Don't you tell him, okay?
146
00:06:17,228 --> 00:06:18,509
- Have you got that?
- Okay, okay.
147
00:06:18,533 --> 00:06:20,297
All right. I won't.
148
00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:23,883
So, have you thought of a name?
149
00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:25,950
Lincoln.
150
00:06:26,598 --> 00:06:29,328
I don't believe it, she's
calling him Lincoln.
151
00:06:29,460 --> 00:06:31,008
Like Abraham Lincoln?
152
00:06:31,219 --> 00:06:33,257
What is he, a Chinese Abraham Lincoln?
153
00:06:33,375 --> 00:06:36,414
You're saying Lincoln, Lincoln Lyons.
154
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:37,805
She's calling him Lincoln.
155
00:06:37,969 --> 00:06:40,453
I know. I got an e-mail from Danny.
156
00:06:40,736 --> 00:06:43,172
I warn you, he'll get called Lin.
157
00:06:43,590 --> 00:06:45,242
Gran says he'll get called Lin.
158
00:06:45,267 --> 00:06:47,914
So? Tell her that's a boy's name too.
159
00:06:48,446 --> 00:06:50,423
There's nothing wrong with it. I
just wonder where she got it from.
160
00:06:50,447 --> 00:06:52,196
Maybe she had sex in Lincoln.
161
00:06:52,221 --> 00:06:53,469
Oi, that's enough of that.
162
00:06:54,550 --> 00:06:56,581
Ruby says maybe she had sex in Lincoln.
163
00:06:56,638 --> 00:06:58,477
Er, tell Ruby to stop being so rude.
164
00:06:58,696 --> 00:07:00,429
All right, I'd better
go. I'll see you tonight.
165
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,110
Congratulations, again.
166
00:07:02,375 --> 00:07:03,641
Great grandmother.
167
00:07:03,736 --> 00:07:06,274
I am great, don't you forget it.
168
00:07:07,641 --> 00:07:09,891
Come on, let's go and
see the little swine.
169
00:07:10,875 --> 00:07:12,992
Mr Lincoln Lyons.
170
00:07:14,281 --> 00:07:15,399
You've got a new cousin.
171
00:07:15,724 --> 00:07:17,516
Auntie Rosie had a
little boy called Lincoln,
172
00:07:17,583 --> 00:07:18,615
like Lincoln Green.
173
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,367
Signor, give me the origin of
Lincoln as a boy's first name.
174
00:07:24,392 --> 00:07:26,032
Lincoln as a boy's first name
175
00:07:26,057 --> 00:07:27,672
is from the Latin meaning lithe.
176
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:28,908
What does lithe mean?
177
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:30,791
Erm, kind of thin.
178
00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:32,658
Is it thin or slight?
179
00:07:32,748 --> 00:07:33,947
More like slim.
180
00:07:34,477 --> 00:07:36,525
Signor, what does lithe mean?
181
00:07:36,618 --> 00:07:40,625
Lithe, adjective meaning
pliant, limber, supple, flexible.
182
00:07:40,650 --> 00:07:41,682
Thank you.
183
00:07:45,115 --> 00:07:47,110
Hello, hello, hello.
184
00:07:47,191 --> 00:07:50,807
- Aw, he's fast asleep.
- Good boy.
185
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,478
Oh, little Lincoln.
186
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:56,986
I keep thinking about your mum.
187
00:07:57,273 --> 00:07:59,900
I know. But don't set me off again.
188
00:08:00,371 --> 00:08:01,442
Has anyone told Edith?
189
00:08:02,057 --> 00:08:04,189
I left her a message. She never replies.
190
00:08:04,253 --> 00:08:05,260
God knows where she is.
191
00:08:05,308 --> 00:08:08,033
Indonesia, last I heard.
192
00:08:08,704 --> 00:08:11,033
They imprison children, she says.
193
00:08:11,094 --> 00:08:13,221
Apparently, if you haven't
got a birth certificate,
194
00:08:13,736 --> 00:08:16,658
they determine your age
by x-raying your wrist
195
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:21,135
and then if your X-ray says you're
16, you're 16 even if you're 12.
196
00:08:21,244 --> 00:08:24,697
So, off goes Edith into battle.
197
00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:27,166
Just like her mother.
198
00:08:27,551 --> 00:08:30,010
No, Mum liked a hot
bath and proper towels.
199
00:08:30,035 --> 00:08:31,525
Edith lives like a hippy.
200
00:08:32,644 --> 00:08:34,715
Come on, then, they said two to a bed.
201
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:36,338
I'll take Lee to McDonald's.
202
00:08:36,363 --> 00:08:38,666
- How do you fancy that, yeah?
- Yeah!
203
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,946
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
204
00:08:41,931 --> 00:08:42,998
Can I say goodbye?
205
00:08:43,235 --> 00:08:44,235
Yeah.
206
00:08:45,506 --> 00:08:46,931
Oh, careful.
207
00:08:47,909 --> 00:08:50,540
Oh, looking a bit broody there.
208
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,563
No chance. No way.
209
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:54,314
Ah, you'd be great, you and Ralph.
210
00:08:54,497 --> 00:08:57,165
Don't know if I could have
a kid in a world like this.
211
00:08:57,289 --> 00:09:00,376
- Oh, that's happy, thanks.
- Really, though. It's...
212
00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:03,078
It is like that Rook woman said,
213
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:05,966
things were OK a few
years ago, before 2008.
214
00:09:05,991 --> 00:09:08,511
Do you remember back then? We
used to think politics was boring.
215
00:09:08,708 --> 00:09:09,731
Those were the days.
216
00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:11,804
But now, I worry about everything.
217
00:09:12,239 --> 00:09:13,524
I don't know what to worry about first.
218
00:09:13,548 --> 00:09:15,656
Never mind the government,
it's the sodding banks.
219
00:09:15,681 --> 00:09:17,648
They terrify me and it's not even them,
220
00:09:17,673 --> 00:09:20,515
it's the companies, the
brands, the corporations.
221
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:21,945
They treat us like algorithms,
222
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:24,273
while they go around poisoning
the air and the temperature
223
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:26,349
and the rain, and don't
even start me on Isis.
224
00:09:26,909 --> 00:09:28,398
Well, now we've got America.
225
00:09:28,781 --> 00:09:30,967
Never thought I'd be scared
of America in a million years,
226
00:09:30,991 --> 00:09:33,054
but we've got fake news and false facts
227
00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:34,345
and I don't even know
what's true any more.
228
00:09:34,369 --> 00:09:36,414
What sort of world are we in?
229
00:09:37,211 --> 00:09:41,242
Cos if it's this bad now, what's
it going to be like for you, huh?
230
00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:44,586
30 years' time, 10 years, 5 years?
231
00:09:46,406 --> 00:09:47,681
What's it going to be like?
232
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:52,317
♪ Happy birthday, dear Lincoln ♪
233
00:09:52,567 --> 00:09:56,195
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
234
00:10:00,113 --> 00:10:03,752
And the world awakes to a second
term for President Donald Trump.
235
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:06,494
The President you get, you deserve.
236
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:15,112
Okay, right, so don't laugh,
237
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:16,744
but will you marry me?
238
00:10:16,967 --> 00:10:18,634
Oh, my God, you're hilarious, Dan.
239
00:10:18,659 --> 00:10:19,686
But will you though?
240
00:10:19,898 --> 00:10:21,910
- Yes!
- Yeah?
241
00:10:31,835 --> 00:10:34,950
And China has named the
new island Hong Sha Dao,
242
00:10:34,975 --> 00:10:36,994
which means the Island of the Red Sands.
243
00:10:36,995 --> 00:10:39,526
The date of the general
election has been announced.
244
00:10:39,551 --> 00:10:41,659
as Thursday, May 5th.
245
00:10:41,821 --> 00:10:43,500
I will be standing, yes.
246
00:10:43,525 --> 00:10:44,572
It's about time,
247
00:10:44,768 --> 00:10:47,984
but I'll be standing as
an independent candidate.
248
00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:50,384
I, Daniel Samuel Lyons,
249
00:10:50,486 --> 00:10:53,478
take you, Ralph Joseph Cousins,
250
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:55,212
to be my legally wedded husband.
251
00:10:57,853 --> 00:11:02,173
- Woohoo!
- Arriba, arriba, arriba!
252
00:11:05,764 --> 00:11:09,576
Long live the King! Long live the King!
253
00:11:09,991 --> 00:11:11,654
Long live the King!
254
00:11:13,622 --> 00:11:15,887
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
255
00:11:20,301 --> 00:11:22,457
Vivienne Alison Rook...
256
00:11:22,955 --> 00:11:25,621
... 3,576.
257
00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:30,039
Archibald Goolding is duly
elected as Member of Parliament
258
00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:31,439
for this constituency.
259
00:11:31,758 --> 00:11:32,809
I'll be back.
260
00:11:32,873 --> 00:11:35,580
You watch me. I'll be back.
261
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:39,215
The Ukrainian Army has taken
control of the government.
262
00:11:39,506 --> 00:11:41,240
They have invited the Soviet Army
263
00:11:41,265 --> 00:11:43,834
into Kiev to maintain stability.
264
00:11:44,615 --> 00:11:47,654
♪ Happy birthday, dear Gran ♪
265
00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:50,826
♪ Happy birthday to you! ♪
266
00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:56,459
We should do this every
year on my birthday.
267
00:11:56,725 --> 00:11:59,170
- It's a new tradition.
- It's freezing.
268
00:11:59,195 --> 00:12:01,560
Let's call it the Winter Feast.
269
00:12:02,477 --> 00:12:06,113
And with Germany still in mourning
after the death of Angela Merkel...
270
00:12:06,146 --> 00:12:08,352
- Oh, good riddance.
- What?
271
00:12:08,377 --> 00:12:10,086
Well, you know, I don't want to be rude,
272
00:12:10,111 --> 00:12:11,891
but the world just got
a whole lot prettier.
273
00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:13,979
You've got a great future in politics.
274
00:12:14,714 --> 00:12:17,900
Why is she even on? She's not anyone.
275
00:12:17,925 --> 00:12:20,159
- She's no-one.
- Oh, lighten up!
276
00:12:20,442 --> 00:12:22,307
I'll take it as a compliment, anyway.
277
00:12:22,332 --> 00:12:23,818
And here's to absent friends,
278
00:12:23,843 --> 00:12:27,388
to our dearly beloved sister,
out there on the oceans deep.
279
00:12:27,757 --> 00:12:29,781
- Here's to Edith.
- To Edith!
280
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,476
Yeah!
281
00:12:39,338 --> 00:12:41,570
And there's a large crowd of protesters
282
00:12:41,595 --> 00:12:43,312
gathering in Dover this morning,
283
00:12:43,337 --> 00:12:46,303
as it's been announced
that so far in 2024,
284
00:12:46,328 --> 00:12:49,304
more Ukrainian refugees
have entered the UK
285
00:12:49,329 --> 00:12:51,218
than in the whole of the previous year.
286
00:12:51,375 --> 00:12:54,734
Current estimates suggest
that a further 10,000 refugees
287
00:12:54,759 --> 00:12:57,109
will be arriving before
the end of the month.
288
00:12:58,825 --> 00:12:59,825
Pass me the soap.
289
00:13:02,709 --> 00:13:03,829
What are you doing that for?
290
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,177
I just had a shit downstairs.
291
00:13:06,803 --> 00:13:08,701
You always tell me off
when I run the tap, so...
292
00:13:08,726 --> 00:13:10,021
Hey, have you got shitty hands?!
293
00:13:10,046 --> 00:13:12,057
I haven't got actual
shit on my hands, no.
294
00:13:12,423 --> 00:13:14,185
Don't. Get off. Stop it!
295
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,437
All right. I'm done.
296
00:13:16,242 --> 00:13:18,278
- That's disgusting.
- It was your rule.
297
00:13:19,991 --> 00:13:21,000
Morning.
298
00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:22,646
Oh, you look nice.
299
00:13:24,148 --> 00:13:25,227
Hello, Clyde.
300
00:13:25,963 --> 00:13:27,540
Stephen, I left that thing on the shelf.
301
00:13:27,564 --> 00:13:29,461
- Don't forget, it needs to go today.
- Yep.
302
00:13:29,833 --> 00:13:31,524
Tell me, Clyde, are you living here now?
303
00:13:31,666 --> 00:13:32,962
Mum says thank you very much.
304
00:13:32,987 --> 00:13:35,134
That's every day this
week, I'll send her a bill.
305
00:13:35,845 --> 00:13:38,189
- Morning.
- Hello, Mummy.
306
00:13:38,219 --> 00:13:41,086
- And how's Bethany doing under there?
- She's fine! Hm.
307
00:13:41,174 --> 00:13:43,688
Well, it would be nice to see
her one day. Give her my love.
308
00:13:43,713 --> 00:13:46,477
Signor, remind Edith it's
Gran's birthday on the second.
309
00:13:46,502 --> 00:13:49,280
Reminder to Edith Lyons sent.
310
00:13:49,305 --> 00:13:51,078
God, the Winter Feast.
311
00:13:51,305 --> 00:13:52,453
Do we really have to go?
312
00:13:52,584 --> 00:13:54,359
Don't be daft, we'll have a nice time.
313
00:13:55,016 --> 00:13:57,096
Plus it means we don't have
to see them at Christmas.
314
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,836
OK, nobody can use the Vision
tonight cos me and Clyde
315
00:13:59,861 --> 00:14:02,856
have booked it, we've got
upstairs from seven till ten,
316
00:14:02,881 --> 00:14:04,892
- have you got that?
- Clyde and I.
317
00:14:04,987 --> 00:14:07,152
It's the worldwide
premier of Guardians 4
318
00:14:07,177 --> 00:14:09,224
so you can't interrupt,
not for anything.
319
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,168
No, Chris Pratt is such a hot daddy.
320
00:14:11,193 --> 00:14:12,966
He could have me any day.
321
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,560
- Bye!
- 13 years old.
322
00:14:18,666 --> 00:14:21,091
Bethany says she's
booked us for Saturday.
323
00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:23,049
Are you free?
324
00:14:24,134 --> 00:14:25,446
Bethany, sweetheart,
325
00:14:25,892 --> 00:14:27,692
you don't need to make
an appointment with me.
326
00:14:27,811 --> 00:14:30,000
I'm here, right in front of you.
327
00:14:30,517 --> 00:14:31,966
I'm sorry, Mummy.
328
00:14:31,991 --> 00:14:34,970
Seriously though, I mean, I might
have to start limiting filter time.
329
00:14:34,971 --> 00:14:36,071
Just talk to me properly.
330
00:14:36,301 --> 00:14:38,721
- Sorry, pretty Mummy.
- Do you want me to take that off you?
331
00:14:38,746 --> 00:14:40,809
- Don't, no, it's all right.
- No, it's not.
332
00:14:40,999 --> 00:14:42,324
It's not all right.
333
00:14:42,869 --> 00:14:45,331
Beth, I'm here, in front of you.
334
00:14:45,991 --> 00:14:48,886
If you want to talk to us, you
don't need to make an appointment.
335
00:14:50,207 --> 00:14:54,235
Why don't you turn off that filter,
so we can see you properly?
336
00:14:55,999 --> 00:14:57,472
Sorry.
337
00:14:58,552 --> 00:14:59,933
For God's sakes.
338
00:15:00,224 --> 00:15:02,946
I think if Beth wants to see
us then Saturday makes sense
339
00:15:02,971 --> 00:15:04,386
because you won't be rushing off
340
00:15:04,411 --> 00:15:06,722
and Ruby's at her sex-fighting class,
341
00:15:06,747 --> 00:15:08,832
so the three of us can sit down
together and have a nice long chat,
342
00:15:08,856 --> 00:15:11,970
- isn't that right, Beth?
- Oh, I like how that became my fault.
343
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,043
Rushing off.
344
00:15:13,940 --> 00:15:15,809
But, yes, OK, fine. Saturday.
345
00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:20,371
Yaaaay! Fank-oo! Fank-oo!
346
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:44,918
You not got your car?
347
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:47,801
Oh, I was in Rusholme last night,
348
00:15:47,826 --> 00:15:50,098
it was all sealed off
with that bomb factory.
349
00:15:50,123 --> 00:15:52,283
- I've got to go and get it.
- Well, I can take you in.
350
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:54,443
It's about time we said hello.
351
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,419
It's Daniel, from number 17.
352
00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,154
I'm Fran.
353
00:15:59,999 --> 00:16:01,663
- Fran Baxter.
- Hi.
354
00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:04,008
Thank you.
355
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:07,334
So, what brought you up here, then?
356
00:16:07,654 --> 00:16:09,547
Oh, I gave up on London in the end.
357
00:16:09,771 --> 00:16:11,786
I tried my best, but it finally beat me.
358
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:15,129
- Why, too expensive?
- £12 for a coffee.
359
00:16:15,843 --> 00:16:17,544
And those areas getting fenced off,
360
00:16:17,569 --> 00:16:20,397
like you can only enter Kensington
if you're means tested.
361
00:16:20,931 --> 00:16:23,201
I thought, I've had enough.
I can do my job anywhere.
362
00:16:23,226 --> 00:16:25,412
- Which is what, what do you do?
- I'm a story teller.
363
00:16:26,913 --> 00:16:28,804
Oh, right, good. Yeah.
364
00:16:29,805 --> 00:16:33,210
- What's that?
- I tell stories for a living.
365
00:16:33,235 --> 00:16:35,226
I go into schools and businesses.
366
00:16:35,251 --> 00:16:36,546
I teach master classes.
367
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:40,202
The shape of stories
and the need for them.
368
00:16:41,431 --> 00:16:44,710
- You think it's ridiculous, don't you?
- Uh, no. No, not at all.
369
00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:46,711
It's a real thing, though.
It's worldwide.
370
00:16:46,736 --> 00:16:48,919
- I've done a TED talk.
- Oh, God. Wow.
371
00:16:48,944 --> 00:16:51,927
Well, TEDx, but it's amazing in schools.
372
00:16:51,983 --> 00:16:53,165
Kids love it.
373
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:57,173
Like, stories help them
to make sense of the world.
374
00:17:00,114 --> 00:17:02,501
Is your sister Edith Lyons?
375
00:17:03,873 --> 00:17:05,853
Yes, yes, she is. Yeah.
376
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:08,204
You'd get on well with
her, she'd love you.
377
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,985
Why, how do you know? Who said?
378
00:17:10,223 --> 00:17:12,681
Mike at number 12 told me.
379
00:17:13,975 --> 00:17:15,243
I think she's amazing.
380
00:17:15,751 --> 00:17:17,470
I've read all of her books.
381
00:17:17,532 --> 00:17:18,807
Er, well, they're not exactly books,
382
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:20,704
they're more like essays that never end.
383
00:17:21,697 --> 00:17:24,376
No, but, yeah, and you know
I haven't seen her for years.
384
00:17:24,401 --> 00:17:26,121
She didn't even come
home when our mum died.
385
00:17:26,266 --> 00:17:30,254
She's in Lagos now, causing trouble.
386
00:17:31,255 --> 00:17:34,407
Hm. And you work for the council, yeah?
387
00:17:34,544 --> 00:17:36,634
Yeah, I'm just a housing officer.
388
00:17:36,744 --> 00:17:38,744
I know. Boring.
389
00:17:40,649 --> 00:17:42,532
I'm dealing with all these refugees.
390
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:43,975
They're flooding in from Ukraine.
391
00:17:43,999 --> 00:17:47,095
500 in the past month,
housing doesn't cover it,
392
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,071
we've had to build them a little town.
393
00:17:49,576 --> 00:17:53,676
No. No! No, no, cars on site.
394
00:17:53,701 --> 00:17:57,189
Read the signs. Parking's
at Denholm Fields.
395
00:17:57,214 --> 00:17:58,943
Well, I don't know where that is.
396
00:17:59,289 --> 00:18:00,336
I'm Debbie Green.
397
00:18:00,596 --> 00:18:03,708
They sent me from Blackpool.
I'm with the exchange.
398
00:18:03,959 --> 00:18:05,998
OK. Well, just go back
to the road, turn right,
399
00:18:05,999 --> 00:18:08,568
follow the parking signs and
then come back and find me,
400
00:18:08,593 --> 00:18:10,522
Daniel Lyons, and I can
show you what's what.
401
00:18:10,858 --> 00:18:11,858
Thanks, Danny.
402
00:18:12,142 --> 00:18:13,146
Daniel.
403
00:18:14,611 --> 00:18:18,553
So, they arrive here and they're
sent through there to Divestiture.
404
00:18:18,578 --> 00:18:20,581
That's where they abandon
all their belongings,
405
00:18:20,606 --> 00:18:22,280
except clothes and essentials,
406
00:18:22,305 --> 00:18:24,616
because you would not believe
what they try to bring in,
407
00:18:24,736 --> 00:18:27,178
chairs and heirlooms, pets.
408
00:18:27,203 --> 00:18:30,428
We keep saying, "They're not
homes, they're emergency housing."
409
00:18:30,453 --> 00:18:32,796
- How many on site?
- 60 so far,
410
00:18:32,935 --> 00:18:34,874
but expanding to 200
by the end of the week.
411
00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,087
Yeah, so what's the plan with Blackpool?
412
00:18:36,111 --> 00:18:38,093
- Are you building one of these?
- Oh, God, no.
413
00:18:38,290 --> 00:18:40,090
- I'm trying to stop them.
- What do you mean?
414
00:18:40,462 --> 00:18:43,481
Oh, we don't want this.
It's a bloody nightmare.
415
00:18:43,559 --> 00:18:45,954
- I voted Leave.
- Yeah, they're not immigrants.
416
00:18:45,979 --> 00:18:47,723
They're refugees. There's a difference.
417
00:18:47,748 --> 00:18:48,748
Do you know what the difference is?
418
00:18:48,748 --> 00:18:52,871
I think it's one thing taking in
starving kids, but not Ukrainians!
419
00:18:53,106 --> 00:18:56,450
They've got shops over there,
they've got TV, they've got roads.
420
00:18:56,475 --> 00:18:57,970
They've got soldiers on the streets.
421
00:18:57,995 --> 00:18:59,387
Are we at war with Russia?
422
00:18:59,682 --> 00:19:00,809
No, not yet.
423
00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:02,325
Then they're not refugees.
424
00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:03,837
They're asylum seekers,
425
00:19:04,134 --> 00:19:06,360
and that's a very different
apple in the custard.
426
00:19:06,693 --> 00:19:10,032
97% of Ukraine voted
for Russian citizenship.
427
00:19:10,481 --> 00:19:11,947
If you can believe that wasn't fixed,
428
00:19:11,971 --> 00:19:14,040
and now Russia's got the
names of the other 3%,
429
00:19:14,065 --> 00:19:15,166
whether that's legal or not,
430
00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:16,845
and they're talking
about re-housing them
431
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,712
but they won't give a definition
of what re-housing means,
432
00:19:19,737 --> 00:19:21,923
which is terrifying, frankly.
433
00:19:21,948 --> 00:19:24,477
In other words, it's a purge,
so these people are refugees
434
00:19:24,502 --> 00:19:26,220
which means they're
allowed to seek asylum
435
00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:27,747
and it's got nothing to do with Europe
436
00:19:27,771 --> 00:19:31,243
and we're still part of the United
Nations, whether you like it or not.
437
00:19:31,435 --> 00:19:34,376
- Who says apple in the custard?
- My mother.
438
00:19:34,401 --> 00:19:37,372
- Then she's a bloody idiot.
- Vijay, get her off site.
439
00:19:37,891 --> 00:19:38,974
- June.
- Yeah?
440
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:41,022
- That's for DP. Thank you.
- Thanks.
441
00:19:41,278 --> 00:19:42,539
15. 15.
442
00:19:42,878 --> 00:19:45,164
Right. Er, hi there.
443
00:19:45,189 --> 00:19:46,664
Mr Barabash.
444
00:19:46,689 --> 00:19:52,156
Er, you've applied for a
transfer to Dublin because...
445
00:19:52,995 --> 00:19:54,955
Oh, you've got family
there, is that right? Sorry.
446
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,422
- How's your English?
- It's good.
447
00:19:57,611 --> 00:19:59,819
OK. Well, we can't process
that until the sanctuary scheme
448
00:19:59,843 --> 00:20:01,483
has worked out a border
deal with Ireland,
449
00:20:01,507 --> 00:20:04,404
and that is a long way off so
we can't do anything right now.
450
00:20:04,506 --> 00:20:07,864
- Sorry.
- Good, but, er, I'm not Mr Barabash.
451
00:20:09,819 --> 00:20:10,819
Oh.
452
00:20:11,579 --> 00:20:14,193
- Right. okay. Is he around?
- No, he's gone.
453
00:20:15,353 --> 00:20:17,282
- Where has he gone?
- Dublin.
454
00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:20,797
Er, well, I'm here to tell him he can't.
455
00:20:21,329 --> 00:20:22,541
That bastard.
456
00:20:24,802 --> 00:20:27,032
My name is Viktor. Viktor Goraya.
457
00:20:27,564 --> 00:20:30,547
Yeah, I should know that, shouldn't
I? Er, well, I'm with housing.
458
00:20:30,572 --> 00:20:34,282
Daniel, I'm... Yeah, I'm normally
more efficient than this, promise.
459
00:20:34,469 --> 00:20:35,749
I thought you'd come to join me.
460
00:20:35,912 --> 00:20:37,110
They said I'd have to share.
461
00:20:37,705 --> 00:20:39,524
I thought, "Wow, I've got lucky."
462
00:20:43,177 --> 00:20:44,665
Yeah, anyway, I'd better...
463
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:47,369
Thanks.
464
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,446
So, how are you settling in?
465
00:20:50,169 --> 00:20:52,485
They got me a lawyer, Mrs Vennering.
466
00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:54,626
She prepares my case for asylum.
467
00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:57,540
It'll take months, so
thank you for my home.
468
00:20:58,075 --> 00:21:01,321
Oh, well, it's meant to have proper
insulation, but the money ran out.
469
00:21:01,874 --> 00:21:04,212
The roof's only made of
a light gauge steel, so...
470
00:21:05,548 --> 00:21:07,610
Sorry, I could talk
about containers forever.
471
00:21:08,372 --> 00:21:10,696
My boyfriend, oh, gets sick of it.
472
00:21:11,204 --> 00:21:12,240
Yeah.
473
00:21:15,588 --> 00:21:16,883
So, what does your lawyer say?
474
00:21:17,228 --> 00:21:19,430
I mean, what are your chances?
475
00:21:19,663 --> 00:21:22,001
Well, they need to prove torture,
476
00:21:22,294 --> 00:21:23,318
that I was tortured.
477
00:21:24,708 --> 00:21:25,731
They asked me questions
478
00:21:25,756 --> 00:21:27,716
and applied electricity
to the soles of my feet.
479
00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:30,098
- I think that's torture.
- Of course it is.
480
00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:33,904
God, that's... That's
terrible, I'm so sorry.
481
00:21:34,131 --> 00:21:35,802
They demand proof here in the UK,
482
00:21:36,137 --> 00:21:39,209
which I understand, but they electrocute
483
00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:41,396
because it leaves no marks, so no proof.
484
00:21:42,548 --> 00:21:46,536
You see, there was a tiny scar
where the electric goes in.
485
00:21:47,795 --> 00:21:48,818
But not any more.
486
00:21:49,857 --> 00:21:50,877
It fades away.
487
00:21:56,540 --> 00:21:57,584
Does it still hurt?
488
00:21:58,753 --> 00:22:00,529
Yeah, but it's okay.
489
00:22:07,811 --> 00:22:09,201
So, what did they ask you?
490
00:22:10,485 --> 00:22:11,544
What sort of questions?
491
00:22:11,999 --> 00:22:16,490
My friends, their names,
addresses, the bars we'd go to.
492
00:22:16,515 --> 00:22:17,592
But I thought...
493
00:22:18,489 --> 00:22:21,576
- It's legal in Ukraine, isn't it?
- No, no, no.
494
00:22:21,673 --> 00:22:23,059
Not with the new Russian laws.
495
00:22:23,482 --> 00:22:25,997
But the point is, the
inquisitors were Ukrainian.
496
00:22:27,411 --> 00:22:29,291
They were people who'd
been waiting a long time.
497
00:22:34,807 --> 00:22:35,807
That's nice.
498
00:22:39,317 --> 00:22:40,864
I'd better get back to work.
499
00:22:41,396 --> 00:22:42,400
Yeah.
500
00:22:47,797 --> 00:22:50,395
Well, say hello, any time.
501
00:22:50,948 --> 00:22:52,935
Er, yeah, but we're not allowed to.
502
00:22:53,176 --> 00:22:54,983
It's preferential treatment, you know?
503
00:22:56,173 --> 00:22:57,348
Anyway, thanks.
504
00:23:12,344 --> 00:23:15,083
Signor, give me Bethany's
internet history, past 24 hours.
505
00:23:15,282 --> 00:23:16,747
That account is private.
506
00:23:17,137 --> 00:23:18,575
Germany Lemon Five Parasol.
507
00:23:18,669 --> 00:23:19,669
Unlocked.
508
00:23:19,694 --> 00:23:20,697
Don't.
509
00:23:21,314 --> 00:23:22,322
We promised them.
510
00:23:24,258 --> 00:23:26,645
Signor, give me Bethany's
internet history, past 24 hours.
511
00:23:28,917 --> 00:23:30,192
A trans life?
512
00:23:30,858 --> 00:23:32,083
Well, there we are.
513
00:23:33,039 --> 00:23:34,087
I said so.
514
00:23:44,231 --> 00:23:45,380
Oh, bless her.
515
00:23:46,067 --> 00:23:47,138
It's okay.
516
00:23:47,725 --> 00:23:48,725
She'll be fine.
517
00:23:49,764 --> 00:23:50,764
He'll be fine.
518
00:23:51,790 --> 00:23:52,825
They'll be fine?
519
00:23:56,188 --> 00:23:57,278
Oh, God.
520
00:24:02,486 --> 00:24:03,942
I just want you to know...
521
00:24:05,987 --> 00:24:07,692
... I wuv you, Mummy and Daddy.
522
00:24:09,059 --> 00:24:10,651
I know you do, sweetheart.
523
00:24:11,435 --> 00:24:13,315
And I'm going to ask you
to take the filter off.
524
00:24:13,705 --> 00:24:14,838
Will you do that for me?
525
00:24:28,082 --> 00:24:29,082
I think...
526
00:24:30,620 --> 00:24:32,080
... I've been uncomfortable...
527
00:24:33,314 --> 00:24:34,353
... a very long time.
528
00:24:34,416 --> 00:24:35,766
- We know.
- Sh, sh.
529
00:24:37,485 --> 00:24:40,447
I've been thinking, ever
since I was born, that...
530
00:24:42,630 --> 00:24:44,189
... I don't belong in this body.
531
00:24:46,298 --> 00:24:48,102
- Oh, my God.
- It's all right.
532
00:24:48,467 --> 00:24:50,122
It's really okay, darling.
533
00:24:52,904 --> 00:24:55,997
I've been reading up on it and...
534
00:24:59,794 --> 00:25:01,035
... I think I'm trans.
535
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:03,701
Oh, sweetheart. Aw.
536
00:25:03,999 --> 00:25:07,177
Oh, it's all right, darling. I swear.
537
00:25:07,427 --> 00:25:08,888
It really is.
538
00:25:09,533 --> 00:25:12,677
Ah, look at us, we're fine.
We're completely fine, aren't we?
539
00:25:12,702 --> 00:25:13,702
Mm-hm.
540
00:25:14,396 --> 00:25:18,107
And I know we might be a
bit slow and a bit old and...
541
00:25:19,314 --> 00:25:20,908
... this is going to be confusing for us
542
00:25:20,932 --> 00:25:22,956
and we'll make a mess
of it sometimes, but...
543
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,684
... we love you. Hm?
544
00:25:26,121 --> 00:25:28,731
We love you. We absolutely love you.
545
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,301
We always will.
546
00:25:31,075 --> 00:25:33,762
I mean, we don't need to rush.
547
00:25:33,928 --> 00:25:36,035
We've got lots of time to...
548
00:25:36,756 --> 00:25:37,787
... talk about this.
549
00:25:37,999 --> 00:25:40,389
And, you know, if it turns
out that we've got a...
550
00:25:40,486 --> 00:25:44,885
a lovely son instead of a lovely
daughter then, well, we'll be happy.
551
00:25:46,110 --> 00:25:48,106
No, I'm not transsexual.
552
00:25:49,282 --> 00:25:50,923
- Oh.
- Is that not the word now?
553
00:25:51,243 --> 00:25:52,930
But you said trans.
554
00:25:52,955 --> 00:25:54,298
What do we call you, then?
555
00:25:54,905 --> 00:25:57,829
I'm not transsexual, I'm transhuman.
556
00:25:58,266 --> 00:25:59,266
Oh, okay.
557
00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:01,270
I'm sorry, they keep changing the words.
558
00:26:01,461 --> 00:26:02,606
I don't know the difference.
559
00:26:02,631 --> 00:26:04,434
I don't want to change sex.
560
00:26:04,536 --> 00:26:07,317
No, sure. We say gender
now, don't we? I'm sorry.
561
00:26:07,991 --> 00:26:10,403
I said I'm not comfortable with my body,
562
00:26:10,647 --> 00:26:12,169
so I want to get rid of it.
563
00:26:12,419 --> 00:26:13,426
This thing,
564
00:26:14,122 --> 00:26:16,161
all the arms and legs and
every single bit of it.
565
00:26:16,536 --> 00:26:18,364
I don't want to be flesh.
566
00:26:19,071 --> 00:26:21,973
I'm really sorry, but I'm
going to escape this thing
567
00:26:22,459 --> 00:26:23,590
and become digital.
568
00:26:25,510 --> 00:26:26,778
What do you mean?
569
00:26:27,125 --> 00:26:30,716
They say one day soon, they'll
have clinics in Switzerland,
570
00:26:30,741 --> 00:26:32,974
where you can go and you'll sign a form
571
00:26:32,999 --> 00:26:37,098
and they'll take your brain
and download it into the cloud.
572
00:26:38,243 --> 00:26:39,278
And your body?
573
00:26:39,740 --> 00:26:40,762
Recycled...
574
00:26:41,819 --> 00:26:42,919
into the Earth.
575
00:26:43,654 --> 00:26:45,666
So, you want to kill yourself?
576
00:26:47,419 --> 00:26:50,356
I want to live forever as information,
577
00:26:50,381 --> 00:26:52,567
because that's what
transhumans are, Mum.
578
00:26:52,666 --> 00:26:54,705
Not male or female...
579
00:26:54,979 --> 00:26:56,010
... better.
580
00:26:56,635 --> 00:26:59,503
Where I'm going there's no life
or death, there's only data.
581
00:27:00,138 --> 00:27:01,846
I will be data.
582
00:27:05,043 --> 00:27:07,331
You promised me! You liars!
583
00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:12,518
And if you think you're going
online, you make a sad mistake.
584
00:27:12,627 --> 00:27:14,135
I'm switching it off!
585
00:27:14,360 --> 00:27:15,954
I will go analogue if I have to,
586
00:27:15,979 --> 00:27:17,917
so you can't read any more of that shit!
587
00:27:22,169 --> 00:27:27,046
Then the old woman clung to her
daughter, because she was so afraid.
588
00:27:27,626 --> 00:27:31,062
She said, "My daughter, I can't go home.
589
00:27:31,565 --> 00:27:33,954
"Waiting on the road,
out there in the night,
590
00:27:33,979 --> 00:27:36,390
"are three terrible creatures.
591
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:41,874
"There is a tiger, there is
a bear and there is a wolf
592
00:27:41,899 --> 00:27:44,413
"and they will eat me."
593
00:27:45,265 --> 00:27:50,937
But the daughter said, "Look,
what about the pumpkin?"
594
00:27:51,411 --> 00:27:54,671
Cos she still had the pumpkin
shell from making the pumpkin soup,
595
00:27:54,696 --> 00:27:56,765
and the pumpkin shell was huge.
596
00:27:56,955 --> 00:28:01,421
She said, "Mother, get
inside the pumpkin."
597
00:28:01,959 --> 00:28:07,468
So the old woman did and as she
bent over and curled up tight,
598
00:28:07,801 --> 00:28:11,617
all the bones in her back went crick!
599
00:28:11,693 --> 00:28:12,732
Crack!
600
00:28:12,874 --> 00:28:14,601
- Crick!
- Crack!
601
00:28:14,627 --> 00:28:16,529
- Crrrr-ick!
- Crack!
602
00:28:16,554 --> 00:28:20,634
Oh, those old bones.
603
00:28:21,407 --> 00:28:23,587
But the old woman got inside,
604
00:28:24,635 --> 00:28:27,767
and her daughter sealed up
the pumpkin with candle wax
605
00:28:27,792 --> 00:28:29,665
and rolled her to the door.
606
00:28:35,599 --> 00:28:37,009
I'd better go home.
607
00:28:37,975 --> 00:28:39,016
Stay.
608
00:28:42,189 --> 00:28:43,221
Sorry.
609
00:29:15,981 --> 00:29:16,981
Two ticks.
610
00:29:17,915 --> 00:29:18,915
It's okay.
611
00:30:03,396 --> 00:30:06,275
- Hiya. It's Tony, isn't it?
- That's right.
612
00:30:06,674 --> 00:30:09,583
I'm Lee's mum, Rosie. Rosie Lyons.
613
00:30:11,756 --> 00:30:14,309
There's no Mr Lyons, in
case you were wondering.
614
00:30:16,192 --> 00:30:18,106
And so she ran off, overnight.
615
00:30:18,674 --> 00:30:20,114
Literally packed her bags and left.
616
00:30:20,728 --> 00:30:23,356
Milly was only four and I
had to cope all on my own.
617
00:30:23,959 --> 00:30:26,217
Well, I hope you're not
expecting a medal, single dad.
618
00:30:26,388 --> 00:30:27,388
No.
619
00:30:27,603 --> 00:30:28,638
I was just saying.
620
00:30:29,271 --> 00:30:30,490
God, you're hard work.
621
00:30:30,556 --> 00:30:31,677
Yes, I am.
622
00:30:31,850 --> 00:30:32,889
Get used to it.
623
00:30:34,367 --> 00:30:37,037
So who have you got? Lincoln and Lee.
624
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,267
Yep. His dad's called Gau.
625
00:30:39,752 --> 00:30:43,076
He was nice enough, but he went back
home to Beijing when his mum died.
626
00:30:43,208 --> 00:30:44,912
She fell off a roof, it was terrible.
627
00:30:45,623 --> 00:30:47,970
Although, I always knew
he'd go back in the end.
628
00:30:47,995 --> 00:30:49,075
He was never going to stay.
629
00:30:49,901 --> 00:30:52,560
And Lee's dad is a man
called Terry Malone.
630
00:30:52,819 --> 00:30:55,302
He's living in Slough with
a wife and three daughters.
631
00:30:55,466 --> 00:30:56,990
He stays in touch, he sends money.
632
00:30:57,709 --> 00:30:59,115
We first got together at school.
633
00:30:59,701 --> 00:31:00,944
I don't mean childhood sweethearts,
634
00:31:00,968 --> 00:31:04,199
it was more of a school
disco sort of thing.
635
00:31:05,951 --> 00:31:08,576
So, er, do you work or
are these two full-time?
636
00:31:08,842 --> 00:31:10,967
God, no. I've got a job.
637
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:13,381
I'd go crackers stuck at
home with two boys all day.
638
00:31:14,411 --> 00:31:16,356
- What do you do?
- I'm a championship wrestler.
639
00:31:17,038 --> 00:31:18,038
What?
640
00:31:19,083 --> 00:31:21,974
No, I'm a chef manager, on a
job share at the big school.
641
00:31:21,999 --> 00:31:23,825
1,200 pupils.
642
00:31:23,962 --> 00:31:25,009
It's hard work.
643
00:31:25,736 --> 00:31:29,317
So, Mr Tony Watts, now you know
everything, you can ask me out.
644
00:31:29,665 --> 00:31:31,754
Oh, right, can I?
645
00:31:31,857 --> 00:31:33,293
Yes, you can. Hurry up!
646
00:31:33,885 --> 00:31:36,129
All right, well, erm,
well, what do you fancy?
647
00:31:36,192 --> 00:31:37,903
Saturday night, does that work?
648
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,809
Can you cook? I can cook.
649
00:31:39,877 --> 00:31:41,786
No, you spend all day in a canteen.
650
00:31:42,827 --> 00:31:44,934
I'll cook. I'll do it.
651
00:31:46,451 --> 00:31:47,981
Well, give me your address, then.
652
00:31:48,975 --> 00:31:49,975
Okay.
653
00:31:50,665 --> 00:31:52,281
Saturday night, eight?
654
00:31:52,741 --> 00:31:53,875
Eight o'clock it is.
655
00:31:59,375 --> 00:32:02,844
Here we are, my beanie boys.
656
00:32:03,478 --> 00:32:05,485
I'll make you a bacon sandwich later on.
657
00:32:05,510 --> 00:32:06,735
Beautiful, that'll do me.
658
00:32:06,929 --> 00:32:07,930
Thanks, Mur.
659
00:32:09,235 --> 00:32:10,966
I've been in that back bedroom, Gran.
660
00:32:10,991 --> 00:32:12,985
I can't paint it, it's
too damp from the outside.
661
00:32:13,010 --> 00:32:14,471
You're going to need proper
work done in there.
662
00:32:14,495 --> 00:32:17,721
Zinc! You just cover
it over with zinc paint.
663
00:32:17,746 --> 00:32:20,463
I know, but that's not an
option. This house needs money.
664
00:32:20,488 --> 00:32:21,854
It's held together by cobwebs.
665
00:32:21,987 --> 00:32:23,009
We'll manage.
666
00:32:23,498 --> 00:32:24,979
All will be well.
667
00:32:25,490 --> 00:32:27,002
Don't let me interrupt.
668
00:32:27,314 --> 00:32:29,979
You look very nice in dungarees, Ralph.
669
00:32:30,435 --> 00:32:31,462
Sexy.
670
00:32:31,815 --> 00:32:33,666
Oh, you cheeky thing!
671
00:32:37,732 --> 00:32:39,737
You do actually look
quite hot in dungarees.
672
00:32:42,428 --> 00:32:44,205
Well, er, we can try 'em at home, hm?
673
00:32:45,748 --> 00:32:47,716
- Later.
- Yeah, that'd be nice.
674
00:32:49,657 --> 00:32:50,715
It's about time.
675
00:32:51,951 --> 00:32:53,356
You're the one who works late.
676
00:32:53,381 --> 00:32:55,388
- Oh, forget I said anything.
- Well...
677
00:32:55,688 --> 00:32:57,711
You're the one who's
never off his phone.
678
00:32:57,759 --> 00:33:00,177
- Had to have the last word, didn't you?
- Well, it's true.
679
00:33:01,416 --> 00:33:03,103
Did you read that link I sent you?
680
00:33:03,887 --> 00:33:06,142
- Er, no, not yet.
- You see?
681
00:33:06,447 --> 00:33:08,434
Look, I'm sharing stuff, I'm trying.
682
00:33:09,251 --> 00:33:12,035
- You can join in more.
- Okay, what does it say?
683
00:33:12,149 --> 00:33:16,329
It's amazing, like, it's this site
that proves that germs don't exist.
684
00:33:16,583 --> 00:33:17,868
- Right.
- Yeah.
685
00:33:18,251 --> 00:33:19,266
That's what it says.
686
00:33:19,470 --> 00:33:20,817
No such thing as germs.
687
00:33:21,087 --> 00:33:24,237
Whole thing, right, faked by
the pharmaceutical industry.
688
00:33:24,262 --> 00:33:25,365
Right, well, that's bollocks.
689
00:33:25,389 --> 00:33:27,864
Don't do that, you'll be joining
the Flat Earth Society next.
690
00:33:27,927 --> 00:33:31,277
- Now that stuff is fascinating.
- Oh, no way.
691
00:33:31,410 --> 00:33:33,660
- Have you read it?
- No, and I never will.
692
00:33:33,685 --> 00:33:35,696
Come on, that's a bit
ignorant, don't you think?
693
00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:37,974
How's that going to help
anyone, not reading something?
694
00:33:38,044 --> 00:33:40,210
You're not saying the world
is flat, for God's sake, Ralph,
695
00:33:40,234 --> 00:33:42,771
you teach children, please
don't say the world is flat.
696
00:33:42,796 --> 00:33:44,177
I'm not saying it is,
697
00:33:44,462 --> 00:33:46,279
I'm just keeping an open mind.
698
00:33:47,234 --> 00:33:48,873
- It's an option.
- How?
699
00:33:49,380 --> 00:33:51,670
How is that an option?
We've been to India.
700
00:33:51,893 --> 00:33:53,560
We've travelled halfway
across the Earth.
701
00:33:53,670 --> 00:33:54,849
We've seen it.
702
00:33:55,391 --> 00:33:57,599
How do you think the horizon curves?
703
00:33:57,624 --> 00:34:00,631
We've seen it from a
plane, there's a curve.
704
00:34:00,656 --> 00:34:02,056
That's what a disc would look like.
705
00:34:02,106 --> 00:34:03,514
All right, well, you've
got GPS in your car.
706
00:34:03,538 --> 00:34:04,896
Yeah, with a flatscreen.
707
00:34:05,192 --> 00:34:07,818
The G stands for global.
708
00:34:07,843 --> 00:34:10,631
So? Apple computers aren't
made from apples, are they?
709
00:34:11,764 --> 00:34:13,381
That's not even a thi...
710
00:34:13,524 --> 00:34:15,740
Look, look, I'm not saying
I'm absolutely right, OK?
711
00:34:15,765 --> 00:34:17,818
Which means you can't
say I'm absolutely wrong.
712
00:34:18,016 --> 00:34:19,696
Except you're never
going to stop, are you?
713
00:34:19,942 --> 00:34:22,068
God help anyone trying
to contradict you, Dan!
714
00:34:26,349 --> 00:34:28,966
I swear to God, it's like
intelligence is going backwards.
715
00:34:28,991 --> 00:34:30,256
We're in reverse.
716
00:34:30,603 --> 00:34:34,623
If it's not the moon landings
or 9/11, it's, I don't know,
717
00:34:34,648 --> 00:34:36,349
the Loch Ness Monster!
718
00:34:37,131 --> 00:34:40,224
The human race is getting more
stupid right in front of our eyes.
719
00:34:40,249 --> 00:34:43,373
I mean, what do you do when
your husband is too thick?
720
00:34:44,029 --> 00:34:45,975
You can ask Celeste, she's
got a few theories about that.
721
00:34:45,999 --> 00:34:48,451
It's driving me mad. You know,
it's not just Ralph, it's...
722
00:34:48,739 --> 00:34:50,045
... it's everywhere.
723
00:34:50,141 --> 00:34:51,172
I know.
724
00:34:51,705 --> 00:34:53,411
It's like we went too far.
725
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:56,059
We imagined too much.
726
00:34:56,248 --> 00:34:58,965
We sent all those probes into space
727
00:34:59,466 --> 00:35:01,723
and we went to the very
edge of the solar system,
728
00:35:01,975 --> 00:35:04,145
built the Hadron
Collider and the internet
729
00:35:04,482 --> 00:35:07,477
and we painted all those paintings
and we wrote all those great songs
730
00:35:07,502 --> 00:35:09,754
and then, pop!
731
00:35:11,396 --> 00:35:14,384
Whatever we had, we punctured it.
732
00:35:15,541 --> 00:35:16,981
And now it's all collapsing.
733
00:35:18,899 --> 00:35:20,387
Well, nothing we can do.
734
00:35:21,403 --> 00:35:23,431
Our brains are devolving.
735
00:35:24,450 --> 00:35:25,871
Seriously, though, what if they are?
736
00:35:25,895 --> 00:35:27,512
Well, some species don't survive.
737
00:35:28,545 --> 00:35:30,754
Actually, all species
don't survive in the end.
738
00:35:31,286 --> 00:35:33,208
How can you say that with kids?
739
00:35:33,233 --> 00:35:34,364
Tell me about it.
740
00:35:35,251 --> 00:35:37,739
I've got a daughter who
wants to digitise herself
741
00:35:37,764 --> 00:35:40,699
and chuck her body away. I don't know.
742
00:35:40,965 --> 00:35:42,286
Downloading your brain...
743
00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:45,450
It can't actually be done
though, can it? It's not real.
744
00:35:45,778 --> 00:35:47,981
- You're denying everything.
- Oh, God.
745
00:35:48,353 --> 00:35:50,020
What's real? What's not?
746
00:35:50,274 --> 00:35:51,395
How do we know?
747
00:35:52,103 --> 00:35:53,637
- You okay?
- Yeah.
748
00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:57,673
- Are you, though?
- It's just work.
749
00:35:58,635 --> 00:36:00,861
Are those Ukrainians driving you mad?
750
00:36:01,681 --> 00:36:02,821
It's exactly that.
751
00:36:04,839 --> 00:36:07,416
Yes. That's exactly what it is.
752
00:36:09,967 --> 00:36:12,918
Ta-da! What do you
think? Am I gorgeous?
753
00:36:12,943 --> 00:36:14,990
Don't all clap at once, thank you, fans.
754
00:36:14,991 --> 00:36:17,479
Stop faffing about. Head
off, you're going to be late.
755
00:36:17,504 --> 00:36:19,846
Right. Behave for Lesley, you two.
756
00:36:19,871 --> 00:36:21,502
She's only on three quid an hour.
757
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,104
We've got popcorn and
Mike's universal password.
758
00:36:26,252 --> 00:36:27,393
We'll be fine.
759
00:36:27,418 --> 00:36:30,838
And if Mummy has a nice time
with her friend and talks too much
760
00:36:30,863 --> 00:36:34,924
and falls asleep on his couch,
uh, I'll see you in the morning.
761
00:36:35,418 --> 00:36:39,174
- Go Rosie!
- Bye-bye. Woo! Woo!
762
00:36:40,923 --> 00:36:42,797
Do you know, there wasn't
even a custody battle?
763
00:36:42,821 --> 00:36:44,488
- She was too drunk.
- Hm.
764
00:36:44,582 --> 00:36:47,511
You know, I spent £500 on a lawyer
and she didn't even turn up?
765
00:36:48,402 --> 00:36:51,002
But your little Milly's all right,
though, she looks happy enough.
766
00:36:51,238 --> 00:36:53,480
- Yeah, she's amazing. Full of beans.
- Ah.
767
00:36:54,379 --> 00:36:56,899
I've got to be honest, we're like
best mates now, the two of us.
768
00:36:57,482 --> 00:36:59,105
Well, me, her and Keith.
769
00:36:59,830 --> 00:37:00,834
Who's Keith?
770
00:37:05,470 --> 00:37:07,769
Oh, my God, there he is!
771
00:37:08,247 --> 00:37:10,081
Keith, forward two feet.
772
00:37:14,234 --> 00:37:16,323
He's brilliant! Does he talk?
773
00:37:16,533 --> 00:37:19,568
Oh, only simple things. Hello, Keith.
774
00:37:19,858 --> 00:37:21,098
Hello, Tony.
775
00:37:21,826 --> 00:37:22,956
Freaks me out a bit.
776
00:37:22,981 --> 00:37:25,378
Ah, they keep telling us
these things are going to
777
00:37:25,403 --> 00:37:28,589
rule the world, all he can do is
fetch a can of pop out the fridge.
778
00:37:29,063 --> 00:37:32,102
But she loves him, though.
Milly loves Keith, yes?
779
00:37:32,782 --> 00:37:34,534
Keith loves Milly.
780
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,261
And Milly's at your sister's, yeah?
781
00:37:45,919 --> 00:37:49,872
You okay? I mean, is there
anything I should do or not do?
782
00:37:49,897 --> 00:37:51,145
Yeah, just get on with it.
783
00:37:54,710 --> 00:37:56,473
But, have you got a condom?
784
00:37:57,087 --> 00:37:58,302
Yeah, don't worry.
785
00:37:58,420 --> 00:37:59,460
I'm fully equipped.
786
00:38:04,682 --> 00:38:06,354
- Oh, what was that?
- What?
787
00:38:10,486 --> 00:38:11,486
That?
788
00:38:12,704 --> 00:38:13,767
It's just a thing.
789
00:38:14,229 --> 00:38:16,029
Yeah, I know it is but
what do you do with it?
790
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:20,033
I get lonely, you know.
791
00:38:22,066 --> 00:38:23,229
Oh, my God.
792
00:38:38,063 --> 00:38:39,596
Orifice open.
793
00:38:39,621 --> 00:38:42,289
Honestly, I was only mucking
about! Oh, don't now, Rosie.
794
00:38:42,568 --> 00:38:45,492
- Come back to bed.
- You have sex with your robot!
795
00:38:45,807 --> 00:38:49,138
Oh, my God! No way!
796
00:38:49,287 --> 00:38:51,958
Oh, shut up, it's not funny.
797
00:38:52,071 --> 00:38:55,036
But... it's a robot called Keith.
798
00:38:55,061 --> 00:38:56,130
Hello, Tony.
799
00:38:56,451 --> 00:38:57,575
Not now, Keith.
800
00:39:00,999 --> 00:39:03,296
- So, did you stay?
- No, I did not.
801
00:39:03,321 --> 00:39:05,928
I said, thank you very much,
Tony Watts, and got out.
802
00:39:05,985 --> 00:39:10,444
- Ah. You could have had Keith instead.
- I bet Keith has got attachments.
803
00:39:11,529 --> 00:39:14,641
- Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't ya?
- Well, I'd give it a go.
804
00:39:14,666 --> 00:39:15,666
What was it?
805
00:39:15,928 --> 00:39:18,356
- Uh, robot sex thing.
- Ah.
806
00:39:20,559 --> 00:39:24,849
Oh, so, listen, I was thinking,
what we get Gran for her birthday?
807
00:39:24,889 --> 00:39:28,074
'Cos I saw it advertised,
the Gypsy Kings.
808
00:39:28,975 --> 00:39:30,872
- Do you think?
- Are they still going?
809
00:39:31,047 --> 00:39:33,935
Oh, they are immortal. Oh, she's on.
810
00:39:34,061 --> 00:39:38,178
Are we ready? Are we?
Ah, hope it works.
811
00:39:38,203 --> 00:39:40,773
The movement known as the
Four Start Party intends to field
812
00:39:40,798 --> 00:39:42,950
a minimum of 17 MPs at the...
813
00:39:42,975 --> 00:39:47,553
Have you seen the TV? She's
formed her own party, that monster.
814
00:39:47,639 --> 00:39:49,131
We haven't got a TV any more.
815
00:39:50,783 --> 00:39:52,778
My first-ever front page.
816
00:39:52,904 --> 00:39:54,725
What's me mother going to say?
817
00:39:55,459 --> 00:39:57,930
We are calling it the Four Star Party,
818
00:39:58,521 --> 00:40:04,748
in honour of my little faux pas
on live TV all those years ago.
819
00:40:06,125 --> 00:40:11,602
And the censorship that I have faced
ever since on the fake news media.
820
00:40:12,764 --> 00:40:18,250
But we are four stars, we are
four stars striving to be five.
821
00:40:18,612 --> 00:40:22,282
That's what we represent, ambition,
822
00:40:22,891 --> 00:40:26,063
the ambition of the
ordinary man and woman.
823
00:40:26,690 --> 00:40:29,071
The people abandoned
by the parties of old.
824
00:40:29,533 --> 00:40:32,520
How can she launch a political
party? She ain't even an MP.
825
00:40:32,553 --> 00:40:33,579
You don't have to be.
826
00:40:34,286 --> 00:40:37,321
We could launch a party right now,
but we don't, cos we can't be arsed.
827
00:40:37,346 --> 00:40:40,127
Labour is dead. The Tories are dead.
828
00:40:40,408 --> 00:40:41,861
The Liberal Democrats are dead.
829
00:40:41,886 --> 00:40:43,486
And then we complain
about people who do.
830
00:40:44,180 --> 00:40:45,252
Well, at least she's trying.
831
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:48,596
And the Four Start party
is bursting with life.
832
00:40:49,165 --> 00:40:51,768
- I'd vote for her.
- Don't you dare!
833
00:40:52,409 --> 00:40:53,761
Four Stars!
834
00:40:54,095 --> 00:40:56,922
The crisis over Hong Sha Dao
continues to worsen...
835
00:40:56,947 --> 00:41:00,243
Do you understand this
thing with China? Is it real?
836
00:41:00,524 --> 00:41:02,454
Oh, it's just America going nuts.
837
00:41:02,479 --> 00:41:04,978
You know, their elections
get madder and madder.
838
00:41:05,353 --> 00:41:06,915
So, the Gypsy Kings, yeah?
839
00:41:07,243 --> 00:41:09,564
Tell you what, if we get two
tickets can I have the other one?
840
00:41:09,588 --> 00:41:10,588
No.
841
00:41:11,381 --> 00:41:14,165
Tensions are rising in the
stand-off between the US
842
00:41:14,190 --> 00:41:17,383
and China over the disputed
territory of Hong Sha Dao.
843
00:41:17,561 --> 00:41:20,305
President Trump has announced
a new round of sanctions
844
00:41:20,330 --> 00:41:24,269
and has upped the stakes by tweeting
that America will never back down.
845
00:41:24,379 --> 00:41:27,016
We have breakfast tomorrow,
then we go first thing.
846
00:41:27,157 --> 00:41:28,164
No Sunday lunch.
847
00:41:28,454 --> 00:41:29,876
Got that, all of you?
848
00:41:31,306 --> 00:41:33,290
Oh, here comes the dragon lady.
849
00:41:33,588 --> 00:41:35,259
Prepare for danger. Stand by.
850
00:41:35,284 --> 00:41:37,159
I'm just trying to listen. This
whole thing's gone a bit mad.
851
00:41:37,183 --> 00:41:39,908
Well, you bring us all this
way, now you can deal with her.
852
00:41:40,298 --> 00:41:41,298
Hi!
853
00:41:42,044 --> 00:41:43,564
Happy birthday.
854
00:41:44,352 --> 00:41:47,017
Hello. We did it! We made it!
855
00:41:47,247 --> 00:41:50,822
Well, don't make it sound like
such an effort. Not on my behalf.
856
00:41:51,095 --> 00:41:53,290
Aw, you don't look a day over 900.
857
00:41:54,520 --> 00:41:57,119
- Hey, hey, hey! How was it?
- Hello. Hi.
858
00:41:57,744 --> 00:41:59,597
- Fine, good. No problem.
- Hello.
859
00:41:59,986 --> 00:42:02,572
- Are you putting on weight?
- Ha. I told him that!
860
00:42:02,713 --> 00:42:04,618
I married the wrong brother. Come here!
861
00:42:04,643 --> 00:42:06,462
Now, Stephen has been busy.
862
00:42:06,619 --> 00:42:08,618
He's made that cake
with the white frosting.
863
00:42:08,643 --> 00:42:10,212
Oooh!
864
00:42:10,237 --> 00:42:11,917
And he's made that one
with crystallised ginger
865
00:42:11,941 --> 00:42:12,980
'cause everyone liked that.
866
00:42:13,004 --> 00:42:15,385
- Ah, little Susie Homemaker.
- That's me.
867
00:42:15,549 --> 00:42:19,073
And I bought gluten free
rolls, Bethany, just for you.
868
00:42:19,967 --> 00:42:23,464
OK, but... Uh, she's
not gluten free any more.
869
00:42:23,572 --> 00:42:24,925
It's a misdiagnosis.
870
00:42:25,157 --> 00:42:27,222
Turns out it's misdiagnosis
for most of the world.
871
00:42:27,423 --> 00:42:29,089
What we thought was gluten intolerance,
872
00:42:29,114 --> 00:42:30,644
turns out to be fructose intolerance.
873
00:42:30,783 --> 00:42:33,323
It's this, um, sugar chain thing.
874
00:42:33,756 --> 00:42:35,355
Uh, that's what they're saying, anyway.
875
00:42:35,729 --> 00:42:40,112
Well, I wouldn't know in my
little kitchen in Manchester.
876
00:42:40,709 --> 00:42:44,214
Perhaps if you visited me more than
once a year, I would know better.
877
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:47,425
- Hey, I was here two months ago.
- I was talking to your wife.
878
00:43:10,731 --> 00:43:12,043
You little idiot.
879
00:43:15,928 --> 00:43:17,707
But it is an emergency.
880
00:43:18,215 --> 00:43:20,129
We've got four days
left of this presidency,
881
00:43:20,154 --> 00:43:22,449
four days in which he
can do anything he likes.
882
00:43:22,678 --> 00:43:24,366
But America won't back down,
883
00:43:24,554 --> 00:43:26,983
and China's made it clear
they won't back down.
884
00:43:27,094 --> 00:43:28,646
So what do you think is going to happen?
885
00:43:28,670 --> 00:43:31,108
The situation is running out of control.
886
00:43:35,959 --> 00:43:39,601
Here we are. Bit burnt. That's
all part of the experience.
887
00:43:40,205 --> 00:43:41,605
Now, these ones over here are lamb.
888
00:43:42,407 --> 00:43:43,533
They eat so much meat.
889
00:43:43,558 --> 00:43:44,971
It's like we married Henry the Eighth.
890
00:43:44,995 --> 00:43:46,526
I am freezing.
891
00:43:46,580 --> 00:43:49,213
It's all right for Muriel, her
nerve endings died in 1976.
892
00:43:50,807 --> 00:43:52,874
There you go! Birthday feast.
893
00:43:53,158 --> 00:43:55,729
Come on then, Gran.
Let's have the speech.
894
00:43:55,754 --> 00:43:57,418
"I remember when all
this was Woolworths."
895
00:43:58,269 --> 00:44:00,870
Well, I do. I loved that shop.
896
00:44:01,502 --> 00:44:04,316
I used to buy 45 inch singles there.
897
00:44:04,975 --> 00:44:08,457
That was back in the day,
when we still had butterflies.
898
00:44:08,486 --> 00:44:10,644
When did you last see one of those?
899
00:44:10,885 --> 00:44:14,660
Although, I'll tell you one
thing we didn't have, tsunamis.
900
00:44:15,494 --> 00:44:18,017
What? Don't be daft. What do you mean?
901
00:44:18,194 --> 00:44:22,017
No, we didn't. We had
earthquakes, but that was it.
902
00:44:22,321 --> 00:44:25,876
The tsunami is an
entirely modern invention.
903
00:44:26,237 --> 00:44:27,308
I love it.
904
00:44:27,521 --> 00:44:30,662
- Here's to you, Gran. Everyone.
- Happy birthday, Muriel.
905
00:44:30,687 --> 00:44:32,959
Hey, did I tell you? Dad's moved house.
906
00:44:33,525 --> 00:44:35,974
It looks nice, online.
It's off the main road.
907
00:44:36,334 --> 00:44:37,474
Well, good for him.
908
00:44:38,251 --> 00:44:40,178
And that's an end to
it, don't you think?
909
00:44:40,247 --> 00:44:41,388
Oh, be fair, though.
910
00:44:41,576 --> 00:44:44,646
He's been with Jacqueline
for, what? Decades now.
911
00:44:45,364 --> 00:44:48,037
And she's quite nice. Maybe we
should invite them next year.
912
00:44:48,337 --> 00:44:52,584
I said that's an end to it,
and anybody who disagrees
913
00:44:52,609 --> 00:44:55,334
is quite welcome to leave
and go back to London.
914
00:44:56,989 --> 00:45:00,771
Hey, did you hear? Ruby's been
telling us about her porn class.
915
00:45:00,796 --> 00:45:02,467
- What?
- No way. Seriously?
916
00:45:02,492 --> 00:45:04,194
You don't actually have a porn class.
917
00:45:04,219 --> 00:45:06,921
No, it's called Sexual
Awareness Image And Control.
918
00:45:06,946 --> 00:45:09,389
Well, they get taught
pornography from the age of 11.
919
00:45:09,414 --> 00:45:12,515
It's official. It's
compulsory, they need it!
920
00:45:12,828 --> 00:45:15,749
Compulsory porn, woo! Love it.
921
00:45:15,774 --> 00:45:18,882
You're on the list. Category 15.
922
00:45:18,907 --> 00:45:22,195
Middle aged gay male,
likely to mock boundaries
923
00:45:22,220 --> 00:45:24,648
and force sexual
references into my orbit.
924
00:45:25,219 --> 00:45:27,958
- Aye, Danny!
- Bang on I'd say.
925
00:45:27,983 --> 00:45:30,118
Congratulations, Dan,
you're on the syllabus.
926
00:45:30,143 --> 00:45:32,485
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't
realise you had an "orbit".
927
00:45:32,510 --> 00:45:34,157
Danny!
928
00:46:07,858 --> 00:46:11,207
- Hi.
- Oh, no way. It's Edith.
929
00:46:11,232 --> 00:46:12,946
- Hi, hiya.
- Where are you?
930
00:46:12,947 --> 00:46:14,974
- We're all here. We're in the garden.
- Are you okay, Gran?
931
00:46:14,975 --> 00:46:17,958
- You remembered my birthday.
- Have you heard the news?
932
00:46:17,959 --> 00:46:20,806
We bought Gran Gypsy King tickets,
so you can pay for a quarter.
933
00:46:20,831 --> 00:46:23,533
Yeah, you're missing out.
We're all being categorised.
934
00:46:24,540 --> 00:46:27,314
- Are you all right, darling?
- I'm fine, I'm fine.
935
00:46:27,339 --> 00:46:31,157
I think. I don't know. I don't...
I don't know if it matters any more.
936
00:46:31,234 --> 00:46:34,015
- Where are you?
- Uh, Vietnam.
937
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,452
On the coast, just down
from Ho Chi Minh City.
938
00:46:37,822 --> 00:46:38,913
Oh, all right for some.
939
00:46:38,938 --> 00:46:41,187
We came here to protest, but too late.
940
00:46:41,212 --> 00:46:44,624
It's only just over there, Hong Sha Dao.
941
00:46:44,918 --> 00:46:46,757
Is that on the island thing?
942
00:46:46,952 --> 00:46:49,210
For God's sake, Gran,
don't you watch the news?
943
00:46:49,235 --> 00:46:50,663
I send you a link every day.
944
00:46:50,887 --> 00:46:53,906
Hong Sha Dao is an artificial island.
945
00:46:53,931 --> 00:46:57,890
It's built by the Chinese,
population 26,000,
946
00:46:57,915 --> 00:46:58,978
but it's more than that.
947
00:46:58,979 --> 00:47:01,383
It's a military base
with nuclear weapons.
948
00:47:01,408 --> 00:47:02,844
That's what America says.
949
00:47:02,869 --> 00:47:05,079
It was on the radio this morning.
Why? What's happened?
950
00:47:23,787 --> 00:47:25,876
Is that siren with you or us?
951
00:47:26,212 --> 00:47:28,900
- It's here.
- Cos it's here as well.
952
00:47:29,770 --> 00:47:30,825
What does it mean?
953
00:47:30,944 --> 00:47:33,141
They've... They've launched a missile.
954
00:47:34,102 --> 00:47:36,508
- Who has? China?
- Uh, America.
955
00:47:36,533 --> 00:47:41,273
They fired a nuclear
missile at Hong Sha.
956
00:47:41,404 --> 00:47:42,891
- You're kidding.
- Oh, my God.
957
00:47:43,654 --> 00:47:46,747
He did it, Donald Trump did
it in his final days of office.
958
00:47:46,939 --> 00:47:51,685
But... we haven't got sirens, have
we? Where is that coming from?
959
00:47:52,477 --> 00:47:54,251
We don't have sirens,
we just, we just don't.
960
00:47:54,276 --> 00:47:56,454
- We're not at war, are we?
- Are they firing at us?
961
00:47:56,572 --> 00:47:57,572
Of course they aren't.
962
00:47:57,597 --> 00:47:58,778
Yeah, but China and
America, if they go to war,
963
00:47:58,802 --> 00:47:59,951
we're directly in the middle aren't we?
964
00:47:59,975 --> 00:48:01,513
We're not in the middle,
we're not even on the edge,
965
00:48:01,537 --> 00:48:03,192
they'd fire over the
Pacific, not over us.
966
00:48:03,217 --> 00:48:05,272
That is a four-minute warning.
Don't tell me nothing's happening,
967
00:48:05,296 --> 00:48:07,828
- I can hear a four-minute warning!
- TV. There's a thing on TV!
968
00:48:07,853 --> 00:48:10,570
This is a broadcast on behalf
of His Majesty's Government.
969
00:48:11,958 --> 00:48:14,242
It has been announced by
the Prime Minister that
970
00:48:14,267 --> 00:48:16,071
the United Kingdom of Great Britain
971
00:48:16,096 --> 00:48:18,290
and Northern Ireland has been placed
972
00:48:18,315 --> 00:48:23,095
on an official war footing,
as of 17.15 this afternoon.
973
00:48:23,289 --> 00:48:26,220
- Excuse me!
- Come on, Gran. Come on!
974
00:48:30,623 --> 00:48:32,662
... miles from mainland China.
975
00:48:33,591 --> 00:48:38,301
The United States of America
has launched a nuclear missile
976
00:48:38,326 --> 00:48:40,280
at the disputed Chinese territory...
977
00:48:40,305 --> 00:48:42,254
- Who is he?
- All channels are the same.
978
00:48:42,462 --> 00:48:45,519
He's not an official newsreader,
is he? I've never seen him before.
979
00:48:45,545 --> 00:48:46,785
What, do you think it's a hoax?
980
00:48:47,021 --> 00:48:48,608
Well, he's right, it's on every channel.
981
00:48:48,632 --> 00:48:51,936
Are we at war? Does this mean
we're at war? Great Britain?
982
00:48:51,961 --> 00:48:52,961
I don't know.
983
00:48:52,986 --> 00:48:56,243
... is a UGM-133A Trident II D-5...
984
00:48:56,268 --> 00:48:58,627
- Did he say Trident?
- That us! That's us, isn't it?
985
00:48:58,652 --> 00:49:00,934
Oh, my God, that's us! Edith, is
that us? Does Trident mean us?
986
00:49:00,958 --> 00:49:02,552
Are we the only ones
with Trident missiles?
987
00:49:02,576 --> 00:49:03,887
- I don't know.
- Or have they used us?
988
00:49:03,911 --> 00:49:04,946
- I don't know.
- Is that what they've done?
989
00:49:04,947 --> 00:49:06,716
- Have America used us?
- Stephen, I don't know.
990
00:49:06,740 --> 00:49:08,724
They're going to shoot it down,
the Chinese, it's not going to land.
991
00:49:08,748 --> 00:49:10,935
They shoot these missiles down
all the time, it's what they do.
992
00:49:10,959 --> 00:49:12,622
The United Kingdom of Great Britain
993
00:49:12,647 --> 00:49:14,935
and Northern Ireland has been placed
994
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:19,577
on an official war footing,
as of 17:15 this afternoon.
995
00:49:20,903 --> 00:49:25,124
The United States of America
has launched a nuclear missile
996
00:49:25,375 --> 00:49:27,500
at the disputed Chinese territory
997
00:49:27,525 --> 00:49:30,712
of Hong Sha Dao in
the South China Sea...
998
00:49:30,737 --> 00:49:36,096
and artificial island, 760
miles from Mainland China
999
00:49:36,416 --> 00:49:38,420
What does that mean? Is it over?
1000
00:49:41,156 --> 00:49:42,215
Is that it?
1001
00:49:42,443 --> 00:49:44,677
It was, it was just a warning,
you know, like a test.
1002
00:49:44,702 --> 00:49:45,702
They were testing it.
1003
00:49:45,727 --> 00:49:47,388
No, it doesn't stop cos it's over.
1004
00:49:48,591 --> 00:49:52,106
It's like in the war films, the
siren doesn't keep going throughout
1005
00:49:52,131 --> 00:49:55,099
the air raid, it just warns you
and then it stops and then...
1006
00:49:57,067 --> 00:49:58,228
The bombs hit.
1007
00:49:59,869 --> 00:50:00,873
Yeah.
1008
00:50:06,204 --> 00:50:09,317
- Where are you going, Danny?
- Danny, where are you going?
1009
00:50:09,731 --> 00:50:11,976
Thank God, cos if this
is the end of the world,
1010
00:50:12,001 --> 00:50:13,921
I don't want to see it
with that lot, no offence.
1011
00:50:21,575 --> 00:50:22,629
Let me in, then.
1012
00:50:23,564 --> 00:50:25,445
What are you doing? Daniel?
1013
00:50:28,211 --> 00:50:31,235
Don't you dare! Danny! Danny!
1014
00:50:34,818 --> 00:50:37,680
I knew it. Oh, my God, I knew it!
1015
00:50:39,728 --> 00:50:42,148
How long does it take for
the missiles to arrive?
1016
00:50:42,173 --> 00:50:45,430
I've said, we don't know
where it's launched from,
1017
00:50:45,455 --> 00:50:48,172
so we don't know how long it takes.
1018
00:50:48,197 --> 00:50:49,922
We should be safe in this house.
1019
00:50:50,141 --> 00:50:52,336
We've got our very own little Chinaman.
1020
00:50:52,974 --> 00:50:55,648
- They'll leave us alone.
- For God's sake, Gran.
1021
00:50:56,224 --> 00:50:58,903
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
1022
00:50:59,959 --> 00:51:02,974
- No, what does that mean?
- Nothing.
1023
00:51:03,153 --> 00:51:06,340
What the fuck is that supposed
to mean, you stupid old woman?
1024
00:51:14,482 --> 00:51:16,682
Do you know what, I think a
false alarm will do us good?
1025
00:51:16,876 --> 00:51:20,247
Cos we let America get away
with all that sabre-rattling and
1026
00:51:20,607 --> 00:51:22,676
now China is just as
much to blame and...
1027
00:51:26,008 --> 00:51:28,571
Edith. Edith, can you hear me?
1028
00:51:36,666 --> 00:51:37,837
Oh, shit.
1029
00:51:43,832 --> 00:51:49,298
We can confirm a nuclear device
has detonated on the island
1030
00:51:49,323 --> 00:51:54,087
of Hong Sha Dao, at 17.53
Greenwich meantime,
1031
00:51:54,112 --> 00:51:58,682
02.53 within the region
of the South China Sea.
1032
00:51:58,707 --> 00:52:01,432
- But where's Edith?
- Vietnam.
1033
00:52:01,909 --> 00:52:03,160
How close is that?
1034
00:52:03,979 --> 00:52:05,703
- Stephen? Where's Vietnam
- I don't know.
1035
00:52:05,728 --> 00:52:07,221
- compared to China? How close, is she?
- Just... Just...
1036
00:52:07,245 --> 00:52:08,376
What if they fire back?
1037
00:52:08,401 --> 00:52:10,411
- All right. Rosie, just listen...
- What if they fire back?
1038
00:52:10,435 --> 00:52:11,555
Everybody calm down, please.
1039
00:52:48,552 --> 00:52:51,700
- Stephen, what do we do?
- Celeste, how the hell do I know?!
1040
00:52:52,700 --> 00:52:54,727
Bomb the Chinese! Blow them to bits!
1041
00:52:54,939 --> 00:52:56,236
I'm not in charge!
1042
00:52:57,459 --> 00:52:58,827
You can be whatever you want to be.
1043
00:52:58,851 --> 00:53:00,851
Do you hear me? You can
be whatever you want to be.
1044
00:54:07,987 --> 00:54:11,229
Just listen to the man.
Rosie, will you control him please.
1045
00:54:11,254 --> 00:54:12,401
Don't have a go at me.
1046
00:54:12,426 --> 00:54:14,269
Stephen, can you just stop shout...
1047
00:54:49,063 --> 00:54:50,138
What happens now?
1048
00:54:50,788 --> 00:54:52,796
What happens now? What happens now?!
1049
00:55:00,704 --> 00:55:02,306
Did you know you can live forever?
1050
00:55:21,552 --> 00:55:24,209
Are you with me?
1051
00:55:24,234 --> 00:55:27,304
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
1052
00:55:28,305 --> 00:55:34,592
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