All language subtitles for The passing parade (2019) Eng

[man] These plays!

These plays you keep
churning out, they're--

Well, they're a little bleak,
to be honest.

It's not what people expect
from someone who won
the O'Neil fellowship

and the awards
for best new everything,

So, nobody knows
what to do with them
when I give it to them.

Errol, listen, listen to me,

for once, listen to me,

nobody wants to produce plays
that demean people.

They're satirical, obviously.

Let's see, we had Liars ,

Stop Posing, Buddy,

and oh, yes, of course,
my favorite, Hive USA .

They are funny.

They're mean.

You sound mean,
and I don't understand,
because you're not mean.

I know you,
so I know how to read them,
but other people...

If you could just write another
play like Carousel Town .

It was magical
and funny and sad and romantic.

Where did that go?

Where did that voice go?

It's not who I am.

You know, it was just a phase

in which I was
particularly in love
with two-dimensional characters.

-And I got that out and now I
have new things I want to say.
-Mm-hm.

Well, I set up a meeting for you
that's right up your alley.

They loved Carousel Town and,
hah, incredibly,

they also love
your darker evil side.

Last chance time.

Last chance time.

[piano music]

[man] Jana and Brian are
going to be here in about
20 minutes. So, chop-chop.

Hey, were you listening to me?

Yeah, of course, I was.
You were talking
about working, right?

I think I'm in trouble,
like, real trouble.

If I don't write something
that people want, David's
gonna have to let me go.

And you know what,
he should let me go.

Well, what do they mean by want?

Anything but what I've
been doing apparently.

Well, you know, just give them
something romantic and funny.

Really? You too?

You know, I'm not
really like that.

[man] You used to be.

Remember that one play?

I fell in love with the girl
who wrote that play.

I thought anyone who could write
that play would be able
to save this blackened heart.

It was just a story.
It doesn't mean anything.

Well, if you want me to give
you my romantic two cents--

Oh, yeah.

Good time, uh, you helped me
rewrite the ending for--

- A Bass Monkey!
-Yeah.

Yeah think that through.
Think that title through.

The entire townsfolk's
set themselves alight
and listen to EDM.

Little bit intense.
A little bit intense.

Meanwhile, you know, if what
the world wants is another--

Sappy, happy, feel-good story
with a happy ending?

Then you can bite the bullet
for five minutes.

Stop hating and feed the beast.

Just fake it.

Hazardous, kitten. Go.

Five, four, three, two, one.

-What? Okay, hand them in.
Hand them in.
-[laughing]

What is that?

Okay, terrible,
terrible, all right.

They're all terrible,
you lose, but Jana, yours
is the least of the worst.

-You go first. You're next.
-Oh, okay. All right.

-No, I don't have a piece yet.
-Oh, here, here.

-Um, ready? Ah, ah, ah, um--
-Yes.

-Dishonest hippo.
-[groaning]

Five, four,
three, two, one, done.

Hand them in.

What? Scribbles?

-Errol, you didn't even try.
-No, not scribbles.
Look at it again.

-Come on, it's interpretive.
-On what planet?

-Of?
-It is the internal
emotional state

of the hippos' awareness
of its species [inaudible].
So, there.

Yeah, I see it now.
You're brilliant. You win.

-I totally panicked.
-Unbelievable.

Hey, I really loved your play.

Oh, thank you. Which one?

There's more than one?

Brian.

Carousel Town.

-Thank you. Thank you.
-Yeah.

-I loved it.
-It was a good play.

-It is.
-Really good play.

You know what else I loved
is I loved that email
that you sent me today.

I know, man.

It's like the coolest thing.
It's like this checkerboard and
it has a shadow across it,

and one of the squares looks
black and one of the squares
looks white, but--

-They're not.
-Same color.

-They're the same colors.
It's the weirdest thing.
-Illusion.

Yeah, yeah. Like your mind--
your brain leaks out of your
ears. It's amazing. Yeah.

It's right in front
of your face. You can't see it.
I couldn't see it.

I can't see it, cause you
didn't send it to me.

-Oh, didn't I? I thought I did.
-Mm-hmm.

-Oh, really? No, must have just
gone in your spam or something.
-Maybe.

Shouldn't we go check
and see if it's sent?

Uh, Jana said that you
have a man cave.

-Mm-hmm.
-My brother.

-Yeah.
-I do. You wanna go check out?

-Let's check it out.
-Let's go check it out.

All right.

Come on.

He's fun.

So much fun.

But not serious, no.
I'm waiting.

For what?

Life is not a buffet, Jana.

Actually, it is.
It really, actually is.

Is something up?

With what?

With Hal?

I feel like something's up.

Like what kind of up?
Good up, bad up.

Like I feel like he's
gonna ask to marry me.

What?

That is huge. That I
didn't even know you guys
were talking about that.

We're not. That's-- that's
what makes it a feeling.

Well, good.
Just live in the moment.

I don't know what that means.

Oh, because you just sit there
and write stories in your head
about what's going on,

instead of being present,
and living in the moment.

For good, I think.

And he tolerates
my writing process, so.

Self-loathing and panic attacks?

Yeah, don't leave out
terror and martyrdom.

Without those two I'd never
get anything done.

But tomorrow is a new day.

-I'm gonna get
so much done tomorrow.
-Mm-hmm.

[Errol] Okay, maybe
a Western kind of thing,

a sheriff with a criminal past
is hired as security
for a cattle drive.

God, that's ridiculous!

I don't know
shit about the West.

A couple of idealistic lawyers
fight to bring down
corporate America,

but, in the end,
their blind quest
for truth and knowledge

comes at too high a price
destroying them--hideous.

Gay, gay is in.
Gay is selling now.

Okay, five gay clowns start
the first homosexual circus.

All is well for time,
until jealousy and ego
rear their ugly heads

and threaten the circus.

I suck!

[woman] Oh, it's you.

I was journaling.
I must have lost track of time.

You know by turning nouns
into verbs, you're helping
to bring about the apocalypse.

-Danny, Errol's here.
-[Danny] Okay,
I'll be right there.

He needs to be back by seven
so he can go to yoga.

Yoga for kids?

Does he want to go to yoga?

-It helps him to center his Chi.
-[laughing]

Kids have their Chi
by watching movies,
and pretending to be robots,

and next thing you know, you're
gonna have him making candles,

and living in a tent
made of hair.

I won't let you draw me
into this conversation.

I've accepted that you're never
supportive of my choices.

I'm okay with it.

I didn't support you leaving my
brother for that ponytail named
Derek with the homemade shoes.

Derek's been offered a job
at a station in Seattle
that starts in December.

If he takes it,
I am going with him.

What?

Seattle?

You don't want
to move to Seattle. It's--

There are bugs and seasons,

and when would I see Denny?

Not my problem.

You're serious? You know
that that's crazy, right?

You can't-- you can't
just move away because
your new boyfriend got a job.

I can do whatever I want,
and I won't let you
make me the bad guy.

No, I'm not trying
to make you the bad guy.

I'm trying to keep you
from being the bad guy.

It's fine. Derek has really
connected with Denny
and he will adjust.

It's fine.

-Hello, beautiful boy.
-Hi.

-Let's get out of here.
-Okay.

[Danny]
I think I'm missing yoga.

It's okay. Make a new parental
agenda pose without you.
Let's say grace.

God, thank you
for everything we have.

Thank you
for the people in our lives.

And thank you for Billy's, that
makes the best burgers in town.

We really appreciate it.

-Amen.
-Amen.

-It's so good.
-It's really good.

So, how have you been?

Good.

I have to write a play
that people like,

otherwise I
might run out of money.

Not the best reason
to write a play,
but valid all the same.

Mm, I did it before
but I don't know what I did.
So it's hard to do it again.

Mm, I got this thing.

It's a machine
that makes soda water,
so I can have it at my house.

That's awesome.

How are you?

Oh, I'm good. I guess.

Mom's been giving me
cheese in my lunch,

but I don't know
what kind of cheese it is.

It's just in a wrapper
and it says "cheese."

I don't really like
school either. It's not
really going well for me.

I think all the grown-ups
either are weird,

or it looks like they are
getting ready to be weird.

They are weird.

School's hard.

Also, you don't have to eat
food you can identify.

-Thanks.
-Yeah.

[Errol]
When I started writing there was
no pressure to be good.

I just wanted to,
and that was enough.

Of course, I've moved on
and more is expected of me,
but still.

I can't tell if it's
the freedom that I miss,

or just the responsibility
I don't like.

Why is this so hard now?

It's like there's this version
of me, a better version,

right next to this one,
and I can't get to it.

Basically, I don't like
how I feel, and I'd
like to feel better.

So, maybe if I do
what I did before.

I would get up in the morning
and I'd write for 30 minutes
just whatever came to me.

It worked before for reasons
I cannot possibly fathom,

connecting with my inner artist,
or some shit like that.

The last time I did that was
just before Carousel Town .

Otis realized that he had
novelized his life.

Ordered the past behind him
to fit who he thought he was,

who he needed to be to get by.

That his life
was a story he told himself
over and over again every day,

and every decision he made,
every choice was an effort

to convince himself
that that story was true.

-Wow.
-Wow.

-It's very good. Yes.
-You think so?

-Is this the writer's group?
-You're Errol? You emailed me.

I am. I did. I signed up online.

Great, let me introduce
you to everyone.

Oh why? It's okay.
You don't have to.

-Hey, we have a new member
joining us. Everyone--
-Joining!

This is Errol.

-Errol, hi.
-Hi.

And we have a custom
with all new members,

you have to do something that
makes you really uncomfortable.

I'm doing it
right now, a Briton.

-[man] Good one.
-Come on. It won't kill you.

[woman] Come on.

[man] Come on.

[man] Maybe he will.

¶ Picture me upon your knee ¶

¶ With tea for two
And two for tea ¶

¶ Me for you ¶

¶ And you for me, alone ¶

¶ Nobody near us
To see us or hear us ¶

¶ No friends or relations
On weekend vacations ¶

-¶ We won't have it known ¶
-[whistling]

-¶ We own a telephone ¶
-[whistling]

¶ Day will break
And you'll awake ¶

¶ And I will bake
A sugar cake ¶

¶ For you to take ¶

¶ For all the boys to see ¶

¶ We will raise a family ¶

¶ A boy for you ¶

¶ And a girl for me ¶

Big finish.

¶ Can't you see ¶

¶ How happy we would be ¶

[applause]

-Thank you very much.
-You're welcome.

I liked Felicia's piece.

It was very Sylvia Plath
without all that pesky hope.

Yeah, she reads
from it every week.

It's from this short
story that she can't finish
called the Weeping Sink .

Oh.

Thank you
for saving me in there.

I was going down in flames.

No, you weren't,
you were doing great.

You know, they're a great
group. It's-- they're
really supportive and fun.

And... [chuckling]

I really liked your piece.

Oh, no. No, no.

Yeah, I did.

Praise is hard for me.

I'd be much more comfortable
if you would just tell me
that it wasn't very good.

Okay, then it really
wasn't very good.

Thank you.

[Errol] Memories are weird.

Some stay hidden or disappear

and others are right there
whether you want them or not.

Kierkegaard said,
"Life can only be
understood backwards,

and that love, like all
knowledge, is recollection."

But he was Danish, so,
I'm not sure what he had
to look forward to anyway.

I already have a past.
I want a future.

This is a contract. Why are
they sending me a contract?

To show you
that they're serious.

Wow, that is a lot of money.

I know. I know.

What? Why are they telling me
how much they're gonna pay me

before they're telling me
what they're gonna pay me for?

[Skype call incoming]

They're here.

Hi, folks,
David with Errol, here.

I don't want this
to be real, David.

[laughing] Funny, funny.

Vance Hanger, here. We could
use that kind of funny.

First of all, I want
to let you guys know how much
we love your work. We love it.

Thank you.

And that's the reason
why we have tapped you
for this project.

Well, what did you have in mind?

[man] Very interested...

Oh, sorry, Jeff. I didn't
have you turned up there.

We're very interested

in you adapting
Long Day's Journey
into Night for television.

That's-- that's so great.

Eugene O'Neill is-- is my
favorite playwright and that is
one of my favorite plays, wow!

As a comedy.

You're serious.

That's-- that's like it's
one of the the greatest
plays ever written

and-- and it's-- it's
not a comedy, it's a tragedy.

Is it?

Yeah, yeah.

But does it have to be?

Mm, yes I-- I believe it does.

Think bigger.

We are developing this
as a project for Ethan Martin.

The same Ethan Martin who
brought us The Dickhead ?

That-- that Ethan Martin?

Yeah.

[Errol] Do you know
what you guys are doing here?

You-- you can't change
Eugene O'Neill's writing.

I would give anything
to be able to write like he did.

Listen, listen, listen.
Don't think of it
as changing what he wrote.

Think of it
as working with him.

Yeah, think about it, Errol.
This could be very good for you.

Thank you.

Thank you for--
for your offer.

I have something to offer you.

I would like to offer you
a year's subscription
to the taste of my ass.

[cheering]

What is wrong with me?
Who I think I am?

I can't-- I can't
not have representation.

Without David, I'll just
drift off into obscurity

like Crocs or James Blunt.

Well, you have to stay
true to yourself.

You're only human.
Only you know what path
is right for you.

Do you believe that
or you just like read it
in the airport art galleries?

Does Hal know?

No, Hal does not know yet.

He'll understand.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hal will be fine.

He never pressures me
about anything.

He's easy.

-Easy is good.
-Hmm.

I'm seeing someone.

You're always seeing
several someones.

This is different.

I shouldn't even be
telling you this.

Yeah, listen to that voice.

Yeah, when I'm with him,
I feel like there's a chance

that I'm not totally
full of shit, and that's new.

I don't know.
It's very, very, complicated.

Sounds nice.

Nice.

What?

Nothing.

[Errol] I feel bad.

Why can't I be happy for her?

Maybe I'm not romantic.

Just always seems
like expectation and pressure.

For example, the other day Hal
was rubbing my shoulders and I
wanted him to stop,

but I didn't know why.

You never let me rub
your shoulders.

I know. I don't really need it.
You know I feel fine without it.

It's not about needing it,
it's supposed to relax you.

Yeah, I know
but it makes me feel tense.

Hey, do you think
I'm romantic?

Yeah, in your own way.

Well, what way is that?

In a way that is absolutely
not romantic whatsoever.

But that's for the early stages
of a relationship,
and we've evolved past that.

-Have we?
-Yeah.

You have, you know.
It's just who you are.
It's not a big deal.

I'm not gonna pressure
you into it.

[knocking on door]

They're done bombing London.
You can come out now.

Oh, awesome.

Oh, sweet.

Oh, look at that.

-That's man style right there.
-What's that for?

Uh, you know
I'm working on myself,

and the book says
you're supposed to tackle
your fears and insecurities

and lock them up.
So, I got a lock box.

Amazing.

What? When I was
with Hiromi, she used
to do this all the time

and you know, she's
doing great. Her career's
successful. She's--

Hey.

She's my past and you
are my present. Okay?

Without her, I wouldn't
be who I am now

in order for us to have this
amazing thing that we have.

This amazing thing
where you retreat
into an underground cellar

and, literally, lock
your secrets in a box.

It makes me feel like you're
trying to get away from me.

Well, I know
what will cheer you up.

We are gonna go to Jana's
birthday party tonight

and we are gonna have
a really good time.

And we are gonna get shit-faced
and it's gonna be awesome
and you're gonna love it.

-Yay!
-Yeah.

[people chattering]

I don't know any
of these people.

Except for me, everyone
here is a stranger.
She's my best friend.

They're probably
from her law firm.
You know how outgoing she is.

Anyway, you know,
it's about time
you met some new people.

Where's your sense
of adventure? Party!

My two favorite people are here.

-Hi!
-Hi, I'm so glad you're here.

Thanks for coming.
Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?

There's food down here,
alcohol all over the deck,
whatever you want.

Sounds good. You look
fantastic by the way.

-Thank you.
-Doesn't she?

-Happy birthday.
-Yeah.

Thank you.

[woman] I don't know.
The doctor said I'm suffering
from a lack of symptoms.

Doesn't make any sense.

Yeah, I'm taking
this great class
in beginning homosexuality.

Who's teaching that?

It's [inaudible].

Oh, geez man.
Do I know how you feel.

Listening to this music.

It's like knock-knock.
Who's there? No one.
Especially, not melody.

Just gonna stand over here
and wait for the storm to pass.

Hey, man, are you okay?

I am a glass of orange juice.

I don't want anyone to drink me.

[man] And that's why
we didn't get a permit.

Oh, yes. I remember that. Oh!

-Yeah.
-There you are,
you bitter devil.

Who are these people?

Who cares? Who cares,
but if you're gonna insult
anyone, check with me first.

-There you go, beautiful.
-Thank you.

-Look at that
for a party in a cup, huh.
-Mm-hmm.

Hey, you remember this
is where we met, right?

That's right.
On my-- my, my birthday.

That's right.

I'm to blame. I introduced
you guys. It's all my fault.

Nothing to apologize for. Best
thing that ever happened to me.

My favorite shot was when
the chiefs from all the tribes
were gathered in the big hall.

It was like
that painting by um--

Raphael, I know.
It was beautiful.

You know, we're the only
ones in costume, right?

No, it's not true. They're all
dressed up as someone cooler
than they actually are.

-I can't believe
you actually came.
-Of course, hey.

Jana, it's your birthday.
I come every year.

Oh, rude. Rude of me. Errol,
Graham, this is Hal Renault.

-How are you, mate?
-Graham.

He's the photographer
I was telling you about.

We dated briefly.

Oh, yeah. What happened
there? I forget.

-I found out you were British.
-Oh, that was it.

I'll be back.

Sorry guys, didn't mean
to interrupt you.

No, we're just talking
about a movie.

Oh, yeah. What movie?

We just saw
Lawrence of Arabia .

-Sorry, really?
-Mm-hmm.

Yeah, what?

I just--

It's not so much a movie. Is it?

Really is an overblown epic
in which the struggle
of an entire people

was turned into a cartoon
where that can only be saved
by the white men.

Surely.

You do know that
Lawrence of Arabia is like
one of the great films, right?

If by great you mean
lacking all artistic merit,
and lionized after the fact.

Lionized, hmm.

Though I may be alone
on this one. Clearly, I am.

But I don't know, man.
Those big epics...

They romanticize the past,
the past people long for.
That's great.

But I just find them
repetitive and trite.

But I am a photographer,
what do I know.

I forgot I have to go
mail a letter. It was
so nice to meet you.

Hey, I didn't mean
to offend you.

No, no. I'm not offended.

I'm just dying
and I have to go hook
back up to the machines so--

Errol. Errol Larson?

You wrote Carousel Town .

Yeah, look, bullocks
to Lawrence of Arabia ,

but that was a work of genius.

[Errol] Except for far away,
a clock chimes.

It's a serene... [inaudible].

[Errol]
I feel so amazing. I can't
believe they liked it.

Of course, they did.
I can't believe you keep
that all bottled up.

I know. Thank you
for helping me. I needed that.

You just uncorked it.
I love you for that.

What did you say?

That you uncorked it.

No, you said that-- you said
that you love me.

That's what you said-- you said.

That's like-- that's something
that people say.

Like, "Hi, how are you?
Or look at that thing!"

No, you said you love me.

I-- I'm--

I think that you're great,

but come on,
this isn't gonna work out.

Why?

Because we're different.

Like you--

you're good
and nice and happy.

And I--

like, okay, in elementary
school when you have
to take those tests,

my like, perfect occupation
was pessimist.

It's-- it's hard
for me to be happy,

and after a while,
that's gonna be hard for you.

I didn't ask you
to tell me about me.

And that's ridiculous.
I know who I am and what I want.

[Errol]
She thought this must be
how the Big Bang started,

a single event so powerful it
created infinity in an instant.

Then decorated it
with burning needles of light
like a Christmas tree.

For a moment, she was
the center of the universe,

and the universe loved him,
and he loved her too,

at least she hoped he did.

She ran to him.

[applause]

[Errol]
Have you ever seen this?

The river's returned to the sea.

God, Chester Beach really knew
the importance of titles,
I'm telling you.

Why are you reading that?
It's old.

I like it. I think it could
really be something.

I thought
maybe it could be a play or--

I mean it needs a little work,
but I think the overall
theme is really strong

and the characters are vivid.

A little work like...

It's just that the ending's
a little contrived.

Really? I thought the ending
was beautiful and wistful.

No, it is. It just, it feels
like it's-- um,

it feels like it's written
by someone who's
explaining feelings

rather than someone
who has them, you know.

I mean, like--
like this part right here,
where they talk about--

where you talking about
being afraid or whatever,

well if you just move that--
I think it's-- you're good.

[man on TV]
You need to get in,
after all the chairmen said.

Oh, listen. The chairman
has an obligation--

The chairman said that
I could count on you.

I'm the type of guy that
can be counted on exactly,

because I'm the type of guy
that won't do this.

Even if I wanted to--
You're just saying you won't.

Is it me or do you
feel slightly damp?

No. No, I cannot say I do. No.

-Oh my God!
-Here you are.
I was just looking for you.

And just in time.

I miss you right now.

Isn't that bad luck?

No, it's romantic.

[Errol] I'm supposed to be
working on a play right now,
but this is all I can write.

That's what people
don't understand about writing.

You don't have a choice.

I-- I'm
desperate for new ideas

and all that comes out is
this ancient shit that is
of no value to anyone.

This is fuckery
of the highest order
and a complete waste of time.

Can we please move forward?

[Errol] Oh, my gosh.
Do you remember Hal?

Yeah, she like-- Jana liked him.

Well, that's
a chilling endorsement.

I mean, I love Jana. Obviously,
she's my best friend,

but like I kind of feel
like Jana would just
go out with anyone

who's blinded
by the reflection of her teeth.
you know what I am saying?

I don't know what bothered
you about him so much.

What? He gave me soul cancer!

I needed chemo for my Chi.

You need to let it go.

Come on, he's the kind of guy
who like talks about
how we need to reconnect

and-- and probably
listens to Paul Horn.

Who's Paul Horn?

I envy you.

I-- uh, I think I would like
to bring over some of my stuff.

[Errol] What?
What are you talking about?

I'm talking about us
moving in together.

Why?

I mean, don't you think this
is fun because you can leave?

Is that what you want?

Well, what is that
supposed to mean?

No, it's a pretty
simple question.

You're going like
five hundred times.

Is that what you want?
I just wanna know what you want.

Why would we do that?

I feel like it would
just make everything bad.

I mean we would
argue about bills, and--
and couch placement,

and who swept the floor last.

And I'd probably put
my underwear in your whites

and you'd be mad
at me and I don't understand--

It's so good right now.

Good, think about it
and then say "yes."

Errol!

Hello my darling.
How are you doing?

It's nice to see you. What are
you doing on the east side?

I do my shopping here.

I don't like when people ask me
for rewards cards or offer me
shopping incentives.

Totally, me, too.
I love a farmer's market.
It's so immediate, right?

Actually, I'm thinking
of opening up a booth.

That's a great idea.

You should, uh, set up a booth
where you tattoo Ayn Rand
quotes onto angry young girls.

-That seems right up your ally.
-You might be
reading my mind, yeah.

Don't knock Ayn Rand.
She's a genius.

Fountainhead , brilliant.
Atlas Shrugged ,
total snore fest.

I'm sorry.
I was making fun of you.

I know. I know, I got that.

Keep me company.
Let's take a walk.

I don't bite.

You know, Jana
was right about you.

You-- you are--
you are always on.

You're always
right there with something
hysterical to say.

Thank you.
She was right about you, too.

What'd she say?

That you're always analyzing
and qualifying and she only had
nice things to say about you.

Oh, that's sweet. She's great.

She's creative, and sexy,
and impulsive, but I just--

I don't think
I'm a one-woman guy.

-I know
that sounds really cheesy.
-Oh.

I'm not bragging.
I'm just saying I've been
with a lot. Whitney, Lily...

-Oh my God!
-No, no, no, listen.

Hiromi.

Sexually, dynamite, right?

Everything a man could wish for
but emotionally really needy
and controlling.

Hng! Um...

But you know,
I think-- I think I could
get married again.

You know maybe have kids
this time, or something.

Oh, yeah. Well, Jana thinks
that matrimony is the fourth
Horseman of the Apocalypse

so that would
have been a tough sell.

Yeah, do you date a lot?

I mean, I know you're
seeing Graham but do you--
do you see other guys?

No, no. I-- I can't date.

I like to see
one person at a time.

So, no threesomes or orgies
for you then? Bukkake,
not your cup of tea, no?

No, I have
a one penis per room rule.
I'm pretty strict about it.

[Errol] I don't know
if my memories are things
that have actually happened

or if they're things that I
just tell myself happened.

Which could mean that
I'm lying to myself about
what's happening right now.

There are things that I want,
right? Like to write this play,

but I think what I actually
want, like what I really want

is to give myself
the experience
of wanting something

without the terror of having
to follow through,

or be involved for that matter.

But the real terror,
the horror comes when I realize

that I have been doing what
I want all the time, right?

Like I have been doing
what I wanted to do all along.

And it's-- it's lacking.

Well, um, it's hard
to know things.

Yeah.

Yeah.
It's hard to know things.

You're smart.

Okay, great. Great. Great.

Great. Great. Goodbye.

Well, it's official.
Carousel Town is
going to Broadway.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not. It did
so well here in L.A.,
they were bound to want it.

Maybe, you'll even see it now.

This is amazing, Errol.

Producers are piling on.
Directors are begging for it.

Errol everybody loves you, and
now you get to wear the crown.

Oh, first thing we have to do
is hire a publicist.

Yeah, the publicist first
because we have
to lay the groundwork

-because this is coming fast.
This is going very, very--
-Do they have a date?

Yeah, they're talking about
going to casting right away,
like, next week.

Next week?

-Yeah, we're gonna start
casting next week!
-Oh my God!

-It's really going to be--
-This is moving!

[muted men talking
in the distance]

Are you interested in casting?

Because if you want to
come to casting, we can--
you-- let's talk about this.

We had to decide who we're gonna
cast-- well we should actually
give them a call.

This is happening right now?

Yeah, so we have to get
on the ball, all of us together

because we've got to be
organized going out there.

Now, if we're gonna go
into casting next week

that could take
as long as a month or six weeks,
depending on difficulties.

Do they have dates?
Do they have dates?

-They're talking
about casting next week.
-Next week!

They're talking about starting
casting next week.

It's probably gonna
take about two months.

Ah, that's right.
Congratulations, hun!

-Two, two months.
-Yeah, yeah, did you ever know--

Don't stare at me, I'm all
mismatched and scruffy.

You're fabulous
and put together.
This is no good.

It doesn't matter
if your clothes match.

People will just
assume you're a German tourist.

You've seen right
through me and uncovered
my most secret plan.

I hated you when we first met.

How lovely.

I did. I thought you were
obnoxious and full of it.

Ah, I thought you were
a judgmental little weasel.
So, all works out.

Yeah, that's
my default position.

You know, if I'm uncomfortable
at all then I just decide
that everything sucks

and then I can justify
not being involved.

Is that hard for you?
Getting involved?

No.

What kind
of photographer are you, huh?
You never have a camera.

You never take any pictures.

Ah, well. I love
photography and everything,

but my real passion
is selling real estate.

Do you have one of those cards
with your picture on it?

-Please say no.
-No.

Thank you, God.

If hell had admission tickets
that's what they would be.

Seeing as you
are not holding back, I might
talk to you about your play.

-Please do.
-Great. I thought it was sweet,
tender, and romantic.

A little tear right there
just begging a race down
the side of my face.

I take it from all of that you
have a romantic view of romance.

No, no, just an idea I had at
the time, you know.

I-- I view
romance as a choice, you know.

I think that we choose, I don't
believe in falling in love.

I mean that makes it seem like
it's out of your hands.

There's a moment where you
choose to either go with it
or fight against it.

Maybe for you.

For me,
it's like a hurricane.

-So, in other words,
it's a disaster.
-Mostly.

But you must feel some
of those things in order
to write them though, yeah?

Yeah, I feel them.
They just don't affect me.

It's happening to my characters,
not to me, you know.

I admire your distance.

Thank you.

That was great.

Yeah, I had a good time.
Thanks for calling.

You called me.

I did. That's really silly.

Well, thank you for answering.

I'll call you.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Errol, I'd like you
to meet my inner child.

Hello.

It's very nice to meet you.

It's very nice to meet you.

Oh, I almost forgot.

This is my inner child.

-Hello.
-Nice to meet you.

-Hello.
-Nice to meet you.

Shall we?

Why'd you kiss me
the other night?

I've wanted to kiss you
for some time now.

I felt like you
wanted to kiss me, too.

I was afraid of ruining
our friendship with something
more lasting and meaningful.

So, I held off.

Why do you like me?

Why do I?

Well, okay.

You're smart and funny,

you're divorced,
you're a photographer,

you always have
something interesting to say.
What can I tell you?

I don't have a lot of luck
with relationships.

Great, I can try to be the one
that's special enough
to change that.

And I have
no history of success.

-So, the expectations
will be low.
-I like that very much.

Good things terrify me,
but with you,
I'll never be scared.

Great. I need to say
this now so I can use it
later as an excuse.

-I don't think this will
ever work. I'm too--
-Neurotic.

You think I'm neurotic?

Yes, but I am, too.
It's perfect.

We can sit around
and compare baseless fears.

Okay, but I warned you.

[knocking on door]

Hey! Oh, my--

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

I'm sorry. I know you're
busy. You're busy. I'm--

What is-- come inside.
Honey, you look like shit.

-Yeah. Ehm...
-What's wrong?

-Is Hal here?
-No.

-Okay.
-Come inside.

Shit.

I'm sorry. I'm just--

I mean, I'm sorry,
if I'm messing up your day.

Stop apologizing and start
telling me what's going on.

God, I feel really
juvenile right now
for literally a life time.

That's how it feels. Wow, Errol.

I know, it's a mess. I've been
cleaning with a wrecking ball.

Okay, well please don't do that
for me. Will you please
not clean for me.

Oh, God!

-Okay, let me get--
-I'm gonna get--

-Don't move.
-No, no, no. I'm going to--

-Ah, ah, ah! Don't, don't--
-No, it's fine. It's fine.

-Don't touch it. Put it--
put it in there.
-Fine.

-Go sit down. Sit down.
Get out of here.
-I'm sorry.

Just go. Stop apologizing.
What is happening?

I've been seeing someone,
you know, remember the person
I told you about.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, well.

It was complicated and we
broke it off a few days ago.

He did or I did.
I don't know. It's crazy.

A few days ago, what--
why didn't you tell me?

Because I wanted to figure out
on my own instead of involving
you for once.

Well, that's stupid.

You didn't have to do that.

Hey.

I'm sorry that you and that
person I never met broke up.

It's not a big surprise.

I mean I don't
know who I was kidding.
He was all wrong for me.

Did I say was-- I meant is.

And I guess
some part of my brain already
views him as dead to me,

so, I think
that's a sign of healing.

Well, I think it's really
more a sign of you
mixing up your tenses, but--

I've--

I've--

I have never seen you
this emotionally involved.

I know.

Yeah.

I pick people that I have
no chance of a real future with.

I mean I never change.

Yes, you do. Maybe not
in the way you need to.

What are you saying?

No, I'm saying that behavior
teaches the beliefs
that motivate it.

Yeah.

I think I'm just hoping
for some closure.

I feel like I need that.

Ah, who knows what closure is?
What-- what is-- I don't
believe in closure.

I think what you mean is
that you don't like the way
you feel right now,

and you want to feel better.

I mean what else can
you ask for, right?
To feel better.

You will.

[laughing]

Hey.

Hey.

-How are you?
-Good. I am meeting
someone actually, so.

How-- how have you been? Are
you are you still writing are
you-- what-- what's going on?

-No, I don't have time
for that right now.
-Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

Congratulations on all
your success though.

Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, that's-- that's
mostly luck. Right?

Okay.

Do-- do you ever see anyone
from the group anymore?

Oh, yeah we hang out
from time to time.

Um, Graham just wrote a play
and it's gonna go up soon.
Did you know that?

No.

Right, why would you care?

[man] Felicia, we got to go.

[Felicia] Hey, how are you?
Oh, it's so good to see you.

Hey the sign looks great. I saw
it on the way in. It's so good.

I know. Can you believe it?

They finally went ahead
and did it. They finally put
my name next to theirs.

Congratulations.
I'm really happy for you.

God knows they made me
work for it.

I'm great.

I'm great.

This is what I wanted.

Good. But I feel like you can
take it easy now, right?

No, no, they
make me partner and then
they slam me with work.

They-- they're bastards.

-Famous old curse.
-Curse, what do you mean curse?

May you get everything
you wish for.

Enough about me.
Tell me about your play.

[people laughing and cheering]

It's good. It's so good.

I am really accomplishing a lot
and I feel, feel good about it.

Good, I can't wait to read it.

Me too.

I'm dating someone by the way.
You will be happy to know.

Oh, I am very happy
to know this.

Strictly a rebound.

Why don't we go out? Us four.

Maybe come over
for dinner next week?
You guys can meet him.

Yeah, yeah. I'll ask,
I'll ask Hal.

-All right.
-Okay.

-Hey.
-Hey.

-Hello, Zane.
-Zane?

Just Zane.

Hello, Zane.

Hal.

Hello, Hal. Zane.

Hmm.

Yes, this is-- this is Zane.

Hello, again, Zane.

Hello.

Errol.

-Hal.
-Hello, Zane.

Errol, Hal, meet Zane.

All right. Now if someone were
to just introduce me to myself,
I think we'd all be set, huh?

[Zane] You move
on rivers of ice,

of sunshine,

of reflection.

[Zane] Have you ever felt
like that canoeing?

Canoeing, no never been.
Never been canoeing.

-[Zane] Oh, you've never been.
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[Zane]
Oh, no kidding. What's stopping?

Uh, just never been in a canoe.

-It's--
-I think canoes are--

You know, oneness, wholeness.

Tell them that story you were
telling me yesterday

when you went on that
trip with your friends--
with your friend--

-[Zane] To the--
-[Jana] Ryan, I think.

[Zane] To the rocks? The rock--
the appreciation journey?

-[Jana] Yes.
-[Hal] Oh, sounds
like a good one.

-[Zane] Wow, breathtaking.
-[Hal] Mm-hmm.

Can't believe how out
of the loop I am? It's pathetic.

Cause you spend all
your time in the basement.

Oh my God! Oh my God!

What? What is it?

It's Hiromi.

Hiromi has got a layout
and her picture in this.

Man, she said she wanted
to do it and she did. Look.

-Hiromi is a photographer?
-Thought her everything
she knows.

You gotta hand it to her.
When she puts her mind
to something--

Look at this,
that's just stunning.

Look at it. The-- the-- light
values, the composition.

Come here, let me see that.

Man, I told her she
could do that, and now look.
Look at my Hiromi.

Hal.

-Hal.
-Yeah.

You know those pictures are ass.

What are you talking about?
You just-- you don't know
how to look at them.

Come on. Tell me I'm nuts.
Is that a picture of a toe?

Yeah, it's Hiromi's toe.
I'd know that toe anywhere.
It's just epic minimalism.

Come on. Is that her armpit?

So daring!

So bold!

Please.

Hi, I'm gonna pay for that.
You know what? Keep the change.

Thank you so much.

Thank you.

[Errol] Hal.

[Hal] Errol.

[Hal] Really?

[Errol] I feel like you've been
trying to pick fights
with me all week.

Not trying to pick
fights with you.

You're just--

You're just so judgmental,
like everyone all the time.

You're judging everyone
about everything all the time

and it's really exhausting.

There's nothing wrong
with being judgmental.

That's first. Well second
of all, if without judgment,
how would we make any choices?

Oh, brilliant.
That's fantastic.

You used to be
supportive of my choices.
How-- how about that?

Yeah that was before
I met your choices, like
your ex-girlfriend, the toe.

Oh God! You know what just--
you know what?

How about you
just look at your life? Yeah,
take a look and look around.

Yeah, look at this.
Look at this chaos.

Jesus, the dogs.
The dogs. Oh my God!

You don't have pets.
You have hostages.

Do you hear yourself?

You're angry with me. You are.

You're angry with me
all the time and I try
o confront you about it

and-- and you deny it.

You say there's nothing wrong,

but you are spending
more and more time
in that underground lair

-and you don't spend
any time with me.
-Okay.

I feel like I don't know
who you are anymore.

Great. That's it then.
Conversation's over.

-What are you talking about?
-You mother always said
"Don't talk to strangers."

Oh, shut up.

That's it.

-Where are you going?
-Somewhere safe.

Somewhere without all
this hostility. Jesus Christ!

[announcer] And now
we look at a new play
that opened this week

at the Viola Spolin Theater.

Carousel Town by Errol Larsen .

Carousel Town is a whimsical,
touching and romantic portrait
of a dreamer named Diana.

Her search for love and, more
importantly, acceptance

is doomed by her inability
to accept it.

It's a good try, but
we both know that's not
what a rainbow looks like.

[announcer] Larsen paints
a picture of a woman who is
more comfortable with rejection.

Though she longs for a richer
life, she cannot help but
function from her defects.

Diana sums up the tyranny
of this condition when she says,

"The past is an animal
that feeds on the present."

[phone vibrating]

Hello.

Yeah, yeah.
I'll be right over.

I just feel so stupid.

Come on. Don't say that.
You're not stupid.

Everyone gives it a shot,
you know. And most of the time
it doesn't work out.

It's not like you two
were gonna get married.

God, who am I kidding?

My aromatherapist tells me I
have way too many expectations.

Yeah, you needed
an aromatherapist
to tell you that?

I could have
told you that without
having you smell anything.

I always feel
like I'm at a crossroads,

but my fear is that
the crossroads is behind me.

That I already chose
and I didn't know it.

And everything that's happened
since is a result of that.

Do you ever feel like that?

[Danny laughing]

What are you laughing at?

It's this Ethan Martin movie
on TV called like
Walking into the Night

or something
that's really funny.

Do you mean Long Day's
Journey into Night ?

[man on TV] Like the veil
of things as they seem, drawn
back by an unseen hand.

For a second you see,
and seeing the secret,
are the secret.

I got a secret!

[buzzing sounds
and audience laughing]

What does that mean?

Seeing the secret,
are the secret.

[clinging]

[Hal] I picked you up
some Chinese food.

I've got that twice stewed
chicken in the soy sauce
that you love so much.

Did you, um...?

Yeah.

Yeah, I read one
and then I had to stop.

Uh...

Some of them,
they are from before.

But others are more recent.

I don't-- I don't know
what that means. So.

I just-- I felt there were
certain things I needed
to look at. Jana too.

You-- there were some things
that you needed to look at?
What? Look at what?

Feelings.

You needed to look at your
feelings for Jana? Is that-- is
that what you're saying?

-Cause I-- I don't--
-Yes.

I don't know where that's
coming from because we are all
here, together, all the time.

-And you're telling me that you
two have been seeing each other.
-So listen.

We got together
a couple of months ago
when you were out of town,

-we were worried about you.
-Spare me.

Listen, we were
worried about you.

We got together and we
were talking about you and
we started talking about us.

-Started talking about the past.
-What past? What-- what past?

You guys-- you guys went out
on a couple of dates. Twice.

She wants to get married.

What?

She.

She-- she wants to get married?

Are you-- are you telling me
that the two of you have been--

Did you just break up with her
a couple of weeks ago?

I told her that we should
cool it because of you.

Okay? I didn't want
to hurt you and--

Oh my God! Oh my God!

I cannot believe that you two
have been seeing each other
without telling me.

Well, I'm telling you now.

I'm coming
from a very honest place.

Oh, wow!

Congratulations, you have
somehow turned being honest
into some kind of achievement.

Okay, look. Your hurtful
sarcasm isn't helping,

but I understand I've hurt you,
so, I am here to listen to you,

okay, if you need to get it out.

Good, so you can be
my therapist.

Do you know how
amazing this is because you
and my best friend have been--

You've gotten engaged
behind my back,

and now, if I don't speak
to you in your way,
I am in the wrong?

Is that what you're
saying to me? Do you know
how absurd this is?

Hey look, actually,
this is good. All right?

This is-- this is--
this is good. Let's get--
let's get it out. Get it out.

I don't want
to get it out, Hal.

I want to bury it deep
in the Andes where-- where
shameful things go to die.

Do you not think
that you could have
been honest with me before?

This is hard for me, too.

Yes, I do. I think we can
settle, but I just--

I'm not gonna take less
than we agreed. I'm just not.

Not a good time.

It'll just take a second,

that is if the other Huns can
figure out a way to capitalize

on human frailty
without you for a moment.

George, I'm gonna call you
right back. Mm-hmm.

-Thank you.
-Were you gonna tell me?

Of course,
I was going to tell you.

-It just happened so fast.
-That's funny.

I remember goose
stepping around the reservoir

when you didn't feel ready
to tell me because it was
very complicated.

That's when it started.

Oh, Hal said it started
a couple of months ago.

You guys got together because
you were worried about me.

What does it matter?

It matters because the truth
is important, Jana.

I can't talk
about this right now.

I am working,
and you are not coming
from a good place right now.

What is it with you two?

Come on, I mean, you can't
communicate anymore.

It's like you're suspended
in this language,

any time a real
feeling comes up you hide
behind these phrases

that don't mean anything.

I am hurt
and I am pissed. Goddammit.

Yep.

Look, this is just
something that happens, okay?

We can't control our emotions.
We're not like you.

Like I-- I can't just
turn my feelings off
at the drop of a hat.

You're not supposed to be
in control of your emotions,
your feelings,

you're supposed to be
in control of your actions,

but you, you let your feelings
justify everything.

Well, I'm sorry
that my life isn't as neat
and as controlled as yours.

I like to live on the edge.

Well, without a center
there can be no edge.

-[Graham] Thank you.
-[man] Who composed the music?

[Graham] This kid. It was all
done original--

the original music
through our-- one
of our producers, Andrew.

-Do you know Andrew?
-No. I haven't met him yet.

[Graham] Errol.

What are you doing here?

I came to see you.

Well, we're headed to Blake's,
why don't we wait for you?

Uh, yeah. Thanks.
Would you, uh? Yeah.

Oh.

You look great.

Oh, I look like I got
dragged behind a wagon.

I wrote a play.

I know.

Wow! This is--
this is wonderful.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

What's it about?

It's about a guy and a girl.

Um... And one day time does
a tricky thing and stands still.

And they're able to say
the things they needed to say.

What kind of things?

Oh, they don't really know
what to say so, they say
everything, I guess.

-But hey, I should
thank you. You were--
-Please don't.

No, you know, you
encouraged me to write this.

And um, watching
you work was just amazing.

It was really,
really, inspirational.

-Graham--
-I called you about
that Chester Beach exhibit,

-but you never called me back.
-I know. Sorry.

-Did you go?
-Yeah, yeah. Did you?

No.

Years from now when you look
back on our time together,

I'm afraid you will
think poorly of me.

That I was some stupid girl
who didn't know what she had
when she had it.

Someone who didn't have
a heart and borrowed yours,

so she could write with feeling.

And, sadly, on all counts,
you will be right.

I--

I was wrong
and damaged and hurt.

And I didn't know that before.

But I see it now.

I am so very sorry
that I took you for granted.

I threw your love away
and I want you to know
that I know it.

I saw all that stuff
and it didn't matter to me.

I loved you in spite of it.

You did and that's what made it
hard for me to accept.

You were the best
thing ever and I blew it.

[man] Graham. We're waiting.

I'm sorry. I have to go.

[Errol] Graham.

Thank you.

It starts in--

Um, for the people
in our lives, and um, the roof
over our head, and food.

-Amen.
-Amen.

Maybe if--

[chattering]

-It's a light box!
-Yeah!

Lie down.

Down.

Buddy.

This is so-- come here.
Oh my God, this is so good!
This is so--!

-Pass this out to everyone.
-I can pass them out, but--

-Thank you so much.
-But you can come upstairs.

No. I'm going to get going,
but thank you. Thank you again.

-No problem.
-Oh, it's really,
really good to see you.

It's really good to see you too.

¶ I'm discontented
With homes that are rented ¶

¶ So I have invented my own ¶

¶ Darling, this place
Is a lover's oasis ¶

¶ Where life's weary chase
Is unknown ¶

¶ Far from the cry
Of the city ¶

¶ Where flowers are pretty
Across the stream ¶

¶ Cozy to hide in
To live side-by-side in ¶

¶ Don't let it ¶

¶ Abide in my dreams ¶

¶ Picture me ¶

¶ Upon your knee ¶

¶ With is tea for two ¶

¶ And two for tea ¶

¶ Me for you
And you for me ¶

¶ Yeah, no... ¶

¶ Nobody near us ¶

¶ To see us or hear us ¶

¶ No friends or relations ¶

¶ On weekend vacations ¶

¶ We won't have it known ¶

¶ That we own a telephone ¶

¶ Dear, day will break ¶

¶ And you awake ¶

¶ And I will bake ¶

¶ A sugar cake ¶

Well that's good.
Thank you for coming again.

It is-- you know,
I'm sorry that Graham
couldn't make it out.

-I don't think
he's going to come.
-Yeah.

¶ ...See ¶

¶ We will raise a family ¶

¶ A boy for you ¶

¶ And a girl for me ¶

¶ Can't you see ¶

¶ How happy we would be ¶

[doorbell ringing]

[people chatting]