All language subtitles for The Moodys s01e01.eng

[GUNSHOT]

- Holy Moses!
- I just...

wanted to have...

- Whoa!
- Oh, my God!

... a nice Christmas,

- Put it down!
- ... and you all...

- ruined it...
- Honey...

- ... again!
- Stop!

- Honey, no...
- Okay! Okay!

I'm out!

Christmas is canceled.

- _
-
Christmas time, oh, Christmas time

- _
-
Boys and girls are in the park...

- Hey.
- Ah!

Now it feels like Christmas.

What kind of jacket is that?

- But where's Ali?
- What's with the beard?

Uh, she's not coming.

- Oh, no.
- Uh, she's really sorry.

The weather girl says
we're supposed to get snow.

- What happened?
- Yeah, her-her dad got sick.

- Oh, that's awful.
- Yeah, kidney stones.

- Oh, God.
- We were so excited

- to finally meet her.
- I hope he's drinking a lot of water.

'Cause those things can come
in bunches and people say

- it's worse than childbirth.
- It's not.

Honey, you've never had kidney stones.

I've had three babies.
One, a ten-pounder.

- Well, okay...
- Not you. Come in.

- Give me the bag.
- Yay.

Oh, that's my boy.

You're gonna need, uh,
better shoes than that.

- You gave me those, Dad.
- Yeah, I gave them to you

for the summer, all right?
Not for the winter.

Hey, did you tip the cabbie?

Because those guys work for a living.

[BLARING]

- _
- Oh!

Thanks for picking me up, dude.

God! Oh, I thought you
were coming in at 1:00.

- You're full of crap, Sean.
- No...

- Sorry I woke you, Leon.
- No.

Does that sound like
something I would do?

Does it sound like I would
agree to pick you up before noon

on a weekend, ever?

- Come here.
- Good to see you.

Welcome home, okay...

- Aah!
- Aah! Yeah.

That's for the air horn, dumbass.

I'm going back to bed.
Wake me up at 3:00.

[CLEARS THROAT] Hey, heads up...
our bathroom's

under construction,
so this one's seeing a lot of traffic.

Yeah, it was supposed to be
finished by Thanksgiving.

You got some of your
AA buddies on the job?

- It's the roof all over again.
- I'm trying to give

some people a leg up...
Is that so wrong?

SEAN JR.: It is if you have
to take a dump

while your mom's in the shower.

That was me.

Hire a real plumber.

- Me, me, me, me.
- Long flight...

And maybe work on your savior complex.

SEAN SR.: Oh! Bridget's here.

- Bridget's here.
- Great.

BRIDGET: Mom invited everyone
over for a big feast to meet Ali.

What happened?

Her dad had gallbladder surgery.

The whole family's staying local.

She totally broke up with you, right?

Yesterday, at brunch.

It was brutal.

- Ah.
- Aw, man, I'm sorry.

Her lease was up,
and I was really into her,

but I just... and I wasn't,
you know, quite ready

to move in together. Then this jerk

at the next table gets down on one knee.

- Come on.
- Just gives this incredibly

moving proposal... Like, beautiful.

Brunch can be tricky.

Mom's gonna analyze
the crap out of this.

- I'm not telling her.
- I mean, I fully support women

of any age going back
to get their master's,

- but ugh... psychology?
- Yeah, but...

I mean, it's just so annoying.

Yeah, she's been all kinds
of unreasonable lately.

You know, she actually stopped
doing my laundry.

Oh, preposterous.

I pay rent.

- I deserve amenities.
- SEAN SR.: Sean!

I found the tree.

- I bet you didn't.
- Uh-oh.

- Let's see...
- No!

That's not a tree,
that's a-that's a Christmas shrub.

It's got pluck. I'm getting it.

You do this every year, old man.

You got a Douglas-fir problem.

ANN: Everyone's gonna
be here in an hour.

They're being delivered?

We don't need cookies, okay?

Big Stan's bringing pies.

- Big Stan?
- SEAN SR.: Mm-hmm.

Didn't he wet himself

- caroling last year?
- Yep.

He's got nine months sober
and I have full faith, okay?

I thought you'd like the cookies.

Eater Chicago says they're
the best in the city.

Honey, Stan needs the win.

Did you call your boss

- at the rink, Seanny?
- No.

It's a chess match.

I'm not gonna make the first move.

She owes me a lot of overtime.

You know you're the maintenance guy.

Might not have the
leverage you think you do.

A-Again with the stick, Mom.

Would love to see the carrot sometime.

Jesus's dad was a maintenance guy.

ANN: Don't forget to take

a lot of photos. Get your camera.

Got it.

Hey.

- My mom's on scotch two.
- Oh, God.

- Thanks, Mom.
- Here you go.

Here's to my last Christmas.

I thought last Christmas
was your last Christmas.

You're really dragging
out this death thing.

[LAUGHS] Where's your Chinese husband?

He's Korean, and he's on a plane.

He'll be here in a couple hours.

If you make it that long.

Look, Roger, they have a Christmas tree.

Probably paid full price.
The real deals don't

- happen for a few days.
- SEAN JR.: I would feel bad

if I didn't bring you
in on this opportunity.

We've been down this road before.

Uh, two words:

"funeral" and "fireworks."

What?

Exactly.

We take your loved one's cremated ashes

put them in a canister...
I've already got the prototype...

Then shoot them into the
sky in a spectacular display

of color and light and awe.

Tasteful.

Oh, hey.

Hi.

Uh, did-did you ring the bell?

Um, no, not yet. I'm Cora.

Right, right.
With the-the best cookies in Chicago.

That's a lot of pressure.

- I'm Dan.
- Hi.

Um... Uh, yeah, just...

[COINS JINGLING]

Not much, but here you go.

What's this?

It's-it's a really bad tip.

- I'm sorry, um...
- There's at least

86 cents here and a button.

No, it's terrible.
I was a waiter, and I'm just

giving you things that
fell off my shirt.

- Unforgivable.
- I was just messing with you.

I'm Cora, Marco's girlfriend.

He forgot his phone in the car.

Hey there! There he is.

- My long-lost cousin.
- Hey. [LAUGHS]

Oh, man.

Ah, the only man I've
ever taken a bath with.

- Oh.
- We were five.

He thought I was a delivery person.

No, I'm an idiot. I just figured
with the Cookie Monster T-shirt,

it was some kind of
clever marketing thing.

This is Elmo. Cookie Monster's blue.

Wow. All furry people look alike to you.

- Will you just come in.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]

Hey, hey! Hey, I smell that roast.

We're kicking off the holiday
season right, Uncle Sean.

- Hey, hon.
- Yes, it's my second glass.

You're counting, not me.

I have a lot on my plate.

I read another new article
online last night that says

that breast cancer went from being one

of the top five good kinds to get

into the top three,
so we're-we're trending up.

- Yay.
- It's good news.

All right, we both agree
we're not gonna let it

slip out to any one of
the kids before Christmas.

Uh, you're the one that's
heading for glass number three.

Oh, thought you weren't counting.

Then you stare up into the night sky...

Bam!

The sixth stage of grief.

Applause.

Get in there. Mom wants pictures.

Daniel, how's work going?
You got any shows coming up?

Daniel, over here, ditched us to go

to be some big-time
artsy-fartsy photographer

in New York City.

- [SEAN JR. LAUGHS]
- Fashion models,

male prostitutes, a lot of blurry stuff.

He's so talented.

I'm impressed.

Don't be. Right now, I'm just

assisting this guy Victor,
who takes pictures

for the Restoration
Hardware catalog, so...

Yeah, oh, yeah,
maybe you guys have heard of Victor.

He's also someone whose
dreams haven't panned out.

We can't all have the same job
we had in high school.

- Lifestyle choice.
- [PHONE VIBRATES]

Ah, that's work.
Oh, I'm gonna take this.

- SEAN SR.: Sean, we're out of soda.
- Check the garage.

- You're on beverages.
- I'm on chips and napkins.

- He's losing it. It's actually sad.
- Want a beer?

Sure.

So, um,

I believe we've got
some accounting to do.

- What are you talking about?
- The 86 cents you owe me.

Oh, no. You gave me that money.

Oh, is this really how
you want to play it?

It actually is.

Well, then, you give me no choice.

Uncle Roger.

Danny, my boy.

Wow. You weren't kidding.

She's an absolute stunner.

We've done all right, us Moody men.

N-No, no, no, this is Cora.

- She's Marco's girlfriend.
- Oh.

Uh, she was just asking me
how to get here from, um...

Where is it you live again?

Um, Logan Square.

Oh, Logan Square. Ah, that's a pickle.

You probably took the expressway, right?

Well, next time think about
scooting down Ashland.

- I'll go get us some beers.
- Smooth sailing.

Unless there's a hockey game. Oh, boy.

Now you're gonna have to zigzag...

DAN: Wait, are you not drinking?

- I just want a water.
- SEAN JR.: Are you sure?

There's a diet here
with your name on it.

- I'm good with water.
- You said that, uh,

with a bit of a thing on it.

No... no caffeine, no alcohol.

Oh, good Lord, are you pregnant?

- I'm not pregnant.
- You liar. You knew?

I'm the oldest.
How could you tell him first?

Are you seriously gonna
make her pregnancy about me?

- I am the oldest.
- I'm not pregnant.

I'm not pregnant, okay?
I'm the furthest thing

from pregnant.

Which-which would be?

DAN: Bridge, y-you...

- you okay?
- No.

No, I'm not okay.

I'm a horrible, horrible person.

I cheated on Doug.

When I was in Atlanta on business.

Mm.

Okay, I already feel like crap,
so would you guys

just say something?

- I don't know.
- Um...

W-Was it with another Asian guy?

What? No.

Yes.

Yeah, it was.

- [STIFLED LAUGH]
- Can you...?

- [LAUGHS]
- Heavenly Father, thank you

for having everybody here with us today

as we celebrate Dan's return

five days before we
celebrate your son's birth.

My brother Roger and his fianc?e...

- Mukta.
- Mukta.

And, uh, Big Stan, of course.

- Honored, as always.
- Mm-hmm. And Bridget

and my mom...

Hey, Dad, he's God. He knows who's here.

And, uh, please keep
a close watch over us,

especially this year.

ROGER: Amen.

So how did you two lovebirds meet?

Uh, at my boy Devon's wedding.

He gave a really sweet toast.

MARCO: Yeah, the bride's
grandfather was dying.

- Low-hanging fruit.
- [LAUGHTER]

Well, we have a funny story, too.

- Yeah?
- ROGER: This little Kundalini

pulls into my place of business

in a 2011 Corolla.

I run the parts department
at South Side Toyota.

Anyway, dated for a bit,

and, um, she got cold feet,

and then, we realized
that she was, uh, pregnant.

- Oh, my God.
- What?!

- That's amazing.
- [EXCITED CHATTER]

- It's not mine. It's not mine.
- What?

It's not mine. No, no.

No, no. But I'm gonna
raise him like he's mine.

- To another Moody.
- Thank you.

- Yeah, another Moody.
- There we go.

- To another Moody.
- Dan, Dan, I got you

- that wine that you like.
- SEAN JR.: Annie Leibovitz

gets special wine?

Settle down. It's a $12 Malbec.

- It's a... Malbec?
- ALL: Oh.

Oh, look out. Malbec's here,

- everybody. Malbec?
- It's a Malbec over there!

SEAN JR.: Who the hell are you?

What did Brooklyn do to you?

SEAN SR.: Telling you right now,

you are gonna want to dig into

that Yorkshire pudding, 'cause I think

- it's my best batch I ever made.
- DAN: Yeah.

Looks great, Dad, but, uh,
I'm kind of off carbs right now.

- Kind of doing a keto diet.
- Wha... A what-o diet?

That's stupid. Uh, Microbiome,
they did a bunch of studies...

You kn... know what? Let's not

- make this a big deal.
- Fake science. It's fake science.

Well, it's kind of a big deal

because I slaved over
this meal and, you know,

you know, Big Stan doesn't eat fish.
I'm not complaining.

Glad to have you here. And, you know,
Bridget's off cheese, so...

I haven't eaten dairy since I was 12.

And I for one do not miss those farts.

- Okay, don't say that at the table.
- That's horrifying.

Take the paint off a wall.

Dan, is this why you look so trim?

You look like a dancer.

Here, try it. It's so light and fluffy.

- I can't even describe it.
- I'm good.

- I don't want any. Come on.
- [ALL CLAMORING]

Just try it. Try the pudding.

He doesn't want the pudding.

[CHANTING]: Eat the pudding.
Eat the pudding.

- Eat the pudding.
- Aw.

- Eat the pudding.
- Gosh...

Eat the pudding.

- You don't have to eat the pudding.
- All right, enough, enough, enough.

L-Leave him alone. The poor guy,
his girlfriend just dumped him.

Just leave him alone.

- Ali?
- Yeah, I just...

ANN: You said her dad was sick.

Are you serious? What is your problem?

- Hey.
- Whoa.

Don't throw my rolls.

Come on. Keto, keto.
I'm protecting your keto choices.

What did you do this time?

Why do you always
assume it was my fault?

Well, there must be a reason
why they keep running away

I mean, it's Ali, Sarah,

- the tall girl I liked.
- Her name was Margaret.

- No, I think it was Kendall.
- Okay, there was a Kendall.

But there was also a
tall girl named Margaret.

And there was a short one
who was a-always vaping.

- Brittany... Beth.
- SEAN SR.: Rumpelstiltskin?

- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Oh, that must be my cookies.

Cookies? I brought pies.

[QUIETLY]: It's okay.
We're not gonna eat the cookies.

Welcome home, huh?

Yeah, they don't love that I moved away.

I was this close to going
skiing with friends, you know?

- No, you weren't.
- No, I wasn't.

[BOTH LAUGH]

So, uh, what do you?

Beside date my cousin?

I design jewelry. Look.

- Nice.
- Which means I am a bartender,

a nanny and pretty much always broke.

Tell me about it. I guess,

in the back of my mind,
I always thought I could just...

go to law school.

No. Don't say that.

I just lost a playwright
friend to dental school.

- How old?
- 27.

So young.

Take the LSATs.

- You don't have to go.
- Mom, were you listening?

No. I was cleaning up.

- Right.
- But you would have options.

Hey. Kitchen party, huh?

Sorry, gang. Bro time.

Just... I...
I mean I need to talk to you.

Malbec, follow me.

Maybe Ali did me a favor.

I mean, s-she's a brand
marketing consultant.

I'm not even 100% sure what that is.

- Yeah, but that Cora, right?
- W-What? What?

I'm just surprised Marco
hasn't kicked your ass yet.

Oh, come on.
That's called being a good host.

Uh-huh, yeah. She's a beautiful woman.

I'll give you that. Here.

Put this on, there, Romeo.

What? No.

- What's going on?
- We're tipping the scales

of justice for the working man.

Uh, I'm out.

This is, uh, this is starting

- to feel like a felony.
- [GRUNTING]

Look, my boss owes me
three weeks of overtime.

I need to send her a message.
Plus, you owe me.

[CHUCKLES]: What for?

Abandoning me.

And leaving me to take care
of our elderly parents.

Uh, they're taking care of you.

Especially Dad, who is always on my ass

about joining him the
damn HVAC business.

- I'm not doing this.
- Dan!

Take this boost and get up there.

You're very lucky I
like to climb things.

There he is.

Okay, so you'll probably
find out eventually,

but, uh, Marco and I

made out once when we were kids.

Yeah, he told me.

- Really? What did he say?
- MARCO: Babe.

- Can I talk to you for a sec?
- Sure, what's up?

Hey, so a spot just opened
up at the company box

for the Bulls game.
CEO's gonna be there.

Could be some major face time,

blow him away with my hoop knowledge,

but I shouldn't go, right?

'Cause I'm at a holiday
party with my girl.

- It's really okay.
- No, it's not okay.

I'm not gonna...
I'm not gonna abandon you here

with a bunch of people
that you hardly even know,

even if it is the corporate
box with the six-foot subs,

I'm not gonna do that.

Go. I'll take an Uber.

Not on my watch.

Be an honor for Mukta
and I to drive you home.

I'll show you a few shortcuts,

but I'm gonna have to
swear you to secrecy.

Last call for pie.
No one's touched the pecan.

[ENGINE REVS]

You got to admit it...
this is a pretty fantastic crime.

- Can I drive?
- That depends,

have you been naughty or nice?

-
Ring tingle tingling, too

-
Together with you

-
"Yoo hoo"

[SIREN CHIRPS]

Oh, okay. Here we go.

- Crap.
- It's all good, it's all good.

Let me handle this.

How's it going, Santas?

Um...

Wh... R-Really?

Of course.

- [RUSTLING]
- [SEAN JR. GRUNTS]

Hey. What's with the getup?

You're not...
you're never gonna believe this.

Dan went a head and
got himself arrested.

What? What do you mean, arrested?

Still trying to piece
that together myself.

Hey, sponse, there's a cop out front.

- I'm-a lay low in the garage.
- What the hell?

Crazy.

- I do not believe this.
- ROGER: Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

- Sean, I got...
- Please, please, I got this.

Officer. Roger Moody. South Side Toyota.

We service your assault vehicles, so...

Roger, Roger. Enough.

This one stole a Zamboni.

- What?
- What?! Tha...

That doesn't sound like our Danny boy.

- Hey there, Santa.
- Officer, I'm an attorney.

I'll be handling this.

COP: Oh, the owner's not pressing
any charges, but whichever

one of you is Sean Moody, you're fired.

Okay, you tell Meg
that, at the very least,

oh, yeah, this is going to arbitration.

- No, it's not.
- ANN: You know, Dan,

we expect this from Sean.

- What the... hell?
- SEAN SR.: Yeah.

But I cannot understand why
you're having such a hard time

transitioning into adulthood.

Okay? You can't keep a relationship.

You're bouncing from job to job.

You're on this weird ballerina diet.

You got arrested in what
could've been a class D felony.

I mean, you lied to us about Ali.

- You skipped my 56th birthday.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay? Maybe New York
is just too much for you.

No. No, no, I feel great in New York.

It's here that's too much for me.

- SEAN JR.: Here we go.
- I didn't tell you about Ali

because I knew you'd
just jump down my throat.

I got dumped. [SCOFFS]

N-Not one of you asked how I was doing.

We jump down your throat because
that's our way of showing you

how much we love you, okay?

And-and asking you how you're doing.

- How you doing?
- ALL: How are you doing?

Not good. Not good. Not good.

Well, we can see that.

You know what, may-maybe I shouldn't
have come home this year.

Maybe I should've gone
skiing with my friends.

No.

In fact, I'm, uh,

I'm gonna see if I can get
a flight out, right now.

You're bailing, you Christmas coward?

Danny, wait.

If you're heading to the airport,
take Oak Lawn to 45th.

There's construction on Pulaski.

- Thanks.
- It's quicker.

Look at this.

- ANN: Open your eyes.
- All right, guys.

- [KIDS GASP]
- Puppy.

- Oh, my gosh.
- SEAN SR.: Yeah.

Puppy, puppy, puppy.

SEAN SR.: All right, guys.

ANN: All right,
what're we gonna call him. Leon?

SEAN SR.: Leon? Okay.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

SEAN SR.: Hey, guys, look, look at me.

Look how cute you were.
Makes me want to have kids.

ANN: Merry Christmas.

[EXCLAIMING]

[SIGHS]

Not going skiing, then?

Nah.

- Can't do that to my family.
- Mm.

What's your excuse?

My boyfriend went to a basketball game

and left me here.

- Ooh, ouch.
- [CHUCKLES]

Got to love the holidays.

If it's any consolation...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I'm sorry. I-I...

That was... that was really stupid.

I shouldn't have done that. Um...

You probably shouldn't.

Yeah.

MARCO: Nailed it!

Made the CEO laugh.

Beer came out his nose. It was awesome.

- Oh, hi.
- What's up, cuz?

- Hey.
- Ah!

Hey, I'm pretty sure
I saw Scottie Pippen

- in the parking lot.
- CORA: You did?

Yeah. I was like, "What's up, Scottie?"

And he was like...
He didn't say nothing, but...

SEAN SR.: Oh, my God.

You've outdid yourself, man.

Is this crust homemade?

- Who are you talking to?
- [SCOFFS]

Sean, the lights.

SEAN JR.: I took out the recycling.

Sean!

It's 24-7 around here.

I have cancer.

I'm not supposed to tell anybody.

Breast cancer, if you can believe it.

I'm having surgery
right after New Year's.

Doctor says I should be
fine by bikini season.

[CHUCKLES]

You must be scared.

Out of my mind.

Mmm. Mmm.

["HOLIDAYS ARE HERE"
BY GRINGO STAR PLAYING]

[KNOCKS]

- The door.
- Oh, hey.

- Oh, come on.
- What?

I-I'm sorry.
Are you t... Are you saying something?

Dan, it's 34 degrees outside.

Open the door.

Oh, I'm gonna...

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