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1
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I'm Alyssa.
2
00:00:04,179 --> 00:00:05,379
I'm 19.
3
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,920
And I thought I'd already had
the shittest day of my life.
4
00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:13,599
You look like a princess.
5
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,279
But this is actually worse.
6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,679
I got community service for what I did,
7
00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,840
which wasn't as bad as
going back to school.
8
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:31,880
It's not easy, what comes
after something like that.
9
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,160
It's like you become a shit celebrity.
10
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,520
You become someone else.
11
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:45,800
Even to yourself.
12
00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:54,520
But you can't go back
to who you were before.
13
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:02,799
I think my mum found what happened
to me even worse than I did.
14
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,159
... children. Please, Tony!
Please don't leave me!
15
00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,599
I've kicked Tony out.
16
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,160
She hadn't.
17
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:21,239
Mum went genuinely a bit mad after that.
18
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,120
She started talking about
herself in the third person.
19
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:28,079
I think Gwen needs a nap.
20
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:29,080
Okay.
21
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:37,880
It was too much, us staying
there, in that house, that town.
22
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:42,960
So we took the twins and left.
23
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,879
It meant missing the end of school,
but Mum said that was okay.
24
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,520
You can finish it later. Or get a job.
25
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:54,480
Or marry someone rich.
26
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:56,920
Sorry.
27
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:14,760
We went to live with my aunt,
Leigh, Mum's half-sister.
28
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,997
She runs a cafe and she
doesn't trust deodorant
29
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:21,864
because of breast cancer.
30
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,440
I like her.
31
00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,199
She said we could stay at her
place for as long as we wanted.
32
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:32,079
He'll come back to me someday!
33
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,079
We've been here over a year now.
34
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,560
I don't think she meant that long.
35
00:02:38,920 --> 00:02:41,400
It's good that Mum has
someone else to talk to.
36
00:02:42,440 --> 00:02:43,680
Good for me.
37
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:49,120
It makes it easier for me to be okay.
38
00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:00,440
And, actually, I am okay.
39
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,680
I don't really feel anything any more.
40
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,959
It's good not feeling.
41
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,919
It's like a superpower.
42
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:14,799
Leigh gave me a job,
43
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,279
mainly so that I had
something to do, I think.
44
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,879
This is what you might call irony.
45
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:23,559
See if Marvin can make a banana
split for me, you fucking cu...
46
00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,239
What can I get you?
47
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:26,759
Is that your real name?
48
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:28,439
You know it is.
49
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,759
Billy's Leigh's foster son.
50
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:32,039
It's shit.
51
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,719
He's a sweet kid.
52
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,040
Okay.
53
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,039
Work's boring.
54
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,600
But I did meet Todd there.
55
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,679
Hiya.
56
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,839
He teaches canoeing to kids and
he has quite strong opinions.
57
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,519
You know Finland?
58
00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:54,319
Doesn't actually exist.
59
00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:55,958
It's a fabricated landmass
60
00:03:55,959 --> 00:03:57,864
made up by the Russians in the Cold War.
61
00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,120
Right.
62
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,359
Is this a date?
63
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:06,360
Yeah.
64
00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:09,840
Cool.
65
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:14,479
He's kind of like a dog.
66
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,720
In a good way.
67
00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,839
He's also a really good kisser.
68
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:24,279
My aunt's got a cabin by the lake.
69
00:04:24,280 --> 00:04:25,439
Cool.
70
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,199
Sex is actually all
right, it turned out.
71
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,320
It's not such a big deal.
72
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,479
I told him about everything.
73
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:43,360
Shit.
74
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,399
Yeah.
75
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,280
Do you like chicken fajitas?
76
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,720
He gets it.
77
00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:05,439
Do you wanna get married?
78
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:11,919
Yeah, fuck it, why not?
79
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:14,399
Exactly. Fuck it.
80
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,360
My mum's pretty excited
about the wedding.
81
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,799
She's really thrown herself
into the whole thing.
82
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,959
- Why are we dong this again?
- What, love?
83
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,839
The wedding's tomorrow. It fits.
84
00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:38,560
It fit fine before. Now...
85
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,559
... it's perfect.
86
00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,119
Getting married young is one
of the most renegade things
87
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,359
you can do these days.
88
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,919
Mum's using Tony's divorce
money to pay for it,
89
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,960
which is also pretty maverick.
90
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,679
And I'm happy.
91
00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:57,919
For the first time in
ages, I'm really happy.
92
00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,919
♪ The chills and fever, ooh ♪
93
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:03,759
♪ Chills and fever ♪
94
00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,559
♪ Chills and fever's
what you give to me ♪
95
00:06:07,560 --> 00:06:11,599
♪ When you hold my hand ♪
96
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,759
♪ And tell me that I'm your loving man ♪
97
00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,959
♪ Kiss me and squeeze... ♪
98
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,159
Getting a bullet in the
post should be threatening,
99
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,639
but it's hard to feel frightened
100
00:06:21,640 --> 00:06:23,679
of someone who can't
spell your name right.
101
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,399
♪ Oooh, chills and fever... ♪
102
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,519
And clearly doesn't know where you live.
103
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,479
♪ Oooh, the chills and fever ♪
104
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,239
♪ Oooh, chills and fever ♪
105
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,199
♪ Chills and fever's
what you give to me ♪
106
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,439
♪ When it's late at night ♪
107
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,479
♪ And when, when you hold me tight ♪
108
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:50,479
♪ Tell me that you love me so ♪
109
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:54,559
♪ Never, ever, ever let me go ♪
110
00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:57,759
♪ Oooh, chills and fever... ♪
111
00:06:57,760 --> 00:07:00,039
Excuse me.
112
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,879
You thought about killing yourself?
113
00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:02,919
What?
114
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,159
I said, is there service included?
115
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:08,079
Oh, no, don't worry about it.
116
00:07:08,080 --> 00:07:10,120
- Keep the change.
- Thanks.
117
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,919
Do you know whose car that is?
118
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:22,199
No. Why?
119
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,079
I dunno.
120
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,200
Nothing.
121
00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:31,519
I used to be really good at knowing
when someone was watching me.
122
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:35,560
But now I'm not sure.
123
00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:40,400
I'm probably just being paranoid.
124
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:50,760
- I'll be in the office.
- Okay.
125
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:28,799
Oi!
126
00:08:30,680 --> 00:08:32,080
What the fuck?
127
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:35,920
Who are you?
128
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,640
Oh, my God.
129
00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,079
It was a fitting end.
130
00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:08,839
A doomed love story.
131
00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,759
A perfect tragedy.
132
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,280
And then I didn't die.
133
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,039
I was under 24-hour police surveillance
134
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,400
as I waited for a court date.
135
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,480
Are you gonna eat that?
136
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:31,679
No.
137
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:33,560
Do you, er... Do you mind?
138
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:35,960
No.
139
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,800
Where's Alyssa?
140
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,959
Alyssa and I weren't
allowed to see each other.
141
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:51,960
Not at all.
142
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,959
But I thought about her all the time.
143
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:06,639
Hello, James. I've got some
results to discuss with you.
144
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,799
Would you like your dad?
145
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,479
My dad's response to me
being shot was to eat or cry.
146
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:13,479
Quite often at the same time.
147
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,359
Sorry, James.
148
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,719
No, that's all right.
149
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:20,960
Fine.
150
00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:27,719
Well, as you know,
James, the inflammation...
151
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,799
The bullet had done
quite a lot of damage.
152
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,279
She talked about my injuries,
153
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,759
about complications
154
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,440
and things taking time...
155
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,559
... and long roads ahead.
156
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:45,279
But in many ways, James, you
have been extremely lucky.
157
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,359
I didn't feel lucky.
158
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,360
Okay.
159
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,719
I felt like I was being punished.
160
00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,160
And maybe I deserved it.
161
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,879
James?
162
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,079
I'd never met Alyssa's mum before.
163
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,679
At first, she seemed quite nice.
164
00:11:06,680 --> 00:11:07,680
How are you?
165
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,240
I'm okay.
166
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,800
- Would you like a yoghurt?
- No, thank you.
167
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,759
- How's Alyssa? What?
- You need to break up with her.
168
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:23,519
The thing is, it's your fault, isn't it?
169
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:25,639
What happened. I'm
sure you didn't mean it,
170
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,119
but you've ruined her life.
171
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,439
You've ruined everything.
172
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,679
Sorry.
173
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,080
What can you offer her...
174
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,839
... like... this? No offence.
175
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:39,199
It was quite hard not to take offence.
176
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,199
Are you going to be able to walk again?
177
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:44,159
Think so.
178
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:47,479
And they say you're going
to prison. Is that right?
179
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,679
I don't know. Probably.
180
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,360
If you loved her, you'd let her go.
181
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,359
It's like that song.
182
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:58,639
I didn't know the song
she was talking about,
183
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,679
but I had a feeling she might be right.
184
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:02,560
I thought you could write her a letter.
185
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,679
I don't want to.
186
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,760
Well, she needs to move on and
you're no good for her. I'm...
187
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,040
I'm sorry, but that's the truth.
188
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,600
The truth was something
I'd been trying to ignore.
189
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,880
And the harsher, the better.
You know how stubborn she is.
190
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:35,719
I've got a stamp.
191
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:44,960
I had a feeling that
Alyssa got the letter...
192
00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,920
... because I never
heard from her again.
193
00:13:04,832 --> 00:13:08,439
On the upside, after
a number of operations,
194
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:11,199
I was able to start
learning to walk again.
195
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,279
And I didn't go to prison after all.
196
00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:20,399
Get in!
197
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,559
The jury agreed I was
acting in defence of another
198
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,399
and found me not guilty of murder.
199
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,400
The videotape definitely helped.
200
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,919
But I was given a suspended sentence
201
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,000
for various other misdemeanours.
202
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,959
I wanted to give my dad
some money for his new car.
203
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,231
But he wouldn't let me.
204
00:13:39,232 --> 00:13:42,479
It's funny, the way
people lie to be kind.
205
00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:44,720
I think this is actually nicer to drive.
206
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,427
After I nearly died,
207
00:13:47,428 --> 00:13:49,784
Dad signed up for an
online parenting course.
208
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,600
He started talking about his feelings.
209
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,880
I really value us
spending time together.
210
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,120
Yeah.
211
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,840
I'm proud of you.
212
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:08,760
Thank you.
213
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,439
I think we should do
more activities together.
214
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,239
Okay.
215
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,679
Bowling did seem slightly ambitious,
216
00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,359
given that I'd only recently
got the use of my legs back.
217
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,840
This is brilliant, innit?
218
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,239
Yeah!
219
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,399
I did it!
220
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,320
But in the end, it wasn't
me I should've worried about.
221
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,520
I never went back inside our house.
222
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,039
I couldn't even walk up the drive.
223
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:13,080
There was too much sadness in there.
224
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,639
Thank you.
225
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,279
In a strange way,
226
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:06,280
the bullet gave me a new lease of life.
227
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:11,840
A reason to see Alyssa again.
228
00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,280
To check that she was okay.
229
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,880
To see her again.
230
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:30,759
Hello?
231
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:49,039
It's strange, when
someone's very important
232
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,519
and you haven't seen
them for a long time,
233
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,560
as soon as you do,
it's easier to breathe.
234
00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,159
I wanted to go and talk to her.
235
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:21,840
But then I realised that it
was okay if I just watched her.
236
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,640
Watched out for her.
237
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:28,840
Because you have to be
vigilant with people.
238
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,439
And I hadn't been.
239
00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:34,799
Alyssa was my only person left.
240
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:54,839
Shit. Shit.
241
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,479
Shit, shit, shit.
242
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,519
Shit.
243
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:05,799
Oi!
244
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,119
Who are you?
245
00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,199
Oh, my God.
246
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:23,200
Hey.
247
00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:26,640
For fuck's sake.
16967
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