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1
00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:04,569
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:18,076 --> 00:01:19,478
Iggy.
3
00:01:19,545 --> 00:01:21,046
Iggy! Igg!
4
00:01:21,113 --> 00:01:22,547
What?
5
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:24,815
Look, I've got to go
to the storeroom
6
00:01:24,883 --> 00:01:27,018
to take inventory. Now...
7
00:01:27,085 --> 00:01:29,988
I want you to do something
for me while I'm gone.
8
00:01:31,791 --> 00:01:34,392
You want me?
9
00:01:34,459 --> 00:01:36,293
Boss! Oh!
10
00:01:36,361 --> 00:01:38,062
Igg! Igg, Igg,
Igg, Igg.
Oh, boss.
11
00:01:38,130 --> 00:01:39,364
Igg!
Boss.
12
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,431
Iggy, Iggy, all right.
13
00:01:40,499 --> 00:01:42,400
Igg, Igg, relax.
Relax, relax.
14
00:01:42,468 --> 00:01:44,469
Relax, Igg.
Forgive me, boss.
15
00:01:44,536 --> 00:01:46,504
It's just that
you never asked me
16
00:01:46,572 --> 00:01:49,306
to do anything
for you before.
17
00:01:49,374 --> 00:01:50,875
All right, now,
here it is.
18
00:01:50,942 --> 00:01:52,377
All right...
19
00:01:52,445 --> 00:01:54,212
Now, Igg.
20
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,213
Uh-huh?
21
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:56,814
Jeff is off today.
22
00:01:56,882 --> 00:01:57,982
Huh?
23
00:01:58,050 --> 00:02:02,153
I am expecting
a very important phone call.
24
00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:04,789
Now, now listen close, because
this is where you come in.
25
00:02:04,857 --> 00:02:05,857
Uh-huh.
All right.
26
00:02:07,426 --> 00:02:09,060
If this phone rings...
27
00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:09,994
Yeah, boss?
28
00:02:10,062 --> 00:02:14,132
Let someone else answer it.
29
00:02:17,836 --> 00:02:19,871
Uh, who?
30
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:22,640
It doesn't matter,
as long as it's not you.
31
00:02:23,976 --> 00:02:25,143
You think you
can handle that?
32
00:02:25,210 --> 00:02:27,579
With my eyes closed.
33
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,647
I knew I could
count on you, Iggy.
34
00:02:29,715 --> 00:02:31,716
Thank you for
trusting me.
35
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,218
All right.
Okay, go on.
36
00:02:37,990 --> 00:02:40,225
Hey, Jim.
How are you?
37
00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:44,763
You don't recognize me?
38
00:02:46,365 --> 00:02:48,400
Of course!
39
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:51,536
You're the kid from Lassie!
40
00:02:53,539 --> 00:02:55,073
Jim, I'm Angie.
41
00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:57,475
Angie Banta, Tony's father?
42
00:02:57,543 --> 00:02:59,210
I was here six months ago.
43
00:02:59,278 --> 00:03:00,812
I took Tony and you
44
00:03:00,879 --> 00:03:02,981
and the fellas
out to Mario's for beers.
45
00:03:03,048 --> 00:03:04,516
(sputters)
46
00:03:04,583 --> 00:03:05,950
(chuckles):
Well...
47
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:07,284
you probably wouldn't remember.
48
00:03:07,352 --> 00:03:08,853
You were passed out
on the floor.
49
00:03:13,058 --> 00:03:14,859
Angie!
50
00:03:18,430 --> 00:03:20,397
Angie Banta!
51
00:03:20,465 --> 00:03:23,568
Tony's dad,
the merchant seaman.
52
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:26,704
How're ya doin',
you old dog?
53
00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:27,872
(chuckles)
54
00:03:27,940 --> 00:03:29,474
I'm great, Jim.
I'm excited.
55
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:30,808
I got a big
surprise for Tony.
56
00:03:30,876 --> 00:03:31,809
When's he coming in?
57
00:03:31,877 --> 00:03:33,044
I don't know.
58
00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,912
Pretty soon, probably.
59
00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:36,881
Well, what do you say you and I
grab a cup of coffee
60
00:03:36,949 --> 00:03:38,383
and get caught up
while I wait for him, huh?
61
00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:41,786
Uh... could, could
I take a rain check?
62
00:03:41,854 --> 00:03:43,321
I'm, I'm working
63
00:03:43,388 --> 00:03:46,924
on a very important
assignment for the boss.
64
00:03:46,992 --> 00:03:48,726
Sure, Jim.
Okay.
65
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,763
(phone ringing)
66
00:04:02,174 --> 00:04:04,842
(ringing continues)
67
00:04:13,385 --> 00:04:15,320
(ringing stops)
68
00:04:18,557 --> 00:04:20,691
(splutters):
Whew!
69
00:04:20,759 --> 00:04:23,561
Whew. I did it.
70
00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:29,034
I guess I've earned
that coffee now.
71
00:04:29,101 --> 00:04:30,368
Here, Jim.
72
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:31,869
(indistinct chatter)
73
00:04:31,937 --> 00:04:33,872
Hey, look who's here!
Angie!
My God!
74
00:04:33,939 --> 00:04:34,872
ELAINE:
Angie!
75
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,874
Hey, welcome
home, sailor!
76
00:04:36,942 --> 00:04:38,342
Thanks, Alex.
77
00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:40,244
Angie! Oh!
Elaine!
78
00:04:40,312 --> 00:04:42,880
Angie.
Huh?
79
00:04:42,948 --> 00:04:44,782
Oh, heh-heh. Sorry.
80
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:48,052
I've been, uh, on a boat for
three long, lonely months.
81
00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:49,620
That's okay, I understand.
82
00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:51,288
Oh, great.
Uh, once.
83
00:04:51,356 --> 00:04:54,225
Hey-hey, hey, uh, Angie,
Angie, uh, Tony's going
to be in any minute.
84
00:04:54,293 --> 00:04:56,795
Uh, why don't you tell
us about the last
trip you took, huh?
85
00:04:56,862 --> 00:04:58,429
Okay. Sure.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
86
00:04:58,497 --> 00:05:00,765
Only you, uh,
you aren't going to believe
87
00:05:00,832 --> 00:05:02,533
what happened
to me this time.
Oh?
88
00:05:02,601 --> 00:05:04,602
I feel safe in saying
that it was the most
89
00:05:04,670 --> 00:05:07,672
harrowing experience
I've had in 25 years at sea.
90
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:09,774
No kidding.
They could make
a movie out of this one.
91
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,509
A movie?
Well, wh-what happened?
92
00:05:11,577 --> 00:05:12,810
I'm working
on a freighter.
93
00:05:12,878 --> 00:05:14,111
It's loaded with bananas.
94
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:15,880
As you know,
in a shipment like that,
95
00:05:15,948 --> 00:05:17,514
there's bound
to be a few spiders.
96
00:05:17,582 --> 00:05:19,717
And one of them must've
gotten out of the hold
97
00:05:19,785 --> 00:05:21,686
and made a beeline for my bunk.
98
00:05:21,753 --> 00:05:22,854
ALEX: Oh.
ELAINE:
Oh, no.
99
00:05:22,921 --> 00:05:26,524
And I woke up with a furry,
black spider
100
00:05:26,592 --> 00:05:29,794
the size of my fist
sitting on my face.
101
00:05:29,862 --> 00:05:31,629
Oh, no, what did you do?
102
00:05:31,697 --> 00:05:32,797
What would you have done?
103
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:33,965
I'd have screamed.
104
00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:35,066
Uh-uh.
105
00:05:35,134 --> 00:05:36,934
It would've fallen
in your mouth.
106
00:05:37,002 --> 00:05:38,636
What would you
have done, Alex?
107
00:05:38,704 --> 00:05:39,804
I don't know.
108
00:05:39,871 --> 00:05:41,039
Was it poisonous?
109
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:43,440
Good question.
110
00:05:43,508 --> 00:05:44,475
Well, was it?
111
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:46,644
I had no idea.
Oh.
112
00:05:46,712 --> 00:05:48,012
So I assumed that it wasn't.
113
00:05:49,581 --> 00:05:51,716
Well, wouldn't it
have been better if you
assumed that it was?
114
00:05:51,783 --> 00:05:52,917
Yeah, but then I never
115
00:05:52,984 --> 00:05:54,552
would have had the nerve
to do what I did.
116
00:05:54,619 --> 00:05:56,821
What'd you do?
What'd you do?
117
00:05:56,888 --> 00:05:59,958
I just laid there,
perfectly still.
118
00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:03,161
Hour upon hour,
I just laid there,
119
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:05,163
sweating like a pig.
120
00:06:08,901 --> 00:06:10,568
And then what happened?
121
00:06:10,636 --> 00:06:12,437
I don't know.
I fell asleep.
122
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,105
When I woke up, it was gone.
123
00:06:16,342 --> 00:06:18,510
Well, I, I don't think
that would make a movie.
124
00:06:18,577 --> 00:06:20,878
You don't?
Uh, no, no, uh...
125
00:06:20,946 --> 00:06:22,180
not a feature.
126
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:24,949
I mean, m-maybe something
for television.
127
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:27,585
I bet you had trouble
sleeping the rest of
the trip, huh?
128
00:06:27,653 --> 00:06:30,588
Why?
129
00:06:30,656 --> 00:06:34,291
Well, because another spider
might have crawled on your face.
130
00:06:34,359 --> 00:06:37,028
Gee, oh, I'm glad
I didn't think of that.
131
00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,766
Well, well, well...
132
00:06:42,834 --> 00:06:44,536
Look what the tide
washed in.
133
00:06:44,603 --> 00:06:46,371
Pea Brain Senior.
134
00:06:46,438 --> 00:06:48,206
Louie!
135
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:49,540
Back off, Banta.
136
00:06:49,608 --> 00:06:51,509
There's no tellin'
what parasites
137
00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:53,845
you got crawling on you.
138
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,713
You haven't lost your great
sense of humor.
139
00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:57,482
(chuckles):
Yeah, yeah.
140
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,050
So what brings you in here?
141
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:01,352
Did you fall overboard,
or are you coming
142
00:07:01,419 --> 00:07:03,621
to get the barnacles
scraped off your butt?
143
00:07:03,688 --> 00:07:05,923
(chuckling)
144
00:07:05,991 --> 00:07:08,593
You know, you're lucky
to work with a man like this.
145
00:07:08,661 --> 00:07:10,328
He must make
your job fun.
146
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:12,397
We'd trade him for
that spider in a minute.
147
00:07:12,464 --> 00:07:13,731
Any day.
148
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:15,166
Hey, guys.
Tony!
149
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:16,600
Hey, Dad!
What do you say?
150
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:18,969
What are you doing here?
151
00:07:19,037 --> 00:07:20,270
I just came in
to have the barnacles
152
00:07:20,338 --> 00:07:22,273
scraped off my butt.
153
00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:24,909
Oh, no, Dad, what happened?
154
00:07:26,011 --> 00:07:27,078
I'm kiddin', son.
155
00:07:27,146 --> 00:07:28,346
It's one of Louie's jokes.
156
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:30,147
Oh. It's not funny.
157
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,348
You had to be here.
158
00:07:31,416 --> 00:07:32,517
You'd have roared.
159
00:07:33,718 --> 00:07:34,752
Dad, am I glad you're here.
160
00:07:34,819 --> 00:07:35,987
I mean, you picked
the perfect time.
161
00:07:36,055 --> 00:07:37,154
I got Knick tickets
Friday night.
162
00:07:37,222 --> 00:07:38,189
Saturday night,
there's a party.
163
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:39,223
Sunday, we play
a little baseball.
164
00:07:39,291 --> 00:07:40,424
Hey, son, son,
wait a minute.
165
00:07:40,492 --> 00:07:41,659
I can't do all
those things with you.
166
00:07:41,727 --> 00:07:43,294
I'm only gonna be
here a couple of days.
167
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:44,995
I'm only here long
enough to be in port
168
00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:46,330
to take on cargo and fuel.
169
00:07:46,398 --> 00:07:48,065
Oh, I thought, uh,
170
00:07:48,133 --> 00:07:50,568
maybe you could
stick around a while
this time, for once.
171
00:07:50,635 --> 00:07:53,838
Hey, just 'cause
I can't stick around,
172
00:07:53,905 --> 00:07:56,307
it doesn't mean that we aren't
gonna be able to be together.
173
00:07:57,409 --> 00:07:59,043
I've got a surprise for you.
174
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:02,814
Hey, Dad!
175
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,682
Wow!
176
00:08:04,749 --> 00:08:05,850
What is it?
177
00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,919
I don't know,
but it's laminated.
178
00:08:08,987 --> 00:08:10,521
It's a "Z" card.
179
00:08:10,588 --> 00:08:13,024
It's a permit to work
as a merchant seaman.
180
00:08:13,091 --> 00:08:14,659
Well, you always
said you wanted
181
00:08:14,726 --> 00:08:17,595
to be a merchant seaman
like your old man--
well, now you are.
182
00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,463
'Cause, anyway, I haven't
told you the best part.
183
00:08:19,531 --> 00:08:23,167
I got us jobs on
the same ship.
184
00:08:23,235 --> 00:08:24,435
We sail Thursday
185
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,304
on the Hillary B
for the Far East.
186
00:08:26,372 --> 00:08:28,806
Oh...
Well, what's the matter?
187
00:08:28,874 --> 00:08:30,508
Don't you want to go?
188
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:32,010
Well, sure.
189
00:08:32,077 --> 00:08:33,411
I mean, who wouldn't?
190
00:08:33,478 --> 00:08:35,646
It's just that
this is, uh, sudden.
191
00:08:35,714 --> 00:08:38,549
And I don't know nothin'
about being a seaman.
192
00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:41,185
And what's it going to be
like livin' on a ship?
193
00:08:41,253 --> 00:08:43,120
I think it was
best described
194
00:08:43,188 --> 00:08:45,456
by a guy who said,
"It's like being in prison
195
00:08:45,523 --> 00:08:47,457
with a chance of drowning."
196
00:08:48,928 --> 00:08:50,728
I'm kiddin'.
(chuckles)
197
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:51,963
Come on, why do
you look so glum
198
00:08:52,030 --> 00:08:53,063
on the best day
of your life?
199
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:54,499
I thought you were
going to be excited.
200
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,567
I am. I'm excited.
I, uh...
201
00:08:56,635 --> 00:08:59,670
This is just so sudden and, uh,
I mean, I'm dumbfounded.
202
00:08:59,738 --> 00:09:00,838
Oh, wait a minute.
203
00:09:00,905 --> 00:09:02,907
I've got to mark
this on my calendar--
204
00:09:02,974 --> 00:09:05,443
"The Day Banta
was Dumbfounded."
205
00:09:07,146 --> 00:09:08,712
Okay, let's go out
and celebrate.
206
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:09,880
I want to call a restaurant
207
00:09:09,948 --> 00:09:11,748
and make reservations
for all of us.
208
00:09:11,816 --> 00:09:14,051
I've been lookin' forward
to this for a long time.
209
00:09:14,119 --> 00:09:17,287
Hey, hey, Dad, I...
210
00:09:19,257 --> 00:09:21,492
I didn't know you wanted
to be a merchant seaman.
211
00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:22,993
Oh, yeah, I did.
212
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:24,929
Ever since I was five...
213
00:09:24,996 --> 00:09:27,398
till I was 11.
214
00:09:29,134 --> 00:09:30,968
But, I mean,
I'm an adult now.
215
00:09:31,036 --> 00:09:32,303
I got a life here.
216
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:33,905
I got a job.
I got friends.
217
00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,473
I got an apartment.
218
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,341
I just learned
how to use my Mr. Coffee.
219
00:09:38,811 --> 00:09:40,945
Alex, what would
you do if it were you?
220
00:09:41,013 --> 00:09:42,647
Well, I don't know, Tony.
I mean, that's a big decision.
221
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:43,781
I mean, you can't make
a decision
222
00:09:43,848 --> 00:09:44,849
like that in an instant.
223
00:09:44,916 --> 00:09:46,718
But I have to, Alex.
I've got to tell him
224
00:09:46,785 --> 00:09:48,753
as soon as he gets off
the phone, so tell me.
225
00:09:48,820 --> 00:09:51,088
What should I do?
Tony, you sound
like you don't want to go.
226
00:09:51,156 --> 00:09:53,558
Now, you're a big boy.
You got your own life to lead.
227
00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:55,893
He can't come in here and tell
you to change your life, can he?
228
00:09:55,961 --> 00:09:57,294
You can't be responsible
for something you told him
229
00:09:57,362 --> 00:09:58,529
when you were five years old.
230
00:09:58,596 --> 00:09:59,797
And there comes
a point in your life
231
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:01,198
when you got to stop
living for your parents.
232
00:10:01,266 --> 00:10:03,401
I say the only thing you can
tell him is "no dice."
233
00:10:03,469 --> 00:10:06,504
That's my father, Alex.
234
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:09,439
You don't say no
to your father.
235
00:10:09,507 --> 00:10:11,508
I'm surprised at you, Alex.
236
00:10:13,012 --> 00:10:15,346
I don't care how much I don't
want to go, I got to go.
237
00:10:15,413 --> 00:10:17,581
And you know what else?
I'm going.
238
00:10:17,649 --> 00:10:19,049
Thanks for the advice.
239
00:10:19,117 --> 00:10:20,551
Hey, you're welcome.
240
00:10:26,058 --> 00:10:28,125
(moaning)
Come on, Tony,
don't be ashamed.
241
00:10:28,193 --> 00:10:29,860
Let 'er rip.
242
00:10:29,928 --> 00:10:31,628
(moaning continues)
243
00:10:31,696 --> 00:10:32,930
Come on, don't worry
about not having
244
00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:34,265
your sea legs; it takes time.
245
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:35,666
(moaning)
246
00:10:35,734 --> 00:10:37,468
Oh, how long?
247
00:10:37,535 --> 00:10:39,570
Oh, you can get used to it
in a day.
248
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,071
(moans)
Of course, on my first trip,
249
00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:43,173
I fed the fish
from here to Fiji.
250
00:10:43,241 --> 00:10:45,743
That's good to know.
251
00:10:45,811 --> 00:10:48,245
(moaning)
Hey...
252
00:10:48,313 --> 00:10:51,415
It's good to have
you aboard, Tony.
253
00:10:51,483 --> 00:10:54,051
But, you know,
when I gave you that card,
254
00:10:54,118 --> 00:10:57,321
it flashed through my mind that
you might not want to go.
255
00:10:57,388 --> 00:10:59,924
(moaning continues)
256
00:10:59,991 --> 00:11:01,825
You would've said something
if you had any misgivings
257
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,126
about this trip,
wouldn't you, son?
258
00:11:03,194 --> 00:11:04,696
(whimpers)
259
00:11:04,763 --> 00:11:06,631
I thought so.
260
00:11:06,698 --> 00:11:09,166
Oh, Dad,
261
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:11,936
Dad, would you do me a favor?
262
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,304
Sure, sailor, anything.
263
00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:16,340
Would you kill me?
264
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:18,208
Come on, Tony,
your problem is
265
00:11:18,276 --> 00:11:20,143
that you're fighting it,
you're holdin' it back.
266
00:11:20,211 --> 00:11:21,345
It's like a laugh.
267
00:11:21,413 --> 00:11:22,713
You can't keep it inside.
(moans)
268
00:11:22,781 --> 00:11:24,248
You'll feel better
if you let it out.
269
00:11:24,316 --> 00:11:26,083
Then you can brush your teeth,
take a mint
270
00:11:26,151 --> 00:11:27,185
and nobody'll know
the difference.
271
00:11:27,252 --> 00:11:29,052
Here, here.
272
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,354
I got some mints here.
273
00:11:30,422 --> 00:11:32,457
(moaning)
274
00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:34,392
(retching)
275
00:11:34,459 --> 00:11:36,393
That's my boy.
276
00:11:46,104 --> 00:11:47,571
Come on, Tony.
277
00:11:47,639 --> 00:11:49,173
Dad, I'm tired.
278
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,542
Why'd you wake me up
to bring me up here for?
279
00:11:51,609 --> 00:11:52,843
It's a surprise.
280
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:55,479
Look out there.
What do you see?
281
00:11:57,549 --> 00:11:58,882
Water.
282
00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:01,218
You see water now,
but in a few moments
283
00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:02,853
we're going to be passing
over the equator.
284
00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:04,488
Wouldn't want to sleep
through that, would you?
285
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:05,523
That's something
you can remember
286
00:12:05,591 --> 00:12:07,524
the rest of your life.
287
00:12:07,592 --> 00:12:09,994
It's just going
to look like this.
288
00:12:10,061 --> 00:12:11,929
True, but this
isn't the equator.
289
00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,363
It's also going
to look a lot
290
00:12:13,431 --> 00:12:14,565
like the international
date line
291
00:12:14,633 --> 00:12:16,434
you made me get up
to see.
292
00:12:16,502 --> 00:12:18,102
Very much.
293
00:12:18,170 --> 00:12:19,436
Yeah.
294
00:12:21,072 --> 00:12:22,639
I'm really glad that
you're here with me,
295
00:12:22,707 --> 00:12:24,742
Tony, to share this.
296
00:12:24,809 --> 00:12:28,012
Okay, now it's time.
297
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,914
This is the equator.
298
00:12:31,383 --> 00:12:33,851
What the hell are
you looking at?
299
00:12:35,887 --> 00:12:36,821
What is that?
300
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:37,921
What-- something
floating down there.
301
00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:39,890
What is that, a beer can?
What is it?
302
00:12:44,696 --> 00:12:47,631
It's probably the eye of
one of those giant squid...
303
00:12:47,699 --> 00:12:49,099
ready to shoot a
tentacle up here
304
00:12:49,167 --> 00:12:52,503
and sweep you
off of the ship.
305
00:12:52,570 --> 00:12:54,672
Come on, Dad.
306
00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:55,706
I'm not a kid
anymore.
307
00:12:55,774 --> 00:12:57,741
You can't scare me
with that stuff.
308
00:12:57,809 --> 00:13:01,345
Some of those squid
are 150 feet long.
309
00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:03,281
I've heard tell of them
dragging a man down
310
00:13:03,348 --> 00:13:05,516
screaming into the sea.
311
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:09,787
Hey, you remember that pal of
mine, that sailor pal Bill?
312
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:10,787
Yeah.
313
00:13:10,855 --> 00:13:12,023
Him and I were
just like that.
314
00:13:12,090 --> 00:13:13,290
You remember him?
Yeah, yeah.
315
00:13:13,358 --> 00:13:14,592
He's heard of them, too.
316
00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:19,196
Have you ever seen one?
317
00:13:19,264 --> 00:13:23,800
No, I haven't, but I like
to believe they exist.
318
00:13:23,868 --> 00:13:27,638
That's the way I'm starting
to feel about women.
319
00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:29,907
You know, I only been
on this ship two weeks,
320
00:13:29,974 --> 00:13:32,242
but I cannot stop thinking
about them.
321
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,645
Well, that'll change when
you get to be my age.
322
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:35,880
Oh, what do you mean?
323
00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,715
Uh... you don't think
about women anymore, Dad?
324
00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:40,318
No, of course, I
think about women,
325
00:13:40,385 --> 00:13:42,920
but I also think
about fresh produce.
326
00:13:45,991 --> 00:13:47,258
Boy, what I wouldn't give
327
00:13:47,325 --> 00:13:50,794
for a nice, fresh, crispy
head of lettuce right now.
328
00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:52,763
Don't worry, son, we'll
be in port pretty soon
329
00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,465
and there'll be plenty
of women there.
330
00:13:54,533 --> 00:13:56,934
If you're lucky, you can
sleep with one of 'em.
331
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:59,403
Dad!
332
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:04,708
That is, if you fall in love
with her first.
333
00:14:04,775 --> 00:14:06,777
Well, how long are we
going to be in port?
334
00:14:06,844 --> 00:14:08,079
Six hours.
335
00:14:09,180 --> 00:14:11,715
Hey, Dad, you know,
336
00:14:11,783 --> 00:14:13,784
you're talking to me
like I'm one of the guys.
337
00:14:13,852 --> 00:14:15,753
We're shipmates now, huh?
338
00:14:15,820 --> 00:14:17,621
Yeah, I like that.
339
00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:19,823
Yeah.
340
00:14:19,891 --> 00:14:22,159
So can I ask you a question--
one guy to another?
341
00:14:22,227 --> 00:14:23,927
Sure.
342
00:14:23,995 --> 00:14:25,662
Here, sit down, sit down.
343
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,501
All those times
you were out here
344
00:14:30,568 --> 00:14:32,102
like months at a stretch,
345
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:35,005
when Mom was alive,
did you ever...?
346
00:14:35,073 --> 00:14:36,540
Was I ever unfaithful?
347
00:14:36,608 --> 00:14:39,210
No.
348
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:41,145
Of course, I can't
deny I was tempted,
349
00:14:41,212 --> 00:14:43,547
but whenever I felt
350
00:14:43,614 --> 00:14:47,318
the, uh, urges and the
stirrings, the longings,
351
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:49,286
I just thought of my
kids and, you know,
352
00:14:49,353 --> 00:14:51,355
how they'd hate me for
the rest of my life
353
00:14:51,422 --> 00:14:52,990
if I ever did
anything like that.
354
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:56,227
Ah, I wouldn't have
hated you.
355
00:14:56,294 --> 00:14:58,329
I might've even
understood.
356
00:14:58,397 --> 00:15:00,331
No kidding?
357
00:15:03,201 --> 00:15:05,135
Hmm.
358
00:15:05,203 --> 00:15:09,806
Hey, Dad, we should have had
these talks a long time ago.
359
00:15:09,874 --> 00:15:11,808
You're telling me.
360
00:15:15,546 --> 00:15:16,914
You know what I feel
like doing now, Dad?
361
00:15:16,982 --> 00:15:18,282
What's that?
Singing.
362
00:15:18,350 --> 00:15:19,750
What?
Singing.
363
00:15:19,817 --> 00:15:22,319
You know, sailors at sea--
they sing.
364
00:15:22,387 --> 00:15:25,289
Hey, Tony, sit down.
365
00:15:25,356 --> 00:15:27,825
Who told you that
sailors sing?
366
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,693
I just assumed.
367
00:15:30,795 --> 00:15:35,232
Well, what did you
think we would sing?
368
00:15:36,534 --> 00:15:38,602
Sea chanteys.
369
00:15:41,673 --> 00:15:43,507
Well, okay.
370
00:15:43,574 --> 00:15:45,876
I don't want
to disappoint you.
371
00:15:45,944 --> 00:15:48,011
You and I, we could
sing a sea chantey.
372
00:15:48,079 --> 00:15:49,212
All right, uh...
373
00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:50,348
Oh...
374
00:15:50,415 --> 00:15:53,884
Hey, Fergie, you know
any sea chanteys?
375
00:15:53,952 --> 00:15:57,154
I don't even know
what a sea chantey is.
376
00:15:57,222 --> 00:15:59,356
It's a song about the sea.
You know, like
377
00:15:59,424 --> 00:16:01,825
with, with rum and
women and sailing.
378
00:16:05,230 --> 00:16:06,764
"New York, New York"?
379
00:16:08,333 --> 00:16:09,599
Perfect.
380
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:10,601
What do you mean, perfect?
381
00:16:10,669 --> 00:16:12,236
I know that one.
382
00:16:12,303 --> 00:16:13,270
Okay.
383
00:16:14,972 --> 00:16:17,174
¶ Dum, dum, da-da dum
384
00:16:17,242 --> 00:16:19,410
¶ Da-dum, dum, da-da dum
385
00:16:19,477 --> 00:16:22,346
¶ Da-dum, dum, da-da,
da, da, da... ¶
386
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:26,082
¶ Start spreading the news
387
00:16:26,150 --> 00:16:30,554
¶ We're leavin' today... ¶
388
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:32,456
(all mumbling)
389
00:16:32,524 --> 00:16:35,292
I want to be
a part of it?
390
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,761
Brand-new start?
391
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:40,697
¶ New York, New York
392
00:16:40,765 --> 00:16:42,700
¶ I want to...
393
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:45,002
(all mumbling)
394
00:16:45,069 --> 00:16:46,737
¶ Vagabond shoes...
395
00:16:46,804 --> 00:16:47,738
That's it!
396
00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:49,840
¶ Those vagabond shoes
397
00:16:49,908 --> 00:16:52,943
¶ Are longing to stray...
398
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:57,781
(all mumbling)
399
00:16:57,848 --> 00:17:01,252
¶ New York, New York
400
00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:04,421
¶ I want to wake up
401
00:17:04,489 --> 00:17:08,759
¶ In the city that
doesn't sleep ¶
402
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:09,760
(cheering)
403
00:17:09,828 --> 00:17:11,896
You did great!
¶ To find I...
404
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:14,365
¶ Da-da, da-da...
405
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:17,935
¶ Something,
something on a heap ¶
406
00:17:18,002 --> 00:17:19,869
¶ New York, New York
407
00:17:19,937 --> 00:17:21,739
No, that comes later.
What's the matter with you?
408
00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,240
¶ Those vagabond shoes...
409
00:17:23,308 --> 00:17:24,541
No, no, we did
vagabond shoes.
410
00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:26,176
Oh! ¶ These little
town blues ¶
411
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:27,211
Yeah, yeah, that's it.
412
00:17:27,279 --> 00:17:30,514
¶ These little town blues
413
00:17:30,582 --> 00:17:34,184
¶ Are melting away
414
00:17:34,252 --> 00:17:38,055
¶ Da, da, da, da-da
415
00:17:38,123 --> 00:17:39,690
¶ Da-da, da
416
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:43,060
¶ New York, New York
417
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:47,364
¶ If I can make it there
418
00:17:47,432 --> 00:17:51,401
¶ I'll make it anywhere ¶
419
00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:53,537
¶ It's up to you ¶
420
00:17:53,604 --> 00:18:00,478
¶ New York, New York!
421
00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:10,286
You know, Dad,
I really like Singapore.
422
00:18:10,354 --> 00:18:12,656
It's the best bar
we've been in so far.
423
00:18:12,724 --> 00:18:14,558
What's so great
about this bar?
424
00:18:14,625 --> 00:18:16,693
There's nothing
floating in my drink.
425
00:18:16,761 --> 00:18:18,562
(both laughing)
426
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,731
You know, Tony,
I'm really proud of you.
427
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,700
You turned out to be
a hell of a sailor.
428
00:18:22,767 --> 00:18:25,936
You know, Dad, I thought I could
be an all right sailor.
429
00:18:26,004 --> 00:18:27,771
Maybe even a pretty good sailor.
430
00:18:27,839 --> 00:18:31,007
But I tell you, I never thought
I could make "hell of a sailor."
431
00:18:31,075 --> 00:18:33,043
Hey, Sparky, old buddy!
432
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:35,045
How's it going?
433
00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:36,680
Can I buy you a drink?
434
00:18:36,747 --> 00:18:39,717
I'm afraid you have me
confused with somebody else.
435
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:42,452
Oh, well, let me
buy you a drink anyway.
436
00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:44,020
No, thank you.
437
00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:46,523
Hey, it's been a great trip
so far, huh, Tony?
438
00:18:46,591 --> 00:18:48,024
Dad, I got to tell you...
439
00:18:48,092 --> 00:18:49,927
It's the best month of my life.
440
00:18:49,994 --> 00:18:52,396
Thanks for
giving it to me.
441
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:53,964
Let's have just one
little drink together.
442
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,133
I don't want to.
443
00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,469
Hey, Dad, don't be hurt.
444
00:18:58,537 --> 00:18:59,670
But you know, after this trip,
445
00:18:59,737 --> 00:19:01,672
I don't think
I want to go back to sea.
446
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,440
I think I'm going
to stay in New York.
447
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:05,976
Okay. You want another drink?
448
00:19:06,043 --> 00:19:07,311
You don't care?
449
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:09,146
Hell, no.
450
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,282
I'm just glad that we
had this time together.
451
00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:14,151
You know, I still feel guilty
about being such a bad father.
452
00:19:14,219 --> 00:19:15,318
What's the matter?
453
00:19:15,386 --> 00:19:16,820
I ain't good enough
to drink with you?
454
00:19:16,887 --> 00:19:19,756
Bad father?
Are you crazy, Dad?
455
00:19:19,824 --> 00:19:22,326
Well, I was never around
when you were a kid.
456
00:19:22,394 --> 00:19:26,330
Hey, this guy thinks I ain't
good enough to drink with him.
457
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:28,932
I suppose nobody here's good
enough to drink with him.
458
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,634
Hey, Dad, let me
tell you something.
459
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:32,168
You've been a great father,
460
00:19:32,236 --> 00:19:34,137
and we've had
great times sailing.
461
00:19:34,205 --> 00:19:36,039
I just hope I can
remember them all.
462
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,076
You'll remember this one.
463
00:19:39,144 --> 00:19:40,076
(groans)
464
00:19:40,144 --> 00:19:41,678
Hey-hey-hey!
465
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:43,947
(grunting and groaning)
466
00:19:44,015 --> 00:19:45,382
Look out, son!
467
00:19:53,424 --> 00:19:55,325
I still think I
was a terrible father.
468
00:19:55,393 --> 00:19:57,628
I think you're being a little
hard on yourself, Dad, really.
469
00:19:57,696 --> 00:19:59,630
(yelling)
470
00:20:07,538 --> 00:20:10,474
(grunting and groaning)
471
00:20:20,585 --> 00:20:23,153
I was never home
on your birthday.
472
00:20:25,256 --> 00:20:28,191
Yeah, but from wherever you were
in the world, you called me.
473
00:20:28,259 --> 00:20:29,726
(shrieking)
474
00:20:30,996 --> 00:20:33,530
(yelling)
475
00:20:34,732 --> 00:20:36,667
(screaming, glass breaking)
476
00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:40,971
I missed your high
school graduation.
477
00:20:42,474 --> 00:20:43,640
I didn't graduate.
478
00:20:43,708 --> 00:20:45,442
Oh, good.
479
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:52,315
(glass shatters)
480
00:20:59,456 --> 00:21:01,190
Here, son!
481
00:21:01,258 --> 00:21:02,392
You take this one!
482
00:21:03,761 --> 00:21:05,295
(grunting and groaning)
483
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:18,041
I'll meet you
in the middle, son.
484
00:21:18,108 --> 00:21:20,844
Shouldn't we introduce
these two gentlemen?
485
00:21:26,284 --> 00:21:27,384
You know something?
(man groaning)
486
00:21:27,451 --> 00:21:29,385
This is better
than Brooklyn.
487
00:21:32,957 --> 00:21:35,525
(moaning)
488
00:21:35,593 --> 00:21:36,693
Let's get...
489
00:21:42,867 --> 00:21:44,200
Hey, Dad?
490
00:21:45,303 --> 00:21:47,070
Ow!
491
00:21:50,441 --> 00:21:54,745
So... I wasn't such
a terrible father after all?
492
00:21:54,813 --> 00:21:56,079
You were the best.
493
00:21:57,782 --> 00:21:59,315
Watch your step, son.
494
00:21:59,383 --> 00:22:00,917
I got it.
(grunts)
495
00:22:05,957 --> 00:22:07,424
You know how I know
496
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:09,760
when I've had
too much to drink?
When's that?
497
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:12,462
I always wind up
in a tattoo parlor.
498
00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:16,299
So tonight, I want
you to cut me off
499
00:22:16,367 --> 00:22:20,203
before I... uh-oh.
500
00:22:21,305 --> 00:22:23,907
We're in a tattoo parlor.
501
00:22:23,975 --> 00:22:25,241
(laughs)
502
00:22:25,309 --> 00:22:27,010
Okay, I'll pick
one out for you,
503
00:22:27,077 --> 00:22:28,445
and you pick
one out for me.
504
00:22:28,513 --> 00:22:29,780
Okay.
505
00:22:29,848 --> 00:22:30,780
All right.
506
00:22:30,848 --> 00:22:32,715
You get the octopus.
507
00:22:32,783 --> 00:22:35,519
Oh, Tony... give it
some thought.
508
00:22:35,587 --> 00:22:38,388
I want something
that will remind you of me
509
00:22:38,456 --> 00:22:40,457
and me of you
and our-our trip together.
510
00:22:40,524 --> 00:22:41,891
I got it.
511
00:22:41,959 --> 00:22:44,995
Why don't you just have my name
written across your chest?
512
00:22:45,062 --> 00:22:47,497
"Tony."
513
00:22:47,565 --> 00:22:49,499
Swell, then what do I do?
514
00:22:49,567 --> 00:22:52,135
Go live in a cave?
515
00:22:52,203 --> 00:22:53,536
I know.
516
00:22:53,604 --> 00:22:55,271
You just pick out
one that you like
517
00:22:55,339 --> 00:22:57,274
and I'll get
the same thing.
518
00:22:57,341 --> 00:22:59,843
Okay, the octopus.
Oh, Tony!
519
00:22:59,911 --> 00:23:01,144
Okay, I got it!
520
00:23:01,212 --> 00:23:03,113
The Woody Woodpecker
with the cigar.
521
00:23:03,181 --> 00:23:04,881
Perfect.
522
00:23:04,949 --> 00:23:06,883
(chuckles)
523
00:23:08,586 --> 00:23:10,187
Hey, Dad?
524
00:23:10,254 --> 00:23:12,322
Do you think
we should sober up first?
525
00:23:12,390 --> 00:23:14,391
If we sober up,
we won't do it.
526
00:23:18,596 --> 00:23:20,197
(grunts)
527
00:23:33,845 --> 00:23:36,579
(theme song playing)
528
00:23:58,002 --> 00:23:59,503
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
529
00:23:59,570 --> 00:24:00,536
(man grumbling)
35727
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