Original subtitles

(theme song playing)

Oh... Oh, no, no, no.

No, I... No, I understand.

Yeah. All right, good-bye.

Banta, Nardo? Reiger, Reiger?

ELAINE: What? ALEX: Hmm?

Come over here. Come over here.

What?

(sighs)

I just talked to Jim's brother.

It's terrible news.

What is it?

His dad dropped dead over the weekend.

Oh, my... No! ELAINE: Oh, no!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No! Oh.

Well, it looks like I'm the one that breaks the news to him.

TONY: You?

Yeah, me.

I've done this before, you know.

Ask Perez over there.

Hey, Perez, didn't I just tell you a couple of days ago

that your father died?

What?

Oh, Perez, I meant to, uh...

Oh...

Look, uh, look, I'm sorry.

Look, take the rest of the day off.

Uh, all right, look.

Look, Perez, the Lord works in mysterious ways.

Uh, I'll-I'll make it up to you.

Louie!

Louie, maybe you better

let one of us tell him.

Yeah. No, no, no, no, I can't.

Yeah. I can't. This has to come from me.

I mean, Iggy and I have a special relationship.

Yeah. Well, uh,

crazy as it sounds, Jim does consider,

uh, Louie his closest friend.

I... Oh.

Hi, Jim. Hi. Hi, Jim.

JIM: Hi. How you doing?

All right. Hey, Jim...

Now, Louie, Louie. What?

Do this right.

You're insulting me.

Uh, Jim?

Yeah? Um,

I have something to tell you.

I think you better sit down.

The best way to do this is to just come out and say it.

Come on here, come sit down.

Come sit down.

Uh...

(clears throat)

All right.

It's about your father.

He's no longer with us.

He never was.

He lives in Boston.

Uh, no, no.

Jim, he-he's gone on to his final resting place.

A condo in Palm Beach?

No, no, no, no.

Jim...

Your father died.

What?

Yeah, yeah, he died on Friday, and the funeral was Sunday.

Your brother called.

He tried to get in touch with you, but he couldn't.

Dad?

Dad's dead.

It was his heart.

(laughs)

I-I told him to lose weight.

Hey, Jim, Jim, we're really sorry about this.

Yeah... Oh, it's so horrible.

This is the way things are.

Uh, give-give... give me a cab, boss.

I want to go to work.

No, no, no, no, Jim. Take the day off.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

I want to keep my mind off my grief.

No, no, no. Take the day. What? What?

Give me a cab so I can get through the day

without thinking about my dad.

All right, uh, Jeff, give him cab four ten.

Four ten!

Boy, how ironic.

That's how much Dad weighed.

Oh!

What a week.

I mean, uh, first Garcia's dad, and now Jim's.

Garcia?

You told Perez.

Ah, no!

Hey, hi, Tony.

Damn it!

What is this world coming to?

It's not a decent place to raise kids anymore.

I'm appalled.

The Yanks lost another one?

Would I be this upset

just 'cause the Yanks lost another game?

Double-header?

To Seattle.

But it's more than that.

It's Steinbrenner. He's doing it again.

He's undermining his team,

and he's wrecking a great New York tradition.

Tony, what are you talking about?

Am I the only one who sees

that Steinbrenner's changing this whole world?

Wait. Tony, how could Steinbrenner change the world?

The domino theory.

You see, Steinbrenner ruins the spirits of the Yanks,

they lose.

Their fans become depressed and irritable.

Bus drivers, cops, waitresses--

they go to work, but they do a bad job, see?

That affects everybody in the city,

including the politicians and the bankers...

Oh...

...who make bad decisions that hurt the economy

and affect the rest of the world.

Before you know it, OPEC is raising its prices,

and there's another war breaking out in South America.

I just heard the Russians

launched another killer satellite.

Steinbrenner.

Oh, come on.

Uh, e-excuse me.

I'm looking for a James Caldwell.

Oh, I believe he changed his name.

You may know him as Jim Ignatowski.

I'm the attorney for his father's estate.

Oh, this must be about the will.

Um, well, uh...

Jim isn't here right now,

uh, so why don't you have yourself a cup of coffee,

and you wait for him?

Oh, thank you.

Here you are.

(laughs)

Oh, Jeff, give the man a donut.

What's going on, Lou?

This is the attorney for Iggy's father,

who was loaded.

I got a feeling my buddy Iggy is gonna be rich.

How's the coffee?

Fine. A cake donut?!

Oh.

Jeff!

This man is an attorney.

Give me that box.

Eight years of school.

Here. A maple log.

Oh, this is my lucky day.

Iggy...

James!

This here is, uh...

James! This is...

It's good to see you again.

It's been a long time.

Yes, it has. Who are you?

I-I... I'm John Bickers, y-your father's attorney?

Oh.

Uh, James, I-I think it's time

that we discussed your father's will.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

(clears throat)

My father dropped me out of that

when I dropped out of Harvard.

Uh, but he reinstated you a few months before he died.

As a matter of fact, your father left you...

Uh...

Three and a half million dollars.

(thumping)

I beg your pardon.

I couldn't help overhearing.

Yeah, right here.

All right.

Uh,

James, there-there is a, uh... a problem

about your inheritance.

Uh, could we talk, uh, privately?

There's nothing you can't tell me

that you can't say in front of my friends.

Well, your...

your brother and sister have petitioned the court

to establish a conservatorship of your inheritance.

Bless them.

Uh, James, you-you don't understand.

Uh, you see, they want to take you to court

to prove that you're incompetent.

Now, if they win,

they'll be in charge of your money.

They'll give you an allowance

and decide how and where you'll live.

In-In other words, the inheritance'll be yours,

but you'll be treated like a child.

That sounds pretty good.

LOUIE: Iggy!

Get over here!

Get up here!

ALEX: Jim.

They're doing you wrong.

Jim.

Jim, Jim, this is terrible.

This is terrible.

They're robbing you!

Your brother and sister, uh...

They're going against your father's wishes.

Don't you understand?

You're right!

They're not gonna get away with this!

You tell my brother and sister

they're in for more than they bargained for.

All right, Jim.

LOUIE: All right. TONY: All right. That's it.

I haven't had many fights in my life,

but what I've had, I've won.

I got my driver's license.

That's right. That's right.

Yeah.

I got my throat checked

without a tongue depressor.

And now I'm gonna get my three and a half million dollars!

ELAINE: Yay! All right, Jim!

Or fail to do so!

MAN: Please all rise.

I prefer that hearings in my chamber be informal.

Mr. Ignatowski, I'd like to be frank with you.

At this point,

the papers submitted by your brother's attorney,

Mr. Winslow, and the court investigator

presents an extremely strong case for conservatorship.

Uh, Your Honor, I would like

to address some of that evidence.

You already have in the papers you've filed with the court.

I'd like to talk to Mr. Ignatowski.

How are you feeling today, Mr. Ignatowski?

Uh, competent.

May I elaborate on that, Your Honor?

Jim

is the wisest man I ever met.

And I come from a very bright crowd.

It is a privilege to know him.

To put my feet up after a hard day's work

and listen to his wisdom.

This man is so far ahead

of the rest of us

that most people

often mistake his wisdom

for burnt-out brain cells.

Your Honor, take it from me.

This man is one smart cookie.

Boss, if you feel like that about me,

who cares about the money?

(mutters): Shut up, you idiot!

Thank you, Mr. De Palma.

Your Honor, if you don't mind, I'd like to trot out my big gun.

Could Alex Reiger

talk to you about my competency?

JUDGE: Certainly. I'd like to hear any arguments on your behalf.

Uh... okay...

Uh, Your Honor, in those papers on your desk,

uh, I know you're gonna find there are some unusual things

that Jim has done, but I can assure you

there are acceptable reasons for all of them.

Believe me.

The court has to wonder why he lived

in an abandoned building for, uh, five years.

This isn't a trial!

It's a witch hunt!

ALEX: Your Honor...

Your Honor, when you look through those papers,

you're going to find that the biggest argument

against Jim's competency are that he is so decent

that he invariably puts other people's welfare

above his own. TONY: Yeah.

This man cares absolutely nothing about material things.

No matter what happens to him,

he goes home every night a happy man.

Now, I'm scared that we've all reached a point

which means that someone like that is incompetent.

And if we have, Your Honor, then I'm scared

and I'm sorry not only for Jim,

but for the whole damn bunch of us. Hear, hear!

(cheering and applause)

You know, it's one of the problems in this court

that they tend to rerun Mr. Deeds Goes to Town

as often as they do.

I'm sure we all have our idiosyncrasies.

However, I'm afraid I must rule...

Your Honor, before you do that, one more thing.

What is it?

What about Howard Hughes?

He was a man who had billions of dollars

and four-foot toenails.

No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, forget Howard Hughes.

What about George Steinbrenner? Yeah.

Is a man competent... is a man competent

that would let Reggie Jackson go to the Angels?

That would go through four managers

in one year, Your Honor?

Mis... Mr. Steinbrenner

isn't the subject of this hearing...

unfortunately.

Could I say something?

JUDGE: If you wish.

Do you wish me to stand?

However you're most comfortable.

That's as comfortable as I can get.

What did you want to say?

Nothing.

Except that I wanted to invite everybody here

to my victory party at the Pierre Hotel.

We're going to have plenty of those big shrimp.

Mr. Ignatowski...

I must rule in favor of the conservatorship.

Your Honor...

My inheritance is between me and my dad.

No one else.

Please...

don't take that away from me.

No kidding around.

Please.

I'm sorry.

(knock at door)

Hi, Jim.

Hi, Elaine.

Do you want to be alone?

Hell, no.

Come on in.

You know you have a trunk out here?

Uh... yes.

It's my dad's trunk.

Oh.

Some of his belongings.

A couple of guys dropped it off yesterday.

Make yourself comfortable.

Let me get you something to drink.

No, nothing, thank you.

You know, you really should bring this trunk in.

(stammering): Oh, no, I... I don't think so.

Oh, no, come on, Jim, you've got to bring it in.

Oh, I-I don't. Well, if you're not

going to bring it in, I'm going to bring it in.

I-I wish you wouldn't.

Uh... uh, please, don't.

It's your father's trunk.

It's for you. Well... (clears throat)

(grunting) Uh, if you insist on it,

why don't you put it over there

in front of the couch?

Or, uh... right there is fine.

So... well...

what do you think of my new place?

Oh, yeah, I like it.

I like it.

Did you pick out, uh, the furniture yourself?

No, no.

No, a decorator friend helped me.

Y-You know...

what really makes me feel bad?

What?

Leaving that money

was my dad's way of saying,

"You're okay after all, Jim."

And I never got the chance to say back to him,

"You're not so bad yourself, big guy."

Oh...

Elaine, I... I've changed my mind.

I think I would like to be alone.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Okay.

Um...

God, Jim...

I mean, you know you're not incompetent.

Sure.

If I was incompetent,

would I feel this bad?

(chuckles)

No, you wouldn't.

Oh...

You promise you'll call me if you want to talk?

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Uh, would you like the trunk?

(chuckles)

No, thanks.

Good night. Good night.

Why did Dad want me to have this stuff?

My graduation picture.

Gee, I didn't know Dad kept this.

I didn't know I graduated.

Dad's best suit.

He was married in this.

He was so proud

that 25 years later he could still fit into it.

(thud)

Dad...

I-I'm sorry I haven't cried.

I don't know why I haven't cried.

(sobbing)

I feel awful that I haven't cried.

(sobbing)

Wait! I'm crying.

But am I crying because I lost you

or because I didn't cry?

Wait, I stopped.

(sobs): But I was crying.

I didn't want to stop.

I'm crying again.

No, I stopped.

I'm sorry we never got a chance to say good-bye.

I don't remember if I told you that I love you.

I do.

Did you know that?

I wish I could hear you answer me.

I wish I could hear you say something.

(rattling)

You left me a tape?

(click)

(Stevie Wonder's "You Are the Sunshine of My Life" plays)

You like Stevie Wonder?

¶ You are the sunshine of my life ¶

¶ That's why I'll always be around ¶

¶ You are the apple of my eye

¶ Forever you'll stay in my heart ¶

¶ I feel like this is the beginning ¶

¶ Though I've loved you for a million years ¶

¶ And if I thought our love was ending ¶

¶ I'd find myself ¶

¶ Drowning in my own tears

¶ Whoa, whoa, whoa-oh-oh

¶ You are the sunshine of my life ¶

Oh!

¶ Yeah

¶ That's why I'll always stay around ¶

¶ Mm-mmm, yeah, yeah

¶ You are the apple of my eye

¶ Forever you'll stay... ¶

(theme song playing)

WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)