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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:04,630 [funky horn music] 2 00:00:04,630 --> 00:00:05,756 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:05,756 --> 00:00:06,840 ‐ Ah. 4 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,342 ‐ This hot dog is quite suspicious. 5 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:09,843 What do you think is going on here? 6 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,845 ‐ Yep, you guys are onto me. I do have some big news. 7 00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,180 ‐ Oh, my God, Garrett, are you dying? 8 00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,306 Can we have your funeral at Coachella? 9 00:00:14,306 --> 00:00:15,682 ‐ I'm not dying. ‐ Come on, die. 10 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,351 Do it for the 'Gram. ‐ No. 11 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,186 Look, the reason I brought you all here today 12 00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,187 is because... 13 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:21,813 I might run for office again. 14 00:00:21,813 --> 00:00:23,690 Queens borough president. ‐ Okay, wait. 15 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,691 Are you sure you're ready for this? 16 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984 I mean, you've only been away for six months. 17 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,862 Even Billy Bush had the sense to lie low for longer than that. 18 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,030 ‐ This is actually the perfect job for me. 19 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,531 There are no bills to write. No votes. 20 00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:32,699 Very little reading. That rules. 21 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,202 Plus, I have a direct line of communication to the mayor. 22 00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,371 That means I get to be an advocate for folks like you. 23 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:40,082 ‐ Okay. But will you still have time to teach the class 24 00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,083 while you're campaigning? 25 00:00:41,083 --> 00:00:42,960 ‐ Of course. And who even says I'm campaigning? 26 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,378 This is all just a big maybe. 27 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,797 [horn blares] 28 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,715 ‐ That's a really big bus for a maybe. 29 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:49,925 ‐ Well, it's just for a listening tour. 30 00:00:49,925 --> 00:00:52,219 Kind of get out there and feel the needs of the constituents. 31 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,887 See? It says it right there. "Listening tour." 32 00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,347 ‐ Guys, great news. 33 00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:57,057 I just spoke to Drazen's immigration attorney 34 00:00:57,057 --> 00:00:58,225 and she got him a new bond hearing. 35 00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,519 She thinks he can be out of custody as early as tomorrow. 36 00:01:00,519 --> 00:01:01,687 ‐ No way. That's awesome! 37 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:02,729 ‐ Hey, you gotta move that bus! 38 00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,897 ‐ What the hell is that? 39 00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:06,233 ‐ Uh, listen, while you're here, quick question for you. 40 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,109 You don't have to answer right away, 41 00:01:07,109 --> 00:01:08,735 but, uh, I would love your endorsement. 42 00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:09,903 ‐ Absolutely not. 43 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,654 ‐ You don't have to answer right away. 44 00:01:10,654 --> 00:01:11,655 ‐ Nope. ‐ Just take your time. 45 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,198 Think it over. ‐ No, yeah, it's a hard, hard, 46 00:01:13,198 --> 00:01:14,992 hard no. ‐ Okay, yeah, cool. 47 00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:16,743 Uh, all right, um... ‐ What did you do? 48 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:17,703 ‐ No, nothing. Everything's fine. 49 00:01:17,703 --> 00:01:19,079 ‐ What did you do? ‐ Everything's great. 50 00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,914 Take her away, Jeff! 51 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,917 [funky horn music] 52 00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,253 ♪ ♪ 53 00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,213 ‐ All right, listen up, everyone. 54 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:31,425 Mr. Modi has a full schedule, so he will not be in class. 55 00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:33,594 But don't worry, we've arranged for a substitute. 56 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,554 Also, I am Garrett's new communications director. 57 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:37,931 ‐ You're too old to be a communications director. 58 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:38,890 I sent her a text. 59 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:41,727 She responded by calling me on the phone 60 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:43,687 and leaving me a voicemail. 61 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:44,521 ‐ Ew. ‐ [gasps] 62 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,897 ‐ Griselda's incredibly qualified. 63 00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,274 And without question, the only person 64 00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,066 who would do it for free. ‐ Yeah. 65 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:48,942 Someday I'm going to be a citizen 66 00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:49,985 and I'm going to have to aim higher 67 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,404 than working at this dump. ‐ This is not a dump. 68 00:01:52,404 --> 00:01:54,781 This is the oasis from which we will spring forth 69 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:58,118 as citizens of this grand experiment known as America. 70 00:01:58,118 --> 00:01:59,786 ‐ Someone pooped in the tampon machine this morning. 71 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:02,456 ‐ I will pray for your career transition to go smoothly. 72 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,291 ‐ Dude, I thought you said you still have time to do the class. 73 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,084 ‐ No, no, no, I will. Uh... I will, I will. 74 00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:09,796 And this is only for today. I'll be back, I promise. 75 00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:11,757 ‐ Class without Garrett, 76 00:02:11,757 --> 00:02:13,216 that's like class without Hakim. 77 00:02:13,216 --> 00:02:14,176 I bring such a unique flavor 78 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,428 and I've got dimples that just won't quit. 79 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,930 ‐ Whatever. Jun Ho and I are totally used to being abandoned 80 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:20,307 by father figures. 81 00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,602 ‐ Yeah. It won't make us act out at all. 82 00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:25,145 ‐ Hey! 83 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:27,898 ‐ You should call Garrett. Tell him how bad I've been. 84 00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:29,232 ‐ Get your foot out of my pant leg. 85 00:02:29,232 --> 00:02:30,567 ‐ Oh, no, that's my foot. 86 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:32,653 And you can tell Garrett I've been bad too. 87 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,404 ‐ Wha...? 88 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:39,242 ‐ It is I, Eric, your substitute teacher. 89 00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:43,372 Or shall I say, "substi‐truth teacher." 90 00:02:43,372 --> 00:02:45,290 [laughs] ‐ No! Get him out of here. 91 00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:46,792 Someone pull the fire alarm. 92 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,795 ‐ Death, sex, money. 93 00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:50,712 Dragons. 94 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:52,839 Am I talking about the latest HBO drama? 95 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:57,177 No. I'm talking about the most binge‐able show ever. 96 00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,012 American history. 97 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,098 ‐ Dragons? 98 00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,475 ‐ I hate you so much. 99 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:05,018 ‐ [laughs] 100 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,103 [funky horn music] 101 00:03:06,103 --> 00:03:08,188 ‐ There's out guy. So, listen, 102 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,148 these town halls are mostly for publicity. 103 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:12,192 Our strategy? Be brief. Don't engage too much. 104 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,611 ‐ Yeah, or better yet, don't say anything at all. 105 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:18,198 Our testing shows that people respond to empathetic grunts. 106 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,659 both: [grunting empathetically] 107 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,036 ‐ Wait, guys, I thought the only reason you wanted me to run 108 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,705 was the speech I gave at the BQE last week. 109 00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,665 You said you liked how I didn't pull any punches. 110 00:03:26,665 --> 00:03:29,334 ‐ Yes, but that was when you were a civilian. 111 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,044 Now that you're potentially running, 112 00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,879 start pulling, or better yet, 113 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,339 avoid punches altogether. 114 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:35,549 ‐ Politics is about compromise. 115 00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,884 We learn that it's better if you don't have too many opinions 116 00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:38,885 or principles. 117 00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,679 It broadens your appeal to the most voters. 118 00:03:40,679 --> 00:03:41,680 ‐ It does. I'm sorry, 119 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,515 but I'm not trying to appeal to the most voters. 120 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,058 I'm trying to help people. ‐ Yes. 121 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,643 I love everything you just said. 122 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,228 Can I pitch you a slight rewording? 123 00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,896 Don't say any of that. ‐ Guys, I'm sorry, 124 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,023 but I'm going to do this my way. I want to get out there 125 00:03:52,023 --> 00:03:53,483 and listen to what my constituents actually want. 126 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,402 ‐ Have you ever talked to a constituent? 127 00:03:55,402 --> 00:03:58,572 ‐ I don't want to stereotype, but the average voter 128 00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,240 is a total Steven. 129 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,742 Steven is my cousin who got kicked in the head by a horse. 130 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,244 [funky horn music] 131 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,412 ‐ Yeah, I have a problem. 132 00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,122 My commute is getting longer every day. 133 00:04:07,122 --> 00:04:08,957 ‐ I hear you, sir, and I promise to work 134 00:04:08,957 --> 00:04:10,292 with the MTA to address that. 135 00:04:10,292 --> 00:04:12,419 ‐ No, the actual distance is getting longer. 136 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,421 Someone's moving Brooklyn a little further away 137 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,756 from Queens, and I think I know who's doing it. 138 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:18,258 The Puerto Ricans. 139 00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,926 ‐ This city needs more bike lanes. 140 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:20,844 ‐ I couldn't agree more. 141 00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,429 We need to encourage green transportation. 142 00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:23,764 ‐ Oh, I don't care about that. 143 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,056 My ex rides a bike. 144 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:26,933 And more lanes means more chances 145 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:28,351 for me to hit him with my car. 146 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,353 ‐ So dogs are allowed to walk around nude 147 00:04:30,353 --> 00:04:33,732 on a leash, but when I do it I get arrested? 148 00:04:33,732 --> 00:04:35,066 Double standard much? 149 00:04:35,066 --> 00:04:36,443 [funky horn music] 150 00:04:36,443 --> 00:04:39,571 ‐ [beatboxing] 151 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:43,617 Boom! 152 00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,285 And that's how a bill becomes a law. 153 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,120 So your homework tonight 154 00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:50,332 is to make sure that you set your DVRs to "NCIS." 155 00:04:50,332 --> 00:04:52,125 I'm playing a mangled corpse. [chuckles] 156 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,628 Gratitude. Hey, remember: 157 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:58,715 don't quit your daydream. [sighs] 158 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:00,258 ‐ [groans] ‐ At least it's just temporary 159 00:05:00,258 --> 00:05:02,219 until Garrett returns. ‐ If he returns. 160 00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:03,970 ‐ Okay, well, let's not overreact here. 161 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,305 There's a very simple solution. 162 00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:07,307 We just get some of Garrett's DNA, 163 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:10,101 and then we have our dad make a clone. 164 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:11,144 ‐ Yeah, but fair warning, 165 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,938 the clone will try to kill us, 166 00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,481 but that's why we always make three. 167 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:17,818 The second clone will protect us from the first clone. 168 00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:18,985 ‐ What's the third one do? 169 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,737 ‐ Oh, that one's purely for sex stuff. 170 00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:21,822 [percussive music] 171 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,324 ‐ I'm just saying, how do we know that ninja turtles 172 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,409 don't live in the sewers unless we check? 173 00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:27,828 ‐ Yeah, that's a great question. ‐ Uh, excuse me. 174 00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,539 I just need to speak to Mr. Modi for one second. 175 00:05:30,539 --> 00:05:32,207 Please. ‐ Yeah, sure, sure. 176 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:33,375 Avoid the question. 177 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,751 Just like Shredder will want you to do. 178 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:36,336 ‐ Drazen's hearing is in 30 minutes. 179 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,921 If we're going to make it, we have to wrap it up. 180 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:39,005 ‐ Oh, crap, I want to go, 181 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:40,131 but I can't bail on these people. 182 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,132 They have so many problems. 183 00:05:41,132 --> 00:05:42,676 ‐ Leaving right now would not be good optics. 184 00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,470 ‐ Crap. But I promised I'd be there for my friends, 185 00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,138 and no one's been through more than Drazen. 186 00:05:47,138 --> 00:05:48,515 Ah, I just wish there was some way 187 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,766 to make all these people disappear. 188 00:05:49,766 --> 00:05:52,686 ‐ Don't worry, I got you. 189 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,814 Uh, hi, everyone, excuse me. Um, I just needed to tell 190 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:58,441 Mr. Modi that there is a rat carrying a bagel 191 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:00,861 down the stairs. ‐ A rat carrying food? 192 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:02,988 This I got to see. ‐ What kind of bagel is it? 193 00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:05,323 ‐ Let's go, let's go. ‐ I heard it's cinnamon raisin. 194 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:07,534 ‐ Let's go. Let's go. 195 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,703 ‐ Drazen's about to get out and Garrett's gonna miss it. 196 00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,288 ‐ No, he'll be here. I have faith. 197 00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,998 ‐ Oh, he better. I spent all night 198 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:14,082 drawing this picture of us. 199 00:06:14,082 --> 00:06:16,293 ‐ Wow. Stick figures with genitals. 200 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:17,544 Interesting choice. 201 00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:19,880 ‐ I made a drawing for Garrett too. 202 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,214 ‐ Ah, this one is just genitals. 203 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,508 I'm assuming the one with glasses is me. 204 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,343 ‐ Dang, who's that with Drazen's wife? 205 00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:28,054 She's so pretty. She looks like Princess Peach. 206 00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,557 I mean, Pamela Anderson. 207 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,893 ‐ That's Drazen's niece, Madalina. 208 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,352 I saw her at the Moldovan bodega 209 00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,562 when I was picking up this great hair gel. 210 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:36,605 It's made out of eggplants, 211 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,523 and it's got a little bit of red pepper and salt, 212 00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:40,191 and there's a sausage on the label. 213 00:06:40,191 --> 00:06:42,068 I'm just realizing now it's a condiment. 214 00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,695 ‐ Yeah, condoms, yeah, um... 215 00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:46,239 Hey, Lyudmila. It‐‐it's Brady. 216 00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,074 You‐‐you remember? So, Madalina‐‐ 217 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:49,701 ‐ Don't even think about it. 218 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:53,455 Madalina's only interested in nice Moldovan boys. 219 00:06:53,455 --> 00:06:55,290 ‐ Oh, but I am a nice Moldovan boy. 220 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,166 You didn't hear that. 221 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:57,626 My mommy says I'm her little mishka. 222 00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,544 You tell anyone, and I swear to God... 223 00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,714 ‐ You are not a real Moldovan. Your back is hairless 224 00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:06,051 and there's still hope in your eyes. 225 00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:08,219 ‐ I made it. I made it. ‐ Daddy! 226 00:07:08,219 --> 00:07:10,930 ‐ Oh, my God. I ran... just... 227 00:07:10,930 --> 00:07:12,349 from the car to here. 228 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,684 I am so out of shape and my left arm is numb. 229 00:07:14,684 --> 00:07:15,518 Is that bad? 230 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:16,645 ‐ All right, the supporting documents 231 00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:20,231 you submitted in front of me regarding the respondent, 232 00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:22,734 Drazen Barbu... 233 00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:23,777 Bond is granted. 234 00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:26,363 You are free to go until your deportation hearing 235 00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:28,114 next month. That being all, 236 00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,699 this hearing is closed. 237 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,535 [upbeat music] [cheers and applause] 238 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:33,286 ♪ ♪ 239 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,789 ‐ Yeah! Whoo! 240 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,837 ‐ It must've been terrible there in detention. 241 00:07:42,837 --> 00:07:43,838 ‐ Nah. You find a way to get by. 242 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:47,384 Have you heard of transcendental meditation? 243 00:07:47,384 --> 00:07:48,426 It doesn't work at all. 244 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,761 ‐ Look, we want to help put all that behind you. 245 00:07:49,761 --> 00:07:52,889 There's got to be tons of stuff you're just dying to do, right? 246 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:55,141 ‐ Oh, yes. I would like to go to the toilet 247 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,434 without someone watching me. 248 00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:57,602 ‐ Definitely. 249 00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,479 But also, you deserve a fun day out. 250 00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,773 Anything you want, keeping in mind I have $57. 251 00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,401 ‐ Oh, Drazen day. Yes, I love this idea. 252 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,069 ‐ Oh, okay, wait a minute. I do too, 253 00:08:06,069 --> 00:08:07,904 but Garrett, there's no way. You're schedule is packed. 254 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:10,448 You have meetings, interviews. You have a sit‐down 255 00:08:10,448 --> 00:08:11,991 with the Times Square Off‐Brand Elmos Union. 256 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:14,327 ‐ Yeah, great, whatever. Just go ahead and go. 257 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,412 Actually, the sooner you go, 258 00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:17,872 the sooner I can get a face tattoo and get pregnant. 259 00:08:17,872 --> 00:08:20,959 And then have the baby and get it a face tattoo too, so... 260 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:22,127 you should go. 261 00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,420 ‐ Okay, what's going on here? 262 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:25,171 ‐ I believe some of their abandonment issues 263 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,340 have bubbled to the surface. ‐ [snickers] Abandonment issues? 264 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,008 Yeah, right. Get lost. Wait, no, don't go. 265 00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,510 I'm so sorry I did wrong whatever I did. 266 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,345 I'll do better. I'm a good little boy. 267 00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,639 ‐ Guys, it's okay, I can do two things at once. 268 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:35,640 So what do you want to do? 269 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,684 ‐ Well, in detention, the food was terrible. 270 00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,270 I think it's a good idea for all of us to go out 271 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:41,980 and have a nice, big meal. 272 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:43,523 ‐ Love that idea. 273 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,442 Should we all invite our‐‐ our beautiful nieces? 274 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:46,943 ‐ I could, but she's in Pennsylvania. 275 00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,945 ‐ No, not you. No one was talking to you. 276 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:49,696 ‐ So it's decided. 277 00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:50,947 We're gonna have a Drazen day. 278 00:08:50,947 --> 00:08:53,324 I'll take care of my stuff and meet you at the fanciest place 279 00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:54,409 you can think of. 280 00:08:54,409 --> 00:08:56,536 ‐ Thanks for visiting Guy Fieri's Flavor Grenade. 281 00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:57,704 Can I interest you in some dessert? 282 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,415 We have a special on our carnitas enchilada milkshake. 283 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:04,377 ‐ No, no, I think I ate too much rock 'n' roll Irish rigatoni. 284 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,545 ‐ What made it Irish? 285 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,713 ‐ They pour Guinness all over it. 286 00:09:06,713 --> 00:09:09,007 ‐ [grunts] Don't mind me. 287 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,217 I just want to sit next to my fellow Moldovans. 288 00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,136 ‐ Okay. ‐ Ah, Bojan. 289 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,513 You have finally embraced your motherland. 290 00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:20,143 She welcomes you into her soft and drunken bosom. 291 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:22,687 ‐ No, I've always been, like, super into Moldova. 292 00:09:22,687 --> 00:09:25,523 ‐ Why do you describe Moldova as the oozing sore 293 00:09:25,523 --> 00:09:27,525 on Europe's taint? ‐ [laughs] Okay. 294 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,694 That's just an old folksy expression, 295 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,905 Hakim, you dumb block, you blocker. 296 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,031 ‐ Hey, everybody, I'm sorry I'm late. 297 00:09:33,031 --> 00:09:36,367 My meeting ran long. Is it too late for me to order 298 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:38,411 a... none of this? 299 00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,621 ‐ We're all done. 300 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:42,082 But we are going to go back to the bar and have a drink. 301 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,249 ‐ Perfect. Let's go. 302 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,876 ‐ Wait, Garrett, you have an interview with Grantham Sloan 303 00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,377 from "The Times." You can't miss it. 304 00:09:46,377 --> 00:09:47,754 ‐ That guy's the real deal. 305 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,506 His profile on the "Cash Me Outside" girl 306 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,883 was so thoughtful it brought me to tears. 307 00:09:51,883 --> 00:09:53,426 "How 'bout that?" ‐ You just got here. 308 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,427 Are you seriously going to leave us again? 309 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:56,596 ‐ Wait, wait, wait, Garrett, look over here. 310 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,848 Look what I can do. ‐ Oh, wait, I can do that too. 311 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,100 Look at me, Garrett. ‐ Isn't this cool? 312 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,060 Does it make you want to stay? ‐ Did I do a good job, Daddy? 313 00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,603 Do you love me, Daddy? ‐ Don't go. 314 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:05,730 ‐ Stop, stop, stop, stop. Griselda, just tell Grantham 315 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,523 I'll do the interview at the bar. 316 00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:08,691 See? I can do two things at once. 317 00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:10,235 ‐ Oh, no, I think I did the splits 318 00:10:10,235 --> 00:10:13,071 into some Donkey Sauce and now I'm stuck to the floor. 319 00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:14,948 [funky horn music] 320 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,075 ‐ May I have everyone's attention, please? 321 00:10:17,075 --> 00:10:19,911 This one goes out to Madalina, from Bojan, 322 00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:22,497 your "Moldovan word for friend." 323 00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:24,290 I guess I was supposed to Google that? 324 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,333 [chuckles] 325 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,584 [traditional Moldovan music playing] 326 00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:28,628 ‐ This is one of our most famous songs. 327 00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,421 It has my favorite words. 328 00:10:30,421 --> 00:10:33,299 "Moldova, Moldova, God has forsaken us. 329 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:38,054 Our wheat is on fire. We now must eat tires." 330 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:39,764 ‐ [speaks in foreign language] Madalina. 331 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,809 You know, I can't help but feel this connection to you. 332 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:43,810 Must be the old country. 333 00:10:43,810 --> 00:10:46,437 It's like our blood is calling to each other. 334 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,815 ‐ Everyone's blood in Moldova is more or less the same, 335 00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:49,983 'cause of all the cousin marriage. 336 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:53,403 ‐ Cool. Love that about our culture. 337 00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:56,114 So... Do you want to go out some time? 338 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:59,450 ‐ That's so sweet, but you're just, like, 339 00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,579 really, really Moldovan. 340 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,997 ‐ Right? But you‐‐you like that, though? 341 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,832 ‐ Oh, God, no. I just tell that to my family 342 00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,834 so they get off my back. Honestly, 343 00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:09,794 I prefer dating dumb American frat dudes. 344 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,337 ‐ But that's me. I'm so basic. 345 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,464 My favorite movie is "Transformers 2." 346 00:11:13,464 --> 00:11:15,258 I post gym selfies with hashtag "hustle" 347 00:11:15,258 --> 00:11:16,634 and "no days off." 348 00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:18,303 ‐ You don't have to lie to me. ‐ I'm not lying. 349 00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:21,139 I am seriously considering getting a Joe Rogan tattoo. 350 00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:22,974 ‐ Well, I should go. I have a Tinder date 351 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,351 with a guy named Cody at P. F. Chang's. 352 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:27,312 Bye, cuz. ‐ [sighs] 353 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,939 That's my favorite Chinese food. 354 00:11:29,939 --> 00:11:33,985 It's the only Chinese food that comes with a side of ranch. 355 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,612 ‐ Mr. Modi. Grantham Sloan. 356 00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:36,738 ‐ Hi. Nice to meet you. 357 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:39,115 ‐ I must say, if you're trying to change your image, 358 00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,950 scheduling your first major interview at a bar 359 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,035 is an interesting choice. 360 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,162 ‐ I realize that, but we're actually here to celebrate 361 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,206 a friend who was just released from ICE detention. 362 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,833 I can assure you I'm approaching this election very seriously. 363 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:50,835 ‐ Hey, Daddy, look at me. Look at what I can do. 364 00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:54,130 Ooh. I had a whole other thing. I just... 365 00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:55,673 ‐ [clears throat] Look, I really 366 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:56,883 only have one question. 367 00:11:56,883 --> 00:12:00,386 Why on Earth should anyone trust you to hold office again? 368 00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:01,846 I mean, what's changed? 369 00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:04,724 ‐ Yeah, so what's changed is the people in this bar 370 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,559 who are now such a big part of my life. 371 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,394 If I run again, it'll be because of them. 372 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,355 Griselda here has to work 12 jobs 373 00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:13,024 just to make ends meet, but the promise of this country 374 00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:15,818 is worth it to her. Hakim used to be a doctor. 375 00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,738 Now he drives a cab. Brady down there 376 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:22,742 has learned that you can wear a swimsuit as underwear. 377 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,202 Uh, and‐‐ ‐ Hello, everyone. 378 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:25,536 I would like to make announcement. 379 00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:27,038 ‐ Perfect timing. This is Drazen, 380 00:12:27,038 --> 00:12:29,415 our guest of honor. Every day that he walks free 381 00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:31,251 in this country, I consider a personal victory. 382 00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,045 ‐ I will never forget the kindness and love 383 00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:35,755 that you all showed me today. 384 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,509 And that makes it truly perfect way to say... 385 00:12:39,509 --> 00:12:41,052 Goodbye. ‐ Goodbye? 386 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:45,265 ‐ Yes. I'm self‐deporting back to Moldova. 387 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,601 Now, who wants to disco? 388 00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,709 [upbeat dance music] 389 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,902 ‐ This is the worst. Now Drazen's leaving us too? 390 00:12:57,902 --> 00:12:59,279 ‐ We must not be hot enough. 391 00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:02,782 No, wait. You're a 10 and I'm a 10.5. 392 00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,118 What's going on here? ‐ I know it's been hard, 393 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,202 but you can't give up now. 394 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:09,956 ‐ I'm happy to give up. I'm tired of the uncertainty. 395 00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,458 It's like me going to your house every single day 396 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,295 and say, "I think I'm gonna throw you in the street, 397 00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:18,298 "today. Or maybe it will be tomorrow, 398 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,924 or maybe never?" ‐ No, Drazen, 399 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:20,842 if you keep fighting, 400 00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:23,136 you will be an American citizen someday. 401 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,637 I promise. ‐ You're a good man, Garrett, 402 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:27,974 but you cannot guarantee that. I could still be deported. 403 00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,810 At least now I leave on my own terms, 404 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,312 in the best possible way, 405 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,647 with the taste of Guy Fieri in my mouth. 406 00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,774 [blues rock music playing] 407 00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:39,152 Bye, Garrett. 408 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:41,821 ‐ Okay. Hey, we need a plan, all right? 409 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,322 Something big, to really convince Drazen 410 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:44,490 that America's worth fighting for. 411 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:47,452 Twins, do you know how to get, like, a live bald eagle? 412 00:13:47,452 --> 00:13:48,995 If we can sort of figure out a way to make it seem 413 00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:51,539 like it's talking. ‐ What if he's right? 414 00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:52,498 ‐ What? 415 00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,001 ‐ Drazen has a point. There are no guarantees, 416 00:13:55,001 --> 00:13:56,961 and the truth of the matter is that a lot of people 417 00:13:56,961 --> 00:13:57,962 don't even want us here. 418 00:13:57,962 --> 00:13:59,964 ‐ Or even see us as human beings. 419 00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:00,840 We're invisible to them. 420 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,176 That's why everyone is always vomiting 421 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,303 or having sex in my cab. 422 00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,637 Sometimes in the same trip. 423 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:08,681 ‐ I'm probably gonna end up back in Moldova too. 424 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:10,308 It's the worst. Our first king 425 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,185 was best friends with Dracula. 426 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,854 I don't want to hang out with Dracula's grandkids 427 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,022 counting all the time. 428 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,816 ‐ What is wrong with you guys? I feel like I'm talking 429 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:19,984 to a bunch of strangers. 430 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,694 What happened to that scrappy gang 431 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,154 that was searching for their hero 432 00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,989 and begged me to be their teacher, huh? 433 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,866 ‐ Garrett. ‐ Oh, this is not a good time, 434 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:27,909 guys. ‐ This can't wait. 435 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,161 Look, we just got some intel that Josefina Torres 436 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,080 is getting ready to announce her run for borough president. 437 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,750 She's a Harvard‐educated PhD who served in Afghanistan. 438 00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:36,626 Unfortunately, for our side. 439 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:38,544 ‐ Also, she is way better‐looking than you. 440 00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,379 We've got to announce your candidacy now. 441 00:14:40,379 --> 00:14:41,380 ‐ Look, if we're gonna have a chance at this, 442 00:14:41,380 --> 00:14:42,882 we've got to be the first ones out the gate. 443 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,050 We're pulling an all‐nighter. 444 00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:46,344 You've got a speech to write, press conference to hold. 445 00:14:46,344 --> 00:14:48,012 Honestly, you got to start doing some squats. 446 00:14:48,012 --> 00:14:50,014 We need that butt to pop. ‐ Wha‐‐uh? 447 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,391 ‐ It's now or never. ‐ [groans] 448 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,560 All right, I'm sorry, okay? I have to go, 449 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,269 but this is not over. 450 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,854 ‐ Don't leave with them, Garrett. 451 00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:58,397 I don't care how good the sex is. 452 00:14:58,397 --> 00:14:59,273 No, no, I'm not having sex with them. 453 00:14:59,273 --> 00:15:01,901 ‐ Then what the hell is even going on? 454 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,028 [funky horn music] 455 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,739 ‐ Ooh, Garrett, we're gonna need you to change that tie. 456 00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:10,243 Our testing indicates that that shade of blue reads "beta cuck"? 457 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:11,410 ‐ Okay, fine, but can we speed this up, please? 458 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:12,745 I really need to get back to my friends. 459 00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,456 ‐ Oh, I'd give them some space. They seem a little depressed. 460 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,959 And I'm not saying Brady is definitely an incel, 461 00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,710 but I was considering taking one for the team 462 00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,795 and letting him honk one. 463 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:23,422 ‐ We were actually hoping you could bring your friends 464 00:15:23,422 --> 00:15:26,217 to the announcement. It's the photo‐op of a lifetime. 465 00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:29,095 The image of all those... [whispers] diverse faces 466 00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,597 standing behind you. ‐ Why did you whisper "diverse"? 467 00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,933 ‐ Also, if one of them has a weird instrument 468 00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,726 or a curly shoe, that would play great. 469 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,104 ‐ All right, listen, my friends aren't props, okay? 470 00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,438 They're human beings. ‐ No biggie. 471 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:41,607 We'll just use the extras. ‐ What extras? 472 00:15:41,607 --> 00:15:43,568 ‐ Guys. 473 00:15:45,403 --> 00:15:46,737 ‐ Uh... 474 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:48,072 Okay, this is insane. 475 00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:49,448 And is that guy supposed to be Hakim? 476 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:50,616 His hair is all wrong. ‐ But, like, 477 00:15:50,616 --> 00:15:53,286 I'm okay with the Griselda because she is, like, fine. 478 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,454 ‐ Look, the details don't matter to the press. 479 00:15:55,454 --> 00:15:58,124 They're just a great comeback story for you. 480 00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,250 [groaning] Hold this accordion. 481 00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:02,128 ‐ This isn't what my friends are to me at all, okay? 482 00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,045 And right now, they need my help, 483 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:05,590 so I'm sorry, I have to go. ‐ Garrett. 484 00:16:05,590 --> 00:16:07,633 You need to make a decision. Are you gonna mess around 485 00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,135 in a bar all day, 486 00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,094 or do you want to get into a position 487 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,597 to actually help people like your friends? 488 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:17,935 ‐ [groans] Okay, you're right. 489 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:19,979 But I'm not taking a picture with these impostors, okay? 490 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,148 I'll, uh... I'll go talk to them. 491 00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:25,318 [funky horn music] 492 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,445 ♪ ♪ 493 00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,656 And can anyone tell me what the Bill of Rights did? 494 00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,784 ‐ Stop telling us things. You're not our real dad. 495 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,828 ‐ Neither is Garrett. ‐ What did you say about Daddy? 496 00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,831 I will sue you. ‐ Guys, we have to focus, okay? 497 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:42,168 I'm upset too, but we have a citizenship test to study for. 498 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:44,128 ‐ Why? This whole thing is a waste of time. 499 00:16:44,128 --> 00:16:46,130 Drazen's gone, Garrett's gone, 500 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,006 and Madalina dumped me 501 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,966 because she fell in love with me too fast. 502 00:16:48,966 --> 00:16:51,677 ‐ I don't think that's accurate. ‐ Okay, you weren't there. 503 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,513 That was the subtext. ‐ Yeah, Brady's right, Hakim. 504 00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,349 Why are we trying to keep this stupid class together? 505 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,184 We should just get on to our helicopters 506 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,644 and go our separate ways. 507 00:16:59,644 --> 00:17:01,520 ‐ Good. You're all here. ‐ Oh, what do you want? 508 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,689 We have a new daddy and his name is Hakim. 509 00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:04,941 ‐ No, I'm not. ‐ Look, 510 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,026 I know I haven't been the best friend these last few days, 511 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:08,694 but I really need you to do me a favor, okay? 512 00:17:08,694 --> 00:17:10,863 And if you do this for me, you never have to see me again 513 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,490 if you don't want to. Guys, please. 514 00:17:12,490 --> 00:17:13,658 This is really important to me, 515 00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,160 and hopefully it will be for you too. 516 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,870 Come on. 517 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,413 [funky horn music] 518 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,249 ‐ Where are we even going? 519 00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:23,542 And why doesn't this private jet have any wings? 520 00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:25,878 ‐ If you're taking us to an illegal erotic acrobatic show 521 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,879 in an old mannequin factory, 522 00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:27,922 we were just at one this morning. 523 00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:30,883 ‐ You'll see. We just need to pick up Drazen first. 524 00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:36,347 ♪ ♪ 525 00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:38,391 ‐ Welcome ladies and gentlemen. We will begin shortly. 526 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,685 ‐ What is this place? 527 00:17:40,685 --> 00:17:43,688 [rousing music] 528 00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,398 ‐ Please stand. 529 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,192 ‐ Oh, so these people are all... 530 00:17:48,192 --> 00:17:50,861 ‐ About to become citizens. Yeah. 531 00:17:50,861 --> 00:17:53,698 ‐ Candidates for naturalization, please raise your right hand 532 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,533 and repeat after me. 533 00:17:55,533 --> 00:17:57,910 I hereby declare... all: I hereby declare... 534 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,579 ‐ On oath... all: On oath... 535 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,247 ‐ That I absolutely and entirely... 536 00:18:01,247 --> 00:18:02,957 all: That I absolutely and entirely... 537 00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:06,085 ‐ Renounce and abjure... all: Renounce and abjure... 538 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,420 ‐ All allegiance and fidelity... 539 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:08,629 all: All allegiance and fidelity... 540 00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:12,091 ‐ To any foreign prince... all: To any foreign prince... 541 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,384 ‐ I didn't have the right words 542 00:18:13,384 --> 00:18:16,095 for why it's worth it to stay and fight for your citizenship, 543 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,097 so...look around. 544 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,100 America is a place where people come from all over the world 545 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,435 and find common ground. 546 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:23,436 I mean, just look at us. 547 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:25,771 Where else in the world would a group like us 548 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,898 have found each other? ‐ Not Moldova. 549 00:18:27,898 --> 00:18:29,233 It's all sick white people. 550 00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,443 ‐ Against all enemies... 551 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:33,070 ‐ Look, I wanted to get back into politics to help people. 552 00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,739 But politics is about compromise, 553 00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:36,949 and maybe someday I'll be willing to do that. 554 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,451 But one thing I won't compromise on 555 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,620 is being with you guys until I see each one of you 556 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,330 taking that oath. 557 00:18:42,330 --> 00:18:44,123 So until then‐‐ ‐ Shut up! 558 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:44,999 ‐ Sorry. 559 00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,500 You're gonna be a great New Yorker. 560 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,253 ‐ A warm welcome to our newest citizens. 561 00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:52,757 Congratulations. [cheers and applause] 562 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:56,719 ♪ ♪ 563 00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,266 ‐ Two hot dogs in one week. 564 00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:02,975 What, did you take out a loan? 565 00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:03,851 ‐ You know, I was thinking 566 00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:06,771 America is kind of like this hot dog. 567 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:09,482 You know, we all come from different parts of the pig, 568 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:11,651 but once you grind us all up 569 00:19:11,651 --> 00:19:12,818 and put some mustard on us, 570 00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:16,989 we become part of the same multicultural tube of meat. 571 00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:19,492 ‐ That's a disgusting analogy. You're basically comparing us 572 00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,161 to pig intestines. But I see what you're going for. 573 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:23,329 [horn blares] ‐ Oh. 574 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,039 You, uh, kept the bus. 575 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:28,334 ‐ Well, I gave it to somebody who I thought could use it. 576 00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,336 ‐ Hey. ‐ Hello, everyone. 577 00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:32,505 ‐ I figured since he decided to stay and fight 578 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,674 for his citizenship, he should, uh, take a tour 579 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,508 of America. 580 00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,509 See what the country has to offer. 581 00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,678 He's earned it. Plus, you can't return a bus 582 00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,179 once you've plastered your face along the side of it. 583 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,014 ‐ Lyudmila and I are going to visit 584 00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,683 all the greatest American parts. 585 00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,518 ‐ And by that, he means every Guy Fieri restaurant 586 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:46,644 between here and California. 587 00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:50,690 ‐ Don't worry, there is a very strong toilet in the bus. 588 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:51,857 For pooping? 589 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:55,194 The Guy Fieri food is going to give me a lot of diarrhea. 590 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,696 ‐ Yes, we understood the implication. 591 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,156 ‐ Yeah, before you go, will you let Madalina know 592 00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:00,866 that I'm a stupid American douche? 593 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:04,036 It would mean the world to me. ‐ You tell her yourself. 594 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,080 Madalina! 595 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:07,873 ‐ Bojan. ‐ Hey. 596 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,417 ‐ This is Brian. ‐ Hey, what's up? 597 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,001 ‐ What's up, bro? Yeet! 598 00:20:11,001 --> 00:20:13,713 ‐ No, "yeet" is my thing. I do that all the time. 599 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,881 I swear. Yeet! 600 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,720 ‐ Hey, guys, I just want to say I'm sorry 601 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,221 if it felt like I was abandoning you, 602 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,514 and I hope you know I'm not going anywhere. 603 00:20:23,514 --> 00:20:26,058 ‐ What? We barely noticed you were gone. 604 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,394 ‐ Yeah, and why are you talking to us in front of our friends? 605 00:20:28,394 --> 00:20:29,895 We told you to drop us off around the corner 606 00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,564 and wait in the car. 607 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,399 ‐ Listen, I just wanted to say, 608 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:36,193 after what you did, if you ever do decide to run, 609 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:37,570 you have my endorsement. 610 00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,739 ‐ Wow. Well, look how far we've come. 611 00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,407 You used to think that I was a total screwup, 612 00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:42,283 but now you look up to me. 613 00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,368 ‐ Oh, that is not what I said at all. 614 00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:46,245 ‐ You know, I can see it, behind your eyes. 615 00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,371 ‐ Forget it. Endorsement withdrawn. 616 00:20:47,371 --> 00:20:49,790 ‐ No, no, no, it's too late. Hey, everybody, I said yes. 617 00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:51,792 We just got endorsed. [cheers] 618 00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:53,586 ‐ Withdrawn. 619 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,422 [upbeat music] 620 00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,257 ♪ ♪ 621 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,300 ‐ Okay, 30 seconds on the clock. 622 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:02,261 Answer as many citizenship questions as you can. 623 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,763 Ready, set, go. 624 00:21:03,763 --> 00:21:05,556 The Declaration of Independence. ‐ What about it? 625 00:21:05,556 --> 00:21:06,599 Is that the question? ‐ Whose turn is it? 626 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:09,059 ‐ Wrong. Next question. The original 13 colonies. 627 00:21:09,059 --> 00:21:10,186 Name 'em. ‐ I'm so confused. 628 00:21:10,186 --> 00:21:12,438 Are we on one team or are we playing against each other? 629 00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,607 ‐ Wrong. Next question. ‐ This game sucks. 630 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,108 ‐ Okay, yeah, I guess I didn't really think through 631 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,109 how the game would actually work, 632 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:18,068 but I did get a stopwatch. 633 00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:19,278 That's got to count for something, right? 634 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,946 ‐ No, it doesn't. ‐ Oh, my God. 635 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:22,406 You got one right and the time's ran out. 636 00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:24,450 both: We won! [squealing, laughing] 637 00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,786 ‐ Guess I forgot to write down the answers too, so... 638 00:21:26,786 --> 00:21:29,121 I guess that's it for today. Class dismissed. 639 00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:31,624 ‐ We just got here. 640 00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:34,084 [panther growls] 641 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,711 [laser pings] 47159

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