All language subtitles for Sunnyside s01e11_English

.

[funky horn music]

♪

- Ah.

- This hot dog
is quite suspicious.

What do you think
is going on here?

- Yep, you guys are onto me.
I do have some big news.

- Oh, my God, Garrett,
are you dying?

Can we have your funeral
at Coachella?

- I'm not dying.
- Come on, die.

Do it for the 'Gram.
- No.

Look, the reason I brought you
all here today

is because...

I might run for office again.

Queens borough president.
- Okay, wait.

Are you sure
you're ready for this?

I mean, you've only been away
for six months.

Even Billy Bush had the sense
to lie low for longer than that.

- This is actually
the perfect job for me.

There are no bills to write.
No votes.

Very little reading.
That rules.

Plus, I have a direct line
of communication to the mayor.

That means I get to be
an advocate for folks like you.

- Okay. But will you still
have time to teach the class

while you're campaigning?

- Of course. And who even says
I'm campaigning?

This is all just a big maybe.

[horn blares]

- That's a really big bus
for a maybe.

- Well, it's just
for a listening tour.

Kind of get out there and feel
the needs of the constituents.

See? It says it right there.
"Listening tour."

- Guys, great news.

I just spoke to Drazen's
immigration attorney

and she got him
a new bond hearing.

She thinks he can be out
of custody as early as tomorrow.

- No way.
That's awesome!

- Hey, you gotta move that bus!

- What the hell is that?

- Uh, listen, while you're here,
quick question for you.

You don't have to answer
right away,

but, uh, I would love
your endorsement.

- Absolutely not.

- You don't have to answer
right away.

- Nope.
- Just take your time.

Think it over.
- No, yeah, it's a hard, hard,

hard no.
- Okay, yeah, cool.

Uh, all right, um...
- What did you do?

- No, nothing.
Everything's fine.

- What did you do?
- Everything's great.

Take her away, Jeff!

[funky horn music]

♪

- All right, listen up,
everyone.

Mr. Modi has a full schedule,
so he will not be in class.

But don't worry,
we've arranged for a substitute.

Also, I am Garrett's
new communications director.

- You're too old to be
a communications director.

I sent her a text.

She responded by calling me
on the phone

and leaving me a voicemail.

- Ew.
- [gasps]

- Griselda's
incredibly qualified.

And without question,
the only person

who would do it for free.
- Yeah.

Someday I'm going
to be a citizen

and I'm going to have
to aim higher

than working at this dump.
- This is not a dump.

This is the oasis
from which we will spring forth

as citizens of this grand
experiment known as America.

- Someone pooped in the tampon
machine this morning.

- I will pray for your career
transition to go smoothly.

- Dude, I thought you said you
still have time to do the class.

- No, no, no, I will.
Uh... I will, I will.

And this is only for today.
I'll be back, I promise.

- Class without Garrett,

that's like class without Hakim.

I bring such a unique flavor

and I've got dimples
that just won't quit.

- Whatever. Jun Ho and I are
totally used to being abandoned

by father figures.

- Yeah. It won't make us
act out at all.

- Hey!

- You should call Garrett.
Tell him how bad I've been.

- Get your foot
out of my pant leg.

- Oh, no, that's my foot.

And you can tell Garrett
I've been bad too.

- Wha...?

- It is I, Eric,
your substitute teacher.

Or shall I say,
"substi-truth teacher."

[laughs]
- No! Get him out of here.

Someone pull the fire alarm.

- Death, sex, money.

Dragons.

Am I talking
about the latest HBO drama?

No. I'm talking about the most
binge-able show ever.

American history.

- Dragons?

- I hate you so much.

- [laughs]

[funky horn music]

- There's out guy.
So, listen,

these town halls are mostly
for publicity.

Our strategy? Be brief.
Don't engage too much.

- Yeah, or better yet,
don't say anything at all.

Our testing shows that people
respond to empathetic grunts.

both:
[grunting empathetically]

- Wait, guys, I thought the only
reason you wanted me to run

was the speech I gave
at the BQE last week.

You said you liked
how I didn't pull any punches.

- Yes, but that was
when you were a civilian.

Now that you're
potentially running,

start pulling,
or better yet,

avoid punches altogether.

- Politics is about compromise.

We learn that it's better if you
don't have too many opinions

or principles.

It broadens your appeal
to the most voters.

- It does. I'm sorry,

but I'm not trying
to appeal to the most voters.

I'm trying to help people.
- Yes.

I love everything you just said.

Can I pitch you
a slight rewording?

Don't say any of that.
- Guys, I'm sorry,

but I'm going to do this my way.
I want to get out there

and listen to what
my constituents actually want.

- Have you ever talked
to a constituent?

- I don't want to stereotype,
but the average voter

is a total Steven.

Steven is my cousin who got
kicked in the head by a horse.

[funky horn music]

- Yeah, I have a problem.

My commute is getting longer
every day.

- I hear you, sir,
and I promise to work

with the MTA
to address that.

- No, the actual distance
is getting longer.

Someone's moving Brooklyn
a little further away

from Queens, and I think
I know who's doing it.

The Puerto Ricans.

- This city needs
more bike lanes.

- I couldn't agree more.

We need to encourage
green transportation.

- Oh, I don't care about that.

My ex rides a bike.

And more lanes means
more chances

for me to hit him
with my car.

- So dogs are allowed
to walk around nude

on a leash,
but when I do it I get arrested?

Double standard much?

[funky horn music]

- [beatboxing]

Boom!

And that's how a bill
becomes a law.

So your homework tonight

is to make sure that you set
your DVRs to "NCIS."

I'm playing a mangled corpse.
[chuckles]

Gratitude.
Hey, remember:

don't quit your daydream.
[sighs]

- [groans]
- At least it's just temporary

until Garrett returns.
- If he returns.

- Okay, well,
let's not overreact here.

There's a very simple solution.

We just get some
of Garrett's DNA,

and then we have our dad
make a clone.

- Yeah, but fair warning,

the clone will try to kill us,

but that's why
we always make three.

The second clone will protect us
from the first clone.

- What's the third one do?

- Oh, that one's purely
for sex stuff.

[percussive music]

- I'm just saying, how do
we know that ninja turtles

don't live in the sewers
unless we check?

- Yeah, that's a great question.
- Uh, excuse me.

I just need to speak
to Mr. Modi for one second.

Please.
- Yeah, sure, sure.

Avoid the question.

Just like Shredder
will want you to do.

- Drazen's hearing
is in 30 minutes.

If we're going to make it,
we have to wrap it up.

- Oh, crap, I want to go,

but I can't bail
on these people.

They have so many problems.

- Leaving right now
would not be good optics.

- Crap. But I promised
I'd be there for my friends,

and no one's been
through more than Drazen.

Ah, I just wish
there was some way

to make all these people
disappear.

- Don't worry, I got you.

Uh, hi, everyone, excuse me.
Um, I just needed to tell

Mr. Modi that there is a rat
carrying a bagel

down the stairs.
- A rat carrying food?

This I got to see.
- What kind of bagel is it?

- Let's go, let's go.
- I heard it's cinnamon raisin.

- Let's go.
Let's go.

- Drazen's about to get out
and Garrett's gonna miss it.

- No, he'll be here.
I have faith.

- Oh, he better.
I spent all night

drawing this picture of us.

- Wow.
Stick figures with genitals.

Interesting choice.

- I made a drawing
for Garrett too.

- Ah, this one is just genitals.

I'm assuming the one
with glasses is me.

- Dang, who's that
with Drazen's wife?

She's so pretty.
She looks like Princess Peach.

I mean, Pamela Anderson.

- That's Drazen's niece,
Madalina.

I saw her at the Moldovan bodega

when I was picking up
this great hair gel.

It's made out of eggplants,

and it's got a little bit
of red pepper and salt,

and there's a sausage
on the label.

I'm just realizing now
it's a condiment.

- Yeah, condoms, yeah, um...

Hey, Lyudmila.
It--it's Brady.

You--you remember?
So, Madalina--

- Don't even think about it.

Madalina's only interested
in nice Moldovan boys.

- Oh, but I am
a nice Moldovan boy.

You didn't hear that.

My mommy says
I'm her little mishka.

You tell anyone,
and I swear to God...

- You are not a real Moldovan.
Your back is hairless

and there's still hope
in your eyes.

- I made it. I made it.
- Daddy!

- Oh, my God.
I ran... just...

from the car to here.

I am so out of shape
and my left arm is numb.

Is that bad?

- All right,
the supporting documents

you submitted in front of me
regarding the respondent,

Drazen Barbu...

Bond is granted.

You are free to go
until your deportation hearing

next month.
That being all,

this hearing is closed.

[upbeat music]
[cheers and applause]

♪

- Yeah!
Whoo!

.

- It must've been terrible there
in detention.

- Nah.
You find a way to get by.

Have you heard
of transcendental meditation?

It doesn't work at all.

- Look, we want to help
put all that behind you.

There's got to be tons of stuff
you're just dying to do, right?

- Oh, yes. I would like
to go to the toilet

without someone watching me.

- Definitely.

But also,
you deserve a fun day out.

Anything you want,
keeping in mind I have $57.

- Oh, Drazen day.
Yes, I love this idea.

- Oh, okay, wait a minute.
I do too,

but Garrett, there's no way.
You're schedule is packed.

You have meetings, interviews.
You have a sit-down

with the Times Square
Off-Brand Elmos Union.

- Yeah, great, whatever.
Just go ahead and go.

Actually, the sooner you go,

the sooner I can get
a face tattoo and get pregnant.

And then have the baby and get
it a face tattoo too, so...

you should go.

- Okay, what's going on here?

- I believe some
of their abandonment issues

have bubbled to the surface.
- [snickers] Abandonment issues?

Yeah, right. Get lost.
Wait, no, don't go.

I'm so sorry I did wrong
whatever I did.

I'll do better.
I'm a good little boy.

- Guys, it's okay,
I can do two things at once.

So what do you want to do?

- Well, in detention,
the food was terrible.

I think it's a good idea
for all of us to go out

and have a nice, big meal.

- Love that idea.

Should we all invite our--
our beautiful nieces?

- I could,
but she's in Pennsylvania.

- No, not you.
No one was talking to you.

- So it's decided.

We're gonna have
a Drazen day.

I'll take care of my stuff and
meet you at the fanciest place

you can think of.

- Thanks for visiting
Guy Fieri's Flavor Grenade.

Can I interest you
in some dessert?

We have a special on our
carnitas enchilada milkshake.

- No, no, I think I ate too much
rock 'n' roll Irish rigatoni.

- What made it Irish?

- They pour Guinness
all over it.

- [grunts]
Don't mind me.

I just want to sit next
to my fellow Moldovans.

- Okay.
- Ah, Bojan.

You have finally
embraced your motherland.

She welcomes you into her soft
and drunken bosom.

- No, I've always been,
like, super into Moldova.

- Why do you describe Moldova
as the oozing sore

on Europe's taint?
- [laughs] Okay.

That's just
an old folksy expression,

Hakim, you dumb block,
you blocker.

- Hey, everybody,
I'm sorry I'm late.

My meeting ran long.
Is it too late for me to order

a...
none of this?

- We're all done.

But we are going to go back
to the bar and have a drink.

- Perfect.
Let's go.

- Wait, Garrett, you have
an interview with Grantham Sloan

from "The Times."
You can't miss it.

- That guy's the real deal.

His profile
on the "Cash Me Outside" girl

was so thoughtful
it brought me to tears.

"How 'bout that?"
- You just got here.

Are you seriously
going to leave us again?

- Wait, wait, wait, Garrett,
look over here.

Look what I can do.
- Oh, wait, I can do that too.

Look at me, Garrett.
- Isn't this cool?

Does it make you want to stay?
- Did I do a good job, Daddy?

Do you love me, Daddy?
- Don't go.

- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Griselda, just tell Grantham

I'll do the interview
at the bar.

See?
I can do two things at once.

- Oh, no, I think
I did the splits

into some Donkey Sauce
and now I'm stuck to the floor.

[funky horn music]

- May I have
everyone's attention, please?

This one goes out to Madalina,
from Bojan,

your "Moldovan word for friend."

I guess I was supposed
to Google that?

[chuckles]

[traditional Moldovan music
playing]

- This is one
of our most famous songs.

It has my favorite words.

"Moldova, Moldova,
God has forsaken us.

Our wheat is on fire.
We now must eat tires."

- [speaks in foreign language]
Madalina.

You know, I can't help
but feel this connection to you.

Must be the old country.

It's like our blood
is calling to each other.

- Everyone's blood in Moldova
is more or less the same,

'cause of all
the cousin marriage.

- Cool.
Love that about our culture.

So...
Do you want to go out some time?

- That's so sweet,
but you're just, like,

really, really Moldovan.

- Right?
But you--you like that, though?

- Oh, God, no.
I just tell that to my family

so they get off my back.
Honestly,

I prefer dating
dumb American frat dudes.

- But that's me.
I'm so basic.

My favorite movie
is "Transformers 2."

I post gym selfies
with hashtag "hustle"

and "no days off."

- You don't have to lie to me.
- I'm not lying.

I am seriously considering
getting a Joe Rogan tattoo.

- Well, I should go.
I have a Tinder date

with a guy named Cody
at P.F. Chang's.

Bye, cuz.
- [sighs]

That's my favorite Chinese food.

It's the only Chinese food
that comes with a side of ranch.

- Mr. Modi.
Grantham Sloan.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- I must say, if you're trying
to change your image,

scheduling your first major
interview at a bar

is an interesting choice.

- I realize that, but
we're actually here to celebrate

a friend who was just released
from ICE detention.

I can assure you I'm approaching
this election very seriously.

- Hey, Daddy, look at me.
Look at what I can do.

Ooh. I had a whole other thing.
I just...

- [clears throat]
Look, I really

only have one question.

Why on Earth should anyone
trust you to hold office again?

I mean, what's changed?

- Yeah, so what's changed
is the people in this bar

who are now such
a big part of my life.

If I run again,
it'll be because of them.

Griselda here
has to work 12 jobs

just to make ends meet,
but the promise of this country

is worth it to her.
Hakim used to be a doctor.

Now he drives a cab.
Brady down there

has learned that you can wear
a swimsuit as underwear.

Uh, and--
- Hello, everyone.

I would like
to make announcement.

- Perfect timing.
This is Drazen,

our guest of honor.
Every day that he walks free

in this country,
I consider a personal victory.

- I will never forget
the kindness and love

that you all showed me today.

And that makes it
truly perfect way to say...

Goodbye.
- Goodbye?

- Yes. I'm self-deporting
back to Moldova.

Now, who wants to disco?

[upbeat dance music]

.

- This is the worst.
Now Drazen's leaving us too?

- We must not be hot enough.

No, wait.
You're a 10 and I'm a 10.5.

What's going on here?
- I know it's been hard,

but you can't give up now.

- I'm happy to give up.
I'm tired of the uncertainty.

It's like me going to your house
every single day

and say, "I think I'm gonna
throw you in the street,

"today.
Or maybe it will be tomorrow,

or maybe never?"
- No, Drazen,

if you keep fighting,

you will be
an American citizen someday.

I promise.
- You're a good man, Garrett,

but you cannot guarantee that.
I could still be deported.

At least now I leave
on my own terms,

in the best possible way,

with the taste of Guy Fieri
in my mouth.

[blues rock music playing]

Bye, Garrett.

- Okay. Hey, we need a plan,
all right?

Something big,
to really convince Drazen

that America's
worth fighting for.

Twins, do you know how to get,
like, a live bald eagle?

If we can sort of figure out
a way to make it seem

like it's talking.
- What if he's right?

- What?

- Drazen has a point.
There are no guarantees,

and the truth of the matter
is that a lot of people

don't even want us here.

- Or even see us
as human beings.

We're invisible to them.

That's why everyone
is always vomiting

or having sex in my cab.

Sometimes in the same trip.

- I'm probably gonna end up
back in Moldova too.

It's the worst.
Our first king

was best friends with Dracula.

I don't want to hang out
with Dracula's grandkids

counting all the time.

- What is wrong with you guys?
I feel like I'm talking

to a bunch of strangers.

What happened
to that scrappy gang

that was searching
for their hero

and begged me to be
their teacher, huh?

- Garrett.
- Oh, this is not a good time,

guys.
- This can't wait.

Look, we just got some intel
that Josefina Torres

is getting ready to announce
her run for borough president.

She's a Harvard-educated PhD
who served in Afghanistan.

Unfortunately, for our side.

- Also, she is way
better-looking than you.

We've got to announce
your candidacy now.

- Look, if we're gonna have
a chance at this,

we've got to be the first ones
out the gate.

We're pulling an all-nighter.

You've got a speech to write,
press conference to hold.

Honestly, you got to start
doing some squats.

We need that butt to pop.
- Wha--uh?

- It's now or never.
- [groans]

All right, I'm sorry, okay?
I have to go,

but this is not over.

- Don't leave with them,
Garrett.

I don't care
how good the sex is.

No, no, I'm not having sex
with them.

- Then what the hell
is even going on?

[funky horn music]

- Ooh, Garrett, we're gonna
need you to change that tie.

Our testing indicates that that
shade of blue reads "beta cuck"?

- Okay, fine, but can we speed
this up, please?

I really need to get back
to my friends.

- Oh, I'd give them some space.
They seem a little depressed.

And I'm not saying Brady
is definitely an incel,

but I was considering taking one
for the team

and letting him honk one.

- We were actually hoping
you could bring your friends

to the announcement.
It's the photo-op of a lifetime.

The image of all those...
[whispers] diverse faces

standing behind you.
- Why did you whisper "diverse"?

- Also, if one of them
has a weird instrument

or a curly shoe,
that would play great.

- All right, listen,
my friends aren't props, okay?

They're human beings.
- No biggie.

We'll just use the extras.
- What extras?

- Guys.

- Uh...

Okay, this is insane.

And is that guy
supposed to be Hakim?

His hair is all wrong.
- But, like,

I'm okay with the Griselda
because she is, like, fine.

- Look, the details
don't matter to the press.

They're just
a great comeback story for you.

[groaning]
Hold this accordion.

- This isn't what my friends
are to me at all, okay?

And right now,
they need my help,

so I'm sorry, I have to go.
- Garrett.

You need to make a decision.
Are you gonna mess around

in a bar all day,

or do you want
to get into a position

to actually help people
like your friends?

- [groans]
Okay, you're right.

But I'm not taking a picture
with these impostors, okay?

I'll, uh...
I'll go talk to them.

[funky horn music]

♪

And can anyone tell me
what the Bill of Rights did?

- Stop telling us things.
You're not our real dad.

- Neither is Garrett.
- What did you say about Daddy?

I will sue you.
- Guys, we have to focus, okay?

I'm upset too, but we have
a citizenship test to study for.

- Why? This whole thing
is a waste of time.

Drazen's gone,
Garrett's gone,

and Madalina dumped me

because she fell in love
with me too fast.

- I don't think that's accurate.
- Okay, you weren't there.

That was the subtext.
- Yeah, Brady's right, Hakim.

Why are we trying to keep
this stupid class together?

We should just get on
to our helicopters

and go our separate ways.

- Good. You're all here.
- Oh, what do you want?

We have a new daddy
and his name is Hakim.

- No, I'm not.
- Look,

I know I haven't been the best
friend these last few days,

but I really need you
to do me a favor, okay?

And if you do this for me,
you never have to see me again

if you don't want to.
Guys, please.

This is really important to me,

and hopefully it will be
for you too.

Come on.

[funky horn music]

- Where are we even going?

And why doesn't this private jet
have any wings?

- If you're taking us to an
illegal erotic acrobatic show

in an old mannequin factory,

we were just
at one this morning.

- You'll see. We just need
to pick up Drazen first.

♪

- Welcome ladies and gentlemen.
We will begin shortly.

- What is this place?

[rousing music]

- Please stand.

- Oh, so these people are all...

- About to become citizens.
Yeah.

- Candidates for naturalization,
please raise your right hand

and repeat after me.

I hereby declare...
all: I hereby declare...

- On oath...
all: On oath...

- That I absolutely
and entirely...

all: That I absolutely
and entirely...

- Renounce and abjure...
all: Renounce and abjure...

- All allegiance
and fidelity...

all: All allegiance
and fidelity...

- To any foreign prince...
all: To any foreign prince...

- I didn't have the right words

for why it's worth it to stay
and fight for your citizenship,

so...look around.

America is a place where people
come from all over the world

and find common ground.

I mean, just look at us.

Where else in the world
would a group like us

have found each other?
- Not Moldova.

It's all sick white people.

- Against all enemies...

- Look, I wanted to get back
into politics to help people.

But politics is
about compromise,

and maybe someday
I'll be willing to do that.

But one thing
I won't compromise on

is being with you guys
until I see each one of you

taking that oath.

So until then--
- Shut up!

- Sorry.

You're gonna be
a great New Yorker.

- A warm welcome
to our newest citizens.

Congratulations.
[cheers and applause]

♪

.

- Two hot dogs in one week.

What, did you take out a loan?

- You know,
I was thinking

America is kind
of like this hot dog.

You know, we all come
from different parts of the pig,

but once you grind us all up

and put some mustard on us,

we become part of the same
multicultural tube of meat.

- That's a disgusting analogy.
You're basically comparing us

to pig intestines.
But I see what you're going for.

[horn blares]
- Oh.

You, uh, kept the bus.

- Well, I gave it to somebody
who I thought could use it.

- Hey.
- Hello, everyone.

- I figured since he decided
to stay and fight

for his citizenship,
he should, uh, take a tour

of America.

See what the country
has to offer.

He's earned it.
Plus, you can't return a bus

once you've plastered your face
along the side of it.

- Lyudmila and I
are going to visit

all the greatest
American parts.

- And by that, he means
every Guy Fieri restaurant

between here and California.

- Don't worry, there is
a very strong toilet in the bus.

For pooping?

The Guy Fieri food is going
to give me a lot of diarrhea.

- Yes, we understood
the implication.

- Yeah, before you go,
will you let Madalina know

that I'm a stupid American
douche?

It would mean the world to me.
- You tell her yourself.

Madalina!

- Bojan.
- Hey.

- This is Brian.
- Hey, what's up?

- What's up, bro?
Yeet!

- No, "yeet" is my thing.
I do that all the time.

I swear.
Yeet!

- Hey, guys,
I just want to say I'm sorry

if it felt
like I was abandoning you,

and I hope you know
I'm not going anywhere.

- What? We barely noticed you
were gone.

- Yeah, and why are you talking
to us in front of our friends?

We told you to drop us off
around the corner

and wait in the car.

- Listen, I just wanted to say,

after what you did,
if you ever do decide to run,

you have my endorsement.

- Wow.
Well, look how far we've come.

You used to think
that I was a total screwup,

but now you look up to me.

- Oh, that is not
what I said at all.

- You know, I can see it,
behind your eyes.

- Forget it.
Endorsement withdrawn.

- No, no, no, it's too late.
Hey, everybody, I said yes.

We just got endorsed.
[cheers]

- Withdrawn.

[upbeat music]

♪

- Okay, 30 seconds on the clock.

Answer as many citizenship
questions as you can.

Ready, set, go.

The Declaration of Independence.
- What about it?

Is that the question?
- Whose turn is it?

- Wrong. Next question.
The original 13 colonies.

Name 'em.
- I'm so confused.

Are we on one team or are
we playing against each other?

- Wrong. Next question.
- This game sucks.

- Okay, yeah, I guess I didn't
really think through

how the game
would actually work,

but I did get a stopwatch.

That's got to count
for something, right?

- No, it doesn't.
- Oh, my God.

You got one right
and the time's ran out.

both: We won!
[squealing, laughing]

- Guess I forgot to write down
the answers too, so...

I guess that's it for today.
Class dismissed.

- We just got here.

[panther growls]

[laser pings]