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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:04,284 [ Static ] 2 00:00:04,314 --> 00:00:07,114 [ Country music plays ] 3 00:00:07,145 --> 00:00:12,385 ♪ My dreams are all dead and buried ♪ 4 00:00:12,426 --> 00:00:18,596 ♪ Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode ♪ 5 00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:23,579 ♪ When God comes and calls me to his kingdom ♪ 6 00:00:23,609 --> 00:00:28,339 ♪ I'll take all you sons of bitches when I go ♪ 7 00:00:28,373 --> 00:00:29,583 -My turn. -Hell no. 8 00:00:29,615 --> 00:00:31,615 Hey, man, let me drive that thing! 9 00:00:31,652 --> 00:00:33,382 Do not touch the trim! 10 00:00:35,345 --> 00:00:38,245 Dan Halen: Every autumn, car- loads of well-moneyed urbanites 11 00:00:38,279 --> 00:00:41,589 storm these mountains to gawk with idiotic wonder 12 00:00:41,627 --> 00:00:42,797 at the innocuous 13 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:45,105 pigmentation-shift of the foliage. 14 00:00:45,148 --> 00:00:47,768 They jam our sad motels to capacity, 15 00:00:47,806 --> 00:00:49,286 spend their coin 16 00:00:49,325 --> 00:00:51,635 on our worthless bumpkin-crafted trinkets, 17 00:00:51,672 --> 00:00:53,292 and fill their dripping maws 18 00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,749 with our saccharine homemade taffy. 19 00:00:55,779 --> 00:00:57,089 But when the colored leaves 20 00:00:57,126 --> 00:00:59,646 that camouflage your abject poverty 21 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,480 fall from the trees, 22 00:01:01,509 --> 00:01:05,689 so, too, do the tourists fall from our grasp. 23 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:06,720 [ Clicks ] 24 00:01:06,756 --> 00:01:08,586 And that's why this is the time 25 00:01:08,620 --> 00:01:10,620 to build that gravy museum. 26 00:01:10,656 --> 00:01:12,586 You know, it could, uh, be in the shape 27 00:01:12,624 --> 00:01:14,874 of the world's largest gravy boat. 28 00:01:14,902 --> 00:01:18,222 I drew this, um... mascot -- Groovy Gravy. 29 00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:21,810 He's sort of a fun way to introduce people to- gravy -- 30 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,570 Leaf!I'm leaving. Okay, yeah. 31 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:25,880 No! That's my tourism plan. 32 00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:31,163 LEAF -- Leaves Ever Autumn Forever! 33 00:01:31,194 --> 00:01:33,924 I've developed a proprietary chemical compound 34 00:01:33,955 --> 00:01:36,435 that will permanently transform the leaves 35 00:01:36,475 --> 00:01:38,475 to their autumn hues and prevent them 36 00:01:38,512 --> 00:01:40,132 from ever dropping from the trees! 37 00:01:40,169 --> 00:01:42,899 The foliage fanatics will stay year-round, 38 00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:45,420 propping up my failing hay-ride business, 39 00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:50,590 and absolutely nothing can, or ever will, go wrong! 40 00:01:50,627 --> 00:01:54,697 [ Engine rumbling ] 41 00:01:54,735 --> 00:01:56,735 Well... the leaves changed. 42 00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:59,261 Where's all the customers? 43 00:01:59,291 --> 00:02:01,641 We ain't sold a single peach all day. 44 00:02:01,673 --> 00:02:04,613 Oh, them city slickers love them fall colors, 45 00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:06,611 but they don't buy no fruit from us, do they? 46 00:02:06,643 --> 00:02:08,233 Hell no. 47 00:02:08,266 --> 00:02:09,816 Hey, y'all. Look, we got a customer coming. 48 00:02:09,853 --> 00:02:12,513 Hey -- Get the fuck off my land 49 00:02:12,546 --> 00:02:13,646 Git! 50 00:02:13,685 --> 00:02:14,955 Get the hell on out of here. 51 00:02:14,996 --> 00:02:16,856 Whoa, Early! Hold up.[ Breathing heavily ] 52 00:02:16,895 --> 00:02:19,165 Look, all this aggressive gunplay 53 00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:21,828 is really turning off potential tourists. 54 00:02:21,865 --> 00:02:23,755 I mean, how are we gonna sell fruit to people 55 00:02:23,798 --> 00:02:27,628 if you shoot the people dead before they can buy the fruit? 56 00:02:27,664 --> 00:02:29,874 Unless you shot them after they bought the fruit, 57 00:02:29,908 --> 00:02:31,878 and then we could just reuse the fruit. 58 00:02:31,910 --> 00:02:33,530 Hey, y'all. Everybody look alive. 59 00:02:33,567 --> 00:02:34,707 Customers! Interlopers! 60 00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:36,050 Early, no! 61 00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:38,496 Instead of telling them to get the helloff your land, 62 00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:41,947 why don't you try asking them to get the hell onyour land? 63 00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:44,439 Hey. [Chuckles] You guys selling fruit? 64 00:02:44,474 --> 00:02:47,724 Get the hell o-- o-- 65 00:02:47,753 --> 00:02:49,893 on... 66 00:02:49,928 --> 00:02:52,308 my land.There you go. 67 00:02:52,344 --> 00:02:53,904 [ Chuckling ] This -- This isn't fruit. 68 00:02:53,932 --> 00:02:56,662 These are, uh, rocks just painted to look like fruit. 69 00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,803 Well, they'll never go bad. 70 00:02:58,833 --> 00:03:01,633 That's our perma-fresh guarantee. 71 00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:04,224 We sell it by the pound. Rocks weigh more. 72 00:03:04,253 --> 00:03:05,603 It's simple math, dumbass! 73 00:03:05,633 --> 00:03:07,333 [ Whispering ] Try adding a smile now. 74 00:03:10,259 --> 00:03:12,949 [ Strained ] They're a good conversation piece. 75 00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,945 [ Engine revs ] 76 00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,540 [ Chuckling ] Wow! 77 00:03:19,578 --> 00:03:21,748 You almost closed a deal, Early. 78 00:03:21,787 --> 00:03:24,477 You're right. It's all in the delivery. 79 00:03:24,514 --> 00:03:26,344 Sheriff: Ooh-whee! 80 00:03:26,378 --> 00:03:29,798 Just look at those oranges and yellows and reds! 81 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:32,760 These chemicals are really working, Mr. Halen. 82 00:03:32,798 --> 00:03:35,488 And is that pumpkin spice? 83 00:03:35,525 --> 00:03:38,665 Ah, you noticed. Yes, we're doing flavorings now. 84 00:03:38,701 --> 00:03:42,501 Gingerbread in December, barbecued brisket in July. 85 00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:44,292 Look at that, would ya? 86 00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:46,987 ♪♪ 87 00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:49,879 Who'da thought the deep-fried pine booby 88 00:03:49,919 --> 00:03:51,849 would be matin' this late in January? 89 00:03:51,886 --> 00:03:54,366 The colored leaves make every species 90 00:03:54,406 --> 00:03:56,616 want to... bury the sausage. 91 00:03:56,650 --> 00:04:00,310 Yes, Chattanooga is a frozen moonscape, 92 00:04:00,343 --> 00:04:05,003 while we are soaked to the tits with people and money. 93 00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:07,827 And it's trickling all the way down, Mr. Halen. 94 00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:11,728 Look who just put out a brochure for his new business. 95 00:04:11,768 --> 00:04:16,008 ♪♪ 96 00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:18,598 Welcome to Cuyler Farms B&B, my friends, 97 00:04:18,637 --> 00:04:21,637 poverty-stricken country living at luxury prices! 98 00:04:21,675 --> 00:04:23,775 Just look at them leaves! Y'all see them leaves? 99 00:04:23,815 --> 00:04:25,575 Coloredly leaves everywhere! 100 00:04:25,610 --> 00:04:27,960 It's gorgeous.Like a tapestry. 101 00:04:27,991 --> 00:04:29,511 That's boringer than hell to me, 102 00:04:29,545 --> 00:04:31,335 but y'all seem to be going crazy for it! 103 00:04:31,374 --> 00:04:32,934 Hell yeah! 104 00:04:32,962 --> 00:04:35,482 Here we have the main living space and kitchen 105 00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,586 and sometimes bathroom when it's dark or cold 106 00:04:37,622 --> 00:04:39,492 or I'm drunk or just lazy. 107 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:40,830 This is genuine poverty. 108 00:04:40,866 --> 00:04:42,626 Happy hour is every night and day 109 00:04:42,661 --> 00:04:43,841 right here in this corner, 110 00:04:43,869 --> 00:04:45,419 over here by the party liquor bottles. 111 00:04:45,457 --> 00:04:47,317 Ah! So authentic. 112 00:04:47,356 --> 00:04:50,456 Our resort and convention center sleeps 24 comfortably. 113 00:04:50,497 --> 00:04:52,357 Perfect for family reunions and corporate retreats. 114 00:04:52,395 --> 00:04:54,355 Adorable! 115 00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:56,947 I'll be sleeping in here in the master suite with your wife, 116 00:04:56,986 --> 00:04:59,126 catering to every toe-sucking need. 117 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:01,650 Wait, you said that there'd be separate rooms. 118 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,510 [ Moaning ] 119 00:05:03,544 --> 00:05:05,824 Let me show y'all the hot tub, huh? 120 00:05:05,857 --> 00:05:07,447 [ Electricity crackles ] 121 00:05:07,479 --> 00:05:08,829 Heater don't work. 122 00:05:08,860 --> 00:05:09,620 Works on body heat. 123 00:05:09,654 --> 00:05:11,904 Show 'em the massage jets, honey. 124 00:05:11,932 --> 00:05:13,112 Here. 125 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:15,380 [ Farts ] [ Water bubbles ] 126 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,968 I set it to pulsation. [ Chuckles ] 127 00:05:18,007 --> 00:05:20,007 [ Chuckles ] Uh-oh. 128 00:05:20,043 --> 00:05:22,913 [ Squirting ]There's so much to see and do! 129 00:05:22,943 --> 00:05:25,743 Learn how to make authentic mountain rock candy 130 00:05:25,773 --> 00:05:27,913 out of common household cleaning products. 131 00:05:27,948 --> 00:05:31,808 First sample is free. [ Laughs ] 132 00:05:31,848 --> 00:05:32,948 [ Inhales sharply ] 133 00:05:32,987 --> 00:05:34,677 Lil: [ Coughs ] Yeah! 134 00:05:34,713 --> 00:05:36,163 Is that crystal meth?Yes, it is. 135 00:05:36,197 --> 00:05:39,437 And over here, we have "Ride You A Possum!" 136 00:05:39,477 --> 00:05:42,167 Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Giddyup now! Hya! 137 00:05:42,203 --> 00:05:45,033 And for you space buffs, get you an eyeful 138 00:05:45,068 --> 00:05:48,418 of "The Incredible Flaming Day Moon." 139 00:05:48,451 --> 00:05:50,801 Early: Available from Dawn to Dusk. 140 00:05:50,833 --> 00:05:52,493 Man: Awful lot of planes up here. 141 00:05:52,524 --> 00:05:54,494 What is, uh, with these purple clouds? 142 00:05:54,526 --> 00:05:57,806 Yeah, it smells like peppermint mocha. 143 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,390 And bleach.Oh, don't worry. 144 00:06:00,429 --> 00:06:02,979 Uh, that's just, uh, natural, uh... 145 00:06:03,017 --> 00:06:04,807 farts. 146 00:06:04,847 --> 00:06:07,187 Uh, from a bald eagle.Yeah, just a cloud of eagle farts. 147 00:06:07,228 --> 00:06:08,468 Yeah, yeah. 148 00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:09,916 Now, y'all just relax, 149 00:06:09,955 --> 00:06:12,505 take a deep series of short, shallow breaths, 150 00:06:12,544 --> 00:06:14,064 and enjoy the beauty -- 151 00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:15,647 [ Shrill growling ] 152 00:06:15,685 --> 00:06:17,445 [ Groaning ] 153 00:06:20,207 --> 00:06:21,587 Look, honey, a deer. 154 00:06:21,622 --> 00:06:22,872 [ Groaning continues ] 155 00:06:22,899 --> 00:06:23,999 [ All scream ]Oh, my gosh! 156 00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:26,588 What the hell?Well, that was intense. 157 00:06:26,627 --> 00:06:28,657 Now, I would say y'all go and wash off 158 00:06:28,698 --> 00:06:31,008 in a majestic 60-foot waterfall, 159 00:06:31,045 --> 00:06:33,975 but I lied about having one of them in the brochure. 160 00:06:34,014 --> 00:06:37,024 [ Plane engine roars ]And over to your left, everyone. 161 00:06:37,051 --> 00:06:39,051 Ooh, it's a pumpkin for you to gawk at! 162 00:06:39,088 --> 00:06:40,498 Honey, look at the pumpkin! 163 00:06:40,538 --> 00:06:42,508 -Oh, my God! -Get your camera! 164 00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:44,440 Don't lock eyes with it for crissake. 165 00:06:44,473 --> 00:06:45,893 You'll antagonize it. 166 00:06:45,922 --> 00:06:47,132 Hey, Mr. Halen. 167 00:06:47,165 --> 00:06:49,685 Uh, I was hoping to talk to you about your chem-trails. 168 00:06:49,719 --> 00:06:51,479 I'm worried they're having a negative effect 169 00:06:51,514 --> 00:06:54,454 on the -- Uh, Mr. Halen? 170 00:06:54,483 --> 00:06:56,003 This used to be a deer --Put that away! 171 00:06:56,036 --> 00:06:57,586 The hell are you trying to do? 172 00:06:57,624 --> 00:06:59,664 I was hoping maybe you could tweak the formula. 173 00:06:59,695 --> 00:07:01,795 You know, something less toxic and more organic. 174 00:07:01,835 --> 00:07:02,725 Organic, huh? 175 00:07:02,767 --> 00:07:05,177 How about I take out my organ 176 00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,697 and you suck it? 177 00:07:06,736 --> 00:07:08,186 Would that be organic? 178 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:09,950 [ Horse neigh ][ Woman gasps ] 179 00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:11,781 No, don't -- don't -- don't look at the horses. 180 00:07:11,810 --> 00:07:13,540 Look away. Look over there. 181 00:07:13,571 --> 00:07:15,021 A family of ducks! 182 00:07:15,055 --> 00:07:16,605 [ Indistinct talking ]Woman: Oh, my God! 183 00:07:16,643 --> 00:07:18,023 Don't -- don't -- don't look at the ducks. 184 00:07:18,058 --> 00:07:21,158 Hey, everyone, let's look at down at our phones! 185 00:07:21,199 --> 00:07:25,269 ♪♪ 186 00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:27,236 Woman: Where are the vibrant reds? 187 00:07:27,274 --> 00:07:28,864 The bright oranges and yellows? 188 00:07:28,896 --> 00:07:30,686 I can't even see the flaming day moon! 189 00:07:30,726 --> 00:07:32,176 Oh, uh, it's up there. 190 00:07:32,210 --> 00:07:34,140 Hey, y'all come over to the main stage 191 00:07:34,177 --> 00:07:36,037 for a backwoods hoedown! 192 00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:38,796 Hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a-ho- but-a-hey-but-a-ho! 193 00:07:38,837 --> 00:07:41,697 But-a-hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey- but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a -- 194 00:07:41,737 --> 00:07:43,007 Come on, woman! Get up! 195 00:07:43,048 --> 00:07:45,148 I said a hoe-down, not a whore, face down! 196 00:07:45,188 --> 00:07:46,538 [ Groans ] 197 00:07:46,569 --> 00:07:48,259 [ Crowd gasps ]Hold on. 198 00:07:48,295 --> 00:07:50,535 Just let me put my face back on. 199 00:07:50,573 --> 00:07:52,513 Hey-but-a-ho-but-a-hey-but- a-ho-but-a-hey-but-a-ho -- 200 00:07:52,541 --> 00:07:54,201 Rusty: Hey, Daddy. 201 00:07:54,232 --> 00:07:57,582 I think them chemicals Dan Halen sprayed may not be safe. 202 00:07:57,615 --> 00:07:59,995 -Oh! -Oh, my God. 203 00:08:00,031 --> 00:08:01,581 Y'all take it easy. E'rything's fine. 204 00:08:01,619 --> 00:08:04,659 Everything not fine! 205 00:08:04,691 --> 00:08:06,111 [ Screams ] 206 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:08,210 Oh, whoops. The trees have done come to life. 207 00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:10,796 Perfectly normal. Let's all just cozy inside. 208 00:08:10,835 --> 00:08:12,525 [ Growling ]Step lively, now! 209 00:08:12,561 --> 00:08:15,531 Dylan: Mommy!Dylan? Where's Dylan? 210 00:08:15,564 --> 00:08:17,264 My possum exploded. 211 00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:19,079 [ Growls ] 212 00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:20,909 Dylan? [ Screams ] 213 00:08:20,948 --> 00:08:21,848 Why?! 214 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,950 Daddy, this man wants his money back. 215 00:08:23,986 --> 00:08:25,816 Help me![ Shotgun cocks ] 216 00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:28,680 Look, the tree's got a gun! 217 00:08:28,715 --> 00:08:31,955 You did this! You played God! 218 00:08:31,994 --> 00:08:33,694 [ Woman screaming ] 219 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,830 Nature's not a toy! 220 00:08:36,861 --> 00:08:39,971 I never asked to be born! 221 00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,972 Oh, God!You did this! 222 00:08:43,005 --> 00:08:46,145 Oh, God!I was happy as a tree! 223 00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:47,670 Oh, God! 224 00:08:47,699 --> 00:08:50,359 I never wanted this!Oh, God! 225 00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,741 Tell my pinecones I love them! 226 00:08:52,773 --> 00:08:56,363 Oh, God!Listen to Al Gore! 227 00:08:56,397 --> 00:08:58,677 [ Shotgun clicks ] 228 00:08:58,710 --> 00:08:59,780 It's out of bullets! 229 00:08:59,815 --> 00:09:03,955 Then beat me to death with it! 230 00:09:03,991 --> 00:09:05,651 Where the hell are you going to? 231 00:09:05,683 --> 00:09:07,793 Ain't no refund for early check-out. 232 00:09:07,823 --> 00:09:09,723 Tell your friends and family. 233 00:09:09,756 --> 00:09:12,896 We thrive on the word of mouth! 234 00:09:13,207 --> 00:09:14,307 ♪♪ 235 00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:15,656 Hello. 236 00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:17,183 I'm here to let you know 237 00:09:17,211 --> 00:09:20,011 that Dougal County's recovery efforts are complete. 238 00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:23,322 The nightmarish, Lovecraftian fog has lifted 239 00:09:23,355 --> 00:09:25,185 and we are open for business. 240 00:09:25,219 --> 00:09:26,839 Dougal strong! 241 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:29,086 I'm also excited to report that animals 242 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,160 are migrating back into the region 243 00:09:31,191 --> 00:09:34,681 and are no longer bursting into toxic goo. 244 00:09:34,712 --> 00:09:36,132 And look at these trees! 245 00:09:36,161 --> 00:09:38,821 Do they look like they're abducting children 246 00:09:38,854 --> 00:09:41,344 or committing very public suicide? 247 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:42,793 [ Chuckling ] No. 248 00:09:42,823 --> 00:09:45,623 No, those days are long gone. 249 00:09:45,654 --> 00:09:49,354 But our most valuable asset is what's left of our people, 250 00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:54,151 and they will greet you with open arms and warm, 251 00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,039 partial smiles. 252 00:09:56,078 --> 00:09:58,178 And while you're here, visit Groovy Gravy 253 00:09:58,218 --> 00:10:01,318 at the all-new Dougal County Gravy Museum 254 00:10:01,359 --> 00:10:03,019 off business route 92. 255 00:10:03,050 --> 00:10:04,090 Hey, man. 256 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,160 Come sop up the history of gravy. 257 00:10:06,191 --> 00:10:08,641 #OutOfSight. 258 00:10:08,677 --> 00:10:09,917 Thanks, Groovy. 259 00:10:09,954 --> 00:10:12,684 I'm from here, I'm still here, 260 00:10:12,715 --> 00:10:15,855 and I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. 261 00:10:15,891 --> 00:10:18,651 Why don't you get on up here, too? 262 00:10:18,687 --> 00:10:20,787 We'll be waiting. 263 00:10:20,827 --> 00:10:24,237 And cut! One more, faster. 264 00:10:24,278 --> 00:10:25,998 For safety. 265 00:10:26,039 --> 00:10:27,349 Anything for you, my timber lord! 266 00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:30,005 Remind them, bring children. 267 00:10:30,043 --> 00:10:32,293 Children safe here!Mommy, mommy. 268 00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:34,221 Children delicious. 269 00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:36,194 Don't say that part. 270 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:43,471 ♪♪ 271 00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:51,134 ♪♪ 272 00:10:51,167 --> 00:10:59,067 ♪♪ 273 00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,940 Tree: Made in Georgia. 19559