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1
00:00:05,873 --> 00:00:10,013
♪ My dreams are all
dead and buried ♪
2
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:14,354
♪ Sometimes I wish the sun
would just explode ♪
3
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:17,722
♪ When God comes and calls me
to the kingdom ♪
4
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:21,561
♪ I'll take all you
sons of bitches when I go ♪
5
00:00:23,057 --> 00:00:24,857
♪ Let it blow!
6
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,262
♪♪
7
00:00:28,296 --> 00:00:29,556
My turn!
Hell no.
8
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:32,227
Hey, man, let me drive
that thing! Come on!
9
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,896
Do not touch the trim!
10
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,365
What in the hell?!
11
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:39,735
What the hell?!
12
00:00:40,741 --> 00:00:42,281
What the hell?!
13
00:00:42,310 --> 00:00:44,180
Oh, good morning there,
neighbor.
14
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,612
I'm just posting
"no trespassing" signs
15
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:50,277
on my land, to make sure you
don't set foot on my land,
16
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,218
which you thought
was your land,
17
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,423
which is all the land
around your house
18
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,885
except for the land
under your house.
19
00:00:56,924 --> 00:00:58,434
I know it's your land,
even though I thought
20
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,959
it was my land
all this time.
21
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:02,403
But it's my land, ain't it?
Yep, it is.
22
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:04,770
'Cause the courts agree,
and so does the county,
23
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:06,228
and I got the deed
to prove it.
24
00:01:06,267 --> 00:01:08,767
-J'ain't gotta rub it in!
25
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:10,772
An unauthorized
adjacent structure?
26
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,914
That there's my home-gym
workout room!
27
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:15,480
Bring it down.
28
00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:17,779
No! My crapper! Damn!
29
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,911
Now you get this refuse
off my land.
30
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,778
But don't you dare...
trespass on...the land
31
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,917
to get the refuse...
off my --
32
00:01:25,953 --> 00:01:27,923
You know what? Forget it!
33
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,915
This is my land.
This is my...refuse.
34
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:31,427
And I'll deal
with it myself!
35
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:33,229
Daddy, we need
to do somethin'.
36
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:34,761
Well, I'm fixin' to do
something, a'ight.
37
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,155
I'm fixin' to
threaten his ass!
38
00:01:36,197 --> 00:01:38,827
You hear that, Dewey?!
I'm threatening your ass!
39
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,926
I'm ignoring you!
40
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:43,438
-He's ignoring you.
-I done ignored ya!
41
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,771
Nobody takes my threats serious
without my damn gun.
42
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,436
Your gun's
out in the truck.
43
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:51,445
That's on his land, too,
ain't it? Damn it.
44
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,187
You take one damn step
off that porch,
45
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,449
and I'll blow
your damn toes off.
46
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:03,018
I'd like to see you try!
Ow!! Damn!!
47
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:05,126
Well, I got more toes
where that'un come from!
48
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:07,329
Damn it!
You won't do it again!
49
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,461
You ain't got
the damn balls! Ow!!
50
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,967
Damn it. He does have
the damn balls.
51
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,599
But does he have enough balls
to do it agai-- Ow!!
52
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:17,205
Damn!! Ooh.
But the joke's on you, Dewey!
53
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:20,808
Hell yeah. 'Cause that wasn't
my toe. That was my hand.
54
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,341
Stop
blowing my damn fing--
55
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,807
At least
leave me some nubs
56
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:28,176
so I can scuttle back
to my shack!
57
00:02:28,216 --> 00:02:30,816
I gotta run out
for a bit.
58
00:02:30,851 --> 00:02:32,491
I'll see y'all
when I see ya.
59
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,220
Watch it!
He's gonna blow your toes off!
60
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,555
-Right this way, Ruby Jean.
-Oh, thank you, sweetie.
61
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,060
Why in the hell does she get to
set foot on your damn land?
62
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,532
Why don't you blow
her toes off, too?
63
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,501
We're gonna go visit
my daddy's grave.
64
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,901
And as you well know,
your mama had sex with my daddy
65
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:50,204
behind your daddy's back
for years and years
66
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,238
and years and years
and years.
67
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,343
You can't airbrush
the truth.
68
00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:57,245
Can I please
go back to my truck
69
00:02:57,278 --> 00:03:00,578
to get my gun so I can
end this once and for all?
70
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,884
Uh, no, thank you.
71
00:03:01,915 --> 00:03:03,975
Dewey Double J,
keep an eye on this mutt.
72
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,887
Make sure
he stays on his leash.
73
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:10,418
Dewey Duvall thinks
he can outsmart me?
74
00:03:11,892 --> 00:03:14,062
I ain't got to set foot on his
damn land to get my truck.
75
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:15,604
-No, sir.
-Daddy, don't --
76
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,499
Don't what? Don't use this
live power wire as a zip line
77
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,602
to my truck where I can
get my damn gun?
78
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:22,744
-Don't, Daddy. Don't --
-Too late! Whoo!
79
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,200
Hell yeah! Wahoo!
80
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,723
I made it.
81
00:03:34,748 --> 00:03:36,678
Hold on.
82
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,387
What the hell's goin' on?
Unh.
83
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:43,289
Ow!
84
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,864
Early, you really do need
to get back on your own land
85
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:48,563
and stop causing trouble
over here on the Duvall place.
86
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,426
Dewey Double J!
What'd I tell you
87
00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,574
about shootin' people
with my shotgun?!
88
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,970
You are to use
the semi-automatic
89
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,872
I done give ya
for Bar Mitzvah!
90
00:03:56,904 --> 00:04:00,244
H-Hold on now, Dewey. Hold on.
This -- This ain't safe.
91
00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,884
Shouldn't we put on some
ear protection or something?
92
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,410
-Oh, right. Here ya go.
93
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,245
-You can have these.
-Please don't.
94
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,950
-This here's got to be against
a law of some sort, ain't it?
95
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,082
Yeah, Early.
It's called trespassing.
96
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:12,318
And it's against the law.
97
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,053
All right, son,
stand your ground.
98
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:16,087
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Please!
99
00:04:17,190 --> 00:04:19,130
Hold -- Hold up!
Hold up, son!
100
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:21,159
It's kickin'
all over the place.
101
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:23,104
Hold it tight to
your shoulder, now.
102
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,430
-I'm goin'.
103
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:26,495
There ya go.
That's a good groovy time.
104
00:04:26,534 --> 00:04:28,804
-Call me if you need me.
105
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:34,108
All right. Enough of this.
Get this cowpie off my property.
106
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,341
Daddy!
Where's your eyeball?
107
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,777
I-I lost it during
the firefight.
108
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:44,023
You know, I used to call your
daddy "Dewdrop Honeydew."
109
00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,451
Maybe I'll call you
"Dewey Two-ey."
110
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,458
That suits me fine, darlin'.
You take care, now.
111
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:53,191
Mwah.
112
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,168
Oh, baby. Yeah, yeah.
Mm! Yeah, yeah. Mm!
113
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,128
Boy, I tell ya.
114
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,367
The apple...don't fall
far from the tree.
115
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:05,113
And the shit don't fall
far from the butthole!
116
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,268
That sumbitch has done
took my land,
117
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,477
he's got a "will they,
won't they" sexual tension
118
00:05:09,510 --> 00:05:10,840
with my mama.
119
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,948
What's next? Is he gonna open up
a taco shack right next door?
120
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,887
Bienvenido to the grand opening
of Duvall's Taco Jockey!
121
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,360
God damn it!
122
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:22,989
We never wanted to get
into the taco business,
123
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:26,833
but you said you didn't want it,
so you know we had to do it.
124
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:29,160
Well, I wouldn't want to open
a competing taco jockey
125
00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:31,826
right next door to
an existing taco jockey.
126
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:34,535
But you painted my ass
into a corner, didn't you?
127
00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:37,538
Bienvenidos
to the grand opening
128
00:05:37,571 --> 00:05:40,171
of Cuyler's
Duvall's Taco Jockey!
129
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,307
Phew. That franchise fee
was stiff.
130
00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:44,342
-But it was worth it.
131
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:47,178
We got no right-of-way,
no foot traffic, no customers,
132
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,824
no oven to cook a taco,
and no food to make a taco.
133
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,150
Shh!
He don't know that!
134
00:05:51,184 --> 00:05:52,924
Taco Jockey ain't got no
customers either, Daddy.
135
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,693
Then the price war worked!
Whoo!
136
00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,922
No, Daddy. They don't
even care about it.
137
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,527
There you go, son.
138
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:00,689
It's obvious they
opened that restaurant
139
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:01,858
just to fuck with you.
140
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:04,355
Maybe it's time for me
to fuck back.
141
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,228
No! You've tried
fuckin' back!
142
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,236
You have been
fuckin' back!
143
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:12,168
Maybe for once it's time
you don't fuck back.
144
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,165
♪♪
145
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,380
Granny: Welcome to Taco Jockey.
What can I getcha?
146
00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:24,516
Bitch! Is that you
workin' in there?!
147
00:06:24,552 --> 00:06:27,222
What can I get ya, honey?
148
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:30,394
I ain't here for food.
I'm here to make the peace.
149
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,234
But also probably
some food.
150
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,529
Sir, I'm sorry,
but we have a strict
151
00:06:34,562 --> 00:06:37,032
"no shoes, no shirt,
no service" policy.
152
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:38,604
But this is a drive-thru!
153
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:41,442
Dewey Jr.: The dress code is
pretty clearly stated, sir.
154
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,569
I mean, we don't want
no shirtless riff-raff
155
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,314
in here eating tacos.
156
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:49,578
All right, fine.
I'll put on some damn clothes.
157
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:54,754
It's all right. You can touch
Duvall property. Go on.
158
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:03,423
I'm sorry, sir. This just
come down from corporate.
159
00:07:03,457 --> 00:07:05,927
We reserve the right
to change our policy.
160
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,729
But I'm lookin' to make a peace!
A-And I'm hungry, too!
161
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,472
Well, the only thing
we're serving to you today
162
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:13,299
is a heapin' plate of crow
163
00:07:13,333 --> 00:07:15,273
drizzled in
fuck-you sauce
164
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:18,242
with your choice
of sweet or unsweet
165
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,271
lick the wick of the tip
of my flesh flute!
166
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:25,153
Usually I'd berserk
on your ass
167
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:27,148
for speaking to me
in that fashion.
168
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,920
But I'm here in peace.
How did it come to this?
169
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,820
Two titans of the local
Mexican dining industry
170
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:34,353
at each other's throats.
171
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:37,627
Tell me, Dewey. What can I do
to heal the rift?
172
00:07:37,658 --> 00:07:40,588
It's simple, really.
All you gotta do
173
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:44,528
is climb up that water tower
and say this simple phrase.
174
00:07:45,633 --> 00:07:47,033
What the !
175
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,637
You also have to
wear a bikini
176
00:07:48,669 --> 00:07:51,339
and tape a squirrel to your donger.
Oh hell no!
177
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:53,311
I'd sooner make love
to a hive of bees
178
00:07:53,340 --> 00:07:55,310
than bow to your
damn demands!
179
00:07:55,342 --> 00:07:57,042
Dewey Double J!
180
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:02,877
There's another hole in back
if you wanna get kinky.
181
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:07,388
My name is Early Cuyler.
182
00:08:07,420 --> 00:08:09,160
My family is shit.
183
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,659
My legacy is nothing.
184
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,031
It's a miracle
I can even say these words,
185
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,490
I'm so goddamn dumb.
186
00:08:14,528 --> 00:08:16,198
How do I even have children?
187
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:17,999
What fool from the opposite sex
188
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,531
would lie down in
carnal congress with me?
189
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:23,798
I am a complete failure,
a colossal fuck-nut.
190
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:26,707
If I ever dare
to show my face in town,
191
00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:29,710
you are invited to spit
and/or shit upon it.
192
00:08:29,743 --> 00:08:32,083
Thank you all for your time.
193
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,712
All these years.
194
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:36,177
I've longed to hear you
say them words.
195
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,486
We didn't think
you had it in you.
196
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,688
I did, and I do,
and I'll do it again
197
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:43,521
till the end of time
because I'm a man of pride!
198
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:47,357
Cuyler, you know, I think
it's time we bury the hatchet.
199
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:50,204
Let's us just sit down
and normalize relations
200
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,030
between our
two noble houses.
201
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,536
♪♪
202
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:58,369
There ya go.
Open it.
203
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:01,735
Aww. Is this the deed to me
gettin' my land back?
204
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:02,875
Oh, no, no, no.
205
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,910
That there's a save-the-date
fridge magnet.
206
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:09,415
Ruby Jean and I have decided
to have us a creepy marriage.
207
00:09:09,449 --> 00:09:10,879
I've finally found someone
208
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,748
to share the last
few months of my life with!
209
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,557
And I, my love,
have finally found the person
210
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,730
who owns that last little
chunk of land that I want.
211
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,230
And I'm also gonna need you
to move out of that
212
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,262
flamin' shack
you call a house.
213
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,867
Early: What the?
Aw, come on! No!
214
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:28,439
Ruby Jean just give me that
in the dowry.
215
00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,398
Yeah, I think
a marijuana grove
216
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,267
would look nice
right around here.
217
00:09:32,305 --> 00:09:33,765
Oh, yes! I agree!
218
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,477
We can put that garden gnome
we were talkin' about
219
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:38,079
right in the middle!
220
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,111
That sounds lovely, dear.
221
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,986
Sheriff:
You must be right proud.
222
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:47,448
Didn't she used to
have sex with his daddy
223
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:48,817
behind your daddy's back?
224
00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:51,756
And now she's
marryin' his son.
225
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,462
What a crazy world.
226
00:09:53,493 --> 00:09:58,433
We are here to join Dewberry
Devereaux Duvall Jr, Sr, Sr...
227
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:01,565
Jr, Sr, Sr was
my daddy's name.
228
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:08,011
Please call me
Jr, Sr, Sr, Jr, Sr, Jr.
229
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:10,081
Sorry. Uh...
230
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:15,650
...and Ruby Jean Cuyler
in unconventional matrimony.
231
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:19,423
If anyone objects
to this...creepy union,
232
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,992
speak now...or later.
233
00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:23,762
Speak whenever.
234
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,591
I feel weird doin' this.
Early?
235
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:30,296
I noticed you didn't bring your
shotgun or your compound bow.
236
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,700
I can't believe I'm sayin' this,
Early, but...
237
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:35,103
you need to run out to the truck
or anything?
238
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,805
This is your mama
and your most-hated rival.
239
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:41,609
Any objections, Early?
240
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,141
You usually like to speak
in these situations.
241
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:46,377
You're damn right!
I do wish to speak!
242
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:48,953
Daddy, don't.
It's over. He won.
243
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,422
Fine! Fine! We lose!
Fuck it!
244
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,451
God damn it!
245
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:55,055
Made in Georgia, okay?!
Made in Georgia!
18617
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