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[ Static ]
my dreams are all dead and
buried
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00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:23,792
sometimes I wish the sun would
just explode
when God comes and calls me to
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00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:26,991
his kingdom
I'll take all you sons of
bitches
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00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,464
Rusty: My turn.
when I go
Early: Hell no.
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00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,563
Rusty: Man, let me drive that
thing!
Come on!
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00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:38,895
Early: Do not touch the trim!
[ Animals calling ]
Rusty: Daddy, why do we got
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00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:43,436
to do this?
Early: Winter's a-comin'.
If we don't hunt, we don't eat.
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Now, everybody, don your camo.
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00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:55,716
Now let's do this!
[ Birds chirping ]
All right, here we are.
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00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:58,963
Y'all slather me down with the
scent.
Granny: [ Gulps ]
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00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:02,959
Oh.
So, this wasn't our lunch?
Early: Damn it, we need that
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00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:06,773
sauce to hunt!
How you expect us to sneak up on
a whole field full o' apples if
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00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,937
we don't smell like 'em?
Granny: Now, which ones are
the apples?
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Are them them red ones that
naked bitch ate in the garden
and ruined it for the rest of
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00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:16,614
us?
Early: Shh! Shh!
Shut your damn mouth now!
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Gimme a boost.
Apples, apples, apples!
That's right, folks!
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Feast your eyes on the wonder of
a fruit that hangs from a branch
and doesn't do much for many
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months at a time!
[ Indistinct talking ]
Early: [ Grunting ]
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What the hell?
Rusty: Daddy, apple tour!
Early: Ah, hell.
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Freeze!
[ Birds chirping ]
Don't move.
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00:01:44,638 --> 00:01:48,968
Granny: Oh!
[ Moaning ]
No, no, I can't take it!
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We're made!
Rusty: Granny, no!
[ Static ]
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00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:55,509
Code red -- three worms in
sector six.
Granny: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
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Well, I'll be!
This one here moves like she's
on greased rails!
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Early: Move very slowly.
Over many months.
Just like a tree.
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00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,730
Sheriff: All right, y'all,
drop the pomaceous fruits and
get down on the ground!
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00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:16,901
Early: Damn it!
[ Both grunting ]
I ain't gonna press charges,
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00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:21,774
sheriff, not if they're willing
to help me out at my fall fair.
Early: Oh, you want me to be
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00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:25,635
the emcee -- step up and run
this whole thing?!
Oh, you'll be runnin'.
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Granny: Aah!
Runnin' quite a bit, yes,
sir.
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[ Pigs snorting ]
Early: What the h-- racin'
pigs?!
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Sweet!Now, who's ready to see themsome pig racin'?!
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[ Cheers and applause ][ Pig snorts ] Early: I ain't racin' around
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a damn dirt circle like somedamn fool with --[ Gunshot ]
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Rabbit! Rabbit![ Indistinct shouting ] granny: Ohh!
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00:02:48,869 --> 00:02:52,699
Early: I want the rabbit! Rusty: Whoo-hoo! Imma win! Early: Don't you dare win!
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[ Breathing heavily ]I need to win!
Rusty: All right then.
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Early: Early cuyler
[Breathes heavily] baby!
Granny: Get that rabbit
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00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:03,582
quick!
Get it, get it, get it!
Early: W-what?!
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00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,724
Granny: Get that rabbit!
Early: Nooo!
Granny: Wait, where'd it go?
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00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:10,660
And the winner -- the small,
uh, girl one.
Granny: Yay!
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00:03:10,658 --> 00:03:13,888
Best guess.
That's a woman, right?
Granny: I guess the rabbit
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went back in the hole!
[ Gasps ]
Six more weeks of summer!
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Rusty: Dang, granny, where'd
you learn to run like that?
Granny: Oh, the spirit just
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come over me, I reckon.
Also, I was being chased by
imaginary mind bees.
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Rusty: Did you see that,
daddy?
She blew right past you.
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Early: What I seen was this
here chest lump with glasses
robbing me of my first-place
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finish!
I didn't have no imaginary bees
to run with!
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Listen to that crowd!
[ Cheers and applause ]
They're really taking to
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granny hotfoot here!
Early: Granny hotfoot?!
Ha, I don't know if y'all
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00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:46,930
have what it takes to compete
with this little octogenarian.
Granny: Yay!
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00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:51,157
Early: Listen here,
Early cuyler don't race for no
man -- unless his pride is
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00:03:51,165 --> 00:03:54,965
questioned and his rage clouds
his ability to see his best
interests!
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00:03:54,969 --> 00:03:58,769
So he want hisself a rematch,
damn it, right now!
Granny: If you want a piece
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00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:02,242
of this, you're gonna have to
pick up the pace, Alice.
Early: Don't you get inside
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00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:04,583
my head!
I'm the one who manipulates mymind!
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Put 'em in the gates! Rusty: You want me to do likei done before and stop before
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00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:11,118
the finish line? Early: Yes, damn it! Granny: That'd be great,
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dear.How's the weather back there?! Early: You see that Walker
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00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,059
she's got?!That's an unfair advantage![ Grunts ]
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Granny: One order of my dustcomin' right up! Early: Oh, I can't win no
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race in a damn Walker! Granny: Oh, Orson, she'sbeautiful!
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Who is she now?[ Pig snorting ] Early: Yah! Yah! Get it on!
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00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,296
Yeah! Whoo! Granny: I'm just doing thisfor fun now!
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Early: S-she bumped me!Did anybody see that?!My aerodynamic helmet weighs a
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sumbitchin' ton! Granny: You still here?[ Cheers and applause ]
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Here you go, chubby.You know, you should drop out ofschool and race pigs.
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It's much easier, and you getlaid a lot.What?!
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I'm an athlete, not a rolemodel![ Pigs snorting ]
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[ Both snorting, munching ] Granny: Mmm, mmm!Delicious!
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Early: Hey, that there isperformance-enhancing burgermeat -- essential cheese
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00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:07,314
vitamins!That bitch is dopin'! Ooh, granny hotfoot, looks
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00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:11,178
like we got us a whistle-blowerhere. Granny: This ain't nothing
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but a witch-hunt.[ Slurps ] they after my title. Early: We ain't eating
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nothin' in here except applecores and pig shit! Rusty: Daddy, now, don't rock
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the boat now.This stuff's pretty good. Early: I call for you to form
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hamburger and taco testin'across the board! Granny: Okay, that's enough
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of this, Oprah.This interview's over.I'll see your ass on the track.
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Early: You sure as hell will! Granny: I'll say "hi" as Iblow your damn doors off.
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Early: Y-you don't get --i-Iget the damn last word, bitch!And that was it, what I just
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said! Granny: Oh, yeah, that'sgreat.
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Oh, yeah! Granny: Mm, that's deep! [ Grunts ]
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Granny:So deep!
Yeah, you got cramping and
tension all up and down you legs
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and back.
Can't seem to work this knot
out.
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Granny: Oh, I wouldn't kill
yourself on that one.
I think that's a brain tumor
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that migrated.
Ticket sales are through the
roof, my little purple champion!
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[ Grunts ]
Folks are comin' from as far
away as ellijay to watch you run
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00:06:04,365 --> 00:06:08,895
in the mud against your
firstborn.
Granny: If he was any slower,
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00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:11,902
he'd be goin' backwards!
[ Both laugh ]
Early: Ooh, bitch.
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00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:15,805
Granny: You think I could get
a refill on this appletini,
love?
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Okay, all right.
[ Smack! ]
Oh, quit! [ Laughs ]
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Granny: Oh, I've banged gayer
dudes than you.
I'll set you straight in a
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fortnight, honey.
[ Sizzling ]
Ooh, the hands!
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Early: Yeah, we gonna do us
some hot-oil therapy now.
Granny: Oh, that sounds --
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wait, what?!
Early: And a chemical face
peel!
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Granny: [ Gurgling ]
Early: Straight on down to
the bone!
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Rusty: Daddy, don't!
Early: [ Grunting ] You're
right!
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My damn arm's burning! Ohh!
Rusty: Oh, my God, granny,
are you okay?!
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Granny: [ Moaning ]
Early: Why?!
Granny: Aah!
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00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,400
Early: Why are you makin' me
do this?!
Granny: Aah!
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00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,836
Early: Still why?!
Granny: Aah!
Early: I will never
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understand why!
Granny: Aah!
Early: I tried to warn you!
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00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,910
Granny: Aah!
Early: But this is what you
get when you don't race fair!
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00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:55,383
Granny: Aah!
Early: [ Breathing heavily ]
Granny: [ Moaning ]
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Appletini a-co-- oh,
granny hotfoot, what happened!
[ Bat clatters ]
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00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:04,863
Early: Uh, she fell down the
stairs I-into the fritter
machine, which is here now and,
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00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:09,458
well, so am I.
Uh, I-I just came here looking
for the machine.
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00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:15,773
Oh, uh, here it is.
Looks like she fell in it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
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00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:19,069
[ Feedback ]
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm
sorry to report granny hotfoot
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00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:23,312
won't be racing tonight.
[ Spectators gasp ]
Oh, uh, calm down now, folks!
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00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:27,780
We got animals dressed as movie
stars, we sure do!
Y'all like that, don't ya?
112
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:35,291
[ Cheers and applause ]
First up to the starting line,
please welcome squid rock!
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00:07:35,289 --> 00:07:40,859
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Pig snorting ]
[ Rock music playing ]
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00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:47,331
Next up, he's the villain you
love to hate!
Straight from the sock hop, it's
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00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:53,244
inky tuscadero!
[ Spectators booing ]
Early: You want you some of
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00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,280
this?!
It's goin' down tonight, baby!
[ Booing continues ]
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00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:00,977
Rusty: I don't like them
dressing us up like people.
It's dehumanizin'.
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00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,781
Early: Unh-unh, it's
re-humanizing, you see?
'Cause they making us look like,
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00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:08,815
you know, human people and all.
Rusty: Nah, daddy, they're
taking away our dignity.
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00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,292
[ Pig snorts ]
Early: You're missing the
point.
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00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:13,961
We look like people now.
What's this?!
[ Feedback ]
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00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:17,831
I'm getting word from the tunnel
we have a late entry.
Early: What the hell's this?!
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00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:27,471
Ladies and gentlemen, I give
you your reigning champion,
granicus hotfoot!
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00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:32,084
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Fanfare ]
Granny: I...
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Am...
Granicus!
Early: You ain't in no
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00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:40,549
condition to race!
Granny: Oh, son, you may have
gotten my good looks, but you
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00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:44,094
never got my will to win!
[ Cackles ]
Early: [ Sniffling ]
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00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:47,291
To hell with this mess!
[ Crying ]
Rusty: Daddy, where you
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00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:50,934
going?
Granny: If only he ran like
that in the race, he might win
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00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:55,401
one!
[ Laughs ]
Rusty, I'm gonna need you to lay
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00:08:55,402 --> 00:09:01,612
up again for me.
On your marks!
Set!
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00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:05,978
[ Indistinct shouting,
screaming ]
Early: Out of my way, you
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00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:09,849
dumbasses!
Whoo! Whoo-hoo!
Yeah! Whoo!
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00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:16,050
No, my beautiful menagerie!
Granny: Get on, snowball!
Stop sniffin' your brother's
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00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,516
ass!
He's dead!
Early: Hell yeah!
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00:09:18,525 --> 00:09:23,925
Whoo! Victory is mine!
[ Engine revving ]
What the?!
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00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:27,401
Granny: [ Grunts ]
It's over, Early!
Early: Nothing is over!
138
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:31,501
Granny: Imma win!
Early: I need this!
[ Both grunting ]
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00:09:31,505 --> 00:09:39,975
[ Pig snorting ]
[ Camera shutter clicks ]
[ Flies buzzing ]
140
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:46,450
Oh, lord, no, this mess ain't
gonna fly on a billboard.
Okay, that's it. Show's over.
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00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:53,333
We're goin' corn maze.
Put 'em all to sleep.
Wipe it clean.
142
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:56,387
[ Pig snorts ]
Early: Oh, oh, I see how he
won now, getting his damn blood
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00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,896
doped over there!
[ Pig squeals ]
Rusty: He's getting
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00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:01,169
euthanized, daddy.
Granny: Hey, I want to be
younger!
145
00:10:01,168 --> 00:10:04,198
Rusty: That ain't what that
means, granny!
We need to get on out of here!
146
00:10:04,204 --> 00:10:08,144
Early: Look, I don't want to
taint my championship, but,
hell, everybody's juicing now,
147
00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:12,581
and I got to do what I got to do
to stay competitive.
Granny: If he gets that shot,
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00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:16,979
i want the shot, too!
Rusty: I'll see y'all.
[ Flies buzzing ]
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00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,484
[ Birds chirping ]
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00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:46,135
Granny: Made in Georgia!
16326
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