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[ Static ]
[ Country music plays ]
unh
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00:00:10,778 --> 00:00:16,318
my dreams
are all dead and buried
sometimes I wish the sun
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00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:22,487
would just explode
when God calls and calls me to
his kingdom
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00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:27,830
I'll take all you sons of
bitches when I go
ow!
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00:00:27,828 --> 00:00:30,298
Rusty: My turn.
Early: Hell no.
Rusty: Hey, man, let me drive
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00:00:30,297 --> 00:00:34,527
that thing!
Come on!
Early: Do not touch the trim!
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00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:39,435
[ Bell rings ]
Rusty: There you go, sir!
Thank you much!
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00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,570
[ Car horn honks ]
Hey, Rusty!
Say hey to your daddy, Randy.
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00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:46,376
Rusty: There's my guy.
What's up, hoss?
[ Cooing ]
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00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:50,450
All right, here you go.
Now, here's June and July, and I
guess that catches us up.
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00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:54,451
Here's a little extra.
Now, that's for you.
Get mama to go buy you a onesie
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00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:57,815
in town.
Be sure to rip them sleeves off.
Ba-bam!
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00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:01,385
Ba-bam!
[ Bell rings ]
Thank you for this, Rusty.
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00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:05,725
We sure appreciate you.
Rusty: I appreciate you, too,
tammi -- how fine you lookin'.
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00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:10,273
I'd appreciate the hell out of
you right now if you'd let me.
Yeah, I get it, Rusty.
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00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:12,401
Rusty: I know, I know -- baby
steps.
[ Coos ]
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00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:14,536
Rusty: But I'm gonna earn you
back!
You'll see!
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00:01:14,542 --> 00:01:18,712
'Cause I'm a man! Ba-bam!
Ba-bam!
Early: Where the hell you
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00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:23,322
been?!
Granny: Yeah, you all running
out in the morning, saying you's
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00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:28,517
going to work and then coming
home all tired eight hours
later, talking about how you's
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00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:31,522
at work!
Rusty: 'Cause I was at work.
Granny: Here he goes!
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00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,485
Early: You ain't been at
work 'cause my boy ain't gonna
work!
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00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:37,625
You know how damn hard I work
trying not to work just to have
you work?!
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00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:41,331
Rusty: I done told y'all 20
times, I'm workin' at the car
wash, making me some damn money.
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00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,835
Early: M-money?
Granny: Money?!
Early: Money! Hell yeah!
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00:01:43,838 --> 00:01:46,838
Granny: We made it!
Early: Somebody in this
family done made some damn
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00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,611
money!
Granny: Give up the money!
Rusty: I already gave away
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00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,510
the money.
Granny: You what?!
Rusty: I told ya, every dime
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00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:55,753
I make goes to child support.
Early: Cuyler money -- in
tammi's hands?!
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00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:59,419
Granny: That gold-digging
whore!
Rusty: I also just had to pay
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00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,790
for his shots.
Granny: You're spoiling that
baby by giving him
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00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:05,660
immunizations!
A child needs to know what
rickets feel like!
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00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:08,859
Early: If that child's even
yours.
Rusty: What the hell you mean
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00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:11,763
by that?
Early: That baby ain't got no
squid blood in him!
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00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:17,935
Granny: I want to love it,
but I don't trust it with that
cream-cheesy damn skin!
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00:02:17,938 --> 00:02:21,508
I'm sorry -- I said it!
Rusty: Y'all cut it out.
Of course Randy's...Mine.
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00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:25,579
Early: Count how many legs
he's got.
Has he got eight, like us?
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00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:28,749
Rusty: One...
Two...
Oh, my God, you're right!
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00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:32,749
He's only got two legs!
Early: Like a two-legged,
two-armed, 10-fingered freak
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00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:37,493
show!
Granny: Tammi done spread her
legs in the dirt for some human
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00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:41,461
man, and that's what come out!
Rusty: Uh, that ain't true!
Tammi wouldn't do that!
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00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:46,702
Granny: She's probably out
painting the town red right now
with some new fella, and you're
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00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:51,470
the one who bought 'em all the
paint!
You get anything you want --
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00:02:51,472 --> 00:02:56,582
salad, soft-serve, unlimited
crescent rolls.
This is your night.
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00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,947
Well, thank you, Denny.
That's real sweet.
Now, lift me up, see
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00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:03,477
what kind of jello they got.
Yeah.
Now, don't be a wallflower.
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00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:06,824
Tell me something interesting
about you.
Well, I'm taking college
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00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,860
classes online --
this here hand only got
three fingers.
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00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:13,587
That's interesting.
I come out of the womb with this
mustache, too.
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00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:17,464
Pretty interesting.
I'm way into jello.
I bet that's how we found each
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00:03:17,464 --> 00:03:21,474
other on the dougal doubles on
account of we both like jello so
damn much.
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00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:24,998
Yeah.
And also 'cause there's not a
whole lot of profiles on that
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00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:29,675
dougal county dating site.
It's like the Internet
decided that we was destined to
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00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,947
be together.
[ Laughs ]
Please don't throw jello at
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00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:37,347
me.
I'm just playin'.
Pass me them crayons.
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00:03:37,351 --> 00:03:41,321
I think I'm gonna draw me a
pontoon boat.
[ Cicadas chirping ]
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00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:45,062
Early: Now, you just march
your ass up there and snatch
that young'ern and test his
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00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:49,359
molecules in the computer 'cause
if he ain't yours, then you
ain't got to pay no-damn-body.
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00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:52,633
Rusty: I can't believe she
was running around on me this
whole time.
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00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:56,403
Early: Hey, I know.
Not to be sexualist, but you
can't trust a damn stupid-ass
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00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:59,773
bitch whore farther than you can
throw her!
And I know 'cause I throw me
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00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:02,843
some womans all the time.
Skinny womans will travel
farther.
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00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:06,683
It's a bone-density thing.
You know, it's science.
Now, you just ring that
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00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:12,920
doorbell and repeat after me.
[ Buzzers sounds ]
Hey, Rusty, um...
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00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,660
It's -- it's late.
Is there something wrong?
Early: Ignore the hell out of
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00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:18,917
her.
Drives her crazy, gets them
loins moist.
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00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:22,386
Rusty: Ignore the hell out of
her.
Drives her crazy, gets her loins
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00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,596
moist.
Early: No, don't repeat what
I say!
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00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:28,668
Oh, hell!
Just get your ass inside!
Tell her!
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00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:31,539
Rusty: But you said not to
repeat what I say.
Early: Now I'm saying
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00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,508
different!
Don't do what I said!
Say what I do!
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00:04:33,507 --> 00:04:35,537
Go on now!
Get your ass inside and come
back out!
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00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:38,512
Rusty, what do you want?
Rusty: Go your ass inside,
then come back out.
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00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,912
Early: Don't you talk to her
now.
Rusty: When can I talk?
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00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,054
O-kay, I'm gonna go back
inside now.
Rusty: Okay, but then get
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00:04:44,051 --> 00:04:46,951
your ass back out here!
Early: It worked!
Rusty: Yeah!
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00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:50,364
Early: Man, you got her on
her heels!
Now, you ring that bell again
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00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:54,487
and close the deal!
[ Buzzer sounds ]
What the hell do you want,
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00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,625
Rusty?!
Early: Evening tammi.
Rusty: Evening tammi.
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00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:59,560
Early: What are you doing on
this fine-ass night?
Rusty: What are you doing on
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00:04:59,566 --> 00:05:01,666
this fine-ass night?
Rusty...
Early: I know you're
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00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:03,969
lonely without a man in your
life.
Rusty: I know you're lonely
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00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,041
without a man in your life.
Early: But I know somebody
who could put some hard Georgia
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00:05:07,041 --> 00:05:10,081
pine in your wood chipper.
Rusty: But I know somebody
who could put some hard Georgia
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00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,877
pine in your wood chipper.
Early: You know my daddy,
Early, over there in the bushes?
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00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,680
Rusty: You know my daddy,
Early, over there in the bushes?
Early: Evening, tammi!
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00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:19,824
Get over there and put your
tongue in his ear.
Rusty: Now, go over there and
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00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:22,690
put your tongue in my daddy's --
daddy, what the hell's going on
here?
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00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:26,120
Where are we going with this?
Early: Let her do it, son.
The heart wants what it wants.
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00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:30,996
Y'all are both pathetic!
Is there a problem here,
babe?
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00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:37,498
[ Dramatic music playing ]
Rusty: You on a date -- with
little Denny?!
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00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,914
Whoa, now, that's
deputy little Denny to you,
cuyler.
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00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,967
Rusty: I don't want this
sawed-off, jello-breath twerp
around my son!
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00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,836
Oh, you got a problem with
jello now?
Rusty: Let me hold my
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00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,846
young'un!
It is late, Rusty.
Now, I think you need to be
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00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:52,919
going on.
Rusty: Damn straight I do!
And I'll be taking Randy with
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00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,920
me!
Rusty, no! My boy!
Do something, Denny!
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00:05:55,923 --> 00:06:01,463
I, uh, officer in pursuit,
officer in pursuit!
My baby!
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00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:05,102
Early: You get on back
here and start licking on this
ear like you promised, you damn
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00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:09,699
teasy bitch!
Rusty, come on out now, and
we won't press charges!
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00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:13,673
[ Static ]
H.Q., this is officer Denny
at morning glory trailer park
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00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:16,514
requesting backup.
Randy!
Sheriff: 10-4.
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00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:20,650
Uh, you gonna be on shift, uh,
till breakfast time?
[ Both laugh ]
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00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:24,677
Guarding tammi's bedroom?
Did you French that thing, or
did you graze booby?
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00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,215
Damn it -- over!
[ Static ]
It was too high.
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00:06:27,221 --> 00:06:30,991
I couldn't get to it.
I started massaging her ankle to
try to, you know, get her in the
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00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,931
mood.
Sheriff: Uh, I told you,
Denny, it's boobs and butt.
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00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:37,527
That's what they want touched.
They're both filled with Milk --
I think.
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00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,801
[ Static ]
Y'all can gossip later!
Rusty has run off with my boy,
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00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,171
and it's y'all's job to go find
him!
[ Static ]
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00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:47,110
Sheriff: Easy now, tammi.
I-I know you're upset, but
Rusty's the boy's daddy.
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00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:50,877
I mean, it's probably a lot on
his mind and all, catching y'all
in the act.
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00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:56,208
Uh, uh, I'm not saying you
touched booby, but --
mind your own damn business
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00:06:56,216 --> 00:07:02,786
and find my boy!
Randy!
Where are you now?! It's mama!
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00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:06,260
Come on!
[ Telephone ringing ]
Rusty: Oh, hell, do I got to
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00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:08,730
pay for both the "d" and the
"a"?
Can't I just do one?
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00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:12,229
Early: Why, this little
young'ern ain't even got no
squid suckers on his hands.
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00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:15,702
I'll save you some money.
Just chunk him at the wall and
see if he sticks!
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00:07:15,702 --> 00:07:19,572
Rusty: No, no, daddy!
Stop it!
That ain't no scientific test!
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00:07:19,573 --> 00:07:24,643
Now, come on, son, uh, just fart
here in that slot now.
They'll test it with a computer.
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00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:29,245
Now, you listen to me, and
you listen close, you redheaded
son of a bitch!
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00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:35,519
I'm coming, and I've brought
hell with me, and I'm gonna dump
hell on your...Ass.
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00:07:35,522 --> 00:07:37,922
[ Sputters ]
Do some cuss words.
When you see Rusty, it's
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00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:40,085
important that you use the cuss
words.
[ Static ]
125
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,233
Sheriff: I got you, little
buddy.
[ Static ]
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00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:45,159
Early, you can hear that Denny's
damn near out of his mind with
rage.
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00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:49,965
Early: I say dump the kid in
a river, throw Rusty in jail,
fire that runt, and bring that
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00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:54,140
bitch here to me!
Sheriff: [ Chuckles ]
Boy, if it was only that easy,
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00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,811
Early.
Early: It is.
Do it.
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00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,110
Sheriff: [ Sighs ]
[ Chuckles ]
You're funny, Early.
131
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:04,583
[ Birds chirping ]
Seriously?
Ba-bam!
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00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:08,285
Rusty: Shh, shh, shh!
[ Chirping continues ]
Sheriff: You know, Early,
133
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:13,088
wherever Rusty is, I know he
don't mean no harm and he only
wants the best for the boy, but
134
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:17,663
I hope he knows that he's not
the primary caregiver.
Early: Well, what if he ain't
135
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:22,004
the primary sperm-giver neither?
[ Laughing ] Aha!
Looky what the mailman just give
136
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,342
me!
Sheriff: Well [Clears throat]
it ain't always genetics that
137
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:29,039
determines whether somebody can
be a good parent.
Early: Ha, you preaching to
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00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:32,612
the choir now!
Oh, yeah, that's how my ass got
tricked and tripped up.
139
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:36,353
Granny: Same here!
Just 'cause this one come
falling out of my innards, now I
140
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:41,350
got to do all that other stuff?!
Early: Hell, I don't even
know why he's up in this boat!
141
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:44,255
Sheriff: [ Clears throat ]
Well, if you just happen to
see Rusty --
142
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:46,958
granny: Yeah, he's in the
boat!
Sheriff: Thank you, thank
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00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,860
you, granny.
Damn it.
Tell Rusty, if you see him, that
144
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,063
we'll go easy on him if he
brings the boy in.
[ Coos ]
145
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:57,236
Sheriff: But he ain't gonna
like it much if Denny calls in
the s.W.A.T. Team.
146
00:08:57,237 --> 00:09:00,737
Rusty: This my boy!
Y'all go to hell!
Early: Oh, the sun went out!
147
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:05,111
Sheriff: Officer down! Help!
Rusty: [ Grunting ]
[ Cooing ]
148
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,182
Sheriff: Rusty, don't do
nothing rash now!
Just relax!
149
00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:12,051
Rusty: Y'all can't do nothing
to me now!
This is international waters!
150
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:16,092
Sheriff: Uh, yep. [ Sighs ]
He's more than 4 feet off the
shore.
151
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:20,829
Also, I-I can't swim, so...
Early: Well, once I read
these here DNA results, Rusty
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00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:25,227
ain't gonna have to pay another
dime for no chalky baby!
Rusty: Hey, listen, y'all.
153
00:09:25,232 --> 00:09:29,272
I don't give a damn what that
DNA test says!
Ain't no piece of paper gonna
154
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:32,739
convince me not to love this
boy, even if he is a two-footed
freak!
155
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:35,409
I love Randy!
I love him, and I'm as much a
daddy as he ever had!
156
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:38,179
Sheriff: Rusty?
Rusty: And we gonna be
together forever!
157
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:41,048
Sheriff: Rusty, the baby!
[ Water splashes ]
Randy!
158
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:48,288
Rusty: Oh, my God, Randy!
Early: Problem solved!
[ Laughs ]
159
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:56,998
Rusty: Randy, Randy!
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, damn it!
160
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,897
Oh, my God, Randy's a half
squid!
Check it out, y'all!
161
00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,670
Look at him!
He imy boy!
I told you he was yours!
162
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:06,169
If you ever changed a damn
diaper, you would know 'cause
you would see it's like a
163
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,983
thousand fountain pens exploded
in his little crotch!
Rusty: I ain't gonna touch no
164
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:12,307
damn diaper!
I'm a man!
You haven't changed his
165
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:15,252
diaper the whole time you've had
him?!
Rusty: I look like I'm
166
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,848
wearin' a lady dress?!
Early: Hey, if you was mygirl, we wouldn't be having
167
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:22,392
these fights 'cause you'd bedoin' as you was told! Tell your daddy to shut up!
168
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:25,259
Rusty: Oh, I see!You're on the rag! What the hell?!
169
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:28,928
Rusty: Talk to me on Tuesdaywhen it's over. Early: Now, come on ashore
170
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:31,959
and suck on my toes before I getpissed! Dream on, cuyler.
171
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:37,365
The only toes she's suckin'tonight are the three...Weird-shaped ones on this foot.
172
00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,701
Agh! Agh! Agh! Early: I stalked her first!She's mine!
173
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:41,706
Agh! Don't! Early: She just don't know ityet!
174
00:10:41,708 --> 00:10:44,038
You're under arrest! Sheriff: See?Things just have a way of
175
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,314
working out. When I say "under arrest,"you've got to do it!
176
00:10:46,313 --> 00:10:50,053
Ow, stop punching me! Sheriff: You take it from mehere, Denny.
177
00:10:50,050 --> 00:11:17,240
Ooh, this was made inGeorgia, baby!
19101
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