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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,510 [ Static, radio tuning ] [ Country music plays ] all my dreams are dead and 2 00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:19,522 buried sometimes I wish the sun would just explode 3 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:27,260 when God comes and calls me up to his kingdom I'll take you sons of bitches 4 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,631 when I go Rusty: My turn. Early: Hell no. 5 00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:34,270 Rusty: Man, let me drive that thing! Early: Do not touch the trim! 6 00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:38,638 [ Machinery running ] [ Machinery beeping ] 7 00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:43,439 [ Whistle blows ] 8 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:50,454 Early: [ Grunting ] Hey, Darlene. Hey, Becky. 9 00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:51,951 [ Grunting ] 10 00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:58,922 Hey, Becky. Hey, Darlene. [ Grunts ] 11 00:00:58,926 --> 00:01:02,956 Free Greek-yogurt-covered gummy nuts, baby! Whoo! 12 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:10,503 Aaaaaaah! Ohhhhhhh! Why?! Why did this have to happen to 13 00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,444 me?! [ Sobs ] Oh, God! 14 00:01:13,441 --> 00:01:17,311 Granny: Layin' it on a little thick, aren't we? Early: I'd butter you 15 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:21,451 with a thick beatdown if I still had ol' smacky. Smacky was my bitch-whuppin' 16 00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:24,819 arm. Aw, smacky! Why did you forever go and 17 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:28,649 leave my ass? Granny: Probably 'cause you were drinkin' at work again 18 00:01:28,656 --> 00:01:33,626 and took your eye off the ball. Early: Oh, bitch. It's almost like I can feel ol' 19 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,497 smacky wrapped around your damn throat. Granny: Ooh! 20 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:41,827 But smacky's gone now, ain't he? And he ain't never comin' back. 21 00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:44,936 [ Laughs evilly ] Early: Oh, God. You're right. 22 00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:52,379 I'll never strangle or properly batter your ass again! Son of a bitch! 23 00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:57,479 [ Sobbing ] Why?! [ Sobbing ] 24 00:01:57,485 --> 00:02:03,885 [ Rooster crows ] [ Snoring ] [ Fly buzzing ] 25 00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:09,031 Mm. [ Sniffing ] Mm. 26 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:14,469 Smacky? Smacky, is that you? You've come back to me! 27 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:18,568 A medical damn miracle brought on by my brown party liquor, baby! 28 00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:21,542 Whoo! Rusty: Hey, daddy, your arm grew back -- like that big ol' 29 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:25,512 whitehead between my eyes! Early: Rusty, come over here and hug on me on account of 30 00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,513 my arm. Rusty: All right. Ow! Damn, daddy! 31 00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:32,516 Early: You ain't never gonna learn, boy! Ba-boom! Ba-bam! Bap! 32 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,550 Ol' smacky is back in the game! Whoo! Rusty: It's kinda nice 33 00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,486 gettin' a smackdown from ol' smacky. Ow! I did miss him. 34 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:41,592 Early: Pow! Ol' smacky ain't missed your ass once. 35 00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:46,395 Whap, whap! "Boom" goes the dynamite! [ Slurps ] 36 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,600 Early: Bap! Hey. 37 00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:50,401 Early: Looky here, Glenn! Yeah! It done growed back! 38 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:53,944 I bet your flabby sausage arms can't do that, dumbass. 39 00:02:53,941 --> 00:02:57,081 I'd just take the insurance benefit for the missing limb. 40 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:59,747 Early: Do what, now? You did it on the job, 41 00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:01,747 right? Read your insurance packet, 42 00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,079 bro. Lots of nuggets in there. 43 00:03:03,083 --> 00:03:05,553 Dan Halen: Early cuyler, please report to my office. 44 00:03:05,553 --> 00:03:08,953 [ Laughs ] I guess you're not gonna get that big settlement check. 45 00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:12,926 [ Laughs ] Dumbass. Early: Yeah, I guess it is 46 00:03:12,927 --> 00:03:16,087 kinda strange that it's still bleedin' a day after the accident. 47 00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:19,926 But, uh... [ Chuckling ] but it ain't like it grew back and I cut it off 48 00:03:19,934 --> 00:03:23,474 again just now. I mean, what the hell? That didn't happen. 49 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:27,570 Dan Halen: I didn't ask. Here. As much as it pains me to do 50 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:32,535 this, here is a check for $600 per our reluctant but government-mandated 51 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:37,616 death-and-dismemberment policy. Early: Also, uh, y'all really oughta put some guardrails on 52 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:41,788 that paper shredder, now. And you got yourself a serious osha problem with that pencil 53 00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,719 sharpener. Dan Halen: [ Grumbles ] Early: Go on, now. 54 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:49,055 Write them checks. Whoo! I done gamed the damned system, 55 00:03:49,063 --> 00:03:51,663 baby! Free cashy money! Granny: Hurray! 56 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:56,095 Early: Although, I must say, celebratin' ain't the same since I lost fist-pumpy and 57 00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:59,673 back-slappy. Granny: Yeah, high-fivey ain't lookin' too hot, either. 58 00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:03,083 Early: Well, as long as money-grabby got it goin' on... Rusty: Ain't you supposed 59 00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,807 to be at work? Early: Boss man told me to take the day off -- said he 60 00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,853 don't want me to lose no more limbs on his property. [ Sniffing ] 61 00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,619 Rusty: Does this mean I can finally get a brace for my tooth? 62 00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:15,619 Granny: And I want a crack at that fancy drive-through taco I saw that 63 00:04:15,623 --> 00:04:19,023 dog talkin' about on TV. Early: Bitch, we ain't got taco money. 64 00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:23,656 If you want fancy things, you get yourself your own job and cut your own arms off at your 65 00:04:23,664 --> 00:04:26,504 own workplace. This here is my American dream! 66 00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:34,970 This devil machine! Who the hell coulda seen this comin'?! 67 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,605 Aaaaaaah! [ Forklift beeping ] 68 00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,781 Aah! Pay attention, Lyle! 69 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:44,780 Didn't you see my arm under your damn wheel?! [ Dogs barking ] 70 00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:49,485 Animal attack! Unprovoked! [ Applause ] Ohh! 71 00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:54,130 [ Strained ] Grand openin'! Free balloons for the kids! [ Microwave whirring ] 72 00:04:54,128 --> 00:04:56,528 [ Ding ] Who put this dangerous microwave here?! 73 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,130 I need first aid! 74 00:04:58,132 --> 00:05:04,972 Who put this dangerous first-aid cabinet here?! I need microwave here! 75 00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:10,212 Got this one stuck in the bagel slicer down in the break room. Mmm. 76 00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:14,210 You best put up a sign 'fore somebody gets their ass killed. [ Sighs ] 77 00:05:14,214 --> 00:05:18,554 Listen, Mr. Halen wants you to restock the copier with paper -- nothing more. 78 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:22,222 That's your job now. Early: Well, this here paper looks pretty big to me. 79 00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:25,822 I mean, you want I should shrinkinate it with the -- with the -- 80 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,156 where's the hell's the arm chopper? It's been removed. 81 00:05:28,162 --> 00:05:31,832 We're not stupid. [ Paper rustles ] Early: Aaaaaaah! 82 00:05:31,832 --> 00:05:36,872 Manila card stock! What the hell kinda deathtrap you runnin' here?! 83 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:40,070 [ Bird cries ] Just stand here like this, keep the crows off the crops. 84 00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:43,944 Early: I can scare me a mess of birds away with these ninja swords I got at the mall. 85 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:47,254 No! No, don't! Don't! Put 'em down. You just stretch your arms out 86 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:50,717 and do nothing, and nothing's gonna happen. [ Motor whirring ] 87 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:53,218 Oh, no. Early: Oh, hell yeah! No! No! 88 00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,760 Early: Bring it on! Owww! Stop the machine! Stop the machine! 89 00:05:56,757 --> 00:06:01,727 [ Whirring slows, stops ] Oh. Oh, thank God. [ Crows cawing ] 90 00:06:01,729 --> 00:06:05,559 Early: Aah! Aah! Ohh! Jackpot! Aw, come on! 91 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,096 Early: Oh, my arm! 92 00:06:07,101 --> 00:06:09,901 Oh, my arm! 93 00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:15,213 Oh, my -- what's the damn deal here?! Listen, Mr. Halen wants you 94 00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:19,709 to stand here and make sure everyone washes their hands. Or not. 95 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:24,153 He doesn't really care. [ Door opens, closes ] Early: Birds, come forth! 96 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:27,791 I call on thee! [ Crows cawing ] Aah! Aah! Ohh! 97 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:29,788 blessed! 98 00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:36,230 Whoo, baby! Whoo! Sheriff: You wanted to see 99 00:06:36,230 --> 00:06:40,130 me, Mr. Halen? Dan Halen: I have an employee who is bending me over and 100 00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:45,344 raping the cash out of me! I want proof so I can legally fire this cripple! 101 00:06:45,339 --> 00:06:48,839 Rusty: Hey, check this out. I went through that company insurance plan. 102 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,982 A whole leg is supposed to fetch you $900-plus. Early: What the hell? 103 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:56,649 Granny: You've only been gettin' $600 a leg. That's the damn finger rate! 104 00:06:56,650 --> 00:07:00,250 Early: He's rippin' me off! Hell, this is fraud! Rusty: Well, daddy, you can 105 00:07:00,254 --> 00:07:03,664 just do you a half-ass job till you get laid off. Then you could get a severance 106 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:06,187 package. Early: Well, that's a good idea, boy. 107 00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:10,203 Go ahead. Sever my package. How much we get for that? Granny: Oh, you're both so 108 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:13,097 shortsighted. The big payoff's in chemical 109 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:16,100 burns -- loss of vision. Don't you fools read 110 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,273 appendix d? Early: Hell, I mean, if I 111 00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:21,142 stab my eyes out and burn my face off with lye, we can 112 00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:26,281 retire. Rusty: What's this about, sheriff? 113 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:30,050 [ Camera beeps, whirs ] Sheriff: Uh... Just between us, Mr. Halen told 114 00:07:30,050 --> 00:07:34,050 me to watch you so we can prove that you're defraudin' the insurance company. 115 00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:37,124 Dan Halen: Moron! Sheriff: I'm even wearin' a wire [Chuckles] like in that 116 00:07:37,124 --> 00:07:40,194 TV show -- you know, "the wire." Dan Halen: Get out of there! Abort the mission! 117 00:07:40,194 --> 00:07:42,964 Sheriff: Hang on. This -- this radio keeps makin' this crazy noise. 118 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,863 Dan Halen: Abort the miss-- sheriff: Whoa! You got an aboveground pool? 119 00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:50,066 Early: Oh, hell yeah. I also got me some Chinese throwin' stars from the dollar. 120 00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:56,340 And I can afford me this here hat, too. Hell, I can't afford the other 121 00:07:56,343 --> 00:08:00,653 hat yet. But soon, sumbitch, I will! That's the damn joke. 122 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:08,247 Sheriff: So you got all this stuff just by losin' your arms? 123 00:08:08,255 --> 00:08:12,915 I-I had a accident -- on the job. Dan Halen: Accident? Hmm. 124 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:17,396 Do you remember the part where you were wearing the wire? Sheriff: Like on that TV show 125 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:21,197 "the wire"? Oh, yeah. [ Tape recorder beeps ] 126 00:08:21,201 --> 00:08:24,941 Ain't there a better way than this Rusty bear trap, Early? Early: Yeah, I guess, but -- 127 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:28,108 ha ha -- this is funny. [ Clank] sheriff: Aaaaaaahh! 128 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:31,878 Early: [ Laughs maniacally ] Sheriff: I always wanted a pool, though. 129 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:35,079 Ohh! Dan Halen: You do know that just because you're on the take 130 00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:40,022 doesn't make you a benefits-eligible employee? Sheriff: But...I was working 131 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,390 for yothough. Dan Halen: Legally speaking, that was a personal favor, 132 00:08:43,390 --> 00:08:46,730 sheriff. Read the written agreement -- of which you have none! 133 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:50,797 Sheriff: Well, at least I was smart enough to put my arm in a bag of rice. 134 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:55,067 Dan Halen: That's for wet cellphones, you subaverage cretin. 135 00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:59,038 Sheriff: Aw, hell. I got my websites mixed up again. 136 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:05,779 Early: [ Grunting ] Granny: I think you went to that arm well one too many 137 00:09:05,779 --> 00:09:07,949 times. Early: No, no, I'm fine, bitch. 138 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:11,218 Nose-diggy and gun-shooty is holdin' down the fort while -- [ Crows cawing ] 139 00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:15,488 Aah! Aah! Ohh! Them sumbitchin' crows is on my ass like a birthmark! 140 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:20,089 Granny: Well, bottle-grabby's seen better days. He looks like a dried-up ramen 141 00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:20,963 noodle. 142 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:25,061 Early: The hell with him. I still got my mouth finger, 143 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,225 licky. [ Slurps ] 144 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,943 [ Muffled ] Works just as well. [ Slurps ] Rusty: Daddy, your arms 145 00:09:30,938 --> 00:09:34,508 didn't grow back. Early: Wait. Are you sayin' my arms growed 146 00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:38,808 back and that bitch over there stole 'em in the night?! Granny: No, no, he didn't say 147 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,912 that at all! Early: You purple thievin' whore! 148 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:46,084 I'm 'bout to tongue-whip you! [ Grunting ] Granny: [ Laughs ] 149 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:51,116 Aww, you're tryin' your hardest, ain't ya? See ya later! 150 00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:55,164 Early: Damn slippery bitch got away. 151 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:59,502 [ Grunting ] Rusty: Where you tryin' to 152 00:09:59,499 --> 00:10:01,129 go, daddy? Early: To the doctor. 153 00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,104 [ Grunts ] Hell, my livelihood is in 154 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:07,313 jeopardy. [ Grunting ] Rusty: Hey, let me give you a 155 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,937 lift. Early: Please stop! Ohh! Aah! Stop! 156 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,843 Rusty: Whee! Early: Please! Please! Oh, God! 157 00:10:12,846 --> 00:10:17,346 Rusty: Whoo! Early: Oh, stop it! Stop it! [ Panting ] 158 00:10:17,351 --> 00:10:24,021 [ Grunting ] [ Metal clanking ] 159 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:30,464 [ Panting ] Mornin', Early. Early: What, Glenn?! 160 00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:33,834 You ain't never seen a octuple amputee? Is that it? 161 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,534 Well, get you a damn eyeful! 162 00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:41,535 [ Screaming ] Damn it! 163 00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,141 You need some help or -- Early: You squash-shaped 164 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,884 bitch! You try clinkin' a damn mile in 165 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:52,220 my hooks sometime! Was just sayin' "hey." Early: [ Grunting ] 166 00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:56,019 Dan Halen: I see you've been outfitted with our [Chuckling] state-of-the-art 167 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:59,223 hook technology. Early: [ Grunting ] Dan Halen: Yes, the gravy 168 00:10:59,226 --> 00:11:02,426 train has pulled into the station. Everybody off! 169 00:11:02,429 --> 00:11:05,899 Early: W-w-w-w-wait. Hold on, now. How much you think you could, 170 00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:10,069 uh, give me for these? [ Flies buzzing ] 171 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,040 Rusty: [ Clears throat ] [ Rooster crows ] 172 00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,169 What the... Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 173 00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,844 Granny: Yay! We're gonna be rich! 174 00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:44,274 Made...In Georgia. 17905