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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,540 Once upon a time, there was a famous Sheriff. 3 00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:24,580 It was not so long ago in our very own galaxy.. 4 00:00:55,328 --> 00:00:57,604 Bandit, me and Fred've got a question. 5 00:00:57,689 --> 00:00:59,007 What do you and Fred want? 6 00:00:59,088 --> 00:01:01,109 - How come we doing this? - Why not? 7 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,932 - They said it couldn't be done. - That's the reason. 8 00:01:03,967 --> 00:01:05,828 That's good with Fred. We're clear. 9 00:01:06,369 --> 00:01:07,438 Ten-four. 10 00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:10,013 I'm Big Enos Burdette. 11 00:01:11,008 --> 00:01:13,078 This is my son, Little Enos. 12 00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,399 Hold on to your ass, Fred. 13 00:01:31,369 --> 00:01:33,566 What we're dealing with here... 14 00:01:33,649 --> 00:01:38,059 is a complete lack of respect for the law. 15 00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:10,266 Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T. 16 00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:13,531 Justice look like a possum's pecker. 17 00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:20,088 Daddy, look out. 18 00:02:26,329 --> 00:02:29,884 - Daddy? - Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking. 19 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,074 - What are you thinking about? - Retiring. 20 00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:40,649 Atten-hut. 21 00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:07,705 You can all sit down now. 22 00:03:10,651 --> 00:03:14,609 I want to thank you nice ladies and gentlemen... 23 00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:17,205 and my fellow officers... 24 00:03:17,291 --> 00:03:21,079 for coming here this evening to celebrate the retirement... 25 00:03:21,171 --> 00:03:25,673 of an old friend, Sheriff Buford T. Justice. 26 00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:29,003 I think I can truthfully say... 27 00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:31,731 that tonight I feel as if I... 28 00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,803 were emerging victoriously... 29 00:03:34,891 --> 00:03:38,088 from a 35-year war. 30 00:03:38,171 --> 00:03:41,809 A war to uphold law and order. 31 00:03:41,844 --> 00:03:43,536 Daddy, I'm bored. 32 00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:46,422 I'm bored hearing about your boredom. 33 00:03:46,471 --> 00:03:47,706 That's why I went to all this 34 00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:49,368 trouble. Now we're going to have fun. 35 00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:52,262 As much fun as putting Ex-Lax in the Dallas water supply? 36 00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:54,736 Yeah, and then cornering the market on toilet paper. 37 00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:56,245 More fun than that. 38 00:03:56,332 --> 00:04:00,579 And what fond memories were brought back... 39 00:04:01,332 --> 00:04:05,405 when I saw those 211s, the 502s... 40 00:04:05,692 --> 00:04:09,241 and the DWIs and the APBs... 41 00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:15,133 but most of all, those hot pursuits. 42 00:04:15,168 --> 00:04:18,077 You're going to pee in your pants watching that county Mountie... 43 00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:19,603 hump across six states. 44 00:04:19,638 --> 00:04:21,988 I don't think the Sheriff will buy your plan, frankly. 45 00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:24,481 Trust me, son. If there's one thing 46 00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:26,598 that egomaniac can't refuse... 47 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,697 it's a public challenge. 48 00:04:28,732 --> 00:04:33,137 That I have marched through a wave of crime and criminals... 49 00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:36,362 like crap through a moose. 50 00:04:38,373 --> 00:04:43,856 In the '60s, I chased those pimply-faced, long-haired hippies. 51 00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,358 And I caught them. 52 00:04:45,393 --> 00:04:47,975 - Then in the '70s, I chased... - The Bandit. 53 00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:50,615 What about The Bandit? 54 00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:54,052 Yeah, Daddy? What about The Bandit? 55 00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:56,295 Sit down, you tick turd. 56 00:04:58,693 --> 00:05:03,614 I chased that boy for over 3,000 miles. 57 00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:05,849 Through 20 states. 58 00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:09,290 - But you didn't catch him. - So I didn't catch him. 59 00:05:09,374 --> 00:05:12,849 What the hell difference does it make? But I'll bet... 60 00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:14,883 - Okay. - Okay, what? 61 00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,647 - Okay, let's bet. - What are you talking about? 62 00:05:17,774 --> 00:05:21,846 What we're talking about is a simple contest, a little race. 63 00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:23,889 And if you win, Sheriff... 64 00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:29,722 we Enoses are going to pony up $250,000. 65 00:05:29,774 --> 00:05:33,892 If you lose, you fork over that silly symbol... 66 00:05:33,974 --> 00:05:37,834 you've been shoving in people's faces all these years. 67 00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:40,348 Your badge. 68 00:05:41,254 --> 00:05:47,014 This badge means more to me than anything else in the world. 69 00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:50,167 And I'd like nothing more than anything else in the world... 70 00:05:50,202 --> 00:05:51,771 to run you into the ground. 71 00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:54,879 You and that excuse for a son, 72 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,058 who looks just like a flea's pecker. 73 00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:02,742 However, I'm going to retire. 74 00:06:02,777 --> 00:06:06,623 I'm going down to Florida and sit in the sun with my son. 75 00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:10,484 Remember, we're talking about an awful lot of money here. 76 00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:13,832 So if you change your mind, you know where to reach us. 77 00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:16,613 Thanks, but no thanks. 78 00:06:16,695 --> 00:06:20,402 And now, ladies and gentlemen, at this very moment... 79 00:06:20,437 --> 00:06:25,983 I proclaim myself retired. 80 00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:44,898 [Pleasant country song] 81 00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:48,530 ♪ Buford T. Justice Fearless law of Texas ♪ 82 00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:51,493 ♪ The man who chased The Bandit coast to coast ♪ 83 00:06:52,215 --> 00:06:55,925 ♪ Buford T. Justice Now you've up and left us ♪ 84 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,867 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 85 00:07:02,336 --> 00:07:05,945 ♪ Some say you're a lunatic Some say you're a buffoon ♪ 86 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:09,331 ♪ Some say you're a fool with a gun ♪ 87 00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:13,452 ♪ Though you stuck to him like glue ♪ 88 00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:17,865 ♪ Now who'd have thought you'd walk away before the job was done ♪ 89 00:07:21,696 --> 00:07:25,174 ♪ The man who chased The Bandit coast to coast ♪ 90 00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:29,091 ♪ Buford T. Justice Now you've up and left us ♪ 91 00:07:29,376 --> 00:07:33,499 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 92 00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:42,156 ♪ You're a hero to your ego a legend in your own mind ♪ 93 00:07:42,191 --> 00:07:45,354 ♪ To serve and protect has been your word ♪ 94 00:07:45,537 --> 00:07:49,370 ♪ But can you stand to sit it out when pride is on the line ♪ 95 00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:53,510 ♪ And "What about The Bandit?" was the last thing that you heard ♪ 96 00:07:53,817 --> 00:07:57,491 ♪ You're Buford T. Justice Fearless law of Texas ♪ 97 00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,693 ♪ Man who chased The Bandit coast to coast ♪ 98 00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:05,203 ♪ Buford T. Justice Now you've up and left us ♪ 99 00:08:05,238 --> 00:08:09,194 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 100 00:08:09,457 --> 00:08:13,489 ♪ Just like some old grey race horse, you've been put to graze ♪ 101 00:08:13,524 --> 00:08:17,336 ♪ They say you're over the hill now and you've seen your better days ♪ 102 00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:20,485 ♪ Like that old race horse, you still hear that bell ♪ 103 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,804 ♪ If a hot chase was heaven Now the good life is hell ♪ 104 00:08:40,598 --> 00:08:42,648 ♪ Well, you took on all those outlaws ♪ 105 00:08:42,649 --> 00:08:44,414 ♪ And the weirdoes with the hair ♪ 106 00:08:44,449 --> 00:08:47,746 ♪ You stood for law and order all the way ♪ 107 00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:51,829 ♪ Now, you're standing on your records But does anybody care ♪ 108 00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:56,098 ♪ You're still known as the boob who let the big one get away ♪ 109 00:08:56,418 --> 00:09:00,127 ♪ Because you're Buford T. Justice, Fearless law of Texas ♪ 110 00:09:00,218 --> 00:09:03,255 ♪ The man who chased The Bandit coast to coast ♪ 111 00:09:03,979 --> 00:09:07,527 ♪ Buford T. Justice Now you've up and left us ♪ 112 00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:11,368 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 113 00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,648 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 114 00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:20,773 ♪ Where are you, Justice when we need you the most ♪ 115 00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:32,687 Junior, retirement is cat shit. 116 00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:35,395 Let's get the Enoses. 117 00:09:41,899 --> 00:09:44,009 Oh, look, Daddy. 118 00:09:44,098 --> 00:09:46,055 The June Taylor Dancers. 119 00:09:55,659 --> 00:09:59,793 - There's our turkey. - Let's go stuff him. 120 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,450 Daddy, they're taking our picture. Wet your lips. 121 00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:07,410 Shut up, shit. 122 00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:09,491 Well, welcome, Sheriff. 123 00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,936 What the hell's going on? 124 00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:16,384 These are a few of Daddy's closest friends. Just came to see you off. 125 00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:20,016 Let's cut the crap and get down to the nitty-gritty. 126 00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,199 Well, you're a sporting man, Sheriff. 127 00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,453 We're going to bet you $250,000... 128 00:10:24,539 --> 00:10:26,292 against your tin star... 129 00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,899 that you can't drive from here in Miami... 130 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:31,619 to the Enos Ranch just outside of Austin, Texas... 131 00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:34,130 by 5:30 tomorrow afternoon. 132 00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:37,861 That's only 1,400 miles. What's the catch? 133 00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,557 There's the catch. 134 00:10:39,592 --> 00:10:42,360 Look at that big ugly fish, Daddy. 135 00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:44,155 Looks like your mama. 136 00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,518 Smells like your mama, too. 137 00:10:48,553 --> 00:10:50,809 That's our advertising campaign. Get it? 138 00:10:50,844 --> 00:10:51,844 Fish and chips. 139 00:10:51,845 --> 00:10:55,369 We're opening up fast-food franchises all over the South. 140 00:10:56,260 --> 00:10:58,655 Get that off the top of my car. 141 00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:01,904 A little respect, Sheriff. That's our logo. 142 00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,213 Daddy, what's a logo? 143 00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:05,939 Something like a flounder. 144 00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:09,491 That's in the great tradition of American advertising. 145 00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:12,904 And you got to carry it. Otherwise, no bet. 146 00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:14,281 I get it. 147 00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:18,725 You're trying to humiliate me so I won't take the bet. 148 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:21,216 Get in the car, Junior. 149 00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:24,333 Now then, Sheriff, be careful with the badge. 150 00:11:24,421 --> 00:11:28,152 It's going to make a beautiful belt buckle for me. 151 00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,938 If you get my badge... 152 00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:34,984 it's going to be a seven-pointed suppository. 153 00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:42,041 He fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. 154 00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:54,979 - Be careful, Daddy. - Don't worry, Junior. 155 00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:59,523 I know a shortcut. We'll be out of here in no time. 156 00:11:59,558 --> 00:12:02,300 Daddy, we've been driving around for two-and-a-half hours... 157 00:12:02,382 --> 00:12:05,219 and we're still in downtown Miami. 158 00:12:06,062 --> 00:12:09,765 I'm as confused as a baby raccoon. 159 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,872 I don't know where the hell we are. 160 00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:13,621 It's right here on the map. 161 00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:15,925 Get that damn thing out of my face. 162 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,396 I was only trying to help. 163 00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:20,180 You want to help? Jump out the window. 164 00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:22,597 Turn left here, Daddy. 165 00:12:24,542 --> 00:12:26,481 Look at all these people, Daddy. 166 00:12:26,516 --> 00:12:29,266 Junior, what you got us into now? 167 00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:32,394 Come on, get out the way. We're in a hurry. 168 00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:37,133 I think we've crossed the border. 169 00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:40,567 Hey, you want to buy some food for your fish? 170 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,419 Up yours and that fish. 171 00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:45,737 [Man speaking in Spanish] 172 00:12:45,823 --> 00:12:48,575 Get the hell out of here. I know what time it is. 173 00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:52,743 Get back. 174 00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:56,404 You'd think they never saw a car with a big fish on top. 175 00:12:56,439 --> 00:12:59,481 Ladies, nice ladies. 176 00:13:01,303 --> 00:13:03,393 Could you possibly tell me... 177 00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:05,893 how to get to the Florida Turnpike? 178 00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:08,339 [Women speaking in Spanish] 179 00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:19,624 Thank you, nice ladies. Thank you, you've been very helpful. 180 00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:21,217 You dirty old... 181 00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,235 I think she said turn left. 182 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,621 I know she said turn left. 183 00:13:25,656 --> 00:13:27,823 I understand the German language 184 00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:30,532 enough to understand what she told me. 185 00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:37,845 I guess that bought us about a two-and-a-half minute delay. 186 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,731 This is going to be the most fun we ever had with our pants on. 187 00:13:41,766 --> 00:13:43,644 [Speaking in Spanish] 188 00:13:51,384 --> 00:13:53,847 Did you remember to take care of the gas tank? 189 00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:57,073 Do bears defecate rurally? 190 00:14:06,904 --> 00:14:08,815 - What's the matter, Daddy? - Gas. 191 00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,015 Must be that pizza you had for lunch. 192 00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:14,381 Not my belly, the tank. Didn't you fill it up? 193 00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,587 Well, I thought... 194 00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:18,293 You thought? What the hell did you use? 195 00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:21,939 - It has to be pushed. - We can do that easy, Daddy. 196 00:14:21,974 --> 00:14:25,368 What is that "we" crap? You know I got a double hernia. 197 00:14:25,584 --> 00:14:27,075 You push, I'll steer. 198 00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:30,025 Oh, thank you, Daddy. I knew you'd help me. 199 00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:37,180 He's dumb... 200 00:14:37,265 --> 00:14:39,389 but a loveable shit. 201 00:14:59,145 --> 00:15:01,621 Delays like this are going to kill us. 202 00:15:01,706 --> 00:15:05,837 Stopping off for gas, getting caught in traffic jams. 203 00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,568 Everything's against us. 204 00:15:10,426 --> 00:15:12,781 Look out for that car, Daddy. 205 00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:19,458 Where's that fool going? 206 00:15:20,026 --> 00:15:22,066 Daddy, he came awful close. 207 00:15:22,101 --> 00:15:25,548 You should never give a dummy like that a licence. 208 00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:33,304 Tell that road-hog Rembrandt I'm coming around, and to look out. 209 00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:37,698 Hey, road-hog Rembrandt, look... 210 00:15:39,466 --> 00:15:40,581 out. 211 00:15:42,347 --> 00:15:44,910 We cost them some time there, son. 212 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:49,706 I wonder how Junior likes life in the dumb lane. 213 00:15:50,507 --> 00:15:53,516 Daddy, my face is all white. 214 00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:57,539 Well, put a little lipstick on, I'll drop you off at a gay bar. 215 00:16:01,787 --> 00:16:03,408 What are we stopping for? 216 00:16:03,443 --> 00:16:05,838 It's time to take out some insurance, 217 00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,233 teach those county mounties a lesson. 218 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,642 I don't get it. I mean, they 219 00:16:09,643 --> 00:16:11,507 certainly lost enough time as it is. 220 00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:13,098 We're winning, ain't we? 221 00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:16,523 We're winning, son, but winning isn't everything. 222 00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,709 - What is? - Winning dirty, boy. 223 00:16:19,744 --> 00:16:20,786 What's the matter with you? 224 00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:23,705 Sorry, Daddy. I lost my head. 225 00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,702 - Shame, Little Enos. - Ashamed, Daddy. 226 00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,155 Look, Daddy, here they come. 227 00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:33,733 They're coming, all right. 228 00:16:43,027 --> 00:16:45,302 They put up a roadblock, Daddy. 229 00:16:45,748 --> 00:16:48,262 Daddy. They aren't going to stop. 230 00:16:48,348 --> 00:16:52,433 Hold on tight. This might be a little bumpy. 231 00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,422 This was a brilliant idea. 232 00:17:17,508 --> 00:17:21,369 Don't worry, Son. I've got something up my sleeve. 233 00:17:21,404 --> 00:17:24,034 I hope it's a chocolate chip cookie, Daddy. 234 00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:28,104 You can dunk my doughnuts if it ain't a great idea. 235 00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:32,224 It seems to be flooded. 236 00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:34,414 No shit. 237 00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:40,982 Buckle up, Junior, we're going to make a lot of time now. 238 00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,788 This is it, son. 239 00:17:44,823 --> 00:17:48,080 I thought from the start this was a one-man job. 240 00:17:48,115 --> 00:17:51,715 There's only one man I know that's never let us down. 241 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,621 Homogenise my hostility. Would you be speaking of... 242 00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:57,656 No, I'm not talking about that egomaniac. 243 00:17:57,691 --> 00:18:00,274 I'm talking about the only one we can really trust: 244 00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,364 The Snowman. 245 00:18:01,399 --> 00:18:03,499 Now get me that phone. 246 00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,150 That isn't the phone. 247 00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:19,179 Fred, you don't know what it means having you here. 248 00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:21,695 You're the ugliest. Look at your eyes. 249 00:18:21,696 --> 00:18:24,240 Your eyes sag, your ears. Look at that. 250 00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:27,388 Eight yards long. Your lips... And your breath's bad. 251 00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:30,081 The next time I buy them deodorising dog biscuits... 252 00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:31,225 you're going to eat them. 253 00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:33,856 Hang on. 254 00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:38,268 Mule Barn, you got The Snowman. How about... 255 00:18:38,509 --> 00:18:42,788 Look, lover boy, I've got $250,000... 256 00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:45,441 with your name on it if you help us out. 257 00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:49,587 Two hundred and fifty... 258 00:18:50,470 --> 00:18:52,919 You mean, I don't have to drive the 259 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,232 truck or haul nothing but my ass? 260 00:18:55,431 --> 00:18:56,937 I'm going to be The Bandit. 261 00:18:56,972 --> 00:19:00,394 Do I get to wear the hat? The shirt? 262 00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:03,006 And drive the car. 263 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,575 Now, listen. 264 00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:08,370 I think you just got yourself a Bandit. Bye. 265 00:19:08,405 --> 00:19:10,949 I'm going to be The Bandit. I love it. The Bandit. 266 00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:13,750 Wear the hat, drive the car. I love it. Give me the car. 267 00:19:18,230 --> 00:19:21,550 All right, Mrs. Fernbush, let's remember the procedures. 268 00:19:21,585 --> 00:19:24,606 Look both ways before entering the flow of traffic. 269 00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,724 Politeness pays, but look both ways. 270 00:19:27,759 --> 00:19:32,081 Give her a little gas, and let up lightly on the clutch. 271 00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:49,904 Turn right. 272 00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,667 What an asshole. 273 00:20:01,752 --> 00:20:02,752 [Fast-paced country song] 274 00:20:02,832 --> 00:20:05,829 Hold on, Dixie Bandit's on the road again 275 00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:07,584 Look out. 276 00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:13,550 I'm going to be The Bandit. I'm going to... 277 00:20:14,912 --> 00:20:16,310 Oh, Fred? 278 00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:19,905 I mashed your doghouse, son, but don't worry. I'll buy you... 279 00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:22,650 Fred, I'll buy you a whole condominium. 280 00:20:22,685 --> 00:20:26,384 Listen, with the money we... Come here, you. 281 00:20:26,472 --> 00:20:28,935 Now go find your fireplug. I'm going 282 00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,066 to go put on my Bandit clothes. 283 00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:34,991 I'm going to be The Bandit. I'm going to be The Bandit. I love it. 284 00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,545 [Lively instrumental music] 285 00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:53,133 Come on, get after him. Hey, Bubba. 286 00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:55,609 This ain't good, man. This ain't good at all. 287 00:20:55,644 --> 00:20:58,849 I'm not scared of these crackers. I'm black and I'm proud. 288 00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:01,950 Three hundred years of experience tells me... 289 00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:05,058 that you aren't being nothing but black and loud. 290 00:21:09,793 --> 00:21:13,680 - You better pull over. - I ain't pulling over for nobody. 291 00:22:03,794 --> 00:22:06,052 We're not making very good time, Daddy. 292 00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:08,597 Well, as soon as I get around Colonel 293 00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:10,527 Sanders, all that'll change. 294 00:22:18,315 --> 00:22:22,065 What the hell are those Klan clowns doing here? 295 00:22:26,915 --> 00:22:29,429 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 296 00:22:39,155 --> 00:22:42,346 Here's how you handle the Klan, Junior. 297 00:22:47,555 --> 00:22:49,591 [Fast-paced instrumental music continues] 298 00:23:00,216 --> 00:23:02,281 Get out of here, boy. 299 00:23:06,576 --> 00:23:11,287 Lord have mercy. I must have died and gone to heaven. 300 00:23:12,515 --> 00:23:15,481 What goes around comes around. 301 00:23:15,756 --> 00:23:17,747 You ever join the Klan, Daddy? 302 00:23:17,836 --> 00:23:21,702 No chance. But your mama did. 303 00:23:21,737 --> 00:23:26,399 When she put on her sheet, she looked like an iceberg with feet. 304 00:23:27,596 --> 00:23:30,871 The lid is what's going to make the kid. 305 00:23:31,876 --> 00:23:35,278 What do you think, my man? I'm talking bad, Fred. 306 00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:38,426 I mean, you got your Bandit, and then you got... 307 00:23:38,516 --> 00:23:41,133 Pray for that Bandit. How about you, Smokey? 308 00:23:41,156 --> 00:23:42,753 You got them ears on? 309 00:23:44,676 --> 00:23:47,066 Don't look at me like that, Fred. 310 00:23:47,157 --> 00:23:48,192 Fred. 311 00:23:48,277 --> 00:23:51,932 I told you I would love to take you, okay? But I can't take you. 312 00:23:51,967 --> 00:23:54,413 The Bandit didn't have no dog in the car with him. 313 00:23:54,448 --> 00:23:56,513 It just wouldn't look right. 314 00:23:56,597 --> 00:23:58,862 But... Look, Fred. 315 00:23:59,077 --> 00:24:01,749 What if you had your opportunity to be Rin Tin Tin? 316 00:24:01,836 --> 00:24:03,835 You wouldn't say no to that, would you? 317 00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:06,595 No, you wouldn't. I get to be The Bandit. 318 00:24:06,677 --> 00:24:09,315 You want me to have that, don't you? Sure, you do. 319 00:24:09,396 --> 00:24:12,537 You're my buddy. Hey, I knew you was going to be lonesome. 320 00:24:12,572 --> 00:24:14,946 I knew I was going to be gone, so I took care of you. 321 00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:18,068 Now just a minute. Here. Look here what I got for you, Fred. 322 00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:20,808 I got you somebody I want you to meet, Fred. 323 00:24:20,843 --> 00:24:22,588 This is Freda. 324 00:24:26,037 --> 00:24:28,782 There we go. 325 00:24:29,637 --> 00:24:33,533 Freda, Fred. Fred, Freda. 326 00:24:33,568 --> 00:24:37,092 And by the power vested in me, as owner of both of you hounds... 327 00:24:37,127 --> 00:24:39,799 I now pronounce you basset and basset. 328 00:24:39,834 --> 00:24:43,310 Fred, that means you don't have to half-ass it. 329 00:24:44,038 --> 00:24:45,437 You get it? 330 00:24:45,958 --> 00:24:48,915 Excuse me. Listen. I've got work to do. 331 00:24:48,997 --> 00:24:50,985 You all have to entertain yourself... 332 00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:53,756 but The Bandit is gonna go smoke some smokies. 333 00:25:02,558 --> 00:25:04,867 [Upbeat country instrumental music] 334 00:25:10,798 --> 00:25:13,480 I'll tell you what. You want to see a bandit? 335 00:25:13,515 --> 00:25:17,079 You're looking at a bad bandit. I'm talking bad. 336 00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:26,235 Never should've put me in this thing, brother. 337 00:25:27,438 --> 00:25:28,507 [Upbeat country song] 338 00:25:28,598 --> 00:25:31,461 Hear that roar of thunder 339 00:25:32,238 --> 00:25:35,117 Hear those tyres scream 340 00:25:35,559 --> 00:25:38,116 He's every boy's hero 341 00:25:38,638 --> 00:25:41,016 Every lady's dream 342 00:25:41,319 --> 00:25:43,827 Flying down the highway heading west 343 00:25:43,862 --> 00:25:44,862 They love me. 344 00:25:44,863 --> 00:25:49,266 In a streak of black lightning Called the Bandit Express 345 00:25:49,319 --> 00:25:53,358 Look out, The Bandit's coming Tyres screaming engine humming 346 00:25:53,393 --> 00:25:55,185 Looks like The Bandit's on the move 347 00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,096 Bandit, if you could see me now. They love me. 348 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,389 Look out, The Bandit's coming.. Get your money and warn the women 349 00:26:00,424 --> 00:26:02,992 Tell those smokeys all to take a rest 350 00:26:03,279 --> 00:26:07,560 Because they'll never get the Bandit Express 351 00:26:12,719 --> 00:26:14,392 They never learn. 352 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,315 Look out, The Bandit's coming Get your money and warn the women 353 00:26:18,399 --> 00:26:21,312 Tell those smokeys all to take a rest 354 00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:24,815 Because they'll never get the Bandit Express 355 00:26:25,159 --> 00:26:29,320 Whoa, they'll never get the Bandit Express 356 00:26:35,199 --> 00:26:38,559 Junior, I want to tell you an interesting story. 357 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,487 When the Pilgrim Justices landed on the shores of Texas... 358 00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,381 some of the male members of the family... 359 00:26:47,416 --> 00:26:49,630 became lawmen. 360 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,310 All of the lawmen of the Justices... 361 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,571 had sixth sense. 362 00:26:55,606 --> 00:26:56,778 That's too bad. 363 00:26:56,779 --> 00:26:59,812 What's too bad about having sixth sense? 364 00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:02,326 Well, that's not even a dime. 365 00:27:02,801 --> 00:27:05,360 Hi, folks, this is Dusty Trails, speaking to you live... 366 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,855 from Town's Autorama on the corner of Second St. and Washington Blvd. 367 00:27:08,890 --> 00:27:10,836 I hope you're enjoying our million-dollar movie... 368 00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,527 and you're going to enjoy hearing from Skip. 369 00:27:13,562 --> 00:27:15,269 Take it away, Skip. 370 00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,500 Thank you, Dusty. Isn't she wonderful? 371 00:27:18,521 --> 00:27:21,374 Friends, before I forget, don't you forget... 372 00:27:21,474 --> 00:27:24,255 to come out here on Sunday and bring the kids. 373 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,375 Because in addition to the best auto values in town... 374 00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:31,689 we're giving away free oatmeal cookies baked by Dusty herself. 375 00:27:31,801 --> 00:27:34,918 Hard to believe somebody so pretty can cook too, isn't it, friends? 376 00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:37,250 Let's talk about the special of the week. 377 00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:40,352 It's a '76 Mercury Monarch, fully loaded... 378 00:27:40,481 --> 00:27:42,274 but you don't have to be to buy it. 379 00:27:42,309 --> 00:27:46,473 Yes, this low-mileage honey has got new rubber, factory air... 380 00:27:46,508 --> 00:27:49,316 AMIFM stereo and four brand-new shocks 381 00:27:49,317 --> 00:27:51,908 that I personally installed myself. 382 00:27:51,943 --> 00:27:54,599 Dusty, why don't you tell them about your cookies... 383 00:27:54,634 --> 00:27:57,829 while I climb up on the hood and demonstrate? 384 00:28:00,002 --> 00:28:01,800 If you really want to save yourself 385 00:28:01,801 --> 00:28:03,198 a lot of money and grief... 386 00:28:03,233 --> 00:28:05,651 stay as far away from this dump as you can. 387 00:28:05,686 --> 00:28:08,599 See that fool jumping up on the hood of that car? 388 00:28:08,762 --> 00:28:10,539 That fool wouldn't know a good deal 389 00:28:10,540 --> 00:28:12,069 if someone gave him four aces. 390 00:28:12,104 --> 00:28:14,203 When I moved here, I didn't know a soul, 391 00:28:14,204 --> 00:28:16,200 so I answered his ad for a bookkeeper. 392 00:28:16,235 --> 00:28:17,733 Should've been for a football player, 393 00:28:17,734 --> 00:28:19,231 considering the passes he made at me. 394 00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:22,074 He told me he loved me, needed me, and was leaving his wife. 395 00:28:22,161 --> 00:28:24,088 The only thing he left was fingerprints. 396 00:28:24,123 --> 00:28:26,252 Hell, he had no intention of divorcing his wife. 397 00:28:26,342 --> 00:28:28,018 The only intention he had was conning 398 00:28:28,019 --> 00:28:29,518 you people out of a lot of money. 399 00:28:29,602 --> 00:28:32,355 See that special he's jumping on? It's a special, all right. 400 00:28:32,442 --> 00:28:35,003 Just add three zeroes when you check out the mileage. 401 00:28:35,038 --> 00:28:36,698 It used to be a taxi. 402 00:28:36,733 --> 00:28:41,089 This gal is taking a walk on Skip Town, his lies, and his lemons. 403 00:28:41,322 --> 00:28:43,293 Folks, I'm a little irritated. Pardon 404 00:28:43,294 --> 00:28:44,953 me. I hope you enjoy the movie. 405 00:28:45,042 --> 00:28:47,308 But I am leaving. Bye. 406 00:28:47,603 --> 00:28:49,898 Dusty, Skip's going to freak when he hears that. 407 00:28:49,983 --> 00:28:51,633 That's his problem. 408 00:28:51,664 --> 00:28:53,822 Good luck, kid. 409 00:28:55,403 --> 00:28:58,924 Hold it. Thank you. 410 00:28:59,963 --> 00:29:01,859 I need a ride. 411 00:29:02,042 --> 00:29:03,761 I hope you're going that way. 412 00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:06,542 I sure am. Go straight ahead. 413 00:29:08,803 --> 00:29:10,952 Look, do you mind if I change my clothes? 414 00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:13,159 Change your... What? In here? 415 00:29:13,243 --> 00:29:15,350 Oh, sure. No problem for me. 416 00:29:15,385 --> 00:29:17,518 - Now? In the car? - Yeah. 417 00:29:17,603 --> 00:29:20,461 You're not going to look. You're not a peeping Tom, are you? 418 00:29:20,483 --> 00:29:23,919 - I'm not... No. - Then there's no problem. 419 00:29:24,003 --> 00:29:27,355 No, you've got your peepers and you've got your non-peepers. 420 00:29:27,390 --> 00:29:32,092 I'm definitely a non-peeper. But the car's a little weird. 421 00:29:32,723 --> 00:29:36,374 It's very important that a lawman has sixth sense. 422 00:29:36,409 --> 00:29:38,583 Because then he can anticipate things... 423 00:29:38,618 --> 00:29:40,891 and prevent them from happening. 424 00:29:40,926 --> 00:29:43,617 Even a hound dog has sixth sense. 425 00:29:44,004 --> 00:29:45,516 This is Mother Trucker in the 426 00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,445 Hawaiian Tropic, on a smokey watch. 427 00:29:47,484 --> 00:29:51,476 Hey, is that you, Bandit? Hey, you're looking good. 428 00:29:51,563 --> 00:29:54,442 This is Bandit One calling. Is that Mama Trucker out there? 429 00:29:54,524 --> 00:29:56,499 Your phone's ringing. 430 00:29:56,644 --> 00:29:58,432 That's a big 10-4, Bandit. 431 00:29:58,467 --> 00:30:01,117 We got smokey on our tail and he's moving fast. 432 00:30:01,204 --> 00:30:04,640 You better come on in, honey. Your patch is ready, teddy. 433 00:30:04,724 --> 00:30:07,636 I heard that. If you're ready, just hold it steady. 434 00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:10,024 I'm coming in. 435 00:30:12,524 --> 00:30:15,253 Cledus, what are we doing under here? 436 00:30:15,288 --> 00:30:17,448 Just getting out of the sun. 437 00:30:18,524 --> 00:30:22,266 Look who just drove by. My. Want to go fishing? 438 00:30:22,301 --> 00:30:24,400 - I'm game. - Let's go. 439 00:30:26,805 --> 00:30:28,795 [Upbeat country instrumental music] 440 00:30:33,525 --> 00:30:35,829 If some crime is going to be committed, I 441 00:30:35,830 --> 00:30:38,023 know it before they start to commit it. 442 00:30:38,105 --> 00:30:39,885 And I can put a stop to it. 443 00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,955 If somebody's going to do something to me... 444 00:30:42,045 --> 00:30:45,428 immediately, I know they're doing something to me. 445 00:30:45,565 --> 00:30:49,064 That is why you got to have a sixth sense. 446 00:30:49,605 --> 00:30:52,014 I'd rather have a dime. 447 00:30:55,085 --> 00:30:57,395 [Upbeat country instrumental music continues] 448 00:30:58,405 --> 00:31:00,188 Hi, boys. 449 00:31:00,605 --> 00:31:02,218 How do. 450 00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:03,798 Bye, boys. 451 00:31:06,526 --> 00:31:09,782 It's The Bandit. Son of a bitch. 452 00:31:09,817 --> 00:31:11,277 And he's got my fish. 453 00:31:11,365 --> 00:31:16,545 As of this instant, Junior, we're in hot pursuit. 454 00:31:26,145 --> 00:31:31,108 Look who we got down here. I guess we better chat with the old boy. 455 00:31:31,143 --> 00:31:33,138 You take this and just have yourself 456 00:31:33,139 --> 00:31:34,755 a conversation with Buford T. 457 00:31:34,846 --> 00:31:36,670 - Go ahead. Go. - What do I do? 458 00:31:36,705 --> 00:31:39,283 You just talk in it. Mash that little thing in and talk. 459 00:31:39,366 --> 00:31:41,941 Hello? Mr. Justice? 460 00:31:41,976 --> 00:31:44,466 How you folks doing down there? 461 00:31:44,501 --> 00:31:46,837 We're doing fine, little lady. 462 00:31:46,872 --> 00:31:51,037 And may I advise you that you're consorting with a criminal. 463 00:31:51,126 --> 00:31:54,517 So when he goes to the slammer, you go, too. 464 00:31:54,552 --> 00:31:55,805 Oh, really? 465 00:31:55,886 --> 00:32:00,173 While you're at it, why don't you take a big dump in your hat. 466 00:32:00,208 --> 00:32:02,029 Hold it. Watch that language. 467 00:32:02,064 --> 00:32:06,280 I happen to have my son in the car. Over and out. 468 00:32:06,446 --> 00:32:09,402 - Thank you, Daddy. - Shut up, shit. 469 00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:24,754 Breaker, breaker, El Bandito, this is Muddy and Sunny. 470 00:32:24,789 --> 00:32:26,557 What's your 20? What's your story? 471 00:32:26,687 --> 00:32:28,882 You want to get that call? I'm a little busy. 472 00:32:28,967 --> 00:32:31,747 Yeah. Hello? 473 00:32:31,782 --> 00:32:35,606 Hello, boys. Yeah, this is the Bandit Mobile calling. 474 00:32:35,641 --> 00:32:38,559 The man here says you're going to get your shark before dark. 475 00:32:38,647 --> 00:32:41,094 Long as you don't get funny with the money. 476 00:32:41,095 --> 00:32:42,095 Who's that? 477 00:32:42,096 --> 00:32:45,341 Probably some floozy he picked up by the side of the road. 478 00:32:46,127 --> 00:32:49,809 Come on, Buford. Bring it on, brother. 479 00:32:56,087 --> 00:33:00,063 I sure wouldn't mind a romp in your melon patch. 480 00:33:03,008 --> 00:33:05,237 What the hell was that? 481 00:33:05,327 --> 00:33:08,479 Sorry, honey. I'll have to get back to you later. 482 00:33:22,649 --> 00:33:25,065 Excuse me, Sheriff. Why don't you just 483 00:33:25,066 --> 00:33:27,234 let me handle this situation here? 484 00:33:27,368 --> 00:33:30,805 Pardon me, young man, but you happen to be talking to... 485 00:33:30,889 --> 00:33:33,579 Sheriff Buford T. Justice... 486 00:33:33,648 --> 00:33:36,560 and I'm about to apprehend The Bandit. 487 00:33:36,648 --> 00:33:40,535 Cledus, you attract more fuzz than a fat man's navel. 488 00:33:44,448 --> 00:33:47,680 I wouldn't give a rat's ass if you was J. Edgar Hoover... 489 00:33:47,849 --> 00:33:49,999 and he was Machine Gun Kelly. 490 00:33:50,089 --> 00:33:51,807 You're out of your jurisdiction. 491 00:33:51,889 --> 00:33:54,197 I might be out of my jurisdiction... 492 00:33:54,368 --> 00:33:58,832 but you're out of your league. Now back off. 493 00:33:59,849 --> 00:34:04,443 I ain't backing off nothing, Sheriff. I'm taking charge. 494 00:34:04,849 --> 00:34:07,300 Boy, they're really coming. 495 00:34:07,529 --> 00:34:10,333 I'll tell you what. You just watch. Hang on. 496 00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,005 [Upbeat country song] 497 00:34:24,589 --> 00:34:27,322 Am I glad I came along on this trip. 498 00:35:14,770 --> 00:35:17,809 I'm surrounded by lunatics. 499 00:35:19,931 --> 00:35:22,364 [Upbeat country song continues] 500 00:35:28,891 --> 00:35:32,482 Sheriff? You might want to forget about losing me... 501 00:35:32,517 --> 00:35:34,762 because I'm here for the duration. 502 00:35:58,252 --> 00:35:59,479 Shit. 503 00:36:19,451 --> 00:36:21,750 Far out. 504 00:36:25,292 --> 00:36:29,503 Bandit? You're in a heap of trouble. 505 00:36:30,812 --> 00:36:32,538 Did you see that, Daddy? 506 00:36:32,573 --> 00:36:36,843 That's what happens when you lock horns with beautiful Buford. 507 00:36:53,653 --> 00:36:57,085 Breaker for that Sandbox Man. How about you, Sandbox Man? 508 00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,008 The Bandit's ringing your phone, you copy? 509 00:37:00,132 --> 00:37:02,307 Hey, is that you, Bandit? 510 00:37:02,373 --> 00:37:04,818 Looks like you got Smokey on your tail. 511 00:37:04,853 --> 00:37:08,750 Right you are. He's kicking in my back door. Hello? 512 00:37:08,785 --> 00:37:11,219 Bring him by here. We'll take care of that. 513 00:37:11,254 --> 00:37:14,926 I heard that. We're bringing it. Bye. 514 00:37:20,533 --> 00:37:23,533 - Come on, Buford. - He won't give up, will he? 515 00:37:38,093 --> 00:37:40,037 What did I tell you? 516 00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:46,149 You know what happens next, honey? Were gone. Bye, Buford. 517 00:37:54,494 --> 00:37:57,998 Gee, Daddy, this is just like being at the beach. 518 00:37:58,494 --> 00:38:01,703 It's a minor complication. 519 00:38:01,934 --> 00:38:04,045 Nothing's going to stop me from 520 00:38:04,046 --> 00:38:06,769 catching that big pile of dragon dump. 521 00:38:06,854 --> 00:38:08,492 And when I do... 522 00:38:08,574 --> 00:38:11,912 I'm going to marinate his walnuts. 523 00:38:12,574 --> 00:38:14,970 Get out and dust off the car. 524 00:38:18,294 --> 00:38:20,689 I don't want to foul up your plans or anything... 525 00:38:20,774 --> 00:38:23,767 but I didn't get any breakfast this morning and I'm half-starved. 526 00:38:23,855 --> 00:38:27,244 Why don't we pull in up here and get us a pound of ground round... 527 00:38:27,334 --> 00:38:29,211 and put it down our neck. 528 00:38:29,294 --> 00:38:31,008 Sounds good. 529 00:38:52,015 --> 00:38:55,921 Listen. I think what we have here is a skull orchard. 530 00:38:55,956 --> 00:38:59,212 Maybe you ought to stay here and let me get the cheeseburgers... 531 00:38:59,295 --> 00:39:02,485 because I'm not sure this is a place for ladies. Okay? 532 00:39:04,535 --> 00:39:08,359 Cledus, make those burgers rare. It'll go quicker. 533 00:39:13,136 --> 00:39:17,063 Nice looking set of wheels. How are you doing, my man? 534 00:39:17,375 --> 00:39:20,228 Yeah. Question's too hard, I guess. 535 00:39:20,616 --> 00:39:23,913 Rare, Cledus. Make them real rare, okay? 536 00:39:23,935 --> 00:39:26,369 Rare. She wants it rare? I'm going to get it so rare... 537 00:39:26,455 --> 00:39:28,811 a good vet. Could have it on its feet in 15 minutes. 538 00:39:28,896 --> 00:39:31,012 What do you think? 539 00:39:32,176 --> 00:39:34,450 I didn't mean to wake you up. 540 00:39:40,336 --> 00:39:42,808 So long, cowboy. 541 00:39:49,896 --> 00:39:52,274 Was that with or without onions? 542 00:39:52,309 --> 00:39:53,990 Onions. 543 00:39:54,136 --> 00:39:57,278 With onions. Yeah, with onions. 544 00:39:57,376 --> 00:39:59,845 Be right back. Yes, sir. 545 00:40:05,056 --> 00:40:07,339 We didn't discuss this earlier, but do you 546 00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:09,357 want a large, small, or medium drink? 547 00:40:09,392 --> 00:40:11,885 - Extra large. - Extra large. 548 00:40:12,256 --> 00:40:14,040 Be right back. 549 00:40:21,936 --> 00:40:24,292 Go get him, Jimmy. 550 00:40:25,137 --> 00:40:27,810 Well, I guess we ruined your whole day didn't we? 551 00:40:27,897 --> 00:40:30,695 How about some onion rings, honey? They got... 552 00:40:35,177 --> 00:40:37,372 See? And you remember... 553 00:40:44,917 --> 00:40:48,854 Let that be a lesson to you. They're sacking them up right now. 554 00:40:49,298 --> 00:40:51,155 - Get him. - Thank you, my man. 555 00:40:53,437 --> 00:40:54,526 What an animal. 556 00:40:54,677 --> 00:40:55,971 See you. 557 00:40:57,458 --> 00:40:59,892 One cheeseburger for the lady. 558 00:41:01,617 --> 00:41:04,929 Well, all right, my man. Thank you. 559 00:41:05,578 --> 00:41:08,420 Hey, Cledus, you forgot the mustard. 560 00:41:08,618 --> 00:41:12,793 I forgot the mustard. Women. Sit down. 561 00:41:13,618 --> 00:41:17,756 Me and you gone, like a big caboose. 562 00:41:17,778 --> 00:41:19,990 See you. 563 00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:31,159 Breaker, breaker, Mr. Bandit. 564 00:41:31,298 --> 00:41:33,607 You might as well give up the ghost. 565 00:41:33,818 --> 00:41:38,297 Because I'm staying with you like stink on a skunk. 566 00:41:38,359 --> 00:41:40,137 Here he comes. 567 00:41:40,218 --> 00:41:42,129 We got him now, Daddy. 568 00:41:43,138 --> 00:41:45,209 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 569 00:41:45,739 --> 00:41:47,855 Watch out for those eggs. 570 00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:55,494 We almost scrambled some eggs back there. 571 00:41:55,579 --> 00:41:58,696 Well, see, I was hoping for a Buford omelette. 572 00:42:00,098 --> 00:42:02,454 [Fast-paced country instrumental music continues] 573 00:42:09,619 --> 00:42:11,006 We lost him. 574 00:42:11,019 --> 00:42:15,451 Talent and pure intelligence will always triumph over ignorance... 575 00:42:17,219 --> 00:42:19,687 [Fast-paced country instrumental music continues] 576 00:42:21,779 --> 00:42:24,303 He may be dumb, but he ain't scared. 577 00:42:30,419 --> 00:42:32,171 Oh, dang it. 578 00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:37,893 Not again. 579 00:42:46,540 --> 00:42:50,196 - He's still coming. - I'm going as fast as I can. 580 00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:54,849 You should've turned right, Daddy. 581 00:43:00,740 --> 00:43:04,105 My flowers. Look what they did to my flowers. 582 00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:15,213 [Fast-paced country instrumental music continues] 583 00:43:32,641 --> 00:43:33,810 God. 584 00:43:38,541 --> 00:43:42,175 What the hell are you trying to do, you homicidal idiot? 585 00:43:42,221 --> 00:43:44,735 Back up and get the hell out of here. 586 00:43:44,821 --> 00:43:47,130 It's kind of a tight alley. I'm gonna need some help. 587 00:43:47,221 --> 00:43:50,089 - No problem. I'll direct you. - If you say so. 588 00:43:50,124 --> 00:43:52,211 Okay, back up. 589 00:43:53,901 --> 00:43:56,734 That's it. You're in the clear here. 590 00:43:57,941 --> 00:44:00,460 You're in the clear there. 591 00:44:00,501 --> 00:44:02,777 Keep going. You're in the clear. 592 00:44:05,062 --> 00:44:06,540 Clear on this side. 593 00:44:06,621 --> 00:44:09,055 Clear on that side. Clear on... 594 00:44:09,141 --> 00:44:11,091 - Daddy? - Shut up. 595 00:44:11,542 --> 00:44:14,420 Clear on this side. Back it up there. 596 00:44:14,742 --> 00:44:16,977 - But, Daddy. - Shut up, shit. 597 00:44:17,061 --> 00:44:19,882 You're all clear now. Whip on out. 598 00:44:24,622 --> 00:44:28,779 Now, do you see, what you did with your "Daddy." 599 00:44:29,062 --> 00:44:31,781 But, Daddy, look. 600 00:44:34,661 --> 00:44:38,197 Hold it. 601 00:44:38,702 --> 00:44:41,136 Just what are you trying to do, nice lady? 602 00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:44,028 I'm about to tow this car to the garage. 603 00:44:44,182 --> 00:44:46,464 And may I inquire why? 604 00:44:46,499 --> 00:44:49,295 It's parked illegally and creating a fire hazard. 605 00:44:49,382 --> 00:44:51,613 And it's one big piece of crap. 606 00:44:51,703 --> 00:44:56,868 May I say, madam, that you are talking to Buford T. Justice. 607 00:44:56,903 --> 00:45:00,283 I wouldn't care if you were Sugar Ray Leonard. 608 00:45:00,983 --> 00:45:03,292 Come on, Charlie, let's pull out. 609 00:45:03,383 --> 00:45:05,995 You woman's lib sumbitch. 610 00:45:07,903 --> 00:45:10,133 Get up there and unhook it. 611 00:45:15,743 --> 00:45:18,785 Unhook it. I'm putting it in reverse. 612 00:45:18,823 --> 00:45:21,680 It's too heavy, Daddy. 613 00:45:23,502 --> 00:45:26,298 I can't get any traction. Unhook it. 614 00:45:26,299 --> 00:45:28,717 I'm gonna give it all it's got. 615 00:45:34,463 --> 00:45:37,636 Oh, shit, Charlie. He's getting away. 616 00:45:37,637 --> 00:45:38,905 No, he's not. 617 00:45:39,343 --> 00:45:41,636 Get that sucker off. 618 00:45:42,503 --> 00:45:45,097 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 619 00:45:49,264 --> 00:45:51,761 Wait, Daddy. Wait for me. 620 00:45:52,843 --> 00:45:55,577 I'm right behind you. Don't leave me. 621 00:45:55,823 --> 00:45:57,538 Wait, Daddy. 622 00:46:00,724 --> 00:46:03,537 Wait, Daddy. Wait for me, Daddy. 623 00:46:05,904 --> 00:46:07,974 I'm getting dizzy, Daddy. 624 00:46:11,144 --> 00:46:12,695 Wait, Daddy. 625 00:46:15,824 --> 00:46:19,055 - Look. You were going so fast. - I'm sorry. 626 00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:22,129 You came around the corner here, I couldn't get out of the way. 627 00:46:22,144 --> 00:46:25,261 - Young man, how old are you? - Are you all right, ma'am? 628 00:46:25,344 --> 00:46:26,902 I'm trying to look at my car. 629 00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:28,782 Do you know who my husband is? 630 00:46:28,865 --> 00:46:30,662 Hold it, Daddy. 631 00:46:30,745 --> 00:46:33,097 I think I'm falling. 632 00:46:37,185 --> 00:46:39,938 [Fast-paced country instrumental music continues] 633 00:47:03,385 --> 00:47:07,234 Well, nice lady, it looks like we meet again. 634 00:47:07,269 --> 00:47:10,160 Would you please call a tow truck? 635 00:47:10,425 --> 00:47:13,766 Not if you were Sugar Ray Leonard. 636 00:47:14,145 --> 00:47:17,696 Would you look around in that junk and see if my son's in there? 637 00:47:18,386 --> 00:47:19,898 Here I am, Daddy. 638 00:47:19,985 --> 00:47:23,255 Would you stop playing with your coconuts and get in the car? 639 00:47:23,265 --> 00:47:24,417 Okay. 640 00:47:37,106 --> 00:47:41,611 Okay, folks, we welcome you all to the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show. 641 00:47:41,646 --> 00:47:44,020 We're readying the wall of fire right now. 642 00:47:44,106 --> 00:47:46,301 There are thrills and chills galore. 643 00:47:46,386 --> 00:47:49,297 And as the wall of fire is getting ready... 644 00:47:51,626 --> 00:47:54,060 The crowd's really getting excited at this point. 645 00:47:54,146 --> 00:47:56,706 I don't blame them one bit. Wait a minute. 646 00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:58,697 I think we've got a surprise visitor. 647 00:47:58,786 --> 00:48:02,859 Yes, we've got The Bandit making a guest appearance here... 648 00:48:02,931 --> 00:48:05,865 at the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show. 649 00:48:08,506 --> 00:48:10,861 - Where are we, Daddy? - Indianapolis. 650 00:48:10,946 --> 00:48:12,902 How the hell do I know where we are? 651 00:48:20,946 --> 00:48:24,634 - Daddy, I'm scared. - I know. I can smell it. 652 00:48:24,827 --> 00:48:27,500 And right into a couple of demolition cars there. 653 00:48:27,587 --> 00:48:30,822 Buford Justice, coming around behind The Bandit. 654 00:48:35,947 --> 00:48:38,756 The nuthouse must be having a picnic. 655 00:48:39,987 --> 00:48:42,421 - Look out, Daddy. - Don't tell me to look out. 656 00:48:42,507 --> 00:48:45,580 - Tell them to look out. - Look out. 657 00:48:45,707 --> 00:48:48,904 Four tough guys out there. 658 00:48:53,547 --> 00:48:55,379 Listen to those people. 659 00:48:55,468 --> 00:48:58,027 They think I did that on purpose. They love me. 660 00:48:58,107 --> 00:49:00,541 Hi there. Hey, you all. 661 00:49:02,587 --> 00:49:05,198 Cledus. We got to go. 662 00:49:05,233 --> 00:49:07,697 - My people. - We gotta go. Bye. 663 00:49:08,207 --> 00:49:09,860 Here we go. 664 00:49:16,987 --> 00:49:18,899 What the hell is happening? 665 00:49:18,988 --> 00:49:21,667 Climb out the window, Junior, and weigh the car down. 666 00:49:21,702 --> 00:49:22,907 Yes, Daddy. 667 00:49:29,228 --> 00:49:32,982 - There's lots of people out here. - Well, push, Junior, push. 668 00:49:33,068 --> 00:49:34,137 Damn. 669 00:49:34,228 --> 00:49:36,981 I'm trying, Daddy. My foot's stuck. 670 00:49:37,068 --> 00:49:39,298 I'll release it. 671 00:49:40,508 --> 00:49:44,199 You're killing your daddy. 672 00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:47,646 Get back in the damn car. 673 00:49:47,868 --> 00:49:49,522 Yes, Daddy. 674 00:49:50,108 --> 00:49:52,703 They ain't coming down. I think they... 675 00:49:54,989 --> 00:49:57,782 Tell them to get out of my way. I'm coming through. 676 00:49:57,817 --> 00:50:01,220 He's getting awful close. Straighten out. 677 00:50:02,309 --> 00:50:04,778 Daddy, we're going into a big hole. 678 00:50:04,813 --> 00:50:06,983 Hole, hell. That's a cannon. 679 00:50:18,669 --> 00:50:21,345 What the heck is all this? 680 00:50:21,389 --> 00:50:23,345 Well, the bridge is out. 681 00:50:23,669 --> 00:50:25,959 Well, what do you think The Bandit would do? 682 00:50:25,989 --> 00:50:29,584 He'd just jump it. See, but The Bandit will jump anything. 683 00:50:29,669 --> 00:50:32,548 Get it? But I ain't interested in jumping no river... 684 00:50:32,630 --> 00:50:34,779 I wanna go to sleep. I'm tired. 685 00:50:34,869 --> 00:50:36,786 I saw a motel right down the road. 686 00:50:36,787 --> 00:50:37,787 Can you find it? 687 00:50:37,805 --> 00:50:40,277 - Sure can. - We are gone. 688 00:50:46,429 --> 00:50:48,307 Well, good job. 689 00:50:48,390 --> 00:50:52,067 You gotta try and do the same thing when the sheriff gets here. 690 00:50:52,102 --> 00:50:54,587 That won't be hard, on account of Sheriff Justice has only got... 691 00:50:54,669 --> 00:50:56,992 a child's portion of intellect. 692 00:50:57,027 --> 00:51:00,398 Come on. This is gonna be a ton of fun, son. 693 00:51:00,433 --> 00:51:02,142 Pleasure doing business with you. 694 00:51:04,590 --> 00:51:07,566 Okay. Your turn. 695 00:51:10,670 --> 00:51:12,423 I didn't wash the fish. 696 00:51:12,511 --> 00:51:14,307 Left you... 697 00:51:14,510 --> 00:51:16,394 plenty of hot water. 698 00:51:16,470 --> 00:51:18,426 Come on, here. 699 00:51:18,510 --> 00:51:21,144 $250,000 boy. 700 00:51:21,311 --> 00:51:23,221 I'll get you to... 701 00:51:24,550 --> 00:51:26,161 Yeah, okay. 702 00:51:29,571 --> 00:51:32,101 I'll buy Fred a... 703 00:51:32,630 --> 00:51:36,700 This is a strange thing. 704 00:51:42,470 --> 00:51:44,665 This is... Oh. 705 00:51:44,831 --> 00:51:46,901 Oh. Well. 706 00:51:53,871 --> 00:51:57,047 - What is it, Daddy? - There's The Bandit's car. 707 00:51:57,111 --> 00:52:00,369 He probably checked in to the motel with that broad. 708 00:52:00,371 --> 00:52:01,909 And he's got the fish with him. 709 00:52:01,991 --> 00:52:05,347 Now, when he's fooling around and thinking of other things... 710 00:52:05,431 --> 00:52:09,256 - We can snatch the fish. - Thinking of what other things? 711 00:52:09,377 --> 00:52:12,669 You're getting to me. Just play with your crayons. 712 00:52:19,952 --> 00:52:24,254 Daddy, we just walked by a penicillin dispenser. 713 00:52:24,351 --> 00:52:29,744 Yeah. I feel like the guest of honour at a crabs convention. 714 00:52:31,991 --> 00:52:34,631 I'm on the floor. 715 00:52:36,352 --> 00:52:38,547 I'm on the floor. 716 00:52:42,112 --> 00:52:43,869 You be sure to turn out the lights, 717 00:52:43,870 --> 00:52:45,577 now, when you come in here, right? 718 00:52:45,612 --> 00:52:47,689 - Right. - Yes, ma'am. 719 00:52:50,632 --> 00:52:52,593 Good night. 720 00:52:56,472 --> 00:52:58,225 What the hell is this, another raid? 721 00:52:58,226 --> 00:52:59,883 I paid the Captain two nights ago. 722 00:52:59,973 --> 00:53:01,451 This isn't a raid. 723 00:53:01,532 --> 00:53:05,900 I'm here on official business. I'm going to make an investigation. 724 00:53:05,935 --> 00:53:09,242 Now you just go ahead and read your Gonad Gazette. 725 00:53:12,072 --> 00:53:13,630 And here we are in a motel... 726 00:53:13,712 --> 00:53:15,943 with nothing but a few potted plants between us... 727 00:53:16,033 --> 00:53:18,405 but I know I don't have to worry one bit. 728 00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,645 No, Cledus, I know you're the kind of man... 729 00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:21,786 who has the kind of character... 730 00:53:21,872 --> 00:53:24,994 who does not hop into bed with just anybody. 731 00:53:26,753 --> 00:53:28,948 Right, Cledus? 732 00:53:39,833 --> 00:53:42,305 Oh, no, you don't. 733 00:54:09,553 --> 00:54:11,226 - Who's in there, Daddy? - I don't know... 734 00:54:11,314 --> 00:54:13,646 but it's not Jacques Cousteau. 735 00:54:19,194 --> 00:54:22,692 - What's going on? - Some kind of union meeting. 736 00:54:30,114 --> 00:54:32,992 Get away from there before you get a herpes on you. 737 00:54:34,274 --> 00:54:36,913 Daddy. Like you said. 738 00:54:37,554 --> 00:54:39,784 Make a wish. 739 00:54:39,874 --> 00:54:41,227 Yeah. 740 00:54:41,314 --> 00:54:43,019 Oh, geez. 741 00:54:43,755 --> 00:54:45,711 Oh. 742 00:54:48,034 --> 00:54:49,748 Oh, no boys. 743 00:54:49,783 --> 00:54:53,031 - Leave my daughter alone. - What's the rubber glove for? 744 00:54:53,115 --> 00:54:55,470 You let my daughter alone. 745 00:54:57,034 --> 00:55:01,518 Daddy, there's a fish that looks exactly like our fish. 746 00:55:04,075 --> 00:55:08,873 That is our fish, you moose twit. Grab it. 747 00:55:11,875 --> 00:55:14,389 [Fast-paced rock music continues] 748 00:55:16,475 --> 00:55:20,385 Hey, making it with a fish. 749 00:55:20,420 --> 00:55:22,560 Crazy. 750 00:55:25,516 --> 00:55:29,649 Just like the Bible says, Sodom and Gomorrah. 751 00:55:35,995 --> 00:55:37,626 The Bandit. 752 00:55:37,715 --> 00:55:41,989 We can kill two possums with one rock. Come on. 753 00:55:48,876 --> 00:55:51,106 [Fast-paced rock music continues] 754 00:55:56,636 --> 00:55:59,850 - I got you. - I got you. 755 00:56:00,636 --> 00:56:02,543 Now, wait a minute, ma'am. What the 756 00:56:02,544 --> 00:56:04,186 hell are you doing in there... 757 00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:06,392 all dressed up with a cowboy hat on? 758 00:56:06,476 --> 00:56:10,071 I'm getting all hot and bothered for the evening, darling. 759 00:56:11,516 --> 00:56:13,747 - Come along with me. - You got it. 760 00:56:14,317 --> 00:56:18,198 - Give me the key, Junior. - I left it in the car. 761 00:56:18,516 --> 00:56:20,359 You left the key in the car? 762 00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,939 If I keep it with me, I might lose it. 763 00:56:22,974 --> 00:56:25,090 We gotta stay hooked up for a little while longer. 764 00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:26,867 This is getting... 765 00:56:29,577 --> 00:56:31,674 Good heavens. 766 00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:34,555 We can't get out that way. 767 00:56:34,636 --> 00:56:37,354 There must be some other way out of this joint. 768 00:56:37,397 --> 00:56:39,710 Maybe there's a window in the bathroom. 769 00:56:39,745 --> 00:56:41,058 Let's find out. 770 00:56:43,557 --> 00:56:47,156 - Wait will you. My hat. - The hell with the hat. 771 00:56:47,157 --> 00:56:50,393 Just perfect. Open up the window a little bit. 772 00:56:54,597 --> 00:56:58,540 - You're pulling my arm off. - I can't help it, darling. 773 00:56:58,575 --> 00:57:02,504 All right, get on your back. Turn around and get on your back. 774 00:57:02,638 --> 00:57:04,116 That's it. 775 00:57:04,837 --> 00:57:07,261 Now start to wiggle out. 776 00:57:07,517 --> 00:57:10,112 That's it, wiggle. Keep wiggling. 777 00:57:10,198 --> 00:57:13,869 I can't do it unless you come with me, darling. 778 00:57:14,077 --> 00:57:16,501 Will you get out of the way? 779 00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:22,993 I can't... 780 00:57:25,629 --> 00:57:27,502 - God. - Mama's not gonna like this. 781 00:57:27,558 --> 00:57:32,285 Junior. Open the window up and give me a push. 782 00:57:38,838 --> 00:57:40,988 All clear, Daddy? 783 00:57:41,158 --> 00:57:43,149 Good. Here comes the fish. 784 00:57:49,719 --> 00:57:52,997 Daddy, I think I should get the key now. 785 00:57:53,032 --> 00:57:54,681 No shit. 786 00:57:55,318 --> 00:57:57,674 Come on, we gotta get out of here. 787 00:57:57,759 --> 00:57:59,875 Watch out for that guy with the... 788 00:57:59,959 --> 00:58:02,028 Oh, we gotta get out of this. 789 00:58:02,118 --> 00:58:04,578 I'm sorry things didn't turn out the way we expected. 790 00:58:04,613 --> 00:58:06,225 Especially you getting the big guy. 791 00:58:06,226 --> 00:58:07,846 - Don't talk to me. - What's the matter? 792 00:58:07,847 --> 00:58:09,150 I'm trying to remember his number. 793 00:58:09,279 --> 00:58:12,593 We got to get out of these dresses and get back to business. 794 00:58:12,628 --> 00:58:16,598 Let's see, was it 555-1414? 795 00:58:16,959 --> 00:58:20,990 - Okay. - Or 555-4141? 796 00:58:21,358 --> 00:58:22,838 [Pleasant country song] 797 00:58:25,837 --> 00:58:30,317 You're killing your daddy. Get in the damn car. 798 00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,874 555-1415? 799 00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,823 Just slide it in and come in after it. 800 00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:47,512 Take that fish out of my mouth. 801 00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,118 Just slide it God damn it. 802 00:58:51,199 --> 00:58:53,377 Let me have it. 803 00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,231 Now close the door. 804 00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:04,872 Very nice, Junior. 805 00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,752 That was very nice. 806 00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,514 You know, when this is all over... 807 00:59:09,799 --> 00:59:12,867 I'm gonna buy you a nice lobotomy. 808 00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:14,269 Thank you, Daddy. 809 00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,110 [Pleasant country song continues] 810 00:59:28,940 --> 00:59:32,596 Come on, let's give him a taste of the old Enos devil darts. 811 00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,436 These suckers are deadlier than your breath. 812 00:59:36,521 --> 00:59:39,478 Here they come. Get ready. 813 00:59:44,241 --> 00:59:48,069 Done like a true pygmy. 814 00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,653 - Great. - That'll be a 20-minute delay. 815 00:59:52,741 --> 00:59:54,359 Yeah, at least. 816 00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:01,068 I'm really sorry about that fish, Cledus... 817 01:00:01,103 --> 01:00:03,922 but I had no idea there were fish robbers in the area. 818 01:00:03,957 --> 01:00:07,150 What if The Bandit had lost the fish? What would he do? 819 01:00:07,442 --> 01:00:11,036 - The Bandit would get it back. - That's what we're gonna do. 820 01:00:11,121 --> 01:00:12,759 It's flat, Daddy. 821 01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:17,056 Flatter than your mama's chest. 822 01:00:20,841 --> 01:00:24,226 - It's flat, too, Daddy. - I know that, you pig bladder. 823 01:00:24,602 --> 01:00:26,977 Well, let's see if we can find a 824 01:00:26,978 --> 01:00:29,797 nice citizen with a couple of tyres. 825 01:00:35,762 --> 01:00:38,639 What does that look like down there on top of that car? 826 01:00:38,721 --> 01:00:40,917 Looks like a fish to me. 827 01:00:41,042 --> 01:00:44,281 Told you The Bandit always gets his fish. 828 01:00:45,282 --> 01:00:47,796 [Pleasant country song resumes] 829 01:00:48,402 --> 01:00:51,792 Where are you, Justice when we need you the most 830 01:00:53,162 --> 01:00:56,599 Where are you, Justice when we need you the most 831 01:00:59,402 --> 01:01:00,849 Listen. 832 01:01:01,962 --> 01:01:04,318 I'm going to get the fish while Buford's gone. 833 01:01:04,403 --> 01:01:08,077 Now, be ready to get out of here real quick. I'll be right back. 834 01:01:14,723 --> 01:01:17,441 - What did I tell you? - You got him. 835 01:01:17,522 --> 01:01:19,433 Well, when The Bandit goes fishing... 836 01:01:19,522 --> 01:01:21,077 The Bandit goes fishing. 837 01:01:21,163 --> 01:01:22,480 Put this down in there. 838 01:01:25,723 --> 01:01:28,387 Daddy, our fish is gone. 839 01:01:31,443 --> 01:01:34,913 Well, I guess that yanks my chain. 840 01:01:35,083 --> 01:01:37,533 Junior, it's hopeless. 841 01:01:37,563 --> 01:01:38,837 What do you mean, Daddy? 842 01:01:38,923 --> 01:01:43,259 I can't believe that it all ends like this... 843 01:01:43,443 --> 01:01:46,071 that this is my last hot pursuit... 844 01:01:46,106 --> 01:01:49,105 all on account of a couple of lousy flat 845 01:01:49,106 --> 01:01:51,812 tyres and a fish that flew the coop. 846 01:01:52,203 --> 01:01:54,479 Is he gonna be shocked. Listen. 847 01:01:54,564 --> 01:01:57,722 I'm saying that it's time to pee on the fire... 848 01:01:57,822 --> 01:02:01,262 call in the dogs, turn off my siren... 849 01:02:01,444 --> 01:02:03,355 switch off my lights... 850 01:02:03,804 --> 01:02:07,343 and return to my old rocking chair. 851 01:02:07,378 --> 01:02:09,918 Daddy, you mean I won't be... 852 01:02:10,004 --> 01:02:12,916 your little tick turd any more? 853 01:02:16,323 --> 01:02:20,263 Son, you'll always be my tick turd. 854 01:02:21,924 --> 01:02:24,232 Do you believe that? 855 01:02:27,164 --> 01:02:29,250 I love you, Daddy... 856 01:02:29,484 --> 01:02:32,521 even if you can't catch the bad guys any more... 857 01:02:32,884 --> 01:02:36,968 even if you're a total failure and the laughing stock of Texas... 858 01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:41,037 even if Little Enos is gonna get your badge. I don't care. I still... 859 01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:43,778 Shut up, you barrel of monkey nuts. 860 01:02:43,844 --> 01:02:48,513 Nobody gets the badge of Sheriff Buford T. Justice. 861 01:02:49,325 --> 01:02:50,883 [Cheerful country instrumental music] 862 01:02:50,965 --> 01:02:54,421 - Hi, babycakes. - The return of Frankenstein. 863 01:02:54,456 --> 01:02:56,672 Daddy, it's The Bandit. 864 01:03:01,525 --> 01:03:02,878 Get in the car, Junior. 865 01:03:02,965 --> 01:03:06,275 I don't need any tyres to catch that box of manure. 866 01:03:06,365 --> 01:03:08,923 But, Bu, what about me? 867 01:03:09,125 --> 01:03:13,268 I'm interested in pursuit, not party time. 868 01:03:18,165 --> 01:03:20,998 [Fast-paced country instrumental music] 869 01:03:30,806 --> 01:03:31,904 Bu Baby. 870 01:03:31,905 --> 01:03:35,198 I told you, you flying flamingo... 871 01:03:35,285 --> 01:03:37,321 my name is not Bu Baby. 872 01:03:37,405 --> 01:03:39,920 - It's Buford T... - Shut up. 873 01:03:40,006 --> 01:03:42,917 I got a felon in front of me, a fool in the family... 874 01:03:43,005 --> 01:03:46,211 and a giant nymphomaniac on the roof. 875 01:03:46,726 --> 01:03:50,289 The burden of it all is dragging my ass. 876 01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:55,109 I love it when you talk dirty, darling. Oh, baby. 877 01:03:58,486 --> 01:04:00,795 Move it, little dogies. 878 01:04:05,446 --> 01:04:09,359 Daddy, look at all the cattle. What if we hit one? 879 01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:12,688 He gets to be a Big Mac ahead of all the others. 880 01:04:12,986 --> 01:04:15,481 Are those real cowboys, Daddy? 881 01:04:17,246 --> 01:04:19,775 Look out for the baby cow, Daddy. 882 01:04:20,487 --> 01:04:22,442 [Slow country instrumental music] 883 01:04:27,847 --> 01:04:32,276 - We gave them a bum steer. - There's only two hours left. 884 01:04:32,311 --> 01:04:34,401 Come on, we got to get to the ranch. 885 01:04:34,526 --> 01:04:36,802 - Boy, we're lost now. - We're not lost. 886 01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:39,277 Well, where are we going? 887 01:04:40,446 --> 01:04:43,804 - Down this road. - Oh. Okay. 888 01:04:51,727 --> 01:04:53,843 [Upbeat country instrumental music] 889 01:04:59,128 --> 01:05:01,893 Cledus, looks like "down this road" was a dead end. 890 01:05:01,928 --> 01:05:05,714 Not if you can drive a boat, it ain't. Watch this. 891 01:05:19,008 --> 01:05:20,963 You stay here and watch the evidence. 892 01:05:21,047 --> 01:05:25,056 When I grab his ass, it's gonna be the gravy on my grits. 893 01:05:26,088 --> 01:05:27,965 Oops. I'm sorry, ma'am. 894 01:05:28,048 --> 01:05:29,805 Out of my way. 895 01:05:30,207 --> 01:05:32,438 - Out of my way. - Hey. 896 01:05:35,048 --> 01:05:38,974 That's what you get for obstructing justice. 897 01:05:39,968 --> 01:05:44,527 - Follow that sumbitch. - Yes, sir. You're the boss. 898 01:05:45,568 --> 01:05:48,208 My groin. 899 01:05:48,329 --> 01:05:50,818 You're grinding my groin. 900 01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:52,767 Bu Baby. 901 01:05:52,928 --> 01:05:54,964 [Heroic instrumental music] 902 01:05:56,209 --> 01:05:58,006 [Adventurous country instrumental music] 903 01:05:58,089 --> 01:05:59,726 My baby. Bu. 904 01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:02,282 Bu. 905 01:06:05,929 --> 01:06:07,507 Come on, Buford. 906 01:06:07,542 --> 01:06:09,044 Turn right. 907 01:06:12,489 --> 01:06:14,593 I got him now. 908 01:06:16,249 --> 01:06:19,320 [Adventurous country instrumental music continues] 909 01:06:21,889 --> 01:06:24,246 Look out. He's a maniac. 910 01:06:29,009 --> 01:06:30,806 Bring it on, brother. 911 01:06:31,129 --> 01:06:34,369 Are you sure you know what the hell you're doing? 912 01:06:34,409 --> 01:06:37,845 - Shit. - Sorry about that. 913 01:06:40,529 --> 01:06:41,962 Hi. 914 01:06:42,898 --> 01:06:43,898 Oh, hi. 915 01:06:43,899 --> 01:06:45,963 We're having a picnic over there... 916 01:06:46,210 --> 01:06:49,064 and if you'd like, feel free to join us. 917 01:06:49,065 --> 01:06:51,255 I'd sure like to. But I can't. 918 01:06:51,409 --> 01:06:55,005 Oh, well, if you change your mind, just come on over. 919 01:06:55,090 --> 01:06:58,819 See, my daddy said I had to stay right here and keep an eye on... 920 01:06:59,409 --> 01:07:00,684 things. 921 01:07:02,130 --> 01:07:04,598 [Adventurous country instrumental music continues] 922 01:07:12,850 --> 01:07:16,726 Holy shit. 923 01:07:34,011 --> 01:07:37,084 Oh, mama, we gone. 924 01:07:37,370 --> 01:07:40,451 - Nice going, Cledus. - I'm telling you. Here he comes. 925 01:07:44,731 --> 01:07:47,266 - Follow him. - This boat won't do that. 926 01:07:47,301 --> 01:07:51,501 Don't argue with the law. Follow that sumbitch. 927 01:07:51,691 --> 01:07:53,602 Okay, you asked for it. 928 01:08:06,051 --> 01:08:10,077 - What is the world coming to? - Here, let me help you. 929 01:08:12,251 --> 01:08:14,334 Are you all right? 930 01:08:17,731 --> 01:08:19,667 What's wrong, Sheriff? 931 01:08:19,731 --> 01:08:23,101 I ain't seen anything like that since I was a little baby. 932 01:08:23,136 --> 01:08:26,048 You wanna stay, Sheriff, you'll have to take your clothes off. 933 01:08:26,131 --> 01:08:28,156 I don't even take my clothes off in 934 01:08:28,157 --> 01:08:30,069 front of my good wife Wilhelmina. 935 01:08:34,371 --> 01:08:36,238 Give me the good old days... 936 01:08:36,260 --> 01:08:40,688 when a pair of boobs were a couple of dumb guys. 937 01:08:44,651 --> 01:08:48,567 - Junior. - Oh, hi. This is a great picnic. 938 01:08:48,602 --> 01:08:51,731 Yeah, but there goes your daddy, and he's mad. 939 01:08:53,052 --> 01:08:54,644 I gotta go. 940 01:08:55,852 --> 01:08:57,570 My clothes. Thanks. 941 01:08:57,652 --> 01:09:01,246 Col. Enos, they're approaching in a westerly direction. 942 01:09:03,772 --> 01:09:06,859 They're coming through. I told you they'd take the short cut. 943 01:09:06,894 --> 01:09:10,723 Daddy, when you plot skulduggery, you plot skulduggery. 944 01:09:10,758 --> 01:09:14,741 Well, my IQ is a little bigger than my hat size, Son. 945 01:09:17,572 --> 01:09:19,484 Daddy, there's The Bandit. 946 01:09:20,333 --> 01:09:23,847 Now we're gonna close in on that hog butt. 947 01:09:23,932 --> 01:09:26,321 Colonel Enos calling Private Enos. 948 01:09:26,356 --> 01:09:29,303 - Do you read me? - Yeah, Grandpa. I can hear you. 949 01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:33,001 - All right, are you ready? - Yes, sir, Colonel Grandpa, sir. 950 01:09:34,532 --> 01:09:37,338 Okay, now get set. 951 01:09:37,533 --> 01:09:40,620 Hold it. 952 01:09:41,413 --> 01:09:44,125 Okay, girl, let her rip. 953 01:09:48,773 --> 01:09:53,011 - Daddy, what's all that noise? - The car's backfiring. 954 01:09:53,013 --> 01:09:56,050 Somebody's shooting off bombs back there. 955 01:09:58,813 --> 01:10:01,156 - It's them Enos boys. - Who are they? 956 01:10:01,191 --> 01:10:04,571 They are the inventors of dirty pool. 957 01:10:11,693 --> 01:10:14,225 Get set. Now. 958 01:10:30,493 --> 01:10:32,647 Daddy. 959 01:10:33,254 --> 01:10:36,110 Thunderbutt got through. 960 01:10:36,134 --> 01:10:37,955 What happened, Daddy? 961 01:10:37,956 --> 01:10:41,201 I guess we blew another goddamn tyre. 962 01:10:41,454 --> 01:10:43,410 Bring us down, girls. 963 01:10:43,614 --> 01:10:46,063 How could that be? 964 01:10:46,894 --> 01:10:49,409 [Comical instrumental music] 965 01:10:50,614 --> 01:10:52,429 Man, oh, man. 966 01:10:52,534 --> 01:10:56,027 Holy Buddha, those suckers are flying. 967 01:10:56,495 --> 01:10:58,797 Yeah, Daddy, I'm not bored any more. 968 01:10:58,832 --> 01:11:01,919 This is more fun than being snowed in at a cathouse, you know. 969 01:11:01,954 --> 01:11:04,133 Let's get back to the ranch, Son. I don't 970 01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:06,053 wanna miss how this thing turns out. 971 01:11:07,135 --> 01:11:08,568 [Fast-paced instrumental music] 972 01:11:08,655 --> 01:11:12,559 Cledus, you're not gonna hit that gate? 973 01:11:12,594 --> 01:11:14,605 That gate is gone. 974 01:11:18,055 --> 01:11:20,410 [Fast-paced instrumental music continues] 975 01:11:28,696 --> 01:11:31,812 - Oh. - Oh, my aching head. 976 01:11:34,455 --> 01:11:36,811 Will you get in the car, Junior? 977 01:11:36,896 --> 01:11:41,024 This is no time for any of your funny high jinks. 978 01:11:41,135 --> 01:11:46,034 I'm sorry, Daddy. I must've forgotten the seat belt. 979 01:11:47,936 --> 01:11:50,005 [Upbeat country song] 980 01:12:00,055 --> 01:12:03,526 Is it my imagination, or are you slowing down? 981 01:12:03,816 --> 01:12:05,199 Maybe. 982 01:12:07,696 --> 01:12:10,529 What good would the Road Runner be without the Coyote? 983 01:12:10,616 --> 01:12:13,688 What good would the fox be without the hound, right? 984 01:12:14,176 --> 01:12:17,397 And can you have a bandit if you ain't got a smokey? 985 01:12:17,432 --> 01:12:20,372 - Not really. - Well, now you do. 986 01:12:20,407 --> 01:12:21,937 I'm slowing down. 987 01:12:27,296 --> 01:12:29,825 All right, I got it bumper-to-bumper. 988 01:12:29,860 --> 01:12:32,167 Hop up there, Junior, and get the fish. 989 01:12:32,168 --> 01:12:33,650 But, Daddy I'm carrying... 990 01:12:33,737 --> 01:12:35,870 Hop up there and get the fish. 991 01:12:35,905 --> 01:12:36,905 But, Daddy... 992 01:12:36,906 --> 01:12:39,559 Get the fish or I'll barbecue your ass. 993 01:12:44,257 --> 01:12:45,815 [Upbeat country song continues] 994 01:12:51,457 --> 01:12:53,492 That's right, Junior. 995 01:12:54,577 --> 01:12:56,532 Just help yourself, son. 996 01:12:56,616 --> 01:12:59,279 Come on, Junior. Come on back. 997 01:13:02,177 --> 01:13:07,089 Junior, you are a brave little tick turd. 998 01:13:07,124 --> 01:13:08,773 Oh, thank you, Daddy. 999 01:13:11,857 --> 01:13:13,530 Way to go, Buford. 1000 01:13:28,857 --> 01:13:31,758 Why are you stopping? We better get out of here. 1001 01:13:32,098 --> 01:13:37,173 This show right here is only costing me $250,000. 1002 01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:39,744 Do you mind if I just watch it? 1003 01:13:42,258 --> 01:13:45,169 Well. There's your fish. 1004 01:13:45,257 --> 01:13:47,897 Sheriff, this is hard for me to say... 1005 01:13:47,978 --> 01:13:50,651 but you won it fair and square. Congratulations. 1006 01:13:50,858 --> 01:13:53,248 Give him the money, son. 1007 01:13:54,179 --> 01:13:56,247 I'd like to kick your ass. 1008 01:13:56,418 --> 01:13:59,571 You can't kick that high, cricket crotch. 1009 01:14:00,618 --> 01:14:02,530 I accept this prize... 1010 01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:08,174 as a token of another one of my landmark achievements. 1011 01:14:08,209 --> 01:14:11,136 Hold the money, Junior. And don't let Mama see it... 1012 01:14:11,259 --> 01:14:14,938 if you don't wanna sing soprano for the rest of your life. 1013 01:14:15,098 --> 01:14:16,497 Now... 1014 01:14:19,539 --> 01:14:21,769 Just that long. 1015 01:14:25,098 --> 01:14:28,648 - Oh. He's coming over here. - I know. I told you. 1016 01:14:28,739 --> 01:14:30,612 Will you hurry up? Will you please hurry. 1017 01:14:30,613 --> 01:14:31,613 It won't crank. 1018 01:14:31,614 --> 01:14:33,609 - What do you mean? - The car won't crank. 1019 01:14:33,698 --> 01:14:36,896 Come on, let's get this party started. Let's have a drink. 1020 01:14:36,979 --> 01:14:39,794 We can all exchange clothes. 1021 01:14:41,739 --> 01:14:44,128 Would you get away from me, you shit. 1022 01:14:44,299 --> 01:14:46,954 I'm making this collar single only. 1023 01:14:47,259 --> 01:14:49,534 You're The Bandit. Tell me what we are going to do. 1024 01:14:49,619 --> 01:14:52,134 I am not The Bandit. The Bandit is The Bandit. 1025 01:14:52,220 --> 01:14:55,177 The only man in the world that thinks I'm... 1026 01:14:55,579 --> 01:14:57,137 Wait a minute. 1027 01:14:57,259 --> 01:15:01,627 Sit back. And don't move a muscle. 1028 01:15:01,700 --> 01:15:03,337 [Suspenseful instrumental music] 1029 01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:12,433 I got you. 1030 01:15:17,940 --> 01:15:22,775 Hello, Buford. Well, you caught me with my pants down. 1031 01:15:22,780 --> 01:15:26,050 - I did? - That's a figure of speech. 1032 01:15:26,140 --> 01:15:29,019 - I got you. - Yeah. 1033 01:15:29,060 --> 01:15:31,096 It's over for the old Bandit. 1034 01:15:31,181 --> 01:15:33,484 - Yeah, you're gone. - It's gone. 1035 01:15:34,060 --> 01:15:35,698 - Buford? - Yes, sir. 1036 01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,256 I just wanna say one last thing to you before you... 1037 01:15:40,341 --> 01:15:41,615 haul me off in the cuffs. 1038 01:15:41,700 --> 01:15:44,294 - Go right ahead. - There's a kind of a... 1039 01:15:44,380 --> 01:15:47,245 a kindred spirit we have, you know what I mean? 1040 01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,510 Yeah. I think I feel the same way. 1041 01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:52,753 No, I mean it's special. I can almost read your thoughts. 1042 01:15:52,788 --> 01:15:54,099 - Is that so? - Yeah. 1043 01:15:54,180 --> 01:15:57,251 What am I thinking right now? 1044 01:15:57,341 --> 01:15:59,922 You're thinking right now that possibly you... 1045 01:15:59,957 --> 01:16:02,852 No sense sending me off to prison where I'd lose all my friends... 1046 01:16:02,940 --> 01:16:03,976 and everything. I mean... 1047 01:16:04,061 --> 01:16:07,153 you could give me a five-second head start and chase after me... 1048 01:16:07,241 --> 01:16:09,609 Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm a law-and-order man. 1049 01:16:09,701 --> 01:16:12,261 I got you and I'm gonna keep you. 1050 01:16:12,296 --> 01:16:14,738 Yeah, you're right. I was silly to even think that. 1051 01:16:14,773 --> 01:16:16,731 - You're too tough for that. - That's right. 1052 01:16:16,821 --> 01:16:20,323 - I'm upright, straightforward... - Now that you've... 1053 01:16:20,398 --> 01:16:23,808 finally caught The Bandit, you can really retire. 1054 01:16:23,843 --> 01:16:25,988 We can go back to sunny Florida and 1055 01:16:25,989 --> 01:16:28,014 you can collect your seashells... 1056 01:16:28,142 --> 01:16:29,780 and you can play shuffleboard. 1057 01:16:29,862 --> 01:16:34,233 And we can even go back and see that big funny whale jump again. 1058 01:16:34,268 --> 01:16:39,407 But most and best of all, Daddy, I'll take you fishing with me. 1059 01:16:40,781 --> 01:16:43,439 I'll give you a five-minute head start. 1060 01:16:43,440 --> 01:16:44,440 Bye-bye. 1061 01:16:47,422 --> 01:16:51,524 Junior. 1062 01:16:56,782 --> 01:16:58,807 What the hell are you doing? 1063 01:16:58,842 --> 01:17:02,837 I was trying to stop The Bandit from getting away, Daddy. 1064 01:17:03,742 --> 01:17:07,694 I said it before, and I'll say it again: 1065 01:17:07,742 --> 01:17:12,245 There is no way that you could come from my loins. 1066 01:17:12,382 --> 01:17:15,088 And as soon as we get home, I'm putting 1067 01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:17,253 a big lump on your mama's head. 1068 01:17:17,423 --> 01:17:20,940 Now get in the car. We're on pursuit alert. 1069 01:17:24,182 --> 01:17:27,220 Well, Cledus, I'll tell you, I gotta hand it to you. You did it. 1070 01:17:27,303 --> 01:17:28,774 - I did it, didn't I? - You did it. 1071 01:17:28,862 --> 01:17:31,701 I did it. Don't know what I did, but I did it. 1072 01:17:31,862 --> 01:17:35,517 - Hey, do you mind if I tag along? - What? 1073 01:17:42,743 --> 01:17:44,540 Where did they go? 1074 01:17:44,623 --> 01:17:46,420 Pumpkin. 1075 01:17:47,063 --> 01:17:50,014 Now, I know you didn't mean to leave me this time. 1076 01:17:50,049 --> 01:17:52,377 Madame Godzilla is back. 1077 01:17:54,263 --> 01:17:56,936 - Get the hell out of there. - I wanna come, too. 1078 01:17:57,023 --> 01:17:59,743 - There ain't no room. - Oh, yes, there is. 1079 01:18:05,304 --> 01:18:07,542 Wait, Daddy. 1080 01:18:09,963 --> 01:18:12,501 Don't leave me. 1081 01:18:12,743 --> 01:18:15,796 Wait, Daddy. 1082 01:18:16,344 --> 01:18:18,095 Wait for me. 1083 01:18:18,183 --> 01:18:20,014 Don't leave me, Daddy. 1084 01:18:26,851 --> 01:18:28,414 ♪ The outlaw run ♪ 1085 01:18:30,104 --> 01:18:31,742 ♪ Is an endless one ♪ 1086 01:18:33,704 --> 01:18:35,422 ♪ It's a hungry night ♪ 1087 01:18:37,343 --> 01:18:39,380 ♪ Where wrong is right ♪ 1088 01:18:40,944 --> 01:18:43,219 ♪ And the race is done ♪ 1089 01:18:44,384 --> 01:18:46,421 ♪ When the race is won ♪ 1090 01:18:48,024 --> 01:18:49,935 ♪ In the morning sun ♪ 1091 01:18:50,704 --> 01:18:53,138 ♪ Just look into the light ♪ 1092 01:18:54,945 --> 01:18:57,014 ♪ And I'm behind you now ♪ 1093 01:18:57,904 --> 01:19:00,179 ♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪ 1094 01:19:02,185 --> 01:19:04,221 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1095 01:19:05,145 --> 01:19:07,294 ♪ Baby, you can never win ♪ 1096 01:19:09,384 --> 01:19:11,455 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1097 01:19:12,385 --> 01:19:14,853 ♪ And your days are getting thin ♪ 1098 01:19:16,904 --> 01:19:18,941 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1099 01:19:19,625 --> 01:19:21,900 ♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪ 1100 01:19:35,106 --> 01:19:37,016 ♪ And The Bandit's trying ♪ 1101 01:19:38,745 --> 01:19:40,781 ♪ There's a borderline ♪ 1102 01:19:42,385 --> 01:19:44,183 ♪ That's already crossed ♪ 1103 01:19:45,945 --> 01:19:47,981 ♪ When the game is lost ♪ 1104 01:19:49,425 --> 01:19:51,656 ♪ And the hunter's luck ♪ 1105 01:19:52,986 --> 01:19:54,577 ♪ Is a single shot ♪ 1106 01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:58,456 ♪ When the sun is hot ♪ 1107 01:19:59,306 --> 01:20:01,581 ♪ And the dice are tossed ♪ 1108 01:20:03,626 --> 01:20:05,456 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1109 01:20:06,705 --> 01:20:08,742 ♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪ 1110 01:20:10,786 --> 01:20:12,697 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1111 01:20:13,786 --> 01:20:15,742 ♪ And you can never win ♪ 1112 01:20:17,786 --> 01:20:19,617 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1113 01:20:20,986 --> 01:20:23,376 ♪ And your days are getting thin ♪ 1114 01:20:25,506 --> 01:20:27,337 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1115 01:20:28,226 --> 01:20:30,342 ♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪ 1116 01:20:57,747 --> 01:20:59,658 ♪ I'm behind you now ♪ 1117 01:21:00,787 --> 01:21:03,061 ♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪ 1118 01:21:03,867 --> 01:21:06,062 ♪ Yeah, I'm behind you now ♪ 1119 01:21:07,507 --> 01:21:09,782 ♪ Oh, and you can never win ♪ 1119 01:21:10,305 --> 01:21:16,479 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 85759