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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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00:00:18,627 --> 00:00:21,540
Once upon a time, there
was a famous Sheriff.
3
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:24,580
It was not so long ago
in our very own galaxy..
4
00:00:55,328 --> 00:00:57,604
Bandit, me and Fred've
got a question.
5
00:00:57,689 --> 00:00:59,007
What do you and Fred want?
6
00:00:59,088 --> 00:01:01,109
- How come we doing this?
- Why not?
7
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,932
- They said it couldn't be done.
- That's the reason.
8
00:01:03,967 --> 00:01:05,828
That's good with
Fred. We're clear.
9
00:01:06,369 --> 00:01:07,438
Ten-four.
10
00:01:07,609 --> 00:01:10,013
I'm Big Enos Burdette.
11
00:01:11,008 --> 00:01:13,078
This is my son, Little Enos.
12
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:24,399
Hold on to your ass, Fred.
13
00:01:31,369 --> 00:01:33,566
What we're dealing with here...
14
00:01:33,649 --> 00:01:38,059
is a complete lack of
respect for the law.
15
00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:10,266
Nobody makes Sheriff Buford T.
16
00:02:10,267 --> 00:02:13,531
Justice look like a
possum's pecker.
17
00:02:18,450 --> 00:02:20,088
Daddy, look out.
18
00:02:26,329 --> 00:02:29,884
- Daddy?
- Shut up, Junior. I'm thinking.
19
00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,074
- What are you thinking about?
- Retiring.
20
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:40,649
Atten-hut.
21
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:07,705
You can all sit down now.
22
00:03:10,651 --> 00:03:14,609
I want to thank you nice
ladies and gentlemen...
23
00:03:14,770 --> 00:03:17,205
and my fellow officers...
24
00:03:17,291 --> 00:03:21,079
for coming here this evening
to celebrate the retirement...
25
00:03:21,171 --> 00:03:25,673
of an old friend, Sheriff
Buford T. Justice.
26
00:03:25,931 --> 00:03:29,003
I think I can truthfully say...
27
00:03:29,091 --> 00:03:31,731
that tonight I feel as if I...
28
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:34,803
were emerging victoriously...
29
00:03:34,891 --> 00:03:38,088
from a 35-year war.
30
00:03:38,171 --> 00:03:41,809
A war to uphold law and order.
31
00:03:41,844 --> 00:03:43,536
Daddy, I'm bored.
32
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:46,422
I'm bored hearing
about your boredom.
33
00:03:46,471 --> 00:03:47,706
That's why I went to all this
34
00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:49,368
trouble. Now we're
going to have fun.
35
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:52,262
As much fun as putting Ex-Lax
in the Dallas water supply?
36
00:03:52,297 --> 00:03:54,736
Yeah, and then cornering the
market on toilet paper.
37
00:03:54,771 --> 00:03:56,245
More fun than that.
38
00:03:56,332 --> 00:04:00,579
And what fond memories
were brought back...
39
00:04:01,332 --> 00:04:05,405
when I saw those 211s, the 502s...
40
00:04:05,692 --> 00:04:09,241
and the DWIs and the APBs...
41
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:15,133
but most of all,
those hot pursuits.
42
00:04:15,168 --> 00:04:18,077
You're going to pee in your pants
watching that county Mountie...
43
00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:19,603
hump across six states.
44
00:04:19,638 --> 00:04:21,988
I don't think the Sheriff
will buy your plan, frankly.
45
00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:24,481
Trust me, son. If
there's one thing
46
00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:26,598
that egomaniac can't refuse...
47
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,697
it's a public challenge.
48
00:04:28,732 --> 00:04:33,137
That I have marched through a
wave of crime and criminals...
49
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:36,362
like crap through a moose.
50
00:04:38,373 --> 00:04:43,856
In the '60s, I chased those
pimply-faced, long-haired hippies.
51
00:04:43,891 --> 00:04:45,358
And I caught them.
52
00:04:45,393 --> 00:04:47,975
- Then in the '70s, I chased...
- The Bandit.
53
00:04:48,010 --> 00:04:50,615
What about The Bandit?
54
00:04:51,013 --> 00:04:54,052
Yeah, Daddy? What
about The Bandit?
55
00:04:54,087 --> 00:04:56,295
Sit down, you tick turd.
56
00:04:58,693 --> 00:05:03,614
I chased that boy for
over 3,000 miles.
57
00:05:03,733 --> 00:05:05,849
Through 20 states.
58
00:05:05,933 --> 00:05:09,290
- But you didn't catch him.
- So I didn't catch him.
59
00:05:09,374 --> 00:05:12,849
What the hell difference does
it make? But I'll bet...
60
00:05:12,933 --> 00:05:14,883
- Okay.
- Okay, what?
61
00:05:14,973 --> 00:05:17,647
- Okay, let's bet.
- What are you talking about?
62
00:05:17,774 --> 00:05:21,846
What we're talking about is a
simple contest, a little race.
63
00:05:21,933 --> 00:05:23,889
And if you win, Sheriff...
64
00:05:23,973 --> 00:05:29,722
we Enoses are going
to pony up $250,000.
65
00:05:29,774 --> 00:05:33,892
If you lose, you fork
over that silly symbol...
66
00:05:33,974 --> 00:05:37,834
you've been shoving in people's
faces all these years.
67
00:05:37,974 --> 00:05:40,348
Your badge.
68
00:05:41,254 --> 00:05:47,014
This badge means more to me than
anything else in the world.
69
00:05:47,049 --> 00:05:50,167
And I'd like nothing more than
anything else in the world...
70
00:05:50,202 --> 00:05:51,771
to run you into the ground.
71
00:05:51,854 --> 00:05:54,879
You and that excuse for a son,
72
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:58,058
who looks just like
a flea's pecker.
73
00:05:59,415 --> 00:06:02,742
However, I'm going to retire.
74
00:06:02,777 --> 00:06:06,623
I'm going down to Florida and
sit in the sun with my son.
75
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:10,484
Remember, we're talking about
an awful lot of money here.
76
00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:13,832
So if you change your mind,
you know where to reach us.
77
00:06:13,867 --> 00:06:16,613
Thanks, but no thanks.
78
00:06:16,695 --> 00:06:20,402
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
at this very moment...
79
00:06:20,437 --> 00:06:25,983
I proclaim myself retired.
80
00:06:43,735 --> 00:06:44,898
[Pleasant country song]
81
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:48,530
♪ Buford T. Justice
Fearless law of Texas ♪
82
00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:51,493
♪ The man who chased The
Bandit coast to coast ♪
83
00:06:52,215 --> 00:06:55,925
♪ Buford T. Justice Now
you've up and left us ♪
84
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:59,867
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
85
00:07:02,336 --> 00:07:05,945
♪ Some say you're a lunatic
Some say you're a buffoon ♪
86
00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:09,331
♪ Some say you're a
fool with a gun ♪
87
00:07:09,676 --> 00:07:13,452
♪ Though you stuck
to him like glue ♪
88
00:07:13,487 --> 00:07:17,865
♪ Now who'd have thought you'd walk
away before the job was done ♪
89
00:07:21,696 --> 00:07:25,174
♪ The man who chased The
Bandit coast to coast ♪
90
00:07:25,496 --> 00:07:29,091
♪ Buford T. Justice Now
you've up and left us ♪
91
00:07:29,376 --> 00:07:33,499
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
92
00:07:38,136 --> 00:07:42,156
♪ You're a hero to your ego
a legend in your own mind ♪
93
00:07:42,191 --> 00:07:45,354
♪ To serve and protect
has been your word ♪
94
00:07:45,537 --> 00:07:49,370
♪ But can you stand to sit it
out when pride is on the line ♪
95
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:53,510
♪ And "What about The Bandit?" was
the last thing that you heard ♪
96
00:07:53,817 --> 00:07:57,491
♪ You're Buford T. Justice
Fearless law of Texas ♪
97
00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,693
♪ Man who chased The
Bandit coast to coast ♪
98
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:05,203
♪ Buford T. Justice Now
you've up and left us ♪
99
00:08:05,238 --> 00:08:09,194
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
100
00:08:09,457 --> 00:08:13,489
♪ Just like some old grey race
horse, you've been put to graze ♪
101
00:08:13,524 --> 00:08:17,336
♪ They say you're over the hill now
and you've seen your better days ♪
102
00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:20,485
♪ Like that old race horse,
you still hear that bell ♪
103
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:24,804
♪ If a hot chase was heaven
Now the good life is hell ♪
104
00:08:40,598 --> 00:08:42,648
♪ Well, you took on
all those outlaws ♪
105
00:08:42,649 --> 00:08:44,414
♪ And the weirdoes with the hair ♪
106
00:08:44,449 --> 00:08:47,746
♪ You stood for law and
order all the way ♪
107
00:08:47,898 --> 00:08:51,829
♪ Now, you're standing on your
records But does anybody care ♪
108
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:56,098
♪ You're still known as the boob
who let the big one get away ♪
109
00:08:56,418 --> 00:09:00,127
♪ Because you're Buford T.
Justice, Fearless law of Texas ♪
110
00:09:00,218 --> 00:09:03,255
♪ The man who chased The
Bandit coast to coast ♪
111
00:09:03,979 --> 00:09:07,527
♪ Buford T. Justice Now
you've up and left us ♪
112
00:09:07,978 --> 00:09:11,368
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
113
00:09:12,339 --> 00:09:15,648
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
114
00:09:17,018 --> 00:09:20,773
♪ Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most ♪
115
00:09:28,899 --> 00:09:32,687
Junior, retirement is cat shit.
116
00:09:32,779 --> 00:09:35,395
Let's get the Enoses.
117
00:09:41,899 --> 00:09:44,009
Oh, look, Daddy.
118
00:09:44,098 --> 00:09:46,055
The June Taylor Dancers.
119
00:09:55,659 --> 00:09:59,793
- There's our turkey.
- Let's go stuff him.
120
00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,450
Daddy, they're taking our
picture. Wet your lips.
121
00:10:05,539 --> 00:10:07,410
Shut up, shit.
122
00:10:07,499 --> 00:10:09,491
Well, welcome, Sheriff.
123
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:11,936
What the hell's going on?
124
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:16,384
These are a few of Daddy's closest
friends. Just came to see you off.
125
00:10:16,459 --> 00:10:20,016
Let's cut the crap and get
down to the nitty-gritty.
126
00:10:20,051 --> 00:10:22,199
Well, you're a
sporting man, Sheriff.
127
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,453
We're going to bet you $250,000...
128
00:10:24,539 --> 00:10:26,292
against your tin star...
129
00:10:26,380 --> 00:10:28,899
that you can't drive
from here in Miami...
130
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:31,619
to the Enos Ranch just
outside of Austin, Texas...
131
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:34,130
by 5:30 tomorrow afternoon.
132
00:10:34,180 --> 00:10:37,861
That's only 1,400 miles.
What's the catch?
133
00:10:37,980 --> 00:10:39,557
There's the catch.
134
00:10:39,592 --> 00:10:42,360
Look at that big ugly fish, Daddy.
135
00:10:42,361 --> 00:10:44,155
Looks like your mama.
136
00:10:46,140 --> 00:10:48,518
Smells like your mama, too.
137
00:10:48,553 --> 00:10:50,809
That's our advertising
campaign. Get it?
138
00:10:50,844 --> 00:10:51,844
Fish and chips.
139
00:10:51,845 --> 00:10:55,369
We're opening up fast-food
franchises all over the South.
140
00:10:56,260 --> 00:10:58,655
Get that off the top of my car.
141
00:10:58,690 --> 00:11:01,904
A little respect,
Sheriff. That's our logo.
142
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:04,213
Daddy, what's a logo?
143
00:11:04,220 --> 00:11:05,939
Something like a flounder.
144
00:11:06,101 --> 00:11:09,491
That's in the great tradition
of American advertising.
145
00:11:09,581 --> 00:11:12,904
And you got to carry
it. Otherwise, no bet.
146
00:11:13,004 --> 00:11:14,281
I get it.
147
00:11:14,316 --> 00:11:18,725
You're trying to humiliate
me so I won't take the bet.
148
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:21,216
Get in the car, Junior.
149
00:11:21,420 --> 00:11:24,333
Now then, Sheriff, be
careful with the badge.
150
00:11:24,421 --> 00:11:28,152
It's going to make a beautiful
belt buckle for me.
151
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,938
If you get my badge...
152
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:34,984
it's going to be a
seven-pointed suppository.
153
00:11:39,182 --> 00:11:42,041
He fell for it, hook,
line, and sinker.
154
00:11:51,941 --> 00:11:54,979
- Be careful, Daddy.
- Don't worry, Junior.
155
00:11:55,062 --> 00:11:59,523
I know a shortcut. We'll
be out of here in no time.
156
00:11:59,558 --> 00:12:02,300
Daddy, we've been driving around
for two-and-a-half hours...
157
00:12:02,382 --> 00:12:05,219
and we're still in downtown Miami.
158
00:12:06,062 --> 00:12:09,765
I'm as confused as a baby raccoon.
159
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,872
I don't know where
the hell we are.
160
00:12:11,907 --> 00:12:13,621
It's right here on the map.
161
00:12:13,622 --> 00:12:15,925
Get that damn thing
out of my face.
162
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,396
I was only trying to help.
163
00:12:17,431 --> 00:12:20,180
You want to help?
Jump out the window.
164
00:12:20,382 --> 00:12:22,597
Turn left here, Daddy.
165
00:12:24,542 --> 00:12:26,481
Look at all these people, Daddy.
166
00:12:26,516 --> 00:12:29,266
Junior, what you got us into now?
167
00:12:29,301 --> 00:12:32,394
Come on, get out the
way. We're in a hurry.
168
00:12:34,903 --> 00:12:37,133
I think we've crossed the border.
169
00:12:37,223 --> 00:12:40,567
Hey, you want to buy
some food for your fish?
170
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,419
Up yours and that fish.
171
00:12:44,543 --> 00:12:45,737
[Man speaking in Spanish]
172
00:12:45,823 --> 00:12:48,575
Get the hell out of here.
I know what time it is.
173
00:12:50,042 --> 00:12:52,743
Get back.
174
00:12:52,778 --> 00:12:56,404
You'd think they never saw a
car with a big fish on top.
175
00:12:56,439 --> 00:12:59,481
Ladies, nice ladies.
176
00:13:01,303 --> 00:13:03,393
Could you possibly tell me...
177
00:13:03,428 --> 00:13:05,893
how to get to the
Florida Turnpike?
178
00:13:06,223 --> 00:13:08,339
[Women speaking in Spanish]
179
00:13:15,744 --> 00:13:19,624
Thank you, nice ladies. Thank
you, you've been very helpful.
180
00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:21,217
You dirty old...
181
00:13:21,303 --> 00:13:23,235
I think she said turn left.
182
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,621
I know she said turn left.
183
00:13:25,656 --> 00:13:27,823
I understand the German language
184
00:13:27,824 --> 00:13:30,532
enough to understand
what she told me.
185
00:13:34,384 --> 00:13:37,845
I guess that bought us about a
two-and-a-half minute delay.
186
00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,731
This is going to be the most fun
we ever had with our pants on.
187
00:13:41,766 --> 00:13:43,644
[Speaking in Spanish]
188
00:13:51,384 --> 00:13:53,847
Did you remember to take
care of the gas tank?
189
00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:57,073
Do bears defecate rurally?
190
00:14:06,904 --> 00:14:08,815
- What's the matter, Daddy?
- Gas.
191
00:14:09,104 --> 00:14:11,015
Must be that pizza
you had for lunch.
192
00:14:11,104 --> 00:14:14,381
Not my belly, the tank.
Didn't you fill it up?
193
00:14:14,505 --> 00:14:15,587
Well, I thought...
194
00:14:15,589 --> 00:14:18,293
You thought? What the
hell did you use?
195
00:14:18,344 --> 00:14:21,939
- It has to be pushed.
- We can do that easy, Daddy.
196
00:14:21,974 --> 00:14:25,368
What is that "we" crap? You
know I got a double hernia.
197
00:14:25,584 --> 00:14:27,075
You push, I'll steer.
198
00:14:27,110 --> 00:14:30,025
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
I knew you'd help me.
199
00:14:34,985 --> 00:14:37,180
He's dumb...
200
00:14:37,265 --> 00:14:39,389
but a loveable shit.
201
00:14:59,145 --> 00:15:01,621
Delays like this are
going to kill us.
202
00:15:01,706 --> 00:15:05,837
Stopping off for gas, getting
caught in traffic jams.
203
00:15:05,872 --> 00:15:08,568
Everything's against us.
204
00:15:10,426 --> 00:15:12,781
Look out for that car, Daddy.
205
00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:19,458
Where's that fool going?
206
00:15:20,026 --> 00:15:22,066
Daddy, he came awful close.
207
00:15:22,101 --> 00:15:25,548
You should never give a
dummy like that a licence.
208
00:15:28,066 --> 00:15:33,304
Tell that road-hog Rembrandt I'm
coming around, and to look out.
209
00:15:34,706 --> 00:15:37,698
Hey, road-hog Rembrandt, look...
210
00:15:39,466 --> 00:15:40,581
out.
211
00:15:42,347 --> 00:15:44,910
We cost them some time there, son.
212
00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:49,706
I wonder how Junior likes
life in the dumb lane.
213
00:15:50,507 --> 00:15:53,516
Daddy, my face is all white.
214
00:15:53,551 --> 00:15:57,539
Well, put a little lipstick on,
I'll drop you off at a gay bar.
215
00:16:01,787 --> 00:16:03,408
What are we stopping for?
216
00:16:03,443 --> 00:16:05,838
It's time to take
out some insurance,
217
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:08,233
teach those county
mounties a lesson.
218
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,642
I don't get it. I mean, they
219
00:16:09,643 --> 00:16:11,507
certainly lost enough
time as it is.
220
00:16:11,542 --> 00:16:13,098
We're winning, ain't we?
221
00:16:13,133 --> 00:16:16,523
We're winning, son, but
winning isn't everything.
222
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:19,709
- What is?
- Winning dirty, boy.
223
00:16:19,744 --> 00:16:20,786
What's the matter with you?
224
00:16:20,867 --> 00:16:23,705
Sorry, Daddy. I lost my head.
225
00:16:23,740 --> 00:16:27,702
- Shame, Little Enos.
- Ashamed, Daddy.
226
00:16:27,737 --> 00:16:30,155
Look, Daddy, here they come.
227
00:16:30,988 --> 00:16:33,733
They're coming, all right.
228
00:16:43,027 --> 00:16:45,302
They put up a roadblock, Daddy.
229
00:16:45,748 --> 00:16:48,262
Daddy. They aren't going to stop.
230
00:16:48,348 --> 00:16:52,433
Hold on tight. This might
be a little bumpy.
231
00:17:14,908 --> 00:17:17,422
This was a brilliant idea.
232
00:17:17,508 --> 00:17:21,369
Don't worry, Son. I've got
something up my sleeve.
233
00:17:21,404 --> 00:17:24,034
I hope it's a chocolate
chip cookie, Daddy.
234
00:17:24,069 --> 00:17:28,104
You can dunk my doughnuts
if it ain't a great idea.
235
00:17:29,869 --> 00:17:32,224
It seems to be flooded.
236
00:17:32,308 --> 00:17:34,414
No shit.
237
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:40,982
Buckle up, Junior, we're going
to make a lot of time now.
238
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:44,788
This is it, son.
239
00:17:44,823 --> 00:17:48,080
I thought from the start
this was a one-man job.
240
00:17:48,115 --> 00:17:51,715
There's only one man I know
that's never let us down.
241
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,621
Homogenise my hostility.
Would you be speaking of...
242
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:57,656
No, I'm not talking
about that egomaniac.
243
00:17:57,691 --> 00:18:00,274
I'm talking about the only
one we can really trust:
244
00:18:00,309 --> 00:18:01,364
The Snowman.
245
00:18:01,399 --> 00:18:03,499
Now get me that phone.
246
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,150
That isn't the phone.
247
00:18:16,390 --> 00:18:19,179
Fred, you don't know what
it means having you here.
248
00:18:19,214 --> 00:18:21,695
You're the ugliest.
Look at your eyes.
249
00:18:21,696 --> 00:18:24,240
Your eyes sag, your
ears. Look at that.
250
00:18:24,275 --> 00:18:27,388
Eight yards long. Your lips...
And your breath's bad.
251
00:18:27,423 --> 00:18:30,081
The next time I buy them
deodorising dog biscuits...
252
00:18:30,116 --> 00:18:31,225
you're going to eat them.
253
00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:33,856
Hang on.
254
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:38,268
Mule Barn, you got The
Snowman. How about...
255
00:18:38,509 --> 00:18:42,788
Look, lover boy,
I've got $250,000...
256
00:18:42,870 --> 00:18:45,441
with your name on it
if you help us out.
257
00:18:45,453 --> 00:18:49,587
Two hundred and fifty...
258
00:18:50,470 --> 00:18:52,919
You mean, I don't
have to drive the
259
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:55,232
truck or haul nothing but my ass?
260
00:18:55,431 --> 00:18:56,937
I'm going to be The Bandit.
261
00:18:56,972 --> 00:19:00,394
Do I get to wear the
hat? The shirt?
262
00:19:01,150 --> 00:19:03,006
And drive the car.
263
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,575
Now, listen.
264
00:19:05,610 --> 00:19:08,370
I think you just got
yourself a Bandit. Bye.
265
00:19:08,405 --> 00:19:10,949
I'm going to be The Bandit.
I love it. The Bandit.
266
00:19:11,030 --> 00:19:13,750
Wear the hat, drive the car.
I love it. Give me the car.
267
00:19:18,230 --> 00:19:21,550
All right, Mrs. Fernbush, let's
remember the procedures.
268
00:19:21,585 --> 00:19:24,606
Look both ways before
entering the flow of traffic.
269
00:19:24,631 --> 00:19:27,724
Politeness pays, but
look both ways.
270
00:19:27,759 --> 00:19:32,081
Give her a little gas, and let
up lightly on the clutch.
271
00:19:48,551 --> 00:19:49,904
Turn right.
272
00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,667
What an asshole.
273
00:20:01,752 --> 00:20:02,752
[Fast-paced country song]
274
00:20:02,832 --> 00:20:05,829
Hold on, Dixie Bandit's
on the road again
275
00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:07,584
Look out.
276
00:20:10,592 --> 00:20:13,550
I'm going to be The
Bandit. I'm going to...
277
00:20:14,912 --> 00:20:16,310
Oh, Fred?
278
00:20:16,392 --> 00:20:19,905
I mashed your doghouse, son, but
don't worry. I'll buy you...
279
00:20:19,940 --> 00:20:22,650
Fred, I'll buy you a
whole condominium.
280
00:20:22,685 --> 00:20:26,384
Listen, with the money
we... Come here, you.
281
00:20:26,472 --> 00:20:28,935
Now go find your
fireplug. I'm going
282
00:20:28,936 --> 00:20:31,066
to go put on my Bandit clothes.
283
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:34,991
I'm going to be The Bandit. I'm
going to be The Bandit. I love it.
284
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:37,545
[Lively instrumental music]
285
00:20:50,633 --> 00:20:53,133
Come on, get after
him. Hey, Bubba.
286
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:55,609
This ain't good, man.
This ain't good at all.
287
00:20:55,644 --> 00:20:58,849
I'm not scared of these crackers.
I'm black and I'm proud.
288
00:20:58,884 --> 00:21:01,950
Three hundred years of
experience tells me...
289
00:21:02,033 --> 00:21:05,058
that you aren't being
nothing but black and loud.
290
00:21:09,793 --> 00:21:13,680
- You better pull over.
- I ain't pulling over for nobody.
291
00:22:03,794 --> 00:22:06,052
We're not making very
good time, Daddy.
292
00:22:06,067 --> 00:22:08,597
Well, as soon as I
get around Colonel
293
00:22:08,598 --> 00:22:10,527
Sanders, all that'll change.
294
00:22:18,315 --> 00:22:22,065
What the hell are those
Klan clowns doing here?
295
00:22:26,915 --> 00:22:29,429
[Fast-paced instrumental music]
296
00:22:39,155 --> 00:22:42,346
Here's how you handle
the Klan, Junior.
297
00:22:47,555 --> 00:22:49,591
[Fast-paced instrumental
music continues]
298
00:23:00,216 --> 00:23:02,281
Get out of here, boy.
299
00:23:06,576 --> 00:23:11,287
Lord have mercy. I must have
died and gone to heaven.
300
00:23:12,515 --> 00:23:15,481
What goes around comes around.
301
00:23:15,756 --> 00:23:17,747
You ever join the Klan, Daddy?
302
00:23:17,836 --> 00:23:21,702
No chance. But your mama did.
303
00:23:21,737 --> 00:23:26,399
When she put on her sheet, she
looked like an iceberg with feet.
304
00:23:27,596 --> 00:23:30,871
The lid is what's going
to make the kid.
305
00:23:31,876 --> 00:23:35,278
What do you think, my man?
I'm talking bad, Fred.
306
00:23:35,313 --> 00:23:38,426
I mean, you got your Bandit,
and then you got...
307
00:23:38,516 --> 00:23:41,133
Pray for that Bandit.
How about you, Smokey?
308
00:23:41,156 --> 00:23:42,753
You got them ears on?
309
00:23:44,676 --> 00:23:47,066
Don't look at me like that, Fred.
310
00:23:47,157 --> 00:23:48,192
Fred.
311
00:23:48,277 --> 00:23:51,932
I told you I would love to take
you, okay? But I can't take you.
312
00:23:51,967 --> 00:23:54,413
The Bandit didn't have no
dog in the car with him.
313
00:23:54,448 --> 00:23:56,513
It just wouldn't look right.
314
00:23:56,597 --> 00:23:58,862
But... Look, Fred.
315
00:23:59,077 --> 00:24:01,749
What if you had your
opportunity to be Rin Tin Tin?
316
00:24:01,836 --> 00:24:03,835
You wouldn't say no
to that, would you?
317
00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:06,595
No, you wouldn't. I
get to be The Bandit.
318
00:24:06,677 --> 00:24:09,315
You want me to have that,
don't you? Sure, you do.
319
00:24:09,396 --> 00:24:12,537
You're my buddy. Hey, I knew
you was going to be lonesome.
320
00:24:12,572 --> 00:24:14,946
I knew I was going to be
gone, so I took care of you.
321
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:18,068
Now just a minute. Here. Look
here what I got for you, Fred.
322
00:24:18,157 --> 00:24:20,808
I got you somebody I
want you to meet, Fred.
323
00:24:20,843 --> 00:24:22,588
This is Freda.
324
00:24:26,037 --> 00:24:28,782
There we go.
325
00:24:29,637 --> 00:24:33,533
Freda, Fred. Fred, Freda.
326
00:24:33,568 --> 00:24:37,092
And by the power vested in me, as
owner of both of you hounds...
327
00:24:37,127 --> 00:24:39,799
I now pronounce you
basset and basset.
328
00:24:39,834 --> 00:24:43,310
Fred, that means you don't
have to half-ass it.
329
00:24:44,038 --> 00:24:45,437
You get it?
330
00:24:45,958 --> 00:24:48,915
Excuse me. Listen.
I've got work to do.
331
00:24:48,997 --> 00:24:50,985
You all have to
entertain yourself...
332
00:24:51,020 --> 00:24:53,756
but The Bandit is gonna
go smoke some smokies.
333
00:25:02,558 --> 00:25:04,867
[Upbeat country
instrumental music]
334
00:25:10,798 --> 00:25:13,480
I'll tell you what. You
want to see a bandit?
335
00:25:13,515 --> 00:25:17,079
You're looking at a bad
bandit. I'm talking bad.
336
00:25:22,878 --> 00:25:26,235
Never should've put me
in this thing, brother.
337
00:25:27,438 --> 00:25:28,507
[Upbeat country song]
338
00:25:28,598 --> 00:25:31,461
Hear that roar of thunder
339
00:25:32,238 --> 00:25:35,117
Hear those tyres scream
340
00:25:35,559 --> 00:25:38,116
He's every boy's hero
341
00:25:38,638 --> 00:25:41,016
Every lady's dream
342
00:25:41,319 --> 00:25:43,827
Flying down the
highway heading west
343
00:25:43,862 --> 00:25:44,862
They love me.
344
00:25:44,863 --> 00:25:49,266
In a streak of black lightning
Called the Bandit Express
345
00:25:49,319 --> 00:25:53,358
Look out, The Bandit's coming
Tyres screaming engine humming
346
00:25:53,393 --> 00:25:55,185
Looks like The
Bandit's on the move
347
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:57,096
Bandit, if you could see
me now. They love me.
348
00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,389
Look out, The Bandit's coming..
Get your money and warn the women
349
00:26:00,424 --> 00:26:02,992
Tell those smokeys
all to take a rest
350
00:26:03,279 --> 00:26:07,560
Because they'll never
get the Bandit Express
351
00:26:12,719 --> 00:26:14,392
They never learn.
352
00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:18,315
Look out, The Bandit's coming Get
your money and warn the women
353
00:26:18,399 --> 00:26:21,312
Tell those smokeys
all to take a rest
354
00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:24,815
Because they'll never
get the Bandit Express
355
00:26:25,159 --> 00:26:29,320
Whoa, they'll never get
the Bandit Express
356
00:26:35,199 --> 00:26:38,559
Junior, I want to tell you
an interesting story.
357
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,487
When the Pilgrim Justices landed
on the shores of Texas...
358
00:26:44,240 --> 00:26:47,381
some of the male members
of the family...
359
00:26:47,416 --> 00:26:49,630
became lawmen.
360
00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:53,310
All of the lawmen
of the Justices...
361
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,571
had sixth sense.
362
00:26:55,606 --> 00:26:56,778
That's too bad.
363
00:26:56,779 --> 00:26:59,812
What's too bad about
having sixth sense?
364
00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:02,326
Well, that's not even a dime.
365
00:27:02,801 --> 00:27:05,360
Hi, folks, this is Dusty Trails,
speaking to you live...
366
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,855
from Town's Autorama on the corner
of Second St. and Washington Blvd.
367
00:27:08,890 --> 00:27:10,836
I hope you're enjoying our
million-dollar movie...
368
00:27:10,921 --> 00:27:13,527
and you're going to enjoy
hearing from Skip.
369
00:27:13,562 --> 00:27:15,269
Take it away, Skip.
370
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:18,500
Thank you, Dusty.
Isn't she wonderful?
371
00:27:18,521 --> 00:27:21,374
Friends, before I forget,
don't you forget...
372
00:27:21,474 --> 00:27:24,255
to come out here on Sunday
and bring the kids.
373
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:27,375
Because in addition to the
best auto values in town...
374
00:27:27,461 --> 00:27:31,689
we're giving away free oatmeal
cookies baked by Dusty herself.
375
00:27:31,801 --> 00:27:34,918
Hard to believe somebody so pretty
can cook too, isn't it, friends?
376
00:27:35,001 --> 00:27:37,250
Let's talk about the
special of the week.
377
00:27:37,285 --> 00:27:40,352
It's a '76 Mercury
Monarch, fully loaded...
378
00:27:40,481 --> 00:27:42,274
but you don't have
to be to buy it.
379
00:27:42,309 --> 00:27:46,473
Yes, this low-mileage honey has
got new rubber, factory air...
380
00:27:46,508 --> 00:27:49,316
AMIFM stereo and four
brand-new shocks
381
00:27:49,317 --> 00:27:51,908
that I personally
installed myself.
382
00:27:51,943 --> 00:27:54,599
Dusty, why don't you tell
them about your cookies...
383
00:27:54,634 --> 00:27:57,829
while I climb up on the
hood and demonstrate?
384
00:28:00,002 --> 00:28:01,800
If you really want
to save yourself
385
00:28:01,801 --> 00:28:03,198
a lot of money and grief...
386
00:28:03,233 --> 00:28:05,651
stay as far away from
this dump as you can.
387
00:28:05,686 --> 00:28:08,599
See that fool jumping up
on the hood of that car?
388
00:28:08,762 --> 00:28:10,539
That fool wouldn't
know a good deal
389
00:28:10,540 --> 00:28:12,069
if someone gave him four aces.
390
00:28:12,104 --> 00:28:14,203
When I moved here, I
didn't know a soul,
391
00:28:14,204 --> 00:28:16,200
so I answered his ad
for a bookkeeper.
392
00:28:16,235 --> 00:28:17,733
Should've been for
a football player,
393
00:28:17,734 --> 00:28:19,231
considering the
passes he made at me.
394
00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:22,074
He told me he loved me, needed
me, and was leaving his wife.
395
00:28:22,161 --> 00:28:24,088
The only thing he left
was fingerprints.
396
00:28:24,123 --> 00:28:26,252
Hell, he had no intention
of divorcing his wife.
397
00:28:26,342 --> 00:28:28,018
The only intention
he had was conning
398
00:28:28,019 --> 00:28:29,518
you people out of a lot of money.
399
00:28:29,602 --> 00:28:32,355
See that special he's jumping
on? It's a special, all right.
400
00:28:32,442 --> 00:28:35,003
Just add three zeroes when
you check out the mileage.
401
00:28:35,038 --> 00:28:36,698
It used to be a taxi.
402
00:28:36,733 --> 00:28:41,089
This gal is taking a walk on Skip
Town, his lies, and his lemons.
403
00:28:41,322 --> 00:28:43,293
Folks, I'm a little
irritated. Pardon
404
00:28:43,294 --> 00:28:44,953
me. I hope you enjoy the movie.
405
00:28:45,042 --> 00:28:47,308
But I am leaving. Bye.
406
00:28:47,603 --> 00:28:49,898
Dusty, Skip's going to
freak when he hears that.
407
00:28:49,983 --> 00:28:51,633
That's his problem.
408
00:28:51,664 --> 00:28:53,822
Good luck, kid.
409
00:28:55,403 --> 00:28:58,924
Hold it. Thank you.
410
00:28:59,963 --> 00:29:01,859
I need a ride.
411
00:29:02,042 --> 00:29:03,761
I hope you're going that way.
412
00:29:03,843 --> 00:29:06,542
I sure am. Go straight ahead.
413
00:29:08,803 --> 00:29:10,952
Look, do you mind if
I change my clothes?
414
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:13,159
Change your... What? In here?
415
00:29:13,243 --> 00:29:15,350
Oh, sure. No problem for me.
416
00:29:15,385 --> 00:29:17,518
- Now? In the car?
- Yeah.
417
00:29:17,603 --> 00:29:20,461
You're not going to look. You're
not a peeping Tom, are you?
418
00:29:20,483 --> 00:29:23,919
- I'm not... No.
- Then there's no problem.
419
00:29:24,003 --> 00:29:27,355
No, you've got your peepers and
you've got your non-peepers.
420
00:29:27,390 --> 00:29:32,092
I'm definitely a non-peeper.
But the car's a little weird.
421
00:29:32,723 --> 00:29:36,374
It's very important that a
lawman has sixth sense.
422
00:29:36,409 --> 00:29:38,583
Because then he can
anticipate things...
423
00:29:38,618 --> 00:29:40,891
and prevent them from happening.
424
00:29:40,926 --> 00:29:43,617
Even a hound dog has sixth sense.
425
00:29:44,004 --> 00:29:45,516
This is Mother Trucker in the
426
00:29:45,517 --> 00:29:47,445
Hawaiian Tropic,
on a smokey watch.
427
00:29:47,484 --> 00:29:51,476
Hey, is that you, Bandit?
Hey, you're looking good.
428
00:29:51,563 --> 00:29:54,442
This is Bandit One calling. Is
that Mama Trucker out there?
429
00:29:54,524 --> 00:29:56,499
Your phone's ringing.
430
00:29:56,644 --> 00:29:58,432
That's a big 10-4, Bandit.
431
00:29:58,467 --> 00:30:01,117
We got smokey on our tail
and he's moving fast.
432
00:30:01,204 --> 00:30:04,640
You better come on in, honey.
Your patch is ready, teddy.
433
00:30:04,724 --> 00:30:07,636
I heard that. If you're
ready, just hold it steady.
434
00:30:07,724 --> 00:30:10,024
I'm coming in.
435
00:30:12,524 --> 00:30:15,253
Cledus, what are we
doing under here?
436
00:30:15,288 --> 00:30:17,448
Just getting out of the sun.
437
00:30:18,524 --> 00:30:22,266
Look who just drove by.
My. Want to go fishing?
438
00:30:22,301 --> 00:30:24,400
- I'm game.
- Let's go.
439
00:30:26,805 --> 00:30:28,795
[Upbeat country
instrumental music]
440
00:30:33,525 --> 00:30:35,829
If some crime is going
to be committed, I
441
00:30:35,830 --> 00:30:38,023
know it before they
start to commit it.
442
00:30:38,105 --> 00:30:39,885
And I can put a stop to it.
443
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:41,955
If somebody's going to
do something to me...
444
00:30:42,045 --> 00:30:45,428
immediately, I know they're
doing something to me.
445
00:30:45,565 --> 00:30:49,064
That is why you got to
have a sixth sense.
446
00:30:49,605 --> 00:30:52,014
I'd rather have a dime.
447
00:30:55,085 --> 00:30:57,395
[Upbeat country instrumental
music continues]
448
00:30:58,405 --> 00:31:00,188
Hi, boys.
449
00:31:00,605 --> 00:31:02,218
How do.
450
00:31:02,445 --> 00:31:03,798
Bye, boys.
451
00:31:06,526 --> 00:31:09,782
It's The Bandit. Son of a bitch.
452
00:31:09,817 --> 00:31:11,277
And he's got my fish.
453
00:31:11,365 --> 00:31:16,545
As of this instant, Junior,
we're in hot pursuit.
454
00:31:26,145 --> 00:31:31,108
Look who we got down here. I guess
we better chat with the old boy.
455
00:31:31,143 --> 00:31:33,138
You take this and
just have yourself
456
00:31:33,139 --> 00:31:34,755
a conversation with Buford T.
457
00:31:34,846 --> 00:31:36,670
- Go ahead. Go.
- What do I do?
458
00:31:36,705 --> 00:31:39,283
You just talk in it. Mash that
little thing in and talk.
459
00:31:39,366 --> 00:31:41,941
Hello? Mr. Justice?
460
00:31:41,976 --> 00:31:44,466
How you folks doing down there?
461
00:31:44,501 --> 00:31:46,837
We're doing fine, little lady.
462
00:31:46,872 --> 00:31:51,037
And may I advise you that you're
consorting with a criminal.
463
00:31:51,126 --> 00:31:54,517
So when he goes to the
slammer, you go, too.
464
00:31:54,552 --> 00:31:55,805
Oh, really?
465
00:31:55,886 --> 00:32:00,173
While you're at it, why don't you
take a big dump in your hat.
466
00:32:00,208 --> 00:32:02,029
Hold it. Watch that language.
467
00:32:02,064 --> 00:32:06,280
I happen to have my son
in the car. Over and out.
468
00:32:06,446 --> 00:32:09,402
- Thank you, Daddy.
- Shut up, shit.
469
00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:24,754
Breaker, breaker, El Bandito,
this is Muddy and Sunny.
470
00:32:24,789 --> 00:32:26,557
What's your 20? What's your story?
471
00:32:26,687 --> 00:32:28,882
You want to get that
call? I'm a little busy.
472
00:32:28,967 --> 00:32:31,747
Yeah. Hello?
473
00:32:31,782 --> 00:32:35,606
Hello, boys. Yeah, this is
the Bandit Mobile calling.
474
00:32:35,641 --> 00:32:38,559
The man here says you're going
to get your shark before dark.
475
00:32:38,647 --> 00:32:41,094
Long as you don't get
funny with the money.
476
00:32:41,095 --> 00:32:42,095
Who's that?
477
00:32:42,096 --> 00:32:45,341
Probably some floozy he picked
up by the side of the road.
478
00:32:46,127 --> 00:32:49,809
Come on, Buford. Bring
it on, brother.
479
00:32:56,087 --> 00:33:00,063
I sure wouldn't mind a
romp in your melon patch.
480
00:33:03,008 --> 00:33:05,237
What the hell was that?
481
00:33:05,327 --> 00:33:08,479
Sorry, honey. I'll have
to get back to you later.
482
00:33:22,649 --> 00:33:25,065
Excuse me, Sheriff.
Why don't you just
483
00:33:25,066 --> 00:33:27,234
let me handle this situation here?
484
00:33:27,368 --> 00:33:30,805
Pardon me, young man, but you
happen to be talking to...
485
00:33:30,889 --> 00:33:33,579
Sheriff Buford T. Justice...
486
00:33:33,648 --> 00:33:36,560
and I'm about to
apprehend The Bandit.
487
00:33:36,648 --> 00:33:40,535
Cledus, you attract more
fuzz than a fat man's navel.
488
00:33:44,448 --> 00:33:47,680
I wouldn't give a rat's ass
if you was J. Edgar Hoover...
489
00:33:47,849 --> 00:33:49,999
and he was Machine Gun Kelly.
490
00:33:50,089 --> 00:33:51,807
You're out of your jurisdiction.
491
00:33:51,889 --> 00:33:54,197
I might be out of
my jurisdiction...
492
00:33:54,368 --> 00:33:58,832
but you're out of your
league. Now back off.
493
00:33:59,849 --> 00:34:04,443
I ain't backing off nothing,
Sheriff. I'm taking charge.
494
00:34:04,849 --> 00:34:07,300
Boy, they're really coming.
495
00:34:07,529 --> 00:34:10,333
I'll tell you what. You
just watch. Hang on.
496
00:34:11,049 --> 00:34:13,005
[Upbeat country song]
497
00:34:24,589 --> 00:34:27,322
Am I glad I came
along on this trip.
498
00:35:14,770 --> 00:35:17,809
I'm surrounded by lunatics.
499
00:35:19,931 --> 00:35:22,364
[Upbeat country song continues]
500
00:35:28,891 --> 00:35:32,482
Sheriff? You might want to
forget about losing me...
501
00:35:32,517 --> 00:35:34,762
because I'm here for the duration.
502
00:35:58,252 --> 00:35:59,479
Shit.
503
00:36:19,451 --> 00:36:21,750
Far out.
504
00:36:25,292 --> 00:36:29,503
Bandit? You're in a
heap of trouble.
505
00:36:30,812 --> 00:36:32,538
Did you see that, Daddy?
506
00:36:32,573 --> 00:36:36,843
That's what happens when you lock
horns with beautiful Buford.
507
00:36:53,653 --> 00:36:57,085
Breaker for that Sandbox Man.
How about you, Sandbox Man?
508
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:00,008
The Bandit's ringing
your phone, you copy?
509
00:37:00,132 --> 00:37:02,307
Hey, is that you, Bandit?
510
00:37:02,373 --> 00:37:04,818
Looks like you got
Smokey on your tail.
511
00:37:04,853 --> 00:37:08,750
Right you are. He's kicking
in my back door. Hello?
512
00:37:08,785 --> 00:37:11,219
Bring him by here. We'll
take care of that.
513
00:37:11,254 --> 00:37:14,926
I heard that. We're
bringing it. Bye.
514
00:37:20,533 --> 00:37:23,533
- Come on, Buford.
- He won't give up, will he?
515
00:37:38,093 --> 00:37:40,037
What did I tell you?
516
00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:46,149
You know what happens next,
honey? Were gone. Bye, Buford.
517
00:37:54,494 --> 00:37:57,998
Gee, Daddy, this is just
like being at the beach.
518
00:37:58,494 --> 00:38:01,703
It's a minor complication.
519
00:38:01,934 --> 00:38:04,045
Nothing's going to stop me from
520
00:38:04,046 --> 00:38:06,769
catching that big
pile of dragon dump.
521
00:38:06,854 --> 00:38:08,492
And when I do...
522
00:38:08,574 --> 00:38:11,912
I'm going to marinate his walnuts.
523
00:38:12,574 --> 00:38:14,970
Get out and dust off the car.
524
00:38:18,294 --> 00:38:20,689
I don't want to foul up
your plans or anything...
525
00:38:20,774 --> 00:38:23,767
but I didn't get any breakfast
this morning and I'm half-starved.
526
00:38:23,855 --> 00:38:27,244
Why don't we pull in up here and
get us a pound of ground round...
527
00:38:27,334 --> 00:38:29,211
and put it down our neck.
528
00:38:29,294 --> 00:38:31,008
Sounds good.
529
00:38:52,015 --> 00:38:55,921
Listen. I think what we have
here is a skull orchard.
530
00:38:55,956 --> 00:38:59,212
Maybe you ought to stay here and
let me get the cheeseburgers...
531
00:38:59,295 --> 00:39:02,485
because I'm not sure this is
a place for ladies. Okay?
532
00:39:04,535 --> 00:39:08,359
Cledus, make those burgers
rare. It'll go quicker.
533
00:39:13,136 --> 00:39:17,063
Nice looking set of wheels.
How are you doing, my man?
534
00:39:17,375 --> 00:39:20,228
Yeah. Question's
too hard, I guess.
535
00:39:20,616 --> 00:39:23,913
Rare, Cledus. Make
them real rare, okay?
536
00:39:23,935 --> 00:39:26,369
Rare. She wants it rare? I'm
going to get it so rare...
537
00:39:26,455 --> 00:39:28,811
a good vet. Could have it
on its feet in 15 minutes.
538
00:39:28,896 --> 00:39:31,012
What do you think?
539
00:39:32,176 --> 00:39:34,450
I didn't mean to wake you up.
540
00:39:40,336 --> 00:39:42,808
So long, cowboy.
541
00:39:49,896 --> 00:39:52,274
Was that with or without onions?
542
00:39:52,309 --> 00:39:53,990
Onions.
543
00:39:54,136 --> 00:39:57,278
With onions. Yeah, with onions.
544
00:39:57,376 --> 00:39:59,845
Be right back. Yes, sir.
545
00:40:05,056 --> 00:40:07,339
We didn't discuss this
earlier, but do you
546
00:40:07,340 --> 00:40:09,357
want a large, small,
or medium drink?
547
00:40:09,392 --> 00:40:11,885
- Extra large.
- Extra large.
548
00:40:12,256 --> 00:40:14,040
Be right back.
549
00:40:21,936 --> 00:40:24,292
Go get him, Jimmy.
550
00:40:25,137 --> 00:40:27,810
Well, I guess we ruined
your whole day didn't we?
551
00:40:27,897 --> 00:40:30,695
How about some onion
rings, honey? They got...
552
00:40:35,177 --> 00:40:37,372
See? And you remember...
553
00:40:44,917 --> 00:40:48,854
Let that be a lesson to you.
They're sacking them up right now.
554
00:40:49,298 --> 00:40:51,155
- Get him.
- Thank you, my man.
555
00:40:53,437 --> 00:40:54,526
What an animal.
556
00:40:54,677 --> 00:40:55,971
See you.
557
00:40:57,458 --> 00:40:59,892
One cheeseburger for the lady.
558
00:41:01,617 --> 00:41:04,929
Well, all right,
my man. Thank you.
559
00:41:05,578 --> 00:41:08,420
Hey, Cledus, you
forgot the mustard.
560
00:41:08,618 --> 00:41:12,793
I forgot the mustard.
Women. Sit down.
561
00:41:13,618 --> 00:41:17,756
Me and you gone,
like a big caboose.
562
00:41:17,778 --> 00:41:19,990
See you.
563
00:41:28,458 --> 00:41:31,159
Breaker, breaker, Mr. Bandit.
564
00:41:31,298 --> 00:41:33,607
You might as well
give up the ghost.
565
00:41:33,818 --> 00:41:38,297
Because I'm staying with
you like stink on a skunk.
566
00:41:38,359 --> 00:41:40,137
Here he comes.
567
00:41:40,218 --> 00:41:42,129
We got him now, Daddy.
568
00:41:43,138 --> 00:41:45,209
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music]
569
00:41:45,739 --> 00:41:47,855
Watch out for those eggs.
570
00:41:53,219 --> 00:41:55,494
We almost scrambled
some eggs back there.
571
00:41:55,579 --> 00:41:58,696
Well, see, I was hoping
for a Buford omelette.
572
00:42:00,098 --> 00:42:02,454
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music continues]
573
00:42:09,619 --> 00:42:11,006
We lost him.
574
00:42:11,019 --> 00:42:15,451
Talent and pure intelligence will
always triumph over ignorance...
575
00:42:17,219 --> 00:42:19,687
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music continues]
576
00:42:21,779 --> 00:42:24,303
He may be dumb, but
he ain't scared.
577
00:42:30,419 --> 00:42:32,171
Oh, dang it.
578
00:42:36,620 --> 00:42:37,893
Not again.
579
00:42:46,540 --> 00:42:50,196
- He's still coming.
- I'm going as fast as I can.
580
00:42:52,460 --> 00:42:54,849
You should've turned right, Daddy.
581
00:43:00,740 --> 00:43:04,105
My flowers. Look what
they did to my flowers.
582
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:15,213
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music continues]
583
00:43:32,641 --> 00:43:33,810
God.
584
00:43:38,541 --> 00:43:42,175
What the hell are you trying
to do, you homicidal idiot?
585
00:43:42,221 --> 00:43:44,735
Back up and get the
hell out of here.
586
00:43:44,821 --> 00:43:47,130
It's kind of a tight alley.
I'm gonna need some help.
587
00:43:47,221 --> 00:43:50,089
- No problem. I'll direct you.
- If you say so.
588
00:43:50,124 --> 00:43:52,211
Okay, back up.
589
00:43:53,901 --> 00:43:56,734
That's it. You're
in the clear here.
590
00:43:57,941 --> 00:44:00,460
You're in the clear there.
591
00:44:00,501 --> 00:44:02,777
Keep going. You're in the clear.
592
00:44:05,062 --> 00:44:06,540
Clear on this side.
593
00:44:06,621 --> 00:44:09,055
Clear on that side. Clear on...
594
00:44:09,141 --> 00:44:11,091
- Daddy?
- Shut up.
595
00:44:11,542 --> 00:44:14,420
Clear on this side.
Back it up there.
596
00:44:14,742 --> 00:44:16,977
- But, Daddy.
- Shut up, shit.
597
00:44:17,061 --> 00:44:19,882
You're all clear now. Whip on out.
598
00:44:24,622 --> 00:44:28,779
Now, do you see, what you
did with your "Daddy."
599
00:44:29,062 --> 00:44:31,781
But, Daddy, look.
600
00:44:34,661 --> 00:44:38,197
Hold it.
601
00:44:38,702 --> 00:44:41,136
Just what are you trying
to do, nice lady?
602
00:44:41,262 --> 00:44:44,028
I'm about to tow this
car to the garage.
603
00:44:44,182 --> 00:44:46,464
And may I inquire why?
604
00:44:46,499 --> 00:44:49,295
It's parked illegally and
creating a fire hazard.
605
00:44:49,382 --> 00:44:51,613
And it's one big piece of crap.
606
00:44:51,703 --> 00:44:56,868
May I say, madam, that you are
talking to Buford T. Justice.
607
00:44:56,903 --> 00:45:00,283
I wouldn't care if you
were Sugar Ray Leonard.
608
00:45:00,983 --> 00:45:03,292
Come on, Charlie, let's pull out.
609
00:45:03,383 --> 00:45:05,995
You woman's lib sumbitch.
610
00:45:07,903 --> 00:45:10,133
Get up there and unhook it.
611
00:45:15,743 --> 00:45:18,785
Unhook it. I'm putting
it in reverse.
612
00:45:18,823 --> 00:45:21,680
It's too heavy, Daddy.
613
00:45:23,502 --> 00:45:26,298
I can't get any
traction. Unhook it.
614
00:45:26,299 --> 00:45:28,717
I'm gonna give it all it's got.
615
00:45:34,463 --> 00:45:37,636
Oh, shit, Charlie.
He's getting away.
616
00:45:37,637 --> 00:45:38,905
No, he's not.
617
00:45:39,343 --> 00:45:41,636
Get that sucker off.
618
00:45:42,503 --> 00:45:45,097
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music]
619
00:45:49,264 --> 00:45:51,761
Wait, Daddy. Wait for me.
620
00:45:52,843 --> 00:45:55,577
I'm right behind
you. Don't leave me.
621
00:45:55,823 --> 00:45:57,538
Wait, Daddy.
622
00:46:00,724 --> 00:46:03,537
Wait, Daddy. Wait for me, Daddy.
623
00:46:05,904 --> 00:46:07,974
I'm getting dizzy, Daddy.
624
00:46:11,144 --> 00:46:12,695
Wait, Daddy.
625
00:46:15,824 --> 00:46:19,055
- Look. You were going so fast.
- I'm sorry.
626
00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:22,129
You came around the corner here,
I couldn't get out of the way.
627
00:46:22,144 --> 00:46:25,261
- Young man, how old are you?
- Are you all right, ma'am?
628
00:46:25,344 --> 00:46:26,902
I'm trying to look at my car.
629
00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:28,782
Do you know who my husband is?
630
00:46:28,865 --> 00:46:30,662
Hold it, Daddy.
631
00:46:30,745 --> 00:46:33,097
I think I'm falling.
632
00:46:37,185 --> 00:46:39,938
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music continues]
633
00:47:03,385 --> 00:47:07,234
Well, nice lady, it looks
like we meet again.
634
00:47:07,269 --> 00:47:10,160
Would you please call a tow truck?
635
00:47:10,425 --> 00:47:13,766
Not if you were Sugar Ray Leonard.
636
00:47:14,145 --> 00:47:17,696
Would you look around in that junk
and see if my son's in there?
637
00:47:18,386 --> 00:47:19,898
Here I am, Daddy.
638
00:47:19,985 --> 00:47:23,255
Would you stop playing with your
coconuts and get in the car?
639
00:47:23,265 --> 00:47:24,417
Okay.
640
00:47:37,106 --> 00:47:41,611
Okay, folks, we welcome you all
to the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.
641
00:47:41,646 --> 00:47:44,020
We're readying the wall
of fire right now.
642
00:47:44,106 --> 00:47:46,301
There are thrills
and chills galore.
643
00:47:46,386 --> 00:47:49,297
And as the wall of fire
is getting ready...
644
00:47:51,626 --> 00:47:54,060
The crowd's really getting
excited at this point.
645
00:47:54,146 --> 00:47:56,706
I don't blame them one
bit. Wait a minute.
646
00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:58,697
I think we've got a
surprise visitor.
647
00:47:58,786 --> 00:48:02,859
Yes, we've got The Bandit making
a guest appearance here...
648
00:48:02,931 --> 00:48:05,865
at the Joie Chitwood Thrill Show.
649
00:48:08,506 --> 00:48:10,861
- Where are we, Daddy?
- Indianapolis.
650
00:48:10,946 --> 00:48:12,902
How the hell do I
know where we are?
651
00:48:20,946 --> 00:48:24,634
- Daddy, I'm scared.
- I know. I can smell it.
652
00:48:24,827 --> 00:48:27,500
And right into a couple
of demolition cars there.
653
00:48:27,587 --> 00:48:30,822
Buford Justice, coming
around behind The Bandit.
654
00:48:35,947 --> 00:48:38,756
The nuthouse must
be having a picnic.
655
00:48:39,987 --> 00:48:42,421
- Look out, Daddy.
- Don't tell me to look out.
656
00:48:42,507 --> 00:48:45,580
- Tell them to look out.
- Look out.
657
00:48:45,707 --> 00:48:48,904
Four tough guys out there.
658
00:48:53,547 --> 00:48:55,379
Listen to those people.
659
00:48:55,468 --> 00:48:58,027
They think I did that on
purpose. They love me.
660
00:48:58,107 --> 00:49:00,541
Hi there. Hey, you all.
661
00:49:02,587 --> 00:49:05,198
Cledus. We got to go.
662
00:49:05,233 --> 00:49:07,697
- My people.
- We gotta go. Bye.
663
00:49:08,207 --> 00:49:09,860
Here we go.
664
00:49:16,987 --> 00:49:18,899
What the hell is happening?
665
00:49:18,988 --> 00:49:21,667
Climb out the window, Junior,
and weigh the car down.
666
00:49:21,702 --> 00:49:22,907
Yes, Daddy.
667
00:49:29,228 --> 00:49:32,982
- There's lots of people out here.
- Well, push, Junior, push.
668
00:49:33,068 --> 00:49:34,137
Damn.
669
00:49:34,228 --> 00:49:36,981
I'm trying, Daddy.
My foot's stuck.
670
00:49:37,068 --> 00:49:39,298
I'll release it.
671
00:49:40,508 --> 00:49:44,199
You're killing your daddy.
672
00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:47,646
Get back in the damn car.
673
00:49:47,868 --> 00:49:49,522
Yes, Daddy.
674
00:49:50,108 --> 00:49:52,703
They ain't coming
down. I think they...
675
00:49:54,989 --> 00:49:57,782
Tell them to get out of my
way. I'm coming through.
676
00:49:57,817 --> 00:50:01,220
He's getting awful
close. Straighten out.
677
00:50:02,309 --> 00:50:04,778
Daddy, we're going
into a big hole.
678
00:50:04,813 --> 00:50:06,983
Hole, hell. That's a cannon.
679
00:50:18,669 --> 00:50:21,345
What the heck is all this?
680
00:50:21,389 --> 00:50:23,345
Well, the bridge is out.
681
00:50:23,669 --> 00:50:25,959
Well, what do you think
The Bandit would do?
682
00:50:25,989 --> 00:50:29,584
He'd just jump it. See, but The
Bandit will jump anything.
683
00:50:29,669 --> 00:50:32,548
Get it? But I ain't interested
in jumping no river...
684
00:50:32,630 --> 00:50:34,779
I wanna go to sleep. I'm tired.
685
00:50:34,869 --> 00:50:36,786
I saw a motel right down the road.
686
00:50:36,787 --> 00:50:37,787
Can you find it?
687
00:50:37,805 --> 00:50:40,277
- Sure can.
- We are gone.
688
00:50:46,429 --> 00:50:48,307
Well, good job.
689
00:50:48,390 --> 00:50:52,067
You gotta try and do the same
thing when the sheriff gets here.
690
00:50:52,102 --> 00:50:54,587
That won't be hard, on account of
Sheriff Justice has only got...
691
00:50:54,669 --> 00:50:56,992
a child's portion of intellect.
692
00:50:57,027 --> 00:51:00,398
Come on. This is gonna
be a ton of fun, son.
693
00:51:00,433 --> 00:51:02,142
Pleasure doing business with you.
694
00:51:04,590 --> 00:51:07,566
Okay. Your turn.
695
00:51:10,670 --> 00:51:12,423
I didn't wash the fish.
696
00:51:12,511 --> 00:51:14,307
Left you...
697
00:51:14,510 --> 00:51:16,394
plenty of hot water.
698
00:51:16,470 --> 00:51:18,426
Come on, here.
699
00:51:18,510 --> 00:51:21,144
$250,000 boy.
700
00:51:21,311 --> 00:51:23,221
I'll get you to...
701
00:51:24,550 --> 00:51:26,161
Yeah, okay.
702
00:51:29,571 --> 00:51:32,101
I'll buy Fred a...
703
00:51:32,630 --> 00:51:36,700
This is a strange thing.
704
00:51:42,470 --> 00:51:44,665
This is... Oh.
705
00:51:44,831 --> 00:51:46,901
Oh. Well.
706
00:51:53,871 --> 00:51:57,047
- What is it, Daddy?
- There's The Bandit's car.
707
00:51:57,111 --> 00:52:00,369
He probably checked in to
the motel with that broad.
708
00:52:00,371 --> 00:52:01,909
And he's got the fish with him.
709
00:52:01,991 --> 00:52:05,347
Now, when he's fooling around
and thinking of other things...
710
00:52:05,431 --> 00:52:09,256
- We can snatch the fish.
- Thinking of what other things?
711
00:52:09,377 --> 00:52:12,669
You're getting to me. Just
play with your crayons.
712
00:52:19,952 --> 00:52:24,254
Daddy, we just walked by
a penicillin dispenser.
713
00:52:24,351 --> 00:52:29,744
Yeah. I feel like the guest of
honour at a crabs convention.
714
00:52:31,991 --> 00:52:34,631
I'm on the floor.
715
00:52:36,352 --> 00:52:38,547
I'm on the floor.
716
00:52:42,112 --> 00:52:43,869
You be sure to turn
out the lights,
717
00:52:43,870 --> 00:52:45,577
now, when you come in here, right?
718
00:52:45,612 --> 00:52:47,689
- Right.
- Yes, ma'am.
719
00:52:50,632 --> 00:52:52,593
Good night.
720
00:52:56,472 --> 00:52:58,225
What the hell is
this, another raid?
721
00:52:58,226 --> 00:52:59,883
I paid the Captain two nights ago.
722
00:52:59,973 --> 00:53:01,451
This isn't a raid.
723
00:53:01,532 --> 00:53:05,900
I'm here on official business. I'm
going to make an investigation.
724
00:53:05,935 --> 00:53:09,242
Now you just go ahead and
read your Gonad Gazette.
725
00:53:12,072 --> 00:53:13,630
And here we are in a motel...
726
00:53:13,712 --> 00:53:15,943
with nothing but a few
potted plants between us...
727
00:53:16,033 --> 00:53:18,405
but I know I don't
have to worry one bit.
728
00:53:18,440 --> 00:53:20,645
No, Cledus, I know you're
the kind of man...
729
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:21,786
who has the kind of character...
730
00:53:21,872 --> 00:53:24,994
who does not hop into
bed with just anybody.
731
00:53:26,753 --> 00:53:28,948
Right, Cledus?
732
00:53:39,833 --> 00:53:42,305
Oh, no, you don't.
733
00:54:09,553 --> 00:54:11,226
- Who's in there, Daddy?
- I don't know...
734
00:54:11,314 --> 00:54:13,646
but it's not Jacques Cousteau.
735
00:54:19,194 --> 00:54:22,692
- What's going on?
- Some kind of union meeting.
736
00:54:30,114 --> 00:54:32,992
Get away from there before
you get a herpes on you.
737
00:54:34,274 --> 00:54:36,913
Daddy. Like you said.
738
00:54:37,554 --> 00:54:39,784
Make a wish.
739
00:54:39,874 --> 00:54:41,227
Yeah.
740
00:54:41,314 --> 00:54:43,019
Oh, geez.
741
00:54:43,755 --> 00:54:45,711
Oh.
742
00:54:48,034 --> 00:54:49,748
Oh, no boys.
743
00:54:49,783 --> 00:54:53,031
- Leave my daughter alone.
- What's the rubber glove for?
744
00:54:53,115 --> 00:54:55,470
You let my daughter alone.
745
00:54:57,034 --> 00:55:01,518
Daddy, there's a fish that
looks exactly like our fish.
746
00:55:04,075 --> 00:55:08,873
That is our fish, you
moose twit. Grab it.
747
00:55:11,875 --> 00:55:14,389
[Fast-paced rock music continues]
748
00:55:16,475 --> 00:55:20,385
Hey, making it with a fish.
749
00:55:20,420 --> 00:55:22,560
Crazy.
750
00:55:25,516 --> 00:55:29,649
Just like the Bible says,
Sodom and Gomorrah.
751
00:55:35,995 --> 00:55:37,626
The Bandit.
752
00:55:37,715 --> 00:55:41,989
We can kill two possums
with one rock. Come on.
753
00:55:48,876 --> 00:55:51,106
[Fast-paced rock music continues]
754
00:55:56,636 --> 00:55:59,850
- I got you.
- I got you.
755
00:56:00,636 --> 00:56:02,543
Now, wait a minute,
ma'am. What the
756
00:56:02,544 --> 00:56:04,186
hell are you doing in there...
757
00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:06,392
all dressed up with
a cowboy hat on?
758
00:56:06,476 --> 00:56:10,071
I'm getting all hot and bothered
for the evening, darling.
759
00:56:11,516 --> 00:56:13,747
- Come along with me.
- You got it.
760
00:56:14,317 --> 00:56:18,198
- Give me the key, Junior.
- I left it in the car.
761
00:56:18,516 --> 00:56:20,359
You left the key in the car?
762
00:56:20,360 --> 00:56:22,939
If I keep it with me,
I might lose it.
763
00:56:22,974 --> 00:56:25,090
We gotta stay hooked up for
a little while longer.
764
00:56:25,125 --> 00:56:26,867
This is getting...
765
00:56:29,577 --> 00:56:31,674
Good heavens.
766
00:56:33,037 --> 00:56:34,555
We can't get out that way.
767
00:56:34,636 --> 00:56:37,354
There must be some other
way out of this joint.
768
00:56:37,397 --> 00:56:39,710
Maybe there's a window
in the bathroom.
769
00:56:39,745 --> 00:56:41,058
Let's find out.
770
00:56:43,557 --> 00:56:47,156
- Wait will you. My hat.
- The hell with the hat.
771
00:56:47,157 --> 00:56:50,393
Just perfect. Open up the
window a little bit.
772
00:56:54,597 --> 00:56:58,540
- You're pulling my arm off.
- I can't help it, darling.
773
00:56:58,575 --> 00:57:02,504
All right, get on your back. Turn
around and get on your back.
774
00:57:02,638 --> 00:57:04,116
That's it.
775
00:57:04,837 --> 00:57:07,261
Now start to wiggle out.
776
00:57:07,517 --> 00:57:10,112
That's it, wiggle. Keep wiggling.
777
00:57:10,198 --> 00:57:13,869
I can't do it unless you
come with me, darling.
778
00:57:14,077 --> 00:57:16,501
Will you get out of the way?
779
00:57:21,038 --> 00:57:22,993
I can't...
780
00:57:25,629 --> 00:57:27,502
- God.
- Mama's not gonna like this.
781
00:57:27,558 --> 00:57:32,285
Junior. Open the window
up and give me a push.
782
00:57:38,838 --> 00:57:40,988
All clear, Daddy?
783
00:57:41,158 --> 00:57:43,149
Good. Here comes the fish.
784
00:57:49,719 --> 00:57:52,997
Daddy, I think I should
get the key now.
785
00:57:53,032 --> 00:57:54,681
No shit.
786
00:57:55,318 --> 00:57:57,674
Come on, we gotta get out of here.
787
00:57:57,759 --> 00:57:59,875
Watch out for that guy with the...
788
00:57:59,959 --> 00:58:02,028
Oh, we gotta get out of this.
789
00:58:02,118 --> 00:58:04,578
I'm sorry things didn't turn
out the way we expected.
790
00:58:04,613 --> 00:58:06,225
Especially you
getting the big guy.
791
00:58:06,226 --> 00:58:07,846
- Don't talk to me.
- What's the matter?
792
00:58:07,847 --> 00:58:09,150
I'm trying to remember his number.
793
00:58:09,279 --> 00:58:12,593
We got to get out of these dresses
and get back to business.
794
00:58:12,628 --> 00:58:16,598
Let's see, was it 555-1414?
795
00:58:16,959 --> 00:58:20,990
- Okay.
- Or 555-4141?
796
00:58:21,358 --> 00:58:22,838
[Pleasant country song]
797
00:58:25,837 --> 00:58:30,317
You're killing your daddy.
Get in the damn car.
798
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:33,874
555-1415?
799
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:41,823
Just slide it in and
come in after it.
800
00:58:44,999 --> 00:58:47,512
Take that fish out of my mouth.
801
00:58:48,480 --> 00:58:51,118
Just slide it God damn it.
802
00:58:51,199 --> 00:58:53,377
Let me have it.
803
00:58:55,320 --> 00:58:57,231
Now close the door.
804
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:04,872
Very nice, Junior.
805
00:59:05,000 --> 00:59:06,752
That was very nice.
806
00:59:07,000 --> 00:59:09,514
You know, when this is all over...
807
00:59:09,799 --> 00:59:12,867
I'm gonna buy you a nice lobotomy.
808
00:59:13,200 --> 00:59:14,269
Thank you, Daddy.
809
00:59:15,040 --> 00:59:17,110
[Pleasant country song continues]
810
00:59:28,940 --> 00:59:32,596
Come on, let's give him a taste
of the old Enos devil darts.
811
00:59:33,880 --> 00:59:36,436
These suckers are deadlier
than your breath.
812
00:59:36,521 --> 00:59:39,478
Here they come. Get ready.
813
00:59:44,241 --> 00:59:48,069
Done like a true pygmy.
814
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:52,653
- Great.
- That'll be a 20-minute delay.
815
00:59:52,741 --> 00:59:54,359
Yeah, at least.
816
00:59:59,040 --> 01:00:01,068
I'm really sorry about
that fish, Cledus...
817
01:00:01,103 --> 01:00:03,922
but I had no idea there were
fish robbers in the area.
818
01:00:03,957 --> 01:00:07,150
What if The Bandit had lost
the fish? What would he do?
819
01:00:07,442 --> 01:00:11,036
- The Bandit would get it back.
- That's what we're gonna do.
820
01:00:11,121 --> 01:00:12,759
It's flat, Daddy.
821
01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:17,056
Flatter than your mama's chest.
822
01:00:20,841 --> 01:00:24,226
- It's flat, too, Daddy.
- I know that, you pig bladder.
823
01:00:24,602 --> 01:00:26,977
Well, let's see if we can find a
824
01:00:26,978 --> 01:00:29,797
nice citizen with a
couple of tyres.
825
01:00:35,762 --> 01:00:38,639
What does that look like down
there on top of that car?
826
01:00:38,721 --> 01:00:40,917
Looks like a fish to me.
827
01:00:41,042 --> 01:00:44,281
Told you The Bandit
always gets his fish.
828
01:00:45,282 --> 01:00:47,796
[Pleasant country song resumes]
829
01:00:48,402 --> 01:00:51,792
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
830
01:00:53,162 --> 01:00:56,599
Where are you, Justice
when we need you the most
831
01:00:59,402 --> 01:01:00,849
Listen.
832
01:01:01,962 --> 01:01:04,318
I'm going to get the fish
while Buford's gone.
833
01:01:04,403 --> 01:01:08,077
Now, be ready to get out of here
real quick. I'll be right back.
834
01:01:14,723 --> 01:01:17,441
- What did I tell you?
- You got him.
835
01:01:17,522 --> 01:01:19,433
Well, when The Bandit
goes fishing...
836
01:01:19,522 --> 01:01:21,077
The Bandit goes fishing.
837
01:01:21,163 --> 01:01:22,480
Put this down in there.
838
01:01:25,723 --> 01:01:28,387
Daddy, our fish is gone.
839
01:01:31,443 --> 01:01:34,913
Well, I guess that yanks my chain.
840
01:01:35,083 --> 01:01:37,533
Junior, it's hopeless.
841
01:01:37,563 --> 01:01:38,837
What do you mean, Daddy?
842
01:01:38,923 --> 01:01:43,259
I can't believe that it
all ends like this...
843
01:01:43,443 --> 01:01:46,071
that this is my
last hot pursuit...
844
01:01:46,106 --> 01:01:49,105
all on account of a
couple of lousy flat
845
01:01:49,106 --> 01:01:51,812
tyres and a fish
that flew the coop.
846
01:01:52,203 --> 01:01:54,479
Is he gonna be shocked. Listen.
847
01:01:54,564 --> 01:01:57,722
I'm saying that it's time
to pee on the fire...
848
01:01:57,822 --> 01:02:01,262
call in the dogs,
turn off my siren...
849
01:02:01,444 --> 01:02:03,355
switch off my lights...
850
01:02:03,804 --> 01:02:07,343
and return to my
old rocking chair.
851
01:02:07,378 --> 01:02:09,918
Daddy, you mean I won't be...
852
01:02:10,004 --> 01:02:12,916
your little tick turd any more?
853
01:02:16,323 --> 01:02:20,263
Son, you'll always
be my tick turd.
854
01:02:21,924 --> 01:02:24,232
Do you believe that?
855
01:02:27,164 --> 01:02:29,250
I love you, Daddy...
856
01:02:29,484 --> 01:02:32,521
even if you can't catch
the bad guys any more...
857
01:02:32,884 --> 01:02:36,968
even if you're a total failure and
the laughing stock of Texas...
858
01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:41,037
even if Little Enos is gonna get
your badge. I don't care. I still...
859
01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:43,778
Shut up, you barrel
of monkey nuts.
860
01:02:43,844 --> 01:02:48,513
Nobody gets the badge of
Sheriff Buford T. Justice.
861
01:02:49,325 --> 01:02:50,883
[Cheerful country
instrumental music]
862
01:02:50,965 --> 01:02:54,421
- Hi, babycakes.
- The return of Frankenstein.
863
01:02:54,456 --> 01:02:56,672
Daddy, it's The Bandit.
864
01:03:01,525 --> 01:03:02,878
Get in the car, Junior.
865
01:03:02,965 --> 01:03:06,275
I don't need any tyres to
catch that box of manure.
866
01:03:06,365 --> 01:03:08,923
But, Bu, what about me?
867
01:03:09,125 --> 01:03:13,268
I'm interested in
pursuit, not party time.
868
01:03:18,165 --> 01:03:20,998
[Fast-paced country
instrumental music]
869
01:03:30,806 --> 01:03:31,904
Bu Baby.
870
01:03:31,905 --> 01:03:35,198
I told you, you flying flamingo...
871
01:03:35,285 --> 01:03:37,321
my name is not Bu Baby.
872
01:03:37,405 --> 01:03:39,920
- It's Buford T...
- Shut up.
873
01:03:40,006 --> 01:03:42,917
I got a felon in front of
me, a fool in the family...
874
01:03:43,005 --> 01:03:46,211
and a giant nymphomaniac
on the roof.
875
01:03:46,726 --> 01:03:50,289
The burden of it all
is dragging my ass.
876
01:03:50,326 --> 01:03:55,109
I love it when you talk
dirty, darling. Oh, baby.
877
01:03:58,486 --> 01:04:00,795
Move it, little dogies.
878
01:04:05,446 --> 01:04:09,359
Daddy, look at all the
cattle. What if we hit one?
879
01:04:09,446 --> 01:04:12,688
He gets to be a Big Mac
ahead of all the others.
880
01:04:12,986 --> 01:04:15,481
Are those real cowboys, Daddy?
881
01:04:17,246 --> 01:04:19,775
Look out for the baby cow, Daddy.
882
01:04:20,487 --> 01:04:22,442
[Slow country instrumental music]
883
01:04:27,847 --> 01:04:32,276
- We gave them a bum steer.
- There's only two hours left.
884
01:04:32,311 --> 01:04:34,401
Come on, we got to
get to the ranch.
885
01:04:34,526 --> 01:04:36,802
- Boy, we're lost now.
- We're not lost.
886
01:04:37,207 --> 01:04:39,277
Well, where are we going?
887
01:04:40,446 --> 01:04:43,804
- Down this road.
- Oh. Okay.
888
01:04:51,727 --> 01:04:53,843
[Upbeat country
instrumental music]
889
01:04:59,128 --> 01:05:01,893
Cledus, looks like "down
this road" was a dead end.
890
01:05:01,928 --> 01:05:05,714
Not if you can drive a boat,
it ain't. Watch this.
891
01:05:19,008 --> 01:05:20,963
You stay here and
watch the evidence.
892
01:05:21,047 --> 01:05:25,056
When I grab his ass, it's gonna
be the gravy on my grits.
893
01:05:26,088 --> 01:05:27,965
Oops. I'm sorry, ma'am.
894
01:05:28,048 --> 01:05:29,805
Out of my way.
895
01:05:30,207 --> 01:05:32,438
- Out of my way.
- Hey.
896
01:05:35,048 --> 01:05:38,974
That's what you get for
obstructing justice.
897
01:05:39,968 --> 01:05:44,527
- Follow that sumbitch.
- Yes, sir. You're the boss.
898
01:05:45,568 --> 01:05:48,208
My groin.
899
01:05:48,329 --> 01:05:50,818
You're grinding my groin.
900
01:05:51,448 --> 01:05:52,767
Bu Baby.
901
01:05:52,928 --> 01:05:54,964
[Heroic instrumental music]
902
01:05:56,209 --> 01:05:58,006
[Adventurous country
instrumental music]
903
01:05:58,089 --> 01:05:59,726
My baby. Bu.
904
01:06:01,088 --> 01:06:02,282
Bu.
905
01:06:05,929 --> 01:06:07,507
Come on, Buford.
906
01:06:07,542 --> 01:06:09,044
Turn right.
907
01:06:12,489 --> 01:06:14,593
I got him now.
908
01:06:16,249 --> 01:06:19,320
[Adventurous country
instrumental music continues]
909
01:06:21,889 --> 01:06:24,246
Look out. He's a maniac.
910
01:06:29,009 --> 01:06:30,806
Bring it on, brother.
911
01:06:31,129 --> 01:06:34,369
Are you sure you know what
the hell you're doing?
912
01:06:34,409 --> 01:06:37,845
- Shit.
- Sorry about that.
913
01:06:40,529 --> 01:06:41,962
Hi.
914
01:06:42,898 --> 01:06:43,898
Oh, hi.
915
01:06:43,899 --> 01:06:45,963
We're having a
picnic over there...
916
01:06:46,210 --> 01:06:49,064
and if you'd like,
feel free to join us.
917
01:06:49,065 --> 01:06:51,255
I'd sure like to. But I can't.
918
01:06:51,409 --> 01:06:55,005
Oh, well, if you change your
mind, just come on over.
919
01:06:55,090 --> 01:06:58,819
See, my daddy said I had to stay
right here and keep an eye on...
920
01:06:59,409 --> 01:07:00,684
things.
921
01:07:02,130 --> 01:07:04,598
[Adventurous country
instrumental music continues]
922
01:07:12,850 --> 01:07:16,726
Holy shit.
923
01:07:34,011 --> 01:07:37,084
Oh, mama, we gone.
924
01:07:37,370 --> 01:07:40,451
- Nice going, Cledus.
- I'm telling you. Here he comes.
925
01:07:44,731 --> 01:07:47,266
- Follow him.
- This boat won't do that.
926
01:07:47,301 --> 01:07:51,501
Don't argue with the law.
Follow that sumbitch.
927
01:07:51,691 --> 01:07:53,602
Okay, you asked for it.
928
01:08:06,051 --> 01:08:10,077
- What is the world coming to?
- Here, let me help you.
929
01:08:12,251 --> 01:08:14,334
Are you all right?
930
01:08:17,731 --> 01:08:19,667
What's wrong, Sheriff?
931
01:08:19,731 --> 01:08:23,101
I ain't seen anything like that
since I was a little baby.
932
01:08:23,136 --> 01:08:26,048
You wanna stay, Sheriff, you'll
have to take your clothes off.
933
01:08:26,131 --> 01:08:28,156
I don't even take
my clothes off in
934
01:08:28,157 --> 01:08:30,069
front of my good wife Wilhelmina.
935
01:08:34,371 --> 01:08:36,238
Give me the good old days...
936
01:08:36,260 --> 01:08:40,688
when a pair of boobs were
a couple of dumb guys.
937
01:08:44,651 --> 01:08:48,567
- Junior.
- Oh, hi. This is a great picnic.
938
01:08:48,602 --> 01:08:51,731
Yeah, but there goes your
daddy, and he's mad.
939
01:08:53,052 --> 01:08:54,644
I gotta go.
940
01:08:55,852 --> 01:08:57,570
My clothes. Thanks.
941
01:08:57,652 --> 01:09:01,246
Col. Enos, they're approaching
in a westerly direction.
942
01:09:03,772 --> 01:09:06,859
They're coming through. I told
you they'd take the short cut.
943
01:09:06,894 --> 01:09:10,723
Daddy, when you plot skulduggery,
you plot skulduggery.
944
01:09:10,758 --> 01:09:14,741
Well, my IQ is a little
bigger than my hat size, Son.
945
01:09:17,572 --> 01:09:19,484
Daddy, there's The Bandit.
946
01:09:20,333 --> 01:09:23,847
Now we're gonna close
in on that hog butt.
947
01:09:23,932 --> 01:09:26,321
Colonel Enos calling Private Enos.
948
01:09:26,356 --> 01:09:29,303
- Do you read me?
- Yeah, Grandpa. I can hear you.
949
01:09:29,373 --> 01:09:33,001
- All right, are you ready?
- Yes, sir, Colonel Grandpa, sir.
950
01:09:34,532 --> 01:09:37,338
Okay, now get set.
951
01:09:37,533 --> 01:09:40,620
Hold it.
952
01:09:41,413 --> 01:09:44,125
Okay, girl, let her rip.
953
01:09:48,773 --> 01:09:53,011
- Daddy, what's all that noise?
- The car's backfiring.
954
01:09:53,013 --> 01:09:56,050
Somebody's shooting
off bombs back there.
955
01:09:58,813 --> 01:10:01,156
- It's them Enos boys.
- Who are they?
956
01:10:01,191 --> 01:10:04,571
They are the inventors
of dirty pool.
957
01:10:11,693 --> 01:10:14,225
Get set. Now.
958
01:10:30,493 --> 01:10:32,647
Daddy.
959
01:10:33,254 --> 01:10:36,110
Thunderbutt got through.
960
01:10:36,134 --> 01:10:37,955
What happened, Daddy?
961
01:10:37,956 --> 01:10:41,201
I guess we blew
another goddamn tyre.
962
01:10:41,454 --> 01:10:43,410
Bring us down, girls.
963
01:10:43,614 --> 01:10:46,063
How could that be?
964
01:10:46,894 --> 01:10:49,409
[Comical instrumental music]
965
01:10:50,614 --> 01:10:52,429
Man, oh, man.
966
01:10:52,534 --> 01:10:56,027
Holy Buddha, those
suckers are flying.
967
01:10:56,495 --> 01:10:58,797
Yeah, Daddy, I'm not
bored any more.
968
01:10:58,832 --> 01:11:01,919
This is more fun than being snowed
in at a cathouse, you know.
969
01:11:01,954 --> 01:11:04,133
Let's get back to the
ranch, Son. I don't
970
01:11:04,134 --> 01:11:06,053
wanna miss how this
thing turns out.
971
01:11:07,135 --> 01:11:08,568
[Fast-paced instrumental music]
972
01:11:08,655 --> 01:11:12,559
Cledus, you're not
gonna hit that gate?
973
01:11:12,594 --> 01:11:14,605
That gate is gone.
974
01:11:18,055 --> 01:11:20,410
[Fast-paced instrumental
music continues]
975
01:11:28,696 --> 01:11:31,812
- Oh.
- Oh, my aching head.
976
01:11:34,455 --> 01:11:36,811
Will you get in the car, Junior?
977
01:11:36,896 --> 01:11:41,024
This is no time for any
of your funny high jinks.
978
01:11:41,135 --> 01:11:46,034
I'm sorry, Daddy. I must've
forgotten the seat belt.
979
01:11:47,936 --> 01:11:50,005
[Upbeat country song]
980
01:12:00,055 --> 01:12:03,526
Is it my imagination, or
are you slowing down?
981
01:12:03,816 --> 01:12:05,199
Maybe.
982
01:12:07,696 --> 01:12:10,529
What good would the Road
Runner be without the Coyote?
983
01:12:10,616 --> 01:12:13,688
What good would the fox be
without the hound, right?
984
01:12:14,176 --> 01:12:17,397
And can you have a bandit
if you ain't got a smokey?
985
01:12:17,432 --> 01:12:20,372
- Not really.
- Well, now you do.
986
01:12:20,407 --> 01:12:21,937
I'm slowing down.
987
01:12:27,296 --> 01:12:29,825
All right, I got it
bumper-to-bumper.
988
01:12:29,860 --> 01:12:32,167
Hop up there, Junior,
and get the fish.
989
01:12:32,168 --> 01:12:33,650
But, Daddy I'm carrying...
990
01:12:33,737 --> 01:12:35,870
Hop up there and get the fish.
991
01:12:35,905 --> 01:12:36,905
But, Daddy...
992
01:12:36,906 --> 01:12:39,559
Get the fish or I'll
barbecue your ass.
993
01:12:44,257 --> 01:12:45,815
[Upbeat country song continues]
994
01:12:51,457 --> 01:12:53,492
That's right, Junior.
995
01:12:54,577 --> 01:12:56,532
Just help yourself, son.
996
01:12:56,616 --> 01:12:59,279
Come on, Junior. Come on back.
997
01:13:02,177 --> 01:13:07,089
Junior, you are a brave
little tick turd.
998
01:13:07,124 --> 01:13:08,773
Oh, thank you, Daddy.
999
01:13:11,857 --> 01:13:13,530
Way to go, Buford.
1000
01:13:28,857 --> 01:13:31,758
Why are you stopping? We
better get out of here.
1001
01:13:32,098 --> 01:13:37,173
This show right here is
only costing me $250,000.
1002
01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:39,744
Do you mind if I just watch it?
1003
01:13:42,258 --> 01:13:45,169
Well. There's your fish.
1004
01:13:45,257 --> 01:13:47,897
Sheriff, this is hard
for me to say...
1005
01:13:47,978 --> 01:13:50,651
but you won it fair and
square. Congratulations.
1006
01:13:50,858 --> 01:13:53,248
Give him the money, son.
1007
01:13:54,179 --> 01:13:56,247
I'd like to kick your ass.
1008
01:13:56,418 --> 01:13:59,571
You can't kick that
high, cricket crotch.
1009
01:14:00,618 --> 01:14:02,530
I accept this prize...
1010
01:14:02,939 --> 01:14:08,174
as a token of another one of
my landmark achievements.
1011
01:14:08,209 --> 01:14:11,136
Hold the money, Junior. And
don't let Mama see it...
1012
01:14:11,259 --> 01:14:14,938
if you don't wanna sing soprano
for the rest of your life.
1013
01:14:15,098 --> 01:14:16,497
Now...
1014
01:14:19,539 --> 01:14:21,769
Just that long.
1015
01:14:25,098 --> 01:14:28,648
- Oh. He's coming over here.
- I know. I told you.
1016
01:14:28,739 --> 01:14:30,612
Will you hurry up?
Will you please hurry.
1017
01:14:30,613 --> 01:14:31,613
It won't crank.
1018
01:14:31,614 --> 01:14:33,609
- What do you mean?
- The car won't crank.
1019
01:14:33,698 --> 01:14:36,896
Come on, let's get this party
started. Let's have a drink.
1020
01:14:36,979 --> 01:14:39,794
We can all exchange clothes.
1021
01:14:41,739 --> 01:14:44,128
Would you get away
from me, you shit.
1022
01:14:44,299 --> 01:14:46,954
I'm making this
collar single only.
1023
01:14:47,259 --> 01:14:49,534
You're The Bandit. Tell me
what we are going to do.
1024
01:14:49,619 --> 01:14:52,134
I am not The Bandit. The
Bandit is The Bandit.
1025
01:14:52,220 --> 01:14:55,177
The only man in the world
that thinks I'm...
1026
01:14:55,579 --> 01:14:57,137
Wait a minute.
1027
01:14:57,259 --> 01:15:01,627
Sit back. And don't move a muscle.
1028
01:15:01,700 --> 01:15:03,337
[Suspenseful instrumental music]
1029
01:15:10,780 --> 01:15:12,433
I got you.
1030
01:15:17,940 --> 01:15:22,775
Hello, Buford. Well, you
caught me with my pants down.
1031
01:15:22,780 --> 01:15:26,050
- I did?
- That's a figure of speech.
1032
01:15:26,140 --> 01:15:29,019
- I got you.
- Yeah.
1033
01:15:29,060 --> 01:15:31,096
It's over for the old Bandit.
1034
01:15:31,181 --> 01:15:33,484
- Yeah, you're gone.
- It's gone.
1035
01:15:34,060 --> 01:15:35,698
- Buford?
- Yes, sir.
1036
01:15:37,400 --> 01:15:40,256
I just wanna say one last
thing to you before you...
1037
01:15:40,341 --> 01:15:41,615
haul me off in the cuffs.
1038
01:15:41,700 --> 01:15:44,294
- Go right ahead.
- There's a kind of a...
1039
01:15:44,380 --> 01:15:47,245
a kindred spirit we have,
you know what I mean?
1040
01:15:47,280 --> 01:15:49,510
Yeah. I think I feel the same way.
1041
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:52,753
No, I mean it's special. I can
almost read your thoughts.
1042
01:15:52,788 --> 01:15:54,099
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
1043
01:15:54,180 --> 01:15:57,251
What am I thinking right now?
1044
01:15:57,341 --> 01:15:59,922
You're thinking right now
that possibly you...
1045
01:15:59,957 --> 01:16:02,852
No sense sending me off to prison
where I'd lose all my friends...
1046
01:16:02,940 --> 01:16:03,976
and everything. I mean...
1047
01:16:04,061 --> 01:16:07,153
you could give me a five-second
head start and chase after me...
1048
01:16:07,241 --> 01:16:09,609
Oh, no, I'm sorry. I'm
a law-and-order man.
1049
01:16:09,701 --> 01:16:12,261
I got you and I'm gonna keep you.
1050
01:16:12,296 --> 01:16:14,738
Yeah, you're right. I was
silly to even think that.
1051
01:16:14,773 --> 01:16:16,731
- You're too tough for that.
- That's right.
1052
01:16:16,821 --> 01:16:20,323
- I'm upright, straightforward...
- Now that you've...
1053
01:16:20,398 --> 01:16:23,808
finally caught The Bandit,
you can really retire.
1054
01:16:23,843 --> 01:16:25,988
We can go back to
sunny Florida and
1055
01:16:25,989 --> 01:16:28,014
you can collect your seashells...
1056
01:16:28,142 --> 01:16:29,780
and you can play shuffleboard.
1057
01:16:29,862 --> 01:16:34,233
And we can even go back and see
that big funny whale jump again.
1058
01:16:34,268 --> 01:16:39,407
But most and best of all, Daddy,
I'll take you fishing with me.
1059
01:16:40,781 --> 01:16:43,439
I'll give you a
five-minute head start.
1060
01:16:43,440 --> 01:16:44,440
Bye-bye.
1061
01:16:47,422 --> 01:16:51,524
Junior.
1062
01:16:56,782 --> 01:16:58,807
What the hell are you doing?
1063
01:16:58,842 --> 01:17:02,837
I was trying to stop The Bandit
from getting away, Daddy.
1064
01:17:03,742 --> 01:17:07,694
I said it before, and
I'll say it again:
1065
01:17:07,742 --> 01:17:12,245
There is no way that you
could come from my loins.
1066
01:17:12,382 --> 01:17:15,088
And as soon as we get
home, I'm putting
1067
01:17:15,089 --> 01:17:17,253
a big lump on your mama's head.
1068
01:17:17,423 --> 01:17:20,940
Now get in the car.
We're on pursuit alert.
1069
01:17:24,182 --> 01:17:27,220
Well, Cledus, I'll tell you, I
gotta hand it to you. You did it.
1070
01:17:27,303 --> 01:17:28,774
- I did it, didn't I?
- You did it.
1071
01:17:28,862 --> 01:17:31,701
I did it. Don't know what
I did, but I did it.
1072
01:17:31,862 --> 01:17:35,517
- Hey, do you mind if I tag along?
- What?
1073
01:17:42,743 --> 01:17:44,540
Where did they go?
1074
01:17:44,623 --> 01:17:46,420
Pumpkin.
1075
01:17:47,063 --> 01:17:50,014
Now, I know you didn't mean
to leave me this time.
1076
01:17:50,049 --> 01:17:52,377
Madame Godzilla is back.
1077
01:17:54,263 --> 01:17:56,936
- Get the hell out of there.
- I wanna come, too.
1078
01:17:57,023 --> 01:17:59,743
- There ain't no room.
- Oh, yes, there is.
1079
01:18:05,304 --> 01:18:07,542
Wait, Daddy.
1080
01:18:09,963 --> 01:18:12,501
Don't leave me.
1081
01:18:12,743 --> 01:18:15,796
Wait, Daddy.
1082
01:18:16,344 --> 01:18:18,095
Wait for me.
1083
01:18:18,183 --> 01:18:20,014
Don't leave me, Daddy.
1084
01:18:26,851 --> 01:18:28,414
♪ The outlaw run ♪
1085
01:18:30,104 --> 01:18:31,742
♪ Is an endless one ♪
1086
01:18:33,704 --> 01:18:35,422
♪ It's a hungry night ♪
1087
01:18:37,343 --> 01:18:39,380
♪ Where wrong is right ♪
1088
01:18:40,944 --> 01:18:43,219
♪ And the race is done ♪
1089
01:18:44,384 --> 01:18:46,421
♪ When the race is won ♪
1090
01:18:48,024 --> 01:18:49,935
♪ In the morning sun ♪
1091
01:18:50,704 --> 01:18:53,138
♪ Just look into the light ♪
1092
01:18:54,945 --> 01:18:57,014
♪ And I'm behind you now ♪
1093
01:18:57,904 --> 01:19:00,179
♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪
1094
01:19:02,185 --> 01:19:04,221
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1095
01:19:05,145 --> 01:19:07,294
♪ Baby, you can never win ♪
1096
01:19:09,384 --> 01:19:11,455
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1097
01:19:12,385 --> 01:19:14,853
♪ And your days are getting thin ♪
1098
01:19:16,904 --> 01:19:18,941
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1099
01:19:19,625 --> 01:19:21,900
♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪
1100
01:19:35,106 --> 01:19:37,016
♪ And The Bandit's trying ♪
1101
01:19:38,745 --> 01:19:40,781
♪ There's a borderline ♪
1102
01:19:42,385 --> 01:19:44,183
♪ That's already crossed ♪
1103
01:19:45,945 --> 01:19:47,981
♪ When the game is lost ♪
1104
01:19:49,425 --> 01:19:51,656
♪ And the hunter's luck ♪
1105
01:19:52,986 --> 01:19:54,577
♪ Is a single shot ♪
1106
01:19:56,625 --> 01:19:58,456
♪ When the sun is hot ♪
1107
01:19:59,306 --> 01:20:01,581
♪ And the dice are tossed ♪
1108
01:20:03,626 --> 01:20:05,456
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1109
01:20:06,705 --> 01:20:08,742
♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪
1110
01:20:10,786 --> 01:20:12,697
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1111
01:20:13,786 --> 01:20:15,742
♪ And you can never win ♪
1112
01:20:17,786 --> 01:20:19,617
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1113
01:20:20,986 --> 01:20:23,376
♪ And your days are getting thin ♪
1114
01:20:25,506 --> 01:20:27,337
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1115
01:20:28,226 --> 01:20:30,342
♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪
1116
01:20:57,747 --> 01:20:59,658
♪ I'm behind you now ♪
1117
01:21:00,787 --> 01:21:03,061
♪ With a ticket for the wind ♪
1118
01:21:03,867 --> 01:21:06,062
♪ Yeah, I'm behind you now ♪
1119
01:21:07,507 --> 01:21:09,782
♪ Oh, and you can never win ♪
1119
01:21:10,305 --> 01:21:16,479
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