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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:32,846 --> 00:00:34,096 PRINCIPAL: Principal Vagina here... 2 00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,223 Don't let the name fool you. I'm very much in charge... 3 00:00:36,307 --> 00:00:39,143 reminding you that tonight is our annual Flu Season Dance. 4 00:00:39,227 --> 00:00:41,186 I don't know how many times I have to say this, 5 00:00:41,271 --> 00:00:43,147 but if you have the flu, stay home. 6 00:00:43,231 --> 00:00:44,231 Hey. 7 00:00:44,232 --> 00:00:46,066 The Flu Season Dance is about awareness, not celebration. 8 00:00:46,151 --> 00:00:47,484 [ sighs ] 9 00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,403 You don't bring dead babies to Passover. 10 00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:53,490 Okay. Here we go. H-Hey, Jessica. Uh... 11 00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:55,534 What's up, Morty? [ sneezes ] 12 00:00:55,618 --> 00:00:56,827 What are you doing? 13 00:00:56,911 --> 00:00:58,537 - Um... - Wait, wait. 14 00:00:58,621 --> 00:01:00,748 Were you about to talk... to her? 15 00:01:00,832 --> 00:01:03,250 Well... I mean, I was thinking about it. 16 00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:05,294 Dude, stay in your league. 17 00:01:05,378 --> 00:01:07,629 Look at how hot she is. You don't see me going... 18 00:01:07,714 --> 00:01:09,465 to a bigger school in a wealthier district 19 00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:11,133 and hitting on their prettiest girl. 20 00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,551 Gee, thanks, Brad. 21 00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:14,261 I throw balls far. 22 00:01:14,345 --> 00:01:15,846 You want good words? 23 00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,556 Date a languager. 24 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,391 JERRY: Try not to worry about it, Morty. 25 00:01:19,476 --> 00:01:21,226 You're a good kid, and there's not a premium 26 00:01:21,311 --> 00:01:23,111 on that right now, but you'll be getting girls 27 00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:24,772 sometime after Brad's out of shape. 28 00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:26,496 [ sighing ] You're missing the point, Dad. 29 00:01:26,524 --> 00:01:29,067 I don't want girls. I want Jessica. 30 00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:31,945 Ah, well, I remember feeling that way 31 00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:34,114 about a young lady named "your mom," 32 00:01:34,199 --> 00:01:35,574 and that's not an urban diss. 33 00:01:35,658 --> 00:01:37,159 Your mom was my Jessica. 34 00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:38,660 I remember the first time I saw her. 35 00:01:38,745 --> 00:01:40,204 I thought... - "I should get her pregnant, 36 00:01:40,288 --> 00:01:41,705 and then she'll have to marry me." 37 00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,916 I beg your pardon, Rick... inappropriate. 38 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,584 Sorry, please proceed with your story 39 00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:47,294 about banging my daughter in high school. 40 00:01:47,378 --> 00:01:49,713 I'm not sure you wanna take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. 41 00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:51,715 His marriage is hanging from a thread. 42 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,092 My marriage is fine, thank you. 43 00:01:54,177 --> 00:01:55,719 Jerry, it's your house... whatever you say it is 44 00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,596 is how it is... but I think a blind man could see 45 00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,306 that Beth is looking for the door. 46 00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:01,600 I barely have a reason to care, and even I noticed. 47 00:02:01,684 --> 00:02:03,894 Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that. 48 00:02:03,978 --> 00:02:05,729 Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, 49 00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,397 but what people call "love" 50 00:02:07,482 --> 00:02:09,763 is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. 51 00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,402 It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, 52 00:02:12,487 --> 00:02:14,404 leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. 53 00:02:14,489 --> 00:02:16,406 I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. 54 00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:17,783 Break the cycle, Morty. 55 00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:19,660 Rise above. Focus on science. 56 00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:21,662 [ slurps ] 57 00:02:21,746 --> 00:02:24,623 All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. 58 00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:28,502 Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom. 59 00:02:28,586 --> 00:02:29,795 [ dog barking ] 60 00:02:29,879 --> 00:02:32,965 Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? 61 00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:35,801 I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. 62 00:02:35,885 --> 00:02:37,761 It's gonna be great. - Hey, listen, Rick. 63 00:02:37,846 --> 00:02:39,638 Y-Y-You know how you said that, you know, 64 00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:41,722 love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? 65 00:02:41,766 --> 00:02:43,006 Well, I was thinking, you know, 66 00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:45,686 w-w... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen 67 00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:47,229 inside of Jessica's mind, you know, 68 00:02:47,313 --> 00:02:48,897 so where she falls in love with me 69 00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:50,399 and all that sort of thing? 70 00:02:50,483 --> 00:02:52,484 You know, like, some sort of love potion or something? 71 00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,169 Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. 72 00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:56,488 It's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. 73 00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:58,156 You know what? No, Rick! 74 00:02:58,241 --> 00:02:59,783 I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. 75 00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:01,868 I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! 76 00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,204 I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. 77 00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:06,373 W-W-W-W-W-What about me, Rick? 78 00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:08,375 W-W-W-W-Why can't you just help me out once... 79 00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:09,793 once... for once? 80 00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:11,962 [ groans ] You're growing up fast, Morty. 81 00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:15,048 You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. 82 00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:17,050 Listen, this is called oxytocin. 83 00:03:17,135 --> 00:03:18,510 I extracted it from a vole. 84 00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,220 Do you know what a vole is, Morty? 85 00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:21,972 You know what a vole is? It's a... it's a rodent 86 00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:23,682 that mates for life, Morty. 87 00:03:23,766 --> 00:03:26,126 This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, 88 00:03:26,144 --> 00:03:27,477 that makes it fall in love. 89 00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:29,813 I just gotta... [burps] combine it with your DNA. 90 00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:31,648 Oh, well, okay. 91 00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,650 A hair, Morty. I need one of your hairs. 92 00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:35,402 This isn't "Game of Thrones." 93 00:03:35,486 --> 00:03:36,945 Ow! 94 00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:38,950 All right, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on 95 00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:40,992 will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. 96 00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,993 Are you happy now, Morty? - Heck, yeah! 97 00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:45,078 Thank you, Grandpa Rick. 98 00:03:45,163 --> 00:03:46,955 Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, 99 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,498 or side effects, right? 100 00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,167 W-W-W-What am I, a hack? 101 00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,419 Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof. 102 00:03:54,297 --> 00:03:57,007 Eh, unless she has the flu. 103 00:03:57,091 --> 00:03:59,885 Beth, do y-you still love me? 104 00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:02,304 Ugh, what kind of question is that? 105 00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,222 The "yes or no" kind? [ laughs nervously ] 106 00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:06,725 Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? 107 00:04:06,809 --> 00:04:07,976 Yes. 108 00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:09,061 Are you gonna build them? 109 00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:10,187 No. 110 00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:11,855 Then what good was the "yes"? 111 00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:14,858 Wait, i-is loving me the house or the homeless people? 112 00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:17,736 Loving you is work, Jerry... hard work, 113 00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,738 like building a homeless shelter... 114 00:04:19,822 --> 00:04:21,657 nobody wants to say no to doing it, 115 00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:23,367 but some people put the work in. 116 00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:25,535 So, what do you say? Do you see me working here? 117 00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:27,913 Does this conversation seem tedious to me? 118 00:04:27,997 --> 00:04:29,247 Sort of. 119 00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:30,958 Then I obviously sortof love you, don't I? 120 00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,292 [ cellphone chimes ] 121 00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,044 So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more. 122 00:04:34,128 --> 00:04:36,046 Crap, they need me at the horse hospital. 123 00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,297 Puh! This late? 124 00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:39,591 The racetrack had a starlight derby. 125 00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:41,134 There was a seven-horse collision, 126 00:04:41,219 --> 00:04:43,095 and Davin's there alone. 127 00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:46,014 [ thinking ] Davin. Davin. 128 00:04:46,099 --> 00:04:48,225 Davin! Davin. 129 00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:50,560 Davin! Davin! 130 00:04:50,645 --> 00:04:52,938 Davin! Davin! 131 00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:54,940 [ rapping ] ♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪ 132 00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:56,942 ♪ Aware of all the flu up in the air ♪ 133 00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:59,611 ♪ I'm-a get me a shot, make the flu go away ♪ 134 00:04:59,696 --> 00:05:01,905 ♪ Flu-hating rapper, just rapping away ♪ 135 00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:04,282 ♪ Yo, yo, flu-hating rapper ♪ 136 00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,617 ♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪ 137 00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:09,997 Hey, there, Jessica. Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! 138 00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:12,541 Oh, my god. Morty. 139 00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:14,793 You look really nice tonight. 140 00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:17,796 - Wow, thanks. - I love you, Morty! 141 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,798 I love you so much it burns! 142 00:05:19,882 --> 00:05:22,801 Oh, man! I-I love you too, Jessica! 143 00:05:22,885 --> 00:05:24,011 [ spits ] 144 00:05:24,095 --> 00:05:26,013 ls this punk bothering you, Jessica? 145 00:05:26,097 --> 00:05:28,432 Leave him alone, jerk! I'm in love with him! 146 00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:30,434 He is more man than you will ever be! 147 00:05:30,518 --> 00:05:31,643 [ sneezes ] 148 00:05:31,728 --> 00:05:33,603 [ rapping ] ♪ This is about flu awareness ♪ 149 00:05:33,688 --> 00:05:36,231 ♪ Gotta be aware of the flu in the air-ness ♪ 150 00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:38,567 ♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper ♪ 151 00:05:38,651 --> 00:05:40,569 Oh, man, Morty. [ sighs ] 152 00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:42,237 I'm really sorry. 153 00:05:42,321 --> 00:05:44,656 Oh, well, n-no problem, Brad. 154 00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:46,908 There's something special about you, Morty... 155 00:05:46,993 --> 00:05:48,326 so special. 156 00:05:48,411 --> 00:05:50,328 Whoa, take it easy! Get your hands off of him! 157 00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:52,330 Back off! I'm trying to be with my man! 158 00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:53,915 That's enough, Bradley! 159 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,667 We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm. 160 00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:57,169 Oh, come on, Principal Vagina. I just... 161 00:05:57,253 --> 00:05:59,421 Never leave me, Morty. Never! 162 00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:02,466 Uh, sure. I mean, o-of course not. 163 00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:04,968 W-What do you think that was all about? 164 00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:06,720 Who cares? Just hold me. 165 00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:09,139 Let me go! I love you, Morty! 166 00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:10,348 [ sneezes ] 167 00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:11,975 Let go of me! 168 00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,728 [ sneezes ] Morty! 169 00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:21,443 JERRY: She's gonna be alone with that guy all night. 170 00:06:21,527 --> 00:06:23,445 Yeah, Dad, digging around the insides of horses. 171 00:06:23,529 --> 00:06:25,238 It's not a very romantic setting. 172 00:06:25,323 --> 00:06:26,990 RICK: Well, Summer, there's always the possibility 173 00:06:27,075 --> 00:06:28,700 that she made the whole work thing up. 174 00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:30,702 Maybe Davin's digging around in her insides. 175 00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:33,663 Grandpa, so gross! You're talking about my mom. 176 00:06:33,748 --> 00:06:35,332 Well, she's my daughter, Summer. 177 00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:36,833 I outrank you. 178 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,586 Or family means nothing, in which case don't play that card. 179 00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:41,379 She's not responding to my texts! 180 00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:43,840 Careful, Dad. Jealousy turns women off. 181 00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,592 Well, isn't that convenient? 182 00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:47,385 Not for the men they cheat on, no. 183 00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,805 Okay, I'm... going to go out... 184 00:06:49,889 --> 00:06:51,139 for some ice cream. 185 00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:52,724 And maybe stop by the hospital... 186 00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,684 to support my wife... 187 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,978 with my confidence. [ door closes ] 188 00:06:57,063 --> 00:06:59,189 God, Grandpa, you're such a dick. 189 00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:01,983 I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion means very little to me. 190 00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,152 How come you're not at this stupid dance everyone loves? 191 00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:06,154 Screw that. I don't wanna get sick. 192 00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:07,906 It's flu season. - It is? 193 00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,616 - Yeah. - Uh-oh. 194 00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,661 [ hip-hop music plays ] 195 00:07:15,164 --> 00:07:17,082 Please just let this work out. 196 00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:20,043 [ moans ] Do it, Morty. Do it. 197 00:07:20,128 --> 00:07:23,088 Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life! 198 00:07:23,172 --> 00:07:24,172 [ growls ] 199 00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:26,967 Um... can we maybe go somewhere more private? 200 00:07:27,051 --> 00:07:29,136 Jessica, get a hold of yourself! 201 00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:30,720 [ grunts ] 202 00:07:30,805 --> 00:07:33,473 You don't deserve to carry Morty's genes. 203 00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,684 [ rapping ] ♪ I love Morty ♪ 204 00:07:35,768 --> 00:07:38,186 ♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪ 205 00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,897 ♪ I'd like to wrap my arms around him ♪ 206 00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:43,191 ♪ and feel him inside me ♪ 207 00:07:43,276 --> 00:07:44,776 Oh, crap. 208 00:07:44,861 --> 00:07:47,279 [ indistinct shouting ] 209 00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:49,281 JESSICA: Morty! 210 00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:51,783 Morty, come on! We gotta get you out of here. 211 00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:53,785 You won't believe this 'cause it usually never happens, 212 00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:55,245 but I made a mistake. 213 00:07:55,329 --> 00:07:56,663 [ both panting ] 214 00:07:56,747 --> 00:07:58,456 Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. 215 00:07:58,541 --> 00:07:59,374 Come on. - Morty! 216 00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:00,584 - MORTY: [ wails ] - VAGINA: Are you okay? 217 00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,460 - I'm fine! - Oh, good. 218 00:08:02,545 --> 00:08:05,130 If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. 219 00:08:05,214 --> 00:08:07,299 I love you bad, Mo-Mo! 220 00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:09,050 [ all panting ] 221 00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:11,303 [ indistinct shouting ] 222 00:08:11,387 --> 00:08:13,221 Morty, the principal and I have discussed it, 223 00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:16,808 a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way! 224 00:08:20,688 --> 00:08:22,230 I didn't realize when I gave you that serum 225 00:08:22,315 --> 00:08:24,107 that Jessica had the flu... you know, 226 00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:26,943 t-t-t-t-t-that might have been valuable information for me! 227 00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,308 What the hell is going on, Rick? 228 00:08:28,362 --> 00:08:29,821 What does it look like? 229 00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:31,489 T-T-T-The serum is piggybacking on the virus. 230 00:08:31,574 --> 00:08:32,991 It's gone airborne, Morty. 231 00:08:33,075 --> 00:08:35,535 Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick? 232 00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:37,120 It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. 233 00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,246 I whipped up an antidote. 234 00:08:38,331 --> 00:08:40,498 It's based on praying-mantis DNA. 235 00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,500 You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles. 236 00:08:42,585 --> 00:08:43,835 I mean, they... they mate once, 237 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,800 and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. 238 00:08:45,838 --> 00:08:47,255 I mean, it's a whole ritual. 239 00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,382 It's really gruesome and totally opposite. 240 00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,800 There's no love at all. 241 00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:53,261 I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. 242 00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,805 It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. 243 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,515 It'll all be over very shortly. 244 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,434 [ indistinct shouting ] 245 00:09:02,146 --> 00:09:04,064 Uh, by the way, Morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, 246 00:09:04,148 --> 00:09:06,066 but I'm not interested in having sex with you. 247 00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:07,776 These serums, they don't work on anybody 248 00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,194 related to you genetically. 249 00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:12,155 Morty! 250 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,574 [ all groaning ] 251 00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,626 Okay, well, sometimes, 252 00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:26,628 science is more art than science, Morty. 253 00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:28,588 A lot of people don't get that. 254 00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,218 [ gasps ] 255 00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,887 [ tires screech ] 256 00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,722 Come on. Are you kidding me? 257 00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:40,684 Hello! - Morty! 258 00:09:40,768 --> 00:09:43,770 You're not Morty! Bring us Morty! 259 00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,780 [ gun cocks ] Nobody's killing me... 260 00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:57,033 until after I catch my wife with another man. 261 00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,369 WOMAN ON TV: I had sex with Billy. 262 00:09:59,453 --> 00:10:01,204 WOMAN ♪2: But you were already pregnant! 263 00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:02,789 Yeah, so what's the worst that could happen? 264 00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,667 We interrupt "Pregnant Baby" with breaking news. 265 00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:07,294 [ groans ] Come on. 266 00:10:07,378 --> 00:10:09,754 This just in... Morty Smith's whereabouts are still unknown. 267 00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,798 What the hell? 268 00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:14,634 The only thing that is known is... how cute he is. 269 00:10:14,719 --> 00:10:17,220 I love him so much, I want to make love to him 270 00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,888 and then eat his head. 271 00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:20,890 I love him more than you do, Harold! 272 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,642 You wish, you stupid bitch! 273 00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:24,269 - Morty's mine! - Morty's mine! 274 00:10:24,353 --> 00:10:25,729 Meant to be together! 275 00:10:25,813 --> 00:10:28,898 [ speaking Arabic] Morty! 276 00:10:28,983 --> 00:10:31,609 [ speaking Arabic] 277 00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:35,238 [ banging on door ] 278 00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:36,781 Where is Morty? 279 00:10:36,866 --> 00:10:39,868 [ screams ] 280 00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,128 [ conversing in foreign language ] 281 00:10:50,212 --> 00:10:53,548 Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected! 282 00:10:53,632 --> 00:10:55,759 Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. 283 00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:58,011 I've really outdone myself. - Outdone yourself?! 284 00:10:58,095 --> 00:10:59,929 W-W... a-are... are you kidding me, Rick? 285 00:11:00,014 --> 00:11:01,556 This is not okay! 286 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,350 Not only do they all want to have sex with me, 287 00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:05,394 but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards! 288 00:11:05,436 --> 00:11:06,811 Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. 289 00:11:06,896 --> 00:11:08,563 Mantises are the opposite of voles? 290 00:11:08,647 --> 00:11:11,274 I mean, obviously, DNA's more complicated than that. 291 00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:12,650 You know what, though, Morty? 292 00:11:12,735 --> 00:11:14,486 This right here's gonna do the trick, baby. 293 00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:16,988 It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, 294 00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,324 cactus, shark, golden retriever, 295 00:11:19,408 --> 00:11:21,201 and just a smidge of dinosaur. 296 00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:22,952 Should add up to normal humanity. 297 00:11:23,037 --> 00:11:24,797 I don't... that doesn't make any sense, Rick. 298 00:11:24,872 --> 00:11:26,831 How does that add up to normal humanity? 299 00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,583 What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? 300 00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,251 I'm sorry... a-are you the scientist 301 00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:32,128 or are you the kid that wanted to get laid? 302 00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:35,298 [ exhales deeply ] 303 00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:37,175 Well, I'm glad we saved all those horses, 304 00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:39,177 but I'm almost sorry we're finished. 305 00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:40,762 Yes, it's satisfying work. 306 00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,931 Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh... it's more than the work. 307 00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:45,433 I love being in that sterilized room, 308 00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:47,685 sealed off from the world. 309 00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:50,021 It's the only time I can really think... and feel. 310 00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:51,231 [ slow music plays ] 311 00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:53,608 Hmm, uh, what are you doing? 312 00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:55,777 I'm playing African dream pop. 313 00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,987 What do you do after a long night? 314 00:11:58,072 --> 00:11:59,155 [ click ] 315 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,033 Oh, ha, um, hey, I b... I'd better get going. 316 00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,786 Um, Jerry's been texting some pretty high-maintenance stuff. 317 00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,746 - Beth... - What is it, Davin? 318 00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,666 Just once, I'd like to know... 319 00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:10,750 [ sneezes ] 320 00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:14,254 w-w-what it was like to give your son a bath. 321 00:12:14,338 --> 00:12:15,422 What?! 322 00:12:15,506 --> 00:12:18,842 What does Morty's skin smell like? 323 00:12:18,926 --> 00:12:21,469 How soft... [ grunts ] 324 00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,888 How soft are his privates? 325 00:12:23,973 --> 00:12:25,807 Let go of me, Davin! 326 00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,226 [ glass shatters ] 327 00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:31,604 [ roars ] 328 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,815 Take me to Morty. 329 00:12:33,899 --> 00:12:35,066 [ grunts ] 330 00:12:35,151 --> 00:12:36,943 You're not Morty. 331 00:12:37,027 --> 00:12:39,487 No, I'm Mr. Crowbar, 332 00:12:39,572 --> 00:12:41,823 and this is my friend, 333 00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:44,117 who is also a crowbar. 334 00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:45,994 That's... stupid. 335 00:12:46,078 --> 00:12:48,830 [ grunting ] 336 00:12:48,914 --> 00:12:50,039 Yeah? 337 00:12:50,124 --> 00:12:51,875 Well, look where being smart got you. 338 00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:53,877 Jerry! Thank God! 339 00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:55,044 God? 340 00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:58,131 God's turning people into insect monsters, Beth. 341 00:12:58,215 --> 00:13:00,300 I'm the one beating them to death. 342 00:13:00,384 --> 00:13:02,635 Thank me. - Thank you, Jerry. 343 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,053 Thank you. 344 00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:10,768 Take a good look down there, Morty, and soak it in, 345 00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,312 because, you know, once I pull this lever, 346 00:13:12,396 --> 00:13:13,688 it's all back to normal. 347 00:13:13,772 --> 00:13:15,231 Just do it already. 348 00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,066 Well, technically, Morty, there's no rush. 349 00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:18,991 I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. 350 00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,820 It's fixed. You know, we could... 351 00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:22,822 we could just enjoy it for a little bit. 352 00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,282 I mean, I-I-I-look at how crazy it is. 353 00:13:24,366 --> 00:13:25,950 I mean, Morty, w-w-when's the next time 354 00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:27,475 you're gonna see something like this? 355 00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:28,995 I mean, soak it in, you know? 356 00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:30,663 It's... it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting. 357 00:13:30,748 --> 00:13:32,268 That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever. 358 00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,666 [ grunts ] 359 00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:41,049 W-What do we have here, Morty? 360 00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:42,973 Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? 361 00:13:43,052 --> 00:13:46,012 I-I-I-l-I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? 362 00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:47,889 I-I-I bet you feel like the world's smallest man 363 00:13:47,973 --> 00:13:50,183 that you were doubting me about this whole thing, Morty. 364 00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:52,143 Oh, Rick, something's not right. 365 00:13:52,228 --> 00:13:53,811 [ sighs ] Yeah, you. 366 00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:55,146 You're not right... ever. 367 00:13:55,231 --> 00:13:57,023 No, no! Look, you idiot! 368 00:13:57,107 --> 00:13:58,858 [ all screaming ] 369 00:14:08,911 --> 00:14:11,204 [ all speaking foreign language] 370 00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:15,375 [ all groaning ] 371 00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:20,129 [ all speaking foreign language ] 372 00:14:21,298 --> 00:14:23,091 Bet you're loving this, Morty. 373 00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:25,176 This must be the best day of your life. 374 00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:28,096 You get to be the mayor of l-Told-You Town. 375 00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,181 [ slurps ] You're welcome. 376 00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:31,266 [ slurps ] 377 00:14:40,025 --> 00:14:41,985 - Hold on. - [ whimpers ] 378 00:14:42,069 --> 00:14:45,154 [ engine revs, tires squeal ] 379 00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:00,420 [ gun cocks ] 380 00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,797 I wish that shotgun was my penis. 381 00:15:02,881 --> 00:15:05,758 If it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway. 382 00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:08,386 I don't get it, and I don't need to. 383 00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,470 [ both moaning ] 384 00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:11,389 SUMMER: Mom! Dad! 385 00:15:11,473 --> 00:15:13,182 BOTH: Summer! 386 00:15:14,059 --> 00:15:15,101 [ sighs ] 387 00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:16,311 Where's Morty? 388 00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:17,687 I don't know. 389 00:15:17,771 --> 00:15:19,856 Do you think Grandpa Rick had something to do with this? 390 00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,691 It's not fair to assume that, Summer. 391 00:15:21,775 --> 00:15:23,735 Oh, not fair? Give me a break. 392 00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,820 He is a selfish, irresponsible ass, 393 00:15:25,904 --> 00:15:27,280 and he left my mother. 394 00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:30,158 A real man stands by his woman. 395 00:15:30,242 --> 00:15:35,038 [ both moaning ] 396 00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:37,874 ♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo ♪ 397 00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,543 Boy, I really Cronenberged the world up, didn't I? 398 00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:42,378 We got a whole planet of Cronenbergs 399 00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,047 walking around down there, Morty. 400 00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:46,132 A-At least they're not in love with you anymore, though. 401 00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:47,967 That's a huge step in the right direction. 402 00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:50,261 Oh, my God! It's a living nightmare! 403 00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:52,805 How could you be so irresponsible, Rick? 404 00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:55,308 Me irresponsible?! You... all I wanted you to do 405 00:15:55,392 --> 00:15:57,060 was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! 406 00:15:57,144 --> 00:15:59,812 You're the one who wanted to be... wanted me to buckle down 407 00:15:59,897 --> 00:16:02,148 and make you up a... roofie-juice serum 408 00:16:02,232 --> 00:16:05,360 so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. 409 00:16:05,444 --> 00:16:08,404 I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w... are you kidding me, Morty? 410 00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,489 You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? 411 00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,949 Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little creep, Morty. 412 00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:13,326 Y-You're a... you're... you're... 413 00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:15,328 you're just a little creepy... creep person. 414 00:16:15,412 --> 00:16:17,038 All right, fine. I should have just listened to you 415 00:16:17,122 --> 00:16:18,665 when you refused to make the serum. 416 00:16:18,749 --> 00:16:20,583 I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. 417 00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:22,293 But I'll tell you something... you know what? 418 00:16:22,378 --> 00:16:23,961 You gotta accept your part of the blame! 419 00:16:24,046 --> 00:16:25,755 I'm not the one who fouled up the serum! 420 00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:27,590 I'm not the one who... who... who... 421 00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:29,050 who haphazardly, you know, 422 00:16:29,134 --> 00:16:30,718 mixed a bunch of nonsense together 423 00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,512 and created a bunch of Cronenbergs! 424 00:16:32,596 --> 00:16:34,889 You gotta fix this, Rick! - All right, all right, Morty. 425 00:16:34,973 --> 00:16:36,599 You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, 426 00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:39,394 but I do have one emergency solution that I can use 427 00:16:39,478 --> 00:16:41,312 that'll kind of put everything back to normal, 428 00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:42,772 relatively speaking. 429 00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:44,273 Here, Morty, put this on while I do 430 00:16:44,358 --> 00:16:46,275 a little bit of scouting. 431 00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,072 [ birds chirping ] 432 00:16:58,706 --> 00:17:00,623 MORTY: Wow, Rick, I gotta say... 433 00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:02,788 you really pulled a rabbit out of your hat this time. 434 00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,752 I mean, l-I really thought that the whole place 435 00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:06,629 was gonna be messed up for good, 436 00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,589 but here, you did it... y-y-you... you... 437 00:17:08,674 --> 00:17:10,341 you figured out that crazy solution, 438 00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:11,509 like you always do. 439 00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:13,344 Whoo! That's some great luck. 440 00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,346 Come on, Morty. Luck had nothing to do with it. 441 00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:18,391 I'm great. That's the real reason. 442 00:17:18,475 --> 00:17:20,518 Now, Morty, what do you say, buddy? 443 00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:22,353 Will you hand me a screwdriver 444 00:17:22,438 --> 00:17:24,188 so I can finish my ionic dis... defibulizer? 445 00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:26,524 Sure thing, Rick. Here's a screwdriver. 446 00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,818 All right, Morty. Thank you very much. 447 00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:31,821 We got one screw turn... and two screw turns... 448 00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,614 and... 449 00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:40,163 All right, Morty, here we are. 450 00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:42,165 Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?! 451 00:17:42,249 --> 00:17:44,125 W-W-W-We're dead! What is going on, Rick? 452 00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:45,710 I'm freaking out! 453 00:17:45,794 --> 00:17:47,378 Calm down, Morty! Look at me! Calm down, Morty! 454 00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:49,088 No, I can't deal with this! 455 00:17:49,173 --> 00:17:50,715 Calm yourself, Morty. 456 00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:52,300 I can't deal with this, Rick! 457 00:17:52,384 --> 00:17:53,801 - Calm down, Morty. - This can't be real! 458 00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,012 - You gotta calm down, Morty. - W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart! 459 00:17:56,096 --> 00:17:57,972 Shut up and listen to me! 460 00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,307 It's fine. Everything is fine. 461 00:17:59,391 --> 00:18:00,808 There's an infinite number of realities, Morty, 462 00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:02,560 and in a few dozen of those, 463 00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,604 I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. 464 00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:06,355 I just had to find one of those realities 465 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,066 in which we also happen to both die around this time. 466 00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:10,610 Now we can just slip into the place 467 00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:12,195 of our dead selves in this reality 468 00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:13,863 and everything will be fine. 469 00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:15,364 We're not skipping a beat, Morty. 470 00:18:15,449 --> 00:18:16,449 Now, help me with these bodies. 471 00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,617 This is insane. 472 00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,861 Look, Morty, I'll grab myself, you grab yourself, okay? 473 00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,287 I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me... 474 00:18:21,371 --> 00:18:23,331 I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up. 475 00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:25,374 Rick, what about the reality we left behind? 476 00:18:25,459 --> 00:18:28,127 What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? 477 00:18:28,212 --> 00:18:29,629 The answer is don't think about it. 478 00:18:29,713 --> 00:18:31,839 It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. 479 00:18:31,924 --> 00:18:33,524 We get three or four more of these, tops. 480 00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:35,301 Now, pick up your dead self and come on. 481 00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:36,636 Haste makes waste. 482 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,846 I-I-I don't suppose you've considered this detail, 483 00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:41,432 but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did, 484 00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:45,353 we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome. 485 00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:55,279 ♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪ 486 00:18:55,364 --> 00:19:02,453 ♪ There's still fountains down there ♪ 487 00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:11,212 ♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪ 488 00:19:11,296 --> 00:19:18,553 ♪ It's still raining up here ♪ 489 00:19:21,306 --> 00:19:29,063 ♪ Everybody seems so far away from me ♪ 490 00:19:29,147 --> 00:19:36,737 ♪ Everybody just wants to be free ♪ 491 00:19:36,822 --> 00:19:42,910 ♪ Look away from the sky ♪ 492 00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:49,709 ♪ It's no different when you're leaving home ♪ 493 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:58,593 ♪ I can't be the same thing to you now ♪ 494 00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:02,597 ♪ I'm just gone ♪ 495 00:20:02,681 --> 00:20:08,311 ♪ Just gone ♪ 496 00:20:08,395 --> 00:20:16,395 ♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪ 497 00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:24,285 You know, the thing about a shark... 498 00:20:24,369 --> 00:20:26,746 he's got lifeless eyes... 499 00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,748 black eyes, like a doll's eyes. 500 00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:30,333 When he comes at ya, 501 00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:32,335 he doesn't seem to be living until he bites ya, 502 00:20:32,419 --> 00:20:35,296 and then the... the blood, and the red, and the water... 503 00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,380 [ sighs ] 504 00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:38,591 You ever wonder what happened to Rick and Morty? 505 00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:41,427 Sometimes. But, I'm ashamed to admit, 506 00:20:41,511 --> 00:20:47,058 now that they're gone, I'm finally happy. 507 00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:49,268 Here we are, Cronenberg Morty... 508 00:20:49,353 --> 00:20:50,895 a reality where everyone in the world 509 00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:52,355 got genetically Cronenberged. 510 00:20:52,439 --> 00:20:54,523 We'll fit right in, Cronenberg Morty. 511 00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:56,984 It'll be like we never even left Cronenberg world. 512 00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:58,444 Yeah, Cronenberg Rick, 513 00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:00,368 but, you know, I'm gonna miss Cronenberg world, 514 00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:01,989 because everyone was Cronenberged all along 515 00:21:02,074 --> 00:21:03,741 like us from the beginning, you know? 516 00:21:03,825 --> 00:21:05,368 I mean, l-I wish we hadn't genetically ruined 517 00:21:05,452 --> 00:21:07,370 Cronenberg World beyond repair like we did, 518 00:21:07,454 --> 00:21:09,997 you know, and turned everyone into regular, normal people 519 00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,540 just walking around. 520 00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,225 Don't you worry about that sort of thing, 521 00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:14,377 Cronenberg Morty. 522 00:21:14,461 --> 00:21:17,755 Let's go make ourselves at home, huh? 523 00:21:21,468 --> 00:21:22,885 Did you get any of that? 524 00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,929 It's a good-a show! 39129

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