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1
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PRINCIPAL:
Principal Vagina here...
2
00:00:34,180 --> 00:00:36,223
Don't let the name fool you.
I'm very much in charge...
3
00:00:36,307 --> 00:00:39,143
reminding you that tonight is
our annual Flu Season Dance.
4
00:00:39,227 --> 00:00:41,186
I don't know how many times
I have to say this,
5
00:00:41,271 --> 00:00:43,147
but if you have the flu,
stay home.
6
00:00:43,231 --> 00:00:44,231
Hey.
7
00:00:44,232 --> 00:00:46,066
The Flu Season Dance is about
awareness, not celebration.
8
00:00:46,151 --> 00:00:47,484
[ sighs ]
9
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,403
You don't bring dead babies
to Passover.
10
00:00:49,487 --> 00:00:53,490
Okay. Here we go.
H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...
11
00:00:53,575 --> 00:00:55,534
What's up, Morty?
[ sneezes ]
12
00:00:55,618 --> 00:00:56,827
What are you doing?
13
00:00:56,911 --> 00:00:58,537
- Um...
- Wait, wait.
14
00:00:58,621 --> 00:01:00,748
Were you about to talk...
to her?
15
00:01:00,832 --> 00:01:03,250
Well... I mean, I was
thinking about it.
16
00:01:03,334 --> 00:01:05,294
Dude, stay in your league.
17
00:01:05,378 --> 00:01:07,629
Look at how hot she is.
You don't see me going...
18
00:01:07,714 --> 00:01:09,465
to a bigger school
in a wealthier district
19
00:01:09,549 --> 00:01:11,133
and hitting on their
prettiest girl.
20
00:01:11,217 --> 00:01:12,551
Gee, thanks, Brad.
21
00:01:12,635 --> 00:01:14,261
I throw balls far.
22
00:01:14,345 --> 00:01:15,846
You want good words?
23
00:01:15,930 --> 00:01:17,556
Date a languager.
24
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,391
JERRY:
Try not to worry about it, Morty.
25
00:01:19,476 --> 00:01:21,226
You're a good kid,
and there's not a premium
26
00:01:21,311 --> 00:01:23,111
on that right now,
but you'll be getting girls
27
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:24,772
sometime after Brad's
out of shape.
28
00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:26,496
[ sighing ]
You're missing the point, Dad.
29
00:01:26,524 --> 00:01:29,067
I don't want girls.
I want Jessica.
30
00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:31,945
Ah, well, I remember
feeling that way
31
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:34,114
about a young lady named
"your mom,"
32
00:01:34,199 --> 00:01:35,574
and that's not an urban diss.
33
00:01:35,658 --> 00:01:37,159
Your mom was my Jessica.
34
00:01:37,243 --> 00:01:38,660
I remember the first time
I saw her.
35
00:01:38,745 --> 00:01:40,204
I thought...
- "I should get her pregnant,
36
00:01:40,288 --> 00:01:41,705
and then she'll have
to marry me."
37
00:01:41,790 --> 00:01:43,916
I beg your pardon, Rick...
inappropriate.
38
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,584
Sorry, please proceed
with your story
39
00:01:45,668 --> 00:01:47,294
about banging my daughter
in high school.
40
00:01:47,378 --> 00:01:49,713
I'm not sure you wanna take
romantic advice from this guy, Morty.
41
00:01:49,798 --> 00:01:51,715
His marriage is hanging
from a thread.
42
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,092
My marriage is fine, thank you.
43
00:01:54,177 --> 00:01:55,719
Jerry, it's your house...
whatever you say it is
44
00:01:55,804 --> 00:01:57,596
is how it is... but I think
a blind man could see
45
00:01:57,680 --> 00:01:59,306
that Beth is looking
for the door.
46
00:01:59,390 --> 00:02:01,600
I barely have a reason to care,
and even I noticed.
47
00:02:01,684 --> 00:02:03,894
Come on, Rick! Don't talk
about my parents like that.
48
00:02:03,978 --> 00:02:05,729
Listen, Morty, I hate
to break it to you,
49
00:02:05,814 --> 00:02:07,397
but what people call "love"
50
00:02:07,482 --> 00:02:09,763
is just a chemical reaction that
compels animals to breed.
51
00:02:09,818 --> 00:02:12,402
It hits hard, Morty,
then it slowly fades,
52
00:02:12,487 --> 00:02:14,404
leaving you stranded
in a failing marriage.
53
00:02:14,489 --> 00:02:16,406
I did it.
Your parents are gonna do it.
54
00:02:16,491 --> 00:02:17,783
Break the cycle, Morty.
55
00:02:17,867 --> 00:02:19,660
Rise above. Focus on science.
56
00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:21,662
[ slurps ]
57
00:02:21,746 --> 00:02:24,623
All right, well, I'm gonna go
get dressed for the dance.
58
00:02:24,707 --> 00:02:28,502
Yeah, I'm just going to...
check on your mom.
59
00:02:28,586 --> 00:02:29,795
[ dog barking ]
60
00:02:29,879 --> 00:02:32,965
Morty, hand me
that screwdriver, huh?
61
00:02:33,049 --> 00:02:35,801
I'm almost finished making
my ionic defibulizer, Morty.
62
00:02:35,885 --> 00:02:37,761
It's gonna be great.
- Hey, listen, Rick.
63
00:02:37,846 --> 00:02:39,638
Y-Y-You know how you said
that, you know,
64
00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:41,722
love is a chemical
and all that stuff from earlier?
65
00:02:41,766 --> 00:02:43,006
Well, I was thinking, you know,
66
00:02:43,059 --> 00:02:45,686
w-w... could you make some sort
of chemical thing happen
67
00:02:45,770 --> 00:02:47,229
inside of Jessica's mind,
you know,
68
00:02:47,313 --> 00:02:48,897
so where she falls in love
with me
69
00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:50,399
and all that sort of thing?
70
00:02:50,483 --> 00:02:52,484
You know, like, some sort
of love potion or something?
71
00:02:52,569 --> 00:02:54,169
Morty, that's such
a poor use of my time.
72
00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:56,488
It's beneath me.
Hand me the screwdriver.
73
00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:58,156
You know what?
No, Rick!
74
00:02:58,241 --> 00:02:59,783
I'm not gonna hand you
the screwdriver.
75
00:02:59,868 --> 00:03:01,868
I-I'm not gonna hand you
anything ever again, Rick!
76
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:04,204
I'm always helping you with this
and that and the other thing.
77
00:03:04,289 --> 00:03:06,373
W-W-W-W-W-What about me,
Rick?
78
00:03:06,457 --> 00:03:08,375
W-W-W-W-Why can't you just
help me out once...
79
00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:09,793
once... for once?
80
00:03:09,878 --> 00:03:11,962
[ groans ]
You're growing up fast, Morty.
81
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:15,048
You're growing into a real big
thorn straight up into my ass.
82
00:03:15,133 --> 00:03:17,050
Listen, this is called oxytocin.
83
00:03:17,135 --> 00:03:18,510
I extracted it from a vole.
84
00:03:18,595 --> 00:03:20,220
Do you know what a vole is,
Morty?
85
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:21,972
You know what a vole is?
It's a... it's a rodent
86
00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:23,682
that mates for life, Morty.
87
00:03:23,766 --> 00:03:26,126
This is the chemical released
in a mammal's brain, you know,
88
00:03:26,144 --> 00:03:27,477
that makes it fall in love.
89
00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:29,813
I just gotta... [burps]
combine it with your DNA.
90
00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:31,648
Oh, well, okay.
91
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,650
A hair, Morty.
I need one of your hairs.
92
00:03:33,735 --> 00:03:35,402
This isn't
"Game of Thrones."
93
00:03:35,486 --> 00:03:36,945
Ow!
94
00:03:37,030 --> 00:03:38,950
All right, Morty, whoever
you smear this stuff on
95
00:03:39,032 --> 00:03:40,992
will fall in love with you,
and only you, forever.
96
00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,993
Are you happy now, Morty?
- Heck, yeah!
97
00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:45,078
Thank you, Grandpa Rick.
98
00:03:45,163 --> 00:03:46,955
Hey, there's no...
dangers or anything,
99
00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,498
or side effects, right?
100
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,167
W-W-W-What am I,
a hack?
101
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:52,419
Go nuts, Morty.
It's foolproof.
102
00:03:54,297 --> 00:03:57,007
Eh, unless she has the flu.
103
00:03:57,091 --> 00:03:59,885
Beth, do y-you still
love me?
104
00:03:59,969 --> 00:04:02,304
Ugh, what kind
of question is that?
105
00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,222
The "yes or no" kind?
[ laughs nervously ]
106
00:04:04,307 --> 00:04:06,725
Jerry, do you want
homeless people to have homes?
107
00:04:06,809 --> 00:04:07,976
Yes.
108
00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:09,061
Are you gonna build them?
109
00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:10,187
No.
110
00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:11,855
Then what good was the "yes"?
111
00:04:11,940 --> 00:04:14,858
Wait, i-is loving me the house
or the homeless people?
112
00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:17,736
Loving you is work,
Jerry... hard work,
113
00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,738
like building
a homeless shelter...
114
00:04:19,822 --> 00:04:21,657
nobody wants to say
no to doing it,
115
00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:23,367
but some people put the work in.
116
00:04:23,451 --> 00:04:25,535
So, what do you say?
Do you see me working here?
117
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:27,913
Does this conversation seem
tedious to me?
118
00:04:27,997 --> 00:04:29,247
Sort of.
119
00:04:29,332 --> 00:04:30,958
Then I obviously
sortof love you, don't I?
120
00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,292
[ cellphone chimes ]
121
00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,044
So stop asking, and maybe
I'll love you more.
122
00:04:34,128 --> 00:04:36,046
Crap, they need me
at the horse hospital.
123
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,297
Puh! This late?
124
00:04:37,382 --> 00:04:39,591
The racetrack
had a starlight derby.
125
00:04:39,676 --> 00:04:41,134
There was a seven-horse
collision,
126
00:04:41,219 --> 00:04:43,095
and Davin's there alone.
127
00:04:43,179 --> 00:04:46,014
[ thinking ]
Davin. Davin.
128
00:04:46,099 --> 00:04:48,225
Davin! Davin.
129
00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:50,560
Davin!
Davin!
130
00:04:50,645 --> 00:04:52,938
Davin! Davin!
131
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:54,940
[ rapping ]
♪ Flu, yo. You gotta be aware ♪
132
00:04:55,024 --> 00:04:56,942
♪ Aware of all the flu
up in the air ♪
133
00:04:57,026 --> 00:04:59,611
♪ I'm-a get me a shot,
make the flu go away ♪
134
00:04:59,696 --> 00:05:01,905
♪ Flu-hating rapper,
just rapping away ♪
135
00:05:01,990 --> 00:05:04,282
♪ Yo, yo,
flu-hating rapper ♪
136
00:05:04,367 --> 00:05:05,617
♪ It's a flu-hating rap ♪
137
00:05:05,702 --> 00:05:09,997
Hey, there, Jessica.
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!
138
00:05:10,081 --> 00:05:12,541
Oh, my god.
Morty.
139
00:05:12,625 --> 00:05:14,793
You look really nice tonight.
140
00:05:14,877 --> 00:05:17,796
- Wow, thanks.
- I love you, Morty!
141
00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:19,798
I love you so much it burns!
142
00:05:19,882 --> 00:05:22,801
Oh, man!
I-I love you too, Jessica!
143
00:05:22,885 --> 00:05:24,011
[ spits ]
144
00:05:24,095 --> 00:05:26,013
ls this punk bothering you,
Jessica?
145
00:05:26,097 --> 00:05:28,432
Leave him alone, jerk!
I'm in love with him!
146
00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:30,434
He is more man
than you will ever be!
147
00:05:30,518 --> 00:05:31,643
[ sneezes ]
148
00:05:31,728 --> 00:05:33,603
[ rapping ]
♪ This is about flu awareness ♪
149
00:05:33,688 --> 00:05:36,231
♪ Gotta be aware of the flu
in the air-ness ♪
150
00:05:36,315 --> 00:05:38,567
♪ Yo, I'm a flu-hating
rapper ♪
151
00:05:38,651 --> 00:05:40,569
Oh, man, Morty.
[ sighs ]
152
00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:42,237
I'm really sorry.
153
00:05:42,321 --> 00:05:44,656
Oh, well,
n-no problem, Brad.
154
00:05:44,741 --> 00:05:46,908
There's something special
about you, Morty...
155
00:05:46,993 --> 00:05:48,326
so special.
156
00:05:48,411 --> 00:05:50,328
Whoa, take it easy!
Get your hands off of him!
157
00:05:50,413 --> 00:05:52,330
Back off!
I'm trying to be with my man!
158
00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:53,915
That's enough, Bradley!
159
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,667
We don't want you injuring
your ball-throwing arm.
160
00:05:55,752 --> 00:05:57,169
Oh, come on,
Principal Vagina. I just...
161
00:05:57,253 --> 00:05:59,421
Never leave me, Morty.
Never!
162
00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:02,466
Uh, sure.
I mean, o-of course not.
163
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:04,968
W-What do you think that
was all about?
164
00:06:05,053 --> 00:06:06,720
Who cares? Just hold me.
165
00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:09,139
Let me go!
I love you, Morty!
166
00:06:09,223 --> 00:06:10,348
[ sneezes ]
167
00:06:10,433 --> 00:06:11,975
Let go of me!
168
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,728
[ sneezes ] Morty!
169
00:06:19,150 --> 00:06:21,443
JERRY: She's gonna be alone
with that guy all night.
170
00:06:21,527 --> 00:06:23,445
Yeah, Dad, digging
around the insides of horses.
171
00:06:23,529 --> 00:06:25,238
It's not a very romantic setting.
172
00:06:25,323 --> 00:06:26,990
RICK: Well, Summer,
there's always the possibility
173
00:06:27,075 --> 00:06:28,700
that she made the whole
work thing up.
174
00:06:28,785 --> 00:06:30,702
Maybe Davin's digging around
in her insides.
175
00:06:30,787 --> 00:06:33,663
Grandpa, so gross!
You're talking about my mom.
176
00:06:33,748 --> 00:06:35,332
Well, she's my daughter, Summer.
177
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:36,833
I outrank you.
178
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,586
Or family means nothing, in
which case don't play that card.
179
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:41,379
She's not responding
to my texts!
180
00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:43,840
Careful, Dad.
Jealousy turns women off.
181
00:06:43,925 --> 00:06:45,592
Well, isn't that convenient?
182
00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:47,385
Not for the men
they cheat on, no.
183
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,805
Okay, I'm...
going to go out...
184
00:06:49,889 --> 00:06:51,139
for some ice cream.
185
00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:52,724
And maybe
stop by the hospital...
186
00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,684
to support my wife...
187
00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:56,978
with my confidence.
[ door closes ]
188
00:06:57,063 --> 00:06:59,189
God, Grandpa,
you're such a dick.
189
00:06:59,273 --> 00:07:01,983
I'm sorry, Summer. Your opinion
means very little to me.
190
00:07:02,068 --> 00:07:04,152
How come you're not at this
stupid dance everyone loves?
191
00:07:04,237 --> 00:07:06,154
Screw that.
I don't wanna get sick.
192
00:07:06,239 --> 00:07:07,906
It's flu season.
- It is?
193
00:07:07,990 --> 00:07:09,616
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
194
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,661
[ hip-hop music plays ]
195
00:07:15,164 --> 00:07:17,082
Please just let this work out.
196
00:07:17,166 --> 00:07:20,043
[ moans ]
Do it, Morty. Do it.
197
00:07:20,128 --> 00:07:23,088
Rip my clothes off
and mate with me for life!
198
00:07:23,172 --> 00:07:24,172
[ growls ]
199
00:07:24,215 --> 00:07:26,967
Um... can we maybe go
somewhere more private?
200
00:07:27,051 --> 00:07:29,136
Jessica, get a hold of yourself!
201
00:07:29,220 --> 00:07:30,720
[ grunts ]
202
00:07:30,805 --> 00:07:33,473
You don't deserve to carry
Morty's genes.
203
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,684
[ rapping ] ♪ I love Morty ♪
204
00:07:35,768 --> 00:07:38,186
♪ and I hope Morty loves me ♪
205
00:07:38,271 --> 00:07:40,897
♪ I'd like to wrap my arms
around him ♪
206
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:43,191
♪ and feel him inside me ♪
207
00:07:43,276 --> 00:07:44,776
Oh, crap.
208
00:07:44,861 --> 00:07:47,279
[ indistinct shouting ]
209
00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:49,281
JESSICA:
Morty!
210
00:07:49,365 --> 00:07:51,783
Morty, come on!
We gotta get you out of here.
211
00:07:51,868 --> 00:07:53,785
You won't believe this 'cause
it usually never happens,
212
00:07:53,870 --> 00:07:55,245
but I made a mistake.
213
00:07:55,329 --> 00:07:56,663
[ both panting ]
214
00:07:56,747 --> 00:07:58,456
Come on, Morty.
We got to get out of here.
215
00:07:58,541 --> 00:07:59,374
Come on.
- Morty!
216
00:07:59,458 --> 00:08:00,584
- MORTY: [ wails ]
- VAGINA: Are you okay?
217
00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:02,460
- I'm fine!
- Oh, good.
218
00:08:02,545 --> 00:08:05,130
If anything ever happened to
you, I would kill myself.
219
00:08:05,214 --> 00:08:07,299
I love you bad, Mo-Mo!
220
00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:09,050
[ all panting ]
221
00:08:09,135 --> 00:08:11,303
[ indistinct shouting ]
222
00:08:11,387 --> 00:08:13,221
Morty, the principal and I
have discussed it,
223
00:08:13,306 --> 00:08:16,808
a-a-and we're both insecure
enough to agree to a three-way!
224
00:08:20,688 --> 00:08:22,230
I didn't realize
when I gave you that serum
225
00:08:22,315 --> 00:08:24,107
that Jessica had the flu...
you know,
226
00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:26,943
t-t-t-t-t-that might have been
valuable information for me!
227
00:08:27,028 --> 00:08:28,308
What the hell is going on, Rick?
228
00:08:28,362 --> 00:08:29,821
What does it look like?
229
00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:31,489
T-T-T-The serum is
piggybacking on the virus.
230
00:08:31,574 --> 00:08:32,991
It's gone airborne, Morty.
231
00:08:33,075 --> 00:08:35,535
Oh, crap.
What are we gonna do, Rick?
232
00:08:35,620 --> 00:08:37,120
It's gonna be fine,
Morty, relax.
233
00:08:37,205 --> 00:08:38,246
I whipped up an antidote.
234
00:08:38,331 --> 00:08:40,498
It's based on praying-mantis
DNA.
235
00:08:40,583 --> 00:08:42,500
You know, praying mantises
are the exact opposite of voles.
236
00:08:42,585 --> 00:08:43,835
I mean, they...
they mate once,
237
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:45,800
and then they, you know,
decapitate the partner.
238
00:08:45,838 --> 00:08:47,255
I mean, it's a whole ritual.
239
00:08:47,340 --> 00:08:49,382
It's really gruesome
and totally opposite.
240
00:08:49,467 --> 00:08:50,800
There's no love at all.
241
00:08:50,885 --> 00:08:53,261
I-I-I basically mixed this with
a more contagious flu virus.
242
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,805
It should neutralize
the whole thing, Morty.
243
00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:57,515
It'll all be over very shortly.
244
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,434
[ indistinct shouting ]
245
00:09:02,146 --> 00:09:04,064
Uh, by the way, Morty, I know
you didn't ask or anything,
246
00:09:04,148 --> 00:09:06,066
but I'm not interested
in having sex with you.
247
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:07,776
These serums, they don't
work on anybody
248
00:09:07,860 --> 00:09:09,194
related to you genetically.
249
00:09:09,278 --> 00:09:12,155
Morty!
250
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,574
[ all groaning ]
251
00:09:23,125 --> 00:09:24,626
Okay, well, sometimes,
252
00:09:24,710 --> 00:09:26,628
science is more art
than science, Morty.
253
00:09:26,712 --> 00:09:28,588
A lot of people don't get that.
254
00:09:31,968 --> 00:09:33,218
[ gasps ]
255
00:09:33,302 --> 00:09:35,887
[ tires screech ]
256
00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:37,722
Come on.
Are you kidding me?
257
00:09:37,807 --> 00:09:40,684
Hello!
- Morty!
258
00:09:40,768 --> 00:09:43,770
You're not Morty!
Bring us Morty!
259
00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,780
[ gun cocks ]
Nobody's killing me...
260
00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:57,033
until after I catch my wife
with another man.
261
00:09:57,118 --> 00:09:59,369
WOMAN ON TV:
I had sex with Billy.
262
00:09:59,453 --> 00:10:01,204
WOMAN ♪2:
But you were already pregnant!
263
00:10:01,289 --> 00:10:02,789
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?
264
00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,667
We interrupt "Pregnant Baby"
with breaking news.
265
00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:07,294
[ groans ] Come on.
266
00:10:07,378 --> 00:10:09,754
This just in... Morty Smith's
whereabouts are still unknown.
267
00:10:09,839 --> 00:10:11,798
What the hell?
268
00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:14,634
The only thing that is known
is... how cute he is.
269
00:10:14,719 --> 00:10:17,220
I love him so much, I want
to make love to him
270
00:10:17,305 --> 00:10:18,888
and then eat his head.
271
00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:20,890
I love him more than you do,
Harold!
272
00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,642
You wish, you stupid bitch!
273
00:10:22,727 --> 00:10:24,269
- Morty's mine!
- Morty's mine!
274
00:10:24,353 --> 00:10:25,729
Meant to be together!
275
00:10:25,813 --> 00:10:28,898
[ speaking Arabic] Morty!
276
00:10:28,983 --> 00:10:31,609
[ speaking Arabic]
277
00:10:31,694 --> 00:10:35,238
[ banging on door ]
278
00:10:35,323 --> 00:10:36,781
Where is Morty?
279
00:10:36,866 --> 00:10:39,868
[ screams ]
280
00:10:48,044 --> 00:10:50,128
[ conversing in foreign language ]
281
00:10:50,212 --> 00:10:53,548
Oh, my god, Rick.
The whole world is infected!
282
00:10:53,632 --> 00:10:55,759
Yeah, it's pretty wild
how fast that spread.
283
00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:58,011
I've really outdone myself.
- Outdone yourself?!
284
00:10:58,095 --> 00:10:59,929
W-W... a-are... are you
kidding me, Rick?
285
00:11:00,014 --> 00:11:01,556
This is not okay!
286
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,350
Not only do they all want
to have sex with me,
287
00:11:03,434 --> 00:11:05,394
but, you know, now they want
to eat me afterwards!
288
00:11:05,436 --> 00:11:06,811
Yeah, I don't know what
I was thinking.
289
00:11:06,896 --> 00:11:08,563
Mantises are
the opposite of voles?
290
00:11:08,647 --> 00:11:11,274
I mean, obviously, DNA's more
complicated than that.
291
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:12,650
You know what, though, Morty?
292
00:11:12,735 --> 00:11:14,486
This right here's gonna do
the trick, baby.
293
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:16,988
It's koala mixed
with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,
294
00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,324
cactus, shark, golden retriever,
295
00:11:19,408 --> 00:11:21,201
and just a smidge of dinosaur.
296
00:11:21,285 --> 00:11:22,952
Should add up
to normal humanity.
297
00:11:23,037 --> 00:11:24,797
I don't... that doesn't make
any sense, Rick.
298
00:11:24,872 --> 00:11:26,831
How does that add up
to normal humanity?
299
00:11:26,916 --> 00:11:28,583
What, Morty, you want me
to show you my math?
300
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,251
I'm sorry... a-are you
the scientist
301
00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:32,128
or are you the kid
that wanted to get laid?
302
00:11:34,090 --> 00:11:35,298
[ exhales deeply ]
303
00:11:35,383 --> 00:11:37,175
Well, I'm glad we saved
all those horses,
304
00:11:37,259 --> 00:11:39,177
but I'm almost sorry
we're finished.
305
00:11:39,261 --> 00:11:40,762
Yes, it's satisfying work.
306
00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:42,931
Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...
it's more than the work.
307
00:11:43,015 --> 00:11:45,433
I love being
in that sterilized room,
308
00:11:45,518 --> 00:11:47,685
sealed off from the world.
309
00:11:47,770 --> 00:11:50,021
It's the only time I can
really think... and feel.
310
00:11:50,106 --> 00:11:51,231
[ slow music plays ]
311
00:11:51,315 --> 00:11:53,608
Hmm, uh, what are you doing?
312
00:11:53,692 --> 00:11:55,777
I'm playing African dream pop.
313
00:11:55,861 --> 00:11:57,987
What do you do
after a long night?
314
00:11:58,072 --> 00:11:59,155
[ click ]
315
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,033
Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...
I'd better get going.
316
00:12:02,118 --> 00:12:04,786
Um, Jerry's been texting some
pretty high-maintenance stuff.
317
00:12:04,870 --> 00:12:06,746
- Beth...
- What is it, Davin?
318
00:12:06,831 --> 00:12:09,666
Just once, I'd like to know...
319
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:10,750
[ sneezes ]
320
00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:14,254
w-w-what it was like
to give your son a bath.
321
00:12:14,338 --> 00:12:15,422
What?!
322
00:12:15,506 --> 00:12:18,842
What does Morty's skin
smell like?
323
00:12:18,926 --> 00:12:21,469
How soft...
[ grunts ]
324
00:12:21,554 --> 00:12:23,888
How soft are his privates?
325
00:12:23,973 --> 00:12:25,807
Let go of me, Davin!
326
00:12:27,017 --> 00:12:28,226
[ glass shatters ]
327
00:12:28,310 --> 00:12:31,604
[ roars ]
328
00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:33,815
Take me to Morty.
329
00:12:33,899 --> 00:12:35,066
[ grunts ]
330
00:12:35,151 --> 00:12:36,943
You're not Morty.
331
00:12:37,027 --> 00:12:39,487
No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,
332
00:12:39,572 --> 00:12:41,823
and this is my friend,
333
00:12:41,907 --> 00:12:44,117
who is also a crowbar.
334
00:12:44,201 --> 00:12:45,994
That's... stupid.
335
00:12:46,078 --> 00:12:48,830
[ grunting ]
336
00:12:48,914 --> 00:12:50,039
Yeah?
337
00:12:50,124 --> 00:12:51,875
Well, look where being
smart got you.
338
00:12:51,959 --> 00:12:53,877
Jerry! Thank God!
339
00:12:53,961 --> 00:12:55,044
God?
340
00:12:55,129 --> 00:12:58,131
God's turning people
into insect monsters, Beth.
341
00:12:58,215 --> 00:13:00,300
I'm the one beating them
to death.
342
00:13:00,384 --> 00:13:02,635
Thank me.
- Thank you, Jerry.
343
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,053
Thank you.
344
00:13:08,684 --> 00:13:10,768
Take a good look down there,
Morty, and soak it in,
345
00:13:10,853 --> 00:13:12,312
because, you know,
once I pull this lever,
346
00:13:12,396 --> 00:13:13,688
it's all back to normal.
347
00:13:13,772 --> 00:13:15,231
Just do it already.
348
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,066
Well, technically,
Morty, there's no rush.
349
00:13:17,151 --> 00:13:18,991
I mean, you know,
o-once it's fixed, it's done.
350
00:13:19,069 --> 00:13:20,820
It's fixed.
You know, we could...
351
00:13:20,905 --> 00:13:22,822
we could just enjoy it
for a little bit.
352
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,282
I mean, I-I-I-look
at how crazy it is.
353
00:13:24,366 --> 00:13:25,950
I mean, Morty,
w-w-when's the next time
354
00:13:26,035 --> 00:13:27,475
you're gonna see
something like this?
355
00:13:27,536 --> 00:13:28,995
I mean, soak it in, you know?
356
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:30,663
It's... it's pretty neat.
It's pretty interesting.
357
00:13:30,748 --> 00:13:32,268
That's it, Rick!
I'm pulling the lever.
358
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,666
[ grunts ]
359
00:13:39,673 --> 00:13:41,049
W-What do we have here,
Morty?
360
00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:42,973
Looks like I was right
and you were wrong, huh?
361
00:13:43,052 --> 00:13:46,012
I-I-I-l-I bet you feel pretty
stupid right about now, huh?
362
00:13:46,096 --> 00:13:47,889
I-I-I bet you feel like
the world's smallest man
363
00:13:47,973 --> 00:13:50,183
that you were doubting me about
this whole thing, Morty.
364
00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:52,143
Oh, Rick, something's not right.
365
00:13:52,228 --> 00:13:53,811
[ sighs ] Yeah, you.
366
00:13:53,896 --> 00:13:55,146
You're not right... ever.
367
00:13:55,231 --> 00:13:57,023
No, no!
Look, you idiot!
368
00:13:57,107 --> 00:13:58,858
[ all screaming ]
369
00:14:08,911 --> 00:14:11,204
[ all speaking foreign language]
370
00:14:11,288 --> 00:14:15,375
[ all groaning ]
371
00:14:17,795 --> 00:14:20,129
[ all speaking foreign language ]
372
00:14:21,298 --> 00:14:23,091
Bet you're loving this, Morty.
373
00:14:23,175 --> 00:14:25,176
This must be the best day
of your life.
374
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:28,096
You get to be the mayor
of l-Told-You Town.
375
00:14:28,180 --> 00:14:30,181
[ slurps ] You're welcome.
376
00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:31,266
[ slurps ]
377
00:14:40,025 --> 00:14:41,985
- Hold on.
- [ whimpers ]
378
00:14:42,069 --> 00:14:45,154
[ engine revs, tires squeal ]
379
00:14:59,336 --> 00:15:00,420
[ gun cocks ]
380
00:15:00,504 --> 00:15:02,797
I wish that shotgun
was my penis.
381
00:15:02,881 --> 00:15:05,758
If it were, you could
call me Ernest Hemingway.
382
00:15:05,843 --> 00:15:08,386
I don't get it,
and I don't need to.
383
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:09,470
[ both moaning ]
384
00:15:09,471 --> 00:15:11,389
SUMMER:
Mom! Dad!
385
00:15:11,473 --> 00:15:13,182
BOTH:
Summer!
386
00:15:14,059 --> 00:15:15,101
[ sighs ]
387
00:15:15,185 --> 00:15:16,311
Where's Morty?
388
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:17,687
I don't know.
389
00:15:17,771 --> 00:15:19,856
Do you think Grandpa Rick had
something to do with this?
390
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:21,691
It's not fair to
assume that, Summer.
391
00:15:21,775 --> 00:15:23,735
Oh, not fair?
Give me a break.
392
00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:25,820
He is a selfish,
irresponsible ass,
393
00:15:25,904 --> 00:15:27,280
and he left my mother.
394
00:15:27,364 --> 00:15:30,158
A real man stands by his woman.
395
00:15:30,242 --> 00:15:35,038
[ both moaning ]
396
00:15:35,122 --> 00:15:37,874
♪ Tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.
Tchoo-tchoo ♪
397
00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,543
Boy, I really Cronenberged
the world up, didn't I?
398
00:15:40,628 --> 00:15:42,378
We got a whole planet of
Cronenbergs
399
00:15:42,463 --> 00:15:44,047
walking around
down there, Morty.
400
00:15:44,131 --> 00:15:46,132
A-At least they're not in love
with you anymore, though.
401
00:15:46,216 --> 00:15:47,967
That's a huge step
in the right direction.
402
00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:50,261
Oh, my God!
It's a living nightmare!
403
00:15:50,346 --> 00:15:52,805
How could you be
so irresponsible, Rick?
404
00:15:52,890 --> 00:15:55,308
Me irresponsible?! You...
all I wanted you to do
405
00:15:55,392 --> 00:15:57,060
was hand me
a screwdriver, Morty!
406
00:15:57,144 --> 00:15:59,812
You're the one who wanted to
be... wanted me to buckle down
407
00:15:59,897 --> 00:16:02,148
and make you up a...
roofie-juice serum
408
00:16:02,232 --> 00:16:05,360
so you could roofie that
poor girl at your school.
409
00:16:05,444 --> 00:16:08,404
I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...
are you kidding me, Morty?
410
00:16:08,489 --> 00:16:10,489
You're gonna try to take
the high road on this one?
411
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,949
Y-Y-Y-Y-You're a little
creep, Morty.
412
00:16:12,034 --> 00:16:13,326
Y-You're a... you're...
you're...
413
00:16:13,410 --> 00:16:15,328
you're just a little creepy...
creep person.
414
00:16:15,412 --> 00:16:17,038
All right, fine. I should have
just listened to you
415
00:16:17,122 --> 00:16:18,665
when you refused to make
the serum.
416
00:16:18,749 --> 00:16:20,583
I'm willing to accept my part of
the blame for this, Rick.
417
00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:22,293
But I'll tell you something...
you know what?
418
00:16:22,378 --> 00:16:23,961
You gotta accept your part
of the blame!
419
00:16:24,046 --> 00:16:25,755
I'm not the one
who fouled up the serum!
420
00:16:25,839 --> 00:16:27,590
I'm not the one who...
who... who...
421
00:16:27,675 --> 00:16:29,050
who haphazardly, you know,
422
00:16:29,134 --> 00:16:30,718
mixed a bunch of nonsense
together
423
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:32,512
and created a bunch of
Cronenbergs!
424
00:16:32,596 --> 00:16:34,889
You gotta fix this, Rick!
- All right, all right, Morty.
425
00:16:34,973 --> 00:16:36,599
You know, w-w-w-we are
in a pretty deep hole, here,
426
00:16:36,684 --> 00:16:39,394
but I do have one emergency
solution that I can use
427
00:16:39,478 --> 00:16:41,312
that'll kind of put
everything back to normal,
428
00:16:41,397 --> 00:16:42,772
relatively speaking.
429
00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:44,273
Here, Morty, put this on
while I do
430
00:16:44,358 --> 00:16:46,275
a little bit of scouting.
431
00:16:48,529 --> 00:16:51,072
[ birds chirping ]
432
00:16:58,706 --> 00:17:00,623
MORTY:
Wow, Rick, I gotta say...
433
00:17:00,708 --> 00:17:02,788
you really pulled a rabbit out
of your hat this time.
434
00:17:02,835 --> 00:17:04,752
I mean, l-I really thought
that the whole place
435
00:17:04,837 --> 00:17:06,629
was gonna be messed up for good,
436
00:17:06,714 --> 00:17:08,589
but here, you did it...
y-y-you... you...
437
00:17:08,674 --> 00:17:10,341
you figured out that crazy
solution,
438
00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:11,509
like you always do.
439
00:17:11,593 --> 00:17:13,344
Whoo!
That's some great luck.
440
00:17:13,429 --> 00:17:15,346
Come on, Morty. Luck had
nothing to do with it.
441
00:17:15,431 --> 00:17:18,391
I'm great.
That's the real reason.
442
00:17:18,475 --> 00:17:20,518
Now, Morty, what do you
say, buddy?
443
00:17:20,602 --> 00:17:22,353
Will you hand me a screwdriver
444
00:17:22,438 --> 00:17:24,188
so I can finish my ionic
dis... defibulizer?
445
00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:26,524
Sure thing, Rick.
Here's a screwdriver.
446
00:17:26,608 --> 00:17:28,818
All right, Morty.
Thank you very much.
447
00:17:28,902 --> 00:17:31,821
We got one screw turn...
and two screw turns...
448
00:17:31,905 --> 00:17:33,614
and...
449
00:17:38,746 --> 00:17:40,163
All right, Morty, here we are.
450
00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:42,165
Oh, my god, Rick!
Is that us?!
451
00:17:42,249 --> 00:17:44,125
W-W-W-We're dead!
What is going on, Rick?
452
00:17:44,209 --> 00:17:45,710
I'm freaking out!
453
00:17:45,794 --> 00:17:47,378
Calm down, Morty!
Look at me! Calm down, Morty!
454
00:17:47,463 --> 00:17:49,088
No, I can't deal with this!
455
00:17:49,173 --> 00:17:50,715
Calm yourself, Morty.
456
00:17:50,799 --> 00:17:52,300
I can't deal with this, Rick!
457
00:17:52,384 --> 00:17:53,801
- Calm down, Morty.
- This can't be real!
458
00:17:53,886 --> 00:17:56,012
- You gotta calm down, Morty.
- W-W-W-W-We're ripped apart!
459
00:17:56,096 --> 00:17:57,972
Shut up and listen to me!
460
00:17:58,056 --> 00:17:59,307
It's fine.
Everything is fine.
461
00:17:59,391 --> 00:18:00,808
There's an infinite number
of realities, Morty,
462
00:18:00,893 --> 00:18:02,560
and in a few dozen of those,
463
00:18:02,644 --> 00:18:04,604
I got lucky and turned
everything back to normal.
464
00:18:04,688 --> 00:18:06,355
I just had to find one
of those realities
465
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,066
in which we also happen to both
die around this time.
466
00:18:09,151 --> 00:18:10,610
Now we can just slip
into the place
467
00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:12,195
of our dead selves
in this reality
468
00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:13,863
and everything will be fine.
469
00:18:13,947 --> 00:18:15,364
We're not skipping a beat,
Morty.
470
00:18:15,449 --> 00:18:16,449
Now, help me with these bodies.
471
00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,617
This is insane.
472
00:18:17,701 --> 00:18:19,861
Look, Morty, I'll grab myself,
you grab yourself, okay?
473
00:18:19,912 --> 00:18:21,287
I mean, t-t-t-that seems
fair to me...
474
00:18:21,371 --> 00:18:23,331
I mean, that seems like
a fair way to divvy it up.
475
00:18:23,373 --> 00:18:25,374
Rick, what about
the reality we left behind?
476
00:18:25,459 --> 00:18:28,127
What about the reality where
Hitler cured cancer, Morty?
477
00:18:28,212 --> 00:18:29,629
The answer is don't
think about it.
478
00:18:29,713 --> 00:18:31,839
It's not like we can do this
every week, anyways.
479
00:18:31,924 --> 00:18:33,524
We get three or four more
of these, tops.
480
00:18:33,550 --> 00:18:35,301
Now, pick up your dead self
and come on.
481
00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:36,636
Haste makes waste.
482
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:38,846
I-I-I don't suppose you've
considered this detail,
483
00:18:38,931 --> 00:18:41,432
but obviously, if I hadn't
screwed up as much as I did,
484
00:18:41,517 --> 00:18:45,353
we'd be these guys right now,
so, again, you're welcome.
485
00:18:48,482 --> 00:18:55,279
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
486
00:18:55,364 --> 00:19:02,453
♪ There's still fountains
down there ♪
487
00:19:05,415 --> 00:19:11,212
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
488
00:19:11,296 --> 00:19:18,553
♪ It's still raining up here ♪
489
00:19:21,306 --> 00:19:29,063
♪ Everybody seems so far away
from me ♪
490
00:19:29,147 --> 00:19:36,737
♪ Everybody just wants
to be free ♪
491
00:19:36,822 --> 00:19:42,910
♪ Look away from the sky ♪
492
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:49,709
♪ It's no different
when you're leaving home ♪
493
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:58,593
♪ I can't be the same thing
to you now ♪
494
00:19:58,677 --> 00:20:02,597
♪ I'm just gone ♪
495
00:20:02,681 --> 00:20:08,311
♪ Just gone ♪
496
00:20:08,395 --> 00:20:16,395
♪ How could I say goodbye? ♪
497
00:20:20,616 --> 00:20:24,285
You know, the thing
about a shark...
498
00:20:24,369 --> 00:20:26,746
he's got lifeless eyes...
499
00:20:26,830 --> 00:20:28,748
black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
500
00:20:28,832 --> 00:20:30,333
When he comes at ya,
501
00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:32,335
he doesn't seem to be living
until he bites ya,
502
00:20:32,419 --> 00:20:35,296
and then the... the blood,
and the red, and the water...
503
00:20:35,380 --> 00:20:36,380
[ sighs ]
504
00:20:36,465 --> 00:20:38,591
You ever wonder what happened
to Rick and Morty?
505
00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:41,427
Sometimes.
But, I'm ashamed to admit,
506
00:20:41,511 --> 00:20:47,058
now that they're gone,
I'm finally happy.
507
00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:49,268
Here we are, Cronenberg Morty...
508
00:20:49,353 --> 00:20:50,895
a reality where
everyone in the world
509
00:20:50,979 --> 00:20:52,355
got genetically Cronenberged.
510
00:20:52,439 --> 00:20:54,523
We'll fit right in,
Cronenberg Morty.
511
00:20:54,608 --> 00:20:56,984
It'll be like we never even
left Cronenberg world.
512
00:20:57,069 --> 00:20:58,444
Yeah, Cronenberg Rick,
513
00:20:58,528 --> 00:21:00,368
but, you know, I'm gonna miss
Cronenberg world,
514
00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:01,989
because everyone
was Cronenberged all along
515
00:21:02,074 --> 00:21:03,741
like us from the beginning,
you know?
516
00:21:03,825 --> 00:21:05,368
I mean, l-I wish we hadn't
genetically ruined
517
00:21:05,452 --> 00:21:07,370
Cronenberg World
beyond repair like we did,
518
00:21:07,454 --> 00:21:09,997
you know, and turned everyone
into regular, normal people
519
00:21:10,082 --> 00:21:11,540
just walking around.
520
00:21:11,625 --> 00:21:13,225
Don't you worry about
that sort of thing,
521
00:21:13,293 --> 00:21:14,377
Cronenberg Morty.
522
00:21:14,461 --> 00:21:17,755
Let's go make ourselves
at home, huh?
523
00:21:21,468 --> 00:21:22,885
Did you get any of that?
524
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,929
It's a good-a show!
39129
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