Original subtitles

Today we start weight training.

For the first two weeks we will do universal weights

and after that aerobics.

- Hey. Check out the amazons. - Oh. I'd love to see

the trail of broken thigh masters those legs left behind.

Wyatt.

Why don't you come demonstrate the bench press?

Ouch. Direct hit.

( Grunting )

- ( Laughter ) - Catherine.

Could you come help us a second?

Wyatt seems to be having a little trouble lifting.

Could you show him a few presses?

Sure.

Plant yourself solid on the bench feet on the floor.

Push evenly with your arms.

Careful not to left with your back.

That's pretty much it.

Wyatt, this is all men. Where are the chicks?

- That is a chick. - Oh. Nice pecs.

Look at this. I'm pathetic.

What girl would go out with a guy who looks like this?

Women today want more than just a good body.

They want humor, compassion, and sensitivity.

What a load. I wish women would tell the truth about this.

I was lying. Today, more than ever

women are looking for men with a sculpted, hard body.

Enormous genitals don't hurt either.

TV: ...for a harder you a leaner you...

Lisa, I need your help.

I want one of those exercise machines.

That's what I need: a body women drool over.

- And I'll work for it. - You got it.

Well, Wyatt, here it is everything you need

for a harder you a learner you, a brand-new you.

Let's do it.

Come on, Wyatt.

Go on. Dig in.

You can do it.

I'm going to let go now.

Would you leave my calendar alone?

It's supposed to last a year, not a day.

Sorry. Thought I'd expand my vocabulary.

All right, Wyatt, let's check you out.

So what do you think?

- I can't lift my arms. - I can see a difference.

- You look really buff. - Yeah?

- Truth? - Pathetic.

- Your chest seems even more sunken... - Thank you!

That thing is a big waste of time.

It's going to take months to get pumped.

Months? Try years.

I'm not going back into that weight room without muscles.

If you want a great body now, then that's what you'll get.

You torched my clothes!

You wanted a great body, so I gave you a great body.

Here. Try it on.

One size fits all.

( Grunting )

- What do you think? - It's not what I had in mind.

Well, you have to zip it up.

( Rumbling )

( Groaning )

What's happening to me?

( Giggling )

Check it out. I am buff!

What are people going to say when they notice

- I suddenly have muscles? - Nothing.

You see, you've got a natural advantage working for you.

You're a nobody. When they see you with muscles

they'll be seeing you for the first time.

Hi.

Uh, remember me?

No.

Um, I never lifted before

and I was sort of hoping that you could spot me?

Sure. Whatever.

I think you should unload that first.

Is it supposed to be this easy?

That's amazing.

- Go. - ALL: Go. Go. Go.

Go. Go.

Go.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks for spotting me.

GIRL: Oww!

- Hi. - Hi.

( Wolf Whistle )

This is awesome. Every babe in the school wants your body.

Some of this has to trickle down to me.

Hey, wait up. You put on quite a show back there.

Maybe we could train together some time.

Uh, no thanks. I like to work out at home, alone.

Okay. Guess I'll see you around.

- What? - One of the slickest babes

in school came up to you and said, "Hi. I think you're pretty hot

"and I want you to ask me out."

You replied in the unspoken language of love "I don't date girls."

No way would she ever come on to me.

You're arms are bigger than my neck.

You're not you anymore. You're Super Wyatt.

You can get any girl-- including her.

Do the deed. Ask her out.

Hey! Hi.

Oh, hi.

Look, uh... Do you want to go out sometime?

- Huh? - I said, do you want workout sometime?

Like you were asking, training together?

Sure. I just hope I can keep up.

How about tomorrow?

Nice choke.

Working out is still technically a man.

Oh-- somebody discovered shoulder pads.

Are you going to get your weenie-butts sacked in chess club?

- Hi, Chett. - Mom told me to wash the car,

but wouldn't you know it?

I'm not in a car-washing mood.

My guess is you are.

Wash the car, wanker boy.

This looks like a job for Super Wyatt.

( Bugle Playing "Charge" )

( Karate Yells )

Holy monkeys!

I don't like being talked to that way, Chett.

Not now, not ever.

He's asking nicely ( Sniffing )

and how about a courtesy flush, huh?

You think that scares me?

That doesn't scare me.

I've spent a lifetime putting my head through walls.

Oh, ho, ho, ho. You're dead.

I don't know what you're amped up on, cud-boy.

- But I can sit down. - Oh, really?

- Give it your best shot. - Famous last words.

( Crunching )

Chett, is there any chance you're in a car-washing mood now?

I'll do it this once... ( Whimpers )

but not because you want me to...

but because the car is dirty and if there's one thing

I can't stand it's a dirty car.

That suit is awesome. You got to let me borrow it.

( Imitating Schwarzenegger: ) Like a heat-seeking muscle missile

I will seek out and terminate my enemies.

Good Afternoon. I'm the one who sent the invitations.

You are all the jerks that have made my short life a living hell.

Does this mean we're not going to get the free VCRs?

You-- Bonomo-- you shoved me off my bike.

In the fourth grade. My skin's never been the same.

You-- Jergens-- you put a "kick me" sign

on my back in the sixth grade. I still cramp up on cold days.

You-- Wendy-- You got the wrong invitation.

I'm having this group oil-rub thing next saturday.

- I hope you can make it. - Okay.

So, you still don't remember me. I'm Gary Wallace

but you all probably know me as... Mr. Wussy?

Mop top?

Oh, yeah. Pipe cleaner boy?

I remember pipe cleaner boy.

You said I would never get a date.

Well, you were wrong.

- I'd like you to my meet girlfriend. - Hi, everyone.

I'm Lisa, I'm Gary's girlfriend, and I'm 100% sexually satisfied.

Gary has found ways to arouse and fulfill me

that no other man could ever duplicate.

Get the picture? You see, the tables have turned.

I'm the winner and you're the losers.

Any non-believers can step forward and I'll prove my point.

Spare me the freak show.

I don't have time for this.

You're not going to insult us by leaving, are you?

It's either that or I pound your face in-- scuzz bucket.

Ah, "scuzz bucket--" that old chestnut.

So you do remember me.

Now you're going to see what it feels like to be the wussy.

What's all the hubbub...

I don't have any rough-housing.

If you find it necessary to settle your differences

like animals take it to the zoo--

Well, not literally, of course.

They don't allow fighting either.

This isn't over. I'm still going to hurt you.

I look forward to it.

- Uh, excuse me, miss, uh...? - Miss Graham.

- I'm subbing today in civics. - Yes, of course. Miss Graham.

Well, although there is no written dress code you might be

making it difficult for the boys to, uh... focus on their studies.

I consider that a double standard especially coming from you.

I'm afraid I don't understand.

Superintendent! What a pleasant surprise.

( Imitating Schwarzenegger: ) I will crush your head

with my fingers, Ted.

That is how very strong I am.

- WYATT: Hey, Gary? - In here.

Oh, good. Did you bring the suit back?

- Yeah, but it's my day for it. - No. No.

- I have my date with Catherine. - A day-date?

- Who has a day-date? - We're going hiking.

You'll have to reschedule the pummeling.

So, where's the suit?

It's finishing up in the dry cycle.

I thought I'd wash it.

It was getting pretty stinky.

What? I used fabric softener.

( Screams )

It's completely ruined.

Didn't you read the tag?

It's a magic suit of living muscles.

It doesn't come with washing instructions.

Of course, it does.

"Dry clean only. Do not machine wash."

- Son of a gun. - Hey, guys.

How's the... Shredded muscle suit?

- The bonehead washed it. - Didn't you read the tag?

Look, we could spend all day talking about

who didn't read what tag or get on with our lives.

Ted's going to kill Gary.

And Catherine won't go out with me looking like this.

Well, Gary can talk to Ted reason with him.

And as far as Catherine goes try it without the muscles.

Show her the real you. Girls really respond to honesty.

Truth.

Catherine's going to blow you off so you're going to have to fake it.

It's your only chance.

And Ted's going to cream you big-time.

Hold still.

Your pecs are a little uneven.

This stuff is so itchy.

There. Finished.

Okay, Lis.

I did the hard past.

Now all I'm asking for is a little magic just to get it all back together.

Please?

That's all the help you'll get from me.

And by the way you need a nipple there, not a kneecap.

- Ooh. Catch. - Okay, guys.

What do you think?

The truth.

- Very hot. - Great.

He's going to be very hot wearing that.

I haven't forgotten our little car-washing incident.

You caught me off guard.

But this time... I'll spare you your tongue so you can dial 911.

- ( Shrieking ) - Go ahead, Chett.

Nunchaku away. You'll probably beat me

to a pulp just like you did last time.

Oh. oh, that's right. I kicked your butt last time.

- Remember? - Rah!

Mess with me again and I will inflict such mind-numbing

pain you will regret the day that I was ever born.

Spine... searing... pain.

( Screams )

Let's get one thing straight.

I'm not leaving because I'm scared.

Leaving because I'm scared of what I might do to you

'cause you were born a wussy you are a wussy

and you will always be a wussy!

And... just wait till I tell Dad

you punched a hole in the bathroom wall.

How you doing back there?

I'm so hot!

Why did you get all dressed up like you're doing to church?

When you said "hike" I thought you meant, you know... downhill.

Why don't we rest or even turn back?

I got a great hiking simulator on my computer.

- I'm not into computers. - We could eat.

We passed a burger hut.

I don't eat junk food.

No computers? No junk food?

I'm guessing you've never been to a Star Trek convention?

GARY: Lisa?

You think this thing will hold together?

Maybe I should have double-stitched.

It will be fine. Zip it up.

- ( Zipping ) - ( Screaming )

Gary? Gary, you okay?

Yeah. I just caught myself in the zipper.

We made it! Don't you feel great?

( Panting ) A swimming hole!

- Can we drink it? - Drink it?

I've got a better idea. Let's go swimming.

You mean... get undressed? I don't have my bathing suit.

- Me neither. - ( Whimpers )

I can't do this becasue I can't...

take off my clothes in front of you.

- Why not? - Uh...

- I think we have to break up. - What?

- This is our first date. - I don't think it's going to work out.

We're very different people.

And we definitely shouldn't be naked together.

When did you come up with this?

Somewhere around 7,000 feet.

We were having fun.

We were, but... you got to understand.

Um, I've been down this road before:

girls who only want to go out with me because

I have this great body always coming up

with excuses for me to take my shirt off.

Wyatt, I don't care about your body.

I mean, it's nice, but I've seen better.

Really? So you don't care if I have muscles or not?

Give me a little credit. It's the complete person that counts.

It's not as if you like me just because I'm pretty.

- No. Of course not. - Then let's go swimming.

Great. Because I am sweating like a pig in here.

See, I thought you only liked buff guys so I stuffed my clothes.

Pretty crazy, huh? I am so relieved!

I can finally show you the real me!

For the first in my life I'm not embarrassed about my body.

Come on! Let's get wet!

All right, Ted, you no-neck little weenus.

I'm ready for you.

And I'm ready for you... scuzz bucket.

Don't call me that.

( Grunting )

( Electricity Crackling )

- ( Screams ) - That's right.

Run away, you little punk. And if you ever mess

with me again you'll be crawling home.

Be a problem.

I had a great time at the falls this weekend.

- Yeah, me too. - I'm glad we got past

that perfect body stuff. I can't tell you how comfortable

I feel knowing that I can be myself.

Uh-huh. Gary, you know Catherine,

my, um... girlfriend?

- Hi. - Hi.

So... you want to go back to the falls this weekend?

Uh, I don't know. This weekend?

I'll call you. I will.

Did you hear that?

We're going out again this weekend.

Does she dig me or what?

What can I say?

She digs you.

- Truth. - Wyatt, I hate to tell you this but... - Lie.

Catherine will love you till the end of time.

That's all I wanted to hear.

Captioned by Grantman Brown