All language subtitles for How I Met Your Mother (2005) - S07E01 - The Best Man (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)-eng
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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:04,105
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, if there's one
big theme to this story--
2
00:00:04,138 --> 00:00:06,240
and I swear,
we're totally, almost,
3
00:00:06,274 --> 00:00:09,310
not really all that close
to the end-- it's timing.
4
00:00:09,343 --> 00:00:11,345
Timing is everything.
For example,
5
00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:13,547
I never would've met your mother
if it weren't for a wedding--
6
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:16,417
the last wedding
I ever thought I'd be at.
7
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,188
- What do you think of this tie?
- Oh, thank God.
8
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,090
Barney Stinson needs you
right before his wedding,
9
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:25,759
you assume there's at least
one dead hooker in the closet,
right? [ Chuckles ]
10
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,062
[ Chuckling ]
11
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,501
- Is this one better?
- Look. The tie is great.
12
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,670
And, you know,
it's perfectly normal to have
some pre-wedding jitters.
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,806
I'm not having jitters.
14
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:42,676
It just occurs to me
that once I put this tie on,
I can never take it off.
15
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,313
I have to wear this tie
for ever and ever.
16
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,415
And sure,
this tie's skinny now,
17
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,850
but what happens
if it gets fat and starts
bossing me around?
18
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,621
Did I make a mistake?
Would I have been happier
with the other tie?
19
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,826
Ted, can I tell you
a big secret?
20
00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,594
Yeah, of course.
21
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,633
I'm not really
talking about the tie.
No, I got that, buddy. Yeah.
22
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:09,203
What if
this whole thing's
a disaster?
23
00:01:09,237 --> 00:01:11,839
What if this is
the worst wedding ever?
24
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,875
Not possible. We've already
been to the worst wedding ever.
25
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,844
Punchy's wedding.
26
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:19,813
Marshall really took
a two-flusher on that one.
27
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:23,384
[ Ted Narrating ] The story
of how Uncle Marshall ruined
my friend Punchy's wedding...
28
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:25,719
starts in September 2011.
29
00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,921
Punchy had asked me
to be his best man.
30
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:30,391
Hey.
Hey. Guys, uh,
before we go,
31
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:31,792
would you mind
reading my wedding toast?
32
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,128
No problem.
Um, all right.
If we have to.
33
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:36,197
All right.
Whoa!
34
00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:39,300
There's a few
different versions.
35
00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:42,002
Ted, why are you working
so hard on this toast?
36
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:45,673
Punchy belched his proposal
through a karaoke mike
at a bowling alley.
37
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:48,442
Okay, look. I've never
told you guys this, but,
38
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:51,111
over the years,
a few of my old
high school buddies...
39
00:01:51,145 --> 00:01:53,381
have asked me
to give wedding toasts,
40
00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:57,851
and they haven't gone...
great.
41
00:01:57,885 --> 00:02:00,421
Somehow, those weddings
all fell smack-dab...
42
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,523
in the worst moments
of my life.
43
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:05,326
Joel and Mora's love
is a beautiful thing.
44
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,297
I thought I had that--
45
00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:12,600
till my fiancée left me
at the altar last week.
46
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:15,403
I was asked not
to talk about this,
so I won't.
47
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,775
I sit outside her house
at night sometimes.
48
00:02:22,943 --> 00:02:25,513
She got a haircut.
49
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:28,048
After I lost
my job last week, um,
50
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,883
I was asked not
to give this toast.
51
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:33,120
No, no, no.
The happy couple
needs to hear this.
52
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,889
Things end.
53
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:39,427
But from the ashes
of your statistically
probable divorce,
54
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,129
hope can rise anew.
55
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:46,200
[ Sniffles ] That is why
I am starting my own
architecture firm,
56
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,202
Mosbius Designs.
57
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:51,239
Mosbius Designs has failed.
58
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,243
But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that--
59
00:02:56,109 --> 00:02:58,045
that--
60
00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:00,381
[ Sobbing ]
Oh, God!
61
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,452
Classic Schmosby!
62
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:08,121
Whoa. Punchy posted
the low points
of your life online?
63
00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,057
Oh, not just that.
64
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:12,693
** [ Pop ]
[ Auto-Tuned ]
* Mosbius Designs has failed
65
00:03:12,726 --> 00:03:16,063
* But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that-- *
66
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,299
* That-that-that-that--
That-that-that-that *
67
00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:21,068
[ Sobbing ]
* Oh, God *
68
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:25,739
So now I seem like
a total train wreck to all
my old high school friends.
69
00:03:25,773 --> 00:03:28,376
And a bunch of people
in Finland.
70
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,678
The Auto-Tune thing
got kind of big over there.
71
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:33,847
That's why I have
to nail this toast.
72
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:37,117
Ted, you want to nail
something at this wedding?
73
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:39,953
Lose the Trapper Keeper.
74
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:43,223
The only thing you need
to bring to Cleveland is this.
75
00:03:43,257 --> 00:03:46,327
[ Ted Narrating ] That fall,
I became the youngest architect
in the history of New York...
76
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:48,596
to break ground
on a skyscraper,
77
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,564
which led to
a glowing magazine feature.
78
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,466
I planned on having it framed.
79
00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,268
Uncle Barney
had different plans.
80
00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,803
Here's your toast--
81
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,171
"Single file, ladies.
No fatties."
82
00:03:58,205 --> 00:03:59,707
That's ridiculous.
83
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,375
Yeah, you're right.
It's Cleveland.
84
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,744
"Single file, ladies."
85
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,947
** [ Upbeat Pop ]
86
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,651
** [ Man Vocalizing ]
87
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,291
** [ Ends ]
88
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:21,261
I'm not going
to Punchy's wedding
to brag about a magazine.
89
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,564
Cover.
90
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:26,099
Barney, he doesn't need
dating advice from you.
91
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:28,336
You never even called Nora.
92
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,738
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, you remember Nora.
93
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,206
But just the other day--
I'll call you.
94
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,476
It's never too late, Barney.
95
00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:37,345
Or did you call her?
[ Chuckles ]
96
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,981
Not that I care. Did you?
I don't care. Did you?
97
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,650
I haven't called her.
98
00:04:42,683 --> 00:04:44,552
Oh, buddy.
Damn it, Barney.
I was really,
99
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,587
really, really
rooting for you two.
100
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,456
- Who wants hot wings?
- I'm in.
101
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,691
Or maybe we should just
pour hot sauce on Barney...
102
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:52,326
since he's a total chicken.
103
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,227
I did not chicken out.
104
00:04:54,261 --> 00:04:55,996
Nora is looking for
something serious.
105
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,531
I'm not. End of story.
106
00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,700
And yes, Robin,
I would love some wings.
107
00:04:59,733 --> 00:05:02,202
- Cannibal.
- Okay. Next round's on me.
108
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:03,804
Oh, no.
No, we got it.
109
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,907
Now, Lily and Marshall
had just found out
they were having a baby.
110
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,743
I can't wait
to tell everyone.
Baby, no.
111
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:12,079
We can't tell anyone.
Not-Not until three months.
112
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,614
I don't want to jinx it.
113
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,783
That's a bit superstitious,
don't you think?
114
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,652
Whenever we board a flight,
you lick the plane.
115
00:05:18,686 --> 00:05:20,921
Have we crashed even once?
116
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:23,657
Don't say a word until we know
everything's okay. Deal?
117
00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:27,027
Deal. But... everything's
just gonna be great.
118
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,562
I promise.
119
00:05:28,596 --> 00:05:30,498
How can you guarantee that?
120
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,768
Hmm.
121
00:05:38,238 --> 00:05:40,173
I'm just so happy.
122
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,876
I don't know how we're
gonna keep this secret
for three months.
123
00:05:42,910 --> 00:05:44,578
Relax. It'll be easy.
124
00:05:44,612 --> 00:05:46,279
What'll you have?
125
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,348
Four beers,
plus one nonalcoholic.
126
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,651
You're pregnant!
Get in here!
127
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:53,954
And so we all headed
to my hometown...
128
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,457
where we planned to celebrate
Punchy's big day.
129
00:05:56,490 --> 00:05:58,125
Uncle Barney
had different plans.
130
00:05:58,158 --> 00:05:59,560
Get ready, Cleveland.
131
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,829
The last man to screw you
this hard, then disappear...
132
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,431
was LeBron James.
133
00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,634
Okay, you're trying
to get laid here?
134
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:07,635
What?
135
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,637
God, Barney. Tonight
is a magical night...
136
00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:12,105
between Ted's annoying friend
and what's-her-face.
137
00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:13,774
Have some respect.
138
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,409
This isn't just getting laid.
139
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:16,944
This is market research.
140
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:21,314
You see, my legendary
success rate of 83%--
141
00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:23,350
Seventeen.
It's always the inverse.
142
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:25,385
doesn't happen by accident.
143
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,220
Every single play
I run on women...
144
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,856
has been meticulously
field-tested.
145
00:06:28,889 --> 00:06:33,293
By weeding out the bad plays
in smaller markets
like Cleveland,
146
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:34,828
I know which ones
will work in New York.
147
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:38,699
For example, tonight marks
the inaugural flight...
148
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:40,734
of "the escaped manslaughterer."
149
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:44,171
Are escaped
manslaughterers sexy?
150
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:45,606
- No.
- Not even remotely.
151
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:49,009
Exactly! We'll never know
unless I try it out tonight!
152
00:06:49,042 --> 00:06:52,580
Schmosby!
Turd-faces!
[ Shouts ]
153
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,182
Yeah, you really
feel that ring now.
154
00:06:55,215 --> 00:06:56,650
So glad you all made it.
155
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:59,252
Open bar!
Drink up, turd-faces.
156
00:06:59,286 --> 00:07:03,491
'Cause Kelly's dad's
paying for all this,
and he hates my guts.
157
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,659
- [ Kelly ]
It's true.
- Who's doin' shots?
158
00:07:05,693 --> 00:07:08,228
- Come on. Let's go!
- Oh, no, thank you.
159
00:07:08,261 --> 00:07:10,798
- What, are you pregnant
or somethin'?
- Let's get hammered!
160
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,399
Hey, hey!
161
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,802
You're drinkin'
for two tonight, baby.
162
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:17,538
I will do this
for the child.
163
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,473
Go Browns!
[ All ]
Go Browns!
164
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,408
Yay.
[ Chuckles Nervously ]
165
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,377
In AFC regular season play, but
if they meet in the Super Bowl,
go Vikings.
166
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:26,079
Yowza!
167
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,048
[ Woman Screaming ]
168
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:31,251
Escaped manslaughterers--
not sexy.
169
00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:34,354
Although, in hindsight,
that was kind of
a flawed concept.
170
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,524
Next up-- "Patient Zero."
171
00:07:36,557 --> 00:07:39,159
[ Coughing ]
172
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,796
Lily, we are getting
sloshed tonight.
173
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,764
Okay.
174
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,032
That's all you, baby.
175
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,100
But that'll be
four shots in
with no food.
176
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:51,038
In nine months, I'll be pushing
a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby
out of my hoo-ha.
177
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:53,607
I think Papa can manage
a few extra cocktails.
178
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,876
Well played.
179
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,682
Hakuna matata!
180
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,752
I, uh-- I gotta
get some air.
181
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:10,824
Kids, remember
how I told you Marshall
ruined Punchy's wedding?
182
00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:13,561
That wasn't it.
183
00:08:13,594 --> 00:08:15,563
God, will you look
at that guy?
184
00:08:15,596 --> 00:08:18,899
[ High-pitched Voice ]
I wish Barney
were my boyfriend again.
185
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:22,502
No, thanks.
Wait a minute.
That's your truth voice.
186
00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,906
My what?
Whenever you're trying to pass
something off as a joke...
187
00:08:25,939 --> 00:08:29,376
but it's actually
profoundly true,
you use that voice.
188
00:08:29,409 --> 00:08:32,112
[ High-pitched Voice ]
I wish the Spice Girls
would get back together.
189
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,247
They were awesome.
190
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,116
[ Normal Voice ]
The worst.
191
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:40,053
- [ Sniffing ]
- [ Marshall Groans ]
192
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:43,724
[ High-pitched Voice ]
That was me.
I totally cut one.
193
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,126
[ Snorts ]
It was that guy.
194
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:50,197
Birthday present
from my dad.
195
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:53,233
[ High-pitched Voice ]
All I really want is for him
to tell me that he loves me.
196
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,403
[ Snickers ]
Just kidding.
This pen's enough.
197
00:08:56,436 --> 00:08:58,706
[ High-pitched Voice ]
It's not enough.
[ Chuckles ]
198
00:08:58,739 --> 00:09:00,741
[ Normal Voice ]
It's totally enough.
199
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:04,411
Oh, my God.
200
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,747
You still have
feelings for Barney.
201
00:09:11,652 --> 00:09:14,788
Admit it.
You still have
feelings for Barney.
202
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:17,758
You are drunker
than I thought.
203
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,793
[ Scoffs ]
I mean, look at the guy.
204
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,895
Wait, wait, wait.
Before you go,
205
00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:26,566
please answer the following
survey to help me better
bang you in the future.
206
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,636
What didn't work for you
about this play?
207
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:33,106
Did you "A," not believe
I was a Guinness Book
World Record holder,
208
00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,876
or "B," did the fingernails
gross you out?
209
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,746
The--
210
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:41,014
Can't wait for your toast,
Schmosby!
211
00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,983
Yeah. Here come
the waterworks!
[ Mock Sobbing ]
212
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:46,053
Wait. You're rooting
for me to melt down
at your own wedding?
213
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:49,422
Yeah. Everyone is.
Plus a few new friends
from Finland.
214
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,925
[ Woman Gasps ]
[ Shutter Clicking ]
215
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:56,029
Hey, good luck, Schmos.
Good luck! Good luck!
216
00:09:56,063 --> 00:10:00,433
Take it. Show them
how awesome you are.
217
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,703
Shamelessly
plug yourself...
218
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:06,239
so you can
shamelessly plug,
let's say, that.
219
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,009
I told you.
I'm not here
to brag, okay?
220
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:12,445
That's it.
You're too polite to brag?
221
00:10:12,479 --> 00:10:15,783
Well, fine. Let me.
222
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:18,351
Because the only person
on earth...
223
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:21,588
who loves Ted Mosby
more than Marshall Eriksen...
224
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,556
is drunk Marshall Eriksen.
225
00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:25,125
So game on.
226
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:35,202
Kids, remember how I told you
Marshall ruined Punchy
and Kelly's wedding?
227
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:39,039
That wasn't it either.
228
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:42,342
Barney and I
tried and failed.
229
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:46,013
That was two years ago.
Why would I ever
go down that road again?
230
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,682
It wouldn't even make sense.
It doesn't
have to make sense.
231
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,350
It's chemistry.
232
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,586
Look. I've always
had a sixth sense
about these things,
233
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:58,458
and now that I'm
pregnant... with this idea
in-in my mind-uterus,
234
00:10:58,491 --> 00:11:00,928
I see things even clearer.
235
00:11:00,961 --> 00:11:05,098
You and Barney have
the kind of chemistry
that just doesn't go away.
236
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,233
Really?
237
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,236
Then why is he trying
to LeBron anything that moves?
238
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:13,540
Did this not work for you
because "A," vampires
are played out,
239
00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:18,345
or "B," claiming that
I also invented Facebook
was kind of a hat on a hat?
240
00:11:21,148 --> 00:11:23,316
You're the reason
he never called Nora.
241
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,853
You're the reason he's only
test-marketing tonight.
242
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:30,758
And you're the reason
he keeps striking out
on purpose. Chemistry.
243
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:34,294
Whoa! Ted.
244
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:39,166
Is that really you
on the cover
of New Yor magazine?
245
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,668
[ Whispers ]
Now you say "yes."
Please stop.
246
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,837
Schmosby. What's this
about a magazine?
247
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:45,839
You know what, Clay?
It's, uh, no big deal.
248
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:49,042
Ah-ah.
You know what?
It is a big deal, Clay.
249
00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:52,545
My friend Ted is designing
a skyscraper, Clay.
250
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:54,281
What have you
been up to, Clay?
251
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,750
Well, I'm still working
at the rental car company.
252
00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,752
Bravo. Bravo, Clay.
253
00:11:58,786 --> 00:12:03,323
Any major publications
wanna write an article about
your sweet rental car gig?
254
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,860
No. No articles.
My life's pretty dull.
255
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:09,696
I guess the only news is...
this little gal.
256
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:12,499
Oh, my God!
Look at the "wittle" baby!
257
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,201
She is so cute.
258
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:19,706
All I wanna do is put
her little feet in my mouth.
259
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,875
You've created something
truly beautiful.
260
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,044
She is my everything.
261
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,478
Oh.
262
00:12:25,512 --> 00:12:28,949
I mean it's kind of
a big deal, the building.
263
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,583
Hey, little one.
264
00:12:30,617 --> 00:12:33,253
So this little angel's
already sleeping
through the night?
265
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:35,122
I've had
some sleepless nights...
266
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,925
designing this building.
267
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,593
[ All ]
Aw!
268
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:43,030
Nothing symbolic about that.
269
00:12:43,831 --> 00:12:45,498
Let it go.
270
00:12:45,532 --> 00:12:49,302
There is no chemistry left
between me and Barney.
We're done.
271
00:12:49,336 --> 00:12:53,473
- Oh, really? Prove it.
Go tell him.
- Why would I go tell him that?
272
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:57,077
Because, deep down,
even if he isn't
aware of it himself,
273
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:59,179
Barney wants
to be with you.
274
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:02,215
And if it's not gonna happen,
he deserves to know.
275
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,416
Fine.
276
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,118
** [ Dance, Up-tempo ]
277
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:06,753
[ Man ]
* Dig
278
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,656
Barney, just so everything
is crystal clear--
279
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:11,291
I know what
you're gonna say.
280
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:15,395
- Let's show Cleveland
how it's done.
- ** [ Continues ]
281
00:13:15,428 --> 00:13:17,630
[ Woman ]
* The chills that you
spill up my back *
282
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,800
* Keep me filled
with satisfaction
when we're done *
283
00:13:20,834 --> 00:13:23,170
* Satisfaction
of what's to come *
284
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,006
* I couldn't ask for another
285
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:28,075
[ Man ]
* Uh-huh, uh-huh
286
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:30,978
* I-I-I-I
287
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:34,014
* No, I couldn't ask
for another *
288
00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,222
* Groove is in the heart
289
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:46,493
* Groove is in the heart
290
00:13:46,526 --> 00:13:50,931
* Groove is in the heart
* Astronomical
291
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,534
* Groove is in the heart
292
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,609
[ Mouthing Lyrics ]
* One, two, three-- hoo
293
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,850
[ Man ]
* Groove is in your heart *
294
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:14,021
[ Woman ]
* Groove is in the heart
295
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:18,625
[ Man Chuckles ]
* Groove is in the heart
296
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:22,129
* Groove is in the heart
297
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:26,299
* Groove is in the heart *
298
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,208
** [ Ends ]
299
00:14:37,911 --> 00:14:40,713
[ Breathless ]
Barney, I--
300
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:42,449
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
301
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,917
Sorry.
302
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,053
[ Rings ]
303
00:14:46,086 --> 00:14:48,455
Oh, my God. It's Nora.
304
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,657
[ Ringing ]
305
00:14:52,659 --> 00:14:55,295
[ Ringing ]
Nora's finally
calling me back.
306
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,330
Wait. You said
you never called her.
307
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,532
I lied. I called her,
like, five times.
[ Ringing ]
308
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,868
Uh-- Wait, wait.
309
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,472
You of all people know
how much I suck at these things.
You gotta help me. Please?
310
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:08,942
Just once I would like
to see what it feels like
to not screw things up.
311
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,178
Yeah. Mm-hmm.
312
00:15:12,812 --> 00:15:15,515
Hey, Nora.
Thanks for calling me back.
313
00:15:15,548 --> 00:15:17,217
Um, hi.
314
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:21,021
Uh, the-the, um--
The reason that, um,
I called is, uh--
315
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,855
To tell you how
I feel about you.
316
00:15:22,889 --> 00:15:24,357
To tell you how
I feel about you.
317
00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,193
I know we
didn't work out
the first time.
318
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,095
I know we didn't work out
the first time.
319
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,829
And I know it doesn't
make any sense.
And...
320
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,531
I know it doesn't
make any sense.
321
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:34,067
But I can't shake the feeling
that we belong together.
But I can't shake...
322
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,269
this feeling
that we belong together.
323
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,506
Is there any part of you
that wants to try again?
Is there any part of you...
324
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,075
that wants to try again?
325
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,714
[ Mouths Words ]
326
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:51,084
Baby.
I can't take it anymore.
327
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,086
I gotta tell somebody
that we're pregnant.
328
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,855
Eriksen, stay strong.
We're keeping this secret.
329
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:58,791
There's babies everywhere.
It's like a minefield
of cuteness.
330
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:00,427
Look at this little bastard.
331
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,795
Marshall, stop it.
Stay strong.
332
00:16:02,829 --> 00:16:07,400
You can't let holding some--
some little baby-- oh--
333
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,237
with cute
little cheeks and...
334
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:13,106
little arms
and little leg--
335
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:15,242
This son of a bitch
has knee dimples.
336
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,710
Let's go tell everyone
I'm pregnant.
337
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,279
Yeah!
338
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:24,351
** [ Background:
Rock, Muffled ]
339
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:41,601
You okay?
Nope. You?
340
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,071
Not excessively.
341
00:16:44,104 --> 00:16:46,306
You wanna talk
about it?
Not even a little.
342
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,575
Might make you
feel better.
343
00:16:49,576 --> 00:16:53,146
Okay, fine.
I'll make you a deal.
344
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:57,384
You go first, and then
I'll stick with my thing
about not talking about it.
345
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,820
Okay.
346
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,790
All my friends from
high school-- they're here
with their wives, their kids.
347
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:07,560
Me? My date for the night
is a sticky magazine.
348
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:09,662
Sounds like high school
all over again.
349
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,531
Sorry. It was right there.
350
00:17:13,733 --> 00:17:16,603
I used to believe
in destiny, you know.
351
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:19,572
I'd go to the bagel place,
352
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,709
see a pretty girl in line
reading my favorite novel,
353
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:26,146
whistling the song
that's been stuck in my head
all week, and I'd think,
354
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:30,016
"Wow! Hey, maybe
she's the one."
355
00:17:30,049 --> 00:17:34,554
Now I think, "I just know that
bitch is gonna take the last
whole wheat-everything bagel."
356
00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:36,889
You've just been
focused on work.
357
00:17:36,923 --> 00:17:38,891
No.
358
00:17:38,925 --> 00:17:41,361
It's more than that.
359
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,097
I've stopped believing.
360
00:17:44,131 --> 00:17:48,568
Not in some depressed,
"I'm gonna cry
during my toast" way.
361
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,638
Not in a way
I even noticed until tonight.
362
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:57,043
It's just
every day I think I...
believe a little less...
363
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,612
and a little less
and a little less.
364
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,282
And that... sucks.
365
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,620
What do I do about that,
Scherbatsky?
366
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,922
You're Ted Mosby.
367
00:18:09,956 --> 00:18:11,924
You start believing again.
368
00:18:11,958 --> 00:18:14,127
In what? Destiny?
369
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,797
Chemistry.
370
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:20,200
If you have chemistry,
you only need
one other thing.
371
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,702
What's that?
Timing.
372
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,538
But timing's a bitch.
373
00:18:28,675 --> 00:18:31,378
Hey, we still have
our, uh, 40 deal, right?
374
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:34,214
If we're both
still single at 40?
I'm all yours.
375
00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,748
Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckles ]
376
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:38,117
Unrelated, do architects
make big money?
377
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:41,821
Aggressively medium money.
Damn it.
378
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,325
Schmosby, you're up
in two minutes.
379
00:18:47,093 --> 00:18:50,597
Promise me two things.
One, you start
believing again.
380
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:54,534
And two, don't cry
during the toast, Schmosby.
381
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:58,205
I promise.
Good.
382
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,776
We're having a baby.
383
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,478
What? For real?
384
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:06,579
For real.
385
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,080
Oh!
Oh!
386
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,683
- [ Laughing ]
- [ Man On P.A. ]
Attention, everyone.
387
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:13,052
It's time for the reason
we're all here tonight--
388
00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:15,154
Schmosby's toast!
389
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:19,259
We're here tonight
to celebrate love.
390
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,728
[ Snickering ]
391
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:23,763
Love brings us new life.
392
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,232
[ Snickering ]
393
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:27,500
Hey.
394
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,539
This isn't a meltdown.
395
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:35,575
These are tears of joy.
396
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,179
Ted is happy
for his friends...
397
00:19:40,213 --> 00:19:43,115
'cause he's the best guy
that I know.
398
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:47,153
And you know why he's happy?
Because this beautiful lady
right here is pregnant.
399
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:51,023
How did you know that?
That was supposed
to be a secret!
400
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:52,792
[ Ted Narrating ]
Turns out--
401
00:19:52,825 --> 00:19:55,628
- Go Browns!
- [ All ]
Go Browns!
402
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:59,899
[ Marshall ] In AFC regular
season play, but if they meet
in the Super Bowl, go Vikings.
403
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,736
How dare you!
That's my daughter,
you piece of garbage.
404
00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:06,005
You're still gonna pay
for all this, right?
405
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,841
Piece of garbage?
That's my son.
406
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,144
[ Ted Narrating ]
And that is how Marshall
destroyed Punchy's wedding.
407
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:15,882
[ Arguing ]
But we didn't care.
408
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,951
There was gonna be
a sixth member
of our little family.
409
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:20,887
[ Objects Clattering ]
410
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:25,692
No wedding will ever, ever
be as bad as that one, right?
411
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,695
I picked the right tie,
didn't I?
412
00:20:30,597 --> 00:20:33,766
You nailed it.
And, hey, just be glad
it's not the ducky tie.
413
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,269
[ Chuckles ]
[ Ted Narrating ]
Ooh, the ducky tie.
414
00:20:36,303 --> 00:20:38,505
That's a good story, kids.
I'll get to that.
415
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,840
Man, we are not even close
to the end.
416
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:47,046
You're a good
best man, Ted.
417
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:50,016
You're gonna cry during
the toast, aren't you?
Oh, I'm totally gonna cry.
418
00:20:50,049 --> 00:20:51,651
[ Knocking ]
Come in.
419
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:55,254
Ted, the bride
wants to see you.
420
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,358
Okay.
421
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,629
Really? You're gonna
go with that tie?
422
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,798
[ Stammering ]
30852
