All language subtitles for How I Met Your Mother (2005) - S06E23 - Landmarks (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)-eng

[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, this is a story
of landmarks.

There are
certain moments in life
when you have to decide...

which things you can stand
to see torn down...

and which things you have
to preserve, no matter what.

Such a moment came for us all
in May of 2011...

at a special meeting
of the New York City Landmarks
Preservation Commission,

where the fate of the Arcadian
would be decided
once and for all.

"A symbol of strength
and constancy,

the stone lion of the Arcadian
has watched over New Yorkers
for generations.

So remember, if the lion head
stonework is regal,

then tearing it down
should be illegal."

Well? Do you like that?

All right. "We must make sure
the lion is always there.

Destroy the Arcadian?
Oh, no, don't you dare."

Yeah? Yeah, okay.
Try this one on for size.

"If you want
New York's history
at your beck and call"--

- All right, thank you,
Mr. Eriksen.
- I just-- Yeah.

[ Cheering ]

We will now hear
from the architect
of the proposed GNB Tower,

Mr. Ted Mosby.

Now, uh, Mr. Mosby,
let's cut right
to the chase.

Do you think the Arcadian
should be a landmark?

Okay, it's killing me.
What rhymes
with "beck and call"?

[ Audience Laughing ]

Wrecking ball.
Don't go swingin'
no wrecking ball.

[ Audience ]
Ah!

Thank you.

** [ Upbeat Pop ]

** [ Man Vocalizing ]

** [ Ends ]

Mr. Mosby, do you think the
Arcadian should be a landmark?

It's not
a difficult question.

[ Ted Narrating ]
It was a difficult question.

Of course, had he asked me
a few days earlier,
I would have immediately said--

Yes. The Arcadian
should be a landmark.
And then the crowd gasps.

[ Southern Accent ] "Oh, my God.
Did he really just say that?

Oh, heavens. Oh, my stars.
I must clutch my pearls."

So these things are generally
attended by old southern ladies?

Almost exclusively.
But here's my point.

If they ask GNB's
chief architect, a.k.a. me,

if the Arcadian should be
a landmark and I say yes--

[ Imitates Explosion ]

No, that wasn't the Arcadian
being destroyed.

That was GNB's hopes of
destroying the Arcadian.

I'm sorry. I should
have been more clear.
[ Zoey ] Yeah.

The Arcadian's gonna be
all like--

Nice.
[ Laughs ]

I have a message
from Barney.

[ Ted Narrating ] Things between
Barney and the rest of us...

had gotten a little frosty.

Hey, guys.
First this happened.

Meet the new lawyer I hired
to help save the Arcadian.

And then this happened.

What kind of dirtbag doesn't
stand by his best friends,

but instead sides with
some self-righteous bitch...

with a pointless cause
and a megaphone?

Dude,
that's my girlfriend.

And you know what?

I'm on her side now too.

Which led to this happening.

Message from Barney--
that's my cue to leave.
Good night, guys.

I love you.
Mmm. Love you too.

Bye.

What's the message? 'Cause if
it's another hypothetical,

yet eerily accurate
drawing of my boobs--

Yeah, I have that too.

Damn it.

All right, here's the message.
[ Clears Throat ]

"Oh, hey, guys.
Didn't see you there.

I was too busy
feeling fine and"--

Really?

[ Sighs ] "Feeling fine
and gettin' some gine.

You may have noticed the giant
plate of hot wings
in front of me.

I know how much
you love hot wings.

Too bad someone bribed
the kitchen to take them off
the menu tonight.

So if you want some,
you're gonna have
to come back to GNB.

But hurry. This offer
will be gone lickety-split.

Do evil laugh."

Oh. Um--

- Ba-ha, ah-ha!
- [ Mouths Words ]

So, what are you
turds up to?

Well, we've got
the big L.P.C. meeting
in two days.

I have my whole
presentation worked out.

I just need to find
a good rhyme to end on.

Why does
it need to rhyme?

If you end an argument
with a rhyme,

it's convincing
all the time.

Yeah. It's why,
in our apartment,

if you're a-hopin' to score,
don't leave your socks
on the floor.

And she hasn't since.

Okay, okay.
A couple things.

- Lily, how'd I do?
- Nailed it.

[ Chuckles ]
Secondly,

Ted, I'm sorry I said
mean things about Zoey.

Are you really gonna
walk away from this project
just because you're mad at me?

It's not because
I'm mad at you.

Barney, the Arcadian
was designed by a guy
named John Clifford Larrabee.

And even though
he's been dead
for half a century,

it's my duty,
architect to architect,
to keep his work alive.

Please tell me a little part
of you understands.

I understand.

Zoey has magic lady bits.

- What?
- Zoey's lady bits are magic.

And that's how she
controls your mind.

You see, every
few hundred millennia,

lady bits leap forward.

I know you're
only just getting started,
but this is already gross.

I once knew such a girl.

It was last call,
in this very bar.

What?

No!

What?

No!

What?

Um--

Thank you for, um, not using
a first name in that story.

Barney, this is about
the building.

Come on.
This is so about the girl.

Okay, fine.
It's about the girl.

I am doing this for Zoey.
I'm in love with her.

Look, I know it's early, but
there's a very good chance...

Zoey might be
the mother of my children.

So in addition to doing this
for John Clifford Larrabee,

I'm also doing this
for Luke and Leia.

She's gonna let you
name your kids
Luke and Leia?

Not if I knock down
her favorite building she isn't.
Barney, I'm sorry.

Oh, you're not sorry now,
Ted Mosby, but you will be.

You... will... be.

[ Chortling ]

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

That's how you do
an evil laugh.

Ciao for now.

[ Ted Narrating ]
Now, kids, you remember
Arthur Hobbs,

Barney and Marshall's
old boss at GNB.

Well, Arthur was going
through a divorce
and taking it kind of hard.

Hi, Arthur.

- Everything okay?
- No, everything's not okay.

My stupid wife got
custody of Tugboat.

God, I should've kept
her hidden in a cage
in the basement.

Isn't that animal cruelty?

I'm talking about my wife.

Oh. That's fine then.

So, listen.
You know Ted, the architect?

Yeah, I know
your friend Ted.

So if Ted stood up
at that big meeting tomorrow...

and said that he thought
the Arcadian should
be a landmark,

you wouldn't just
fire him, would you?

[ Chuckling ]
Right?

You wouldn't just--
You wouldn't just--

No, Barney,
I wouldn't just fire him.

I'd also fire you.

Come again for Big Fudge?

Can you believe that?
I can't be unemployed, Robin.

My job is my identity.
It's who I am.

It gives me the confidence
I need to convince girls
I'm a fighter pilot.

I-I don't understand.
Why would he fire you?

I don't understand.
Why would you fire me?

Have you already forgotten
how Mosby got that job?

By being the best
architect available?

[ Scoffs ]
No.

By... being Latino?

No.

Let me refresh your memory.
We were in this very room.

Guys, I'm telling you.

If Ted Mosby
isn't fantastic, fire me.

Damn it.
I was kidding?

I'm not kidding.

Oh, by the way,
Arthur, how are things
with you and your wife?

Really good.
In fact, I just put
all my assets in her name.

Smartest thing
I've ever done.

[ Together ]
Damn it!

You better make sure Mosby
doesn't screw up tomorrow,

because either that building
is going down...

or you're going down.

They're gonna fire him?
That sucks.

He loves that job.
He's been doing it for years.

Okay, what does
Barney do at GNB?

No idea.
He has a lot of keys.

Ted, can you please
just think about this
before you go--

There's nothing to think about.
I can't lose Zoey.

That's the only thing
that matters to me right now.

Okay, Ted,
you know I love Zoey.

But look, sometimes
I go play chess
in the park.

And the key to chess--

Okay, I play online.

But the key to chess--
Okay, it's Angry Birds.

But the key to Angry Birds
is to always try to see
every possible outcome...

and to hit some pigs
with rocks or something.

I don't know. I don't play.
I can't get it to download.

The point is, this thing
with you and Zoey,

I can see it going
three possible ways.

There's the first scenario.
The chairman asks you--

Do you think the Arcadian
should be a landmark?

You say--
No.

And Zoey dumps you
on the spot.

We're done here.

There's
the second scenario.

- The chairman asks you--
- Do you think the Arcadian
should be a landmark?

You say--
Yes.

And you're happy
for, like, a second...

until you realize
the building
you helped save...

has just become a monument
to everything this woman
made you give up.

And you resent her for it--
so much so in fact
that you dump her.

We're done here.

You said there was
a third scenario.

Right.
The chairman asks you--

Do you think the Arcadian
should be a landmark?

But before
you can answer,

you're hit in the neck
with a blow dart
fired by the ninja...

Zoey's ex-husband
hired to assassinate you.

[ Speaking Japanese ]

That one's less likely.

[ Sighs ]
What I'm saying--

What I hate saying...
is this.

You and Zoey
are gonna break up.

But you can still save
your career and Barney's.

Okay, first of all,
no ninja's getting
a jump on me.

I have the reflexes
of a jungle--
[ Grunts ]

Tree?

Second of all,
I don't care that the odds
are stacked against us.

I'd rather try to make
this work with Zoey...

than spend the rest
of my life alone
playing Angry Birds,

which, by the way,
I've shown you
how to download, like, 20 times.

I gotta say
I'm with Ted on this.

Thank you.
Yes,

this is a huge
divisive issue for them,

which means no matter
what happens, there's gonna
be a lot of resentment,

probably lasting for years,

infecting every single moment
of the rest of their
relationship.

So in conclusion,
I'm with Robin on this.

Thank you.

[ Ted Narrating ]
That night, as I slept soundly--

[ Gasps ]

Barney, what are you doing?

Who is this Barney?

My name is
John Clifford Larrabee,
architect of the Arcadian.

- [ Scoffs ]
- And I am visiting you...

in a dreeeeeam.

Really?

'Cause it feels more like
my insane friend
renting a costume...

and breaking into my apartment
in the middle of the night...

for what I wish I could say
was the first time.

It's a dream. It is.
So just-- Okay?

Theodore, heed my words.

Do not try to save
the Arcadian.

Barney, there's
condoms in the drawer.
Just take 'em and get out.

I am not Barney!

Whoa! Lighting change!

Theodore,
you know the Arcadian
is a badly built,

architecturally unimportant
rat's nest,

designed by an overpaid,
plagiarizing ether addict
with two thumbs.

This guy.

Okay, yes,
it's a terrible building,

but does that mean
we have to knock it down?

I mean,
it's not bothering anyone--

just anyone who lives in it...

or looks at it...
or smells it.

New York is never
finished, Theodore.

She's a lady
only a handful of architects
ever get to dance with.

Do not miss your turn.

The Arcadian
has to go, doesn't it?

Indeed.

You realize this kind of
screws up my personal life.

Mo' buildings,
mo' problems.

This is a dream, right?

Because, Barney,
I swear to God, if that's you--

[ Snaps Fingers ]

Mommy's got
magic lady bits, Ted.

Dream! Dream!

[ Exhales ]
It was just a dream. Oh!

[ Panting ]

Hey. I know it's late,
but, uh, you wanna meet up?

[ Zoey ]
Hello, Mr. Lion.

"Look on my works,
ye mighty,
and despair!"

Hey. I met you...

right...

[ Chuckling ]

here.
Right.

And I mistook you
for a prostitute right...

here.

Far as you know,
I still could be one.
Oh.

And you, my good man,
have run up quite a tab.

Worth every penny.

All right. This was fun.

[ Vehicle Approaching ]
I'm gonna take this cab.

Big day tomorrow.
We need to get some sleep.

And yet--

No, we should
get some sleep.

But this was fun.

Yeah.

It's nice getting one last look
to remember what we're
trying to save.

Exactly.

- You okay?
- Yeah. Good night.

[ Chairman ]
Mr. Mosby, I'm going
to ask you one last time.

Should the Arcadian
be a landmark?

No. It shouldn't be
a landmark.

- [ Scattered Gasps, Murmurs ]
- There are a lot of important
buildings in New York.

The Arcadian
isn't one of them.

Excuse me. I have
a question for Mr. Mosby.

If he doesn't think
the Arcadian is worth saving,

then whose voice is this?

The Arcadian
should be a landmark.

It should.

The lion head stonework
is iconic.

I hate working for GNB.
They're a bunch of...

wieners and gonads.

- [ Murmuring ]
- Oh, heavens.

[ Southern Accent ]
My stars!

Is that your voice, Mr. Mosby?

Yeah, that's me.

This is a nightmare.
I can't believe
she kept that tape.

The L.P.C.'s
gonna come back
with a decision tomorrow.

- And based on today--
- They're gonna landmark
the hell out of that place.

Yeah. We'll end up
out of a job,

all thanks to some stupid,
"only sort of awesome"
lion head.

Yeah. Better get used
to that lion head.

As of tomorrow,
it's gonna be there
till the end of times--

and all because
of my sweet, sweet rhymes.

What are we gonna do?

- We should buy a bar.
- We should totally buy a bar.

We should absolutely,
totally buy a bar.

Really, the only
sensible idea right now.
[ Marshall ] Oh. And ready?

- It's a theme bar.
- [ Ted ] Mm.

- It's a courtroom.
- Yes!

Where the bartenders
wear sexy judges' robes.

[ Barney ]
Ooh!
I'll allow it.

It's the only court
where you show up,
then get served.

Nice.
[ Barney ]
Ho!

You're judged
by a jury of your beers.

- That's not bad.
- Would you just stop it?
No one's buying a bar.

Right now
we have a little problem.
Let's just think of a solution.

Lily, it's over.
The good guys lost.

I don't know.
Homegirl is pretty diabolical.

If there is a plan
that'll get us out of this,

it's somewhere
inside this butter churn.

She'll think of it.

I'm just gonna sit here,
watch it happen.

And she's got it.
Lily, what's the plan?

Oh, this ought
to be good.

[ Ted Narrating ]
And then Lily told us her plan.

Oh, this is good.

We have to find Arthur
right now.
Ohh!

What is so difficult
about this?

Tugboat figured this out
in, like, five minutes.

This is bush league.

Hey, Arthur.
Oh, cute dog.

No. Tugboat, my other dog--
that was a cute dog.

This little disappointment
is nothing but a cheap
facsimile. I said it!

Yeah, my love
is reserved for dogs...

that go
to the bathroom on command
instead of wasting my time!

Listen. Arthur,
Marshall's wife
has an idea...

for how we can save
not saving the Arcadian.

Oh, his wife has an idea?
Let me tell you
about wives, okay?

They leave you and take
your best friend with them.

You're not Tugboat!
You'll never be Tugboat!

God.
[ Sighs ]

Hey, Arthur.

I guess this one's
kind of cute or whatever.

So-So-- So, what's the idea?

Okay, first hear
my demands.

One, Ted and Barney
keep their jobs.

Two, when you guys do finally
blow up the Arcadian, one of
them gets to push the button.

[ Together ]
Dibs.

Fine. What's the idea?

Well--
[ Ted Narrating ]
Kids, for legal reasons,

I have to skip
this part of the story and
jump ahead to the next night...

as the Landmarks Preservation
Commission gave their verdict.

Last night,
this committee took a vote.

And while we have all felt
from the very beginning...

that the Arcadian
is, well, an eyesore,

Mr. Mosby's
surprising testimony about
the lion's head stonework...

left us no choice
but to declare it...
a landmark.

But then something else
happened last night.

That same
lion's head stonework...

[ Whirring ]

disappeared.

[ All Gasp ]

So that makes our job
a little easier.

- Motion denied.
- [ Audience Exclaiming ]

Zoey. Zoey!

All right.
What do you have
to say for yourself?

[ Sighs ]

I don't know.

Sometimes things
have to fall apart...

to make way
for better things.

We're done here.

Okay, you don't have
to hold back anymore.

You may now say what
you really think of Zoey.

I don't know.
She may have been right
about that lion's head.

It gave the Arcadian
a regal elegance.

Then again, it goes
really nice with my duvet.

I hope I used
the right screws.