Original subtitles

[ Man Trilling, Chirping ]

[ Trills, Chirps, Laughs ]

What am I doing here?

Hercules always warned me my quest for the almighty dinar would be the death of me.

Did I listen? No-o-o!

Here I am in bandit country. They stole my food. No quail to catch.

[ Buzzes, Trills ]

[ Grunting Angrily ]

All because of a wild rumor about a lost gold mine in the Baklava Province.

Salmoneus, you deserve to starve.

Just kidding.

Maybe they have some food. Some food. Some mead. It's all I need.

[ Salmoneus ] Hello?

Anybody here?

Oh, swell.

No people. No food.

[ Rodents Screeching ] [ Loud Thud ]

Who's there? I'm not alone.

Hercules, where are ya? [ Gruff Voice ] I'm over here.

Good. Stay close.

Show yourself. We're not afraid.

[ Gruff Voice ] No! I'm never afraid! [ Chuckling Nervously ]

Gold! Ohh. Who needs food?

I've died and gone to Mount Olympus.

Oh.

There's more where this came from! [ Screams ]

[ Scream Echoes ]

[ Woman ] How many were there? [ Iolaus ] Three other girls are missing from the village.

[ Woman ] You said your cousin didn't have the happiest home. Moria,

my cousin Regina did not run away.

Then my guess is they were abducted... by visitors.

Oh. From other continents.

- You can't believe we're the only civilization? - Okay.

What would these visitors want with my cousin? You think I'm crazy?

No. No. You're... a few sandwiches short of a picnic maybe, but not crazy.

Why do you think theStar-Globussent me on this story?

Would I hurt your feelings if I told you I couldn't care less? Because they're out there.

Ohh. And I'm newshound enough to sniff them out.

[ Groans ] All I wanna do is find my cousin.

Moria, I asked you along here because I thought you could help,

but ever since we've started, all you've done is talk about people from beyond the stars...

and strange creatures from other continents, "abdominal snowmen."

That's "abominable." No. No. What is abominable is that...

we are in the middle of bandit country, and I'm stuck with you!

And if you're not talking about celestial visitors, then you're complaining about the food...

or asking interminable questions!

I'm a reporter! How am I supposed to learn if I don't ask?

See? See?

Why don't you try taking a few quiet moments and writing something down?

I don't have to. I have a pictographic memory.

"Pictographic memory." When are we gonna eat?

[ Mock Crying ] I don't know!

[ Huffs ] Look. There's an abandoned temple.

Let's see if we can find shelter there for the night.

- You think they'll have any food? - I don't know!

Iolaus, wait up.

[ Rodents Squealing ]

-[ Running Footsteps ] - Your gold or your life!

My gold or my life?

[ All Grunting ]

[ Moria Kiaiing ]

[ Man Yells ]

[ Moria ] Take that!

- [ Man Gasping ] -[ Man #2 ] Come on. Let's get out of here!

Get out of here. Go on. Go on. Get out.

Why were they trying to abduct us? How would I know?

Maybe they heard the same gold rumors we did.

Why would they think we had any gold? Will you stop asking questions!

Oh, and by the way, thanks for, you know, helpin' me.

It was-- Where'd you get this flour?

I landed on it. Why?

Well, if there's any more where this came from, we can have our dinner.

Wow. [ Gasps ]

Are you as hungry as I am? Are the gods crazy?

Mmm. Good. Mmm.

Iolaus. [ Gasps ]

We've had visitors. Would you quit with these cosmic fantasies?

I'm not fantasizing. Huh?

[ Moria ] The food's gone.

And look what they've left us in exchange.

[ Screams ] Oh!

[ Rodents Squealing ] Iolaus?

[ Screams ]

Thanks for breaking my fall.

You're welcome.

What is this place? There you go with those questions again.

[ Yelps ]

I have another one for you.

dddd [ Sitar ] dddd [ Woman Vocalizing ]

Where are we?

[ Chattering ]

[ Man Narrating ] This is the story of a time long ago,

a time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared to challenge their power--

Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of his wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,

wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be... Hercules.

- [ Screeching ] - [ Roaring ]

Hail!

dddd [ Continues ]

[ Chattering Continues ]

Looks like a welcoming committee.

Peace and love, brother.

[ Chirps ]

- Salmoneus? - Brother Sal, have we met?

Iolaus? Friend of Hercules?

- [ Woman ] Welcome. - No. Doesn't ring a bell.

But we're all friends here.

Peace and love, sister. [ Chirps ]

Uh, my name's Moria, and we are not related.

[ Chuckles ] Welcome, friend.

Yeah. Yeah. Good. Salmoneus.

- What are you people doing here? - This is Sister Aurora.

Peace... and love.

- [ Salmoneus Chirps ] - No. I meant who are you and what are you doing here?

Why don't we give you a little tour of our community, and you can see for yourself?

[ Sighs ] Lead the way.

You see, we have an underground spring that supplies all of our water needs.

What about food? You'd be surprised how little food you need...

once you put your spiritual side ahead of your temporal.

But you do eat? Of course.

One cannot chew on spirituality. [ Chirps ]

You might say we live by the Golden Rule.

We mine the gold and trade with the outside world for food.

Gold? That's where it came from.

But nobody wants to leave or see the outside world again?

-Yeah. Grab that gold and run? -Why would anyone want to leave?

We have everything we need right here.

There's no violence. We all work and share equally.

There's no need to be competitive,

for there's nothing more to gain than what you already have.

[ Chirps ] But nobody ever wants more?

More? That's a negative concept.

[ Chuckles ] You sure you're all right?

Never felt better, friend. The teachings of Lorel frees me-- Lorel?

Our god. Kamaros interprets for us.

- I'd really like to see this Kamaros. - You will.

We're all going to have dinner.

[ Man ] Food is taken very seriously in our community.

I do extensive studies in the areas of nutrition and diet,

so I hope you're enjoying your meal.

What there is of it.

Among my findings, I've learned that we don't need as much food as we think...

to sustain strength and energy.

But perhaps dessert will fill you up.

What a lifestyle you have here.

I'd be the first to be embarrassed at the luxuriousness of my surroundings.

I'm perfectly content to serve Lorel in a more spartan capacity.

Yet, if our god wishes, who am I to question it?

Yeah.

By communizing our efforts, we can produce more fruitful, harmonious results...

than a traditional hierarchy-based society.

So that means you work down in the mines like everyone else?

[ Salmoneus ] Anyone can work down in the mines.

Only a select few can interpret the wishes of our powerful, yet benevolent god.

- [ Slurps ] -Well put, Brother Sal, but you make it sound so important.

I am but a humble servant doing our god's bidding.

Now, why don't we enjoy our dessert?

You know, we hate to eat and run, but we're gonna eat and run.

You're allergic to that, remember?

Besides, I'd really like to see the rest of this place.

- You mind if we take our own tour? - Not at all.

Treat our home as if it were your own.

- If Brother Sal or I can be of any assistance-- - [ Muffled Grunting ]

Yeah. Thanks. We'll, um-- We'll let you know.

Iolaus, stop. Why did we leave?

There was something wrong with that dessert. Oh.

They tried to poison us! Hello!

Everyone else ate it. So?

That could be what makes these people so touchy-feely.

I mean, they hug all the time. There's gotta be-- Moria, what--

Well, come to think of it, that is not the Salmoneus I used to know.

It's like-- It's like they've done something to his mind.

Yeah. I've noticed. If you look in his eyes, he's just not all there.

dddd [ Instrumental ] [ Chattering ]

Mmm. Good morning.

Peace and love, sister. You too.

I love you, man.

Yeah, uh-- Yeah, I love you too.

[ Kisses ]

Regina? Regina.

Is it you? Yes.

Do I know you? It's me. It's your cousin, Iolaus.

I'm sorry. I-- I don't recognize you.

That's crazy. I-- I taught you how to shoot a bow and arrow, remember?

It's all fun and games till somebody loses an eye. I have to go.

No, Regina. Wait. Friend, there are plenty of available women...

if this one isn't interested in you.

I'm not your friend, and I'm not interested in her-- not like that.

- She's his cousin. - We're all family here.

Yeah? Well, I don't want a family. Iolaus!

I just wanna know why Regina doesn't recognize me.

Sometimes our inner selves are not in harmony with the outside world.

[ Scoffs ] You guys really believe that stuff, don't you?

It is the way of Lorel, our godhead.

Yeah? Well, I'll believe this god when I see him. She's appearing now.

[ In Unison ] She?

dddd [ Mystical ] [ Onlookers Gasping ]

[ Murmuring ] [ Iolaus ] There goes your powerful but benevolent god.

She's barely out of diapers. Yeah.

They don't seem to mind. Suppose this place is a paradise.

-[ Man ] Hail to Lorel. -[ Woman Speaking, Indistinct ]

Oh, no. Here comes Salmoneus.

Oh, I can't uncover any conspiracies with him around.

Yeah. Tell him you want a personal tour, and I can do some snooping of my own.

Guess again. Brother Sal. [ Sighs Cheerfully ]

- [ Continues Sighing ] - What a coincidence.

Iolaus was just saying how he'd love a tour of your gold-mining facilities.

Hey! I'd love to give both of you a tour.

I'll take a rain check. I have some questions for your god.

No. I'm sorry. You can't just wander around aimlessly.

Oh, don't worry. I'll go through the proper channels.

You know what? I don't need a personal guide, Salmoneus.

Brother Sal-- and it's my pleasure-- we don't get many visitors here.

I'm always happy to show them how we live, what we're about.

[ Hums ]

- Is the fruit to your liking, master? - Very much so.

And the wine?

Excellent.

Now, watch, Aurora. Learn how best to serve an emissary of God.

Oh, no. Dear Aurora, you must observe.

How else will you learn?

- [ Kisses, Chuckles ] -[ Girl Moans ]

You're going to be thrilled and delighted.

Here is the entrance to our mine.

[ Workers Chattering ]

And this gold doesn't interest you, right?

It's only so much rock and mineral. [ Laughs ] Boy.

You've really changed from the Salmoneus I used to know. I'm sorry. I don't follow.

Whatever happened to that ambitious, dinar-loving little... opportunist...

who always bugged Hercules? [ Chirps ]

You must have me confused with somebody else.

[ Birds Chirping ]

[ Whimpering ]

Are you all right? It's nothing.

You're upset about something.

It's Lorel. Your child god? What about her?

She-- She's my sister.

[ Iolaus ] So much dust and glitter, right? Exactly.

And no one really cares about it, huh? Why should they?

There are no possessions here, so there's no reason to be envious.

We all share in everything equally.

Yahoo! Yah! [ Snaps Fingers ]

So this means you could all share Kamaros's things.

Absolutely, if one wished.

It's all community property. What's yours is mine.

What's mine-- What's mine is mine alone. Yeah, I'm familiar with that.

You're very cynical. That will change with time.

[ Woman ] Catch! Ohh.

You share the women as well? Huh?

If we don't believe in owning things, why should we believe in possessing people?

We share everything. Everything?

You know, I would really like to see my cousin again.

I could do that. She works not far from here... in food storage.

[ Moria ] How did you and your sister ever get mixed up in this?

It's all my fault. We're from a village in the next valley.

So you were one of those that exchanged food for gold?

I met Kamaros, and he was so... charismatic.

I really wanted to believe him.

He told me the whole community was free of violence, and it was all about peace and love.

I've just realized that all he cares about is the love part, if you can call it that.

And Lorel? He's done something to her.

She used to be nothing but energy and talk,

and now she walks around in this fog.

I've heard they do that.

Who? Visitors.

What? Oh. Never mind.

She's not a god. She's my kid sister.

Look. Don't worry. We'll help her.

Very impressive. See how happy your cousin is?

And the harmony of the workers, each performing his own little task,

sharing the fruits of their labor, following the way of Lorel.

Yeah. I'd still like to know why Regina didn't recognize me.

Sometimes we need help to get in touch with our true inner being.

That's what the reeducation room is for. [ Electronic Whirring ]

Reeducation? A special place. I'll show you.

You know what, Sal? Brother Sal.

Yeah. Good. Maybe some other time. I've got a lot of looking around to do.

Fine. You're our guest. Yeah.

What is it? We have to rescue Lorel.

- That would be Lorel, the child god? - She's not a god.

She's Aurora's sister. She's your sister?

Kamaros has... done something to her. Yeah. I think I know what it is.

I've just been to food storage, and I noticed the same odor I smelled on the dessert.

What kind of odor? It's lotus leaf.

It's an opiate that Hercules's cousin, Asclepius, told us about.

It's not lethal, but we've gotta get your sister off it.

The sooner, the better. You have a plan?

Yeah. Kind of.

I made a deal with Salmoneus that if he didn't eat food for a day, I'd join the band.

What? It's a long shot.

Here. If there's any trouble, try giving him these gold nuggets.

[ Moria ] I don't understand. Well, if he doesn't eat the food--

It's a long shot.

Don't be afraid. Aurora sent me.

Can you understand me?

You eat this?

[ Sniffs ] Tastes good, huh?

Look, I haven't got time to explain, but I have to get you out of here.

And it's gonna be easier if I just carry you, okay? Come on.

Good.

I take this to mean you don't approve of our little community?

Oh, I've seen it before, only then it wasn't called "interpreter" and "disciples."

- It was called "master" and "slaves." - I'm sorry you feel that way.

[ All Grunting ]

Good, but not good enough.

You'd better be careful with that thing. You don't wanna lose your god.

There are plenty more where she came from.

[ Whooshing ] [ Yelps ]

[ Grunting, Groaning ]

[ Grunts ]

Have a nice day.

In case you haven't guessed, the poison from that dart isn't fatal.

It will merely aid in your... reeducation.

Thanks. I've already finished my schooling.

I'm afraid you've got a lot more to learn. You're too aggressive for our little community.

- [ Gasping ] -Reprogramming or reeducation,

as we like to call it, is definitely called for.

What if I don't want to be reeducated?

- What if I don't want to join your plan to rule the world? - You misjudge me.

Why would I want the world? I have everything I could want right here.

Trick is not to let anyone come in and spoil it.

Like me. Like you.

As for your lack of enthusiasm, you really don't have any choice.

In my travels, I've learned many things.

A mastery over lights. The necessity of sleep.

Hercules's own cousin...

taught me about the healing and intoxicating qualities of certain herbs and plants.

You'll be one of us... eventually. Don't count on it.

Oh, I'll count on it.

Peace, brother. I'm not your brother.

Hey, you will be, whether you want to or not.

Begin.

[ Blades Whooshing ]

[ Exhaling Forcefully ]

dddd [ Instrumental ] [ Chattering ]

You have to help us. Iolaus is in trouble.

He doesn't keep his word. He promised if I gave up food for a day, he'd join the band.

I did. He's not here. And I'm hun-gry.

Wha-- What do you think you're doing?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're trying to tempt me, aren't you?

What gives you that idea? Oh, yeah. Ha, ha, ha.

See, I am impervious to the overtures of the out--

Could I have another sniff of that? Just a-- huh.

Keep it.

The teachings of Lorel tell us that the outside world is not--

Do you have any more in there?

[ Sighs ]

[ Gasps ] You're bad.

Bad girls. Bad girls.

I'm gonna tell Kamaros how naughty you've been, and you're gonna get in trouble.

[ Sniffs ]

[ Whooshing Continues ]

[ Buzzing ] Sorry. You're not allowed to sleep.

- You guys aren't big on creature comforts, are you? - The purpose of the room...

is not to soothe the body, but to ease the mind.

I guess that fan's not for cooling me off then, huh? It's for filtering light.

When it revolves at the right rate, it can induce a trancelike state,

leaving the mind extremely malleable.

Sounds like a lot of laughs. Kamaros is a master of light manipulation.

It's extraordinary the things he's accomplished for the good of the community.

Yeah. I'll bet.

dddd [ Instrumental ] [ Chattering ]

Aren't you Iolaus's cousin?

Iolaus? He talked to me, wanted me to stop eating for a while.

And? I can't remember. It's so confusing.

Try harder. Maybe we shouldn't force it.

We have to. Memories are important. They're who we are.

Regina,

remember when you and Iolaus tied your father's sandals together,

and he fell in the pig trough?

-Kind of. Were you there? - He told me the story.

He was right about the food. You're starting to remember.

- Come with us. - Where are you going?

To rescue Lorel from Kamaros. Rescue?

- From Kamaros? - Lorel's my sister.

She's not a god. Kamaros has just tricked everyone into believing that.

Iolaus tried to get her from the palace, but, well, something's happened.

- We think he's been taken to the reeducation room. - We'd better go.

[ Speaking, Indistinct, Voice Echoing ]

- You're not enjoying yourself. - [ Gasping ]

From your babbling, I'd say you have an uncommon fear of death.

[ Gasps ] The only thing that I'm scared of...

is... turning into a creep like you.

Oh, such spirit. Enjoy it while you can.

Because in a few more hours, you won't even remember who you are.

[ Voice Echoing ] Who you are.

[ Gears Grinding, Groaning, Blades Whooshing ]

[ Distorted Yells, Gasps ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Laughter, Chattering ]

Stay here. If anything goes wrong, at least you two won't be caught.

But I wanna see Iolaus again. Yeah. We're all in this together.

It's just not a good idea. [ Man ] Keep an eye out for the stranger.

Now will you stay here?

[ Buzzing ]

What's the matter? He's gone.

Is there any other place they could have taken him?

Then they've killed him.

Maybe he escaped. Where to? There's nowhere to go down here.

He could've gone back to get your sister.

Moria.

Iolaus. Greetings, friends.

- What's with the outfit? - Peace and love, sister.

Oh, no.

Likewise.

Iolaus, it's me, Moria.

Oh, I'm so pleased to meet you, Moria.

- Has anyone shown you our fair city yet? - What have you done to him?

- Maybe he's found a better life. - I'll be the judge of that.

Moria, why are you angry?

Anger is a negative emotion.

If you're so sure he's gone over to your side, can I speak with him alone?

I see no reason why not.

Ha.

Okay. You can drop the act now.

I'm not sure I understand. Iolaus, it's me, Moria.

[ Gasps ] We came here together looking for visitors.

[ Gasps ] Togetherness is next to godliness.

[ Gasps Happily, Hums ]

They really did it to you, didn't they?

They changed you. Change is often necessary...

if we are to remain in touch with our true selves.

It's like sitting in a cave. What we see before us are but shadows,

[ Over Device ] and what is behind us is the truth.

I have to be getting back. I hope to see you later, friend. Peace and love.

Yeah. Sure. [ Clicks Teeth ]

Are you sure we can save my sister without Iolaus's help?

We don't have any choice. [ Salmoneus ] Girls! Hello.

What do you want from us? I wanna thank you for waking me up.

I can't believe what a "schmendrick" I was.

- Brother Sal is starting to remember the old Salmoneus? - You bet.

I even remember Iolaus. He used to hang around with some big guy-- uh--

[ Snapping Fingers ] Name escapes me.

Salmoneus, Iolaus is in trouble. They've done something to his mind.

- And we need his help to rescue Lorel. - Rescue a god? Are you crazy?

I'll tell you what to rescue. Across the square, there's a roomful of gold.

That's what needs rescuing. Iolaus is your friend.

You're right. Who? Oh, the blond guy. Yeah. Let me get some gold first.

[ Sighs ] Looks like we're on our own.

No. I'm on my own. There's no sense risking all our lives.

- Lose something? - Oh, just a friend, and now a god.

- It's been one of those days. I can come back later. -I'd rather you stay.

[ Panting ] Watch out.

That goes off, it'll ruin your reputation as a man of peace.

And put an untidy hole in your blouse.

[ Laughs Ironically ] Good point. I'll just be going.

- [ Weapon Cocks ] - Anywhere you want me to.

dddd [ Ceremonial ] dddd [ Woman Vocalizing ]

[ Groans ]

She refuses to eat it. [ Gasps ] Sister,

how are you ever going to find your true self...

if you don't take the nourishment we provide?

You know what you two can do with your nourishment. [ Spits ]

I'm glad you haven't changed, Moria.

[ Gagging ] I learned one or two things on my travels too:

Meditation is also a way to control your mind,

and now that I know the other women are safe, it doesn't matter.

Neither of you are leaving here alive. [ Grunts ]

[ Kiaiing ]

[ Cackles ]

- I can't believe I did that. - [ Groans ]

[ Gasping ]

- [ Laughs Malevolently ] -Iolaus, catch!

[ Grunts ] What am I supposed to do with it?

[ Screams, Grunts ]

- Never mind. - [ Grunts ]

Oh, great.

Now I know where I've seen this emblem, Kamaros.

Or should I say Karkus?

You know, if you're gonna reinvent yourself,

you really oughta change the markings on your swords.

Karkus? Butcher of Thessaly?

The one and the same.

Guess you found manipulating people's minds a little easier than butchering them, huh?

Much easier. And you don't even have to get your hands dirty.

[ Both Grunting ]

Your hands are dirty. You've turned those people into slaves.

People are sheep, you know-- born followers.

I merely stepped in and filled the void.

Prepare to step back out.

Salmoneus, take Moria and help the others spread the news about their leader.

- I'm going as fast as I can. - We've got to finish this conversation.

- Nice cut. - Yeah.

Come on!

-[ Blades Whooshing ] - You've made a big mistake.

- The Butcher is back. - [ Scoffs ] Oh, brother.

[ Cackles ]

[ Onlookers Humming ] Where's Iolaus?

He'll be right along. Right now we have to show these people the real light.

You people have been duped by Kamaros. Lorel isn't a god.

- She's flesh and blood, like everyone else. - You blasphemer!

- [ Man ] That's right. -[ Man #2 ] Sacrilege!

- Maybe this isn't such a good idea. - [ Man ] Lorel is our god.

No. You've been tricked, all of you.

Kamaros is nothing more than a fast-talking magician.

You're wasting your time. My disciples won't do anything unless I tell them.

Maybe they'll be a little more open-minded.

That lotus leaf you've been spiking their food with wears off when you stop eating it.

It's a pity you won't live to see the fruits of your meddling.

Lorel is my sister. Kamaros drugged her.

He made her do what he wanted so that you would do his wishes, not hers.

- You're a liar. -[ Confused Murmuring ]

- My sister doesn't lie. - [ Crowd Gasping ]

Kamaros is the one who's lied to you.

He doesn't care about your good-- only his own.

- Why do you think he lives better than everyone else? - [ Woman ] Who do we believe?

Let's make this interesting, shall we?

The system of pulleys and counterweights are rigged to the beams over the city.

When they buckle, this whole place'll collapse in on itself.

- You're sick. - Maybe. But I'm the only one who knows a way out.

[ Both Grunting ]

Friends, listen to her. You've been brainwashed. I was brainwashed...

to serve Kamaros's own purposes. [ Rumbling Overhead ]

- [ Man ] What's that? - [ Woman ] What's happening? -[ Anxious Murmuring ]

- [ Woman ] The roof's falling in! - Oh, no.

[ Groans, Grunts ]

Sorry. You can't come with us.

[ Kamaros Screaming ] [ Sword, Blades Clanking ]

I'm not.

[ Rumbling Overhead ]

[ All Screaming ] Come on! Over here! This way!

Kamaros has rigged it so the whole place is gonna cave in. Come on!

I'll just be a moment. Salmoneus, what is more important?

The gold or your life? Salmoneus? I'm thinking!

Let's go. Come on!

[ All Screaming ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Woman Screams ] Come on. Come on. That's it. Come on.

Thanks, Iolaus. She's looking better already. Go! Go! Come on!

Iolaus! Regina, I haven't got time for this.

She remembers you! Yeah. She'll remember more when the drugs wear off.

[ Explosion ]

Pity. They had some great ideas. Yeah. All that free love.

[ Both Moaning ]

[ Man ] Oh, fresh air!

Look! The sky!

[ Man ] I can see the sun!

[ Iolaus Laughs ]

It's a souvenir. There's nothing wrong with a souvenir...

or two.

Sal!

Girls, don't forget Salmoneus! Well, looks like you got your story.

I'm just sorry there were no visitors in it. Oh, that's all right.

But, you know, I do high-profile stuff too,

and I was thinking maybe you could set something up for me with your buddy Hercules.

I don't think Hercules wants to see his name in theStar-Globus.

"Hero Gives Birth to Two-headed Dog" is not really his kind of thing.

I wouldn't do a hatchet job on him. I was talking about a classy, high-profile piece.

Oh! "Maps to Heroes' Homes," something like that.

Well, I don't know. I'll have to think about it. How 'bout over dinner?