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1
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This programme contains strong
language
2
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,799
ANGELIC MUSIC
Aw, I love apologetic Vod!
3
00:00:12,755 --> 00:00:15,834
Don't get used to it, darling!
4
00:00:15,835 --> 00:00:19,835
Right, let us smoke the pipe of
peace.
5
00:00:20,915 --> 00:00:22,994
Ta-da!
6
00:00:22,995 --> 00:00:26,995
Welcome to mega-bong!
7
00:00:28,275 --> 00:00:29,434
Ready?
8
00:00:29,435 --> 00:00:32,634
You do know what day it is?
9
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The day our results go up?
10
00:00:34,915 --> 00:00:37,074
MUSIC STOPS
11
00:00:37,075 --> 00:00:40,354
The clock has just struck reality!
12
00:00:40,355 --> 00:00:42,354
Bong!
13
00:00:42,355 --> 00:00:44,434
Bong!
14
00:00:44,435 --> 00:00:48,435
Bong!
15
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30 seconds to go.
16
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Who's nervous?
KINGSLEY SIGHS
17
00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:19,434
You're nervous.
Oh...
18
00:01:19,435 --> 00:01:21,154
You're nervous.
19
00:01:21,155 --> 00:01:24,154
You're always nervous.
I'm cool with it.
20
00:01:24,155 --> 00:01:26,434
I'm just gonna say I got a 2.1
whatever happens.
21
00:01:26,435 --> 00:01:29,914
Go easy on the drama. Not everyone
here's gonna get a good grade.
22
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I won't say who.
23
00:01:31,635 --> 00:01:33,074
WHISPERS: Vod and JP!
24
00:01:33,075 --> 00:01:34,474
Got it.
25
00:01:34,475 --> 00:01:38,475
Guys, your future has been decided.
You've been branded for life. Go!
26
00:01:41,395 --> 00:01:44,234
2 and another 2?
27
00:01:44,235 --> 00:01:45,754
I don't understand.
28
00:01:45,755 --> 00:01:48,354
Get in!
I've only gone and got a bloody 2.1!
29
00:01:48,355 --> 00:01:51,314
No, you have not!
Well, no. I've got a third.
30
00:01:51,315 --> 00:01:52,914
But it'll say 2.1 on my CV.
31
00:01:52,915 --> 00:01:54,674
2.2 - maybe that's a typo.
32
00:01:54,675 --> 00:01:57,474
Should it maybe say 2.1,
or maybe just 1?
33
00:01:57,475 --> 00:01:59,114
2.1.
34
00:01:59,115 --> 00:02:01,034
The blindo played a blinder!
35
00:02:01,035 --> 00:02:04,034
Howard?
36
00:02:04,035 --> 00:02:05,074
A first.
37
00:02:05,075 --> 00:02:07,914
Fucking right!
All right.
38
00:02:07,915 --> 00:02:11,915
Success does not sit easy on me.
I've a dread of foreboding.
39
00:02:12,275 --> 00:02:15,034
Like Icarus soaring towards the
sun. 2.2? What does that even mean?
40
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,314
That doesn't even mean anything!
Vod?
41
00:02:17,315 --> 00:02:20,634
I've only gone and a got a 2.1!
42
00:02:20,635 --> 00:02:24,514
OK! Good one!
43
00:02:24,515 --> 00:02:26,514
No, I mean, I'd be really happy
for you,
44
00:02:26,515 --> 00:02:30,354
but you're joking, right?
I'm not joking!
45
00:02:30,355 --> 00:02:31,994
Oh, my God!
46
00:02:31,995 --> 00:02:34,314
I'm so happy for you.
47
00:02:34,315 --> 00:02:36,754
But how? How could you possibly have
got a 2.1?
48
00:02:36,755 --> 00:02:39,154
Read some books, had some opinions.
It's English, it's not hard!
49
00:02:39,155 --> 00:02:43,034
Apparently, it can be.
50
00:02:43,035 --> 00:02:45,674
Brilliant, Vod! No, brilliant!
Um, just don't get too up.
51
00:02:45,675 --> 00:02:47,114
I'm not.
No, because, as a friend,
52
00:02:47,115 --> 00:02:49,754
um, I should probably tell you
that you might not have a 2.1.
53
00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:52,474
You might have my 2.1
and I might have your 2.2.
54
00:02:52,475 --> 00:02:54,794
Well, you know what rhymes with
2.2 - fuck you!
55
00:02:54,795 --> 00:02:58,314
Maybe the website was hacked!
Or the moderator was drunk! Or...
56
00:02:58,315 --> 00:03:01,114
Oh, shit! I've got a 2.2, haven't I?
57
00:03:01,115 --> 00:03:05,115
I fucking love university!
Let's all do masters!
58
00:03:08,715 --> 00:03:12,514
We just called to see how you
are. Is everything OK?
59
00:03:12,515 --> 00:03:14,114
Yeah, great.
60
00:03:14,115 --> 00:03:16,154
Everything's great, actually great.
61
00:03:16,155 --> 00:03:18,514
I'm having a great day.
Great.
62
00:03:18,515 --> 00:03:21,954
She's having a great day!
Great!
63
00:03:21,955 --> 00:03:24,794
OK! Great catching up!
Melissa...
64
00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:26,594
What did you get?
65
00:03:26,595 --> 00:03:28,674
I mean, it's...just a piece of
paper.
66
00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:32,675
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
Is that champagne?
67
00:03:34,795 --> 00:03:38,795
There's something you should know.
68
00:03:40,195 --> 00:03:42,434
I...got a first!
69
00:03:42,435 --> 00:03:45,874
THEY LAUGH AND SQUEAL
Oh, wonderful!
70
00:03:45,875 --> 00:03:49,074
Look, Mum and Dad, I don't
want you to get too carried away... CORK POPS
71
00:03:49,075 --> 00:03:50,954
Oh, er, champagne.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
72
00:03:50,955 --> 00:03:52,674
Ooh!
Ooh, it's fantastic!
73
00:03:52,675 --> 00:03:54,554
Great!
I'm so proud of you!
74
00:03:54,555 --> 00:03:58,555
Mm-hm!
Thanks, Mum.
75
00:03:58,595 --> 00:04:01,034
God, that is just...
76
00:04:01,035 --> 00:04:03,594
so nice.
77
00:04:03,595 --> 00:04:05,634
MUSIC PLAYS
78
00:04:05,635 --> 00:04:08,634
Cheers-ears!
ALL: Cheers
79
00:04:08,635 --> 00:04:10,514
Goodbye, best years of my life.
80
00:04:10,515 --> 00:04:13,754
I'll think of you when I'm having
a lonely wank in front of Game Of Thrones
81
00:04:13,755 --> 00:04:16,234
and setting my alarm for 7am.
82
00:04:16,235 --> 00:04:20,235
Unless you, er, pursue your art?
Pictures of cocks aren't art!
83
00:04:20,875 --> 00:04:23,154
Unless you're Gilbert & George.
84
00:04:23,155 --> 00:04:25,794
Seriously! Can you believe I got
a 2.1?
85
00:04:25,795 --> 00:04:28,354
I just can't get used to saying
"2.1"!
86
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:32,355
Oh... Anyway, now that I've got my
2.1, I mean, it's obvious,
87
00:04:33,555 --> 00:04:35,074
I'm an academic.
88
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:37,834
So I thought I might do
something amazing like...
89
00:04:37,835 --> 00:04:39,954
cure cancer.
You're not gonna cure cancer.
90
00:04:39,955 --> 00:04:43,834
Haters gonna hate! Don't come
running to me when you've got cancer.
91
00:04:43,835 --> 00:04:47,274
I won't. Well, you won't be able to
if you've got cancer of the legs.
92
00:04:47,275 --> 00:04:49,914
Bants! Aw, I'm gonna miss you guys.
93
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,754
What about you, Kings? You don't
have anything lined up, do you?
94
00:04:52,755 --> 00:04:56,314
Actually, I've just got an interview
for a position at an internet radio station.
95
00:04:56,315 --> 00:04:58,954
Oh! That's so brilliant! Well done!
96
00:04:58,955 --> 00:05:02,274
I mean, it's only for trainee
broadcast assistant researcher, but, you know,
97
00:05:02,275 --> 00:05:04,794
I'm gonna work on some shout-outs
anyway, cos I figure, like,
98
00:05:04,795 --> 00:05:08,794
I dunno, three months in the
mailroom, they'll probably put me on one of the late-night slots.
99
00:05:08,795 --> 00:05:10,394
Two till six, maybe?
Maybe 10 till 12,
100
00:05:10,395 --> 00:05:14,114
if they like my eclectic blend of
music and chat, which I think they will.
101
00:05:14,115 --> 00:05:15,194
VOD: Mmm.
102
00:05:15,195 --> 00:05:17,434
Why are you feeling
so sorry for yourself anyway?
103
00:05:17,435 --> 00:05:19,994
I'm the one who's gonna be here next
year, all by myself,
104
00:05:19,995 --> 00:05:21,954
and I don't even have anyone to
live with.
105
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,834
Maybe we should all move to London,
together?
106
00:05:23,835 --> 00:05:25,674
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT
107
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:28,834
Yeah. Yeah, I guess we
could, yeah.
108
00:05:28,835 --> 00:05:31,554
When are you releasing
the location? Oh, yeah, soon!
109
00:05:31,555 --> 00:05:33,954
It's old school. You'll get the
call.
110
00:05:33,955 --> 00:05:35,194
GIRLS LAUGH
111
00:05:35,195 --> 00:05:39,195
Everyone's really looking forward
to Vodstock. What are we gonna do?
112
00:05:40,515 --> 00:05:41,714
Why are you all looking at me?
113
00:05:41,715 --> 00:05:45,034
We're looking at you because you're
Vod, the organiser of Vodstock.
114
00:05:45,035 --> 00:05:47,794
You are literally the face of
this event.
115
00:05:47,795 --> 00:05:51,354
Remember? And, thanks to you,
1,000 students are now expecting us
116
00:05:51,355 --> 00:05:54,034
to stage a festival that is,
and I quote,
117
00:05:54,035 --> 00:05:58,035
"Burning Man meets Cirque du Soleil
meets Countryfile meets hajj."
118
00:05:59,675 --> 00:06:02,994
Yeah, well, it was Kingsley's idea
and you lot sold most of the tickets.
119
00:06:02,995 --> 00:06:05,674
But you're cancelling it
and now we're getting the blame!
120
00:06:05,675 --> 00:06:07,314
I got robbed of the ticket money!
121
00:06:07,315 --> 00:06:10,314
Yeah, robbed by the drug dealers
you hired as security, ironically.
122
00:06:10,315 --> 00:06:12,754
Correct! You don't even feel a bit
responsible?
123
00:06:12,755 --> 00:06:16,114
What for? The Muggles? The Mooks?
124
00:06:16,115 --> 00:06:17,874
The customers!
125
00:06:17,875 --> 00:06:20,194
All right! I've got an idea.
126
00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:23,034
We erect a series of signs
directing everyone
127
00:06:23,035 --> 00:06:26,754
away from the field into another
field, then another
128
00:06:26,755 --> 00:06:28,834
and eventually over a cliff.
129
00:06:28,835 --> 00:06:31,474
You mean, like in a Road Runner
cartoon?
130
00:06:31,475 --> 00:06:35,475
JP: We are so fucked!
131
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,674
What are you doing?
I'm desperate!
132
00:06:45,675 --> 00:06:49,114
So I'm applying for a PGCE.
Dad! Dad?
133
00:06:49,115 --> 00:06:50,634
SHE GASPS
134
00:06:50,635 --> 00:06:54,314
Yeah! I only got a fucking 2.1!
135
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:55,554
DAD: 'Yes!'
136
00:06:55,555 --> 00:06:58,194
CHEERING OVER TELEPHONE
137
00:06:58,195 --> 00:07:01,434
Er, yeah. A few ideas.
138
00:07:01,435 --> 00:07:04,394
Cure cancer, um...
139
00:07:04,395 --> 00:07:05,954
be a teacher.
140
00:07:05,955 --> 00:07:07,274
What?!
141
00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:09,034
But a cool one.
142
00:07:09,035 --> 00:07:12,274
Er...she got a 2.2.
143
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,874
Sorry, he asked.
144
00:07:13,875 --> 00:07:15,314
Yeah!
145
00:07:15,315 --> 00:07:17,474
So... So, you're, er,
146
00:07:17,475 --> 00:07:21,475
probably too busy doing RAF shit
to come to graduation, but...
147
00:07:22,315 --> 00:07:25,234
Oh, fucking brilliant!
148
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:28,754
I mean, cool! Yeah, cool!
149
00:07:28,755 --> 00:07:32,394
All right, well, see ya later,
aviator!
150
00:07:32,395 --> 00:07:34,754
All right, all right, right, right.
151
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:37,234
He likes the teaching idea.
152
00:07:37,235 --> 00:07:41,235
I mean, the irony is,
I don't even need a 2.1 to do that.
153
00:07:43,475 --> 00:07:44,714
Maybe you should have it.
154
00:07:44,715 --> 00:07:46,474
Can I transfer it?
155
00:07:46,475 --> 00:07:49,034
Or are they non-transferable,
like train tickets?
156
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:52,394
Can you believe this?
157
00:07:52,395 --> 00:07:55,714
Josie! Mm?
158
00:07:55,715 --> 00:07:59,474
Oh, sorry, I...stopped listening.
159
00:07:59,475 --> 00:08:03,475
You've got my mark. You've got
my degree. And now you want to steal my career!
160
00:08:03,755 --> 00:08:07,194
Oh, there's room
for more than one teacher!
161
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:09,234
Like, my school -
there were at least ten!
162
00:08:09,235 --> 00:08:10,554
No.
163
00:08:10,555 --> 00:08:14,555
VOD SIGHS
164
00:08:15,115 --> 00:08:17,954
Hm. Why did I bring so many bongos?
165
00:08:17,955 --> 00:08:20,994
KNOCK ON DOOR
166
00:08:20,995 --> 00:08:22,154
Hey.
167
00:08:22,155 --> 00:08:26,155
I was just packing and I found
these plasters. Memories, eh?
168
00:08:28,955 --> 00:08:31,314
We will still see each other?
169
00:08:31,315 --> 00:08:34,314
After uni?
Yeah. I mean...
170
00:08:34,315 --> 00:08:36,834
I might have the odd weekend off.
OK, good!
171
00:08:36,835 --> 00:08:39,634
Because did you know
that the halfway point
172
00:08:39,635 --> 00:08:42,514
between London and Manchester
is Coventry?
173
00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:46,034
Now, I haven't been there,
but it's probably amazing.
174
00:08:46,035 --> 00:08:49,754
So I thought, if we could find
somewhere to meet up -
175
00:08:49,755 --> 00:08:53,154
a little Coventry cottage
with an open fire -
176
00:08:53,155 --> 00:08:57,074
if we wanted to, you know,
we could...do what we do best.
177
00:08:57,075 --> 00:09:00,114
Yeah. I mean, we...
we wouldn't be going out,
178
00:09:00,115 --> 00:09:04,115
but, er, we'd sort of be...
seeing each other.
179
00:09:04,195 --> 00:09:07,594
Sure, er, yeah, but I...I'm
super easy.
180
00:09:07,595 --> 00:09:11,595
Oh, yeah, me too. I'm eggs over easy
on a slice of wholemeal whatevs!
181
00:09:12,395 --> 00:09:14,714
Running up the flagpole,
see who salutes? Exactly.
182
00:09:14,715 --> 00:09:18,154
Try it on for size,
see where it ventures!
183
00:09:18,155 --> 00:09:21,834
Yeah, that...that sounds good.
Great.
184
00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:22,954
SHE SIGHS
185
00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:24,434
Ah, isn't this just great?
186
00:09:24,435 --> 00:09:28,435
You're popping your little Welsh
trotter into Prince Charming's glass slipper.
187
00:09:34,075 --> 00:09:36,194
Yeah. I've got some packing to do.
188
00:09:36,195 --> 00:09:40,195
HE MUTTERS
189
00:09:40,235 --> 00:09:44,034
So perhaps I could finish by saying
what a lifelong dream it's been...
190
00:09:44,035 --> 00:09:46,234
KINGSLEY CONTINUES INSIDE
191
00:09:46,235 --> 00:09:48,074
Hey!
192
00:09:48,075 --> 00:09:49,514
You look wired.
193
00:09:49,515 --> 00:09:53,515
The attack dogs of midnight
roiled with a cloying intensity.
194
00:09:53,595 --> 00:09:55,914
I stayed up all night applying for
195
00:09:55,915 --> 00:09:58,594
every creative writing MA in
Britain!
196
00:09:58,595 --> 00:10:00,194
It was while I was packing
197
00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:04,195
my vast and eclectic collection
of paperbacks that I realised...
198
00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:06,674
I'm a novelist!
Right.
199
00:10:06,675 --> 00:10:10,674
TOILET FLUSHES
Or just...someone who reads.
200
00:10:10,675 --> 00:10:11,914
Hey!
201
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,914
So, how was it?
202
00:10:13,915 --> 00:10:17,915
Um, I was quite nervous, so, in
a way, it was good to do it in the toilet.
203
00:10:18,035 --> 00:10:22,035
Eugh!
204
00:10:23,595 --> 00:10:24,954
JP: Oh!
205
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,794
I love this!
206
00:10:26,795 --> 00:10:28,754
It's so comfortable!
207
00:10:28,755 --> 00:10:31,474
Like a poncho for intellectuals.
208
00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:34,714
Or a gentleman's burqa.
209
00:10:34,715 --> 00:10:37,794
I feel like Zorro, or a Mason.
LAUGHS TO HIMSELF
210
00:10:37,795 --> 00:10:39,514
You do realise that we're gonna have
211
00:10:39,515 --> 00:10:42,114
to see everyone that we sold tickets
to at graduation?
212
00:10:42,115 --> 00:10:43,954
All right, I've got a plan!
213
00:10:43,955 --> 00:10:46,354
- We do a runner.
- Works for me.
214
00:10:46,355 --> 00:10:49,794
This is so unrestrictive.
It would be great for running.
215
00:10:49,795 --> 00:10:51,554
No!
Like a getaway gown!
216
00:10:51,555 --> 00:10:54,994
It is time to grow up!
We have to release the details!
217
00:10:54,995 --> 00:10:56,834
We'll say, "Bring your headphones,"
218
00:10:56,835 --> 00:11:00,034
and then, I don't know, when people
get to the field, I stream my -
219
00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:03,154
to be fair - incredible
Vodstock playlist.
220
00:11:03,155 --> 00:11:06,674
Best silent disco ever -
my amazing playlist saves the day.
221
00:11:06,675 --> 00:11:09,154
Kingsley's right.
About the playlist?
222
00:11:09,155 --> 00:11:12,954
No! We need to confront this like
adults.
223
00:11:12,955 --> 00:11:15,834
Ooh, I know. We could sing a song
from The Sound Of Music
224
00:11:15,835 --> 00:11:17,274
and have a mental breakdown.
225
00:11:17,275 --> 00:11:20,554
That's an option.
226
00:11:20,555 --> 00:11:24,555
So, I have found the London house,
as per our group agreement.
227
00:11:27,315 --> 00:11:29,194
Did we agree?
228
00:11:29,195 --> 00:11:32,074
You assented by making
positive faces and noises.
229
00:11:32,075 --> 00:11:36,075
Thus I have, er,
found ourselves a house to share
230
00:11:36,155 --> 00:11:40,155
in the lovely-sounding
Colliers Wood. Here.
231
00:11:41,155 --> 00:11:42,714
Hmm.
232
00:11:42,715 --> 00:11:46,034
"Victorian period property.
Easily maintained gardens."
233
00:11:46,035 --> 00:11:49,634
Sounds great.
I'll be back in a minute.
234
00:11:49,635 --> 00:11:52,234
We're obviously
not going to live with him, are we?
235
00:11:52,235 --> 00:11:55,554
God, no, I wouldn't be seen dead
in Colliers Wood! It's in Zone 3!
236
00:11:55,555 --> 00:11:56,754
We should tell him now.
237
00:11:56,755 --> 00:12:00,755
You know, I was so scared
about moving to London,
238
00:12:01,075 --> 00:12:03,394
the only way I can imagine doing it
is with you guys,
239
00:12:03,395 --> 00:12:07,395
so, here's the lease for
House Share 2: Share Harder!
240
00:12:13,795 --> 00:12:16,954
Yes! Fucking yes, I got it!
I fucking got it!
241
00:12:16,955 --> 00:12:20,034
You're listening to
Kingsley's Overexcited FM! Yeah!
242
00:12:20,035 --> 00:12:23,434
That's my station ident. Yeah, I
think I'll stick to Radio 2.
243
00:12:23,435 --> 00:12:25,994
What's the, er, starting salary?
Um...
244
00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,714
GIRL: Kingsley!
245
00:12:27,715 --> 00:12:30,794
It's gonna be awesome!
Yeah, you know it!
246
00:12:30,795 --> 00:12:32,674
Can't wait!
247
00:12:32,675 --> 00:12:34,274
I think I'm gonna be sick!
248
00:12:34,275 --> 00:12:37,794
Oh, my God!
The attack dogs at midnight are back
249
00:12:37,795 --> 00:12:40,074
and they have torn
academic precedents to shreds!
250
00:12:40,075 --> 00:12:42,954
I can't believe I've got an answer
so quickly.
251
00:12:42,955 --> 00:12:45,154
Novel writing, here in Mancunia!
252
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:48,034
I'm, like, the first person
to ever get on an MA with a 2.2!
253
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:51,274
They must've really loved my sample.
254
00:12:51,275 --> 00:12:54,474
Where is my dad? Pfft!
I need to keep him away from my mum
255
00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:58,194
in case she gets all glug-glug,
shouty-shouty, punchy-fucky!
256
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:01,394
Here comes my mum.
257
00:13:01,395 --> 00:13:05,154
Carrying her sick dog
for maximum emotional manipulation.
258
00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:06,594
OK, right, guys - group huddle.
259
00:13:06,595 --> 00:13:10,234
Can everyone please remember
to call me Melissa in front of my mum?
260
00:13:10,235 --> 00:13:13,554
Also, please can everyone pretend
that I'm still the president of the union,
261
00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:15,994
and that I got a first,
and also, don't mention
262
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:18,834
the fact I had an affair
with Tony Shales and his son.
263
00:13:18,835 --> 00:13:20,394
Not affair, relationship.
264
00:13:20,395 --> 00:13:23,714
And also, can please nobody mention
that I snapped a man's banjo string
265
00:13:23,715 --> 00:13:25,274
whilst making love to him on
a table,
266
00:13:25,275 --> 00:13:26,994
which resulted in him being
deported?
267
00:13:26,995 --> 00:13:30,995
Yeah, I think I might just ignore
your mum altogether. Seems like the safest option.
268
00:13:31,115 --> 00:13:34,634
OK.
There she is! My daughter, Melissa!
269
00:13:34,635 --> 00:13:38,354
President of the student union
with her first-class degree!
270
00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:41,914
With a place on an MA in novel
writing right here in Manchester!
271
00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:44,714
EXCITED LAUGHTER
272
00:13:44,715 --> 00:13:46,274
Isn't she incredible?!
273
00:13:46,275 --> 00:13:49,274
Jeeps! Mate!
274
00:13:49,275 --> 00:13:51,474
You fucking did it!
275
00:13:51,475 --> 00:13:55,034
I mean, yeah, OK, Manchester's
not exactly Durham or Exeter,
276
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:58,754
or Bristol, or St Andrew's,
or Imperial,
277
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:02,314
or even, like,
Newcastle or UCR, but still, I...
278
00:14:02,315 --> 00:14:06,315
I'm amazed you graduated.
So, er... So thank fuck for that!
279
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,594
I mean, it might've been tricky
holding the job open for you otherwise.
280
00:14:09,595 --> 00:14:13,595
Yeah, um, do you think it would be
all right if we waited a year until I started?
281
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:17,635
You know, like a suspended...
I don't wanna say sentence,
282
00:14:18,235 --> 00:14:22,235
but maybe I could take another year
off, just get my head together?
283
00:14:22,555 --> 00:14:26,514
No! I'm sending you straight into
the City to milk the money titty!
284
00:14:26,515 --> 00:14:30,034
You're gonna be young, dumb
and worth a lump sum.
285
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,554
Champagne for my real friends?
286
00:14:32,555 --> 00:14:37,555
BOTH: And real pain for my sham
friends!
287
00:14:46,341 --> 00:14:48,780
Look, Mum! Mum, don't!
Give him a kiss.
288
00:14:48,781 --> 00:14:51,380
Mum, no!
It's disgusting. No kissing.
289
00:14:51,381 --> 00:14:53,380
No Dad?
290
00:14:53,381 --> 00:14:56,820
Or Mum?
Yeah?
291
00:14:56,821 --> 00:14:59,380
Relaxing without 'em. Ideal.
292
00:14:59,381 --> 00:15:03,381
WOMAN: English Literature.
293
00:15:04,341 --> 00:15:06,300
Well, go on - up you go!
294
00:15:06,301 --> 00:15:08,020
Mum, there's something I need to
tell you.
295
00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:12,021
Melissa, I've waited 20 years for
this.
296
00:15:13,021 --> 00:15:14,900
Melissa Shawcross.
297
00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:16,620
SOME APPLAUSE
298
00:15:16,621 --> 00:15:18,740
BOOING
299
00:15:18,741 --> 00:15:22,540
What's going on?
Why's she being booed?
300
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:23,580
BOOING CONTINUES
301
00:15:23,581 --> 00:15:26,020
I dunno. Student humour?
302
00:15:26,021 --> 00:15:30,021
Oh! I love that! That's so zany!
303
00:15:31,501 --> 00:15:32,540
Boo!
304
00:15:32,541 --> 00:15:33,620
BOOING GETS LOUDER
305
00:15:33,621 --> 00:15:35,740
MAN: Get off!
Sorry about the booing.
306
00:15:35,741 --> 00:15:38,740
I've got a little something for you
that might cheer you up.
307
00:15:38,741 --> 00:15:40,300
Golden scroll.
308
00:15:40,301 --> 00:15:41,940
Golden girl.
309
00:15:41,941 --> 00:15:44,980
I made it myself.
Tony, that's very weird.
310
00:15:44,981 --> 00:15:48,981
Oh, my God,
she's asked for a golden scroll!
311
00:15:51,901 --> 00:15:55,901
MUSIC: School's Out by Alice Cooper
312
00:15:58,021 --> 00:16:02,021
Well, we got no choice
313
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:06,060
All the girls and boys
314
00:16:06,061 --> 00:16:08,780
Makin' all that noise
315
00:16:08,781 --> 00:16:12,580
Cos they found new toys
316
00:16:12,581 --> 00:16:16,581
Well, we can't salute ya
Can't find a flag
317
00:16:16,941 --> 00:16:20,420
If that don't suit ya,
that's a drag
318
00:16:20,421 --> 00:16:24,421
School's out for summer!
319
00:16:27,661 --> 00:16:29,180
School's out for ever...
320
00:16:29,181 --> 00:16:33,181
DOG BARKS
321
00:16:34,621 --> 00:16:38,621
..School's been blown to
pieces...
322
00:16:39,061 --> 00:16:43,061
...admirable replacement - please
welcome the new president of the student union,
323
00:16:43,901 --> 00:16:47,380
Natasha Clarke.
324
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:50,780
I don't understand -
the new president?
325
00:16:50,781 --> 00:16:54,781
My theme today is how should we
behave as adults in the real world?
326
00:16:57,301 --> 00:17:00,580
As you know, our previous president
- Melissa Shawcross -
327
00:17:00,581 --> 00:17:04,581
was impeached and ousted
for gross misconduct, so...
328
00:17:06,101 --> 00:17:08,020
not like her.
329
00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:12,021
LAUGHTER, CHEERING AND BOOING
330
00:17:13,021 --> 00:17:17,021
So, I didn't get offered a Fulbright
and I'm not the president.
331
00:17:17,541 --> 00:17:21,541
I was ousted due to gross
mismanagement and corruption.
332
00:17:22,261 --> 00:17:26,261
Also, I had an affair with my tutor,
Professor Shales.
333
00:17:26,581 --> 00:17:29,300
Oh, my God! Melissa!
And his son, Dylan.
334
00:17:29,301 --> 00:17:32,260
Also, I didn't get a first.
335
00:17:32,261 --> 00:17:35,980
You got a 2.1?
336
00:17:35,981 --> 00:17:37,140
A 2.2.
337
00:17:37,141 --> 00:17:41,140
Oh...God! I'm so humiliated!
338
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:43,340
Melissa, you're such a
disappointment!
339
00:17:43,341 --> 00:17:44,460
No, she isn't, love!
340
00:17:44,461 --> 00:17:46,900
She's the best president we
ever had!
341
00:17:46,901 --> 00:17:50,901
But while she was thinking big
about poetry and education and chips,
342
00:17:53,861 --> 00:17:56,620
all these fuckheads wanted
to think about
343
00:17:56,621 --> 00:18:00,621
was rugby and badminton
and careers and degrees!
344
00:18:01,421 --> 00:18:04,620
I mean, yeah, she got rejected,
345
00:18:04,621 --> 00:18:08,300
but so did Jesus, and JK Rowling.
346
00:18:08,301 --> 00:18:12,301
And, if it wasn't for Oregon,
I wouldn't even have a degree.
347
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,100
She let me copy her coursework.
348
00:18:16,101 --> 00:18:20,101
She...inspired me to think
about books.
349
00:18:21,861 --> 00:18:24,460
Even the ones written by wankers
to fake you out.
350
00:18:24,461 --> 00:18:27,020
Thank you, Vod.
351
00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:31,021
And she did not mean to snap that
guy's dong. That was an accident.
352
00:18:31,261 --> 00:18:34,060
I hadn't actually mentioned that.
353
00:18:34,061 --> 00:18:36,860
Who the hell is Oregon?
354
00:18:36,861 --> 00:18:40,861
I'm Oregon and I'm going to stay
here and I'm going to learn to be a writer.
355
00:18:41,701 --> 00:18:45,500
I got on the MA Creative Writing
course, even though I only got a 2.2!
356
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:47,820
No-one's ever done that before!
357
00:18:47,821 --> 00:18:50,340
And it's all down
to how good a writer I am!
358
00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:53,780
I'm going to be one of this
country's greatest novelists,
359
00:18:53,781 --> 00:18:55,940
if their reaction to my sample
is anything to go by!
360
00:18:55,941 --> 00:18:58,740
Oregon...
Um?
361
00:18:58,741 --> 00:19:01,820
Glad I could help with the MA,
by the way.
362
00:19:01,821 --> 00:19:03,940
I quietly binned
Attack Dogs Of Midnight
363
00:19:03,941 --> 00:19:06,260
for a little something
from my own humble quill,
364
00:19:06,261 --> 00:19:10,261
and in you slid, past
the adjudicators and straight onto my little course.
365
00:19:12,661 --> 00:19:14,180
What?!
366
00:19:14,181 --> 00:19:16,740
Tony Shales,
I don't think we've had the...
367
00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:19,860
VOD GASPS
368
00:19:19,861 --> 00:19:23,861
MUSIC: You and I by Wilco
369
00:19:25,341 --> 00:19:29,341
You and I
370
00:19:29,621 --> 00:19:33,621
We might be strangers
371
00:19:34,381 --> 00:19:36,420
However close we get
sometimes...
372
00:19:36,421 --> 00:19:37,540
DOG GROWLS
373
00:19:37,541 --> 00:19:40,820
..It's like we never met
374
00:19:40,821 --> 00:19:44,821
But you and I
375
00:19:45,341 --> 00:19:49,341
I think we can take it
376
00:19:49,901 --> 00:19:52,260
All the good with the bad
377
00:19:52,261 --> 00:19:56,261
Make something
that no-one else has, but...
378
00:19:57,381 --> 00:19:58,820
You and I...
379
00:19:58,821 --> 00:20:00,460
Hi, yeah, um...
CLEARS THROAT
380
00:20:00,461 --> 00:20:03,300
..I just wanted to check something,
actually, about the, um,
381
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:06,860
the trainee broadcast
assistant researcher job.
382
00:20:06,861 --> 00:20:10,300
Um, just a tiny, tiny detail,
really, but, um...
383
00:20:10,301 --> 00:20:14,180
as regarding
the actual physical salary, um...
384
00:20:14,181 --> 00:20:18,181
I don't wanna be rude, but, um,
what...what level is that per se, so to speak?
385
00:20:20,381 --> 00:20:22,140
Uh-huh?
386
00:20:22,141 --> 00:20:24,660
That's the total figure?
Hey, Josie!
387
00:20:24,661 --> 00:20:27,020
Can you tell us where Vodstock
will be? Good, OK. Yup!
388
00:20:27,021 --> 00:20:31,021
Talk to Vod -
that's why it's called Vodstock! No, I understand! Thank you. Cheers.
389
00:20:31,861 --> 00:20:33,380
Hey.
390
00:20:33,381 --> 00:20:35,980
You seen Vod?
Um, no, sorry.
391
00:20:35,981 --> 00:20:38,020
SHE SIGHS
392
00:20:38,021 --> 00:20:41,060
Er, is there any chance of a
heads-up on the down-low of the location?
393
00:20:41,061 --> 00:20:44,460
Still under wraps. You'll get the
text from our burner phone at 1800 hours.
394
00:20:44,461 --> 00:20:46,860
Cool.
One thing to mention is...
395
00:20:46,861 --> 00:20:49,860
should there be an issue with the
sound system, which there won't be,
396
00:20:49,861 --> 00:20:53,861
but in case of, er, cow issues,
or a barn malfunction, just...
397
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:59,740
bring your headphones.
I've got an unbelievable playlist.
398
00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:01,180
Bang! Silent disco.
399
00:21:01,181 --> 00:21:03,500
What a way to go out?
400
00:21:03,501 --> 00:21:06,860
60 quid for a, er...
ticket for a silent disco?
401
00:21:06,861 --> 00:21:09,300
You're gonna get
stabbed in the face, mate.
402
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:13,020
And not silently.
403
00:21:13,021 --> 00:21:17,021
I was thinking, um, if we shouldn't,
if it wouldn't be cooler
404
00:21:17,341 --> 00:21:20,180
to keep us a secret?
From Kingsley?
405
00:21:20,181 --> 00:21:24,060
From everyone.
From our friends?
406
00:21:24,061 --> 00:21:25,620
And what about your family?
407
00:21:25,621 --> 00:21:28,300
I mean, I presume
I'll get to meet them at some point?
408
00:21:28,301 --> 00:21:32,301
OK, look, sit.
409
00:21:33,021 --> 00:21:34,580
Look...
410
00:21:34,581 --> 00:21:38,581
I don't want to say this...but...
411
00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:42,981
If a Martian came down to Earth, um,
they could,
412
00:21:43,381 --> 00:21:45,900
might, take one look at you
413
00:21:45,901 --> 00:21:49,901
and decide that you're a...you
know...
414
00:21:50,061 --> 00:21:53,100
..stupid rich tit
who embodies everything that's wrong
415
00:21:53,101 --> 00:21:55,820
with our money-orientated,
class-bound society.
416
00:21:55,821 --> 00:21:58,020
That's what a Martian would think?
417
00:21:58,021 --> 00:22:00,100
Well, yeah.
But you can understand that.
418
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:01,580
I mean, you are a bit of a tit.
419
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:03,980
Do you like me, Josie?
420
00:22:03,981 --> 00:22:06,860
As a person?
421
00:22:06,861 --> 00:22:08,740
Oh...
422
00:22:08,741 --> 00:22:10,780
You've really put me on the spot
here.
423
00:22:10,781 --> 00:22:12,940
And if I'm not allowed
to meet your family,
424
00:22:12,941 --> 00:22:15,060
and I'm not allowed to kiss you
in public,
425
00:22:15,061 --> 00:22:17,860
what am I allowed to do?
426
00:22:17,861 --> 00:22:19,980
Fuck me in secret?
427
00:22:19,981 --> 00:22:21,660
God!
428
00:22:21,661 --> 00:22:25,661
You see, on the one hand,
that massively gives me the horn.
429
00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:28,580
But on the other hand...
430
00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:30,260
it kind of makes me want to cry.
431
00:22:30,261 --> 00:22:34,260
And the wanting to cry's
making my horn go soft.
432
00:22:34,261 --> 00:22:36,620
Because it turns out tears
beats horn
433
00:22:36,621 --> 00:22:40,140
in a game of rock, paper,
tears, scissors, horn.
434
00:22:40,141 --> 00:22:43,740
I'm sorry, Josie.
435
00:22:43,741 --> 00:22:46,500
I don't think I can do this.
436
00:22:46,501 --> 00:22:50,501
I really don't.
Well...
437
00:22:52,181 --> 00:22:56,060
So, Vod's disappeared, along with
my future and my relationship with my mum.
438
00:22:56,061 --> 00:22:58,220
What, Vod's run away from
responsibility?
439
00:22:58,221 --> 00:22:59,740
Never! I can't believe it!
440
00:22:59,741 --> 00:23:03,540
Well, it's irresponsible and I hate
her for it, but I can sort of see the logic.
441
00:23:03,541 --> 00:23:06,940
Oi, Kingsley - it's not happening,
is it?
442
00:23:06,941 --> 00:23:07,941
SIGHS
443
00:23:07,942 --> 00:23:09,780
Everyone hates you because of
Vodstock
444
00:23:09,781 --> 00:23:11,420
and it's totally ruining my big day!
445
00:23:11,421 --> 00:23:13,780
Don't worry, we'll be safe in
London.
446
00:23:13,781 --> 00:23:17,781
The, er, back wall's got
barbed wire on it.
447
00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:22,700
OK, right, I have been picking up
vibes, so I'm just gonna ask outright.
448
00:23:22,701 --> 00:23:25,300
Do you all want to live with me
in our new house in Colliers Wood
449
00:23:25,301 --> 00:23:27,900
or don't you?
Er...
450
00:23:27,901 --> 00:23:30,100
I'm a fully-fledged human adult
451
00:23:30,101 --> 00:23:32,140
and I deserve to be treated as such!
ALL MURMUR
452
00:23:32,141 --> 00:23:34,260
I don't think so.
It was mental.
453
00:23:34,261 --> 00:23:36,180
Well, thank you for telling me
the truth.
454
00:23:36,181 --> 00:23:39,660
University is over! We are over!
The dream is dead!
455
00:23:39,661 --> 00:23:43,661
I'm gonna buy a small plot of land
in Colliers Wood and...
456
00:23:43,861 --> 00:23:45,500
bury the dream!
457
00:23:45,501 --> 00:23:47,900
ANNOYED CHATTER
458
00:23:47,901 --> 00:23:52,721
Yeah, I think that might not be
the only thing getting buried. GIRL: Yeah, a scam.
459
00:24:00,722 --> 00:24:03,201
JP: I knew these gowns
would be great for running!
460
00:24:03,202 --> 00:24:04,641
Fucking Vod!
461
00:24:04,642 --> 00:24:08,321
OK, so we flush, pack and run,
right?
462
00:24:08,322 --> 00:24:10,321
Great! More running!
463
00:24:10,322 --> 00:24:11,481
I'm getting in my car.
464
00:24:11,482 --> 00:24:15,482
I mean, sitting there and waiting
for you! Oh! Fucking Vod!
465
00:24:23,162 --> 00:24:25,361
What's going on?
Are we being burgled?
466
00:24:25,362 --> 00:24:29,362
In a very orderly fashion?
467
00:24:29,882 --> 00:24:33,882
Um... I'm putting your stuff
in the cellar for safekeeping.
468
00:24:34,362 --> 00:24:35,681
Look...
469
00:24:35,682 --> 00:24:37,201
CLEARS THROAT
470
00:24:37,202 --> 00:24:40,121
I don't have any family.
471
00:24:40,122 --> 00:24:42,081
I mean, I do, but they're shit,
472
00:24:42,082 --> 00:24:45,161
so... you're my family and I fucked
it with you.
473
00:24:45,162 --> 00:24:48,681
And I'm gonna put it right, so I
have pulled in a couple of favours
474
00:24:48,682 --> 00:24:52,682
and Vodstock is now Houseapalooza!
475
00:24:53,442 --> 00:24:56,681
We're having the party right here,
losers!
476
00:24:56,682 --> 00:25:00,281
We're throwing a party for 1,000
people in a house designed for six?
477
00:25:00,282 --> 00:25:02,041
No! This is my house!
478
00:25:02,042 --> 00:25:03,961
- My nest egg!
- We've got a garden.
479
00:25:03,962 --> 00:25:06,841
Could work. Could it work?
I want it to work!
480
00:25:06,842 --> 00:25:08,801
Might not work.
Are we all up for this?
481
00:25:08,802 --> 00:25:10,161
No!
482
00:25:10,162 --> 00:25:11,921
Right, well, I'm gonna take that
as a yes,
483
00:25:11,922 --> 00:25:14,001
cos I've just put the details
on the internet.
484
00:25:14,002 --> 00:25:16,201
Then take them off the internet!
485
00:25:16,202 --> 00:25:19,881
I can't! I don't have
the, um, internet scraper!
486
00:25:19,882 --> 00:25:21,841
Can I say again? No!
487
00:25:21,842 --> 00:25:23,361
Look, Kingo, music?
488
00:25:23,362 --> 00:25:26,441
Jose? Stealing pint glasses?
489
00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:29,961
Howard... Security.
No - meet and greet!
490
00:25:29,962 --> 00:25:32,361
Not my ideal role.
I don't care!
491
00:25:32,362 --> 00:25:36,362
Have a look at this.
492
00:25:41,322 --> 00:25:45,322
Holy shit!
493
00:25:47,002 --> 00:25:49,321
There are people!
CLAMOUR OUTSIDE
494
00:25:49,322 --> 00:25:51,281
You've got the wrong house!
Try next door!
495
00:25:51,282 --> 00:25:53,081
KNOCKING ON DOOR
We're vegans!
496
00:25:53,082 --> 00:25:55,041
MAN: Is this Vodstock?
A fucking house?!
497
00:25:55,042 --> 00:25:57,721
JP, Vodstock can't be stopped!
498
00:25:57,722 --> 00:26:01,081
KNOCKING ON DOOR
You can do this, Howie.
499
00:26:01,082 --> 00:26:05,082
INSPIRATIONAL CELTIC MUSIC
500
00:26:09,642 --> 00:26:13,642
DRUM AND BASS MUSIC BEGINS
501
00:26:15,242 --> 00:26:17,161
Come in!
502
00:26:17,162 --> 00:26:19,281
Remember - no sex in the garden!
503
00:26:19,282 --> 00:26:21,681
I'm kidding! Everyone's gonna have
sex in the garden!
504
00:26:21,682 --> 00:26:23,161
Don't go in the garden!
505
00:26:23,162 --> 00:26:27,162
MUSIC: Code Red (94 Mix) by
Congo Natty
506
00:26:34,562 --> 00:26:38,562
All music, all the time -
you're listening to Kingsley Owen in his own house.
507
00:26:40,442 --> 00:26:44,442
Just letting the playlist of
the century roll out over you.
508
00:26:44,602 --> 00:26:48,602
Coming up, a little bit of grime
in the trap stylee.
509
00:26:48,762 --> 00:26:52,762
Don't dance, just quiver.
510
00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:58,322
Maybe just play the music, yeah?
Yeah.
511
00:27:01,282 --> 00:27:05,282
MUSIC POUNDS
512
00:27:06,482 --> 00:27:10,121
OK, guys, er, watch yourselves,
there is bass all over the place
513
00:27:10,122 --> 00:27:11,921
and, er, bits of the roof also.
514
00:27:11,922 --> 00:27:15,922
OK, so, er, next in, guys -
let's get this party...continued!
515
00:27:17,642 --> 00:27:21,642
Charlie?
516
00:27:22,682 --> 00:27:24,161
RUMBLING AND CREAKING
517
00:27:24,162 --> 00:27:25,801
LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
518
00:27:25,802 --> 00:27:29,802
Definitely! Really?!
519
00:27:29,922 --> 00:27:33,922
PHONE BEEPS
520
00:27:40,362 --> 00:27:41,681
Drowning my sorrows.
521
00:27:41,682 --> 00:27:44,001
Aren't you supposed to be
downstairs?
522
00:27:44,002 --> 00:27:46,521
I'm just a bit worried
the ceiling might come down
523
00:27:46,522 --> 00:27:49,121
before I get the chance
to pack all my stuff.
524
00:27:49,122 --> 00:27:51,641
Kingsley, I'm gonna kiss you.
525
00:27:51,642 --> 00:27:54,001
Er... What?
526
00:27:54,002 --> 00:27:57,321
What happens if we were
always supposed to be together?
527
00:27:57,322 --> 00:28:01,322
We need to check if we have
chemistry.
528
00:28:11,762 --> 00:28:15,762
OK, I'm gonna call that a no.
529
00:28:18,082 --> 00:28:20,241
Was that...?
530
00:28:20,242 --> 00:28:21,721
Just a chemistry experiment.
531
00:28:21,722 --> 00:28:23,841
Oh, right.
532
00:28:23,842 --> 00:28:27,842
Any good? No!
533
00:28:35,682 --> 00:28:38,401
I just need to check one thing.
534
00:28:38,402 --> 00:28:41,001
JP?
535
00:28:41,002 --> 00:28:45,002
He's a dick, isn't he?
Yeah, he is, but...you know...
536
00:28:45,322 --> 00:28:47,681
for a dick, he's surprisingly
all right.
537
00:28:47,682 --> 00:28:50,561
SHE CHUCKLES
538
00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:54,562
But I...I would love it
if you didn't go out with him.
539
00:28:55,842 --> 00:28:56,921
MUSIC CONTINUES
540
00:28:56,922 --> 00:28:58,681
WHISTLING AND WHOOPING
541
00:28:58,682 --> 00:29:02,481
Sorry, pal. No trainers.
542
00:29:02,482 --> 00:29:06,482
I'm kidding! Ha-ha! We'll let
anyone in! Even him! Huh?!
543
00:29:07,522 --> 00:29:11,522
Just messing with you, Ben!
Ben!
544
00:29:11,542 --> 00:29:14,941
Howard? There's something weird
about you.
545
00:29:14,942 --> 00:29:16,381
You seem less weird.
546
00:29:16,382 --> 00:29:18,461
Which is weird!
Thank you.
547
00:29:18,462 --> 00:29:21,901
After studying you lot for years,
it would seem that I can now appear normal.
548
00:29:21,902 --> 00:29:23,301
Like a psychopath?
549
00:29:23,302 --> 00:29:25,901
Yes, like a benign psychopath.
550
00:29:25,902 --> 00:29:28,981
Mmm!
Life is good!
551
00:29:28,982 --> 00:29:32,341
Mad love to the lady bitches
and the man bitches!
552
00:29:32,342 --> 00:29:36,181
Gimme your tix
then get in and get your fix!
553
00:29:36,182 --> 00:29:39,141
Maybe take it down a notch?
Not a problem.
554
00:29:39,142 --> 00:29:43,142
All right? All right?
555
00:29:43,622 --> 00:29:46,421
All right?
556
00:29:46,422 --> 00:29:48,181
Right, you need a coaster!
557
00:29:48,182 --> 00:29:51,581
Come on!
Take one of these, pass them on!
558
00:29:51,582 --> 00:29:52,701
KLAXON BLARES
559
00:29:52,702 --> 00:29:55,261
Let's coaster up, people! Hey!
560
00:29:55,262 --> 00:29:59,262
Oi! Get down off that window!
561
00:30:00,182 --> 00:30:01,941
Oi! Are you smoking?
562
00:30:01,942 --> 00:30:05,942
That's illegal! Put it out now
or I will make a citizen's arrest!
563
00:30:09,022 --> 00:30:10,421
Oh, my God! Vod!
564
00:30:10,422 --> 00:30:13,941
LOUD VIBRATIONS, CRACKING
565
00:30:13,942 --> 00:30:16,621
That massive crack on the wall -
that was here before, right?
566
00:30:16,622 --> 00:30:18,501
Yeah!
567
00:30:18,502 --> 00:30:22,502
Yeah, I definitely seem to remember
the massive crack in the wall.
568
00:30:27,422 --> 00:30:28,901
So...
569
00:30:28,902 --> 00:30:31,261
The last hurrah.
570
00:30:31,262 --> 00:30:33,101
Hurrah!
571
00:30:33,102 --> 00:30:35,181
You up for a good time tonight?
572
00:30:35,182 --> 00:30:38,181
Er...what?
573
00:30:38,182 --> 00:30:41,781
You probably look at me and think
"bit of a posh twat",
574
00:30:41,782 --> 00:30:43,501
but I'm a good guy.
575
00:30:43,502 --> 00:30:46,941
Like, yeah, I'm tough on JP, but...
576
00:30:46,942 --> 00:30:50,461
It's tough love, because I care
about my little brother.
577
00:30:50,462 --> 00:30:51,901
Yeah? Yeah.
578
00:30:51,902 --> 00:30:53,701
Is that why you're hitting on his...
579
00:30:53,702 --> 00:30:55,341
housemate?
Ha-ha!
580
00:30:55,342 --> 00:30:57,141
It's probably cos you're incredibly
hot.
581
00:30:57,142 --> 00:30:59,341
And I'm incredibly horny.
582
00:30:59,342 --> 00:31:03,342
So what do you say
to, er...to getting jiggy?
583
00:31:03,702 --> 00:31:06,021
I say, politely...
584
00:31:06,022 --> 00:31:07,701
Fuck off!
585
00:31:07,702 --> 00:31:10,381
Back off, Tomothy, you're being
a prick!
586
00:31:10,382 --> 00:31:13,661
Dude, I'm not sure you wanna talk
like that to your soon-to-be boss!
587
00:31:13,662 --> 00:31:16,621
You're not my boss!
And you never will be!
588
00:31:16,622 --> 00:31:18,141
And you know why?
589
00:31:18,142 --> 00:31:20,101
Because I don't want your job!
590
00:31:20,102 --> 00:31:23,341
I don't want to do a horrible job
that I don't like!
591
00:31:23,342 --> 00:31:25,701
Er, sorry, pal, no-one does.
592
00:31:25,702 --> 00:31:28,221
You just joined Real World Soc.
593
00:31:28,222 --> 00:31:30,061
And it's a terrible Soc!
594
00:31:30,062 --> 00:31:33,941
And you have to go to all the
meetings! And you can never leave!
595
00:31:33,942 --> 00:31:36,861
Or join any other Socs,
so suck it up!
596
00:31:36,862 --> 00:31:38,181
OK?
597
00:31:38,182 --> 00:31:40,341
I've decided I want to do
something else.
598
00:31:40,342 --> 00:31:43,021
Like what, for fuck's sake?
I don't know!
599
00:31:43,022 --> 00:31:46,221
Josie was telling me that maybe
I could become a cartoonist.
600
00:31:46,222 --> 00:31:48,541
SCOFFS: A cartoonist?
Mm-hm!
601
00:31:48,542 --> 00:31:52,221
Jesus! Right now, Dad is spinning
in his grave!
602
00:31:52,222 --> 00:31:55,181
But maybe you could draw
a cartoon of him in his grave
603
00:31:55,182 --> 00:31:58,781
and add little movement lines to
indicate the direction of his spinning!
604
00:31:58,782 --> 00:32:00,941
Well, whatever!
That was just one idea!
605
00:32:00,942 --> 00:32:04,942
But I've decided to dream
the impossible dream
606
00:32:04,982 --> 00:32:07,341
and follow my dream of making it
real!
607
00:32:07,342 --> 00:32:10,821
Oh, God, JP, listen to
yourself! You sound like Les Mis!
608
00:32:10,822 --> 00:32:13,341
Good! I bloody love Les Mis!
609
00:32:13,342 --> 00:32:16,901
And you know what?!
I am master of the house!
610
00:32:16,902 --> 00:32:19,101
And you can fuck off out of it!
611
00:32:19,102 --> 00:32:23,021
What, is that Les Mis?
Yes! It is!
612
00:32:23,022 --> 00:32:27,022
So, go on! Fuck off!
613
00:32:34,702 --> 00:32:36,781
I feel so compelled to sing
right now!
614
00:32:36,782 --> 00:32:38,861
Don't ruin it.
OK!
615
00:32:38,862 --> 00:32:42,862
MUSIC: Animal Rights by
Deadmau5 & Wolfgang Garter
616
00:32:42,942 --> 00:32:46,221
Listen, if my brother tries to come
back in here, then...
617
00:32:46,222 --> 00:32:47,741
What's going on?
618
00:32:47,742 --> 00:32:50,701
House meeting! I don't think
the house is safe! The ceiling!
619
00:32:50,702 --> 00:32:53,381
It's the playlist? It's too strong?
620
00:32:53,382 --> 00:32:57,382
No, it...it's too many people.
It's the party! It's too good!
621
00:32:58,182 --> 00:33:02,182
It's drawing people from all round
like a brilliant NHS dentist!
622
00:33:02,542 --> 00:33:04,621
I need to do more chemistry tests.
623
00:33:04,622 --> 00:33:07,541
JP: No! I want this party to last
forever!
624
00:33:07,542 --> 00:33:10,941
Fuck my house!
It's my last remaining asset,
625
00:33:10,942 --> 00:33:14,341
but I want it to come tumbling down
like the Walls of Jericho!
626
00:33:14,342 --> 00:33:16,181
I love you guys!
627
00:33:16,182 --> 00:33:17,581
SIRENS WAIL OUTSIDE
628
00:33:17,582 --> 00:33:19,141
Let's all just fuck!
629
00:33:19,142 --> 00:33:20,701
HELICOPTER WHIRS OUTSIDE
630
00:33:20,702 --> 00:33:22,861
SIRENS CONTINUE
631
00:33:22,862 --> 00:33:26,862
Po-po!
632
00:33:27,862 --> 00:33:30,261
Right, everyone!
633
00:33:30,262 --> 00:33:33,941
I'm not sure
I've ever said this before, but...
634
00:33:33,942 --> 00:33:35,901
..this party's over!
635
00:33:35,902 --> 00:33:37,061
Everyone, out!
636
00:33:37,062 --> 00:33:38,741
SIRENS GROW LOUDER
637
00:33:38,742 --> 00:33:42,742
TRAINS RUMBLE PAST
638
00:33:43,702 --> 00:33:46,381
KINGSLEY: Fuck. So this is it?
639
00:33:46,382 --> 00:33:49,501
HOWARD: Yes. It is over.
640
00:33:49,502 --> 00:33:52,301
I'm going to London
to put Ordnance Survey on the map.
641
00:33:52,302 --> 00:33:53,541
Joke.
642
00:33:53,542 --> 00:33:56,621
And I've found a three-person house
share in Harpenden.
643
00:33:56,622 --> 00:33:58,621
I will befriend them.
644
00:33:58,622 --> 00:34:01,301
Small talk, bang.
645
00:34:01,302 --> 00:34:03,101
Shared meal, bang.
646
00:34:03,102 --> 00:34:06,301
Mutual DVD-watching, bang.
647
00:34:06,302 --> 00:34:08,221
They don't stand a chance.
648
00:34:08,222 --> 00:34:11,021
I'll pick them off one by one,
649
00:34:11,022 --> 00:34:13,701
like an amicable sniper.
650
00:34:13,702 --> 00:34:16,221
My dream of writing a novel is
in ashes.
651
00:34:16,222 --> 00:34:18,501
Like in Angela's Ashes.
652
00:34:18,502 --> 00:34:21,461
Maybe. I don't know.
I haven't read it.
653
00:34:21,462 --> 00:34:23,901
Yeah, well, who's Tony Shales?
654
00:34:23,902 --> 00:34:26,861
The only person
who knows how to write a novel?
655
00:34:26,862 --> 00:34:30,101
I mean, is he the only one
who knows where the end goes?
656
00:34:30,102 --> 00:34:31,701
What, you mean...
657
00:34:31,702 --> 00:34:35,702
write a novel...without a course?
658
00:34:35,822 --> 00:34:37,021
Shit!
659
00:34:37,022 --> 00:34:39,621
You've got plenty to write about.
660
00:34:39,622 --> 00:34:40,981
I'm gonna write a novel.
661
00:34:40,982 --> 00:34:43,501
Without a course. About what's
happened.
662
00:34:43,502 --> 00:34:45,781
Cos I mean, when you think about it,
663
00:34:45,782 --> 00:34:48,821
I've practically already written
a novel.
664
00:34:48,822 --> 00:34:52,021
All I have to do is just write it
down. Oh, my God. This is gonna be amazing.
665
00:34:52,022 --> 00:34:54,141
I'm gonna set it in Laos.
666
00:34:54,142 --> 00:34:56,501
OK.
667
00:34:56,502 --> 00:34:57,861
Cos then it'll be interesting!
668
00:34:57,862 --> 00:35:00,181
Have you been?
No.
669
00:35:00,182 --> 00:35:04,182
And that will be what makes it
so interesting.
670
00:35:06,502 --> 00:35:10,101
I don't want it to be over.
671
00:35:10,102 --> 00:35:14,102
Sorry, Jose. I can't hear you?
672
00:35:19,062 --> 00:35:22,061
I think that we should maybe
give this a try.
673
00:35:22,062 --> 00:35:23,781
Why?
674
00:35:23,782 --> 00:35:27,021
Because you like me now?
675
00:35:27,022 --> 00:35:28,421
Mm-hm.
676
00:35:28,422 --> 00:35:31,661
Sorry, what?
677
00:35:31,662 --> 00:35:34,741
I'm not gonna say that I love you,
because I don't fucking love you.
678
00:35:34,742 --> 00:35:36,221
Good. Because...
679
00:35:36,222 --> 00:35:39,581
I don't love you either.
680
00:35:39,582 --> 00:35:43,221
But I am willing to admit that...
681
00:35:43,222 --> 00:35:47,222
..JP is quite...nice.
682
00:35:49,782 --> 00:35:53,782
Drop the "quite" and we have a deal.
683
00:35:54,782 --> 00:35:56,261
Hey, guys?
684
00:35:56,262 --> 00:35:58,581
Jose has got something
she'd like to share with the group.
685
00:35:58,582 --> 00:35:59,741
Have I?
686
00:35:59,742 --> 00:36:01,821
Yes. You do.
687
00:36:01,822 --> 00:36:05,822
Something she wants to shout out
so that all of Manchester can hear.
688
00:36:07,582 --> 00:36:10,941
Fine.
689
00:36:10,942 --> 00:36:12,901
I think...
690
00:36:12,902 --> 00:36:15,221
that JP...
691
00:36:15,222 --> 00:36:19,222
..is quite all right, probably.
692
00:36:21,182 --> 00:36:25,182
OTHERS: Ooh!
693
00:36:26,062 --> 00:36:27,661
Hey, can you also shout that...
694
00:36:27,662 --> 00:36:29,141
HE WHISPERS
695
00:36:29,142 --> 00:36:32,981
No! Because that's disgusting.
696
00:36:32,982 --> 00:36:36,501
But I do think that we should give
a long-distance relationship a try.
697
00:36:36,502 --> 00:36:39,061
Cos...they often work out.
Right, guys?
698
00:36:39,062 --> 00:36:40,941
Yeah. Yeah!
699
00:36:40,942 --> 00:36:42,381
Like, these days, yeah.
700
00:36:42,382 --> 00:36:46,261
You know, I think I'm finally
beginning to accept you for who you really are.
701
00:36:46,262 --> 00:36:48,581
Good.
702
00:36:48,582 --> 00:36:50,701
Because...
703
00:36:50,702 --> 00:36:54,702
..I've decided I'm not a cartoonist.
704
00:36:54,742 --> 00:36:57,221
I'm going to become an estate agent.
705
00:36:57,222 --> 00:36:59,181
And work for Foxtons.
706
00:36:59,182 --> 00:37:03,182
And if I'm really lucky,
get one of those cool Minis.
707
00:37:03,262 --> 00:37:04,741
Good...
708
00:37:04,742 --> 00:37:07,501
Great.
709
00:37:07,502 --> 00:37:08,901
That's interesting.
710
00:37:08,902 --> 00:37:11,021
You told me to follow my dream,
711
00:37:11,022 --> 00:37:13,341
and I am.
Yes.
712
00:37:13,342 --> 00:37:16,861
I mean, I did think that your dream
might be to be an artist,
713
00:37:16,862 --> 00:37:18,141
but... Nope.
714
00:37:18,142 --> 00:37:22,142
Broom-broom, beep-beep, percentage
of the purchase price, please.
715
00:37:22,782 --> 00:37:24,861
What about you, Kings?
716
00:37:24,862 --> 00:37:26,541
Oh, well, my internship's unpaid,
717
00:37:26,542 --> 00:37:30,381
so I'm gonna be living back
with my lovely, inescapable mum.
718
00:37:30,382 --> 00:37:33,381
Don't be silly, Nutsack.
You can come live with me.
719
00:37:33,382 --> 00:37:34,861
Rent-free.
720
00:37:34,862 --> 00:37:36,741
How do you feel about that,
Kingsley?
721
00:37:36,742 --> 00:37:38,861
Living with an estate agent in
Chelsea.
722
00:37:38,862 --> 00:37:42,862
An estate agent who is your
ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend.
723
00:37:45,622 --> 00:37:48,621
The thing is, that is actually
too good an offer to refuse,
724
00:37:48,622 --> 00:37:50,821
so...yes, thank you.
725
00:37:50,822 --> 00:37:52,581
I would love that.
726
00:37:52,582 --> 00:37:54,061
Awesome!
727
00:37:54,062 --> 00:37:57,341
And then when Jose comes down to
stay, it'll be just like old times, eh?
728
00:37:57,342 --> 00:38:01,342
Yeah.
729
00:38:09,862 --> 00:38:11,181
Listen.
730
00:38:11,182 --> 00:38:12,741
I think I might go.
731
00:38:12,742 --> 00:38:13,781
To Laos.
732
00:38:13,782 --> 00:38:17,141
And, um...I'd love you to come
with me.
733
00:38:17,142 --> 00:38:20,181
Particularly as I don't properly
know where it is.
734
00:38:20,182 --> 00:38:23,661
I could write, and you could teach
English as a foreign language.
735
00:38:23,662 --> 00:38:27,662
Sounds pretty good.
736
00:38:31,102 --> 00:38:35,102
Now that I've run my own festival,
I could also run Burning Man.
737
00:38:35,942 --> 00:38:37,621
Yeah.
738
00:38:37,622 --> 00:38:38,901
VOICES RECEDE
739
00:38:38,902 --> 00:38:42,741
How long's it gonna take you
to get back to Scotland?
740
00:38:42,742 --> 00:38:43,781
Scotland?
741
00:38:43,782 --> 00:38:45,821
I don't live in Scotland.
742
00:38:45,822 --> 00:38:47,261
I live in Manchester.
743
00:38:47,262 --> 00:38:50,101
My, er, mum and dad's house
is two streets away.
744
00:38:50,102 --> 00:38:51,621
What?!
745
00:38:51,622 --> 00:38:53,461
Why did you never say anything?
746
00:38:53,462 --> 00:38:56,301
Because they're excruciatingly
embarrassing.
747
00:38:56,302 --> 00:39:00,141
Are you ready, Howard?
Yes, Dad.
748
00:39:00,142 --> 00:39:02,901
It's lovely to meet you all.
Embarrassing.
749
00:39:02,902 --> 00:39:05,501
Heard so much about you!
Painful.
750
00:39:05,502 --> 00:39:06,901
If you're ever up this way again,
751
00:39:06,902 --> 00:39:10,381
do drop by for some tea and cake.
Idiotic!
752
00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:14,382
Yes. My parents are cliches.
753
00:39:15,422 --> 00:39:18,021
Hey. So, er...
754
00:39:18,022 --> 00:39:19,061
bye.
755
00:39:19,062 --> 00:39:20,381
You gonna be OK?
756
00:39:20,382 --> 00:39:22,541
Yeah. I'll be fine.
757
00:39:22,542 --> 00:39:25,261
I'm gonna ask Sabine
to live with me next year.
758
00:39:25,262 --> 00:39:29,262
Purge myself of all my class
and racial prejudice.
759
00:39:30,302 --> 00:39:31,341
Bye.
760
00:39:31,342 --> 00:39:35,342
OK. Bye.
761
00:39:41,742 --> 00:39:44,181
We were sleeping in for years
762
00:39:44,182 --> 00:39:48,182
Letting go of our friends
763
00:39:48,782 --> 00:39:51,821
Scaring our friends
764
00:39:51,822 --> 00:39:55,822
We were seeing clearer closing
our eyes
765
00:39:56,982 --> 00:40:00,982
And our lashes intertwined
766
00:40:02,062 --> 00:40:06,062
Do I lie in the backseat
767
00:40:07,462 --> 00:40:09,901
Of your mind?
768
00:40:09,902 --> 00:40:12,901
Just a second
769
00:40:12,902 --> 00:40:15,101
And we're gone
770
00:40:15,102 --> 00:40:18,021
Just an imprint
771
00:40:18,022 --> 00:40:20,461
When we're done
772
00:40:20,462 --> 00:40:24,462
Just a second and we're gone
773
00:40:25,542 --> 00:40:29,542
Just an imprint when we're done
774
00:40:32,662 --> 00:40:36,662
It should be forever
775
00:40:37,982 --> 00:40:41,982
God told me
776
00:40:43,342 --> 00:40:47,342
We're born into the wrong time
777
00:40:48,382 --> 00:40:52,382
It should be forever
778
00:40:53,542 --> 00:40:57,542
God told me
779
00:40:59,542 --> 00:41:03,542
We're born into the wrong time
780
00:41:04,942 --> 00:41:08,942
It should be forever
781
00:41:09,462 --> 00:41:12,341
God told me...
782
00:41:12,342 --> 00:41:16,981
Subtitles by Ericsson
783
00:41:17,031 --> 00:41:21,581
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
58675
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