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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:11,200 And it is my contention that we made an oral contract 2 00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:15,230 in which I very clearly stated that you are not permitted on the premises. 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,839 Yes... 4 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,840 written communication is permissible. 5 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,480 Yes, I can confirm it's made its arduous journey from the letter box 6 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,199 to the other side of the door. 7 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,719 Yes, I am eating properly. 8 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,919 No, I am not seeing anyone, because, due to your defective genes, 9 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,359 I am intolerable to other human beings. 10 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,719 Yes, I'll see you again, no doubt. 11 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:44,999 Goodbye! 12 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,504 Goodbye! 13 00:00:46,629 --> 00:01:10,435 14 00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:12,983 Oregon? Oh, God! 15 00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:15,628 What are you doing here so early? I stayed late. 16 00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:19,461 I'm trying to put together a fundraiser for Tunisia. 17 00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:22,141 You can't keep punishing yourself for what happened, Oregon. 18 00:01:22,142 --> 00:01:24,581 What you did was terrible, but you have to move on. 19 00:01:24,582 --> 00:01:27,502 Alison, I ruined our protest campaign, 20 00:01:27,566 --> 00:01:30,645 I got an innocent man deported and I broke his penis. 21 00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:33,085 Have you ever broken a man's penis? 22 00:01:33,086 --> 00:01:34,245 I have not. 23 00:01:34,246 --> 00:01:36,725 It's not a good feeling. 24 00:01:36,726 --> 00:01:40,445 I've decided, for personal reasons, 25 00:01:40,446 --> 00:01:42,206 to resign as President of the Union... 26 00:01:42,290 --> 00:01:44,129 You're joking! 27 00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:46,649 I never joke. 28 00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:48,889 No, that's true, actually. You really don't. 29 00:01:48,890 --> 00:01:52,209 I think you should stand as President. 30 00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,449 Really? 31 00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:56,729 I mean, God, yeah, 32 00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:58,769 that does actually make perfect sense. 33 00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,529 Listen, you've got a lot of work ahead, 34 00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:03,449 but first you need to go home. 35 00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:06,169 Yeah, yeah, I could do with some proper sleep. 36 00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:10,170 No, you need to go home and change and then come straight back. 37 00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,569 You've got a lot of work ahead. 38 00:02:11,570 --> 00:02:13,449 Oh. OK, yeah. 39 00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:15,889 I probably shouldn't sleep anyway. 40 00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:19,890 I keep having that dream where everything I touch turns to blood. 41 00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:26,890 JP, the bathroom is fucked. Not only is the plughole completely blocked with this... 42 00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:32,290 Eugh! And when I tried to have a shower, it caught fire, which was really disorientating, 43 00:02:32,730 --> 00:02:34,849 because there was water and there was fire, 44 00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,849 and they weren't cancelling each other out. 45 00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,129 Sounds trippy. 46 00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:42,009 How are we meant to wash? 47 00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:46,010 Well, we've got a hot tub! 48 00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:50,930 You could just take the dead pigeon out. 49 00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:53,169 Morning. 50 00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:56,729 I'm boracic. Anyone want to lend me some cereal? 51 00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:59,249 Don't eat mine. The slugs have been in it. 52 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,129 So why don't you chuck it out? 53 00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:02,609 The bin's full. 54 00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:06,610 So why don't you empty it? 55 00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,849 I'm standing to be President of the Union. 56 00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:11,729 Alison's given me some advice. 57 00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,849 Alison's amazing. So you keep saying. 58 00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:16,889 I know you think I'm gonna buckle, but I'm not gonna buckle. 59 00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:20,890 Tell you what, I'll give you a hand with that... if you want? 60 00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:25,810 Me and you, back together, like Thelma and Louise. 61 00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:28,449 Yeah, OK. 62 00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:32,009 I mean, obviously without the crime spree and the dying at the end? 63 00:03:32,010 --> 00:03:34,209 Yeah, if you like. I've never seen it. 64 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:38,210 Still not buckling. Morning! 65 00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,409 Oh, my God, it's Helena Bonham Carter. 66 00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:43,329 Get out the Goth balls, we've got a Goth infestation! 67 00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:46,209 It just expresses how I feel. 68 00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:50,169 Morning, Nuts. Who are you texting? 69 00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:52,729 The lady is not for buckling. 70 00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:55,449 Although I just saw something move, so I am buckling. 71 00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:59,450 In that case, you might as well take the others out. 72 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,009 I was wondering when we'd meet. 73 00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:07,649 You what? 74 00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:10,369 I'm Noah, we're neighbours. 75 00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:13,209 Somehow I've never seen you guys emptying your bins before. 76 00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:17,089 And what are you? The fucking bin police? We operate a fairly ad hoc system. 77 00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,209 Ad hoc being Latin for, "No-one ever fucking empties the bins". 78 00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:23,969 Sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude. Yeah, well, you were. 79 00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:27,209 And I'm not having it, cos I've only been up ten minutes 80 00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:29,569 and I've had to stand under a shower that burst into flames, 81 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,209 walk through slug slime and unblock a plughole full of pubes... 82 00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:36,210 We've got a shower you could use. 83 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:40,049 I'm Josie. Sorry, what did you say your name was? 84 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,569 Noah. Noah? Yeah. Great to meet you. 85 00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:46,570 Good to meet you as well. Come in. Great. 86 00:04:46,810 --> 00:04:50,249 That's Dean doing the ironing, Harry's setting the table, 87 00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,889 and that's Rob making breakfast. 88 00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:55,249 Wow. Look at this place. 89 00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,010 It's like fucking Narnia! 90 00:05:00,930 --> 00:05:04,930 Mmm? 91 00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,249 Hey. 92 00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:08,249 You haven't brought me a cup of tea, have you? 93 00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,289 No. Good. 94 00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:12,449 Um... JP's mid-poo 95 00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:14,449 and just realised we're out of toilet paper 96 00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:18,450 and he said you might have an emergency "doomsday scenario" supply? 97 00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:26,089 Is it your birthday? 98 00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:28,009 Um... no. 99 00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,929 Why didn't you tell anyone? 100 00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,489 Because birthdays are arbitrary events full of ritualised humiliation 101 00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:36,529 designed to make a small cartel of greeting card manufacturers rich. 102 00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:40,009 You should have a party. What? Like a party your parents have for you when you're six, 103 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,489 when a so-called "magician" threatens to saw you in half, 104 00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,489 and you - quite understandably, out of fear - 105 00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:47,929 wet yourself in front of all the children from your street? 106 00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,129 No, not like that. 107 00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,649 And you can't let one bad experience put you off. 108 00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:53,569 I was speaking hypothetically. 109 00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:57,570 So, how old are you? 110 00:06:06,170 --> 00:06:07,569 Wow. 111 00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:09,169 How can that be? 112 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,809 There are a number of contributing factors. 113 00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:15,649 The passing of time not being the least of them. 114 00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:18,289 Well, I mean, you should celebrate your birthday. 115 00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,929 People will want to celebrate your birthday with you. 116 00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:22,769 I beg to differ. 117 00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:24,769 I want you to promise me not to tell anyone. 118 00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:28,249 I've gone to great lengths to delete my date of birth from the internet. 119 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:31,249 I promise I won't tell anyone. 120 00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,329 OK. 121 00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,369 Thank you. 122 00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,849 Here. This is for you. 123 00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:41,850 Thank you. 124 00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:53,210 It's Howard's birthday, and I'm going to organise a party for him, 125 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,569 but don't tell him - it's going to be a surprise! 126 00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,289 Well, that's not going to happen. 127 00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,609 What do you mean? Because I'm standing right behind you 128 00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:03,610 and I've heard your secret plans so they are no longer secret. By announcing your surprise, 129 00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:07,689 you have ruined it. Oh. Sorry about that. 130 00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:10,529 Never mind, we can still have a party. I do not want a party. 131 00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,169 No-one will come to the party. He's got a point. 132 00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:17,170 Of course they will, and we can have carrots and hummus, and it'll be great. 133 00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:22,250 There will be no party. 134 00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:26,929 There will be, so maybe it'll be a surprise after all. 135 00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:30,930 It won't. Because I heard that too. 136 00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,009 What the fuck? 137 00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,129 JP?! 138 00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:53,969 Oops. 139 00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:55,649 Sorry, Nut Bush. 140 00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:59,650 I appear to have dropped the iron whilst I was doing the ironing. 141 00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,649 You never do the ironing. I know. 142 00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:05,009 That's probably why I dropped the iron. 143 00:08:05,010 --> 00:08:07,489 I just don't know how to iron. 144 00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:10,249 JP, that iron could have really fucking hurt me. 145 00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:13,409 You know what? I think it could have really hurt you. 146 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,129 I think the iron could have definitely hurt you. 147 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,130 In fact, I think that iron could have caused you some pretty major head trauma. 148 00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:24,729 Did you do that deliberately? 149 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:27,249 No! 150 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,529 No, why... Why would I do that?! 151 00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:32,329 Why would I want to hurt pretty little Kingsley? 152 00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:35,089 JP, I've already told you, there's nothing going on with Sam. 153 00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,049 I checked your phone. 154 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,169 423 text messages. To Sam. 155 00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:41,409 It's not that many. 156 00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,289 It is that many. I counted. 157 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,809 I told you not to go anywhere near her, and you have defied me. 158 00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:48,969 You are mind-fucking her. 159 00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:50,089 I am not. 160 00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:52,689 Even if I was mind-fucking her, which I'm not, 161 00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:56,409 because there's really no such thing as mind-fucking... 162 00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,489 ..this could have killed me. 163 00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,009 Are you trying to kill me? 164 00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:02,209 Would it make you happy if you actually killed me? 165 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,849 Yes. Yes, it would. 166 00:09:03,850 --> 00:09:06,609 I don't think it would. Because you'd go to prison for murder. 167 00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,889 I don't think it would make you happy to be in prison. 168 00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,969 Do you know what they do to posh people in prison? 169 00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:13,249 Let them out early? 170 00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,009 Yeah, actually, that is probably true. 171 00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:16,889 But still, you don't want to go to prison. 172 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,129 That's the point of prison. It's not a nice place. 173 00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,969 Maybe it would be worth it. 174 00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:24,129 It wouldn't be worth it, and you're talking very close to my face again 175 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,929 which I find very off-putting, by the way, and I know that's the intention, but please stop. 176 00:09:27,930 --> 00:09:31,930 Well, I will stop doing it when I've run out of things to say. 177 00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,400 Which is now. 178 00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:51,689 Oh, I think I've sorted us out with a megaphone. 179 00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,289 We don't need a megaphone. 180 00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,169 How are we doing with the manifesto? 181 00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,449 Yeah, "we" are doing fine. 182 00:09:57,450 --> 00:09:59,769 Good, because when we've finished that, 183 00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,689 we need to spend some time thinking about slogans. 184 00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:04,129 No. No slogans. 185 00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:06,929 Read my lips, no more sound bites. 186 00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:09,129 Mmm. So once we brainstorm them, 187 00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:13,130 I'm going to give you some acting lessons. 188 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,969 So, I've put the invitation up on Facebook. 189 00:10:15,970 --> 00:10:17,969 We are having a H party! 190 00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:20,649 Heroin? No, the letter H. 191 00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:23,929 It's fancy dress themed, all around H for Howard. 192 00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:26,929 Oh, right. Everyone'll be coming as Harry Potter, then. 193 00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:30,369 I won't be coming as anything. Howard - you have to have a party. 194 00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:33,569 OK, fine, if you're going to force me to have a party, I will have a party. 195 00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:36,649 But not your party, because I have decided to have... 196 00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,249 a LAN party. 197 00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,449 What's a LAN party? 198 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:42,769 It's fairly self-explanatory. 199 00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:46,770 Everybody links up their PCs to create a local area network or LAN. 200 00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:51,090 And in this case, to facilitate a marathon session of Infiniminer. 201 00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:53,529 It's a game. 202 00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,329 We play a game. 203 00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:56,889 What kind of game? 204 00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,009 It's a bit like Minecraft, but more limited and less popular. 205 00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,369 And thus, far superior. 206 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,609 FYI, I'm also having a party. That's right. We are. 207 00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:07,009 Alison and the left coalition guys are coming round, 208 00:11:07,010 --> 00:11:10,289 hopefully for my coronation as leader. 209 00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,569 Oh, man, the shit we're going to get up to! 210 00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:15,249 Yep. Don't worry, I won't let power change me. 211 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,009 I mean, I'm still one of the people. 212 00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:21,010 By the way, our party's a garden party, so I'd appreciate it 213 00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,369 if you kept your fancy dress party in here 214 00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:25,409 and if you kept the supergeeks in your room. 215 00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:29,410 Right, cos nothing says party like a strict zoning policy. 216 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,609 Dean, did you put that second load of washing on? 217 00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,129 Yep. I thought I'd hang them up for you, if that's all right? 218 00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:40,889 You're such a sweetheart. Noah, how's dinner coming along? 219 00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:43,009 I've made spaghetti Bolognese. 220 00:11:43,010 --> 00:11:45,529 God. Of course you have. That's so cute! 221 00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,609 So what's the plan for after dinner? 222 00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:51,610 You give me a shoulder rub and I'll tell you what the plan is. 223 00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:58,009 Oh... Oh, yeah, that's good. 224 00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,769 You can give me a foot rub if you want. 225 00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:04,449 Harry, why don't you take a break from ironing, rest up just for a second. 226 00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:06,289 So, food's just about ready. 227 00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,809 OK, I'm going to tell you what the plan is for this evening. 228 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:12,329 I'm guessing that none of you have ever played poker? 229 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:15,689 OK, in that case, here's what we're going to do. 230 00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:18,409 We're going to roll a spliff, we're going to drink tequila 231 00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:22,410 and we're going to play strip poker... for cash. 232 00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:35,089 What's going on? 233 00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:38,369 Nuts, I feel as though I owe you an apology. 234 00:12:38,370 --> 00:12:41,449 So I've cooked you dinner. 235 00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,289 It's risotto. 236 00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:47,290 OK. Well, thanks, JP, that's very mature of you and... 237 00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,729 Is this broken glass? 238 00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,009 Wouldn't have thought so. 239 00:12:55,010 --> 00:12:57,929 It's probably just a bit of transparent rice. 240 00:12:57,930 --> 00:12:59,489 Or maybe a pearl onion. 241 00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:03,490 It's broken glass. Are you sure? 242 00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:07,769 Yes, I'm sure. 243 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,489 Well, that's very poor. 244 00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,209 You'd expect better from Waitrose. 245 00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:13,049 JP, you can't keep trying to kill me! 246 00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,769 I'm not trying to kill you, Kingsley. 247 00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:18,770 I'm just trying to massively shit you up. 248 00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:23,370 Nutsford... wait. 249 00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:27,490 Please. 250 00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:28,769 I need to ask you a favour. 251 00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,009 Weird way to ask a favour. 252 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,889 It's not so much a favour as a demand. 253 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,689 I want you to ask Sam to the party 254 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,089 so that I can show her how over her I am. 255 00:13:37,090 --> 00:13:38,329 Why would I want to do that? 256 00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,409 If there was nothing going on, why wouldn't you? 257 00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:43,249 There isn't anything going on. You're going on a date with her. 258 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,169 It's not a date. We just both like Nick Cave. 259 00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:48,329 I'd take Josie, but Josie's got shit taste - she likes Mumford and Sons. 260 00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:49,929 What's wrong with Mumford and Sons? 261 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:53,930 I love Mumford and Sons. They're perfect for drinking cider to. 262 00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:57,529 First Blunters, now Mumfers, is nothing sacred? 263 00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:59,369 I'm not inviting Sam to the party. 264 00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,529 What if I showed Josie all of the text messages? 265 00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,089 All 423 of them. 266 00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,969 What if I've deleted them, even if I didn't need to 267 00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,849 because they were perfectly innocent messages 268 00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,569 about why I might make a good controller of 6 Music? 269 00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,529 What if I told you that I'd taken a video on my phone of me scrolling through them? 270 00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:12,729 What if I said, have you really done that? 271 00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,169 What if I told you that I had done that? 272 00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:15,129 What if I asked you to prove that you've done that? 273 00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:19,130 What if I showed you this? 274 00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,689 Then I would probably say, why don't I invite Sam to the party? 275 00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,449 Good man. 276 00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:31,489 Now, come on, 277 00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:35,490 your risotto's getting cold. 278 00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:39,129 There's more glass in here, isn't there? 279 00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:43,130 Shouldn't have thought so. 280 00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:49,169 So, I've had a look at our manifesto 281 00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,689 and I think we need to make a few changes. 282 00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,409 Oh, we do, do we? Is that what we need to do? 283 00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,809 Yeah. I mean, look at this. 284 00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:01,609 "Involve the Union in real world issues like the problems facing Tunisia." 285 00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,129 No-one cares. I care. 286 00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:08,130 "Ensure the Union safeguards the student hardship fund." Again, who cares? 287 00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,009 Again, I care. 288 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,609 And you know you're probably eligible for that. 289 00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:13,849 Exactly! 290 00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:17,850 I'm eligible and I don't care. It's boring, 291 00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,369 and it's not going to get us elected. 292 00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:24,370 OK, what do you think would get me elected? 293 00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:27,049 All kinds of stuff. 294 00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,129 We promise to put a bouncy castle in the library. 295 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,129 Well... Ah-ah-ah! 296 00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,889 We get Metallica to play a gig in the library. 297 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:37,890 Basically anything to liven up the library. 298 00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:40,089 OK, Vod, I've been thinking 299 00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:42,569 and I think maybe I should just do this on my own. 300 00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:46,009 Don't be stupid. You need me. 301 00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:49,889 Now budge up, I'm going to take you through the plan I have 302 00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:53,890 to turn the laundrette into a head shop. 303 00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:58,529 Ace-high flush, motherfucker! 304 00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:01,289 Get 'em off! Get 'em off! 305 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:02,410 Off, off, off, off! 306 00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:07,609 Oh, wait. 307 00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:09,130 Shit, I gotta go. 308 00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:14,330 Don't worry, don't worry, this... is to be continued. 309 00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,529 Where've you been? 310 00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:22,049 Oh, I was just next door... to the library. 311 00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,209 Next door to the library? 312 00:16:24,210 --> 00:16:26,729 Yes, I was at the library 313 00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:30,730 and I got bored so I went next door to the pub. 314 00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,969 There isn't a pub next door to the library. 315 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,529 It's an expression. 316 00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,129 Yeah, "I went next door..." 317 00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:39,809 ..as in, "I went to the pub." 318 00:16:39,810 --> 00:16:42,409 I've never heard it. Is it a Welsh thing? What? Yes, exactly. 319 00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,689 Who's that? 320 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:48,690 Who's that? Well, that's my mum. 321 00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:52,449 I texted her saying I hadn't heard from you and now she's panicking. 322 00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,729 God, Kingsley, that's such an overreaction, 323 00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:58,730 I was only next door... to the library. 324 00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:09,850 I've never heard that. 325 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,009 Oh! Prince? 326 00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:29,969 I'm not Prince. I'm George Harrison. 327 00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:31,249 Who are you? 328 00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,369 Harry Potter. 329 00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:36,370 Couldn't think of anyone else to come as. 330 00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:38,689 Oh, God. 331 00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,889 Oh, what? Come on! 332 00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:43,129 I know. Classic, isn't it? 333 00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,369 Why do posh people always dress up as Nazis? 334 00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:48,169 I'm not a Nazi. I'm the Nazi. 335 00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:52,170 The uber-Nazi. 336 00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:55,449 Why would you want to dress up like a Nazi? 337 00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,889 It's funny. 338 00:17:56,890 --> 00:18:00,890 Hitler's funny, isn't he? 339 00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,649 What if I zhuzh up the hair and just make it like a normal Nazi? 340 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,049 Normal Nazi doesn't begin with a H. 341 00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:08,249 I could be Prince Harry! 342 00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:11,809 Are you genuinely saying that this isn't a brilliant idea? 343 00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:14,249 JP, what if there are some Jewish people here tonight? 344 00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,769 Kingsley, Jews have a great sense of humour. 345 00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,609 They're famous for it. 346 00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:20,649 You can definitely make fun of a Jew. 347 00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:23,689 Jewish people can make fun of themselves. Are you Jewish? 348 00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,369 Do I look Jewish? 349 00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,689 Not right now. 350 00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,690 JP! 351 00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:51,009 I'm Howard... 352 00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:55,010 from "Howard's party" fame. 353 00:19:05,170 --> 00:19:06,569 Hey, Josie! 354 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,169 We saw you were having a party so we thought we'd drop by! 355 00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:11,289 Guys! 356 00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:15,290 So great to see you, here, in my house. 357 00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:21,170 - We've got a message for you... - We want our boxer shorts back! 358 00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:25,249 Hello? Gentlemen? Josie? 359 00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,449 Kingsley, hi. 360 00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:31,409 These are just some guys that I know. 361 00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,969 Oh, right. Where from? 362 00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,289 Oh, you know. Next door. 363 00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:39,449 Er, so you mean next door, as in the pub? 364 00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:42,249 Er, next door as in the house next door. 365 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,649 Sorry, who are you? 366 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:47,009 I'm George Harrison! I'm obviously George Harrison! 367 00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:49,329 Are you Josie's boyfriend? 368 00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:53,089 Yeah, I am her boyfriend and we're very happy together, aren't we? 369 00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:57,090 Yes. 370 00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,489 In a way, chill out, cos you're being a bit uncool. 371 00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:03,490 Well, that's a joke, because I'm not uncool. I'm actually really cool. 372 00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:07,689 I'm George fucking Harrison. 373 00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:11,690 OK, I'm going to give you guys the tour. 374 00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:21,849 What's Heather doing here? 375 00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:25,849 Oh, I basically invited everyone Howard has ever met. 376 00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,049 Is it a problem? 377 00:20:29,050 --> 00:20:33,050 No. God no. We're all grown-ups. 378 00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,729 Brilliant, aren't they? Go on, get involved. 379 00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:41,609 They won't bite. 380 00:20:41,610 --> 00:20:44,009 Honk, honk! 381 00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:48,010 I said to her, "Oregon, you have got to run for President." 382 00:20:49,170 --> 00:20:51,249 I mean, a year off studying - result. 383 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,569 You get paid - kerching. 384 00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:54,849 We get to book our favourite bands. Hello! 385 00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:58,409 Plus, unlimited power, hm? 386 00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:00,209 Sex on tap. 387 00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:02,329 Plus, people salute you when they walk by. 388 00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:05,089 Or at least they will when we change the constitution. 389 00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:09,090 So vote for Oregon... 390 00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:11,529 and I'll give you a line of whizz. 391 00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:15,530 What do you reckon? 392 00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,649 Hello. Not Infinimining? 393 00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,249 We gate-crashed your other party. 394 00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:23,250 You have two very cool parties. 395 00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,089 Howard, look at me, I've come as you! 396 00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:44,969 Why would you do that? 397 00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,689 Cos you're a dude. 398 00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:48,929 You're the guy that got his tits out for feminism. 399 00:21:48,930 --> 00:21:52,090 Hey, everybody! It's Howard! 400 00:22:08,130 --> 00:22:10,929 Well, it's been interesting talking to you, Vod. 401 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:14,930 Yeah, a lot of people are saying that tonight. God, I must be on good form. 402 00:22:15,730 --> 00:22:19,089 So, what is your role in Oregon's campaign again? 403 00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:22,169 Basically, she's running for president... 404 00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:25,689 I'm running her. She's the puppet, 405 00:22:25,690 --> 00:22:26,969 I'm the puppet master. 406 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:30,970 Well, not puppet, that sounds bad. Mascot? 407 00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:39,089 We need to have a private chat, inside. 408 00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:43,090 Yeah, OK. 409 00:22:45,770 --> 00:22:47,329 Killer party! 410 00:22:47,330 --> 00:22:50,129 Thank you. 411 00:22:50,130 --> 00:22:52,649 Candice, I owe you an apology. 412 00:22:52,650 --> 00:22:54,289 Your party is a great party. 413 00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,889 People have been coming up to me and saying really nice things, 414 00:22:56,890 --> 00:23:00,009 and the last time that happened was when I went to Abercrombie and Fitch, 415 00:23:00,010 --> 00:23:02,489 but those people are paid to say that so it doesn't count. 416 00:23:02,490 --> 00:23:05,089 What I'm trying to say is that... 417 00:23:05,090 --> 00:23:08,529 You've made me realise... You've... 418 00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:11,569 You've made me realise that... Howard. 419 00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:12,609 Sabine? 420 00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:15,449 Happy birthday. It's nice to see you. 421 00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:19,169 If it's OK, I would like to speak to you in private. 422 00:23:19,170 --> 00:23:21,246 In case you were wondering, I'm Hannah Montana. 423 00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:37,930 I was hoping that we could talk alone? 424 00:23:38,734 --> 00:23:40,174 Trust me, they're not listening. 425 00:23:40,393 --> 00:23:42,453 I'll be blunt. There was a guy, 426 00:23:42,528 --> 00:23:45,007 I moved into his place, put my toothbrush there, 427 00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,388 but it was all bullshit so I won't do that again. 428 00:23:47,462 --> 00:23:50,501 And now I feel very alone so I was wondering if you'd like to go back 429 00:23:50,502 --> 00:23:54,502 to our previous arrangement of being friends with sex benefits? 430 00:23:55,222 --> 00:23:59,222 I get very horny, especially when I'm ovulating. 431 00:23:59,382 --> 00:24:03,181 There was a time when I wanted a relationship with you, 432 00:24:03,182 --> 00:24:05,741 but you weren't interested. 433 00:24:05,742 --> 00:24:08,541 So that hydrofoil has sailed, Sabine - 434 00:24:08,542 --> 00:24:09,701 all the way to Rotterdam. 435 00:24:09,702 --> 00:24:12,581 Now all I want is a relationship with Candice. 436 00:24:12,582 --> 00:24:16,582 But unfortunately, I'm not good enough for her. 437 00:24:16,942 --> 00:24:20,942 It's obvious that she likes you. I mean, why shouldn't she? 438 00:24:21,022 --> 00:24:22,581 You're very attractive 439 00:24:22,582 --> 00:24:25,301 and surprisingly good at sex, 440 00:24:25,302 --> 00:24:27,901 given your lack of practice. 441 00:24:27,902 --> 00:24:31,101 So, if you like her, you should ask her out. 442 00:24:31,102 --> 00:24:34,821 Otherwise you will be playing terrible games, 443 00:24:34,822 --> 00:24:38,822 with odd people, the rest of your life. 444 00:24:39,222 --> 00:24:40,541 You're right. 445 00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:44,542 I should ask her out. 446 00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,781 Candice? 447 00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,301 I have something to say. Oh, Howard! 448 00:24:55,302 --> 00:24:57,261 This is Gary. 449 00:24:57,262 --> 00:25:00,221 Gary is my date for the evening. 450 00:25:00,222 --> 00:25:02,221 Oh... 451 00:25:02,222 --> 00:25:04,221 Hi. 452 00:25:04,222 --> 00:25:06,701 Welcome to my party. 453 00:25:06,702 --> 00:25:09,101 I hope you have a good time at the party. 454 00:25:09,102 --> 00:25:12,781 That's the point of a party. 455 00:25:12,782 --> 00:25:16,782 What were you gonna say? Um... 456 00:25:17,662 --> 00:25:19,821 Just how much I love... 457 00:25:19,822 --> 00:25:21,862 these Marmite sticks. 458 00:25:29,582 --> 00:25:33,582 Great. I'm gonna go and get them. 459 00:25:34,502 --> 00:25:36,821 He's a bit boy-next-door, isn't he? 460 00:25:36,822 --> 00:25:38,661 The boy next door. 461 00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,821 What's so interesting about him? 462 00:25:40,822 --> 00:25:44,261 Oh, look, there's Heather! I haven't seen Heather since... 463 00:25:44,262 --> 00:25:47,261 Oh, since you pretended to stop seeing her when actually you hadn't. 464 00:25:47,262 --> 00:25:48,501 Hi, guys. 465 00:25:48,502 --> 00:25:52,061 I saw you updated your relationship status on Facebook. 466 00:25:52,062 --> 00:25:54,981 I was like, "Aw, you two got together!" 467 00:25:54,982 --> 00:25:56,302 So, congratulations... 468 00:25:56,385 --> 00:25:58,464 Thanks. Thanks. So when did that happen? 469 00:25:58,465 --> 00:26:01,265 A while ago. Pretty recently. Or a while ago. 470 00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:04,472 Can't have been that long ago. Kings and I were going out not that long ago. 471 00:26:04,473 --> 00:26:06,813 Right! When was it exactly, Kingsley? 472 00:26:06,825 --> 00:26:08,224 Who cares? 473 00:26:08,225 --> 00:26:12,225 It's all... ancient history now, isn't it? 474 00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:14,824 Or not ancient history, but history. 475 00:26:14,825 --> 00:26:18,825 Boring old history. I hate history. Let's not talk about history. 476 00:26:19,145 --> 00:26:20,744 Let's talk about the future. 477 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,904 What's the next big thing after Google Glass? 478 00:26:23,905 --> 00:26:26,344 Who have you come as? 479 00:26:26,345 --> 00:26:28,504 You look like Prince. Or a Mexican. 480 00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:31,544 I'm obviously George Harrison! 481 00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:35,545 Obviously! 482 00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,184 Sabine... I've changed my mind. 483 00:26:45,185 --> 00:26:47,304 I would like to take you up on your offer. 484 00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:50,665 Oh! Unfortunately, I've already made arrangements with another man. 485 00:26:51,905 --> 00:26:54,864 Of course, cos there will always be someone better than me. 486 00:26:54,865 --> 00:26:57,624 Because I'm a fairground monstrosity with whom 487 00:26:57,625 --> 00:27:00,064 only an enlightened and compassionate Victorian doctor 488 00:27:00,065 --> 00:27:01,784 could have a meaningful relationship. 489 00:27:01,785 --> 00:27:03,904 Howard, that's not true. 490 00:27:03,905 --> 00:27:05,424 It is true! Oh... 491 00:27:05,425 --> 00:27:06,944 All right, gorgeous? 492 00:27:06,945 --> 00:27:10,945 Oh, fucking perfect! Even the fake me's better than the real me! 493 00:27:11,585 --> 00:27:15,144 Like all relationships in politics, it's been... 494 00:27:15,145 --> 00:27:18,064 You know, it's been challenging, but also very rewarding. 495 00:27:18,065 --> 00:27:20,584 Just to clarify, is Vod running your campaign? 496 00:27:20,585 --> 00:27:23,744 No! No. She's not running my campaign. 497 00:27:23,745 --> 00:27:26,544 Maybe you should listen to this. 498 00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:29,784 I mean... the way I like to put it is 499 00:27:29,785 --> 00:27:33,784 she's like the puppet and I'm the puppet master. 500 00:27:33,785 --> 00:27:35,064 But in a nice way. 501 00:27:35,065 --> 00:27:36,904 I'm not your puppet! 502 00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:39,704 Why would I agree to be your puppet? 503 00:27:39,705 --> 00:27:41,064 Well... 504 00:27:41,065 --> 00:27:42,584 You didn't really know. 505 00:27:42,585 --> 00:27:44,224 That's the thing about puppets, 506 00:27:44,225 --> 00:27:47,344 they don't know they're puppets, they're muppets. 507 00:27:47,345 --> 00:27:50,264 You need to disassociate yourself from her. She's a liability. 508 00:27:50,265 --> 00:27:53,344 Please don't tell me what to do, I'm not a puppet! 509 00:27:53,345 --> 00:27:55,744 But, yes, that is what I was going to do. 510 00:27:55,745 --> 00:27:57,224 But not because you told me. 511 00:27:57,225 --> 00:28:00,264 Vod. I don't want your help. 512 00:28:00,265 --> 00:28:03,024 You're nothing to do with my campaign. 513 00:28:03,025 --> 00:28:05,624 Right. 514 00:28:05,625 --> 00:28:07,384 Oh, it's like that, is it? 515 00:28:07,385 --> 00:28:09,424 I know when I'm not wanted. 516 00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:11,784 No, you don't. That's the problem. 517 00:28:11,785 --> 00:28:13,304 Fine. 518 00:28:13,305 --> 00:28:15,344 Maybe I'll stand against you. 519 00:28:15,345 --> 00:28:17,024 Don't be ridiculous! 520 00:28:17,025 --> 00:28:18,384 You'd be a disaster. 521 00:28:18,385 --> 00:28:20,344 You don't think I can do it? No! 522 00:28:20,345 --> 00:28:22,184 Obviously, I don't think you can do it. 523 00:28:22,185 --> 00:28:24,304 You can't do it. You'd be a terrible politician. 524 00:28:24,305 --> 00:28:27,904 It's just talking to people and pretending to listen to them. How hard could it be? 525 00:28:27,905 --> 00:28:30,664 Well, for you, impossible. I see what you're doing. 526 00:28:30,665 --> 00:28:33,384 You're putting me down, because of your own insecurity. 527 00:28:33,385 --> 00:28:36,744 You might want to look into that behaviour, mate. I've done therapy. 528 00:28:36,745 --> 00:28:38,344 For one day. 529 00:28:38,345 --> 00:28:40,104 What can I say? I was fast-tracked. 530 00:28:40,105 --> 00:28:43,344 Some people don't need to do it for ten years. I went in, sorted myself, left. 531 00:28:43,345 --> 00:28:47,345 Then why do you sound so mental? 532 00:28:56,025 --> 00:28:59,544 Hello, ladies. I'll be your server for this evening. 533 00:28:59,545 --> 00:29:02,424 Might I recommend my speciality thick shake? 534 00:29:02,425 --> 00:29:06,425 You've gotta suck on it pretty hard to get a mouthful, but it is quite tasty. 535 00:29:07,265 --> 00:29:11,064 So have you written any songs about me since we broke up? 536 00:29:11,065 --> 00:29:15,065 I've been imagining you thinking of me and strumming away... 537 00:29:15,105 --> 00:29:17,784 I've not written any songs about you, no. 538 00:29:17,785 --> 00:29:19,424 Too busy masturbating? 539 00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,824 All right, Kingsley? Yeah... 540 00:29:21,825 --> 00:29:23,944 This isn't gonna be weird with Josie, is it? 541 00:29:23,945 --> 00:29:25,344 Er, no. 542 00:29:25,345 --> 00:29:28,784 Why would it be weird with Josie? It's not gonna be weird with Josie. 543 00:29:28,785 --> 00:29:30,784 It might be a bit weird with JP, 544 00:29:30,785 --> 00:29:33,224 because he threatened to kill me if I didn't invite you. 545 00:29:33,225 --> 00:29:36,264 He made me invite you. I didn't actually want to invite you. 546 00:29:36,265 --> 00:29:40,024 What? But it's lovely to see you. And welcome. 547 00:29:40,025 --> 00:29:43,064 What is going on? Nothing. 548 00:29:43,065 --> 00:29:45,104 JP! This has to stop. 549 00:29:45,105 --> 00:29:48,424 Oh! Excuse me, ladies. 550 00:29:48,425 --> 00:29:52,425 Oops! Caught with my hand in the nookie jar! Are you jealous? 551 00:29:52,985 --> 00:29:56,464 Seriously, are you... are you jealous at all? 552 00:29:56,465 --> 00:30:00,024 JP, there is nothing going on between us. Leave me alone. 553 00:30:00,025 --> 00:30:04,025 Why won't you like me? This is so unfair! 554 00:30:04,185 --> 00:30:08,185 It should be me that's sending you 423 text messages, not Kingsley! 555 00:30:11,385 --> 00:30:12,904 You fucking what? 556 00:30:12,905 --> 00:30:16,224 That didn't sound good. You've sent her 423 texts? 557 00:30:16,225 --> 00:30:19,504 No. Maybe. 558 00:30:19,505 --> 00:30:22,104 Yes! But some of them were really short. 559 00:30:22,105 --> 00:30:23,784 Are you having an affair? 560 00:30:23,785 --> 00:30:27,024 Yes, he is having an affair - an affair of the mind! 561 00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:28,984 You're the one having the affair of the mind. 562 00:30:28,985 --> 00:30:31,264 Are you OK, Jose? This must be a bit awkward for you. 563 00:30:31,265 --> 00:30:33,544 Do you think this is funny? 564 00:30:33,545 --> 00:30:34,784 There's a certain irony. 565 00:30:34,785 --> 00:30:36,584 Yeah, and you love irony, don't you? 566 00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:40,585 That's just one of the many things about you that really gets on my tits. 567 00:30:40,705 --> 00:30:42,704 To be fair, that gets on my tits as well. 568 00:30:42,705 --> 00:30:44,184 That's not helping. 569 00:30:44,185 --> 00:30:48,185 Yeah, I do love irony. Maybe because I'm intelligent enough to appreciate it. 570 00:30:48,385 --> 00:30:50,784 Who's the bitch? My sentiments exactly. 571 00:30:50,785 --> 00:30:53,584 But also, back off, none of your business! 572 00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,504 Watch out for her - she'll break your arm if you're not careful. 573 00:30:56,505 --> 00:30:58,944 I did break your arm and I'm glad I broke your arm. 574 00:30:58,945 --> 00:31:02,664 And if I'd broken your pelvis, maybe you wouldn't have shagged my boyfriend! 575 00:31:02,665 --> 00:31:06,384 He wasn't your boyfriend, remember? And it's not my fault he liked me more. 576 00:31:06,385 --> 00:31:08,864 Except he didn't, which is why he's with me. 577 00:31:08,865 --> 00:31:11,344 Yeah. Is he? Or is he with her? 578 00:31:11,345 --> 00:31:14,264 I am here. So am I, although I wish I wasn't. 579 00:31:14,265 --> 00:31:16,904 Yes, OK, maybe he did take a couple of weeks to figure it out, 580 00:31:16,905 --> 00:31:19,184 but in the end, he chose me! 581 00:31:19,185 --> 00:31:21,424 What do you mean "taken him a couple of weeks"? 582 00:31:21,425 --> 00:31:24,464 Oh, dear. What's going on? Are you a player? 583 00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:26,865 Er, he's not a player. If anyone's a player... 584 00:31:27,905 --> 00:31:29,784 Shut up! Keep out of it! 585 00:31:29,785 --> 00:31:31,904 Did you cheat on me while my grumpops was dying? 586 00:31:31,905 --> 00:31:34,984 Not so funny now, is it? Though there is a certain irony. 587 00:31:34,985 --> 00:31:37,624 Don't you slap him, only I can slap him! 588 00:31:37,625 --> 00:31:39,864 Don't slap him. Don't tell me not to slap him. 589 00:31:39,865 --> 00:31:41,184 You can't slap him! 590 00:31:41,185 --> 00:31:43,144 - That's for slapping him! - Oh, God! 591 00:31:43,145 --> 00:31:45,104 This is hideous! I actually wish I was dead. 592 00:31:45,105 --> 00:31:47,904 Don't feel sorry for him! Don't you dare find that endearing! 593 00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:50,344 I can't believe I was ever friends with you. 594 00:31:50,345 --> 00:31:52,224 You're a horrible person! 595 00:31:52,225 --> 00:31:55,024 I'm not a horrible person. Actually, she's not. 596 00:31:55,025 --> 00:31:56,744 Now get out before I break your pelvis! 597 00:31:56,745 --> 00:31:58,664 Although that sounds like she is. 598 00:31:58,665 --> 00:32:00,744 Kingsley? 599 00:32:00,745 --> 00:32:03,424 Please, please don't have sex with Sam this evening! 600 00:32:03,425 --> 00:32:04,624 JP! Oh, I'm still here! 601 00:32:04,625 --> 00:32:07,504 Good point. Why? Good point. I'll go. 602 00:32:07,505 --> 00:32:09,464 Maybe best if I don't see you at the gig. 603 00:32:09,465 --> 00:32:11,904 Yes. Sam? 604 00:32:11,905 --> 00:32:14,664 Sam! You were gonna go to a gig with her? 605 00:32:14,665 --> 00:32:16,624 It's only a gig! What were you gonna do? 606 00:32:16,625 --> 00:32:20,024 Mosh up against her... mosh pit until you... headlined?! 607 00:32:20,025 --> 00:32:21,545 What?! 608 00:32:24,145 --> 00:32:26,744 Yes! I do think I'm a better person than you! 609 00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:29,744 You abandoned your husband in a shopping centre. 610 00:32:29,745 --> 00:32:32,824 Er, you stole my identity and put me in a play, 611 00:32:32,825 --> 00:32:35,384 which was terrible, until I saved it. 612 00:32:35,385 --> 00:32:39,064 You didn't save it, you hijacked it, like you hijack everything else. 613 00:32:39,065 --> 00:32:42,264 Oh, you are so insecure, it's unbelievable. 614 00:32:42,265 --> 00:32:46,104 And you're an egomaniac who has to be the centre of attention at all times! 615 00:32:46,105 --> 00:32:49,704 I can't help it if everyone thinks I'm fucking cool! 616 00:32:49,705 --> 00:32:52,104 This election is not a popularity contest. 617 00:32:52,105 --> 00:32:54,384 Yeah, it is! And I'm much more popular than you. 618 00:32:54,385 --> 00:32:58,385 Maybe because I don't go around fucking guys and snapping their knobs off! 619 00:33:00,905 --> 00:33:02,304 Right! 620 00:33:02,305 --> 00:33:03,944 This is fucking war! 621 00:33:03,945 --> 00:33:07,945 You stand against me and I will crush you like Blair crushed... 622 00:33:08,385 --> 00:33:10,944 whoever it was he stood against. Was it Major? 623 00:33:10,945 --> 00:33:12,824 Probably Major! 624 00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:16,825 It is on, mate. Bring. It. On. 625 00:33:17,785 --> 00:33:20,504 - Oh, running away already? - I'm going to bed. 626 00:33:20,505 --> 00:33:24,144 Yeah, running away to bed more like! 627 00:33:24,145 --> 00:33:27,104 Yeah, I might turn in as well. 628 00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:30,584 I am absolutely tamping with you, Kingsley! I cannot believe this! 629 00:33:30,585 --> 00:33:32,504 Jose? I think we're gonna leave. 630 00:33:32,505 --> 00:33:35,424 Yeah! And what about these guys? 631 00:33:35,425 --> 00:33:39,425 "Going next door" isn't a phrase, is it? It actually means "going next door". 632 00:33:40,545 --> 00:33:43,344 You've been seeing another man, and his three mates! 633 00:33:43,345 --> 00:33:46,104 You've been seeing an entire other house! 634 00:33:46,105 --> 00:33:48,744 I don't have to tell you everything! We're not married! 635 00:33:48,745 --> 00:33:50,784 Yeah, you know what? I'm glad. 636 00:33:50,785 --> 00:33:53,704 Right! Sorry to ask this, but can I sleep at yours? 637 00:33:53,705 --> 00:33:57,705 Yes. Great! 638 00:34:01,065 --> 00:34:02,704 Howard? 639 00:34:02,705 --> 00:34:06,705 I'm sorry about the party. It didn't go as well as I'd hoped. 640 00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:14,864 Right, everybody out! 641 00:34:14,865 --> 00:34:16,265 Come on! All of you! Out! 642 00:34:17,585 --> 00:34:19,864 Show's over! Move it! 643 00:34:19,865 --> 00:34:21,944 Everyone, get out of my house! 644 00:34:21,945 --> 00:34:23,664 Fuck off! 645 00:34:23,665 --> 00:34:27,304 Go on! Fuck off, Seabiscuit! 646 00:34:27,305 --> 00:34:29,464 You! 647 00:34:29,465 --> 00:34:32,504 You shit! 648 00:34:32,505 --> 00:34:35,544 You dick! You stole my woman! 649 00:34:35,545 --> 00:34:38,624 I didn't. She. Doesn't. Like. You! 650 00:34:38,625 --> 00:34:41,624 She does! 651 00:34:41,625 --> 00:34:43,065 JP! 652 00:34:44,905 --> 00:34:46,624 She is my woman! 653 00:34:46,625 --> 00:34:48,824 Women aren't possessions! 654 00:34:48,825 --> 00:34:52,825 Stop talking in meaningless riddles! 655 00:34:53,505 --> 00:34:56,624 Ow! Fuck! My head! 656 00:34:56,625 --> 00:34:59,505 You dick! Ow! 657 00:35:03,625 --> 00:35:05,584 No, not the face! Not the face! 658 00:35:05,585 --> 00:35:09,024 Gentleman's code, Kingsley! 659 00:35:09,025 --> 00:35:10,264 Let go of my hands! 660 00:35:10,265 --> 00:35:11,904 Why? So you can punch me? 661 00:35:11,905 --> 00:35:15,744 Yes! No! 662 00:35:15,745 --> 00:35:19,745 Stop. Trying. To. Kill. Me! 663 00:35:24,985 --> 00:35:27,784 You can't hurt me with boobs, Kingsley! 664 00:35:27,785 --> 00:35:30,544 I thrive on boobs! 665 00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,384 That's it. 666 00:35:32,385 --> 00:35:36,385 Guys... our giant statue of Howard is complete! 667 00:35:37,985 --> 00:35:39,704 Oi! 668 00:35:39,705 --> 00:35:42,384 JP! 669 00:35:42,385 --> 00:35:46,385 JP, calm down! 670 00:35:47,105 --> 00:35:49,184 JP, put down the bread knife. 671 00:35:49,185 --> 00:35:53,185 OK, I will put down the bread knife. Watch! 672 00:35:54,225 --> 00:35:58,225 I haven't done anything with Sam. You should be thanking me! 673 00:35:58,385 --> 00:36:01,464 OK, fine! I will thank you! 674 00:36:01,465 --> 00:36:04,624 I'll thank you with this! 675 00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:07,304 And this! 676 00:36:07,305 --> 00:36:10,584 You knew how I felt about her! You should've stayed away from her! 677 00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:13,424 What? Like you with Josie? That's different! 678 00:36:13,425 --> 00:36:16,344 How? Because I am more important than you! 679 00:36:16,345 --> 00:36:20,064 I should be mad with you! You've ruined things with Josie. 680 00:36:20,065 --> 00:36:23,225 Not the wok! Not the wok! 681 00:36:24,785 --> 00:36:27,984 Why is everything always my fault?! 682 00:36:27,985 --> 00:36:31,984 Not the olive oil. It's Tuscan extra virgin. 683 00:36:31,985 --> 00:36:35,624 Fuck the olive oil! Everything is always my fault! 684 00:36:35,625 --> 00:36:37,984 Don't fuck this person in the house! 685 00:36:37,985 --> 00:36:40,864 Don't buy the house! Don't clean the fucking house! 686 00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,984 Don't throw the virgin fucking olive oil! 687 00:36:43,985 --> 00:36:46,984 Well, you know what, Kingsley? Fuck you! 688 00:36:46,985 --> 00:36:50,224 Fuck all of you! 689 00:36:50,225 --> 00:36:52,144 You now realise you're just 690 00:36:52,145 --> 00:36:53,984 smashing up your own property? 691 00:36:53,985 --> 00:36:55,544 Fuck you! Fuck you! 692 00:36:55,545 --> 00:36:58,064 Fuck you! Fuck you! 693 00:36:58,065 --> 00:37:00,064 Fuck you! 694 00:37:00,065 --> 00:37:01,624 Fuck you! OK, good talk! 695 00:37:01,625 --> 00:37:03,704 If we're all finished here, um, I might 696 00:37:03,705 --> 00:37:07,705 just go for a lie down and think about how my life has fallen apart. 697 00:37:08,065 --> 00:37:09,305 Night! 698 00:37:13,545 --> 00:37:15,587 This was meant to be spear year! 699 00:37:26,271 --> 00:37:57,431 700 00:37:57,481 --> 00:38:02,031 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 54189

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