Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:11,200
And it is my contention
that we made an oral contract
2
00:00:11,230 --> 00:00:15,230
in which I very clearly stated
that you are not permitted on the premises.
3
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,839
Yes...
4
00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,840
written communication
is permissible.
5
00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:27,480
Yes, I can confirm it's made its
arduous journey from the letter box
6
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,199
to the other side of the door.
7
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,719
Yes, I am eating properly.
8
00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:36,919
No, I am not seeing anyone, because,
due to your defective genes,
9
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:40,359
I am intolerable to other
human beings.
10
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,719
Yes, I'll see you again, no doubt.
11
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:44,999
Goodbye!
12
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,504
Goodbye!
13
00:00:46,629 --> 00:01:10,435
14
00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:12,983
Oregon?
Oh, God!
15
00:01:13,188 --> 00:01:15,628
What are you doing here so early?
I stayed late.
16
00:01:15,662 --> 00:01:19,461
I'm trying to put
together a fundraiser for Tunisia.
17
00:01:19,462 --> 00:01:22,141
You can't keep punishing
yourself for what happened, Oregon.
18
00:01:22,142 --> 00:01:24,581
What you did was terrible,
but you have to move on.
19
00:01:24,582 --> 00:01:27,502
Alison, I ruined our protest
campaign,
20
00:01:27,566 --> 00:01:30,645
I got an innocent man deported
and I broke his penis.
21
00:01:30,646 --> 00:01:33,085
Have you ever broken a man's penis?
22
00:01:33,086 --> 00:01:34,245
I have not.
23
00:01:34,246 --> 00:01:36,725
It's not a good feeling.
24
00:01:36,726 --> 00:01:40,445
I've decided, for personal reasons,
25
00:01:40,446 --> 00:01:42,206
to resign as
President of the Union...
26
00:01:42,290 --> 00:01:44,129
You're joking!
27
00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:46,649
I never joke.
28
00:01:46,650 --> 00:01:48,889
No, that's true, actually.
You really don't.
29
00:01:48,890 --> 00:01:52,209
I think you should stand
as President.
30
00:01:52,210 --> 00:01:54,449
Really?
31
00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:56,729
I mean, God, yeah,
32
00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:58,769
that does actually make perfect
sense.
33
00:01:58,770 --> 00:02:01,529
Listen, you've got a lot of work
ahead,
34
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:03,449
but first you need to go home.
35
00:02:03,450 --> 00:02:06,169
Yeah, yeah, I could do with
some proper sleep.
36
00:02:06,170 --> 00:02:10,170
No, you need to go home and change
and then come straight back.
37
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,569
You've got a lot of work ahead.
38
00:02:11,570 --> 00:02:13,449
Oh. OK, yeah.
39
00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:15,889
I probably shouldn't sleep anyway.
40
00:02:15,890 --> 00:02:19,890
I keep having that dream where
everything I touch turns to blood.
41
00:02:22,890 --> 00:02:26,890
JP, the bathroom is fucked. Not only is the
plughole completely blocked with this...
42
00:02:28,290 --> 00:02:32,290
Eugh! And when I tried to have a shower, it
caught fire, which was really disorientating,
43
00:02:32,730 --> 00:02:34,849
because there was water
and there was fire,
44
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:36,849
and they weren't cancelling
each other out.
45
00:02:36,850 --> 00:02:38,129
Sounds trippy.
46
00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:42,009
How are we meant to wash?
47
00:02:42,010 --> 00:02:46,010
Well, we've got a hot tub!
48
00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:50,930
You could just take
the dead pigeon out.
49
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:53,169
Morning.
50
00:02:53,170 --> 00:02:56,729
I'm boracic. Anyone want to lend me
some cereal?
51
00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:59,249
Don't eat mine.
The slugs have been in it.
52
00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,129
So why don't you chuck it out?
53
00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:02,609
The bin's full.
54
00:03:02,610 --> 00:03:06,610
So why don't you empty it?
55
00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,849
I'm standing to be
President of the Union.
56
00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:11,729
Alison's given me some advice.
57
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,849
Alison's amazing.
So you keep saying.
58
00:03:13,850 --> 00:03:16,889
I know you think I'm gonna buckle,
but I'm not gonna buckle.
59
00:03:16,890 --> 00:03:20,890
Tell you what, I'll give you a hand
with that... if you want?
60
00:03:21,810 --> 00:03:25,810
Me and you, back together,
like Thelma and Louise.
61
00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:28,449
Yeah, OK.
62
00:03:28,450 --> 00:03:32,009
I mean, obviously without the crime
spree and the dying at the end?
63
00:03:32,010 --> 00:03:34,209
Yeah, if you like.
I've never seen it.
64
00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:38,210
Still not buckling.
Morning!
65
00:03:38,250 --> 00:03:40,409
Oh, my God, it's
Helena Bonham Carter.
66
00:03:40,410 --> 00:03:43,329
Get out the Goth balls,
we've got a Goth infestation!
67
00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:46,209
It just expresses how I feel.
68
00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:50,169
Morning, Nuts. Who are you texting?
69
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:52,729
The lady is not for buckling.
70
00:03:52,730 --> 00:03:55,449
Although I just saw something move,
so I am buckling.
71
00:03:55,450 --> 00:03:59,450
In that case, you might as well
take the others out.
72
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:06,009
I was wondering when we'd meet.
73
00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:07,649
You what?
74
00:04:07,650 --> 00:04:10,369
I'm Noah, we're neighbours.
75
00:04:10,370 --> 00:04:13,209
Somehow I've never seen you guys
emptying your bins before.
76
00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:17,089
And what are you?
The fucking bin police? We operate a fairly ad hoc system.
77
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,209
Ad hoc being Latin for, "No-one
ever fucking empties the bins".
78
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:23,969
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound
rude. Yeah, well, you were.
79
00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:27,209
And I'm not having it,
cos I've only been up ten minutes
80
00:04:27,210 --> 00:04:29,569
and I've had to stand under
a shower that burst into flames,
81
00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,209
walk through slug slime and unblock
a plughole full of pubes...
82
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:36,210
We've got a shower you could use.
83
00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:40,049
I'm Josie. Sorry, what did you say
your name was?
84
00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:42,569
Noah. Noah?
Yeah. Great to meet you.
85
00:04:42,570 --> 00:04:46,570
Good to meet you as well. Come in.
Great.
86
00:04:46,810 --> 00:04:50,249
That's Dean doing the ironing,
Harry's setting the table,
87
00:04:50,250 --> 00:04:52,889
and that's Rob making breakfast.
88
00:04:52,890 --> 00:04:55,249
Wow. Look at this place.
89
00:04:55,250 --> 00:04:58,010
It's like fucking Narnia!
90
00:05:00,930 --> 00:05:04,930
Mmm?
91
00:05:05,130 --> 00:05:06,249
Hey.
92
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:08,249
You haven't brought me
a cup of tea, have you?
93
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:10,289
No. Good.
94
00:05:10,290 --> 00:05:12,449
Um... JP's mid-poo
95
00:05:12,450 --> 00:05:14,449
and just realised
we're out of toilet paper
96
00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:18,450
and he said you might have an
emergency "doomsday scenario" supply?
97
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:26,089
Is it your birthday?
98
00:05:26,090 --> 00:05:28,009
Um... no.
99
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:29,929
Why didn't you tell anyone?
100
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,489
Because birthdays are arbitrary
events full of ritualised humiliation
101
00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:36,529
designed to make a small cartel
of greeting card manufacturers rich.
102
00:05:36,530 --> 00:05:40,009
You should have a party. What? Like a party
your parents have for you when you're six,
103
00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:42,489
when a so-called "magician"
threatens to saw you in half,
104
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,489
and you - quite understandably,
out of fear -
105
00:05:44,490 --> 00:05:47,929
wet yourself in front of all
the children from your street?
106
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,129
No, not like that.
107
00:05:49,130 --> 00:05:51,649
And you can't let one bad
experience put you off.
108
00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:53,569
I was speaking hypothetically.
109
00:05:53,570 --> 00:05:57,570
So, how old are you?
110
00:06:06,170 --> 00:06:07,569
Wow.
111
00:06:07,570 --> 00:06:09,169
How can that be?
112
00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,809
There are a number
of contributing factors.
113
00:06:11,810 --> 00:06:15,649
The passing of time
not being the least of them.
114
00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:18,289
Well, I mean, you should
celebrate your birthday.
115
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:20,929
People will want to
celebrate your birthday with you.
116
00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:22,769
I beg to differ.
117
00:06:22,770 --> 00:06:24,769
I want you to promise me
not to tell anyone.
118
00:06:24,770 --> 00:06:28,249
I've gone to great lengths to delete
my date of birth from the internet.
119
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:31,249
I promise I won't tell anyone.
120
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,329
OK.
121
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,369
Thank you.
122
00:06:34,370 --> 00:06:37,849
Here. This is for you.
123
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:41,850
Thank you.
124
00:06:49,210 --> 00:06:53,210
It's Howard's birthday, and I'm going
to organise a party for him,
125
00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,569
but don't tell him -
it's going to be a surprise!
126
00:06:55,570 --> 00:06:57,289
Well, that's not going to happen.
127
00:06:57,290 --> 00:06:59,609
What do you mean? Because I'm
standing right behind you
128
00:06:59,610 --> 00:07:03,610
and I've heard your secret plans
so they are no longer secret. By announcing your surprise,
129
00:07:03,850 --> 00:07:07,689
you have ruined it.
Oh. Sorry about that.
130
00:07:07,690 --> 00:07:10,529
Never mind, we can still have a
party. I do not want a party.
131
00:07:10,530 --> 00:07:13,169
No-one will come to the party.
He's got a point.
132
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:17,170
Of course they will, and we can have
carrots and hummus, and it'll be great.
133
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:22,250
There will be no party.
134
00:07:23,850 --> 00:07:26,929
There will be, so maybe
it'll be a surprise after all.
135
00:07:26,930 --> 00:07:30,930
It won't. Because I heard that too.
136
00:07:48,610 --> 00:07:50,009
What the fuck?
137
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,129
JP?!
138
00:07:52,130 --> 00:07:53,969
Oops.
139
00:07:53,970 --> 00:07:55,649
Sorry, Nut Bush.
140
00:07:55,650 --> 00:07:59,650
I appear to have dropped the iron
whilst I was doing the ironing.
141
00:07:59,810 --> 00:08:01,649
You never do the ironing.
I know.
142
00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:05,009
That's probably
why I dropped the iron.
143
00:08:05,010 --> 00:08:07,489
I just don't know how to iron.
144
00:08:07,490 --> 00:08:10,249
JP, that iron could have really
fucking hurt me.
145
00:08:10,250 --> 00:08:13,409
You know what? I think it could have
really hurt you.
146
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,129
I think the iron
could have definitely hurt you.
147
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:21,130
In fact, I think that iron could have
caused you some pretty major head trauma.
148
00:08:23,050 --> 00:08:24,729
Did you do that deliberately?
149
00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:27,249
No!
150
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:29,529
No, why... Why would I do that?!
151
00:08:29,530 --> 00:08:32,329
Why would I want to hurt
pretty little Kingsley?
152
00:08:32,330 --> 00:08:35,089
JP, I've already told you,
there's nothing going on with Sam.
153
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:37,049
I checked your phone.
154
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,169
423 text messages. To Sam.
155
00:08:40,170 --> 00:08:41,409
It's not that many.
156
00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,289
It is that many. I counted.
157
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:46,809
I told you not to go anywhere
near her, and you have defied me.
158
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:48,969
You are mind-fucking her.
159
00:08:48,970 --> 00:08:50,089
I am not.
160
00:08:50,090 --> 00:08:52,689
Even if I was mind-fucking her,
which I'm not,
161
00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:56,409
because there's really no such thing
as mind-fucking...
162
00:08:56,410 --> 00:08:58,489
..this could have killed me.
163
00:08:58,490 --> 00:09:00,009
Are you trying to kill me?
164
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:02,209
Would it make you happy
if you actually killed me?
165
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:03,849
Yes. Yes, it would.
166
00:09:03,850 --> 00:09:06,609
I don't think it would. Because
you'd go to prison for murder.
167
00:09:06,610 --> 00:09:08,889
I don't think it would
make you happy to be in prison.
168
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,969
Do you know what they do
to posh people in prison?
169
00:09:10,970 --> 00:09:13,249
Let them out early?
170
00:09:13,250 --> 00:09:15,009
Yeah, actually,
that is probably true.
171
00:09:15,010 --> 00:09:16,889
But still, you don't want
to go to prison.
172
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,129
That's the point of prison.
It's not a nice place.
173
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,969
Maybe it would be worth it.
174
00:09:20,970 --> 00:09:24,129
It wouldn't be worth it, and you're
talking very close to my face again
175
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:27,929
which I find very off-putting, by the way, and
I know that's the intention, but please stop.
176
00:09:27,930 --> 00:09:31,930
Well, I will stop doing it
when I've run out of things to say.
177
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,400
Which is now.
178
00:09:48,410 --> 00:09:51,689
Oh, I think I've sorted us out
with a megaphone.
179
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:53,289
We don't need a megaphone.
180
00:09:53,290 --> 00:09:55,169
How are we doing with the manifesto?
181
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,449
Yeah, "we" are doing fine.
182
00:09:57,450 --> 00:09:59,769
Good, because when we've finished
that,
183
00:09:59,770 --> 00:10:02,689
we need to spend some time
thinking about slogans.
184
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:04,129
No. No slogans.
185
00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:06,929
Read my lips, no more sound bites.
186
00:10:06,930 --> 00:10:09,129
Mmm. So once we brainstorm them,
187
00:10:09,130 --> 00:10:13,130
I'm going to give you
some acting lessons.
188
00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,969
So, I've put the invitation up
on Facebook.
189
00:10:15,970 --> 00:10:17,969
We are having a H party!
190
00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:20,649
Heroin? No, the letter H.
191
00:10:20,650 --> 00:10:23,929
It's fancy dress themed,
all around H for Howard.
192
00:10:23,930 --> 00:10:26,929
Oh, right. Everyone'll be coming
as Harry Potter, then.
193
00:10:26,930 --> 00:10:30,369
I won't be coming as anything.
Howard - you have to have a party.
194
00:10:30,370 --> 00:10:33,569
OK, fine, if you're going to force me
to have a party, I will have a party.
195
00:10:33,570 --> 00:10:36,649
But not your party,
because I have decided to have...
196
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,249
a LAN party.
197
00:10:39,250 --> 00:10:40,449
What's a LAN party?
198
00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:42,769
It's fairly self-explanatory.
199
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:46,770
Everybody links up their PCs to
create a local area network or LAN.
200
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:51,090
And in this case, to facilitate
a marathon session of Infiniminer.
201
00:10:52,170 --> 00:10:53,529
It's a game.
202
00:10:53,530 --> 00:10:55,329
We play a game.
203
00:10:55,330 --> 00:10:56,889
What kind of game?
204
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,009
It's a bit like Minecraft,
but more limited and less popular.
205
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,369
And thus, far superior.
206
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,609
FYI, I'm also having a party.
That's right. We are.
207
00:11:04,610 --> 00:11:07,009
Alison and the left coalition guys
are coming round,
208
00:11:07,010 --> 00:11:10,289
hopefully for my coronation
as leader.
209
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,569
Oh, man, the shit
we're going to get up to!
210
00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:15,249
Yep. Don't worry,
I won't let power change me.
211
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,009
I mean, I'm still one of the people.
212
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:21,010
By the way, our party's a garden
party, so I'd appreciate it
213
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,369
if you kept your fancy dress party
in here
214
00:11:23,370 --> 00:11:25,409
and if you kept the supergeeks
in your room.
215
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:29,410
Right, cos nothing says party
like a strict zoning policy.
216
00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,609
Dean, did you put that
second load of washing on?
217
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:38,129
Yep. I thought I'd hang them up for
you, if that's all right?
218
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:40,889
You're such a sweetheart.
Noah, how's dinner coming along?
219
00:11:40,890 --> 00:11:43,009
I've made spaghetti Bolognese.
220
00:11:43,010 --> 00:11:45,529
God. Of course you have.
That's so cute!
221
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,609
So what's the plan for after dinner?
222
00:11:47,610 --> 00:11:51,610
You give me a shoulder rub
and I'll tell you what the plan is.
223
00:11:54,770 --> 00:11:58,009
Oh... Oh, yeah, that's good.
224
00:11:58,010 --> 00:12:00,769
You can give me a foot rub
if you want.
225
00:12:00,770 --> 00:12:04,449
Harry, why don't you take a break
from ironing, rest up just for a second.
226
00:12:04,450 --> 00:12:06,289
So, food's just about ready.
227
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:08,809
OK, I'm going to tell you what
the plan is for this evening.
228
00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:12,329
I'm guessing that none of you
have ever played poker?
229
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:15,689
OK, in that case,
here's what we're going to do.
230
00:12:15,690 --> 00:12:18,409
We're going to roll a spliff,
we're going to drink tequila
231
00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:22,410
and we're going to play
strip poker... for cash.
232
00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:35,089
What's going on?
233
00:12:35,090 --> 00:12:38,369
Nuts, I feel as though
I owe you an apology.
234
00:12:38,370 --> 00:12:41,449
So I've cooked you dinner.
235
00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:43,289
It's risotto.
236
00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:47,290
OK. Well, thanks, JP,
that's very mature of you and...
237
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:53,729
Is this broken glass?
238
00:12:53,730 --> 00:12:55,009
Wouldn't have thought so.
239
00:12:55,010 --> 00:12:57,929
It's probably just a bit of
transparent rice.
240
00:12:57,930 --> 00:12:59,489
Or maybe a pearl onion.
241
00:12:59,490 --> 00:13:03,490
It's broken glass.
Are you sure?
242
00:13:06,090 --> 00:13:07,769
Yes, I'm sure.
243
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,489
Well, that's very poor.
244
00:13:09,490 --> 00:13:11,209
You'd expect better from Waitrose.
245
00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:13,049
JP, you can't keep trying
to kill me!
246
00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,769
I'm not trying to kill you, Kingsley.
247
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:18,770
I'm just trying to massively
shit you up.
248
00:13:19,370 --> 00:13:23,370
Nutsford... wait.
249
00:13:23,490 --> 00:13:27,490
Please.
250
00:13:27,530 --> 00:13:28,769
I need to ask you a favour.
251
00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:30,009
Weird way to ask a favour.
252
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,889
It's not so much a favour
as a demand.
253
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,689
I want you to ask Sam to the party
254
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:37,089
so that I can show her
how over her I am.
255
00:13:37,090 --> 00:13:38,329
Why would I want to do that?
256
00:13:38,330 --> 00:13:40,409
If there was nothing going on,
why wouldn't you?
257
00:13:40,410 --> 00:13:43,249
There isn't anything going on.
You're going on a date with her.
258
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:45,169
It's not a date.
We just both like Nick Cave.
259
00:13:45,170 --> 00:13:48,329
I'd take Josie, but Josie's got shit
taste - she likes Mumford and Sons.
260
00:13:48,330 --> 00:13:49,929
What's wrong with Mumford and Sons?
261
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:53,930
I love Mumford and Sons. They're
perfect for drinking cider to.
262
00:13:54,890 --> 00:13:57,529
First Blunters, now Mumfers,
is nothing sacred?
263
00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:59,369
I'm not inviting Sam to the party.
264
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,529
What if I showed Josie all
of the text messages?
265
00:14:01,530 --> 00:14:03,089
All 423 of them.
266
00:14:03,090 --> 00:14:04,969
What if I've deleted them,
even if I didn't need to
267
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,849
because they were
perfectly innocent messages
268
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:08,569
about why I might make
a good controller of 6 Music?
269
00:14:08,570 --> 00:14:11,529
What if I told you that I'd taken a video
on my phone of me scrolling through them?
270
00:14:11,530 --> 00:14:12,729
What if I said,
have you really done that?
271
00:14:12,730 --> 00:14:14,169
What if I told you
that I had done that?
272
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:15,129
What if I asked you to prove
that you've done that?
273
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:19,130
What if I showed you this?
274
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:27,689
Then I would probably say,
why don't I invite Sam to the party?
275
00:14:27,690 --> 00:14:29,449
Good man.
276
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:31,489
Now, come on,
277
00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:35,490
your risotto's getting cold.
278
00:14:37,570 --> 00:14:39,129
There's more glass in here,
isn't there?
279
00:14:39,130 --> 00:14:43,130
Shouldn't have thought so.
280
00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:49,169
So, I've had a look at our manifesto
281
00:14:49,170 --> 00:14:51,689
and I think we need to make
a few changes.
282
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:54,409
Oh, we do, do we?
Is that what we need to do?
283
00:14:54,410 --> 00:14:57,809
Yeah. I mean, look at this.
284
00:14:57,810 --> 00:15:01,609
"Involve the Union in real world issues
like the problems facing Tunisia."
285
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,129
No-one cares. I care.
286
00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:08,130
"Ensure the Union safeguards the student
hardship fund." Again, who cares?
287
00:15:08,770 --> 00:15:10,009
Again, I care.
288
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,609
And you know you're probably
eligible for that.
289
00:15:12,610 --> 00:15:13,849
Exactly!
290
00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:17,850
I'm eligible and I don't care.
It's boring,
291
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,369
and it's not going to get us elected.
292
00:15:20,370 --> 00:15:24,370
OK, what do you think would get
me elected?
293
00:15:24,450 --> 00:15:27,049
All kinds of stuff.
294
00:15:27,050 --> 00:15:29,129
We promise to put a bouncy castle
in the library.
295
00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:31,129
Well... Ah-ah-ah!
296
00:15:31,130 --> 00:15:33,889
We get Metallica to play a gig
in the library.
297
00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:37,890
Basically anything to liven up
the library.
298
00:15:38,490 --> 00:15:40,089
OK, Vod, I've been thinking
299
00:15:40,090 --> 00:15:42,569
and I think maybe I should
just do this on my own.
300
00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:46,009
Don't be stupid. You need me.
301
00:15:46,010 --> 00:15:49,889
Now budge up, I'm going to take you
through the plan I have
302
00:15:49,890 --> 00:15:53,890
to turn the laundrette
into a head shop.
303
00:15:55,290 --> 00:15:58,529
Ace-high flush, motherfucker!
304
00:15:58,530 --> 00:16:01,289
Get 'em off! Get 'em off!
305
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:02,410
Off, off, off, off!
306
00:16:03,690 --> 00:16:07,609
Oh, wait.
307
00:16:07,610 --> 00:16:09,130
Shit, I gotta go.
308
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:14,330
Don't worry, don't worry,
this... is to be continued.
309
00:16:17,250 --> 00:16:18,529
Where've you been?
310
00:16:18,530 --> 00:16:22,049
Oh, I was just next door...
to the library.
311
00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:24,209
Next door to the library?
312
00:16:24,210 --> 00:16:26,729
Yes, I was at the library
313
00:16:26,730 --> 00:16:30,730
and I got bored so I went next door
to the pub.
314
00:16:31,090 --> 00:16:32,969
There isn't a pub next door
to the library.
315
00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:34,529
It's an expression.
316
00:16:34,530 --> 00:16:36,129
Yeah, "I went next door..."
317
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:39,809
..as in, "I went to the pub."
318
00:16:39,810 --> 00:16:42,409
I've never heard it. Is it a Welsh
thing? What? Yes, exactly.
319
00:16:42,410 --> 00:16:44,689
Who's that?
320
00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:48,690
Who's that? Well, that's my mum.
321
00:16:49,290 --> 00:16:52,449
I texted her saying I hadn't heard
from you and now she's panicking.
322
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,729
God, Kingsley,
that's such an overreaction,
323
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:58,730
I was only next door... to the
library.
324
00:17:05,850 --> 00:17:09,850
I've never heard that.
325
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,009
Oh! Prince?
326
00:17:26,010 --> 00:17:29,969
I'm not Prince. I'm George Harrison.
327
00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:31,249
Who are you?
328
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:32,369
Harry Potter.
329
00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:36,370
Couldn't think of anyone else
to come as.
330
00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:38,689
Oh, God.
331
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,889
Oh, what? Come on!
332
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:43,129
I know. Classic, isn't it?
333
00:17:43,130 --> 00:17:45,369
Why do posh people always
dress up as Nazis?
334
00:17:45,370 --> 00:17:48,169
I'm not a Nazi. I'm the Nazi.
335
00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:52,170
The uber-Nazi.
336
00:17:53,170 --> 00:17:55,449
Why would you want to dress up
like a Nazi?
337
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:56,889
It's funny.
338
00:17:56,890 --> 00:18:00,890
Hitler's funny, isn't he?
339
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:04,649
What if I zhuzh up the hair
and just make it like a normal Nazi?
340
00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,049
Normal Nazi doesn't begin with a H.
341
00:18:07,050 --> 00:18:08,249
I could be Prince Harry!
342
00:18:08,250 --> 00:18:11,809
Are you genuinely saying that
this isn't a brilliant idea?
343
00:18:11,810 --> 00:18:14,249
JP, what if there are some Jewish
people here tonight?
344
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:16,769
Kingsley, Jews have
a great sense of humour.
345
00:18:16,770 --> 00:18:18,609
They're famous for it.
346
00:18:18,610 --> 00:18:20,649
You can definitely
make fun of a Jew.
347
00:18:20,650 --> 00:18:23,689
Jewish people can make fun of
themselves. Are you Jewish?
348
00:18:23,690 --> 00:18:25,369
Do I look Jewish?
349
00:18:25,370 --> 00:18:28,689
Not right now.
350
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,690
JP!
351
00:18:49,490 --> 00:18:51,009
I'm Howard...
352
00:18:51,010 --> 00:18:55,010
from "Howard's party" fame.
353
00:19:05,170 --> 00:19:06,569
Hey, Josie!
354
00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,169
We saw you were having a party
so we thought we'd drop by!
355
00:19:09,170 --> 00:19:11,289
Guys!
356
00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:15,290
So great to see you, here,
in my house.
357
00:19:17,210 --> 00:19:21,170
- We've got a message for you...
- We want our boxer shorts back!
358
00:19:23,090 --> 00:19:25,249
Hello? Gentlemen? Josie?
359
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,449
Kingsley, hi.
360
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:31,409
These are just some guys
that I know.
361
00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,969
Oh, right. Where from?
362
00:19:33,970 --> 00:19:36,289
Oh, you know. Next door.
363
00:19:36,290 --> 00:19:39,449
Er, so you mean next door,
as in the pub?
364
00:19:39,450 --> 00:19:42,249
Er, next door as in
the house next door.
365
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,649
Sorry, who are you?
366
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:47,009
I'm George Harrison!
I'm obviously George Harrison!
367
00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:49,329
Are you Josie's boyfriend?
368
00:19:49,330 --> 00:19:53,089
Yeah, I am her boyfriend and we're
very happy together, aren't we?
369
00:19:53,090 --> 00:19:57,090
Yes.
370
00:19:57,170 --> 00:19:59,489
In a way, chill out,
cos you're being a bit uncool.
371
00:19:59,490 --> 00:20:03,490
Well, that's a joke, because I'm not
uncool. I'm actually really cool.
372
00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:07,689
I'm George fucking Harrison.
373
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:11,690
OK, I'm going to give you guys
the tour.
374
00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:21,849
What's Heather doing here?
375
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:25,849
Oh, I basically invited everyone
Howard has ever met.
376
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,049
Is it a problem?
377
00:20:29,050 --> 00:20:33,050
No. God no. We're all grown-ups.
378
00:20:36,850 --> 00:20:39,729
Brilliant, aren't they?
Go on, get involved.
379
00:20:39,730 --> 00:20:41,609
They won't bite.
380
00:20:41,610 --> 00:20:44,009
Honk, honk!
381
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:48,010
I said to her, "Oregon,
you have got to run for President."
382
00:20:49,170 --> 00:20:51,249
I mean, a year off studying - result.
383
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,569
You get paid - kerching.
384
00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:54,849
We get to book our favourite bands.
Hello!
385
00:20:54,850 --> 00:20:58,409
Plus, unlimited power, hm?
386
00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:00,209
Sex on tap.
387
00:21:00,210 --> 00:21:02,329
Plus, people salute you
when they walk by.
388
00:21:02,330 --> 00:21:05,089
Or at least they will
when we change the constitution.
389
00:21:05,090 --> 00:21:09,090
So vote for Oregon...
390
00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:11,529
and I'll give you a line of whizz.
391
00:21:11,530 --> 00:21:15,530
What do you reckon?
392
00:21:15,570 --> 00:21:17,649
Hello. Not Infinimining?
393
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:19,249
We gate-crashed your other party.
394
00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:23,250
You have two very cool parties.
395
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,089
Howard, look at me,
I've come as you!
396
00:21:43,090 --> 00:21:44,969
Why would you do that?
397
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,689
Cos you're a dude.
398
00:21:46,690 --> 00:21:48,929
You're the guy that got
his tits out for feminism.
399
00:21:48,930 --> 00:21:52,090
Hey, everybody! It's Howard!
400
00:22:08,130 --> 00:22:10,929
Well, it's been interesting
talking to you, Vod.
401
00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:14,930
Yeah, a lot of people are saying that
tonight. God, I must be on good form.
402
00:22:15,730 --> 00:22:19,089
So, what is your role
in Oregon's campaign again?
403
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:22,169
Basically, she's running for
president...
404
00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:25,689
I'm running her. She's the puppet,
405
00:22:25,690 --> 00:22:26,969
I'm the puppet master.
406
00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:30,970
Well, not puppet, that sounds bad.
Mascot?
407
00:22:36,690 --> 00:22:39,089
We need to have a private chat,
inside.
408
00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:43,090
Yeah, OK.
409
00:22:45,770 --> 00:22:47,329
Killer party!
410
00:22:47,330 --> 00:22:50,129
Thank you.
411
00:22:50,130 --> 00:22:52,649
Candice, I owe you an apology.
412
00:22:52,650 --> 00:22:54,289
Your party is a great party.
413
00:22:54,290 --> 00:22:56,889
People have been coming up to me
and saying really nice things,
414
00:22:56,890 --> 00:23:00,009
and the last time that happened was
when I went to Abercrombie and Fitch,
415
00:23:00,010 --> 00:23:02,489
but those people are paid to say that
so it doesn't count.
416
00:23:02,490 --> 00:23:05,089
What I'm trying to say is that...
417
00:23:05,090 --> 00:23:08,529
You've made me realise... You've...
418
00:23:08,530 --> 00:23:11,569
You've made me realise that...
Howard.
419
00:23:11,570 --> 00:23:12,609
Sabine?
420
00:23:12,610 --> 00:23:15,449
Happy birthday.
It's nice to see you.
421
00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:19,169
If it's OK, I would like
to speak to you in private.
422
00:23:19,170 --> 00:23:21,246
In case you were wondering,
I'm Hannah Montana.
423
00:23:36,290 --> 00:23:37,930
I was hoping that we could talk
alone?
424
00:23:38,734 --> 00:23:40,174
Trust me, they're not listening.
425
00:23:40,393 --> 00:23:42,453
I'll be blunt. There was a guy,
426
00:23:42,528 --> 00:23:45,007
I moved into his place,
put my toothbrush there,
427
00:23:45,008 --> 00:23:47,388
but it was all bullshit
so I won't do that again.
428
00:23:47,462 --> 00:23:50,501
And now I feel very alone so I was
wondering if you'd like to go back
429
00:23:50,502 --> 00:23:54,502
to our previous arrangement of being
friends with sex benefits?
430
00:23:55,222 --> 00:23:59,222
I get very horny,
especially when I'm ovulating.
431
00:23:59,382 --> 00:24:03,181
There was a time when I wanted
a relationship with you,
432
00:24:03,182 --> 00:24:05,741
but you weren't interested.
433
00:24:05,742 --> 00:24:08,541
So that hydrofoil has
sailed, Sabine -
434
00:24:08,542 --> 00:24:09,701
all the way to Rotterdam.
435
00:24:09,702 --> 00:24:12,581
Now all I want is
a relationship with Candice.
436
00:24:12,582 --> 00:24:16,582
But unfortunately,
I'm not good enough for her.
437
00:24:16,942 --> 00:24:20,942
It's obvious that she likes you.
I mean, why shouldn't she?
438
00:24:21,022 --> 00:24:22,581
You're very attractive
439
00:24:22,582 --> 00:24:25,301
and surprisingly good at sex,
440
00:24:25,302 --> 00:24:27,901
given your lack of practice.
441
00:24:27,902 --> 00:24:31,101
So, if you like her,
you should ask her out.
442
00:24:31,102 --> 00:24:34,821
Otherwise you will be playing
terrible games,
443
00:24:34,822 --> 00:24:38,822
with odd people,
the rest of your life.
444
00:24:39,222 --> 00:24:40,541
You're right.
445
00:24:40,542 --> 00:24:44,542
I should ask her out.
446
00:24:50,822 --> 00:24:52,781
Candice?
447
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,301
I have something to say.
Oh, Howard!
448
00:24:55,302 --> 00:24:57,261
This is Gary.
449
00:24:57,262 --> 00:25:00,221
Gary is my date for the evening.
450
00:25:00,222 --> 00:25:02,221
Oh...
451
00:25:02,222 --> 00:25:04,221
Hi.
452
00:25:04,222 --> 00:25:06,701
Welcome to my party.
453
00:25:06,702 --> 00:25:09,101
I hope you have a good time
at the party.
454
00:25:09,102 --> 00:25:12,781
That's the point of a party.
455
00:25:12,782 --> 00:25:16,782
What were you gonna say?
Um...
456
00:25:17,662 --> 00:25:19,821
Just how much I love...
457
00:25:19,822 --> 00:25:21,862
these Marmite sticks.
458
00:25:29,582 --> 00:25:33,582
Great. I'm gonna go
and get them.
459
00:25:34,502 --> 00:25:36,821
He's a bit boy-next-door, isn't he?
460
00:25:36,822 --> 00:25:38,661
The boy next door.
461
00:25:38,662 --> 00:25:40,821
What's so interesting about him?
462
00:25:40,822 --> 00:25:44,261
Oh, look, there's Heather!
I haven't seen Heather since...
463
00:25:44,262 --> 00:25:47,261
Oh, since you pretended to stop
seeing her when actually you hadn't.
464
00:25:47,262 --> 00:25:48,501
Hi, guys.
465
00:25:48,502 --> 00:25:52,061
I saw you updated your relationship
status on Facebook.
466
00:25:52,062 --> 00:25:54,981
I was like, "Aw, you two
got together!"
467
00:25:54,982 --> 00:25:56,302
So, congratulations...
468
00:25:56,385 --> 00:25:58,464
Thanks. Thanks.
So when did that happen?
469
00:25:58,465 --> 00:26:01,265
A while ago.
Pretty recently. Or a while ago.
470
00:26:01,353 --> 00:26:04,472
Can't have been that long ago. Kings and I
were going out not that long ago.
471
00:26:04,473 --> 00:26:06,813
Right! When was it exactly,
Kingsley?
472
00:26:06,825 --> 00:26:08,224
Who cares?
473
00:26:08,225 --> 00:26:12,225
It's all... ancient history now,
isn't it?
474
00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:14,824
Or not ancient history, but history.
475
00:26:14,825 --> 00:26:18,825
Boring old history. I hate history.
Let's not talk about history.
476
00:26:19,145 --> 00:26:20,744
Let's talk about the future.
477
00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:23,904
What's the next big thing
after Google Glass?
478
00:26:23,905 --> 00:26:26,344
Who have you come as?
479
00:26:26,345 --> 00:26:28,504
You look like Prince. Or a Mexican.
480
00:26:28,505 --> 00:26:31,544
I'm obviously George Harrison!
481
00:26:31,545 --> 00:26:35,545
Obviously!
482
00:26:43,185 --> 00:26:45,184
Sabine... I've changed my mind.
483
00:26:45,185 --> 00:26:47,304
I would like to take
you up on your offer.
484
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:50,665
Oh! Unfortunately, I've already made
arrangements with another man.
485
00:26:51,905 --> 00:26:54,864
Of course, cos there will
always be someone better than me.
486
00:26:54,865 --> 00:26:57,624
Because I'm a fairground
monstrosity with whom
487
00:26:57,625 --> 00:27:00,064
only an enlightened and
compassionate Victorian doctor
488
00:27:00,065 --> 00:27:01,784
could have a meaningful
relationship.
489
00:27:01,785 --> 00:27:03,904
Howard, that's not true.
490
00:27:03,905 --> 00:27:05,424
It is true! Oh...
491
00:27:05,425 --> 00:27:06,944
All right, gorgeous?
492
00:27:06,945 --> 00:27:10,945
Oh, fucking perfect! Even the fake
me's better than the real me!
493
00:27:11,585 --> 00:27:15,144
Like all relationships in politics,
it's been...
494
00:27:15,145 --> 00:27:18,064
You know, it's been challenging,
but also very rewarding.
495
00:27:18,065 --> 00:27:20,584
Just to clarify,
is Vod running your campaign?
496
00:27:20,585 --> 00:27:23,744
No! No. She's not running my
campaign.
497
00:27:23,745 --> 00:27:26,544
Maybe you should listen to this.
498
00:27:26,545 --> 00:27:29,784
I mean... the way
I like to put it is
499
00:27:29,785 --> 00:27:33,784
she's like the puppet
and I'm the puppet master.
500
00:27:33,785 --> 00:27:35,064
But in a nice way.
501
00:27:35,065 --> 00:27:36,904
I'm not your puppet!
502
00:27:36,905 --> 00:27:39,704
Why would I agree
to be your puppet?
503
00:27:39,705 --> 00:27:41,064
Well...
504
00:27:41,065 --> 00:27:42,584
You didn't really know.
505
00:27:42,585 --> 00:27:44,224
That's the thing about puppets,
506
00:27:44,225 --> 00:27:47,344
they don't know they're puppets,
they're muppets.
507
00:27:47,345 --> 00:27:50,264
You need to disassociate yourself
from her. She's a liability.
508
00:27:50,265 --> 00:27:53,344
Please don't tell me what to do,
I'm not a puppet!
509
00:27:53,345 --> 00:27:55,744
But, yes, that is what
I was going to do.
510
00:27:55,745 --> 00:27:57,224
But not because you told me.
511
00:27:57,225 --> 00:28:00,264
Vod. I don't want your help.
512
00:28:00,265 --> 00:28:03,024
You're nothing to do
with my campaign.
513
00:28:03,025 --> 00:28:05,624
Right.
514
00:28:05,625 --> 00:28:07,384
Oh, it's like that, is it?
515
00:28:07,385 --> 00:28:09,424
I know when I'm not wanted.
516
00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:11,784
No, you don't. That's the problem.
517
00:28:11,785 --> 00:28:13,304
Fine.
518
00:28:13,305 --> 00:28:15,344
Maybe I'll stand against you.
519
00:28:15,345 --> 00:28:17,024
Don't be ridiculous!
520
00:28:17,025 --> 00:28:18,384
You'd be a disaster.
521
00:28:18,385 --> 00:28:20,344
You don't think I can do it?
No!
522
00:28:20,345 --> 00:28:22,184
Obviously, I don't
think you can do it.
523
00:28:22,185 --> 00:28:24,304
You can't do it.
You'd be a terrible politician.
524
00:28:24,305 --> 00:28:27,904
It's just talking to people and pretending
to listen to them. How hard could it be?
525
00:28:27,905 --> 00:28:30,664
Well, for you, impossible.
I see what you're doing.
526
00:28:30,665 --> 00:28:33,384
You're putting me down,
because of your own insecurity.
527
00:28:33,385 --> 00:28:36,744
You might want to look into that
behaviour, mate. I've done therapy.
528
00:28:36,745 --> 00:28:38,344
For one day.
529
00:28:38,345 --> 00:28:40,104
What can I say? I was fast-tracked.
530
00:28:40,105 --> 00:28:43,344
Some people don't need to do it for
ten years. I went in, sorted myself, left.
531
00:28:43,345 --> 00:28:47,345
Then why do you sound so mental?
532
00:28:56,025 --> 00:28:59,544
Hello, ladies.
I'll be your server for this evening.
533
00:28:59,545 --> 00:29:02,424
Might I recommend
my speciality thick shake?
534
00:29:02,425 --> 00:29:06,425
You've gotta suck on it pretty hard
to get a mouthful, but it is quite tasty.
535
00:29:07,265 --> 00:29:11,064
So have you written any
songs about me since we broke up?
536
00:29:11,065 --> 00:29:15,065
I've been imagining you
thinking of me and strumming away...
537
00:29:15,105 --> 00:29:17,784
I've not written any songs
about you, no.
538
00:29:17,785 --> 00:29:19,424
Too busy masturbating?
539
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,824
All right, Kingsley? Yeah...
540
00:29:21,825 --> 00:29:23,944
This isn't gonna be weird
with Josie, is it?
541
00:29:23,945 --> 00:29:25,344
Er, no.
542
00:29:25,345 --> 00:29:28,784
Why would it be weird with Josie?
It's not gonna be weird with Josie.
543
00:29:28,785 --> 00:29:30,784
It might be a bit weird with JP,
544
00:29:30,785 --> 00:29:33,224
because he threatened to kill me
if I didn't invite you.
545
00:29:33,225 --> 00:29:36,264
He made me invite you. I didn't
actually want to invite you.
546
00:29:36,265 --> 00:29:40,024
What? But it's lovely to see you.
And welcome.
547
00:29:40,025 --> 00:29:43,064
What is going on? Nothing.
548
00:29:43,065 --> 00:29:45,104
JP! This has to stop.
549
00:29:45,105 --> 00:29:48,424
Oh! Excuse me, ladies.
550
00:29:48,425 --> 00:29:52,425
Oops! Caught with my hand
in the nookie jar! Are you jealous?
551
00:29:52,985 --> 00:29:56,464
Seriously, are you...
are you jealous at all?
552
00:29:56,465 --> 00:30:00,024
JP, there is nothing going on
between us. Leave me alone.
553
00:30:00,025 --> 00:30:04,025
Why won't you like me?
This is so unfair!
554
00:30:04,185 --> 00:30:08,185
It should be me that's sending you
423 text messages, not Kingsley!
555
00:30:11,385 --> 00:30:12,904
You fucking what?
556
00:30:12,905 --> 00:30:16,224
That didn't sound good.
You've sent her 423 texts?
557
00:30:16,225 --> 00:30:19,504
No. Maybe.
558
00:30:19,505 --> 00:30:22,104
Yes! But some of them
were really short.
559
00:30:22,105 --> 00:30:23,784
Are you having an affair?
560
00:30:23,785 --> 00:30:27,024
Yes, he is having an affair -
an affair of the mind!
561
00:30:27,025 --> 00:30:28,984
You're the one
having the affair of the mind.
562
00:30:28,985 --> 00:30:31,264
Are you OK, Jose?
This must be a bit awkward for you.
563
00:30:31,265 --> 00:30:33,544
Do you think this is funny?
564
00:30:33,545 --> 00:30:34,784
There's a certain irony.
565
00:30:34,785 --> 00:30:36,584
Yeah, and you love irony, don't you?
566
00:30:36,585 --> 00:30:40,585
That's just one of the many things
about you that really gets on my tits.
567
00:30:40,705 --> 00:30:42,704
To be fair, that gets on my tits as
well.
568
00:30:42,705 --> 00:30:44,184
That's not helping.
569
00:30:44,185 --> 00:30:48,185
Yeah, I do love irony. Maybe because
I'm intelligent enough to appreciate it.
570
00:30:48,385 --> 00:30:50,784
Who's the bitch?
My sentiments exactly.
571
00:30:50,785 --> 00:30:53,584
But also, back off,
none of your business!
572
00:30:53,585 --> 00:30:56,504
Watch out for her - she'll break
your arm if you're not careful.
573
00:30:56,505 --> 00:30:58,944
I did break your arm
and I'm glad I broke your arm.
574
00:30:58,945 --> 00:31:02,664
And if I'd broken your pelvis, maybe
you wouldn't have shagged my boyfriend!
575
00:31:02,665 --> 00:31:06,384
He wasn't your boyfriend, remember?
And it's not my fault he liked me more.
576
00:31:06,385 --> 00:31:08,864
Except he didn't,
which is why he's with me.
577
00:31:08,865 --> 00:31:11,344
Yeah. Is he? Or is he with her?
578
00:31:11,345 --> 00:31:14,264
I am here.
So am I, although I wish I wasn't.
579
00:31:14,265 --> 00:31:16,904
Yes, OK, maybe he did take
a couple of weeks to figure it out,
580
00:31:16,905 --> 00:31:19,184
but in the end, he chose me!
581
00:31:19,185 --> 00:31:21,424
What do you mean
"taken him a couple of weeks"?
582
00:31:21,425 --> 00:31:24,464
Oh, dear.
What's going on? Are you a player?
583
00:31:24,465 --> 00:31:26,865
Er, he's not a player. If anyone's
a player...
584
00:31:27,905 --> 00:31:29,784
Shut up! Keep out of it!
585
00:31:29,785 --> 00:31:31,904
Did you cheat on me
while my grumpops was dying?
586
00:31:31,905 --> 00:31:34,984
Not so funny now, is it?
Though there is a certain irony.
587
00:31:34,985 --> 00:31:37,624
Don't you slap him,
only I can slap him!
588
00:31:37,625 --> 00:31:39,864
Don't slap him.
Don't tell me not to slap him.
589
00:31:39,865 --> 00:31:41,184
You can't slap him!
590
00:31:41,185 --> 00:31:43,144
- That's for slapping him!
- Oh, God!
591
00:31:43,145 --> 00:31:45,104
This is hideous!
I actually wish I was dead.
592
00:31:45,105 --> 00:31:47,904
Don't feel sorry for him!
Don't you dare find that endearing!
593
00:31:47,905 --> 00:31:50,344
I can't believe
I was ever friends with you.
594
00:31:50,345 --> 00:31:52,224
You're a horrible person!
595
00:31:52,225 --> 00:31:55,024
I'm not a horrible person.
Actually, she's not.
596
00:31:55,025 --> 00:31:56,744
Now get out before
I break your pelvis!
597
00:31:56,745 --> 00:31:58,664
Although that sounds like she is.
598
00:31:58,665 --> 00:32:00,744
Kingsley?
599
00:32:00,745 --> 00:32:03,424
Please, please don't have sex
with Sam this evening!
600
00:32:03,425 --> 00:32:04,624
JP! Oh, I'm still here!
601
00:32:04,625 --> 00:32:07,504
Good point. Why?
Good point. I'll go.
602
00:32:07,505 --> 00:32:09,464
Maybe best if I don't
see you at the gig.
603
00:32:09,465 --> 00:32:11,904
Yes. Sam?
604
00:32:11,905 --> 00:32:14,664
Sam! You were gonna go
to a gig with her?
605
00:32:14,665 --> 00:32:16,624
It's only a gig!
What were you gonna do?
606
00:32:16,625 --> 00:32:20,024
Mosh up against her... mosh pit
until you... headlined?!
607
00:32:20,025 --> 00:32:21,545
What?!
608
00:32:24,145 --> 00:32:26,744
Yes! I do think
I'm a better person than you!
609
00:32:26,745 --> 00:32:29,744
You abandoned your husband
in a shopping centre.
610
00:32:29,745 --> 00:32:32,824
Er, you stole my identity
and put me in a play,
611
00:32:32,825 --> 00:32:35,384
which was terrible,
until I saved it.
612
00:32:35,385 --> 00:32:39,064
You didn't save it, you hijacked it,
like you hijack everything else.
613
00:32:39,065 --> 00:32:42,264
Oh, you are so insecure,
it's unbelievable.
614
00:32:42,265 --> 00:32:46,104
And you're an egomaniac who has to be
the centre of attention at all times!
615
00:32:46,105 --> 00:32:49,704
I can't help it if everyone
thinks I'm fucking cool!
616
00:32:49,705 --> 00:32:52,104
This election is not
a popularity contest.
617
00:32:52,105 --> 00:32:54,384
Yeah, it is!
And I'm much more popular than you.
618
00:32:54,385 --> 00:32:58,385
Maybe because I don't go around
fucking guys and snapping their knobs off!
619
00:33:00,905 --> 00:33:02,304
Right!
620
00:33:02,305 --> 00:33:03,944
This is fucking war!
621
00:33:03,945 --> 00:33:07,945
You stand against me and
I will crush you like Blair crushed...
622
00:33:08,385 --> 00:33:10,944
whoever it was he stood against.
Was it Major?
623
00:33:10,945 --> 00:33:12,824
Probably Major!
624
00:33:12,825 --> 00:33:16,825
It is on, mate. Bring. It. On.
625
00:33:17,785 --> 00:33:20,504
- Oh, running away already?
- I'm going to bed.
626
00:33:20,505 --> 00:33:24,144
Yeah, running away to bed more like!
627
00:33:24,145 --> 00:33:27,104
Yeah, I might turn in as well.
628
00:33:27,105 --> 00:33:30,584
I am absolutely tamping with you,
Kingsley! I cannot believe this!
629
00:33:30,585 --> 00:33:32,504
Jose? I think we're gonna leave.
630
00:33:32,505 --> 00:33:35,424
Yeah! And what about these guys?
631
00:33:35,425 --> 00:33:39,425
"Going next door" isn't a phrase, is it?
It actually means "going next door".
632
00:33:40,545 --> 00:33:43,344
You've been seeing another man,
and his three mates!
633
00:33:43,345 --> 00:33:46,104
You've been seeing
an entire other house!
634
00:33:46,105 --> 00:33:48,744
I don't have to tell you everything!
We're not married!
635
00:33:48,745 --> 00:33:50,784
Yeah, you know what? I'm glad.
636
00:33:50,785 --> 00:33:53,704
Right! Sorry to ask this,
but can I sleep at yours?
637
00:33:53,705 --> 00:33:57,705
Yes. Great!
638
00:34:01,065 --> 00:34:02,704
Howard?
639
00:34:02,705 --> 00:34:06,705
I'm sorry about the party.
It didn't go as well as I'd hoped.
640
00:34:12,425 --> 00:34:14,864
Right, everybody out!
641
00:34:14,865 --> 00:34:16,265
Come on! All of you! Out!
642
00:34:17,585 --> 00:34:19,864
Show's over! Move it!
643
00:34:19,865 --> 00:34:21,944
Everyone, get out of my house!
644
00:34:21,945 --> 00:34:23,664
Fuck off!
645
00:34:23,665 --> 00:34:27,304
Go on! Fuck off, Seabiscuit!
646
00:34:27,305 --> 00:34:29,464
You!
647
00:34:29,465 --> 00:34:32,504
You shit!
648
00:34:32,505 --> 00:34:35,544
You dick! You stole my woman!
649
00:34:35,545 --> 00:34:38,624
I didn't. She. Doesn't. Like. You!
650
00:34:38,625 --> 00:34:41,624
She does!
651
00:34:41,625 --> 00:34:43,065
JP!
652
00:34:44,905 --> 00:34:46,624
She is my woman!
653
00:34:46,625 --> 00:34:48,824
Women aren't possessions!
654
00:34:48,825 --> 00:34:52,825
Stop talking in meaningless
riddles!
655
00:34:53,505 --> 00:34:56,624
Ow! Fuck! My head!
656
00:34:56,625 --> 00:34:59,505
You dick! Ow!
657
00:35:03,625 --> 00:35:05,584
No, not the face! Not the face!
658
00:35:05,585 --> 00:35:09,024
Gentleman's code, Kingsley!
659
00:35:09,025 --> 00:35:10,264
Let go of my hands!
660
00:35:10,265 --> 00:35:11,904
Why? So you can punch me?
661
00:35:11,905 --> 00:35:15,744
Yes! No!
662
00:35:15,745 --> 00:35:19,745
Stop. Trying. To. Kill. Me!
663
00:35:24,985 --> 00:35:27,784
You can't hurt me with boobs,
Kingsley!
664
00:35:27,785 --> 00:35:30,544
I thrive on boobs!
665
00:35:30,545 --> 00:35:32,384
That's it.
666
00:35:32,385 --> 00:35:36,385
Guys... our giant statue of Howard
is complete!
667
00:35:37,985 --> 00:35:39,704
Oi!
668
00:35:39,705 --> 00:35:42,384
JP!
669
00:35:42,385 --> 00:35:46,385
JP, calm down!
670
00:35:47,105 --> 00:35:49,184
JP, put down the bread knife.
671
00:35:49,185 --> 00:35:53,185
OK, I will put down the bread knife.
Watch!
672
00:35:54,225 --> 00:35:58,225
I haven't done anything with Sam.
You should be thanking me!
673
00:35:58,385 --> 00:36:01,464
OK, fine! I will thank you!
674
00:36:01,465 --> 00:36:04,624
I'll thank you with this!
675
00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:07,304
And this!
676
00:36:07,305 --> 00:36:10,584
You knew how I felt about her!
You should've stayed away from her!
677
00:36:10,585 --> 00:36:13,424
What? Like you with Josie?
That's different!
678
00:36:13,425 --> 00:36:16,344
How? Because I am more
important than you!
679
00:36:16,345 --> 00:36:20,064
I should be mad with you!
You've ruined things with Josie.
680
00:36:20,065 --> 00:36:23,225
Not the wok! Not the wok!
681
00:36:24,785 --> 00:36:27,984
Why is everything always my fault?!
682
00:36:27,985 --> 00:36:31,984
Not the olive oil.
It's Tuscan extra virgin.
683
00:36:31,985 --> 00:36:35,624
Fuck the olive oil!
Everything is always my fault!
684
00:36:35,625 --> 00:36:37,984
Don't fuck this person in the house!
685
00:36:37,985 --> 00:36:40,864
Don't buy the house!
Don't clean the fucking house!
686
00:36:40,865 --> 00:36:43,984
Don't throw the
virgin fucking olive oil!
687
00:36:43,985 --> 00:36:46,984
Well, you know what, Kingsley?
Fuck you!
688
00:36:46,985 --> 00:36:50,224
Fuck all of you!
689
00:36:50,225 --> 00:36:52,144
You now realise you're just
690
00:36:52,145 --> 00:36:53,984
smashing up your own property?
691
00:36:53,985 --> 00:36:55,544
Fuck you! Fuck you!
692
00:36:55,545 --> 00:36:58,064
Fuck you! Fuck you!
693
00:36:58,065 --> 00:37:00,064
Fuck you!
694
00:37:00,065 --> 00:37:01,624
Fuck you! OK, good talk!
695
00:37:01,625 --> 00:37:03,704
If we're all finished
here, um, I might
696
00:37:03,705 --> 00:37:07,705
just go for a lie down and think
about how my life has fallen apart.
697
00:37:08,065 --> 00:37:09,305
Night!
698
00:37:13,545 --> 00:37:15,587
This was meant to be spear year!
699
00:37:26,271 --> 00:37:57,431
700
00:37:57,481 --> 00:38:02,031
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
54189
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.