Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,719
And, er... how do you feel in
yourself?
2
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:10,759
Sorry?
3
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,999
How do you feel in yourself?
4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,759
Does that mean the same as,
"How do you feel"? Yes.
5
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:16,999
Fine.
6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:21,000
Although, actually,
I am feeling a bit...
7
00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,799
unhumped.
8
00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:24,999
Unhappy?
9
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,999
That's the one.
10
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,679
There's this girl who I like...
11
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,359
like, a lot,
12
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,079
but she's not speaking to me, so...
13
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,080
Women, eh? Can't live with 'em,
can't live without them.
14
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,839
That's good. So true.
15
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,679
Is that like, Buddha? Seriously?
Cos if that's your own,
16
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:50,039
you should work that up into a novel
or something.
17
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,879
So, now, you need to be aware
18
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:56,880
that taking drugs as part
of a medical trial does have risks,
19
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,319
however small those may be.
20
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:02,919
Dude, I've gobbled blank pills
knocked out by rudeboys in gas masks.
21
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:05,159
I go to un-franchised
fried chicken outlets.
22
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,159
I think I can handle
a little bit of medical testing.
23
00:01:08,836 --> 00:01:33,963
24
00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,799
Will it definitely come up?
They're meeting for a big chat, JP.
25
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:58,159
Ooh, big chat.
No-one likes a big chat.
26
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,079
Still, maybe it won't.
That for the first month I was going out with Josie,
27
00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,079
I was also going out with Heather
as well?
28
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:07,559
Well, maybe it won't, so long as they
don't talk about any of the following -
29
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,479
men, relationships, emotions,
30
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,919
life, what either of them have been
doing, or how they've been feeling.
31
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:15,959
Yeah, so it probably will.
32
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,839
When's Heather getting back from
Honkers?
33
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:20,319
Tomorrow, and please don't
call Hong Kong "Honkers".
34
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,959
I know you're posh.
You don't need to remind me.
35
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,839
Dude, can you seriously stop
fiddling with your bulbs?
36
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:27,759
Regular checks, my friend.
37
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:30,399
A check a day keeps
testicular cancer at bay.
38
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,839
Is that an official rhyme?
39
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:34,999
The best time is after a shower when
the skin of the scrotum is more relaxed.
40
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,959
Oh, mate, I do not want to hear
about how chillaxed your scrotum is.
41
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,799
Maybe Heather's plane will crash,
then I wouldn't have to tell Josie.
42
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:44,319
I mean, I'm not saying
I WANT that to happen,
43
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,239
but it would be great for me
if it did.
44
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,599
Who's she flying with?
Cathay Pacific.
45
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,519
Cathay Pacific? No dice.
Oh...
46
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,519
Well, that's it, then. It's over.
47
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,039
Yep, you're fucked. So,
48
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,999
for the next three days, do you want
to come medical trialling?
49
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,119
We get PAID to take drugs.
50
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,079
It's like a job, but... good.
51
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,719
Er... yeah, JP.
52
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,919
The man who checks his nuts once a
day and won't drink unfiltered tap water?
53
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:10,920
I'll sign up
for dangerous medical testing.
54
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,239
Hi. Just wondering
if you'd read my play yet.
55
00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,959
No worries if not.
56
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,960
Yep, here you go.
57
00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,279
So, what did you think?
58
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,959
Obviously,
since it's a 24-hour play season,
59
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,399
I only had 24 hours to write it,
so...
60
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,079
No, I thought it was pretty tight.
Yeah? It is tight, isn't it?
61
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,319
I think it's tight. Maybe too tight.
62
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,320
Ha. I mean, at 3am, I thought,
"This is the best play ever written."
63
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,999
And then I made a coffee and I looked
at it again and I thought,
64
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:50,719
"Actually, this might be
the worst play ever written."
65
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,999
And then I went to the loo
and I looked at it again
66
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,000
and I thought, "Actually, I think
this might be the best play ever written."
67
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,759
I think Nick might make
a great Ainsley.
68
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:06,159
He's got good hair
and he's tall.
69
00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,199
Oh!
70
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:10,079
What about Toby?
Toby's got a great look.
71
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:13,159
Yeah, if your idea of a good look
is overweight and anxious.
72
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,519
Exactly.
Look, Candice, OK?
73
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:17,959
This is an artistic enterprise
74
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,039
that requires impartial
decision-making.
75
00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,319
We're casting Nick, Ewan and Josh.
76
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:26,519
You know Josh has got a girlfriend?
77
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:29,959
OK, well, maybe not Josh, then.
Mm.
78
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,079
It's ideal, three days
of loading up on free drugs,
79
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,959
and, get this,
THEY pay YOU 600 boys.
80
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,439
Who's with me?
600 quid to get off your nut?
81
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:43,440
They're not recreational.
They're drugs for the medical market. Ones that make your nuts swell up
82
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,679
and all your hairs fuse
to make a horn.
83
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:48,279
Who gives a fuck about having
a massive, horny head
84
00:04:48,280 --> 00:04:49,679
when you've got 600 quid?
85
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,639
Exactly. Buy a big hat.
86
00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,479
Two guys fell into a coma after one
of these trials. You do know that?
87
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,319
Well, if you can't stand the heat...
88
00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:58,039
What, go into a coma?
89
00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,439
Pretty much, yeah.
Well, I think it sounds great.
90
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:04,319
Really?
Go with the flow, I say.
91
00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:07,959
Well, you just said it then,
yeah, for the first time EVER.
92
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,999
Maybe it'll be a bit like a spa.
93
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,439
Pharmaceutical Butlin's.
94
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:16,079
I could learn loads. Let's do it.
95
00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,039
Pharmacology is not the study
of how to take drugs.
96
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,999
That's like me studying geology
by eating gravel!
97
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,799
OK, we get it, Howard. It's not
for pussies. Don't come, then.
98
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,359
I'm not a pussy. I just think
you're all out of your mind.
99
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,399
Hey, Oregon, Candice! Come with us
on a three-day medical trial.
100
00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:32,879
Yeah, no, we can't.
101
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,359
Oh, no. Why?
102
00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:37,959
Well, we need to rehearse...
Study.
103
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,559
We need to study.
She said rehearse.
104
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,479
Yeah, she... she meant study.
105
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:43,839
That's why I need to help her,
106
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:46,439
because she doesn't even
know the right word for it.
107
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,159
So, hang on, if you're going
to be away for three days,
108
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,199
does that mean we have
the place to ourselves?
109
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,439
I will mostly be at the library,
reading the book I have ordered.
110
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,399
But I'll be eating
and anti-eating here.
111
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,719
Don't call it anti-eating,
you freak.
112
00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:02,720
Just say shitting,
like everyone else.
113
00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:04,079
Nice one.
114
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,239
From scaredy-cat to drugs mule.
115
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,839
Three days in a confined space. I
realised, it's exactly what I need.
116
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,719
You're going to tell her about
Heather?
117
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:15,279
This is ideal, because we'll be in
a secure environment with medically trained staff,
118
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:18,719
should she - not that she would -
attack me.
119
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,239
I'll be able to tell her everything,
and she won't be able to storm off,
120
00:06:22,240 --> 00:06:25,439
and we can just talk and talk
and talk.
121
00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,440
And she's got no choice but to just
soak it up and listen to you.
122
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,679
It's like torture.
123
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,639
But in reverse.
124
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:37,640
Nice.
125
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:42,039
Hello, Audrey. That's a nice scarf.
126
00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:45,359
Morning, Howard.
It's actually a snood.
127
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,679
Fair play.
128
00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:48,839
Do you know if Principles Of
Petrology
129
00:06:48,840 --> 00:06:52,199
In Ultramafic And Gabbroic Rock
In The Brady Glacier,
130
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,159
by GR Himmelberg,
arrived by any chance?
131
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,639
It certainly has.
At last.
132
00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,799
Someone's already taken it out,
though.
133
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,800
What fresh hell is this?
134
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,759
What do you think you're doing?
I'm afraid I need this book.
135
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:51,760
I'm doing a thesis on the Brady Glacier. I've
been waiting seven weeks for it to arrive.
136
00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,239
So have I. So have a lot of people.
137
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:57,679
Probably just us, I'd have thought.
You can't have it, so jog on.
138
00:07:57,680 --> 00:08:00,159
No, I won't.
139
00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,519
Oh, really?
140
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:05,520
And, er... what are you going to do
about it, then? You pussy.
141
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,199
I am not a pussy.
142
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,319
So, why are you acting
like a pussy?
143
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,319
Right, that's it. Outside, now.
144
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,919
YOU want to take this outside?
145
00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:19,239
Well, given there are no drinks
permitted inside the library,
146
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,839
and I'm about to open up
a can of whup-ass,
147
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:25,840
I think we may have to.
148
00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,279
This is going to be good.
Stack of reading. Plenty of TV.
149
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,119
A few potentially harmful compounds.
150
00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,559
Yeah, it's hard to know
what to pack for a medical trial.
151
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,639
Cos I thought there might be
a party at the end.
152
00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:43,959
For the survivors?
153
00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:47,960
Hey. Sam. What are you doing here?
Mind-fuck or what?
154
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,439
I told you I'd be here
three weeks ago, JP.
155
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:56,440
I forgot. Anyway, I'm only really
here cos my crew basically dragged
156
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:59,239
me along. I'm kind of like
their leader.
157
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:00,839
Oh, you're fucking kidding me?
158
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,159
The four of you couple up
and play bridge for three days,
159
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:07,160
while I get my gooseberry on?
Hey, four-way bridge is a tops idea.
160
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,119
You know how to play, right,
Kinghead?
161
00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:11,119
No, because we're not retired
teachers.
162
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:12,919
Just standard contract.
163
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:16,399
No Chicago or rubber or
any freaky shit like that.
164
00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:19,199
I can't believe I'm stuck
with boring couples.
165
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,319
This is like going on holiday
with Fleetwood Mac.
166
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:22,439
I might head home.
167
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,879
No, no, Vod, don't.
We won't be coupley.
168
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:28,719
We'll... we'll all share a room and
muck about. It'll be a proper hoot.
169
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,439
Well, better be a proper hoot.
170
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,799
So, er... hi.
171
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,079
Um... full briefings in the pack.
172
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,679
But the overview is, this drug is
still in its primary testing phase,
173
00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:41,759
so, there's no mobile or Internet
access,
174
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,760
no alcohol, cigarettes or other
narcotics permitted on the premises.
175
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,959
OK, I'm off. Cheers, then.
176
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,479
Er...
177
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:52,439
Right, um...
178
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:54,439
any other questions?
179
00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,839
Hi. Yes, what does primary testing
phase mean, please?
180
00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:00,839
I'll field this one, Doc.
I'm a pharmacology student.
181
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,519
Um... the primary testing phase means
that it hasn't been tested on humans yet.
182
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,839
Yeah, but someone will have tried
it, surely? Like, one or two people?
183
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:09,359
No, that's what this is for.
184
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,199
Have YOU not tried it?
185
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,279
No, I'm the senior developer.
186
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,839
Of course, yeah. You only developed it. Why
would YOU try it? That would be ridiculous.
187
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,159
Do you want to leave, Kingsley?
188
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,160
No, I love a trial, especially one with
the possibility of a death penalty. Ha-ha!
189
00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:30,399
Come on, then. What you got?
190
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,400
Oh, I've got... the lot.
191
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,120
What's going on?
Everything OK, Howard?
192
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,359
That's right! Run home to
your mummy!
193
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,360
This is my library now! If I see you
here again, I'm taking you down!
194
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,651
You can run, but you can't hide!
195
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:02,120
It's no biggie. It's made you realise
how much you love her.
196
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:06,519
When you're done,
meet me by the pool.
197
00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,319
There isn't a pool.
The... pool table.
198
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:10,559
Or a pool table.
199
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:14,560
The table? There is a table, yes.
200
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:19,000
Meet me by the table.
201
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,639
So, Doc, what drugs are we using?
What are they?
202
00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:26,079
Antibios? Antipyros?
203
00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:28,719
Anti-inflammatories.
An-flams! Sweet.
204
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,119
I call them an-flams
because I'm studying pharmacology.
205
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,319
Yes, you said, several times.
I'll be in my office,
206
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,319
if you've any questions.
I've got one now, actually.
207
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:42,320
Could you maybe,
just as a pro, check my balls?
208
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,999
I'm sure it's nothing.
209
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,799
I'm really sorry.
210
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,079
OK.
211
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:54,080
Because there's a whole world out
there, Ainsley, outside this door.
212
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,919
Room. Outside this room.
213
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,239
Past this wall. Door.
214
00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:01,119
Past this door. Beyond this... road?
215
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,399
Street. But road is fine. Rose!
216
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:08,400
Ainsley's happy here! As was Alfonso
until you turned him against me.
217
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:12,599
Actually... Ogs, I really don't get
the whole Alfonso thing.
218
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:16,600
Cos, like, Hilda marries him,
but also hates him.
219
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,439
So, I'm like, "Why do that?"
220
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:20,159
Because she's cruel. OK, moving on.
221
00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:24,160
Anyone home?
222
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,280
I thought you were at the trial.
Sacked it off. What's all this then?
223
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,999
We Had To Kill Her, by OP Shawcross.
224
00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,239
I've written a play.
Oh, brilliant.
225
00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,399
Cos that's exactly what the world
needs, innit, more plays?
226
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,719
Yeah, well, you don't know
anything about theatre, so...
227
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,679
Er, excuse me.
I've been to the theatre.
228
00:12:45,680 --> 00:12:47,679
You've been to A theatre.
And it was rubbish.
229
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:49,199
You saw STOMP. Which is theatre.
230
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:52,199
No, it isn't. It's using the wrong
things as drums. It doesn't count.
231
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,639
Now, can you please leave,
because we need to rehearse?
232
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,239
Leave my own house?
Well, no, just the living room.
233
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,639
Oh, just the living room. So, where exactly
am I supposed to do my living?
234
00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:04,640
In any room apart from this one. OK.
235
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,600
Cool, guys.
236
00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,839
Who's up for a board game?
I've got five.
237
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,999
Wanna start with Risk? Could be fun.
238
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,119
Or it could be really dull
and take hours.
239
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:23,359
That's why it's called Risk.
240
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,519
Sam was in the middle
of telling us about her gap year,
241
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:27,999
so... Well, great.
242
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,359
My gap year stories
are incredibly strong.
243
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,119
JP, mate,
244
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:36,799
following me here could be
the last scene of a rom-com,
245
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,599
but could also be
the first scene of a horror film
246
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,719
that ends up with my head on a stick
and you wanking.
247
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:45,559
I would never... put your head
on a stick.
248
00:13:45,560 --> 00:13:48,759
Hey, JP. Can I ask a quick favour?
249
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:51,679
Er... I was just about to lay down
a gap year 'dote.
250
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:55,680
It won't take a moment.
251
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,079
..Because you don't
understand love, you selfish bitch!
252
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:08,080
Your heart is small and shrivelled,
like a sun-dried tomato!
253
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:12,639
What's a sun-dried tomato?
254
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,559
Can you not work it out?
255
00:14:14,560 --> 00:14:17,919
Given that its name is also an
exact description of how it's made.
256
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:20,919
I'm sorry.
We weren't allowed tomatoes.
257
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,920
They're part of the deadly
nightshade family, actually.
258
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,919
Plus it's quite a clunky line.
259
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,359
Well, you know what they say.
260
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,119
There are no such things
as bad lines, just bad actors.
261
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,559
Mm, don't think they do say that.
262
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:36,079
Look, I know you're pissed off
263
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,159
because I cast Danny
instead of fat Toby.
264
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:42,160
But, please, don't fight me
on every tiny thing.
265
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,559
Where did you get that?
Where did you get it, more like?
266
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:50,439
Meaning what?
267
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,159
Meaning you turned us lot
into a play!
268
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:56,239
What? That's crazy. You're crazy.
269
00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,999
Am I?
270
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,879
Yes, you are.
You're so self-obsessed
271
00:14:59,880 --> 00:15:03,319
that you've managed to interpret
a piece of expressionistic agitprop
272
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,999
as being about you.
Which it is not.
273
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,279
Not just me.
274
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:11,280
It's also about Kingsley caring for
his mum, only I'm his mum, and-and...
275
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,359
and Kingsley's called "Ainsley".
276
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:17,319
OK, I may have used elements of the
"Kingsley caring for his mother" trope,
277
00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:21,320
but only because my own childhood
was, unfortunately, very normal.
278
00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:24,759
Aw. There's little drama
in your parents staying together
279
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,279
and collecting wine,
so I borrowed one or two things.
280
00:15:28,280 --> 00:15:30,759
You turned Josie into a sort of
a troll thing called Gwen,
281
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,959
who can't read and eats leeks
and fucks everyone.
282
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:34,439
It's well out of order.
283
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:38,439
As a matter of fact, Gwen is a
metaphor for the demise of feminism,
284
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:40,919
hence why her surname is Feminism.
285
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,479
What, so those two debt collector
guys aren't JP and Howard?
286
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,359
Mm? The toff and the guy
he rides like a horse?
287
00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:51,360
Lord Hugo and MacTartan clearly
represent the coalition government.
288
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,920
You know there's a bit at the end
where Delphine's name changes to "Oregon"?
289
00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:59,679
Um... I... No, there isn't.
290
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,599
It's probably the bit where you...
ooh, sorry, Delphine,
291
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:06,439
tell me... ooh, sorry, Hilda,
that I drain the life out of people
292
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,559
and then suffocate me with the net
curtains! Which you couldn't do,
293
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,599
by the way,
cos you can breathe through 'em.
294
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,199
But thanks for killing me.
295
00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:16,560
Really appreciate that!
296
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,999
Oh, God.
Sorry, I-I-I just can't do this.
297
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,039
You said you would!
Get Doc to do it or something.
298
00:16:32,040 --> 00:16:35,599
He's done it twice. I can't ask him again.
It'll look like I'm getting off on it.
299
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,639
You're not getting off on it, are
you? There's bad things in me.
300
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:42,279
I'm full of lies and bile.
I've deceived the woman I love.
301
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,759
I deserve to have cancer. Yeah.
302
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:48,119
I-I-I'm pretty sure
cancer doesn't work like that.
303
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:50,039
If it did,
Roy Castle'd still be alive
304
00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,720
and Tiger Woods would be carrying around
a tumour the size of a fucking golf bag.
305
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:58,239
Well, let me check yours, then.
306
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:01,319
Absolutely not. Why?
307
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,199
So I can see if mine feel different!
308
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,200
I just need a comparison, a control.
309
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:12,399
All right! Fucking hell.
310
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,479
Have a feel.
311
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:17,359
Brisk, though.
Like you're checking a peach.
312
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:21,360
Nothing that could be described
as a fondle.
313
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,359
Aah!
314
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:47,799
Are you OK?
That was right in the zip.
315
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,879
This fabric is very abrasive.
316
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,239
Why are you punching a beanbag
attached to the ceiling?
317
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,199
I'm training.
I'm going to be in a fight.
318
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,839
So, how's it going?
319
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,639
Well, I can now see why all the training
bits in films are in a montage,
320
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:05,199
because it takes ages.
321
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,479
I think I'm doing punching wrong.
322
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:11,159
I don't know if the thumbs are meant
to be inside or outside the fist.
323
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,719
It's amazing how complicated
fighting is,
324
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:17,439
yet so popular among stupid people.
325
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,279
I'm going to get pummelled,
aren't I?
326
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:23,280
No. In fact, my friend Chris once
showed me this illegal video
327
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,879
about mind control
by this devil man called Darren.
328
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:30,559
Derren Brown. And he did this thing
where you confuse your opponent
329
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,359
by asking them weird questions
which sort of melt their minds
330
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,799
- and make them easy to attack.
- Candice,
331
00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:40,439
we need to rehearse.
Give me a minute.
332
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,559
I don't know what you're meant
to say to somebody before a fight,
333
00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:46,999
but be careful.
334
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,959
I don't think that's what
Don King whispered to Tyson
335
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,960
seconds before he bit Holyfield's
ear off, but... thanks.
336
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:02,919
So, me and Max Parr went swimming
in a waterfall in South Africa,
337
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,159
and when we got back,
he found a leech in his arse.
338
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,519
So, he tried to get rid of it
339
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,039
by sitting on a ferrule
that we'd covered in salt.
340
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,479
What's a ferrule?
It's the pointy end of an umbrella.
341
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,479
Didn't know there was a word
for that. Well, there is. It's a ferrule.
342
00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:18,199
Anyway, he accidentally
pressed the button,
343
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,279
which opened the umbrella
whilst it was in his arsehole!
344
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,359
Did that really happen?
345
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,559
You bet your sweet bippy it happened.
346
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,799
My gap year 'dotes
are the stuff of legend.
347
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:30,280
Do you have any more?
I have seven more.
348
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,919
Are you drawing an outline
of your head?
349
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,759
I think it's swelling up,
so I'm taking hourly measurements.
350
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,079
Will you help me?
I think JP's been fucking with me.
351
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:46,759
Er... your head's fine, Kingsley.
352
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,399
The pills they've given me
are poisoning me.
353
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,319
I'm nauseous and I'm itchy
and I think my balls might be lumpy
354
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,879
and I can't move my little toes.
No-one can move their little toes.
355
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,919
Kingsley, maybe you should
just leave. No.
356
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,999
Look, I... I need to talk to you.
357
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,439
Well, that's very sweet
and everything,
358
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:03,959
but technically
I'm not a real doctor.
359
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:07,599
No, about something else. OK.
360
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,599
I, um...
361
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,999
I...
362
00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,919
OK, look, um...
363
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,999
I didn't mean to, but...
364
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,799
I... I...
365
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,399
Oh, my God! I'm hyperventilating!
366
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,679
No, you're not.
You're just breathing a lot.
367
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:27,039
I think I'm having a heart attack! Can
testicular cancer give you a heart attack?!
368
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,959
OK. OK, OK, Kingsley, calm down.
369
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,120
It's going to be OK.
I'm going to fix this.
370
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,399
So, we're on Max's dad's boat
off the coast of Durban,
371
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,999
and we were muchos masheoed.
372
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,079
We'd taken, like,
three bongs with us.
373
00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,959
Anyway, we were doing
some scuba diving in pairs,
374
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,440
and my partner
was this proper fatty called Ed.
375
00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:51,479
You know, he's, like,
a huge whale of a guy,
376
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,719
such a bell,
and it was hilarious, right,
377
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:58,039
because he was scuba diving
whilst we were getting our bong on,
378
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,040
so the boat didn't have its anchor
down and it drifted, like, two miles,
379
00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:07,040
and he couldn't find us, he got sunstroke
and shat himself and nearly died!
380
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,039
Guys, he shat himself.
In his wet suit.
381
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:18,079
He nearly died.
My God, that's awful.
382
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:19,839
No, it's not.
383
00:21:19,840 --> 00:21:21,519
It's... it's very funny.
384
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:23,999
JP, you nearly killed a man.
385
00:21:24,000 --> 00:21:27,159
Well, the sea nearly killed a man
and he was more of a boy, so...
386
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:29,159
Wow. Yeah, that's loads better!
387
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:31,559
Oh, come on.
388
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:32,999
He didn't actually die.
389
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,319
Yeah, but he could have,
and he was your partner.
390
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,479
You're focusing on the wrong bits
here.
391
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:41,480
I was muchos masheoed.
He was really fat. It's very funny.
392
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,839
I'm sorry. I don't care what you say.
393
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:47,759
Deep down, I know that
that is a cracking anecdote.
394
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,999
There are several boys at Stowe that
refer to that story as El Classico.
395
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,679
That's how good it is.
I suggest you think on.
396
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:57,680
Maybe it's not me
that's out of whack here.
397
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,759
In his wet suit, not in the sea.
398
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:06,760
In the wet suit.
399
00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:11,799
OK, Rose, when you say, "I
don't give a fuck what you think,"
400
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,319
maybe push over the chair.
401
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,599
Yes. Brills. Thanks, Ogs.
402
00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,479
Ogs. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
And I just stare out of the window?
403
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,679
Yes, because you're pining
for South America.
404
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:23,759
So I hear a chair falling over
behind me and I don't turn round,
405
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:26,119
and that makes sense, does it?
406
00:22:26,120 --> 00:22:28,079
Yes, it does,
because you're pining very hard
407
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,399
to be away from the awful people
you share a house with.
408
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,919
So, it's like, push over chair.
409
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,919
I don't give a fuck what you think.
I do exactly what I want.
410
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,839
Mm. Don't say it like that, though.
411
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,119
Can you just shut up, please? How
should I be saying it? Ignore her.
412
00:22:41,120 --> 00:22:44,159
Well, when you say, "I don't
give a fuck what you think,"
413
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:46,599
it should be like you genuinely
don't give a fuck, not like
414
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,159
you're saying it to piss people off.
415
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,160
Hang on. If Hilda doesn't care,
then she's not manipulative. She's passive.
416
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,879
That's the opposite of everything
Ogs has been saying. Exactly.
417
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:59,319
Hilda is passive. She's making
problems for people on purpose.
418
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,399
Why else would she marry Alfonso?
419
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,519
It seemed like a good idea at the
time. What kind of defence is that?
420
00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:06,199
So, did she love Alfonso or not?
Yeah!
421
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,479
No. Ish. She's complicated.
422
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,839
She's not complicated.
She's actually very simple.
423
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,759
She's totally thoughtless and resolutely
self-centred. That's the character.
424
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,760
Maybe Hilda's just unpredictable and up for
stuff. Maybe that's why she's like that.
425
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,119
What you need to be asking is why
Delphine gives her such a hard time
426
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:26,479
when it's none of her bloody
business. Yeah, I completely agree.
427
00:23:26,480 --> 00:23:29,039
Why is Delphine so judgmental
all the time?
428
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,399
All she does is come in,
judge people, then leave.
429
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:33,519
Yeah, she does, doesn't she?
430
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:34,999
Because...
431
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,239
Delphine is a good person.
432
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,279
Like fuck she is. She is!
433
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,519
That's why she says, on page 12...
434
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,079
.. "I'm a deeply good person."
435
00:23:45,080 --> 00:23:48,919
And on page 32 she says, "I wish
I wasn't such a good person."
436
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:52,920
And then Gwen says, on page 39,
"You are so kind to Gwen.
437
00:23:53,000 --> 00:23:55,199
"You are like beautiful angel
to Gwen. You are."
438
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:58,639
See? Delphine is good.
You're bad. Your character's ba...
439
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:02,640
The character Hilda, who is
in no way based on you, is bad.
440
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,319
Have you told her yet?
441
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:22,559
I tried to, but my head's throbbing
and I keep vomiting air.
442
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,559
Huh! Faking illness
to get out of the high jump.
443
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,919
Old school. I like it.
I'm not faking it.
444
00:24:27,920 --> 00:24:31,199
I think the drugs they're giving us
are causing my system to shut down.
445
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:33,439
Look, I need to try
this anecdote out on you.
446
00:24:33,440 --> 00:24:37,440
I've been told it's hilarious, but it
went down like spunk soup. Found it.
447
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,879
Owen, Kingsley.
448
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,079
You're on the placebo.
449
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:46,479
Oh, thank God.
450
00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,159
What are you on?
I'm also on the placebo.
451
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,119
What about me? No, JP, I can't.
452
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:55,719
Oh, come on. Play fair.
453
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,719
Fine.
454
00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,199
You are...
455
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:00,879
on the drug.
456
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:02,879
Shit.
457
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,719
I wish I hadn't asked now.
458
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:08,319
What am I on? No!
459
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,119
No, I can't do any more.
That's really naughty.
460
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:13,359
Go on, just one more. Adam Colinson.
461
00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:17,360
One L.
462
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,159
Kadan, Nina!
463
00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:23,639
You are... also on the drug.
What was the other name?
464
00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:25,479
Guy Morgan. Morgan.
465
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:26,959
Guy. You are...
466
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:30,960
What the hell are you doing?!
467
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,520
There were some concerns,
and I thought that...
468
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,599
..transparency is...
469
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,359
important.
470
00:25:40,360 --> 00:25:42,519
But not as important as secrecy.
471
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:44,839
This is a double-blind test.
472
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,719
Testees cannot know what they're
taking, or this is utterly useless.
473
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:50,199
Well, that's political correctness
gone mad.
474
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:53,639
He thought his head was swelling up.
I was just trying to help.
475
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:56,309
You have ruined this trial.
Well done!
476
00:26:05,080 --> 00:26:06,560
Vod? What?
477
00:26:06,635 --> 00:26:09,514
Oregon's a bit of a state. Probably
not getting enough attention.
478
00:26:09,515 --> 00:26:13,515
Rose has dropped out of the play.
Looks like she might have to cancel.
479
00:26:21,075 --> 00:26:22,795
Look, don't say anything, OK?
480
00:26:23,835 --> 00:26:26,674
I know. My play's shit.
My cast don't want to do it.
481
00:26:26,675 --> 00:26:29,354
I know all this.
That's not why I'm here.
482
00:26:29,355 --> 00:26:32,835
Please don't wind me up, Vod.
I don't need that right now.
483
00:26:35,875 --> 00:26:39,394
I'm sorry, OK?
484
00:26:39,395 --> 00:26:42,994
It's my fault for interfering.
I'm a prick.
485
00:26:42,995 --> 00:26:44,634
Course you're not.
486
00:26:44,635 --> 00:26:48,635
It's my fault for being arrogant,
high-handed and inconsiderate.
487
00:26:48,675 --> 00:26:50,914
Yeah, OK.
488
00:26:50,915 --> 00:26:52,674
Well, you could quibble
with at least one.
489
00:26:52,675 --> 00:26:56,675
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, no, you're not arrogant.
490
00:26:57,395 --> 00:27:01,034
Look, don't cancel the play, yeah,
Ogs?
491
00:27:01,035 --> 00:27:05,035
I have to.
I haven't got anyone to play Hilda.
492
00:27:07,115 --> 00:27:09,034
Got a script knocking about?
Why?
493
00:27:09,035 --> 00:27:10,714
Well, I'd better learn
at least some of the lines,
494
00:27:10,715 --> 00:27:12,834
otherwise
the director'll go fucking mental.
495
00:27:12,835 --> 00:27:14,834
You... want to be in the play?
496
00:27:14,835 --> 00:27:18,835
Not really. But I want
to help out my mate, so...
497
00:27:19,795 --> 00:27:23,795
..guess that's what I gotta do,
innit?
498
00:27:31,955 --> 00:27:35,955
Mate, you should do it here. Buses
are perfect for dropping bad news.
499
00:27:36,035 --> 00:27:37,834
They're jolly,
they're full of people.
500
00:27:37,835 --> 00:27:41,835
They absorb and disguise arguments.
It's like farting in Venice.
501
00:27:47,355 --> 00:27:48,714
Anything interesting?
502
00:27:48,715 --> 00:27:52,715
Just one from Heather.
She just got on the plane.
503
00:27:52,915 --> 00:27:54,914
Not Aeroflot or Iran Air,
by any chance?
504
00:27:54,915 --> 00:27:57,514
Dunno.
505
00:27:57,515 --> 00:27:59,994
I just...
I can't wait to talk to her.
506
00:27:59,995 --> 00:28:02,314
Cos I feel so bad
about how we left things last term.
507
00:28:02,315 --> 00:28:05,194
And I don't think she's completely
over you, if I'm honest.
508
00:28:05,195 --> 00:28:07,394
No, I really think she definitely is.
509
00:28:07,395 --> 00:28:08,754
And there's one from Candice.
510
00:28:08,755 --> 00:28:11,994
She says she's in a play
and that we could go along later.
511
00:28:11,995 --> 00:28:13,914
Hey, guys, can I drop you a 'dote?
512
00:28:13,915 --> 00:28:17,354
Great. Student theatre,
the ultimate good time.
513
00:28:17,355 --> 00:28:20,394
OK, three years ago,
I'm on my gappy in Durban,
514
00:28:20,395 --> 00:28:24,395
and my friend Max's dad owns, amongst
other things, a mine and a massive boat.
515
00:28:24,715 --> 00:28:27,954
So, we... Oh, God. Sam...
516
00:28:27,955 --> 00:28:30,114
Sam. Sam, hey.
517
00:28:30,115 --> 00:28:33,314
Now that we've busted out of there,
any plans for later?
518
00:28:33,315 --> 00:28:35,434
Case of me and you on the mega-lash?
519
00:28:35,435 --> 00:28:37,674
I think probably not, actually.
520
00:28:37,675 --> 00:28:39,474
Er... why?
521
00:28:39,475 --> 00:28:41,714
Well, because,
firstly, we've signed a form
522
00:28:41,715 --> 00:28:43,834
promising not to drink
for the next 72 hours
523
00:28:43,835 --> 00:28:47,835
and, secondly, because you left
a fat boy to die in the sea.
524
00:28:49,035 --> 00:28:51,274
Is that the anecdote?
It is, yeah.
525
00:28:51,275 --> 00:28:54,635
Yeah, but it sounds a lot better
when you tell it properly.
526
00:29:07,675 --> 00:29:10,194
So, he's back.
527
00:29:10,195 --> 00:29:13,154
And he's planning to borrow some
books. With his blood.
528
00:29:13,155 --> 00:29:17,155
I was actually thinking of borrowing
some books with my library card.
529
00:29:17,195 --> 00:29:21,195
So, this is it. Fighting.
530
00:29:21,795 --> 00:29:25,795
I'm actually doing it.
Don't worry. It won't take long.
531
00:29:35,355 --> 00:29:39,355
Yield! Do you yield? Do you yield?
532
00:29:42,635 --> 00:29:44,314
What colour is nine?
533
00:29:44,315 --> 00:29:45,954
What?
534
00:29:45,955 --> 00:29:49,314
What's the capital of Wednesday?
535
00:29:49,315 --> 00:29:50,834
How fast is a fathom?
536
00:29:50,835 --> 00:29:54,714
Uh!
537
00:29:54,715 --> 00:29:57,554
Do you yield?
538
00:29:57,555 --> 00:30:00,434
Are we saying yield, then?
Is that how we're doing this?
539
00:30:00,435 --> 00:30:03,595
Ah!
Yes!
540
00:30:07,035 --> 00:30:09,995
Are you all right?
541
00:30:11,475 --> 00:30:13,794
But I want to be a tooth doctor.
542
00:30:13,795 --> 00:30:17,474
You can't be a dentist if you can't
read, Gwen. Those are the rules.
543
00:30:17,475 --> 00:30:19,594
Do you understand me?
544
00:30:19,595 --> 00:30:22,394
Now, take off that sack.
545
00:30:22,395 --> 00:30:26,395
I'm going to do
that thing you like to you.
546
00:30:28,515 --> 00:30:32,515
Oh, my God. Is that me? Is that thing
in the sack meant to be me?
547
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:36,915
What, the one now being humped
by JP? Yeah, I think it is.
548
00:30:38,155 --> 00:30:39,675
I'm going to fucking kill her.
549
00:30:41,755 --> 00:30:45,755
On your dad's boat in Durban.
Yeah. Masharama!
550
00:30:46,435 --> 00:30:48,634
Mashley Cole!
551
00:30:48,635 --> 00:30:51,354
Mash, er...
552
00:30:51,355 --> 00:30:52,594
potato.
553
00:30:52,595 --> 00:30:54,314
Yeah.
554
00:30:54,315 --> 00:30:56,394
Um... do you remember Ed?
555
00:30:56,395 --> 00:30:58,674
Um... yeah, the fat guy.
556
00:30:58,675 --> 00:31:02,355
He did, in his wet suit.
I know, it was so funny.
557
00:31:05,555 --> 00:31:08,154
Was that... my fault?
558
00:31:08,155 --> 00:31:11,994
But you mustn't tell Ainsley.
I won't, Gwen. You can trust me.
559
00:31:11,995 --> 00:31:15,995
OK, well, one night in
Portsmouth, when Ainsley was away,
560
00:31:16,515 --> 00:31:17,954
I made sex with Bill,
561
00:31:17,955 --> 00:31:21,955
the big sailor who was staying
in my boarding house.
562
00:31:23,355 --> 00:31:26,354
Oh, Gwen. You're so easy.
563
00:31:26,355 --> 00:31:29,474
I know, Delphine.
564
00:31:29,475 --> 00:31:32,474
I wish Gwen was more like you.
565
00:31:32,475 --> 00:31:36,475
But it's not really cheating
if you're drunk, though.
566
00:31:40,675 --> 00:31:43,394
How is it?
It's not great.
567
00:31:43,395 --> 00:31:47,395
Yeah, it's confusing,
cos you're making a thumbs-up.
568
00:31:48,395 --> 00:31:50,274
OK, so...
569
00:31:50,275 --> 00:31:51,954
That's better.
570
00:31:51,955 --> 00:31:54,234
Sorry, by the way.
571
00:31:54,235 --> 00:31:58,235
It's not your fault. I wasn't sure
whether or not to have the thumb in or out, is the thing, you know.
572
00:31:58,955 --> 00:32:01,114
When punching.
Me too.
573
00:32:01,115 --> 00:32:03,474
Why are there not more online forums
dedicated to that?
574
00:32:03,475 --> 00:32:07,475
That's useful information.
575
00:32:23,955 --> 00:32:27,594
What about the police?
Don't let them put Gwen in jail.
576
00:32:27,595 --> 00:32:29,994
Don't worry about PC Hughes, Gwen.
577
00:32:29,995 --> 00:32:32,834
When we explain it to him,
he'll see that...
578
00:32:32,835 --> 00:32:36,835
we had to kill her.
579
00:32:48,515 --> 00:32:52,515
This is the writer, so... props!
580
00:33:08,035 --> 00:33:10,354
So...
581
00:33:10,355 --> 00:33:11,554
What did you think?
582
00:33:11,555 --> 00:33:15,194
Yeah, I suppose I thought,
"What the fuck was all that about?"
583
00:33:15,195 --> 00:33:17,834
Look... I have to tell you something.
584
00:33:17,835 --> 00:33:19,034
It's not a big deal.
585
00:33:19,035 --> 00:33:22,994
And, if anything, it's made me
really value what we have.
586
00:33:22,995 --> 00:33:25,714
Oh, my God.
I got off with Baz. In Southampton.
587
00:33:25,715 --> 00:33:27,514
Before or after us?
588
00:33:27,515 --> 00:33:29,234
Once before.
589
00:33:29,235 --> 00:33:32,314
Um, then... after.
590
00:33:32,315 --> 00:33:35,514
Also, as a sort of follow-up mistake
when I finished it with him.
591
00:33:35,515 --> 00:33:38,194
I'm so sorry, Kingsley.
I... I feel terrible.
592
00:33:38,195 --> 00:33:40,754
And this is definitely not
how I wanted you to find out
593
00:33:40,755 --> 00:33:43,634
from some retarded version of me.
594
00:33:43,635 --> 00:33:45,074
Yeah, well, these things happen.
595
00:33:45,075 --> 00:33:47,074
We've just gotta try to be
understanding, I guess.
596
00:33:47,075 --> 00:33:48,514
Yeah?
597
00:33:48,515 --> 00:33:50,194
Yeah, I need to tell you something
too.
598
00:33:50,195 --> 00:33:52,634
I was still going out with Heather
until a few weeks ago.
599
00:33:52,635 --> 00:33:55,194
I accidentally two-timed you.
What?
600
00:33:55,195 --> 00:33:59,034
I wanted to dump her, but her
grandad was dying, and it was awful. Oh, fuck.
601
00:33:59,035 --> 00:34:00,914
I mean, I've been wanting
to tell you for ages,
602
00:34:00,915 --> 00:34:02,754
because I feel so guilty
all the time.
603
00:34:02,755 --> 00:34:04,554
I think that's why I thought
I had cancer.
604
00:34:04,555 --> 00:34:08,074
On the upside, I won't be checking
my testicles in public any more. Or so much. OK.
605
00:34:08,075 --> 00:34:10,274
Er, I guess...
606
00:34:10,275 --> 00:34:12,234
that means we're even?
607
00:34:12,235 --> 00:34:14,834
Yeah.
Fuck. Heather?
608
00:34:14,835 --> 00:34:16,394
Yeah, I'm really sorry.
Which one was Baz?
609
00:34:16,395 --> 00:34:19,274
Baz was just a... cock in a sock.
It didn't mean anything.
610
00:34:19,275 --> 00:34:20,914
No, sure, fine.
Not like Heather.
611
00:34:20,915 --> 00:34:24,915
But if it didn't mean anything, why did you do
it? Shall we just drop it? Yeah, sure, OK.
612
00:34:26,035 --> 00:34:28,554
I fucked up. We both did.
613
00:34:28,555 --> 00:34:30,274
I had a little fling.
614
00:34:30,275 --> 00:34:33,594
You... betrayed me with my friend.
Equal.
615
00:34:33,595 --> 00:34:36,234
Was Baz's grandad dying
at all at the time?
616
00:34:36,235 --> 00:34:39,514
We didn't even have proper sex. We were
pissed. I don't even think it went in.
617
00:34:39,515 --> 00:34:40,874
Great. Thanks for that.
618
00:34:40,875 --> 00:34:43,274
I was looking for an image to burn
onto my brain cells for ever.
619
00:34:43,275 --> 00:34:46,994
You were the one sleeping with
Heather for weeks. That's trying really hard to dump her!
620
00:34:46,995 --> 00:34:49,994
I couldn't not sleep with her.
She would have suspected something.
621
00:34:49,995 --> 00:34:53,074
Oh! Oh! I-I'm so glad
you didn't get caught out.
622
00:34:53,075 --> 00:34:54,474
I'll make you a medal, shall I?
623
00:34:54,475 --> 00:34:58,475
Look, I'm sorry. Look, let's....let's try
and focus on the positive, shall we?
624
00:34:59,795 --> 00:35:02,234
We're both bad people
and we've done bad things,
625
00:35:02,235 --> 00:35:04,874
and we'll carry with us for ever
the unbearable burden of shame.
626
00:35:04,875 --> 00:35:06,234
I was pissed! I'm young!
627
00:35:06,235 --> 00:35:10,235
And we can just say sorry,
forgive each other and move on.
628
00:35:10,795 --> 00:35:14,434
Yes, yeah. You're... you're right.
Um...
629
00:35:14,435 --> 00:35:18,435
I'm sorry.
630
00:35:18,915 --> 00:35:20,834
It's really great we cleared the air.
631
00:35:20,835 --> 00:35:24,835
Yeah, I feel a lot better now.
Me too.
632
00:35:24,875 --> 00:35:27,314
In a way, this has worked out
perfectly.
633
00:35:27,315 --> 00:35:29,114
Not... perfectly.
634
00:35:29,115 --> 00:35:32,314
But, um... pretty bloody great.
635
00:35:32,315 --> 00:35:36,315
Yeah, pretty great.
636
00:35:58,395 --> 00:36:00,234
Uh!
637
00:36:00,235 --> 00:36:03,715
Sam! Sam!
638
00:36:06,555 --> 00:36:08,754
He was paired with Ed Fallow.
639
00:36:08,755 --> 00:36:11,074
What?
I checked with Max.
640
00:36:11,075 --> 00:36:14,194
He was paired with Ed Fallow,
not me.
641
00:36:14,195 --> 00:36:16,594
My partner was fine.
So, it's not my fault.
642
00:36:16,595 --> 00:36:18,354
OK.
643
00:36:18,355 --> 00:36:20,274
Good. Thanks for telling me.
644
00:36:20,275 --> 00:36:21,954
Er... can I come up now?
645
00:36:21,955 --> 00:36:23,674
No!
646
00:36:23,675 --> 00:36:25,194
Go home.
647
00:36:25,195 --> 00:36:26,834
What?
648
00:36:26,835 --> 00:36:28,354
This is nuts.
649
00:36:28,355 --> 00:36:31,594
I really like you.
What's going wrong here?
650
00:36:31,595 --> 00:36:35,595
Oh, I'm sorry, JP.
I thought you'd get the message.
651
00:36:35,635 --> 00:36:37,074
I'm just...
OK.
652
00:36:37,075 --> 00:36:39,434
That's actually great.
653
00:36:39,435 --> 00:36:41,794
Um, because I've been thinking
about it
654
00:36:41,795 --> 00:36:44,274
and I think that we should have
an open relationship.
655
00:36:44,275 --> 00:36:48,275
I'm not in a relationship
with you, JP.
656
00:36:48,755 --> 00:36:50,634
Open, closed.
657
00:36:50,635 --> 00:36:53,834
Ajar, anything. I'm not your
girlfriend.
658
00:36:53,835 --> 00:36:56,394
Just go home. OK, mate?
659
00:36:56,395 --> 00:36:58,994
It's fine that you've got someone
else up there with you.
660
00:36:58,995 --> 00:37:01,594
Because, as I say,
we're in an open relationship.
661
00:37:01,595 --> 00:37:03,194
No, we're not.
Well, I am.
662
00:37:03,195 --> 00:37:06,154
And you can't stop me from being
in an open relationship with you.
663
00:37:06,155 --> 00:37:08,034
That's how open it is.
664
00:37:08,035 --> 00:37:10,674
You can do what you want up there.
665
00:37:10,675 --> 00:37:14,675
You have my blessing!
666
00:37:26,675 --> 00:37:30,675
I dunno why, but...
I like it when people clap. At me.
667
00:37:32,035 --> 00:37:35,914
I mean, I know it's just hands
hitting other hands.
668
00:37:35,915 --> 00:37:39,915
But... cor, when it's happening,
it just... just felt brilliant.
669
00:37:40,715 --> 00:37:44,034
Yeah, I... I don't think you're
the first person to notice that.
670
00:37:44,035 --> 00:37:47,874
God, they just really,
really loved me.
671
00:37:47,875 --> 00:37:50,674
Well, they loved your interpretation
of my words.
672
00:37:50,675 --> 00:37:52,594
You're a writing legend.
673
00:37:52,595 --> 00:37:55,394
No, I'm not a legend.
674
00:37:55,395 --> 00:37:57,994
This is my debut.
At most, I'm... I'm one to watch.
675
00:37:57,995 --> 00:38:00,954
Howard won his fight.
Go on, my son!
676
00:38:00,955 --> 00:38:04,674
Normally I abhor violence,
but kudos to you, Howard.
677
00:38:04,675 --> 00:38:08,314
Thank you, fans.
678
00:38:08,315 --> 00:38:10,714
I broke a man's thumb.
679
00:38:10,715 --> 00:38:13,474
I hospitalised
a member of the public.
680
00:38:13,475 --> 00:38:16,874
I am now officially...
681
00:38:16,875 --> 00:38:20,875
..a menace to society.
682
00:38:21,955 --> 00:38:25,955
I'm so proud.
683
00:38:34,755 --> 00:38:38,394
There's something wrong with me.
My heart's beating way too quickly.
684
00:38:38,395 --> 00:38:41,154
Kingsley, will you feel my nuts?
No.
685
00:38:41,155 --> 00:38:45,155
Josie?
No.
686
00:38:48,955 --> 00:38:50,487
Howard!
687
00:38:51,755 --> 00:39:22,120
688
00:39:22,170 --> 00:39:26,720
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
55433
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.