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1
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,599
There's no wonder
there's a recession on
2
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,119
if all these companies are
just giving away so many pens.
3
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:22,760
I think you're only
meant to take one.
4
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,999
Yeah, Kingsley, let's all take one of
things, like good little communists.
5
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,199
Sorry, I forgot we're living in Cuba.
6
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,839
Where next, Howard?
7
00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:31,879
Howard, what are you doing?
8
00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,318
I've got blood on my sleeve.
I don't want BP to see it.
9
00:00:34,319 --> 00:00:35,600
We're not talking to BP.
10
00:00:35,601 --> 00:00:38,999
Not after they did that massive oily
shit all over the Gulf of Mexico.
11
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,039
Yeah, but Kings, in their defence,
that was miles away.
12
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,879
And they're giving away free...
13
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:44,839
Howard?
14
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:45,919
Mouse mats.
15
00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,640
Oh, well then. If you'll excuse me,
16
00:00:47,641 --> 00:00:50,519
this cat is going to
gets his paws on the mouse...
17
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:51,680
mats.
18
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,599
Fine. Come on then.
Let's meet the Fockers.
19
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,359
And behave yourself, OK?
20
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,559
Some of these guys may well
want a piece of me.
21
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,718
They kill the planet.
Someone's got to tell them.
22
00:01:03,719 --> 00:01:05,640
Someone is telling them.
His name is Sting.
23
00:01:05,641 --> 00:01:08,159
Anyway, it's America's fault.
24
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,799
If the Yanks are actually
upset about the Gulf of Mexico,
25
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,400
they should start cycling.
26
00:01:24,297 --> 00:01:49,144
27
00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:58,519
A-hem.
28
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,159
Nobody called or anything,
so I tidied up.
29
00:02:02,639 --> 00:02:04,638
I also defragged the hard-drive.
30
00:02:04,639 --> 00:02:07,158
I also did an aerial map
of the office.
31
00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:08,918
Oh.
32
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,158
Yes.
33
00:02:11,159 --> 00:02:12,679
Why did you do that?
34
00:02:14,009 --> 00:02:15,288
Nobody called.
35
00:02:15,289 --> 00:02:17,768
Where's this stuff going, Jee?
36
00:02:17,769 --> 00:02:21,768
Oh, er, just pop it on my desk, Deh.
Oregon, this is Derek.
37
00:02:21,769 --> 00:02:23,649
He's going to be working with us
from now on.
38
00:02:23,650 --> 00:02:25,009
Hi.
39
00:02:28,129 --> 00:02:29,448
I was sitting there.
40
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,448
I'm hot-desking.
41
00:02:31,449 --> 00:02:34,088
Any chance of a cup of tea?
42
00:02:34,089 --> 00:02:36,488
Oooh, I'd murder a cup of tea.
43
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,729
So could I.
44
00:02:40,449 --> 00:02:42,128
So I guess I'll just make some.
45
00:02:42,129 --> 00:02:44,449
I brought my own mug.
46
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:51,368
And there's the BP summer internship
scheme for particularly promising students.
47
00:02:51,369 --> 00:02:54,008
I'm particularly promising.
48
00:02:54,009 --> 00:02:55,409
Well, I can give you a form
if you want?
49
00:02:55,410 --> 00:02:56,649
Yes, please.
50
00:03:03,569 --> 00:03:06,129
Thanks. What's the green form?
Can I have a green form?
51
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,688
It says there's an application
pack. Can I have one, please?
52
00:03:15,689 --> 00:03:17,449
Yeah, we like to let people
read about the internship before...
53
00:03:17,450 --> 00:03:19,969
Can I have one, please?
54
00:03:35,769 --> 00:03:37,688
OK. I get it.
55
00:03:37,689 --> 00:03:40,089
You ask for stuff while
he steals the mouse mats.
56
00:03:40,090 --> 00:03:42,048
No! I want a pack. I do.
57
00:03:42,049 --> 00:03:44,048
I mean, he is stealing
mouse mats, but...
58
00:03:44,049 --> 00:03:46,488
I'm not stealing anything,
they're free.
59
00:03:46,489 --> 00:03:48,008
I'm not a part of this.
60
00:03:48,009 --> 00:03:50,008
I've got a built
in mouse-pad on my laptop.
61
00:03:50,009 --> 00:03:51,127
I don't need a mouse mat.
62
00:03:51,128 --> 00:03:52,289
Er, any chance of a photo?
63
00:03:52,290 --> 00:03:54,768
I'll be in a photo.
64
00:03:54,769 --> 00:03:57,208
Wait, what's that?
65
00:03:57,209 --> 00:03:59,288
Oh, that's not my blood.
66
00:03:59,289 --> 00:04:00,768
I work in an abattoir.
67
00:04:00,769 --> 00:04:03,569
This is a cable knit jumper,
it just sucks it up like Weetabix.
68
00:04:04,929 --> 00:04:06,288
Yeah, not this guy.
69
00:04:06,289 --> 00:04:09,288
He's too on message
for a Geology student.
70
00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:10,489
Take him away, would you?
71
00:04:10,490 --> 00:04:12,489
No, no, no please!
72
00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:15,008
Sure. Come on.
73
00:04:15,009 --> 00:04:17,409
This guy's good.
Let's have a photo with this one.
74
00:04:17,410 --> 00:04:18,488
Me?
75
00:04:18,489 --> 00:04:20,328
Yeah, come on.
76
00:04:20,329 --> 00:04:23,208
So, you're interested
in working for BP?
77
00:04:23,209 --> 00:04:24,568
Um, not really.
78
00:04:24,569 --> 00:04:26,287
Don't believe all
that stuff you read.
79
00:04:26,288 --> 00:04:28,407
Not everything wrong
with the world is our fault.
80
00:04:28,408 --> 00:04:29,849
Yeah, I know. Some of it's Shell.
81
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:31,608
Hmm, exactly!
82
00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:34,328
Anyway, if the Americans are really
upset about the effects
83
00:04:34,329 --> 00:04:36,569
of deep water drilling,
they should start cycling.
84
00:04:36,570 --> 00:04:38,568
What did you say your name was?
85
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:40,328
Kingsley.
86
00:04:40,329 --> 00:04:44,128
Macauley. We have similar names.
87
00:04:44,129 --> 00:04:46,009
Mm. Yeah, sort of...
88
00:04:56,289 --> 00:04:58,928
Of course it's not an arm.
89
00:04:58,929 --> 00:05:00,289
It looks very arm-y, though.
90
00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,328
Which bit of the abattoir
is this from, Howard?
91
00:05:02,329 --> 00:05:05,288
The animal bit or the
industrial accidents area?
92
00:05:05,289 --> 00:05:07,768
Leg, yes.
93
00:05:07,769 --> 00:05:09,408
Wing, yes.
94
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:12,568
Arm, a limb too far, my friend.
95
00:05:12,569 --> 00:05:14,568
I won't eat something
that could punch me.
96
00:05:14,569 --> 00:05:18,409
It's 100% probably not an arm.
97
00:05:19,849 --> 00:05:21,608
Oregon, is that you?
98
00:05:21,609 --> 00:05:23,248
No, it's us, we're home!
99
00:05:23,249 --> 00:05:26,369
What does she mean home?
She doesn't fucking live here.
100
00:05:27,889 --> 00:05:29,328
Hey, where were you?
101
00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:30,768
Just at the Union.
102
00:05:30,769 --> 00:05:32,408
Yeah, I was talking to Heather.
103
00:05:32,409 --> 00:05:34,009
We were going to
go for a run at seven?
104
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:36,808
Yeah, me and Kingsley went
for a quick drink because...
105
00:05:36,809 --> 00:05:38,928
Tuesday's my night, Kingsley!
You know the rota.
106
00:05:38,929 --> 00:05:41,129
If you want to see Heather,
you wait till Wednesday.
107
00:05:41,130 --> 00:05:44,208
Erm, well, it couldn't be helped,
we had some good news.
108
00:05:44,209 --> 00:05:46,968
Are you pregnant?
If so, get rid. Seriously.
109
00:05:46,969 --> 00:05:48,728
Don't even flinch. Just, get rid.
110
00:05:48,729 --> 00:05:51,888
No. God, no. No.
111
00:05:51,889 --> 00:05:55,968
Just, I've been invited to some BP
drinks thing at the end of the week.
112
00:05:55,969 --> 00:06:00,808
What! How? Like what "thing"?
113
00:06:00,809 --> 00:06:02,568
It's called, Students to Watch.
114
00:06:02,569 --> 00:06:05,568
It's no big deal, although
they only select 15 students
115
00:06:05,569 --> 00:06:07,249
from the entire country
or something.
116
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:10,608
Oh, he's getting all excited
about it.
117
00:06:10,609 --> 00:06:13,009
I'm not, I'm, whatever,
maybe I'll go, maybe I won't.
118
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:14,048
Who knows?
119
00:06:14,049 --> 00:06:15,249
Well, presumably you know.
120
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,848
BP? Are you serious?
121
00:06:17,849 --> 00:06:20,648
I had a photo taken with a guy
and we got talking.
122
00:06:20,649 --> 00:06:21,969
And now you're in the club.
123
00:06:21,970 --> 00:06:24,248
Oooh, now you get to go round
killing seabirds
124
00:06:24,249 --> 00:06:26,047
and putting bets on
which Chinese kids
125
00:06:26,048 --> 00:06:27,929
are going to die first
in the sweat shops.
126
00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:31,488
I don't think BP have sweat shops
so much as petrol stations, but...
127
00:06:31,489 --> 00:06:35,088
It's the same machine. BP, Tesco's,
Millets, all of 'em, Lush.
128
00:06:35,089 --> 00:06:38,048
You can dress that shit up until it
looks all sweet and lovely,
129
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,608
but you can't stop it stinking.
130
00:06:39,609 --> 00:06:43,048
Yeah. I agree with that. Strongly.
131
00:06:43,049 --> 00:06:45,409
With what? None of us know
what she's talking about.
132
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:48,288
She's basically just saying
that you're now nothing
133
00:06:48,289 --> 00:06:50,168
but a puppet for the man.
134
00:06:50,169 --> 00:06:51,408
Exactly.
135
00:06:51,409 --> 00:06:52,689
Which man is this?
136
00:06:52,690 --> 00:06:55,288
The man...
137
00:06:55,289 --> 00:06:58,728
The man who runs...
the whole thing.
138
00:06:58,729 --> 00:07:02,568
The BP CEO is called Bob Dudley.
139
00:07:02,569 --> 00:07:03,968
Not him.
140
00:07:03,969 --> 00:07:06,528
We're talking about the guy
behind the guy.
141
00:07:06,529 --> 00:07:08,128
You know, the guy you don't see.
142
00:07:08,129 --> 00:07:11,328
Right. You mean Executive
Director Iain Conn, then?
143
00:07:11,329 --> 00:07:14,088
Why are BP even
interested in you, Kings?
144
00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:16,848
Is it some sort of affirmative action
thing because you're poor?
145
00:07:16,849 --> 00:07:19,529
I don't know, OK, but they are.
Now let's just all eat some...
146
00:07:22,769 --> 00:07:24,088
Is that an arm?
147
00:07:24,089 --> 00:07:26,448
Would you like some oil on it,
Kingsley?
148
00:07:26,449 --> 00:07:27,809
Seeing as you love oil so much.
149
00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:31,688
Seeing as you love covering
animals in oil.
150
00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:33,207
That's a waste because that's extra
virgin...
151
00:07:33,208 --> 00:07:34,289
You're extra virgin,
152
00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:36,328
you virgin-until-really-recently
dickhead!
153
00:07:36,329 --> 00:07:38,849
Cool. Well, this has gone
really well.
154
00:07:42,489 --> 00:07:44,488
You OK?
155
00:07:44,489 --> 00:07:48,968
Yeah, I'm fucking fab.
So, are we going for a run or not?
156
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:53,728
Well, it's night time, and
my arm's still a bit sore from...
157
00:07:53,729 --> 00:07:57,248
OK, God, look!
I am sorry that I broke your arm!
158
00:07:57,249 --> 00:07:59,329
But Jesus!
Can we please get over it!
159
00:08:03,369 --> 00:08:05,248
I didn't mean it like that.
160
00:08:05,249 --> 00:08:06,488
Sabine!
161
00:08:06,489 --> 00:08:08,808
Oregon's not home so you
can have her... arm!
162
00:08:08,809 --> 00:08:10,609
It may well not be an arm!
163
00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:13,409
Where is Oregon, anyway?
164
00:08:23,569 --> 00:08:24,809
Hi, Jee.
165
00:08:25,889 --> 00:08:28,248
Yeah, I'm still here.
166
00:08:28,249 --> 00:08:30,368
Tell her I'm still here.
167
00:08:30,369 --> 00:08:33,368
Just in case any emails come in
from the States or... Exactly.
168
00:08:33,369 --> 00:08:35,128
Tell her I'm here.
169
00:08:35,129 --> 00:08:37,728
OK. Yeah. Will do. OK, thanks. Bye.
170
00:08:37,729 --> 00:08:42,969
Jee, Jean. Hi, hi. It's Oregon,
yeah. I'm also still here.
171
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,609
Is that OK?
172
00:08:50,729 --> 00:08:53,609
Yeah, just the Tea Tree shower gel
makes it go all tingly.
173
00:09:01,929 --> 00:09:04,888
"Too on message for a Geology
student."
174
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:07,088
That's what the BP guy said.
175
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:09,928
Too on message. What does that mean?
176
00:09:09,929 --> 00:09:14,168
I think what he's saying is that you
don't really lay down a great vibe.
177
00:09:14,169 --> 00:09:18,088
Well, no, I'm deliberately vibeless.
I'm the minister without vibe.
178
00:09:18,089 --> 00:09:21,128
Look, everyone's got a vibe,
Howard.
179
00:09:21,129 --> 00:09:23,808
You know, yours is the whole NHS
specs, chronic masturbator,
180
00:09:23,809 --> 00:09:25,089
Lord of the Rings fan vibe.
181
00:09:25,090 --> 00:09:27,448
But I don't even like
Lord of the Rings!
182
00:09:27,449 --> 00:09:30,888
Look, don't sweat it, How.
183
00:09:30,889 --> 00:09:35,128
We don't even need these BP goons to
vibe with us because we're mavericks.
184
00:09:35,129 --> 00:09:37,488
We'll make our money by inventing
something
185
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:39,568
or money laundering, whatever.
186
00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:42,808
It's just I get excellent
exam results
187
00:09:42,809 --> 00:09:46,408
and a robust reference from the
abattoir, but I lose out to the guy
188
00:09:46,409 --> 00:09:50,088
with the better haircut
and less memorable handshake.
189
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,769
Why? What's your handshake?
190
00:09:57,049 --> 00:09:58,529
Yeah, stop doing that.
191
00:10:04,569 --> 00:10:05,968
This is bonkers!
192
00:10:05,969 --> 00:10:10,248
BP give all management a Toyota
Avensis and full life insurance!
193
00:10:10,249 --> 00:10:11,968
It's what Cobain died for.
194
00:10:11,969 --> 00:10:14,169
I'm just saying, it's interesting.
195
00:10:15,249 --> 00:10:16,287
In the event of my death,
196
00:10:16,288 --> 00:10:18,569
you'd receive a payout of ten
times my annual salary.
197
00:10:18,570 --> 00:10:21,608
Right, so what you're saying is
give up on the dentistry,
198
00:10:21,609 --> 00:10:24,128
just marry and then kill you?
199
00:10:24,129 --> 00:10:26,208
You joke, but this is
a really big opportunity.
200
00:10:26,209 --> 00:10:27,769
I thought you wanted to make music.
201
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:31,928
I know. I do, but maybe I could
make music and work for BP.
202
00:10:31,929 --> 00:10:33,648
They might have a house band.
203
00:10:33,649 --> 00:10:36,248
Yeah. I mean it's not exactly how
The Prodigy met, is it?
204
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:37,808
In the BP house band.
205
00:10:37,809 --> 00:10:41,768
Well, no, sure
but you could see, say,
206
00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:46,368
Moby or a couple of Mumfords
working there?
207
00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:48,568
Yeah, yeah, agreed.
208
00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:50,408
So, you know, it's a dilemma.
209
00:10:50,409 --> 00:10:51,609
What should I do?
210
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,929
You genuinely want me
to tell you what to do?
211
00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,409
It's just a huge-y, Heather.
212
00:10:56,410 --> 00:10:59,848
OK. Well, music's not
a reliable industry.
213
00:10:59,849 --> 00:11:03,088
Very few people get a record deal,
not many of them get a second album,
214
00:11:03,089 --> 00:11:05,289
and even then, the public
doesn't hear your stuff
215
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,888
because the radio's playing songs
by the Black Eyed Peas.
216
00:11:07,889 --> 00:11:10,327
You're right. Fuck it.
I'm going to be an oil man.
217
00:11:10,328 --> 00:11:12,489
I'm not spending twenty years
sucking up to A&R men
218
00:11:12,490 --> 00:11:15,128
and trying to get people to stop
listening to Jamie Cullum.
219
00:11:15,129 --> 00:11:18,408
I'm going to use this Geology degree
to make some bloody money,
220
00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:21,088
and then, when I'm rich as fuck,
I'll hire the Black Eyed Peas
221
00:11:21,089 --> 00:11:23,968
to come to my 40th birthday, but not
to play any music or anything,
222
00:11:23,969 --> 00:11:25,929
just so that I can tell them
that they're shit.
223
00:11:54,529 --> 00:11:56,409
You don't need to still be here,
you know.
224
00:11:56,410 --> 00:11:58,048
I can lock up on my own.
225
00:11:58,049 --> 00:12:00,248
I think Jean just appreciates
me staying,
226
00:12:00,249 --> 00:12:02,129
cos I've got editorial
experience, so...
227
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,328
What?
228
00:12:03,329 --> 00:12:04,648
Have you?
229
00:12:04,649 --> 00:12:05,847
No, you haven't.
230
00:12:05,848 --> 00:12:08,249
Jean's allocated her funding
to the magazine I edit.
231
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:11,368
So, yes. I have.
232
00:12:11,369 --> 00:12:15,288
But I wanted to start up a magazine.
That was my idea!
233
00:12:15,289 --> 00:12:16,648
You've stolen my idea!
234
00:12:16,649 --> 00:12:18,928
Oh, apologies.
Magazines are your idea?
235
00:12:18,929 --> 00:12:20,689
Are you going to sue
Vogue or something?
236
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:23,168
And Jean said that I could
have that funding.
237
00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:25,449
Oh, well. Guess you can't.
238
00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:43,729
Pancakes. Anyone for pancakes?
239
00:12:44,969 --> 00:12:46,888
Can you believe Heather?
240
00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:48,488
Er, yeah.
241
00:12:48,489 --> 00:12:49,689
She made pancakes!
242
00:12:49,690 --> 00:12:51,328
Right. What a fucking bitch?
243
00:12:51,329 --> 00:12:52,368
Yeah, I know!
244
00:12:52,369 --> 00:12:54,968
Like, I know we're best mates
and stuff, but that is not cool.
245
00:12:54,969 --> 00:12:56,968
Pancakes are my thing.
I always make pancakes.
246
00:12:56,969 --> 00:12:58,848
Not for me you don't.
247
00:12:58,849 --> 00:13:00,888
You want pancakes?
I'll make you pancakes.
248
00:13:00,889 --> 00:13:03,249
I'll make you so many pancakes,
you'll think it's pancake day.
249
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,088
Right. Look forward to that then.
250
00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:06,488
Where you going?
251
00:13:06,489 --> 00:13:08,328
Got a shift at the hotel.
252
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,689
Can I come? Can I do that?
253
00:13:09,690 --> 00:13:13,768
Well, I am the boss now,
so I kind of can hire people...
254
00:13:13,769 --> 00:13:15,089
Hire me! You should hire me!
255
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:17,888
Go on, we'll have a wicked time,
and we can get away from Heathsley.
256
00:13:17,889 --> 00:13:20,528
Heathsley? Is that
Heather and Kingsley?
257
00:13:20,529 --> 00:13:23,048
Yeah, Heathsley. Or Kingthler.
258
00:13:23,049 --> 00:13:24,409
Anyway, please Vod, go on.
259
00:13:35,489 --> 00:13:36,929
Too much flour.
260
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,599
Look at him.
261
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,519
He thinks he's
Ryan fucking Reynolds.
262
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:52,439
I can't believe BP were
duped by that slick shit.
263
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,239
Yeah, well, BP can blow me.
264
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:56,600
I've already started
coming up with invention ideas
265
00:13:56,601 --> 00:13:59,599
and, I've got to say,
they're pretty strong.
266
00:13:59,719 --> 00:14:01,198
What are the ideas?
267
00:14:01,199 --> 00:14:04,078
OK, so, the first one
is a Tank-copter.
268
00:14:04,079 --> 00:14:08,838
You basically put helicopter blades
onto a tank so that it can fly.
269
00:14:08,839 --> 00:14:11,278
Too heavy.
270
00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:14,278
Yeah, I did think that
it might be too heavy.
271
00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:16,998
So my next one
is an idea for a website,
272
00:14:16,999 --> 00:14:20,798
it's called www.howamIlooking?com.
273
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:24,718
You can't have ?com.
It's got to be .com.
274
00:14:24,719 --> 00:14:25,839
Well, anyway...
275
00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:27,798
You go onto howamIlooking?com,
276
00:14:27,799 --> 00:14:31,078
and then the computer screen
becomes a mirror.
277
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,558
Like an actual mirror.
278
00:14:32,738 --> 00:14:34,457
Can't be done.
279
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:36,697
Yeah, well,
not with that attitude, no.
280
00:14:36,698 --> 00:14:39,018
Not with any attitude.
Any more?
281
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:42,737
OK, and hear me out.
282
00:14:42,738 --> 00:14:46,897
An iPhone that is also a razor.
283
00:14:46,898 --> 00:14:48,657
Won't work.
284
00:14:48,658 --> 00:14:50,178
But look, it's so nearly there.
285
00:14:51,338 --> 00:14:53,037
That's you just doing the noise.
286
00:14:53,058 --> 00:14:54,617
Yeah, I realise that.
287
00:14:54,618 --> 00:14:56,817
But what I'm saying is,
please can you help me?
288
00:14:56,818 --> 00:14:58,977
I want to get started
on the phone/razor,
289
00:14:58,978 --> 00:15:01,257
but I'm worried that
I'll break my phone.
290
00:15:01,258 --> 00:15:05,417
Right, OK, go to the Computer
Sciences Faculty and ask for Sauron.
291
00:15:05,418 --> 00:15:07,098
He's the best programmer there is.
292
00:15:08,418 --> 00:15:11,177
Sauron? Like in Lord of the Rings?
293
00:15:11,178 --> 00:15:13,497
I don't know! I haven't seen it!
294
00:15:13,498 --> 00:15:17,537
I don't watch films about wizards
and magical fucking jewellery!
295
00:15:17,538 --> 00:15:21,058
Jesus! Chill out!
296
00:15:23,839 --> 00:15:25,119
Tony?
297
00:15:27,279 --> 00:15:28,599
Oregon.
298
00:15:30,119 --> 00:15:34,239
Firstly, thank you for agreeing not
to sue me for breaking your nose.
299
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:38,278
Well, you should thank
the legal system
300
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:40,959
for being institutionally
weighted in favour of women.
301
00:15:42,679 --> 00:15:45,199
Yeah, OK, great.
302
00:15:46,359 --> 00:15:48,317
Secondly, have you spent
all your funding?
303
00:15:48,318 --> 00:15:50,679
Because I was thinking of
setting up a magazine, and...
304
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,079
I've spent it.
305
00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:54,838
Well, I don't believe you.
306
00:15:54,839 --> 00:15:59,558
Why? Because you think I'm
some kind of chaotic, senile flake?
307
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,198
Erm...
308
00:16:01,199 --> 00:16:03,118
It's spent.
309
00:16:03,119 --> 00:16:07,638
Could you maybe ask around
and see if there's any more?
310
00:16:07,639 --> 00:16:09,919
I see. You want me to ask around.
311
00:16:11,119 --> 00:16:15,559
Like your pet pig,
snuffling in the dirt for truffles.
312
00:16:24,279 --> 00:16:27,758
So, basically, the computer screen
turns into a mirror...
313
00:16:27,759 --> 00:16:29,359
That won't work.
314
00:16:31,119 --> 00:16:32,799
OK, well, what about this?
315
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,838
It's not easy.
316
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,119
I know it's not easy.
317
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:49,799
That is why I'm giving you
?100 to work out how to do it.
318
00:16:50,879 --> 00:16:52,918
You can count it, if you want.
It's all there.
319
00:16:52,919 --> 00:16:54,478
Oh, no, it's fine.
320
00:16:54,479 --> 00:16:55,839
Go on, count it.
321
00:17:00,039 --> 00:17:03,118
50, 100.
322
00:17:03,119 --> 00:17:05,838
See? I'm not pissing about, Sauron.
323
00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:10,239
This is our passport
to planet fucking minted.
324
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:13,399
Ssh!
325
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:33,478
Oh, my God, this is brilliant!
We're in a hotel, for free!
326
00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:35,759
Yeah, you get used to that.
327
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,559
Why don't you do the bathroom
while I do in here?
328
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,759
Yeah, OK.
329
00:17:43,879 --> 00:17:47,158
Wow! Minibar.
330
00:17:47,159 --> 00:17:48,838
Look, Vod! Tiny wine!
331
00:17:48,839 --> 00:17:49,839
We're allowed this, right?
332
00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:50,918
Not really.
333
00:17:50,919 --> 00:17:52,158
Here's to...
334
00:17:52,159 --> 00:17:54,638
What's a good nickname for us?
335
00:17:54,639 --> 00:17:59,678
Er, the clean... The sisters
of clean, the clean clan,
336
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,238
the cleaning towers of... No.
337
00:18:01,239 --> 00:18:02,639
Why don't you work it out
while you do the bathroom?
338
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,719
Good idea, boss.
339
00:18:10,319 --> 00:18:12,279
Hey, did you hear
Heathsley last night?
340
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,358
They had a fucking bath together,
like they're a football team
341
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:17,119
in the '80s, or something.
It's rank!
342
00:18:18,679 --> 00:18:19,879
I've cleaned the loo!
343
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,838
Well, you've flushed it.
344
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:25,518
I might... clean the bath
by having a bath.
345
00:18:25,519 --> 00:18:27,359
Like, give the bath a bath!
346
00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:36,838
OK, so I've found some funding.
347
00:18:36,839 --> 00:18:38,519
Yes!
348
00:18:41,319 --> 00:18:42,838
Erm...
349
00:18:42,839 --> 00:18:44,118
Oh, er...
350
00:18:44,119 --> 00:18:45,438
Er...
351
00:18:45,439 --> 00:18:47,079
OK.
352
00:18:51,239 --> 00:18:53,119
You are the best, Tony!
You are the bloody best!
353
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,518
Yes.
354
00:18:54,519 --> 00:18:56,399
So, have you given the magazine
a title yet?
355
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,358
Yes. It's either
The Definite Article,
356
00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:03,798
or Indefinite Articles,
or Present Tense, or...
357
00:19:03,799 --> 00:19:06,318
OK, because - and they're
great names, by the way...
358
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:09,438
it might be better if
it were called something Jewish.
359
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,518
Oh, right. Why?
360
00:19:11,519 --> 00:19:12,997
Just think it'd be really classy
361
00:19:12,998 --> 00:19:15,399
if it were in some way
linked to the Jewish faith.
362
00:19:16,479 --> 00:19:18,839
Also, the funding comes from the
Jewish Society, so it would help.
363
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:20,319
Oh.
364
00:19:21,919 --> 00:19:24,439
OK. Erm, Jewish.
365
00:19:25,639 --> 00:19:26,679
Yeah, OK, why not?
366
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,038
Exactly.
367
00:19:28,039 --> 00:19:29,199
I'm glad you're pleased.
368
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,838
I'm thrilled, Tony.
369
00:19:30,839 --> 00:19:33,558
And, erm, I'm really glad that
we can be friends again.
370
00:19:33,559 --> 00:19:34,878
Of course we can.
371
00:19:34,879 --> 00:19:36,878
I thought after the whole
threatening to sue me
372
00:19:36,879 --> 00:19:39,118
and oinking thing...
373
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,079
That was before.
That was angry Tony.
374
00:19:43,119 --> 00:19:45,518
So who are you now?
375
00:19:45,519 --> 00:19:49,758
Now, I'm nice Tony.
376
00:19:49,759 --> 00:19:51,159
I want to put all that behind us.
377
00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:54,358
Great, well, as long as
nasty Tony doesn't come back!
378
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,878
He won't. I promise.
379
00:19:55,879 --> 00:19:58,519
We won't even tell him
what we're up to.
380
00:20:16,439 --> 00:20:18,438
What the hell are you doing?!
381
00:20:18,439 --> 00:20:21,918
I paid you to work, Sauron,
not to go out on the mega-lash!
382
00:20:21,919 --> 00:20:23,199
I'm only having a half.
383
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,838
I couldn't give a fuck, mate!
Go and work on the phone razor!
384
00:20:26,839 --> 00:20:29,038
I'm in the middle of a game.
385
00:20:29,039 --> 00:20:30,959
Oh, are you, now?
386
00:20:32,279 --> 00:20:35,838
Other people are out there trying to
crack the phone razor, as we speak.
387
00:20:35,839 --> 00:20:37,358
I don't want to go home now.
388
00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,719
You took my money.
I own you. Go and work!
389
00:20:43,239 --> 00:20:44,719
I still have a fair bit of my...
390
00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:56,478
Because I figured the suit
says, "I mean business",
391
00:20:56,479 --> 00:20:58,758
but the tie says, "I also mean fun".
392
00:20:58,759 --> 00:21:00,999
But not so much fun
that I stop meaning business.
393
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,318
I mainly mean business.
394
00:21:02,319 --> 00:21:04,438
Yeah, I think that's pretty clear.
395
00:21:04,439 --> 00:21:08,358
I also got 12 business cards
from that machine at the station and they clearly mean business.
396
00:21:08,359 --> 00:21:10,159
What? Let me see.
397
00:21:12,319 --> 00:21:14,958
I couldn't work out how to avoid
having clip art on it,
398
00:21:14,959 --> 00:21:17,438
but it's a calculator,
which is businessy.
399
00:21:17,439 --> 00:21:20,358
"Kingsley Owen. Student."
400
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,118
What do you reckon?
401
00:21:22,119 --> 00:21:24,798
Students shouldn't have
business cards. That's weird.
402
00:21:24,799 --> 00:21:27,518
But I have to wow them.
403
00:21:27,519 --> 00:21:29,879
I think this will wow them.
Like, "Wow, this guy is weird!"
404
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,958
Why are you being like this?
I'm just following your advice.
405
00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:35,878
I don't remember advising you to buy
an ill-fitting polyester suit.
406
00:21:35,879 --> 00:21:37,717
You said I should go
all out for the BP thing.
407
00:21:37,718 --> 00:21:40,119
No, I didn't. I said
music was difficult to get into.
408
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:43,318
I did not tell you to sell your soul
away to the oil industry.
409
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:45,998
You made it very clear what you
expected. If it was up to me,
410
00:21:45,999 --> 00:21:48,558
I'd make music and live by the docks
in Berlin, or something.
411
00:21:48,559 --> 00:21:51,398
Well, you can't,
because Berlin isn't by the sea.
412
00:21:51,399 --> 00:21:53,958
Fine. Not the docks, then.
The equivalent of the docks.
413
00:21:53,959 --> 00:21:56,279
Right, so you want to live
by the Berlin truck terminal?
414
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,238
Are we having an argument?
415
00:21:58,239 --> 00:22:01,118
Are we now just another one of those
couples that argue all the time?
416
00:22:01,119 --> 00:22:03,118
This is not an argument.
There is no argument,
417
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:05,358
because you're just being
a dick-jerky.
418
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,638
Right. That's it. I am now leaving.
419
00:22:08,639 --> 00:22:11,398
Well, this is your house,
so you're leaving your own house.
420
00:22:11,399 --> 00:22:14,758
I'm going to a different bit of it
where you're not, therefore proving
421
00:22:14,759 --> 00:22:17,159
that this is an argument,
so... piss off!
422
00:22:28,439 --> 00:22:29,879
So...
423
00:22:30,919 --> 00:22:34,718
Have I created a new vibe?
424
00:22:34,719 --> 00:22:38,239
Yes, Howard. Yes, you have.
425
00:22:39,439 --> 00:22:42,238
And, erm, what vibe is this?
426
00:22:42,239 --> 00:22:45,718
Sort of... special needs,
line dancer vibe.
427
00:22:45,719 --> 00:22:48,878
Why did you buy those glasses,
and the...?
428
00:22:48,879 --> 00:22:51,078
I panic bought.
429
00:22:51,079 --> 00:22:53,278
This is the result of panic buying.
430
00:22:53,279 --> 00:22:54,519
Don't take a photo of it!
431
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:57,079
Oh, come on. It's amazing!
432
00:22:58,199 --> 00:23:01,038
You look like a sort of
trainee paedo.
433
00:23:01,039 --> 00:23:03,478
Look, just help me! One of youse!
434
00:23:03,479 --> 00:23:07,758
Relax, Howard. Look, tomorrow,
we'll take the specs back
435
00:23:07,759 --> 00:23:09,958
and return all the clobber
to River Island.
436
00:23:09,959 --> 00:23:12,638
How do you know
it's from River Island?
437
00:23:12,639 --> 00:23:14,599
I just know.
438
00:23:29,719 --> 00:23:30,839
Are you there?
439
00:23:32,839 --> 00:23:34,239
I really want to talk to you.
440
00:23:36,159 --> 00:23:37,559
I miss that, I...
441
00:23:39,439 --> 00:23:40,799
miss talking to you.
442
00:23:45,199 --> 00:23:46,798
Yes?
443
00:23:46,799 --> 00:23:50,038
Oh, sorry, I...
I didn't know you were...
444
00:23:50,039 --> 00:23:53,518
Josie asked me to swap rooms because
she doesn't like your noises.
445
00:23:53,519 --> 00:23:56,198
I lived in Japan for a year,
where walls are made of paper,
446
00:23:56,199 --> 00:23:58,799
so as long as it's not too loud,
I'm fine with it.
447
00:24:00,159 --> 00:24:01,879
So, what do you want to talk about?
448
00:24:06,919 --> 00:24:09,598
So then my family moved to Bunnik
when I was nine,
449
00:24:09,599 --> 00:24:13,278
so I had to change schools, which
was pretty traumatic, actually.
450
00:24:13,279 --> 00:24:14,998
They always teased me,
451
00:24:14,999 --> 00:24:19,678
they always said, "Sabine zit je
tegrienen!" It's like, whining Sabine.
452
00:24:19,679 --> 00:24:22,438
New literary magazine.
Submissions urgently required.
453
00:24:22,439 --> 00:24:26,518
I'll say. The ones that
have come in are shit, frankly.
454
00:24:26,519 --> 00:24:28,477
We'll take submissions on anything.
455
00:24:28,478 --> 00:24:30,759
Love, loss, bar mitzvahs,
nature, anything at all.
456
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,478
I mean, all these submissions
are by sexually frustrated boys
457
00:24:33,479 --> 00:24:35,199
who clearly want
to have sex with you.
458
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,078
Oh, come on, Tony, I don't...
459
00:24:37,079 --> 00:24:38,679
This one about the snake
is about sex,
460
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,078
the one about the tree is about sex,
461
00:24:41,079 --> 00:24:43,718
the one about the man having sex
with the woman is about sex.
462
00:24:43,719 --> 00:24:44,839
Are they anti-Semitic?
463
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:45,918
No, but...
464
00:24:45,919 --> 00:24:46,879
Then they can go in.
465
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:51,798
Chutzpah?
466
00:24:51,799 --> 00:24:53,758
Your magazine's called Chutzpah?
467
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,558
Yes. Meaning audacity in Yiddish.
468
00:24:55,559 --> 00:24:58,358
Oh, yeah?
Well, what's this in Yiddish?
469
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:00,998
I imagine it's the same.
470
00:25:00,999 --> 00:25:03,718
Not scared of a little
competition, are you, Derek?
471
00:25:03,719 --> 00:25:07,439
Oh, it's on. It is on!
472
00:25:12,999 --> 00:25:15,118
Mmm...
473
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,159
Yeah, I just...
I need another 30 seconds, OK?
474
00:25:19,199 --> 00:25:22,119
A micro-nap. A power-blink.
475
00:25:23,199 --> 00:25:25,198
You've been asleep for five hours.
476
00:25:25,199 --> 00:25:27,199
I'm sorry, Jose, but you're fired!
477
00:25:29,559 --> 00:25:33,198
You can't fire me!
We're the Sparkle Sisters!
478
00:25:33,199 --> 00:25:35,559
You're treating this place
like a fucking hotel!
479
00:25:37,279 --> 00:25:39,638
Stop eating those!
480
00:25:39,639 --> 00:25:42,959
You've eaten 65 pillow chocolates
in the past two days.
481
00:25:44,479 --> 00:25:47,478
Well, you've become everything
that you hate, do you know that?
482
00:25:47,479 --> 00:25:49,358
Crushing the little guys.
483
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,398
The little guys
who love the little chocolates
484
00:25:51,399 --> 00:25:53,998
because they fit perfectly
in their little tummies.
485
00:25:53,999 --> 00:25:55,719
Bollocks!
486
00:26:01,279 --> 00:26:02,999
Take a chocolate, then.
487
00:26:07,199 --> 00:26:10,359
Yeah, but... they come out of
our wages, so...
488
00:26:56,999 --> 00:26:59,558
What are you doing in here?
489
00:26:59,559 --> 00:27:04,199
Oh, I left my paper clip.
Yeah, here it is, look.
490
00:27:06,199 --> 00:27:07,838
Argh!
491
00:27:07,839 --> 00:27:09,959
Maybe we get you some soft ones.
492
00:27:11,639 --> 00:27:13,998
What do you mean, soft ones?
493
00:27:13,999 --> 00:27:15,839
There is something touching my eye.
494
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:18,638
It wouldn't matter if it was cotton
wool, it would still feel like
495
00:27:18,639 --> 00:27:21,959
boiling shrapnel,
because it's on my actual eye!
496
00:27:23,319 --> 00:27:25,318
Why are you wearing lenses?
497
00:27:25,319 --> 00:27:26,758
What?
498
00:27:26,759 --> 00:27:28,598
Why do you think, Kingsley?
499
00:27:28,599 --> 00:27:31,478
The same reason that Ed Miliband
got work done on his adenoids,
500
00:27:31,479 --> 00:27:33,838
because life is a struggle
for people like me.
501
00:27:33,839 --> 00:27:36,758
It may be all right for you, with
all your corporate parties and Cava,
502
00:27:36,759 --> 00:27:38,118
poster boy!
503
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:41,278
I just got an invite,
I'm not their fucking poster boy!
504
00:27:41,279 --> 00:27:44,359
No? Well, check out the
Geology Faculty noticeboard!
505
00:27:56,959 --> 00:27:58,478
I believed in you, Sauron.
506
00:27:58,479 --> 00:28:01,277
It's too difficult.
Of course it's not. Look.
507
00:28:01,278 --> 00:28:03,199
No, you don't need to
demonstrate it again.
508
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,719
I understand the concept,
I'm just saying... it can't be done.
509
00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:13,118
If you try and develop this
without me, I will end you!
510
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,278
I am not your Winklevosses!
511
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:16,919
Do you hear me?!
512
00:28:21,479 --> 00:28:23,078
It's just so gay.
513
00:28:23,079 --> 00:28:25,678
I guess that's the point,
but, no, not for me.
514
00:28:25,679 --> 00:28:26,998
How is it this glossy?
515
00:28:26,999 --> 00:28:29,998
It's going to make Chutzpah
look like it's printed on bog roll.
516
00:28:29,999 --> 00:28:31,679
Oregon, it's about content,
not expensive colour printing.
517
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,078
Well, you said our content was shit.
518
00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:35,558
Well, yes, but...
519
00:28:35,559 --> 00:28:38,118
So basically, our magazine
is just shit-covered bog roll.
520
00:28:38,119 --> 00:28:40,478
Oh, Oregon.
This is just a dip.
521
00:28:40,479 --> 00:28:42,837
In all creative endeavours,
there are moments of...
522
00:28:42,838 --> 00:28:45,199
Shakespeare probably finished
Henry IV and was like,
523
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,558
"Christ! How many more
Henrys are there?"
524
00:28:47,559 --> 00:28:48,678
Come here.
525
00:28:48,679 --> 00:28:50,118
No, no, don't.
526
00:28:50,119 --> 00:28:51,638
I... I don't need a hug.
527
00:28:51,639 --> 00:28:54,079
A friendly hug.
A nice, friendly hug.
528
00:29:01,919 --> 00:29:03,758
You're in it as well.
529
00:29:03,759 --> 00:29:07,478
As a bystander.
I'm clearly standing by.
530
00:29:07,479 --> 00:29:11,439
Hey, Kingsley, erm, I'm going to need
your invite to the BP do.
531
00:29:12,679 --> 00:29:14,038
How much?
532
00:29:14,039 --> 00:29:17,118
I take it the MOD didn't order
a battalion of Tank-copters!
533
00:29:17,119 --> 00:29:18,598
Yeah, well, it turns out
534
00:29:18,599 --> 00:29:21,479
I'm the only one with
any bloody vision in this country.
535
00:29:22,479 --> 00:29:24,518
So, Kingsley, mate?
536
00:29:24,519 --> 00:29:26,518
They've airbrushed out
my soul patch!
537
00:29:26,519 --> 00:29:28,918
Look. They can't do that!
538
00:29:28,919 --> 00:29:31,518
Oh, yeah, I mean, that is outrageous.
539
00:29:31,519 --> 00:29:34,558
I knew it!
They just want some drone.
540
00:29:34,559 --> 00:29:36,838
They want me to sell my soul
to the devil.
541
00:29:36,839 --> 00:29:39,758
I think they want you to sell
your soul patch to the devil.
542
00:29:39,759 --> 00:29:43,638
I'm not an oil man. They can stick
their internship up their arse.
543
00:29:43,639 --> 00:29:47,598
Exactly! So... give me the invite.
544
00:29:47,599 --> 00:29:48,997
Come on. I'm what BP want.
545
00:29:48,998 --> 00:29:49,959
No, you're not.
546
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,318
Well, of course I am.
547
00:29:51,319 --> 00:29:55,239
What's a tension-leg
drilling platform then?
548
00:29:56,559 --> 00:29:58,719
It's a... type of platform.
549
00:30:00,239 --> 00:30:02,239
What does BP stand for?
550
00:30:04,759 --> 00:30:06,478
Britain... Petrol.
551
00:30:06,479 --> 00:30:08,118
Wrong.
552
00:30:08,119 --> 00:30:11,678
OK, Howard, you may have
more actual facts than me,
553
00:30:11,679 --> 00:30:13,558
but I've got stuff that BP need.
554
00:30:13,559 --> 00:30:15,118
Like what?
555
00:30:15,119 --> 00:30:18,038
People with my accent
make foreigners shit themselves.
556
00:30:18,039 --> 00:30:20,838
If I'd been born 40 years ago,
I'd be running India.
557
00:30:20,839 --> 00:30:22,759
India was independent 40 years ago.
558
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:24,878
Well, maybe if I'd been around,
it wouldn't be.
559
00:30:24,879 --> 00:30:26,178
Howard, you should have it.
560
00:30:26,272 --> 00:30:27,311
Kings!
561
00:30:27,312 --> 00:30:29,911
I repeated what you said about
Americans taking up cycling.
562
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:31,271
That's why I got this.
563
00:30:31,272 --> 00:30:33,391
That was my comment.
You stole my comment!
564
00:30:33,392 --> 00:30:36,751
I'm sorry. You don't need
to be more like me.
565
00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:38,552
If anything,
I should be more like you.
566
00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,592
Well, now. In that case...
567
00:30:47,912 --> 00:30:50,312
Argh!
568
00:30:57,352 --> 00:30:59,592
Gentlemen...
569
00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:12,360
Howard? Er, listen - er, any chance
of getting me into that BP thing?
570
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,119
He put a penis in Lips!
571
00:31:25,657 --> 00:31:27,296
Sorry?
572
00:31:27,297 --> 00:31:30,156
Derek. He put an image of
a male penis in his magazine
573
00:31:30,177 --> 00:31:32,616
and I found a university
statute from the '70s
574
00:31:32,617 --> 00:31:35,056
explicitly banning
photos of male penises!
575
00:31:35,057 --> 00:31:38,056
Right, well - thanks for coming
round to let me know,
576
00:31:38,057 --> 00:31:40,576
but, erm, I've got
a fair bit to get on with.
577
00:31:40,577 --> 00:31:43,296
Oregon, it's been closed down.
I got his magazine closed down!
578
00:31:43,297 --> 00:31:46,296
Oh, my God! That's brilliant!
579
00:31:46,297 --> 00:31:48,856
Ha-ha! I know!
580
00:31:48,857 --> 00:31:51,696
We crushed gay
and lesbian fiction!
581
00:31:51,697 --> 00:31:52,855
No, Tony, don't.
582
00:31:52,856 --> 00:31:53,775
Oh, come on.
583
00:31:53,776 --> 00:31:54,897
No - I said no!
584
00:31:54,898 --> 00:31:57,016
Do you know how hard
I've been working on this?
585
00:31:57,017 --> 00:31:59,176
That doesn't mean we
can have sex again!
586
00:31:59,177 --> 00:32:02,336
It bloody should! I've been going
over statutes all night for you!
587
00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:04,416
Do you have any idea
how dull that is?
588
00:32:04,417 --> 00:32:06,336
Well, I thought we were friends.
589
00:32:06,337 --> 00:32:08,816
I mean, what happened to nice Tony?
590
00:32:08,817 --> 00:32:11,896
Oh, wake up! There is no nice
Tony. There's just this one,
591
00:32:11,897 --> 00:32:14,736
this car-crash of a man
who gets his nose broken
592
00:32:14,737 --> 00:32:17,496
and has genre-defying homosexual
magazines closed down because
593
00:32:17,497 --> 00:32:20,016
he thinks there might
be a shag in it!
594
00:32:20,017 --> 00:32:22,656
And if you think that sort
of behaviour sounds pathetic,
595
00:32:22,657 --> 00:32:25,577
try and imagine
how I feel about it!
596
00:32:29,817 --> 00:32:32,216
Hi, it's me... again.
597
00:32:32,217 --> 00:32:35,296
I'm sorry for shouting at you.
598
00:32:35,297 --> 00:32:38,416
I'm not going to
the BP thing. It's not for me.
599
00:32:38,417 --> 00:32:41,417
I'm not an oil man.
I realise that now.
600
00:32:42,497 --> 00:32:44,057
I'm a musician.
601
00:32:44,817 --> 00:32:46,457
Shut up, Sabine!
602
00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:58,776
Wait for me!
603
00:32:58,777 --> 00:33:01,216
What the hell are you doing?
604
00:33:01,217 --> 00:33:03,296
What the hell are
you doing, more like?
605
00:33:03,297 --> 00:33:04,697
I'm his plus one, not you!
606
00:33:04,698 --> 00:33:07,376
No, I mean, what the fuck
are you doing in a dress?
607
00:33:07,377 --> 00:33:10,096
Oh, I know.
It's Oregon's. I hate it.
608
00:33:10,097 --> 00:33:12,537
I feel like I'm off to marry
Bryan Ferry or something.
609
00:33:12,538 --> 00:33:16,336
You're fit! I can't
deal with you being fit.
610
00:33:16,556 --> 00:33:17,316
Change back.
611
00:33:17,317 --> 00:33:20,155
You don't have to deal
with it. You won't be there.
612
00:33:20,156 --> 00:33:22,195
You don't have an invite.
613
00:33:22,196 --> 00:33:24,635
This is my invite.
614
00:33:24,636 --> 00:33:28,036
This little bastard
gets me in anywhere.
615
00:33:30,916 --> 00:33:33,036
Come on.
616
00:33:52,356 --> 00:33:55,355
Are you drinking in the dark?
617
00:33:55,356 --> 00:33:57,916
Not any more.
618
00:33:59,316 --> 00:34:01,156
Hi, there. Do you have your invite?
619
00:34:01,157 --> 00:34:03,076
Oh, yes.
620
00:34:06,716 --> 00:34:08,716
Invite, please, sir.
621
00:34:10,196 --> 00:34:14,115
Oh, dear! I appear to have
left my invite on my desk,
622
00:34:14,116 --> 00:34:16,155
at BP headquarters.
623
00:34:16,156 --> 00:34:17,915
You work for BP?
624
00:34:17,916 --> 00:34:20,435
Well, BP works for me.
625
00:34:20,436 --> 00:34:22,955
It's invite only, sir. Who's next?
626
00:34:22,956 --> 00:34:25,115
No, wait.
627
00:34:25,116 --> 00:34:28,036
Silly me, here it is.
628
00:34:30,036 --> 00:34:31,795
Here's my invite.
629
00:34:31,796 --> 00:34:33,435
No, sir, that's ?50.
630
00:34:33,436 --> 00:34:35,956
Which is half an invite.
631
00:34:38,196 --> 00:34:40,195
Look, has Heather
spoken to you at all?
632
00:34:40,196 --> 00:34:41,475
What about?
633
00:34:41,476 --> 00:34:43,636
We had an argument
and she won't return my calls.
634
00:34:43,637 --> 00:34:46,395
Yeah, funnily enough, I've
actually got better things to do
635
00:34:46,396 --> 00:34:47,916
than to sort out your
relationships with my friends.
636
00:34:47,917 --> 00:34:49,235
OK. OK, forget it.
637
00:34:49,236 --> 00:34:52,195
I got fired, by the way.
Thanks for asking.
638
00:34:52,196 --> 00:34:53,915
Fired from what?
639
00:34:53,916 --> 00:34:56,555
Vod gave me a job, then fired me.
640
00:34:56,556 --> 00:34:58,635
I'm useless, apparently.
What?
641
00:34:58,636 --> 00:35:00,555
No, of course you're not!
642
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:03,715
You don't need to
worry about job stuff now.
643
00:35:03,716 --> 00:35:05,475
It'll all be fine.
644
00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:09,275
Yeah, well, it probably
seems like that to you, oil man!
645
00:35:09,276 --> 00:35:11,475
Your life's sorted, so...
646
00:35:11,476 --> 00:35:15,156
I'm not going to that BP thing.
I gave my invite to Howard.
647
00:35:16,464 --> 00:35:17,224
Why?
648
00:35:17,225 --> 00:35:20,263
I don't just want to take
the first thing that comes along.
649
00:35:20,264 --> 00:35:22,504
I want to experience life
first - find out who I am.
650
00:35:22,505 --> 00:35:24,223
You're a knob.
651
00:35:24,224 --> 00:35:25,783
Right, thanks - good one.
652
00:35:25,784 --> 00:35:29,863
Look - do you know how many
people under 24 are unemployed?
653
00:35:29,864 --> 00:35:32,503
About 20% - and it's only going up.
654
00:35:32,504 --> 00:35:35,303
You can't afford to
take your sweet time over this.
655
00:35:35,304 --> 00:35:39,943
When we leave this place, it's going
to be fuckin'...Darwinian out there.
656
00:35:39,944 --> 00:35:42,583
So if there's something you want,
657
00:35:42,584 --> 00:35:46,383
that you want to be part
of your future, then...
658
00:35:46,384 --> 00:35:49,223
then you have to go
after it right now.
659
00:35:49,224 --> 00:35:52,863
Otherwise... you might not
get it.
660
00:35:52,864 --> 00:35:55,503
Do you understand?
661
00:35:55,504 --> 00:35:57,504
Yeah.
662
00:36:08,384 --> 00:36:09,863
Hi.
663
00:36:09,864 --> 00:36:10,664
You didn't go?
664
00:36:10,665 --> 00:36:14,064
No, I couldn't, I was
worried about us and...
665
00:36:15,584 --> 00:36:18,223
I'm sorry. I'm...
I'm really sorry.
666
00:36:35,304 --> 00:36:40,143
The whole action of drilling
for oil is very erotic.
667
00:36:40,144 --> 00:36:42,743
Completely.
668
00:36:42,744 --> 00:36:44,143
I find it erotic.
669
00:36:44,144 --> 00:36:47,303
Mmm. Must be an
amazing feeling...
670
00:36:47,304 --> 00:36:48,943
finding a gusher.
671
00:36:48,944 --> 00:36:50,383
Oh, yeah.
672
00:36:50,384 --> 00:36:52,863
Yeah, it's... it's wonderful.
673
00:36:52,864 --> 00:36:56,583
I mean, I don't locate
new wells personally,
674
00:36:56,584 --> 00:36:58,863
but, yeah, it's, er...
Sorry, what's your name?
675
00:36:58,864 --> 00:36:59,663
Violet.
676
00:36:59,664 --> 00:37:01,223
Right.
677
00:37:01,224 --> 00:37:03,583
You weren't at the
careers thing, were you?
678
00:37:03,584 --> 00:37:06,503
No. I don't get up
early enough for that.
679
00:37:06,504 --> 00:37:08,384
Because you could be exactly
what we're looking for.
680
00:37:08,385 --> 00:37:10,463
Hello.
681
00:37:10,464 --> 00:37:12,743
Erm, I'm also here.
682
00:37:12,744 --> 00:37:15,583
I'm Howard. I'm with her.
683
00:37:15,584 --> 00:37:16,704
Right.
684
00:37:18,424 --> 00:37:20,103
Sorry, have we met?
685
00:37:20,104 --> 00:37:22,463
Er... Yes, erm,
686
00:37:22,464 --> 00:37:25,743
at the geology fair,
er, a guy made a comment
687
00:37:25,744 --> 00:37:30,663
about people taking up cycling
if they don't like the oil industry?
688
00:37:30,664 --> 00:37:31,384
Right, Kingsley.
689
00:37:31,385 --> 00:37:34,423
Yeah, erm, but...
690
00:37:34,424 --> 00:37:37,463
it was actually my comment.
I'd said it to him.
691
00:37:37,464 --> 00:37:40,583
I was a victim of comment theft.
692
00:37:40,584 --> 00:37:41,903
It was a good comment.
693
00:37:41,904 --> 00:37:43,423
I have got loads more...
694
00:37:43,424 --> 00:37:45,583
OK, listen, I'm
what you're looking for.
695
00:37:45,584 --> 00:37:46,663
JP, piss off!
696
00:37:46,664 --> 00:37:47,424
Excuse me?
697
00:37:47,425 --> 00:37:49,503
I can help you people.
I'm a pioneer.
698
00:37:49,504 --> 00:37:52,303
I don't give a flying fuck
about native American land rights.
699
00:37:52,304 --> 00:37:54,943
I'd drill anywhere.
I'd drill through
700
00:37:54,944 --> 00:37:57,383
an orphanage on the fucking moon!
701
00:37:57,384 --> 00:37:59,863
Seriously, you need me.
702
00:37:59,864 --> 00:38:03,463
BP need to stop saying
sorry and grow some balls.
703
00:38:03,464 --> 00:38:06,023
Well, I'm those balls.
704
00:38:06,024 --> 00:38:08,743
He thought that BP
stood for Britain Petrol.
705
00:38:08,744 --> 00:38:11,503
Yeah, and I checked the website.
I was extremely close on both words.
706
00:38:11,504 --> 00:38:13,943
OK, guys, please just calm down.
707
00:38:13,944 --> 00:38:17,263
If you're friends of Violet,
then you're friends with me.
708
00:38:17,264 --> 00:38:20,663
Ye... We are very good
friends with Violet.
709
00:38:20,664 --> 00:38:25,023
OK, so - let's get
drinks. Talk internships.
710
00:38:25,024 --> 00:38:25,784
Yes, please!
711
00:38:25,785 --> 00:38:27,224
That would be great.
712
00:38:29,944 --> 00:38:33,223
I just wanted to thank BP
713
00:38:33,224 --> 00:38:35,784
for putting on such a good spread.
714
00:38:39,904 --> 00:38:44,343
And to say well done for making
a fortune flogging something
715
00:38:44,344 --> 00:38:47,664
that occurs naturally and
therefore can't belong to anyone.
716
00:38:48,664 --> 00:38:50,184
Hear, hear!
JP, no!
717
00:38:51,864 --> 00:38:53,343
And let's hope
718
00:38:53,344 --> 00:38:57,104
there aren't any
more accidents that...
719
00:38:59,664 --> 00:39:01,103
Fuck!
720
00:39:01,104 --> 00:39:02,263
Oh, no!
721
00:39:02,264 --> 00:39:05,263
I'm so sorry,
it was just an accident!
722
00:39:05,264 --> 00:39:06,423
Oh, Jesus.
723
00:39:06,424 --> 00:39:08,663
Ignore it. Pretend
it never happened!
724
00:39:08,664 --> 00:39:10,703
Call security! Get her out of here!
725
00:39:10,704 --> 00:39:12,424
Actually, we don't
know her that well.
726
00:39:12,425 --> 00:39:16,984
Carry on stuffing your faces with
sausages. Ignore the oil spill!
727
00:39:19,744 --> 00:39:21,624
Who is she? Do you know
her? I don't know her.
728
00:39:21,625 --> 00:39:23,223
Get rid of these two as well!
729
00:39:23,224 --> 00:39:24,504
Vod!
730
00:39:35,565 --> 00:39:37,165
That is too loud!
731
00:39:49,357 --> 00:39:50,796
I made pancakes!
732
00:39:50,797 --> 00:39:54,317
Someone come and eat
one of my fuckin' pancakes!
733
00:39:55,437 --> 00:39:57,477
I will have a pancake!
734
00:39:57,662 --> 00:40:28,355
735
00:40:28,405 --> 00:40:32,955
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