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1
00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:56,177
...into a big airy bedroom.
2
00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:59,973
Then the sideboard turns around
and turns into the bathroom.
3
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,220
- So you can eat and bathe?
- Course not.
4
00:01:02,314 --> 00:01:06,643
- Then what's it doing in the bathroom?
- Nothing. It turns into a bathroom.
5
00:01:06,735 --> 00:01:09,308
Then another time it turns into a kitchenette.
6
00:01:09,404 --> 00:01:11,942
Another time into a fireplace.
7
00:01:12,032 --> 00:01:14,320
You can't light it but it looks awful cute.
8
00:01:14,409 --> 00:01:17,445
- What turns into a fireplace?
- This gig in the corner.
9
00:01:17,537 --> 00:01:20,455
It turns around and makes one room
into four rooms
10
00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:24,372
so young people who haven't much money
can have a four-room apartment
11
00:01:24,461 --> 00:01:26,619
for the price of a one-room apartment.
12
00:01:26,713 --> 00:01:29,548
- One room isn't an apartment.
- They're called that.
13
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,124
- It's the same as four rooms.
- But suppose I...
14
00:01:32,218 --> 00:01:35,967
- You turn this in the corner...
- Suppose I wanted to go to the fireplace
15
00:01:36,056 --> 00:01:37,882
while you were in the kitchenette.
16
00:01:37,974 --> 00:01:40,299
You're trying to make things difficult.
17
00:01:40,393 --> 00:01:43,976
Nothing's good enough for you
except a palace on Fifth Avenue.
18
00:01:44,064 --> 00:01:47,230
I give you coffee -
the end of the perfect dinner,
19
00:01:47,317 --> 00:01:49,855
the beginning of the perfect day.
20
00:02:02,666 --> 00:02:05,583
And now, the moment
we have all been waiting for.
21
00:02:05,669 --> 00:02:07,957
We are about to give you the result
22
00:02:08,046 --> 00:02:11,462
of the $50,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest,
23
00:02:11,549 --> 00:02:14,550
with a first prize of $25,000,
24
00:02:14,636 --> 00:02:16,628
a second prize of $5,000,
25
00:02:16,721 --> 00:02:19,426
a third prize of $2,500,
26
00:02:19,516 --> 00:02:22,220
a fourth prize of $1,500,
27
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,552
a fifth prize of $1,000,
28
00:02:24,646 --> 00:02:29,107
and 95 other prizes totaling $15,000.
29
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:32,193
Some folks are going to be delirious
in a few minutes.
30
00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:34,651
As you may well imagine,
31
00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:37,230
all that sugar draws a lot of flies
32
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,824
and the jury here has been struggling
to pick the winners
33
00:02:40,912 --> 00:02:47,911
from a little snowdrift of 2,947,582 answers.
34
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:52,664
That is a lot of answers in any language,
including the Scandinavian.
35
00:02:53,842 --> 00:02:58,883
Dr. Maxford, our founder and president,
is at my side.
36
00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:07,439
It will only be a matter of a few moments
37
00:03:07,522 --> 00:03:11,602
until the jury ceases wrestling
and hands Dr. Maxford the verdict,
38
00:03:11,693 --> 00:03:15,358
and he will himself,
in that well-known voice of his,
39
00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:17,523
read you the names of the winners.
40
00:03:18,992 --> 00:03:22,776
We seem to have a little contretemps,
41
00:03:22,871 --> 00:03:25,575
fox pass or what have you,
ladies and gentlemen.
42
00:03:25,665 --> 00:03:27,325
But it will only be...
43
00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:29,872
- What's the matter?
- The jury is deadlocked!
44
00:03:29,961 --> 00:03:32,417
- Deadlocked?
- Eleven to one!
45
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:36,254
It will only be a few moments
before the jury untangles itself,
46
00:03:36,342 --> 00:03:40,257
and we will hear the happy winners' names
throughout the world.
47
00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:51,805
Ahem. Just a little patience,
ladies and gentlemen.
48
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:04,743
- Can't you get it through...
- What's this about a deadlock?
49
00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:07,201
- Where's the verdict?
- Ask Bildocker.
50
00:04:07,290 --> 00:04:11,122
And you'll get an answer, too.
If you birds had the brains of a rooster...
51
00:04:11,211 --> 00:04:16,169
I resent that. You may know about shipping
but when eleven of us have agreed...
52
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:19,757
- It'll be ten o'clock next week...
- Quiet!
53
00:04:19,844 --> 00:04:23,842
...before I give in to bunch of fat-headed,
mealy-mouthed lame brains who...
54
00:04:23,932 --> 00:04:27,976
Quiet! Jumping Jehoshaphat!
55
00:04:28,061 --> 00:04:30,516
Do you realize that we're on the air?
56
00:04:30,605 --> 00:04:33,440
The whole of America's
waiting for your verdict!
57
00:04:33,525 --> 00:04:36,976
120 million people
are suspended from your lips.
58
00:04:37,070 --> 00:04:40,190
You're giving heart failure
to the western hemisphere.
59
00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:43,069
What do you know about
picking slogans anyway?
60
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:46,445
You wouldn't know a slogan
if you slipped on one.
61
00:04:46,538 --> 00:04:49,823
If you gentlemen had the combined brains
of an amoeba...
62
00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,158
But we're all agreed, Dr. Maxford.
63
00:04:52,252 --> 00:04:54,291
It's only Bildocker who's holding out.
64
00:04:54,379 --> 00:05:00,168
Oh, it is, is it? Well, let me
tell you something, Mr. Bildocker.
65
00:05:00,260 --> 00:05:03,878
You've been getting into my hair
for the past 20 years,
66
00:05:03,972 --> 00:05:06,178
and I meant to mention it before.
67
00:05:06,266 --> 00:05:08,757
I'm going to give you four seconds...
68
00:05:08,852 --> 00:05:10,595
No, you're not, Dr. Maxford.
69
00:05:10,687 --> 00:05:14,222
I'm a member of this jury and I'm going
to vote the way I think is right
70
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,513
if it takes ten years.
71
00:05:15,608 --> 00:05:17,731
You can fire me out of shipping
72
00:05:17,819 --> 00:05:22,445
but you aren't going to fire me off this jury
because I don't work for you on this jury.
73
00:05:22,532 --> 00:05:25,403
I'm giving my services free to the bunch of...
74
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:28,163
Who said anything about firing you,
you lunkhead?
75
00:05:28,246 --> 00:05:31,117
All I said was that I...
76
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,625
Yes? Oh, we are, are we?
77
00:05:38,548 --> 00:05:41,169
Well, that's just lovely.
78
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:45,754
We're going off the air, gentlemen,
so just take your time.
79
00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:48,136
You can stay here till next Wednesday.
80
00:05:48,224 --> 00:05:51,261
Or you can still here
till Hoboken freezes over.
81
00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:54,270
We have failed in our promise to the public.
82
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:58,484
We have muffed the most dramatic
advertising moment in commerce,
83
00:05:58,568 --> 00:06:00,976
and you've made a fathead out of me.
84
00:06:01,070 --> 00:06:05,282
The next nitwit who talks to me
about a contest
85
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:07,988
had better duck before I swing on him.
86
00:06:11,956 --> 00:06:15,871
In conclusion, gentlemen,
especially you, Mr. Bildocker,
87
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:21,381
let me say that I have seen
far better heads on... umbrellas!
88
00:06:23,259 --> 00:06:26,759
And so,
another broadcast slips into posterity,
89
00:06:26,846 --> 00:06:31,841
as we bring to a close
the 449th Maxford House programme.
90
00:06:31,935 --> 00:06:34,971
I wish I could have given you
the news you wanted to hear.
91
00:06:35,063 --> 00:06:38,147
But I will conclude with
what the prisoner said
92
00:06:38,233 --> 00:06:40,356
when the hangman couldn't find the rope.
93
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:44,227
"No noose is good noose. " Ha, ha.
94
00:06:44,322 --> 00:06:47,608
This is Don Hartman,
wishing you all goodnight.
95
00:06:52,330 --> 00:06:56,079
They build you up to a big finish
and leave you hanging on a meat hook.
96
00:06:56,167 --> 00:06:58,837
You heard what he said.
No news is good news.
97
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,625
- He said, "No noose is good noose. "
- So?
98
00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:05,166
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I wish they'd get it over with.
99
00:07:05,260 --> 00:07:09,589
You start thinking about that $25,000,
or even the $5,000...
100
00:07:09,681 --> 00:07:11,424
- Or anything.
- You said it.
101
00:07:11,516 --> 00:07:15,893
When you've got it right in your mitts,
they leave you with your tongue hanging out.
102
00:07:15,979 --> 00:07:18,018
There ought to be a law against it.
103
00:07:18,106 --> 00:07:22,104
- Did you really think you'd win it?
- I haven't lost it yet.
104
00:07:22,193 --> 00:07:24,518
- How many have you lost?
- I don't know.
105
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:28,657
But every time I've lost a contest,
I've doubled my chances on the next one.
106
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:33,320
It's the law of averages. Like when I lost the
How Many Peanuts In The Window contest.
107
00:07:33,413 --> 00:07:36,829
- That doubled my chances...
- They put boxes under the peanuts.
108
00:07:36,916 --> 00:07:40,202
They didn't ask how many boxes
under the peanuts. They said...
109
00:07:40,295 --> 00:07:42,916
- "How many peanuts are in the window?"
- So I lost.
110
00:07:43,006 --> 00:07:46,671
That doubled my chances on the
You Fill In The Missing Words contest.
111
00:07:46,759 --> 00:07:48,836
- But you lost that one too.
- Fine.
112
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:52,843
- I was eight to one in the limerick contest.
- But you didn't win it, Jimmy!
113
00:07:52,932 --> 00:07:54,972
That's what makes it a cinch this time.
114
00:07:55,059 --> 00:07:57,052
Can't you see it over there in lights?
115
00:07:57,145 --> 00:07:59,470
The guy swallows his coffee, and it says,
116
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:03,858
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
117
00:08:03,943 --> 00:08:06,944
- That's some slogan.
- Mm-hm.
118
00:08:07,030 --> 00:08:09,817
Do you get the point?
Do you understand what it means?
119
00:08:09,908 --> 00:08:11,900
- Yes...
- What do you mean, yes?
120
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:15,991
It's clear as crystal.
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
121
00:08:17,373 --> 00:08:22,082
If you don't sleep at night, it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bunk.
122
00:08:22,170 --> 00:08:26,417
- The bunk when you don't sleep!
- I know! I've heard it a thousand times!
123
00:08:26,508 --> 00:08:29,462
- I just don't understand it.
- Maybe you don't try to.
124
00:08:29,552 --> 00:08:33,420
- Maybe I don't.
- A kid of two could understand that.
125
00:08:33,515 --> 00:08:37,761
This Viennese doctor says
that whole idea's just a superstition,
126
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:41,102
that instead of keeping you awake,
coffee makes you sleep.
127
00:08:41,189 --> 00:08:44,973
- It's simple. Coffee makes you sleep.
- It doesn't make me sleep.
128
00:08:45,068 --> 00:08:48,318
- He's a Viennese doctor!
- Coffee keeps you awake!
129
00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:52,734
Why are you so pig-headed about it?
I'm not trying to contradict you...
130
00:08:52,826 --> 00:08:56,408
It's the new scientific theory.
It's the basis of my slogan.
131
00:08:56,496 --> 00:09:00,410
People who think coffee keeps them awake
are nervous wrecks anyway
132
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,124
so why blame it on the coffee?
133
00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:07,204
So I say, "If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
134
00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:09,421
- Do you get it?
- I guess so.
135
00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:14,467
- You guess so. What does it mean?
- It's the bunk.
136
00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:18,221
- Yes, but do you get the play on words?
- You don't need a play on words.
137
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:22,603
Any time anybody says
coffee makes you sleep, it's bunk.
138
00:09:22,689 --> 00:09:26,223
Don't you understand? It's funny.
People are going to laugh.
139
00:09:26,317 --> 00:09:30,232
It means it isn't the coffee
that keeps you awake, it's the bed.
140
00:09:30,321 --> 00:09:33,073
- With me it's the coffee.
- Oh...
141
00:09:33,157 --> 00:09:36,526
I want you to win it.
I'm just as anxious as you are.
142
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:40,866
And when you lose this one, think how much
better your chances will be on the next.
143
00:09:40,957 --> 00:09:46,034
Fine chance I've got of winning anything
if everybody says coffee keeps you awake.
144
00:09:46,129 --> 00:09:49,794
Let's drink a gallon of coffee
and see who sleeps the longest.
145
00:09:49,883 --> 00:09:52,124
- Oh, shut up.
- Jimmy!
146
00:09:52,218 --> 00:09:54,674
Jimmy!
147
00:09:57,599 --> 00:09:59,009
Yes, ma'am.
148
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:01,389
Mr. Zimmerman says
will you not talk so loud?
149
00:10:01,477 --> 00:10:05,345
- He's trying to go to sleep.
- Tell him to drink a cup of coffee.
150
00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:08,357
And don't take cold up there.
Is Betty warm enough?
151
00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:12,310
- Yes, thank you, Mrs. MacDonald.
- All right, dear.
152
00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:18,736
I'd like you just as much
if you didn't win the old contest.
153
00:10:18,828 --> 00:10:21,236
- That's because you're a sap.
- Maybe I am.
154
00:10:21,331 --> 00:10:24,830
But if I am I'm glad of it.
You know how we feel about each other.
155
00:10:24,918 --> 00:10:27,159
- Nix.
- It's true, isn't it?
156
00:10:27,253 --> 00:10:30,373
- You can't say I'm being forward.
- Not much.
157
00:10:31,424 --> 00:10:35,636
I'm not. Time is slipping by
and we're not getting any younger.
158
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,380
Nix.
159
00:10:37,472 --> 00:10:39,381
Two can live as cheaply as one.
160
00:10:39,474 --> 00:10:42,391
Who wants to live cheaply?
Cut it out, will you?
161
00:10:44,896 --> 00:10:47,932
What would you do if you won the $25,000?
162
00:10:48,024 --> 00:10:50,017
Stick it in the bank.
163
00:10:50,109 --> 00:10:52,814
Wouldn't you even buy a little ring
or something?
164
00:10:52,904 --> 00:10:55,691
- I don't like rings on a man.
- Oh, you.
165
00:10:55,782 --> 00:11:00,278
What's the use of talking about it?
You know I'd spend it on you and mum.
166
00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:03,205
I'd get you a new shiny car
and a swell apartment.
167
00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:07,785
Maybe one of those little dream houses
in the suburbs, some hired help.
168
00:11:07,877 --> 00:11:12,171
Maybe a trip to Europe. Maybe the Grand
Canyon would be better nowadays.
169
00:11:12,257 --> 00:11:15,127
- We'd be happy all right.
- We could be happy anyway.
170
00:11:15,218 --> 00:11:18,135
Everything that means happiness
costs money.
171
00:11:18,221 --> 00:11:21,138
How much was your dad making
when he married your mom?
172
00:11:21,224 --> 00:11:23,216
- 18 bucks a week.
- Well?
173
00:11:23,309 --> 00:11:25,765
You think that proves something?
174
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:28,605
She's never been to the country
for more than a day.
175
00:11:28,690 --> 00:11:30,647
Never had any nice furniture.
176
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:35,775
The dream of her life is a Davenport that
turns into a double bed at night-time.
177
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:39,398
She's never had a nice dress
except those she made herself.
178
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:43,027
I wore the old man's stuff cut down
until I got my first job
179
00:11:43,121 --> 00:11:47,284
and he was worn out at 48 and croaked
because he couldn't afford a doctor.
180
00:11:47,375 --> 00:11:49,415
Where do you get that $18 a week stuff?
181
00:11:49,502 --> 00:11:52,254
I earn $18 and you earn $22 and that's $40.
182
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:55,754
Sure and you've got your ma
and I've got mine.
183
00:11:55,842 --> 00:12:00,005
You get a kid and you have to stop work
and we're right back at the $22 again.
184
00:12:00,096 --> 00:12:03,963
Except then there's you and the kid
and the two old ladies and me.
185
00:12:04,058 --> 00:12:06,051
- But Jimmy...
- Nix, honey.
186
00:12:06,144 --> 00:12:08,717
They didn't give you
wrists and hands like that
187
00:12:08,813 --> 00:12:11,731
to spoil in a washtub for a poor sap like me.
188
00:12:11,816 --> 00:12:14,568
- But Jimmy...
- You gotta look out for yourself.
189
00:12:14,652 --> 00:12:18,602
You gotta see the main chance and grab it,
the chance of plenty of money.
190
00:12:18,698 --> 00:12:22,281
Men look out for themselves.
They think about nothing but money.
191
00:12:22,368 --> 00:12:27,576
A girl's got to do the same instead of
fooling away her time on a guy like me.
192
00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:31,034
- Unless he crashes through.
- You make me tired.
193
00:12:31,127 --> 00:12:33,665
- Then go to bed.
- That's a nice thing to say.
194
00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:35,498
Invite a girl over and yell at her.
195
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:39,422
If I wanted to be insulted, I could have gone
out with the credit manager.
196
00:12:39,510 --> 00:12:42,381
- Who's stopping you?
- Thank you, Mr. MacDonald.
197
00:12:42,472 --> 00:12:45,592
- It's nice to know where you stand.
- I'm sorry.
198
00:12:45,683 --> 00:12:50,144
Maybe I will go out with the credit manager.
Good night.
199
00:12:53,775 --> 00:12:56,859
- Wait and I'll help you.
- I don't need any help.
200
00:13:03,618 --> 00:13:05,694
Here.
201
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:13,749
- Kindly let go of my arm.
- Why don't you watch your step?
202
00:13:13,836 --> 00:13:16,624
- Why don't you mind your own business?
- Oh, shut up.
203
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:20,083
- Why don't you shut up?
- Why don't you both shut up?
204
00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:23,548
See?
205
00:13:40,905 --> 00:13:43,313
They got up there a horse yet?
206
00:13:43,408 --> 00:13:46,362
- Wait for your laugh.
- Wise guy.
207
00:13:53,751 --> 00:13:56,622
- Bread and butter.
- Bread and butter.
208
00:14:15,690 --> 00:14:18,691
- Don't fall down the ladder.
- I've been down it before.
209
00:14:18,776 --> 00:14:21,184
You fell down it before too.
210
00:14:21,279 --> 00:14:23,734
- Good night.
- Good night.
211
00:14:23,823 --> 00:14:27,773
- See you at the office.
- Aren't you going to take me?
212
00:14:27,869 --> 00:14:30,442
All right.
213
00:14:30,538 --> 00:14:33,409
- Good night, Jimmy.
- Good night.
214
00:14:33,499 --> 00:14:35,706
- Good night.
- Good night.
215
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:39,541
Night.
216
00:14:41,466 --> 00:14:43,921
- Good night, honey.
- Good night, darling.
217
00:14:51,893 --> 00:14:54,265
- Good night.
- Good night.
218
00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:56,477
Good night!
219
00:14:57,982 --> 00:15:01,600
- I tell you, it makes you sleep.
- OK, it makes you sleep.
220
00:15:01,694 --> 00:15:05,146
And water runs uphill
and dogs miaow and cats bark
221
00:15:05,239 --> 00:15:10,281
and water's red-hot in the winter
and freezes over in the summer.
222
00:15:10,370 --> 00:15:12,943
You're a dreamer. Just like your father.
223
00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,948
With him it was always automobiles
224
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:17,283
where the wind, it scooped it up in the front
225
00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:20,046
and pushed out the back to make it go,
or some such.
226
00:15:20,129 --> 00:15:22,288
There's no wind blowing out of my ideas.
227
00:15:22,382 --> 00:15:26,331
- Pretty windy. Have you got car fare?
- Think so.
228
00:15:27,595 --> 00:15:29,504
Yeah.
229
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:34,058
Make a wish.
What falls to the floor comes to the door.
230
00:15:34,143 --> 00:15:36,717
- All right.
- There's nothing to laugh about.
231
00:15:36,813 --> 00:15:39,979
I mind the time your father,
may his soul be peaceful,
232
00:15:40,066 --> 00:15:41,774
dropped a quarter down a crack,
233
00:15:41,859 --> 00:15:45,940
and it wasn't an hour till a near-sighted man
gave him a five-dollar gold piece
234
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:48,153
instead of a nickel in paying his fare.
235
00:15:49,117 --> 00:15:52,320
- We went to Coney that night.
- What was wrong with Pa's eyes?
236
00:15:52,412 --> 00:15:54,404
He was looking somewhere else.
237
00:15:54,497 --> 00:15:57,202
There was nothing the matter
with your father.
238
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:59,533
He was a fine-looking conductor.
239
00:15:59,627 --> 00:16:01,786
- He was.
- You'd seem a shrimp beside him.
240
00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:04,370
- I would.
- Don't say anything against him.
241
00:16:04,465 --> 00:16:06,672
I'm not saying anything against him, Mum.
242
00:16:06,759 --> 00:16:09,381
Well, watch your step.
243
00:16:10,513 --> 00:16:12,838
- Jimmy.
- Yes'm?
244
00:16:12,932 --> 00:16:15,091
There's money in your cup.
245
00:16:37,123 --> 00:16:39,281
So the sucker says, "Is Mr. Fish there?"
246
00:16:39,375 --> 00:16:43,159
And the guy says, "Which one do you want?
This is the New York Aquarium. "
247
00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:48,463
The best one is, you say,
"This is the Edison Company.
248
00:16:48,551 --> 00:16:52,679
"Would you mind seeing if the street light's
burning in front of your house?"
249
00:16:52,764 --> 00:16:55,433
And when the poor mug says, "Yes, it is,"
250
00:16:55,516 --> 00:16:57,639
you say, "Well, blow it out, will you?"
251
00:16:59,354 --> 00:17:03,185
Hello, is this
the Maxford House Coffee Company?
252
00:17:03,274 --> 00:17:07,058
Could you tell me if the jury's reached
a verdict on the contest yet?
253
00:17:07,153 --> 00:17:11,317
They haven't? Then there's
still a chance for everybody, huh?
254
00:17:11,407 --> 00:17:13,483
Thanks just the same.
255
00:17:16,162 --> 00:17:19,613
I wonder what one of those suckers
would do if they ever did win.
256
00:17:19,707 --> 00:17:22,792
Well, it's very easy to find out.
257
00:17:22,877 --> 00:17:26,661
All you need is a telegraph blank,
some scissors and some glue.
258
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:30,457
- Cut it in strips, do it on the blank.
- Holy mackerel.
259
00:18:32,780 --> 00:18:35,188
Good afternoon, Miss Casey.
260
00:18:35,283 --> 00:18:37,275
Good morning, Mr. Waterbury.
261
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:56,464
Good morning, John.
262
00:19:31,464 --> 00:19:34,216
Jams. It's been doing that quite a lot lately.
263
00:19:34,300 --> 00:19:38,167
- The wonder is it works at all.
- Yes, sir.
264
00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:41,429
Come into my office a moment,
Mr. MacDonald.
265
00:19:42,433 --> 00:19:44,260
Yes, sir.
266
00:20:09,877 --> 00:20:12,795
I've been watching you for some time,
Mr. MacDonald.
267
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,502
Yes, sir. It used to make me kind of nervous.
268
00:20:16,676 --> 00:20:18,668
- Not nervous any more?
- No, sir.
269
00:20:18,761 --> 00:20:21,383
- Are you a drinking man, then?
- Sir?
270
00:20:21,472 --> 00:20:25,173
This is part of your yesterday's work.
I believe your number is 112?
271
00:20:25,268 --> 00:20:26,726
Yes, sir.
272
00:20:26,811 --> 00:20:29,978
The computing machine is almost foolproof,
Mr. MacDonald,
273
00:20:30,064 --> 00:20:35,189
yet you managed to miss your total by
a little matter of $11,000 on this one sheet.
274
00:20:35,278 --> 00:20:37,566
To what do you attribute that?
275
00:20:37,655 --> 00:20:40,442
I, er... I don't know, Mr. Waterbury.
276
00:20:40,533 --> 00:20:43,071
You know simple arithmetic, don't you?
277
00:20:43,161 --> 00:20:48,321
You know the difference between addition,
subtraction and possibly multiplication?
278
00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:51,168
Yes, sir. I'm pretty good at it.
279
00:20:51,252 --> 00:20:55,464
Have you troubles at home? You
henpecked? Suffering from a broken heart?
280
00:20:55,548 --> 00:20:58,121
Had your teeth examined lately?
281
00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:01,752
Or are you purely and simply
incapable of doing your work?
282
00:21:01,846 --> 00:21:05,547
Well, I... I guess it's the contest,
Mr. Waterbury,
283
00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:07,349
the Maxford House contest.
284
00:21:07,435 --> 00:21:09,724
I had no idea it was hurting my work.
285
00:21:09,812 --> 00:21:13,857
- How much is the prize?
- The first prize is $25,000.
286
00:21:13,941 --> 00:21:15,768
Yes.
287
00:21:15,860 --> 00:21:20,356
I used to think about $25,000 too,
and what I'd do with it.
288
00:21:20,448 --> 00:21:23,568
That I'd be a failure
if I didn't get a hold of it.
289
00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:30,492
And then one day I realized
I was never going to have $25,000.
290
00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:34,118
And then another day a little bit later,
considerably later,
291
00:21:34,212 --> 00:21:36,418
I realized something else,
292
00:21:36,506 --> 00:21:40,634
something I'm imparting to you now,
Mr. MacDonald.
293
00:21:40,718 --> 00:21:43,838
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
294
00:21:43,930 --> 00:21:46,800
You see, ambition is all right if it works.
295
00:21:46,891 --> 00:21:50,841
But no system could be right where only
half of one per cent were successes
296
00:21:50,937 --> 00:21:53,060
and all the rest were failures.
297
00:21:53,147 --> 00:21:56,148
I'm not a failure. I'm a success.
298
00:21:56,234 --> 00:22:01,857
So are you if you earn your own living and
pay your bills and look the world in the eye.
299
00:22:01,948 --> 00:22:06,693
I hope you win your $25,000, Mr. MacDonald.
300
00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:10,486
But if you shouldn't happen to,
don't worry about it.
301
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:16,370
Now get the heck back to your desk
and try to improve your arithmetic.
302
00:22:16,462 --> 00:22:19,214
Yes, sir, Mr. Waterbury.
303
00:22:20,758 --> 00:22:22,965
- Thank you.
- It's all right.
304
00:23:02,091 --> 00:23:05,045
Wow! Oh, honey, look!
305
00:23:05,136 --> 00:23:09,181
Hey, everybody! Hey, everybody!
Come here?
306
00:23:09,265 --> 00:23:11,056
Get up here, honey.
307
00:23:11,142 --> 00:23:13,099
Wow!
308
00:23:13,186 --> 00:23:18,607
There comes a time in everybody's life
when he's got to get up and let it rip!
309
00:23:18,691 --> 00:23:21,478
Wow! In other words, boys and girls,
310
00:23:21,569 --> 00:23:25,068
I just won the $25,000 first prize
in the Maxford House contest.
311
00:23:27,742 --> 00:23:31,325
Hey, give me a phone.
Boy, this is gonna be good.
312
00:23:31,412 --> 00:23:36,039
Hello? Give me Astoria 59970.
This is really gonna be good.
313
00:23:41,214 --> 00:23:44,547
- Hello, is this Mrs. Schwartz?
- Yes.
314
00:23:44,634 --> 00:23:46,792
This is Jimmy. Hello, Mrs. Schwartz.
315
00:23:46,886 --> 00:23:50,255
I hate to bother you
but could I talk to my mom? It's important.
316
00:23:50,348 --> 00:23:53,551
Thank you. I'll let you use my phone
when I get one.
317
00:23:58,272 --> 00:24:00,265
Hello, Mum? This is Jimmy.
318
00:24:00,358 --> 00:24:03,478
I'm going to tell you something.
Don't be frightened.
319
00:24:03,569 --> 00:24:06,404
- You're not hurt?
- Course I'm not hurt!
320
00:24:06,489 --> 00:24:10,321
Mum, would I call you up
from under a streetcar?
321
00:24:10,409 --> 00:24:12,947
Mum, are you a rich woman
or a poor woman?
322
00:24:13,037 --> 00:24:16,371
No, I'm not crazy with the heat,
I'm just asking you a question.
323
00:24:16,457 --> 00:24:18,782
Are you a rich woman or a poor woman?
324
00:24:18,876 --> 00:24:22,210
You're all wet! I said you're all wet, Mum.
325
00:24:22,296 --> 00:24:26,045
Buy yourself anything you want.
Furniture, automobiles, dresses.
326
00:24:26,133 --> 00:24:28,173
- Electric washer.
- Electric washer!
327
00:24:28,261 --> 00:24:30,300
You know the one you like? It's yours.
328
00:24:30,388 --> 00:24:34,053
- The Davenport.
- The one that turns into a double bed.
329
00:24:34,141 --> 00:24:38,887
It's yours, Mum. And anything else
you want. All you gotta do is tell me.
330
00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:43,024
- It's gonna cost you a Davenport.
- I'll tell the world I got a raise.
331
00:24:43,109 --> 00:24:45,730
- Wow, he got a raise!
- Put him out of his misery.
332
00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:48,987
- Hey, the boss.
- What is going on around here?
333
00:24:49,073 --> 00:24:52,407
What is this? A football game?
334
00:24:52,493 --> 00:24:56,740
Quiet! I said quiet!
Or there will be severe consequences.
335
00:24:56,831 --> 00:25:01,991
What are you doing on that desk?
Never mind! You're fired as of this minute.
336
00:25:02,086 --> 00:25:04,328
- What's your name?
- James MacDonald.
337
00:25:04,422 --> 00:25:06,249
This is my fianc�e, Miss Casey.
338
00:25:06,340 --> 00:25:08,962
Well, let that be a lesson to you.
339
00:25:11,220 --> 00:25:14,506
What is so funny about that?
340
00:25:14,599 --> 00:25:17,635
What is the meaning of this demonstration,
Mr. Waterbury?
341
00:25:17,727 --> 00:25:20,597
I demand an explanation,
and it had better be good.
342
00:25:20,688 --> 00:25:23,309
It is very good, sir. It appears this lad...
343
00:25:23,399 --> 00:25:25,890
What? What? What?
344
00:25:25,985 --> 00:25:27,812
Quiet!
345
00:25:27,904 --> 00:25:30,062
- Mr. Baxter.
- What do you want?
346
00:25:30,156 --> 00:25:32,647
If anyone ought to be fired, it's me.
347
00:25:32,742 --> 00:25:36,241
Never mind the noble gestures.
I'll decide what's what.
348
00:25:36,329 --> 00:25:38,820
Save that Rover Boy stuff
for your spare time.
349
00:25:38,915 --> 00:25:42,533
See that this young man is paid off,
and don't let this reoccur.
350
00:25:42,627 --> 00:25:44,619
There's a very good reason...
351
00:25:44,712 --> 00:25:47,499
- Has it anything to do with this company?
- No, but...
352
00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:51,504
- Then I don't care to hear about it!
- But you do care to hear about it.
353
00:25:51,594 --> 00:25:54,511
- How was that?
- I say you do care to hear about it.
354
00:25:54,597 --> 00:25:57,266
You couldn't have understood
what was said.
355
00:25:57,350 --> 00:25:59,722
These children are part of your family.
356
00:25:59,810 --> 00:26:02,432
Anything that happens to them
happens to you.
357
00:26:02,522 --> 00:26:05,890
So if you don't care to hear,
you must have misunderstood.
358
00:26:05,983 --> 00:26:07,691
What is all this?
359
00:26:07,777 --> 00:26:10,268
This young man,
this minor employee of yours,
360
00:26:10,363 --> 00:26:14,526
has just won the $25,000
Maxford House New Slogan contest.
361
00:26:14,617 --> 00:26:19,160
He and he alone was chosen winner
over millions of contestants.
362
00:26:19,247 --> 00:26:22,829
And I say that is reason enough
for rejoicing.
363
00:26:22,917 --> 00:26:25,538
Well, I should say it is.
364
00:26:27,630 --> 00:26:33,086
If you'll kindly get down off my furniture,
I'd like to congratulate you, Mr...
365
00:26:33,177 --> 00:26:35,004
Jimmy.
366
00:26:39,016 --> 00:26:41,934
- Well, more power to you.
- Thank you, sir.
367
00:26:42,019 --> 00:26:45,139
I suppose I'll have to hire you back
on a fat increase.
368
00:26:45,231 --> 00:26:48,185
I don't think that will be necessary,
Mr. Baxter.
369
00:26:48,276 --> 00:26:53,103
I've always liked it here and...
Oh, I guess a raise would come in handy.
370
00:26:54,824 --> 00:26:57,694
And you really won
the Maxford House contest, eh?
371
00:26:57,785 --> 00:27:01,154
- That's what the telegram said.
- They wanted a new slogan?
372
00:27:01,247 --> 00:27:04,117
- Yes, sir.
- It's about time they changed the old one.
373
00:27:04,208 --> 00:27:07,162
What was your slogan?
374
00:27:07,253 --> 00:27:10,953
"If you don't sleep at nights,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
375
00:27:11,048 --> 00:27:15,545
Do you get it? It's a play on words.
It means if you don't sleep at night...
376
00:27:15,636 --> 00:27:18,756
- But coffee keeps you awake.
- No, no, no, sir.
377
00:27:18,848 --> 00:27:22,264
- This scientist...
- It's a clever idea just the same.
378
00:27:22,351 --> 00:27:25,886
It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk.
379
00:27:25,980 --> 00:27:29,396
That ought to be good
for the whole industry.
380
00:27:29,483 --> 00:27:32,401
Did you get any ideas for Baxter and Sons
381
00:27:32,486 --> 00:27:35,274
while you were inventing slogans
for competitors?
382
00:27:35,364 --> 00:27:39,314
- We make coffee too, you know.
- I certainly did, Mr. Baxter.
383
00:27:39,410 --> 00:27:42,993
I've been trying to tell them
to the advertising department.
384
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,200
I've been down there
about a thousand times.
385
00:27:46,292 --> 00:27:49,044
You see, we don't advertise enough.
386
00:27:49,128 --> 00:27:52,877
How would you like
to come and tell me a few of these ideas?
387
00:27:52,965 --> 00:27:55,005
- Yes, sir.
- Oh, Jimmy.
388
00:27:55,092 --> 00:27:57,418
You can come too, my dear.
389
00:27:57,511 --> 00:28:02,138
Then I'd put out a secondary brand
to catch the in-between trade.
390
00:28:02,224 --> 00:28:05,925
Say, uh... "Waterbury's. It's the berries. "
391
00:28:06,020 --> 00:28:09,223
- What do you mean, Waterbury...
- Let him go on.
392
00:28:09,315 --> 00:28:12,933
Because if Baxter's is the best,
we've got to charge more for it.
393
00:28:13,027 --> 00:28:17,025
We've got to have a slogan. Word of mouth
is OK if you've got the right words.
394
00:28:17,114 --> 00:28:18,988
Make a note of that, Miss Pettypass.
395
00:28:19,075 --> 00:28:23,238
I tried to find a slogan that implied
that Baxters was the finest of its class.
396
00:28:23,329 --> 00:28:27,540
Say... Not "The aristocrat of coffee".
That's been used too much.
397
00:28:27,625 --> 00:28:30,792
But, er... say, er...
398
00:28:30,878 --> 00:28:34,496
"The blue-blood coffee.
It's bred in the bean. "
399
00:28:34,590 --> 00:28:38,802
See? As if every bean
in our coffee had a pedigree.
400
00:28:38,886 --> 00:28:42,006
"Baxter's Best. The blueblood coffee. "
401
00:28:42,098 --> 00:28:47,056
- "It's bred in the bean. "
- "It's bred in the bean. "
402
00:28:47,144 --> 00:28:50,311
Wonderful. How about that one?
403
00:28:50,398 --> 00:28:53,399
The only trouble with it is
I didn't think of it myself.
404
00:28:53,484 --> 00:28:57,149
"It's bred in the bean. "
I can see it all over the nation.
405
00:28:57,238 --> 00:29:00,025
In every nook and dell.
406
00:29:00,116 --> 00:29:03,152
Jimmy, you're a genius.
407
00:29:03,244 --> 00:29:07,538
Now that you're a capitalist, I don't know
how you feel about working for a living,
408
00:29:07,623 --> 00:29:09,699
but if you'd care to have an office...
409
00:29:09,792 --> 00:29:12,579
- You mean to myself?
- With his name on the door?
410
00:29:12,670 --> 00:29:16,715
Naturally. And this young lady
as your secretary.
411
00:29:16,799 --> 00:29:20,666
And a reasonable stipend
to be determined upon later.
412
00:29:20,761 --> 00:29:24,011
I see no reason
why we shouldn't shake hands on it now.
413
00:29:24,098 --> 00:29:27,016
- Go ahead, Jimmy.
- Gee whizz, Mr. Baxter.
414
00:29:27,101 --> 00:29:29,426
I should say I would, and how I would!
415
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:33,648
I suppose you'd like to have the afternoon off
while we get your office ready?
416
00:29:33,733 --> 00:29:36,484
I'd certainly appreciate it, Mr. Baxter.
417
00:29:36,569 --> 00:29:39,321
- Can she come along too?
- Why of course she can!
418
00:29:39,405 --> 00:29:44,648
And a little bird tells me what kind of store
you're going to be visiting first.
419
00:29:44,744 --> 00:29:49,038
A little jewellery store, I'll wager, eh?
420
00:29:49,123 --> 00:29:51,246
I guess you're not far wrong.
421
00:29:51,334 --> 00:29:54,952
But first I think I'll go to Maxford House
and pick up that cheque.
422
00:29:55,046 --> 00:29:58,047
Oh, yes. We'd almost forgotten about that,
hadn't we?
423
00:29:58,132 --> 00:30:00,041
Almost but not quite.
424
00:30:00,134 --> 00:30:02,839
What was your Maxford House
slogan again?
425
00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:05,051
"It isn't the bunk, it's the coffee. "
426
00:30:05,139 --> 00:30:07,677
No, no! "It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
427
00:30:07,767 --> 00:30:10,258
Isn't that marvelous?
428
00:30:10,353 --> 00:30:13,804
"If you don't sleep at night it isn't the, uh... "
429
00:30:13,898 --> 00:30:17,231
Yes, but, "It's bred in the bean. "
430
00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:19,939
- That's the one for my money.
- Functional.
431
00:30:20,029 --> 00:30:24,192
- Precisely.
- Well, Mr. Baxter, I thank you.
432
00:30:24,283 --> 00:30:27,533
I don't know what to say.
433
00:30:27,620 --> 00:30:30,905
Thank you, Mr. Jenkins.
It'll be a pleasure working with you.
434
00:30:30,998 --> 00:30:34,118
Thank you, Mr. Waterbury,
and thank you, Mr. Babcock,
435
00:30:34,210 --> 00:30:37,045
and thank you, Miss Pettypass and...
436
00:30:37,129 --> 00:30:38,754
And how.
437
00:30:38,839 --> 00:30:41,081
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
438
00:30:41,175 --> 00:30:43,748
- Bye.
- Goodbye.
439
00:30:47,974 --> 00:30:50,215
- A big future.
- Immense.
440
00:30:50,309 --> 00:30:54,010
- I've had my eye on him for some time.
- Huh?
441
00:31:14,208 --> 00:31:16,450
- Look, kid...
- What?
442
00:31:16,544 --> 00:31:18,417
Can I talk to you? It's important.
443
00:31:18,504 --> 00:31:22,965
Can you tell me tomorrow? I've got to go
to the Maxford House and get my cheque.
444
00:31:23,050 --> 00:31:27,130
That's what I want to talk about.
Harry and Dick and I... Well...
445
00:31:27,221 --> 00:31:30,092
- Well, what?
- It's like this. You see, we...
446
00:31:30,182 --> 00:31:32,175
- Oh, MacDonald.
- Yes, sir?
447
00:31:32,268 --> 00:31:36,052
Was that "It's bred in the bean,"
or just plain "Bred in the bean"?
448
00:31:36,147 --> 00:31:40,358
"It's. " Just "Bred in the bean" might
sound like bread, like bread and butter.
449
00:31:40,443 --> 00:31:43,859
- Naturally. I don't know why I didn't realize.
- Is that all, sir?
450
00:31:43,946 --> 00:31:48,074
Yes. Have a nice time and
don't spend all your money in one place.
451
00:31:48,159 --> 00:31:52,073
- Thank you, sir. Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
452
00:31:52,163 --> 00:31:54,914
Great mind.
453
00:31:54,999 --> 00:31:58,582
Did you wish to speak to me, Darcy?
454
00:31:58,669 --> 00:32:03,461
Who, me? Oh, no, sir.
I was just watching them go out.
455
00:32:03,549 --> 00:32:06,420
Well, it's been quite an exciting day,
hasn't it?
456
00:32:08,304 --> 00:32:11,424
Yeah, and it ain't even over yet.
457
00:32:14,602 --> 00:32:17,009
I said, "You can stay here
till Hoboken freezes over. "
458
00:32:17,104 --> 00:32:20,473
- I should have fired all of them.
- I was mortified.
459
00:32:20,566 --> 00:32:24,516
The biggest moment in commercial annals
muffed by a gang of horse whistlers
460
00:32:24,612 --> 00:32:27,945
who wouldn't know a slogan
from a poke in the eye with a stick.
461
00:32:28,032 --> 00:32:31,650
- I thought I'd die of embarrassment.
- I wish they'd died of lockjaw.
462
00:32:31,744 --> 00:32:33,902
What good are these contests, anyway?
463
00:32:33,996 --> 00:32:38,243
They disrupt the entire organization,
they make you millions of enemies,
464
00:32:38,334 --> 00:32:41,584
and all they prove
is that you're making too much money,
465
00:32:41,671 --> 00:32:44,244
since you can afford
to toss it to some saphead
466
00:32:44,340 --> 00:32:47,875
who probably never had
a cup of your coffee but lives on goats' milk.
467
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:51,254
- Have they reached a verdict yet?
- I don't know or care.
468
00:32:51,347 --> 00:32:53,672
If they hold off until our next broadcast...
469
00:32:53,766 --> 00:32:57,846
No, no!
That would be the intelligent thing to do.
470
00:32:57,937 --> 00:33:01,270
That would be useful to the company
that clothes and feeds them
471
00:33:01,357 --> 00:33:05,686
and sends their children to college
so they can be dumbbells like their parents.
472
00:33:09,699 --> 00:33:12,902
- What do you want?
- The contest winner is here.
473
00:33:12,993 --> 00:33:16,409
- The contest winner?
- Yes, sir.
474
00:33:16,497 --> 00:33:20,329
How do you like that? First they bottle up
the biggest scoop of the year,
475
00:33:20,418 --> 00:33:22,991
then when they get good and ready they...
476
00:33:24,755 --> 00:33:27,246
All right, send him in.
477
00:33:27,341 --> 00:33:29,085
- You can go in now.
- Thanks.
478
00:33:29,176 --> 00:33:31,846
- I guess I'd better wait here.
- Come on in.
479
00:33:31,929 --> 00:33:35,132
No, maybe you had better wait here.
We're a little excited.
480
00:33:35,224 --> 00:33:38,427
- You would be. Congratulations.
- Thanks. I mean, for him.
481
00:33:38,519 --> 00:33:40,476
For both of us.
482
00:33:40,563 --> 00:33:42,271
Well...
483
00:33:42,356 --> 00:33:44,894
Of all the confounded...
484
00:33:44,984 --> 00:33:46,775
Come in!
485
00:33:49,572 --> 00:33:54,779
How do you do? I suppose I have the honor
of addressing Dr. Maxford, I presume?
486
00:33:54,869 --> 00:33:57,324
Right. And this is Don Hartman,
my announcer.
487
00:33:57,413 --> 00:34:00,996
Well, Mr. Hartman,
it certainly is a pleasure to meet you.
488
00:34:01,083 --> 00:34:03,408
I've enjoyed your personality on the air.
489
00:34:03,502 --> 00:34:05,744
- Congratulations to you.
- Thank you.
490
00:34:05,838 --> 00:34:08,376
Here's the telegram,
Mr. Maxford... Dr. Maxford.
491
00:34:08,466 --> 00:34:09,924
Yes, yes, yes.
492
00:34:10,009 --> 00:34:14,256
Oh, yes. "Great pleasure in informing you...
$25,000.
493
00:34:14,346 --> 00:34:16,635
"Kindly call and pick up your cheque. "
494
00:34:16,724 --> 00:34:19,049
Bildocker has a great sense of the dramatic.
495
00:34:19,143 --> 00:34:21,930
You aren't by any chance a coffee drinker,
are you?
496
00:34:22,021 --> 00:34:24,891
- Yes, I certainly am.
- That's surprising.
497
00:34:24,982 --> 00:34:27,307
Do you, by any chance, drink my coffee?
498
00:34:27,401 --> 00:34:31,102
- No, sir, you see, I...
- Yes, that sounds more natural.
499
00:34:31,197 --> 00:34:34,198
- But I could easily change.
- That won't be necessary.
500
00:34:34,283 --> 00:34:38,660
I wouldn't want anybody to think
I had any base commercial motives.
501
00:34:38,746 --> 00:34:41,830
I just give money away
because I can't sleep at night.
502
00:34:41,916 --> 00:34:45,664
- I have a guilty conscience.
- That's my slogan. The one I won with.
503
00:34:45,753 --> 00:34:49,169
- I guess you know all about that.
- A guilty conscience, eh?
504
00:34:49,256 --> 00:34:52,922
I can see that my money is well spent.
That's a great slogan.
505
00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:57,090
No, sir. "If you can't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
506
00:34:57,181 --> 00:34:59,257
- I beg your pardon?
- It's a pun.
507
00:34:59,350 --> 00:35:02,801
- It certainly is. It's great.
- Thank you.
508
00:35:02,895 --> 00:35:06,145
I can hardly wait to give you my money.
509
00:35:08,692 --> 00:35:10,235
Bring me that contest cheque.
510
00:35:10,319 --> 00:35:13,688
I don't know if you've ever had
anything like this happen to you,
511
00:35:13,781 --> 00:35:17,731
but to be poor and unknown one minute
and on top of the world the next,
512
00:35:17,827 --> 00:35:20,033
that's a feeling nobody can take from me.
513
00:35:20,121 --> 00:35:22,409
- Well, I...
- To know I won this contest
514
00:35:22,498 --> 00:35:27,207
because I thought up the best slogan
means more to me that anything on earth.
515
00:35:27,294 --> 00:35:29,038
- I'll tell you why.
- If you...
516
00:35:29,130 --> 00:35:32,962
I used to think maybe I had good ideas
and was gonna get somewhere,
517
00:35:33,050 --> 00:35:38,507
but now I know it, and that's what I want
to thank you for, more than the money.
518
00:35:38,597 --> 00:35:41,634
- Did you want the $25,000 one?
- That's right.
519
00:35:41,726 --> 00:35:46,471
- When they choose a winner?
- They didn't bother to inform me.
520
00:35:46,564 --> 00:35:49,565
James MacDonald. Is that Mac or Mc?
521
00:35:49,650 --> 00:35:51,477
It's Mac, sir.
522
00:35:51,569 --> 00:35:54,854
My, uh... My grandmother was Scottish.
523
00:35:54,947 --> 00:35:57,438
Mine was Lithuanian.
524
00:35:57,533 --> 00:35:59,573
Here you are, young man.
525
00:35:59,660 --> 00:36:03,574
It is customary under these circumstances
to have photographers present,
526
00:36:03,664 --> 00:36:07,448
a couple of reporters and even newsreels
and broadcasting machinery.
527
00:36:07,543 --> 00:36:12,205
But since we do everything here
on a very high, non-commercial plain,
528
00:36:12,298 --> 00:36:16,794
I merely take pleasure in giving you
this small cheque, Mr. MacDonald.
529
00:36:16,886 --> 00:36:20,504
- That's all there is to it.
- Thank you, Dr. Maxford.
530
00:36:20,598 --> 00:36:24,014
- I don't know how I can find words...
- Never mind about them.
531
00:36:24,101 --> 00:36:27,019
Just goodbye and good luck.
532
00:36:27,104 --> 00:36:29,311
Oh, boy.
533
00:36:29,398 --> 00:36:33,348
- Now get me Bildocker!
- Yes, sir.
534
00:36:43,204 --> 00:36:45,611
Oh, gee!
535
00:36:48,501 --> 00:36:51,288
- She's a little bit excited.
- Yes.
536
00:36:51,378 --> 00:36:53,916
He's as cool as ice.
537
00:36:56,509 --> 00:36:58,834
- Well, goodbye.
- Goodbye.
538
00:36:58,928 --> 00:37:01,715
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
539
00:37:01,806 --> 00:37:03,845
Goodbye.
540
00:37:08,187 --> 00:37:11,390
- Yes?
- Mr. Bildocker isn't in his office.
541
00:37:11,482 --> 00:37:15,693
Well, why not? Where is he?
Down in the lobby playing marble games?
542
00:37:15,778 --> 00:37:19,028
Find him and tell him...
Never mind. I'll tell him myself.
543
00:37:19,115 --> 00:37:21,950
"It isn't the coffee, it's the bunk"!
544
00:37:24,537 --> 00:37:27,573
Oh, isn't it beautiful, Jimmy?
545
00:37:27,665 --> 00:37:31,579
- Holy smoke, I should say it is.
- This is a trifle on the large side.
546
00:37:31,669 --> 00:37:35,501
Now, here is a stone
of more practical dimensions.
547
00:37:35,589 --> 00:37:38,543
Fiery little devil, isn't it?
548
00:37:38,634 --> 00:37:41,339
Does the magnifying glass go with it?
549
00:37:41,428 --> 00:37:44,844
It's up to you.
I was only trying to be helpful, that's all.
550
00:37:44,932 --> 00:37:47,719
It's immaterial to me
how big a ring you... look at.
551
00:37:47,810 --> 00:37:50,515
Now how about... Just a minute.
552
00:37:51,689 --> 00:37:53,765
Fresh guy.
553
00:37:55,025 --> 00:37:57,599
What do you think of this, for instance?
554
00:37:57,695 --> 00:38:00,482
- How much is it?
- $12,000.
555
00:38:00,573 --> 00:38:03,858
- I wouldn't care to spend that much.
- You wouldn't?
556
00:38:03,951 --> 00:38:06,786
- No. But I could if I felt like it.
- You could?
557
00:38:06,871 --> 00:38:11,449
Oh. Well, that puts everything
on an entirely different basis.
558
00:38:11,542 --> 00:38:14,163
- Let me see.
- I'm in love with this one.
559
00:38:14,253 --> 00:38:16,744
Oh. Do you think it's showy enough?
560
00:38:16,839 --> 00:38:19,591
- I wouldn't want it to be showy.
- Oh, yes.
561
00:38:19,675 --> 00:38:22,296
There's no denying
it's a friendly little piece.
562
00:38:22,386 --> 00:38:27,428
- Well, then, I guess we'll take it.
- Yes, sir.
563
00:38:27,516 --> 00:38:28,975
Oh, Jimmy!
564
00:38:29,059 --> 00:38:32,144
- I haven't got any cash with me but...
- Ah.
565
00:38:32,229 --> 00:38:35,396
- But I've got a cheque here.
- Uh-huh. May I see it, please?
566
00:38:35,483 --> 00:38:37,060
Sure.
567
00:38:41,572 --> 00:38:45,190
Well, well. Mr. Schmidt!
Step this way immediately, please.
568
00:38:45,284 --> 00:38:47,857
- Well, well.
- I won the Maxford House contest.
569
00:38:47,953 --> 00:38:51,322
- Isn't it wonderful?
- Well, I should say it is.
570
00:38:51,415 --> 00:38:55,199
A thousand congratulations.
Uh... 25,000 congratulations.
571
00:38:55,294 --> 00:38:57,583
For heaven's sakes. Mr. Schmidt!
572
00:38:57,671 --> 00:39:00,838
Yes, yes, Mr. Hillbeiner,
I'll be there presently.
573
00:39:00,925 --> 00:39:04,175
- Kindly cut a groove, will you?
- Sir.
574
00:39:04,261 --> 00:39:07,215
Hillbeiner has been drinking again.
575
00:39:09,099 --> 00:39:11,935
Yes?
576
00:39:12,019 --> 00:39:16,432
Shindel Brothers wants to know
if that $25,000 cheque of yours is good.
577
00:39:16,524 --> 00:39:21,020
Good? Tell them I'll match mine against
theirs any day and give them six to four.
578
00:39:21,111 --> 00:39:24,694
- Yes, sir.
- Is it good?
579
00:39:24,782 --> 00:39:27,071
The Davenola. Now watch closely.
580
00:39:27,159 --> 00:39:31,536
I merely remove two cushions, place
my finger on the button marked "Night",
581
00:39:31,622 --> 00:39:33,994
and with one easy push of the finger,
582
00:39:34,083 --> 00:39:36,075
we have a double bed,
583
00:39:36,168 --> 00:39:40,545
a radio, an ashtray for those who smoke
in bed, a reading lamp for the reader,
584
00:39:40,631 --> 00:39:43,252
a telephone and many other accessories.
585
00:39:43,342 --> 00:39:47,209
Pausing merely to slip a pillow slip
over the day cushion...
586
00:39:49,265 --> 00:39:50,973
we complete the metamorphosis.
587
00:39:51,058 --> 00:39:53,976
Everything under fingertip control
throughout.
588
00:39:54,061 --> 00:39:57,845
There is no limit to man's ingenuity.
589
00:39:58,941 --> 00:40:01,942
- Isn't that wonderful?
- Comes the morrow.
590
00:40:04,530 --> 00:40:06,985
A flick of the wrist...
591
00:40:09,243 --> 00:40:11,319
a thorough airing...
592
00:40:19,170 --> 00:40:21,791
a gentle pressure
on the button marked "Day"...
593
00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:25,249
et voil�, as the French would say,
594
00:40:25,342 --> 00:40:28,711
ready for breakfast, a rousing book
or a gentle game of bridge.
595
00:40:28,804 --> 00:40:31,556
The price, 198.50 plus tax.
596
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,345
We'll take it.
597
00:40:36,228 --> 00:40:38,470
- What a bargain you're getting.
- Pardon?
598
00:40:38,564 --> 00:40:42,562
I'm Mr. Shindel, Mr. MacDonald.
Congratulations. Here's your cheque.
599
00:40:42,651 --> 00:40:45,736
- And what a cheque.
- Thanks. How soon can you send it?
600
00:40:45,821 --> 00:40:48,395
It's there. Make that a special, Hillbeiner.
601
00:40:48,490 --> 00:40:51,824
- Would your mother like one?
- No. We haven't got room.
602
00:40:51,911 --> 00:40:54,449
We got to get everybody something.
603
00:40:54,538 --> 00:40:56,780
Mama's been wanting a new iron.
604
00:40:56,874 --> 00:40:58,748
- She's got it.
- Have you got irons?
605
00:40:58,834 --> 00:41:01,918
Have we got irons? Huh!
They do everything but sing.
606
00:41:02,004 --> 00:41:04,875
We gotta get something for Mrs. Schwartz,
607
00:41:04,965 --> 00:41:07,337
Sophie, Mrs. Zimmerman, the Casey kids...
608
00:41:07,426 --> 00:41:09,751
Aren't you afraid of spending too much?
609
00:41:09,845 --> 00:41:11,838
- The Finnegans.
- Patrolman Murphy.
610
00:41:11,931 --> 00:41:13,888
- Tony Mozepo.
- And Mr. Rosenblatt.
611
00:41:13,974 --> 00:41:17,675
We better just work up
one side of the street and down the other.
612
00:41:17,770 --> 00:41:19,893
Oh, Jimmy!
613
00:41:30,658 --> 00:41:34,074
I don't like to take all this
without paying for it, Mr. Shindel.
614
00:41:34,161 --> 00:41:37,447
Nonsense. We know an honest man
when we see one, don't we, boys?
615
00:41:37,540 --> 00:41:38,535
Indeed!
616
00:41:38,624 --> 00:41:41,541
Why don't you take this cheque
and give me the change?
617
00:41:41,627 --> 00:41:43,869
We should have change for such a cheque?
618
00:41:43,963 --> 00:41:46,002
Excuse me.
619
00:41:46,090 --> 00:41:48,462
- What a bargain.
- Thank you.
620
00:41:48,551 --> 00:41:51,587
I'll bring you a cheque
as soon as I put this in the bank.
621
00:41:51,679 --> 00:41:55,344
Who's in a hurry? Drop in any time.
Drop in tomorrow.
622
00:41:55,432 --> 00:41:58,137
- Here are the flowers.
- Thank you.
623
00:41:58,227 --> 00:42:01,477
A little souvenir.
Don't forget to call again, Mr. MacDonald.
624
00:42:01,564 --> 00:42:03,971
- No, sir, I won't.
- Goodbye.
625
00:42:04,066 --> 00:42:06,106
Goodbye, Mr. Shindel.
626
00:42:11,699 --> 00:42:15,993
- Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt!
- Goodbye, Mr. MacDonald.
627
00:42:16,078 --> 00:42:18,403
- Goodbye Mr. Hillbeimer.
- Hillbeiner.
628
00:42:18,497 --> 00:42:21,996
- Goodbye Mr. Heilbimmer.
- That's close enough. It's all right.
629
00:42:22,084 --> 00:42:26,331
- Come and see us again.
- Thank you. Goodbye.
630
00:42:26,422 --> 00:42:28,747
Have you got all your bundles now?
631
00:42:28,841 --> 00:42:30,715
Goodbye.
632
00:42:42,605 --> 00:42:45,178
- What a boy.
- What a business.
633
00:42:46,692 --> 00:42:50,275
- Oh, I'm so happy.
- I feel kind of good myself.
634
00:42:50,362 --> 00:42:53,280
Can you see the faces on everybody
when we get there?
635
00:42:53,365 --> 00:42:56,569
Yeah. Like Christmas in July.
636
00:42:59,997 --> 00:43:02,914
Well, happy New Year.
637
00:43:04,168 --> 00:43:07,003
It will be a happy new year from now on.
638
00:43:07,087 --> 00:43:10,456
Everything new and clean and different.
639
00:43:10,549 --> 00:43:15,045
- Just think, Jimmy. No more worry.
- That's right.
640
00:43:15,137 --> 00:43:18,257
That's the only terrible thing
about being poor.
641
00:43:18,349 --> 00:43:21,303
- What kind of a house will we have?
- Any kind you like.
642
00:43:21,393 --> 00:43:24,264
- How about a penthouse?
- They come high, don't they?
643
00:43:24,355 --> 00:43:27,391
No, I don't think... Oh, you fool!
644
00:43:31,028 --> 00:43:35,690
- Will you love me for always?
- Of course I will.
645
00:43:35,783 --> 00:43:39,365
- For always and always?
- I don't know why not.
646
00:43:39,453 --> 00:43:41,825
It might be a long time.
647
00:43:41,914 --> 00:43:44,321
The longer the sweeter, baby.
648
00:43:45,626 --> 00:43:49,410
And then he says, "Mum, you're all wet.
You can buy anything you want.
649
00:43:49,505 --> 00:43:53,834
"An automobile, new dresses, furniture,
the Davenport, anything. "
650
00:43:53,926 --> 00:43:57,626
My Irving, he drinks too.
Once in a while, a little bit.
651
00:43:57,721 --> 00:44:00,212
- Not so little.
- Yes, I know.
652
00:44:00,307 --> 00:44:04,305
But Jimmy doesn't. He wouldn't take a drink
unless something happened.
653
00:44:04,395 --> 00:44:07,064
- Maybe he lost his job.
- He said he got a raise.
654
00:44:07,147 --> 00:44:11,097
Who's giving raises these days?
655
00:44:11,193 --> 00:44:13,067
I can't think what has happened.
656
00:44:15,656 --> 00:44:17,234
They're bringing him home.
657
00:44:17,324 --> 00:44:19,732
- Who asked you something?
- No...
658
00:44:19,827 --> 00:44:22,614
Don't you worry. Maybe just a little accident.
659
00:44:22,705 --> 00:44:26,038
Maybe just a leg or a finger.
660
00:44:26,125 --> 00:44:29,079
Come here quick! Hurry up!
661
00:44:32,047 --> 00:44:34,834
- What is it?
- A funeral.
662
00:44:37,303 --> 00:44:40,257
Hey, Mum, come on down.
You too, Mrs. Schwartz.
663
00:44:40,347 --> 00:44:43,597
- You too, Mama!
- We got presents for everybody!
664
00:44:43,684 --> 00:44:45,558
- He's drunk.
- Jimmy!
665
00:44:45,644 --> 00:44:48,218
I'm all right, Mum. Come on down.
666
00:44:48,314 --> 00:44:49,772
Look!
667
00:44:49,857 --> 00:44:54,151
- Was somebody hurt?
- Jimmy came home in a taxicab.
668
00:44:58,157 --> 00:45:01,989
I got a big surprise here.
I wanna start with Sophie.
669
00:45:02,077 --> 00:45:04,117
Careful, now.
670
00:45:06,832 --> 00:45:09,370
- I've got a present for you, Sophie.
- For me?
671
00:45:09,460 --> 00:45:11,002
Yes. Open it up.
672
00:45:24,558 --> 00:45:26,467
Oh!
673
00:45:36,695 --> 00:45:41,606
In a minute. Take it easy. Take it easy,
there's something for everybody, I think.
674
00:45:42,618 --> 00:45:45,109
Mom!
675
00:45:45,204 --> 00:45:48,288
What's happened? Are you hurt?
What's going on here?
676
00:45:48,374 --> 00:45:51,375
I wasn't lying to you.
The Davenport is on the way.
677
00:45:51,460 --> 00:45:54,959
- Wait till you see it, Mum.
- Then you did get a raise.
678
00:45:57,591 --> 00:45:59,418
Oh, glory!
679
00:46:03,013 --> 00:46:05,504
Mom! Here's one for you.
680
00:46:05,599 --> 00:46:07,058
Oh, Mom!
681
00:46:07,142 --> 00:46:10,843
Why don't you get wise to yourself?
Who do you think you are anyway?
682
00:46:10,938 --> 00:46:13,892
If it's good enough for us,
who are you to say...
683
00:46:13,983 --> 00:46:16,937
- It stinks. It stinks.
- He stinks.
684
00:46:17,027 --> 00:46:20,610
One more crack out of you
and I'll bust you right in the nose.
685
00:46:20,698 --> 00:46:23,948
- Let's see you do it.
- I will, you snake-eyed...
686
00:46:24,034 --> 00:46:27,783
- Sit down before you burst a blood vessel.
- Sit down, Bildocker.
687
00:46:27,871 --> 00:46:31,240
Let's talk this over in a nice friendly way.
688
00:46:31,333 --> 00:46:37,169
We think, "Maxford's. Magnificent and
mellow. Just what the doctor ordered. "
689
00:46:37,256 --> 00:46:40,589
- It's brief, it's smooth, it's pungent.
- It's putrid.
690
00:46:40,676 --> 00:46:44,756
- Why is it putrid, Bildocker?
- Because it stinks.
691
00:46:44,847 --> 00:46:47,764
Why isn't he back? Where is he?
In the barber shop?
692
00:46:47,850 --> 00:46:51,515
Never mind him.
Tell him to go soak his head in a barrel.
693
00:46:51,603 --> 00:46:53,680
- Is Mr. Einbrewster there?
- No, sir.
694
00:46:53,772 --> 00:46:57,770
Why? Where is everybody? Playing pool?
695
00:46:57,860 --> 00:47:00,315
- Is Mr. Grobel there?
- No, sir.
696
00:47:00,404 --> 00:47:03,275
Is he having an operation?
What kind of a firm is this?
697
00:47:03,365 --> 00:47:06,402
- He's in the contest room.
- What do you mean?
698
00:47:06,493 --> 00:47:08,866
- The contest is over.
- He's down there.
699
00:47:08,954 --> 00:47:12,703
What are they doing? Playing poker?
Never mind. I'll find out myself.
700
00:47:12,791 --> 00:47:14,333
Horse feathers!
701
00:47:14,418 --> 00:47:17,039
- Don't be vulgar, Bildocker!
- Or what?
702
00:47:17,129 --> 00:47:19,169
Who are you?
703
00:47:19,256 --> 00:47:22,459
Well, what are you arguing about now?
704
00:47:22,551 --> 00:47:28,221
Now, would you get back to your offices
and try and sell some coffee for a change?
705
00:47:28,307 --> 00:47:32,601
Or am I being too commercial?
And while I'm on that subject,
706
00:47:32,686 --> 00:47:38,559
I wanna tell you that of all the congregations
of fatheads that I've ever gazed upon,
707
00:47:38,651 --> 00:47:40,690
you take the lardpail!
708
00:47:40,778 --> 00:47:44,692
So kiss each other goodbye.
All except you, Bildocker.
709
00:47:44,782 --> 00:47:47,023
- What about the contest?
- What about it?
710
00:47:47,117 --> 00:47:49,655
Now you've killed it,
you want a postmortem?
711
00:47:49,745 --> 00:47:52,034
- Shouldn't we choose a winner?
- You did.
712
00:47:52,122 --> 00:47:56,072
- We certainly did not.
- You certainly did. What do you mean?
713
00:47:56,168 --> 00:48:00,830
- We haven't reached a verdict.
- You certainly have reached a verdict.
714
00:48:00,923 --> 00:48:05,170
Are you trying to tell me
that you haven't reached a verdict yet?
715
00:48:05,260 --> 00:48:09,507
- We have not.
- Then why did you send him a telegram?
716
00:48:09,598 --> 00:48:11,970
- Send who a telegram?
- McTavish!
717
00:48:12,059 --> 00:48:17,350
- We didn't send... Who's McTavish?
- You certainly did send a telegram!
718
00:48:17,439 --> 00:48:19,930
We certainly did not send a telegram.
719
00:48:20,025 --> 00:48:24,771
You didn't? Well, then who... who...?
Who...?
720
00:48:24,863 --> 00:48:26,903
Jumping Jerusalem!
721
00:48:35,958 --> 00:48:37,997
- Get my lawyer!
- Which one?
722
00:48:38,085 --> 00:48:40,493
Schubel, Snivel, Abercrombie and Snitch!
723
00:48:40,587 --> 00:48:42,794
Quiet! Get me Shindel Bros!
724
00:48:42,881 --> 00:48:46,961
We have to keep cool and collected!
Collected! Holy moley!
725
00:48:47,052 --> 00:48:49,543
- Bank the call
- Bank the call?
726
00:48:49,638 --> 00:48:53,588
Call the bank! What's the matter with you?
Holy mackerel!
727
00:48:55,352 --> 00:48:57,345
What? Give me a hat.
728
00:48:57,438 --> 00:49:02,100
- Get me Minsk, Minsk, Binsk and Binsk.
- What kind of a hat, Mr. Shindel?
729
00:49:02,192 --> 00:49:04,232
- A hat!
- Yes, sir.
730
00:49:07,031 --> 00:49:08,441
Stop!
731
00:49:11,493 --> 00:49:12,904
Stop!
732
00:49:12,995 --> 00:49:15,700
No, go! We'll go with you!
733
00:49:24,256 --> 00:49:27,791
Jimmy! We're running low.
Get another load.
734
00:49:27,885 --> 00:49:30,340
Mary? Where's Mary? All right, Mary.
735
00:49:32,556 --> 00:49:34,928
Marsha? Marsha, there you are.
736
00:49:35,017 --> 00:49:37,722
Nobody's been forgotten. Be careful.
737
00:49:59,458 --> 00:50:02,909
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- What?
738
00:50:03,003 --> 00:50:08,045
- You forgot to get a present for yourself.
- I don't need one, I've got you.
739
00:50:15,641 --> 00:50:18,096
- It's a big fish.
- No...
740
00:50:21,397 --> 00:50:23,804
There he is! Come on, grab him!
741
00:50:23,899 --> 00:50:25,939
Look, Jimmy!
742
00:50:26,026 --> 00:50:29,110
- Here's your Davenport, mom.
- Wait till you see it!
743
00:50:29,196 --> 00:50:31,652
Come on, get him! Take him away!
744
00:50:34,034 --> 00:50:36,074
Hey, you! What...?
745
00:50:37,496 --> 00:50:40,034
What's the idea, busting up my plane?
746
00:50:40,124 --> 00:50:43,409
- It's my plane.
- Jimmy MacDonald gave it to me!
747
00:50:43,502 --> 00:50:47,120
- Yeah? When I get through with him...
- What's going on?
748
00:50:47,214 --> 00:50:51,793
- Officer, arrest all these people.
- Who do you think you are? Hitler?
749
00:50:51,885 --> 00:50:54,174
Listen, you...
750
00:50:54,263 --> 00:50:58,307
- You listen to me, baby...
- Well, can't you do something?
751
00:50:58,392 --> 00:51:00,431
Say, er, hey...
752
00:51:01,353 --> 00:51:04,520
- No! No!
- This belongs to Shindel Brothers.
753
00:51:04,606 --> 00:51:07,560
Come and help me!
754
00:51:07,651 --> 00:51:09,644
- No! No!
- Be sensible, girl.
755
00:51:09,737 --> 00:51:12,192
- What are you doing?
- This is stolen.
756
00:51:12,281 --> 00:51:14,154
Oh, it is, is it?
757
00:51:22,499 --> 00:51:25,951
He who laughs last lasts laughs!
758
00:51:37,890 --> 00:51:42,101
Everything is stolen,
down to the last pogo stick - everything.
759
00:51:45,522 --> 00:51:48,227
Ah, you see? "Shindel Brothers. Toy Land. "
760
00:51:48,317 --> 00:51:51,567
He comes into my store
with a phony cheque and...
761
00:51:51,653 --> 00:51:54,654
Who came into your store
with a phony cheque?
762
00:51:54,740 --> 00:51:57,445
He ain't even got the decency to run away!
Lowlife.
763
00:51:57,534 --> 00:52:00,204
- Listen you...
- Officer, arrest him.
764
00:52:00,287 --> 00:52:02,743
- You starting that again?
- What?
765
00:52:02,831 --> 00:52:06,876
I've known that kid
since he was knee-high to a cockroach.
766
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,958
- What's he supposed to have done?
- Supposed to have done?
767
00:52:11,048 --> 00:52:13,835
He's supposed to have given
me a sour cheque,
768
00:52:13,926 --> 00:52:17,211
then he's supposed to have bought
a diamond ring -
769
00:52:17,304 --> 00:52:20,720
which I suppose I don't see there -
and a nice fur coat.
770
00:52:20,808 --> 00:52:25,019
Then he takes half the toys,
waves the rubber cheque, and leaves.
771
00:52:25,104 --> 00:52:27,226
Who says it's a rubber cheque?
772
00:52:27,314 --> 00:52:29,472
Dr. Maxford of Maxford House.
773
00:52:29,566 --> 00:52:32,353
Dr. Maxford gave me the cheque himself.
774
00:52:32,444 --> 00:52:34,816
- Mr. Swindle...
- Shindel.
775
00:52:34,905 --> 00:52:39,366
I know this boy since his poppa and momma
wasn't even married yet.
776
00:52:39,451 --> 00:52:42,073
The whole family is a little bit crazy.
777
00:52:42,162 --> 00:52:46,575
- $25,000- can you imagine?
- A dreamer.
778
00:52:46,667 --> 00:52:49,454
- Mrs. Schwartz, Mr. Zimmerman...
- Let me handle this.
779
00:52:49,545 --> 00:52:51,087
He gave me a cheque.
780
00:52:51,171 --> 00:52:53,378
- If he says he did...
... then he did.
781
00:52:53,465 --> 00:52:55,754
Just go home and think it all over.
782
00:52:55,843 --> 00:52:59,425
I'll break you in so many pieces...
You're all witnesses!
783
00:52:59,513 --> 00:53:03,427
- Trying to imitate an officer?
- Who's imitating anybody?
784
00:53:12,651 --> 00:53:15,320
Officer! Officer, arrest this man!
785
00:53:15,404 --> 00:53:19,532
- That's been tried.
- There's been some sort of mix-up here...
786
00:53:19,616 --> 00:53:22,534
You have the effrontery
even to speak to me?
787
00:53:22,619 --> 00:53:26,617
What? I just want you to tell them
that you gave me a cheque.
788
00:53:26,707 --> 00:53:29,577
- What cheque?
- The one in your office.
789
00:53:29,668 --> 00:53:32,076
- Let me see it.
- Certainly.
790
00:53:34,548 --> 00:53:38,083
Oh, that cheque. Boy, do I feel better!
791
00:53:38,177 --> 00:53:41,676
- Hey, you're destroying the evidence.
- Who are you?
792
00:53:41,763 --> 00:53:44,930
- Shindel!
- Officer, arrest these people!
793
00:53:45,017 --> 00:53:48,552
- Listen, Mussolini...
- If there's something wrong
794
00:53:48,645 --> 00:53:50,934
what did you give me the cheque for?
795
00:53:51,023 --> 00:53:55,020
You know perfectly well,
in my life I never heard of you!
796
00:53:55,110 --> 00:53:58,645
- You didn't give me a cheque?
- That was by mistake.
797
00:53:58,739 --> 00:54:01,823
I was suspicious of you as soon as I saw
you.
798
00:54:01,909 --> 00:54:03,948
You mean I didn't win?
799
00:54:04,036 --> 00:54:06,657
You know perfectly well you didn't win!
800
00:54:06,747 --> 00:54:10,198
- But...
- He's entirely responsible, I see it all.
801
00:54:10,292 --> 00:54:12,700
I know how big firms work, God forbid.
802
00:54:12,795 --> 00:54:16,626
This is an honest boy.
I knew it the minute I looked at him.
803
00:54:16,715 --> 00:54:22,220
You gave him that cheque, you numbskull.
I should take back the merchandise I sold.
804
00:54:22,304 --> 00:54:27,595
Carry that Davenport upstairs for the lady.
A present from Dr. Maxford.
805
00:54:27,684 --> 00:54:32,892
And buy the children more ice cream -
they'll enjoy my toys much better.
806
00:54:32,981 --> 00:54:37,193
- Dr. Maxford is paying.
- I'll see you in Hoboken before I pay!
807
00:54:37,945 --> 00:54:42,737
And I'll see you in court,
and you'll pay for everything. With costs!
808
00:54:42,825 --> 00:54:45,909
- In a pig's nose!
- Pigs or no pigs.
809
00:54:45,994 --> 00:54:49,198
And another thing...
810
00:54:50,582 --> 00:54:52,658
Oh, you will, will you?
811
00:54:53,752 --> 00:54:56,124
Don't take the good ones.
812
00:54:59,383 --> 00:55:03,879
It doesn't matter, honey.
You can't lose anything you never had.
813
00:55:07,266 --> 00:55:11,310
I don't want his old ring or... or his old skunk.
814
00:55:12,354 --> 00:55:15,474
What I can't figure is
who sent that telegram.
815
00:55:22,072 --> 00:55:24,148
Hello, Jimmy. Hello, Betty.
816
00:55:24,241 --> 00:55:26,280
- Hello.
- Hello.
817
00:55:28,996 --> 00:55:33,658
- What's that?
- Is this the Davenport your ma wanted?
818
00:55:33,750 --> 00:55:37,914
The crank fits on here
and when you turn it it...
819
00:55:38,005 --> 00:55:42,465
Makes into a full-size double bed at night.
Guy said it works swell.
820
00:55:42,551 --> 00:55:44,590
What did you go get that for?
821
00:55:44,678 --> 00:55:50,052
Well, we kinda hoped that
it might make up for the... phony telegram.
822
00:55:51,602 --> 00:55:55,053
It was a joke.
It wasn't very funny.
823
00:55:55,147 --> 00:55:57,934
Oh. I get it.
824
00:56:00,402 --> 00:56:02,608
Oh, Jimmy...
825
00:56:22,883 --> 00:56:26,334
- Hi, Mr. Jimmy!
- Hello, Sam. The boss gone yet?
826
00:56:26,428 --> 00:56:29,714
No, he's still in there conniving on
something.
827
00:56:29,806 --> 00:56:34,552
- Tell him in the morning.
- I was glad to hear about your good luck.
828
00:56:34,645 --> 00:56:37,978
- Do you need a valet?
- No thanks, Sam.
829
00:56:38,065 --> 00:56:42,608
Well, sir, I guess you is right -
pride rides before a fall.
830
00:56:42,694 --> 00:56:46,941
But not everybody hits the jackpot
while they is young and all.
831
00:56:47,032 --> 00:56:49,653
You said it.
832
00:56:49,743 --> 00:56:52,697
Look.
Hello, pussy.
833
00:56:52,788 --> 00:56:56,121
Is it good luck
when a black cat crosses your path?
834
00:56:56,208 --> 00:56:59,244
That all depends on what happens
afterwards.
835
00:56:59,336 --> 00:57:01,376
You said it.
836
00:57:01,463 --> 00:57:04,001
Sure don't happen to everybody, sir!
837
00:57:09,763 --> 00:57:12,468
- Yes, sir.
- Look.
838
00:57:13,308 --> 00:57:15,301
Good evening.
839
00:57:24,152 --> 00:57:26,525
- Pretty snazzy, eh?
- Yeah.
840
00:57:26,613 --> 00:57:28,024
Lovely.
841
00:57:28,115 --> 00:57:29,942
Thank you.
842
00:57:30,033 --> 00:57:32,109
- Be careful.
- We will.
843
00:58:07,821 --> 00:58:11,320
It was gonna be nice, wasn't it?
844
00:58:13,368 --> 00:58:17,781
Stop it, honey.
Come on, now, cut it out. Come on.
845
00:58:27,382 --> 00:58:29,256
Come in.
846
00:58:30,177 --> 00:58:33,593
- I hope I'm not intruding?
- No, sir, I was just coming to see you.
847
00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:35,839
We stopped to look at the office...
848
00:58:35,933 --> 00:58:38,388
- So I see. I hope you like it.
- It's beautiful.
849
00:58:38,477 --> 00:58:42,937
It isn't every young man who gets his own
office and a private secretary at your age.
850
00:58:43,023 --> 00:58:46,724
With many of them
I'd be afraid it would go to their heads
851
00:58:46,818 --> 00:58:50,437
- but you have your feet on the ground.
- Thank you, sir.
852
00:58:50,530 --> 00:58:56,035
I mean it sincerely. Mr. Jenkins and I
discussed our little meeting after you left
853
00:58:56,119 --> 00:59:00,781
and I want you to know that we were
genuinely impressed - genuinely so.
854
00:59:00,874 --> 00:59:05,038
- That's nice to hear...
- The more we thought about your ideas
855
00:59:05,128 --> 00:59:10,371
the more aware we became of their
pungency, their brevity, their crispness.
856
00:59:10,467 --> 00:59:14,880
- Thank you, sir, it's...
- You have a genuine talent for slogans.
857
00:59:14,972 --> 00:59:17,545
It must be like having an ear for music.
858
00:59:17,641 --> 00:59:22,102
Take me, I sing flat. You, on the other hand,
are a born sloganeer.
859
00:59:22,187 --> 00:59:25,686
"It's bred in the bean. " Hot ziggety!
860
00:59:25,774 --> 00:59:31,978
Well, it's certainly wonderful to hear, Mr.
Baxter. You've made me feel a lot better.
861
00:59:32,072 --> 00:59:35,358
They're still the same ideas, aren't they?
862
00:59:35,450 --> 00:59:40,243
If they were good this afternoon
they're still good. They're the same.
863
00:59:40,330 --> 00:59:42,537
- Of course they are.
- Of course they are.
864
00:59:42,624 --> 00:59:48,627
- I'm not quite sure I have your thought.
- You still think they're good, don't you?
865
00:59:48,714 --> 00:59:51,205
Well, of course I do. Why?
866
00:59:51,300 --> 00:59:56,377
Since they were good and they're still good
they have to be good.
867
00:59:56,471 --> 01:00:02,261
And then it wouldn't make any difference
if I hadn't won the Maxford House contest.
868
01:00:02,352 --> 01:00:04,559
- Would it?
- Of course it would.
869
01:00:04,646 --> 01:00:07,268
- Oh, it would.
- Certainly it would.
870
01:00:07,357 --> 01:00:09,516
- Why?
- I'm no genius,
871
01:00:09,610 --> 01:00:13,559
I didn't keep my father's money
by backing my own judgment.
872
01:00:13,655 --> 01:00:19,029
I make mistakes every day -
I've got a whole warehouse full of mistakes.
873
01:00:19,119 --> 01:00:22,073
I should say it would make a difference.
874
01:00:22,164 --> 01:00:26,624
You see, I think your ideas are good
because they sound good to me
875
01:00:26,710 --> 01:00:32,665
but I know your ideas are good because you
won this contest over millions of aspirants.
876
01:00:32,758 --> 01:00:36,209
- But Mr. Baxter...
- Call it commercial insurance.
877
01:00:36,303 --> 01:00:39,838
When a horse wins the derby
you back him for the breaker.
878
01:00:39,931 --> 01:00:42,138
- I didn't win it.
- The breaker?
879
01:00:42,225 --> 01:00:44,467
The contest. It was a joke.
880
01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:48,229
- A joke?
- That's what they meant it to be.
881
01:00:48,315 --> 01:00:50,521
- Who did?
- Some of the fellas.
882
01:00:50,609 --> 01:00:54,060
They wanted to see how I'd look
when I got the news.
883
01:00:54,154 --> 01:00:58,401
Tell me their names and we'll see
how they look when I give them some news!
884
01:00:58,492 --> 01:01:02,192
I wouldn't care to do that, I...
Oh, it doesn't matter.
885
01:01:02,287 --> 01:01:04,280
It doesn't matter?
886
01:01:04,373 --> 01:01:08,750
After I spent a whole afternoon
listening to a lot of... baloney?
887
01:01:08,835 --> 01:01:13,996
Entirely predicated on the winning of
this contest? And giving you this office?
888
01:01:14,091 --> 01:01:18,219
- But what about my slogan?
- I don't know, what about it?
889
01:01:18,303 --> 01:01:22,087
We'll find that out!
There'll be plenty of time for that.
890
01:01:22,182 --> 01:01:28,102
But I won't made a fool of. I can't go around
giving out private offices and secretaries
891
01:01:28,188 --> 01:01:32,933
on the strength of a prank
that personally I consider far from funny!
892
01:01:33,026 --> 01:01:35,268
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
893
01:01:35,362 --> 01:01:40,356
It's gonna be hard to face that gang
tomorrow if I'm back at that desk.
894
01:01:40,450 --> 01:01:46,156
It would be just as hard to face them
from in here if you didn't belong here.
895
01:01:46,248 --> 01:01:49,996
- He does belong in here.
- What is the joke this time?
896
01:01:50,085 --> 01:01:53,205
He belongs in here
because he thinks he does.
897
01:01:53,297 --> 01:01:56,915
That's very high-falutin'
but from a practical...
898
01:01:57,009 --> 01:02:01,552
It is practical, Mr. Baxter.
The most practical idea you ever had.
899
01:02:01,638 --> 01:02:05,090
He belongs in here
because he thinks he has ideas.
900
01:02:05,183 --> 01:02:08,718
He belongs in here
until he proves himself or fails
901
01:02:08,812 --> 01:02:12,679
and then somebody else
until he proves himself or fails
902
01:02:12,774 --> 01:02:15,016
and so on and so on for always.
903
01:02:15,944 --> 01:02:20,072
I don't know how to put it into words
like Jimmy could but...
904
01:02:20,157 --> 01:02:24,902
all he wants, all any of them want,
is a... is a chance to show...
905
01:02:24,995 --> 01:02:28,613
To find out what they've got
while they're still young
906
01:02:28,707 --> 01:02:32,787
and... and burning like
a short cut or a stepping stone.
907
01:02:34,671 --> 01:02:39,001
I know they're not gonna succeed,
at least most of them aren't.
908
01:02:39,092 --> 01:02:42,508
Most of them will be
like Mr. Waterbury soon enough.
909
01:02:42,596 --> 01:02:47,554
But they won't mind it, they'll be happy
because they had their chance.
910
01:02:47,642 --> 01:02:51,806
Because it's one thing
to muff a chance when you get it but...
911
01:02:51,897 --> 01:02:55,100
it's another thing
never to have had a chance.
912
01:02:57,110 --> 01:02:59,518
And his name's already on the door.
913
01:03:01,323 --> 01:03:05,321
Well, if anything decided me
that would be it.
914
01:03:05,410 --> 01:03:08,364
- Oh, Mr. Baxter...
- You've talked enough.
915
01:03:08,455 --> 01:03:13,413
The desks have already been moved
and the name is painted on, as you said.
916
01:03:13,502 --> 01:03:18,294
So we'll try it for a very short time,
at no advance in salary, you understand.
917
01:03:18,382 --> 01:03:20,588
- Yes, sir.
- And for a very short time.
918
01:03:20,676 --> 01:03:24,887
- Yes, sir.
- This is a business, not a cultural project.
919
01:03:24,971 --> 01:03:29,265
- You'll never be sorry.
- I'm sorry already, so let it go at that.
920
01:03:29,351 --> 01:03:32,471
Good night and try to be on time
in the morning.
921
01:03:33,814 --> 01:03:36,139
Oh... pshaw!
922
01:03:38,735 --> 01:03:42,318
- Isn't it wonderful?
- You were wonderful.
923
01:03:42,406 --> 01:03:46,320
- But I'm a bit leery about me.
- Don't talk like a fathead.
924
01:03:46,410 --> 01:03:51,155
This is the chance of a lifetime
and you know you've got what it takes.
925
01:03:51,248 --> 01:03:55,542
I didn't until I got that telegram
and now I don't know any more.
926
01:03:55,627 --> 01:03:58,663
I'm like Mr. Baxter, that's why I didn't speak.
927
01:03:58,755 --> 01:04:02,338
Well, it brought us together
and that's something.
928
01:04:02,426 --> 01:04:06,886
I got the ring to prove it,
and you can't back out now or I'd sue you.
929
01:04:09,850 --> 01:04:12,091
Oh, you poor kid.
930
01:04:14,521 --> 01:04:17,688
You'll see we have plenty to be thankful for.
931
01:04:21,528 --> 01:04:23,568
Sure.
932
01:04:31,163 --> 01:04:34,662
- There's that cat again.
- Hello.
933
01:04:49,431 --> 01:04:51,720
- Good night!
- Good night, Sam.
934
01:05:13,372 --> 01:05:15,613
Look.
Yeah.
935
01:05:15,707 --> 01:05:20,369
- Sure looked funny this afternoon.
- Ah, the old buzzard.
936
01:05:20,462 --> 01:05:23,913
- Were you to a fish fry, Dr. Maxford?
- No, I wasn't.
937
01:05:24,007 --> 01:05:27,672
- Smells like a seven-course banquet.
- I wasn't to a banquet!
938
01:05:27,761 --> 01:05:30,133
- Dr. Maxford!
- What do you want?
939
01:05:30,222 --> 01:05:34,848
I got some good news. It took some doing
but I won those clerks over.
940
01:05:34,935 --> 01:05:39,063
The way I feel, Bildocker,
it just doesn't matter any more.
941
01:05:39,147 --> 01:05:42,481
This is the stupidest, the most asinine...!
942
01:05:42,567 --> 01:05:46,435
- Listen to the slogan!
- I don't wish to hear the slogan!
943
01:05:46,530 --> 01:05:49,365
I don't wish to hear any more
about the whole mess!
944
01:05:49,449 --> 01:05:53,317
Pick your winner, send him a cheque
and tell him to go...
945
01:05:53,412 --> 01:05:56,827
Listen to this, will ya? Is this good!
946
01:05:56,915 --> 01:06:02,040
"If you don't sleep at night,
it isn't the coffee, it's the bunk. "
947
01:06:02,129 --> 01:06:06,126
Is that a slogan? It's what you call a pun.
Believe me, it's some pun!
948
01:06:06,216 --> 01:06:09,715
We just sent the winner a telegram,
a guy called James MacDon...
82231
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