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1
00:01:07,933 --> 00:01:11,433
- Are you ready for this?
- I've been waiting 15 years
2
00:01:11,933 --> 00:01:14,433
for someone to reveal the intimate
mysteries of sex to me
3
00:01:14,433 --> 00:01:17,133
now, it's finally happening
here in health class.
4
00:01:17,567 --> 00:01:20,433
I know a lot of you have
certain expectations about
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00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:24,900
the kind of information that
will be covered in this class.
6
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,800
Well, let me assure you
you're going to learn everything
7
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:34,367
you've always wanted to know about...
8
00:01:35,367 --> 00:01:42,100
the biological and psychological
processes involved in human reproduction.
9
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,500
- Schwing!
- During sex...
10
00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,000
There's no way I'm going
to sit through this.
11
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:53,767
...millions of speam and a woman
contributes a single egg.
12
00:01:53,767 --> 00:01:56,933
Who contributes the body oil
and the Catwoman costume?
13
00:01:57,933 --> 00:02:01,100
Gary, I realize this material
makes you nervous and disruptive
14
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:03,967
because you know so little about.
15
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:07,467
Maybe if you behaved yourself
and paid attention
16
00:02:07,967 --> 00:02:10,967
you might learn something useful.
17
00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:15,533
Mrs. Burnbaum, with all due
respect we know this class is a joke.
18
00:02:15,533 --> 00:02:18,033
It's just a bunch of boring facts.
19
00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:20,533
It's got nothing to do
with the wild thing.
20
00:02:20,533 --> 00:02:24,433
I don't want to know about sperm
counts and fallopian tubes.
21
00:02:24,933 --> 00:02:26,900
Teach me what it's like
to make love to a woman.
22
00:02:27,333 --> 00:02:29,667
Can you do that, Miss Burnbaum?
23
00:02:30,167 --> 00:02:35,500
You know, Gary, sometimes an
episode like this can be a warning sign.
24
00:02:35,500 --> 00:02:40,333
Any problems at home?
Class schedule too strenuous?
25
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:43,733
Ever hear any voices
or see colored lights?
26
00:02:43,733 --> 00:02:46,667
Principal Scampi, I was trying
to get some real answers
27
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:51,100
- not the ones Miss Burnbaum was giving.
- And I understand.
28
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:54,833
These are confusing times
for a teenager especially when it
29
00:02:54,833 --> 00:03:00,667
seems like there's no place to turn
for a Frank discussion about... it.
30
00:03:01,167 --> 00:03:02,567
What?
31
00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:05,533
- It.
- Sex?
32
00:03:05,533 --> 00:03:06,533
Call it what you will.
33
00:03:06,967 --> 00:03:11,300
If we can't talk about it,
how can we teach it?
34
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,300
Know, perhaps there are
some questions that you'd feel
35
00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:18,800
more comfortable asking me
mano y mano.
36
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,767
Don't be shy. Ask me anything.
37
00:03:21,767 --> 00:03:26,767
Okay. I want to know
what sex feels like.
38
00:03:26,767 --> 00:03:28,767
Are you allowed to talk during it?
39
00:03:29,267 --> 00:03:32,767
Do you always finish
at the same time?
40
00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:37,267
Does size really matter?
What's the deal with green M&Ms?
41
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:43,567
- What's the shelf life of edible panties?
- Go ahead. Anything at all.
42
00:03:44,967 --> 00:03:46,467
You missed the part of class.
43
00:03:46,967 --> 00:03:50,367
Mrs. B. Showed a film about hay
we're getting the runaround.
44
00:03:50,867 --> 00:03:54,800
Why can't sex ed teach the stuff
no one talks about?
45
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,800
- What's the rush?
- I need someone
46
00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,967
who can give us the
lowdown on the dirty deed.
47
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:01,500
I need Lisa.
48
00:04:04,633 --> 00:04:07,900
- Nice timing.
- Please, please be naked.
49
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,833
( Screaming )
50
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:13,867
Did I overhear you two medicated
pads looking for sex advice?
51
00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,800
No, thanks. We're fine.
52
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:18,800
- You've had sex, Chett?
- Have I...?
53
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,300
Sex? ( Chuckles )
54
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,800
Had? Me? Are you crazy?
55
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:28,300
I have liberated france more
times than you've popped a zit.
56
00:04:28,300 --> 00:04:31,700
- I know everything.
- Then share the knowledge.
57
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:34,200
Yeah. We want to know
the truth about sex.
58
00:04:34,667 --> 00:04:36,933
You can't handle the truth?
59
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,933
You don't know the meaning
of the words
60
00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:46,467
"Funky cold medina shoop-a-doop
zoom-a-zoom-zoom in da boom-boom."
61
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:50,167
Do you? Do you, Mr. Wallace?
62
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:53,667
You boys are just going to have
to figure it out for yourselves.
63
00:04:53,667 --> 00:04:56,667
( Laughing )
64
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,167
Shoop-a-doop?
65
00:05:02,167 --> 00:05:04,167
- ( Typing )
- What are you doing?
66
00:05:04,167 --> 00:05:07,167
No one's going to tell me
what we want to know.
67
00:05:07,167 --> 00:05:09,167
It's time we got some real answers.
68
00:05:12,133 --> 00:05:16,000
- What can I do for you boys?
- Gary know there's a shocker.
69
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,000
I'm serious. I want to learn
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00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:22,467
everything there is to know
about making love.
71
00:05:22,967 --> 00:05:27,933
Okay. If you want
a real sexual education
72
00:05:28,433 --> 00:05:31,833
That's what I'll give you
but you'll have to work for it.
73
00:05:31,833 --> 00:05:33,333
I've never been afraid of hard work.
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00:05:33,833 --> 00:05:38,033
Good, because you have a lot
to learn. See you at school.
75
00:05:38,533 --> 00:05:39,533
( Bell Ringing )
76
00:05:41,033 --> 00:05:43,533
- Lisa better come through on this.
- She's probably got wilt
77
00:05:44,033 --> 00:05:46,033
chamberlain coming in
with home movies.
78
00:05:46,033 --> 00:05:47,533
Good morning.
79
00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:53,967
Today we'll be looking at the
sexual cycle of brine shrimp.
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00:05:53,967 --> 00:05:57,233
We ask for sex, she gives us shrimp.
81
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:02,900
Good morning, class.
My name is Miss...
82
00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:07,767
Garywyette. I'll be subbing
for Mrs. Burnbaum this week.
83
00:06:07,767 --> 00:06:09,233
Any questions?
84
00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:12,167
What did you do with Mrs. Burnbaum?
85
00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:16,100
Any more questions?
86
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,100
- WYATT: Lisa, what are you doing?
- Relax. He and Mrs. Burnbaum
87
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:26,433
are spending a romantic week
together in saint tropez.
88
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:30,400
- You can't let everyone see your magic.
- Good point.
89
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:37,400
The next week, nothing you see or hear
in this class will seem out of the ordinary.
90
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,900
You guys want to know
the truth about sex
91
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,900
and we have one week to learn it.
92
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:47,200
Today and tomorrow, you'll
break up into loving couples.
93
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:52,567
Thursday, we'll cover all the
erotic basics and friday will be lab day.
94
00:06:52,567 --> 00:06:55,067
- Lab day?
- Hands-on experience.
95
00:06:55,067 --> 00:06:58,467
We'll practice everything you've learned.
96
00:06:58,467 --> 00:07:01,900
- You mean, we'll...?
- You'll have sex.
97
00:07:05,533 --> 00:07:07,033
Mahatma!
98
00:07:08,967 --> 00:07:10,967
Could you repeat that?
99
00:07:10,967 --> 00:07:15,333
Did you say at the end of
the week we're going to do it?
100
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,833
Uh-huh. Any more questions?
101
00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:22,300
Here? We'll do it here?
102
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,233
Yes, but only if you demonstrate...
103
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:26,733
I'm sorry. I want to be clear.
104
00:07:27,233 --> 00:07:30,733
We're talking about the big "It"--
sex, the deed.
105
00:07:30,733 --> 00:07:34,067
- We're all going to do it this friday?
- Yes, Gary.
106
00:07:34,067 --> 00:07:38,567
Just checking. But not until
you fulfill the class assignments
107
00:07:38,567 --> 00:07:40,933
and demonstrate to me you
understand the subject
108
00:07:40,933 --> 00:07:44,400
in a mature and responsible way.
109
00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:48,333
- We have a lot...
- Yes, I'm going to have sex.
110
00:07:48,333 --> 00:07:51,733
Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex.
Oh, baby. Oh, baby.
111
00:07:51,733 --> 00:07:55,267
- I like it like that.
- Gary, please maintain.
112
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,767
Now this is sex ed--
113
00:07:58,767 --> 00:08:01,233
Learning how to do it
by actually doing it.
114
00:08:01,233 --> 00:08:03,233
- Lisa is amazing!
- Wait a minute.
115
00:08:03,233 --> 00:08:07,200
I don't want to have sex with some
lab partner in front of everyone.
116
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,067
Relax, you'll do fine.
117
00:08:10,067 --> 00:08:15,967
Okay, the first part of any sexual
experience beings with "Meeting your mate."
118
00:08:15,967 --> 00:08:20,467
Finding a sexual partner.
Now, how do we go about doing that?
119
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:22,900
- Wyatt?
- Well, um...
120
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,400
I think you should find a
partner who cares about you first.
121
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,400
Someone you respect and
someone who shares your values.
122
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:34,333
Very good, Wyatt. What do we
call this search to find that someone?
123
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:38,733
Pointless. I've been in scam mode
for years and I've come up with Jack.
124
00:08:38,733 --> 00:08:42,233
And why is that? Why is it
so hard to find someone?
125
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:44,667
When it comes to dating,
everybody plays mind games.
126
00:08:44,667 --> 00:08:48,167
- Nobody says how they feel.
- Especially when it comes to sex.
127
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:51,500
If we can't talk about it how
are we supposed to do it?
128
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,500
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
129
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,000
Then let's begin by making sex
easy to talk about.
130
00:08:58,500 --> 00:09:00,867
From now on, anyone you
talk to about sex
131
00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:04,367
will say what's on their mind.
No more mind games.
132
00:09:04,367 --> 00:09:06,333
- No more inhibitions.
- Ms. Garywyette...
133
00:09:06,333 --> 00:09:13,233
I got to tell you, you're the
hottest thing I have ever seen.
134
00:09:13,233 --> 00:09:17,233
And, uh... I'd like to
make love with you.
135
00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:22,233
- Someplace far, far away.
- How about Saint Tropez?
136
00:09:22,233 --> 00:09:24,667
As I was saying,
by class tomorrow
137
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,600
you'll be able to pair up
without a problem.
138
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,600
- Think of it as a shortcut to romance.
- ( Bell Rings )
139
00:09:30,067 --> 00:09:33,000
Everyone, go out there
and make it happen.
140
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:37,000
- Lisa, you're a genius.
- I know.
141
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:40,400
Is there any way I can
write a paper instead?
142
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,833
No.
143
00:09:44,333 --> 00:09:47,333
Hey, isn't that girl in our class?
144
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:51,833
Yes, it is.
145
00:09:51,833 --> 00:09:53,833
Time to see what she really
thinks of the magnificence
146
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:56,267
That is Gary Wallace.
147
00:09:57,233 --> 00:09:59,733
Hi. I'm Gary.
148
00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,233
You want to be my sex partner?
149
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:09,733
No, thanks. I can't think
of a bigger turn-off
150
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:11,233
than a pale, skinny geek
with poofy blonde hair.
151
00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:14,100
Unless it's a whiny,
nervous dork like him.
152
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:19,133
The thought of having sex with
either of you makes me want to spew.
153
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:22,433
Gary. Did our conference
help you at all?
154
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,933
Yeah, you were a big help.
155
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:29,433
Well, it helped me too.
I never even thought
156
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:35,167
about edible panties fothe
missus until you mentioned it.
157
00:10:35,167 --> 00:10:39,367
- Mr. Woodrow Rose to the occasion.
- That's just wonderful.
158
00:10:39,367 --> 00:10:42,833
- The groundhog saw his shadow.
- Glad to hear it.
159
00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:47,767
- Just keep walking.
- We finally raised the flag at iwo ima.
160
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:51,767
I never want to hear the truth again.
161
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:53,267
I don't care if I never have sex.
162
00:10:53,267 --> 00:10:56,667
You puke-licks still taking about sex?
163
00:10:56,667 --> 00:10:57,667
BOTH: No.
164
00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:02,967
- I had sex once.
- Just once? You said...
165
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,900
Yeah, I exaggerate.
That's because I'm insecure about it.
166
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:12,833
It was such a miserable experience
for me I've been terrified of it ever since.
167
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:20,600
Yeah, sure. I talk like a lean,
mean sex machine but it's all a lie.
168
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:28,433
I just wait someone to hold me
and call me "Sweet Pea."
169
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,400
I really did not want to hear that.
170
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:46,800
- This class sucks.
- Are we the only two without partners?
171
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,267
- Excuse me, Wyatt?
- Yes?
172
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,667
- Oh, no!
- I want to be your partner.
173
00:11:54,167 --> 00:11:55,667
You do?
174
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:59,900
I broke up with my boyfriend and
my standards have really dropped.
175
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,900
I'd like to use you to get back
at him and then dump you
176
00:12:02,900 --> 00:12:06,867
- like a bucket of chum.
- Great.
177
00:12:06,867 --> 00:12:08,367
( Bell Ringing )
178
00:12:11,833 --> 00:12:12,833
Morning.
179
00:12:14,833 --> 00:12:19,333
Before we start is there
anyone who hasn't paired up yet?
180
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:23,800
- Uh, me.
- GIRL: And me.
181
00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:26,300
I still need a paper.
182
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,300
- Thank you.
- Okay, then.
183
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:37,500
Let's start where Mrs. Burnbaum left off.
Sexual anatomy.
184
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:58,300
There are different colors,
and sizes, and these.
185
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,300
( Whistling )
186
00:13:32,067 --> 00:13:33,567
What are you doing?
187
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:36,567
Sorry.
188
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,567
We were just testing
the lab equipment.
189
00:13:39,067 --> 00:13:41,967
If this bed were to fail mild-
experiment someone could get hurt.
190
00:13:41,967 --> 00:13:44,400
You haven't listened
to a word I've said.
191
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,400
And we haven't even
finished birth control or risks.
192
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,400
- I already know this stuff.
- I've heard Dr. Ruth.
193
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:51,400
I've read the sex columns
in seventeen.
194
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,900
I've seen the special episodes
of saved by the bell.
195
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:58,400
- I just want to have sex.
- Gary's right.
196
00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:03,400
We just want to find out
what sex feels like.
197
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,900
Are we a perfect couple or what?
198
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:10,367
Gary, you're still not ready
to have sex. I'll prove it.
199
00:14:10,367 --> 00:14:13,333
Everyone, get out a piece
of paper. Pop quiz.
200
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:18,333
Nice going, hef.
I'm not ready for this.
201
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,767
It's not my fault
You're sexually challenged.
202
00:14:20,767 --> 00:14:27,167
Question one. What is the best way
to avoid sexually transmitted diseases.
203
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:33,167
"Abstinence. Or, if you must
have sex the correct
204
00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:37,667
and consistent use of condoms."
205
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:39,333
Piece of cake.
206
00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:40,800
Next!
207
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,267
I aced it! I told you!
208
00:14:44,267 --> 00:14:46,267
I don't get it.
209
00:14:48,767 --> 00:14:50,767
I was sure he was going to fail.
210
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:52,767
Gary's always been such
a poor student.
211
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:56,233
- Lisa, it's sex class.
- But he got every single question
212
00:14:56,233 --> 00:14:59,733
- right. How?
- Maybe he cheated off me.
213
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:03,233
No, that can't be. You failed.
214
00:15:03,733 --> 00:15:04,733
You're kidding.
215
00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:08,167
How could that happen? What?
216
00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:10,633
It's not like I tried to fail.
217
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,600
( Giggling )
218
00:15:13,567 --> 00:15:15,067
Hey! Stop that.
219
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:17,567
I believe our perfect scores
prove that Bonnie and I
220
00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:20,567
are ready to move
right to the lab portion.
221
00:15:20,567 --> 00:15:22,567
Here. Don't forget
your safely goggles.
222
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:26,000
You're rushing into this.
Your brain's not doing the thinking here.
223
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:29,500
- You're not ready yet.
- Yes, I am.
224
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:31,000
I've been ready for 15 years.
225
00:15:31,000 --> 00:15:33,967
If you excuse me I have
an experiment to conduct.
226
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,533
Knock it off. You can't have sex.
227
00:15:42,033 --> 00:15:44,033
- You're still not ready.
- I am ready.
228
00:15:44,033 --> 00:15:48,033
I've been ready.
I always will be ready.
229
00:15:48,033 --> 00:15:52,267
What's the big deal? It's not
like we're breaking the law.
230
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:02,200
- Actually you are breaking the law.
- What?
231
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:04,667
You don't have a sex license.
You know
232
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:07,167
like a driver's license, but for sex.
233
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,133
You have to have one
if you're going to have sex.
234
00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:12,600
- Yeah, right.
- Sorry, son.
235
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,100
- It's the law.
- Who's this loser?
236
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:20,500
Class, this Officer Friendly. He'll
be administering the sex license test.
237
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:23,900
It will cover how well you apply
what you've learned in class
238
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:25,400
to real-life situations.
239
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:29,567
Remember: sex is a privilege,
not a right.
240
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:31,067
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
241
00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:35,033
No, it's not. See? I've got one.
242
00:16:35,533 --> 00:16:37,033
This is bogus.
243
00:16:37,967 --> 00:16:40,333
Wow. You to wear
glasses to have sex?
244
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,333
- To have sex?
- Only at night.
245
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:44,333
- I'm not buying this.
- Let's go back to my place.
246
00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:48,633
- I don't want to break the law.
- She's making this up.
247
00:16:48,633 --> 00:16:50,100
It looks real to me.
248
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:53,100
It's even got one of
those hologram thingies.
249
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,100
I'm not having any sex
until we're licensed.
250
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,100
You're kidding.
251
00:16:57,567 --> 00:17:01,067
Fine. Bonnie and I will take
your stupid sex license test.
252
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:03,000
We'll pass, and there will be
nothing to keep
253
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:06,433
this love train from leaving
the station.
254
00:17:06,433 --> 00:17:10,367
So, Mr. Wallace, Miss Baxter
shall we begin?
255
00:17:18,867 --> 00:17:19,867
( Sniffing )
256
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,200
I had a great time tonight, Bonnie.
257
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,200
Mmm... me too.
258
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,200
How we doing?
259
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:56,200
You're both scoring well on the
make-out portion of the test
260
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,200
but before we can move on
to the bedroom simulation
261
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,200
you'll have to do one more thing.
262
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:03,633
We did everything right.
What's left?
263
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:06,567
You still have to
Paralled Park this car.
264
00:18:07,067 --> 00:18:10,033
I know I've been a little
uptight about this sex thing
265
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:12,533
but I've been thinking--
what's the big deal?
266
00:18:13,033 --> 00:18:18,467
Sex is a natural, beautiful part of life.
I should just relax and enjoy it.
267
00:18:18,967 --> 00:18:22,400
Anyway I want you to know I'm ready.
268
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:26,567
Oh, Wyatt, that's so sweet.
I'm dumping you.
269
00:18:26,567 --> 00:18:29,900
- Deke and I are getting back together.
- Huh?
270
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,367
He got his sex license
on his first try.
271
00:18:33,367 --> 00:18:36,367
I'm this close to getting
my learner's permit
272
00:18:36,867 --> 00:18:38,867
then we can have sex
any time we want--
273
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,300
As long as it's during the day,
and I'm accompanied by an adult.
274
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:42,800
I don't think so.
275
00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,233
Read them and weep.
276
00:18:49,733 --> 00:18:53,667
Bonnie got a 96 on the sex test.
I got a 98-- perfect score.
277
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:57,167
- 100 is perfect.
- Okay, so I backed over a pylon.
278
00:18:57,667 --> 00:19:01,167
Point is we passed.
We get our sex licenses.
279
00:19:01,167 --> 00:19:03,600
All right. You win.
280
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:06,600
Go ahead, have sex all afternoon.
281
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:09,100
Skip school, I don't care.
282
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:20,100
I want you to know
I respect you as a person.
283
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,600
I feel the same way about you.
284
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,100
We've exchanged positive
emotional reinforcements.
285
00:19:25,100 --> 00:19:27,567
Check. Give me your ear.
286
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,567
Yeah. Yeah.
287
00:19:30,567 --> 00:19:34,033
General stimulation to one
or more of my erogenous zones.
288
00:19:34,533 --> 00:19:36,033
- Now what?
- Take off your pants.
289
00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:39,967
I am listening and responding
to your desires.
290
00:19:40,467 --> 00:19:41,967
What's next?
291
00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:45,467
Final confirmation that we have
mutually consented
292
00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:48,933
to engage in a sexual act
as an expression of our love.
293
00:19:48,933 --> 00:19:51,900
- Well, I want to get it on. You?
- Oh, yeah.
294
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,400
I can't believe this
is actually happening.
295
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,400
Me too.
296
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,400
Did you forget anything?
No. Nothing.
297
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:03,900
Nothing.
298
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:08,400
You sure you're ready?
299
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,900
I've never been more sure
of anything in my life.
300
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:17,000
- Come on, let's get it on.
- Oh, Gary, you were so close.
301
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,400
Huh?
302
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:23,867
Ooh, what the...?!
303
00:20:25,333 --> 00:20:27,833
Hello, Gary. Nice shorts.
304
00:20:27,833 --> 00:20:30,300
What the hell is this?
What did you do with Bonnie?
305
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,767
She wasn't real.
She was a sex simulator.
306
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:35,700
Simulator? Why?
307
00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:41,467
I was so close, and then...
she... cube!
308
00:20:41,467 --> 00:20:44,967
- What's he doing here?
- I've been watching.
309
00:20:44,967 --> 00:20:47,967
Is that a rubik's cube? I love those.
310
00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:50,967
I don't understand.
Why are you torturing me?
311
00:20:50,967 --> 00:20:53,900
- All I wanted for was to have sex.
- No, Gary.
312
00:20:53,900 --> 00:20:56,700
You wished for a sexual education.
313
00:20:56,700 --> 00:21:00,600
I tried to give you one
but you blew it big time.
314
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:04,067
What did I blow? I got a 98.
I got my sex license.
315
00:21:04,067 --> 00:21:07,400
Condom. You didn't use a condom.
316
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:13,200
So... I got a little excited.
I guess I forgot.
317
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:16,667
Sex ed's a waste if you
don't apply what you learn.
318
00:21:16,667 --> 00:21:17,667
Duh.
319
00:21:17,667 --> 00:21:20,633
Sex is more than just
a bump and a grind.
320
00:21:20,633 --> 00:21:23,067
- It will make sense in a few years.
- A few years?
321
00:21:24,067 --> 00:21:27,533
Come on, Wy. Let's leave
these two love birds alone.
322
00:21:27,533 --> 00:21:29,467
They have a lot to talk about.
323
00:21:32,467 --> 00:21:37,933
I was so close. So close.
324
00:21:45,833 --> 00:21:47,833
- Come on, you said you could do it.
- I'm trying.
325
00:21:48,333 --> 00:21:51,333
It's been a while. Wait. I got it!
326
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:52,833
Yes!
327
00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:59,200
- Mrs. Burnbaum?
- ( Screaming )
328
00:22:01,167 --> 00:22:02,633
Captioned by Grantman Brown
26534
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