All language subtitles for 1The.Origins.of.Wit.and.Humor.2015.WEBRip.x264-ION10.es

Sí, empezar el día
con un abrazo de oso.

¿Usted siente que?

Luciendo bien.

No me dijiste que
ibas a salir esta noche.

¿Voy a salir esta noche?

Me ire. Perdóneme.

Tengo que ir a maquillaje.

¿Dónde está Pops?

Oh, lo que pasó
en el dedo?

No tener hijos.

Gracias. ¿Cómo estamos
en busca de tiempo?

Uh, que son cortas, y la única
cosa que tenemos en la cámara

es un boceto titulado "yo
quiero un famoso corte de pelo."

Esa es la recta de Gary.

Espera, dime
el título otra vez.

"Quiero un famoso corte de pelo."

Es bastante magnético.

Sí. Veo que estamos bebiendo
el café como un niño grande.

Soda.

Dile que quieres un tiempo fuera.
Probablemente hay todo tipo de

giros y vueltas, y lo sabes.

Sí, el dibujo es
de ocho páginas,

no hay vueltas. Que
es una parodia de la nada.

No sé lo
que estás hablando.

Si vi que justo
ahora, me gustaría ser como

Quién escribió esto...

¿Dónde es esto estudios que ha
de apagar la mierda?

O podríamos reemplazarlo.

Y aquí es donde se
ofrece voluntariamente para reemplazarlo.

¿Es aquí donde? Yo no
veo en mi agenda.

Hey, comer una verga.
Usted es un escritor, ¿de acuerdo?

No puñetazo en.
No perforar hacia fuera.

Coma una polla? Quiero decir,
vamos, Phil.

Realmente no tengo nada.

Que siempre tiene algo.

Sí, hay algo que yo
escribí y es en el show.

Espera un minuto. Hay
algo ahí.

Sí. Esto es lo que vamos a hacer.
Vamos a pasar a Jim,

y estamos le va a preguntar
cómo disparar este derecho.

Y entonces te va a tocar el
elenco entusiasmados con la idea.

Porque yo ... Estoy emocionado
acerca de esa idea.

Usted no está excitado.
Tienes razón. Ir.

Hey, Pops.

Hey usted es el tipo gracioso.
¿Qué peluca es el gracioso?

Tengo que recibir cuatro más divertidos.

Bueno, para empezar, todas las
pelucas son divertidos.

En segundo lugar, siempre va a
ser la cola de caballo, y

no importa la causa
que no lo estamos haciendo.

¿Cual? La única pelo? Sí.

Phil piensa que es ofensivo
para las personas con alopecia, así.

Canadá, mira eso. Usted
es un bosque folículo, hombre.

Esto es simplemente genial.

Entonces sólo puedo suponer
que usted está aquí para

barrer y dame
algo más para disparar.

No tengo nada, hombre.

Nada en su portátil?

Es como si yo estoy trabajando en un
correo electrónico queja a mi familia.

Pollo.

Ellos siempre me están llamando con estas extrañas
medias ideas para estos bocetos, ya sabes.

Y no es que sean malas ideas.
Son sólo ...

Las malas ideas, ya sabe.

Y ni siquiera son
trenes completos de pensamiento.

Es como si yo no llamo a mi
primo que está en una banda y por ejemplo,

"Hola primo, tengo una
idea para un robo de base."

"Boop, boop, boop. Usted
puede tener que uno."

¿Por qué no disparamos eso?

¿Qué? Me escribir un correo electrónico?
No. La idea.

Vamos a convertirlo en un boceto.

Por lo tanto, ¿qué puedo hacer
por usted, señor ...

Marty. Oye, Mikey.

Esos son para las manos.

No pendejos.

¿Qué deseas?

Mikey, quiero que cierres
los ojos en este momento.

He estado dando esto
una gran cantidad de pensamiento.

Tengo una, super prima muy
fresca, nueva idea para una cirugía.

Estoy pensando en tomar
de un tipo Dick ... pene.

Conectarlo al
lado de la cabeza,

por lo que de esa manera, puede tener relaciones sexuales,
y ver la televisión al mismo tiempo.

Hola.

¿Mira eso? Público le encanta.

No es nuestro mejor trabajo, pero, por supuesto.

Suponemos que hemos jugado un
poco demasiado cerca, ¿eh?

No hay alquileres?

Uh, no alquilar, poseer.

Si usted está alquilando, usted está
tirando su dinero.

Aprendido que cuando compré
mi primer coche de playa.

Tres dólares.

Parece que van a
la necesidad más bolsas.

Vuelvo derecha.

¿Cree que ella entiende
si estaba bromeando?

No. Creo que ella piensa que
es el propietario de un buggy.

¿Dónde podría aparcar
que en la ciudad?

Esto es todo lo que pude encontrar. Se utiliza para tener
refrescos en ella, pero debería funcionar.

Soda Pop, eh? Cuando
usted guarda Ponyboy?

Seis dólares.

- Hola cariño.
- Hola, Debs.

¿Usted ha visto este
creepo aquí?

Él está allí de pie,

ladrando a sí mismo todo el tiempo
Pops y yo estábamos waling terminado.

¿Ha mantenido un ojo en él?
¿Que esta haciendo?

Di la palabra, Debs. Tengo un
conjunto bolsillo lleno de monedas de un centavo.

Que iba a caer justo en la cabeza de este tipo.
Si lo desea, decir la palabra.

Podía ser un psicótico.

Cree que algo más pesado?
Monedas de cinco centavos?

Hm, no.

El!

¿Qué pasa con la maleta?

Lo siento. Yo no...

Yo no te quiero más.

Judas!

¿Has visto a su rostro
cuando dije eso?

¿Le dar la vuelta a todos?

Ella es judía. No creo que
ella tiene la referencia.

Mierda.

♪ solo en este apartamento vacío

♪ La soledad se arrastra en mi mente

♪ Me dicen que se ha ido
Y sé que está mal

♪ Pero todavía pretendo
Esa mina de ella

♪ estoy solo con la adicción

♪ Todavía oigo
que me llama

♪ Parece que los viejos tiempos
Cuando abracé tan apretado

♪ Pero sé que es sólo un sueño

♪ ¿Estás LoNeSoMe

♪ Ahí está la flor
Dejó en el suelo

♪ Hay una maleta
Todavía hay junto a la puerta

♪ No quiero
saber si es cierto

♪ Así que estoy solo en mi habitación ♪

Hey, Les. Leslie Eugene?

¿Estás bromeando?

¿Cómo entraste?

¿Qué quieres decir? Usted
me dio una llave de repuesto.

Fue en caso de emergencia. Estoy
ni siquiera deprimido aún.

¿Oh no? Entonces, ¿qué es con todo el gris
cosa jardines que se puso en marcha para acá?

Esto se me retiraba en un
ambiente que yo controlo,

evitando así mis problemas de la vida real
al escapar en una fantasía.

Muy bien, gracias,
profesor Cerebro-buena.

Excepto, cuya fantasía es esto?
¿Howard Hughes?

No. He was a germophobe.

Estoy completamente cómodo
en mi propia suciedad.

Yeah, well, it's making
me very uncomfortable.

So, what do you say
we hose you off,

and you put on some clothes that
aren't held on by an elastic band,

and we go check out a movie
or something like that.

Actually there's a used
broken-record thing we can go to.

Get you out of the fart
lounge for a little while.

I don't wanna go anywhere, okay?

You knew what I was doing
when you came over.

So, if you wanna cop a squat and
hang out for a bit, then fine.

Otherwise, leave.

I'll be fine in a
couple of months.

Les.

Come on, man.

She didn't love you. Things
couldn't have been that good.

Look, we had some fights, but...

I don't think it got that bad.
We were together

five years. There's
gonna be a few tiffs.

I kinda wish she had started fighting
out just so we could talk through it

instead of making
up her own mind.

I feel fucking abandoned,
like an orphan.

Do you wanna run away
and join the circus?

Kind of. Well,

you write for a comedy show.

And that is the next best thing.
You got to come back.

You got to use this stuff.
Catharsis.

You know, like put
it in a sketch,

where, like, you dump her.

Or you turn her into a fucking malamute.
I don't know. It doesn't matter.

Catharsis. Do you even
know what that means?

I've heard it used.
It's a Greek thing.

But in the meantime,
let's get out of here.

I'm starving, okay? I mean, like, look
at this. You know how hungry I am?

I am going to do
something I never do.

I'm going to spoon-share.

I'm gonna spoon-share. Have
you ever seen me spoon-share?

Cereal, no. Ice-cream, no.
Soup, certainly not.

But today, mmm.

Is there scotch in this?

I spiked the soup.

All right, that's it.
Get the fuck up.

We're going to get a sandwich.
I don't wanna get a sandwich.

We're getting a sandwich.
Come on.

Venga. No luchar contra mí.

Mira, sé que es una mierda. Y sé que no hay
nada que pueda decir para que se sienta mejor.

Pero hay cosas que haces, y
sólo se hacen para la persona que amas,

y si ella no te ama, entonces ella
no estaba haciendo esas cosas y que estaban.

Ahora, ¿por qué quieres
estar en esa situación?

Ella hizo un montón de cosas para mí.
Ya sabes, ella ...

quedarse hasta tarde viendo películas de mierda, y
que iría a cosas como esta conmigo.

Sí, pero se puede hacer
todo lo que por sí mismo.

Lo sé. Pero era un poco como
mi público de una manera extraña.

De acuerdo, bien ...

Piense en ello como si fuera una tienda, está bien.
Entras en una tienda.

¿Qué tipo de tienda?

Uh, puto A. No lo sé. ¿Qué
tipo de tienda es lo que quieres que sea?

Una tienda de juguetes que
también vende pizza.

Bien, es una tienda de pizza-juguete.

Ahora vamos a decir
que fuimos allí,

y se le dio un 100 dólares, y
todo lo que te di fue un poco de corteza

y una sentada y el giro
que no girar.

¿Le mantener a volver allí?

Si se trata de la única tienda de pizza-juguete
que sé de, probablemente lo haría.

Es decir, estamos hablando de una de vanguardia
puesta en marcha en tiempos financieros como este.

Es como, no puedo llegar a la
alfa si no estoy en el Omega.

Necesito estar ahí
desde el principio.

All right, stop, stop. This
store does not exist, okay.

Just fuck the pizza-toy store.

This is Chicago.

There are beautiful women everywhere,
and with all kinds of variety.

You want a tattooed chick? Boom.
You've got a tattooed chick.

You want one of those
awkward girls,

with the knock knees,

that looks like a Simpson's
character, you can have that.

You want a girl that looks like her dad?
You can have that, too.

You like those independent record girls
with the record collections, and the bangs.

You can have that, too. In
fact, I would bet top dollar

that there are, like, five of those
chicks at this thing right here.

In fact, there's one behind us right now.
Go talk to her.

Okay, can you keep
your voice down?

Go talk to her. I'm
not gonna do that.

Look at her, she's got glasses on.
She looks like Woody Allen.

You love Woody Allen.

But I don't wanna bang him.
Yeah, you do.

Look, you can't just walk up to
somebody, a complete stranger,

and expect to have this
connection, after five seconds.

I mean, how'd you
and Rachel meet?

It was college. It was easy.

You are... Oh, what is this? A book about
being helpful. That's exactly what you are.

Oh, hey, go. Talk to her.

I'll get this one.

Oh, what do you got there?

Some Neil-Baroque
sci-fi fusio...

Sorry.

You ever heard of Bob
Newhart's stand-up on vinyl?

So much funnier. The jokes are...
warmer.

Much fuller sounding.

I don't really want that.

Well, playboy, do you
got any phone numbers?

Now I gotta buy this record so I
don't look like a fucking asshole.

Just put it down some place.

She'll see it and know.

Okay, well, while you were
over there doing that,

I found this book that I am going to buy
for you because it's about wit and humor

and you're a comedy writer.

Great. Is this a joke book?

Can't wait to get to the vaguely
racist section about the Scotsman.

Okay, she's looking. Can we go?

Okay, look. I don't know what to tell
you, man. I'm trying here, buddy.

I know. I just wanna
complain, you know.

These are emotions I need to go
through, like the five stages of grief.

Although minor depression, crying
while yelling, didn't shave my head,

come up with a cool nickname to reinvent
myself, and maybe make a mix tape.

I don't know. Don't
shave your head.

Maybe call me "the bullet?"

I do like that. I like
that a lot, actually.

That's subtle with a hint of...
Subtle with a hint.

My car's down there.

Hey, for what it's worth,
I really appreciate...

You're doing your best
to make me feel better.

Yeah. That's what I'm here for.
You little schmook. Schmookster.

How'd your mom take it?
I haven't told her yet.

Figured whatever she gets Deb
for Christmas, I'll just keep.

What if she gets her something
gender-specific, like crotchless panties.

Then... I'll have two. Wow.

An extra pair, huh?

Look, man. You're having a
shitty enough time as it is.

You're gonna have to
tell her eventually.

I think the best thing to do,
you tell her, get it over with,

the sooner you can move on.
Just cowboy up, and do it.

I don't wanna be a cowboy.

Oh, yes, you do. Oh, yeah, you do.
Who's my little cowboy?

Don't do this. Will
you be my cowboy?

Come on, shoot me.

It's a sixer. I'm out.

Okay, there you go. There
you go, little doggie.

Get on up. Get along. There's your book.
I love you.

Love you too, man. Thank you.
I'll call you.

Okay, you got it. Any time.

Leslie? Hi, mom.

I can't believe it.
You're calling me.

Is this about the message
that I sent you?

Because I did figure out
how to check my email.

That's good. Oh, while I've
got you on the phone...

Do not forget to call Anthony.
It's his wedding anniversary.

Nadie llama para aniversarios.
Y no lo hice

llamar a su hijo de
la circuncisión, tampoco.

No llamaste?

Le enviaré una tarjeta para
la siguiente, ¿de acuerdo?

Whoa, gruñón. ¿Qué te ha pasado?
Usted fue tal hijo un agradable.

Y se muda a la ciudad
y nunca se ve.

Cada vez que hablo con usted, usted
me acosan por amarte.

Es realmente bueno.

Niza, esta persona te has convertido.

Escucha.

Deb y yo nos separamos, ¿de acuerdo?
Por lo tanto, hay que.

¿Que pasó? No
se dice nada?

No lo sé. Es como...

Voy al trabajo y llego a casa, y ella
dice: "Yo no te quiero más".

Manera de incluir mí, compañero.
50-50.

No lo sé. Toda la
cosa en mi cabeza ...

Vaya, lo siento, cariño.

Me gustaba mucho.

Sí yo también.

Sé que no quiero
escuchar esto en este momento,

pero, ya sabes, las cosas
suceden por una razón.

Dios tiene un plan.

Dios tiene un ... Dios odia mi pene.

Ver con eso.
Dios ama a tu pene.

Por favor, no diga eso.

Oh, incluso cuando estaba creciendo
dentro de mí, Dios amó a la verga.

Mira, todavía se puede reír.

Ah, se me olvidaba ...

Estaba pensando en la donación de algunos
de sus cosas, y yo no estaba segura.

¿Se quiero seguir
su bolsa de frijoles?

Mis bolsas de frijoles?

You know, the stuff you used to
kick around with your friends.

Jesus, please, yes. Donate them.

Drop them off at Our Lady
of Perpetual Virginity.

You might not have trouble meeting people
if you weren't so sarcastic all the time.

You aways have to
be the funny man.

Why can't you ever
just be yourself?

This is being myself.

Look, all I'm saying is, if you're
always trying to make a joke,

people might not
take you seriously.

Listen, I gotta get going.
This place is a pig sty.

I should clean it up. I'll let you
know how it shakes out, okay?

Okay, okay. Yeah.
Well, I love you.

Be careful.

I love you, too.

Thanks Pops.

"Become irresistibly
funny to women."

♪ Saw you last night In
the midnight moonlight

Can I get a menu?

♪ With somebody new

♪ And you know it's not right ♪

Les, baby. I didn't think
you were gonna make it out.

It's so good to see you.

Well, say hi to everyone. They certainly
didn't come out here to see me.

I think you have me confused
with somebody else.

I may have you confused...
with our first contestant!

The gals are here, the curtain is down.
Now it's time to play...

Make us laugh, asshole!

Everybody knows how the
first round works.

Les is gonna have 30
seconds to make us laugh,

and if he runs out of time,
he's gonna hear this noise.

All right, Les. Let's put 30
seconds on the clock. Now.

Do I tell it like a
story or a joke...

Clock is ticking.

I don't really understand wha...
You have 20 seconds now.

Uh... A man walks into a deli and...
fuck, no.

Ten seconds...

I had once a pain in
the chest area...

Five, four, three, two, one.

That was rough.

That's what she said.
The buzzer sounded.

But don't take my word for it. Let's
go talk with our lovely judges.

Erica, you dated Les for 10 months.
Yikes!

Which means you probably heard the
same jokes day in and day out, right?

Oh, brother! Well, tell me, Erica,
did Les make you laugh today?

Oh, no, that's one X.
One X, Les.

All right, moving on.

We're gonna hit up now.
Rose, how are ya?

Mm.

Now tell me, Rose, did Les
make you laugh today?

Oh, no!

What will I hear if
I make them laugh?

It's usually an "A-ha," or a snort.
You know, the sound of laughter.

Now, Rose, tell me. What
happened between the two of you?

Why'd you get so sick of Les?

I broke up with her.
No, you didn't!

Now go ahead, gorgeous.

When we first started dating, you
were this cute, awkward guy.

But after a year, he was
still that awkward, nervous,

self-hating, self-doubting...

You said I was charming.
Yeah, at first.

- Come on...
- Boo!

That's all right, 'cause we're moving on
to this little sweet ray of sunshine.

It's Mary!

Mary, how are you? Aw, look at that.
Awww.

Now tell me, Mary. Did Les
make you laugh today?

Oh, no! Mary, it kinda looked
like you enjoyed doing that.

Real mature.

Now, Mary, from
what I understand,

you knew Les when
he was younger.

What was your experience
with him then?

Well, he was a real sweet kid.

He was not afraid to
show me his soft side.

Unlike the other boys.

Well, based on what we
saw in the first round,

it doesn't look like
he's got it any more.

I know. I think one day I
just stopped laughing.

I'd heard them all before.

And also, he was
a terrible fuck.

We were eight. We
didn't even kiss.

Right. I meant kickball player.

He was a terrible
kickball player.

Ouch.

But with those legs,
I can see it.

Well, Les, I'm sorry to let you
know, buddy, you've got three Xs.

What do you say, studio audience?
Should we give him a second chance?

All right, pal, wait there. Don't
start writing your material just yet,

because we got to bring out
now our mystery judge.

She's been backstage this whole
time being distracted by our

very muscular, and
well-oiled stage hands.

Please welcome now
to the stage...

It's Debra.

Les, come on down.

So, I think you two
know each other.

We dated for five years.

Whoa! I'm sure you have a
lot to complain about.

Why don't you give us, like, a top three?
But more if you need to.

Well, one thing was, any time I go
out and have a couple of drinks

and really start to enjoy
myself, he'd cut me off.

Lo siento si me gustaría tener un
buen tiempo de vez en cuando.

No es como si nunca bebe.

Si yo...

Yo tomo. Es sólo que no siento la necesidad de
anunciar al mundo de lo borracho que soy.

Mejor aún, empieza a hablar
en un grito constante.

Es un poco embarazoso.

Embarazoso. Usted sabe
lo que es embarazoso?

Tienes más de 30 años de edad y no se puede
tragar una píldora. Tienes que cortarlos.

Usted está chupando en tubos de gel.
O ¿qué tal esto?

Me haces comprobar para ver
si sus dientes están flojos.

Si se sienten un poco
poco "fuera" de ese día.

No es como si estuviera pidiéndole que
ponga toda su mano ahí.

Basta con pulsar sobre ella un poco
y ver si se mueven.

Sólo se tarda como un segundo.

¿Por qué estoy incluso justificando
a ti?

¿Qué tal esto? Morder
cuando estás borracho. No.

Yo no tengo que estar borracho ...
para morder.

Y eso es otra cosa.

Cada vez que mostró la
menor atención

hacia otro varón,
que asumiría el peor.

Tal vez si no hubiera dudado cosas
tanto, no habría dudado de nosotros.

Eso no es justo, está bien.
Yo ... yo te amaba.

Me pasé cinco años la conformación de
la vida que nos rodea.

Ni siquiera me das el
respeto a hablar hacia fuera.

You take a couple of hours by yourself,
and you decide what's right for...

Oh, I am so sorry but
we are out of time.

I wanna give a big
shout out to Les.

I did not think he had
the spine to show up.

We're not done here, Vic.

Well, sorry about that, but you
know what the music means.

What music?

Now, why don't we get you
out of those wet clothes.

I have no idea how anyone is going to put
up with your bullshit for as long as I did.

Take this with you.

Yeah?

Is this Leslie Candalero?

What's up, dude?
This was outside.

Oh, yeah. Which
one you watching?

Rex Reddick:
Prescription For Murder.

Why's he on a dirt bike?

He's just a pharmacist
during the day.

After hours, he rides on
the motocross circuit.

Hm. Delicate dirt
bike vigilante.

How long has this
been out there?

Apparently, Rock
Hudson's in town.

That guy's a chick magnet, huh?
Was he gay?

Couldn't say.

What is this?

Oh, this is that thing I got out of
the back of the book you got me.

What? Like a decoder ring?

No. No. Build your
own hover craft?

Sea monkeys, joy
buzzer, X-ray specs.

All right, I'm done.
What the fuck is it?

It's like this elixir or tonic
or something that you...

you drink, and then girls find you
irresistibly funny, and then...

I don't know.

All right, this does not compute.
Girls already think you're funny.

Yeah, that's a great idea. You should just
drink the potion you got in the mail.

Looks totally fine.

Listen, if this does work, it's
the perfect way to get over Deb.

You know? Really thrust myself
back in the dating pool.

Find someone who
appreciates me for me.

Some validation to
rub in her face.

How long you want me to wait
before I call poison control?

Okay.

Now that you've gone and done that,
how do we know when it works?

I don't know. You wanna
go to a bar or something?

It's like one in the
afternoon, Les.

I know, but there's
probably somebody there.

Yeah, but not the kind of people you
want rooting around your genitalia.

You're probably right. We could go to
the garden thing with the veggies.

Come on. I thought we
were gonna watch a DVD.

Come on.

I don't know why I sat down.

I'll get you some
freaking candy.

You happy now? Mm hm.
I am. Thank you.

Okay, there's one. Let's
try that one over there.

I don't know. Am I
supposed to feel something

¿todavía? Porque yo no.
Como un cosquilleo?

Esto es tonto. Debemos ir.

No no no. Usted me hizo venir aquí.
No hay DVDs fueron observados.

Vas a hacer esto, ¿de acuerdo?
Sólo...

Ofrecerle un poco de caramelo.
Candy, ¿eh?

Esa es una forma buena. ¿Por qué tendría
que suena como un bien en?

Ella va a llamar a la policía.

Me reiría si eso ocurriera.

Está bien, voy a ir.

Decir algo a mí darle vida. Puedo
ver tu pene a través de sus pantalones vaqueros.

No, se ve bien. Es bueno.

hm mm. Bueno.

Oye. Oye.

Vio a su perro. ¿Qué
tipo de perro es eso?

Oh, she's a schnauzer.
Schnauzer.

Usted sabe que era la raza favorita de Hitler?
Tenía un schnauzer.

Ponga todo este tiempo en la formación de la misma.
Se sentaba

y darse la vuelta, ladrar a
todas las razas más débiles.

Entonces, un día, Eva Braun barrió en
y alimentó algunas sobras de la mesa,

y todo el entrenamiento
fue al infierno, así que ...

Lo mató.

Bueno.

Oye. ¿Sí?

Qué le gustaría tomar
un café conmigo algún tiempo?

¿Que es eso?

Qué le gustaría tener
un café conmigo?

Dame un segundo? Eso sería genial.

Creo que acabo
invitó a salir en una cita.

Ya ves, te dije
que no eran demasiado apretado.

Cree usted que esto está
trabajando realmente?

No lo sé. Es decir, es difícil decir.
Podría ser pura suerte, ya sabes.

She might have been deaf. Let's try
another girl. Try another girl.

Oh, do that one over there.

This time, I want you to
say something risque.

Risque. Like a bad boy.

Like, salacious. Okay.

And again... Yeah, the
dick, looking good.

Hi.

I like that book you're reading.

I'd like it better crumpled
up on my bedroom floor.

You're cute.

Okay. It's definitely working.

She even did that thing in the movies,
where she takes her sunglasses off.

No. You mean like, uh...

Something like that.

Okay, okay, well, fine.
Maybe it does work.

Yeah, we are going two for two.

But the question is, will you use
your powers for good, or for evil?

Me haré saber en
un par de días.

Qué significa eso? ¿A dónde vas?
¿Que estás haciendo? ¿Que se supone que haga?

No lo sé. Pregunte a su esposa.

No se puede simplemente dejarme aquí.

Si usted hubiera Fielded que una forma limpia,
que habría llegado a la segunda base.

Eso es lo mejor que he probado.

Soy muy malo.

Lo sé. Vamonos.

Cómo se llega a una gran cantidad
de puertas abiertas?

No, mi marido y yo estamos
buscando un nuevo lugar.

Bueno, no me gustaría romper una familia.
Está bien.

Tenemos un entendimiento.

Oh, los swingers eh?

Se da cuenta de que dejé
mi llave con el ayuda de cámara.

Hubo un vaso, la mesa
estaba en llamas, que era una locura.

Tendría que decir, Sean Penn
realmente hizo un buen trabajo

a crear un nuevo
personaje en Acordes y desacuerdos.

Sí.

Me encanta esa parte cuando cuando se
pide la pizza en clase.

Usted es tan divertido.

¿Qué dices? Me sale el cheque,
y nos vamos a mi casa.

Lo siento, yo no puedo
seguir haciendo esto.

Es esta parte de un poco?

No, se trata de dos bits.

Y luego, nada más salir.

Es decir, ella estaba hablando de
mierda me gusta mucho, pero ...

No sé, yo sólo
no puedo seguir haciendo esto.

Estoy confundido.

¿Estás hablando de una
chica nueva cada noche?

Eso es como ordenar
la fuente Sampler.

I have been having sex with the same woman
for 18 years. Thats like, two holes.

Isn't it three holes? Not
when you're married.

It's a college thing, really.
I missed my window.

I'm sitting right here, Jim.

And it has been 18 years with
the most wonderful, passionate,

just mind blowing. It feels like
the first time, every time.

Oh, yeah, I mean, you get really
nervous, it's over before it starts and

then you cry.

I told you I had stuff
going on that time.

Mm. I dominate you.

Funny, funny, she's
the funny one.

So what is the problem?
Sex and free food.

Sex is good, food is good.

It's not really what I'm after.

Okay, I'm a little lost here because
I know it's not just about sex,

you're actually not that sleazy.

You can kinda be a sweet
guy when you want to.

But, I thought the whole point was to get
them laughing. Isn't that your thing?

That's supposed to be my thing.

I don't even have that any more.
There's no sense of accomplishment.

Question.

If this works on all women, why
doesn't it work on Rachel?

I mean, Rachel's a woman.

Yeah, why doesn't it work on you?
Quit it.

Or you're going to get the same
treatment as your boyfriend over there.

Oh, no, I dominate him, too.

Nobody dominates me.

Why doesn't it work on you?

¿Por qué no la poción mágica que
ordenó en el correo de trabajo en mí?

Uh, además del hecho de que
no creo que es real?

No sé, es que ... consigo
usted, usted sabe? Eres un numerito.

Oye, ¿sabes lo que debemos
hacer es probar su sangre.

A ver si podemos evocar
un poco antídoto.

¿Puedo obtener algunos reales
sugerencias aquí?

¿Qué? Eso es un verdadero sugerencia.

Los análisis de sangre? Eso es ciencia.

¿Ha intentado alguna otra cosa?
Al igual que, siendo aburrido.

Tengo, y creo
que estoy haciendo un personaje,

y luego me deslizo en algún acento
que llegué a montar todo el camino a casa.

Bueno, ¿qué no
hablar en absoluto?

Un voto de silencio? Como un monje?

Usted no tendría
que afeitarse la cabeza.

Bala hermano.

Pero sí, como un monje.

Guau. Es como si ...

Quiero encajar en la boca.
Es demasiado ... Es tan grande.

Así rollizo, carnoso y grueso.

Es simplemente muy difícil de controlar.

Oh, mmm. Ver, que desea
a, pero no se puede.

Ese es el desafío. Me gusta
esta versión de él mucho mejor.

Un segundo.

Oh, mira eso. Una laguna.

Estas bien. Él es tan bueno.

Todo bien. Vamos a
saber cómo va.

Call me.

Mierda.

Billetera. Ahora. Sí.

Oye, Carlos, que puede
conseguir un poco de billete de autobús?

¿Habla con él?

Vale, mira.

Voy a empezar a comer
a un perro caliente delicioso,

and once I start eating
this delicious hot dog,

I'm gonna be a lot less
open to conversation.

Do you follow?

Where are we?

Super dog, dude.

Why do we have to drive
25 minutes to talk?

Well, you didn't say anything
when you got in the car.

And you didn't say anything when I drove,
and I drove, and I kept on driving.

I figured, "Hey, maybe he
needs time to open up."

And then I saw it.
Like a neon oasis.

And I thought to myself,
"Maybe he's hungry."

"I'm hungry. But
hungry for what, Les?"

Hungry for what?

You just wanna save $2 on a hot dog.
Just get it out.

Yeah, thats part of it. But
I'm also here for you.

And the hot dog. But mostly for you, man.
Okay? So, come on.

You gonna tell me what happened?
Because hot dog is gaining ground.

Yeah.

I'm getting tired of this. The whole vow of
silence thing didn't work. I got mugged.

No! Yeah. Close your mouth.

I didn't say a word the whole time,
and they're still asking me out.

Then I turned into
Charlie Chaplin,

I'm slipping, I'm sliding,
this guy comes in...

Did you have the whole
Hitler mustache thing?

That's probably why
you got jumped.

People do not dig on the
bigotry these days.

Okay, you know what I think? I think
we need to think outside the box.

You know, like, send you some
place where people don't laugh.

Where do people go
to not be funny?

The internet?

That's a good one. That's funny.
Knock that off.

Seriously, though? A burn
ward or a funeral? Funeral.

Are you serious? Yeah,
I've said it before.

You're never gonna see
these people again.

Just go to a funeral and
see if it wears off.

Grab some finger food and split.

Isn't that a little sick?

No. It's not like people
touch all the sandwiches.

They just pick the one they want
and eat it. Here, hold this.

Okay.

Can't believe we're doing this.
Flip through

the obituaries. You're
serious about this?

Look at this. Boom.
First try, found one.

Frank Botika. Okay, so
here's what you do.

You show up, be morose
for a couple hours.

Let the funny just bleed
right out of you.

It'll be like watching
one of those car crash

movies they used to make
us watch in high school.

Scary is straight.

I don't know. I don't
feel right about this.

I'm not saying you have to
hurt people's feelings.

I'm just saying, maybe it's good
for you to surround yourself

in other people's misery
for a little while.

Poison the well. Get some pain and
suffering coursing through your veins.

Can we get in trouble for this?
It sounds a little illegal.

Impersonating a mourner
with intent to mope.

You're gonna be fine. Just
show up and knock 'em dead.

Did you hear what I said?
"Knock 'em dead."

You're funny. Yeah, I try.

Look at this kid,
sucking it away.

Bugle boy, right there.

I was disgusted at first. Now
it's becoming impressive.

That kid's a virtuoso.
Look at that finger work.

That was a foot long,
like two minutes ago.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you. Thank you so
much for coming. Yeah.

I'm really sorry.

Excuse me.

Hi.

Can you believe the
fucking make-up on Frank?

I hadn't really noticed.

I just wanna warn you. He's not
supposed to look like that.

He's a good looking man.

I'm not Liberace or nothing.

I'm sure it's just the
lighting at these things.

Sorry. No disrespect.

I didn't get your name. Les.

Lester. Lester.

Nice to know you, Les. I'm
Vinny, Frank's cousin.

You're Vinny. So many stories.
Yeah.

How'd you come to know Frank?

You know, around.

The neighborhood kinda thing.

Just, how does anybody really
know anyone, you know?

Come on, what are
you talking about?

You had a few drinks,
you swapped stories.

We went fishing a couple of times.
That's how you get to know somebody.

I know... The way you talk about him.
I didn't know him how you did,

is what I meant.

Yeah. He was... He
was a riot man.

Really? Oh, yeah, sure.

I was always saying, "Look, it was
open mic down at Rogers Park."

Why don't you go up there?

"Tell some jokes, or some
of your favorite stories."

He always just called
it "hippie bullshit."

You think maybe he was just
afraid no one would laugh?

No creo que fue la gente. Él
era un zapatero que repara zapatos.

No era más divertido en
el lado, supongo.

¿Hola, cómo estás?

Deseo que era bajo
diferentes circunstancias.

Sí. Bodas y
funerales, ¿verdad?

Tenía la esperanza de una boda.

Usted sabe lo que esperaba?

Un perro caliente en esta cosa. He
estado pensando en ello todo el día.

¿Quieres salir conmigo desliza muy rápido?
Tony es justo en la calle.

Vamos a estar dentro y fuera.
Me senté.

Vamos, verme a unos 15.

Segundo está en ti.

No vas a ir a comer
un perro caliente con él.

Usted puede olvidarse de él.
Acabamos de llegar.

Eso es lo que dije.
He dicho que a él.

¿Cree que escucha?

Lo siento cariño.
Quién eres hijo?

Oh, nadie aquí,
estoy bastante seguro.

¿Cómo sabía Frank?

Me cayó en un par de
zapatillas de deporte, como, hace tres años.

Acaba de llegar a recoger 'em up.

Es probable que esté usando. Yo
debería comprobar el ataúd viejo.

Lo siento. No sé
por qué me dijo eso.

No, pensé que era divertido.

Hey, un zapatero, también?

En realidad soy un escritor de comedia.

Oh wow. ¿No te
oye que, Vinny?

Él es un cómico, este individuo.

Hey, nada necesita algunas
risas como una estela.

Hey, vamos, nosotros hacemos
uno de sus bits.

You ever notice when
you're roller skating...

Have you ever seen
anything like that?

No. I got to go backstage.

You seen this?

Oh, yeah. I remember this. This is
that old butcher shop I used to go to.

Freddie's?

No, no, no. Freddie's, no. This was
on the south side, back of the yard.

They used to bring comedians in.
Do their act.

They would move the meat off to
one side, put up a microphone,

an amplifier. Oh, yeah.

I saw Mort Sahl do a set there.

Kept complaining about
how cold he was.

It was a freaking meat locker.

So I say to him, "Boy,
put on a sweater."

That's where you saw the ad?

What ad?

Hey, excuse me, have you
ever seen anyone like this?

I'm afraid we don't have that.

But what about this
nice little whistle?

Perfect. Perfect.

Take a few of those. Oh-kay.

Oh, you got totem poles, too.
Yes.

The butchers of Locke? Yeah.

Get outta here. What?

The kid's asking about hooch.

It's actually more of
a potion or a tonic.

Tonic, spirits, jazz sweats.
It's all hooch.

Can I talk now?

You ever think your stuff's
a do-it-yourselfer?

Yeah, I don't follow.

Bootlegging. It's what
made this city great.

A lot of well-respected establishments
started out as blind baits.

Al Capone. Rest in peace.

Used to hang out at the
Green Mill all the time.

Maybe your hooch was
bathtub brewed.

Could have come from the same tub
that Capone would wash his salami in.

And you drank it.

Okay, so the Green Mill. Is there
anything else you can think of?

You should talk to
Artie Paymer's kid.

He's got that TV show, wears
all that shit on his face.

It's a program, he
plays monster movies.

Yeah, spooky television.
Ghastly, ghastly.

Ghastly, yeah. Still
got the goosebumps.

Gnarly ghosts.

His name is something
like Boulevard screams...

You know, I'll find it.

Come back any time, kid.

Nice kid. Yeah.

No recuerdo haber oído
nada de eso.

Es decir, no todas estas cosas
sólo vienen con el lugar?

Parece que usted sería un
historiador sobre este tema.

Me encantó.

La explosión de las especificaciones de cigarros, de rayos-X.
Uh, materia clásico.

Esto es más acerca de buenos
recuerdos y diseño clásico.

Y para ser honesto con usted, tuvimos
que hacer algo para cubrir las paredes.

Cuando nos mudamos a este lugar,
había agujeros de gloria en todas partes.

La primera vez que configurar mi escritorio,
se golpeó el sombrero.

Eso es bruto.

Bueno, sé que tienes que salir
allí, así que no voy a mantener.

Te importa si miro a mi alrededor un poco?
Sé mi invitado.

Eso sí, no bostezar si le da
demasiado cerca de la pared.

Comprobar. Bueno.

Hey, yo sólo tenía que decir, que era
un gran fan de ustedes, creciendo.

Guau. Gracias.

¿Quieres una camiseta
para sus problemas?

Una de sus ... uno
de sus camisetas?

Eso sería impresionante. Todo bien.

Veinticuatro, 99.

Podría enviarla por correo a
usted o algo. Bueno.

Yo sólo estaba tratando de
ahorrar los gastos de envío.

Bueno. Nos vemos más tarde. Correcto.

Es un poco más agradable
de lo que esperaba.

Sí. Poco de un toque.

Incompleto.

Se siente como una vacuna antitetánica y
espera plano a suceder.

No está tan mal. Nosotros no.
Nosotros no. Por favor.

De ningún modo.

¿Hola?

El.

¿Hola?

Está bien, esto no es una señal de alerta?

Es acogedor.

No es demasiado tarde para echarse atrás.

Te necesito aquí, ¿de acuerdo?

Vete a la mierda, maldición.

Espera, espera, espera.

Normalmente diría que estás
siendo un poco paranoico,

pero no tiene miedo una erección
va a salir de allí?

Pues bien, oh, sí, tienes razón.

¡Jesús! Whoa!

No se va a tratar y se adhieren
a su pene en allí, ¿verdad?

Él era.

- Te estoy tocando.
- No me empuje.

¿Por qué no se hacen rápido?
Estás en mi luz.

Um, he recibido su producto en el correo.
No sé si usted tiene mi nombre en

en algún lugar en el archivo.
Les. LES.

Claro, déjame ver.

Candalero, apellido.

¿Quién coño es Les Candalero?

Estoy.

Stan Veckel es el nombre.
¿Qué puedo hacer por ti?

Tomé su pequeño tónico.
Permítanme una copia de seguridad.

Uh, mi novia se dejó
mí y yo estaba bebiendo

mucho y tuve este
sueño, en este

salón visitas cantante mí y él llama
un gatito, así entonces tomé su tónica,

Y funcionó. Es decir, que
funcionó demasiado bien.

Empecé a golpear
todas estas chicas.

¿Caer enfermo? Porque
eso no es mi culpa.

No. ¿Puedo tener el libro, Pops?
Sí, sí.

Es uh, este anuncio
en la parte de atrás aquí.

Eso es lo que compró. Coger 37.

¿Dónde ... ¿Dónde
dice que recibió esto?

A-uh-un intercambio de libros. ¿A quien le importa?

That's your product, yeah?

Yeah, but... I just
thought we pulled that ad

a long time ago.

You pulled it? Like, it was FDA thing?
Like, it causes cancer?

Like there's side effects? 'Cause
if there's side effects...

No. Of course not. Look at me.
Perfectly healthy.

Relax, you Mary.

Completely harmless. Just ordinary
water and some food coloring.

Don't you see? It was
in you all the time.

Cut that shit out.

Fine. What do you
expect me to say?

It says right here, "Guaranteed
to make you irresistibly funny."

That's what it does.

Apparently, I'm the asshole for advertising
that it will do exactly what it does.

Then, why'd you pull it?

Everyone was asking
for their money back.

"Fix me, fix me, Stan."

I told the publishers to pull the ad,
and I stopped filling the orders.

I was sick of the hate mail.

Then why fill my order?

Oh, I don't know.

I thought I could use the money.

You said you sent this
to a few people already.

Is there any record of that? Or do you
know what happened to those people?

I sold a few more after that.

But only to people who
came to see me in person.

I thought they really wanted it.

It just took them longer
to come back and see me.

I told them the same
thing I'm telling you.

I don't know how
to get rid of it.

What happened to those guys?

Rich and famous.

Uh, how rich? Like
jacuzzi tub rich?

They're not living in a fucking box.
I can tell you that much.

No, no, you live here?
He fucking lives here.

Yeah, see for yourself.

Shaggy Greene?

Woody Allen.

Are you kidding me? Why would
these guys wanna be cured?

Why do you wanna be cured?

I'm not happy.

Boo fucking hoo. You think
these guys are happy?

Failed marriages, Jew,

estranged from his kids,

son is a dance instructor,

suicide attempt.

"Fatty" Arbuckle, don't get
me started on that asshole.

Está presente, um, se supone
que me sienta mejor?

No, todo lo que digo es,
usted está en buena compañía.

Ellos no estaban contentos, tampoco. Ellos sólo
tratan de una manera diferente.

Estoy apostando que no estaba satisfecho
antes de tomar la tónica,

no está satisfecho con él, y las
chicas y el sexo y la empresa.

Y si desaparece, estás
todavía no va a ser feliz.

Ver, hay siempre
va a ser algo.

He estado tratando con mis propios
problemas durante dos décadas muy bien.

Y tomo su producto
hace tres semanas,

y estoy al borde de
una ruptura hacia abajo puta.

De acuerdo, necesito que arreglar esto.

¿Sabe usted cuál es el problema
con el que se cómicos?

Usted no sabe lo que quiere.

Tienes todo este ingenio, que
sabe cómo trabajar una habitación,

La gente quiere oír contar la misma
historia estúpida una y otra vez.

La cosa es que usted no sabe cómo
convertirlo en otra cosa.

Por lo tanto, ¿qué hago, qué hago?
Lo sé.

Ser más divertido.

Puede hacer que tanta gente
sonreír, pero no a sí mismo.

Ahora se supone que debo solucionarlo.

He aquí una pregunta para usted.

¿Qué quieres
de todo esto?

Quiero ser capaz de escuchar
a alguien hacer una broma,

y no ser molesto que hice
esa broma seis meses antes.

I wanna have a conversation
with somebody,

without scanning every sentence
for some pun I can make.

You know, I want the
conversations to mean something.

I wanna be funny.

But I don't want to
need to be funny.

What's this got to do
with finding a broad?

I guess nothing.

Listen, Les, I don't know
how to make it go away.

You read the ad, you set a
way, you took the tonic.

That's how it is. That's
how it's going to be.

Why don't you turn a
negative into a positive?

Get a job writing comedy.
That's what these guys did.

Now, if you don't mind, you've taken
up quite a bit of my time here.

I helped you with your little problem.
Good day.

So that's it then?

Are you kidding me?

It's okay, it's okay. Come on.

We're going.

He's got a lot of nerve.
You know what...

It's okay, it's okay.

- I'm gonna take this.
- No, no!

And I'm keeping these. He should be pissed.
Yup. He should.

I'm keeping these!

Come on. I'm not keeping these.

Yup. Just get it out.

Is that? I'll get my shoe.

Okay, idea for a sketch.
Idea for a sketch.

Idea for a sketch.

Buster Keaton said, "Drama is a
close up, comedy a wide shot."

Drama is a close up,
comedy a wide shot.

Okay, so we try that.

We shoot a close up of
a very dramatic scene.

The guy is going away to prison,
maybe he's apologizing to his dad.

His dad just can't take it.

But then, we pull out again
and show that same scene

and the dad has an arrow
through his head?

Something absurd like that.

And he knows his son's going to
have some problems behind bars.

But that's not
even talked about.

It's in the details.

Hey, Les. Hey.

How are you? Good.
How are you doing?

Good.

Wow. Your hair
still smells good.

You look great. Yeah, thanks.

Things are picking up at work, you know.
Trying to stay positive.

Rereading On The Road. Thinking
about traveling again.

My butcher is trying to get
me to join his book club.

I think they're reading The
Jungle and Slaughterhouse Five.

They're up all night,
chain smoking meats

and scribbling on an endless
scroll of butcher paper.

Real collaborative free
form organic experimentia.

With the meat generation.
Like meat knicks.

They don't use that term, but...
Oh.

I can still make you laugh, huh?

Yeah.

We sure had fun.

Yeah, I never said we didn't.

So, you throwing a
party for yourself?

You finally finished that
book you've been reading?

That's not what it is. The
Katz family barbecue.

That's right. God that
really snuck up fast.

I used to love going
to those parties.

Your family is so much more calm than mine.
Not so much guilt.

It's good you'll have them
around in this time of need.

Can I help you, bub?

Hi, I'm Craig.

Sorry I can't shake your hand.

Um, Craig, this is
my friend, Les.

Good friend, actually, from high school.
How do you guys know each other?

You know what, can you
give us one second?

Sure. It was nice to meet you.

Yeah, thanks. Give us a minute.

Um...

I think Craig and I are
going to start dating.

Dating?

Well, would you have even told me if you
hadn't run into me on the street like that?

Of course, I just thought maybe you
needed a little bit more time.

Time... I didn't mean for
that to be insulting.

You, uh...

Les, would you look at me? What?

Promise you won't let this ruin our
chances to still talk like friends.

You still mean a lot to me.

Was this guy just waiting on
deck, or is it really that good?

Sex? God! You're fucking him!

I'm sorry.

Just... Is he...

Is he even that sweet to you?

Or, does he even know that,
you know, you get...

get hot at night when
you toss and turn,

and just to pull the
covers off your legs.

Is he funnier than me? No.

It's not about being
funnier than you.

Fine. You guys have fun
at your fucking thing.

She was making this
reference about the 70s.

I'm like, "Ah, I was
born in the 70s."

She's like, "No, the 1870's."

I'm like, "Where does
that come from?"

Hey, there he is.

Thought you were doing a
Patrick Bateman thing

when you left me that cryptic
voice mail last night.

Well, I was butt naked except for a
Reebok and a chainsaw. Can we write?

Yeah, we can. We're just
throwing stuff up on the board.

Okay. Initial pitches.

Have we already started
crossing out Gary's ideas,

or are we just keeping th air
so it looks like we have bulk?

You know, I actually still get twitter
comments about my sandwich-lawyer sketch.

Oh, nice. From your follower.
Cool.

Okay, it's like a Bridge
Club with old ladies.

Let's just settle
down a little bit.

Do you and your team have
anything that would translate?

Hold on, I'm sorry. I
need to catch up. Team?

You have a team?

My improv troop.

Sure. This is gonna be good.

So, we were doing a game on stage last
night where we call out to the audience,

and this little lady...
Actually, no.

You have nothing.

Um, Dan, what do you got?

Well, I got some musical ideas.

I mean, I know it's kinda
corny, but it's... No, no, no.

A Dutch Oven? Is that
the name of your troop?

I'm not telling you
the name of my troop.

Is it dumber than that?

Why Les? Because
you're so high brow?

You know, comedy actually
started with slapstick.

Is that what genre you're
calling your body of work?

I didn't realize the classic
slip-on-the-banana-peel

also involves somebody shitting
their pants and popping a boner.

You know what? I do have
an idea for a sketch.

It's about a guy who
thinks that what he likes

is better than what
everyone else likes.

And it's not just an
opinion of taste. No.

No, it's empirically better.

And stuff that he doesn't
like isn't just not for him,

it's stupid and it's wrong.

Oh, do you need a location to
finish this little sketch of yours?

And it's called "Selfish
comedian asshole."

All right, guys, you are
like fighting poodles.

No, I'm sorry, Phil, but we've a
bunch of guys here for a reason.

Not everyone is gonna find Les hilarious.
For instance, Debra.

Not exactly her cup
of tea, now was it?

Eh, all right, let's
stop it, okay?

Let's stop it. We're all
insecure children here.

That is why we do this job.
I am not a babysitter.

Don't touch that
chip, you fuck face.

Chips are for closers.

The chips are for everyone.

I think the ranch sucks.

Okay, okay. Hey,
hey, are you done?

What's the matter with you?

You know, at the risk of inflating
your ego, you're a good writer.

And you bring something good to
the show, Les, when you want to.

Now can I be frank with you?

I've been calling you "Phil."
Look, you're in a shitty spot.

I get that. I know that.
But this is more than you.

It is all of us.

He brought up Debra.

Just-just shut up
for a minute, man.

Hey, you're funny. And fuck it if
that's all you can be right now, okay?

Be that. Be funny. Be something
besides this flaming ball of hate.

All right?

Just apply yourself. Here's
what you're gonna do.

You're gonna come in on Thursday.
You're gonna have something written.

It's gonna be great. You're gonna
shoot it with Danny. All right?

Okay.

Capiche? Yes, Thursday.

Thursday. Hey, can somebody
get Les his stuff.

Really, that's...

That's not even a nice pen.

I'm glad I came down.
This looks serious.

What are you doing here?

I heard your message. It
sounded like you were crying.

Jim's not around, and so I thought I'd
come down and see if you're okay.

I know you're not gonna talk
to anyone else about it.

I wasn't crying.

You're staying? Yup.

Thought you had some
sort of crisis.

You watch any good
programs on TV?

Yeah, we're making our way
through the Mad About You DVDs.

Pops watches those?
No, you idiot.

Look, I have known
you for three years.

I'm not gonna judge you.

I feel like shit.

And I'm fucking exhausted.

I ran into Deb, the other
day on the street.

She's dating some new guy
names Scout or something.

Choked a guy at work.
So, I've been good.

I'm sorry, his name is Scout?

It doesn't even matter. I don't even
know what this is about any more.

It's not about Deb.

I'm pretty sure. You sure
this isn't about Deb?

I mean, all this came up
after you ran into her.

I don't even want to
get back with her.

I just feel like there's
more I needed to say to her.

More that I needed
to make her realize.

Well, that's a step forward.

You should be happy. You got something
to offer other than comic relief.

Laughter is the shortest
distance between two people.

Okay, I get it.

You need to get that this is
like a fucking reflex for me.

This isn't a switch
I flip on and off.

It's like a joke and
move, joke and move.

I'm also finding out that
I can't lie to people.

But you don't even let
anyone in though.

You just do your shtick because
that's what you're comfortable doing.

So what? What does that matter?

I-I-I'm good at it. I should
be good at something.

How much of that is you, and how much
of that is of that thing you drank?

What was that?

That was me ignoring your question
and getting our coffee for free.

That's nice. What
joke got you that?

Something about a French press and
water sports. It doesn't matter.

What?

You used to care about the details.
What made stuff funny.

Now you're just so used
to hearing women laugh

at whatever comes out of your mouth
that you don't even give a shit.

I'm just a guy trying to live
with his condition, okay?

Like the elephant-man. I'm
not an animal, I just...

You know, a guy who
likes coffee for free.

When was the last time you got a laugh
out of someone who wasn't a female?

Now do you see why it
should bother you?

Okay, I'm listening if
there's suggestions.

I don't really.

But maybe all that stuff you used to joke
about was shit you actually cared about.

Maybe you should find out
what you care about now.

Hmm.

Just be honest with yourself.

And then I'll be a
real boy again?

Well, you certainly
won't be a man.

But yeah, it's a start.

Thank you. Thank you, Mr.
Treeves.

Oh.

I don't know what you're doing,
but that is embarrassing.

The elephant man. Huh?

Okay, well, I think our
time here is up. Okay?

Take care, Les.

Hello? Hello? It's me, okay?

How did you get this
number, Canada?

Sean Paul gave it to me.

Hm, I'd say we got a pretty
decent skeleton here.

If you need to stretch,

maybe we can cut
over to the bear,

doing body shots off the goalie

right out of his fire-bowl.

Hm. Let me go see if
Pops can lay for that.

It's nice, Dan.

I don't know, Pops.
Is this even funny?

Yeah, I love it. You guys are
doing good stuff together.

Nice you finally found someone to write
with, that you don't wanna kill.

Eh, he's all right.

What are you talking about? I thought
you guys co-wrote this thing.

Uh, yeah, co-wrote.
His idea was,

"Maybe we throw in a bear doing
body shots off a goalie."

I like that. Do we have
the costume for it?

That's not the point. Why does
everything have to be so over-the-top?

What's wrong with you?

Nothing's wrong. I'm just trying to
make this as funny as it can be.

Oh, I get it.

You had that little talk with Rachel
about not giving a shit anymore

and now you're trying
to over-compensate.

No, I'm doing my job, okay?
I'm doing me.

No, you're over-doing your job.

Arguing for an hour over
whether a boot is funnier,

then sorry, it doesn't
mean you care more.

Let me ask you something.

¿Usted y Rachel acaba de
sentarse y decidir

darme directamente
contradiciendo consejo?

Al igual que algunos sociales
experimento para ustedes?

No, sabes qué,
lo creas o no,

Rachel y yo hablamos sobre cosas
que no sea usted de vez en cuando.

Chocante que pueda sonar.

¿Por qué?

Debido a que hay más en la vida
que usted y sus problemas.

Sólo estoy bromeando, hombre. Sí,
bueno, no es gracioso.

De acuerdo, al igual que se utilizó para hacer cosas.

Ver películas, cuelgan
hacia fuera, echo de menos eso.

Sin embargo, desde que bebió esas cosas,
solo han pasado en una cosa.

Oye, mira, eres el único
que ha hecho soportable, está bien.

Y II todavía necesita que, de acuerdo.
¿Y qué? ¿Eso es?

¿Estás fuera? Yo nunca dije eso.

¿Qué estás diciendo entonces? Estoy
diciendo que estoy fuera de ideas.

No tengo nada para ti, hombre.

Hey, ¿qué pasa, chicos? Porque yo
no quiero estar aquí todo el día. Asi que...

Es porque el
juego de los osos está encendido.

Bueno, supongo que hace que todo el mundo
aquí que no le importaba una mierda.

¡Oye! Nunca dije que no me importaba.

Sé que sé. Sé lo que
ha dicho y no dije, pero ...

Permítanme ... Sé que
tienes mucho que hacer aquí,

así que les daré uno menos
cosa a preocuparse.

Ir.

¿Puedo obtener una cerveza?

Sí.

¿Dónde encontraste a este tipo?

I don't know. He just walked in one
day and asked if he could play.

What do you think?

It's pretty bad.

Actually bumming me out.

I get it. Because you're
sitting on your bum.

I wasn't making a joke.

Beer's on me.

All right, folks, I'm
gonna take five.

Now, I like doing it. I
know you like to hear it.

So, I'm gonna pass around the hat.
Remember to be generous.

Can I get something stiff?

You sound like my ex-wife
talking to the pool boy.

We didn't even have a pool.

Seriously, I get very
little to no respect.

Pretty good.

I'm sorry, it's
something I drank.

I'm sure yours is fine.

Creo que es más
que la leche materna.

¡Maldita sea!

Eres un tipo gracioso. Cualquier persona que
nunca te dijo eso antes?

Lo dije como un cumplido.

Sí, también lo hace todo el mundo. Oye,
deja que te haga algo.

Tenía este extraño sueño la otra noche.
Esta cantante de salón me visitó.

Espera, se supone que quiere decir algo?
Como una cosa simbolismo?

Al igual que el trovador, hace
que el fracaso o significan

o deseos insatisfechos
o algo por el estilo?

¿Qué quieres decir con eso?

No, no, usted, usted tiene
su conjunto mierda.

¿Alguna vez realizar en cualquier lugar?

No ... yo solo ... yo solo escribo.

Sólo digo, que tienes talento.

Que realmente se quiere perder escribir
chistes para algún otro gil?

Uh, no sé. No.

Es un poco como dejar a algún otro tipo
criar a sus hijos y la mierda a su esposa.

¿Sabes que? Tienes razón.

Me envolver a mi bebé
Jesús de una puesta a punto,

y están en los pesebres de fumar cigarros.
Es decir, no hay paja en ese país.

Sí, tal vez debería empezar a
realizar mi propio material.

Sí, igual que yo.

Así. Los que
ni siquiera tienen palabras.

Ese fue el scat.

Pero ese no era el punto. El
punto es, tienes un don.

Y usted tiene que tomar ese
don y lo hace propio.

Usted piensa que llegué a este nivel de espera
para Tony Bennett a descubrirme?

Dando a cabo trabajos de la mano
de alguna parada de autobús?

No. No!

Trabajé mi oficio, y eso lleva tiempo.
Quiero decir, mírame.

Tengo 47 años de edad. ¡Jesús!

Bien, me siento bien.

¿Que estabas pensando?

Me sorprende que
no lo hicieron tarjeta de usted.

Ahí está de nuevo. capacidad prima.

Usted y yo, vamos a
trabajar en equipo.

Doce horas al día,
seis días a la semana.

Debe hacer su acto y voy a perfeccionar
mi instrumento y vamos a salir a la carretera.

Al igual que Martin y Lewis.

Eso podría ser ... Eso puede ser divertido.
UH Huh.

Lo que pasa es que tienes que
recordar los tres Fs:

"Amigos, Familia, Forget 'em."

- No esposa o hijos?
- Tenía una esposa.

Los niños tenían. ¿Sabes lo que son?
Son distracciones.

No me di cuenta hasta
después del divorcio.

Cuanto menos comenzaron a llamar,
más trabajo he avanzado.

Ver, que es la cosa
acerca de los tipos como nosotros.

No necesitamos a nadie.
Sin adjuntos.

Sólo la multitud. Cada actuación
es una aventura de una noche.

Usted sabe, yo realmente no
sé si eso es para mí.

Oh, tonterías! ¡Disparates! ¿Correcto? Estamos
cortados por el mismo patrón, usted y yo.

Por lo que sólo necesita a alguien que
le enseñe las cuerdas, ¿verdad?

Te voy a enseñar
todo lo que sé.

Usted sólo-sólo tiene que esperar allí,
hasta que me dieron mis cosas, a la derecha.

- You don't have to do that.
- No worries.

No chain's holding me down.

A lone wolf. Please, don't.

Look...

I'm not gonna go do that, okay?

They're just jokes. There's
got to be more than this.

What are you talking about?
This. This!

You think there's
more than this?

I hope so.

Hey, Del, why don't you go on
up and finish your set, okay?

Uh, I'm in the
middle of something.

Yeah, your set.

If you want the rest of your food,
you finish the rest of your set.

It was nice meeting you.

I am really sorry about that.
He's... Well, he's here.

This goes out to the
funny man at the bar.

We could have been so happy.

But, thank you for being so nice. I don't
think he could afford another lawsuit.

I don't think that guy can
afford an actual suit.

I'm sorry, what?

I said, "I don't think that guy
can afford an actual suit."

You see, cause suit and
soot are homonyms, and

that guy looks like
he sleeps in garbage.

It's clever.

What, why aren't you laughing?

Well, you explained the joke.

You explain a joke,
it loses a lot.

Oh, man.

You know what? Just
keep the change, huh?

Thanks.

Oh, hey, radical look. It's like
a Che Guevara thing going on.

Would you like to
share a bed with us?

Usted ve, el radical es a la vez, una descripción
de la ideología política del Che Guevara,

además de que es un skate populares
término, que significa "bueno".

Y luego, hice este gesto
con la mano que era un poco como

una combinación de una solidaridad
puño y la señal de colgar sueltos.

Por lo tanto, hay un juego de palabras visual.

Aún quieres que trío?
Eres un cerdo.

Lo sé.

Y ustedes dos son la Bahía de Cochinos,

que es otra referencia
a la revolución cubana,

sino que ni siquiera
se relacionan con el Che Guevara.

Pero por lo general la gente se ríen de
las cosas que han oído antes.

Hey, Ricky. Hi, Les.

Todavía en velcro, eh?

Ah, eso me gusta.

Tía Deb dijo que
no vendrías.

¿Hizo ella? Por eso, es que
chico Craig alrededor?

Sí. ¿Qué piensas de él?

Ver, que fueron
siempre mi favorito.

Tengo algo para ti, seguro.

Aquí. Se puede poner un poco saltones ojos de
allí. Incluso tiene una broma en ese país.

¡Guay!

Oye, sabes, podemos seguir siendo amigos.
¿Qué dices?

Dame un hola y cinco.
Eso fue mínima y cinco.

Vamos a ver a la tía Deb, ¿eh?

Así que, eh, que es la parte de atrás?

¿Por qué no vas a jugar?
Nos encontraremos allí.

¿Es una broma?

El? Hey.

Ricky me dejó entrar.

Bueno. ¿Tuvo que
recoger algo o ...

No, sólo, ya sabes.

¿Qué le hiciste a nuestra televisión?

Oh, we... I don't really
watch TV any more.

It's a book nook now.

The TV was mine.

Is that why you came over? To
yell at me about the book nook?

Look, I know I shouldn't
be here right now,

but I just feel like I need
to say something to you.

Okay, that's fine. But, do you
think we can do it another time?

The whole family's in back,
and the food will be ready...

It'll take a minute, okay.
Please?

I can help carry stuff
on the way out.

I'm not a big fan of tomatoes.

I didn't make that
salad for you.

Oh, hey, Mrs. Katz.

Oh, Les, hello. How are you?

Bien, estoy tan
contento de ver a todos.

Y, um ...

Tienes buen aspecto. Gracias.

Um, conseguir un plato. Obtener
algo de comer.

No, esto es un poco más de un estallido
en-pop a cabo una especie de cosa.

Ah, vale. Pues bien,
fue bueno verte.

Y sabes, estoy muy feliz de que usted
y Debra todavía puede ser amigos.

Sí, por supuesto. Estamos realmente
va a ir de compras sandalia esta semana.

Nunca se tienen
demasiados chanclas.

Usted ve, la broma no hay
que chanclas son estúpidos,

especialmente en un hombre adulto, por lo que tener
una pareja ya es demasiado.

Sí, eso sería parecer tonto.

Bueno. Bueno, bueno verte.

Estoy escuchando.

Mira, yo he pasado
mucho desde que nos separamos.

Sí yo también.

Probablemente no en la misma escala.

De Verdad? Los dos nos fuera de
una relación de cinco años.

¿No cree
que me afectó?

Mira. Me dejaste, ¿de acuerdo? Usted
ni siquiera se hablaba de eso.

Ni siquiera
me das una oportunidad.

Es eso lo que se trata? Usted
quieren tener una pelea ruptura?

Mira, no sería menos roto
para arriba si no hubiéramos tenido esa pelea.

Nosotros fuimos distanciando. Somos
personas diferentes ahora.

Mira, si quieres tener esa pelea, bien.
Pero ahora no es el tiempo.

Llámame la próxima semana. Voy a poner a un lado cuatro
horas y podemos gritar el uno al otro.

This is... Why does there
have to be a fight?

Right. Then we're not fighting.
And we're friends.

Like we have been.

You know... Sorry.

May I get your attention?

I know a lot of you didn't
expect to see me here today.

Um, but I came here
to do something.

Something I probably should
have done a long time ago.

But I was too afraid
of your response or,

I don't know, not adult
enough to handle it.

But, the point is, it doesn't matter.
I'm here now.

I've something to
ask you, Debra.

Ricky.

Thanks, buddy.

What kind of horse
goes out after dark?

A nightmare.

And you know why that
works, is because

you have horse,
"Equus" in Latin,

and then, it's after dark, so it's
night, night-horse, night-mare.

That's not funny.

I know.

I just need help with
this sweater vest.

Why would you need help with a sweater
vest? You know what, never mind.

I hate you guys.

Oh.

As far as last words go, I'm
pretty happy with those.

You know, it could have gone off
on the whole book nook thing,

it wasn't even her
TV, but, whatever.

"I hate you guys" was good.
Short and sweet.

"Brevity is the soul
of wit." Shakespeare.

I actually just read that. I've
been doing a lot of reading.

I mean, I'm not one of those weirdos holed
up at a bar or concert, or anything.

But, I'm turning pages.

You know, it's weird, I found out
that when I was explaining the jokes,

I was actually having a
conversation with people.

That seemed to break
the curse or whatever.

I don't know, maybe
it's still in me.

Things are good. I mean, not everything.
I'm still me.

I like making people laugh.

It's not the only reason I
open my mouth any more.

You got to listen.
Try to just exist.

Not need an audience, or
praise, or you know...

No sé si la gente se
ríe por las razones correctas,

o si de que lleguen los chistes, pero eso
no me quitan el sueño más.

No necesito
que todo el mundo como yo.

Pero...

A veces es bueno
que acaba de obtener una risa.

Es gracioso?

♪ Bienvenido a la
casa de la solitaria

♪ Hemos estado esperando hijo

♪ Hay un agradable y tranquilo
lugar en la esquina

♪ Reserved una mesa para uno

♪ Usted encontrará todas las
rosas y las letras

♪ Hemos mantenido todas las
imágenes aquí también

♪ Esperamos que la decoración es acogedora

♪ en la casa de la
solitaria y azul

♪ ¿Estás solo?

♪ Se podría jurar que
todavía oye su llamada

♪ Su perfume todavía
frecuenta la sala

♪ Hemos hecho un nuevo
hogar aquí para usted

♪ en la casa de la
solitaria y azul ♪

♪ Te vi anoche

♪ En la luz de la luna de la medianoche

♪ Con alguien nuevo

♪ Y usted sabe que no está bien ♪