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(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(COMPUTER KEYBOARD)

(CROAKING)

(LEONARDO) Done!

With a black eye, a white car and five red roses.

But let’s take it from the beginning.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(IN TUSCAN ACCENT) Come on, kids, the second shift is starting.

Today we have corn pie and quick Baltic fish.

- What is it? - Polenta and salt cod.

- No dessert? - Nothing, blondie!

Sister Adriana got colic and didn’t make the tiramisu.

Are you new? Here’s another one who worked in textiles.

- Leonardo Giustini from Wi-Fi? - Wi-Fi Web On Line!

That’s a bit long for a publication name.

Your rosaries aren’t exactly short either!

(AMUSED) They told me you were quite a joker.

Why don’t we go into the little dining room, so we can talk more comfortably?

The little dining room, of course, good Lord! Always be praised!

(MONSIGNOR) He eats with appetite.

- First I have to try it, then review it! - Right.

As I was saying, we funded with great satisfaction

the development of these canteen apps,

because for us the satisfaction of the believer is fundamental.

This canteen app thing works.

On my way here it showed me two: this one and one in San Donnino.

Is that one a canteen by reservation?

Yes, that one is by reservation, because it is an experimental canteen

for the rich poor.

(INCREDULOUS) For the rich poor.

Yes, a sort of private room.

Do you mind if I record our conversation?

Not at all, the Church has no secrets.

(IRONIC) You have more secrets than an episode of Twin Peaks!

A few little secrets.

Do you know how many views one of my articles gets?

- How many what? - Views!

Views, clicks!

One of my articles, in a month, gets three million views!

Three million? One of your articles?

(LEONARDO NODS)

My goodness! It’s true: nothing pulls like a meter of fiber...

Monsignor!

(LAUGHTER)

- I won’t write that one down. - I went too far.

(APPLAUSE)

(ALL) ♪ Happy birthday Yolanda Happy birthday to you! ♪

(EXCITED SHOUTS)

Speech!

Okay!

I thank my mother for bringing me into the world.

Riccardino, who always puts up with me.

(LAUGHTER)

Giovannino, who is my nail-polish dealer.

Speaking of dealers: this cake is addictive!

Aunt Mirella, thank you for making it again this year.

(ALL) Well done, Aunt Mirella.

And then Dad!

Who gave me a wonderful present,

even though I still have to figure out how it works.

(LAUGHTER)

- Dad! Geolocate yourself! - Here I am!

Your latest article made me a bit angry.

We digital natives don’t talk like that.

So: “Bye-bye, I’ll block you, double tick and ban you!”

(ALL) Ban Dad!

(IN TUSCAN ACCENT) I’ve never understood anything about this internet stuff.

There are too many of you, thank you all, all of you!

- Who are you? - The gardener.

- I didn’t understand. - The gardener!

Go on, gardener, go get the cake.

This year again, she thanked you sixth.

- Fifth. - No, sixth.

After the nail-polish pusher and the junkie pastry aunt.

She put you in the group of “all, all of you.”

Listen, Admiral!

Aren’t you going back to live in Naples?

I wish! Should that happen, come and visit her more often.

I’ll have your room ready for you, a Phlegraean Tuscan farmhouse.

- What are you two saying? - Nothing, love.

For you, “ex-love”!

Anyway, Leo, Yolanda is right: I found that article banal.

Fabiola, you found Las Vegas banal.

Maybe because I was with you.

(LAUGHTER)

Fabio, you got a bargain getting together with my ex!

I like them rough.

This one will sandpaper your balls.

- Shall we go see my purchase? - Another one?

Of course.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

LEONARDO: Nice, nice.

Is it new?

I got it from a failed museum in Apulia.

They also threw in a spiked mace and five hundred Cellina olives.

I digest the spiked mace better than the Cellina olives.

Remember, you have to write me that article about my invention.

I told you, Fabio,

the Middle Ages don’t even get me 500 views.

- Views? - 500 clicks.

One per olive.

There’s one thing I don’t understand.

How many gigs does it have? How do you skip from the first track to the last?

With your little finger, you put the needle on the little groove.

(LEO) Next year I’ll give you glasses too.

Speaking of glasses...

- Riccardino? - What about Riccardino?

Tell me something.

You never tell me anything about your heart.

Let’s go out one evening with Riccardino, shall we?

Since when have you ever cared about Riccardino?

You care that he doesn’t buy a scooter and take me around on it.

Am I wrong, or lately you and I can’t find the groove either?

Lately, the conversation doesn’t really take off,

but it’s not my fault.

- Look there. - Where?

(YOLANDA) Next to the pens.

(POP MUSIC FROM THE RECORD PLAYER)

A pregnancy test.

- Two lines. - Pregnant!

- You? - Me? No way!

It’s a test to see how well parents know us.

You ask me if I’m pregnant? You don’t know me.

- How should I know? - Journalist!

Are you staying for dinner with us?

No, I have to go home and work. I have to do an interview.

They’ve invented an app to find prostitutes by GPS.

Great! Call the article “app-stitutes”!

(LAUGHS)

There you go.

(“MILANO E VINCENZO” BY ALBERTO FORTIS PLAYING)

Let’s recap, then we’re done.

You get a message from the app with the client’s address.

(STAMMERS) And directions for the fastest route to take.

The client can leave a comment under your profile

or just leave a rating.

Yes, a sort of review.

- With what? - What do you mean?

Restaurants have forks, cinemas have stars,

what do you have?

- We have potatoes and a satellite dish. - Potatoes and a satellite dish?

Now, I can imagine the potato, but the satellite dish?

The satellite dish means the girl receives everything:

Rai One, Rai Two, Hunting and Fishing, Rete Quattro...

all the channels!

All the channels! Let’s say, “open smart card!”

- She tunes into everything, like me! - Congratulations, miss!

Satellite dish means a complete girl

who offers every service.

Did you bring the card machine, so I can pay you

with the newspaper’s credit card and put you on expenses?

I didn’t bring the card machine.

You should have told me earlier and I would have let you swipe that too.

Nothing got swiped at all!

And besides, “satellite dish”, the signal wasn’t even touched!

(INTERCOM)

Excuse me.

(INTERCOM)

Good evening!

Question: are you digital terrestrial or satellite dish?

I have a cold.

(48) Pretty! Is she staying with us?

The young lady was just leaving. The article is finished!

Now I know more about punters than even they know about themselves.

I brought you a fresh spring roll.

- Better not. - Good boy.

- Do you want it? - No, I have the little potatoes.

- What? - Long story.

(SPLASHING AND LAUGHTER)

Is that the pool that flew over from the garden next door?

Yes.

- Aren’t you giving it back? - No.

Why?

Because I’m an asshole, you always tell me that too.

You are an asshole, yes! Do you think it’s normal to call me “48”?

Love, in the neuron census, that was the verdict.

(BURSTS OUT LAUGHING)

Exactly.

I told my father you call me that.

He says you went too far: he says I’m no more than thirty-six!

You tell your dad that we see each other? Why?

Too intimate? Are you afraid of becoming family?

Relax, he knows we’re not engaged.

I know too that we’re not engaged.

So what are we? Let’s hear it!

- What are we? - Are we fuck buddies?

Don’t say that word!

Don’t say “fuck buddies”, don’t say “apericena”,

don’t say “good but not great”, I hate them, you know that.

Okay, I won’t say it, so what are we?

We’ve been seeing each other almost every week for a year.

(48) What are we?

Now I’ll tell you.

Almost.

(LEO) We’re like a lighthouse in the middle of the sea.

The lighthouse has a light. The light is there, the light turns and isn’t there.

Then the fog arrives and covers the lighthouse.

The seafaring wanderer arrives and says: “There was a lighthouse here.”

The lighthouse is there. The fog covers it and the wanderer doesn’t know,

even though something seems to tell him that the lighthouse isn’t there.

Instead, you and I are that lighthouse.

You and I are there even when it seems we’re not there.

Fuck you and the lighthouse!

(48) Some lighthouse, you’re a speed camera. If a woman runs too fast with you, you flash her!

I even came by taxi to bring you a fresh spring roll.

Lighthouse, my ass.

(SOFT MUSIC)

(LEO) Sorry, lighthouse passing through.

Lighthouse coming through.

I like it, 48, when you get angry, I like it too much.

You look like a little cat in heat.

(IMITATES A CAT)

(IMITATES A CAT)

(LAUGHS)

Lighthouse, let’s go back inside, or the little cat will get her fur wet.

(LAUGHTER)

(INTERCOM)

(INTERCOM)

Leo.

- Leonardo! - What is it?

They’ve been ringing for five minutes.

If they’ve been ringing for five minutes,

then either they’re musicians, or you should go open the door, no?

(INTERCOM)

(EMBARRASSED) Good morning!

Is Dad here? I’m his daughter.

- Yolanda? - Is today Sunday?

You’re the one in the picture frames!

Yes, but now I’ve come out of the frames and I’m here.

- Of course. - May I come in?

Of course, please! It’s your home!

What a lovely surprise!

Is Dad here?

Little Yolanda! Sunday! Tennis!

Hi, sweetheart, have you introduced yourselves?

- No! - Her name is?

- Ginora. - Ginora!

He never remembers my real name, he calls me “48”!

Enough with that hand. Yes, I call her “48”,

she’s a friend of mine, she came to visit me, but now she’s leaving.

Did she come by in her underwear?

You came by in your underwear, you boiled turnip! Now she’s leaving in her underwear.

- What a lovely family reunion! - What fucking reunion...

- Cappuccino in the garden! - No cappuccino in the garden!

- Come on. - No cappuccino in the garden.

I’ll make it with the machine I gave him!

It’s still in the box, he’s never used it!

(ANNOYED) Why are you bringing that up? I don’t have pods!

I’m sorry, sweetheart. She’s leaving now.

Why? It’s the first time in six years I’ve seen you with a woman.

Stop it!

I know nothing about your heart. Let me meet her, let’s all go out together!

She’s just a friend and now she’s leaving.

- Friend, let’s say fuck buddy. - Don’t say that word!

- I hate that word. - You hate it.

Loneliness plays nasty tricks. Maybe she’s the right one!

The right one? Come on, be quiet.

- Ginora, can you play tennis? - I played competitively for three years!

Yes, but you don’t have the gear to play.

I’ll go to a shop and buy everything I need. What’s the problem?

She’ll go to a shop and buy everything. She’s filthy rich.

- She’s filthy rich? - Yes, filthy rich.

At least she has something going for her.

Why do you call the filthy rich lady “48”?

(SHOUTS) Found a pod!

- (48) Found a pod! - See?

The neurons.

You used to call Mom’s ex-boyfriend that too.

He had about a hundred. She has forty-eight.

He took a census.

You’re supposed to take the coffee out of the pod, right?

Ginora.

(YOLANDA) Ginora.

Ginora. Forty-eight!

Point?

I haven’t served yet! You shouldn’t stand there, you should stand there.

- If I go there, you’ll hit me! - I won’t hit you, it’s the rule!

If she tells you, go there!

Sorry, I play creative tennis.

Who is she?

Who’s winning?

We haven’t started yet. Before, we were just rallying.

The famous rallying!

Cute.

Here I go!

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Mine!

At least turn off your phone.

Sorry, she’s creative.

Dad, tell me, quickly.

Come on, quickly, Dad!

Another fine coming?

What more can I do than have my license revoked?

Burn it!

I can’t talk, I’m in the middle of a match!

- Match! - Bye.

Sorry!

Another fine coming. I’m a shareholder in the municipality!

It was out.

These speed cameras are very strict!

Have you seen the photos? We all come out blurry!

- May I? - Of course, what are you waiting for?

(THEY CHEER)

Great shot, well done! Fifteen-love!

Sorry, little break! I have to go to the bathroom.

The cappuccino got things moving!

(YOLANDA) Ginora, you’re really good. You could make a living from tennis.

(48) If only I had the time!

(LEO) You don’t do a damn thing from morning till night!

(48) Here I am, I’m back.

So hot!

Does Forty-eight live here?

Forty-eight is also the millions her grandfather left her.

Did you see the fridge at my place? She gave it to me for my name day.

Having your license revoked is very convenient. They drive you left, right and center.

Yolanda, elbow a little higher for the backhand.

Bye, grumpy face!

We’ll update each other very calmly.

With your dad, making plans more than half an hour ahead

means “long-term planning.”

And if he plans long-term, he stops breathing.

You’re the Forty-eight, not her.

Now you’re going to tell me she’s the right woman for me.

- (GARDENER) Good morning, Ginora! - She’s pure.

- I won six-love. - I’m glad to hear it.

Here, take it to your son. It’s new.

Who knows when I’ll play again, I don’t have time.

Thank you so much!

(SWEET MUSIC)

Okay, let’s put Forty-eight on standby,

but all your other girlfriends, what was wrong with them?

- Shall we eat at Nappino’s? - You left them all.

No! Fioretta left me.

No wonder, you had got my mother pregnant!

(SOUND)

One was boring, another jealous, and another always looking for a fight!

- And what were you like? - Thin, I was thin.

- Do you know what Mom says? - What?

She says the flaws you find in others are actually your own.

You’ve had plenty of chances, but you’re the one who’s no good!

Yolanda, I was someone else. If I could go back, I’d be more patient,

I’d know how to appreciate them. They were all good girls.

Now, if I could go back now! I’ve changed.

But enough, come on!

If you’ve changed, call these exes back! One of them will be right, won’t she?

I had left Riccardino too, then I gave him a second chance.

(YOLANDA) At fifty, you’ve thrown in the towel.

Oh God...

You used to play guitar, and now basil grows inside it.

You enrolled in chess school and went five times.

Actually, sweetheart, I only went four times.

(ANNOYED) The coffee machine will go back in the box for the next twenty years.

Oh God, this coffee machine.

I don’t have the pods!

That’s exactly the point. Some people have pods and some don’t!

That was a good one.

- You don’t do anything for anyone anymore. - Not even for you?

Not for me, not for yourself. And not even for Mom.

When we spent six years in Naples with Fabio,

you should have stopped her.

- Is that all? - No!

From tomorrow, throw out the organic waste every day,

because Mrs. Coscia thought you were decomposing.

Enough with these spring rolls and that old car of Grandpa’s!

Every now and then, take the white one, the normal one!

(LEO) I must say, Yolanda, that despite being really young,

you have a remarkable spirit of observation.

Exactly, Dad, well done. I’m fifteen.

You talk to me and see me as if I were still seven.

(SIGHS) You’ve always told me this seven-year-old thing too.

Since we’re saying things,

for two years you’ve promised me we’d go skydiving.

You know how much I care about it. Have you ever taken me? You’re never ready!

(OVEN TIMER)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello, Grandma? Yes, everything’s fine.

Do you remember the names of Dad’s girlfriends?

Yes, I want all of them!

(YOLANDA) I’ve changed.

Let’s try again.

(MESSAGE SENT NOTIFICATION)

(CROAKING)

Breakfast, I’ll make you breakfast.

Little machine, standing still,

tell me where you’re going.

Here it is.

(PHONE NOTIFICATIONS)

- Good morning! - Mrs. Coscia.

My nephew’s pool flew away again. Have you seen it?

- It must have flown into the organic waste bin. - Meaning?

Nothing.

If I see the pool pass by, I’ll tell it you were looking for it.

(IN NEAPOLITAN DIALECT) You like joking.

(LEO) When I’m pissed off, I like joking.

(BENEDETTA) “Your late repentance is an unexpected gift,

let’s meet tomorrow.”

(ELETTRA) “Okay, let’s try again. Come to the faculty, you know I work there?”

Benedetta, Elettra... who looked them up?

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

So, Dad?

Yolanda, assuming you have one,

can you tell me what your brain was thinking, sending messages to my exes?

You said it: “if I could go back.”

I understand, but those are things people just say.

You say too many things just to say them.

How did you find them all?

Today, if you have a first and last name, it’s impossible to escape the web.

I understand, but who gave them to you?

I was with some of them before you were even born!

Not me, but Grandma was born. She’s your hard drive.

- She remembers all ten. - Now what?

Now let’s see if you have the pods!

No bluffing! I want a selfie for every meeting!

(FAST-PACED MUSIC)

(SLAMS PHONE)

Your beard has softened.

Not just that!

Sit down.

As I was saying, you find me in a moment of great harmony with myself.

That’s why I immediately agreed to see you after so long.

In fact, I see a light in your eyes I had never seen before,

a great serenity.

I must say, Benedetta, you are still beautiful.

I was praying to Our Lady when I received your message.

- You didn’t send it to me. - No.

She sent it to me.

(TRAGIC MUSIC)

(EMBARRASSED) What exactly do you do here at Villa Fiorita?

I explained it to you: I do everything!

I take care of the refectory, the treatments, the maintenance.

For four months I’ve also been doing sexual assistance.

- Meaning? - I masturbate disabled people.

People who cannot live their sexuality.

- You’re doing the right thing. - Do you want to help me? Once a week.

You could come.

- On Thursdays, for example. - Thursdays, I’ll think about it.

Instead of going to the gym, I’ll come here.

That message of yours, Leonardo, is a clear cry for help.

- I wasted no time and summoned you. - Do you work here?

This isn’t work. This is giving yourself to others.

Giving yourself, right. Do they pay you?

No! They give me expenses.

A little expenses payment.

Benedetta, did you take vows? Are you a nun?

No! I simply turned my passion into my mission.

And you?

For a while in my life, I turned depression into my transgression.

- Did you succeed? - No, I didn’t.

- What is it? - “Now we sleep together again.”

- Is that what you thought when you came here? - Yes!

- Well, no. - Sorry, I had an impure thought.

(NUN) Benedetta? Am I interrupting?

- No! - Will you take care of Formisano?

Yes, Benedetta will take care of him. Go ahead, Sister Amanda.

Speaking of which, Sister Amanda, are the new suppliers already in the refectory?

Yes, they’re waiting for someone to sign for the delivery.

Can you come?

- Yes! I’ll step away for a moment, do you mind? - No!

I do! Benedetta.

Are you the replacement?

No, no replacement.

- Did you take the tram? - To come here?

(IN NEAPOLITAN ACCENT) I took the tram, all right. The tram in the face.

They changed the direction of the roundabout and I didn’t know, the 65.

The tram number got stamped on his chest.

By coincidence, I’m 65% disabled.

From that point of view, it would have been better if you’d taken the 6.

Apart from the fact that the 6 doesn’t pass here,

it wouldn’t have been worth it. I’d get less money.

That’s true.

Anyway, I came to say hello to Benedetta.

Benedetta has a lovely hand, delicate.

Sister Amanda is delicate too, even though she’s chubby.

- Do you use the service? - Six times a day.

- (INCREDULOUS) Six times a day? - Six times.

Not even when I was fifteen, six times a day.

I have to do it. The doctor prescribed it.

Six times a day?

Six Neridrol injections a day.

Sorry, I misunderstood.

I don’t know if you know, but in this institute, they touch you.

- They rob you? - No, they touch you, meaning they do

- sexual assistance. - For whom?

- Whoever asks for it! - I’ve never asked, I didn’t know!

Do you need a prescription? Does the health service cover it?

(LEO) In your opinion, Benedetta, why did we break up?

For the same reason millions of couples break up.

Which is?

The lack of courage to tell each other the truth face to face.

What was the truth between us?

I don’t have the courage to tell you to your face.

Come with me, let’s go to the children,

because I’m shy and you like these things.

Can you hear me? Leonardo, come closer, can you hear me?

(LEO) I can hear you!

I know these things, because I had one when I was little,

when I used to play in Piazza d’Azeglio!

I like this idea you had, it amuses me!

I’m curious to know what you have to tell me!

(BENEDETTA) We broke up because

you were incredibly boring! You were always talking about your job.

Our relationship had become unbearable.

The first year, you still had a bit of enthusiasm, but then

you’d fall asleep at the cinema, weekends in slippers,

every Friday pizza from a cardboard box at home,

a total pain in the ass.

The candle has to be lit every day, it needs faith and devotion.

You have to believe in it, you can’t just stand still waiting for things to happen!

Miracles, Leonardo, do not exist.

(WHISPERS) Pizza from a cardboard box.

Mrs. Coscia!

- Are you watering the plants again tonight? - No, I’m shampooing them.

Did you find the pool?

No! I searched, but I didn’t find it.

How many years were you married to your husband?

Twenty-seven and a half, until the lightning.

Poor Sante, did it hit him full on?

- Full on! - So your story,

instead of beginning with love at first sight,

ended with a lightning strike!

He lit up like daylight, just like in cartoons.

The man who closed him in the coffin got shocked.

(LAUGHTER)

Were you ever bored with your husband?

Always! He was more boring than a condominium meeting.

Did you never think of changing administrator?

No! Fun isn’t everything in life.

(COSCIA) He was a hard worker, an exceptional father,

and he had something you fools have lost: kindness.

Kindness and tenacity.

(LEO) One last question, Mrs. Coscia, then I’ll let you go.

Apart from bad weather, in your opinion, when does love end?

When that sparkle in the eyes is gone.

Call Yolanda.

(PHONE) Calling Wanda?

- I want Yolanda. - Looking for a Panda?

- Yolanda, my daughter. - Calling Gigliola?

- Call your whore of a mother. - Calling Marcello del Prà.

Who is Marcello del Prà?

- Hello? - Yes? Marcello del Prà?

Yes, who is this?

Who the fuck is Marcello del Prà?

(BACKGROUND CHATTER)

- Are you looking for Botany? - I was looking for Marcello del Prà.

I was joking. Professor Giusfredi, Philosophy, they’re holding summer courses.

The philosophers are in the Great Hall.

- Thank you very much. - Are you behind with your exams?

No, I studied literature.

I studied pedagogy, who knows if it did me any good.

Look at me go!

Come on, come in. Here he is, he’s arrived.

(APPLAUSE)

How cute, he came with little flowers!

(ELETTRA) As I mentioned to you earlier,

to close the course I wanted to give you a little surprise.

If you’re busy, I’ll come back later.

No, we’re all here waiting for you.

We even prepared a chair for you, come on.

- Come quickly. - Sorry.

You’re a funny journalist, we often read you here.

We’re sure you’ll be able to give us your opinion.

- What’s the topic? - I’ll explain now.

As we were saying yesterday,

we were studying the philosophy of Giambattista Vico,

and today we have here living proof of Giambattista Vico’s theory,

“historical courses and recourses.”

History repeating itself, history returning.

Here he is, in all his beauty, the prototype of the returning man.

My goodness.

- Please sit down. - Yes.

In this class, we usually give lessons,

because we like it, because we’re modern, using human material.

Today you’re the lucky one.

I have the pleasure of introducing my ex-boyfriend, Leonardo Giustini,

who is here to explain to us how he could send me a text message like this.

I should have the screenshot.

No, not the screenshot, come on.

So everyone can see it nice and clearly.

(POWERING ON)

(ELETTRA) “I’ve changed, let’s try again.”

So, Leonardo, explain to us what your expectations were,

if there were any,

or even the deep motivations

that push a man your age

to send a text message like that to an ex-girlfriend after ten years.

You have a full quarter of an hour to explain it to us, that’s not little. Enlighten us.

Come on, little flower.

They won’t eat you.

(TRAGIC MUSIC)

I thought, perhaps in a childish way,

that the fire of love is often not out,

but we don’t know it.

Let me explain better: probably,

under the fire, every now and then, there is an ember still burning.

(LEO) So, the returning man,

as you rightly, perhaps, in a way said,

could become, in that sense, a fanning man.

That is, fan that ember

so that the ember makes the whole flame of love start again.

Because if that ember were not out,

it means that...

That it could be lit!

That it could be lit! Even Ralph Malph understood that!

So I ask myself, ladies and gentlemen of the court...

The Faculty of Law is on the other side.

- Yes, but I need it to reason. - I understand.

So I ask myself,

why not insist in the attempt to rekindle

that important love?

Text message: send it, yes, send it, no, send it!

To fan or not to fan? Fan!

Because it is beautiful to send and to fan

where one believes that the ember can flare up again!

Because love

must be fanned!

Otherwise

it goes limp.

(TWIST MUSIC)

(YELPS)

(MOANS)

God, how wonderful!

(TIRED SOUNDS)

Can you pass me my underwear?

- Where is it? - You’ve got it under your ass.

Doing it with an ex is a bit like lasagna at Grandma’s on Sunday.

There are no taboos. Who cares!

(ELETTRA) That’s why you fall for it again.

Shall we make some pasta?

Good girl!

I liked you today with the students.

I noticed a spirit of adaptation, not everyone has that.

Of course, the excuse that your daughter wrote the text message,

you could have found a better excuse.

But it’s sweet.

- Elettra, the bathroom? - The black door!

(SCARED SCREAM)

Wrong door.

Sorry.

Elettra, you have an old woman in the house!

Yes, sorry, she’s my ex-mother-in-law.

We had sex with the old woman in the house?

She’s harmless, she can’t hear, can’t see, she’s always shut in there, always asleep.

- Great company! Does she live with you? - No.

It’s that idiot judge’s fault, he got the ruling wrong.

He got it wrong and assigned alternate weekends for the twins and the old woman too.

One weekend she stays with him, one weekend she stays with me.

When he has the twins, I have her,

when he brings the twins back, I give him the old woman back.

Doesn’t your ex-husband say anything?

(HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER)

My ex-husband, what a good one!

Sorry, Elettra, where does this burst of goodness come from?

You’re the kind of woman who would get angry even with Our Lord.

I do it for the good of my twins.

But I write everything down.

That piece of shit will pay me back with interest.

Now I recognize you!

- Do you want short or long pasta? - Long!

Let’s make it short!

- Why ask me? - Because I’m democratic.

- Then short pasta. - Long.

So are you really sure you want to be the third parent?

It’s not for everyone, it’s very difficult.

Of course, third parent, come on, right away, full throttle!

I’ll put Yolanda, fifteen years old, in full hormonal storm, into the group,

and you put in the twins, the dog and the old woman on alternate weekends.

You know what? I’ll even take care of the old lady!

Good, that’s a good idea.

So let’s do this. Let’s do it right away.

You, me and the kids at the lake this Sunday.

Full throttle, I can’t wait to meet your little ones.

You know what they say in life, don’t you?

If you circle around things too much, you risk screwing yourself!

What a pearl of refinement!

You could make so many nice philosophy lessons out of that!

- Do me again! - Yes.

(ROCK MUSIC)

(YELPS)

(THE TWINS SAY WORDS BACKWARDS)

- Uoy yortsed lliw I. - Uoy taeb lliw I!

Ti pots!

What’s going on, Elettra?

They’re playing the talking backwards game.

If you don’t answer them backwards, they pretend not to hear you.

- Ti pots? - Stop it!

(WORDS BACKWARDS)

Uoy yortsed lliw I!

Yaw taht oot klat uoy!

They’re funny.

- Knird a rof pots s’teL! - Yes, we’ll stop at the next bar.

Rab! Now we’ll look for a rab. Surely there must be a nice rab?

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

What a pain in the ass, it’s my ex, you answer.

Put it near me.

Giannantonio, quickly, because I forgot my headset at home.

Elettra, was someone at your house on Thursday?

Mom heard a man talking.

Wasn’t the old woman deaf?

There must have been a condominium meeting, she must have heard voices.

You always have condominium meetings at the penthouse guy’s place.

- Elettra, don’t piss me off. - What the fuck do you want?

I’m with a friend of mine and we’re going to the lake with the kids.

Should I sit at home?

Who the fuck is this friend?

Explain it to him yourself, please.

You say we shouldn’t circle around things.

- You talk! - Hello?

Giannantonio, this is Leonardo, an old family friend.

We’re here with the kids, taking a little trip.

The kids are very funny, they’re playing the talking backwards game.

Say hello to Daddy, yddaD.

(BELCHES)

There, they said hello to you.

Put that bitch on. Elettra, I’m calling the lawyer right now!

- Hang up, please. - He says he’s calling...

The lawyer, yes, I’m so scared.

Call the reywal.

(SHOUTS) Stop it!

(WHIMPERS)

(ELETTRA) Get out slowly, calm down.

(THEY SPEAK BACKWARDS)

Gabriele, Gabriella, hold hands, please!

- Do you want a drink? - I’m fine.

Keep everything closed, or the dog will get out.

Kids, where are you?

(CHILDREN SHOUTING JOYFULLY)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

(YELPS)

The third parent!

He didn’t even make it to the lake.

Fuck, my dear sir, you get yourself tangled up with your ex,

(TRUCK DRIVER) who has two kids and a husband called Giannantonio.

You Italians piss me off.

First you leave your woman, then you want to go back to her.

For fuck’s sake, if you ate badly at a restaurant,

if they gave you old ribollita, that doesn’t make good broth, right?

- Right. - So you don’t go back to eat there

if the management hasn’t changed,

because there you’ll always find Giannantonio!

You Italians are always stressed.

Why don’t you go back to your country?

Actually, we’re already there, aren’t we?

I mean your little town, your village of origin, got it?

I don’t know, Afragola, Radicondoli, Poggi e Bonsi, got it?

Poggibonsi. All one word: Poggibonsi.

The towns are empty now, you’ve emptied the towns.

In a town there is love, in the city love is unbearable.

If you have to pick up your woman five kilometers away,

it takes you forty minutes by car!

You arrive under her house and your balls are already busted!

(LEO) Leave me here.

Bye, my friend! Forget about your ex who talks backwards.

Bye, Samir, thanks!

In Italy, you should put VAR in marriage, instant replay at the bedside.

That way you stop the marriage and immediately decide whose fault it is.

(LEO) Hi Leonardo, luckily you haven’t moved house.

I came by, but you weren’t there.

What an incredible surprise your message was! My heart is still racing.

Right after reading it, my phone broke. I’ll explain later.

Call me as soon as you can, let’s meet soon, Fioretta.

Fioretta.

(FIORETTA) 338/995190.

Hi Fioretta, it’s Leonardo.

Just one question: do you have children or an ex-husband on your back?

(PHONE NOTIFICATION)

(FIORETTA) Absolutely not.

Dinner together next Saturday? Where are you taking me?

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

- Tell me! - Fabiola, am I disturbing you? Where are you?

- In Paris. - Are you staying there four months?

No way, I’ll do everything in a month. - Fifteen thousand pieces?

No, two thousand!

I must have called your daughter ten times, but she never answers me. Why?

There’s no signal up there, and during the internship she turns it off. She plays all day.

When did you become so anxious? You never used to be.

- As soon as I hear from her, I’ll call you. - Why does she always call you?

She even tells me everything she does with Riccardino.

(LEO) For God’s sake, Riccardino!

Forget it, better if she calls you.

Fabio wanted to show me his application.

Can you ask him if he’s free in two hours?

Fabio!

(METALLIC NOISE)

Leonardo’s asking if you can meet at the castle in a couple of hours.

Perfect! In a couple of hours at the castle, absolutely.

- Did you hear? - Okay, thanks. Bye!

Bye!

Love, what should I wear to go to the castle?

I don’t know, you already look perfectly on theme.

Shall I call the blacksmith and have him hem your little skirt?

A bit long, isn’t it?

When you take it off, use some rust remover or you’ll get tetanus!

(LAUGHTER)

Tetanus!

(FABIO) Come on, Leonardo!

You’ll see what an article you’ll get out of this, it’s a wonder!

As soon as it’s approved, I’ll have to lower the antenna by 60%.

- Lower it by 80 too! - Fine.

It seems too big to me.

You were telling me the whole application is voice-controlled.

I’ve been working on it for two years.

Investment of time, of money, Fabiola doesn’t believe in it,

but you know what women are like!

They’re wrong, because the future is voice control.

- Good. Shall I call it? - Call it.

- Where does it come from? - From the living room.

Catapult, come!

- English, for the international market. - Of course.

- Where the fuck is it going? - Catapult, stop!

- Do you want it to come back? - Yes.

Catapult, come back, backward.

Catapult, stop!

Look at this wonder, look at this little gem!

Does it shoot the big ball too?

It’s loaded specially for the demonstration.

Catapult, into position: startboard!

Startboard.

Wait.

It could be an idea.

- Do you want to see? - Let’s see.

Catapult, shoot!

(VIDEO GAME SOUND)

(NOISES)

Mrs. Coscia, my ball went over to your place.

The ball?

You scored! Here.

This one isn’t mine.

I’ll look for it tomorrow when it’s light. Thanks.

Mrs. Coscia, in your opinion, after so long,

can people get back together as if nothing had happened?

Instead of busting my balls with these questions,

wouldn’t it be better to buy a book on the subject and read it all?

- No! - No.

I trust you, not books.

Fine. Don’t make me shout, come here.

Move it! There are people around.

So: in love, you can take each other back.

A plant doesn’t die if two leaves dry up.

It dies when the roots dry up.

Game, set, match.

(IN NEAPOLITAN) Tonight I won Wimbledon.

It’s an invention of mine. It’ll be called “app-ditions”.

What does it consist of?

The actor signs up online,

and online we send him the lines,

online he sends them back to us, and online we give him the answer.

Online!

Yes, and I app-clean, online.

Hello, Ginora? Come on, quickly, I’m working.

Her father?

She fell from a tree?

What was she doing up a tree?

Is it serious?

(AGITATED MUSIC)

- Miss Forty-eight? - Who is Forty-eight?

Ginora!

- In the large room. - Thank you.

- Excuse me, the large room? - All the way down.

Twenty-one minutes!

(48) Not only did he come, he got here in twenty-one minutes!

Well under your expectations! I won, Dad.

I’ll leave you alone.

You’re not normal.

In this family, it seems nobody is normal.

- You didn’t fall from a tree? - When I was twelve, headfirst!

Today, instead, I was talking about you with Dad,

and I wanted to prove to him that you care about me.

I wanted to prove it to myself too.

Thank you. Now you can go back to work!

You made me rush all the way here!

Rush, don’t exaggerate!

Twenty kilometers in twenty-one minutes, you must have been going twenty an hour?

I was going sixty an hour.

Not that much, I expected more.

Then it’s official, you’re not normal.

I’m Forty-eight! But from today, you’re Twenty-one.

Dear Giustini, I fooled you!

- She fooled me! - Who is she?

At this point, I don’t know anymore.

She plays tennis really well, she knows me better than I do...

- Is she a fuck buddy? - Don’t say that word.

Mr. Giustini, do you have a minute, please?

- I’ll wait for you at the director’s office. - Okay.

We already know each other. I’m Frullani from Webtech,

one of your biggest advertisers.

I called, and they told me to come here.

Go ahead.

I preferred to come in person rather than send a little message,

like the one you sent to my wife Angelica.

Let me explain, I didn’t send that little message.

Who sent the little message is not important.

What matters more is that I tell you what happened to Angelica.

What happened?

(FRULLANI) It could be a form of early Alzheimer’s,

or it could be a very severe depression.

She draws all day, like children do!

The doctor thinks that putting her back in front of faces from the past,

people who belong to her memories,

could slow down the progression of the disease.

- Will she recognize me? - No, that’s unlikely.

Sometimes she doesn’t even recognize me, just think.

I’ll wait here. Go on.

- Is she there? - Yes, she’s there. Please.

(WHISPERS) How stressful!

- Little Leonardo! - You recognized me!

Of course, we’re together! Did you bring me the homework?

Your husband told me about the illness.

Yes, he’s asthmatic, poor thing.

Not his.

Right.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

- Any news? - Lots!

I have a fifteen-year-old daughter, Yolanda.

She sent the same message to all my ex-girlfriends, including you.

My mother gave her your name.

She remembered when we were together in high school.

Business experts and foreign language correspondents, remember?

“How are you? Well, thank you!”

“Je ne comprends pas.” We had fun.

- We had fun? - Yes, we had fun.

Do you remember when we’d skip school

and go to Boboli and look at Florence from above?

We’d kiss on those freezing benches

and listen through headphones to Spadaro, Guccini, Vecchioni.

The greats. Remember?

No, I don’t remember.

Do you remember when you’d start the Ciao with the pedals and your boobs would bounce?

I’d go bright red and you’d laugh.

You did it on purpose, you rascal! Remember?

No, I don’t remember.

How can you not remember? You started strong, you recognized me right away.

The trip to Verona.

The first time we made love,

and it was also the first time for both of us.

Remember?

No, my first time was with Burgassi.

What do you mean, Burgassi, the one from class 5D?

5F.

And before you, there was also Lanini.

Lanini?

- The one with the eye twitch? - Yes, exactly.

Lanini with the eye twitch!

While we were together, I also did it with Bencivegni.

Remember him, the one who looked like an albino?

Angelica, you don’t remember shit,

and now you’re pulling out the whole line-up!

- I was never faithful. - So it seems.

Not even after I got married.

Do you know I had an affair with my brother-in-law?

But then, what is faithfulness?

To be faithful, you just have to forget you cheated.

If only it were easy...

Why did you come?

I told you, my daughter sent the same message to all my exes.

Then you’re sick too, with nostalgia.

The burden of too many memories is too heavy. What’s the use?

It’s useless, it’s harmful.

There are too many things inside.

Remorse, regret, things left unsaid.

What’s the use?

In life, you have to travel with light luggage.

What boobs you had!

Then in the light luggage of life,

I’ll carry with me the memory of those boobs.

In Verona, that night

was the most beautiful night of my life.

I never forgot you.

What boobs you had!

Nobody touches them anymore.

I really was like that, well done.

You do have memory.

(POP MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND)

Mrs. Coscia!

(SHOUTS) Coscia!

- My nephew is sleeping! - He sleeps at eight?

(SNORTS) What do you want?

I’d like you to tie my tie for me.

I can’t do it anymore, I even watched a tutorial on YouTube,

and I almost strangled myself!

Nobody makes knots for me the way you do,

come on, Coscia, thanks, Coscia, jump over, Coscia!

Another ex?

This is the final one, I feel it hot.

Let me know how it goes.

And how did it go,

if they are roses...

- They’ll wilt! - Thank you, Mrs. Coscia.

Your injections of confidence make me a happy man.

- How do I look? - Take it off.

You know what you look like? An upstart peasant.

“Upstart peasant” must be our version of “dressed-up farmer.”

- Exactly. - Thank you.

Thank you very much.

- Good evening. - Giustini. I booked for two.

- Please, have a seat. - Thank you.

- Is that him? - Yes, this way.

While we wait for the other guest, would you like a prosecco?

- For God’s sake, I’m almost teetotal. - Half a mineral water?

Half a mineral water was exactly what I was half thinking of asking for, thank you.

I’ll bring you the menu too.

Bring the menu and the bill, so I can leave early and go home.

(FAST-PACED MUSIC)

(FIORETTA) How the fuck do these people park?

Lord, I know you’re there, and if you are, don’t let it be her.

- Good evening. - I’m looking for a friend.

- Leonardo! How you’ve changed! - You too.

- Fioretta? - What’s left of her!

(WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING)

Hug me, I missed you, you bastard!

Your message arrived at a very delicate time.

I’m halfway through the process,

but I immediately stopped the penis reconstruction surgery.

(INCREDULOUS) Penis reconstruction...

Actually, I can see you’ve changed quite a bit.

(LAUGHS) Holy shit!

“Changed quite a bit”!

Two years of hormones would change even the Democratic Party!

Your voice too.

No, that’s the cold, I’m always out fishing!

Waiter, bring us something to drink!

(EMBARRASSED) Something to drink for the lady, thank you.

My little Leonardo.

So many lovely memories.

Tonight we celebrate!

Tonight, big night.

(THUD)

- Big night! - You scared me!

What people there are around!

All the fuel is leaking onto the ground!

Can you give me a hand?

Fabio, come on, we’re hungry.

You know what? So am I. I’ve only had seven Cellina olives since this morning.

What were you saying, Riccardino?

Easy with this wine, Fioretta.

That’s the third glass, and we haven’t even eaten a crostino!

My condition is partly your fault too, you know!

Why?

Remember when, during spin the bottle, as a forfeit,

you made me kiss Sara? Something stirred inside me.

Since then, slowly and inevitably, the change began,

but now you’ve confused me!

But do you like men or women?

I go both by sail and by motor!

After your message, I won’t deny that I turned off the motor,

and now I’m going with the calm current!

Leonardo, you seem stiff. Do you have prejudices?

What prejudices!

Actually, you know what? Start the engine, go with the calm,

full sail ahead!

Even that penis reconstruction you’re talking about, I’d do it!

I’d reconstruct it!

Because in life you need balls, but also a nice big clapper!

What am I saying?

Weren’t you teetotal?

I was, once, then people change. Fioretta, you know that, people change.

It was a bolt from the blue.

After 35 years of marriage, I don’t understand what could have happened.

My sister hasn’t left the house and has been crying for a week.

Is there no chance of making peace?

No, my father has already been to the lawyer, he’s done all the paperwork.

I’m sorry.

Just think, while my ex was with me, she was always on a diet,

then she must have started eating, because

she asked me for two thousand euros in alimony!

(LAUGHS)

I even found myself a fine humorist.

So, explain this to me.

When my message arrived, this Guglielma,

out of jealousy, took your phone

and threw it into the boiling water with the fusilli!

No, they were pici all’aglione.

A specialty, pici all’aglione and iPhone cacio e pepe!

That means Guglielma wasn’t the right one, let’s drink to that!

Wait, let’s take a selfie together to remember this wonderful evening.

- Come on, little selfie. - Little selfie in the wine.

(SINGING) Little toast!

(YOLANDA) Dad is with someone.

- Dad? - What someone?

- (FIORETTA) Here comes the food. - Enjoy your meal.

I’m going to the bathroom, because my bladder feels like Lake Bilancino.

Are you leaving me alone?

Better alone than with someone who bursts in front of you.

Dad!

Here’s the extended family, you’re here too?

- Who are you with? - Ladies and gentlemen, the bread.

Bread here and penis there,

I’ll tell you later, it’s hilarious.

I heard about your dad and mum, I’m sorry.

As they say, when a pope dies, a big door opens,

and the old hen makes... I don’t remember.

Give our daughter some red meat, she’s as white as plaster!

A bit of meat.

I’m going to pee, otherwise I’ll wet myself.

I’ll have the same wine.

Finally, mine have gone cold too!

- You could have eaten! - Did you shower too?

Do you know who’s down there?

My ex-wife with my daughter and her boyfriend, Riccardino.

Do you know who Riccardino is?

Have you read in the local news

about the woman who accidentally sent a photo with her tits out

to the church group chat?

That one there is Riccardino’s horny mother!

Bloody hell!

When Don Giuliano saw her tits, he choked on the host.

- Yes, but now let’s eat. - Yes, let’s eat.

And let’s drink!

A bit cold.

I’d never seen him so hyped up. Did we figure out who he’s with?

Leonardo, I admit I’m starting not to understand your message.

You say “let’s try again,” but you don’t seem convinced.

I don’t think you’ve changed.

And you’ve changed too much, Fioretta.

If I were you, I’d call Guglielma,

make peace and let her drain the phone that fell into the pot.

I have to go back to the bathroom, I’m bursting.

If you have a penis made, don’t have them make the prostate, it’s useless.

Dickhead.

Guys, this is piss-yourself funny, and in fact I’m going back.

The young lady I’m with has a very jealous girlfriend

who took her phone and threw it into a big pot.

Leonardo, I’m leaving.

If I wanted to eat alone, I’d have stayed home.

- What a shitty evening. - I wanted to introduce you...

Don’t introduce me to anyone and pay the bill.

I was telling them the funny story about the phone.

Well done, Leonardo, go ahead and tell everyone my business.

No, I hadn’t got to that part yet.

Fuck off.

- I’m joking. - The lady studied Anglo-Saxon languages.

Who are you calling lady?

What the fuck are you filming?

Film your mother, Don Giuliano will be happy.

Dad!

Fioretta, you really are a man.

(SURPRISED NOISES)

(PHONE NOTIFICATION)

(LEO) Let’s meet tomorrow morning at 9:00 where I told you “I love you” nine times.

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC)

♪ I have no words of love ♪

♪ To tell them to you ♪

♪ And I think without shame ♪

♪ I’ll eat the knight and king ♪

♪ And if tonight the ceiling ♪

♪ Talks to me like a friend ♪

♪ I aim straight at it and stay silent ♪

♪ In this ancient silence ♪

♪ I wonder where I hid ♪

♪ All my will to do things ♪

♪ I look for it in the usual place ♪

♪ And find words with the sea ♪

♪ After a deep breath ♪

♪ Then I start again, I feel it ♪

♪ Because if you hit rock bottom, at least ♪

♪ You drown your torment there ♪

♪ I have no words of love ♪

♪ I dip rhymes in wine ♪

♪ And brush past loves ♪

♪ Like in an Argentine tango ♪

♪ I wonder where I left ♪

♪ My drawings of love ♪

♪ If I am still a child ♪

♪ In that drawing, he is a doctor ♪

♪ I could heal you forever ♪

♪ And then see you return ♪

♪ If ifs were a bridge ♪

♪ I’d unite words with the sea ♪

♪ If ifs were a bridge ♪

♪ I’d unite words with the sea ♪

You’re really out of breath!

When you brought me here sixteen years ago, you were much fresher.

What are you doing here?

What do you mean, what am I doing here?

I came because of your little message. You’ve changed, let’s try again!

Will you marry me again?

Before you have a heart attack, I’m joking!

No, me too, I mean, I was just saying yes.

Yolanda told me everything. Come up, you boiled broad bean.

Of course, wait, this is where I told you “I love you” nine times.

No, you said it three times, but there’s an echo here.

Et voilà! Sporty as ever.

Just think, Yolanda sent your message to me too,

but I thought you had made a mistake,

that you meant to send it to who knows who.

And so as not to embarrass you, I said nothing.

She sent it to you too!

Because Yolanda would like you to complete yourself

with Love with a capital L, the beautiful, lasting kind, written in italics.

- But we know, in love, you... - Yes, I know.

You’re like my sister!

In love, you’re three at most! You last three years at most!

Because we live intensely!

Every year of love for us is like seven! We’re like dogs!

And besides, Leo, would you have liked this reheated soup?

You’re right.

Ribollita included.

- So? - So, two things. First,

who is this Forty-eight?

Yolanda told me she seems like a good girl, with kind eyes.

That’s enough for me.

Second,

that message you sent isn’t wrong. You have changed.

I would never have thought

you could put yourself on the line like that for your daughter.

- Neither would I. - Really, well done.

- There’s a third thing! - Meaning?

Change your number!

Actually, look,

throw it away!

- Are you sure? - Yes, throw it, you need to change it anyway.

Are you sure?

(SHOUTS) Throw it!

(ECHO) Throw it!

- We made a masterpiece with Yolanda. - Totally!

And we didn’t lose dialogue as parents, which is fundamental.

(WATER LAPPING)

(LEO) Dear readers of Wi-Fi-Web-Online,

this is my last article on the subject,

then I’ll go back to writing about basketball for another publication.

So, to say goodbye, today I’m taking the liberty of telling you about an app

that cannot be downloaded but comes with the human body.

The application of the heart.

After testing it for a long time,

I believe I have identified the main system errors

that force a couple to uninstall it and pull the plug.

First of all, the boredom bug:

always visiting the same pages, pizza from a cardboard box,

weekends in slippers, the system doesn’t update and becomes fit for the trash.

Then there is the hardware of incompatibility, system quarrelsomeness,

add two twins who speak backwards, and there you have it.

The third problem is the jealousy virus.

It gets inside and never leaves, even years later.

Once it is in circulation,

it corrupts all the memory, and there is no antivirus that can fight it.

(LEO) Right!

Even distant betrayals from high school you will never forgive.

Finally, the fourth problem in love applications

is the software of change.

Technology never stops, it is constantly evolving,

new devices make women the same as men

and men the same as women.

If you don’t adapt to change, the user is cut off.

And maybe even gets punched in the eye.

The solution to all these problems?

Try turning it off and on again,

as our parents used to do, at least try.

And if the problem persists...

And if the problem persists?

Call a new technician and get together directly with him!

Enough with all these applications, enough, come on, let’s go.

Let’s go back to the old ways, when you’d roll down the window,

“Miss, where is Piazza Mazzini?”

People met that way too, people got married because they asked for directions!

Exactly! I met Marcello del Prà that way too!

There it is, who the fuck is Marcello del Prà?

He’s your daughter’s tennis coach.

That’s who he was, I didn’t sleep for two nights!

I’m the coach!

Hi, how’s it going? Everything okay?

- So, you came. - Yes.

Maybe this isn’t the right moment, but I ran here to tell you.

First of all, forgive me

for what happened there at the restaurant.

I came because I feel that I have the pods.

I’m ready. Let’s go.

Dad, what are you talking about?

Where are we going? And strangely enough, I’m winning today too.

What do you care about tennis?

Let’s be honest, you never cared about it. Too competitive.

- And where are we going? - Where are we going...

I’ve changed, let’s try again! Take your bag.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

Sorry, I thought I’d turned it off, I’ll turn it off right away.

Hello, Ginora, tell me quickly!

Twenty-one! Are you that all-white plane?

Yes, the white one, the white one.

The big hatch is about to open and we’ll jump out, you can’t miss us!

Okay, I’m ready,

but come down slowly, otherwise the photos will be blurry!

Yes, all right, okay! Bye!

Sorry, I’m turning everything off.

You don’t call her Forty-eight anymore!

I told you, I’ve changed!

I’ve thought about you too.

I no longer see you as a seven-year-old girl.

- Are you sure? - Yes, I’m sure.

(PILOT) Okay, here we are.

Guys, let’s hook up, we’re ready.

As we said, Yolanda with me and you with him.

All right, we jump as soon as we’re over Monte Gavino!

(YOLANDA, IN A CHILDLIKE VOICE) Ready?

Yes.

Ready.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)