All language subtitles for Major League Back to the Minors 1998 1080p BluRay x265 DTS H

MAN: Hey! Programs, souvenirs!

Programs, souvenirs!

[♪♪♪]

PLAYER 1: Okay, I got him.

[PLAYER 2 WHISTLES]

[PLAYERS CHATTERING]

♪ Nobody's hero
but I used to be ♪

♪ That's a ghost haunting me ♪

♪ I've been comin' up short ♪

♪ Just a little too long ♪

♪ Forty hours of a dull routine ♪

♪ I've been wastin' my life it seems
and comin' up short ♪

♪ Just a little too long ♪

COACH:
Come on, come on, come on!

All right. Go on!

Come on, take it out.

GUS: I got it.

You want Tobik to finish it off
for you, Gus?

No, I'm fine.

Just need to get out of this inning
and then get a little breather.

Hey.

Hey nothing.

♪ I'm comin' back ♪

♪ This time I'm
comin' up stronger ♪

♪ I been lookin' up ♪

♪ From a long way down ♪

♪ I been lookin' up ♪

♪ From a long way down ♪

That ball is tagged.
It's going, going nowhere.

Hold on just a minute.

Let me see that ball.

- What?
- You heard me. Let me see it.

- Frozen ball, Gus?
- Where'd that come from?

You shouldn't have to resort to this.
I mean, where's your pride?

You know, damn,
I searched high and low, and I...

I'll have to throw you out.

Come on, Mick.
I'm five outs from finishing this.

Sorry, but you gotta go.

You are gone. You are out of here!

KID: Mick, come on!

[♪♪♪]

Better not hold on
to that too long, Mick.

If it freezes, they'll have to cut your
fingers off to get rid of the damn thing.

Someone get me a bucket of water!
Get me some water, now!

♪ This town ain't big,
this town ain't small ♪

♪ It's a little of both,
they say ♪

That arm numb yet,
or is it in that tingly burning stage

just before everything freezes?

Well, look what the cat drug in.

Don't act like
you're not surprised to see me.

Picked up a whiff of your cologne
about a half an hour ago.

Would you look at these fancy duds?

Flatterer.

Bullshitterer. Hey.

How you doing?

Sorry I missed it.

How'd you throw?

Pretty good.

I moved the ball around a lot.

Even blew a few fastballs by them.

MAN: I'm okay to drive.

I know you are but you're too drunk
to walk to your car

- so this taxi driver will give you a lift.
- How you doing, bud? Come on.

- Strong and capable woman.
- You left out independent.

Uh-oh. You must be smitten.

Went past smitten a long time ago.

First time in my life,
the woman I love and the woman I like

- happen to be the same person.
- That's a dangerous combo.

And the kicker is

she loves me
but she's not desperate for me.

Which could only mean

you're desperate for her.

You got it.

Yeah, well, six marriages
had to teach me something, huh?

[CHUCKLES]

You ever think about getting out?

As a matter of fact, this is my
last season. I'm hanging it up.

- Oh, yeah? What are you gonna do?
- Yeah.

I don't know. I'm still kicking
a few ideas around.

Well, it just so happens
that I've got a proposition for you.

I thought you came all this way because
you missed the sound of my voice.

- Oh, there is that, but...
- Heh, heh.

Gus, I wanted to ask you,
how would you like to manage?

Manage?

I got a Triple-A team.
A heap of talent, not a baseball player.

What I need, what they need,
is a genuine baseball man

someone who really knows
the game.

With all you know about baseball,
and their natural ability

it'd be a perfect match.

I don't know, Rog.

I mean, uh, I spent the better part of
my life kicking around the minor leagues.

Hell, my ass has gone flat

from sitting on hard benches
and riding bad buses.

I ain't sure in signing up
for more of the same.

But this is something that you know.
Something you could be good at.

Who says I can't be good at something
other than baseball?

No one.

Look, thanks.

Anyway, I-I--

Come the end of the season, I'm quitting.
Cold turkey.

Hey, I know how to take no
for an answer

but maybe you could do me
one little favor.

If I can.

I'd like you to take a look
at Mr. Downtown Anderson.

- He is a pure hitter.
- Uh-huh.

You got the day off tomorrow, right?

The three of us, why don't
we go down, and watch the kid play?

I'm in.

GUS:
So it's either wrestle me for the ball

or let me stay in.

- So he let you stay in?
- Yeah.

Two dogs and two cokes.

Oh, just ketchup and mustard on mine.
Thanks.

Do my eyes deceive me?

Is that who I think it is?

Slick guy, overdressed,
helmet hair, shit-eating grin?

[♪♪♪]

MAN 1: Here you go, sir.

MAN 2: Thank you.

You must have eyes
in the back of your head.

Leonard Huff. Manager
slash bullshit artist extraordinaire.

I know a broken down old ballplayer
when I see one.

- No offense, of course.
- Hey, Huff.

Gus.

Whoa, ho-ho.

And who is this lovely little lady?

I'm Maggie Reynolds.

- Maggie.
- Okay, that's four bucks.

- Thanks.
- I'll get those.

- I got it. It's all right.
- No.

Save your money.

- I got it right here.
- Here we go.

Yes, sir. Out of 10.

Oh, the change is yours, my friend.

Whoa. Thank you, sir.

So, Maggie, Maggie,
are you a baseball fan?

As a matter of fact, I am.

Well, I manage a team.

Minnesota Twins.

Maybe you've heard of them.

The Minnesota Twins.

Maybe I've heard of them,
you asshole.

PLAYER: Coming down!

Yep. First class all the way.

That's how we do it on the big team.

If he says big team one more time, I'll
pinch his neck until his head pops off.

- The kid I'm talking about.
MAN: Coming to the plate, number one,

Billy "Downtown" Anderson.
Number one in your heart,

- number one in the program. Anderson.
- Play ball!

Downtown!

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD CHEERING]

You like this kid, huh?

PLAYER 1: Yeah.
PLAYER 2: Yeah!

UMPIRE: Safe!

Super. It is just super.

I was just telling Mr. Downtown here
he's gonna be with the big team soon.

No question about it.

The sooner the better
as far as I'm concerned.

- What do you think, Gus?
- I think he's got a real nice bat.

Well, they say that I've got a pure swing,
that I'm a natural.

Yeah?

Soon as you get over that lack
of confidence, the sky's the limit.

Good game. Get in the shower.

- I don't want my player catching a cold.
- Yes, sir.

Wait a sec.

Gus Cantrell.

Six-one, 185 pounds.
Throws right, bats right.

Yeah.

Yeah, I had triples of your rookie card
when I was in grade school.

You still got them?

I traded them all for one player
to be named at a later date.

I'm kidding. Ha, ha. See you.

Smart ass.

Well, I gotta roll.

- I gotta get back--
- To the big team, huh?

Exactly.

Margaret.

- Nice meeting you.
- Mm.

You ever get tired of the minor leagues,
give me a call.

Just kidding.

No, seriously. Kidding!

Kidding.

All right.

Let's go.

To the airport, my friend.

Oh, hey, listen, keep me posted
on that kid, will you?

Let's go. Airport! Big tip for you.

Like a vulture circling fresh meat.

Yep! Well, he wants Downtown.

He's not gonna wait.

Trust me. He'll wanna bring him up
before he's ready.

You see, that's what I've been saying.
You know how to bring a player along.

A need a manager
with that kind of touch,

that kind of instinct.

I want you to take this kid
to Triple-A.

- I want you to teach him.
- It sounds like a lot of work.

Look, try it for a couple of weeks.

You don't like it, no harm, no foul.
You quit.

I need to think about it.

Gus, I need a coach.

Let you know in the morning?

You're on.

[♪♪♪]

- What if I hate it?
- You quit.

He even gave you an out.

Are you scared?

No.

Yeah.

You can't let fear of the unknown
keep you from moving off the dime.

No, really. I mean, what if--?

What if Christopher Columbus
had let fear get in the way?

I'd be playing cricket?

You know what I'm saying.

You really think I could manage
a baseball team?

I know you can.

And what about us?

Us will be here.

Us isn't gonna go anywhere.

[♪♪♪]

[HORN HONKS]

You must be Gus Cantrell.

What gave me away?

Frank Morgan. Everybody calls me Pops.
I'll grab these.

- Thanks.
- Come on. Jump in.

This is Mr. Buzz.

- How you doing?
- Nice to meet you.

We're an hour from game time,
so I brought your uniform.

- Okay.
- We'll move Mr. Buzz's head up here.

Excuse me. Watch your...

You must be pretty excited, huh?

Oh, yeah.

This is the clubhouse.

In some parts of the world,
this is called a basement.

The good news is it's cool in August.
Other times, it can be a little musty.

- Dank?
- That too, but cool.

Here's your office.

Another prayer unanswered.

[♪♪♪]

[HUFFING]

Lance Pere. This is Gus Cantrell,
our new skipper.

Welcome to our unique little troop.

Thanks.

You aren't stuck or anything, are you?

No. It's yoga.

A limber mind leads to a limber spine,
which leads to a long life.

As we go, so goes the world,

for we are the world, the world is us.

I'll have to jot that down.

You better unwind and get dressed,
unless you're planning on playing naked.

Oh. All right, Pops.

[♪♪♪]

Came to baseball
by way of the New York City Ballet.

- Ballet?
- Went to an open tryout.

He's such a natural athlete,
they signed him.

He used to be a ballerina?

I don't think guys are ballerinas.

- Balladeer?
- Don't balladeers sing?

That's a troubadour.

MAN 1:
All right, that's it! That's it!

- MAN 2: Go!
- All right.

That was me. I was out of position.

Hog Ellis, this is our new skipper,
Gus Cantrell.

Hey.

What's up?

Nice to meet you.

Hog, show the skipper your fastball.

[GRUNTS]

You got some velocity there.

Yeah.

You can bet on the hummer, baby.

It's all good.

Well, don't let me interrupt.

It's cool.

"Cool" is the only thing he said
I understood.

Hog ain't much on communication.

Remind me not to sit next to him
on road trips.

Gus Cantrell.

- Remember me?
- Rube Baker.

What are you doing here?
I thought you were with San Diego.

I was with San Diego.

Old control problem came
creeping back to haunt me.

- Trouble making the throw to second?
- Yeah. Second.

And first.

Third, a little.

And I still have trouble
getting it back to the pitcher.

Well, come on. I don't believe that.

Just take a deep breath,
rear back, and let it rip.

Okay.

[GLASS SHATTERS, THEN CAR ALARM BLARES]

BOY: Mom, they did it again!

See what I mean? I just...

Well, you're a little bit off the mark,
but don't worry.

- We'll get you straightened out.
- Okay. You want me to go get that?

Don't worry about it.
Keep warming them up.

- Good seeing you, Rube.
- It was good seeing you, Gus.

You got any more balls?

MAN: Yes, sir, I remember Gus Cantrell
from the old California Double-A league.

That was before Diet Coke
became my beverage of choice.

Gus was a fair pitcher,
but he'll have to be more than fair

to turn this bunch into anything
that resembles a baseball team.

- Oh, yeah.
- They suck.

[CHATTERING]

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Perplexed?

Carlton Windgate, pitcher.
Everyone, calls me Doc.

Gus Cantrell, manager.
Everybody calls me Gus.

Oh, I'm delighted
to make your acquaintance.

Yeah.

Likewise.

So you have a question
regarding the scorecard or?

As a matter of fact,
there's seems to be a mistake.

You got Juan Lopez at second
and Juan Lopez at short.

That's no mistake. Juan!

- Oh, shit.
- Hello, coach.

Buenos días.

- Brothers?
- Twins.

- With the same name?
- Confounding, is it not?

Confounding seems to be
the word of the day.

Listen, from now on,
you're gonna be Juan 1.

- Si. Okay.
- You're gonna be Juan 2.

- Sounds good, coach.
- Okay.

Excuse me, but by numbering them

you risk stifling their identities
and squelching their self-esteem.

I don't wanna be rude here, Doc,
but how would you like to be Juan 3?

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Batter up!

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby-baby, baby-baby ♪

Watch out!

PLAYER: Get your glasses, catcher!
- All right, Rube. Good job, Rube.

So a routine throw
becomes a 2-base throwing error.

Mr. Buzz almost got nailed
by that missile.

And we all might be better off
had he got nailed.

[GRUNTS]

[CROWD BOOS]

All right, Lance! Shake it off, buddy!

Shake it off. Get the next one, bud.

Lance the Dance
had a slippery one that time.

They don't call him Old Stone Hands
for nothing.

I've seen better hands on a clock.
Heh, heh.

Juan 1 has the ball,
still time to make the throw.

No, Juan 2 has the ball!
Hey, wait a second!

- A brawl!
- What are you doing?

Oh, here we go again.

Come on, cut it out, you guys!

DOYLE: The brothers Lopez are going at it.
Juan 2 looks hurt.

No! Here he comes fighting back!
He connects with a right!

- What a shot!
POPS: Stop it! Stop it!

You can't play ball! I'll kill you!

- You're ugly!
- It's an error.

- You! You!
POPS: Come on, cut it out.

UMPIRE: You're both out of here!

So all Juan Lopez is concerned
get the heave-ho

and right about now,
Gus Cantrell has gotta be wondering

why he ever took this job.

You know, fans, it's games like this
that used to get me overmedicated.

[♪♪♪]

Keep hitting them up the middle,
all right? They'll catch on.

He got a bad jump on that one.

Not only that, he ran too long
in the same spot.

[RADAR GUN BEEPING]

Huh. Couldn't get a reading.

Got that from the Highway Department.
It doesn't pick up under 55.

- Under 55?
- How was that, coach?

- It was good, Doc.
- Excellent.

You wanna see my change-up?

No, no. I'm good.

- Super. We'll stay with the heater.
GUS: That-a-baby.

GUS: Lance Romance. Coach?
Let me see your mitt.

Try this for a while.

Hey, I can't field with this.

I hate to tell you,
you ain't hot with a glove either.

- Yeah--
- I want you to get used to feeling the ball.

Loosen up those hands a little bit.

Okay, coach.

Go ahead, open it up.

It's a first baseman's mitt.

That's what the guy
at the sporting goods store said it was.

I'm no first baseman. I'm an outfielder.
Been an outfielder all my life.

I know you're an outfielder, Pops.

- It might be better for the team if we--
- Hold on now.

I've been around a long time.

Don't give me the-best
for-the-team speech. I'll take it straight.

You're too old, you're too fat,
and you're too slow.

Straight enough?

Yeah. That'll do it.

But I like your bat.

And I need a leader on the field,
I think you're my man.

So...

what do you say?
You wanna give first base a shot?

Sure. I'm-- If you think
that's best for the team.

Thanks, Pops.

Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

Okay, so pure hitter now,
what's that mean?

See, I got these naturally
quick hands, you know?

Yeah, I got a pretty good eye too.

No, no, no.

Nicoise.

I told you. We got ranch, Italian,
chunky blue cheese,

- which is 50 cents extra.
- Okay.

Do you have any balsamic vinegar?

I got ranch, Italian,

- chunky blue cheese.
- Okay.

You know what? Forget the salad.

Bring me a gun,
and I'll just shoot myself, okay?

Pops, I was wondering, you?

You ever make it to the show?

- Came close once.
- Yeah?

With the Red Sox organization.

It was in October. A player got injured.
I got the call.

And I was on the plane flying into Boston
when a freak snowstorm hit.

We couldn't land.

Two days later, weather's fine,
so is the player.

No way. That was it?

Twenty years, professional baseball,
I circled the show.

Couldn't land.

Windgate, you'd call
a finesse pitcher.

Moves the ball up and down,
in and out.

Relies on control and savvy.

They time this kid's fastball
with an hourglass.

[♪♪♪]

[BONES CRACK, THEN GRUNTS]

Anderson.

Sacrifice him over.

- Sacrifice?
- Bunt him over into scoring position.

You're kidding me.

No, I'm not kidding. Lay one down.

BOY: Hit one, Downtown!

Okay.

MAN: D.T.!

[CHEERING]

Anderson drives one to left and deep.
Hey, get up, get out of here, gone!

For Anderson and the Buzz
lead this game 3 to 2.

Good job, buddy.

- D.T.!
- D.T.!

ALL: Yeah.

PLAYER: D.T.

We got it, baby!

- That was an extreme shot.
- Food.

- Let's-- Anderson.
- I want some food, baby.

Roast beef sandwich.
I want cheese.

Bologna, some turkey,
some potato salad, a pickle.

Anderson. Anderson.

I need to see you.

PLAYER 1: Someone's in trouble.
PLAYER 2: Doesn't look good.

- If I'm not back in five minutes--
PLAYER 3: Put the sandwich to go.

PLAYER 1: All right, you guys.
PLAYER 2: Just make him his sandwich.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Yeah.
- Hi.

Pull up a chair.

See, this ain't the Downtown show,

so when I ask you to lay one down,
you lay one down.

But I won the game.

Well, that's not the point.

We're a team here.

We do what's best for the team.

And I make that decision.

This isn't about one guy
doing what he wants to do.

- Even if that one guy wins a ball game?
- Even if that one guy wins a ball game.

Okay.

I'm benching you
for the next three games.

- You're serious?
- Yeah.

I'm on a roll. Had five hits
in my 12 at-bats, and you'll bench me?

Three games, you sit.

- Is that all?
- Yeah, that's it.

- Skipper, can I talk to you for a second?
- Sure. What's up, Doc?

[♪♪♪]

I've been working with Rube,
trying to help him to open up.

- Open up?
- We were breaking down some walls

and I believe
that Rube's throwing problem

goes back to an abrasive
little league coach.

Rube can't throw worth a shit because
of some jerk-off little league coach?

In layman's terms, yes.

And I wanna ask you
if you could just be gentle with him.

See, Rube's psyche is far more delicate
than his rugged facade would indicate.

You want me to give him
my gentle speech?

If you would be so kind.

And, skipper, I wanna thank you
for making yourself accessible

to such an open dialogue.

You bet.

It's strong for your legs.
It'll be good for first base.

- Balance yourself, Pops.
- Okay.

Okay, now we're gonna do jeté.
We're gonna leap like a gazelle.

- Follow me, baby. Whoo.
- Gazelle. Okay.

LANCE: Leap! Leap!

♪ Taking care of business
every day ♪

Let the ball get further
across the plate, right?

Further in on you, and then hit the
inside half of it right into right field.

You can't help but hit it that way.

Why do I wanna hit it into right field?

- I'm a pull hitter.
- I know you are.

It won't be long until every
pitcher knows it too. Just try it.

All right, try again.

This time, act like you give a shit.

- Hey, Rube.
- Hey, skip.

I've been wondering,

you got any hidden skills?

Hidden skills?

If my car wasn't running right, could
you take the carburetor apart and fix it?

No. No, I don't know nothing
about carburetors.

How about if I bought you some lumber,
could you make me a coffee table?

Nope. Don't believe I could.

So your skills lend themselves
primarily to baseball, we could say that?

Yeah, we could say that.

If another routine throw lands
15 rows in the grandstands,

I'm sending your ass home.

So you better make your throws.

Or I suggest you invest
in some how-to books

and find a fallback profession, understood?

Yeah. Yes, sir.

[♪♪♪]

I'm gonna need this.

I thought you were gonna give him
the gentle speech.

That was it.

[♪♪♪]

God, if you can hear me, please...

send me one real baseball player.

That's all I ask.

And if you can't grant me that,
then, well,

you might as well
just strike me dead

right here and now.

MAN: Uh-oh.

[♪♪♪]

God?

No.

Moses?

No, but you're getting warm.

Cerrano.

Hello, Gus.

- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- Be careful, now.

You scared me to death.

Do you mean when you realized
God is black?

Yeah.

I thought she was white.

I must've been out a long time
if it's Halloween already.

What's your point?

Pedro Cerrano, the original voodoo man
from Mars, dropped out of baseball

to find whatever the hell it was
he lost.

Maybe his mind.

Anyway, he's back
with a new piece of lumber.

Let's see if he remembers
how to swing it.

Hey, how about that?

Cerrano must have bumped
into the god of all line drives.

He hit a bullet
down the left field line.

Two runs score, and the Buzz
put one in the win column.

- Yeah!
DOYLE: They're on a roll now, baby.

CERRANO: Give me some love.

Juan!

The Lopez brothers pull off
a double play, 4 to 6 to 3.

Hey, and not a punch was thrown,
not a drop of blood spilled.

All right, Pops, nice stretch.

All right. Nothing like
a little brotherly love.

PLAYER: Bunt!

Out!

So the Buzz win their third in a row.

Oh, my.

- Cerrano?
- Yo.

Cerrano.

Si, Gus, what?

Is that who I think it is?

[♪♪♪]

[CERRANO SPEAKS IN SPANISH]

CERRANO: Tanaka.

[IN ENGLISH]

[IN ENGLISH]
Did your part to beautify America.

[IN ENGLISH] I see you've got it
made in the shade, man.

Peace of brain?

Peace of mind.

[IN JAPANESE]

Basically, yeah.

[IN ENGLISH]

[♪♪♪]

Uh, what does your, uh,
inner voice tell you?

[IN JAPANESE]

[IN ENGLISH]

Ahh. Sounds like Taka needs a vacation.

I got just the thing.

- Come on.
CERRANO: Watch your step.

[♪♪♪]

WOMAN: Go, Taka.
MAN: Come on, you can do it.

DOYLE: Taka Tanaka, like Cerrano,
left baseball for a while.

Here's the windup and the pitch
to Tanaka.

He swings and lines a single
to right field.

Tanaka hit that one right on the screw.

♪ I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese
I really think so ♪

[♪♪♪]

DOYLE: Holy crapola.

The Buzz just pulled off a double steal.

Either someone got
their signals crossed

or this is starting to look
like a baseball team.

UMPIRE: Safe.

What is that? What's he doing?

MAN: Bravo.
WEEVILS: I think that's a curtsy?

DOYLE:
Lance Pere is curtsying to the crowd.

Heh. He's blowing kisses and curtsying.

This must go back to his days
as a balladeer.

Oh, he was a singer?

- Dancer.
- Oh.

PLAYER 1: All right, Lance. Proud of you!
PLAYER 2: Yeah.

ANNOUNCER [ON PA]:
Now batting, Carlos Liston.

Baltimore Orioles, eight,
Minnesota Twins, nothing.

Coach, you're doing a fine job,
a real fine job.

Get your heads in the game, okay?

Put the magazines away.

Put the phones away. Bye, mom.

MAN:
Pick it up. Get a hold of one.

Eighteen million over three seasons

and he doesn't even wave the bat
at the ball.

- What?
- Thought you'd like to know.

The Buzz won again.
That puts them in second place.

Really? Maybe I'll take a trip there,
watch somebody who's interested

- in playing baseball.
- Next game is not until Thursday.

They've got two days off.

ROGER [OVER PHONE]: Hey, Gus. I knew
you could turn that bunch into a ball team.

The first couple of weeks were rough,
but we're starting to come together.

You've got days off.
Why don't you hop on a plane

and let me wine and dine you
Minnesota style?

I can't.

I promised Maggie I'd spend
the days off up there with her.

All expenses paid,
first-class trip to Minneapolis.

In fact, my assistant is calling the hotel
as we speak

- booking the presidential suite.
- I don't know, Rog.

By the time we get up there,
we got to come back.

I'll send my jet for you. Very sexy.
Nice vacation for you and Maggie.

Learjet.

Okay.

Okay, you're on.

Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

So, what's the deal with Carlos?

Well, Carlos is in a love fest
with Carlos.

Oh, what about the rest of your team?

One of them wants to be traded
so he can get a more press.

My center fielder is threatening to quit
because he wants to be a male model.

My shortstop and second baseman
aren't speaking

because one of them's got
a bigger contract.

They haven't turned a double play
in over a month.

So out of your 25 players

baseball is a primary concern
for how many?

Fourteen.

Maybe.

[CROWD BOOING]

It's...

Gotta...

Oh, God, I love this team.

What? I like it.

I'll tell you this.
If I had a good short reliever

I could turn this team around.

- In his wildest dreams.
- What's that?

- Nothing.
- No, no.

- Come on, go ahead.
- Gus.

I'm just saying that a short reliever
is not gonna solve your problems.

- Why's that?
- You got no unity.

Every man for himself.
Nobody's playing for the team.

Right. A few bad eggs
who are spoiling it for everyone else.

Well, you see,
when you have major talent

you get major personalities.

Maybe you got too much talent
and not enough team.

See, this game is about nine guys
working as one.

They don't have to be the best guys
who ever lived.

They just gotta work together.

Oh, that's sweet.

That really is. That's-- That's so sweet.

Nine guys working together as one.
Come on, everyone.

Omm.

Rah-rah-rah! I love that.
I do. I love that, but...

you're just gonna have to trust me
on this.

- You don't know what you're talking about.
- Is that so?

This might be a good time
to get the check.

Yeah, no, that most definitely is so.
See, let me explain, okay?

There are two kinds of baseball, right?

There's big league
and then there's little league.

And you, my friend,
you are in the latter.

That smells a little bit like a challenge.

Yeah, well, if you're foolhardy enough
to take it as one, yeah, it is.

Any hour, any day, any week,
my guys will be on the field ready to go.

Waiter?

Wait a second. Say what?

You would actually step
onto the same field as my Twins?

- Is there an echo?
- Let me tell you something.

- Don't poke me.
- If you had the first idea--

I said don't poke me.

In fact, if you had any
idea of what-- Ow! Ow!

I told you not to poke me,
you loudmouth moron.

You are breaking my finger.

[♪♪♪]

Son of a bitch.

Freak!

- Let go of my finger, you putz.
MAGGIE: Gus.

- Okay--
- Stop.

HUFF: Watch my hair. Goddamn it.

One minute, you're telling me about
the improved, responsible Gus Cantrell.

The next thing I know,
you're rolling across a barroom floor

- punching, kicking, and biting.
- I didn't bite him.

Besides, it wasn't my fault.

- It wasn't your fault?
- No. Huff asked me to hit him.

Funny. I don't remember hearing him
request a punch in the nose.

It's, like, a secret guy language.

When somebody pokes you
with their finger more than once

they're saying,
"Come on and hit me."

A secret guy language.

I mean, I knew about the handshake
and the decoder ring,

but the language thing is new to me.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Yeah, he's right here.

[WHISPERS]
It's Roger.

Listen, Rog, I'm really sorry.

Right now?

Okay.

Okay.

On my way.

Good morning, Mr. Cantrell.
Follow me, please.

ROGER: No, that sounds great.
I think that'll work out great.

Uh-huh.

Behind you all the way, sir.

- Thank you.
ROGER: I'll tell him you said that.

Oh, my God.

Okay, gotta go. Talk to you. Bye-bye.

Are you out of your mind?

You're the fifth person to ask me that.

We can't play the Twins.
We're a minor league club.

- You said nine players together.
- I know what I said.

- Don't throw it back at me.
- You don't believe it?

Well, of course I believe it. It's...

- Coffee, sir?
- Yeah.

I just wanted to say that on behalf
of the entire restaurant staff, go Buzz.

Kick ass.

Thanks.

By the way, that was Huff
on the phone just now.

- He thinks you're gonna back out.
- He said that?

Blowing smoke up your butt.
Those were his words.

Gutless. I think he said gutless.

He-- I forgot how he used it.

Big Twins vs. The Little Twins.

Sounds like a good way
to put some butts in the seats, huh?

Do you really think selling tickets
is my sole motivation?

Okay, maybe it is, but nevertheless,

this is a great opportunity for your boys
to see the show up close.

- Gus, come on.
- It's just-- It's dicey.

Why don't you ask your team
what they wanna do?

Huff's finger broken?

Fractured.

Give me 24 hours.
Let me talk to my team.

You're the man.

[PHONE RINGS]

Gotta go.

Hello? Yeah, it's for real.

[♪♪♪]

It's been a while.

One thing never changes.

What's that?

Butterflies.

Yeah.

What a decade to quit drinking.

CARLOS:
Like I said, charges were dropped.

What about your alleged, quote,
"Carlos Liston is so big

he's becoming a religion"?

- I said it. You got a problem with it?
- What exactly does it mean?

It means that people think
of Carlos Liston.

Carlos is on the minds of people.

They pay him respect,
they know him to be a superior man.

Does anyone besides Carlos Liston
worship at the shrine of Carlos Liston?

Or is it a one-man congregation?

Thou shall not make fun of Carlos...

- or thou will get thou's ass whipped.
REPORTER: Oh, my goodness.

- This is unbelievable.
- That's major, man.

We're gonna knock them down.

You'll be like a star.

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

[GROWLS]

Carlos Liston, resident madman
and cleanup hitter.

- I have to pitch to him?
- Yeah.

Yeah, just remember one thing.
Carlos is a little bit like a mad dog.

Mad dog?

- He smells fear, he goes into attack mode.
- So no matter what you do--

- Don't let him know you're scared.
- Yeah.

- I gotta use the bathroom.
- Use the mound. Stake out your territory.

[♪♪♪]

PLAYER: Whoo!

Gentlemen.

This is not a should-win
or want-to-win situation.

This is every 8-year-old's dream.

Playing in a big league game
in a big league park.

This is a must-win situation.

Play as well as you can.

I want you...

to humiliate, brutalize.

Don't force.

Don't push, huh?

Beat them into submission.

Let's stay loose.

Let's have some fun.

Come on, guys. What do you say?

[♪♪♪]

Strike three.

He struck him out swinging
and the Hogster is bringing the heat,

throwing gas, tossing aspirins,
blowing smoke, zinging BBs,

firing missiles, zipping darts,
threading the needle.

Let's see if my colleague
in the booth here has anything to add.

Nope, guess not.

Throw. Make your throw.

He got it.

[YELPS]

DOYLE: Oh, my Lord.

Taka slides safely into first base.

Beautiful and daring.
The only words to describe that play.

Wouldn't you say
beautiful and daring?

Well, my colleague,
a little bashful, concurs.

And this Buzz team
has come to play ball.

There's no bout-a-doubt it. Ha, ha.

Got it, baby.

Mine. Mine. Mine.

What the hell?

[♪♪♪]

Keep it up. Keep it up.

Nice, nice, nice. Love to your mother.

Hey, hey, Gussy.

Who the man now? Who the man?

[CROWD CHEERING]

[GRUNTS]

Adams broke up the double play.

Could have been called
for unnecessary roughness.

And that brings Carlos Liston
to the plate.

[♪♪♪]

[CHEERING]

Time out.

Hog.

He's been crowding the plate,
forcing you to throw into his power.

You better give him a little chin music.

You want me to throw at Carlos Liston?

He'll hate you tonight,
but he'll respect you in the morning.

What do I do if he comes out here after me?

Just--

Climbing the center field wall
wouldn't be a bad idea.

DOYLE:
Just calming the kid down.

Probably telling him
to keep the ball down and away.

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD JEERING]

Liston's getting up.
He doesn't appear to be hurt.

He doesn't appear to be happy.

Right now would be a good time
to get Hog measured for a casket.

What's up?

Now, I know you ain't
throwing at Carlos Liston

because anyone dumb enough to throw at him
wouldn't be smart enough

to find their way to the park.

And you're here, so you ain't that dumb.

I think there was moisture on the ball,

- and it slipped out of my hand.
- Moisture?

Dew. It's a little dew.

Yeah, well, you get that close
to Mr. Liston again, dew or no dew,

and I'll come back and beat you
into the ground with that bat.

You got that?

Yes, sir. Yeah, I got it.

It's no problem.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[♪♪♪]

DOYLE:
A routine fly ball hit to left field.

The wind's got this baby,
taking it back toward the wall.

The wind's gonna carry this one
over the fence for a home run.

[CROWD CHEERING]

I might point out that there is no wind.

We're in a dome.

An enclosed environment.

There's no rain either,
in case you were wondering.

Oh, well, excuse me
for having an opinion, pal.

- Hey, what's that over there?
- Where?

- Hey!
- Look out.

- Hey, you did that on purpose.
- Look at that.

Oh, my notes.

- My scorecard.
- It was an accident.

- I'm--
- My pants.

Here-- Here-- Here's a 20.
Get yourself another suit.

Oh, wow.

- Come on, Billy.
- Take it out, D.T.

DOYLE: Some people say
Downtown is a big league hitter.

Yeah, he's one of the
people spreading that rumor.

I guess now is the moment of truth.

DOYLE: Here's the windup
and the pitch to Downtown.

He swings and drives one to left.

This ball is really hit
back toward the wall.

Could get out of here, gone for Downtown.

And the Buzz have tied it at 3 all.

Listen to this crowd.

They love this team.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[WHOOPING]

So much for beating them into submission.

Shut up!

Get the trainer.

Better bring a bag of ice.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, guys.
Play a little ball here now. Ah!

DOYLE: Throw by Tanaka heading
towards third. He threw a bullet.

There's gonna be a play
and they've got him! He's out.

What a throw by Tanaka.

- Wasn't that a beaut?
- You're a beaut.

You're finally coming around.

[ORGAN PLAYING "CHARGE"]

CROWD: Charge!

DOYLE: Adams swats that
one for a single to left field.

Well, slam or swat, the Twins' hitters
have timed this kid's fastball.

Hog will have to go to his other pitches.

- He doesn't have other pitches.
- Does too.

- Does not.
- Does too.

- Does not.
- Does too.

- Doesn't.
- Does too.

- Does not.
- Hey, somebody needs a nap.

He's gonna be sitting on the fastball.

[♪♪♪]

I can't let that happen to Hog.

- Time, ump.
MAN: Time!

- You okay?
- Yeah.

Good job, Hog.

There's nothing to be ashamed of.
We just gotta find you another pitch.

Something to go along with that fastball.

There you go.

- Doc?
- Yep.

Coach, he's got no smoke.

They've been looking at heat all day.

Give them a little change of pace.

ANNOUNCER: Coming to the mound for the Buzz
will be number 35, Doc Windgate.

Windgate.

Well, we got one out left, Doc,
but it's a tough one.

You, uh, want me to go
with the off-speed stuff?

You-- You got anything else?

Nope.

Let's go with the off-speed stuff.

Let's get this one out.

[♪♪♪]

MAN 1: Yeah, baby!
- That-a-baby, Doc. That-a-baby, Doc.

MAN 2: Come on, Buzz, go!

WOMAN: Yeah, Buzz!

Liston swung just a little early...
by about four and a half minutes.

Damn junk baller.

Carlos hasn't seen anything this slow
since high school.

MAN 1: Yeah!
MAN 2: Come on. Come on, Carlos!

That-a-guy, Doc. That-a-guy.

Strike two on Liston.

He's swinging at pitches
that leave Doc's hand on Tuesday.

The trouble is, they don't
arrive till Wednesday.

Thanks.

Tell that son of a bitch
to throw me his fastball.

That was his fastball.

We're one strike away from extra innings.

If they go up to bat again...

We could lose this damn thing.

- Get this guy.
- All right.

MAN: Let's go, baby.
- One more time. One more time.

I'm gonna kill them.

- You can't do that.
- Oh, look, numb nuts.

This is my ballpark, all right?
I can do anything that I want to.

- You're the manager.
- You're right about that.

You're right about that.

Do it! That's right, I said, kill them.

Here's the pitch.

HUFF: Oh, isn't that a shame?

[HUFF LAUGHS]

[BAND PLAYING "OYE COMO VA"

Power outage, my large white buttocks.

Well, that's what he said.

Did you know that Huff has
born-to-lie tattooed on his forearm?

Is that true?

He's on the Twins, Carlos Liston.

Gigantic. You wouldn't
believe it if you saw him.

He said, "I'll beat you into
the ground with this bat."

What did you say?

I said, you better chase it on back
to the plate where you belong

before I rip your face off
and shove it in your ass. Rear.

Your rear.

- No way.
- Yeah.

What did he do?

He, uh, walked his
self on back to the plate.

WOMAN: Wow.

Tell you what, Rube.

Played a major league team
in a major league stadium.

Made the whole 20 years worthwhile.

- It's a beautiful thing.
- Oh, yeah.

[BOTH SINGING IN SPANISH]

"They're calling it a tie,
but the Twins were outplayed"

"by a younger, gutsy Buzz team."

"Leonard Huff was outcoached"

- "by ex-player, rookie manager Gus Cantrell."
- Mm-hm.

"However, a generator snafu allowed
the Twins to limp home"

- "with their dignity just barely intact."
- Hmm.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

People are very impressed.
It's made me wondering

if I didn't have a couple
of people in Triple-A

who were ready to come up to the bigs
and vice versa.

It did? It made you wonder?

Yeah, it did.

Apparently, I'm not the
only one who's wondering.

I got a call this morning.

Yeah?

Yeah. Huff, he, uh...

He wants Downtown.

- Roger, Downtown's not ready.
- Huff says he is.

Huff doesn't know his
butt from a manhole cover.

- Gus, listen.
- No, you listen.

Take Downtown up early,
you may have to send him back.

That could hurt the kid.

- Gus--
- He's got a big career ahead of him,

but you've got to bring him along.
He's just starting to listen.

- Gus, Gus!
- You take him away from me now--

Huff is the Twins' manager.

If he wants to bring a ballplayer
to the show, then I'm sorry.

He's made it very clear.

He wants Downtown.

MAN 1: Have fun, huh?
MAN 2: Stay in touch, brother.

- Take care, man.
- You guys do too.

Hey, good luck, bud.

- MAN 3: Good game.
- MAN 4: Yeah!

Well, going to the show.

Yeah, I'm going to the show.

Could I make sort of an
off-the-wall suggestion?

Sure.

Tell Huff you want four more weeks with me
before you go up.

Convince him you need a little more time.

What the hell would I want to do that for?

Because you're not ready yet, kid.

- Bullshit. Huff says I am.
- Huff doesn't know, okay?

He's not about turning you into a player.

He's trying to use a publicity stunt
to cover up a lousy season.

You know, I knew this.
I knew this would happen.

You'd come in and try to rain on my parade.

- I'm not trying to rain--
- You are.

You've been on me since the beginning.

I hit a home run and you benched me.

You told me not to pull
when I'm a natural pull hitter.

- I'm trying to help.
- Don't tell me you are. You're not.

You never were.

You want me to tell you why?

Because you're jealous.

You're jealous I got more
talent on my worst day

than you've had in your
whole goddamn career.

What, it's true, isn't it? Isn't it?

Isn't it? You've never
had half the talent that I do.

That's true.

God, I should have known you couldn't
just shake my hand and say good luck.

But I don't give a shit
because I just passed you up.

I don't need you, Gus Cantrell.
I'm moving on to bigger and better things.

Thanks.

Thanks for nothing.

Strike two!

[CROWD JEERING]

Piece of cake. Piece of cake.

[CROWD JEERING]

DOYLE:
So the Buzz lose another close one.

[ON RADIO] They've dropped seven of
the last eight, making this a rough trip.

Gentlemen.

Some of you guys might want
to, uh, check your contracts.

You set there, Rube?

- Oh. Yeah, sorry.
- A little more mayo there.

Okay.

Seems you signed on
to play an entire season,

but it looks like you quit playing
about two-thirds of the way through

and I'd like for someone to tell me
what the hell is going on.

Huh?

Yeah, Hog?

Well, you see, um, ahem...

no one thinks that we
can win without Downtown.

I think.

[♪♪♪]

Look, this game is not
about one home-run hitter.

Don't get me wrong. I miss Downtown
as much as any one of you,

but baseball is not about one player.

It's about a team, an entire
team, playing together.

That's right. Look at me
like I'm a damn corn-dog old man

who doesn't know what
the hell I'm talking about.

You know, I don't, uh,
know about the rest of you,

but I remember not too long ago,
we were the joke of the league.

Now we've won a few games.

We even went dead even with the big team,

and this man made the difference.

I think we might wanna listen
to what he has to say.

Look, guys, I'm just
asking you to do one thing.

Start thinking about how you can help
the guy sitting next to you.

Maybe you know something he doesn't know.

Maybe you got some information
you can pass along.

We're traveling tonight.
We got the Crawdads tomorrow.

By the time we hit the field,
I expect everybody's mind

to be on teamwork
and the business of baseball.

Cool?

It's cool.

All right.

Let's pack it up and get out of here.

- All right, guys.
- See you all tomorrow.

[♪♪♪]

It's not complicated.

A curveball is simply the application
of basic physics.

Resistance plus velocity equals...?

- You okay?
- Yeah.

- Uh, motion.
- Bingo.

Now, by controlling the resistance,
i.e. the rotation,

you can determine direction of motion.

And the greater the velocity,

the less opportunity for--

[WHISTLES]

--resistance.

Thus, a smaller degree of motion.

Right.

[♪♪♪]

Lesser velocity.

Create more resistance.

Allow for greater movement.

WOMAN: We love you, Hog!

- Strike three, you're out!
- He struck him out.

Hog Ellis has just thrown
the first curveball of his young life.

And the boy now has
not one but two pitches.

All right. Nice deuce there, Hog.

I just decreased velocity,
reversed the ball's natural rotation.

Whatever you say, Hog.
Just keep throwing them.

Way to go, Hogster.

MAN [ON TV]:
And the count is two and two.

Norman looks in, gets the signal.

Here's the pitch. Swing and a miss!

And strike three.
Anderson goes down swinging.

And is now three-for-15
since joining the Twins.

Downtown, huh?

More like down and out, if you ask me.

CROWD [CHANTING]:
Voodoo! Voodoo! Voodoo!

[CROWD CHEERING]

As it's been explained to me,
the hood helps Cerrano focus.

All I know is, it looks dumb
and he has to be led up to home plate.

But I've long given up
trying to understand this team.

[CROWD CHEERING]

[♪♪♪]

Cerrano lines a bullet to left center.

Romance is rounding third.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Lance The Dance scores on what appears

to be a double salchow
and a triple axel thrown in too.

What a play! The Buzz are back on track.

They've won seven of their last 10.

Great job! Come on, baby!

[IN JAPANESE]

Now you're having fun, man.

[CHATTERING]

You know it!

[IN JAPANESE]

All right.

Hi.

Hey.

I couldn't cut the mustard.

Sorry.

You can say, "I told you so," if you want.

No point in that.

Look, about all that shit
I said to you, I'm sorry.

Well, it's water over the
bridge or under the dam,

or wherever the hell the water goes.

Sit down.

Yes, sir.

Any idea what happened?

It was, uh...

I mean, a number of things, really,

but they started throwing me outside
like you said they would.

You wanna know the good news?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd like to
hear some good news.

This is nothing we can't fix.

Well, how do we do that?

Sweat, sweat and more sweat.

[♪♪♪]

PERE: Straight up with your hands,
straight back with your chests.

Way back to the sky.

Way beyond your hands,
and then, back into first position.

Good.

[IN ENGLISH]

CERRANO: Clear.

Wow. That's cool.

- I told you not to do anything fancy.
- If I can get around on an outside--

Do you know more about hitting than I do?

- No.
- I'm asking you to do two things.

Keep your mouth shut
and listen to my instructions.

Can you do that?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Okay.

Don't over swing, all right?

Take a little bit later
and drive it into right field.

Here we go.

That's better. That's better.

- CERRANO: You ready?
- Ready.

It's dark in there.

You're not scared?

BAKER: Clear.
- Thinking ball and nothing else.

BAKER:
Thinking ball and nothing else.

[♪♪♪]

♪ Well, I know that
it's been a long ♪

♪ Time since I've been gone ♪

♪ It's easy to forget
or remember ♪

Keep your head down.

Go, Downtown. Come on, buddy.
Give it a ride. Let's go.

- Nothing fancy. Keep your head down.
DOYLE: Here's the pitch to Anderson.

It's a swing and a base hit to right.
This will send Juan 1 to third.

Downtown's got another base hit,

sending his average up near the .300 mark.

MAN: Safe!

This kid's not just a
home-run swinger anymore.

He's turning himself into a solid hitter.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Coach, you finished
the season in first place.

But, let's face it,
you do it without anything

that even resembles a Major League player.

Hold it. We got players on this team

- of Major League caliber.
- Like, uh, who? Downtown Anderson?

Yeah, for one.

You know, I heard Coach Huff say
he thinks Downtown's a mistake.

He even went on to say, I think,

that he didn't have any business
in the big leagues.

Once again, Leonard Huff has his head

shoved up a body cavity
that I can't mention on TV.

- Excuse me.
- So you disagree

with Huff's evaluation of Anderson?

Not only do I disagree

but I'm not even sure that Huff

or some of his own players belong
in the major leagues.

In fact, as far as I'm concerned,

you're looking at the best team
in the entire Twins organization.

- Ha! You minor-league peckerwad.
- Beat him man-to-man at every position.

Once again, though, Huff,
he considers that incomplete.

- I think he even said...
- I said it was a fluke.

I wanna hear what he's saying. Shut up.

- Love this announcer.
- Shut up.

- The light thing was pretty squirrelly.
- Meaning?

I'd like to check the
fingerprints on that light switch.

MAN: Are you saying...?
- He's accusing me.

This son of a bitch is accusing me.

If we can't beat the Twins, I'll hand
over my entire year's salary to Huff.

MAN: And if the Twins lose?

I can't believe he's doing this.

The least he could do
would be to put up his job.

So this is a, uh, challenge?

A friendly challenge with incentives.

MAN:
If you win, you get to manage the Twins.

If Huff wins,

then he takes home
your entire year's salary.

CANTRELL: Right. You know what?
I'm gonna ask for one condition.

What's that condition gonna be?

This game should be played at home,
at Buzz Stadium.

So, Leonard Huff, wherever you are,
the ball's in your court.

Oh, Jesus, Lenny! You--
You could have just turned it off!

That son of a bitch set me up.

He knew every sports
channel would run this thing.

- Nobody ever said he was stupid.
- I'll say it.

He's stupid. He's stupid, stupid.

- He's so stupid.
- Oh, stop.

He's stupid.

What am I gonna do now?

You got one of two choices.
You can either play the Buzz

or you can have the entire world
of baseball call you a coward.

It's up to you.

- By the way, you just bought yourself a $1200 TV.
- Mm?

[♪♪♪]

HUFF: Let's go!

Jobu, what are you doing here?

I told you before.

These boys, they've
got to do it on their own.

I would love to use you, but I cannot.

So, please, get back in the bag.

But stay close.

Jesus Christ, what a dump.

Oh, man, can you imagine living like this?

- Whoa! Look out! Easy.
- Hey, look out!

CANTRELL:
Sorry to have to do this,

but there's a speech clause in my contract.

[TEAM LAUGHS]

I know you've all read in the paper
that this game is a publicity stunt.

Part of my ongoing feud with Leonard Huff.

But it would be foolish and self-indulgent

for me to put you all in such a jam,
in such a tough game for publicity.

No, my motivation is stronger,
deeper than that. It's...

It's ego.

[TEAM LAUGHS]

Unlike some coaches who might ask you

to play the game because you love it
or because you're fulfilling a dream,

I'm asking plain and simple
that you win this one for me.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Win this one for Gus Cantrell.

Now, stay loose, play hard.
Give it your best shot.

Let's go out there
and take a bite out of the big team's ass.

[ALL YELLING]

CROWD:
♪ Root, root, for the home team ♪

♪ If they don't win it's a shame ♪

♪ 'Cause it's one, two
three strikes, you're out ♪

♪ At the old ball game ♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

WOMAN:
Let's go now! Come on, boys!

MAN: Let's go! Play ball!

Gentlemen, you know the ground rules.

So let's shake hands.
Have a good, clean ball game.

MAN: Let's go! Come on!

WOMAN: Play ball!

I'll give you the beating of your life.

- We'll see about that.
- Yeah, we will.

By the way,

some of the guys have been wondering
where you got your toupee.

This is not a toupee, all right?

- This is real.
- You can level with me, huh, Lenny?

- Come on, where'd you get it?
- It's real.

- It's mine.
- Come on.

It is. It's real, and it's mine. See that?

Dumbass. Ha!

I'll go, uh, tell the guys they were wrong.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[♪♪♪]

The first pitch has yet to be thrown

and already Leonard Huff
is tearing his hair out.

And what a lovely head of hair it is.

That is, of course, assuming it's real.

And, frankly, I've always had a question.

[CROWD CHEERING]

You're out!

All right, Lance.

MAN: You're out of there!

What style. What finesse.

What "je ne sais quoi,"
which is Italian for "what a hell of a play."

It's French, and it's je ne sais quoi.

Get out of here.
It means the same thing in French?

What about that?

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

God bless you.

CROWD [CHANTING]:
Hog! Hog! Hog!

Strike two!

Kid learned to throw a curveball, huh?

Gee, I don't know. Was that a curveball?

I mean, it's hard for me
to tell from way back here.

DOYLE: Carlos moves in closer,

trying to get a good look
at Hog's mystery pitch.

- Otherwise known as a curveball.
- Probably a curveball.

Carlos is taking the plate away from Hog.

Kid's afraid to throw him inside.

Hog! Hog! Hog!

MAN 1: Come on, man.
MAN 2: Come on.

MAN 3: Nice!

MAN 4: Come on! Come on!

MAN 5: Second. Second.

[CROWD CHEERING]

Alrighty, Hog. Come on, buddy.
Hang tough now. Let's go.

Ha-ha! Let's go. Let's go, guys.

We need some more runs now.

Be a hitter up there. Be a hitter up there.

Hey, hey, pitcher's got a rubber arm.
Ha-ha! Hey, give me some pistachios.

Hey, that's it. That's it. Go, go, go!

[CROWD JEERING]

You're out of there!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Good job. Good job.

CANTRELL: You all right?

MAN 1: Come on, Buzz!

MAN 2: You're the man!

Yeah! Yeah!

MAN 3: Two! Two!

- Come on!
- Come on, baby.

[CROWD CHEERING]

DOYLE:
Well, the entire Lopez family scores.

And the Twins learn the hard way,
you can't pitch around Anderson.

He's become a complete hitter.

WOMAN: Come on!
MAN: Come on, Twins!

All right. Come on, come on.
Let's go. I need some more runs.

More runs.

[♪♪♪]

You're out of there!

DOYLE:
That's poetry, pure poetry.

Poe, Wadsworth, Barry Manilow,
Maya Angelou, this Buzz Ball Club.

What do they all have in common? Poetry.

And I have to ask my colleague,

have you ever seen a sunset
more beautiful than that play at the plate?

My colleague is speechless.
He's speechless.

Come on, let's go! Hey!

Twinkle toes, go ahead and get a lead.
A little bigger lead. That's it.

Pitch count. What's the pitch count?

- Ninety-seven.
- Jeez, you moron. You are killing me!

And you are not helping.

Yeah.

[CROWD CHEERING]

- All right, all right.
- Come on, Lance.

- Give me an L!
CROWD: L!

- Give me an A!
- A!

- Give me an N!
- N!

- Give me a C!
- C!

- Give me an E!
- E!

- What have you got?
- Lance!

- What have you got?
- Lance!

- What have you got?
- Lance!

Top of the ninth. Twins are leading 4 to 3.

And with two outs and a runner on second,

the big man, Carlos Liston,
comes to the plate.

Hey, Cantrell!

Scoreboard!

Scoreboard!

Man, you must love these minor leagues.

[♪♪♪]

Come on, now! Come on, now!
Hit a one-ton tomato! Ha-ha-ha!

Yes, yes, yes!

MAN: Foul ball!

Oh, shit!

That ball lands foul for
a very long strike one.

HUFF: All right, Carlos!

Pop one out and I'll give you
all the tamales you can eat! Huh?!

Keep it fair!

Yes, yes, yes!

Ah! Yes! Yeah!

I better go talk to him.

Another long strike,
and here comes Cantrell.

And I imagine he's gonna ask Hog Ellis

to keep some of these
strikes inside the park.

Hey.

Got two strikes on him.

Yup.

They were beauties too, huh?

He's crowding the plate a little bit.

Yeah.

Ho--

- Hog.
- Yeah.

You wanna walk him and
pitch to the next batter?

No.

I want Carlos.

[♪♪♪]

It's time for a little chin music.

You sure?

Yeah.

When he hits the dirt, you get the
ball back to me, quick as you can.

- All right.
- If he comes out, I'll try to cut him off.

No, Pops, you stay put.

This is my fight.

[CROWD CHEERING]

CANTRELL:
He's gonna knock him down, boys.

- He's gonna knock him down.
- Come on, Hog, let's do it, buddy.

MAN: Hey there, hold on!

All right, now, just hold on.

Wait, wait, wait.

Now, this here is a
hundred-mile-an-hour fastball.

The most powerful fastball known to man.

From this distance, if it were to hit you,
it'd take your head clean off.

Of course, I could miss.

But my control has been pretty good today.

So you gotta ask yourself one question.

Do I feel lucky?

Well...

do you, Carlos?

MAN 1: Let's go. Play ball.

MAN 2: Okay, let's play now!

WOMAN: Play ball!
MAN 3: Come on!

MAN 4: Let's go! Let's go!

Play ball!

MAN 5:
Let's take it to him, come on!

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Strike him out!

Strike three, you're out!

[CROWD CHEERING]

Yeah, yeah!

[WHOOPS]

Man, you did it!

Yeah!

Yeah!

ELLIS: Yeah!

[ELLIS WHOOPS]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

This is bad.

Very bad. Not good.

That brings us to the bottom of the ninth.

By the way, folks,
Hog Ellis is not a fighter.

- For sure.
- I'm guessing he's appealed

- to Liston's humane side--
- Begging for his life.

--explaining we're here to enjoy the game.

- Speak for yourself.
- There's no reason

- to get angry or hurt.
- Especially not Hog.

And let me say this,
if there is a sportsmanship award,

my vote goes to Hog Ellis.

And, oh, there's the other half
of the voodoo magic brothers.

Taka Tanaka.

CROWD [CHANTING]:
Taka! Taka! Taka!

[♪♪♪]

[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]

You're all nuts. You know that?

Every last one of you.

DOYLE: It's an aura thing,
which can only be appreciated

by those of an enlightened nature.

Yeah, it doesn't hurt
if you're a little tweaked upstairs.

Don't even try and tell me
you can see with that thing on.

DOYLE: Tanaka takes a couple of
practice cuts and steps up to the plate.

[CROWD CHEERING]

DOYLE: Taka drives one through the infield,
and the Buzz have another base hit.

Come on, you guys are killing me!
What are you looking at? Huh?

What are you smirking at?
Are you smirking at me?

What is this, some conspiracy?

You, I can't even look
at you, you waste of time.

Hit the showers, you pig.

Thank you.

MAN 1: Oh, yeah! All right!

MAN 2: Let's go!

MAN 3: Come on, let's go.

Come on, let's go.

MAN 4: You gotta hit.
MAN 5: Big hit! Big hit!

- What's up?
- You want me to bunt?

Sacrifice Taka will get
him into scoring position.

I want you to go downtown.

Downtown?

I want you to hit the
ball into another zip code.

[♪♪♪]

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

[CROWD CHEERING]

This is it. Let's go.

This is it!

Gonna sacrifice?

I told him to swing for the fence.

- You did what?
- You heard me.

You never tell a hitter
to swing for the fence.

I couldn't help myself.

BOY: Play ball!

Strike!

Come on, buddy.

MAN: Swing freeze.

Come on. Come on, come on.

Come on, buddy, hang in there.
Get the next one. Go.

I got it! I got it! I got it!

[HUFF LAUGHS]

Good try. Good try.

You can do this.

You can do this. You can do this.

It's gone.

Come on, baby. Come on.

It's gone!

[♪♪♪]

[CROWD CHEERING]

DOYLE:
That is it. That is all she wrote.

The fat lady is on her way to the field.

What a perfect end to a fantastic season.

- Hey, let's be friends.
- No.

- Come on. Give me a little hug.
- No.

- Come on. One little hug.
- No! Stay away!

- I'm a married man.
- Come on.

Let me carry you downstairs.

That's it.

It's over.

I'm not a Pirate, I'm not a Yankee,
I'm not even a Red Sock.

I am a damn Buzz.

Thank you.

Bumblebee.

Yeah, that's what I am, a Buzz.

As far as I'm concerned, a deal's a deal.

I know how long you've waited
to get to the major leagues.

And I know...

that it has been a lifelong dream.

Boy, I never thought I'd say this,

but I'm gonna have to pass.

I'm talking about a
job with the Twins, Gus.

I got a lot of information
I'd like to pass on to young ballplayers.

That's where I belong,
and that's what I wanna do.

You wanna manage a minor league team?

That's right.

I wanna stick with the
Buzz, if it's okay with you.

- Of course, but--
- But, uh, thanks.

WOMAN [ON PA]: Your attention, please.
Flight 53 to Miami is now boarding at Gate 28.

Oh, that's us.

Wait a minute. Where are you guys going?

It's called a honeymoon.

Wave bye-bye.

Hey, that's great! Congratulations!

Hey, I don't have any plans.

You mind if I come along?

BOTH: Yeah, we do.

♪ This town ain't big,
this town ain't small ♪

♪ It's a little of both,
they say ♪

♪ Our ball club may
be minor league ♪

♪ But at least it's Triple-A ♪

♪ We like that beer
as flat as can be ♪

♪ We like our dogs
with mustard and relish ♪

♪ We got a great pitcher
what's his name? ♪

♪ Well, we can't even spell it ♪

♪ We don't worry about
the pennant much ♪

♪ We just like to see
the boys hit it deep ♪

♪ There's nothing like the
view from the cheap seats ♪

Cheap seats!

[BAT CRACKS]

MAN:
And he hits it and it's going, going,

could be, it is a home run!

["YOU WON'T MIND THE RAIN" PLAYING]

♪ Take life and live it ♪

♪ Take love and give it ♪

♪ Do what's right
and you just can't go wrong ♪

♪ Take your time and share it ♪

♪ Take some heart and bare it ♪

♪ Take a chance before
the chance is gone ♪

♪ Yeah, you only live once ♪

♪ No, it don't come back around ♪

♪ Might as well live it up ♪

♪ It sure beats living it down ♪

♪ If you think I'm crazy ♪

♪ I'm proud to be insane ♪

♪ If you keep your
eyes on the rainbow ♪

♪ You won't mind the rain ♪

♪ You only live once ♪

♪ No, it don't come back around ♪

♪ If you keep your
eyes on the rainbow ♪

♪ You won't mind the rain ♪

["SMALL TALK" PLAYING]

♪ Standin' in line
at the grocery ♪

♪ A bunch of magazines
are lookin' back at me ♪

♪ They got a Bigfoot
Elvis and a UFO ♪

♪ But it was on TV
so it must be so ♪

♪ We wanna believe
we take the bait ♪

♪ We take it hook and line ♪

♪ It's small talk,
don't you know ♪

♪ What I heard about so and so ♪

♪ Can't wait to tell somebody
it's gettin' better every time ♪

♪ It don't seem to matter who ♪

♪ We talk about
or we're talkin' to ♪

♪ It's just small talk,
all small talk ♪

Yeah, it is.

♪ All small talk ♪

♪ Small talk ♪

[♪♪♪]