Original subtitles

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Good evening. This is the eighth episode of Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.

Many months ago, I set five comedians a series of challenging and baffling tasks

which they attempted to complete at our top secret location.

Tonight, I will judge them all. Why? Because we're eight episodes in

and there's no turning back now.

At the end of the season, only one will be crowned Taskmaster Champion,

and they will receive this most opulent cranium -

a golden head which vaguely resembles me.

Let's meet our comedians. They are, as always, and as they always have been,

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

And to my left, my partner in crime, except I'm more his superior than a partner

and we don't do any crimes. It's Paul Anthony Alan Jones Williams.

It's good to be here.

You gonna do one of your bits?

- What do you mean? - Well normally you do a weird bit here.

I don't think I do - not intentionally anyway.

Sorry, I didn't really know that was a thing. Um...

I guess...

You-I got a brownie.

- Do you want a brownie? - No, I don't want a brownie.

No, you got anything else?

No, just more brownie.

Sorry.

I suppose that's kind of weird.

Paul, please introduce the first task.

It's time for a prize task.

Each comedian was asked to bring along something that belongs to them

and potentially give it away as part of our prize haul.

This week, they've brought something that sounds amazing

- until you see it. - Oh!

So, the Taskmaster will decide which sounds the most amazing.

That person will receive five points.

The person with the most points at the end of the show

will take home all five amazing-sounding but not amazing-looking things.

Ok, I'd like to see Brynley's thing first, please.

I've brought along the Fiji Mermaid.

The Fiji Merm- Well, that does sound amazing.

Yeah! So, this is a picture of it here.

This is a replica, obviously, I've created out of clay.

So that's the Fiji Mermaid. Beautiful.

Wow. It's not as sexy as I thought it would be,

and it's not as Fijian either.

It looks like Satan's butt plug.

How do you know what that looks like?

If I was in hell and, I was looking for a butt plug, that'd be a goer, I reckon.

Guy, what did you bring in?

I brought along my dad's Christmas gift to my mum every year,

which is a photo book of all their special memories throughout the year.

It sounds lovely, right? Lovely gift- a shared experience in photos.

The problem is my dad just buys this with one click off Facebook every year.

He doesn't edit the photos whatsoever,

and he creates what can only be described as a diabolical shit storm.

So, I have the actual book here,

- if you would like to- - Thank you.

Now, the first thing that's interesting about this is it's titled

'My Facebook Photo Book.'

Now, obviously, you're supposed to change that

as the first step of editing. Now, the first photo on the first page -

the time some flooding happened near his house.

Who could forget? My mum must be cherishing this special memory

It should be special, but it's just garbage.

- Leigh, what did you bring in for us? - Good question, Jeremy.

What I brought in - and at first glance,

it may appear like something I just found on the car outside the show

let's say, 20, 25 minutes ago. But...

I'll tell you it's not.

These are my Uncle Hank's Boston Marathon sports shorts, ok?

Wow.

There you go. Pretty amazing until you see them.

It didn't really sound that amazing,

and the end result's not that amazing either, to be honest.

Well, I will tell you this - he was never actually in the Boston Marathon.

That's why it's less amazing once you see them,

when you know the whole story. Um-- Did you prepare for the tasks at all, or...

That's more of an off-air question, I think.

- Mads, what have you got for us? - Well, I've just moved into a new house

and we're talking about renovating,

and I was trying to keep up with the jargon my builder talks about,

- and he mentioned a thing called a dwang. - Oh.

Which I thought sounded equal parts kind of exciting and erotic.

But, uh, here is what a dwang actually is.

So, yeah, it is a thing. It has a Wikipedia page.

'A dwang or a noggin is a horizontal bracing piece'

'used between wall studs or floor joists'

'to give rigidity to a wall or floor frames of a building.'

Honestly, it's probably one of the most boring fucking things in the world,

but it's got kind of an interesting name - a dwang.

No, I agree with you on that.

- Angella? - Um, I-I collect a lot of nudes.

What are we gonna to see here?!

- These are just my collection of nudes. - Ok.

- Nice. - Right.

You have let an excited nation down there, Angella.

This is actually quite tricky, I've got to say.

Because we're all so good?

- They're all pretty good. - Yeah.

Finally, I think we've got five decent ones.

Wait, wait, wait. Leigh's shorts.

Finally, we're taking it seriously this time.

I think it's fair to say that Leigh's shorts get one point.

I think two points goes to you, Guy.

Yes, it isn't that exciting - you're right,

but it wasn't an exciting thing to start with,

so I think you get two points.

Brynley, I'm concerned about what your thing even is.

- Yeah. - But I think you get three points.

I think, Angella, you get four, because the nudes were great

- and then not so exciting- - That's the first time I've heard that.

And Madeleine takes out the task with five points

- with the dwang. - Thank you. Thank you. So boring.

Now, it's time for something that sounds amazing and also is amazing.

It's our first proper task.

What do you have in store for us, Paul Williams?

This one is for the fans of nostalgia.

Anyone here remember nostalgia?

Well, this task is for you.

Hi, Paul!

Boo!

Hello, Leigh.

Handless entry.

Cool. Um...

- can I open it? - Mm-hmm.

School lunch box.

Hundreds and thousands sammies.

Little wafer biscuits.

'Get someone you went to primary school with on the phone.'

'Fastest wins. Your time starts now.'

Wow. Ok. Primary school.

I mean, this task, to me, strikes me as somewhat unfair,

because Guy Williams has the massive advantage of sitting opposite his brother,

who surely he went to primary school with.

- What would you like to see how he did? - I'd love to.

Here's Guy Williams from St. Joseph's School in Nelson,

and I'll throw in Brynley Stent of Waimairi School in Christchurch as a bonus.

Who'd I go to primary school with who I still know now?

Um, just don't think I'm friends with anyone at primary school-

Oh, wait! Ok, my brother. I went to primary school with my brother.

I went to primary school with my brother.

Please pick up.

Come on, Callum. He's a busy boy.

- Hello? - Hello, Callum! It's Bryn. How are you?

Busy.

- Yo! - Hey, Jules. It's Guy.

- How's it goin'? - Not too bad, mate.

I'm just trying to win a competition on TV

to be the fastest to call someone from primary school.

Oh, cool!

Ok. I'll-I'll leave you to it if you're busy.

Yeah. That'd be good.

- Ok. Love you. Bye! - Bye.

- Didn't get a 'love you' back. - I know!

Celebratory bite of a prop fruit?

I think it's time.

Wow.

We're up to ep. eight.

- Are you trying to lose this on purpose? - No!

Before we played this,

I was genuinely excited to see this clip cuz this is one of my best ones.

I did that in, like, 30 seconds. I felt so good about myself,

and then you tore me down by pointing out that, yes, in retrospect,

I should have just called my own brother

who was sitting right across the table from me.

Brynley, I worry about you and your brother,

because normally, what parents say is,

'You seem busy. I'm going to let you go.'

And you said that to your brother. He answered the phone with, 'I'm busy.'

Yeah.

He was busy. Yeah. He's an architect. He's got a lot of busy architect things to do,

and I'm a comedian who's pissing around in a caravan, so...

- Would you like to hear how they did? - Love to.

Brynley - 1:30.

And Guy - he was spot on. 30 seconds.

Yes!

Yes! Yes!

The people's champ is here!

- Is there time for another, Paul? - There is.

From St. Patrick's School in Napier and Onehunga Primary School in Auckland,

here is Angella Dravid and Madeleine Sami.

I went to school with my mum. She dropped me off. Does that count?

I think you could try your mum.

No, no. I know his number off by heart.

Come on. Answer. He's a businessman, so he might be working.

- Kia ora. - Hi, babes! How are ya?

Oh, hi, Mum.

Do you remember when you walked me to primary school?

Yeah?

Yeah. Those were nice.

Ok.

- Fa, mum. Love you. - Ok.

- Love you too, bubba. - Aw!

- Bye, bubba. - Bye, Mum.

- She's so sweet. - Yeah.

So what's your job today?

My job today? You don't wanna fuckin' know. Oh my God.

- Oh, wasn't that lovely? Ok. - Ok. Cool. All right. Have a fun day.

- Ok, Love you, dear. Good bye. Ok. - Call me later. Ok, love you. Bye.

Ta-ta. Goodbye.Bye.

Love you. Bye.

Thank you. It looks really- this is a cute lunchbox.

Can I take the lunchbox? No. Ok. You guys need it.

Thank you, Madeleine.

Thank you, Paora!

Well how do we feel about Angella calling her mum

because, I mean, you didn't technically go to primary school with your mum, but-

- She dropped me off. - She's so sweet, though - your mum.

Remember, you're not hurting me. You're hurting her.

I know!

She's the nicest mum I've ever heard

- in my life. - She really is. Yeah.

So think about that.

- So, Angella's call - it was 1:21 seconds. - And how about Madeleine?

Madeleine bursts into the lead with 22 seconds.

Whoa. Ok.

Now could be a good time to reconnect with old friends,

but don't gasbag for too long, because we'll be back in just a few minutes.

See you in a moment.

Welcome to the second part of the eighth episode of Taskmaster.

Paul Williams, if I'm not mistaken, we were in the middle of a task.

Correct, Jeremy, and this one asks our contestants

to remember the days of the old schoolyard.

We used to laugh a lot.

But this task is no laughing matter. It's a test of phone dexterity and loyalty

as our competitors try to get someone they went to primary school with

on the phone the fastest.

Well, that's a tricky one. I mean, are you still friends

with anyone that you went to primary school with?

No.

22 seconds is the time to beat.

From Medbury Primary in Christchurch and Camp Achuma in Peru, we have Leigh Hart.

Hi, there. This is Tom. I can't come to the phone right-

We'll try someone else. Yeah! Oh, here we go.

Hello, you've reached Tim Robertson, CBRE. I'm sorry-

Um...

Yeah, hi, it's Phil here. Leave a message.

Hi, there, this is Tom.

Hi. If you hear this, please leave a-

That's-

Hi, you've reached Mike from-

Well, they're all the ones that actually talk to me.

Let's cast the net a bit wider, eh?

I couldn't possibly ring them.

Uh, he's dead. Um...

Ooh, I never heard of them.

- Hello? - Yeah, g'day. Me again.

You haven't got Jerry Dunlop's number, have ya?

I've given up.

- I'll text you, ok? - Ok. All right.

That's my wife.

Oh, she doesn't have it. Um...

Hi. If you hear this, please leave me a message

and I'll call you back shortly. Cheers. Bye.

Yeah.

Yeah, g'day, Dave. Leigh here, mate. How you going?

You don't have Jerry Dunlop's number, do you?

Or anyone else we went to primary school with?

- Recording paused. - Oh.

To resume recording, press-

- Leigh Hart! - Yeah!

We probably won this. We probably won this competition.

It was the fastest to get someone on the phone, if that makes any sense.

- Oh, really? - Bill's ringing back now.

- Cheers. Awesome. - Yeah.

- So easy. - How do you think that went?

I think it went pretty good. Probably will be getting maximum points on this.

There were a lot of busy,

burly-sounding South Island men that you went to school with, Leigh.

I gotta be honest,

I started scrolling through high school mates

and everything as well, I was so desperate.

And to be fair, you did go to primary school in the Andes.

I did, and that's a true story.

I actually went to primary school in Peru, in the Andes,

but I wasn't going to start ringing the Andes, Jeremy.

You know, it was hard enough ringing Christchurch, wasn't it? So, um...

Let alone 13,000 feet in the Andes.

So, Leigh will not be getting maximum points,

But he did get maximum minutes taken,

which was 12:04 seconds.

Only 10 and a half minutes off coming second to last.

Paul, tell me what are the scores for this round?

We've got one point for Leigh, two for Brynley, three for Angella,

four for Guy and five points for Madeleine Sami.

I feel like it's only fair that I intervene here,

because if you've lived a whole lot longer than everyone else, then

you've probably not picked up a lot of other people's calls over the years,

and then when you do go looking for your friends,

they're probably not going to pick up on you.

So, I think in that regard, I think Leigh actually deserves an extra point.

- Yeah. - Just because that's unfair

for someone of Leigh's age.

It's surely time to look at the scoreboard now, Paul.

Yes. Out in front, we have, with 10 points, Madeleine Sami.

- Have you got another task? - I surely do.

I have about 13 more, in fact, but here's one of them.

- Hello, Angella. - Hello.

Chippies!

Fun.

Oh, noooo. Ok.

'Deduce the flavours of these dips.

'Most dips correctly deduced wins.

'You have 10 minutes starting from now.'

- Perfect. This is what I do. - Ok.

Why do I have a feeling these are going to be disgusting?

One of the more simpler tasks, you'll see. All classic Kiwi flavours.

They just had to eat them and guess what they were.

The chips were ready salted so as not to distract from the dip flavours.

Are you able to tell us what the flavours were please, Paul?

Why don't we ask Angella and Guy?

Eugh. Yuck.

It's some kind of maybe a blue cheese?

Once you think you've got it, you can write it down with the pen next to the dip.

I would do that if I thought I'd got it, but I clearly do not got it.

Sweaty socks.

Depression.

Sweaty socks and depression.

I'm gonna say lemon for that one.

That's no good.

I'm going to guess chocolate and tuna.

That's chocolate.

- Were you up all night making these? - Yeah.

You did a great job of making some gross-ass dips.

Mm. I actually like this one.

It's hummus.

That's just one you buy at the supermarket - pumpkin, I guess, maybe.

Um...

Yeah, I think apple and chives.

- Three minutes. - That's coconut and raspberry.

These are all edible. Like, I can eat them.

They're not, like, cleaning products or something, eh?

I'm going to guess that one is Toilet Duck. Don't ask me how I know that.

It's, like, Toilet Duck or, like, Ajax, or something like that.

So, this is, like, some kind of beef.

- Nailed it. - You have 80 seconds.

I've got 80 seconds to enjoy some delicious free chippies.

I think I've finished.

You've got 10 seconds if you want to eat any more dip quickly.

- Thank you, Angella. - Thanks.

Both of you seemed to think that we'd maybe put cleaning products into the dips.

Look, mate. Just mark me down as last and move on.

How accurate were they, Paul?

I'll tell you the real flavours of the dips.

As I said, they're all classic Kiwi flavours.

The first one was mince and cheese,

which was breath mints and blue cheese.

The second was chocolate fish, which was, of course, chocolate and fish.

We had pineapple lumps, which is made from pine needles and apple lumps.

And then we had cheeky sav,

which is, of course, beef cheek and Sauvignon Blanc.

And finally, there was hummus.

Right. Who's next, Paul?

Here is Madeleine Sami and Leigh Hart eating chips on television.

Ok. I'm gonna start with a little sniff.

Ugh! That's got a lot of dairy in it. I've been dairy-free for 10 years.

Ok.

Oh, God. That smells like really bad feet.

That one's not bad.

Sweaty, summery, been in the socks too long feet.

I'm getting blue cheese on the first one.

Pongy cheese dip.

A little bit of fish flesh flavour. That's a bit of a tongue twister for you, Paul.

- Fish flesh flavour. - Faster.

- Fish flesh flavour. - Faster.

Fish flesh flavour. Fish flesh flavour. Fish flesh flavour.

Fish flesh flavour. Fish flesh flavour.

Stop now. It's scaring me.

I'm gonna go with chocolate on that.

Stankalicious tuna dip.

That's definitely a hummus.

Hummus. Never been a fan.

It should be illegal.

That's cream cheese, dill, and apple.

Like cucumber or something.

I mean, if I was at a funeral or something and they had these kind of dips,

I wouldn't be that impressed, to be honest.

Right.

It's a bacon sour cream dip.

This, let's just call it a seafood or a fish dip.

Again, should be illegal.

I'm happy with that.

- You've got two and a half minutes. - Well, I wouldn't mind have-

- Oh, I'll just sit here then and just... - Dig in.

- Thank you. - Ok. Goodbye.

I might just dry retch out here for a little bit.

- Thank you, Madeleine. - Thank you, Paul.

Thank you, Leigh.

The blue cheese one was awful.

Quite an impressive effort from you, Madeleine,

considering that you were only using three senses.

You were sniffing, you were seeing, and you were hearing.

Well, you can't really hear a hummus, can you?

A hum-mus. A hummus.

The low hum of a hummus.

I just-Yeah, I could sense a lot of dairy

and I haven't had dairy in my system for a long time,

- so I was not willing to risk that. - What's impressive is she got that right.

I eat dairy and I tasted that and I didn't get it right at all.

No.

You also thought the beef cheek and wine one

was raspberry and coconut.

It's time for us to take a dip into the pool of regularly scheduled advertising.

We'll see you after that.

♪

Welcome back to Taskmaster, where five comedians are battling it out

to win Angella Dravid's nudes and three big old dwangs.

Paul, please update us as to what's happening.

You've found us deep in an extremely thrilling task.

Our contestants have to guess the flavours of some classic Kiwi dips.

There's only one to go, so let's see how Brynley Stent went.

Bon app the beef.

I want to spit it out!

Do you want a bucket to spit it out into?

A chip? Ok. That's worse, I think.

I think blue cheese maybe? Because it's really strong.

Let's go tuna and, um, like, chocolate pudding.

Yummy. Lemon?

What?

What is that?

What is that?!

Maybe it'll have a clue at the bottom.

Hello?

What are those bits?! There are, like, bits in the-

Wow.

Huge. Huge.

- How long have I got? - Two and a half minutes.

Great. Pine needles and apple.

I knew there was a little trick like this somewhere.

I feel so happy with myself. Beef cheek and Sauvignon Blanc.

Ok, we're crossing this out. I'm going up the top.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Pumpkin and kumara? Oh. Well, it was yummy. I knew that much.

Chocolate and something? Chocolate and fish!

I was right on that one. I would have got that one right.

Ok, baby. What's this disgusting piece of shit?

What are you?!

I was quite right. Fuck, I can't even deal with the smell of that.

- I nailed that. - Are you happy with how that went?

Really happy with how that went. Thanks, guys.

Thank you, Brynley.

Well, I hope the rest of you learn a lesson now and dig out every tub of dip

you even see at a social occasion from now on.

I've got to say - I'm going to have to give a point off to Brynley

- for spitting her dip out on the- - Aw!

- on that chip. - But I did so well!

I know, but that was disgusting

and we've got to set a good example for our younger viewers.

Ok, what are the scores there?

One point for Guy, three points each for Leigh and Madeleine.

- Nice. - Four points for Angella,

and five points for Brynley, but you want to take one off?

- I'll take one off. - So four points for Brynley as well.

Gutted. Gutted.

Righty-oh. I get the feeling it's time for another task, Paul.

- What's in store for us now? - It is another task,

and this time, we're heading to the seldom-seen Taskmaster locker room.

- Ooh. - Ooh!

Hello, Leigh.

Hello.

Hello.

In my locker!

Ooh.

Ooh.

Ooh!

- Oof. - It feels like there's something in here.

What a wonderful surprise.

'During the studio record for episode eight...'

'wear the most outlandish costume under your outfit.'

'Your costume must be completely concealed under your studio outfit.'

'You have until then to plan, build and wear your costume.

'Most outlandish costume wins.'

'Your time starts now.'

I don't know if I'm confident going naked, but I feel like that's outlandish.

Do I plan here? Where's the planning station?

- Wherever you want. - Well, how long do I have?

Until episode eight.

This isn't going to be very compelling television, is it?

Just filming me, just thinking up ideas in my head.

We're not going to show all of it.

Stop-Stop thinking. Go away.

- Ok. All right. - Thank you, Guy.

Thank you.

Everyone has had five months since receiving that task to think about it.

- Would you like to see them? - I'd love to see them.

- Let's start with Angella. - Let's see your outlandish outfit.

Um, I've come as a unicorn rug.

Wow.

That'll be very, very hard to beat.

- Brynley? - Ok.

It's worth noting that because of the tight turnaround between shoots,

she had to wear a wig in the last episode as well.

- Wow. Ok. That makes sense now. - Yeah, I got a lot of compliments

on my new hairstyle.

Yeah, she told me it was a new haircut

and I had to awkwardly praise it.

And I felt bad cuz Madeleine wasn't praising the new haircut enough.

I did think about it,

and I didn't want to say anything cuz I was like, 'That's bad!'

Madeleine came in and went, 'Oh, your hair!'

I prefer that haircut, to be honest with you.

Guy Williams?

Well, I've gone with a bit of topical comedy.

Does anyone remember when Lady Gaga wore a meat dress?

- Yep. - I have gone

for a fish suit.

Wow.

Topical and funny.

You're welcome.

- Leigh Hart? - Oh, God. Um...

Look, maybe I didn't read the task... properly, but...

Oh, God.

On the surface,

this once again may look like something that I just got from the car.

Madeleine Sami?

Ok, what I'm about to reveal to you - it's not so much outlandish.

It was sort of the procuring of it that was quite outlandish, to be honest,

and I am making a blatant play for the Taskmaster's heartstrings here a little bit

in that I have... the...

- uniform... - It's the longest reveal.

of one Jimmy Neesham...

Wow. Jimmy Neesham.

from the...

the COVID-cancelled trans-Tasman series.

It was my plan to have him here to drop a smoke bomb and then just dash

and have him replace me for the end of the show,

but he's in the IPL at the moment, so

I got the next best thing - his actual uniform from the-

That's right.

Well, those are pretty impressive - I've gotta say.

I'm really feeling like that guy that shows up to a dress-up party that...

kind of made no effort.

I just feel really impressed that Brynley has felt brave enough

to share her true form on national television.

I don't know. I'm on my period.

My tail doubles as a tampon.

Has anyone else got anything more to add to... that?

- Should we score it? - Yeah, let's score it.

Leigh comes in with one point for obvious reasons.

Madeleine gets two points. We're talking outlandish here, of course.

Yeah.

And then you get into this section here.

I think you all deserve five. I think you three are deserving.

I think it's that good.

It's too hard.

Are we gonna let our contestants get changed during the ads?

We are certainly not.

Um, I'm fine, Jeremy.

We'll see you soon for more.

We're back. This is Taskmaster, and if you've just joined us,

these five comedians here have been dressed like this the whole time.

These are just their normal clothes from home.

- Paul Williams, what's next? - We've got another task,

and winning this one might just be the key to victory.

Whoo! Don't go in there a hurry.

- Hello, Leigh. - Whoo! How are ya?

Hello.

Keys. Oh!

This doesn't look good.

'Correctly place the letters, numbers, and symbols back on this keyboard.'

'Make the keyboard as accurate as you can.'

'You may not leave the room. You have five minutes.'

'Your time starts now.'

- Uh, thoughts? - My thoughts?

Yeah. I mean, uh...

Good-Good luck.

First up, we have my favourite contestants on the show -

all of them. Here they are.

Finally, my addiction to being in chat rooms is paying off.

I don't think I'm going to be good at it, but I think I'll be smarter

than the rest of the dumb fucks who try and do this.

Ok. Let's start at the obvious.

Space bar!

Caps lock. I know where that goes.

I always use that so I can write my yelling emails.

Can I ask you to help me? If you sort it out into alphabetical order.

Ok.

Where's my A?

Bum humor. 'Where's my A?' Get it?

- Not really. - Arse, Paul.

- Do-Do people call it their A? - They will now.

That feels right.

I mean, most of these don't really have a use anyway, do they?

J? Who cares? When's the last time you used J in a sentence?

Oh, no. There's two 5's!

Why did they put the numbers in order?

You know, they don't put the letters in order.

Why don't they make the numbers random?

G-E-L-L-A D-R-A...

- 21 seconds. - Oh, you...

Hands in my air to celebrate a great job.

It's not perfect, but I think you could probably send a basic email on that one.

I did terribly.

Oh, no.

'On this keyboard, type a lovely message to the Taskmaster.'

'You may not look at the laptop screen.'

'You may still not leave this room.'

'Most accurate and lovely message wins.'

'You have five minutes. Your time starts now.'

- I have to type it? - Yes.

Wow. Tried to be cute, didn't I?

Guy, are you still feeling smarter than all the dumb fucks on the show?

Uh... no.

Angella looked very good, although I think I'll beat Leigh,

because I doubt that Leigh owns a computer.

This has turned into a bonus for me. I get to receive five lovely letters.

- Can I have a letter from Angella, please? - Of course. Here it is.

'Dearest...

Task Master...

- Wow. - '...I think you are great.

Wow!

Friendshop? Whoops.

- Is that it? - Y-Yeah.

All right.

What skill. Absolute skills.

It's going to be said that is quite impressive.

That actually had less typos than most of my normal emails.

- Are you a genius? - No. If I was, I'd be better off in life.

I wouldn't be dressed as a unicorn rug.

- Shall we open some more letters? - Here's Guy Williams, Madeleine Sami,

and the wickedly talented Leigh Hart.

It's certainly going to look like one of those emails or

late-night texts you get from someone

in the middle of the night like 2 in the morning

and they've really been quite steamed up.

Well we've all sent them. 'Dear Taskmaster...'

Feels like I'm trying to detonate a bomb.

- You've got 80 seconds. - Fuck.

H-E-

L-L.

'Hello.' Space.

'Jeremy.'

'Hello, Jeremy.' Space.

Fuck, which one did I pretend was T again?

I want to start it off with kisses, at the end, and I've got that. I've got the X.

I suppose adding an attachment at this point would be

probably too much to ask, I think.

Sweet. What a lovely message.

Well, you've got 54 seconds.

Ok, here's what I'm doing. I'm backspacing everything,

and I just want to write 'I love you' - which is 1-4-3 -

'69, 69, 69.'

Mission accomplished.

- What did you write? - 'Hello, Taskmaster. I love you.'

'X, X, X, X, X, X, X.'

- What have you written? - I have no idea!

- How do you think that went? - I think it went pretty good.

There's going to be a couple of typos in there.

Other than that, I think it should come across pretty good.

- Ok. - Yeah.

There's a lot of sexualising of the Taskmaster, I thought.

It was a lot of, 'Mmmmmmmmm, ass, ass, ass, '

- which is a nice message! - Yeah.

- Well, at least you wrote a word. - Yep.

Leigh.

You ever seen that U-boat movie where they got the, um...

that German code machine?

If you had one of those, you could have worked out that.

I believe I have one more letter to read.

You do. Here's one last wordsmith. It's the wonderful Brynley Stent.

Ok. A lovely message.

'U...

'R...

'U R a 10.'

Like, attractiveness.

'And I...

'thiiiiiiink

'you... rule.

'You are

'very good at your job.'

'X-O-X-O.'

And then my name - 'Bryn.'

Thank you, Brynley.

- Catch you on the flip side. - I don't know what that means.

- What's happened? - So, what did Brynley's look like?

I've taken out the liberty of printing hers out

- so she can read it to you in person. - Fantastic. I'm looking forward to this.

'Ri asq a 10 amg o...'

'...m qamh wig-wgia imbsh.'

'XOXO, csr.'

There's something about the way you're dressed today

that's just strangely worked.

- It kinda worked. - It sounded kind of elvish.

Yeah. This is, um, river folk language.

I will give points for anybody who actually got a word right.

Thank you.

So that counts out Leigh, Guy, and Brynley.

I'll give you one.

Mads - at least you got a couple of words there. You got 'ass', didn't you?

- Mm. Ass. - That's quite good, and 'Mmmmmm.'

- Ass. - So, I'll give you two points.

And, of course, Angella wins the round. Five points for that.

- Sensational. - Oh, stunning.

Genius. Genius.

We'll see you in three hot minutes with a live task.

♪

If you've just joined us,

I'm not explaining why everyone is dressed like they are.

Paul - a quick score update, if you don't mind.

Angella's out in front with 21 points.

- Wow! - Yes.

Madeleine only four points behind, though, so, still anyone's game.

Well, not anyone's game. Leigh's on eight points. He's out of it.

A thrilling finale beckons us.

Let's head straight up to the stage for the final task.

A task featuring old phones

or has everyone just decided to play Snake for a bit?

I'll let Madeleine Sami elaborate.

Madeleine, would you please read this task?

I will, thank you. Ok.

'Text a compliment to one of your fellow contestants.'

'You may not text yourself.'

'Everyone who does not receive a text is eliminated.'

'Repeat this process until one or two remain.'

- Everyone knows the rules? - Yep.

If you don't get a text, you're eliminated and you sit down.

Oh, yep.

We'll start on my whistle.

- All right. Got it. - Ok.

These old phones are hard, man!

Interesting. Leigh's just gone with the one hand.

Oh, no. There comes the second hand.

Is it ok if I send an email instead?

- Message-I'm on the home screen. - So have you got a text yet?

- I don't think anyone's sent a text yet. - I don't know how to work it!

It's so hard.

Sorry, I was ringing Angella then. Oh.

Oh, you've got my number now! Text me back.

I just sent a text!

Oh!

- Yay, I got one from you. - Love you, Ange.

Oh, oh!

I sent a message.

- Has anyone received a text? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.

I wouldn't know.

I reckon the two people that are the worst at using the phone

should just be eliminated.

- Leigh and Madeleine, sit down. - I'll take that. I'll take it.

- Nobody's sent you a text. - Ok.

So, Madeleine eliminated for not receiving a text

and Leigh eliminated for not being able to send a text.

Ok, it's round two, on my whistle.

What are you two doing now? Are you sending other people texts?

I'm actually calling you, Jeremy. Are you getting that?

No.

Changed your number, have you?

- Oh, Ange, you text Guy? - I sent a text.

I have received two texts and I have sent one text.

Then Angella is eliminated.

This is what it's like to be in The Bachelor.

It's between Brynley and Guy.

Angella, could you please read this for them?

Text the Taskmaster. First text wins.

Oh, God. Ok. Oh, I had him up before.

- Shit! Shit! - This is high-pressure stuff.

Oh, no! Calling! No!

Yes!

- Yes! - I have received a text from Guy Williams.

And it says,

'Hi.'

Which is a disappointing end to that experiment.

Can we just send you to one more place?

And that's down here on to the stage, and we'll do the final scores.

Welcome back, everybody. Please take your seats.

- Guy, five points. - Yes! The people's champ!

And no points to anyone else. That was the way that that one went.

Wow!

And what has happened to our episode eight scoreboard, Paul?

With five points there, Guy has leapt into second place.

- Yes! - The winner of tonight,

with 21 points - Angella Dravid.

Only two episodes of Taskmaster remain, and the competition is heating up.

It's been an enriching evening of tasks, hasn't it?

We've learnt that the deepest, darkest secrets of a dip

lie at the bottom of a dip bowl.

We've learnt that none of Leigh Hart's school friends

want to talk to him any more.

And of course, we've learnt that our winner

is the untouchable Angella Dravid!

We'll see you next time. Go and enjoy your treats, Angella!

No?

I don't suppose there's another task ready to go, is there, Paul?

There sure is, Jeremy Wells, and this one

is hot and fresh out of the kitchen.

Whoa!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Whoa!

We need to drug test this guy. That was impressive.

No, don't do that.