All language subtitles for How.To.Die.In.Oregon.2011.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

And, does anyone have questions?
Okay.

He has to drink,
if he can,

sixty to ninety
seconds.

He drinks the medication, and
that will put him in a coma,

within a matter of minutes,

and after that...

We wait for me to die.

Yeah, and we can never predict
how long that’ll take.

Now, Roger, uh, I talked to
the other woman in there,

and she said the stuff tastes
pretty nasty,

you could have some juice
or something in there

to take the taste out.
I want to see if...

Yeah, I’d like to have something...
We have cream soda.

Oh, you do. Okay.

Do you want to get that ready,
in case Roger wanted some?

Bring the goddamn glass, already.
Roger, wait a minute.

Before you take it,

I’m gonna ask you those two
questions again, Sure.

and I’m serious, you have
the right to change your mind.

My mind’s not changing.
All right,

and what will this medication do?

It will kill me, and make me happy.

We can hand you the medication now,

and we ask you to drink it,
in sixty to ninety seconds.

You don’t have to gulp it,
just take it slowly.

It tastes, pretty bad,

but you have here a soft
drink to chase it down with

afterwards, if you cannot
take it solely.

Mmm-hmm.
Do you have any final words

you’d like to say to your family?

I thank you all for being here.

We love you, Rog.

We’ll leave you alone.

I thank the

wisdom

of the voters of the state of Oregon,

for allowing me

the honor

of doing myself in

at my own volition,

to solve my own problems.

So, thank you all.

We love you.
We love you, Rog.

I don’t really want
to watch this part.

Well, it’s kind of too late now.

You don’t have to gulp it, Roger.
You can drink it slowly.

Slow it down.

Can somebody wipe my chin?
Sure.

Tastes like wood.

He’s never been a drinker, so he
wouldn’t know it.

What wood is?
Not about wood alcohol.

Ready?
Lift him, lift him.

Ah, it’s comin’.

Ah, it’s comin’.

For my head is hanging low,

I hear the gentle voices calling.

Old, black Joe.

I thank you all,

particularly the team

that prepared the medicine.

Tell the next person that it
tastes "woody,"

but it is not,
it is not rejectable.

It was easy, folks.
It was easy.

Good-bye, Roger.

Gordon Green, doctor dropped a
prescription off for me this morning.

Gordon Green?
Yes.

I have Blue Cross Regency,
First Choice 65.

Do you have your card with you?
You bet,

I didn’t think this would
be covered.

All righty,

your total, sir, comes to $89.52.
Mmm-hmm.

There’s your merchandise.

There’s your card back.

Thank you very much.
Well, thank you.

and have a very good day.

I’m going to, everyday’s a
good one.

How you doin’?
Fine.

Yeah, we’ll hurry home.

Where do you want this?
I’ll take it.

I’ve gotta find out if

I have to refrigerate it,
or not.

Apparently not,
it didn’t say nothin’.

This here is the final medicine
I’ll have to take.

Hi Sue, this is Gordon,

I know it’s Sunday,
and I just leave a message for ya.

Yeah, I picked up the medication
today,

at Buy Mart, and we have it here,
in the house.

Have a good day, and a good weekend.
Good-bye.

There, oh boy.

Well, I’m glad that’s done.

Yes, that was easier
than I thought.

Yeah.

Hi Sue, this is Gordon. I know it’s
Sunday, and I just leave a message for ya.

I feel very privileged

to be on the forefront of
such a vital

medical, social and political
movement.

What I think about when I’m meeting
someone for the first time,

is, there’s always some anxiety,

and I think that that anxiety
is productive.

I would never want to become,

uh, laissez faire about this
whole process.

And what I think about is,

are they going to understand
exactly what it is

they’re pursuing, and what
the process is?

And also, what’s almost always
foremost on my mind,

is that they know, that they are
in charge.

That they’re the boss.

Hi Elizabeth.

Hi Mrs. Lucke,
I’m Sue Porter, with Compassion.

We’ve talked on the phone a few
times regarding

wanting to make your own end
of life choices,

and getting a medication

to maybe, end your life,
if that’s what you choose to do.

So, I’m here to...

These people

have lost so much control,
and they tell us repeatedly

that they want the medication,
for control.

Whether they take the medication,
or whether they don’t,

at least, they can make
that decision.

Unfortunately, I was diagnosed

with ALS, about a year ago,

and I just received my

uh, six months diagnosis

to live.

I still can walk, with difficulty,
but that’s when

that ends, then I’m gonna

you know, be makin’
that decision.

So, Gail, how do you react to
everything that Peter is saying?

This is the way he’s thought
for a long time,

it’s just gonna be hard,

we’ve been together for
a long time,

and, uh,

he’s wonderful, even now.

He helps me in many ways.

This is the

request for medication,

to end my life in a humane
and dignified manner.

You will sign this, Peter, and
then you will have

two witnesses sign it

and what they say is that
you’re of sound mind,

and you, you might find that
the time that is in your mind,

of when you can’t walk anymore
Mmm-hmm.

might change, that changes all the
time with people. Yup.

and there is nothing set
Right.

in stone. Okay? I understand that.
I appreciate it.

Everything’s ready then.

Okay.

There’s a very, fine line here

of never, ever, ever wanting them

to think that we are selling
a process.

We’re not. What we’re doing is
offering choice,

and so as I communicate with people,
and as I contact them

I really, always want
to be sensitive

to that principle.

Oh, make sure and request

Seconal. You want the one
that costs less?

I don’t know. Which one is it,
that you just drink?

That’s Nembutal. Actually, I see
it in these notes right here.

Uh, Nembutal...

We, uh, Mrs. Wakefield, we cannot
quote these prices for sure,

Yeah, right.

I understand. but Nembutal is
well over a $1,000

Seconal is $130.

I go into these situations

with a certain amount of pragmatism,
because I have to.

If it were all emotional, I couldn’t
do this work.

Hi Sue!
Hello Donna, how are you?

Pretty good, how you doin’?
Just fine, thank you.

Good to see you.
It’s good to see you, too.

Hi Gordon!
Hi Sue.

You’re lookin’ great.
Thank you.

Sit up.

Uhm,

Donna or Gordon, do you have the medication?
Yes.

Down in the lower drawer, way in
the back, right hand side.

Yeah, we picked it up.

No problems.
Great.

Everything went well.

We hope it stays right
there, but, uh,

if I’m in that bed, and I’m

racked up with a stroke or
somethin’ like that

that’s when I want it.

I’m not gonna lay there and
be a burden to her.

You know,

I saw my dad for twelve years

with a stroke, and one whole
side was gone.

Says it’s like livin’ in a barrel.

See out, hear everything,

physically couldn’t do anything,

and he kept saying, "I just
want out."

And my mom ended up the same way.

She wanted out.
Oh.

And I couldn’t, I didn’t

figure why they’d want
to do that,

but I understand now.

You can only handle about so much
garbage, you know,

and then you’ve had it.
Mmm-hmm.

And uh...
but I’ll handle it until

somethin’ like that happens.

Okay.

So, you got Seconal.

There’s three different medications here.

I know we’ve talked about this before,
but you know,

we represent choice, we don’t represent death.
Oh yeah.

So, um,

if you were ever going to make the choice
to take this medication,

this is how it would work.

I’d ask you two questions.
First of all:

You have the right to change your mind.

And secondly,
I would ask you

to explain to me what this medication
is going to do.

And you have the choice of doing this
any way you want.

You could have just Donna here.

You could have friends here.
Nah.

Just this one.

You can always change your mind.

Mmm-hmm.
It’s totally up to you.

And then, what this is,
is Seconal.

In Seconal, there’s a hundred
capsules in here.

You don’t take a hundred capsules.

That would take me all day.
Yeah, exactly.

I would be exhausted.
Yeah, yeah.

What, um, I would do is open ’em up

and um, empty the powder

and then add six ounces of room
temperature water.

I’d have a good, cold beer to wash
that down.

Yeah. You could have whatever
you want.

Um, this has to be consumed in
about a minute,

or minute and a half.
Oh, that’s a piece of cake.

and normally, uh, people go
into a coma,

really Gordon,
within a few minutes.

Oh, the heart’s so bad it wouldn’t
handle it.

Yeah. I mean it should pop it
right off the bat.

I’m getting little episodes damn
near every day now.

You are?

So I don’t think I’m going to need
that, but I wanna just

just go in there, lay down some
day and go to sleep, and not wake up.

That’s the decent thing to do.
Mmm-hmm.

So for once in my life,
I’ll be decent.

I’m feeling good. We can
do this again.

It’s not the last one.

I’d forgotten how steep
these hills are.

Okay...

shall we... I think this is...

Well, actually,

should we try and go to the top?
I’m good for it.

What if it’s uphill on the way back?
Should we...

Okay, well you can carry me back.

Okay.

I am feeling so good. I got
a lot done

this morning, already. I went
to Goodwill.

Oh, which reminds me, I was going
to invite people to shop my closet

but you guys could go first.

You’ve gotta touch the tree.

Chris said she wanted an old
sweat suit, shirt of yours.

She did? She wants that green
hoodie. I thought

that’s a good idea, then I thought
what do I want?

And then I said,
"Can I have the Volvo?"

You may borrow it
any time.

Um, well, I think

we can loop back down.

through the...
How are you feeling?

I’m good. Actually,

if you want the Volvo,
Stan will probably...

In November of 07, I had a terrible
stomach ache.

It was kind of pain that takes your
breath away, which I never, ever have.

So, I hike myself into the
doctor a few weeks later.

She ordered an
ultrasound for me,

and she got the results of the ultrasound,
then she called me into her office

and then she burst into tears.

Um,

and she said,
"You have a big mass on your liver."

Cody had a primary cancer of the liver

that was roughly the size of
a grapefruit.

It was the type of cancer that we
don’t have any good

chemotherapy agents for,

or any good radiation
agents for. So,

it’s the type of cancer that

is treated surgically,

or we don’t have a lot of
effective options for.

We kind of had the one shot
of taking it all out and

and, hoping that that was going
to be enough for her.

I had the first surgery.

It seemed to have gone all right

and then there were complications,
and I ended up in the ICU,

um, in the hospital for fifty days.

I was in a coma
for quite a while.

And all of a sudden

I open my eyes really wide
and said,

"What is happening to me?"

The night before

her second procedure,

she was supposed to be taking
pain medication, pills,

and she was throwing up and
couldn’t keep the pills down.

So, the pain medication was
wearing off

and she said then you know,

"I don’t ever want
another night like that."

If she had died in the hospital

it really would have felt like
she was pulled out of our hands

because then you’re still

fighting to keep her.

And that’s what hospitals are about.
It’s about that fight to keep people alive.

I had to learn to walk again.

I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t go to the
bathroom by myself. I couldn’t shower by myself.

I fell and I couldn’t get up.

It took six months before I was able
to take care of myself again.

We were actually all starting to feel
that maybe we’d dodged the bullet,

and then the radiologist said

"You know there was something that looked
a little funny on the CAT Scan."

I saw it, and had to give her that
call saying that

there was obvious cancer recurrence.

The cancer was back and we didn’t have
any really good options for her.

The outcomes for this disease
have not changed

in 30 years.

If you can cut it out, great.

If you miss any cancer,
it’ll be back

and it’ll be more aggressive.

She said, "If this comes back,

I know that I don’t have
any good treatment options

and I want to be able to

have that in reserve,
the Death with Dignity Law."

It kind of shocked me thinking about
it in the intellectual realm

of, this is a law that supports
my values versus

I’m actually going
to take a pen

and write a prescription
for something that will

end someone’s life.

What really settled the
decision for me was

talking to my sister, who’s a
breast cancer survivor,

and I talked to her
about how much I really

really liked this woman and how
much we had been through together.

I mean, we had slogged
through a year together

in a very close, very intimate
relationship as,

as patient and
doctor, and how

fond of her I was and fond of
her family I was.

Um, my sister
just said, "Well,

of course you’re going to do it.

You have to help her.
You’re her doctor."

And that’s really the deciding
point for me.

If I had an option I would prefer not
to die, thank you very much.

Um, but given that I know I’m going
to die, does an extra three months

if, um, of

fluid leaking through my pores

sound that great?

Well, no.

I’d rather go when I’m still
feeling okay

and when I can still communicate
with my family.

She cares a lot about her kids.

She’s also

very dignified.
I think

when she looks sick,

for her that’s very difficult,

because she wants to present herself
as being healthy.

I grew up in the country.

We put our dogs and our horses down.

We didn’t let animals suffer.

I think Cody taught me

that, first do no harm,

is going to be different
for every patient.

Harm for her would have meant

taking away the control

and saying, "No, no, no.
You’ve got to do this

the way your body decides,

as opposed to the way
you, as a person, decides."

Sorry.

Did you have a shooting pain?
Ah, yeah.

Yeah.

Are you taking any pain medication
or anything?

I got some today

because this kind of pain

is kind of scary.

But I haven’t taken any.

I never take...

I just...

But it’s pretty clear that

that kind of

pain takes away your ability
to make decisions, too.

Let’s see.
So, here are the drugs.

It’s very comforting to know that
they’re right here

and I don’t have to go through
any more bureaucracy,

I don’t have to take another
trip to the pharmacy.

Um, they’re here.
The, the...

it’s whenever I decide.

It’s not that anything
that I have to do.

It’s not like in the hospital where I was told,
"You have to have another

CT Scan or we’re
taking you down to, to

do another procedure."

It’s, it’s my choice

when to take them and
whether to take them.

My volunteer has told me
that I’ll know

and I just have to trust

when my life isn’t
worth living anymore.

It’s a pretty day,
that’s pretty amazing.

When you guys were little we
brought spare pants, and

and spare shoes for you, but

we didn’t do any of that this time.

It feels a little bit like,
I’m a dead woman walking.

It’s this curious limbo of

getting a diagnosis that’s
this dire

and having this
period where

you don’t know what’s really
going to happen, except

with Death with Dignity,

you do have some control over
what’s going to happen.

You can offer that

to your family.

So, is the tide
going in or out?

Yup.
Very funny.

And so it means, you can have
some good times

and go for a walk

and go back
to the coast

and have things be as normal as
possible without being focused on

"When’s she going to die?"
Because you know that.

My son, the engineer
and mathematician

has a little trouble with this

and he hasn’t talked to me very
much about it.

When she found out, like a month ago,
that she had cancer again,

um, that was pretty surprising.

She called me on the phone.

The way that she broke
the news is that

"The cancer’s come back.
I have six months to live

and things are going to be fine.

Uh, and it’s gonna, like,
things are going to be fine?

Six months to live and I’m not going
to do anything?

Ah, that sounds like the opposite
of fine.

How do you tell her that things
are not going to be fine?

My rational was,
you know, you have two choices

either you can blow up on her
over the phone,

when she just found out she
had cancer,

um, and make her feel
even worse,

or you can just
be comforting

and say,
"Okay, I’m sorry."

Um, and I chose
the latter.

Oh T, you made me
come up here...

T said, "I know you’re struggling,
but if you

aren’t struggling for you, would you
struggle for me?

And of,

of course I would if I thought
there were a real chance

but there’s not.

Uh oh.

Thank you.

It still feels kind of like ah,

you give up when you don’t try
everything out there

but I still think that’s the

the rational and, I think,
the right thing to do to not

not try and seek
every option because

95 percent she’s
only going to gain

ah, two or three months.
That’s a lot of extra pain.

Ah, and uh,

and a lot of extra cost.

This is not a good idea.
Whose idea was this?

I know it’s hard for them,
but they’re great.

Beautiful, beautiful!

I know they’ll be fine. I’ve writing
them letters, so I’m thinking about...

That’s, that’s the other wonderful
thing about this Death with Dignity.

It gives me a chance to think about how
I want to leave things with them at the end.

The, the images...

Sorry.

There are moments where she is just
so ready to go.

She doesn’t like being sick

and then there are the days when she,
you know,

healthy and grateful to be alive.

I’m not going to die with the fluid

oozing out of my pores in my legs.

I’m not going to weigh
200 pounds again.

I’m not going
to lose my hair, again.

I am not going to be
humiliated

with losing control
of my bodily functions again.

This is, will be tidy and,

while not easy for my family

it’s a lot better
than the alternatives.

She says it’ll be easy, but I think
it’ll be hard for us

uh, when, when she does

you know, take,

take the drink and uh,

final rest really um,

but I plan to be there.

Hello. My name is Odill,

and I was wondering if you have
any information like um,

written information or anything
like that. I’m considering it

within um, the
next few months.

That’s it. Thanks.

My name is Derek Humphry.

I’m a journalist and author,

President of the Euthanasia Research
and Guidance Organization,

founder of the Hemlock Society,
thirty years ago.

The Hemlock Society’s mission was,

A, to help people

with their problems of dying

here and now,

and secondly,

uh, to change the law

in the best way possible,

democratically across America

to allow the choice in dying.

I became involved
in the issue in 1975

when my first wife
was dying of cancer,

and ah, I had
no knowledge of

euthanasia movement or right to die,
or anything.

In those days,
it wasn’t a public issue

you would be very unlikely to
know anything about it.

Last night an instructional video tape
shown on television in Oregon

sounds harmless until
you consider the tape

is a step by step guide
to committing suicide.

NBC’s Dan Lothian
has the story.

How to die, now
on television.

From mixing
the lethal brew,

to finding the
right gas and bag.

Then find a clear plastic bag,
just big enough to go over the head.

A step by step,

do-it-yourself program
from Derek Humphry,

the author of the best seller’s
suicide guide, Final Exit.

This is my average daily mail.
These are all

uh, copies
of Final Exit

or The Good Euthanasia Guide.

Compassion and Choices, which is
a national organization

took over the Hemlock Society
a few years ago,

and then there’s a very fine,
little group

Compassion and
Choices of Oregon.

The key to
the Oregon law,

and why it passed and why doctors
have accepted this,

is that the doctor does not actually
kill the patient.

The patient kills themself.

The American
Medical Association

like nearly all medical associations
throughout the world, ah,

are against euthanasia

ah, which is direct injection.

The sort of thing that Dr. Kevorkian
did that got him in prison

for nine years.
Direct injection into the vein.

The Oregon law has
been thoroughly tested

and now its time to try to get
it going in other states.

The right to die movement recently
tried to pass a law in Washington State

which is similar to Oregon’s law.

It was quite a contest.

All these photographs, I look at and

I can just see it, how much
in love I was

and how much I just adored him.

I can see it on my face,

and I can see it on his face,

and I can feel it
as if it were yesterday

that what I felt when
this picture was taken.

I just thought I was the luckiest
person in the world to have met him,

and I was.
I was.

At the age of 55,
in the year 2000,

went to a doctor and found out that
Randy had brain and spinal cord cancer.

Which is a very, very
grim diagnosis,

and we knew that this was gonna
be how he was going to die.

And the treatment for it,
it is very harsh.

And creates a lot of side
effects that can be even

worse than dying.

He had surgery that removed
part of the tumor

in June of 2000.

Then he went through months
of radiation treatment.

He had three different
kinds of chemotherapy

and they took out his medulo,
on one side of his head

which controls balance. He was then
stumbling and falling all the time,

cut open his head. I’d come home
from work and find him bleeding.

Then in 2005, the cancer came back
and Randy

decided he didn’t want to continue
treatment and he said, "No, I’m done."

He told hospice that he wanted them
to help him

and give him some aid in dying when
he felt the time was right,

and they said,
"We can’t help you. It’s illegal."

So, he told them that he wanted
to move to Oregon

’cause he knew
it was legal there.

They said, "You’re not going to live
long enough to be able to establish residency."

He said, "Then, if you can’t help me,
I guess I don’t need you."

After that, things got bad.

He was in a hospital bed 24/7.

He couldn’t control
his arms and legs

and he’d be
just screaming in pain.

Probably one of the worst is that
he became incontinent,

and he had to be in diapers

and he hated that.

He had double vision and then his
eyes started popping out of his head

from the tumors, so he couldn’t
close his eyes.

A year after
this picture was taken

and we were up at the hospital,
and they were asking Randy for his

Medicare card.

The person at check-in assumed he
was 80 years old.

So, in one year of looking like
this to the next year,

they thought this
was an 80 year old man.

And he would,

every day talk to me
about how he felt,

that he was half in his body
and half out,

and he’d say that he could feel
himself leaving his body

and then feel himself
going back into his body

and he said,
"Nancy, I’m trying to figure out

how do I stay
out of my body?

How do I get out and stay permanently out?
I don’t want to come back."

There was nothing
I could do, but
to hold his hand.

That was it.

Six weeks before
his death he said,

"Nancy, this is going to get
really painful. It’s going to get ugly.

Promise me that you’ll help
change the law."

And I said, "Yes, I promise you that
I will change this law," and I had no idea

how I was going to do that, or how
that would happen.

I had no thought about when
it would happen

or how long it was going to take when
I made that promise to Randy, it’s just

when you love somebody you say,
"Yes, I promise you I will."

And you figure out the rest later.

About six, seven months
after he died,

I spoke to some of the employees
of Compassion and Choices and told them

what Randy had wanted
and I said, "You know,

"I’m willing to do anything, anything.
This is what my husband wanted

and I will do anything."

And then they contacted me and let me
know they were going to be going down to

our state capital in Olympia

and they asked me if I’d be willing
to go down and speak.

And I said, "Absolutely,"

and that’s how I got started.

I have not signed yet.

I had asked the campaign

if they’d be willing to let me
be the last signature

and they said, "Yes, absolutely,"
that I could do that.

My name is Nancy Niedzielski.

Two years ago, this month my husband,
Randy, died from brain cancer.

Please help me fulfill the final promise
that I made to my husband

by making Death with Dignity legal

by voting yes on I-1000.

Thank you.

When I finally signed the ballot,

I was so overwhelmed
by the emotion of it

that I was actually having a
hard time signing my signature.

One step forward.
On to November. I was shaking.

This is for you Randy. I love
you most of all and then some.

I think for a while I felt like
everybody was waiting for me to die.

I don’t feel like that anymore.

I feel like myself again.

For the first time,
since this all started

I feel quite perky.

It’s kind of

discombobulating in a way.
It’s like,

"I’m supposed
to be really sick,"

but I feel great

which is pretty cool, actually.
I may have another Christmas with the kids.

So, things seem

really kind of
almost back to normal.

It’s a new normal.
It’s a different normal.

I wouldn’t set
a date again.

When you’re first diagnosed you
want to have some certainty and

and setting a date
gives you that certainty,

but it’s a false
kind of certainty.

I was supposed to
have six months.

Death with Dignity
luckily doesn’t

enforce that because I just blew
through my six months

and should anything dramatic happen,
I’m prepared.

But in the meantime,
I can just forget about it.

It’s been really great
for Stan and me,

’cause we’ve gotten a summer
vacation we totally didn’t expect,

it’s been time that we
are grateful for.

So it’s been a great summer.
It’s been a golden summer.

And you can’t help
having a little

flicker of, "Well,
maybe I won’t die.

Maybe I could live
another twenty years,"

but what I try and do
is transmute that into,

"Wow, this
is a great day."

That awareness

that every day
I get to make a meal,

that I get to

kiss my husband, that I get to talk
to my children

one more day.

That’s great.

How are you doing?

I feel really good.
So that’s good.
Good.

So yesterday we had breakfast
together, with,

Sunday with the kids, and

I could tell Cody was getting
a little bit tired.

I said, "Well, maybe we should take
a little break." She said,

"No, we’re going for a walk,"
and we went up to the top of the hill.

We touched the tree and we marched back
down again. Thank you very much.

All righty then.

Shh, shh! People have said,
by the way, that

she’s more beautiful than ever.
It’s only because I’m thin.

That’s the only reason, which
is kind of upsetting because

that’s the way
our society works.

I was just going to say this is
not a good message.

It’s not. Jill and I have had several
conversations about this because,

"Oh, you look great."
People you haven’t seen before,

"Yeah, been on the cancer
diet, thanks very much."

I mean I just don’t understand
why I’m feeling good.

Um, and I would like
to know how much longer.

And I know nobody knows that.

The honest truth is
I’d just be guessing.

You’re not showing signs or I’m
not hearing from you signs of liver

function problems.

Meaning, I’m not seeing

you’re bleeding really easily
or bruising copiously,

You’re not getting
fluid build-up in your belly.

Right. Well, I am getting a little
bloating. Um, Uh-huh.

it does seem like that is,

is sticking out more.
The pooch is sticking out more?

Yeah.

What I’m kind of
talking about would be fluid

where you really
almost look kinda pregnant.

Oh.
It’s like a really significant

fluid buildup. Have you ever seen
anyone with liver failure or

who gets that kind of bloat?
I’ve read about it, I have not seen it.

It’s not subtle.

In terms of time,
that’s the hard part.

I don’t know when

the tumors are going to obstruct
enough bile ducts

to give you a pool of bile and put
it at risk for getting infected.

It could be something that’s very quick.
It could be that you just

suddenly, two months from now say,

"You know, I’m really weaker than I was
a month ago,"

and then we’ll kind of know that
that’s the beginning.

But I don’t know...

I’d like to

monkey with your drain to see
if I could get kind of a feel

Oh, okay.
... for flushing it.

Um, that might give me a little
bit of information.

I just wanted to kind of get a feel for this.
Mmm-hmm.

Let me know if I give you
the horrible chills.

Oh, it feels
good going in,

and it’s not too chunky coming back,
so that’s good.

Nice olive oil color.
Oh, there’s a few.

There’s a little chunks,
but not a ton.

Now it looks like a good,

a good first pressing,
wasn’t that your line?

Now okay that’s good.

So, I’m not seeing a whole bunch of
chunks which would suggest that your,

your drain is becoming obstructed.

What is that?
This is bile.

I just put saline in and its bile,
and then probably some of that solid

particulate matter is probably some
bacteria and possibly some tumor,

hard to say.
Yeah, so

that’s what it looks like.
Really? The tumor is that...

It could be, I can’t tell without a microscope.
...goopy?

But yeah, it could be,
could be.

I’ve tried on some occasions to think
of what it would be like in mom’s shoes

which is shockingly hard.

Being told you’ll die
in just a few months

without having an option of
controlling that.

I think everybody in my family is
a control freak on some level

and I think all of us would like to
have some options of how we’d

like to take control
of our life at the end.

Poor Jilly,
having to go back to DC.

You know T, when you come over
on Saturday’s for breakfast,

we can make a family video.
We could have a video chat

Jilly, on Saturday mornings.

I go through periods where
I’m very calm with things

and then I go through periods
where it’s extremely emotional.

Usually those periods are when
I’m thinking about the future,

and the things where I’d want mom
to be there, and she’s not going to be.

One of my highlights from my last
trip was actually her going through

her jewelry and her
scarves with me.

And just, I mean, it was actually
giving them away.

This was, like,
her giving away her objects to me

um, which...there was
a moment where I thought about

she had left
the room to go

find other things, and I was just standing
there folding her scarves, and I thought,

"This would be so different
if mom was already gone."

You know the act of standing here and like,
folding up her scarves, would be

tragic, instead of being something
that we got to share.

U.S. Air, this is it.
Yeah.

I think the kids
just aren’t as worried because

I’m lucky not to be feeling sick.

But who knows how it’s going
to feel in a few months.

In the meantime we’ll all cope,
it’ll be fine.

But for right now, they’re able
to go to their work

and take vacation and

think about the things they
should be thinking about

instead of waiting
for me to die.

I’ve done a good job.
They’re flying off.

I don’t need to be calling them
back all the time.

Thanks, sweetie.

From KUOW 94.9 Seattle. The personal
and ethical debate over initiative 1000,

this is Weekday. An anonymous online
survey of physicians showed

fifty percent in favor,
42 percent against.

This whole country has a thing
about death. They’re scared of it.

They don’t even want to talk about it.
When I look at

one of the most important
aspects of good end of life care,

I honestly cannot say that um, having a
Death with Dignity Act is a crucial part.

My father was dead even though
he was alive,

and he had that right
to do what he did

and I support this initiative.
I’ve gotten...

I didn’t know what I was getting into
uhm...

It was scary.
It was tough.

I wasn’t used to being in front of
the press or anything like that.

I’ve never done that before,

but I didn’t care how hard
it was going to be.

I had a mission.

Would you like some information
on I-1000?

Would you like some information
on I-1000?

Would you like some information
on I-1000?

No. but I’d love
to talk to you about that possibility.

I would love for you...

I would love for you to talk to me.
You don’t have five minutes?

Officially the Washington State Medical
Association and the

State’s Hospice and Palliative
Care Organization

are opposed to legalizing
physician aid in dying.

This is a society sanctioned death

and I just think a society has
to be asked,

"Is this what we
really, really want?"

This is separation
of church and state

and I am very much against religion
telling me what to do.

My husband was
raised a Catholic, as I was,

but he did not feel that any
government or any religious leader

had the right to tell him how long
he had to suffer.

Okay, so we’re sanctioning
the medical community to "off" people.

Where could that lead?
What we saw were abortion led

so then we further the notion that
we can decide

who is fit to live and who is not.

Taking a look at initiative I-1000
with Nancy Niedzielski, Dr. Rheba de Tornay

and Dr. James Gordon.

Dr. de Tornay,
what would initiative 1000 do?

One of the things that bothers me
is that it’s somewhat of a slippery slope

and I think we health professionals

can alleviate a great deal
of suffering today.

But there are diseases
that exist where you cannot control

the pain and my husband had one of those.
And that’s why this should be an option.

Now I’m off to an interview
with Canada.

Evidentially this is
a hot topic in Canada.

Death with Dignity, the other side
calls it Assisted Suicide.

Is this assisted suicide?

No. To me it’s very offensive
to call it suicide.

Suicide is something someone does
who is otherwise

physically healthy and has their life
ahead of them,

but are clinically depressed and
don’t want to live.

That is one of our fears, is that
someone realizes

"Well, dad’s costing seventy five hundred
dollars a month at a long term care facility

and that’s eating up the inheritance
real quickly."

Hi David.
My name is Nancy.

I’m a volunteer on the Yes 1000 Death
with Dignity Campaign.

Have you decided if
you’ll support initiative 1000?

You’re not?
Can I ask you why?

Well it’s not an easy way out, actually.
It’s a very difficult way out.

I respect that that’s
what your beliefs say

but unfortunately,
by not passing this

it’s saying that your beliefs have
to dictate to everybody else

who doesn’t have the same belief.

I did.
My husband suffered horribly.

Okay thank you.

Absolutely not.

This is a debate about how we
finance healthcare and resources

and when you’re talking about someone
who is living with a chronic disease,

when you talk about poor people

and when you
offer someone
death versus living,

I think we all need
to take notice.

My name is Randy Stroup.
I’m 54 years old.

I have two boys. I got
four granddaughters
and one grandson,

and my mother, I was living here
taking care of her

but now she’s been put in an
assisted living home.

Next thing I know,

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer
in December 19, 2006.

A year ago Christmas,
they gave me two to four months to live.

So as far as I know,
prognosis is today or tomorrow.

After the first
chemotherapy failed,

my doctor decided he wanted to try
a stronger chemotherapy.

Well, the Oregon
Health Plan decided

as long as it didn’t
increase my life by five years,

then they didn’t
want to pay for it.

Mid September, I received a

letter from the
Oregon Health Plan.

It said in the letter they would do
anything for comfort and palliative care

including a doctor
assisted suicide.

Dear Randy Stroup,

Dr. Michael Monticelli
submitted a request for

authorization dated March 26th

2008

for letting

Oregon Health Plan to pay for
cancer treatment for you.

Unfortunately, we are
unable to approve that request.

Your condition at this
stage meets criteria

for comfort and palliative care.

Comfort and palliative care
may include

physician aid-in-dying

under Oregon
Death with Dignity.

Yeah, they don’t care.

It still just appalls me.

No man has got the right

to offer money to have somebody
else killed.

I’m a man of simple methods

and the person who wrote
this letter needs to be

put in prison for
the rest of his life.

I do prison time for a
lot less than this.

To think that they
could even start to put a

price tag on my life,

or send me a letter saying
they’d pay to kill me,

but they won’t,
won’t pay to help me.

Dignity means to me, that you
can hold your head up high,

and I don’t see how anybody can
take their life

and hold their head
up high while doing it.

This is the
Ray Carnay Report.

An exclusive KOZY TV
presentation on people,

events and
consumer information.

Written and produced
by Ray Carnay.

Not, not in
all my years in

show business,
in radio, in television

have I talked to two more interesting
people than I have on my show today.

Thank you.
You’re both lovely.

And what, oh what a wealth of information
your backgrounds for a television audience

and I know they’re going to be just
absolutely intrigued

and hanging on to every word that you
have to say, and I’ve got a lot to ask you.

All right good. Great. We’re ready.
A whole bunch.

I want my audience first to ah...
Play.

I thank God for that,

that voice, and wanting to take that
away from me in surgery.

I’m gonna die with being able
to say "good-bye."

When they
looked at my,

my cancer x-rays or
my CAT scans or the MRIs,

and they told
me that, ah,

there’s nothing that can be done.
I’ve had the cancer there before.

I’ve gone twenty years
and it came back,

and the only way now is to

remove my voice box,
take that out and

take out the thing that’s been my life.
My whole life has been my voice.

That’s been my profession,
and I thank God for it.

I’m sure I have a much different
outlook than many people have on,

on the finality of life.

I will have a real presence, almost a live
presence, at my own funeral.

I know of no better way
to say goodbye

than my little eulogy.

Here we are, okay.

Hi.

How are you?
Fine, thank you.

I’m Ray.
Ray, I’m Thaddeus.

Thaddeus,
nice to see you.

Go in here?

Yeah.
Okay.

Actually, if I could get you to scoot
forward about... Sure.

about to right here,
yeah sitting right close.

Like so?
That is great.

Okay.
Okay.

Well, let’s go ahead
and, uh, get you some headphones

and I’ll get a mix sent to you

as soon as I can. Go ahead and
feel free to warm up and

just run over it
a couple of times.

I’m, ah,
I’m always ready.

I’m going to need to see...
Oh, you’re going to need...oh, I see.

I’ll give you some headphones.
Set the, okay...

Okay, so,
here we are.

Dear family
and friends,

welcome to this joyous occasion.

Joyous because I, I strongly believe
that this is the beginning of another life

with a loving God as my constant
and eternal companion.

I am so proud that Judaica and Christian
principals are here to make this a

memorable and a beautiful occasion.

Pastor Jim and Rabi Maurice and
Major Joe are dear friends.

I thank them, all of whom have made
this service possible.

Hopefully my brother, Harold,
and my sons Robert, Richard and Jeff

along with my daughter, Darla,

were able to attend
this final visit.

Other daughters Cindy,
Carol and Shelly

may not even be aware
of my demise.

I do realize that this entire
affair might be considered by some as,

well, as unusual.

But for me it’s an opportunity to
actually voice my goodbyes and gratitude

for the love and friendship that is
prevalent within these holy walls.

My father, an orthodox Jew,
once said to me,

"If all the world lived by the principals
taught by Moses and Jesus

we’d have a perfect world."

How very true were
those words of wisdom.

Go in peace.
Go with God.

Bless you for your attendance.

Can we play back that last part?
"If all the world

lived by the principals
taught by Moses and Jesus

we’d have a perfect world."

What a hell of a voice.

Nah. No, that’s great.

Yeah that’s great.
That’s exactly what I wanted.

You have a great voice.
Well, thank you. Thank you very much.

What have you been doing since
the last time I talked to you?

I’ve been feeling really good, and I’ve
been feeling really guilty about it.

I just feel like,
if you’re handed a

diagnosis like that, there are
certain expectations

about how you
should behave and

um, what’s going
to happen next.

That’s a hard thing to

anticipate. Its a hard
thing to live with

and not you know, feeling like,
"Well, when will I know? When will I know?"

And I feel like I want to conform
to the expectations

of someone with
a terminal illness.

But it’s funny,
I gave away all of my jewelry

and then, I bought some more.

That’s so great.
Because I thought

maybe that was a bit premature.

But I have had this checklist

and it’s nearly done, and I’m
sort of dragging my feet on the last

few things ’cause I think,

"Well, if I have
another several months,

then what am I going to do?"
Yeah.

I’m ready

to start to decline

and I’m not declining.
What’s the matter here?

And you said something profound when
we talked on the phone,

"You have to decide what quality of life
is good." Is it,

Is it just being able
to get up and get dressed and take a walk?

Or is it not having pain?

I’m coming to think maybe it’s

not being able to take care of myself
and not worrying my family.

And I feel like
I want to maw it all

for my children a kind of, um,

grace and acceptance

because I’m really scared of being
a coward at the end.

Well, we call it Death
With Dignity, not death from cowardice

And do you think its
cowardice to,

to not want to suffer?

That’s a message that our society gives
over and over again.

That only the, if you’re,
the truly courageous

are the ones that are willing
to suffer the most.

Yeah, you’re right.

It’s an absolutely,
totally, erroneous

and completely
flawed philosophy and,

and ah, and logic.
There’s no logic to that.

It, you’re right and I don’t want
to put my children through that.

It’s a very human thing to die.
We’re all going to die.

Yeah.

And I’m just lucky to know that

more about how and when I’ll die

and have more control about that than
most people do.

Right.

You gonna go up the old way

and drop down? Oh, you want to
go up that way? Sure.

I was thinking this will be my first
time back at OHSU

since I left for the surgery.

I never did turn in my ID tag.
I should have brought it with me.

Remember when I used to walk this?

That was a long time ago.

We’ve had a lot
of good times up here.

See, the steps
are right there.

Hi Martina!

How are you? Ooh!

From your garden?
Really?

The first ones that have just opened.

I feel like there should be a
ceremony. I should be getting... I do.

Hi!
How are you?

Good to see you.
I have a present for you

for old time’s sake.

Oh, thank you!

It’s not the season, but it has sentimental value.
I brought some to share.

Hi, how are you?

Frank...

There she is...

Can I just give Frank
a hug, really quick?

Nice to see you.
Oh, thank you.

Yeah, we all go back twenty years. Twenty
years, can you believe it?

These are the stairs
to the pool,

is that what we’re looking for?
Yes. Yes, it is.

This is an important... Oh...
It’s hot in here.

The reason we’re here is to have
a belated celebration

and recognition of the role that Cody
played in, ah, saving the pool.

And I want to present it to you Cody,
because this is in recognition.

Oh!

And what it says is,
"Our caps off to Cody Curtis.

Dedicated OHSU employee and swimmer."
Thank you.

Cody successfully
saved the pool

from being closed indefinitely in
December of 2006.

People from OHSU and the neighborhood
continue to come together

to share a lane
and a smile."

Thank you.
No, I...

and now everyone has to
jump in and swim a lap

You’re going to give us a lesson, right?
Right.

That was really fun.
Thanks, honey.

Put this down.

Are you all right?
Do you want some water?

Today it’s, uhm,
no longer about I-1000.

What it feels like to me

is that my marriage
has ended today.

And it ended legally
on July 24th, 2006 at 4:40 p.m.

when Randy died.

But since there was
still something I needed to do

that Randy asked me,
I never really felt that it was over.

And so today
it feels over to me.

I absolutely believe
it’ll pass.

It’ll be kind of a bittersweet
victory in that

now I’m done.

You know, now I have to figure out
how I go on with the rest of my life,

and so it’s gonna be hard.

I’m just feeling,
uhm, nervous about

will I make it through
the night without falling apart?

When Hippocrates
set up his oath,

he wanted medicine
to be clear cut,

we are going
to help you.

We’re not going to abuse you. We’re not
going to try to kill you. You can come to us

and we’ll do our
best to heal you.

Now this, sets physicians
into the realm of

actively helping
people end their loss.

We have a strong tradition in this
country to allow patients to deny care.

Removing a technology is

a patient voluntarily
denying a service

and that’s acceptable,
that is your right.

But we’ve never before

allowed physicians to actively

take somebody’s life,
and that’s what this is

and that’s not
the practice of medicine.

Will you sign my annual?

It’s great being around all these
people, I love it,

but it just feels weird and

almost lonely, or empty to me
not having Randy right here by my side.

I almost feel like
he’s left me to be,

just ah, say, "Okay,

you’ve done everything
I’ve asked. Now’s the time to go."

The initiative is passing
with 59 percent of the vote.

And which, which
radio show is this?

Oh, Oregon Public
Broadcasting, okay.

Okay. Oregon Public
Broadcasting.

It passed?

This election day

marks the end of my marriage

as you have fulfilled

the final promise that
I made to my husband

by making Death
With Dignity legal.

I say to all of you

what Randy said
to me each and every night,

"I love you most of all
and then some." Thank you.

Okay

we’re off to live on

Yes.
... with dignity.

See you, dear Rob.

Well, thanks again.
I love you.

I love you too.
I love you for everything you did.

You know after all of this, now it’s time
for you to kind of just

grieve a little bit for Randy,
and move on a little bit.

Okay?

Life goes on.
I know.

We’ll be in touch.
We will. I’ll talk to you soon.

And I will be a volunteer forever for you guys.
Yes, you will.

You know it. See ya.
Bye. Yes, you will.

Where the heck is out?

One, two, three, four...

Actually, it’s really
hard to sort out

what’s doing what.

My fevers are spiking.
They’re harder. They’re lasting a longer time.

I’m not responding to antibiotics.

I have more pain

and I’m jaundiced, oh boy!

So yeah, I’m

declining the last
week and a half.

It’s harder to
get out of bed.

It’s harder to just
do normal stuff.

But I have a really good handle
on what’s coming.

I’ll know.

Right now because it’s so up and down
and there are things that are still working

it seems like

a choice that I don’t
want to take just yet.

There’s enough good days

but I know it’ll
get to a point

where I’m not enjoying things

and I’m a burden.

In which case

that choice will seem
easy and obvious

and I’ll be grateful.

And I’ve had a little preview
of that this week,

Because when the
fever gets high

it hurts.

I just think, "Well,
wouldn’t it be nice to just

close my eyes
and drift off?"

I don’t think
it’s gonna be that easy,

not with this disease.

The decision tree for
the fluid build-up

was quite different.

We hadn’t really
been through that so much

and so that was
a whole new fear

and a lot of the discomforts

could be easily correlated to the pressure
against her ribs and different places

caused by that fluid build-up.

And she was supposed to be taking pain medication,
It’s not doing its job.

and she was throwing up
and couldn’t keep the pills down.

She couldn’t eat.
She couldn’t swallow. She was

you know,
really weak not only from,

from all this weight

but also she was basically starving herself
not able to eat enough to keep

her body mass up.

Kate called me yesterday and said
that you had

she said, you probably had a little
of what we call ascieties of fluid

on your belly. Uhm, and then it’s
probably time to change the tube

Uhm, uhm,

like we were talking about before,
it’s not an exact science in terms of, uh,

when to change it out, but usually every four,
six weeks or so, uhm,

you get enough debris
and stuff that

just changing it out can make
people feel better.

Sometimes people get so much fluid
I mean they just, it

pushes your diaphragm up so you
can’t breathe as well.

Right.
Pushes your bowel out of the way.

Pushes on your stomach, you don’t really
feel like eating as much as you used to.

Its not good, but it’s not,
it’s not a terrible thing

and under the circumstances
it’s kind of expected.

We have you sign these things over
and over again.

I’m gonna have you sign ours today.

You’re signing for the billiary tube change
and for the parazentesis, okay?

We’ll get you comfortable.
Oh, thank you.

How’s your
pain right now?

Oh, I’m fine.
Okay.

Is your skin real
tender here?

Whew!
It’s cold.

Ms. Curtis are you doing okay?

Just have a lovely feeling,
just resting.

Okay, it’s out.

Good job.

That’s it,
it’s in. Okay?

First part of the procedure done,
now we’re getting the fluid out of your tummy, okay?

This shouldn’t be too difficult,
I think.

I hope you feel better.
There’s quite a bit of fluid there, you were right.

How are you doing
Miss Curtis?

Are you getting
your nap in?

All done. Both things
are done, okay.

Do you want to see
what we took off your tummy?

Wow!

Okay, so, we got
about twice that much.

Wow.
So it should help you feel better.

Do you feel better?

Pat ourselves on the back?
Okay.

Okay. I’ll probably check in with you
a little later, okay? Everything went fine.

How do you feel Cody?

What’s going on, hon?

Aww. Bless your heart.

Oh, you’re welcome!
I’m so glad you feel better.

Hey! I told her
about an hour, Stan

and if she’s feeling
better before than I think...

I think Cody’s choice
is a pretty clear choice.

You know, a year ago we would
talk about it and argue about it.

No one was sure they really knew what
was being talked about.

And you know,
I think she’d rather

not have to choose.
I think she’d rather

gracefully let nature
take its course.

And she was prepared
for that not to be an easy course.

And so

it’s not about the stint or
the liters of fluid.

It’s about her
state of mind and

her pride in herself,
and her pride in us,

and our pride in ourselves
and our pride in her.

And that doesn’t
get talked about very much.

And doesn’t get said
nearly enough

And then I don’t think
Cody really has

decided, uhm, very
much in advance.

She just said, "Okay,
I’m going to take the next option."

We don’t really know which option
it would be.

So, how are you feeling?
Uh...

I’m feeling better.

Good.
Than I was. But that’s not saying much.

Yeah, so the pain that you were needing
the meds for, was that distention?

It was the distention but,

it felt like my ribs
were going to break apart

and my collar bone and
stuff. It was so much...

Pushing and pressure.
And a lot of stuff doesn’t taste good anymore.

Yeah, I can’t take more than a couple of bites.
Okay.

And then I can’t take a deep breath anymore
and it’s really hard to walk, now.

Yeah, that’s the fluid.

This is a big change from
our last visit.

I mean, I think we were sort of
wondering when...

’Cause it seemed like you were very, very stable...
Yeah, for a long time.

This is a change. Yes.
Yeah, yeah.

Actually, the main thing we wanted is to get
the decision tree from here.

Okay.

I wanted to find out about what it’s gonna be like
if I choose not to treat

fever or...
Mm-hmm.

And I just feel like, I’d just rather drift away.
Okay.

Okay. I think the, the drifting away is
certainly a possible thing.

Um, when you’re
getting a fever of 104

that tells me that,
that bile is infected

and that is a, a pretty life threatening
infection without treatment.

If you didn’t treat
the fevers,

you would probably end up getting that
really violent shake.

Yeah.

But after that passed,
at a certain point you probably would

drift off, your blood pressure would go
down and you would lose consciousness and...

And as far as how long it would be,

Uh huh. Uhm, it could be
twenty four hours.

It could be, you know,
three or four days.

I just don’t know.
That’s not bad.

But it wouldn’t

be likely to be much longer than that
with those high fevers,

with that kind
of infection.

And then the other
thing to know, too, is that if we

don’t have oral
pain medication regimen,

there are still
other options for that, as well.

Okay.

It’s pretty clear
that this is a different ball game.

It is hard
to predict.

I would say

that if you wanted
to get through Thanksgiving and not feel

as distended and full, we can
take more fluid out.

You know Jill really...
Yeah.

...was set to
come home for Christmas.

Okay good.
December 23rd.

So there’s a fair amount of
incentive to see

if draining helps

to get us to there.

You know, I certainly
think the drainage

could help get things through
till Christmas.

Well, I think this
is enough. I...

Okay.
I can’t do any more.

That’s okay.
Okay.

I’ll be around, uhm, and

you know, definitely
be available so...

Yeah, it’s fine.
It’s fine. This is hard.

Have you been
watching any movies?

I’ve been thinking
of you and I’ve been wanting to stop by.

Because it’s...
Once you get through the first

flurry of gotta make a list, gotta get
everything done, gotta be ready to die,

then there’s
a period of adjustment

about, okay, now I’m ready to die,
now what?

Are we doing a trim today or style?
Just a tiny trim.

Okay.

About three weeks ago,

Cody was on a very minimal amount
of pain medication

Within the last three weeks
she’s gone to needing the equivalent of

ten milligrams of
IV morphine an hour.

which is a lot.

Part of the pain is due to the fact
she has literally liters,

like 3 two liter coke bottles of fluid
in her belly.

It’s like going from not pregnant to nine
months pregnant in a week.

Then she said,
"This is not what I signed up for."

She says, "I’m suffering now
and, uhm, so it’s time."

I don’t get to
take a shower.

I have to use a handheld thing.
Oh shoot, so...

So this is
a real luxury.

I don’t want to subject myself
or my family to

needless suffering
at end of life.

And I understand
that there’s a kind of

dignity in suffering,

but there’s a certain grace in accepting
the inevitable.

I think that Cody could
die at home

without using
the Death With Dignity Law

but I think what it would require
to keep her comfortable until her body

let things take its course
and she died,

would be things like, a hospital bed moved
into their apartment.

She’d need nursing support.

She’d need help with bathing, help with
going to the bathroom, help with dressing,

all of these things
being things that

Cody is just not a person to want
to have help with.

If Cody did not
use the law,

I think with all of
our maximum support,

given the speed with
which her symptoms have taken a turn

I suspect that
she would be gone

within, at least,
eight weeks.

Do you want me to grab you some tea here
or something? We’ve got some mint tea here.

Most of the
time I’m okay with it,

but then I think,

"Oh, I’m
going to die."

So how are
you feeling?

The wheels
are comin’ off,

what wheels
I have left.

So...
So, you’re just hanging in there, basically.

Yeah, I was gonna try
and make it through the holidays

and now I don’t know
if I will. I might have to just...

So, you’re going, you’re going to have
your whole family together.

When’s, when is Jill
coming out?

Well, she wasn’t
going to come until the 23rd,

but we may
change that.

I’ve done most everything
on my to-do list

except

I know my mother’s now been
diagnosed with

a, uhm,

her biopsy came back
malignant.

They’re very slow growing

and she’s 85 years old

and she’s not going to get
treatment.

And unfortunately that has not helped
our relationship.

She refuses
to talk about it.

It’s really difficult between
us right now.

How’s that
bang length, there?

You would think that would make things
easier, but it didn’t.

But you know,

just because you’re going to die
doesn’t mean

you’ve solved
everything in your life.

Let me just have you stand up.
I’m just going to check everything here.

I enjoy Cody’s presence
so much

and to think of her not being around
is very sad and

it’s sad in the way that you lose patients,
it’s always sad.

It’s sad to say good-bye
to somebody,

but it is also part
of life and,

uhm,

it’s something that I consider it an honor
to be a part of.

And I knew all along that I wanted to be
there for her if she wanted me there.

So when she asked if
I would be there,

it wasn’t really a decision.
I just knew that’s what I wanted to do.

And we had a very amusing
conversation where

we set a date
for her life to end

which seems very surreal
but Cody’s joking the whole way.

It was one of those
sad and funny and

inspiring conversations,
all at the same time.

We ended the conversation
just as I pulled in the driveway,

and I got out and walked into the house
and I told my husband,

"Uhm, I just made a date with someone
for them to

um, end their life."

And he knew, of course, what I was talking about,
but it was a very interesting

conversation.

Linda had said all along that when
it’s time, you’ll know

and it’s true.

And I thought
it would just happen.

I thought I would
drift away

but my body’s so strong.

It was clear that
I wasn’t going to drift away,

that it was going
to be excruciating and long.

So, I’m going to take the

the Seconal,
Monday at six o’clock.

Actually, I’ll take the

the, the first
two pills at 5:15pm

and then my surgeon
will be here

’cause we were
worried that I

would lose my ability
to swallow or keep anything down.

She has a full day
on clinic

but she’ll be done
at six, and so six it is.

Hey mom?
Yeah.

Sorry, I’m, uh,

it says

to melt

four squares of semi-sweet
chocolate.

Yeah, but I think this is better
and it’s darker.

I think people
would like that better.

And the top is so thin it’s nice
to have it as

as the darker,
less sweet chocolate.

Plus vanilla.
Yeah.

So, any amount of vanilla?
Oh...

Yeah, any amount.

Just pour the vanilla
in there!

Put two teaspoons...
Of vanilla.

Ouch, ooh.

Laughing makes my stomach
really hurt.

That’s worse
than crying.

No more laughing, T.

My mom’s

been making Christmas bars
every year,

they’re everybody’s
favorite cookie, but

nobody else in our family
really knew how to make ’em.

So, it was

great to learn how to make them.

I think this is perfect.

My hands are shaking.

I think that because it was

just a couple of days before

my mom chose to do
Death With Dignity,

there was kind of like,
"Well, this is it."

If there’s anything else
that you really want to make,

we should make it
together in the next two days.

I kind of, already had a food
relationship with my mom,

of trying recipes and cooking
with her.

All right, thank you T
that’s brilliant.

Looks really
nice T,

although I should
put in a big X and an O in there.

So, this was kind of like

uh, the last recipe.

Thank you.
Yeah, thank you mom.

All right, lie down.
Okay, bye.

Oh, and there’s some t-shirts.
This I’m going to...

Talking
to myself.

That’s great on you Megan.
I love the way this feels.

It has sparkle in it.
I know it does, but see it’s got

perfect on your coloring.

Ah, I like it on you.
You think it’s okay?

I thought it would be

scary and apprehensive,

like all the people
you read about on death row,

but it doesn’t
feel like that at all.

Not that I’ve
been on death row,

but I’m not considering any
last minute appeals.

Stan liked that one, but
it’s too short.

But it was cool.

You’re not going to
wear them again?

Ah, you mean tomorrow?

And Monday?

I am on a lot of morphine

now. Seventy five milligrams

an hour,

and it’s not going to be better
for very long.

It’s just going
to keep sliding.

Stan was so funny.
Yesterday he says,

"Okay, well I want to know where the
checkbook is and all the stuff I need to know."

I have tried

to show you this for the last

for the last
thirty five years."

Oh, I had this,

I had this for you.

Now, close your eyes
and put out your hand.

Mom, do you want
me to butter the pans?

It’s been
in my bedside.

Mom?
What? No, you don’t need to butter the pan.

I meant to get it wrapped,
but I didn’t.

Really,

up to the last few weeks it’s been a
walk in the park.

I had no idea.

It’s kind of like,
"So, this is what

terminal cancer is like.

This is not fun.

I didn’t sign up for this.

Oh wait,

there’s a,

there’s a, there’s a door
I can open."

You want to get up?
Yes. I have to have...

Oh, that’s good T.

That’s...you did a good job.

You can get a little more...and the rivets
are really hard.

These pots with rivets.

Nope, you did
pretty brilliantly.

Good job, sweetie.

So you don’t want the lick?

No? Okay.

You don’t want to have to come running
again do you? All right.

Well, thank you, sweetie.
You did a,

you did a brilliant job. I think it was
mostly you.

Well, Megan helped.

So thank you, and you helped.
...help, didn’t you?

But I just wanted it to be
a happy day.

And you musn’t think that ’cause I’m crying
now that I’m not happy.

I am.

I just cry easily.

Should we do one last song?

Okay, one last song. What
have you got?

Ah, You are
My Sunshine?

Oh that’s a good one.
We can do that one.

You are my sunshine.

My only sunshine.

You make me happy
when skies are grey.

You’ll never know dear
how much I love you.

Please don’t take
my sunshine away.

The other night, dear
when I am sleeping.

I dreamt I held you in my arms.

On the other hand.

You have other ideas?
How about Jingle Bells?

While dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh.

Oh yeah, that’s a...

O’er the fields
we go, laughing all the way.

Oh what fun it is to ride in
a one horse open sleigh. Hey!

...jingle all the way. Oh what fun
it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.

Ah, very nice.

Six o’clock, hmm. What should
we do?

Hey!
Well, hello.

Hello, Dr. Kate!
Sorry to be late.

Oh no, you’re wonderful.
Hey guys.

You are the cat’s pajamas. You are...

Oh, I can hear
the spoon clinking.

And I got some Gatorade in there, so she’s good to go.
Okay.

Finish off that last little piece.

Okay.

You guys are ready? Family’s all ready?
Yep. We’re good.

It should only take a couple
minutes, daddy.

Oh, I can stay.
Okay.

I love you so much, mama.

I know.
I love you too, sweetie.

There’s holiday Kleenex in the next room.

Are we good?
I think that’s good.

Are you ready?
Yeah, I’m ready.

Thank you, Linda.

Oh, I feel like I should give you a hug.
Can I have a hug?

Yes.
Thank you. Oh wait!

I forgot there’s someone
important here.

I love you honey.

Cody, this tastes terrible. I’ve told you
that before.

Yeah.

It tastes really terrible. So
just drink it down

Oh yeah, yeah.

Straight down is the best
without...

Wow! Nice work.

Do you want the rest?
Blach!

Blach? No?
That’ll do it. Do I have to?

Now, you’ll start getting
a little bit sleepy

and uhm, go to sleep. I’m going
to step out so

that you can have this time with your family.
Okay.

Blah, boy does
that taste terrible.

I’m just going to give you a quick hug
before you get sleepy.

With grace, as always.

It was a great day, honey. Thank you.
And a great weekend.

Practically perfect.

And thank you mama and daddy
for coming

and for singing me out.

And thank you
for coming so long ago.

The room’s starting to go
around and around.

That’s generally not a good sign.

This is so easy.
I wish people

knew how easy this was.

It’s a good thing.
Thank you, Dr. Kate.

Oh, no problem.

I love you, honey.

Thirty six years.

I’m 54 years.

I’m drifting.
I’m drifting.