Original subtitles

I'd like to tell you a story that will be passed down from generation to

generation in this small village.

It's the story of my Uncle Nixow.

He's a bushman. In fact, he's the bushman.

Some said he must be crazy.

But he lives a simple, carefree life.

Free as the wind, free as the birds.

With happy, simple dreams.

Or to put it another way, this is his idea of a good time.

By the way, only in our culture do people rub dirt on themselves to get

Nixow is a tribal elder, the most respected man in our village.

So, of course, he's got the best job.

And nothing works up an appetite like getting to the root of a problem.

At lunchtime, mix our repairs to the executive cafeteria for the Thursday

-your -own hoof -and -turf special.

But on that particular day, something was very different.

Strange was going on in the bush.

Who are you?

Cut! What's going on? Cut, cut. Cut, cut, cut, cut.

They were just shooting a television commercial and Nick so accidentally got

the way.

Come on, Bob. You're the director.

Okay, everything's under control. Can we have the camera over here, please? No,

no, no. Don't move. Keep the camera there.

You're the boss.

Suddenly, something hit him on the head.

Oh, my God.

Sorry. Are you okay? It was strange and yet somehow very familiar.

No, I'm okay. Go back to work.

Then Mixa found the bird.

Sorry,

I don't understand.

Take it.

Excuse me.

Shirley? Yeah?

We're ready to go. The camera's in position.

Okay, I'm coming.

Okay. Is the camera right? Yep, we're all ready.

You like it?

Yeah, we'll try to come up with it.

Okay, thank you.

Tall as a hamburger.

Joe.

Hello. Shirley speaking.

Yes, who?

Is that you, Jack?

Shit.

Not you, Shirley. How's everything in L .A.? Great. How about you?

Everything's fine here. Shirley, when are you going to finish that shoe? It's

costing me big bucks.

We shoot everything today.

When are you coming to Hong Kong?

Now, my boys here told me the latest figures.

Seems that your little island of six millions got the highest sale of the

burgers for head of population in this whole entire world of six billions.

I got big expansion plans for your part of the world, darling. That's why I

can't wait to make another visit to that dynamo city of yours. What do they call

it? What is it? The Pearl, Pearl something.

That's right. Pearl of the Orient.

I'll be over next week. Next week, huh?

It will be. I'll tell you how to order. I don't know.

Okay. Let's shoot it.

Mixel brought his prize home to the tribe. They celebrated his astonishing

late into the night.

Yeah,

there we go. We deserve this. I promise you. To the Bushman.

The whole tribe got in on the fun and partied all night long.

Until someone stopped to think of the bird.

The poor thing was trapped inside the bottle, or at least that's how they

thought. All they could think about was how to get it out of there and back into

the sky where it belonged.

Everyone agreed, the bird must be set free.

released. But how to do it?

Finally, my wise uncle told them, the pretty lady put the bird in the bottle,

she must know how to get it out.

It's terrific.

Oh, great. I'm glad you had a good time. Yeah.

Bob? Uh -huh? This spot's going to be a hit.

No doubt about it. For you.

Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.

Oh.

Bye.

was the best tracker in our village.

If anyone could find the pretty lady, he could.

My ticket.

Thank you, ma 'am. How long to Johannesburg?

Oh, not very long. About an hour.

Thank you. In the basket.

Everything's ready.

Let's go.

No way, ma 'am. No, no, no.

Oh,

no. Not again.

Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of your hut.

And so my uncle boarded the plane and took his first flight as luggage.

John. Shirley.

What's up? I got the fax saying they need me at the office immediately.

No, no, no, no. Don't confuse me. I'm going to forget. Okay. Michael said I

should tell you to read the fax about getting to the office for a big meeting

immediately and that you're coming in on an airplane.

What do you mean coming in?

Is anyone home in there? I'm here. I've arrived.

And now for the big question.

Concentrate now.

Where is my car?

It's up there.

No, no, my mistake.

It's over there.

Got the keys?

In there. No kidding.

I've got a return trunk and baggage claim.

Pick it up. Try and get it right this time.

Louie, this is the trunk with my diamonds.

How do you know, Chewy? They all look the same. When it comes to diamonds, I

smell them, trust me.

All right. No back.

Always left with left. Lift with your legs. Bend at the knees.

Oh, my God.

What have they gotten here? A dead body?

Come on, Chewie. No time to stop her, Eggroll.

Let's go.

Ow!

Huh? Who the hell are you?

What are you doing here?

It's a respectable hotel, sir. You have to pick up all this garbage. Look at the

mess you've made here.

Come on, sir, pick it all up.

I haven't got all day, you know. Come on, pick it up. Oh, Stewie, that little

guy's got our diamonds. Oh, you can smell them, all right.

Oh,

my God.

He's going to use my diamonds to get on.

Don't worry. They only think it's that pain. Turn out this way, will you? Come

on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Now he had time to look around and wonder, where in the world am I?

Look, Eddie Murphy.

Hi there.

Good morning.

What have you got for me?

Thank you.

Thanks.

What part of China do you come from?

What part of China do you come from?

You too.

Take him back to his girlfriend.

Tell her he's not to run around half naked.

Next time, we'll bring charges.

Yes, sir.

Hello.

Hi, Jack.

Oh, hello, Mike. I just saw the rushes. Is Shirley there? Hi, Jack.

Listen, Shirley, my boys are pretty impressed. Now, they want to run this

worldwide, not just Hong Kong.

You got that?

Okay, now down to the nuts and bolts. What's the latest on a number of

We've got 39 shops now.

You got how many?

39? 39? Did I hear 39?

Operator! Operator!

Operator!

Listen, what the hell is going on? We had a game plan. That's 40, not 39. One

thing I learned after all these years, never change the game plan. Now that's

40. It's not 39. It's not 41. It's 40. Gentlemen, I'm glad we understand each

other. Mr. William, hi, this is Tony. You remember me?

Oh, yeah, you're the brown nose.

We have 40 shops.

It's just a matter of getting rid of the old tenant, that's all. All right,

well, get Shirley onto it and take no prisoners. When I get to Hong Kong, I

expect to visit that number 40 outlet. You got that?

Don't worry, Jack. I promise you everything will be done by the time you

here on Monday. Bye, Jack. Bye -bye. See you on Monday.

Grandma, we got us some shooting to do.

Tony, what's the problem here?

If we've got a lease, let's enforce it.

Now boot him out of there.

It's not a problem with the lease.

Someone's got a mother who's not getting with the program.

My mother?

You bought my mother's shop when I was in Africa?

Shirley, it was a decision of market research.

Shit happens.

Shirley, your mom's shop is the perfect location for a Malibu burger. You know

that. We've got demographics up the wazoo.

Michael's seen them. Okay.

When's the damn lease up?

Right now.

In fact, the lease expired several months ago.

Sorry, Shirley.

I didn't know the store belonged to your mother.

I hope you can handle this for the sake of our company.

We'll give her full compensation for moving expenses.

Oh, how nice.

Tony. Do me a favor.

Let me break it to her. She's had the business 17 years.

You've got my word on it.

Surely you've got a guest in leather diapers.

Say what?

Jerk.

Let me put it to you this way, ma 'am. What's short wears a loincloth and runs

in the street? Maybe him? A good one, yeah, really.

Anyway, ma 'am, tell us, does he belong here or not? And where is this Miss

Hearn, huh?

We're not going to walk around with him like this all day. He looks kind of

funny in that. Get up.

Kind of embarrassing as well.

I don't know.

There she is, Miss Hong. Hey, what's up?

Guess what we found.

Yikes. What the hell are you doing here?

You win.

We found your little playmate naked, jousting with traffic, ma 'am. So, do

want him back now?

Is that all right with you, ma 'am? Huh? I don't know him.

You don't? But you just said hello to him, though. Oh, come on. Yikes doesn't

mean hello.

Oh, you know him. Let's split.

You can't leave a man like that in an office like this. Look, ma 'am, he was

wearing your I .D. tag. Where's God? How do you know the guy?

Look, if you have a problem, then call his consulate. Ivy, the consulate. All

right.

Would you do me a favor?

Please take him off my hands. I mean, we went briefly. Look, ma 'am, he's here

now. It's your responsibility. Got a problem? Then call someone.

Come on, we're out of here.

What do you got, Ivy?

It's a holiday. I got a pre -recorded message.

I didn't have a lot of luck finding your bag.

Did you try checking the airline?

The airline?

Of course the airline.

Exactly what are you using for brain?

Who's this guy? Your new boyfriend?

No, Mr.

Wiseguy. He's now your new assistant.

Welcome to the firm, old man.

Do you have any initial questions?

I agree,

but let's get that between ourselves, okay?

Nice hairstyle. Where'd you get it, huh?

I don't know. I didn't get it.

Oh, I've gone there. Hey, come on. Meet the gang.

This is Ivy.

By the way, I hear you have a fax for me.

A fax?

Oh, sorry.

Cool. I'll make a copy.

Good news, Cheryl. There's been a breakthrough on your missing trunk.

They've spotted a couple of sky cats. They were dancing... around with your

panties on their heads.

Sounds promising, eh? Oh, just keep looking.

Hey, John, I've got a meeting. You look out for a little friend here.

It's quitting time.

Do it for me. I'll pay you overtime.

Okay? Okay.

Stick with me, pal.

Hmm.

Hey, Ivy, where did the new guy go?

The new guy!

No idea.

But you better find him.

Hi, baby.

Talking a pretty woman. No big job for a clever hunter like Nick, Sal.

Except if the ground is moving.

Now, this smell is wonderful.

Well, I hate it. It makes me look like a ripe pumpkin.

There's no public bathing allowed here.

Now, this one I like a lot better. It's slimming on me.

But it's the same shirt, ma 'am. Ah, no wonder it looks familiar.

It makes you look like a pumpkin.

Oh, oh.

Now, these ties are the latest rage.

Hmm, is this a clip -on? Oh, I don't know how to ask the sales manager.

Jake! Why aren't you with John?

This time we find your boyfriend molesting plastic birds.

Plastic birds?

Didn't we warn you already to keep this guy out of the street?

I'm responsible?

Just keep your personal life indoors. You got that? We gotta go.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

See ya.

This looks great.

You know, you really should be a fashion model.

What do you think, Miss Holmes? Stylish, no?

Hmm.

It's a look.

But even in these strange and wonderful new surroundings, Nixow had to remind

himself why he had come. His mission, to free the yellow bird.

But he could not make himself understood to his beautiful hostess.

Funny how a man can travel a journey of 10 ,000 miles and still be separated by

a few small words.

Oh, Ivy, listen, I've ordered a cake. Can you get John to pick it up? Okay,

Bye. I'll hang up. You first.

Okay, bye.

Bye. Hello, you still there? Okay, both hang up on three.

One, two, three.

It had been a long time since Uncle Nixow had seen rain.

No, no. Do you understand the concept of rain? We don't want to get wet.

In Mixau's homeland, in our tribe, a rainstorm was caused to rejoice, caused

celebration, and the whole tribe would pass around the soap and the back

scrubber.

Something was going on up ahead.

A traffic accident.

It reminded Nixow of two bull rhinos mating at a watering hole.

Only it smelled a lot better.

just me.

This is TV. Don't be afraid.

Wait, wait. Don't get scared until you see the commercials.

Come on, get up.

Have a seat. Relax.

I'll fix dinner.

Yikes! Wait! Don't drink that. It's full of fish poop.

Come with me.

Water.

Ice.

See?

You blimp. You drink any more and you'll bust your loincloth.

That's enough. Come on.

Is that you, John?

No, it's June.

You forget your umbrella?

No, I forgot my umbrella.

Just give me the damn cake and come in.

Don't drip on the rug.

Hey!

Boy, it's good to see you.

How you doing?

Hey, uh, how come you're not wet from the rain like me?

Oh, under the awning. I didn't do it like that.

Of course, you're much thinner than I am.

What's the move?

John! Yikes!

Yeah? What is this?

Your idea of a joke?

No, it's cake.

This is an ice cream cake.

I sent you out for a birthday cake. Does this look like a birthday cake?

I'm a little hazy in the distinction, sugar.

Birthday cakes aren't made of ice cream.

So, how do you like the cake?

Oh, great. I love it. My husband's going to come home from work and find ice

cream soup for dinner.

Yikes!

So, now's maybe not the time to ask for a raise.

Uh... Ice cream is ice cream. Birthday cake is birthday cake.

Want some?

Come on.

Okay. The first thing to remember is to eat the cake, not the spoon.

Watch me.

Wait,

wait, wait.

Let me go next, and then you go. Okay.

Okay, that's good. That's good. All right. Now you go.

Okay. Then I go.

And then you go.

No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't get enough of a bite. You get a bite, and I

a bite, okay?

Okay, wait.

Wait.

Where's the cake?

Oh, John.

Oh, Johnny.

If you want a job tomorrow, you better get out of here right now.

Oh, yeah.

I myself would love to have a job tomorrow.

How about you?

Hmm.

Get cleaned up before dinner, okay?

Sweetheart, is that you?

Mom.

What's wrong?

Oh, come on, don't cry.

Come in and tell your daughter all about it.

Okay.

Okay, okay, out with it.

I'm the daughter, forcing your own mother out on the street.

Let me get you a nice glass of water, Ma.

Stupid company is trying to run me out of business, those bastards.

They called me collect this morning. They're giving me three days to get out

my store.

You're the one behind all this, aren't you?

Betrayed by my own daughter.

Was the caller Tony Lee?

So you did ask them to throw me out of the building on my ass?

No, Ma.

I would never use the word ass.

Why do I have to get a call from a perfect stranger telling me I've been

evicted? Your senior staff and my daughter, you should have told me months

You're right, Ma, but I was in Africa. I got back a little while ago. I'll try

to fix it. You know I will.

I hope so. Your father, God rest his soul, is rolling over in his grave.

Shirley, how are you and your husband getting along?

Oh, we're doing fine.

We're having a candlelit dinner.

Oh, really?

Yes. Shirley, everyone knows he has a mister.

You must be strong.

A woman must be like a willow.

Resilient enough to bend with the breeze, yet strong enough... Stop it,

Shirley, is there some little personal problem you'd like to get off your

All right, that's it, Ma.

Let's just talk about the shop.

Suppose I can get us a buyout deal. Would you think about relocating then?

It's not about money, Shirley.

It's a matter of principle.

Your father and I started the store 17 years ago. We worked hard to build it

and it always provided the family with a good source of income, and then you

went to the university.

It's getting late. I've got to go. Thanks for coming. Bye -bye. I'll call

tomorrow.

Yay. Shirley, you listen to Mama.

One night of passion does not a romance make.

Trust me. Trust me, hon.

You lost the diamond. Well, how's it my fault?

I chew of an egg roll. Well, let's go then. Ow!

Hi there. Shirley here.

I'm going to be a little late for the meeting.

Keep it going. I should be there in about a half hour.

I don't know, but make him wait.

Okay? Bye -bye.

What are you doing?

Something wrong?

Look,

I've got a busy day.

Just stay with me. Let's go.

Just shut up!

Just give me ten minutes and I'll try to get you your money, your dental, your

401k program.

Yay!

Bill.

I want to know right now what the hell's going on with this company. Your

husband's run off with the company's money and we're bankrupt.

There wasn't much Uncle Nick's house could do to help.

But what a fine opportunity to sample the local produce.

How was Nixau to understand all the confusion?

In our tribe, there are no such things as labor problems.

All Nixau knew for sure was that his new friend was having trouble with the

people that made the bouncing fruit.

I'm on my way to DMC.

Maybe they'll take him back.

Then I'm meeting Winnie.

I've got other problems.

Bye -bye.

Thank you.

to tell you I was having a rough day. Could you please just sit here quietly

just behave yourself?

Hey, Shirley.

Hey, Winnie.

How come you're late?

Where'd you find him? What a hunk, eh?

Are you listening to me?

Winnie, you haven't heard one word I've said.

Of course I have. Your husband's gone and your company is short of money and

bank is forcing you to pay your husband's debts.

If you don't pay soon, they'll repossess your car and house, and your company

plans to throw your mother out of her store.

Fine.

Here, take some Kleenex. Do yourself a favor. Take a deep breath, sit yourself

down, and have yourself a really, really good cry.

Now tell me, how much do you owe? Way too much, Wynn. Come off it. We're

supposed to be best friends.

My boyfriend's rich.

And as you well know, he's never, ever said...

No to me.

Come on, don't worry.

Could you lend me half a million?

Half a million?

I can't do that.

How about a million?

But, Winnie.

No problem. Come on.

But just hold it till tomorrow, okay?

I think we've covered every inch of this city. Like searching for a worm in a

noodle factory.

Look, there he is.

Oh, there you are, my little friend.

Oh, Chewie, get me out of here.

Oh, my arm.

Okay, all right, I got you. I got you now.

Get up, Chewie.

You look like a beach whale in a leisure suit. Come on, let's go.

I'm not paying for that.

Oh, everything is dark.

You're wearing sunglasses.

Let go.

Wait. This way. Come on. Hey.

Stop that guy in the bathroom. Come back here. Come back here. Come on.

Easy for you to say.

Don't damage the wicker.

Now you're going to be ticked.

I think we got him now. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Here we go, here we go,

we go.

Right here.

Oh, got him, right? Hang on.

Are you calling me fat? Wait a minute.

Hey, look at this guy get trapped.

Come on.

I'm going to stop it, you little. Come over here. Come back here, you.

Come back here. Oh, when I get my hands on you.

I'll get him, I'll get him. I'm going to get him ready.

Yeah, ready? One, two, three, four.

I'm going to kill you. If you want to know about men, I'll tell you about it.

All men are alike.

Gondoliers or lumberjacks.

One will use a sweet voice to sing his way into your heart, while the other

don a big red shirt and use every trick and cut you down. Which one is your

husband?

Well, my husband's a little different.

He took his mistress.

cleaned out the bank account and left the damn country.

To hell with them.

Look, Cheryl, the important thing is that we're both women.

And women are like willow trees.

We've got to bend in the wind, yet be strong enough to withstand.

Here's another approach. You might want to pray to the gods.

Good idea.

Call me tomorrow.

What's with you? Why are you so wet all over?

scoot over your friend's way cool so tell me does he dance as good

as he looks how should i know i gotta get into the car to go over there and

back to work bye -bye okay

Ask Ivy to come into the meeting.

Hey, Shirley's called us big shots in for an emergency meeting.

A what?

Emergency meeting.

So what did you find out from the agent?

He said they aren't able to sell the shop upstairs.

What about renting it? I didn't ask him. You didn't ask him?

What's the matter with you? Don't you understand? My mother has this door

downstairs. I don't have to throw her out if we can get the upstairs business

from Malibu Burger.

So if we put the new burger shop upstairs, the serving area is twice as

And we can put in nice big glass windows and paint the walls nice bright colors

and we'll really do the place up right.

It'll have great visibility.

Yikes!

What's he doing out there?

John? Yes?

Take care of him, will you?

I'm off duty now.

I'll pay you over time. Take him out and show him a good time.

What do I use for money?

Have you ever heard the word reimbursement? Oh, sure, but can I get

back? Just bring him back to my mom's door by 11.

It's called bamboo fish. They take a fish and put it inside the bamboo.

No, you eat the fish, not the bamboo.

Well, your wife has a recipe too, huh? Come on, I'll show you more.

He eats the fish raw, too.

There's a good one over there. Oh, actually, that one's swimming upside

So what's with the upside down one?

Special fish.

He's missing both fins and not moving very much.

Neat, huh?

Neat, huh? It's stuck to the bottom of the tank and it's covered with twine.

A rare delicacy.

Please, don't do that.

No, you can't shoot the salesman.

Look, I'm telling you, you can't shoot the salesman. Unless you give him a

running start.

You gotta give him a running start, get it?

Thanks for running with me. Kill me.

No.

No tie.

No shoe.

Coming. Back.

No. No.

Hey, don't let that sultan get to you, okay, pal?

Hey, don't use that kind of language around me.

Boy, I never sometimes.

Shoes.

Tie.

No problem.

Let's go, my brother.

Go on, eat it.

Put a hair on your chest.

Okay.

You got it.

This is an Africa.

Relax. It's okay. Have some sake. Wash it down. That's it.

Good, huh?

Nothing like a little raw fish.

Sushi. Go ahead.

Thank you.

How many light bulbs in Hong Kong? Oh, about 43 ,603.

Oh, yeah? Count them yourself.

You did?

Mom, you've got to get with the times.

This isn't much of a business nowadays.

Look around you. This isn't what people want.

Past foods, the future.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard all that before. If I'd listened to

that story 20 years ago, you wouldn't have afforded your college.

I've seen it all. Believe me, double cheeseburgers, pizza parlors, and frozen

yogurt.

And let me just say, I'm still here and they're not.

I know it isn't easy, Mom.

But why don't we just take the compensation they're offering and move?

this we stuff all of a sudden? That's a first for you, isn't it? Before this,

you were always the perfect company girl, always taking their side. What

me? What about me, your own mother who raised you? Thank God your sated father

never lived to see this day. Mom, would you just listen to me a second?

Those foreign bosses don't give a damn about you. The first time you fail,

you're out on your ass.

And Shirley, as long as we're talking, if you looked after your husband as well

as you look after your job, you'd have a home life.

Come on, Shirley. Are you going to think only of yourself or are you going to

help out your dear sweet mother?

Time for you to choose.

Hey, don't slip the merchandise, all right? Let's go.

Hey, Cheryl.

What do you think, huh?

You're just in time for dinner.

Did you do this to him?

He likes it. It's a whole ensemble here. What do you think?

Oh, basic black. Very practical.

What? Go on, make yourself at home.

Ma, you said... Maybe this isn't the best time to have a casual dinner thing.

We'll come back.

You said the two? Some kind of mother -daughter problem thing?

Maybe you want to buy a duck?

No, no, no, no, no.

That's a preserved duck.

Don't touch that. Don't touch that.

Look, will you just trust me on this one, will you?

Hey,

look, come here.

All right?

Take a good look at that, will you?

I don't even know why you followed me.

All I know is... All I know is you're the only one who stands by me.

I can't believe trained professionals like us can't catch a bum like this.

There's more to him than meets the eye. Oh, my face. Look what he did to my

face. When I find him, I'm going to kill him.

Oh, your face.

It's not a face. It's a pillow with eyes.

My urine sample.

Jenny. Ready?

Great. Am I glad to see you.

Do me a favor, will you? Keep an eye on him for me, and if you take him out, put

some clothes on him, okay?

No problem. Bye.

Hi.

Remember me?

True, Potter.

Yeah.

You could say that.

Okay. Did you finish?

Done.

Come on, let's go.

Okay? Okay.

Let's get dressed.

Dress up.

Right?

What's wrong?

Uncomfortable? Forget it.

Let's go.

Uncle had never had it so good. Now another beautiful lady was interested in

him.

Here, honey, honey. Here.

Get down, okay?

That's it.

Now, put your butt over here. Put your leg up. Put your leg up there.

Okay. That's good. That's good.

Uncle preferred the feel of the wind in his hair.

Joe! Hey, Joe, you got what I ordered?

Sure, put it in the oven.

Thanks.

I don't understand, Fran.

Get the road jacket. Don't you come back no more, no more, eh?

Get lost, you bird molester.

He's a nice pussycat.

Go find your own. Go on. Go on. Scat. Scat.

Uncle Nix, I could not understand why these people kept putting all their

animals in cages.

Only one thing to do.

Bird! Those are my birds! Oh, please!

Don't worry,

don't worry!

Shut up!

Eight sparrows at five dollars?

This is Hong Kong, as far as the eye can see.

Look right over there.

You see that building over there?

The one with the spire on top?

That one?

It's my boyfriend's office.

Get it?

My boyfriend.

Works over there.

Right over there.

You know, with a big family.

You know, a wife with kids.

Then you have baby.

You know, baby.

Baby. Baby.

Baby.

Come in.

Whoa,

you're a dud.

I'm just thinking about it.

Me? I want baby.

We've talked about it.

My boyfriend and I want to have babies.

Someday, maybe.

He wants to immigrate first.

I guess he has a point there.

Until then, I guess, you know, we've got to be patient.

Where the hell is that temple? I know they put it around here somewhere.

I'm sure we've got to find my ass.

Hey, mister, have you seen a temple around here anywhere?

I haven't seen anything in ten years, but here's my best advice for you. Go to

-Eleven, make a ride to McDonald's, and you can't miss it.

Thank you.

Thank you very much. Can I help you across the street? Oh, yeah.

I'm having trouble remembering things these days. I mean, sometimes I can't

remember my own telephone number. Really? Oh, me too.

What did you say?

Me? I didn't say anything.

I didn't say anything. It was you doing all the talking. No way.

I didn't say anything at all.

Get out of here. I can't take the word of a beggar. Beggar?

Who are you calling a beggar?

I sing for a living, like Michael Jackson.

Like Miller and... So you're saying he's a beggar?

Who would have guessed that?

Where am I going?

My name is John.

What is it?

What's this action, Winnie?

I was just taking some photographs.

Where's the coat?

Back home. What did you do that for?

Felt like it. Geez, he didn't like it anyway.

It was too itchy.

How do you know what makes him itchy?

You wear clothes and you're not itchy. And what about catching cold?

What if this guy sneezes? He's probably never seen a Kleenex in his life.

I'm sorry, but I didn't think about that.

Well, what were you thinking then?

You have to think about his feelings, too.

See what I mean?

Sorry.

Oh, try explaining sorry to him sometime.

Was there no end to the beautiful and unusual things that Nixel was seeing and

touching for the first time?

Or was it just a stupid painting?

But one thing was very certain.

Everything was new, even the ground that moved.

Oh, Winnie, did you see where he went?

Smells good.

Not fresh air, but it's something familiar.

Finally, someone who speaks his

language.

You again.

Good Lord, you do turn up in the most extraordinary places, don't you?

Key break? Yeah.

Biscuit? Never mind.

Well, you know, we do have a hard time of it, don't we?

Chinese on the one side, Chinese on the other. I think we Gwylers deserve a

medal.

Quite right.

I say, is this some sort of native bow and arrow?

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Do you think I could have a try?

Good.

Right.

Sorry,

let's see.

The 12 -bit, I think, to the left.

Oh, right, right, right.

A jam?

Energy makes me feel young. It's just like the good old early days in the USA.

Don't believe everything they say about this place, Jack.

Oh, yeah?

Well, anyway, I'm glad we had the opportunity to have this little chat

the meeting, then.

You are a member of the family, aren't you, Shirley, right?

And you have solved that number 40 outlet for me.

You know one thing...

When she gunned down my grandpa and that is business, it's business. Now, you

get that number 40 outlet for me. Honey, the sky's the limit. You write your own

ticket.

Now, what do you say?

Come take me to number 40.

I'll take you there tomorrow.

What a view.

Before Hong Kong, Uncle Nick saw it only seen the dry desert landscape that

surrounded his bush village.

Where wonders never cease.

Imagine. Water.

Precious water as far as the eye could see.

Good news. Enough water to last forever.

It's okay.

Back home at last.

But where were the kids?

His

darling,

loving wife. How my uncle longed to see her face again.

Oh, to be back with the loving children again.

Thank goodness it was only a dream.

I wonder what Sigmund Freud would have to say.

Not a bad place to open a roast duck restaurant here.

Help me, please. Sit here. On the towel.

Way to go. Way to go.

Get the hell out of me. I don't have any insurance.

Hey, who's driving?

Where are you from?

Where are you from?

Hey,

which way are you going?

Hey, I'm going into a...

No, no, I think it's all yours.

I'm happy.

I'm thriving.

Well? Well?

Wanna go again?

mess you've gotten me into.

Winnie, what the hell's the matter with you? What am I supposed to do now?

I was counting on your money. Why'd you promise me if you couldn't deliver you?

Blake! They've towed my car and they're taking my stuff!

Winnie,

do me a personal favor, huh?

Don't ever mention that Willow thing again.

Cheryl, I can't believe it.

Go home, Winnie.

Forget him. It's painful, but you'll soon get over it.

It's payback time! Wait, Winnie, Winnie.

Please don't act so foolishly.

You'll be my friend, right?

You'll stay with me, right?

Even though I got nothing?

Of course.

You know you can count on me.

Okay?

Bye -bye.

You, I'm not done with you yet. Where were you last night? I was worried sick.

Oh, don't give me those doe eyes.

It's not like you know your way around here.

Avon calling.

Yes? May I help you? Get out of the way.

There he is. Come on.

What do you know?

Open up, you little... This way.

Oh, my sternum. I've got to hurry. Come here, you. Come on.

Wait a minute. Get around this way. Wait a minute.

Get out of here. Wait. Come on.

Hey, who are these guys?

Get off him!

Are you all

right?

Careful, careful.

I've got to get these shoes refilled in. I'm not flipping here.

Don't fall.

Oh, over there. Check it out with the bump. I'll get the guy.

Look out.

He's running again.

What are you going to do? I don't know. We're only going...

I got something here. I got some jewels. Wait a minute. That's not the right

jewel there. Wait a minute.

Hong Kong is really a beautiful place, but it seems like there's nothing here

for me anymore.

Where did you meet those guys anyway?

You know, we're really lucky.

They could have sliced us up like lunch meat.

Michael, I'm on my way in.

Too late. They've already left for shop 40.

So this is shop number 40. That's right, it is.

Charlie,

good to see you.

I'm ready. Be here.

Oh, the favorite gal.

Well, you got the deets to number 40 here?

What is this, some kind of Chinese joke?

Business is business, and my ma's business is my family.

Now what the hell's going on?

My letter of resignation.

I always hated Malibu burgers.

Too much grief.

And nothing personal, Jack.

Why, you ungrateful son of a gun. I'm going to get this door, and nobody's

mama's going to stand in my way.

It's all right. I'll take care of you later.

Nobody's mama's going to stand in my way.

Look at this filthy food. Look at this. What is this? This is unhygienic.

One thing you've got to get straight.

Manicou Burger's been here to stay.

It's American, it's wholesome, and it's going to take over the world.

Jack, let me help, please.

I like your style.

What part of China are you from, anyway?

Oh, cool it. I am not late until the big hand says 12.

Very sorry, okay?

But the big news is I have been promoted.

Well, thanks for the congratulations. You know, it's not easy climbing to the

top of the ladder these days. You know, kids.

I'd love to talk about it, but I've got to get back, okay? I'll talk to you

soon, though.

I know.

I know, I know. I feel the same way, too. We're friends, and I'm going to

you, too.

Here, take my business card. That's my name and telephone number. And you can

also fax me if that's more convenient for you, if you want.

Don't you dare call collect. Don't be a cheapskate, huh?

Let me get your card, too.

You know, you never know what I might be passing through your neighborhood. I

could drop on by or something.

drawing a map.

You are brilliant. I would never have thought of that.

Do I rent a car or can I walk there?

You mean there's no taxi?

You mean there isn't any other way to get there?

Oh, I see.

Tell me, tell me, did they build a subway?

Oh, the desert, huh?

Big apes.

Big apes?

You got gorillas?

They eat human beings?

No, they just bite you.

Go down the hill.

Megaderms.

Megaderms. Oh, I love elephants. They live with me. Are there any crocodiles?

Huh?

Okay, look, I really gotta get back to the office now. Here, don't lose my car.

You got it. And I'll carry it with me always. And I won't lose it, so don't

worry about that.

Take care.

Goodbye.

It seemed like Nixow had been away from our little village forever.

But as I woke up that morning, not so many years ago, I still remember now how

happy he looked as he walked toward us.

He had freed the bird from the bottle and seen many things, like the colorful

metal animals with wheels that could make a sound like a wounded hippo. But

most wondrous of all, Nixow would always say, the people of this distant land,

and that they were the same, the same as you and I, inside where it counts.

Why'd you lie to me? You told me I couldn't get here by taxi.

Well, you should try taking a taxi sometime.

Why am I here? Well, very simple. After I got promoted, the competition and the

pressure became too much, and I just couldn't take it anymore. You know how

is sometimes.

I got big plans for us, pal.

Hurry up, will you? Come on. What took you so long? Come on. Let's get to work

here. Can we take this snake now, please?

look good enough to eat.

What?

We can't make change for this.

This one's for free.

What did I tell you about being such a cheapskate?

Be a little generous to our customers. Look at all of them. Look at the line.

It takes months to make a customer and only seconds to lose one.

That's the spirit.

I don't know. I'm not sure if the leather loincloth look is really me.

So, how much longer until we get to the next village, huh?

We're almost there. You're always saying we're almost there. What about when we

were going to those mud huts and you said, we're almost there? We walk for

more weeks.

You mean I got to go walk across that lane? You got to be pulling my chain.

Oh, you can't go across that. Oh, Will, that looks different than a man.