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"Science and religion are on a parallel course

to answer one question.

'Are we alone?'”

Buckminster Fuller, 1969.

My name is lieutenant Samantha ratanarat.

Call sign: Sierra Romeo.

I'm a model maker, astronaut, and ironworker.

My material is steel.

Steel is the king of all building materials.

Nearly every artifact in space program contains some steel.

It is in our blades, barrels, and hardware.

After cutting steel, we consider the safety of others.

The razor-sharp burrs on fresh-cut steel can cause serious injury.

Remove them with a bench grinder.

Steel compensates for our ignorance of engineering.

When we need strength without knowing exactly how much strength,

we choose steel.

Steel is not just strong.

It's strong enough.

And yet, the grand master of steel... Stainless...

Can be polished to a smoothness

tender enough for the mouth of a beautiful woman.

My name is commander Mary eannarino.

Call sign: Mike echo.

I am an astronaut and carpenter.

My material is three-quarter-inch ac fir plywood.

Plywood is the queen of all building materials.

The bulk of space program

is made of three-quarter-inch, seven-ply ac fir plywood.

Plywood is a sandwich, a delicious wood sandwich.

Plywood is more flexible and generally stronger

than lumber of the same species and dimensions.

Plywood takes advantage of wood's grain properties

by alternating the wood grain of each ply.

Plywood"s strength and flexibility

is in her cross-grain constitution.

Our love for plywood is such that we have spent years

learning how to best make her look, feel, and function.

My name is sergeant pat McCarthy.

Call sign: Papa Mike.

I am the shop foreman.

My tool is the broom.

In our space program, no one is above manual labor.

We all are expected to clean and knoll.

Sometimes even the boss must shovel shit in Louisiana.

Lieutenant Nick Doyle.

Call sign: November delta.

Drills and saws.

I'm a fifth-degree master of bricoleur.

It is by having hands

that man is the most intelligent of animals.

Our space program is handmade,

guided by the philosophy of bricolage.

Each member of our space program crew is a bricoleur.

Bricolage means creation or repair

with available limited resources.

We go to Mars not to exploit the resources of a new planet

but to better understand our resources here on earth.

Our Mars mission will serve to organize and measure

the best of our energies and skills.

An inner circle of hundreds must be rallied

to execute our ambitious mission.

Our special forces team inspires their support with literature...

Counterfeit currency...

Film...

And imagination.

My name is Tom sachs.

My crew and I have built our own space program from scratch.

Our mission is to land the first women on the surface of Mars...

Find life

and recoup our investment.

T-minus ten minutes and counting.

This is bacchus 3 mission control.

All still go on the mission to land the first women on the surface of Mars.

This entire spaceflight will be relayed to mission control

by 48 surveillance cameras

monitoring critical spaceflight events.

Sergeant Jeff lurie.

Call sign: Juliet Lima.

My tool is the surveillance camera.

The story of space program is broadcast to the civilian world

through 48 surveillance cameras.

A grumman technician at mission control

selects the feed that displays the action

on space program's 15-fooft telescreen.

Civilians will observe much of the mission on the telescreen.

Please do not attempt to appear on our monitors

or otherwise interfere with our grumman camera crew.

Please do not touch any special effects devices.

Though robust in appearance, they are, in fact,

precise navigation instruments.

Our 24-member flight control team,

referred to herein as "grummans,”

appreciate your compliance with our protocol.

T-minus five minutes and counting.

- Am I hurting your neck? - Nope.

- That's why I keep my head up for launch. - Thank you.

Oh, that looks perfect!

When we are suiting up in the mobile quarantine facility,

I'm sort of nervous and excited

and I have a giddy feeling.

During suiting up, um, I've got some butterflies,

but I'm excited and trying to focus on the mission ahead.

Start radio check.

If I forget one connection, you know, one of the water connections,

she doesn't have cooling, you know, for the first 30 minutes of the demo.

We, uh... we crack a few jokes

and kind of forget what we're doing there.

But once we're suited up and we're in the suits,

then it's kind of, um...

It's like a calm anticipation, and you're just waiting for that signal.

Astronauts, you are clear to enter the scissor lift.

When you get on the scissor lift,

it's like that first moment of disorientation.

You're wearing the bubble helmet, so you can only hear

via the radio and... What people are saying.

Mission granted. Please proceed, commander eannarino.

My name is lieutenant Evan Murphy.

Call sign: Echo Mike.

Aka: Swaizzy.

I am a grumman systems mechanic.

My primary duty is extravehicular activity suit maintenance.

My material is tyvek.

Tyvek is a nonwoven, flashspun,

high-density polyethylene fiber material

used in high-class shipping envelopes.

Tyvek is strong, lightweight, and impervious to liquid water.

The outer layer of our extravehicular activity suit

is made of tyvek.

The space suit protects our astronauts

from the brutality of the martian environment.

Proceed, commander eannarino.

Mission control advises that you are clear for ingress.

Once we raise up, um,

we have to do that... that crossover to getting into the lm.

That's kind of nerve-racking because it's the first dangerous thing you have to do.

And, uh, you're just basically jumping across a big, open gap.

And you try not to damage the place

and hoping that you don't fall off when you climb onto the porch.

This is lieutenant ratanarat transferring plss and entering lm. Over.

If we find life on Mars,

a second sample of life in the universe, it's a miracle.

If we find that we are alone,

that we are the only life in the universe,

it's another kind of miracle.

Victor is now exiting the lm. Over.

The astronauts are safely awaiting liftoff inside the spaceship

as we perform our pre-flight systems check.

Proceeding to food and consumables inventory check.

Food and consumables, go.

Parsons landing emulator, check.

- Landing emulator, go. - Library, go.

Al green cassette check.

- Al green, go. - Candle check.

- Candles, go. - Proceed to water gun check.

- Water gun, go. - Climate system check.

- Systems, go. - All systems, go.

All grummans have indicated that we are go.

Parse a little bit. Just lift it up.

The launch will be conducted by colonel Tom sachs,

who will also direct the mission in its entirety.

The launch supervisor has indicated that we are go for launch,

one minute, seven seconds and counting at this time.

Rocket effect has been tested

and is reported fully operational.

Ignition-mirror installation initiated.

Forty-one seconds.

Mars and earth effects have been reported as fully operational.

Grumman in position.

Scissor lift has been reported as malfunctioning.

T-minus 26 seconds and counting.

Ignition glass now fully installed.

Nineteen seconds and counting.

T-minus 17 seconds and counting. Scissor lift retract...

14, 13,

12, 11, ten, nine,

eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two... launch commence.

Fifteen.

Five, and cut!

Shutdown, go.

Darkness, go.

Take care, ladies. You have departed from earth. Over.

Stand by for trans-Mars injection.

Stand by for burn in five, four, three, two, one.

Go burn.

And we have trans-Mars injection.

All good down here, bacchus 3.

Why don't you go ahead and make yourselves comfortable?

Roger that, mission control.

Permission to remove bubble helmet?

Permission granted, starting with commander eannarino. Over.

Thank you, mission control. Roger that.

It takes about seven months with our technology to get to Mars.

Bubble helmet removed, mission control.

Commence dinner sequence. Over.

Roger.

Mission control, be advised we have radio silence in the capsule.

Over.

All grummans, be advised dinner has arrived.

Ladies, let's not forget that we have a job to do here. Over.

Roger that, mission control.

Please proceed to rest period. Over.

Roger that.

Lieutenant ratanarat, can you please adjust the handycam

for sleeping position?

Ground team, be advised

we will commence mission control partial shutdown in rest cycle.

Commencing vitals check, starting with commander eannarino.

- Rest heart rate check. - Rest heart rate, go.

- Pulmonary check. - Pulmonary, go.

- Core temperature check. - Core temperature, go.

Mission control. Partial shutdown, rest cycle

in five, four, three, two...

That's going to be it for today.

November delta.

We need the opportunity in order to flip this camera over at mission control,

as well as to reposition its angle

so it doesn't interfere with the... controllers. Over.

Human life on the surface of Mars

means life in the extravehicular activity suit.

The Eva suit consists of three layers.

First layer: A liquid cooling and ventilation garment

slaved to an external tank and pump

and the portable life support system, or plss.

The plss also provides the astronauts with fresh air

via an electric induction fan.

Second layer:

Insulation and a harness for the helmet, plss, and outer layer.

Third layer: Protective tyvek micrometeoroid garment

with requisite hoses, electronics, plss, and helmet.

Our astronauts will be burdened by a load roughly half their body weight.

When they step onto the martian surface,

our astronauts' comfort will depend on thorough, considerate, and loving support

from our grumman technicians.

Permission to commence scat sequence.

Roger. Proceed with caution. Over.

Deploying scat gun.

Roger.

- Incinerator is clear. - Roger.

Commencing evacuation, mission control.

Roger that. Proceed.

Pinching loaf. Over.

Roger that. We have visual confirmation. Over.

Incinerator has been activated, mission control.

Mission control to bacchus 3.

Bacchus 3, this is mission control.

Do you copy? Over.

Bacchus 3, do you copy?

Bacchus 3, it's time to land. Over.

Initiate landing protocol.

I repeat, initiate landing protocol. Over.

Bacchus 3, this is mission control.

Do you copy? Over.

Okay, hit 'em with the horn.

- Copy? Over. - Roger that, mission control.

- Over. - Also, turn out the lights. Over.

Roger that, mission control.

On the double. Mars approaches. Over.

This is commander eannarino. Returning to pilot position. Over.

Your position, commander eannarino? Over.

I am in the pilot seat.

Commander eannarino must land the spaceship

using the atari martian landing emulator.

J oh, girl...

This task presents three potential catastrophes.

One, the spaceship runs out of fuel.

Two, excessive horizontal speed.

Three, excessive vertical speed.

Completion of our Mars mission depends on eannarino's success.

J ah, touch me soft j

crash terminates our mission.

J oh, girl j

Commander, watch your vertical speed. Over.

Horizontal speed is five q. Over.

Horizontal speed is zero.

Vertical speed is 15.

Must be under 12. Let's give it some engine.

Straighten out and lower down.

All right, now all you have to do is lower down. Over.

- Oh! - Shit. No, no. Fuck.

No, she just blew it. Fuck.

Uh, I repeat, uh, we need to reorient. Over.

Commander, watch your vertical speed. Over.

Okay, straighten her out.

Horizontal speed of 20 to the right.

Horizontal speed of four. Uh, vertical speed of 30.

Vertical speed of 12.

Coming round. There you go, there you go.

You are lined up and clear for landing.

You are lined up and clear for landing. Over.

Altitude is a hundred feet. Reduce thrust.

Reduce thrust slightly.

Seventy feet.

- Increase thrust. - Increase.

You're down. Just give it a tiny bit of engine.

No, not yet.

Cut engine, cut engine, cut engine.

Yes! Yes!

Thanks for your assistance, mission control.

Ladies, let's prepare for Eva.

Roger that, mission control.

Attention, all civilians.

Please proceed to Mars

through the bunker on the right-hand side.

I repeat. All civilians please proceed to Mars

on the bunker in the right-hand side. Over.

Copious amounts of red bull and coffee.

Five hour energy.

Please stand by for hatch open. Over.

Standing by.

Ladies, let's proceed with Eva.

Let's get that hatch open.

Opening the hatch.

Hatch is open. Proceeding onto the porch.

Roger that. We have visual of your boot. Over.

Commander, let's proceed with, uh, egress. Over.

Roger that.

Commander, please proceed.

Roger.

A woman did this.

The real work, the real labor

begins when we get to Mars.

That's when the girls are in critical danger.

In these space suits, even a simple task

such as walking or planting a flag is strenuous.

Hook has been disengaged.

Requesting permission to stow crane apparatus. Over.

Mission control, permission to proceed to funky deployment site. Over.

Permission granted.

Commander, can I get a current comfort check? Over.

On a scale of one to ten, I am currently at a...

Commander, you cut out there on the end.

Please repeat. Over.

On a scale of one to ten,

I am currently at a six.

=-over.

Roger that.

Lieutenant, please proceed with comfort level check.

I would say I'm about a seven, mission control.

Roger that.

Echo Mike, proceed with coolant change. Over.

Echo Mike, proceed with coolant change.

Please acknowledge.

The liquid cooling and ventilation garment

keeps our astronauts from overheating inside the space suit.

A pump circulates chilled water

from a cooling tank to the ventilation garment"s cooling coil.

If unattended, our astronaut"s body heat

will warm the water to 98.6 degrees or higher.

The ice must be changed every 30 minutes

to prevent heatstroke, collapse, or death.

Echo Mike, please acknowledge.

Echo Mike, proceed with coolant change.

Please acknowledge.

It makes me crazy when they don't answer.

While lieutenant Murphy did indeed perform his duty,

he did not follow protocol.

As laid out in space program's behavior manual, "ten bullets,"

sent” does not mean "received."

One must give feedback to ensure the deliverer of the message

that the message has been received.

Confirmed.

Murphy lacked a radio to reply.

A violation of bullet number four: Be thorough.

But he got the job done,

thus dodging bullet number nine:

Sacrifice to leatherface.

Mission control, we are moving a trailer

to the... funky...

Cut. Shit.

We will go to manual deployment. Over.

Yeah. Roger that. Just try to be a little more careful.

We developed the funky experimentation package

to measure the martian environment.

We have a temperature of 70 degrees fahrenheit,

about the temperature of room temperature.

We have a telltale wind reading of zero.

And we brought the funky boom box

to improve the martian environment.

Mission control, we are proceeding to musical sequence.

Permission to press play.

Permission granted.

It seems we have audio failure.

Please check the cassette deck. Over.

Roger that.

That's enough, commander. Uh, proceed to auxiliary tape deck. Over.

Roger.

Auxiliary tape deck is go.

J I don't wanna play with you I just wanna work with you j

j well, I'm six feet tall j

j two hundred and twenty pounds j

j broad in the shoulder wide in the hips j

Get back.

J listen, man j

j all I want j

j lord knows all I want j

jis a j-o-b j

mission control, I've completed one full circuit.

I need advice on whether or not to do another pass.

Mission control advises moving to circular saw.

Roger that.

Be advised of the safety override.

Please repeat.

Be advised, there is no safety on that saw.

Roger.

J 'tis the gift to be simple j

j 'tis the gift to be free... j

for space program, our astronaut policy is women only

in honor of our heroine, Ann Lee.

Ann Lee has bestowed upon mankind three of its greatest gifts:

The shakers, the flat broom,

and, most importantly,

the circular saw.

The modern, hand-held circular saw

is equipped with a special guard

to protect users from its spinning wheel of death.

For space program, we have removed this safety feature...

Allowing us to plunge cut the martian surface...

But exposing our astronauts to grave danger.

One hour forty-five minutes of oxygen remaining. Over.

Roger.

Mission control is going to advise

cutting in a forward motion only, not backwards. Over.

Roger that.

Let's get that raper set up quick.

Oxygen is an issue. Over.

Roger that, mission control. We are going as fast as we can.

Don't say that.

Just say "yes, sir."

- Time? - Time?

- Oxygen. - Under an hour.

Should never have used the chainsaw.

Just get the camera. I'll take it from here.

It'll be faster with the two of us.

- Just get the camera. - Mission control,

request an eta on sample return. Over.

We're removing the floor raper now.

Time? - Thirty.

- That's three-zero minutes. - Shit.

Plenty of time if nothing else goes wrong.

- Do you own or rent? - What?

Your apartment. Do you own it or rent it?

I rent it. You?

I rent now, but I'm gonna own it when I get back,

I can tell you that much.

Time?

We're getting an oxygen warning down here.

Looks like you got about 20 minutes left.

We need that sample return, lieutenant.

Just send us what you can.

Roger that.

- Come on, Mary. - Damn it, Sam, don't rush me.

Commander...

Sample return

happens now.

Over.

Remember, I do the countdown, you do the battery.

We are proceeding with sample collection.

I have visual confirmation of reglan loaded into one-gallon ziploc bags.

Mission control, the sample is secure in rocket Romeo 4.

Mission control, I'm removing the leg screws from the case.

Beautiful. Thank you.

Proceeding to screw in the first leg.

But mission control, the legs are secure.

Permission to deploy grappling hook?

Mission control, permission to cast the grappling hook back to the lab.

Permission granted. Please proceed. Over.

Please proceed.

Deploying rocket tower.

- Roger that. - Lieutenant, this is biolab.

We are requesting more tension on the return line.

Roger that. I have increased the tension.

We have achieved sufficient amount of tension on the line.

Good work, lieutenant.

Looks like you've got a secure connection.

Rocket has been secured to line.

Proceeding to attach clip.

- It's fine. - Less than 15.

- That's one-five minutes. - Shit. Shit.

We are ready for ignition.

This is lieutenant ratanarat

requesting permission to initiate countdown. Over.

Please, please proceed with countdown on your own clock. Over.

Three, two, one... launch.

Mission control, we have a problem.

Uh, Roger that. Please stand by while we review tape. Over.

Roger that.

Three, two, one... launch.

- Three, two... - You see that?

Check it out. Check out Mary's left hand.

- Mission control... - You see it?

- We have a problem. - See that?

Attach the battery to the detonator and smarten up, eannarino.

Uh, please acknowledge, commander.

Commander eannarino,

attach the battery.

Please acknowledge. Over.

Lieutenant, what's goin' on up there?

Uh, yeah, Roger that, mission control.

This is lieutenant ratanarat.

Uh, we'll comply.

Roger that. We have go for countdown request.

Sample return rocket launching in five, four,

three, two, one... launch.

I'm gonna lose my job because that rocket didn't fire.

Come on. It was funny.

Why didn't you realize I forgot the battery?

It didn't fail because of me.

They got their sample.

We have visual confirmation of sample. Over.

Roger. Please proceed. Over.

My name is Dr. Kevin p. Hand.

I am an astrobiologist.

My work is dedicated to the search for life beyond earth.

If we don't discover life in our solar system

over the course of the next 30 years,

I may have to return to organized religion.

Can I get a current status update? Over.

Roger that.

The jpl guy said that, uh,

it could be any minute before they discover life.

Permission granted. Over.

Put some sugar in this.

We go to Mars looking for life.

- Keep that line taut. - I know.

Pull harder.

Please don't smoke in here.

You know what? Why don't you go fuck yourself, Mary?

You call me "commander," goddamn it.

Okay, suck my dick, commander.

Ha! You wouldn't let me if you had one.

Is that what this is all about? You spoiled brat.

I licked your asshole, Sam.

And I've wiped your asshole, Mary.

We're in this together.

You call me Mary one more time, and I will fuck you up.

Mary, Mary, Mary.

Plotting a course is one thing.

Holding a course is quite another.

The control of situations through guiding and steering

is among man's greatest accomplishments

and yet remains his greatest problem.

Control of this kind usually means, first, measuring the performance as it is.

Second, comparing it with the desired performance.

Third, correcting to influence future performance.

This cycle of measuring, evaluating, and correcting is called feedback.

It occurs in simple problems and in complicated ones

with such regularity

that it has now become a science and an art.

Feedback answers the question, "how am I doing?”

If, in conversation, we find that we're not doing so well,

the situation can be evaluated

and input changed to correct output in a matter of seconds.

In any negative feedback loop,

some error or oscillation is inevitable.

But if the system is overactive or unbalanced,

oscillation can increase until the situation gets out of hand.

When the correction in a system is greater than and opposed to the error,

the disturbance in the system fends to increase.

This type of oscillation leads to panic, breakdown, and war.

When the correction is less than and opposed to the error,

it tends to damp or decrease the disturbance in the system.

This is a description of compromise or arbitration.

The human heart is an automatic pump

that moves blood through the body's circulatory system.

Its primary function is to keep the brain supplied

with fresh oxygen dissolved in blood.

Blood from the heart enables the brain

to unconsciously command involuntary body functions

necessary to keep the body alive.

And in conjunction with the brain, the heart helps the body

make conscious survival decisions.

These decisions provide the body with life.

In space program as in life,

the brain and heart is our primary feedback system.

Our heart measures inspiration and gives our brain

the courage to make just the right wrong decisions.

The brain commands the body fo execute the heart's desire.

But as with any of our systems...

The heart and brain are susceptible

to a wide range of disturbances.

Much like microphone-amplifier distortion,

the human heart-brain feedback system malfunctions

when it speaks only to and listens only to itself.

We call this feedback system breakdown narcissism or egomania.

Uncorrected, it leads to a complete breakdown

in the form of madness or suicide.

To stabilize this system,

the correction must be less intense than the error.

I'll say it again.

To stabilize this system,

the correction must be less intense than the error.

Commander, let's take a deep breath.

- Okay. - Better now?

Yes, thank you.

Cup of tea?

In space program,

we dampen our destabilized heart-brain feedback system

by getting outside of ourselves

in service to others through an ancient process

called tea ceremony.

Tea ceremony is the act of preparing

and serving a bowl of tea.

Mission control, we have step one... An identification of life.

We see motility within the sub-sample.

Motility confirmed.

Can you confirm...

Visual identification of motility?

We have visual confirmation of motility.

Please proceed.

Yes. Yes. Let's see this.

Mission control...

Proceeding with focal analysis.

Mission control, this is biolab.

Please confirm that you see a clear image

of what we think is a second sample of life in our universe.

Mission control, can you confirm life detection?

We have confirmation of life detection.

We are not alone. My god!

It's everywhere. Life is everywhere.

Mission control, this is lieutenant initiating lab regress.

- Over. - Just wanna get back home.

- Proceed. - All civilians...

Please lift the commander camera. Thank you, we got it.

So do we get a countdown? Countdown.

Prepare for Mars liftoff.

Do we have a go, no-go for countdown?

All systems go.

Liftoff in five, four, three, two... Launch commence.

Rendezvous in five, four, three, two, one.

We have rendezvous.

- Prepare for lm jettison. - Lm jettison go.

Good-bye, bacchus 3. You served us well.

Prepare for trans-earth injection in three, two, one.

Go burn.

Prepare for command module and service module separation.

Separation go.

We have separation.

- Adjust attitude for reentry. - Attitude adjustment go.

Attitude adjusted.

Earth approaches. Prepare for reentry and radio blackout.

Roger that.

We have visual confirmation of chute deployment.

Splashdown.

Get that chopper in here.

I want those girls home before supper.