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♪ DOOBY DOO

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY WARNER BROS., INC.

♪ DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DA DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ COME TO ME, STAY

♪ YOU'RE MY OBSESSION

♪ FOREVER AND A DAY

♪ I WANT, WANT YOU TO KNOW ♪

♪ I LOVE, I LOVE YOU SO ♪

♪ PLEASE HOLD, HOLD ME SO TIGHT ♪

♪ ALL THROUGH, ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ SPEAK SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ HEAR WHAT I SAY

♪ I'LL LOVE YOU ALWAYS

♪ ALWAYS, ALWAYS

♪ I'VE WAITED, WAITED SO LONG ♪

♪ FOR YOUR KISSES AND YOUR LOVE ♪

♪ PLEASE COME, COME TO ME ♪

♪ THE MOON FROM UP ABOVE, DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ OH, SOFTLY

♪ OH, SOFTLY

♪ DOOBY DOO

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO ♪

SO YOU WON'T BE OUT OF A JOB.

EVERYBODY, SHH.

SHH!

IT'S, UH, IT'S QUITE AN AESTHETIC SHOCK

TO HAVE GATHERED YOU ALL UP FOR THIS EVENT.

THIS DIVERSE GROUP OF TALENT--

WRITERS AND EDITORS AND PUBLISHERS.

THE PRINTED WORD HAS SURVIVED.

NEW DAY BOOKS HAS SURVIVED!

THEY, UH, THEY WANT US.

THEY WANT TO GET US VERY BADLY.

THEY WANT TO PULL US DOWN

AND MAKE SOMETHING CLEAN AND UGLY

AND OBSCENELY TALL AND PROFITABLE

ARISE OUT OF OUR ASHES,

BUT WE ARE HERE!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOUR CREATIVE EFFORT,

NEW YORK'S LAST REAL BOOKSTORE

WILL BE AROUND FOR A GOOD LONG TIME TO COME.

BLESS US, EVERYONE!

NO, NO, NO. WE'VE HIRED

ALL THESE SWEET UNEMPLOYED ACTORS TO DO THAT.

DID WE PULL IT OFF?

YOU'RE A WONDER.

WE PULLED IT OFF.

WHAT IF THE STORE HAD FOLDED?

IT'S UNTHINKABLE.

HANG ON TO HER, LIONEL.

LOYALTY LIKE THIS DOESN'T WALK IN EVERY DAY.

YOU'VE NOTICED IZZY HAS FEATURED YOU

IN OUR WINDOW FOR THREE WEEKS.

WHEN IS THIS MUCH-PUBLICIZED MEETING?

ON THE 20th.

I'M VERY LOYAL TO NEIGHBORHOOD AUTHORS.

I'M VERY LOYAL TO POWERFUL WOMEN.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY. I'LL CLOSE UP.

I DON'T MIND.

NO. GO ON.

OH, HERE, IZZY. TAKE THIS.

COME ON. ALWAYS HANDY TO HAVE

AROUND THE HOUSE.

THANKS.

WONDERFUL PARTY.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

IZZY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE SO GLIB BACK THERE.

UM, HERE. YOU CAN BILL THIS TO ME.

ALL THESE YEARS I'VE BEEN COMING HERE,

YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN--

YOU PROBABLY HAVE IT ALREADY,

BUT WHAT THE HELL.

THANK YOU.

GOOD NIGHT.

GOOD NIGHT.

"IZZY DEAR, IT'S WOMEN LIKE YOU

"WHO MAKE THE WORLD LIQUID AND EVEN,

STILL IN BEAUTY BORN."

HMM.

HELLO.

I'M SORRY.

I WOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING,

BUT I JUST FELT LIKE WATCHING YOU.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

NOTHING.

HERE.

I GOT THIS DEAL ON THIS EDITING ROOM.

I GOT TO DO IT IN THREE DAYS--

FOUR WEEKS OF WORK IN THREE DAYS.

TALK ABOUT YOUR HIGH-WIRE ACT.

NEED SOMETHING TO GET DOWN?

NO. I JUST THOUGHT A LITTLE WINE, A LITTLE TALK.

I COULD SPEND THE NIGHT IF YOU WANT.

WHERE'S KATRINA?

CHICAGO.

OK.

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ YOU BUY ME MY POTATO CHIPS ♪

♪ YOU WALK ME HOME

♪ YOU PRACTICALLY ADORE ME... ♪

THAT'S A FIRST EDITION.

IS HE AN OBSESSION?

WHAT?

SEE YOU.

BYE.

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ HAIR LOOKS GOOD, FACE LOOKS GREAT ♪

♪ BABY, YOU'RE JUST MY KIND OF GUY ♪

♪ I WOULD LOVE TO KISS YOUR LIPS ♪

♪ BUT YOU'RE TOO TERRIFIED

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪

♪ POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING, POUNDING ♪

♪ GIVE ME A CALL

♪ WHEN YOUR HEART STOPS POUNDING ♪♪

JUST HOLD STILL. ONE MORE.

AY! YOU'RE KILLING ME.

YOU WANT ME TO DO IT?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO KILL ME.

AY!

THAT'S IT?

I THINK SO.

YOU BE SURE.

YOU DON'T WANT ME TO LOOK

LIKE AN OLD BEARDED LADY.

I SEE A FEW MORE LITTLE ONES.

YOU WANT ME TO DO THEM?

WHAT ELSE? PULL, PULL.

OK, OK, THAT'S ENOUGH.

HOW DO I LOOK?

BEAUTIFUL.

LISTEN TO THIS ONE.

I'M IN THE OCEAN,

AND THE WATER'S A FUNNY COLOR--

MAYBE PINK OR SOMETHING,

MAYBE LIKE SOMETHING'S BLED THERE RECENTLY.

AND I'M STANDING-- I'M NOT FLOATING,

I'M NOT SWIMMING, I'M STANDING.

AND THE WATER LEVEL'S UP TO HERE ON ME,

AND THE NEXT THING I KNOW,

IT DROPS WAY DOWN TO HERE.

IT'S GOOD LUCK. WATER IS GOOD LUCK.

YOU'RE GOING TO FIND SOMETHING GOOD.

GOING TO FIND SOME MONEY, SOMETHING GOOD.

SUCH A LOUSY BUNDLE OF OLD PAPER I'M CARRYING.

HERE. IT'S TOO HEAVY.

BUBBIE--

GIVE ME A BREAK. TAKE A LOAD OFF MY BACK.

BUBBIE, THIS IS $500.

THAT'S ALL?

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?

YOU SAW.

YOU'RE CARRYING THIS AROUND?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH A BANK?

THIS IS MY BANK. THIS I TRUST.

YOU GAVE ME $500.

SO?

DO I NEED A REASON

TO GIVE MY GRANDCHILD A LITTLE SOMETHING?

YOU DID A GOOD JOB. YOU GOT PAID.

$100 FOR EACH WHISKER YOU PULLED.

GOOD PRICE?

A GOOD PRICE.

PULL YOUR DRESS DOWN.

IT ISDOWN.

NAKED LEGS. OY,WHAT CAN I DO?

I BROUGHT YOU ORANGES. I'LL BRING A BAG LATER.

DON'T SCREAM.

WHY SHOULD I SCREAM?

HANNAH'S COMING OVER.

WHY SHOULD I SCREAM?

IT'S HANNAH, HANNAH THE SHADCHEN.

YOU MADE AN APPOINTMENT WITH A MARRIAGE BROKER?

IDA. IDELA.

THIS IS MY GRANDDAUGHTER.

YES. SHE'S A BEAUTY.

AIN'T SHE A BEAUTY?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING--

FIRST YOU'LL LISTEN. THEN YOU'LL TALK.

VERY NICE. VERY NICE GIRL.

SHE LIVES BY HER PARENTS?

NO. THEY LIVE IN FLORIDA WITH RED BUTTONS.

ALL THE SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS UNDER ONE ROOF--

YOU CAN HAVE IT.

SO, ISABELLE, YOU GOT YOUR OWN APARTMENT?

NO. SHE LIVES ALONE IN A ROOM

LIKE A DOG.

A DOG SHOULD LIVE ALONE, NOT PEOPLE. DOG.

IT IS NOT A ROOM.

IT'S A VERY NICE APARTMENT.

THERE'S A BEDROOM, BATHROOM, LIVING--

WITH BARS ON THE WINDOWS LIKE A PRISON.

SOMEONE SHOULD CRAWL IN AT NIGHT, I'M ALWAYS THINKING.

STOP THINKING.

[BELCH]

EXCUSE ME, DARLING.

IF I'LL WAIT FOR YOU, YOU'LL NEVER DO IT.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU, I'M TALKING ABOUT. YOU.

BUBBIE, THIS IS 100 YEARS AGO.

A GIRL YOUR AGE. HOW OLD ARE YOU?

33.

NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I GOT SOME NICE, RESPECTABLE BOYS.

NOT LIKE NATE THE BUTCHER.

HIS MOTHER'S A SPIDER.

HE'S GOT SOME BIG EYE OUT FOR HER.

WELL, SHE'S A LOVELY GIRL.

SHE OPENS HER EYES. SHE LOOKS AROUND.

SHE MEETS A FELLA WITH A LITTLE HELP.

BUBBIE, I DON'T NEED THAT.

YOU'LL HEAT IT UP.

FIVE MINUTES IN THE BROILER.

PLEASE, SIT DOWN A MINUTE.

YOU'LL TURN IT ONCE. THAT'S ALL.

LISTEN TO ME! SIT DOWN!

OK, OK.

I AM A HAPPY PERSON.

I HAVE EVERYTHING.

I HAVE A RENT-CONTROLLED APARTMENT

THAT ON THE OPEN MARKET WOULD COST

MAYBE $1,500 A MONTH.

PISH, PISH.

I HAVE A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL JOB.

GUESS WHO I CALLED THE OTHER DAY

ON HIS PRIVATE NUMBER.

ISAAC SINGER. ISAAC BASHEVIS SINGER.

HE WON THE NOBEL PRIZE!

I CALLED HIS UNLISTED NUMBER.

HE KNOWS ME!

I KNOW FAMOUS WRITERS, PUBLISHERS, AND EDITORS.

I ORGANIZE THE MOST PRESTIGIOUS READING SERIES

IN NEW YORK.

ME! I DO IT.

I HAVE PLENTY OF FRIENDS--

LOTS OF WOMEN WHO ARE DOING TREMENDOUS THINGS

AND DON'T NEED A MAN TO FEEL COMPLETE.

I'M NOT GOING TO SAY NO

IF SOMEONE WALKS INTO MY LIFE TOMORROW,

BUT BUBBIE, PLEASE LISTEN!

I'M NOT, I REPEAT, NOT HOLDING MY BREATH!

A PROFESSOR ONCE SAID-- A COLLEGE PROFESSOR--

NO MATTER HOW MUCH MONEY YOU GOT,

IF YOU'RE ALONE, YOU'RE SICK.

OOHH!

YOU LISTEN TO ME.

LONELINESS IS A VERY LOUSY CASE.

CANDYCE!

I KNOW. I GAVE IN,

BUT I'M LESS THREATENING

TO THE SENIOR WOMEN THIS WAY.

THEN HE GIVES ME A COPY OF HIS BOOK,

AND HE'S WRITTEN, "IZZY DEAR,

"IT'S WOMEN LIKE YOU

"WHO MAKE THE WORLD LIQUID AND EVEN,

STILL IN BEAUTY BORN."

OH, I LIKE THAT.

WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS-- IS IT MY MOVE?

IS HE MARRIED?

SEPARATED.

OH.

VERYSEPARATED.

IS THAT LIKE VERY DIVORCED

WITHOUT ALL THE MESSY PAPERWORK?

THANKS.

ARE YOU FORGETTING WHAT I JUST WENT THROUGH?

WILL YOU LET ME?

I'M TAKING OFF HIS PANTS.

I'M KISSING HIM. I'M LICKING HIM.

HE'S MOANING.

HE'S SAYING, "NICE, BABY.

NICE, BABY. NICE."

AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN,

I'M PULLING THIS LONG, LONG, I MEAN, LONG HAIR

OUT OF MY MOUTH.

IT'S BLOND.

IT'S WHITE.

IT'S WHITEBLOND.

UH-UH!

UH-HUH.

HMM.

"I MUST HAVE PICKED IT UP SOMEWHERE," HE SAYS.

"EVERYTHING'S FLOATING IN THE AIR."

SUFFER, FOOL.

"EVERYTHING ALWAYS FLYING AROUND IN THE AIR."

HMM.

MAYBE I'LL JUST CALL HIM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I CAN'T FIND ANTON MAES' NUMBER.

I NEED TO FIRM THINGS UP FOR THE READING.

WELL, IT'S NOT IN THERE.

HE'S A BIT NUTTY ABOUT PRIVACY.

HE MAKES YOU PROMISE

TO KEEP IT UNDER LOCK AND KEY.

555...

4762.

BE SURE AND EAT THAT WHEN YOU'RE THROUGH.

YOU'RE INSANE! YOU ARE IN--

I'M HANGING UP, MARGUERITE.

NO!

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

NOT ONE WORD. NOT ON THE PHONE.

MEET ME AT THE PROVENCE.

UH--

ANTON MAES' TABLE, PLEASE.

IS HE EXPECTING YOU?

WELL, SORT OF.

THIS WAY, PLEASE.

OH, HI. I'M SORRY.

I'M EXPECTING SOMEONE.

I KNOW. I TRIED CALLING BACK,

BUT YOUR LINE WAS BUSY.

THAT WAS YOU?

OH...WELL, SIT DOWN.

OH, NO, UH...

NO, NO, NO. SIT DOWN.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

MY WIFE DOES THIS TO ME.

WE MEET ONLY IN PUBLIC PLACES.

WE'RE LESS LIKELY TO TAKE PIECES OUT OF EACH OTHER.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MARRIED?

NO.

LIVING WITH SOMEONE?

NOT RIGHT NOW.

IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING?

NO. IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

"RIPE PLUMS ARE FALLING.

"NOW THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN.

"MAY A FINE LOVER COME FOR ME

"NOW WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME.

"RIPE PLUMS ARE FALLING. NOW THERE ARE ONLY THREE.

"MAY A FINE LOVER COME FOR ME

"WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME.

"RIPE PLUMS ARE FALLING.

"I LAY THEM IN A SHALLOW BASKET.

"MAY A FINE LOVER COME FOR ME.

TELL ME HIS NAME."

WHAT'S THAT?

CONFUCIUS. BOOK OF SONGS.

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?

IT'S WONDERFUL POEMS, ESSENTIAL POEMS,

POETRY STRIPPED TO THE SKIN,

NOT TO THE BONE.

DO YOU KNOW WHO PUBLISHES THAT?

NO. NO. SORRY.

I'LL LEND YOU MY COPY.

I'M TRYING TO DECIDE

WHAT SECTION OF THE CAVE DWELLER

TO USE FOR THE READING.

I THOUGHT THE MOTEL CHAPTER.

SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?

NO, NO. THAT'S A GOOD CHOICE,

VERY VIVID, THAT WHOLE SECTION.

HE'S SO HUNGRY FOR HER, IT'S UNSETTLING.

YES.

WHAT I LOVE MOST ABOUT YOUR WRITING--

YES, YES, YES.

IS ITS DECEPTIVE ACCESSIBILITY.

IT READS LIKE PULP FICTION,

AND THEN YOU HEAR MUSIC.

WILL YOU SAY THAT WHEN I CALL YOU

WITH AN ANXIETY ATTACK AT 4 A.M.?

YOU HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS?

YES.

HOW ABOUT SOME DESSERT?

NOT FOR ME.

YES. TAKE SOME.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

HAVE SOME HAZELNUT.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

NEED ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR THE READING?

OH, ALL THE EXOTIC EXTRAS--

A GLASS OF WATER, SOME GOOD READING LIGHT.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE DO HAVE ODD REQUESTS.

PORTER LOVETT HAD US--

CAN I TRY THESE?

BUILD THIS ENORMOUS CRADLE,

AND HE CLIMBED INTO IT--

IT'S GOOD.

AND STAYED THERE THE WHOLE READING.

I'LL SAVE YOUR DEAR LIONEL THAT ONE EXPENSE.

WHAT'S HE LIKE TO WORK FOR?

HE'S SWEET, BUT DOES HE PAY YOU ANYTHING?

YES, BUT HE DOESN'T GIVE ME

TWO-HOUR LUNCH BREAKS.

IZZY...

LOTS OF PLUMS LEFT ON YOUR TREE.

SEE YOU AT THE READING.

THE IMPORTANT THING IS YOU SHOULDN'T GO NAKED.

I'M NOT GOING AT ALL.

YOU'RE GOING, BUT NOT LIKE THIS.

YOU'LL PUT ON A NICE DRESS AND STOCKINGS.

NO NAKED LEGS.

FORGET IT.

[SPEAKING IN KOREAN]

OH, YEAH?

YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOUR BUBBIE SPEAKS KOREAN.

YOU LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS, MR. KIM.

HOW'S BUSINESS?

IT'S SO-SO.

YEAH?

LISTEN, MY GIRL. FRIENDS IS FRIENDS,

AND YOU CAN DO THIS WITH THEM.

A HUSBAND'S A HUSBAND FOR LIFE.

MAYBE I DON'T WANT ONE.

IF I DID, HE WOULDN'T BE A PICKLE MAN.

GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE, MISS UNIVERSE.

THIS MAN'S JUST LOOKIN'.

HE AIN'T ASKIN' TO BUY.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

HELLO.

HELLO. COME IN. COME IN.

MRS. MANDELBAUM.

HIS FATHER JUST DIED LAST YEAR.

THERE'S A YOUNGER BROTHER MICKIE.

NOT MUCH THERE,

SO IT'S SAM'S BUSINESS, NATURALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? SIT DOWN.

THESE ARE FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU MADE A LITTLE SPREAD, IDA?

THAT'S ME-- 21 YEARS OLD.

CHEEKS LIKE APPLES.

THEY FOUGHT LIKE CATS AND DOGS FOR ME.

I GOT RINGS.

BIG CHOCOLATE CAKES FROM THE FANCIEST BAKERIES

THEY BROUGHT TO MY MOTHER.

I JUST LOOKED. I LISTENED.

THEY ALL HAD THE SAME SONG AND DANCE.

THEY ALL WANTED SWEET IDELA.

THEY ALL WANTED ME.

SO, SAM, TALK TO US.

GIVE US THE PICTURE, YES?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW?

YOUR FUTURE, YOUR PLANS, WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT,

YOUR THOUGHTS, WHAT YOU DO WITH YOURSELF, ANYTHING.

WELL, I'M A PRETTY HAPPY FELLOW, YOU KNOW.

I LIKE TO GET UP IN THE MORNING

AND HEAR THE BIRDS TWEET-TWEET,

WALK TO SHUL,MAKE THE MORNING PRAYERS,

HAVE COFFEE AT SCHLOMO'S,

9:00 MY DOORS OPEN.

IT BEGINS.

AIN'T HE SOMETHING?

FRESH, NEW, LIKES THE MODERN WAY,

BUT HE UNDERSTANDS WHAT'S GOOD.

I GOT TO TELL YOU, SAM.

I'VE BEEN BUYING PICKLES FROM HIAM

FOR 30 YEARS, MAYBE.

DON'T HOLD IT AGAINST ME.

I LOOK AT IT THIS WAY, MRS. KANTOR--

I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR GIVING YOU MY PICKLES.

THEY'RE THE BEST.

HE KNOWS WHAT'S WHAT. THIS IS CONFIDENCE!

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY, ISABELLE?

EXCUSE ME?

IDELA,

I WANT TO TAKE A PEEK

AT THE LIVING ROOM CURTAINS.

WHAT?

SHOW ME HOW YOU MAKE THEM SO NICE.

I CAN WALK FOR MYSELF VERY NICELY, THANK YOU.

LISTEN...

YES?

I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS.

IT WASN'T MY IDEA.

YOU FEEL FUNNY, HUH?

THIS ISN'T HOW I LIVE OR DO THINGS.

HOW DO YOU LIVE?

WELL, I DON'T LIVE DOWN HERE.

I LIVE UPTOWN.

IS THAT RIGHT?

A MILLION MILES FROM HERE.

THIS ISN'T YOUR STYLE.

THIS ISN'T MY STYLE.

SOMETIMES YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR STYLE.

I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO GO THROUGH THIS.

I HAVE THIS FRIEND HARRY SHIPMAN,

SHIPMAN IMPORTS-- LOX, CAVIAR, FANCY STUFF.

FOR YEARS HE WORE THIS LITTLE BROWN CAP,

BRIM PULLED DOWN, YOU WONDERED HOW HE COULD SEE.

ONE DAY, HE'S CROSSING DELANCEY,

THIS BIG WIND COMES.

POOF! IT'S GONE.

HE CHASES IT, BUT A TRUCK GETS THERE FIRST.

HE COMES IN TO ME CRYING.

"HARRY," I SAID, "HERE'S $5.00.

"GO ACROSS TO FINKLE AND BUY A NEW ONE,

BUT FORGET THE BROWN CAP."

HE COMES BACK AN HOUR LATER.

HE'S A NEW MAN. A GRAY FELT STETSON. A BEAUTY.

THE NEXT DAY, HE MAKES AN ENGAGEMENT.

BETWEEN YOU AND ME,

HE MUST HAVE GIVEN FINKLE SOME NOVA ON THE SIDE.

THAT WAS NO $5.00 HAT.

A MAN GETS A STETSON AND A BRIDE IN THE BARGAIN.

VERY ROMANTIC.

HE HAD HIS EYE ON HER, BUT SHE COULDN'T SEE HIM.

THE CAP. SHE COULDN'T SEE HIS EYES.

SAM.

WHAT'S THE PLAN?

YOU FORGET, IDA, WHY I'M HERE.

MAYBE YOU'LL LET ME DO MY JOB.

HENKA, GIVE YOUR MOUTH A REST.

IT'LL THANK YOU.

SAM, WHAT'S THE PLAN?

I THOUGHT SATURDAY NIGHT,

IF YOU'RE FREE,

I COULD TAKE ISABELLE TO DINNER.

MY COUSIN MISHKA, THE RUMANIAN PALACE.

HE'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU.

THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T THINK SO.

WHAT'S THIS?

IT'S BEEN LOVELY MEETING YOU, SAM,

AND I APPRECIATE YOUR KIND INVITATION,

BUT I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GO.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

WELL, SHE SPOKE.

YOU LOOK. YOU MEET. YOU TRY. YOU SEE.

SOMETIMES IT FITS, SOMETIMES IT DON'T.

[SPEAKING YIDDISH]

YOU SHOULD TRY A NEW HAT SOMETIME, ISABELLE.

IT MIGHT LOOK GOOD ON YOU.

"IT HAD BEEN A VERY LONG TIME

"SINCE ANNIE HAD SEEN HIM IN HIS UNDERWEAR,

"AND SHE WAS ALMOST SADDENED

"BY THE SIGHT OF HIM IN THOSE PLAIN WHITE JOCKEY SHORTS.

HE HAD ALWAYS WORN PATTERNED FABRIC."

HE'S RUNNING WAY OVER.

WHAT CAN I DO?

"HIS BODY HAD BEEN VERY NICE.

"SHE WAS SPREADING MOISTURE CREAM UP AND DOWN HER LEGS

"WHEN HE CAME OUT OF THE SHOWER.

"HE MOVED UP BEHIND HER

AND BUMPED AGAINST HER PLAYFULLY."

I CAN'T. LIONEL, I CAN'T.

"SHE TRIED TO SOUND EXCITED.

"HE PULLED THE DAMP TOWEL FROM THE RACK.

THIS PLACE IS VERY COUNTRY."

I'M SORRY.

WE'LL HAVE TO STOP THERE,

OR WE WON'T HAVE TIME TO SELL ANY OF YOUR BOOKS.

AUDIBLE SIGH.

THANK YOU, ANTON MAES.

MR. MAES WILL BE SIGNING COPIES OF THE CAVE DWELLER

DOWNSTAIRS IN THE FRONT OF THE STORE.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU'LL LIKE THIS ONE EVEN BETTER.

ARM FALLING OFF?

THEY LIKE IT.

NEXT ONE.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

THERE YOU GO.

THAT IT?

I THINK SO.

OH! MMM!

I HOPE IT DIDN'T DISAPPOINT YOU.

YOU ENJOY DOING THIS, DON'T YOU?

BEATS WRITING.

GIVE ME A MINUTE, AND WE'LL GO.

MY TURN TO TAKE YOU TO LUNCH.

I'M STARVING.

THIS IS MYLA BONDY, MY ASSISTANT.

IZZY GROSSMAN.

EX-ASSISTANT.

SHE JUST WON A FULBRIGHT TO OXFORD.

IZZY INVITED ME FOR LUNCH.

I'LL BET SHE DIDN'T BARGAIN ON YOUR ENTOURAGE.

IT'S MYLA'S BIG SENDOFF TODAY.

DO YOU MIND IF SHE JOINS US?

OH, NO. OF COURSE NOT.

THAT WAS JUST SENSATIONAL, IZZY. THANKS.

ONE MORE.

NO.

ONE MORE.

OH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

MICHAEL FRAMINGHAM.

WHAT? LET ME GET THIS.

HAMSTEAD HEATH, LONDON.

UH, HOW ABOUT MALCOLM BRIGHT?

NO, THANKS.

LET HIM RECIPROCATE ALL OVER YOU.

YOU WON'T BE LONELY.

YEAH, YOU'VE SEEN TO THAT.

COME ON.

WHY DIDN'T YOU DRINK ANY WINE?

I HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK.

THIS WASON LIONEL? YOU DIDN'T PAY FOR THIS?

NO.

THANKS AGAIN. THIS IS ME.

BYE. YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU WERE VERY HELPFUL THIS MORNING.

IT WAS A GREAT READING.

THANKS TO YOU.

BYE.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

I'D LIKE TO TAKE A FEW MOMENTS

TO EXPLAIN TO YOU

EXACTLY WHAT WE'LL BE DOING.

FIRSTLY, WE'RE GOING TO BE CIRCUMCISING THIS BABY

IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE COVENANT SIGNED BY ABRAHAM AND GOD,

WHERE GOD PROMISED TO MAKE A GREAT NATION

OF THE SEED OF ABRAHAM.

FOR THE NUMERICAL VALUE...

Hi, girls.

...OF THE WORD OCTA IS EIGHT.

Our first baby.

Where's Ricki?

In the bedroom.

She couldn't take it.

BUT HE MAY START TO CRY,

AND EVERYBODY AUTOMATICALLY THINKS

THAT HE IS PERCEIVING PAIN.

THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER

IS THAT THE FORESKIN OF AN INFANT

IS RELATIVELY INSENSITIVE TO PAIN.

WHY, THEN, IS HE CRYING?

A--HE WILL BE COLD.

B--BABIES CRY.

HE LOOKS LIKE RICKI, DON'T HE?

HE'S CERTAINLY GOT HER BALLS.

THE LADIES WILL SEE THAT THE GENTLEMEN

START WITH THEIR HANDS AT THEIR SIDES

AND AS IT PROGRESSES,

THEY GO LIKE THIS.

IS THE FATHER HERE?

HE'S OVER THERE.

...ABRAHAM, OUR FOREFATHER,

"WALK BEFORE ME..."

ARE THEY LIVING TOGETHER?

NOT YET.

SHE'S DOING THE BABY BY HERSELF.

"THAT THE CREATOR, BLESSED IS HE,

HAS COMMANDED US TO CIRCUMCISE."

[BABY CRYING]

[SPEAKING IN HEBREW]

KAREN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

JUST TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER.

OH, LOOK AT THAT LITTLE DOLL.

AND NOW BART'S BELOVED AUNT MIRIAM,

WHO'S FILLING IN FOR HIS GRANDPARENTS,

WHO COULD NOT BE WITH US TODAY,

WILL RETURN BART TO HIS CRIB.

OH, HERE'S MOMMY.

"EVEN AS HE HAS ENTERED INTO THE COVENANT..."

SWEET LITTLE BOYCHIK.

"...OF THE STUDY OF THE TORAH,"

"THE DOING OF GOOD DEEDS..."

"THE DOING OF GOOD DEEDS..."

"AND MARITAL HAPPINESS."

"AND MARITAL HAPPINESS."

RIGHT.

L'CHAYIM.

L'CHAYIM.

NICE WORK, RABBI.

AHEM.

DID YOU SEE THIS COMING?

I'M SURE SHE'S WANTED TO HAVE A BABY

FOR A LONG TIME.

YEAH. HER OWN MOTHER, MY OWN SISTER,

DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS TO SHOW UP.

THAT'S TERRIBLE.

TERRIBLE, ISN'T IT?

AND WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I WAS MARRIED.

I HAD A LIFE.

AUNT MIRIAM, WOULD YOU DO THIS?

SURE. WHAT?

TAKE OUR PICTURE.

IZZY, COME OVER HERE.

SURE, IT'S EASY.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S LINE UP.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GIRLS TOGETHER LIKE THIS

SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

SAY "CHEESECAKE."

CHEESECAKE. CHEESECAKE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

THAT WAS, AS THEY SAY, INTENSE.

WILL SHE BE ALL RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY. SHE'S A SURVIVOR.

I CAN'T GO BACK TO WORK.

I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE.

AND I'M SITTING THERE, AND MY FACE IS STARTING TO HURT.

I'M THINKING, "I GOT 45 MINUTES

"TO SHOW THIS GUY HOW LOVING, SMART,

SUPPORTIVE, FUNNY, INDEPENDENT, AND SEXY I AM."

AND ALL I CAN REALLY THINK ABOUT

IS HOW I'D RATHER BE WATCHING THE BASEBALL GAME.

I HAVE A FRIEND WHO THINKS IT'S ALL A MYTH.

WHAT?

THE APPALLING LACK

OF DESIRABLE, SINGLE, AVAILABLE MEN.

OH, YEAH? TELL YOUR FRIEND TO GIVE ME A CALL.

NO, I'M SWIMMING. THANK YOU.

I WISH I KNEW SOMEONE TO FIX YOU UP WITH.

ALL DAVID AND I KNOW ARE OLD MARRIED COUPLES.

ACTUALLY, I AM SEEING SOMEONE.

YOU KNOW ANTON MAES?

THE WRITER?

[RING]

[RING]

HELLO?

MORNING, GLORY!

WHAT NATIONAL HOLIDAY IS THIS?

HI, PUSSELA.

DADDY'S BEEN ORGANIZING THIS ALL WEEK.

♪ MMM

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY

♪ DEAR IZZY

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

YAY!

♪ AND MANY MORE ♪

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

YOU HAVE ANYTHING SPECIAL PLANNED FOR TONIGHT?

DINNER AT LUTECE.

WOW!

TWO SPECIALS WITH EVERYTHING, PLEASE.

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]

EXTRA SAUERKRAUT ON HERS.

IT'S HER BIRTHDAY.

OH, PLEASE, PUT THAT AWAY.

[SIREN]

♪ SOME ENCHANTED EVENING

♪ YOU WILL SEE A STRANGER ♪

♪ YOU WILL SEE A STRANGER ♪

♪ ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM

♪ AND SOMEHOW YOU'LL KNOW

♪ YOU'LL KNOW EVEN THEN

♪ YOU'LL KNOW YOU WILL SEE HIM AGAIN AND AGAIN ♪

♪ SOME ENCHANTED EVENING

♪ YOU WILL HEAR HIM LAUGHING

♪ YOU WILL HEAR HIM LAUGHING ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM ♪

♪ THEN FLY TO HIS SIDE

♪ AND MAKE HIM YOUR OWN

♪ OR ALL THROUGH YOUR LIFE YOU WILL DREAM ALL ALONE ♪

♪ ONCE YOU HAVE FOUND HIM

♪ NEVER LET HIM GO

♪ ONCE YOU HAVE FOUND HIM

♪ NEVER LET HIM GO ♪

I PASSED THE PICKLE MAN YESTERDAY.

YOU MIXED HIM UP PLENTY,

YOU MURDERER.

BUBBIE, PLEASE.

YOU DON'T KNOW A GOOD BOY

WHEN YOU SEE ONE.

SOMETHING MUST BE HAPPENING BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.

THERE'S GOT TO BE HEAT.

YOU TALK ABOUT HEAT.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

AREN'T YOU GOING TO ANSWER IT?

NAH, IT'S THOSE KIDS, THOSE ANIMALS.

THEY PULL THE BUTTONS OFF THE ELEVATORS.

THEY MARK UP THE WALLS LIKE--

ISABELLE, DON'T! DON'T! DON'T OPEN.

ISABELLE, DON'T OPEN.

ISABELLE!

HELLO.

GOT IT.

THANK YOU.

GOT IT?

YEP.

THEY MADE A MISTAKE. IT'S THE WRONG PERSON.

GIVE ME THAT.

GIVE ME THAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO OPEN UP A PACKAGE.

IT'S GOOD STRING YOU'RE WASTING.

SUCH...SUCH NICE, HEAVY PAPER.

SOMETHING TO SAVE, MISS FANCY.

OOH, BUBBIE, LOOK.

WHO IS THIS?

BUBBIE, I'M BEING WOOED.

WOOED?

VASIS WOOED?

HMM.

ALL RIGHT, I'M BACKING IT UP! WATCH OUT!

WHAT ELSE?

SAUERKRAUT.

A QUART OF SAUERKRAUT.

[SIREN]

THAT IT?

MY PICKLES.

WERE YOU EVER IN BELLEVUE HOSPITAL?

THE NURSES THERE

WITH THE WASH CLOTHS THEY GOT THERE,

THEY COULDN'T STOP WASHING ME.

HI.

HIYA. IT FITS.

AS IF I WERE IN THE STORE WITH YOU.

YOU WERE.

WELL, I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY

AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I APPRECIATED THE GESTURE.

YOU SURE IT FITS? FINKLE SAID YOU COULD TAKE IT BACK.

I CAN GO WITH YOU,

OR YOU CAN GO BY YOURSELF. 423 DELANCEY.

IT FITS.

GOOD. LOOKS GREAT.

IS THIS THE ONE?

MICK! MICKEY!

I DON'T WANT TO KEEP YOU.

ARE YOU A NURSE?

LET'S GET COFFEE.

SAM, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

I JUST CAME TO THANK YOU.

I'M REALLY VERY, VERY FLATTERED.

YOU OUGHT TO TAKE ALL THAT GOOD ROMANTIC ENERGY

THAT YOU HAVE, AND IT IS GOOD,

IT'S CREATIVE AND REFRESHING,

AND IT WON'T GO UNAPPRECIATED

ON THE RIGHT WOMAN.

I WISH THERE WERE A WAY

THAT I COULD SAY THIS.

YOU DID FINE.

OH, MY GOD.

THE RETURN OF ANNIE HALL.

GOOD MORNING.

GREAT HAT.

THEN ON TUESDAY WE SWITCH,

AND MARK PICKS UP FOR CECILIA.

WAIT A MINUTE.

SO THIS IS BECOMING, LIKE, A REGULAR THING?

IT IS A REGULAR THING.

NOT AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED.

CECILIA'S SHOW TAPES EVERY TUESDAY,

AND WE ALL HAVE TO ADJUST, RIGHT?

WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD?

PLEASE, WE'RE TALKING PUBLIC ACCESS.

WE'RE TALKING DIAL-A-PSYCHIC.

WE'RE TALKING NAKED TALK SHOWS.

WE'RE TALKING DEEPLY UNIMPORTANT,

AND THEY WANT ME TO ADJUST!

LISTEN. I DIDN'T WANT TO FLAUNT THIS,

BUT FOR A LITTLE TASTE OF REALITY HERE...

"ARTS PEEK, HOSTED BY CECILIA MONK,

MONDAYS ON CHANNEL T. WORTH CATCHING."

IT'S NICE, HUH?

YEAH.

♪ FA LA LA LA LA LA LA

♪ LA LA LA

♪ LA LA LA

♪ LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

♪ LA LA LA

♪ LA LA LA ♪

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

♪ NOW ON THE STAND, A SHOW OF HANDS ♪

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

♪ HAND IN GLOVE, LOOKING TO BE LOVED ♪

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

OUR GUEST HAS BEEN PAT OLESZKO,

PERFORMING THIS WEEKEND AT SIDEWINDER

IN A BENEFIT

FOR THE GUERRILLA WOMEN'S ARTIST COLLECTIVE.

DON'T MISS IT.

OK, THIS IS CECILIA MONK FORARTS PEEK.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER

♪ GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER ♪

[BASEBALL GAME]

[RING]

[RING]

HELLO.

MARILYN, IT'S IZZY.

OH, HI, IZZ. JUST A SECOND.

I GOT A GUY I WANT YOU TO MEET.

OH, REALLY?

REALLY.

MICKEY, RIGHT?

YEAH.

IS SAM AROUND?

YEAH, HE'S OVER THERE.

THANKS.

LET'S GO! HERE IT COMES!

GOT IT!

HEY, SAM, YOU GOT A FAN CLUB.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME HERE.

I CAN WAIT.

OK.

OK, LET'S GO.

HIT IT, BABY!

WHAT, ARE YOU SHOWING OFF?

I SAID SOME REALLY STUPID THINGS THE OTHER DAY,

AND I'D LIKE TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

HI.

HI.

YOU LOOK GREAT!

THANKS.

OK. HERE'S HOW IT'S GOING TO GO.

WHEN WE PASS BY, LOOK THE OTHER WAY.

WE'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW EACH OTHER'S HERE.

THIS WILL LOOK SPONTANEOUS.

WHEN I FUTZ WITH MY EARRING LIKE THIS,

YOU COME OVER TO THE TABLE.

THEN WHAT DO I DO?

SAY HI.

I'LL INTRODUCE YOU, INVITE YOU TO SIT DOWN.

I'LL EXCUSE MYSELF,

AND IF THE CHEMISTRY'S GOOD,

YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. IF NOT, NOTHING RISKED.

YEAH, OK.

BYE.

TWO AMSTEL LIGHTS, PLEASE.

YOU HAVEN'T SEEN KAREN, HAVE YOU?

HI.

I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THIS--

CALIFORNIA MEX.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

MORE SPROUTS, LESS GREASE.

TWO MORE?

THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING TONIGHT.

I FELT SO CLUMSY THE OTHER DAY.

IT WAS AN AWKWARD SITUATION,

MRS. MANDELBAUM SETTING IT UP LIKE THAT.

I SHOULD HAVE SPOKEN TO YOU THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU.

WHEN WAS THAT?

ABOUT 3 1/2 YEARS AGO, I THINK.

WHERE?

IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

ON THE BENCHES WITH YOUR BUBBIE. AROUND.

REALLY?

THEN ONE DAY MRS. MANDELBAUM COMES BY THE STORE,

SHOWS HER PICTURES, TELLS HER LIES.

THIS ONE'S 18, A SCHOLAR.

THIS ONE'S 22, A BEAUTY.

SOME OF THESE PICTURES WERE TAKEN

BEFORE THE FLASHBULB WAS INVENTED.

SHE HAS A BUSINESS, AND I RESPECT THAT.

I'M A BACHELOR. SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF.

WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T HIRE HER?

NO. BUT ON THIS PARTICULAR DAY,

SHE PULLED THIS FROM HER BAG.

AND I SAID, "YES, MRS. MANDELBAUM,

THIS ONE I'LL MEET."

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE?

I'VE GOT TO WARM THINGS UP A LITTLE.

I'LL WORK YOU IN DURING DESSERT.

I WANT TO BE TACTFUL.

I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO DO THIS.

OF COURSE I DO.

THEN WHY AM I SITTING ALONE

WATCHING YOU HAVE THIS GREAT TIME.

I'M NOT. I MEAN, HE'S CHARMING.

THAT'S WHY I'M INTRODUCING YOU TO HIM.

SO INTRODUCE ME.

OK.

OK.

I JUST RAN INTO AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

MARILYN COHEN. SAM POSNER.

HI.

HELLO.

WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.

ISN'T THIS SALSA THE BEST?

SO, IZZY TELLS ME YOU HAVE YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

YES.

THAT'S A LOT OF PERSONAL FREEDOM, HUH?

MARILYN WORKS FOR THE WELFARE DEPARTMENT.

IT'S A TENSE, TENSE PLACE.

I'LL BET.

THAT'S WHY I STARTED WITH THE TANKS.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN AN ISOLATION TANK?

NO.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

LOWER EAST SIDE.

THE CLOSEST ONE TO YOU IS SERENITY, ON FIRST AVENUE.

GOOD TANKS. VERY CLEAN.

THAT'S MOST IMPORTANT TO ME.

FORGET THE LIGHTING, THE FANCY LOCKER ROOMS, THE HAIR DRYERS.

JUST GIVE ME SCRUPULOUS CLEAN.

WITH ALL THE DISEASE GOING AROUND,

HOW COULD I RELAX

IF I'M IMAGINING AMOEBAS SWIMMING INTO MY EARS?

WEREN'T YOU SITTING AT THE BAR?

YES.

DID YOU HAVE ANY DINNER?

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I WENT WAY OVER MY CALORIE LIMIT ON THE MARGARITAS.

DON'T YOU NEED TO MAKE A PHONE CALL?

NO.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

IZZY'S EMBARRASSED.

SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO DO THIS.

SHE THOUGHT I MIGHT LIKE TO MEET YOU,

AND SHE FIGURED THIS WOULD BE A PRETTY PAINLESS SETTING.

AND, INDEED, I'M FEELING NO PAIN,

BUT I AM GETTING KIND OF SLEEPY,

SO...

HERE'S MY PHONE NUMBER.

YOU LOOK LIKE A NICE GUY.

YOU WANT TO CALL ME, CALL ME.

I'M A GOOD PERSON. I DON'T SMOKE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY HEALTH PROBLEMS.

I'M VERY EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.

AND UNDERNEATH ALL THAT INFORMATION,

YOU WILL ALSO FIND A DEEPLY ROMANTIC WOMAN.

IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA 48 HOURS AGO.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT ARE YOU SORRY ABOUT?

SHE'S GREAT.

SHE'S FUNNY, HONEST, DIRECT.

THANKS.

LOOK THIS WAY, BART, SMILE FOR MAMA.

THAT'S IT. BEAUTIFUL!

THAT'S A LITTLE GERBER BABY.

THAT'S A LITTLE PAMPERS--

LOOK AT THE CAMERA. SMILE. GOOD BOY.

RIGHT. YES, YES, YES, YES!

OH! THAT'S A LITTLE JOHNSON & JOHNSON CUTIE!

LOOK OVER HERE!

I'VE GOT TO RELOAD.

GIVE HIM A REST FROM THE LIGHTS FOR A MINUTE.

GOOD IDEA.

COME ON, BART, LET'S TAKE A LITTLE REST.

YOU'VE BEEN A GOOD BOY.

[CRYING]

OH, YOU LIKED THOSE HOT LIGHTS. YOU LIKED THAT ACTION.

YOU WANT TO BE A LITTLE MONEYMAKER.

HE'S CUTER THAN THAT.

MUCH.

WE GOT SOME GOOD ONES TODAY.

OH, BOY. IT COSTS ENOUGH.

THEY HAVE TO BE UPDATED,

OR THE AGENTS WON'T TAKE THEM.

WE'LL HAVE TO DO THESE SESSIONS EVERY FEW MONTHS.

YOU HAVE TO START PUTTING SOME BACK INTO THE POT,

LITTLE MAN.

HERE.

OH, THANKS.

YOU HEARD FROM MARILYN LATELY?

YEAH. SHE WAS OVER LAST NIGHT.

SHE BROUGHT ME THAT LITTLE SNOWSUIT,

LITTLE DOWN BOOTIES.

SHE'S REALLY EXCITED

ABOUT THAT GUY YOU FIXED HER UP WITH.

YEAH? WHAT DID SHE SAY?

THAT HE'S GREAT--

NOT ONE OF THE WALKING WOUNDED.

WHAT ELSE?

WELL, YOU KNOW THE GUY.

SHE TELL YOU HE SELLS PICKLES?

SO? SOMEBODY'S GOT TO.

[BRAHMS' LULLABYPLAYING]

HAVE THEY GONE OUT YET?

WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER?

HAVE THEY?

YEAH.

WHERE DID HE TAKE HER?

A PLAY.

REALLY? DINNER FIRST?

I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO GET RID OF THIS GUY.

I DO. I'M JUST INTERESTED.

LOOK, RELAX. YOU DID A NICE THING

FOR BOTH OF THEM.

DON'T GIVE ME NO TROUBLE. GIVE ME YOUR BAG.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU NEED TROUBLE.

[CAN EMITS ALARM]

VERY GOOD.

DON'T WASTE YOUR BATTERIES. PEARL!

THE CLASS ISN'T OVER YET.

I NEED THIS?

GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY FACE!

TAKE THAT, YOU MUG.

DON'T PULL THAT ONE ON ME!

I'M SUPPOSED TO TAKE YOUR BAG.

OH, YEAH?

THIS WAS WHAT THE TEACHER SAID.

I'LL KNOCK YOUR TEETH DOWN YOUR THROAT.

GOOD. YOU'VE GOT YOUR ATTACKER ON THE DEFENSIVE.

YOU SHOWED HIM YOU'RE NO PUSHOVER.

YOU AIN'T KIDDING.

OK, LADIES, THAT'S IT FOR TODAY.

LET'S LEAVE THE CLASSROOM IN OUR BEST-DEFENDED WALK.

IDA, LEAD US AROUND THE ROOM ONCE, WILL YOU?

GOOD! YOU'RE ALL WALKING LIKE WINNERS HERE--NO VICTIMS.

YEAH!

GOOD!

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK, LADIES.

WAS IT FUN?

FUN? IT'S A JUNGLE!

ISABELLE, I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

HE'S A LITTLE OLDER THAN THE PICKLE MAN,

BUT A MAN WITH SUCH A HEART!

LISTEN TO ME, MY DEAR GIRL.

TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS.

LOVE COMES AND GOES VERY QUICKLY,

BUT A GOOD BUSINESS, A NICE HOME,

A MAN WITH A JOB WHO'S GOOD AND KIND IS WHAT COUNTS.

LISTEN, I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

I KNOW ABOUT LIFE FROM INSIDE OUT!

MMM.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS ME-- IN THE SHOULDERS.

MY ARTHRITIS DON'T KNOW FROM SELF-DEFENSE.

AH, THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S GOOD.

TOO HARD?

NO, NO. YOUR HAND'S LIKE AN ANGEL'S.

IT'S VERY GOOD. AHH!

OY!THIS-- THIS IS A KILLER.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS ME-- IN THE KNEES.

THE KNEES, TOO.

OH.

AHH!

MMM. THAT'S GOOD.

AHH!

MMM.

[SIGHS]

BUBBIE, IF YOU EVER SEE SAM AROUND,

TELL HIM I SAID HELLO.

WHAT AM I, A MESSENGER?

I WORK FOR WESTERN UNION?

NO. I JUST MEANT-- FORGET IT.

WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HIM?

JUST CURIOUS.

I FIXED HIM UP WITH A FRIEND OF MINE--MARILYN.

THE REDHEAD?

NO.

THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME TO ME.

I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR THEM.

OH, YEAH? GOOD.

DON'T YELL AT ME.

WHO'S YELLING?

IS THAT SOMETHING TO KILL?

IS THAT SOMETHING TO KILL OVER THERE?

THROW ME YOUR SHOE.

OH!

I KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL, LITTLE GUY.

NICK, I MET SOMEONE.

IT WAS AN ARRANGED MEETING WITH A MARRIAGE BROKER.

MY GRANDMOTHER SET IT UP.

YOU'RE JOKING.

NO.

HE MAKES PICKLES.

YOU AREJOKING.

NO.

[BELL RINGS]

IN THE CORNER!

IN THE CORNER!

WHAT?

IN THE CORNER-- A LITTLE BIT DIRTY.

JUST A TOUCH.

SO?

SAM, I WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING ELSE YOU SHOULD CHEW ON.

YOU WANT TO CATCH THE WILD MONKEY,

YOU GOT TO CLIMB THE TREE. VERSTEHT?

BUBBIE!

OH.

HELLO.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS INVITED.

HE CAME TO CLEAN THE WINDOWS.

BY INVITATION.

HE DID A NICE JOB.

YOU DID A NICE JOB.

THANKS FOR LUNCH.

BELIEVE ME, I DID NOT SET THAT UP.

FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO SEE SOMEONE,

YOU'RE SEEING AN AWFUL LOT OF ME.

I'M SORRY IF I'VE SEEMED AMBIVALENT, CONFUSED.

I KNOW WHAT AMBIVALENT MEANS.

SORRY.

STOP BEING SORRY!

CLOSE THE DOOR.

[DOOR CLOSES]

I HEARD YOU AND MARILYN HAD A GOOD TIME.

YEAH.

THERE'S A RECEPTION SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE BOOKSTORE.

MAYBE YOU TWO--

WE'RE GOING TO A BASEBALL GAME SATURDAY.

AH.

MAYBE I COULD BE HANDLING THIS BETTER.

WHAT ARE YOU HANDLING? ME?

YOU COME TO MY STAND, YOU INVITE ME OUT TO DINNER,

YOU SET ME UP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND,

YOU GET YOUR BUBBIE TO DRAG ME HERE.

YOU THINK MY WORLD IS SO SMALL, PROVINCIAL?

YOU THINK IT DEFINES ME?

NO. NO, I DON'T.

I FEEL LIKE I KEEP APOLOGIZING TO YOU,

LIKE I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT.

SAM, I WANT TO GET IT RIGHT.

"SEE, I AM WATCHING YOU HOLD THE EGG,

"TAP ITS CROWN, AND PICK GENTLY AT ITS SHELL.

"THIS IS THE WAY HE EATS AN EGG, I AM THINKING.

"NOT THAT YOUR HANDS ARE DELICATE

"OR YOUR TRAINING COMPLETE.

"JUST SO THIS IS

"TAP, TAP, AND PLUCK,

"DUNKING IN WITH THE SPOON

AND EMPTYING OUT THE SOFT WHITE AND LIQUID YELLOW HEART."

OH!

LIQUID YELLOW HEART.

THAT IS THE YOUNGEST POEM I EVER WROTE.

I RESURRECT IT ON THE OCCASION OF THIS TREACHERY.

WHAT TREACHERY?

YOU LURE ME HERE FOR A QUIET EVENING.

I FEEL I AM ON ONE OF THOSE SADISTIC TV SHOWS

WHERE THEY PARADE SKELETONS

IN FRONT OF APOPLECTIC GUESTS.

ONCE WORD GOT OUT YOU HAD LEFT YOUR HOUSE,

PEOPLE CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK.

WELL, LET ME BABBLE ON FEARLESSLY.

WHERE DID YOU FIND ALL THESE LOVELY PEOPLE?

I THOUGHT EVERYONE HAD MOVED TO VERMONT.

I HAVE.

GOOD FOR YOU.

I HEARD A STORY AT THE McDOWELL LAST SUMMER.

ABOUT ME?

ABOUT YOU.

DID IT INVOLVE FOUR MEN AND A CABBAGE?

YES.

ABSOLUTELY TRUE.

OH, MY DEAR, YOUR HAIR.

IT WILL TAKE OVER THE PLANET.

I'M CECILIA MONK.

CECILIA? OH, REALLY?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

MADELINE ASKED WHY YOU DIDN'T SEND THE MANUSCRIPT.

WHAT MADE YOU GET ON THAT PLANE?

I WAS SITTING IN THE ORCHARD, THINKING ABOUT FRANKLIN,

REMEMBERING HOW PAINLESS IT WAS WITH HIM.

HE WAS QUITE SIMPLY THE BEST...

DON'T TELL ME I MISSED EVERYTHING.

YOUR TIMING IS IMPECCABLE.

GOOD.

OH.

Get up.

SIT DOWN.

AH, ANTON, YOU MADE IT.

EXCUSE ME, LIONEL.

YOU'VE MET PAULINE SWIFT?

NO.

PAULINE, ANTON MAES.

YES. I KNOW YOUR BOOK.

BOOKS.

WHO IS THIS NEW EDITOR?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

LIONEL, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A FRIEND OF MINE...

[RING]

THE GAME GOT RAINED OUT.

HI. COME IN.

WHY DIDN'T YOU BRING MARILYN?

DID YOU WANT ME TO?

RECOGNIZE ANYONE?

YEAH.

THIS IS UNQUESTIONABLY MY FAVORITE PART OF THE JOB.

ARE YOU MISS SWIFT'S DRIVER?

NO.

I'M SORRY. LIONEL COLLEY.

SAM POSNER.

POETRY?

PICKLES.

CAN I GET YOU A DRINK?

NO. THANK YOU.

MY BOSS.

HE LIVES FOR THESE LITTLE SOIREES.

YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?

WHERE?

IT MUST BE VERY DIFFICULT WRITING IN ENGLISH.

HOW CAN YOU ABANDON YOUR MOTHER TONGUE SO COMPLETELY?

IT MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA TO LOOK BACK,

WRITING SOMETHING IN DUTCH.

I UNDERSTAND YOUR BOOK WAS WRITTEN

AS AN EXERCISE.

YOU KNOW PAULINE SWIFT?

SURE.

I HAD TO MEMORIZE THE MARBLE COFFIN

FOR ORAL INTERP.

GO HOME. LISTEN TO THE LANGUAGE YOU GREW UP WITH.

OBEY YOUR INSTINCTS.

I LIVE IN NEW YORK-- RIGHT HERE.

THIS IS MY HOME.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S JUST A CONSIDERATION.

I WASN'T ASKING TO SEE YOUR GREEN CARD.

THIS IS THRILLING,

BUT NOT TOO COMFORTABLE.

I'M GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE WALK.

I NEED TO TALK... SOON.

SAM?

I THINK YOU WANT TO STAY.

NO. NO, I DON'T.

♪ DOO DOOBY DOO

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DOO

THIS IS IT.

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

YOU WANT TO COME IN?

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

WILL YOU DO IT FOR MY FRIEND?

IS DON PICKING YOU UP?

IN A LITTLE WHILE. YOU WANT TO WAIT?

♪ DUM DOOBY DOO

♪ YOU'RE MY OBSESSION

♪ FOREVER AND A DAY

♪ DUM DUM DOOBY DOO

I HAVEN'T BEEN HOME MUCH LATELY.

I JUST CHANGE CLOTHES AND RUN.

SOUNDS LIKE AN EXCITING LIFE.

YEAH, WELL...

♪ HOLD ME SO TIGHT

♪ DOM-DO BI DO

♪ ALL THROUGH, ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT ♪

♪ I SPEAK SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ HEAR WHAT I SAY

♪ I LOVE YOU

CHAMPAGNE?

♪ ALWAYS

SURE.

♪ ALWAYS, ALWAYS

♪ DOOBY DOO

♪ I'VE WAITED, WAITED SO LONG ♪

♪ FOR YOUR KISSES AND YOUR LOVE ♪

♪ DOOBY DOO ♪

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

EXCUSE ME.

Tina threw me out.

Nick, this is not a good time.

Please, Nick. I'll call you tomorrow.

EVERYTHING OK?

FINE.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

IT'S JUST A FRIEND.

HE HAD A FIGHT WITH HIS WIFE.

[KNOCK KNOCK]

I'M SORRY, OK?

BUT SHE CHANGED THE DAMNED LOCK!

WHERE WILL I GO, IZZY?

I KNOW IT'S LOUSY TIMING.

I APOLOGIZE, BUT JESUS CHRIST!

NICK!

NICK.

SO YOU MAKE PICKLES, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT.

WHERE'S YOUR PLACE?

ESSEX, BELOW DELANCEY.

ISN'T THAT WHERE THAT GUY USED TO DO MILTON BERLE IMITATIONS?

YEAH. THAT WAS MY FATHER.

WITH THE DRESS?

YEAH. THE CIGAR, THE WHOLE THING.

I LOVED THAT PLACE.

HE WAS A WILD MAN.

YEAH.

WELL, LOOK, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING,

SO...

IF YOU WANT, YOU CAN STAY WITH US.

IT'S JUST ME AND MY BROTHER AT HOME.

OK.

I JUST GOT TO MAKE A COUPLE OF PHONE CALLS

IN THE OTHER ROOM, OK?

WELL, THAT WAS A VERY NICE THING TO DO.

NOT REALLY.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME AGAIN?

YES.

♪ DOOBY DOO

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ DUM DUM DUM DOO DUM DOOBY DOO ♪

♪ COME SOFTLY, DARLING

♪ COME TO ME, STAY

♪ DOOBY DOO

♪ YOU'RE MY OBSESSION

YES.

♪ FOREVER AND A DAY

♪ I WANT, WANT YOU TO KNOW

♪ I LOVE, I LOVE YOU SO

♪ PLEASE HOLD, HOLD ME... ♪

HELLO.

HELLO.

WHAT'S IN THE BAG?

MY LUNCH FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.

♪ HEAR WHAT I SAY ♪

LISTEN TO ME, SAM.

THE WELL-DRESSED MAN

ALWAYS HAS THE BIG ADVANTAGE.

LOOK AT HISTORY, SAM.

FRED ASTAIRE, CLARK GABLE, ALISTAIR COOKE.

THESE ARE NOT HANDSOME MEN.

CLOTHES MAKE THEM SEXY.

"MAX SCHOENBAUM'S DESIGNER DISCOUNT.

WHY SHOULD IT COST YOU?"

HMM.

HERBIE, MAY HE REST IN PEACE,

DID HE EVER EAT WITH YOU?

WHAT ELSE? HE WAS MY HUSBAND.

ALL THE YENTAS MADE BLAH-BLAH

WHEN HE JUMPED OFF THE 16th FLOOR.

"SUCH A NICE, NEW APARTMENT.

WHY SHOULD HE WANT TO FLY AWAY?"

HE NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO TELL ME.

SOMETHING'S BOTHERING ME.

WHY ARE THEY SET TO MEET BY YOU TONIGHT?

ISABELLE IS ASHAMED TO SHOW HIM WHERE SHE LIVES,

IT'S SO LOUSY?

SHE GIVES ME A LITTLE PLEASURE.

WHY DID YOU BRING YOUR CELLO?

QUARTET PRACTICE AS USUAL.

NIGHT, IZ.

SEE YOU MONDAY.

BYE, YOU GUYS.

LIONEL, YOU WANT ME TO LOCK UP?

OOH HOO HOO HOO!

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

MMM.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

HELLO.

I DON'T SUPPOSE ANYONE WANTS TO--NO.

GOOD NIGHT.

NIGHT.

NIGHT, LIONEL.

YOU SHOULD THANK ME.

WHAT FOR?

FOR NOT CALLING YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I'VE BEEN ON THIS NEW WORK FOR A WHILE.

I HAVEN'T SHOWN IT TO ANYONE.

IT WOULD BE SELF-DESTRUCTIVE

TO GIVE IT TO MY EDITOR AT THIS POINT,

BUT IT MIGHT BE VERY GOOD.

SO THERE I WAS AT 3:00 A.M.

WISHING VERY HARD FOR A GENTLE READER,

AND I THOUGHT OF YOU.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

YOU'RE, UM, FLATTERED.

I'M FLATTERED.

YOU'RE, UM, INTRIGUED.

I'M INTRIGUED.

YOU'LL COME OVER NOW,

AND I'LL SHOW YOU THIS DAMN THING

SO I CAN FIND OUT IF THERE'S ANYTHING THERE.

I CAN'T TONIGHT.

LET HIM WAIT.

THEY LOVE TO BE KEPT WAITING.

IZZY, PLEASE.

I'M EXPECTED DOWNTOWN IN 15 MINUTES.

I REALLY SHOULDN'T BE HERE.

COME ON IN.

I'VE BEEN SERIOUSLY THINKING

ABOUT NOT FURNISHING IT AT ALL.

THERE'S SOMETHING RESTFUL ABOUT A BARE ROOM.

NO HISTORY, NO BAGGAGE.

EXACTLY.

LE VOYAGEUR SANS BAGAGE.

YOU'RE ONE OF THE PEOPLE I COUNT ON.

FOR WHAT?

GRACE, GENEROSITY, STILLNESS.

CAN YOU SEE?

MM-HMM.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

IT'S A MATCH!

NOT SO FAST.

IT'S A MATCH.

I GOT TO ADMIT,

SOMETIMES I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING IN THIS LIFE.

WAS I RIGHT, SAM?

HUH? MMM.

YOU DO HAVE AN EXQUISITE STILLNESS, IZZY.

I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED THAT.

I MEASURE MY OWN JANGLY MOTION AGAINST IT.

YOU DO?

WHENEVER I SEE YOU.

WHO REALLY COMFORTS US, AFTER ALL?

SOMETIMES IT SEEMS THAT

PEOPLE WHO ARE SERVED UP GRACEFULLY IN OUR LIVES,

CONSISTENTLY, MATTER-OF-FACTLY,

ALMOST INCIDENTALLY,

LIKE A GOOD, SIMPLE PUDDING,

MEAN MORE THAN OUR CLOSEST FRIENDS.

WHO COMFORTS YOU, IZZY...

ISABELLE?

MAY I USE THE PHONE?

I GOT TO HAND IT TO YOU, HENKA.

YOU GET THEM COMING AND GOING.

YOU THINK I GET SOMETHING FOR THIS?

NOT A DIME.

IT'S PART OF MY JOB TO KNOW FASHION.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO?

BUBBIE, I'M RUNNING A LITTLE LATE.

YOU'RE A CRIMINAL.

SAMMY.

I'M A SUCKER FOR ROMANCE.

THIS IS MY FATE.

HELLO. ISABELLE?

DON'T GIVE ME THE BUM'S RUSH.

I HAVE TO FINISH UP A FEW THINGS.

CAN YOU HANG IN THERE?

OK.

BYE.

BYE.

SAMMY, A LITTLE SCHNAPPS?

GO TO IT,

GENTLE READER.

SAMMY.

THANK YOU.

L'CHAYIM.

L'CHAYIM.

STRAIGHT UP MEANS NO ICE.

UH-HUH.

A LITTLE EXTRA FLAVOR.

SO?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

A GOOD TWO PAGES.

YEAH?

I WANT TO STAY WITH IT.

YOU WANT MORE?

YES.

DO YOU?

YES.

DO YOU?

YES.

[SINGING IN YIDDISH]

I'D BETTER GO.

PLEASE, SIT DOWN, SAMMY.

LISTEN TO THIS, SAMMY.

WHEN I WAS A GIRL--

OH, SUCH A THING TO LOOK AT--

A FELLOW NAMED SHIAH, A TAILOR'S SON, COMES TO ME.

"IDA," HE SAYS, "I'M FALLING INTO PIECES.

"MY LIFE IS OVER IF YOU WON'T TAKE ME.

"I'LL WALK INTO THE EAST RIVER,

AND THIS WILL BE MY GRAVE."

HE WAS A CLEAN LITTLE FELLOW

WITH SPECTACLES AND A GOOD FAMILY,

BUT HE DIDN'T MEAN NOTHING TO ME.

ANOTHER BOY COMING AROUND

TO LOOK AT THE BEAUTIFUL FLOWER.

SO HE SITS HIMSELF DOWN IN AUNT BESSIE'S KITCHEN.

HE SAYS, "IDA, I WON'T MOVE.

"I WON'T CRAWL AN INCH UNTIL YOU SAY YES.

I'M STUCK HERE LIKE A PIECE OF FURNITURE."

SO WHAT DID YOU DO?

I MARRIED HIM. WHAT ELSE?

I DIDN'T WANT TO BOTHER POOR BESSELA.

SHE HAD ENOUGH TROUBLE WITH HER LOUSY TEETH AND EVERYTHING.

IN THE END, IT WAS GOOD.

IF SOMEBODY WANTED ME SO MUCH

THAT HE WAS READY TO MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF,

IT WAS EASY TO SEE THAT HE'D BE GOOD TO ME.

HA HA HA HA!

DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?

I REALLY BANGED MY KNEE.

OH. OH. OH.

THAT COUCH IS RIDICULOUS.

WHEN YOU START TO WORK WITH ME,

I'LL LET YOU GO OUT AND BUY A PROPER BED--

KING-SIZE, THE WHOLE ROYAL FAMILY.

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

AND WHATEVER ELSE SEEMS ESSENTIAL.

SOME CHAIRS, TABLES.

MY SENSE OF DOMESTIC ORDER

IS NOT QUITE IN BALANCE.

YOU CAN BE THE JUDGE.

WORK WITH YOU?

I DID GET LIONEL'S BLESSINGS.

HIS CONDITIONS ARE PART-TIME, ON LOAN.

I'M MYLA'S REPLACEMENT.

HE SAID, "IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR HER.

A LITTLE CHANGE OF SCENE."

MAYBE IT'S HIS WAY OF AVOIDING A RAISE.

HE ADORES YOU.

YOU AREN'T SERIOUS.

IT'S NOT SECRETARIAL. IT'S MUCH MORE.

IT'S RESEARCH, CORRESPONDENCE.

ALL SORTS OF GOOD PEOPLE FLYING THROUGH HERE.

HOW COULD I HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?

IZZY! HEY!

IZZY!

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

IZZY, I FELT A KINSHIP!

YOU FELT AN ADMINISTRATIVE NEED!

[DOOR SLAMS]

BE THERE, SAM. PLEASE BE THERE.

COME ON

AND HURRY UP.

[TIRES SCREECH]

LET'S BE HONEST ABOUT THIS!

IF ANYONE'S BEEN MANIPULATED,

IT'S ME!

ASSHOLE!

[TIRES SCREECH]

"BEFORE YOU LEAVE A PARKING SPACE

"WHICH IS PARALLEL TO THE CURB,

YOU SHOULD, A--"

"LOOK FOR TRAFFIC

"BY USING YOUR INSIDE REARVIEW MIRROR.

B--TURN ON YOUR FOUR-WAY FLASHER."

FOUR-WAY FLASHER?

MM-HMM.

"C--LOOK FOR TRAFFIC BY TURNING YOUR HEAD."

"D--SOUND YOUR HORN."

"D--SOUND YOUR HORN."

[HONK]

TURN HERE. TURN HERE!

[TIRES SCREECH]

[HORN HONKS]

[REGGAE MUSIC PLAYING]

STOP HERE!

[TIRES SCREECH]

I HOPE I'LL BE PICKING YOU UP AGAIN SOMETIME.

I'M GETTING THE HANG OF THIS!

"AN EIGHT-SIDED SIGN WITH WHITE LETTERS..."

[DOOR OPENS]

GO AHEAD, SAY IT.

"SHMUCK,WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE?"

SHE WAS VERY WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET HER DRUNK,

BUT I HAD TO DISTRACT HER.

HOW MUCH DID SHE DRINK?

WE FINISHED THE SCHNAPPS I BROUGHT HER.

THE FLOWERS WERE FOR YOU.

THAT'S SOME OUTFIT.

I LIKE TO MAKE STRONG FASHION STATEMENTS.

DO YOU SMELL SOMETHING?

LIKE WHAT?

KIND OF LIKE VANILLA, I THINK.

IT IS VANILLA.

I SOAK THEM IN VANILLA AND MILK

TO TAKE AWAY THE SMELL OF THE PICKLES.

SOMETHING MY FATHER TAUGHT ME. DOES IT BOTHER YOU?

NO, IT'S NICE.

SHE WAS TELLING ME SOME GREAT STORIES TONIGHT.

YOU EVER WRITE THEM DOWN?

THESE ARE DIAMONDS SHE GIVES YOU.

YOU SHOULD WRITE THEM DOWN.

I DO. I CARRY A BOOK FOR THIS PURPOSE.

I PUT DOWN QUESTIONS, TOO.

WHEN THEY'RE CLEARLY IN MY MIND, I WRITE THEM DOWN.

I LEAVE SPACE FOR THE ANSWERS.

HERE'S ONE I'VE BEEN LOOKING AT.

"HOW DO I TALK TO ISABELLE?"

WE CAN'T SEEM TO GET OUT OF THIS KITCHEN, CAN WE?

WE CAN STILL DO SOMETHING TONIGHT.

MY AUNT MILDRED SENT MICKEY AND ME TO DANCING SCHOOL.

FAMILY FICTION HAS IT

IT WAS MY MOTHER'S DYING WISH.

[RADIO PLAYS IT HAD TO BE YOU]

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA!

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOU'RE VERY GOOD.

[SNORING]

WE COULD GO TO ROSELAND.

I HEAR THAT'S TRESHIP.

I'M REALLY EXHAUSTED.

IT'S BEEN A LONG WEEK.

DOES THIS HAPPEN TO YOU A LOT?

THIS GUY IS TAKING TREMENDOUS ADVANTAGE OF YOU.

MAKE THE RULES AND DON'T WAVER.

SAY "I'M OUT OF HERE BY 7:00."

DON'T BE A SOFTIE.

I WASN'T WORKING LATE.

WHERE WERE YOU?

YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

I THOUGHT I DID.

SAM.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOU.

YOU'RE A NICE GUY.

WHAT A THING TO SAY. I'M WOUNDED. I'M BLEEDING.

IT'S TRUE.

MAYBE I JUST--

MAYBE I JUST CAN'T HANDLE THAT.

MAYBE IF I KNOCKED YOU AROUND A LITTLE,

I'D HAVE A BETTER CHANCE.

MAYBE IF I WERE MARRIED.

I'LL MARRY YOUR FRIEND MARILYN.

THEN EVERYBODY WILL BE HAPPY.

MAYBE IF I WERE A MEDIOCRE WRITER

SITTING AROUND LISTENING TO PRAISE

FROM OTHER MEDIOCRE WRITERS.

I REALLY BOUGHT THIS.

I THOUGHT, "THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT.

THIS IS WHAT I'VE WAITED FOR."

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW NUTS I WAS ABOUT TONIGHT.

I WAS OFF THE GROUND. NOBODY COULD TALK TO ME.

I WAS SO HAPPY I WAS GOING TO SEE YOU,

I MADE A SPECIAL BROCHE FOR THE OCCASION.

I SAID THE PRAYER FOR THE PLANTING OF NEW TREES.

DON'T ASK ME WHY.

HOW SHOULD I TALK TO ISABELLE?

WH--WHAT TIME IS IT?

I SLEPT SO LONG ON THE COUCH

THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE I AM!

WHO IS THIS MAN? WHAT'S HE DOING IN MY HOUSE?

YOU WERE SLEEPING SO PEACEFULLY

WE DIDN'T WANT TO WAKE YOU.

THIS IS SAM. YOU REMEMBER SAM.

NO!

HE'S MY FRIEND.

MRS. MANDELBAUM INTRODUCED US. YOU REMEMBER.

NO! GO GET THE BED READY.

OK. OK. RELAX.

MAYBE THE DRINK?

COME.

YOU ARE SOME BIG-TIME OPERATOR, SAMMY.

YOU'LL DANCE WITH ME AT THE WEDDING.

I'LL MAKE SOME NICE CAKES, AND YOU'LL BUY THE SCHNAPPS.

WE'LL HAVE SUCH A GOOD TIME.

WE'LL SEE, BUBBIE.

LIKE A PIECE OF FURNITURE, DO YOU HEAR ME?

READY, BUBBIE?

NOT SO FAST. I GOT TO GO SLOW.

OK.

OY,THE PAIN,

THE PAIN ONLY MY ENEMIES SHOULD KNOW.

IN MY LEGS, THE KNEES, AND--

DO YOU KNOW THIS FELLOW? WHO IS THIS MAN?

THIS IS SAM, BUBBIE.

HE'S KEEPING COMPANY WITH YOU?

COULD BE.

OH, YEAH?

HE LOOKS OK. YOU LIKE HIM?

YES, BUBBIE.

HE'S A JEW?

I THINK SO.

YOU'LL BRING HIM WITH YOU NEXT TIME YOU COME?

I'LL BRING HIM WITH ME NEXT TIME I COME.

HE'LL BUY ME CHERRY HERRING.

IT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE, MRS. KANTOR.

TAKE MY ARM, SAM.

IT'S OK. YOU CAN TOUCH ME.

120 POUNDS OF PURE GOLD, THAT'S ME.

COME, CHILDREN, COME.

LET'S PUT THE BUBBIE TO BED.

♪ WHEN I'M WALKIN' AROUND THE ROAD ♪

♪ IT OCCURS TO ME

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE LUCKY ♪

♪ LUCKY

♪ I'M NOT A PERSON TO WHOM THESE WORDS COME EASILY ♪

♪ I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE LUCKY ♪

♪ LUCKY

CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE, INC.

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 1989 WARNER BROS., INC.

♪ LUCKY

♪ AND I SEE YOU COMIN' TOWARD ME ♪

♪ IN A CROWD

♪ LOOKIN' THE WAY THAT YOU DO ♪

♪ MY HEART IS ACHING

♪ 'CAUSE I REALLY LOVE YOU

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ PRETTY PICTURES IN THE MAGAZINE AD ♪

♪ LOVE LOOKS LIKE IT'S EASILY HAD ♪

♪ LUCKY

♪ IT'S JUST A VISION YOU HAVE ♪

♪ AND CAN'T BE NEAR

♪ WHAT YOU REALLY WANT TO SEE CLEAR ♪

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ AND I SEE YOU COMIN' TOWARD ME ♪

♪ IN A CROWD

♪ LOOKIN' THE WAY THAT YOU DO ♪

♪ MY HEART IS BREAKING

♪ 'CAUSE I REALLY LOVE YOU

♪ HAPPY

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ HERE'S A THIN THREAD OF HOPE I'M HANGIN' FROM ♪

♪ HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE ♪

♪ OOH, OOH, OOH

♪ IT'S A STRONG LOVE THAT WON'T COME UNDONE ♪

♪ HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO BE THE ONE ♪

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ HAPPY

♪ LOVE YOU

♪ LUCKY ♪