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1
00:00:40,032 --> 00:00:41,537
See, Stan?
You gotta choose
2
00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:43,310
if you wanna be
in Gryffindor or Slytherin.
3
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,217
Yeah, can I do it?
4
00:00:45,218 --> 00:00:47,292
Yeah, see, you gotta fight
these fairy guys.
5
00:00:47,293 --> 00:00:48,529
Randy.
6
00:00:50,003 --> 00:00:51,306
Randy!
7
00:00:51,307 --> 00:00:52,846
The powder room
toilet is broken.
8
00:00:52,847 --> 00:00:54,050
Again!
9
00:00:54,051 --> 00:00:55,589
Did you jiggle the handle?
10
00:00:55,590 --> 00:00:57,028
Yes, I jiggled the handle.
11
00:00:57,029 --> 00:00:58,935
Will you come fix this, please?
12
00:00:58,936 --> 00:01:01,076
Okay, okay.
13
00:01:06,698 --> 00:01:08,738
Huh, well, let's see.
14
00:01:08,739 --> 00:01:12,417
It's gotta be the little
black floaty thingie.
15
00:01:12,418 --> 00:01:13,556
What'd you do to it?
16
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:15,228
I didn't do anything.
17
00:01:15,229 --> 00:01:16,600
Lemme see if there's
water in the bowl.
18
00:01:16,601 --> 00:01:18,640
No!
Don't lift the lid.
19
00:01:18,641 --> 00:01:20,447
Why can't I lift the lid?
20
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,258
Don't, Randy!
Uh-huh.
21
00:01:23,259 --> 00:01:25,365
Hey, guys!
Your mom took a shit
22
00:01:25,366 --> 00:01:26,837
and doesn't want me to see it.
23
00:01:26,838 --> 00:01:28,845
Ew!
Gross, Dad!
24
00:01:28,846 --> 00:01:31,655
Randy!
We need to get a new toilet.
25
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:34,031
We can't just get rid
of Ol' Blue, Sharon.
26
00:01:34,032 --> 00:01:35,570
This is embarrassing.
27
00:01:35,571 --> 00:01:38,681
It's the powder room toilet,
the one guests use.
28
00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,221
You get a new toilet, Randy,
29
00:01:40,222 --> 00:01:43,164
or I'm not helping you
sell weed anymore!
30
00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:45,607
Alright, alright.
Sharon, you win.
31
00:01:45,608 --> 00:01:46,812
As usual.
32
00:01:48,686 --> 00:01:50,058
Poor Ol' Blue.
33
00:01:58,155 --> 00:01:59,927
Can I help you with anything?
34
00:01:59,928 --> 00:02:02,737
Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new
toilet to replace Ol' Blue.
35
00:02:02,738 --> 00:02:04,912
Alright, well, all our toilets
here are standard bowl,
36
00:02:04,913 --> 00:02:06,082
come with full warranty.
37
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:07,488
How much you looking to spend?
38
00:02:07,489 --> 00:02:08,860
Well I'm not poor.
39
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,968
I happen to have
my own weed business.
40
00:02:10,969 --> 00:02:13,210
So that's pretty much
the nicest one you have, right?
41
00:02:13,211 --> 00:02:14,882
Yeah, that's probably
the top model, you know,
42
00:02:14,883 --> 00:02:18,194
before you start getting
into the Japanese toilets.
43
00:02:18,195 --> 00:02:19,566
Japanese toilets?
44
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:21,340
Yeah, they're the sort of
the super-high-class
45
00:02:21,341 --> 00:02:23,079
luxury models with all
the bells and whistles.
46
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,655
But you probably don't wanna
spend that kind of money.
47
00:02:25,656 --> 00:02:27,395
I'm not poor.
48
00:02:27,396 --> 00:02:30,205
Oh, well,
we can show them to you.
49
00:02:30,206 --> 00:02:32,381
The Japanese toilets
are right over there.
50
00:02:38,036 --> 00:02:39,372
Hi, Rick.
This gentleman
51
00:02:39,373 --> 00:02:41,246
would like to see
the Japanese toilets.
52
00:02:41,247 --> 00:02:43,421
Well, of course, sir.
My name is Rick.
53
00:02:43,422 --> 00:02:45,430
Let me know if there's
anything you need.
54
00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:49,912
These toilets are all equipped
with the highest-end features,
55
00:02:49,913 --> 00:02:51,584
including an automatic
bidet system,
56
00:02:51,585 --> 00:02:54,094
bluetooth capability,
and seat warmers.
57
00:02:54,095 --> 00:02:56,435
Seat warmers?
Of course.
58
00:02:56,436 --> 00:02:58,209
And the toilet senses
when you've come into the room,
59
00:02:58,210 --> 00:03:00,350
turns on a small light,
plays welcome music,
60
00:03:00,351 --> 00:03:01,956
and raises the lid for you.
61
00:03:01,957 --> 00:03:04,700
Can I offer you come
sparkling water or champagne?
62
00:03:04,701 --> 00:03:07,075
Oh, sure,
I'll take some champagne.
63
00:03:07,076 --> 00:03:08,882
All the toilet's functions
are operated
64
00:03:08,883 --> 00:03:11,090
by a touch-button remote
which you mount
65
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,265
where the toilet-paper roll
used to go.
66
00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:15,338
So then where do you keep
the toilet paper?
67
00:03:15,339 --> 00:03:18,617
With a Japanese toilet,
you don't need toilet paper.
68
00:03:18,618 --> 00:03:20,994
The toilet washes you
completely clean.
69
00:03:23,135 --> 00:03:24,740
You're mad.
70
00:03:24,741 --> 00:03:26,480
No, it's true.
71
00:03:26,481 --> 00:03:28,119
It has warm water and a dryer
72
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,965
and cleans you eight times
better than toilet paper can.
73
00:03:32,838 --> 00:03:35,346
Would you like to take one
for a test drive?
74
00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:36,651
Oh, uh, sure.
75
00:03:36,652 --> 00:03:38,759
I did have kind of
a big breakfast.
76
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,164
Right over here.
77
00:04:01,945 --> 00:04:03,585
Oh.
78
00:04:06,228 --> 00:04:07,866
Whoa!
79
00:04:07,867 --> 00:04:10,041
Ooh.
Oh, oh! Oh.
80
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,480
Ahhh!
81
00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:13,755
Oh, oh!
82
00:04:21,016 --> 00:04:22,989
Ohh! Oh.
83
00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:31,688
Okay, how much?
84
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:35,067
Guys, I wanted to talk to you
because I want you all
85
00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:37,577
to think about how
we're viewed as a family.
86
00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:41,825
You know, as a prominent
weed dealer, we are successful,
87
00:04:41,826 --> 00:04:44,435
and we're sort of looked up to
in this town
88
00:04:44,436 --> 00:04:48,583
because we have nice things
that most families can't afford.
89
00:04:48,584 --> 00:04:50,557
I mean, Stan, you're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy"
90
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:52,197
on PS5, right?
91
00:04:52,198 --> 00:04:54,271
You're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.
92
00:04:54,272 --> 00:04:56,747
Yeah, my... my point is
that most people in town
93
00:04:56,748 --> 00:04:58,387
don't even have a PS5.
94
00:04:58,388 --> 00:04:59,992
They still have PS4s,
95
00:04:59,993 --> 00:05:03,272
and so we're basically
the Kennedys of South Park.
96
00:05:04,410 --> 00:05:07,955
And the plain fact is
that well-off families
97
00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:09,360
have nice things,
98
00:05:09,361 --> 00:05:11,435
and we shouldn't be
ashamed of that.
99
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:13,509
Ohp! New toilet's here!
100
00:05:15,785 --> 00:05:19,029
Hajimemashite.
Japanese Torei des!
101
00:05:19,030 --> 00:05:21,170
Uh, yes, thank you.
Bring it on in.
102
00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:24,248
Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!
103
00:05:24,249 --> 00:05:29,267
Kyo fun yori!
Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!
104
00:05:29,268 --> 00:05:32,044
That's the new toilet?
How much did it cost?
105
00:05:32,045 --> 00:05:34,788
Oh, Sharon.
Tennish.
106
00:05:34,789 --> 00:05:37,229
What's tennish?
Tennish.
107
00:05:37,230 --> 00:05:39,605
Thousandish.
Ten thousandish.
108
00:05:39,606 --> 00:05:42,818
You spent $10,000 on a toilet?!
109
00:05:42,819 --> 00:05:44,891
We don't have
that kind of money, Randy!
110
00:05:44,892 --> 00:05:46,297
Yeah, we do.
111
00:05:46,298 --> 00:05:48,170
Shitsurei Shimasu!
Owarimashita.
112
00:05:48,171 --> 00:05:50,011
Okay, yeah, right here?
Okay.
113
00:05:53,625 --> 00:05:55,698
Doomo!
Aringanto gozaimashita!
114
00:05:55,699 --> 00:05:57,471
Aringato gozaimashita!
115
00:05:57,472 --> 00:05:58,978
K, thanks.
116
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,672
You are taking that back
to the store.
117
00:06:06,673 --> 00:06:08,011
Try it, Sharon.
118
00:06:08,012 --> 00:06:09,483
I don't need to, Randy.
I want...
119
00:06:09,484 --> 00:06:11,055
Try it, Sharon!
120
00:06:22,297 --> 00:06:24,070
Oh. Oh.
121
00:06:25,476 --> 00:06:27,817
Oh! Ohh!
122
00:06:27,818 --> 00:06:29,389
Ah-ha-ha!
123
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,426
I wanna try it.
124
00:06:30,427 --> 00:06:31,564
Shhh!
125
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,069
Ah-ho-ho!
126
00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:35,178
Ohh!
127
00:06:40,799 --> 00:06:42,170
Oh, look, there he goes.
128
00:06:42,171 --> 00:06:43,843
It's Mr. Big Shot.
129
00:06:45,818 --> 00:06:47,489
Hey, Richie Rich.
You eating caviar
130
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,231
for lunch today, Richie Rich?
131
00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:56,223
Stan, just so you know,
nobody gives a shit.
132
00:06:57,997 --> 00:06:59,501
About what?
133
00:06:59,502 --> 00:07:00,706
Come on, guys!
134
00:07:03,516 --> 00:07:05,958
Did you know some people
can't even afford to eat?
135
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:09,003
How about caring for something
that matters, you bitch?
136
00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:11,980
What the?
137
00:07:11,981 --> 00:07:14,556
Hey, Stan, you really
have to be careful.
138
00:07:14,557 --> 00:07:16,229
Of what?
139
00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:18,070
Look, it's great that you come
from a wealthy family,
140
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,345
but people don't like getting
their noses rubbed in it.
141
00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:23,154
Dude, I haven't
even said anything!
142
00:07:23,156 --> 00:07:24,828
Well, your dad called
everyone last night
143
00:07:24,829 --> 00:07:27,270
and told them you have
a $10,000 toilet.
144
00:07:27,271 --> 00:07:28,409
What?!
145
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:32,556
Well, thanks for having us
over for brunch, Randy.
146
00:07:32,557 --> 00:07:34,965
Yeah, what's
the special occasion?
147
00:07:34,966 --> 00:07:38,345
Oh, you know, just good times
with dear friends.
148
00:07:38,346 --> 00:07:40,485
Does anyone need
to go to the bathroom?
149
00:07:40,486 --> 00:07:42,259
Uh, no, I'm... I'm good.
150
00:07:42,260 --> 00:07:44,032
Oh, maybe some
more coffee, then.
151
00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:46,508
Can you guys believe
all the snow we've gotten?
152
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,682
Yeah, maybe it will actually
help with the drought.
153
00:07:48,683 --> 00:07:49,887
Let's hope so.
154
00:07:49,888 --> 00:07:53,132
Does anyone need
a bathroom break?
155
00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,541
Well, actually, I-I think
I could use the restroom.
156
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,147
That was kind of
a big breakfast.
157
00:07:57,148 --> 00:07:58,820
Oh! Oh, yeah, sure!
It's, uh...
158
00:07:58,821 --> 00:07:59,991
It's right across the hallway.
159
00:07:59,992 --> 00:08:02,100
Right there.
Excuse me.
160
00:08:08,122 --> 00:08:09,961
Oh.
161
00:08:09,962 --> 00:08:11,634
What was that?
162
00:08:11,635 --> 00:08:14,210
Oh, that's the welcome music
for my Japanese toilet.
163
00:08:14,211 --> 00:08:16,653
I've heard of those.
Aren't they expensive?
164
00:08:16,654 --> 00:08:18,158
Yeah, a bit.
165
00:08:18,159 --> 00:08:19,865
But for those of us
who can afford it,
166
00:08:19,866 --> 00:08:21,370
it's well worth it.
167
00:08:21,371 --> 00:08:23,511
Oh! Ohhh!
168
00:08:23,512 --> 00:08:25,586
Ohhhh!
169
00:08:25,587 --> 00:08:27,359
He's now turned on the rear jet,
170
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,433
which cleans your bottom
with warm water.
171
00:08:29,434 --> 00:08:31,039
Oh. Ohhh!
172
00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,281
Ah!
That's the front washer
173
00:08:33,282 --> 00:08:35,790
that washes your balls,
or vagina.
174
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,708
If you think about it,
a dry piece of toilet paper
175
00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:43,251
can't clean you half as well
as pressurized water.
176
00:08:43,252 --> 00:08:45,125
I feel bad that most people
have to walk around
177
00:08:45,126 --> 00:08:46,630
with fecal matter on their anus,
178
00:08:46,631 --> 00:08:48,069
but I'm just lucky
179
00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:50,109
I've sold enough weed
to be able not to.
180
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,820
But was it really luck?
Or was it hard work?
181
00:08:52,821 --> 00:08:54,459
Heck, I don't know,
but you know...
182
00:08:54,460 --> 00:08:55,998
Dad, can I talk to you?!
183
00:08:55,999 --> 00:08:57,972
Stan? You're back
from school already?
184
00:08:57,973 --> 00:09:00,882
I need to talk to you right now!
185
00:09:00,883 --> 00:09:02,054
The are you doing?!
186
00:09:02,055 --> 00:09:03,492
Are you doing?
187
00:09:03,493 --> 00:09:05,467
You need to stop
gloating to everybody!
188
00:09:05,468 --> 00:09:07,072
I am not gloating.
189
00:09:07,073 --> 00:09:08,377
Yes, you are,
and now kids at school
190
00:09:08,378 --> 00:09:10,753
are calling me Richie Rich!
191
00:09:10,754 --> 00:09:12,091
They are?
192
00:09:12,092 --> 00:09:13,730
Nobody cares about
your stupid toilet
193
00:09:13,731 --> 00:09:15,604
and you're acting like
a jerk. You're stupid.
194
00:09:15,605 --> 00:09:19,585
I'm acting like a jerk because
I'm trying to help people?!
195
00:09:19,586 --> 00:09:21,425
How are you trying
to help people, Dad?
196
00:09:21,426 --> 00:09:24,871
Because the people don't know
that these toilets are awesome,
197
00:09:24,872 --> 00:09:27,046
and I'm just, like,
the well-respected guy
198
00:09:27,047 --> 00:09:30,090
who's trying to open
people's eyes like JFK.
199
00:09:30,091 --> 00:09:32,901
You are not like JFK!
200
00:09:32,902 --> 00:09:34,641
You're just showing off!
201
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:38,254
Nu-uh, I'm like JFK 'cause
I am trying to change things!
202
00:09:38,255 --> 00:09:40,797
You're part of a very
respected family, Stan.
203
00:09:40,798 --> 00:09:43,105
You should start acting like it.
204
00:09:43,106 --> 00:09:45,014
Okay, who's next?
205
00:10:06,326 --> 00:10:07,363
Randy?
206
00:10:08,769 --> 00:10:10,708
Randy!
What?!
207
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:14,254
Your proctologist
is here to see you.
208
00:10:14,255 --> 00:10:15,961
My proctologist?
209
00:10:18,438 --> 00:10:19,976
Oh, hey there, Doc.
210
00:10:19,977 --> 00:10:22,384
Well, Randy Marsh, how are ya?
211
00:10:22,385 --> 00:10:24,124
I'm doing great.
How are you?
212
00:10:24,125 --> 00:10:26,232
Wonderful!
Just been super busy.
213
00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:29,143
I'm actually takin' the wife
to Tuscany day after tomorrow.
214
00:10:29,144 --> 00:10:31,150
Tuscany?
Wow. Awesome.
215
00:10:31,151 --> 00:10:33,325
Yeah, well, Randy
you haven't been in my office
216
00:10:33,326 --> 00:10:35,099
for a few days,
so I thought I'd come
217
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,440
do a house call to help you
with your hemorrhoids.
218
00:10:37,441 --> 00:10:39,380
Oh! No, Doctor.
219
00:10:39,381 --> 00:10:41,723
I haven't needed
to come to your office.
220
00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:44,299
In fact, I don't think I'll be
needing your services anymore
221
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,909
since I've gotten
a Japanese toilet.
222
00:10:46,910 --> 00:10:48,481
Oh... Oh, really?
223
00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:50,488
It's completely changed my life.
224
00:10:50,489 --> 00:10:52,362
I'm healthier,
I'm less stressed,
225
00:10:52,363 --> 00:10:55,173
and I don't get hemorrhoids
'cause I'm not smearing shit
226
00:10:55,174 --> 00:10:57,113
all over my ass
with toilet paper.
227
00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,451
Huh.
228
00:10:58,452 --> 00:10:59,816
Here, here.
You wanna come see it?!
229
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,434
Go on, check it out.
230
00:11:15,682 --> 00:11:17,521
D-Dr. Sheltair?
231
00:11:19,631 --> 00:11:21,938
Dr. Sheltair?!
232
00:11:21,939 --> 00:11:23,979
You stupid!
Whoa hey hey hey!
233
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:26,622
You ruined Tuscany!
Gah!
234
00:11:26,623 --> 00:11:28,128
Stop it!
I hate you!
235
00:11:28,129 --> 00:11:30,671
I hate you! I hate you!
236
00:11:30,672 --> 00:11:32,845
Go on!
Get out of here!
237
00:11:32,846 --> 00:11:34,250
How am I supposed to tell
my wife
238
00:11:34,252 --> 00:11:36,860
we can't afford
to go to Tuscany now?!
239
00:11:36,861 --> 00:11:40,373
I never realized you made
so much money off my ass.
240
00:11:40,374 --> 00:11:42,380
Go on.
Get.
241
00:11:42,381 --> 00:11:43,988
Get!
242
00:11:53,757 --> 00:11:55,429
Hey, Stan!
Stan hold up!
243
00:11:55,430 --> 00:11:56,901
What?
244
00:11:56,902 --> 00:11:59,176
Well, um, you're just
a really good friend, Stan,
245
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:01,250
and... and I was gonna
ask if maybe
246
00:12:01,251 --> 00:12:03,123
I could borrow your plungercost?
247
00:12:03,124 --> 00:12:05,499
What's a plungercost?
It doesn't cost nothing
248
00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,176
when your toilet's nice
as yours, Richie Rich!
249
00:12:09,883 --> 00:12:12,692
I did it!
I called Stan Richie Rich, too!
250
00:12:12,693 --> 00:12:15,269
That was fun!
251
00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,655
Stan, you've got to stop
bragging about your toilet.
252
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,562
I'm not bragging
about my toilet!
253
00:12:22,563 --> 00:12:24,569
And why is it
such a big deal anyway?
254
00:12:24,570 --> 00:12:28,418
It's a big deal, Stan.
You just don't understand why.
255
00:12:31,262 --> 00:12:34,807
Have you ever asked yourself
why we use toilet paper?
256
00:12:34,808 --> 00:12:38,287
We're told to wash our hands...
wear masks in crowds...
257
00:12:38,288 --> 00:12:40,328
but for some reason,
when it comes to wiping our ass,
258
00:12:40,329 --> 00:12:43,139
we're told to do it
with this little piece of paper.
259
00:12:43,140 --> 00:12:45,815
We are all... all of us...
Walking around right now
260
00:12:45,816 --> 00:12:48,693
with a little bit of shit
smeared on our buttholes.
261
00:12:48,694 --> 00:12:50,498
Did you know that 70%
of people in the world
262
00:12:50,499 --> 00:12:53,510
don't even use it at all?
263
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:55,551
70% of the world
doesn't use toilet paper?
264
00:12:55,552 --> 00:12:57,291
Look it up.
265
00:12:57,292 --> 00:13:00,167
Most people in the world still
use good ol' soap and water.
266
00:13:00,168 --> 00:13:02,978
The average American
uses 140 rolls
267
00:13:02,979 --> 00:13:04,852
of toilet paper per year.
268
00:13:04,853 --> 00:13:07,528
Can you even begin to imagine
how many trees that is?
269
00:13:07,529 --> 00:13:09,368
To supply the United States
its toilet paper,
270
00:13:09,369 --> 00:13:14,219
it takes 31.1 million
trees per year.
271
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:15,893
A million acres per year
of precious
272
00:13:15,894 --> 00:13:17,432
Canadian Boreal forest alone,
273
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:20,041
releasing upwards
of 25 metric tons of CO2
274
00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:22,551
and leveling 90%
of the land barren.
275
00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:25,294
So, then, why do Americans
use it so much?
276
00:13:25,295 --> 00:13:27,134
Well, that's the big question,
isn't it?
277
00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:29,978
None of it makes any sense.
Well, then, maybe somebody...
278
00:13:29,979 --> 00:13:31,952
Just tell your dad to stop.
279
00:13:31,953 --> 00:13:33,859
Americans don't want
to change their toilets
280
00:13:33,860 --> 00:13:36,201
and they never will.
281
00:13:36,202 --> 00:13:39,379
Ladies and gentlemen, we have
a public service announcement.
282
00:13:39,380 --> 00:13:42,056
One of our citizens
has asked to speak with you.
283
00:13:42,057 --> 00:13:45,067
Please welcome
Mr. Randy S. Marsh.
284
00:13:49,485 --> 00:13:52,360
Thank you, Mayor.
Thank you, everyone.
285
00:13:52,361 --> 00:13:54,736
You know, the Marshes are
a family that try to always
286
00:13:54,737 --> 00:13:56,610
lead by example.
287
00:13:56,611 --> 00:14:00,424
And we know that
all of you appreciate that.
288
00:14:00,425 --> 00:14:05,376
Everyone deserves to be clean,
and the truth is, you can be.
289
00:14:05,377 --> 00:14:06,982
You might not be the Marshes,
290
00:14:06,983 --> 00:14:10,294
but you can afford
a Japanese toilet.
291
00:14:10,295 --> 00:14:13,070
Just not a really nice one
like what we have.
292
00:14:13,071 --> 00:14:14,911
If you take into account
the money
293
00:14:14,912 --> 00:14:18,123
we all spend on toilet paper,
doctors, and hemorrhoid cream,
294
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:22,472
a Japanese toilet pays
for itself in just a few years.
295
00:14:22,473 --> 00:14:26,052
There are actually Japanese
toilets made for commoners.
296
00:14:26,053 --> 00:14:28,528
Walmart and Amazon
all carry the lower
297
00:14:28,529 --> 00:14:32,175
cost of shitty Japanese toilets
that anyone can afford.
298
00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:33,915
There's even these like
attachment thingies
299
00:14:33,916 --> 00:14:35,520
for your existing toilet
300
00:14:35,521 --> 00:14:37,929
which will make you feel
like a Marsh yourself.
301
00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:40,271
They may not be
Nihon No style-ru,
302
00:14:40,272 --> 00:14:43,081
but they are
good enough for you guys.
303
00:14:43,082 --> 00:14:48,535
The point is... even commoners
don't need toilet paper anymore!
304
00:14:48,536 --> 00:14:51,312
And, so, I am suggesting that
this town puts all...
305
00:14:53,421 --> 00:14:56,632
Holy shit!
306
00:14:56,633 --> 00:14:58,572
Randy?! Wah!
307
00:15:05,666 --> 00:15:08,476
I'm sorry,
but he's in critical condition.
308
00:15:08,477 --> 00:15:10,349
Who shot him?
309
00:15:10,350 --> 00:15:12,223
Nobody knows.
310
00:15:12,224 --> 00:15:14,130
Is he gonna be okay?
311
00:15:14,131 --> 00:15:15,702
He's in a coma.
312
00:15:15,703 --> 00:15:19,047
He's unconscious
and just blabbering nonsense.
313
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:25,372
Bikkuri... Bikkurishita...
Taiehn deshou...
314
00:15:25,373 --> 00:15:28,583
Mr. Marsh, your whole
family is here.
315
00:15:28,584 --> 00:15:31,627
Your wife, your daughter,
and your son.
316
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:34,204
T-Toire Wa?
317
00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:36,580
No, your toilet
is back at the farm.
318
00:15:36,581 --> 00:15:39,591
Taihen ja naaaa...
319
00:15:39,592 --> 00:15:42,300
Dad, I'm sorry I yelled
at you before.
320
00:15:42,301 --> 00:15:45,078
I didn't know you were
really trying to help.
321
00:15:45,079 --> 00:15:48,658
Kon-nichi waaa...
322
00:15:50,431 --> 00:15:54,379
- Stan, where are you going?
- I let dad down once.
323
00:15:54,380 --> 00:15:56,521
Somebody has to pick up
where he left off.
324
00:16:00,762 --> 00:16:02,936
I promise
we're doing all we can.
325
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:04,374
I'm sorry for what happened,
326
00:16:04,375 --> 00:16:06,315
but you need to leave it
to the professionals.
327
00:16:06,316 --> 00:16:08,323
There's something
more going on here.
328
00:16:08,324 --> 00:16:10,664
I think my dad was on
to something and I
329
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:12,839
didn't listen to him,
and now he's in a hospital.
330
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,244
We've already got a few leads
331
00:16:14,245 --> 00:16:16,050
and we're following up
on all of them.
332
00:16:16,051 --> 00:16:19,062
I assure you we take this
all very seriously.
333
00:16:19,063 --> 00:16:21,003
This isn't a joke to us.
334
00:16:21,004 --> 00:16:23,010
- Chief, hey, Chief!
- Yeah?
335
00:16:23,011 --> 00:16:24,348
An angry proctologist walked in
336
00:16:24,349 --> 00:16:26,456
to the toilet section
of Home Depot.
337
00:16:26,457 --> 00:16:28,262
Y-Yeah?
338
00:16:28,263 --> 00:16:30,203
Proctologist says
to the toilet manager,
339
00:16:30,204 --> 00:16:32,077
"I ain't taking the fall,"
and pulls a gun
340
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,783
on six Japanese delivery men.
341
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,423
Okay.
342
00:16:35,424 --> 00:16:37,263
So, then, the six Japanese
delivery men show up,
343
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:39,070
and the proctologist
has everyone held hostage
344
00:16:39,071 --> 00:16:40,474
and says he's not
taking the fall
345
00:16:40,475 --> 00:16:42,783
for the Randy Marsh shooting.
346
00:16:42,784 --> 00:16:44,623
Oh, shit, this is
actually happening?!
347
00:16:44,624 --> 00:16:46,362
Come on people let's go!
348
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,147
I ain't going down for this!
349
00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:54,493
You got that, coppers?!
I didn't shoot anybody!
350
00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:55,965
But if I'm going down,
351
00:16:55,966 --> 00:16:58,374
I'll take these careless
bastards out with me!
352
00:16:58,375 --> 00:17:00,181
Would you like some
sparkling water or cham...
353
00:17:00,182 --> 00:17:02,221
Get... Get outta here!
354
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,760
Come on out.
355
00:17:03,761 --> 00:17:06,839
There's no other way,
we have you surrounded.
356
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:09,515
I didn't shoot Randy Marsh!
357
00:17:09,516 --> 00:17:12,393
- Taihen!
- Nobody's saying you did!
358
00:17:12,394 --> 00:17:15,637
No, but they're gonna
use me as their scapegoat!
359
00:17:15,638 --> 00:17:17,980
They'll fix things
like they always do!
360
00:17:17,981 --> 00:17:20,054
- Who will?
- They'll use their lawyers
361
00:17:20,055 --> 00:17:22,430
and their power
to make it all go away!
362
00:17:22,431 --> 00:17:24,570
Just like they did back
when that 2nd grade kid
363
00:17:24,571 --> 00:17:26,678
wrote a story in the school
paper about toilets
364
00:17:26,679 --> 00:17:27,950
two years ago!
365
00:17:27,951 --> 00:17:29,422
They'll take me out, too!
366
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,995
There's no stopping them!
367
00:17:30,996 --> 00:17:32,500
Don't do it!
368
00:17:34,275 --> 00:17:36,281
Sabishiiiii!
369
00:17:36,282 --> 00:17:38,054
Aww! Alright move in!
370
00:17:38,055 --> 00:17:39,861
Secure the area.
371
00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:43,307
2nd grade kid two years ago...
372
00:17:43,308 --> 00:17:45,683
Wrote about toilets
in the school news paper.
373
00:17:49,531 --> 00:17:53,377
You weren't warning me
about people getting upset.
374
00:17:53,378 --> 00:17:54,985
You know more about this.
375
00:17:57,561 --> 00:17:59,099
Hey!
376
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,804
You wrote a story
in the school paper
377
00:18:00,805 --> 00:18:02,411
and someone came after you!
378
00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:04,585
Yeah I wrote a story, big deal!
379
00:18:04,586 --> 00:18:06,827
Jimmy, I want to know
who shot my dad!
380
00:18:06,828 --> 00:18:08,968
They took everything
from me, Stan.
381
00:18:08,969 --> 00:18:11,611
My bike... my cat...
382
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,083
They were gonna sue my parents
383
00:18:13,084 --> 00:18:15,324
for what I wrote
in the school paper.
384
00:18:15,325 --> 00:18:18,805
You're talking about
the toilet paper companies.
385
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:21,715
Who has the most to lose?
It's all toilet paper, Stan!
386
00:18:21,716 --> 00:18:25,496
Follow the money!
140 rolls per American per year.
387
00:18:25,497 --> 00:18:27,336
Factories pushing out
roll after roll
388
00:18:27,337 --> 00:18:28,975
while razing Earth's resources.
389
00:18:28,976 --> 00:18:30,882
All of this for
an unsanitary product
390
00:18:30,883 --> 00:18:33,225
that has been proven
to contribute to anal fissures.
391
00:18:33,226 --> 00:18:34,897
Don't you get it, man?
392
00:18:34,898 --> 00:18:38,410
Paper doesn't clean bacteria.
It can't stop viruses.
393
00:18:38,411 --> 00:18:39,883
With all that information,
394
00:18:39,884 --> 00:18:41,254
you'd think
the world health organization
395
00:18:41,255 --> 00:18:43,462
would do studies
to find alternatives.
396
00:18:43,463 --> 00:18:45,068
So why don't they?
397
00:18:45,069 --> 00:18:47,109
Because toilet paper
is an industry worth
398
00:18:47,110 --> 00:18:50,656
billions and b-billions
of dollars.
399
00:18:50,657 --> 00:18:54,837
Kimberly-Clark, Georgia-Pacific,
Procter & Gamble.
400
00:18:54,838 --> 00:18:57,480
They don't want Japanese
toilets in America
401
00:18:57,481 --> 00:18:59,689
and they have the power
to stop them,
402
00:18:59,690 --> 00:19:02,934
and to stop you.
403
00:19:02,935 --> 00:19:05,142
I can't believe
they shot my dad...
404
00:19:05,143 --> 00:19:07,619
because he wanted
to change things.
405
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:11,332
These people have deeper pockets
than you can possibly imagine.
406
00:19:11,333 --> 00:19:14,711
They can destroy
everything you love, Stan.
407
00:19:14,712 --> 00:19:16,417
Take my advice...
408
00:19:16,418 --> 00:19:20,365
Don't. Squeeze.
The Charmin.
409
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:24,213
You might be too scared Jimmy,
but I'm a Marsh.
410
00:19:28,764 --> 00:19:30,402
My fellow Americans...
411
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,377
we have been coerced
and brain washed.
412
00:19:32,378 --> 00:19:34,083
While the rest of the world
walks around
413
00:19:34,084 --> 00:19:36,592
with cleaner buttholes,
we are obsessed with dry paper
414
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:39,470
sold to us by billion-dollar
corporations.
415
00:19:39,471 --> 00:19:42,614
- Yeah.
- Hey, yeah, he's right!
416
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:45,023
My father wanted everyone to see
that there were alternatives.
417
00:19:45,024 --> 00:19:47,097
But they don't want him talking
about alternatives!
418
00:19:47,098 --> 00:19:48,804
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
419
00:19:48,805 --> 00:19:51,815
And we can't be blindly
buying their products anymore.
420
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:54,157
And as a town,
we will find alternatives,
421
00:19:54,158 --> 00:19:55,395
and we will not be afraid to...
422
00:19:55,396 --> 00:19:58,038
Stop! Stop!
We're not doing this!
423
00:19:58,039 --> 00:20:00,313
Dad! Everyone just
stop, we're not doing this.
424
00:20:00,314 --> 00:20:02,521
Thank you. South Park, uh,
we-we're cutting this short.
425
00:20:02,522 --> 00:20:04,930
I was totally wrong
and I want to apologize.
426
00:20:04,931 --> 00:20:06,503
No, dad, it's the toilet
paper companies
427
00:20:06,504 --> 00:20:08,275
that are behind all the...
Yeah, I know.
428
00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:10,551
Yeah, so, uh, w-we have
nothing against toilet paper.
429
00:20:10,552 --> 00:20:12,057
It's a great product and, uh,
430
00:20:12,058 --> 00:20:13,562
it was childish of me
to make fun of it.
431
00:20:13,563 --> 00:20:15,235
Thanks, though.
We'll see ya later.
432
00:20:15,236 --> 00:20:16,773
Dad, we can't just back down.
433
00:20:16,774 --> 00:20:19,150
- Bro!
- I got shot!
434
00:20:20,924 --> 00:20:22,629
Japanese toilets are
totally unnecessary,
435
00:20:22,630 --> 00:20:24,435
and, uh, in case anyone
else is listening,
436
00:20:24,436 --> 00:20:27,614
I think all of South Park
would like to apologize.
437
00:20:27,615 --> 00:20:30,291
We retract what we said about
toilet paper companies.
438
00:20:30,292 --> 00:20:33,770
They... They have done nothing
but help us, and we are sorry.
439
00:20:33,771 --> 00:20:36,982
South Park... everyone...
Say you're sorry.
440
00:20:36,983 --> 00:20:39,290
We're sorry.
441
00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:41,498
Okay, great.
Come on, guys, let's go home.
442
00:20:41,499 --> 00:20:43,840
What about helping people
and leading by example?
443
00:20:43,841 --> 00:20:45,815
We're not the Goddamn
Kennedys, Stan.
444
00:20:45,816 --> 00:20:47,487
Stop being an idiot.
445
00:21:12,514 --> 00:21:16,327
Nice to have you back, Ol' Blue.
446
00:21:16,328 --> 00:21:19,138
You know, guys,
I'm actually not that sad.
447
00:21:19,139 --> 00:21:21,546
Having a Japanese toilet
was great, but...
448
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:23,453
I've come to realize that,
449
00:21:23,454 --> 00:21:26,164
when you have some big,
nice luxury thing,
450
00:21:26,165 --> 00:21:28,138
it eventually
just becomes normal.
451
00:21:28,139 --> 00:21:29,978
But you start comparing it to
all the other things
452
00:21:29,979 --> 00:21:33,390
in your life which suddenly feel
you have to upgrade, too.
453
00:21:33,391 --> 00:21:35,866
So, it's really best to just
454
00:21:35,867 --> 00:21:39,212
stick with the beat-up,
crappy old things we have.
455
00:21:39,213 --> 00:21:40,952
Love you forever, Honey.
456
00:21:40,953 --> 00:21:47,410
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