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And today, serial killer Willy
Watkins was sentenced
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to multiple life sentences.
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00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,079
The murder spree known as the Wheels
on the Bus Massacre
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00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:17,439
was foiled by a pair of local coach
tour operators
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00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,479
and private investigators Terry
Bremmer and Gemma Draper.
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00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,519
There he is.
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This isn't over, Terry and Gemma!
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You'll never really get rid of me.
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I'm like a verruca.
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This is just the beginning...
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CAMERAS CLICK
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SIRENS
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TYRES SCREECH
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SCREAMING
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No, no, no! Stop!
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SHOUTING
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Oh! Oh!
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Can you slow down? Please.
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I get travel sickness! What do they
want?
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What do you want?! Whoa, whoa!
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If this is about the fly tipping...
Pull over. Let's put an end to this.
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We'll go wherever they say. Wherever
they say.
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HE SOBS
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THEY SHOUT
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Mind your head.
SHE GASPS
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Oh...!
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Do it now. No, no, no, please!
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I'll do anything.
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I'll even clean up that mess I left
in the back seat.
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Let's just talk about this, can we?
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Welcome to couples counselling.
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Surprise.
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No!
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No! No!
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This is our new case. I know I
didn't tell you about it,
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but if I had you'd have just been
worried we'd miss the wedding.
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All you need to know is we're fully
undercover.
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Follow my lead, and I believe in
you.
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We were supposed to be going on a
luxury spa break before our wedding.
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This does NOT feel like that.
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Someone's coming. Be undercover.
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Hi, guys. I'm Neil, the course
leader.
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Hi, Neil, this is Brad, and
I'm... Angelina.
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Like the film stars? Yeah.
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You couldn't make it up, could you?
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Well, here, we like to think that
while everyone might look at you
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and say, "These people shouldn't be
together"...
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They do. They do say that.
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Do they? Yeah.
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I think they most definitely do say
that, yeah.
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BUT...we're going to prove them
wrong.
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Come, meet the rest of our group.
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Thank you.
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00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,360
And so the new case begins...
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Terry and Gemma may not solve this
case,
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but Brad and Angelina are on it like
a car bonnet.
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Brad's a bit annoyed about being
basically kidnapped
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by Angelina.
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The head office told us they're
getting death threats.
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They're worried about something
terrible happening this weekend.
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So you're telling the podcast
listeners
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all about this before me?!
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We've only got 64 followers.
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And 63 of them is you checking that
it's uploading properly!
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Terry is failing to be supportive
about our amazing podcast.
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Because Terry has soiled himself.
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Yeah, OK.
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Yeah.
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I will be perfectly honest with you
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I'm not at all comfortable being
outside.
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She kind of likes you. OK.
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Well, that's actually a bit of a
surprise. Thank you.
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Sometimes. I mean, not all the time.
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Welcome to the beginning of the end
of your relationships as they are.
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We will work through your issues,
but we'll only do this
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when we...?
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Get it all out in the open.
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That's right. Two days and two
nights of hiking, bushcraft,
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and survival exercises to bring
your...
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FAILED marriages back from the
precipice.
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To start, everyone put your phones
in this secure... pouch.
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I'll chuck it on the Jeep, you get
them back at the end.
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Ooh, yes, please.
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Let the babysitter sweat it out on
her own.
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That is my mum. It is. Yes.
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What, are you kidding? We ask
participants to
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take a hiatus from technology
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so they can focus on reconnecting
with their partner.
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Don't plug into the world!
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Plug into each other.
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00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,359
But, you see, I've got a cousin
going through a quite nasty divorce.
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Yeah. There's a lot of juicy back
and forth going on on Facebook.
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Thank you.
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My phone... It's my everything.
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00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,999
Emma's an influencer. You don't need
to introduce me, Darren. Yeah.
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I've got 500,000 followers. That's
over a million.
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We're trying to break your addiction
to social media, babes.
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Just give it here...
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Placed a sort of barrier in our
relationship whereby
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I'm just an accessory in our
marriage
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on Emma's various posts.
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Sort of just mainly...
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hold up Gucci handbags.
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Darren, phone... I need phone!
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What if I need to take a selfie?
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We will cope. You do not need to
take a selfie.
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Just ask me what you look like, and
I'll just describe you to you.
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It's not for me, you moron.
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I need my followers to see what I'm
doing. I'm a brand, yeah?
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An honest, truthful depiction of
what I'm up to
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and what I look like... with filters.
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Let it go, babe. Some things are
more important than a phone.
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My Facebook followers are going to
really miss my daily updates,
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but you know what - saving my
marriage is more important.
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Because it's falling apart, isn't
it, darling?
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Oh, yes, darling, it is.
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It's in tatters.
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Very inconvenient.
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I want my phone!
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She'll calm down in a minute. It's
just a tantrum.
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We see loads of those, don't we?
Yeah.
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We've got six kids.
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We're not sure if we stay together
for them,
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or if we're just too tired to get a
divorce.
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That's why we're here. Have you got
kids?
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No. Honestly, don't.
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Oh, God, no, don't have kids.
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That is the one thing we can
actually agree on.
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We should never have had kids, and
now we've got six of the...
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leeches.
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And on that note of delicious
regret...
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Off we go. This way, please.
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Come on.
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Come on!
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After the first baby, we just
started arguing.
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So we thought a new baby might bring
some love
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back into the relationship, but it
didn't work.
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So we had a third baby.
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Thought that might help, but that
didn't work.
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I think we had the last three just
to spite each other.
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Thankfully, we're too knackered to
make any more.
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The only way I could pregnant now is
if Devon
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fell into me the right way while I
was having a nap.
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For Christ's sake. Don't blame it
on your children, darling.
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Passion just fizzles out on its own.
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Do you remember, Aaron, when we had
the passion, darling?
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Before it all went away, darling?
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Oh, certainly do, darling.
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But then we replaced it with our
passion for local politics.
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A lot more rewarding, and a lot less
wiping things down afterwards.
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I mean, do I miss Aaron slipping off
his Chinos
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and plunging me into a world of
flesh?
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Sometimes.
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There's something so much more
exciting about power, raw power.
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Keep talking.
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Like when I had you close down that
Italian restaurant
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because the waiter wouldn't flirt
with me.
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Or when I denied Brenda next door
planning permission...
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...because... She had plastic
butterflies on her house.
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She had plastic butterflies on her
house.
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Mm...
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And that is the problem, you see?
Yes.
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Sexually, nothing turns us off more
than the thought of having sex.
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But you get us talking about our
abuse of official Council policy...
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Mm!
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And we are a couple
of... very... dirty Gerties.
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Dirty Gerties.
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Just a minute. Brad's suffering.
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Yeah, in his past, made-up life,
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he really let himself go. Just -
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Very wise, Brad. Conserve your
energy.
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You're going to need it. Sandra's
going to thoroughly grill you.
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Emotionally. She can see the poison
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beneath the surface of any
relationship, and...
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squeeze it out like...
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Like an emotional blackhead. It's
true.
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I even did it with mine and Neil's.
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We were together once, but...
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then as we developed this therapy
programme, I identified the reasons
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as to why our marriage was utterly
doomed.
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Sandra has... intimacy issues.
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And Neil is needy and weak.
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But we built this business with our
life savings,
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so, like many of you, we are adrift
in an ocean of love debt.
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Until one of us drowns.
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Bleuh bleuh bleuh!
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Angelina, can we leave now, please?!
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No, we have to solve this case.
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What's your rush? I've stepped on an
ant's nest!
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00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:41,119
Please! Help me kill them! Kill them
all.
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00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,959
Angelina? Yeah? You didn't take this
job
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because you feel like we need
counselling, did you?
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00:10:47,560 --> 00:10:49,560
Oh, what are you like?
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00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,559
Is that a yes or a no?
195
00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:54,919
Terry, they're on your... They're on
your face.
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00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:56,920
Ouch! They're all over your face!
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Kill them!
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SHOUTS
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00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:06,599
So sad to see.
200
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,800
They really need this place. How
many are there?!
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00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,800
So much anger.
202
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,679
Please!
203
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,680
Help me kill them! Kill them all.
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00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,400
HORN
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00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,080
Silence.
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00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,599
It's time to break you down so you
can truly see
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00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,959
the other person for who they are.
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00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,999
Have you chosen a soulmate to
journey through life with,
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00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,319
or just given in, and settled?
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00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,520
Now, we find out.
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00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,239
We're searching for truth here,
guys,
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in an exercise we call...
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00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,720
...A Shock to the System.
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00:12:02,520 --> 00:12:05,559
Oh. Brad has a bad feeling about
this.
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00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:07,599
Shut up.
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00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,479
Now, as with our other couples,
guys, we're going to
217
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,559
share some truths between one
another.
218
00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:15,399
And if you don't like that truth,
you can administer
219
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,600
a small electric shock to your
partner.
220
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,439
How many volts are in the shock
itself, Neil?
221
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:25,199
Well, we hook it up to a farmer's
electric fence just through that
forest there.
222
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:27,239
It's um... It's solar powered.
223
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,919
But with the advances in solar
technology, it can give quite a
belt.
224
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,959
It can, yes.
225
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:37,799
Suck it up! The pain of living a lie
is worse.
226
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,159
Be grateful, guys, for this learning
experience.
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00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:44,759
It will bring you both together. Can
I get a yeah?
228
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,960
Yep. Oh, and Devon?
229
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,919
You're finally beginning to accept
Beatrice's truth
230
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,319
about conceiving your youngest child
231
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,359
with another man
232
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,959
in the car park of a Toby Carvery.
233
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:02,719
Yeah, I'm really starting to feel
that processing going on now.
234
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,199
And I'm starting to forgive Emma for
treating me
235
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,439
like an accessory to her influencer
life.
236
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,639
Yes, Darren, I accept it was my
fault you were able
237
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,679
to give up work and sit on your
backside.
238
00:13:11,680 --> 00:13:14,919
There's no blame here, babes. Safe
space, yeah?
239
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,920
OK, Brad, why don't you tell us the
truth
240
00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:20,959
about Angelina?
241
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,999
Well, to tell you the truth,
242
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,039
she's the best thing that ever
happened to me.
243
00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:27,079
No complaints here. As a man, I am
244
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,999
satisfactorily punching well above
my weight.
245
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,160
Go on, I can take it. Go on.
246
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:36,039
STUTTERS
There is one thing...
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00:13:36,040 --> 00:13:39,119
that really makes me love Angelina.
248
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,599
She's very... task-oriented.
249
00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,639
Mm, I think there's more.
250
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,679
Do you? Mm.
251
00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:48,719
Let it flow, Brad.
252
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,559
Let it... flow.
253
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,799
Like, when she was so focused,
254
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,839
yeah, in getting us to this retreat,
255
00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:02,200
that she completely ignored my plans
for a lovely pre-wedding spa break.
256
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,319
SHOUTS
257
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,799
Yes! You're not even married yet!
258
00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,800
Oh, my God, get out while you can.
259
00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:14,999
Sorry, but it's true. I wish I'd
married your sister!
260
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:19,359
Me too. Angelina, no holding back.
261
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,039
Give us your truth, so we can hear
your screams
262
00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:25,879
of relationship-affirming pain.
263
00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,919
I love that bit.
264
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,439
OK. And I mean this kindly.
265
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:34,120
But I think one of the things that
endears me most about Brad
266
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,800
is that he can't stop going on about
our bloody wedding.
267
00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:41,199
Well, I can work on that.
268
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,520
Brad, do it! Do it.
269
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,919
It's awesome.
270
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,959
He wouldn't dare, to be honest.
271
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,639
Agghhh!
272
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:55,520
SHOUTS HER APPROVAL
273
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,720
Gotcha.
274
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,639
Know what gets my loins moist? How
Angelina disregards
275
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,799
every single little thing that I
care about!
276
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,039
Agghhh!
277
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,359
What really turns me on is how Brad
can whinge
278
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,999
to Olympic standards about
absolutely nothing!
279
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,759
Ow!
280
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,079
Well, Angelina breaks wind in her
sleep,
281
00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:20,119
and blames it on me!
282
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,279
I don't. Fry him. Light him up.
283
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,719
Don't be scared, Brad. Time to
ride the lightning, Brad!
284
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,759
Evil, evil, evil!
285
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,799
Brad... cried... at... the... end... of
286
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,800
Mam... ma Mi... a!
287
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,319
OK, perhaps we'll leave it there.
Seems like a good time to call it a
day. Really?
288
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,239
It was just getting good. We'll
deliver food to your shelters.
289
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,239
There's an organic wild mushroom
soup hand-picked by yours truly.
290
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:48,279
Or bacon sandwiches.
291
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,199
For those of you who enjoy eating
the flesh of innocent animals.
292
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,239
Which in turn is strangling Mother
Earth,
293
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,519
not that I'm here to lecture anyone
about that.
294
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,719
Yet you always find a way. Come on,
then, lovebirds.
295
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:00,720
Let's get you disconnected.
296
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:15,119
Oh, my God, that was amazing.
297
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,159
Was it? Yeah!
298
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,199
Look at us. Fully undercover.
299
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,879
Brad and Angelina slagging each
other off.
300
00:16:21,880 --> 00:16:24,479
No-one suspects a thing. Oh!
301
00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:26,480
Amazing.
302
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:30,839
So, I did well? Yeah.
303
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,840
I was a good boy? Yeah.
304
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,599
I think the electricity's made my
teeth go soft.
305
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:38,639
Aw!
306
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,679
OWL HOOTS
307
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,680
HYPERVENTILATING
308
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,680
WIND HOWLS
309
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,839
Gemma?
310
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:00,879
Gemma!
311
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,919
Oh...
312
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:04,920
It stinks. Is that you?
313
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,839
There's something outside.
314
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,680
Go and take a look, then,
scaredy-pants.
315
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,559
You know, I think we're better off
staying in the sleeping bags.
316
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,960
To protect us from predators
and... monsters.
317
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,479
Fine.
318
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,480
I'll have a bloody look.
319
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:29,519
If I see any monsters, I'll say
you're in your impregnable sleeping
bag.
320
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,520
Agghhhh!
321
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,359
SHE SCREAMS
322
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,360
GROANS
323
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:39,079
Get out of the bag!
324
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,080
Don't want to!
325
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,000
It's all right, it's all right.
326
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:57,799
He's definitely dead, bless him.
327
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,159
Mm. Yeah, but what's wrong with his
face?
328
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:02,199
Bishop's Balls.
329
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,999
I've never seen a pair, but if you
think there's a likeness...?
330
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,559
It's a mushroom. Very poisonous.
They grow around here.
331
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:11,519
He must have... I don't know,
accidentally slipped one into his
mushroom soup.
332
00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:13,559
I told him a hundred times this
would happen.
333
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,599
The idiot.
334
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,399
I don't mean to offend, Sandra,
but...
335
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:20,439
This is pretty shocking. Mm.
336
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,479
And you don't seem very upset.
337
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,519
Oh, no, I was, a minute ago.
338
00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:26,879
But then I used my advanced
therapeutic training
339
00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,999
to sort of speed up the grieving
process.
340
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000
I'm at peace with it now.
341
00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,999
Is that possible? To speed up your
feelings?
342
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,199
Yes. When my mother died, I was
laughing with the firemen
343
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,520
before they'd even cut her out of
the car.
344
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,080
Night night.
345
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,079
Hang back a bit. We're going to look
for clues.
346
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:51,119
Oh, please, not on his body!
347
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:53,120
Oh, my God, no. Have you seen him?!
Ugghhh.
348
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,439
Right, what's over here?
349
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,479
Oh, Terry, it's a dump.
350
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,480
I think I've found something.
351
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:07,000
Ah-ha!
352
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:12,960
Listen to this - F and D having an
affair. £2,000 paid.
353
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,240
J stealing from B's mother. £3,000
paid.
354
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:22,160
Y ran over cat. Blames neighbour.
£5,000 paid.
355
00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,599
Terry, these aren't just notes.
356
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,759
This is information he's gathered
about the people
357
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,199
on the counselling course - he's
using it to blackmail them.
358
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,239
People with deep pockets.
359
00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,319
£5,000. Is the cat going to live
with him?
360
00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,159
Permanently. Keep your eyes peeled
here, Terry.
361
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,920
There's people with secrets, and
we're going to find out who.
362
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:47,839
I can't believe this. He's dead.
363
00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,199
Dead, Darren! Focus, Emma.
364
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,239
Talk to me about your feelings.
365
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:54,279
Communicate. Don't tell me what to
do!
366
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,559
All I want to do is post a picture
of a feather,
367
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,199
and tell all my followers an angel
just got his wings.
368
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,959
Think of the engagement I'd get!
Come on, everyone.
369
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,999
Let's buck our spirits up.
370
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,239
Has a man accidentally poisoned
himself to death with a mushroom?
371
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,039
Yes.
372
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,040
Is that a reason to dilly-dally?
373
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:16,599
No, it's not. No, now we need to
notify the authorities.
374
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,639
Oh, there will be no refunds.
375
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:20,679
Apologies. Sorry, not sorry.
376
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:23,519
If you want to complete the therapy,
you'll have to come back again.
377
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,999
But I can probably save you some
money...
378
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,639
Darren, you're a parasite, mate.
379
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,679
Emma, get out now.
380
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,719
Beatrice and Cornwall... Devon.
381
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,719
Whatever. Take three kids each, swap
them over at the weekends.
382
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:38,759
Um, Diane and Aaron...
383
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,239
I'm Aaron. Switch it in your mind, mate.
384
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,279
I haven't got time. Um...
385
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:45,319
You're both fixated on power.
386
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:48,159
And I can turn that into a sexual
dynamic, but just not this weekend,
387
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:50,199
because I haven't brought my special
gloves.
388
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,599
Angelina, you and Brad,
389
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,120
uh...
390
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:56,879
No, I have no words.
391
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,319
OK, that's it, then. Onwards.
392
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,359
Is it not quicker to just go back?
393
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:03,520
Back?
394
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,279
Back? There is no back.
395
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,359
No, the Jeep is not meeting us till
the last exercise tomorrow.
396
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,999
Can't we just call the Jeep and tell
it to pick us up?
397
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,639
Uh, no. I've left my phone in the
Jeep as well.
398
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,079
Feeling pretty stupid about that
now,
399
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,559
and I'm trying not to think about
it.
400
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:21,599
Let's go. I know the way.
401
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:25,759
I think. I do hope so, Sandra. I've
no sense of direction.
402
00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,999
Aaron's lost me twice in Waitrose.
Always finds me by the yoghurts.
403
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,039
But that's just me, isn't it, darling?
404
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:34,040
Only culture she's tolerant of.
405
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,959
Come on, everybody. Follow the
stick.
406
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,960
I'm flying the flag at half mast, so
keep your eyes on it.
407
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,960
Looks like someone's eaten something
that's disagreed with them.
408
00:22:15,360 --> 00:22:20,319
I mean, the last time we had sex was
when he voted for Brexit.
409
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,040
It is good for business, darling.
410
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:30,679
Eventually. Honestly, when we first
met, Aaron was so passionate.
411
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,279
All corduroy jackets with elbow
patches.
412
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:39,559
There wasn't a march he wouldn't go
on, like a sexy Jeremy Corbyn.
413
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:41,919
Darling, what happened to you?
414
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,720
You were all about the common man.
Yes, well, I was.
415
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:48,799
But then I met him.
416
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,839
What, me?
417
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,480
I'm not common. I'm... I'm earthy.
418
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,680
HE SOBS
Oh, here come the bloody tears.
419
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:04,520
What is it now? Death brings it so
close to me how precious life is.
420
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:09,639
I miss the kids. All of them.
421
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,799
Even the one you had under my nose,
and tried to pass off as mine.
422
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,800
Miss the kids?!
423
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,639
Even with the dead body, this is
still
424
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,759
the best weekend we've had in years!
425
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:23,479
I'm a mother, Devon. I don't miss my
kids.
426
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,399
I go away, recharge, then go back
into battle with them.
427
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:29,439
Oh, we can't have kids.
428
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,879
At least, not until Emma signs a
deal
429
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,319
with a magazine for the baby photo.
430
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,359
Babies don't just happen, Darren.
431
00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:38,399
Remember the five-year plan.
432
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,439
Yeah. Emma's got a five-year plan.
433
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:42,639
The main part of the plan being I'm
not allowed
434
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:44,839
to make any decisions for the next
five years.
435
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,439
Can we stop? Please!
436
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:52,199
My feet are killing me. Right,
morale's flagging. We need a break.
437
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,759
Let's stop at the sweat lodges.
438
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:56,839
Maybe the heat will soothe your
feet,
439
00:23:56,840 --> 00:23:58,879
and get the weaker ones to SHUT UP.
440
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,880
You know who you are.
441
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,880
SIZZLING
442
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,159
Shame about Neil, isn't it? Indeed.
443
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:28,679
Although, as a therapist... he was
atrocious.
444
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,719
Yeah. Goes without saying.
445
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,199
He told me that Beatrice's cheating
was
446
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,879
in response to a lack of attention
from me.
447
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,079
You try getting jiggy when you live
in a house where
448
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,319
there's always at least one person
with diarrhoea.
449
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:45,719
True. At all times, there's a little
bit of diarrhoea on me somewhere.
450
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,200
LAUGHS
Emma had diarrhoea once, right?
451
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,999
So she kept howling at me from the
bathroom,
452
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,039
and I pretended to be out.
453
00:24:55,040 --> 00:24:57,679
Still think about that every time I
feel a bit sad.
454
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,680
It's what cheers me up a bit, do
you know what I mean?
455
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:03,680
GROANING
456
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,839
So, Sandra...
457
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,479
What was Neil like, then? An
absolute waste of space.
458
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:19,319
So clingy. I thought I could make
him un-cling, but...
459
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:22,399
some men are just tragic little
limpets, aren't they?
460
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,439
Mm.
461
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,479
Yeah, yeah. Tell me about it.
462
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,719
And he was a terrible therapist.
463
00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:31,999
You know, I mean, this place'll be
much better off without him.
464
00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,039
A hundred per cent.
465
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:37,640
I think Aaron will be happy when I
pop off, if he even notices.
466
00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:41,159
Neil helped Darren and I on our
journey towards
467
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,319
Darren acknowledging I'm the most
important.
468
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,239
And he's more of a background
character.
469
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,719
You know, in his own life. Really?
470
00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:51,919
I liked Neil. He really helped me
see that
471
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,639
Devon basically made me have
unprotected sex
472
00:25:55,640 --> 00:25:59,639
in a Toby Carvery car park, and
twice in the loading bay of Lidl.
473
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,759
And a little something in the
drive-through at McDonalds,
474
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:05,160
but nothing to write home to Mother
about.
475
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:08,360
GIVES SMALL LAUGH
476
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,160
Sandra...
477
00:26:11,960 --> 00:26:14,399
Dear God...
478
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,919
Beatrice thinks she's going grey.
Oh, is she, yeah?
479
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,959
No! Of course not!
480
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,359
Every night when she's asleep, I
stay awake,
481
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,719
and I dye a single hair of hers
grey.
482
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,999
LAUGHTER
Been doing it for years!
483
00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:30,759
I'm thinking about poisoning Emma.
Good. Good.
484
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,680
What?! I'm not. I'm not, no.
485
00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:37,360
Have I had that thought?
486
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,400
Yeah, yeah. Obviously.
487
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,480
Would I do anything about it?
488
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,319
Obviously not. Very probably not, yeah.
489
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:53,359
Such a shame. Yeah.
490
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:55,999
It's just, for someone who gets
thousands of likes,
491
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,039
she's not very likeable.
492
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,040
She's awful. Mm.
493
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:03,359
Is it not a bit hot?
494
00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,399
Nobody else?
495
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:08,959
SHE GASPS
I can feel a kidney popping out.
496
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:13,479
Oh, heat doesn't bother me. I did a
whole season in Ibiza, darling.
497
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:15,519
Didn't need deodorant once.
498
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,999
But this is a... ooh, it's a sexy
heat.
499
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:22,079
Reminds me of making love to Galway
Girl
500
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,639
by Ed Sheeran in a Swedish sauna.
501
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:29,240
Hands strumming on me as fast as
Ed's on his teeny-tiny guitar.
502
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:32,879
Are you all right, Angelina?
503
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,919
Huh?
504
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:36,239
Me?
505
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,679
Yeah. Just have to go home.
506
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:42,360
Mum says she's seen me smoking
cigarettes with the older girls.
507
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,159
We've got a fainter! I'll get the
first-aid kit.
508
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:49,759
Give her some Calpol. It works on
everything.
509
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,799
Angelina, stop sweating...
510
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:53,800
Unattractive. Get her out!
511
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,199
Her hair! Get her by her hair.
512
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,639
Get out of the way. Angelina's
fainted. Don't panic.
513
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,679
SHOUTS
514
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,199
Angelina?
515
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,200
She's with me! What?
516
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:08,880
SCREAMING
517
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,199
Angelina's fainted! Nobody panic.
518
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,039
Come on, Angelina. Come back to me.
519
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,079
Somebody help! My legs have gone.
520
00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,119
I've fallen into the fire.
521
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,159
I'll get her.
522
00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,360
Come on, Angelina. What, what...?
523
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,039
Diana, my darling.
524
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,919
I apologise if it's not the right
time to mention this,
525
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,920
but I am afraid...
526
00:28:36,880 --> 00:28:39,239
...that I've been pierced.
527
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,240
Oh, my God!
528
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:47,479
SHE CRIES OUT
529
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,199
Sorry, can I just say, I'm
definitely not liable for this.
530
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:53,479
This was not a coincidence. Whoever
did this must have poisoned Neil.
531
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,519
Oh, Aaron!
532
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,559
Darling.
533
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:59,599
Are you missing the kids YET,
Beatrice?
534
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,719
And he's got one of those bow and
arrow things,
535
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,239
like the one that woman invented in
the Hunger Games.
536
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,279
Where are they shooting us from?
537
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,159
She's right. Somebody's watching us
from over there.
538
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,199
Right, everybody, get behind the
tent.
539
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,239
Sandra, come on, help me, please.
540
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,279
Grab her by the hair! It's the only
way!
541
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,319
Oh, oh, oh...
542
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,320
Run! Run. Run!
543
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,999
I told you we shouldn't have come.
Now? You want to do this now?
544
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,359
You know how reluctant your mum is
to take the kids.
545
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,879
We wasted this weekend. We could die
here.
546
00:29:29,880 --> 00:29:31,919
It'll be you that dies, won't it?
547
00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:35,079
Leaving me with the children, always
taking the easy option.
548
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,679
I'm not going. I am not leaving
Aaron here alone.
549
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:42,199
Diana, you're injured. Patch
yourself up while you whinge.
550
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:46,039
I think Aaron would want you to come
with us so we can keep you safe.
551
00:29:46,040 --> 00:29:48,679
I know Brad would want that, if the
arrow had hit him,
552
00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:50,680
piercing his heart, most probably
both his lungs.
553
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,039
Nice sentiment. Bit technical.
554
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,439
Diana, come on, you can do this.
Come on.
555
00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:59,119
Yes, you're right. I'll grieve as we
run.
556
00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,159
If that's all right with everyone?
Yeah.
557
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,319
OK, we're going to leg it down that
pathway.
558
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,479
First we're going to grab our
essentials, OK?
559
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,839
We're going to go in three - Let's
go.
560
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,840
Go.
561
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,799
Come on! Come on, hurry up!
562
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:19,800
THEY CONTINUE TO ARGUE
563
00:30:23,360 --> 00:30:25,399
Come on!
564
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,079
Why are you in a mood? Clothes.
565
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,479
When you said grab the essentials, I
thought you meant survival
equipment.
566
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,519
Yeah. Not clothes.
567
00:30:33,520 --> 00:30:35,559
I mean, look at my back. Just...
568
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,959
I've got stuff you borrow, Brad,
but it's my night-time gear.
569
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,639
She's got night-time gear. Great,
night-time attire.
570
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,640
We're saved.
571
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:49,600
HYPERVENTILATES
572
00:30:56,840 --> 00:30:58,879
New podcast entry.
573
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:02,359
As the disaster unfolds around us,
Angelina,
574
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,799
one question - happy with our little
escapade, are we?
575
00:31:05,800 --> 00:31:08,719
Well, we've got two dead bodies.
576
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:10,759
And?
577
00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:12,799
Literally everyone's a suspect.
578
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,839
And we could be where right now?
579
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,719
In a five-star hotel planning our
wedding.
580
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,720
But instead, we are...?
581
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:24,239
Stranded in the wilderness
582
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:27,639
with a crossbow-wielding murderer
whose identity we don't yet know.
583
00:31:27,640 --> 00:31:29,640
And I am currently...
584
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:33,559
Say it, Angelina.
585
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,560
You're a hot bitch.
586
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:38,680
So maybe we...
587
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,199
Shouldn't have come at all.
588
00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:44,200
What a breakthrough.
589
00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:47,600
As long as we're on the same page.
590
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:06,279
I'm pretty sure it's that way.
591
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:09,919
No, I seem to remember it's that
way.
592
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:11,959
But you know, don't trust me, darling.
593
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,879
Come to think of it, you're right.
It's by those sycamores.
594
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:16,880
This way.
595
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:19,639
You remembered, Diana?
596
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:21,640
You've been here before?
597
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,519
Oh, yes...
598
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:26,559
Four times.
599
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,479
Aaron just couldn't face a life
where us getting divorced
600
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,359
might make him face a challenging
re-election!
601
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,279
Diana's at stage six of grieving -
602
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:37,280
annoying the hell out of the rest
of us.
603
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,999
So let's get a shift on.
604
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,039
We're nearly at base camp. I can
radio for help,
605
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,279
and we never have to see her again.
606
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,319
Can you contact head office as well?
607
00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,599
Head office? There is no head
office.
608
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:50,639
Just me and Neil.
609
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,679
Or it was.
610
00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,799
You said her head office contacted
you about the death threats.
611
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:57,839
I know.
612
00:32:57,840 --> 00:32:59,840
What if we've been set up?
613
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,999
I'll figure out what those initials
on Neil's book mean if it kills us.
614
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,039
Be extra-vigilant.
615
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:10,239
Oh, sorry. Yeah, because up to now
I've only been medium vigilant.
616
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,240
How silly of me.
617
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,319
For God's sake, hurry up!
618
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:18,359
Do you want to be left all alone in
this world like Diana?!
619
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,399
No.
620
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,400
DIANA SOBS
621
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,879
Count yourself lucky.
622
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,440
I think this is going to get very,
very messy.
623
00:34:01,560 --> 00:34:03,560
PHONE RINGS
624
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,959
Having fun? Oh, yeah.
625
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:11,519
Just keep doing what you're doing.
626
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,480
Everything is going to work out
perfectly.
627
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:19,559
Oh, thank God. This is it.
628
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:21,599
The final exercise.
629
00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:25,599
Now, I know we're exposed. Just try
to avoid getting shot, and run.
630
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,600
He can't kill us all.
631
00:34:29,800 --> 00:34:31,800
THEY SHOUT
632
00:34:49,640 --> 00:34:51,679
Brad hit a mine.
633
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,200
You what? Everybody freeze!
634
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,719
Did you say, "hit a mine"?
635
00:34:57,720 --> 00:35:01,279
We call this exercise The Emotional
Minefield,
636
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,319
but don't worry, it's metaphorical.
637
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,359
Oh, thank God.
638
00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:07,399
What the bloody hell's that?
639
00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:09,439
Jesus Christ!
640
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:11,440
Ooh.
641
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:15,279
In many ways, I'm not shocked at
all.
642
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,119
It's the murderer. They've laid a
trap for us.
643
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:20,120
Guys, my heart!
644
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:22,759
Why?!
645
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,760
We were so perfect together.
646
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:27,760
A new angel has got its wings.
647
00:35:29,640 --> 00:35:32,639
All that's left are a few hundred
thousand selfies.
648
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,600
Sandra, Gemma, I'm scared.
649
00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,839
It'll be all right, Diana.
650
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:40,879
We're going to get us out of here.
651
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,480
Just keep still. This is rubbish!
652
00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:48,319
This is supposed to be our make it
or break it weekend, Beatrice,
653
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,919
to decide if we want to stay
together.
654
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:52,959
I do want to stay together.
655
00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:56,239
I've realised that my love for the
life we've built together
656
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:59,360
far outweighs the hate that I feel
for you.
657
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,280
I'm so glad you said that.
658
00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,319
I forgive you for all the affairs.
659
00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:08,999
I don't care how many of the kids
are actually mine.
660
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,079
I mean, I had a vasectomy after the
fourth one,
661
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,599
so we probably need to have a
conversation about that.
662
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,359
But... I was going to propose again.
663
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,999
A second marriage. You can do all of
that. Just don't move.
664
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,919
See, our counselling works.
665
00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:27,439
Beatrice Smith... You don't have to
do this now, Devon.
666
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:30,559
Just put it off, like you have been
with the grouting in the bathroom.
667
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,599
I'll understand. Devon, no...
668
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:34,639
Will you marry me?
669
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:37,439
One more time. Of course I will!
670
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:39,440
Thank God.
671
00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,960
Bugger.
672
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,840
SHE SCREAMS
673
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,320
Will everyone stop moving?!
674
00:36:57,720 --> 00:37:01,759
I'm exploding. I am meant to be
being pampered right now
675
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:03,799
in a hotel I can't afford.
676
00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:06,359
Look at me! Look at me.
677
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:10,319
This is possibly THE worst day of my
entire life.
678
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:14,879
I'm going to need more therapy after
this than we needed when we arrived.
679
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:16,919
We're going to get Diana here out,
680
00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:18,959
and then I'll be back for you, my
love, OK?
681
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,960
Right, Diana...
682
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:23,919
Grab my hand.
683
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,559
We're just going to retrace my
steps, OK?
684
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,599
Get you to safety.
685
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,040
The mines... Don't worry about them.
686
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:34,600
I've just figured out who the killer
is.
687
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:37,599
Who is it, darling?
688
00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,119
It's you.
689
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,120
Isn't it, darling?
690
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,280
I don't see what you think I could
have done.
691
00:37:50,720 --> 00:37:53,239
Lost out here in the wilderness...
692
00:37:53,240 --> 00:37:55,279
Lost, are you?
693
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,599
That's funny, cos you told us that
you always get lost in Waitrose.
694
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,079
Yet you seemed pretty sure of your
way back by those sycamore trees.
695
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:06,599
That was your first lie. Just a
lucky guess, darling.
696
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,319
I mean, I must have recognised it
from last time.
697
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:11,359
Oh, really?
698
00:38:11,360 --> 00:38:13,639
You told us that you and Aaron
hadn't
699
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,039
had sex since the Brexit referendum,
700
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:18,399
then in the sweat lodge you told me
701
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:20,839
that you enjoyed making love to
Galway Girl.
702
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:22,399
And?
703
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,599
I don't know much about politics,
Diana, I really don't,
704
00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,599
but I bloody know my stuff about Ed
Sheeran,
705
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,439
and he released Galway Girl in 2017,
706
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,200
and that is after the Brexit
referendum.
707
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:40,320
So who's been strumming you like
Ed's teeny-tiny guitar then, hm?
708
00:38:41,720 --> 00:38:45,360
F and D are having an affair. £2,000
paid.
709
00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:49,999
She must be the D. Yeah, exactly.
710
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,000
She's been strumming with an F.
711
00:38:52,840 --> 00:38:55,119
Neil blackmailed you about your
affair,
712
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,879
so you crept into his tent, and
slipped some Bishop's Balls in his
mouth.
713
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:00,880
Hm?
714
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,599
I bet if the police checked Neil's
bank account,
715
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,839
they'd see it was you who paid the
£2,000.
716
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,239
This is absolute nonsense. Oh, and
as for poor Aaron...
717
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:15,319
You have no proof I killed Aaron.
718
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,359
I wasn't even anywhere near him.
719
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:19,399
Oh, but you were, weren't you?
720
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,879
You told us in the sweat lodge that
heat doesn't affect you.
721
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,159
Then next thing we know, your legs
have gone and you've fallen in the
fire.
722
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,439
Oh, how convenient. I bet if we took
that bandage off your burnt arm
723
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:30,640
we'd see there's nothing wrong with
it.
724
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,759
GASPS
What a surprise.
725
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:36,799
You hid the weapon in advance,
didn't you?
726
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:38,919
Because you've been here before,
haven't you?
727
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,280
And you knew where to put it that
no-one could find it.
728
00:39:48,720 --> 00:39:50,759
GASPING
729
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,519
Somebody help, my legs have gone!
730
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,520
I've fallen in the fire.
731
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,999
You think you're so clever, don't
you?
732
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,519
Who are you to accuse me? Oh, I
think you know exactly who I am.
733
00:40:03,520 --> 00:40:05,800
Because she used your real name!
734
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:08,719
Sandra? Gemma?
735
00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:10,759
I'm scared.
736
00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:12,799
I was about to say that.
737
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:15,119
That's how I figured the whole
bloody thing out.
738
00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,559
I can't believe it. I've solved
another murder.
739
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:20,159
No, you haven't. I said that out
loud.
740
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,039
Shut up! Yes, it was me.
741
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:25,439
No way. I know your real name
because
742
00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:27,839
I listen to your podcast, you idiot.
743
00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:31,919
You're our listener? Good to know
our fan base is homicidal.
744
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:35,199
Yes, I've listened to every episode,
and I thought,
745
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,040
"These two are a complete pair of
morons."
746
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:43,359
It's our brand.
I was even the Welsh woman who rang
you from head office.
747
00:40:43,360 --> 00:40:46,079
You're pretty cocky for someone
who's just got caught.
748
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,239
Oh, I haven't been caught.
749
00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:53,679
No, I am going to walk off and
disappear into the wilderness.
750
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:56,159
It may have slipped your mind,
751
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,199
but you are standing in a minefield,
752
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,759
and only I know where they're
buried, and don't think
753
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:03,399
because you are standing up there
that you are safe.
754
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,439
They're everywhere!
755
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,479
This was my last trap,
756
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:11,919
in case the crossbow failed, or the
Bishop's Balls didn't work.
757
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,239
I really only wanted to kill Aaron
and Neil.
758
00:41:15,240 --> 00:41:17,279
But I needed a back-up.
759
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,319
Just in case.
760
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,879
Oh, it's been nice knowing you.
761
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:25,000
Forgive me if I don't keep in touch,
though, won't you?
762
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,120
Terry...
763
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:35,999
Agghhhh!
764
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:38,000
SHE SCREAMS
765
00:41:41,720 --> 00:41:43,720
ALL SHOUT
766
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:49,719
That was for Neil!
767
00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:52,199
Aw, because you actually really
loved him,
768
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,679
and it was his death that made you
see that.
769
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,319
No, because he was mine.
770
00:41:57,320 --> 00:41:59,799
Mine to belittle and destroy.
771
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:02,559
And SHE took that away from me.
772
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,599
I see your point.
773
00:42:04,600 --> 00:42:07,720
Right, we're going to have to flag
down the next car.
774
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:11,960
Hello?
775
00:42:15,280 --> 00:42:18,319
The bomb squad were nice when they
got you out of there, weren't they?
776
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:20,359
Mm. Yeah.
777
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,799
Gave me a lollipop for being a brave
boy.
778
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:26,200
You were a brave boy. Brad and
Angelina. Gemma and Terry.
779
00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:29,319
I just wanted to say... No, you
don't have to thank us.
780
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,239
No, I was going to say that you two
are
781
00:42:32,240 --> 00:42:35,519
the worst couple we have ever, ever
had.
782
00:42:35,520 --> 00:42:37,520
Here's your phones back.
783
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,480
There we go. And all the best.
784
00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:49,119
She did mean Brad and Angelina,
didn't she?
785
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,159
Yeah.
786
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,199
What a pair they are. Tell me ab...
787
00:42:53,200 --> 00:42:55,239
Jokers! Losers.
788
00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,999
Losers. Yeah. Destined to be unhappy
forever.
789
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,039
Has-beens.
790
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:03,359
There is one thing still bothering
me, though. Hm?
791
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,319
When I was looking up the hill at
the sweat lodge,
792
00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,320
I'm certain I saw someone in them
woods.
793
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:12,240
I doubt it. You were probably
hallucinating from the heat.
794
00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:14,839
Yeah.
795
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,280
Most likely that. Anyway, come on, you.
796
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:21,839
Let's get you to that hotel for a
therapeutic mud bath,
797
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,439
and an essential oils facial.
798
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:26,479
Keep talking. All right.
799
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,119
So, then we might take a quick
little walk down the aisle.
800
00:43:30,120 --> 00:43:32,920
And you might bag yourself a wife.
801
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:39,919
So, after the worst day of my entire
life,
802
00:43:39,920 --> 00:43:43,520
we walk off into the sunset, and get
married.
803
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:47,319
And who knows what terrors await us
804
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,359
at our five-star hotel.
805
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:52,519
With spa, conferencing centre,
806
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,600
and banqueting facilities.
807
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:04,400
PHONE RINGS
808
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,879
So, can I get in there now?
809
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,159
Ruin their lives?
810
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,280
Like you promised. Oh, yes.
811
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:15,680
I think we've found the perfect time
for it.
812
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:19,720
This is going to be epic.
813
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:30,320
♪ I'm on my way
814
00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,999
♪ Driving at 90
815
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,200
♪ Down those country lanes
816
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:41,719
♪ Singing to Tiny Dancer
817
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:44,919
♪ And I miss the way
818
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:47,520
♪ You make me feel
819
00:44:48,240 --> 00:44:50,639
♪ It's real, when we watched the
sunset... ♪
820
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,640
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