All language subtitles for Monsieur Beaucaire (1946)

[music]

[music]

Heat. Heat.

Come

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

>> on.

>> [music]

[music]

[music]

[music]

>> McCoy from Spain.

>> Will there be war?

>> We'll soon know.

>> The gates are closed. I bear a message

from his majesty king Philip of Spain to

his majesty Louie king of all France.

>> A career from Spain. Open the gates.

[music]

>> Dash. It's a courier from Spain.

>> Yes, I know.

>> What will it be? War or peace? Neither

for us if the good king Lou should catch

the charming pompador in my apartment.

>> And since when does the Galant Shawn

fear for his head?

>> Not mine.

This one much too pretty ahead to be

found rolling around in the bottom of a

basket.

>> But darling,

yours would be there beside it.

>> You think of everything, my dear

Pompador.

Your majesty.

>> Your majesty.

>> What is it?

>> Sir, the cura from Spain.

>> Come here. Come here. What say the

Spanish? Is it war? Not yet, sir. Then

what is it?

>> Speak, man. Speak.

>> King Philip feels that the forces who

fan the flames of hatred toward France

can still be thwarted.

>> But how? How?

>> An alliance based on royal marriage.

>> Royal marriage?

>> Yes, sir. Between Maria, Princess of

Spain, and a French nobleman of your

choosing.

>> What do you think, Dammo?

>> Philip Isru, he knows the Spanish. The

right marriage might well stir their

romantic imagination and avert war.

>> Yes, it's quite true. Quite true. But we

must be careful. We must choose the

proper man. You, Cora, refresh yourself.

I shall send for you. Yes, Dammo. We

must choose the proper man. [laughter]

Someone handsome, dashing, clever, one

whose wit and charm would captivate the

Spanish court. [laughter]

>> In other words, sir, the Duke Desan.

Who else?

>> Brilliant. Sto brilliant.

>> Obvious choice to rid the court of his

fiery temper and quick blade to say

nothing of considerable romantic

competition.

The young blood should be duly grateful.

Ado,

>> not to mention a few of the older ones.

Sir, [laughter]

>> I shouldn't wonder.

What do you mean?

>> Oh, nothing, sir. Nothing except I

noticed the charming newcomer Madame de

Pumpadar favor him with a smile.

>> A smile? A smile? What's a smile?

>> She did.

>> But what matter, sir? After all, he

leaves in a few days.

>> Few days? He leaves tonight.

Send the corer back to Spain. Tell

Philillip his daughter Maria Weds, the

darling of the French court. B he

swordsman extraordinaire

prince of the blood I adore Duke Dorn.

>> Very well sir

>> informed the sons the queen the

ministers

spread the news this is a big night and

all France must celebrate.

Good heavens.

Get my barber.

[music]

MER,

>> where is he?

>> In the timber mate's room.

>> Thank you very much. Chamber mage. Oh,

>> go away, Mimi. Don't try to stop me.

You've broken my heart for the last

time. You're now gazing at a Frenchman

who is not afraid to die for love.

>> Look here, stop.

>> Don't try to stop me, Mimi. Don't

>> Oh, it's you. Talk to me later. I'm

killing myself. Look, you can't You

can't kill yourself. Why not? The king

wants to shave. Tell him I'm tied up.

Oh, the king. Oh, that's different.

You didn't tie the rope.

>> I was going to take a couple of practice

swings. Oh,

>> my dear B. Why do you want to kill

yourself? You with so much to live for.

It's Mimi.

>> Mimi? Why should he be upset of a little

skully maid?

>> Scullery maid? She's the king's new

chamber mage. She promoted herself

upstairs.

>> Why do she can promote herself upstairs?

She can promote herself upstairs.

>> Maybe not.

>> You don't know Mimi. She's ambitious to

be somebody for years. She's been

determined to get upstairs.

>> Oh, perhaps she wanted to enlarge her

mind.

>> No, her mind's large enough and the rest

of her doesn't need any improvement.

>> Well, then what's worrying you?

>> It's the king. After all, he's got the

power to He's the king. Look here, I'm

surprised. You know, a chamber mate

doesn't seek to attract the king's eye

unless she wants to.

>> That's right. Not unless she wants to.

>> Well,

>> she wants to.

>> Are you certain?

>> I'm positive. I threw myself at her

feet. Told her if she went through with

this, I'd hang myself.

>> And what did she do?

>> Loan me the rope.

>> Well, okay.

>> My poor poor friend. You were right. You

must kill yourself.

>> Yeah.

>> Huh? You were right. Absolutely right.

>> Well, you could argue with me a little.

I

>> Okay, think. You're a Frenchman. Yes.

>> Yes.

>> A man of honor. Yes.

>> Yes.

>> You lost your sweetheart. Yes.

>> Yes.

>> Then you must kill yourself. No.

>> No. Well, let's settle. I got to get to

work.

>> Mimi.

>> Oh, are you still alive?

>> Tell the king. I'll be right up.

>> Mimi, you're making a mistake. A big

mistake. I have nothing further to say.

Bo care.

>> Well, I won't let you do it.

>> You won't let me do it. Out of my way,

Barbara.

>> Pretty sure yourself, aren't you? What

makes you think the king will look at

you twice?

>> He won't have to. Once will be enough.

>> Mimi, do you realize what you're doing?

Turning me down. And for what? A king?

Mimi, I've got a future. I'm only a

little barber now, but someday I'll have

a shop of my own with two chairs, three

chairs, maybe even four. And what has

the king got? One chair.

>> But look what's on it. Yeah. And another

thing, what about those other women

upstairs? They'll see through your

tricky schemes.

>> In this palace, it's every woman for

herself. Dog eat dog.

>> Let's leave the queen out of this.

>> WHERE IS THAT BOKEA?

>> My dear Mr. Vocare, I am now going in to

prepare the queen's bath. And while the

queen is taking her bath, who knows, I

may get to meet the king.

>> Farewell, Barber.

>> Mimi, I'm warning you, if you go through

with this, you'll never see me again.

Have you thought about that?

>> Well,

>> well,

>> well,

>> I guess you've thought about it.

>> Wait,

go.

>> Who care?

>> Gentlemen, I didn't call you in to ask

your opinion. I called you in to give

you my decisions. Who care? You clumsy

idiot.

>> Oh, there you are. Oh,

sorry. Sorry.

But to send a dictation, a dendy, a

puppy, whose experience in court

diplomacy is limited to to courting.

>> Exactly. Are you quite true, gentlemen,

for if you are,

>> Booker? What is the matter with you

tonight?

>> Sorry, sir. I I Oh,

I'm sorry. It's Mimi. Mimi? Who's Mimi?

>> Oh, your girl.

I mean my girl. That is She's our girl

gets around, doesn't she?

>> Man, what are you jabbering about?

>> Mimi, may I talk to you about her sire?

>> Certainly not. Now, gentlemen, let's

finish with this discussion. The Duke

Des goes to Spain and he goes tonight.

>> Who's Mimi?

>> Well, she's been downstairs. Now she's

upstairs.

>> Never mind. Now here's the queen.

Louie, what's this idea of Desawn going

to Spain?

>> Quite true. Quite true. What about it?

>> Nothing. I just wondered why. Of all our

very talented young men, you chose

Desawn.

>> Why not? Royal blood. Best swordsman in

the land. And I understand from certain

sources that he's very attractive to the

ladies. Hey, Barber.

>> Oh, yes, sir. Very attractive.

>> But he doesn't even speak Spanish.

>> Oh, don't worry about him. He'll make

himself understood.

>> Shut up, you idiot.

>> He didn't say anything.

I said, "Shut up."

>> My dear, please remember, we never

display anger in front of our cabinet.

Anger is the effort of a limited mind to

express itself.

Now, shut up, you idiot, and powder my

wig.

>> Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I was only repeating

what Mimi told me.

>> Who is this? Oh. Oh.

[cough]

Okay, you'll answer for this. And once

and for all, who is this Mimi?

>> My girl, Sire. She dreams of position,

power, why she'd like to influence the

king like Madame Pompador.

>> And who says Madame Pompador influences

the king?

>> Oh, everybody knows that. It's all over

it. Or don't they?

>> Louie,

I shall talk to you later.

>> My dear, wait. Please, you mustn't

misunderstand. You see,

>> I said later and alone

care.

You blundering nickel poop,

get out of this palace. If I so much as

see you again, I'll have your head.

>> Yes, sir. Thank you, sire.

That's the other matter. This all is for

Spain tonight.

I guess I caught him in a bad humor.

>> Who does he think he is to talk to me

that way? After all, I'm not dirt. I'm a

man.

Well, sort of.

What makes him so special anyway? A

ring, a wig, some robes, and a few

soldiers.

After all, anyone can be king.

Just happens to be where you get born,

that's all.

I could be king.

But I'd make a good king, too.

Oh, Liverlip never looked this good.

Bokeare, you jabbering and kapa poop.

I'd have your head.

Have my head. But it won't look good on

him either.

Boy, if I were king around here, things

would be different. I wouldn't go around

cutting off everybody's head and taking

away everybody's girl.

Well, I wouldn't go around cutting off

everybody's head.

Him and his mask. Got a mask for day and

a mask for night. Even got a mask for

sleeping. I don't blame him. If I had a

face like him, I'd keep it confidential,

too.

Don't shoot.

Oh, pardon me, your majesty.

Approach me.

Approach me.

Pretty little wench.

>> Thank you, sir.

Rise, child. Rise.

Haven't I seen you about the palace? I

>> hardly dared that my sire would notice

me.

>> Oh, but of course you're the little

wench who's been seen around with Bokeh

Alaba. Splendid chap. Bokeare and so

handsome.

>> Boare. Handsome.

>> Just don't see how one man can get that

handsome.

>> Believe me, s there's nothing between

myself and boare.

>> Nothing. You call that nothing? The way

you kissed him at the scullery maid's

ball behind the onion sacks.

>> Sir, you know of that.

>> My child, the king's eyes are

everywhere.

>> Oh,

but your majesty, I did not come here to

discuss Bokeare, handsome though he may

be and

>> charming, witty, clever, and I happen to

know THAT YOU'VE SHOWN MORE THAN a

casual interest in him.

Oh, I'll admit s that for a barber he's

very amusing and well rather sweet. But

after all, Bokeare is a man and I'm not

interested in men. Mortal men. My

interest is France.

>> What do you mean?

>> Sire, I am a patriot. I love France. And

to me, sire, you are France. All of

France.

>> Oh, it's just the way the robe fits.

It's just strictly for lounging.

>> Oh, what a moment to be alone with

France,

to see France,

to hear France,

to touch France.

Do you know what a moment this is for a

woman?

>> It's not so bad for France, either.

>> Don't think of me as a woman. Think of

me as the people of France.

>> I'd rather think of you as a woman in

such a small room.

That desire was for France.

>> Now, let's have one for the colonies.

>> Louie,

>> the queen.

>> Oh, your majesty, don't misunderstand.

>> I'm sure I shant. I never do. Do I,

Louie?

>> I was just telling his majesty of my

patriotism.

>> These are perilous times, child.

Patriotism is not bought cheaply. Come,

I will see you are amply rewarded.

>> This is not my day.

>> God.

>> God,

>> your majesty

>> escort this winch to the Spanish border.

>> Spain. Oh, but your m

>> and if ever you said put in France

again, I'll have your head. Take it

away.

>> Spain.

Oh no.

>> Well, that's the king. Then who will

care?

REVENGE. I SWEAR REVENGE.

>> [music]

>> Tell Madame Pompador I'm here.

>> But you're

>> I said tell her.

>> But sire.

>> Duke Desant.

We'll see about that.

>> Perhaps if I intervene with the king.

>> It's no use. I'm ordered to leave within

the hour. Farewell, Deshawn.

>> The king.

>> She was just wishing me a safe journey,

your majesty.

>> Oh, you grace. You've got to take me to

Spain.

>> Career.

>> What are you doing in the king's robe?

>> Well, I had a chill. Please take me to

Spain.

>> Out of the question.

>> I know I shouldn't presume or

>> you know how things are around here.

Can't you do something with them?

>> Get out.

>> I know, but it's a matter of life and

death, but I could serve you. Serve you

well, please.

Oh.

Uh-oh.

King is coming. Oh, please. Please take

me. You don't know what this means to

me. Mimi's going to Spain and I've got

to go, too.

>> Heads if we're caught together.

>> Please, I'll be your lackey. I'll be

your lackey.

>> Must be a way out.

>> I'll do your laces, your undies. I'll

fix the runs in your style.

>> Could fight it out.

>> I'll bring you breakfast in bed.

>> No, not the king.

>> Think fast. We've got to do something.

>> I'll keep your trim. I'll scratch your

back. I'll scratch yours, too. I'll cut

your hair. I'll shave you. Oh, please

tell him.

>> Shave. Shave. That's it. Yeah.

Immediately out of his clothes and

everything. Come on over here.

>> Come in. Sire.

One moment. Sire.

You're next.

All right. Let him in. Pull this. Grace.

Your grace.

Evening Desawn

shaving at this hour.

>> Yes, your majesty. You see, I

>> That's my idea, sire.

>> You, Barber?

>> Yes, sir.

>> I was rather under the impression that

you were no longer with us.

>> Oh, I'm leaving. I'm practically gone.

I'll be out of here before you can say

Madame Papador.

>> Just a final shave, your majesty. Uh, a

good man, this book here. Ah,

>> what's this familiar scent? And the lace

so delicate, so feminine. Anyone we

know?

>> I have no idea, your majesty. That is

iron.

>> It's mine, your majesty.

>> Yours?

>> I carry one for show and one for blow.

Delightful scent, isn't it? I wouldn't

give two cents for those other scents.

Comes all the WAY FROM FRANCE.

>> THIS IS FRANCE.

>> SMALL WORLD.

>> Miss Fast begins to bore me. I reason to

suspect someone is hiding in your

apartment,

should I chance to find her, I'm afraid

I shall have YOUR HEAD AND YOURS, TOO.

NATURALLY, two heads are always better

than one.

>> S to entertain such thoughts is madness.

There's no one in there.

>> We shall see.

>> Oh, this is horrible. You I'm so

worried.

>> Stop worrying. I'll tell you when it's

time to worry.

this time.

>> Wayne, I could have sworn you had a

visitor,

but a man can be wrong about a woman.

Yes, very wrong. My apologies to Shawn.

As for you, bother, one word of this.

Heaven forbid S that these lips should

ever suggest that Madame Pompador need

hide behind a draper beneath the bed.

Hey. Uhhuh.

WHERE IS SHE?

QUICK, THE BALCONY.

>> OH, HERE.

>> Another way. The other one.

>> Oh, back in the chair. Quick. Who's in

there with you?

>> No one there. Well, perhaps I be a

trifle hasty. But I suppose that happens

to the best of us. Adore.

There's no reasoning with the greeneyed

serpent of jealousy. Is the lad. Now,

what's the matter with you? Lost your

tongue. Soap. Soap. Well, my apologies

again to Sha and Barbara. I needn't warn

you that one.

>> Oh, breathe easily, S. These loyal lips

of mine will never hint that there's a

royal skeleton in the family closet. The

>> closet? Of course. Excellent.

>> I had to open my big mouth.

Hey,

>> here we go again. Quick. Come here.

>> I'm caught.

>> Huh? You're what?

>> None of us are too loose. Breathe in.

He's pontoons. Too late. Here he comes.

>> Breathe out.

Duck. Duke.

Take the upper.

Not there.

Desmond. I'm a fool.

An old jealous fool.

>> It's quite all right, sir.

>> Can you forgive me?

>> It's all forgotten, sir.

>> Yeah, let's forget.

>> Let me have your hand on it.

>> Well, I must away. Remember, Barbara

>> Louie.

All right, Louis, stop talking. Unless

you intend to make more of a fool of me

than you have done already.

>> What? What's this nonsense?

>> So, it's nonsense for the queen of

France to come upon the king of France

petting and kissing a little scully

made.

>> Chambermaid.

>> Quite right. Chambermaid. Furthermore,

How did you know?

>> Oh, you know how those things whip

around the palace in one keyhole and out

the other.

>> Oh, what a disgrace. The whole cult must

be laughing. You and that wench.

>> Wench? What wench? I haven't seen any

wench.

>> Then I suppose, my dear Louie, somebody

else was in your room wearing your robe

and your mask and your ring.

>> Ring? What ring? You know your terquas

ring, the one that looks like

that.

Oh, we must we must go to the same

jewelers. It It does look like yours. IT

IS MINE.

>> KNEW SHE WASN'T A SCULLERY MADE, EH?

>> OH, MERCY, your majesty. Mercy.

>> Why did you do it, Nay?

>> To save her, sire.

>> Save her from what? You sire there you

see

>> IMPERSONATE ROYALTY WILL YOU YOU LYING

COUNEL.

>> OH PLEASE

>> YOUR MAJESTY.

>> She's that barber. Take him to

guillotine and cut off his head in the

morning. Oh farewell your grace. When

you get to Spain look up Mimi. Tell Mimi

I'm sorry.

>> Mimi. Who's Mimi?

>> The little girl who'd like to be like

Madame Papador.

>> OH CHOP OF HIS HEAD TONIGHT. THIS WILL

TEACH ME A LESSON.

What a way to die.

>> Be brave, my friend. You wanted to go

anyway,

>> but like a man, not like a salami.

>> Got it. They come for you now.

>> Yeah.

>> Come on. Can't we put this off a while?

I think I'm getting a sore throat.

Let's quick get into these clothes. Huh?

Huh?

UH-HUH. UH-HUH. UH-HUH.

>> I'm doing wave goodbye to the king.

>> No, he'll recognize me. Not from here.

Goodbye. Hey, your majesty. Why don't

you fall off there and break your big

fat neck?

>> Good luck.

Good repeats.

>> Oh, the queen.

Goodbye, old prune phase. Climb back on

your broom.

>> Charming boy.

>> What do you mean this? What's he doing

in those clothes?

>> I'll tell you later, G.

>> I will not get in. I I won't be afraid.

[music]

So they've chosen the illustrious Duke

deser.

>> Yes, General.

>> Quite a choice.

>> We of Spain should be highly flattered,

gentlemen.

And our lovely Princess Maria

>> has already left the Swiss convent

traveling incognito. By now she should

be well across France. Oh, and if the

unfortunate young lady were to die on

French soil, who but the French could be

held responsibly,

there's only one answer our stupid king

could give.

>> You mean a war?

>> What else?

During a war, anything [music] can

happen. Thrones can topple. One of

determination and vision. Might seize

the reigns and rule Spain.

>> It will be done, General.

>> I didn't question it.

I have a great capacity for gratitude,

amigos.

I shall remember you.

How tragic that one so young and lovely

as our princess Maria must die.

Da Clara,

what do you suppose he's like? Handsome,

gay, kind.

>> He's probably a very nice young man.

>> Of course, he won't be. He'll be rich

and fat and bald with as many chins as

he [music] has shadows.

>> You mustn't think of these things.

>> I know. I know. This is a marriage of

political expedience.

>> And you are the princess of Spain.

>> I am also a woman. But first, you are

the princess of Spain.

>> Is it going to take all day to fix that

harness?

>> I'm doing the best I can, sir, with what

I have to work with.

>> Well, hurry up. We don't want to spend

the night here.

More [music] delays. What a journey.

Broken harness, miserable heat, dust,

and on top of it, this preposterous boss

greed. Desan, I insist on your getting

out of those clothes immediately. I've

told you, Dharma, I shall change when we

approach the Spanish border. Not before.

At the moment, it's quite too hot and

I'm quite too comfortable. H quite

>> Do you have a spare thong? I think so.

Look under the seat, Chico.

>> [music]

>> Okay. What a beauty. What an angel. What

a vision.

>> What are we waiting for? I think the one

in the big hat likes you.

Drive on.

>> But madam, the harness is broken.

>> I said drive on.

>> They'll be back.

>> I'm not waiting. Driver and hitch one of

those horses.

>> I'll make it too.

>> May I remind you, my dear, that you're

supposed to be a bridegroom route to

your marriage.

>> An event I can hardly anticipate with

reddish, particularly to a woman I've

never even seen. Yeah, for all he knows,

she may be a big fat flabby to rather

attractive type of woman.

>> Shut up.

>> Yes, sir.

>> And may I further remind you that I am

being held responsible for the success

of the marriage ceremony, and I assure

you, I don't intend to fail.

>> Handsome, wasn't he? The

>> princess of Spain does not bestow her

smiles upon a stranger,

>> especially a commoner.

>> Commoner or nobleman, the forces that

will prevent your marriage are desperate

[music] and will stop at nothing.

We should proceed seeing no one,

speaking to no one.

It's the girl they're being attacked.

Come after them.

>> Use your head, man. They can afford no

risks.

>> Yeah, that's right. No risk.

>> You speak of risk to the Duke of Sean.

>> Yeah. What's the matter with you?

>> But there are six of them.

>> Yeah, six of them. Three breach up.

>> 60600. What does it matter?

>> Yeah. What's the matter?

>> Go on. Help him me.

>> Yes, you. You're not a man. You've got

blood in your veins.

>> Yeah, I want to keep it there. It's a

squirty kind. Huh? Go on, man. Help him.

>> I'll let him get a mad. I'll cut in

later. Go home.

>> Yeah. Well, now you got to warm up to

these. Go,

>> Hulk.

[music]

There you are.

Sharks.

>> [music]

>> on guard.

>> Oh. Oh. Oh, it's me.

>> Well, did we get them all?

>> All but one. Sorry, he got away.

>> COME BACK AND FIGHT, YOU COWARD. HE WAS

THE FINEST swordsman of the lot. Yeah.

Go ahead, you coward.

Lucky for him, he got away when he did.

One of them still kicking. Get in there.

Oh, he's dead.

>> Oh, then I don't blame him for kicking.

There's nothing more to worry about.

Your grace. My grace. My grace. Oh, my

gracious.

Well [snorts] done, my good man. Well

done. Remind me to reward you handsomely

with a goat skin full of goats or

something. Thank you. Your grace

>> and our thanks too for coming to our

rescue.

>> Oh, it's nothing. It's just every day.

Who's there?

>> Well, I must run along now and sharpen

my sword. You can never tell where we'll

meet more of these CADs.

Don't belong, my good man.

>> Your grace.

>> I'm afraid you have no driver. Would you

grant me the privilege of driving you to

your destination?

>> You are most kind. Thank you. We'll

manage.

>> Well, madame, we are alone and must

travel by night. This gentleman is being

most considerate.

>> Well, if your master will permit.

>> I think I might persuade him.

>> Watch that next one. It's not there.

>> Don't bother to come across Dharm. I'm

leaving.

>> Oh, thank heaven you see.

>> I'm driving the latest to their

destination.

>> Oh, we are?

>> I FORBID IT. I ABSOLUTELY FORBID IT.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS NONSENSE. He

calls it Nazis.

>> Oh, don't worry, Dharma. I'll meet you

at the tavern on the Spanish border.

>> But the son, THE SPANISH PARTNER AND

WELCOME WILL BE THERE expecting to meet

the Duke.

>> I said I'd be there.

>> Yeah, we'll be there. Not you.

>> SELFISH.

>> COME BACK. COME BACK. THIS IS TREASONS.

Stop him. DO YOU HEAR? STOP HIM.

>> I'M MAD at him.

>> He's making fool of me. Do you

understand? A fool.

>> Who's arguing?

JEAN,

>> imagine him doing this to me.

>> Me, too.

>> Do you realize what this means?

Supposing he arrives late. SUPPOSING HE

DOESN'T ARRIVE AT ALL. I'm not going to

put up with it. I won't. I'm not going

to risk my head for one of his silly

escapades. I won't stand for it. You

understand? I

What's going on behind that? H.

It might work at death.

>> What might work at what?

>> Your grace.

>> Oh, no you don't.

>> Not me. No, I just came along for the

riding to find Mimi.

>> You must.

>> Not me. It means war.

>> Well, let him start shooting, but I'm

not going around impersonating any

dukes. Especially the Sean. He fights

stools. A fell can get SLICED UP THAT

WAY.

>> On the contrary of your grace, the

Spanish are a warm, affectionate people

far more interested in the Duke's other

reputation.

>> Well, good luck.

>> Other reputation? Mhm. He's considered

quite a prize among the ladies. Yeah,

that's right. Women.

Yeah. Hundreds of them throwing

themselves at me, pawning me, mauling

me, half Nelson's, hammerlocks. I Oh, no

you don't. You almost had me going, but

I'm not impersonating any royally. No

more. I nearly got my head chopped off

doing that. Sorry. You'll have to use

the old Duke.

>> Oh, very well. I won't hurt you.

>> Well, now you're talking.

>> I'll send you back to Paris.

>> Now you're talking.

>> And the guillot. Now you're

you're talking to the new Duke.

When I took her riding on Monday, riding

on Monday, riding on a Monday, she said,

"No, sir. riding on Monday in the coach

and

then I [music] took her riding on

Tuesday. Riding on Tuesday, riding on a

Tuesday. She came closer riding on

Tuesday than she was before.

Wednesday she resisted. Thursday I

insisted day after day I'd pray she'd

say see sor.

So I brought her riding on Sunday riding

on Sunday. Riding on a Sunday. And I

taught her riding on Sunday. love as a

lovely Lord. Then I found her right

beside me and I held her tight beside

me. There was such a light inside me in

the coach and far in the coach and far.

[music]

>> Still asleep?

>> Yes.

>> I'm glad my singing didn't have the same

effect on you. It was very nice.

>> What's your name?

>> What does it matter? A lack is called by

many names.

But your speech, your swordsmanship,

your bearing. It's more fitting one of

gentle even of royal birth.

>> Don't let speak of royalty. I hate them.

>> I too have no love for them.

the things they do to people like you

and me.

>> Let's forget them, shall we?

>> Forgive me. I didn't want you to fall

off.

The road's much bumpier from here on.

>> [music]

>> Somehow I always knew it would be like

this suddenly without names, without

warning.

A shame. Stop the coach. Come down at

once.

We'll stay the night. Make arrangements.

>> Yes, ma'am.

>> You

at midnight when he's asleep, will you

drive us to Madrid?

>> Madridor

>> for a 100 pieces of gold.

>> Oh,

>> da Clara. Please, may I not even say

goodbye? You will leave a note. It'll be

easier that way.

Mimi.

Mimi.

Mim me.

Mim me.

Stay out of my dreams, will you?

>> So you let her get away, amigo?

>> General, it could not be helped. Some

madman with a sword sliced us to

ribbons. I was lucky to get away with my

life.

>> Were you, amigo?

>> Yes, General. Very lucky.

>> Take him out. See if his luck continues.

But general, I have been loyal, a

friend.

>> You may be certain, amigo, that I shall

always think of you tenderly.

>> Out.

>> There is nothing to stop the wording

now. [music]

>> Takes two to make a marriage, Captain.

And the bridegroom arrives this

afternoon.

>> The Shonda.

>> Mhm.

Now, uh, wouldn't it be a most unhappy

circumstance if his grace would meet

with an accident during his [music] stay

in Spain?

>> Shall we say tonight?

>> It might not be easy. They say he's the

finest swordsman in France. [music]

>> Hardly the finest without his sword.

>> Do you have a plan?

>> Not at the moment, but you may be sure.

By the time his grace, you cannot stay

in Spain. You have no passport.

>> Let me go. Please let me go. If you send

me back, it means my death. It's been

ordered by THE QUEEN HERSELF.

>> MY DEAR, young lady, that is no concern

of ours. Come along.

>> Have her sent to me at once.

You arrive at the tavern in a moment. If

he's not there, for heaven's sake,

remember you're dressed like a juke. Try

and behave like a juke. When you're

expected to bow, bow. And when you're

expected to smile, smile.

Yes, sir. If you're challenged to a

jewel, I run.

>> You see, my dear uh Mimi wasn't. You

see, dear Mimi, I'm fully aware of the

unjust treatment you received at the

hands of the French.

>> The general is most understanding.

>> Yes, of course, my dear hand, I assure

you, most appreciative of the efforts of

his friends.

>> Just what does the general have in mind?

Oh, trifle for a lady of your obvious

accomplishments.

Merely that when my men pay their

respect to the Duke tonight,

his sword shall be unavailable.

>> Murder.

>> Murder? No. No. No. Who speaks of

murder, my dear child? A simple

abduction just to delay the wedding for

a day or two.

>> But doesn't that mean war?

>> War?

What an ugly thought for such a charming

[music] head when it might be thinking

of uh a reward. For instance,

a chateau in Barcelona or uh perhaps a

palace in Madrid.

[music]

Take him out of the pots.

>> Thanks. You lovely peasants.

Small crowd.

>> Control yourself. I know it's hard to

try.

The struting peacock.

>> I can't believe it.

>> I do.

>> Can't believe what?

>> That I'm going to have a chatau.

>> My little Mimi, I won't forget that.

>> Neither will the Duke.

[sighs and gasps]

>> Say, why am I shaving you? I'm the boy

they're waiting for down there. Did you

see all that femininity? Acres and acres

of it. Boy, what grazing?

>> There happened to be waiting for the

Duke Des.

>> Yeah.

Say, maybe that's him.

His

Excellency, the Commanding General of

the Spanish Army, Francisco Miguel

Carlos Monter

Castillo de Rios, Garcia Gonzalez,

Roamor Andrade.

Must have brought the army with him.

>> Show him in

the most powerful man in Spain. Quick,

put on

understand. I'll do all the talking. You

understand? Okay, you just do the

bowing. Wrong coat. The wrong code.

That's better.

>> Something missing here.

>> Your grace, we greet you in the name of

Spain.

>> Your Excellency, we greet you in the

name of France.

I trust your grace had a pleasant trip.

Oh, I had a very good carriage. My grace

was very comfortable.

>> His grace is just it was the most

tiresome and dusty journey. His grace is

really most fatigued.

>> I feel a little tired, too. A

>> condition easily remedied. I've taken

the liberty of ordering dinner. Exciting

dishes to tempt the pallet.

>> Oh, well, I'm not exactly hungry. wines

to stimulate your senses. Not thirsty.

>> And uh after dinner, something to please

your gracious discerning eye.

>> Well, let's start with the dessert,

shall we? Go. You may come, too, if

you'd like. Thank you, your grace.

>> After you. After you. No, no. After you.

You

>> After you. After you.

Let's have some more

drink

up the

drink every

time

try

get The voices clear. Stand up and

cheer. Drink

the [music] bottles on top.

Drink every

drink as we sing to the queen and the

king.

>> We would drink to a new

drink to the seal and the flag of

Castile. We would drink to our wives if

we had to drink to the future and drink

to the past. Bring to the land we

[music] love.

Drink to our love we always drink to our

lost guest

up your

way

drink

your system

every

drink

is

>> what are you doing here? Shh.

>> Let's go someplace where we can talk.

>> All right. In here.

>> Mimi, let me look at you. Gosh, it's

good to see you.

>> And you, too, Boare.

>> Oh. Oh, Mimi. Gee, I I never expected

this. I thought you might even be angry

with me.

>> Angry with you. Whatever for.

>> Well, you know, I kind of got you kicked

out of France and everything.

>> Oh, but you didn't mean to, did you?

>> Uh-uh.

>> It was just a mistake. A silly little

mistake.

>> That's [music] right, a mistake.

>> And we all make mistakes, don't we?

>> Yeah. Let's not stop now. Huh?

>> What are you doing in the Duke's

clothes?

>> Oh, I was just taking his place for a

while. You You know the Duke

>> Sherm?

>> Thanks. Don't mind if I do.

>> Well, so they chose you above all others

to impersonate the irresistible dishon.

>> That's right. Surprised?

>> Not at all. I think the choice was

obvious.

>> You really think so?

>> Certainly. One can't hide quality in

breeding.

>> Yeah.

When you got it, you got it. There's

nothing you can do about it.

>> Oh, you're so right.

One look is enough. That regal forest

>> runs in the family.

>> The Hapsburg chin.

>> Got that from my mother.

>> The bourbon nose.

>> Got that from my father. Drank like a

fish.

>> Those dark flashing eyes. That soft

lustrous hair. [music] You should see it

after a rinse.

>> Oh, Mimi, let's forget the past and

settle down together right here in

Spain.

>> Just the two of us.

>> That's the usual number, isn't it?

>> I must admit, it's uh tempting.

>> Tempting. Why? It's

say it is tempting, isn't it?

>> Oh, I can see it all now. Just you and I

alone in a sweet little cottage.

>> Yes, Mimi. And perhaps in a year or two,

>> there'll be a little whale in the

nursery.

>> Well, personally, I'd rather have

children.

>> Oh, care. Mimi,

>> I wish you'd take that sword off.

>> Oh, I can't. I've got to look like the

Duke. Always with his trusty blades. On

guard. Zip. And he gets his man. And his

women, too.

>> I wonder how he does it.

>> Oh, it's simple. All you have to do is

hold it like that. Extend it.

>> On guard.

>> Yeah, that's right.

>> Now, you feather brain powder dust.

>> Mimi. Mimi. What? Come over you. Mimi,

don't get excited.

>> There, Mr. Barber. That'll teach you to

get people banished from France.

>> Ouch.

Mimi, I don't get it.

>> You will.

Mimi.

>> Hi, you fellas. What is it? Halloween.

Oh, look. Look. Put away that

silverware. You get the floor ALL

SLIPPERY.

YOU PAY FOR THAT. LOOK, IT'S ALL A

MISTAKE. You got the wrong boy. You

wouldn't want an innocent man's blood on

your hands, would you? Yeah, I guess you

would.

You see him? No ho's not there. Hey,

clean fellas. I tell you, you're getting

the wrong man.

>> Hey, where you been? Well, I explain

later. It's all right. Now, not be

afraid. We can handle him. Don't take an

old sword. Forget that big one. He's a

set. Get him.

>> Well done, my dear.

>> Thank you, General.

>> In a few seconds from now, our gallant

friend will be no more

>> murder. Oh, but General, you said

>> don't be naive, child. One city more or

less.

>> Oh, but general, it's all.

>> Have at you, Violet. Have at you again.

You're fing with the master now. Take

that, YOU SWINE. AND THAT AND THAT. HA!

Got you. Ha! That'll teach you, you

scrouching cockroach. Gang up on me,

will you? Retire. Four down, two to go.

That did it.

>> Now, Grace, are you all right? Oh, it

was nothing. Just six of them and an

evening sport.

Took him a long time to fall.

>> Poor amateurs.

>> This should happen under my protection.

Why? I promise an investigation.

>> Say no more, my good man. The book is

closed.

>> Deg Grace, you'll be guarded every

moment from now on. I summon help to

repair your suite

>> and clean up the debris here.

>> Please. I didn't know they meant to kill

you. I swear it. I give you my word.

>> Your word? A sweet little cottage with a

garden full of daisies and me under

them.

>> Oh, you must believe me. You must

>> take your hands off me. I never want to

see you again.

>> Oh, listen to me. Bare. Your life is in

danger.

>> You speak to me of danger. I say poop to

danger.

Double.

>> Hey, how do you like that? Six guys

trying to make a pin cushion out of me.

Come on, get out of those clothes. I've

had enough of this.

>> Why, your highness? Oh, don't your

highness me, your highness. I want to be

your loness again.

>> What's this?

>> This is what you got me into.

>> Thank heaven you're here and safe now.

Come along. Get out of these things at

once.

>> I'm afraid not. You see, I'm on route to

Madrid.

>> Madrid?

>> I must see her once more, if only to say

goodbye.

>> I forbid it. I ABSOLUTELY FORBID IT. HE

ABSOLUTELY forbids a shame on you to

risk the lives of thousands of your

countrymenary for the sake of a romantic

caprice.

>> Caprice? I've never loved like this

before.

>> Well, let's have a Caprice later. Come

on, Spart.

>> You're not very bright tonight. No.

Would you have your bridegroom killed?

Those men weren't after him. They're

after me.

>> That's right.

>> Yeah, you're darn right. That's why I'm

getting out of these clothes.

>> All right, my friend. Go ahead. Change

your clothes. Plunge your country into

war.

>> What do you mean?

>> I didn't expect this of a clever fellow

like you, Bare.

>> Me? What did I do?

>> A man with a chance to outwit the

sharpest minds in Spain.

>> I have.

>> How? Now listen closely.

>> I'm listening.

>> One of us is a duke and one of us is a

barber. Right.

>> Right.

>> But they don't know which is which.

>> Oh, the morons.

>> If we change clothes now and they kill

me, what have they got?

>> The Duke. But if we stay the way we are

and let them kill you, what have they

got?

>> Nothing but a barber. I knew you'd see

it. We stay the way we are. Good man. Be

the Duke. Be the Duke.

>> See you in Madrid.

>> And good luck. Say, the Duke's a pretty

smart fellow to figure a thing like that

out. Now all they're going to kill is a

crummy LITTLE BARBER. A BARB. A BARBER.

THAT'S ME.

>> LONG LIVE THE DUKE.

>> LONG LIVE THE DUKE. OH NO. [laughter]

Well done, you Clara. Where's Maria?

>> She will not come down side. What did

you tell her? The Duke has arrived.

>> The princess begs to inform you that out

of loyalty to her countrymen, she will

appear at the ceremony tomorrow and

submit to marriage with the French Duke.

Until then, she wishes to be alone.

>> Stubborn child. Tell her of my

displeasure. Don't let her out of your

sight.

>> Where is that? How can a man forsake the

honor of his country for just a woman?

How can he do it? How do you think I

feel waiting around here to get stabbed?

What was that? Quick, put the wig on.

Yeah.

Hurry. Flushed. Touche.

Hurry. Flushed. Lay there and bleed.

Hurry.

>> Is his grace ready to receive the king's

emissary?

>> Uh, no. His grace isn't quite ready.

He'll require a few more moments.

This is terrible. It's time for the

presentation. What will I do, Bookier?

What will I do?

>> Oh, don't look at me.

>> You?

>> Oh, no. Do you think for one moment I

present you to the king?

>> Yes, I do.

>> That would finish us.

>> Yeah, especially me.

>> I wouldn't present you to the lowest

flee on the scurviest tale of the

shaggiest MONGREL OF THE SH.

>> NO, not me. I

Oh, my glad to see you. No, Grace. Thank

heaven you're here. Now there's no time

to lose. You must get out of those rags

immediately.

>> Yeah, me too.

>> No, no, no. He'll need the presentation

suit. I've scarred the whole of Madrid.

Not a trace of her. As if the earth had

swallowed her.

>> Oh, forget her, sir. She's just another

woman. Just another hank of hair, a

smile, a piece of lace, a dimple. I tell

you, sir, women are all alike.

>> Sensational.

>> Oh, he's been a trial.

They're dead. You arrived in time.

You're good. DESH.

>> OH, NO. Not again. Come on, DON. YOUR

GRACE, WHERE YOU GOING?

>> Don't worry. I'll be back.

Oh, fine.

>> Probably that girl again. The man's

insane. Risking everything for a woman's

love.

>> Can it be that important?

>> How old are you?

>> Looking for someone?

>> You here? But how?

>> No questions. I found you again and

that's all that matters.

>> Oh, why did you come here? Because I

love you.

>> I was a fool. I should have come here

before. I might have known you'd be here

for the wedding.

>> You might have known.

>> Of course. Your mistress, a woman of her

station. Where else would she go but to

the royal wedding?

>> Yes, the royal wedding.

>> We're not going to let this stupid

display of pump interfere with us, are

we?

>> I'm afraid I must go.

>> No, never.

>> But my mistress, she'll be looking.

>> I have a coach waiting. We'll leave

tonight.

>> Oh, no. No, that's impossible. Nothing's

impossible if you love me.

>> I do. I do.

>> My mistress. Oh, please go quickly.

>> Meet me here at midnight.

>> No, please go.

>> Midnight?

>> Yes. Yes. On go.

The king semisari.

>> The king will receive the duke now.

>> Yes. Tell his majesty we're on our way.

>> You bet. We're on our way in the

opposite direction.

>> Come on. No.

>> Find the Duke. BRING HIM BACK. BRING HIM

BACK AT ALL COSTS. I'll try and delay

the proceedings.

>> Yeah, you delay the proceedings. I'll

see you in about a month.

>> Never thought I'd have a chance like

this.

Come on.

Okay.

Strong wind.

>> He must have recovered. There's his

grace now.

>> Announce his grace.

Just passing through and I thought I

looking for the powder room. I'd like to

take a powder here.

>> Yes. Face the Duke Desawn.

>> Did he say the Duke? Where? Oh, pardon

me. The Duke. Did he? [music] Where?

>> Where'd you find him?

>> Why didn't you do? They mean you. Be

careful.

>> Yeah. Well, me. Oh, you're blowing your

wig. Goodbye.

>> We're trapped. Then you'll have to see

it through.

>> Well, I don't feel it.

>> I'm bowing out of this.

>> If you leave, you will be cut in bits.

And if I stay bigger chunks, you have no

choice again.

>> Now remember, you're the darling of

France. Yes.

>> Prince of the blood. Here, use my lonet.

It's called etiquette.

Was out steer the king. Come.

These things [music] are for finding

microbes.

Is it raining in here?

I'm so sorry. Your grave.

>> Oh, it's nothing at all. You're quite

fewer.

>> I can't see a thing in these glasses.

>> You must do the best you can. You've got

to use them.

>> Is that what they said to us?

Yes, your majesty. I'll be more aloof,

bored,

disdainful,

little more right nostril.

You're dead.

very amusing, my dear des.

>> Thank you, your honor. I mean, your

majesty.

>> But then, Don Francisco has already

warned me of your whimsical

proclivities.

>> Oh, your majesty. My whimsical

proclivities are nothing much. They

can't compare with my ludicrous.

So this is the fabulous Duke Duchand,

the man whose cold steel and warm heart

have captivated the continent. Too true.

Too too true. Your promise with the

sword. A thousand men killed. Tell me,

how do you do it?

>> Oh, it's nothing. Just a flick of the

wrist. Hang on. Guard flust.

Two dozen roses to the widow.

and uh these stories of these uh

hundreds of women

waiting for your kisses in every corner

of France. How do you do that? I've got

a fast horse

to proceed. I regret, my boy, that

Princess Maria is a trifully indisposed

and cannot join this evening's

celebration. But I assure you she will

be present at her own wedding tomorrow.

That's fine. It's my first marriage. You

know, I'd like to have all the

trimmings.

The minuette in honor of your country.

I'll thank you. Countis.

In the absence of the princess, my niece

Kis Velasquez will serve as your

partner. Do you object to the

arrangement? Object.

It's the nicest arrangement I've had all

day. Thank you. Shall we then?

Hallelujah.

>> [music]

>> And does his grace approve of what he

sees in Spain?

>> His grace is beginning to

>> Did you see that? He tapped me on the

shoulder. A little harmless flirtation

and my Alfredo will get that

ambassadorship. Alfredo? What about my

husband?

>> What about mine? Or mine?

>> I must talk to you alone. Shall we say

11?

>> Well, why not?

>> Later at your place, say 11:30.

>> 11:30? Oh, that's fine. That's right.

>> I must have a word with you about 11:45.

>> Yeah, 11:45. I just met.

>> What time did you [music] want?

>> 11:30.

>> 11:30.

>> 11:45. Check.

>> Your gray son.

>> Midnight.

>> I think you better have a talk with the

Duke.

>> While all this pampering, I say finish

him. Slit his throat tonight while he

sleeps.

>> Not so fast, my young friend. You forget

you deal with Deshawn, a mad man with a

sword. a hotheaded, tempestuous fool.

>> Besides, my friends, though Francisco

has plans for the banquet, I don't think

the good Duke will survive the second

course.

>> What do you mean?

>> Stupid fawning women. They'll spoil

everything. All right, my dear. You

promise to be of help. Go out there,

dance with him, and [music] make sure he

attends the banquet tonight.

>> Yes, Jen.

I might squeeze you in between the

Marqueisa and the Duchess.

I may have to take an apartment.

>> Well, look who's here and dancing at the

Duke's reception. When did you get in

court? How'd you get those clothes? And

don't tell me.

>> Don't care. I must speak to you alone.

>> Oh, I'm sorry. I'm all booked up.

>> Listen closely. You've got to leave

Spain tonight.

>> What's the matter? You're jealous.

>> You're in danger.

>> This kind of danger I like. Whatever you

do, don't go to that banquet tonight.

>> Oh, don't be silly. It's in my honor.

>> Oh, Bo here. Listen to me.

>> Run along, girl. You're beginning to

bore me.

>> You're great.

>> I'm sorry. I'm all filled up. Leave your

name and address. I'll give you the

first cancellation next.

What a racket.

>> Well, he'll be there.

>> Good.

Where are you?

[music]

>> [music]

[applause]

>> Well, where was I? Oh, yes. So, I said

to King Lou, I said, "Lou, always call

him Lou." I said, "That's a funny

mustache you've got. It makes me laugh."

And the king said, "It tickles a queen,

TOO." [laughter]

Do you get it? It tickles a queen, too.

It's tickles.

Little too fast for her.

Oh,

[music]

that's better.

>> [music]

>> Warm as wine.

Every kiss is as warm as wine.

For the touch of your faith, sun mine

thrills me through.

With your lips as warm as wine [singing]

and your eyes with their apil shine,

every dream that I dare design

calls for you

[music]

in the

Burning moments sweep me. Burning kisses

keep me warming even more

than before.

War as wine

is the flame at our sine.

May the love [singing] that is yours and

mine

stay warm [music] as

one.

[music]

[applause]

Your Majesty, may I have the honor of

proposing the first toast of the

evening?

>> Certainly, General.

>> Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you please

to the beloved sovereigns of our two

great Oh, just one moment, please.

Luckily,

his grace has no wine.

>> I haven't. Oh, I thought it was white

wine. Must be a hole in the gas.

>> If you please, your grace. Oh, no. No.

I'm dancing and I have to drive

>> from your grave.

>> Really? Well, and for [clears throat]

>> to the beloved sovereigns of our two

great nations, Philip of Spain and Lou

of France. May their wisdom endure and

peace between us be everlasting.

>> What's the matter, your grace?

>> Oh, not uh toasting your king. I Well,

some wines don't agree with me. I get a

strawberry rash and break out in grapes.

I

>> This wine is not made from strawberries.

>> Yeah, drink it or drink it.

>> Oh, no strawberries. Well, [sighs]

it probably needs a little sweetening.

Just get a little sugar here.

Always helps. Now,

it's too sweet. Just whip it up a

little.

Quick silver.

[sighs]

Ah, that's better. Now we

toasting now.

>> Something wrong, the boy?

>> Yeah, I just remembered I have a horse

outside. I'm double parked. It's been

fun. I'll

Oh, Mimi, you were right. I've been a

fool.

>> And so have I care.

>> Oh, Mimi. Say we've got to get out of

here. Out of the palace.

>> Out of Spain.

>> See, he doesn't leave the palace.

[music]

>> All right. Come on.

>> We'll never make it together. You go on

alone.

>> What? Leave you behind. Never.

>> Oh, but you must.

>> I said never.

>> But they'll cut you to pieces.

>> I'll send for you.

>> [music]

>> Look, I may never see you again, so

you've got to do me a favor.

>> Anything will care.

>> I want you to thank your folks.

>> My folks

>> for making you the way you are. The way

you walk and the way you talk and the

way you make me churn [music] inside.

Honest honey, every time I look at you,

I'm buttermilk up to here.

>> Oh, that sweet boat care.

>> That first time I kissed you behind the

onion sacks. Every little onion seemed

to say to every other little onion, "I

love you." I sensed it, too.

>> Oh, I know I'm not good enough for you.

I'm just a coward with water in my

blood. But when I'm near you, it starts

to boil and bubble. And every little

bubble starts to bubble. Every little

bubbles bubble bubbles. Honest Mimi, I'm

[music] fizzing all over with love for

you.

>> I know it, darling. I fizzed a little

myself.

>> Up there. Up there.

>> Quickly for your life.

>> All farewell, darling.

>> [music]

>> Go. Go. Don't look back. Go.

>> I tell you my dear, that nishand is

encouraable.

What's the meaning of this?

Guards.

Guard.

Take this man to his room and see that

he doesn't leave it.

[music]

>> Oh, darling, this is madness.

>> We must never be parted again.

>> Oh, never. Never.

>> Come, we must [music] leave at once.

>> Oh, no, darling. We must wait until

tomorrow.

>> Tomorrow?

>> Yes, it's better that way. During the

confusion of the wedding preparations, I

can slip away without danger to either

of us.

>> Danger? Well, who's going to worry about

a lackey in a maze? Please, tonight.

>> My way.

>> Tomorrow. It is.

>> I'll go quickly now before they discover

you.

>> Till tomorrow.

Take [music] him to the dungeon.

>> Well, Maria, I warned you. Go to your

room immediately.

>> Who are you? I understand this is the

second time you molested the princess.

>> Princess?

Princess? You mean she's Maria, Princess

of Spain?

>> This assumed innocence will do little to

save your neck.

[laughter]

>> I want the truth.

>> Well, I assure you his majesty won't

consider this a laughing matter.

>> He will when he finds out who I am. Take

me to the king at once.

>> Who are you?

>> I'm the Duke Des.

>> Oh,

>> this ring on my finger will identify me.

So it does.

>> Come on, unfassen these

>> then. Uh, who's that clown upstairs?

>> Him?

That's Bokeare, my barber. And to think

I almost let him marry my princess.

Come on, take me out of these. Will you

undo them, please? [laughter]

>> Well, well, well, well. Now, wouldn't it

be embarrassing if his grace were to be

detained down here prisoner while

tomorrow

a barber marries the princess of Spain?

Look, this has gone far enough. Our poor

king would be greatly upset.

>> Water.

>> I demand you let me out of here.

>> Certainly agree. Certainly. Right after

the war. The wedding will proceed as per

schedule.

[music]

Pain.

Miserable road. hostile country. You had

to come to the wedding.

>> Now, now

I thought it a nice friendly gesture.

Besides,

you know how I am about weddings.

>> Do you remember ours, Louie? Our

wedding?

>> Ours? Of course I do. 40 years ago. Ah,

my dear. You were the most beautiful,

the most radiant woman in all France.

>> Oh, Zoe. Yes, my dear, you were

when I look at you today.

40 years. It's a long time.

[bell]

>> What happened? What are those bells?

>> They tow the art of marriage.

>> Well, I was hoping this place was on

fire.

It isn't, is it? It's treason, I tell

you. Treason.

>> Treason or not, what happens if the Duke

doesn't show?

>> How dare you? How dare you suggest such

treachery? Above all else, the Duke

Desan is a man of honor. And I tell you

now, if he doesn't appear, honor is

dead. Virtue is dead. Gallantry is dead.

>> And with us, that makes a fant.

>> Thank heaven. Maybe it's he.

>> Maybe it's him.

>> It ain't he, it's him.

>> What's this? Your grace not dressed with

all the guests assembled for the

ceremony.

>> Well,

>> there's been a slight delay. A member of

our party has not yet arrived.

>> An important member.

>> Well, there won't be a wedding without

him. Oh,

>> his grace means the wedding won't be the

same without him.

>> Oh, I see. I thought perhaps that the

delay was occasioned by that peculiar

incident this morning.

>> Oh, no. We

What incident?

>> Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. Just some

poor scoundrel dressed as a lackey

shouting to high heavens that he was the

duke.

>> Duke Duchon? Oh, that's impossible. I've

been here all the time.

>> Of course. Poor devil.

>> What did you do to him?

>> Oh, incidentally, he had your ring.

>> Where is he? I mean,

>> obviously stolen from your grace.

>> What did you do with him?

>> What do you suppose we would do with a

lackey caught impersonating royalty?

>> I asked you first.

>> We stand him up against the wall. The

men raised their rifles and bing

bing.

What a horrible thought.

>> Well, I have one or two things I must

attend to if I don't see you again until

later. Good luck, O.

>> Yeah. And I have a few things. I'll just

be not nervous, your grace.

>> Oh, no. No. It's just nothing.

>> You won't need this.

>> No, I've already done my nails. Well,

let's get

>> How about getting dressed first?

>> Oh, is it going to be formal?

>> Violet,

>> allow me your grace.

>> Yes, sir. Feel great.

>> Is this the formal job?

>> Yes, sir.

>> So tight.

>> Who is it?

>> The king and queen of France.

>> Queen of France.

If your majesties will proceed to the

throne room, I'll inform King Phillip of

your arrival.

>> Thank you.

>> Also, notify the Duke Dean.

>> It shall be done, your majesty.

>> I must see the Duke.

>> Sorry, he's busy with the general.

>> Oh,

general. One moment.

The king and queen of France have

arrived for the wedding. Louie here.

Well, what a stroke of luck. Now, your

men know what to do.

>> The moment the barber marries Maria,

they produce the shand.

>> Excellent.

>> General.

>> Yes.

>> What do you mean produce desant, isn't

it?

>> You're very clever, my dear, aren't you?

I don't know what your little game is,

but it's over. We have the real des.

>> Oh, no.

>> Oh, yes.

This is a wonderful surprise, Louie. And

I must admit, you're a brave man.

>> Thank you very much. I brave man.

>> Spain is an armed camp, Louie. 50,000

men waiting to march. And I admit quite

frankly that I've been sorely tempted to

give the order.

>> What do you mean?

>> The Duke Desawn.

>> Desawn?

Yes.

Of course. I I realize he's a he's a

splendid swordsman and all that, but

tell me, are all your young noblemen so

so peculiar? But Philillip, I swear I

don't understand. Desawn is one of our

most charming, most

>> His highness, the Duke Desawn. Look,

>> fellas, let's not rush into this thing.

After all,

>> I'm a little warm. I better go to the

front door and get some,

>> if it pleases your grace.

Most debonire,

>> your majesty.

>> Oh, thank heaven you've arrived in

>> the Sea, my boy.

>> Delighted to see you.

>> Oh, but I what?

>> Don't you better say hello to the Duke,

my dear.

>> What?

>> Say hello to the Duke.

>> Oh, oh, my dear boy.

>> Oh, let's not overdo this. I mean, uh,

you remember me? I used to never look

better in your life, my boy. Never.

Never.

>> I don't know if I'm lucky. I might even

live to be 30. We're not going through

with this, are we? I mean, I uh that is

the Duke. I [laughter]

>> FEELING NERVOUS, ARE WE? BUT I THINK OF

ALL THE times he scoffed at other

people's marriage.

>> We have a please, DON'T YOU THINK?

>> BUT THEN HE chests at scars that never

felt a wound.

>> How true.

>> Who said that?

>> Shakespeare.

>> Oh, well then let let him marry her.

Huh? [laughter]

But

what wit?

>> You don't suppose he's really the Duke?

>> Well, I certainly intend to find out.

>> Are you quite ready to start the

ceremony?

>> This is, of course, by all means. We

mustn't keep the love birds apart

another instant.

Is that the man I'm going to marry?

>> Don't you think that's carrying

patriotism a little too far?

>> Come, woman. Sire, please. I can't marry

her.

>> You've got to. It's all our mix.

>> But I love Mimi.

>> Shut up.

>> Mimi? Who's Mimi?

>> You remember Mimi? Papador.

>> Oh, yes, of course.

Mimi

>> Louie,

>> son up.

>> Tell me, your majesty, is you really a

good barber? Of

>> course he is. Best I ever had. Haven't

had a good shave since he good. Well, I

can hone a razor and just

thank you, your majesty.

Our carriage is outside. We'll wait 2

minutes. If you can't make it, France

will always be grateful.

Good luck.

But your majesty, shall we proceed, your

grace?

>> No, we won't. I've got a mind of my own.

And I say,

>> well, when you put it that way.

>> All right, bring them out.

Where are you taking me? Has the wedding

started yet?

>> Who are you?

>> Never mind. Get upstairs quickly.

>> You Well, you're the girl. You

look I

What are you doing here?

>> I believe I'm to be your bride, your

grace.

>> You are? Oh, that's too bad.

>> Till death do us part.

>> They're working on that.

>> Join hands.

Give you the ring.

>> The ring? Oh, I love Naturally

>> join hands.

The purpose of this assembly here on

this most solemn occasion and in the

presence of their most

>> look at the wedding

>> is to join together in holy wedlock his

excellency

blood the Duke Desawn. Wait, HOLD

GUARDS. STOP THE KING AND QUEEN of

France.

>> General Francisco, what is the meaning

of this outrageous behavior?

>> I accuse Lou of France of deliberately

trying to palm off on the princess of

Spain. Not a prince of the blood, not

the Duke Des, but Miss Bare, a common

French barber.

>> Don't call me common.

preposterous. The man lies.

>> Yes,

>> you bet he does. Just for that, I'm not

going to marry anybody. Nothing

personal.

>> Come on, King.

>> We're stuck.

>> This man is Mr. Bair, a common.

>> Are you going to accept that?

>> Well, a man's entitled to an opinion.

>> Slap him back.

>> Well,

You're lucky I haven't got a sword.

>> You keep out of this.

>> General Francisco, I have long been

aware of your plots against the peace of

our country.

>> Yes, but this time you have gone too

far. Desand. You will be doing Spain a

great honor if you will put an end to

this scoundrel with a Spanish sword.

>> Oh, but sire, are you sure you want to

do this? Huh? After all, it's awfully

one-sided nonsense. Oh god. Powering

thrust and his two dozen roses to the

widow.

>> Yeah, but the choice long stem ones,

they're out of season. Let's wait till

spring. Oh god, wait a minute. Wait a

minute.

HUNGER.

I got it.

[music]

>> [music]

>> Oh yeah.

No.

What the hell?

I'm going

TO

go home.

I'm sorry. I HOOKED YOU HERE.

>> HUH?

THERE YOU ARE.

>> TOO LATE.

>> [bell]

[music]

>> All right, Francisco.

>> Thanks. Mr. Duke,

>> GET HIM TO CHAR. GET HIM. DUKE.

>> YES, the man I sent to marry your

daughter.

>> Duke dishon.

>> Oh care, darling. Are you hurt? Your

arms, your legs.

>> I don't know. We'll take inventory

later. Well,

>> hurry. I have a carriage waiting

>> with a nurse at me. Give me my paws.

>> There, sire. Is the man who would rule

Spain

after him.

[music]

Oh, hurry there, actress.

>> What are we going to do? We can't stay

here. We can't go back to France.

>> Don't worry. We'll find a place. There

must be some country where you can die

of old age. Here.

>> [music]

[music]

>> You're next, Mr. Washington.

>> Good morning, Bokeare.

>> Morning, sir.

>> The usual.

>> If you please.

>> Well, you might have Mrs. Bokehare

manicure my nails.

>> Yes, I'm Mimi.

>> How are you today, Mr. Washington?

>> Splendid, thank you.

My You have been neglecting them,

haven't you?

>> I'm afraid I have.

>> Something special going on today, Mr.

Washington?

>> Well, Jefferson and the boys are cooking

up some sort of a declaration or

something. I thought I might go and

watch them sign it. By the way, you

better have these boots touched up a

bit.

>> Yes, a boy. Shine, boy.

>> Yes, sir. Right away, sir. Thank you,

sir.

>> This could only happen in America.

>> [screaming]

>> Look what happened on the way over.

>> [music]