All language subtitles for bobs.burgers.s16e15.720p.web.h264-insidious_track3_[eng]

♪ ♪

Do you think this burrito
is chicken or beef?

-Who knows? Just enjoy the ride.
-So, everyone pumped

for Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night on Saturday?

Oh, you mean where
we celebrate our town's history

by staying up super late
and lighting stuff on fire

on the beach? I don't know,

I guess I'm pretty friggin'
excited, Rudy! [laughs]

-Yeah, baby!
-Whoo-hoo.

Well, it sounds amazing.
And to think, it's my first one.

-What?
-My parents don't love

letting me stay up past midnight
for some reason.

They sound unhinged.

But I wore 'em down.

I'm not even sure
what this night is about.

Is this to celebrate
when we tricked the British

by putting a ship somewhere
or something?

You're thinking of Land Ship.

This is Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night,

to celebrate when
we tricked the British

into not attacking us at all.

We really like
tricking the British.

It was a dark night

in the year 1812...

[Tina] I think
it might have been 1813.

-[Louise] Shh.
-[Tina] Right.

[Louise]
The British were raiding

little towns like ours
to burn ships

and steal cows and
probably insult our horses, too.

And when they got to us,
what does our sneaky town do?

-Um, Lighthouse--
-No, you don't know.

-Okay.
-We set our own

lighthouse on fire
and everyone runs around

yelling and screaming
that they had been

attacked and plundered.
So the British are like,

[in English accent]
"Huh, I guess one of our ships

already plundered these guys."

[regular accent] So they skipped
our town and went and attacked

Boston or something.

I think that's what
that show Cheers is about.

-Oh.
-And that's why every year

on the anniversary
of that night,

our town celebrates by
building a replica lighthouse

and lighting it on fire
on the beach at midnight.

[cheering, screaming]

Well, I'm very excited,

and I will definitely
take a badass nap

so I can stay up late
and not be cranky.

-Smart.
-And then, at midnight,

I become a man.

[sniffs]
Ugh, what is that smell?

You mean the terrible one?

Oh, yeah. It's bad.

I'm getting nothing.

I'm still
getting over this cold.

Is it coming from outside?
And hopefully not from something

in our restaurant
that I have to fix?

[sniffs] Ugh!
It's coming from outside.

Yeah it is.
Oh, mama mia!

You guys trying to solve
this stink mystery, too?

We're like Law & Order: SVPU
over here, huh?

[Jimmy]
Hey, Bob.

Stop breathing on everything.

You're making
the whole town stink.

-That's a zoom.
-Your breath is probably

-only a little bad, Bob.
-[irritated stammer]

Uh-huh. I think it might be
coming from the beach.

[Tina]
To the beach.

Oh, my God.

Whoa.

You know what I bet
is making that terrible smell?

Those thousands
and thousands of dead fish.

That's what I thought, too.

Nasty.

[reporter]
Warmer currents

can lower
oxygen levels in the water,

causing fish to die
and wash up on shore, so

good luck out there,
it's, uh, mm, gross.

This won't mess up
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night,

right? They'll
figure it out, right?

They probably have their
top guys in a situation room

-as we speak, right?
-Right?
-Right?

I don't know. [groans]

I can't take this smell.

Uh, I'm gonna
go get some vinegar.

Good thinking, Dad.
Escape into a nice salad.

No, Gene, to smell.

Anything besides this.

Your father
has a sensitive schnoz.

It's what makes him
such a good cook.

God, how has he survived
living with us?

-It's been hard.
-[phone rings]

Bob's Burgers.

It's Edith.
We're meeting about the fish.

Okay. Who's we?

Who's we?
OABA, that's who.

OABA?

Ocean Avenue
Business Association!

-Oh, right. I-I'm in that.
-Yeah.

Come on, Bob, keep up!

Please stop yelling at me.

No! Listen,
we're meeting tonight.

6:00.
Your restaurant.

My restaurant?
W-Why here?

Because it has seats
and they're empty.

[sighs] Uh-huh.

Because your
restaurant's unpopular.

Yeah, I got it.

[Edith]
Thank you for coming

to Bob's empty restaurant.

I hope everyone got a wrap.

You know, we do
make burgers here.

Everyone likes wraps!

-They're compact.
-All right,

OABA emergency meeting
is called to order.

Tonight, we're here to discuss
how we're going to deal

with the dead fish situation.

Don't mind me.
Carry on.

Hey, you know you're
not supposed to be here.

You were discharged
from the association, pal.

Okay, okay. Easy.

I'm just here
to pick up the rent.

Didn't we already pay the rent?

Oh, my God, we did.
That's weird.

Well, then I'd like
to order something.

Ooh, those wraps look good.

Fat chance, Charlie.

Fine. I'll just have
a shot of bourbon

with a vodka back.
Thank you.

-We don't have--
-Yes, you do.

-Okay.
-Calvin,

you know you can't stay.

I know.
I was kicked out.

Just because, one time,
I hired a Borat impersonator

to come to a meeting
and strip down to his monokini.

Sorry for wanting to bring
a little joy to the OABA.

He kept saying everything

was "wah-wah-wee-wah"
and "very nice."

It was disruptive.

-Out.
-Well then,

so long, Ocean Avenue

"Busy-body Ass-ociation."

That's a better name.

Anyway, I've been
in touch with the city.

They're sending
a special tractor

with a mechanical beach rake.

It's the most efficient way

-to remove the dead fish.
-Hell yeah!

But it's in Georgia right now

and won't be here
for seven to ten days.

-[Louise] Aah!
-[Gene] What?!
-[Tina] What?!

Mom. Dad.
Say something.

-Uh...
-Uh,

so, uh, what happens

to Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night this Saturday?

It's far too stinky.
We got to cancel it.

-No!
-No!
-No, no, no!

I mean, it's not
officially canceled yet.

That's why we're
here tonight, to vote on it.

And just to remind everyone,

according to OABA bylaws,
the vote must be unanimous.

Fix this.

Okay, uh, wait, Edith.

What if we just move Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night to next week?

Can't. Next week
is the Psoriasis Fun Run

and the week after that

is The Bongos on the Beach
Bang Fest

and then
it's Sand Awareness Week.

Want me to keep going?

Well, what if everyone
goes to the beach right now

and picks up
an armful of dead fish

and takes it to the dump?

And then we all shower.
Not together.

Even if everyone in town picked
up fish all day every day,

we still wouldn't
make it in time.

[high-pitched voice]
What if we tricked a whale

into eating all the fish?

Who even said that?

A cool dude.

So all in favor of canceling
Lighthouse Fire Hoax Night

this year, raise your hand.

Bob?

-Uh...
-Oh, my God.

Looks like it's
gonna be an all-nighter.

Better bring in more wraps.

Damn it, Bob.
I got to get home.

I'm supposed
to feed my kids or something.

Tonight is me
and Harold's sex night, Bob.

And if we have to do it here,
we'll do it here.

It'll be loud.

[sighs]
I just wish there was a way

-to save the Lighthouse night.
-There isn't!

Now quit wasting our time

and raise
your furry little hand!

-[sighs] Sorry, kids.
-Sorry.

-Son of a bitch.
-Damn, that's cold.

Meeting adjourned.

Harold, let's ride.

Start unbuttoning stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Not on you, on me!

Under the table kids' meeting?

So, Dad's a traitor.

He's a regular Trader Joe.

But just because
the adults failed us

doesn't mean it's over.

It just means it's up to us now.

It's up to us to get rid of
tons of dead fish by ourselves?

-Yup.
-Too bad it's not
chicken tikka masala.

But we'd need so much rice.
Never mind.

Okay, to save Lighthouse Fire
Hoax Night from all these

dead fish, we're going to need
our school's finest minds.

Michelle Pfeiffer?
Oh, wait,

I thought you said
Dangerous Minds.

So, who are we thinking?

All the big brains.

I'm talking Chess Club,

Science Olympiad,

the Robotics people,

our pals in the Thinkgineers,

that seventh grader who goes
to high school just for math.

We'll build the most powerful
nerd alliance

the world has ever seen.

So, okay, this is...

-Hmm.
-Yeah.

I guess a lot of
people were busy.

"Thanks for coming, Rudy"
would be nice.

There was a rumor there was
gonna be some fun beverages.

Maybe I just heard
what I wanted to hear.

I didn't hear
"Thanks for coming, Rudy."

[Bob]
All right,
that's a little better.

The candles help.

-It's nice. Put on Norah Jones.
-Ooh.

Is this fish smell
not driving you guys crazy?

Teddy, I can't believe
you can eat right now.

Oh, I can always eat.

I ate lunch
in a porta potty once.

I believe it.

Yeah, all the guys
on the job site

had seen The Amazing Race finale

and I didn't want any spoilers.

Well, I'm nose blind
with this cold.

I feel bad
for you healthy people.

Poor schmucks.

Yeah, I'd kill
for a clogged-up nose.

-Kill who?
-Hey, wait.

That could work.

-Where you going, Bob?
-To shove basil

-up my nose, Teddy.
-Oh, cool.

I said "cool" because
I didn't know what else to say.

So this is really it, huh?

How many times
are you gonna say that?

It's a little hurtful.

Hey, Tina.
I'm here to help

with the brainstorming.

Oh, really?
Like, with the brain part?

Get in here J-Ju,
you son of a gun!

-Ow, ow!
-Come on! Okay.

-I'm gonna get you good.
-Not so physical.

I love you!
I love you!

[clears throat]
Okay, people,

how are we gonna get
those fish off the beach?

No bad ideas.
Go.

So many bad ideas.

[sighs]
Some kind of laser beam?

Yeah, my cousin popped a balloon
with a laser beam.

It went "Zzz, papow!"

Maybe it was a laser pointer,
I don't know.

Maybe-maybe it never happened.

Uh-huh. Okay,

this keeps coming up.

Trick a whale
into eating all the fish.

[high-pitched voice]
Wow, what a great idea.

[Susmita]
Hey, guys.

-Sorry I'm late.
-[Tina] Susmita. Ah, thank God.

Get your big-ass brain
in here, friend.

How's it going so far?

Pretty rough, pretty rough.

-Hey.
-"Clean up

the beach with magic."

Eh? Wouldn't that be cool?

Okay, well, let's
think about this logically.

Fish die in the ocean
all the time, right?

They do? Aw.

So maybe we can just
return the fish to the ocean.

But won't the waves
do that thing that waves do

and bring them right back?

Not if we can get the fish
out past the breakers.

How do we do that?

We could fling 'em?
Fling 'em far?

What, like
some kind of catapult?

Well, if there's one thing
us Thinkgineers can do,

it's build a catapult.
Heh.

Sometimes I feel like
that's all we do.

I'm not complaining.
I-I find it meditative.

But we're gonna need something
bigger than a catapult.

What's bigger than a catapult?

A trebuchet.

What's a trebuchet?

It's like a catapult.
But bigger.

So we need to figure out how
many fish we can throw at once

and how far we can throw them.

Sounds like
we're making a prototype.

Go get your popsicle sticks
and let's make something

that's gonna wow OABA
and get us back

our midnight fire on the beach.

♪ Building a trebuchet ♪

♪ Kids time to save the day ♪

♪ It's not a catapult ♪

♪ It's a trebuchet. ♪

-Bam!
-We did it.

Yeah, baby!
This is gonna work.

Uh, yeah, that's not gonna work.

-Oh.
-Oh.

Thank you, Henry Haber.

Your counterweight proportions

compared to the length of your
pivot arm? I mean, come on.

That's what I kept saying.
Hmm?

♪ Building a trebuchet ♪

♪ Henry Haber said
the first one ♪

♪ Was not okay ♪

♪ It's a better trebuchet. ♪

Is this, um... did we do it?

This could work.

[cheering]

Good thing I'm here.
Haber's gonna habe.

[Teddy]
You sticking more stuff

up your nose, Bob?

Yeah, rosemary.

Wow, rosemary, basil.

You roasting
a turkey up there? [laughs]

[laughs]
She nailed you, Bob.

Hey, kids.
Ooh, what you got there?

Did you build a homework?

Oh, no, we have so much homework
we haven't done.

This contraption is how

we're gonna send
all those dead fish

flying back
from whence they came.

Okay, I'm here.
Make it fast.

I got to get back to the store.
I got sequins to sort.

-Edith?
-Nice nose garden, Bob.

-Mm.
-Yes, hi.

Thank you so much
for meeting with us.

I had to go outside
to hock a loogie anyway.

We have a whiz-bang winner
here for you. Tina?

What?
Oh, oh. Yeah.

[groans]

I already regret coming here.

Good feedback.
Thank you.

Imagine a bigger version of this

that would fling the dead
fish deep into the ocean.

The beach is clean, Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night back on,

the town rejoices.

Now, to make this a reality,

we just need between 30 thousand

-and $30 million.
-[scoffs]

"How about a demonstration,"
someone said.

[Linda]
Oh, my face!

-Now are you convinced?
-Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Go... get your checkbook?

I'm gonna leave here and
go back to the land of reality.

[Tina]
Because that's where
you keep your checkbook?

Thanks for wasting my time.
[hocks, spits]

[Louise sighs]
Well, it's official.

LFHN is off.

The fish won.

Those dead fish
have all the luck.

Hey, kids. Oof.

I can't believe
you want to be here.

It smells like how we feel.

I'm so sorry.

And again, I'm sorry about
voting to cancel the thing.

I just didn't know
what else to do.

I don't know, you could have
punched Edith and walked out.

True.
Next time, I will.

It's just, Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night is...

it's just a really special night
for us kids. You know?

Yeah, I know it is.

Ugh, we were so close
to being able to fix everything.

I mean, sort of.

It's just,
it's a pretty tall order,

what you were trying to build.

You'd need, like,
a huge piece of machinery

to fling the fish really far.
Something that can kind of

whip around
with just a ton of force.

So, like that thing?

Oh. I... guess.

Good.
So let's use that.

-[laughs] Yes!
-Oh, yeah.

-Uh, no?
-Why not?

Because it's
an amusement park ride?

And that's crazy?

All in favor, raise your hand.

Tough luck, Dad, outvoted.
Sorry, Bro.

Guess we'd better go to talk
to our favorite one-eyed guy.

-That Minion?
-The hot one?

-Mr. Fischoeder.
-Oh, right.
-Right.

So, let me get this straight.
You want me

to move the Sky Hammer--

a three-ton ride--
onto the beach?

-Yes.
-And then you want me

to fill it up with dead fish.

Correct.

Uh, why would I do this?

'Cause you
like helping children?

Where did you hear
that dirty lie?

Come on, the dead fish smell
can't be great

for Wonder Wharf business,

-right?
-We've survived worse.

MTV Spring Break
filmed here one year.

Sorry, Mr. Fischoeder,
I told them you would say no,

but they don't care
what I say about things.

Plus, I mean,
it might not even be legal.

And I'm pretty sure OABA
wouldn't be on board

-with it, so you might as well--
-Hmm...

Oh, yeah, OABA?

Oh, they would hate it
if you went behind their backs

and helped us clean up the fish.

Okay, I'm in.

Wait. Really? You are?

You can use the Sky Hammer.

We'll move it
to the beach tomorrow.

Thanks, Mr. Fischoeder.

Hey, wait.
I just thought of something.

Your name is "Mr. Fischoeder"

and we're
talking about a fish odor.

-Uh, I don't follow.
-Oh.

Okay, wharf workers,

we're going to move a ride.

You know the drill.

And I'm not saying that
because in the past,

we've had to make several rides
go bye-bye in the night

to avoid a lawsuit,
because we never did that.

Anyway, make this

go over there.

♪ Moving a ride ♪

♪ Carnies working together,
side by side ♪

♪ Moving a ride to get rid ♪

♪ Of the fish that died. ♪

[Zeke] Ding dang doodle.

It's our model, but bigger.

It's like we did this,
but they did this.

Wait, how's this
whole thing gonna work?

Well, the fish get loaded into
the roller coaster car,

which gets pushed
to the Sky Hammer

and dumped into the part
of the ride

where you would usually sit.

Then they start up the ride,

it whips around and when

the bucket part is at

just the right spot in the,

um, Henry, give me
the smart person words here.

When the pivot arm reaches

the point of its trajectory

with the maximum amount

of kinetic energy.

Thank you, that's plenty.

Then a rope is pulled
to release the door

and the fish go flying.

And the in-flight movie

-is The Fabelmans.
-Okay.

I feel like I have definitely
thrown up on this ride.

And now it's doing this.

[Jimmy Jr.] Life can be
pretty beautiful sometimes.

I see you're doing the dumb plan
that the children came up with.

Oh, hello, Edith.
Funny seeing you here.

You texted me.
You wrote "Come to the wharf.

"Bring OABA people.
Hashtag, sticking it to you.

Crossed-eyed tongue-out emoji."

So? How you feeling?
Perturbed? Tongue out?

I don't suppose you filled out

any permits for this crap show?

Permits? [chuckles]
Those are for dorks.

I expect this from him, but Bob,

don't you want to avoid
the obvious end to all of this,

when it fails spectacularly

and it's really
embarrassing for you?

You think Bob
isn't used to embarrassment?

And failing spectacularly?

Thank you, everyone.

Uh, Edith, I know
this seems crazy, but the kids

had a big idea to save
something important to them,

and I think we owe it
to them to give it a shot.

-Sounds stupid.
-Mm.

Also, OABA sucks.

[Louise] Let's hit it.

Hey, I say "hit it." Hit it.

[Zeke] Fling it baby, fling it!

♪ ♪

Pull!

[all groaning]

-[Zeke] Come on!
-[Henry] Crap.

Well, so much for training
for the Psoriasis Fun Run.

-Told you so.
-[coughs] Bob's dumb.
-[sighs]

Hey, my sinuses just cleared up.

I can smell.
[sniffs]

[gags] Oh, my God. Have you
been smelling this all along?

[gagging]

[Tina] So, ideally, the fish
go out into the ocean

and not straight down, right?

[Bob] Yes, Tina.

-Just checking.
-So,

what do we think happened?

It's the rope.
We thought we'd be able

to operate the release latch
remotely, but no.

It-it's like, uh, you know
when you tie a string

around your wiener
and you run it down your pants

to your big toe?
It just, it never works

-how you want it to.
-Mm.

-Can we fix it?
-Well, we wouldn't

need a rope if someone

was in the car
operating the latch manually,

but who would do that?

You can pay a carnie
to do pretty much anything,

but they will not

get on a ride.
Ever.

They know a little too much.

So that's it then, huh?

It's just so sad.

Crap in my hat
and call it a cake.

What Zeke said.

Serves us right for

having hope, I guess.

-I'll do it.
-You'll do what?

Go inside the thing
with the fish

and pull the latch to open
the door or whatever.

-Whoa!
-What?!
-What?!

-Are you nuts?
-I mean, I'll be strapped in

with the seatbelt thing,
so it's pretty safe, right?

Oh, uh, yeah, sure.

You don't have to do this, Dad.

Yeah, Bob,
you'd be trapped in there

with all the stinky fish.

And your nose is so delicate,
like a little baby nose.

I wouldn't call it
a little baby nose,

but yes, I'm aware
that I'll be in with the fish.

It's gonna be like
a fishy ball pit, Mr. Belcher.

You don't have to keep
describing what it'll be like.

On the plus side, some cats

would kill to be
in your position.

[Fischoeder]
Helmet.

We used to have a daredevil.

Now he's a dare-angel.

-Oh.
-Neck brace

from our neck brace bucket.

You remember that ride
The Neck-Cracker?

-No.
-And finally,

in case you need
a friend up there.

-Oh.
-Hippie Potamus.

Okay.

Last chance to back out, Dad...

is something
I would have said earlier,

'cause now you're
fully committed

and you're all
dressed up to do it and

thank you for your service.

I'm proud of you, Dad.
You're a male she-ro.

I also think this is maybe just
a cool look for you in general.

Don't rattle your noggin
around too much in there.

I want us
to get smart in our old age.

We're gonna read books, Bobby.

Short ones, probably, but books.

Goodbye, my best friend.

Teddy, I'm not gonna die.

-Sure you're not, pal.
-Ow. Teddy, stop.

-You're gonna be just fine.
-Ow. Let me go.

-[crying] You're gonna be fine.
-Let him go, let him go, Teddy.

-Let me go.
-Get off him.

-I can't let go!
-Teddy. Teddy. Ow!

-I can't let go.
-Get off him.

Get off him!

[whimpering]

Oh, boy.

[whimpering]

♪ ♪

[weak chuckle]

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

This is crazy.

This is crazy.
This is crazy.

Okay. Okay.
I-I can do this.

You-you can do this.
Yeah.

It's gonna be fine.
It's not a problem.

Here we go.

And... Ready. And--

Dump the fish!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.
I change my mind.

I don't want to do it.
I change my mind.

-Close him up!
-Oh, God. I don't want to do it.

-Let it rip!
-Oh, God. Oh, God.

[screams]

Oh...

[Linda]
Oh, jeez. Oh, oh...

-Oh, boy.
-He's so brave.

[Bob screaming]

Bob! Pull!

[cheering]

-Go, Dad!
-Nice!
-Yes!

[Bob]
I... I did it.

I did it.

Yup. Only a hundred or so
more launches to go.

Oh, my God.

Dump the fish!

-♪ You are ♪
-Oh. Oh...

-♪ A stinky star ♪
-[screaming]

♪ Fling those fish, yeah ♪

♪ Fling those fish ♪

-♪ Fling them far away ♪
-I hate this!

♪ You are ♪

♪ A stinky star ♪

♪ Fling those fish, yeah ♪

-[screaming]
-♪ Fling those fish ♪

-♪ Fling them far away ♪
-Why?! Why?!

Why, why, why, why, why!

That poor lady.

Final batch of fish, Bob.

[all cheering]

[Teddy]
Doing good, Bobby!

He's never gonna
be the same again.

You know that, right?

This is the best day of my life.

Oh, I'm so proud
of that stinky cutie.

Well, the ride's
kind of the real hero.

I can't believe
those safety straps

held up this whole time.

Aah...!

Never mind.

[screaming continues]

I'm alive!

-He's alive!
-Oh, thank God.

[cheering]

I don't know what
I'm cheering for, but yeah!

I can't believe
that dumbass plan worked.

You're welcome.
And as a reward,

I have a proposal.
OABA-- I want back in.

-Hmph!
-And I am allowed

one Borat impersonator per year.

Can he be less drunk?

He won't be as good,
but I can ask.

♪ Things are heating up ♪

♪ On Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night ♪

♪ Feel the burning love ♪

♪ On Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night ♪

♪ We flung the fish ♪

♪ Then we got our wish ♪

♪ Now the whole darn village ♪

♪ Can pretend it's being
plundered and pillaged ♪

♪ On Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night ♪

♪ Remember when I almost died? ♪

♪ Feel the burning love ♪

♪ On Lighthouse
Fire Hoax Night. ♪

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