Original subtitles

Still pretty weird.

Guy calls you in the middle of the night

and says, "Come to my factory."

>> Do you know this man? Yes. You do?

We buried him.

We didn't break. Or enter. My horoscope

said to expect two unexpected visitors

today. Dear G, you are not doubting me,

are you?

>> just trying to think as a police would.

>> What's the name of the book you're

working on now? Oh, dear, you don't

think I was hallucinating?

You're right, I don't want to hear.

Will you be wanting the car anymore

tonight, ladies? At this hour?

>> It's after midnight. Never stopped us

before.

Oh, you can put the car away. We're

going to bed. Night, Bonnie.

>> Goodnight. Goodnight, ladies.

How are your legs, dear? Oh, pretty

good, considering.

It's been years since we ice skated.

Yes.

Yes, this is she.

Franklin.

It's Franklin Birdwell.

Yes.

Why, yes, Franklin, I'd be very

interested. But this hardly seems the

hour for that particular type of

interest.

Where?

Oh, are you there now?

Let me ask G.

Yes.

We'll be there, Franklin.

Where will we be? The Birdwell Toy

Factory.

Still pretty weird.

Guy calls you in the middle of the night

and says, "Come to my factory." What's

he after?

He wants to make a doll based on a

character from some of my books.

>> Inspector Hookstratten. A Hookstratten

doll.

You don't see Inspector Hookstratten in

plastic for $5.95, Bonnie. What I see is

a guy giving you a line, trying to lure

you to his factory.

>> Oh, for what, Bonnie?

Well, you know.

Well, I mean, you ladies are kind of

cute and

How old is this guy, anyway? In his 70s.

I think his interest in women has gone

beyond the statute of limitations.

Boy, is this place deserted. You ladies

stay here.

Well, Birdwell must have left. Let's go

home.

Uh hold it, ladies. Where do you think

you're going? Into the toy factory.

It's locked.

Well, let's go home. Oh, Bonnie, a man's

life is in danger. You must find a way

to get us in there.

Okay.

Wait there, ladies. I'll let you in.

Did Franklin tell you his life was in

jeopardy? No.

But you just told Bonnie a man's life

was in danger.

>> I was speaking philosophically. I was

referring to man's eternal danger.

Ooh, it's dark. Careful, ladies. I'll be

careful.

Watch it now.

Go slow.

Yes, dear.

Dear.

Oh, let's pause.

It takes a moment to adjust to darkness.

There.

Can you see now, G? I'm Bonnie.

Oh, I think I have a pocket flashlight.

Dear.

Would that help? Yes. Oh, I need a

flashlight to put my flashlight here it

is.

Now.

I'm afraid it doesn't do much good.

Better to light one candle than to curse

the darkness.

>> Only we had a candle.

>> Ladies, I think I see not only light but

transportation.

The keys are in.

Let there be light.

Climb aboard, ladies.

Better get a good hold.

Cuz up you go.

Oh,

it's sweet.

All right, hold on. Here we go.

Oh,

toys at midnight can be very unfriendly.

Turn right at the wall, Russ. Wall,

right.

That's Franklin's office up there.

Coming down, ladies.

All right, let me lead the way.

What's this?

Let me be careful.

Watch your step.

Or you'll do what I just did.

I think maybe we all better hold on each

other.

Ready?

Well,

here you are. Thank you, friend. See

you.

Hello, Steven. Nice of you to come.

Ladies. Hope we didn't get you out of

bed, Lieutenant. Okay, Bonnie.

How do you explain this?

Poorly.

Your job is what?

To take the ladies so they don't get

into trouble. Mhm.

Which means? You got to put more men on

the job. It means, Bonnie, as of 3 hours

ago, you were looking for work. Steven,

don't be harsh with Bonnie. It wasn't

his fault. We overpowered him. He wasn't

even an accessory. And Ernessa, and G,

you're charged with breaking and

entering. That's a very serious offense.

We didn't break. Or enter. The window

was open. We were invited into the

factory.

By whom? By Franklin Birdwell himself.

All right. All right. All right. You're

going to have to do a lot better than

that.

>> That's the truth, Steven.

>> Is it?

Why do you doubt it?

Because Franklin Birdwell is dead.

Franklin?

Dead?

It doesn't make sense. Where would he

call from? Heaven? Or what would that

area code be? Are you sure it was

Franklin? Well, you know it was he as

well as I do.

>> No, I don't. Did you recognize his

voice? You heard him on the phone.

>> No, I didn't. You were the only one who

talked to him. Did he identify himself?

Dear G, you're not doubting me, are you?

>> I'm just trying to think as the police

would.

>> Well, don't do that. You'll stifle your

creative processes. It was definitely

Franklin.

Oh, there was an odd sound in the

background.

>> Kind of sound?

>> Well, it was um organized static.

Ratcheting metronome.

>> Like something with a definite beat.

>> Yes.

Are you up to another lap? If you are

Howdy. Steven! Come and have breakfast.

>> No, I can't. I just came by to give you

some good news. I spoke to Sheriff

Danforth. He's a man that now runs

Birdwell Toys. There will be no charges

brought against you.

>> Oh, that's very kind of him. Steven, are

you absolutely positive that Franklin

Birdwell is dead?

>> Oh, yes.

I checked. He's been buried for 3

months.

Well, if he wasn't dead before, he

certainly is now.

>> It makes it so difficult to explain the

telephone call.

>> Anastasia, either you mistook somebody

else's voice for Birdwell or

>> She didn't. We've been over that. What's

the or, dear? You might not want to hear

it. Let me be the judge of that. Okay.

What's What's the name of the book

you're working on now?

It's a It's a Dead Men Sell Tales.

>> Oh, thank you, dear.

Who's the hero?

Inspector Hookstratten.

Oh, dear, you don't think I was

hallucinating?

You're right. I don't want to hear.

I know it wasn't fantasy. I know I spoke

to Franklin. I know he's alive

somewhere. But who do you think is

buried in his place?

>> That I don't know.

But I do know that the call came from

the factory.

There wasn't light in Franklin's office.

Yes.

I'd very much like to see the inside of

that office.

Why don't we go visit it?

Yes.

Oh, it's Franklin Birdwell. Get on the

extension.

Hello, Franklin.

Franklin!

Oh.

He hung up.

Hurriedly.

I heard dogs barking.

Well, at least you can establish with

Steven that I wasn't hallucinating.

But I didn't hear anything.

I hate returning to the scene of the

crime. There was no crime, Barney. Only

because you've got pull.

I'm sorry. No one's allowed to enter the

factory unless their name is on this

list.

You'll have to call and make an

appointment.

Pardon me.

All right, you two stay here. I'll go

get the car.

Mr. Septimus and Mr. Ritter to see Mr.

Danforth.

Hello.

Hello, Mr.

Oh, I'm sorry. We seem to be having some

problem with our phones.

They were supposed to be fixed this

morning.

Just through the door and down to your

left.

Mr. Septimus and Mr. Ritter?

Yes.

We're their secretaries. Have they

arrived yet? Oh, they've gone to Mr.

Danforth's office.

Oh, my, we're late.

Oh, dear, I hope we don't get sacked.

Just down the hall and to your left.

May I help you, ladies? Uh yes, we're

looking for Mr. Danforth's office. He's

expecting us. Ah, well, that's his

office right up there.

Just take the stairs to your left.

>> Thank you.

>> Thank you.

But we want the other stairs.

>> Dear, I know.

Did you say

those stairs? Yes.

Those stairs.

Oh.

Uh ladies,

you're headed in the wrong direction.

We are looking for water.

I have a bad attack of the hiccups.

Oh, there's a drinking fountain right

over there.

Oh, my.

No, I'll stay here.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh.

I I'll get it.

>> Oh, thank you.

The hiccups are all over.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Where's the other lady?

>> Oh, she must have gone to the car. We

were double-parked. Goodbye and thank

you. I thought you wanted to see Mr.

Danforth.

>> Oh, I'll come back sometime when he can

see me. But you said he was expecting

you.

>> one can't always see everyone one

expects to see. Otherwise, it'd be no

time for the unexpected. Oh, there he is

now.

I'll call you tomorrow if our phones are

working. Mr. Danforth.

This lady would like to see you.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm from the telephone company. The

telephone company? Yes. Your

receptionist said that you were

expecting me. Well, they promised they'd

send a repairman.

I'm sorry. I

was forgetting women's

Are you the repairman? Oh, no, I'm the

maintenance inspector. I determine what

kind of a repairman you need. Now,

just what seems to be the trouble with

your instruments? Uh didn't one of our

executives, Ms. Maureen Larson, call you

give you that information on the phone?

Oh, yes. But the connection was so poor

we couldn't understand a word she said.

Oh.

Franklin, where are you?

May I be of help? Oh.

I'm Donald Garber.

Oh, I'm sorry. I must have made a

mistake. Is this your office? Well, I

share it.

Share it? Yes, with a legend. Once

belonged to Franklin Birdwell, the

founder of our company. I knew him. No.

No? No one really knew Franklin.

He was like a father to me, but he still

bewildered me with his erratic behavior.

Now, how can I help you? I'm Anastasia

Snoop. I think I owe you an explanation

of what I was doing here last night at

that unusual hour.

You see, I'm a writer. Yes, I'm very

familiar with your books, Ms. Snoop. Oh,

thank you.

My latest is called

The Pogo Stick Murders.

The killer constantly baffles the police

by never leaving footprints.

Good? Uh-huh.

I uh

needed some expert advice, so I came to

see Franklin.

At midnight.

Franklin keeps I mean, kept

irregular hours. I didn't know he was

dead.

I don't read the obituaries the way most

of my friends do. How did he die? He had

a heart condition.

Now, perhaps I can help you with your

book.

My book?

The Pogo stick murders.

Oh.

You know,

I really think I resolved that problem

last night. I had him pogo into

quick-drying cement.

Thank you, Mr. Garber. Goodbye.

Oh, there's a button here.

Have you found the problem?

I feel trouble is definitely in the

instruments. Perhaps you had too many.

I'll just have to get one of our

push-button experts out here.

Schriver, I need your help. Waldersack's

in my office again.

Oh, forgive me. Greece wasn't at her

desk. I didn't know anyone was here.

It's all right. This is Miss Nicholson,

our phone company representative.

How do you do? I'll come back later.

>> Oh, please stay. I'm just going. I'll

have a repairman here within 8 hours,

maybe sooner.

Mr. Danforth, the telephone repairman is

here. In this case, sooner.

What seems to be the trouble, sir?

Ask the inspector.

Inspector? It's the usual problem.

Oh, yeah, that figures.

>> Goodbye, all.

Keep smiling. Keep dialing.

A telephone maintenance inspector.

>> Well, my options were severely limited.

>> you carried it off with your usual

aplomb. Come see, come saw. Oh.

Did you find anything of interest in

Franklin's office? A toy drummer.

The beat creates the same sound as I'd

heard on the telephone.

>> That means that Franklin was in his

office when he called.

>> Yes.

>> Ready to go, ladies?

>> Yes.

>> Now, you might want to wait.

Uh Waldersack is in the factory. What's

a Waldersack? Isaac Waldersack is a toy

inventor. He once was a partner of

Franklin's. Did you see him?

>> No, but I heard his name mentioned. Now,

there couldn't be more than one

Waldersack.

You're quite right. Here he comes.

Isaac!

What a coincidence to see you.

Ernesta, gee, goodbye. Hello. It's got

to be one or the other, doesn't it? I'm

a little upset about what happened to uh

what's-his-name.

My old partner? You know. Franklin.

Franklin who?

Your old partner. Oh, yes. Terrible what

happened to him. Did you hear? He died.

>> He did? Yes. Of course he did. That's

why I'm so upset. They say he suffered

from a heart condition. Never mentioned

it to me. But then

we didn't speak to each other.

I'm sorry. New doll of mine, a Gillian

box, keeping up with the current fashion

of equal rights. I must have jarred the

mechanism.

They weren't interested. They should

have been.

They need help. They wouldn't buy your

design. No, but they should have.

Franklin's inventions lately have been a

disaster. They're all bizarre,

impractical.

They haven't had a successful item on

the market in over 2 years.

They've fallen back on stuffed animals.

I'm late.

I really have to run.

Hello.

I won't do it.

What you ladies are suggesting is

breaking and entering, and that's not

exactly in favor these days. Even when

it's done legally, it's illegal. But

Barney, if Isaac Waldersack is right

>> ladies, one thing I can tell you about

Isaac Waldersack, he is not right.

But if he is right, and the company is

in financial trouble

>> One way of getting out of that financial

trouble would be to collect the life

insurance on their guiding genius

>> who hasn't been producing.

You mean

pretend that Birdwell's croaked, collect

the insurance, and keep the company

running? And keep themselves in

high-paying jobs.

So, you see, we have to have a look at

the company records.

Microfilm. You want microfilm again.

Well, if I do that, I'd be violating my

parole. And my friend doesn't do that

anymore. He's retired. He doesn't have

to come to us. We'll meet him anywhere

he wants.

I think Barney was right. I think our

team shirts do make us look less

conspicuous.

I wonder how they mean to contact us. I

hope they do it before we start to play.

I don't remember when I last bowled.

You never did, dear. Oh, has it been

that long?

I'm sorry, dear. I didn't leave any for

you.

I think I've found our contact.

Find the Bonnies.

Who are they?

Yeah.

Did you get the stuff? Yeah.

Microfilm.

And a ball marked uh 136.

As you can see, dear, Birdwell Toys'

cash flow was negligible. They

desperately needed to collect Franklin's

insurance money.

Ernesta,

if Franklin Birdwell is conspiring to

defraud the insurance company, then why

is he calling you letting you know he's

alive? He's in trouble. He needs help.

Then why doesn't he ask for help instead

of trying to make an appointment to talk

about a doll? We don't think he knows he

needs help, dear. He's

rather eccentric.

If the definition of eccentric includes

dead, that's quite possible.

>> Steven, somebody else's body was in that

coffin. You don't know that for a fact.

Well, one fact I can surmise, when he

was buried, the coffin was closed.

This is the late Mr. Birdwell's memorial

file.

Will your records show whether the

casket was open? Assuredly.

We are not only considerate and

compassionate at Tranquil Park, but

conscientious as well.

Ah, here it is. It was closed.

No, madam. The casket was open.

Hi, Doc. Hello, Barney. How are you?

Well, actually, I got this little pain

in my back and

>> Barney, that how are you was how are

you, not how are you.

How are you?

I'm fine, Doc. How are you? I've been

having these pains in my back.

>> The ladies are in the potting shed.

They're busy growing dirt.

Nathan.

What a pleasant surprise.

>> in the neighborhood. I thought I'd drop

by.

Steven sicked you on us, didn't he? He

reminded me it's that time of year when

we all should have our physical

checkups. Uh I don't know about you,

Nathan, but we had ours right in your

office a month ago. Yes. Well, it's not

really this year's physical I'm talking

about. It's next year's. Why don't we

take it early? I know Steven's worried

about Ernesta, but she's perfectly all

right.

>> Only thing wrong with me is a severe

case of perplexity, which you can help

cure.

When someone dies, under what conditions

may a doctor sign a death certificate

without an autopsy? Well, under our

laws, doctor only has to prove two

things, that

he's treated the patient within the 7

days prior to death for the condition

from which the patient died, and then he

examined the body after death. Nathan.

Would you be able to find out who signed

a particular death certificate? It's a

matter of public record. I'll check for

you. Who are we talking about? Franklin

Birdwell.

Well, the inventor.

His ex-wife, Olivia Cunningham, was a

patient of mine.

Didn't know Franklin had ever been

married. For a brief time many years

ago. She is a charming lady, much

younger than Birdwell.

What's this all about?

Can you keep a confidence? I am a

doctor. We'll tell you anyway.

We're convinced that Franklin Birdwell

is alive and well, and living somewhere.

Well, everybody has to be somewhere.

Now, can you tell us where Olivia lives?

We'd like to pay our respects. Here.

I'll write it down for you.

Good.

I think we could get this filled at a

pharmacy.

>> Didn't you say

that you heard dogs barking in the

background of Franklin's last call? Yes,

I did.

Oh, splendid. You're just in time for

tea.

Who are you?

We're the Snoop sisters. Oh, that's

absolutely right.

Come here. Come here.

Come here, love. Fluffy. Come in here.

We're going to have

tea.

Forgive me. We were friends of

Franklin's.

>> Oh, yes. Dear.

Oh, dear Franklin.

We seem to be missing one of my dogs.

Can you tell when one is missing? Come

on in. MAKE YOURSELVES COMFORTABLE.

SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN. YOU CAN SIT ON THE

COUCH.

Where did he go?

He seems to be there.

Oh, that's Danny.

Oh, there.

Yes, this is my Sasha. Now we can have

our tea.

Is that for three? Oh, yes.

My horoscope said to expect two

unexpected visitors

today.

Are you into astrology? No. Am I into

Sasha's chair? Oh, no, no. That's a

compliment. He likes you. Very seldom

sits on strangers. Franklin gave me

Sasha

on our second anniversary. Then Apollo

came to me on our first. And then it was

Jupiter.

Jupiter was the third.

And Montezuma

was the fourth. See, as our relationship

diminished, so did the size of the dogs.

That was the fifth.

Obviously, the last. It was an

unfriendly divorce.

>> Oh, on the contrary. It was

it was a divine divorce, you see.

Franklin is an Aries and I'm a Gemini,

so it just couldn't be any other way.

All right. Go ahead. Ask me the

questions.

Question? Yes, I'm also supposed to

answer many questions today.

How soon after the funeral were you

notified of Franklin's death?

>> Well, I was at the funeral. I stayed in

the

background, of course, but I had to be

there. Franklin and I could not live

together, but

we did remain very close.

I was in almost daily communication with

him. You haven't heard from him lately,

have you?

No, I don't believe in the hereafter.

How about the here and now? Yeah.

You see, we don't really believe that

Franklin is dead. Well, of course he's

dead. I was at the funeral. You didn't

look in the casket. But certainly I did.

I had to say goodbye.

Perhaps if you worked on your books this

afternoon, it might prove a pleasant

distraction.

I shall just have to face the reality

that

I have been receiving phone calls from a

dead man.

Could the presumption of Franklin's

death have benefited Olivia in some way?

Insurance, an inheritance? Make a

conspirator out of her.

Quite possibly.

Oh, thank you, dear. I feel so much

better.

Bonnie, your eyes have been glued to the

rearview mirror. Are we being followed?

I think so.

A black sedan?

Yes.

Want me to try to lose him?

>> Not with the price of gasoline today.

Funny. I got to lose him.

Hang on, ladies.

Why was the man in the black car

following us? Do you think he wanted to

kill us? Definitely not. He could have

if he really wanted to.

>> That's what I thought.

But we must be getting close to

something

since we frightened someone into

frightening us.

Hello.

Hello, Nathan.

Oh, that's very kind of you. Just a

moment, I'll write it down.

Thank you, Nathan.

Dr. Terrence Drucker of Manhasset signed

Franklin Birdwell's death certificate.

Dr. Drucker?

Dr. Drucker?

Dr. Drucker?

Yes?

I'm Ernesta Snoop. This is my sister G.

It's uh

it's after office hours. The door was

open.

Well, I'm closed.

In fact, I'm uh

I'm just leaving.

Why don't you come back tomorrow?

We won't take a moment of your time.

It's a personal matter. It concerns

Franklin Birdwell. We've just arrived in

town, and the news of his death was a

great shock.

Had he been ill long?

Uh

he had a uh

a heart condition.

He never mentioned it in his letters.

Was it of recent origin? No.

No, I've been uh

treating him for years. Were you the

family physician? Was I what?

The family physician.

Oh, yes. Yes.

We're trying to locate Franklin's next

of kin. Well, I wouldn't know that. He

he was a very uh

close-mouthed person.

Perhaps in your records it might be

listed in case of

what happened.

I'll check.

I'm sorry. I

I don't give a next of kin.

Oh, thank you, Dr. Druck.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Did you notice the folder? Mhm.

Birdwell's spelled with one L.

Could be an unknowing secretary, but I

think so. So do I.

It warrants investigation.

Good. No lights.

How do we reach it? I'll give you a

boost to the ledge.

The car.

I'll go get it. You'll have to guide me,

though.

He's to the left.

That's a good idea.

We'll have to try another one.

The next one, dear.

I missed.

Come up here.

He's dead.

Hold on.

Why? I don't think I set the brake.

I don't think he's dead.

We better call the police.

When we can.

I don't understand you at all. I come

with instructions.

>> assembled you did a lousy job.

They put you behind where your head

should be. After I have told you not to

let him out of your sight, how can you

let him out of your sight?

>> in pain. I was in anguish. You don't

know what it's like to have a pain in

the neck.

>> I don't KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE this

ties at all. Barney, you're finished.

>> I quit. You find somebody else who can

handle those ladies.

>> you worry about it. I will find some

Where are you going?

>> you were going to find somebody else.

>> I will. I will find somebody else. But

just just just don't push

If I stay, I got to get more money. Hey,

that's blackmail, Barney. You're in

violation of your parole. Get out of

here.

Ladies.

Ladies.

Ladies.

I just came from the lieutenant and he

chewed me out, but good. A plus.

Barney.

Sit down. Please.

Please.

Now, I've got something to say to you,

and I want you to hear what I've got to

say to you, no matter how long it takes

me to say it.

Getting yourselves busted on a 240-35,

my ladies, peeping Toms, and you'd still

be in the slammer if you weren't related

to the lieutenant.

>> Oh, Barney, we're sorry. And the

lieutenant blames me. Says I should have

been there. But if you had been there,

you'd have been in the slammer, too.

He wouldn't like that. Barney, it isn't

as though we'd ever done this to you

before.

Oh, yes, you have. And you'll do it

again.

Only for the next couple of weeks.

Till the lieutenant cools off, you cool

it. Will you?

We'll cool it.

Okay, friends.

So, why did they knock the doctor off?

The murderer was afraid he'd let the

truth slip out. What truth? We have a

theory about that. No.

Actually, we have two theories. The

first is that Dr. was paid a fee

>> A large one. to lie, to pretend that he

was Franklin Birdwell's family

physician. Which he couldn't have been,

because if he'd been a family physician,

he would have had a very extensive case

history. Considering Franklin's

hypochondria. And the Dr. Drucker signed

the death certificate not knowing

whether it was Franklin's body or not.

And the other theory is that he was

involved in the conspiracy and knew all

along that the man he claimed was

Franklin Birdwell wasn't Franklin.

I like number one.

Oh, dear, we favor two.

Uh there is a number three we're not

talking about.

The late Franklin Birdwell

could be dead. He isn't. To you, no, but

to four other people, yes. And they've

got one advantage over you, Miss E. They

were at the funeral.

Hm.

Who else could have been at the funeral?

Of course, the attendants from the

mortuary. They would know whether it was

Franklin or not.

If they had of him that you could show

him. Very good. Thank you. Now, where do

we get a photograph? Seems to me I saw

one at his factory. No, that was a

bronze bust. Oh.

But I have seen a photograph somewhere.

It was in a silver frame. Now, WHERE WAS

THAT?

SO NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

I'M SORRY I WON'T BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU

MORE TIME. It's just off to see another

one OF FRANKLIN'S LAWYERS. I devote

every day to seeing lawyers that has a

different interpretation of Franklin's

will. If it wasn't for lawyers, we'd

have no need of lawyers.

To whom did Franklin leave the bulk of

his estate? Well, he left the bulk and

the rest to me.

Now, how can I be of help?

I would like very much to be of help,

preferably before noon, as it would

fulfill my charge. We were wondering if

we could have a photograph of Franklin.

Oh, what an extraordinary

request. I'd like very much to use him

as a character in one of my books, and

it always helps to have a

something to relate to. Oh, I think

Franklin would love a tribute like that.

I think you'll find a portrait um

over there on the piano that might be

suitable. Come here, let me know.

Then wait here, Barney. Will you ladies

be coming back here? You have our word.

Uh ladies,

will you be coming right back here?

Yes, Barney. Thank you.

Hide.

I didn't mean immediately.

Why are we hiding? Donald Garber.

Who's Maureen Larson?

Who's Donald Garber and Maureen Larson?

He's a designer at Birdwell Toys.

Can you follow that inconspicuously?

In this?

She knows me.

But she doesn't know our car.

What do you want me to find out?

Whatever there is to find out.

All right.

It gives me the creeps just to know I'm

in a cemetery. As long as you know about

it, Barney, you're all right.

>> Hey, could you uh

Could you

So good of you to have come.

Can you You're looking very well. He'll

be very happy you were here.

Please, take hold. No, I please

take hold.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You may sit down.

Sit down.

Beloved friends, we are gathered here

today to pay our last respects to a

beloved husband, brother

uncle

and union member.

Almost

She must have really had a thing going

with that Birdwell. That doesn't make

sense. She doesn't seem his type. Not at

all.

She'd have no appeal whatsoever for

Franklin. But it would make sense if she

were paying her respects to somebody

else. And that would corroborate our

theory. That Birdwell isn't buried

there. And the person who is

>> must be someone close to Maureen Larson.

Hey, I got it. I got it. I'm starting to

talk like you.

>> Now all we need is the final proof.

>> Which is what? We have Franklin's

picture. Mhm. We are going to show it to

some impartial witnesses

>> who will confirm that there was a

substitution. Neat.

We have a picture that we'd like you to

identify.

Do you know this man?

Yes.

You do?

It's Franklin Birdwell. You've seen his

photograph before?

No.

We buried him.

This is the case of a how and a who and

a whom.

How have they done it? Who has done it?

To whom have they done it?

>> Correct. If a body was substituted,

whose was it?

And how did it end up with Franklin

Birdwell's face?

I'll get it.

I'm glad though that you have not

abandoned your belief that Franklin is

alive. That abandonment was as temporary

as my commitment to diet, which is being

immeasurably strengthened by Barney's

lasagna.

Lasagna?

Well, I'll have some of that. Good

evening.

Won't you pull up a chair? My chair.

Oh, you're you're not eating. It's

terrible. We don't want to hurt Barney's

feelings.

Uh Barney, I just uh had a bite to eat,

so I'll keep it down to a touch, huh?

Have a good day, Steven. Uh an

interesting one.

I think you'd be pleased to know I have

a hunch your hunch about Dr. Drucker was

right.

I think he did sign a phony death

certificate. Oh, it's comforting to be

right about something. So far the other

side has been winning. Remember, the

winner is the one who makes the next

last mistake. Whoever murdered Dr.

Drucker made a big mistake. He let us

know that he was worth investigating. So

far we found out he owned a private

sanitarium.

What a perfect place to keep an

allegedly dead person. Right. I also

made a list of the other suspects.

People who benefited from having

Franklin Birdwell, quote, dead, unquote.

Olivia. She inherited his money. Right.

And as head of Birdwell Toys, Franklin

was insured for a million dollars.

Payment of that death claim has kept the

company going and has kept those

executives in highly lucrative jobs.

Right again. Add to that the names of

Schryver Danforth, the head man, uh

Donald Garber, the the heir apparent,

and uh the other lady, what's her name?

The treasurer of Mrs. Larson, Maureen

Larson. Mrs. Larson?

Mrs. Larson is a Mrs.?

She's married?

No, was. She's widowed.

Well done. Good stuff.

Turn around. Finished. Yes.

See you tomorrow.

Good man.

What was that all about? That was

Schryver Danforth, the man who runs

Birdwell Toys.

Yes. Hello.

I'm Gwendolyn Snoop Nicholson. I don't

know if you remember me. We met at the

Birdwell factory. I was

with the telephone company then.

And I'm Nester Snoop.

Yes, I know your books.

Please come in. Thank you.

If I seem surprised, it's because I'm

not used to visitors here in the

morning. I'm usually at work.

We called your office. They said you

weren't coming in today. Are you all

right? Oh, yes. I was at the plant until

early this morning.

When you have a hit toy like Bafo, you

work all hours. Bafo? Bafo, the barking

dog.

He also wags his tail.

Huh.

He's a delight. Mhm.

Now, how can I help you?

When Franklin Birdwell was alive, your

company was interested in producing an

Inspector Hoak Straton doll.

We were wondering

Well, I'm afraid that's not in my

department. That's something you'd have

to take up with Mr. Garber.

Oh, that's disappointing.

Isn't it, G?

G?

Oh.

I'm sorry. I was so intrigued with these

photographs.

I never could take color pictures. Those

were from a trip my husband and I took

to the islands just before his death.

Well, we've held you up long enough. I'm

so sorry for the intrusion.

Well, I'm just sorry that I couldn't be

of some help.

Perhaps you can.

Tell me where I can buy a Bafo.

They're hard to find. That's why we're

working day and night to fill the

demand.

Keep this one. Oh, I couldn't. Please.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome. Goodbye, lady. Goodbye.

Bye. Goodbye.

The dating code on the margin of those

photographs indicates that Mr. Larson

was alive as recently as 4 months ago

and a likely candidate for Franklin's

substitute.

Franklin's first phone call had a

mechanical drummer in the background.

Did the second feature Buffle?

That's it.

Which means that Franklin's still alive

and hidden somewhere in the factory.

Didn't figure the Drucker owned a

sanitarium. Nah, he looked like he was

on the wrong end of a second mortgage.

What was it? Women, gambling, or booze?

A little bit of the first two and a

whole lot of the last. You figure

Birdwell was stashed here? Yeah. So,

figure he went bonkers, right? Now, if

you want to lock up a man like that,

especially one whom you once thought

dead, a private sanitarium is the best

place. Do you have a patient here by the

name of Franklin Birdwell? No, we have

no one of that name. Well, uh do you

have any patients missing in the last

few days?

Well, we do have a missing schizophrenic

you might be interested in.

4 days ago he split in the physical

sense. I'm afraid we weren't watching

him very closely. He was rational so

much of the time. What was his name? He

was listed as Frederick Barrington. Who

committed him? Well, he was a private

patient of our owner, Dr. Drucker.

Isaac.

Come on in. Hello.

I hope this isn't an inconvenient time.

Yes. Oh, well, we could come back. What

would be a good time? 7:00 is a good

time. Oh, but I won't be here then.

We better do it now before the duck

comes up. The duck?

It's my new invention, a duck that can

hold its breath underwater.

Isaac, you and Franklin Birdwell were

partners when the Birdwell factory was

being built, isn't that right?

We even laid the bricks.

You wouldn't by any chance have added a

secret room? No. You didn't?

Well, we thought we did.

But if you're asking about it, it isn't

secret.

Where is that duck?

Maybe I invented a submarine duck.

Isaac.

Where is the secret room?

Raggedy Ann.

Raggedy Ann?

There are three sewing machines that toy

called the Raggedy Ann doll.

Turn the spindle on the third machine,

third row, and the wall behind the doll

slides up.

Up.

You think we'll get away with this,

dear? It's better than being arrested a

third time.

Yes, what do you want? Cleaning crew.

They just left.

Get along with you. I told you THEY JUST

LEFT.

SURE THEY DID, the young spell peons.

They're off playing somewhere and we're

stuck with the dark hours. But the place

has already been cleaned up fine and

dandy, me darling. But we're the

specialists. We're the fluffers.

The fluffers?

And the puffers.

We fluff and puff for stuffed animals.

Fluff and puff the And we vacuum, too.

Oh, well, well, come right in, ladies.

Oh, dear, the dirt in here. They didn't

do a very good job, those young people.

Oh, well, they've certainly left plenty

for us to do.

Oh, this way, ladies, please. This way.

What I I'll stand here with the tigers.

>> Is that enough light for you? Yes, it's

splendid.

Ernesta.

A remarkable likeness.

If one had a mold, one could duplicate

anyone's

>> And up in Franklin's office is a bust of

Franklin Birdwell. It could well be the

mold.

He said Raggedy Ann.

And this is Raggedy Ann.

Look.

Franklin.

Ernesta

and G.

Superb timing. I have just perfected it.

Can't say the name. This room might be

bugged, you know.

Where could it be?

Just got out of my sight with

He's right here.

Oh, here he is. He's taking a ride on

the merry-go-round.

Here we come.

Here we come.

Surprise.

Inspector.

Got his voice perfect, too. Voice? In

cops and robbers, I remembered you

described his voice as gruff, a foghorn

bellowing in the night. Remember, G?

Hold this little white thing here.

Don't move. We're the police.

I think we can get his voice a little

lower.

One minute.

>> G, we must call Steven and tell him the

exciting news. Uh there were no

telephones here, dear.

Yes, but you telephoned us. Yeah, well,

I have to sneak out in the middle of the

night or early in the morning when

they're not here.

They, Franklin?

The ones who want to steal the hook.

We must outwit them. You take care of

it, ladies. You take care of it. We will

outwit them, too.

We'll be right back, Franklin. You stay

here. We're going to get people who can

help.

>> Oh, thank you.

Still working for the phone company?

It was inevitable that you would turn up

at this precise moment. What? In all

mystery stories, including my own, the

murderer suddenly appears out of nowhere

with a gun in his hand.

There's a presumption there.

Well, we could presume that if you

aren't the killer, you don't intend to

hurt us.

You are about to obtain a confession. I

don't think you are.

It was you.

I really regret having to do this, but

I'm afraid you know entirely too much.

>> Oh, how many times I've tried to find an

original way of phrasing that line, and

it isn't really necessary. Now, ladies,

shall we go back to Franklin's hiding

place?

I'm indebted to you for revealing it.

Won't get away with this. The police

know we're here.

Yes,

they do. I would have expected you to be

more inventive than that. Don't move.

We're the police.

Ladies,

that was an exercise in futility.

Now, shall we go and visit Franklin?

How did you know we were in the factory?

Mr. O'Hara is a very efficient guard.

It's another standard exercise in

detective story ploys, isn't it? The

person in danger stalling, asking

questions, hoping for a last-minute

rescue?

>> Very good. But you know you're not going

to win. The killer is always stopped a

moment before the gun is fired.

>> Ladies, that is fiction.

This is nonfiction.

You want to rewrite that line? Don't

move.

We're the police.

Steven!

Your rescue, though predictable, is much

appreciated.

>> Oh, and when you said you want to

rewrite that line, wasn't great. Of

course you did almost ruin it when you

said, "Don't move. We're the police."

That is a bit of a cliché.

>> Oh, well, I don't know.

Don't move. We're the police.

Cliché, ladies.

Good evening.

Oh, hello, dear. Steven. Hi, Auntie.

Just in time for dinner. Oh. Lasagna?

No, beef. Oh.

Why don't you pull up my chair and join

us? Steven, where have you been?

Arresting everybody.

This is the first time we've been

involved in a case in which all the

suspects were guilty. Only if you didn't

think of Olivia as a suspect. Oh, we

never really did, dear. You know, I

can't figure it.

She looks in the coffin and can't tell

the difference between the mask and her

husband. I've seen the mask. It's

uncanny how lifelike it is.

I'll make that deathlike. Remember,

Barney, Olivia is an emotional woman.

Probably looked at him through a veil of

tears.

So, what'd you get him on? Murder rap?

No, no, no, just Danforth. The others,

Garber and uh Ms. Larson, they're

accessories. Oh, and the man who ran the

mortuary. Why him? They had to have

somebody to put the mask on the body.

So, what else, Barney?

Well, there's two things.

Who's the guy in the black car that was

chasing us? Uh that was Garber. He was

just trying to frighten you off.

And what about the factory? What's going

to happen to it? Isaac Waldersax going

to run it until Franklin Birdwell is

fully recovered.

Given a choice, I think it's safer to go

with Birdwell as is.

How do you put up with his cooking night

after night? This is terrible.

But we made it, dear.